#2638: Melissa Strikes Back
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37:42
Car
Ford F150
The Ford F-150 is a pickup truck made to carry things and handle everyday driving. The podcast mentions fuel injection, which is how the engine gets fuel in a more controlled way than older systems. That can make the truck easier to start and smoother to drive.
Term
fuel injection system
Fuel injection is the system that delivers gas to the engine in a controlled way. If it gets dirty, the engine may not burn fuel as cleanly as it should.
Term
fuel injection cleaning
Fuel injection cleaning is a service meant to clean out gunk in the fuel system. Sometimes it helps the engine run better, but it depends on how bad the buildup is.
Term
gas mileage
Gas mileage is how far your truck can go on a gallon of gas. Whether a cleaning service really boosts it by a set number can be uncertain.
Term
poor emissions
Emissions are the dirty stuff a car puts into the air through the exhaust. If emissions are “poor,” the car is likely running in a way that makes it pollute more than it should.
Term
poor mileage
“Mileage” means how far the car goes on a tank of gas. If it’s “poor,” the car is probably using more fuel than it should.
Term
additives
Additives are chemicals you buy to pour into your car, usually to try to improve how it runs. The point here is whether they actually help, or whether they’re just a “maybe” fix when something is already wrong.
Term
service station
“Service station” refers to retail fuel stops that also sell convenience items and often fuel-system or engine “treatments.” In car talk, these are commonly marketed as quick fixes, which is why the host is debating their actual value.
Concept
preventive approach
A preventive approach is fixing or improving things before they fully break. Waiting until something goes wrong can cost more later, but it might seem cheaper at first.
Car
Ford Ranger
The Ford Ranger is a pickup truck that’s smaller than the biggest trucks. In the podcast, someone is talking about a problem with a 1985 Ranger, meaning the truck needs help with something that’s not working right. With older vehicles, common fixes are usually related to parts that wear out over time.
Term
throwing it into neutral
Neutral lets you see whether the problem is coming from the engine or from something else in the car. If the sound/vibration changes in neutral, that’s a clue about where the issue is.
Term
engine miss
An engine miss means the engine isn’t firing smoothly in one or more cylinders. It can make the car run rough or shake, especially when you’re driving.
Term
U-joint
A U-joint (universal joint) connects parts of the driveshaft so it can rotate while the suspension moves and angles change. A failing U-joint can cause vibration or clunking, but the host argues it wouldn’t “come and go” the way the symptom does.
Term
ball joint
A ball joint is part of the suspension that helps the wheel move and steer properly. If it gets worn out, it can make the car feel unstable and can eventually fail dangerously.
Car
Hyundai Accent
The Hyundai Accent is a small car meant for getting around day to day. The podcast mentions a 1995 model with an automatic transmission, so it’s the kind of car that drives without you manually shifting gears. Older Accents can still be useful, but they may need regular upkeep as they get older.
Term
overdrive button
The overdrive button is a switch that changes how the automatic transmission shifts. When it’s on, the car can use a higher gear to keep the engine turning slower. When it’s off, the car tends to stay in a lower gear.
Term
shift into the fourth gear
When the car shifts into a higher gear (like fourth), the engine usually spins slower while you keep the same speed. In this conversation, that happens when overdrive is turned on at the right time. It helps the car stop changing gears back and forth.
Term
four speed automatic transmission
A four-speed automatic is a car gearbox with four forward gears that shift by themselves. It can choose different gears depending on how fast you’re going. Here, the discussion is about how overdrive changes which of those gears the car uses.
Car
Ford Cougar
“Cougar” is a car name that can show up in different places, and in the podcast it sounds like it might be used as a reference or joke rather than a clear car model. Without more details, it’s not possible to say exactly which Ford vehicle is meant. If you share the surrounding lines, I can help identify what car they’re talking about.
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Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us, click-and-clack the
Tapper Brothers, and we're broadcasting this week from campaign headquarters here at Car
Talk Plaza.
This was just handed to me by our press secretary, Hugh Lyonsack.
Okay, read, man.
Just read the announcement.
This is the press release.
Just read it.
Yeah, this is from United Associated.
We don't want any editorializing.
Just read it, man, because this is it.
