The Best of Car Talk Apr 14, 2026

#2630: Private Mag Lee Ozee!

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Term

recoil

Recoil is the kick you feel when you fire. The gun pushes backward because the bullet moves forward.

Term

bumper sticker

A “bumper sticker” is a small decal placed on a vehicle’s rear bumper. Car Talk often uses it as a humorous visual to describe an idea that’s catchy or widely recognizable.

Term

brake system

Your brake system is what makes the car slow down and stop. It uses brake fluid and parts working together—if the fluid or parts are wrong, the brakes can stop working when you need them most.

Term

flush out the hoses

Flushing the brake lines means cleaning out the old or contaminated brake fluid so the brakes work correctly again. It helps get rid of bad fluid that could cause weak or failed braking.

Concept

rotors don't need to be resurfaced unless that's unrelated to the problem

The point here is: don’t do extra brake work unless it’s truly needed. If the rotors aren’t the cause of the problem, resurfacing them may just add cost without fixing anything.

Concept

probability problem

This is a “probability” puzzle, meaning it’s about chances and odds. Instead of asking what will happen for sure, they’re asking how likely it is that the kids end up with their own hats.

Concept

physics

They’re saying the car stuff they talk about is based on physics. That’s the same kind of science that explains why cars grip the road, slow down, and handle the way they do.

Term

high octane fuel

“Octane” is how well the gasoline resists knocking. If your engine isn’t built to run with more aggressive timing, higher-octane gas usually won’t add power and can just cost more.

Term

timing

Timing is when the spark plug fires during the engine cycle. If it’s set too early, the engine can knock; if it’s right, you get better power and smoother running.

Term

knocking

Knocking is when the engine’s combustion happens in an uncontrolled way. It can sound metallic or like marbles, and it’s a sign something about timing or fuel isn’t matching.

Term

vacuum hoses

Vacuum hoses are small lines that carry suction from the engine to control things like timing. If they’re connected in the wrong spots, the engine can run incorrectly or start pinging.

Term

vacuum routing diagram

A vacuum routing diagram shows exactly where each vacuum hose connects. Using the diagram helps prevent misrouting, which can lead to incorrect ignition timing and drivability issues.

Term

air conditioner

Car A/C is what cools the cabin. It’s powered by the engine, so using it can make the engine work a little harder.

Term

3,000 RPM

RPM tells you how fast the engine (and some accessories) are spinning. More RPM usually means more work being done.

Term

wide open throttle

Wide open throttle means you push the gas all the way down. The car treats it like you want maximum power, so it may turn off things like A/C for a moment.

Company

Granger

Granger is a company that sells industrial parts and supplies. The point here is that they help you find the right replacement part quickly so equipment can keep running.

Concept

next day delivery

Next day delivery means the part can arrive quickly. That helps avoid long downtime when something breaks and needs to be fixed fast.

Concept

weight limit

A weight limit is the most weight a bridge can safely handle. If a vehicle is too heavy, it can stress the bridge and cause damage.

Concept

truck scale / weigh station

A weigh station is where trucks are weighed before they’re allowed to drive on. It’s used to make sure they’re not over the safe limit.

Concept

broke down

When someone says their car “broke down,” it means it stopped working and they had to deal with it. It could be something simple or something that needs repair.

Term

water

Water getting into the fuel is like putting the wrong stuff in the tank. Since water doesn’t burn like gasoline, the car won’t run correctly.

Concept

fuel contamination

Fuel contamination means the fuel got mixed with something it shouldn’t have. If it’s water, the engine may sputter or stop, and you may need to have the fuel system cleaned.

Term

“Flushing out the lines” means removing contaminated fluid from the fuel lines so water doesn’t continue to circulate. In a water-contamination scenario, draining and flushing helps restore proper fuel delivery to the injectors.

Term

dry gas

Dry gas is an additive you put in the fuel to soak up water. It helps keep the water from causing the engine to run poorly or stop.

Term

area under a curve

“Area under a curve” means adding up values shown by a graph. In driving-related math, it can help you figure out a total amount of movement over time.