Tom and Ray Maliozzi, a.k.a. click-and-clack the Tapper Brothers, have thrown their coveralls
into the ring and announced their co-candidacy for president of the United States, running
under the campaign slogan, two zeros and 00 that would be you and me.
Yes, Tom and Ray launched their campaign for the White House today in a sparsely attended
ceremony in Harvard Square.
We haven't had time to hire an advanced man yet, said Tom, so only me, my brother, and
Dougie showed up.
But all three were very supportive.
Asked why they're running for the presidency in 2000, Ray referred to lots of leftover
bumper stickers from the failed 92 and 96 campaigns.
Yeah, we certainly dove a lot of those.
The two zeros and 00 platform calls for the universal three-day work week.
Americans want more weekend than week, says Ray.
Read my lips, that's Tom.
No new work days.
The platform is also staunchly pro-environment, says Ray.
We are unequivocally in favor of the environment.
We go into greater detail on that in one of our white papers.
Yes.
It's very important.
He goes on to say, the press release was on to say, the brothers were reportedly unable
to agree on which one should be president and which one should be vice president.
After a high level, I called it first summit.
The brothers settled on a unique joint custody arrangement.
Tommy will be president Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and Ray will get the Oval Office
Tuesdays, Thursday, and Saturday.
Negotiations are underway to have Garrison Keeler cover Sunday.
As for their electoral strategy, the brothers say they're hoping to win the swing vote.
Ed's Tom, we're also hoping to win the cha-cha-vote, tango vote, and if we get lucky, the limbo
vote.
I think we got the swing vote tied down.
I think so.
I mean, with our relationship to Benny Goodman, we're going for the whole ballroom dance
vote, I think.
You got it.
Citizens wishing to join the two zeros in 00 campaign can visit the car talk section
of cars.com where Tom and Ray's position papers will be posted every week until the
election.
Well, that's what they're called.
Not white papers.
Position papers.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
They use those for my dog, too.
So that's it.
Two zeros and 00
That pretty much says it all.
Wow.
Pretty good, huh?
In the meantime, if you have a problem with that or anything else, you can call us the
number is 888-CAR-TALK, that's 888-227-8255.
Hello, you're on car talk.
Hello, my name's Thomas.
I'm from Austin, Texas.
Austin.
Yes, sir.
Yeah.
Nice town, Austin, huh?
It's a great town.
It's pretty hot right now.
Yeah.
We wouldn't know what hot is.
My question is, how did Austin get to be in Texas?
I mean, it's unlike any other Texas city.
Very different.
Very different.
It does, it's sort of plumped in there.
I think Austin was once someplace else.
And the aliens moved the entire city, I think so.
And because, I mean, you can't find another place like Austin in that entire state.
You were going to say Godforsaken State of Texas.
Godforsaken State of Texas, yeah.
What's going on, Thomas?
Well, here's the deal.
I have a 99 Ford truck.
It's the first vehicle I've ever had with fuel injection.
F-150?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Great car.
Real pleased with it.
Anyway, I go to get my oil changed the other day and leave the key in and go into the little
waiting room.
And I haven't anymore set down and the guy comes walking in and said, well, I checked
your fuel and it's starting to get kind of gooey.
And that happens about 25,000 miles and that's about how many miles you have on this truck.
And we happen to have this system that we do this cleaning of the fuel injection system.
It's normally 49.95, but you're in luck because this week it's on sale for 39.95.
How lucky can you get?
Really?
So what do they do?
They take your fuel out and they put it on hangers and send it to your machine and they
have your suit done?
Well, the way he explained it, it sounded like it was a pressurized thing that they put
on the car and it only takes eight minutes.
And it will increase your gas mileage by three miles per gallon.
So my question is, was this guy blowing smoke or will my truck be blowing smoke if I don't
do something about fuel injection to keep it clean?
Well, so you didn't just go for it?
I did not fall for it.
Even though it was 10 bucks off, huh?
Well, he was so nice, he offered to hold the deal.
He said, it won't be on sale next time you come in, but I'm going to put a notation on
your invoice that says you can still get it for the sale price when you come back because
this is so important for you to get it done.
I would go right back.
I mean, you still haven't, you saved the slip, didn't you?
Don't let me hang up and run down the street.
Man, I mean, you have to give the guy some kind of credit for at least having taken that
course.
And you know, your truck doesn't need this.
Your fuel is not gummy.