Term

slope

Slope is a way to describe how steep a graph is. In math, the slope at a specific point tells you how fast something is changing right then.

Term

instantaneous velocity

Instantaneous velocity means how fast you’re moving at that exact moment. It’s different from the average speed over a whole drive.

Brand

Car Talk

“Car Talk” is a car advice show. People call in with car problems, and the hosts explain what’s going on and what to do next.

Company

Cars.com

Cars.com is a website where you can look for cars for sale. In this segment, they’re pointing listeners to that site for more info.

Company

Rivian

Rivian is a company that makes electric trucks and SUVs. They’re sponsoring the podcast in this part of the episode.

LIVE

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Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack the Tappet Brothers.

And we're broadcasting this week from the ahead of one's time department here at Car Talk Plaza.

Now, it turns out that once again, while we thought my brother was just another moron,

we found out that he was just way ahead of his time.

And we're going to need some background.

You'll have to tell us the story, the original incident and when it all happened.

The original incident.

What was the year?

It was way back. It was another millennium.

I had just graduated from college.

Many, many decades ago.

The galaxy far away.

And I was obliged by the laws of this country at the time to perform some kind of military duty,

which involved either volunteering to go into the army for like years

or to go into what was called the army reserve, which may still exist.

What do I know?

And that required that you go to six months of real active duty with the real guys.

The push-ups and all that.

The guys who were in for two or three or four or 20 years.

So there I am.

I go to this place which is completely foreign to me.

I mean, this is not my style.

You don't sit around drinking cappuccino when you're in basic training.

So we go through all the business.

We run.

We jog.

Everyone pukes every day.

We eat in the mess hall.

We do all this stuff.

One of the parts of the operation that really troubled me was we had to fire rifles.

I mean, what?

Come on.

What is that?

The worst part, however, was every time you shot the gun.

You had to clean it.

We took the thing apart, put it back together.

I learned how to do that.

Right.

So one night, we're doing night maneuvers.

And we go out in the dock and we go to the firing range and we're supposed to be lying down

in a mud and every once in a while some kind of a thing 150 yards away is supposed to pop

up and you're supposed to shoot at it.

And then they look to see if you hit it.

Well, what did I give a damn if I hit it or not?

It was who cares?

What are they going to do?

Send you on?

They're not going to fire me, right?

So there I am.

It's pitch black, pitch black, moonlight, starlight.

And I'm lying there saying to myself, I fire this gun just once and I'm going to have to

spend two hours cleaning it.

Yeah.

I says to myself, I says, if I don't fire it, who's going to know?

Even Sergeant McNeely, who knew everything.

I said, how's he going to know?

There's a hundred of us lined up lying on the ground.

I said, what are you going to probably do when he's watching us?

And there's a recoil, of course, when you fire the thing, boom, it pushes you back.

Right, right, right.

So I lie there on the ground and I start doing bang, bang.

I mean, I had to give myself the message that the thing had fired.

All right.

That was your motivation.

So I'm saying out loud, bang.

And as I say, bang, I'm recoiling.

Got it.

And I figure from the back, who the hell is going to know?

Right.

Bang, bang.

It was great.

I said, I've got this deal beat.

All of a sudden, I hear in my ear.

I mean, like his mouth is right next to my right ear and he's leaning over me, evidently.

Good old Sergeant McNeely.

And he says, Private Magliozzi, what are you doing?

And I say, oops.

And of course he hit me over the head and told me to start shooting.

So I had to clean again.

But I thought it was a pretty good idea.

I mean, I wasn't hurting anybody.

That's the background to the story.

No, that was 50 years ago.

Well, let's fast forward to the year 2000.

London.

Reuters.

British Royal Navy recruits are being ordered not to fire live shells.

There you go.

Instead, they are instructed to shout, bang.

It is all part of the Ministry of Defense's drive to save money.

But sailors say it makes a mockery of their training.

It's like being a kid again, playing cowboys and Indians in the school playground.

It's okay by me.

It's a sad joke and sailors are disgusted.

It makes you ask what the Navy is coming to itself.

But Frank, you were just...

I was 50 years ahead of my time.

50 years ahead of your time.