If the truck were running poorly, you might want to have this treatment done to it or
some similar treatment.
We have a machine at our shop made by Snap-On, which is called the MotorVac, and it does
what I am...
Is there a special on that this week?
Let me drive to Boston.
Well, yeah, we do have a special, but I'm afraid it's a heck of a lot more than $39.95.
Does it attach directly to your pocket in the back?
Yes.
Well, it has the WalletVac adapter.
We hooked the MotorVac up to your fuel injector rail, and the WalletVac is a very simple device
with grabbers that goes right for your wallet, and it works on either pocket.
Well, I mean, the truth is that these things do work, but he was trying to sell it to you
even though you didn't need it.
Well, he was trying to sell it to you as a preventive measure.
And it could be argued that if you did this...
He was preventing his poverty.
No, no.
And if the thing is as good...
I don't know what this thing is.
You were probably at some place like Jiffy Lou or something, right?
I played like that, yeah.
Right.
And I don't know how good their machine is.
I mean, I've seen our machine work absolute miracles on cars that were stumbling and hesitating
and getting poor mileage and poor emissions, and you're hooked this machine up, and it's
like...
It's like somebody threw a switch.
It's night and day.
A magnet's involved.
No, no, magnets are not involved.
They aren't.
No.
Is there any value...
Radioactive isotopes.
Is there any value to the additives that they sell at the service station that you just
pour in?
Well, see, my philosophy is you don't need any of this stuff unless something's wrong,
but all of these things can help, and that's why they're able to sell them because they're
relatively inexpensive, and people are always looking for the slight edge.
They're looking for that $10 product that might get them an extra mile per gallon or
might get them an extra 10,000 miles out of the vehicle, and if it costs you $10, maybe
what's $10?
Right.
Now we're talking $39.95.
I mean, you can either take this preventive approach or you can say, I'll wait until something
goes wrong and then I'll do it.
And I think in this case, the prudent man would say, I'll wait until something goes
wrong.
Sounds like a good idea to me.
And the truth is that modern gasoline has the right additives in them to keep the injectors
clean, and it's nowhere near the problem that it was 10 or 15 years ago.
So they've really figured out, unfortunately, these additives are probably going to kill
us.
But that's another story for another day.
But thanks for your call, Thomas.
Well, thank you very much.
Have a nice day.
You did the right thing, man.
Bye-bye.
But the good news is the HRSAs will be running well when they take us all to the cemetery
because they'll have clean injectors.
They'll have clean.
Wouldn't that be embarrassing if the HRSA broke down?
In my case, that's going to happen.
Oh, yeah.
We have a contingency plan.
Don't worry.
The MG.
When you go, we're planting you no matter what.
Is the MG involved?
Hey, I could be buried in it.
That's the plan.
1888 car talk.
That's 888278255
Hello, you're on car talk.
Hello.
Hello.
Who's there?
This is Melissa Peterson from Seattle.
What are the chances of this?
Years ago, we had a young lady with the same name.
I think she was from Seattle, too, who was the biggest pain in the neck caller that
we've ever had in our entire career on the radio.
She was like at the time, 14 years old or something like that, and all she did was castigate
us for being stupid, loud, ridiculous, inane, sophomoric.
You know, I think I remember her.
Yeah, I'll bet you do.
She was so white.
How old are you, Melissa Peterson?
I am 19.
19.
That was about five years ago.
No!
Is it really you, Melissa?
Yes, it really is.
You little pain in the butt.
How are you?
I have a big pain in the butt now, but I won't hurt you.
You are.
You're an actual woman now.
Yeah.
You're probably a college student.
Mm-hmm.
Where do you go to school?
I'm going to be going to the University of Washington.
Okay, we'll write them a letter and tell them about you.
Uh-oh.
Yeah, thank God you stay at home.
Hey!
Hey, just tell me one thing.
Do you still hate us as much as you used to?
My feelings for you have kind of matured a bit, but haven't improved any.
They haven't improved, but they've matured.
How about the dog?
Does the dog still hate us?
Yes.
I think your original letter stated that your dog hated us even more.
Mm-hmm.
That was the PS, right?
The PS and my dog hates you too.
You still have the same dog.
You still have the same dog.
So, what prompted you to call us?
Well, actually, I have a question for you.
No kidding.
Really?