Just say bang.

That's it.

I can see it as a bumper sticker now.

Just say bang.

I see it too.

Anyway, if you want us to look into your future, or your car's future,

call us at 888-CAR-TALK.

That's 888-227-8255.

Private Magliozzi?

What the Sam Hilliozzi?

You're on Car Talk.

Hi, guys.

This is Linda from Apple Valley, Minnesota.

Hi, Linda from Apple Valley.

The snow is gone.

Wow.

So the ice fishing season is officially over too.

Oh, absolutely.

Okay, so what's going on, Linda?

I've got a big problem.

A big one.

We have a 21-year-old daughter who is home from college

and she may be riding in a death trap at this very moment.

And although I get mad at her sometimes,

I don't want anything bad to happen to her.

We've got to get to that stage in life where she starts doing nice things for me.

Which I figure is about 30 years from now.

Wait a minute.

Let me just tell you.

She's 21, huh?

See, my son is 19 and he actually has started doing nice things for his parents at 19.

Is there something wrong with mine?

Is it because she's a girl?

Well, I'm wondering.

I don't know.

Is there a gender difference here?

I don't know.

We should commission a study on this.

We should.

I mean, there must have been one already.

But I just wanted to let you know.

So your daughter, if she hasn't started already,

could be behind the times in which case we'd have to institute some kind of punishment.

Maybe I shouldn't fix this car, she said.

Maybe.

We'll let you know.

Well, this is, we had a wonderful Honda Accord 1988 car that was never ever going to die

until it got taken to one of those drive in,

get your oil changed, get your fluids tapped in drive out places.

And apparently the 18 year old kid who only worked there for two weeks before he got fired

must have put in some strange fluid into the brake system.

Because three weeks later, the brake system is gone and we took it into a different drive-in

real quick and get your muffler changed kind of a place.

And they said, there's a strange fluid in here and they showed us it.

And it's in a cup in the garage because my husband never throws anything away.

And they said the entire brake system needed to be repaired, replaced, $1400.

I believe it.

Well, we put the car in the garage for six months until the daughter came home from college

a couple weeks ago and the math classes must have paid off because she said there's three cars,

there's three people.

And they were all set.

I could get one.

Yeah.

So we did, we took it to the mechanic on the corner, like the real mechanic.

And he said, you don't need to replace every single thing in this car.

You just need to flush out the hoses and replace the master cylinder and it'll be $450.

So we did that.

And now people are telling us, no, at any minute you could have no brakes.

Your kid is in jeopardy.

You really have to replace every single part of the brake system.

Yeah.

I mean, first of all, the 18-year-old kid who made this thing as an agent.

Exactly.

And that operation, that company should pay for the $1400 bill.

Well, I called them and they said, no way would we do anything like that.

And I said, let me speak to the guy who worked on our car.

And they said, we fired him after two weeks, but not because he put stuff in the wrong

hole in a car.

Oh, no.

Well, I think if you went to court, you'd win hands down.

Really?

Absolutely.

We've lost easier cases than that.

So I think if you did take them to court or even the threat of going to court would

make them pay up.

Really?

So you think we should get tough, huh?

I think you should get tough, but I think you should also replace everything.

Really?

Well, I think so, just to be on the safe side.

On the other hand.

Well, everything doesn't mean, I mean, you don't have to replace the rotors.

No, let me tell you what they said everything should be.

The calipers, the hoses, the master cylinder, the wheel cylinders, the bleed the hydraulic

systems and resurface the rotors.

That's everything.

Well, the rotors don't need to be resurfaced unless that's unrelated to the problem.

The rotors are unrelated, but all the other stuff definitely should be done.

Oh, boy.

All the hoses, the calipers have to be replaced.

And this guy who just replaced the master cylinder, that ain't enough.

Well, it may be, he may have ascertained that the contamination didn't reach down to that

level.

Okay.

I would just change the wheel cylinders, actually, because they're real cheap.

The calipers, I would certainly take apart.

And if they look all right, then you can have it put back together or you can buy a new one.

Or just buy it.

Yeah.

You know, but I think to be on the safe side, I would replace everything.

But the first step I would take is to go back to these guys and tell them after much consideration,

you're going to sue their pants off.

And you'd like them to pay.

I can get mean if I have to.

Good luck.

Yeah.

Thank you, guys.

I love your show.

Thanks for calling.

Sure.

Bye-bye.

I like the business.

Well, he's not here anymore.

We fired his little sorry butt.

But he was great.

He was a great employee.

We loved him for those two weeks.

Hey, do you remember the probability puzzler that I introduced last week?

What's the probability of that?

I mean, what is the chances that I would remember anything from last week?

Is this possible with a negative probability?

It is.

We have to make an exception in your case.

We'll be back in a minute.

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Hi, we're back.

You're listening to Car Talk with us.

Click and Clack the Tappet Brothers.

And we're here to talk about cars, car repair, and the answer to last week's puzzler.

Had to do with probability, I understand.

Probably.

This was really geared for the kids in the audience, but since Berman had such a tough

time with it, we said adults were eligible to work on it too.

And it is a probability problem.

There's this baseball team that consists of 20 kids.

And at the end of the season, the coach decides to have a barbecue at his house.

And when the kids arrive, the coach says, listen, I know how your kids love your team

and all that, but you can't wear your hats at the barbecue.

So they all toss their hats into a pile.

And they fill their little faces with hot dogs and hamburgers and the like.

And at the end of the party, they all reach in and at random, they grab a hat and each

one puts a hat on his head.

And the question is, what's the probability that 19 out of 20 of these kids gets his

original hat?

This is a classic case of a little knowledge being a dangerous thing.

Yes.

I have no idea how to solve that problem, but I do know.

The answer is, in fact, as difficult as it might be for 20 out of 20 to get their hats.

It's even harder for 19 out of 20 to get the right hat.

In fact, it's impossible because if 19 kids get the right hat, that leaves only one hat

and one head.

Right.

And it must belong to the wrong kid.

The other kid.

Right.

Louis just got it.

All right, Louis.

If one kid's got the wrong hat, there's got to be another kid with the wrong hat.

It's as simple as that.

Exactly.

And that's why I got the answer so fast because I didn't do any calculations.

Because I don't know how to do any calculations.

Anyway, who's our winner, Tommy?

Oh, winner.

The winner is David Crump from Penn Hills, Pennsylvania, and for having his correct answer

selected at random from among all the correct answers that we got.

David will get a $25 gift certificate to the Car Talk Shameless Commerce Division on

our website, with which he can get a copy of our father's CD.

Why you should never listen to your father when it comes to cars, which is a perfect

father's day gift, by the way, provided your father has already cut you out of the will

or there's no will.

So congratulations, David, baby.

Anyway, we'll have a new, I guess you'd have to call it Quasi Automotive.

Thank you, master.

Thank you.

Quasi Folkloric, I mean, it's Folkloric Automotive has to do with physics, chickens.

Really?

And it'll come up in the third half of today's show.

So stay tuned for that.

In the meantime, you can call us.

You can ask us any questions you'd like.

About anything.

The number is 888-CAR-TALK.

That's 888-227-8255.

Hello, you're on Car Talk.

This is Kim calling from Nashville, Tennessee.

Kim, how are you?

Good.

Long time no see.

Real long time.

Yeah, very.

Never.

I've only been to Boston once and it was February and I said I'll never go back.

It was way too cold.

No kidding.

You ain't kidding.

It's still that cold.

Anyway, what's happening?

All right.

I have an 87 Toyota Tercel that has a pretty good ADD problem.

Acceleration deficit disorder.

Oh, really?

And I've heard you rant on more than one occasion of the fact that you shouldn't use a high

octane fuel unless you have a high performance engine.

That's true.

Well, we didn't say you shouldn't.

We probably said you needn't.

Well, yeah, that it would be throwing your money away.

Well, and puts more pollutants into the atmosphere and yeah.

Okay.

Well, then how do you explain then the fact that when I put a high octane fuel in this

car as opposed to the cheap stuff, it seems to have a little bit more power and doesn't

make as much engine noise.

No, you're right.