So, you want to just like use us and toss us aside?
Yes.
Are you all right with that?
Well, we admire your candor.
Yeah.
You are honest.
I will say that for you.
You were kind of cute, actually, as a 14-year-old.
Well, thank you.
I found myself hating you less after we met.
Because, Melissa, didn't we actually pay for her airplane ticket and she came here too?
You did.
Yeah, you came.
You were a live guest in our show.
She was.
You made a comment about every single question we answered, mostly negative, I believe.
All negative, yeah.
And we had the good grace to take you out to dinner afterwards.
Yeah, you tried to get me to eat calamari.
Yeah.
Yeah, we were hoping to make you sick for the plane ride home.
And then, I remember that you broke my pipe.
I did not.
You did too.
I stole it.
I didn't break it.
Oh, you stole it.
You stole it.
Yes, I had a corn cob pipe that you spent a lot of money for.
I spent $1.99 for it, Neenies.
And Melissa stole my pipe.
You still have it?
No.
Okay.
Melissa, I'm honored that you called us.
Well, wait and see what she wants.
What do you want?
See, I got a motor scooter about two weeks ago.
What kind?
I got it at a Suzuki dealership.
Oh, so you bought it brand new?
Yeah.
Okay, motor scooter.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And my dad, he like road bikes when he was a kid and he thinks it's the coolest thing
ever.
And he's like, yeah, you're going to have so much fun on this thing.
And my mom worked in the ER for a while in some motorcycle accident.
And she thinks I'm going to kill myself.
Yeah.
And I'm just wondering how dangerous they really are.
She's right.
Well, you know, this is a tough one.
If I loved you, which maybe your mother does, but probably nobody in the world does.
Hey.
Well, you're a mean rotten little kid.
What do you want?
Look, here's the deal.
Your mother is absolutely right, man.
These things, they are so much fun.
I understand.
I had one once.
They are really a lot of fun, but they really are dangerous.
And your mother is absolutely right.
Have you driven a car for long?
Yeah.
How long?
About four years.
How many accidents have you had in that time?
None.
How many have you caused?
None.
I'm a very safe driver.
Where are you going to use this thing on the streets of Seattle?
It's not fast enough for the freeway.
But you'll be riding on the same streets that are used by trucks and buses.
Yes.
Yeah.
Gee whiz.
I have to.
Wait, but you bought it already.
Yeah.
Your mother allowed you to buy it?
Yeah.
Well, it's not my dad's credit card.
And now she's telling you that you shouldn't drive it because it's too dangerous?
Well, she's not telling me not to drive it, but she's doing like the mom not saying anything
that you know what she's thinking.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that one.
Yeah.
Man, I wouldn't hate to see anything happen to you, Melissa.
Who could hate us as much as you do and be so honest about it?
Oh, no, we actually, we get more mail than we need in that area, don't we?
Yeah, we sure do.
Yeah, I would say enjoy the motor school, Melissa.
No, your mother is really right.
They are terribly dangerous only because you have absolutely no protection.
And even if you think you're a good driver, it doesn't really matter that you're a good
driver because no one else is.
And they're especially dangerous in inclement weather, which you get a lot of in that neck
of the woods.
Don't do it.
I really don't want you to do it.
Man.
You can mail it to me, though.
FedEx will deliver it.
Yeah, my brother's been looking for a scooter.
He'll give you 200 bucks for it.
So if I was your daughter, I wouldn't have one?
Oh, absolutely not.
Absolutely.
If you were my daughter and I have a 19-year-old daughter minus five years, then she's about
the age you were when you first told us how much you hated us.
And she did, interestingly, and I hates Tommy also.
Just as much as you did.
Oh, more.
Maybe more.
Oh, it's downright vitriolic.
She refers to me as a crazy old man.
And that's sort of what you said to us five years ago.
Don't drive it, really.
OK.
All right.
And Melissa, I can't tell you what a pleasure it is to hear from you because it's not.
Yeah, nor can I.
See you, Melissa.
So long.
Bye.
Bye.
She sounds like a perfectly nice young lady.
Yeah, don't let that fool you.
19 years old.
Yeah.
Pretty good, huh?
A little twerp.
OK, Tommy, do you remember last week's puzzler?
Did it have to do with three clams and a martini bar?
No, that was the joke that dad told us.