You are not imagining it.

In fact, when you put the premium gas in the thing is performing better and it's performing

better because your timing is off.

Oh, and when your timing is off, if it's to it, someone must have done this because you

complained about the lack of power.

Yeah.

So you're going to advance your timing said, I'll shut her up.

He advanced your timing five degrees and you said, Hey, not bad, except every time you

accelerated hard, the thing would ping.

You get this like marbles and a coffee can noise.

Yeah.

Kind of.

Yeah.

Except that when you put the premium gas in, it doesn't do that because the premium gas

has what's called a higher ignition point and it has a less of a tendency to knock and

ping.

And when you get smoother combustion, you get more power.

So you can continue using the premium, which is going to cost you like 25 cents more a

gallon.

Right.

Or you can have the timing set correctly and it won't ping and you'll get almost as much

power and I would opt for that.

Okay.

And setting the timing on this thing is tricky.

If I'm not mistaken, this has like three vacuum hoses going to the distributor.

I don't know that.

I'm making this up, but tell me if it sounds good and they must be removed and plugged

in order to time the thing.

Okay.

And it's very easy to put them on.

It would be good to put them back where they came off of.

It would be, it's imperative.

Yeah.

It's very easy to put them in the wrong place.

Oh.

So make sure that the vacuum hoses on the distributor are on correctly.

There's a little vacuum routing diagram under the hood or there should be.

Okay.

And ask them to double check the timing because I bet you it's at least 10 degrees off.

Cool.

Yeah.

Piece of cake.

Thanks.

And with that 25 cents a gallon that you save, you'll be able to buy a new car like

any day.

Good luck, Kim.

Thanks.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

All right.

1-888-CAR-TALK.

That's 888-227-8255.

Hello, you're on Car Talk.

Hello.

My name's Stan Mitchell.

I'm calling from Las Vegas, Nevada.

Hi, Stan.

How are you?

From Lost Wages, Nevada.

That's right.

Uh-huh.

What's, what's shaking?

Uh, my wife insists on turning the air conditioner on in the car when we're on the freeway going

about 75 miles an hour.

And I've always, I tell her to, that we might pop a belt doing that.

She thinks I'm nuts, and I always tell her to put the clutch in, let the engine go to

idle, then turn the air conditioner on, and then get on down the road.

Am I nuts or what?

Yeah.

I am nuts.

Yeah.

Well, we got a letter about this, and some guy had the same opinion as you, that the,

the things should not be engaged when, in fact, you're moving at high speed because

you're taking a compressor, which is just sitting there, and all of a sudden you're

asking it to spin at 3,000 RPM.

Right.

And it, it seems contrary to all the laws of nature, and it seems it's something that's

destined to ruin the compressor.

So we, we agree with this fellow, and a week or two later we get a nasty letter from the

NAIA, National Air Conditioner Institute of America, or some such thing, and they contend

that, no, first of all, most compressors do cut in and out, in fact, many cars now have

a wide open throttle cutout, so when you floor the gas to try to pass, in order to gain more

power, it cuts out the compressor.

And then, and then what happens when you back off in the gas, and the engine is still going

at 4,000 RPM, it just kicks back in again, kicks the thing back in, and they contend

that you're not going to do any damage to the compressor.

Bear in mind, however, because they are, they are the NAIA, they are in the business of

selling new and reconditioned, air-conditioned compressors, so, I mean, certainly to be on

the safe side, it would be nice to engage the compressor only when the, the engine is

turning slowly.

Right.

But I think in the giant scheme of things, I wouldn't be too worried about it.

My concern was, uh, popping a belt out in the middle of nowhere.

Oh.

Well, I mean, the truth is that I think theoretically what you say is correct.

On the other hand, it may have such insignificance, such a small probability of happening, because

don't forget, nobody else on the planet, except you and the guy who wrote to us 10 years

ago, has this theory.

Everybody else, the other 180 million drivers, are just flipping the thing on whenever they

feel like.

That's hot.

Turn on the AC, William.

I'm dying in here.

And none of this serpentine belts have jumped, broken, or done anything, nor have their compressors

broken for the most part.

And so the likelihood of it really doing any damage is so small as to be not worth arguing

with your wife about.

I mean, with a buddy, you can argue about stuff like this.

But not with your wife.

And you will have all kinds of discussion about the theories and, and forces, but not

with your wife.

Well, see, guys tend to choose battles like this with their wives, because they think

they can bamboozle them with things like F equals MA, and if you throw a few equations

around and your wife says, I give up, I don't take that, whatever you want to do, hon, you

just do it.

Well, she's not doing it anyways.

No.

Right.

Well, she's not going to.

In fact, worse than that, when you're not in the car, she's turning it on, off, on, off,

on, off.

Exactly.

Yeah.

So don't worry about it.

And don't worry.

It should always carry an extra serpentine belt with you, just to be on the safe side.

It's unlikely that it's going to do any noticeable damage to anything, very unlikely, although

theoretically possible, but you don't want to be theoretically right.

It's not worth it.

All right.

It's no fun.

Yeah.

Exactly.

Ask those pawns and fleshmen, guys.

See you, Stan.

Okay.

Thank you.

Thanks for calling Stan.

Bye-bye.

All right.

It's time to head off to Camp Coffee Cup for a minute while we give our stations a chance

to do some business.

You mean this is where they thank the people who sponsor the show and all that stuff, is

that right?

Well, no.

This is where they call them and personally apologize.

We'll be right back.

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Ha!

We're back.

You listen to car talk with us, click and collect the Tapper Brothers, and we here to

discuss cars, car repair, and da, the new puzzler.

Quasi automotive involves chickens is folkloric.

That's what you've said.

You said that just moment.

In the first half of the show, on the second half, not in the third half, because this

is the third half.

Oh, and this is the time we're supposed to do the puzzle.

This is the time you're supposed to come up with it.

Here it is.

Go ahead.

You remember the story, the bridge of San Luis Ray?

Oh, man.

Thornton Wilder?

The first chapter of that book was maybe the best writing I have ever come across.

Went downhill fast after that, and so did the people on the bridge.

Chapter two, Stunk.

Well, this is, this story is the bridge of Tom and Ray.

Ha!

Yeah.

In Borneo, there is a bridge connecting two islands constructed of bamboo lashed together

with hemp, and it's been used for hundreds of years.

Yeah.

Pedestrian traffic, vehicular traffic.

Vehicular.

Both directions.

Really?

Except the bridge has a weight limit.

It's four miles long this bridge.

Has a weight limit of 20 tons.

So one day, a truck pulls up to the bridge, ready to cross, and the officials stop them

and they say, we have to weigh you.

And so he drives onto the scale, and the truck is full of, I think, pigs, sedated pigs.

Oh, this is not the old chickens flying in the truck.

Sedated pigs.

Pig iron, and dead chickens.

Got it.

Got it?

Yeah.

And with the driver on the scale in the truck with all the, he weighs exactly 20 tons.

So the guy at the other end gets the signal and he weighs off traffic.

Everyone has to stop, and the bridge is emptied, and this guy is allowed to drive over the bridge.

You got it?

He's just making it.

20 tons.

He's right at the limit.

You with me?

I'm with you.

Yeah.

As he drives across.

I know he's not going to make it.

Oh, no, he's done for it.

As he drives across, a sparrow begins to follow alongside, and begins to hover over the truck.

Yeah.

Flapping its wings.

Oh.

So he's halfway across the bridge, and there's the sparrow flying alongside the truck and

now over the truck.

And just when he's a little beyond the halfway point, the sparrow lands on the truck.

Oh, man.

Bummer!

Oh.

What does the driver do to keep the truck and the sedated pigs and the dead chickens

from plunging into the abyss?

The abyss.

Now, if you think you know the answer, write it on a postcard, or a 500-gallon Redwood

hot tub with micro-massaging jets and hydraulic butt scratches inside the toe.

Puzzle a Tower, Car Talk Plaza, Box 3500, Harvard Square, Cambridge, Matt 02238, or you can

email your answer from the CarTalk section of cars.com.

If you'd like to talk to us, the number is 1-888-CARTALK, that's 888-2278-255.

782.

Just another twist.

That's a nice one.

Hello, you're on Car Talk.

Hi.

This is Kara.

I called you from Monroe, Michigan.

Kara?

Like C-A-R-A?

K-A-R-A.

That's what I thought.

That's close.

From where?

I'm calling you from Monroe, Michigan, but my car is in South Carolina.

Oh, broke down, eh?

Where in South Carolina are you from?

I live in Columbia, South Carolina.

Columbia, you know, that's an important city there in South Carolina.

They make the bicycles there.

I had a Columbia bicycle when I was a kid, yeah.

So did I.

I didn't know that.

It was the same bike you knucklehead.

I wondered where that bike went.

So Kara, what's up?

Well, I actually work in Clinton, South Carolina, and I was giving final exams at Presbyterian

College where I work, and I went to go get gas on an empty tank.

Yeah.

And I filled it up with what I thought was gas, but it actually was water.

Huh?

Really?

It was water.

In the pump.

Oh.

100% pure water.

Really?

Yeah, so I didn't get very far.

I got across the street.

Did you get back to the gas station and explain this to them?

Well, what?

No, actually they found me.

They called around town, a small town.

They called around and tried to find out the car that was taken that wasn't working very

well, or I don't know how they found me.

And what town, what town was this?

This is Clinton, South Carolina.

No kidding.

So they tracked you down because they knew that they had a problem.

Yes.

Boy, you know, that wouldn't happen in Boston.

No.

I'll tell you, the first thing that would happen is they would try to hide the fact and

deny.

Yeah, you would.

They came back with pales of water in your hand and said, look, I just drained these

out of my tank.

I was here five minutes ago, they'd say, oh no, that's impossible.

And the reason they do that is they do that stuff is they're afraid of the consequences.

Yes.

But in Clinton, South Carolina, they are honest people.

Yes, they are.

That's wonderful.

It is wonderful.

And it basically says that big cities have ruined the world.

Yeah.

Is that it?

And I'm convinced that big is bad no matter what, unless you're an elephant.

And that's the only case where big seems to be okay for the most part.

But everything else that's big is probably not good.

Except for the guy that has to walk behind the elephant.

Well, you're going to have a big shovel.

So why are you calling us, Kara?

Well, actually, my car is running again.

And you know, my mechanic says he thinks it's great, it's not going to cause me any problems.

Then my father, my father-in-law, my brothers, their friends all say, oh no, it's not going

to last now because there's going to be corrosion in the cylinders and grit.

I've heard this word grit, too, that there's grit in there somehow.

Well, we have a CD which you maybe have heard of.

It's called Why You Should Never Listen to Your Father When It Comes to Cars.

Or Other Guys.

And this is one of those situations.

Okay.

Yeah, grit.

I mean, when you drink water, do you have grit stuck in your teeth?

No.

I mean, how bad is the water in Clinton, South Carolina?

Well, yeah.

Come on.

So the grit story is bogus.

Okay.

And what were the other stories?

The corrosion in the cylinders.

Corrosion in the cylinders.

Well, you should point out to them that water is the primary product of combustion.

Yeah.

There's water in there all the time.

And don't forget what's going on in there.

Explosions, combustion, how long could the water be there if there was water?

Turns into steam, it comes out the tailpipe.

And the fact of the matter is that there are many engines which actually add water by water

injection to the combustion process to improve it.

Oh, okay.

So, however, it is bad to have water, for example, going through your injector nozzles.

Yeah.

And I would hope that when they drained out the tank, they flushed out the lines.

They probably, as a precaution, put in a bunch of dry gas, which is alcohol, which absorbs

the water.

And if you didn't drive the car for days and days with this water in the tank.

No, I got across the street.

Then you did.

You was able to cross the street.

You crossed the street and it conked out.

Yeah, and then it just quietly died.

Well, she was on fumes.

That was good.

Yeah, no.

So, all these guys who gave you advice, they're all full of them.

Yeah, I don't think you did.

Every single one of them.

Including dad.

Yeah, and maybe including us too.

Because we're guys too.

We're guys too, so what do we know?

Okay.

But wait a minute.

Before you go, what do you teach there at Presbyterian College?

I teach math there.

Math?

Yes.

What kind of math?

Oh, you know, calculus.

This and that.

Algebra.

Calculus.

So, these are all kids who now will be able to calculate the area under a curve.

Yes.

And know the slope at any point on that curve.

Yes.

And when will they ever be using that car?

Well, if you need to know the instantaneous velocity versus the average velocity, you

would need some calculus.

That's important.

My brother needs to know that when he drives his MG, because his average velocity is about

zero, but he has been known to have a positive instantaneous velocity from time to time.

But Cara, if we like asked, it's just a rough random sample of like a million people when

the last time was that they needed to know the instantaneous slope, what would those

million people say?

Huh?

You're stealing their money and teaching them junk that they'll never use.

But she has a job.

Uh-oh.

See?

Go back to Presbyterian College and tell them that you're quit.

Resign.

I resign tomorrow.

That's right.

Well, you can make a forward statement.

You say, I know that the stuff I'm teaching is complete bull and people will never use

it, but I just can't stop.

Well, now I probably won't get hired back.

Well, you won't.

I won't be asked back after.

But see, the trouble is, if you don't take the job, some other bozo with a P.A.D.

So you might as well keep it.

Yeah.

You might as well keep it and keep teaching that area under the curve.

You never know.

You never know when you're going to bump into it.

Yeah, somebody's got to do it.

Good God.

What's with the American education system?

Are we a bunch of morons to allow this to happen?

Come on.

I'm fed up with it.

Fed up, I'm telling you.

He didn't take his pills this morning, but he'll be all right.

I'm not taking anymore.

He'll be.

I'm not going to take the pills anymore.

You need to settle down.

Yes, you are, Tommy.

All those guys with that funny jacket will be coming to see you.

And they won't be selling ice cream.

No, they won't.

See you, Cara.

All right.

Thanks a lot.

Thanks very much.

Bye-bye.

Good God.

Calculus.

Well, it's happened again.

You've squandered another perfectly good hour listening to car talk.

Our esteemed producer is Doug the Subway Fugitive, not a slave to fashion Berman.

Wait a minute.

We need him.

We need a better name than that.

How about cute, cute, cute?

Our social producers are Frau Catherine Pickle Fenolosa and Louis Cronin the Barbarian.

Then our engineer is George Hicks.

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And our technical spiritual and menu advisor just back from the California Free Lunch Open

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Known to the grouchy meter maids in Harvard Square is Huey Louie Dewey.

Thanks so much for listening.

We're clicking clack to Tapper Brothers and remember, don't drive like my brother.

And remember this, don't drive like my brother.

We'll be back next week.

Bye-bye.

And now we have the great pleasure of having in the studio Mr. Vinnie Grumbach's Car Talk

Plaza's chief mechanic.

Hey, thank you very much.

Now, who's out there want to copy this here show, which is number 24.

You can get one on the web.

Just head on over to the online store, aka Shameless Commerce Division at the Car Talk

section at Cars.com.

And what if someone wanted something else?

I mean, like the Father's Day CD, why you should never listen to your father when it

comes to cars?

I mean, would they go to that same site then?

No, you dope.

You go to www.makemoneystuffinenvelopesathome.com.

Of course you go to the same site, the Car Talk section at Cars.com.

Or you'll order by phone by calling 888-CADJUNK.

Thank you very much, Vinnie.

That was very focused.

Hey, focused on this, will you?

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0:00

32:50

#2630: Private Mag Lee Ozee!

recoil

bumper sticker

brake system

flush out the hoses

rotors don't need to be resurfaced unless that's unrelated to the problem

probability problem

physics

high octane fuel

timing

knocking

vacuum hoses

vacuum routing diagram

air conditioner

3,000 RPM

wide open throttle

Granger

next day delivery

weight limit

truck scale / weigh station

broke down

water

fuel contamination

flushed out the lines

dry gas

area under a curve

slope

instantaneous velocity

Car Talk

Cars.com

Rivian

About this episode

Original notes