There was no puzzler last week, but we do have some very interesting things to discuss when we come back.
This week on Up First, President Trump heads to China on the agenda, Taiwan, AI, and the war with Iran, a close Chinese ally and trade partner.
One big question will Trump ask China to pressure Iran to reopen the Strait of Hormuz.
We're reporting from Beijing on a week of major news that affects the world and your wallet.
On Up First, listen on the NPR app or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Available wherever you get your podcasts.
Published by Capital Group, Inc.
Why not?
Go ahead.
P-O-N-K-E-Y-H-O-T-E.
The next great author was John Milton.
Milton wrote Paradise Lost, then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
Here's another answer.
Delegates from the original 13 states formed the contented Congress.
Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence.
Oh, really? Two o' at a time.
Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared a horse divided itself cannot stand.
Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
Really, like Lawrence Welk.
Still dead, too.
Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest precedent, P-R-E-C-E-D-E-N-T.
Lincoln's mother died in infancy and was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.
Wow, what a guy. No one even became president.
Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children.
In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in the attic.
Bach died from 1750 to the present.
Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel.
Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English.
He showed three hams. What a guy.
He was very large. That's why he had three hams. You have to admit.
I can't help but think that a few of those have been a little contrived.
But anyway, if you have something you find amusing or interesting and you'd like to share it with us,
you can mail us stuff at CarTalk Plaza, interesting mail department,
Box 3500, Harvard Square, Cambridge, our first city,
Matt 02238, or you can email us stuff from the CarTalk section of Cars.com.
In the meantime, we'll be happy to try to answer questions about your car or anything else you want to discuss.
Anything. We haven't done well with the car stuff so we should branch out a little bit.
The number is 1-888-CAR-TALK. That's 888-227-8255, a lawyer on CarTalk.
Hi, this is Mark from Michigan. How are you doing?
Mark from Michigan, alliterative.
Mark with a C or a K?
That would be with a K.
So what's up?
I have got a problem with my dog's 1985 Ford Ranger.
Your dog's?
Yeah. It belongs to the dog.
Cool.
All right.
If you started up, it starts up just fine. Drive it down the road.
Let it get warmed up a little bit.
About 50, 55 miles an hour, it'll start to shake.
And it shakes a little and then it gets worse and then it gets worse.
And just about the time Jake thinks he's about ready to fall out of the back, it'll stop.
If you punch the accelerator while it's shaking, it goes away.
If you let off the accelerator while it's shaking, it goes away.
So let me get this straight. You get to 55 and it starts to shake.
You can make it go away by accelerating or decelerating.
But when it goes away, can you then get to 55 and have it not shake?
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, for a short period of time, then it starts all over again.
So if you take your foot off the gas, it will stop shaking.
Yes, sir.
And then if you put your foot back on the gas and get back to 55 miles an hour, it will still not be shaking.
Is that absolutely true?
Yeah, you don't sound too sure about this, Mark.
This is a very, very important question.
No, it'll stop, but then it starts up again real slow and it starts to shake and it gets worse.
Oh, man, this doesn't sound good to me.
Yeah. Now, I got about $240 in this truck.
That include the purchase and the insurance and everything?
Everything.
And the type of gas.
We had to pay for, you know, Jake's kind of a high-risk driver with pause and everything.
So, you know, he, yeah, but that's about all I got in it.
I did put new wires and plugs and a new cap and a rotor.
It has never shaken while sitting still?
No, it doesn't shake while standing still.
Well, see, I gather from what you've done to fix it that you are assuming that the shaking is coming from the engine.
Yes, sir.
I doubt that.
Okay.
And there's one simple way to test it, although it's death-defying.
Okay.
But what the hell, you only got $240 in it.
See, I don't think you should be driving it at all.
But if you were crazy enough to drive it, you could easily tell if it was coming from the engine or from something else by throwing it into neutral.
Uh-huh.
And that sort of takes the engine out of it, takes it down the idle.
Uh-huh.
Ordinarily, I would say, you know, this is something like an engine miss, which we clearly don't think it is because you've tried to fix that and you didn't have any success.
And I rule out a bad U-joint because you wouldn't be able to get it to come and go.
No.
But what can come and go is a bad ball joint.
You've got it.
That's why I don't think you should be driving it.
Ah, okay.
If it's doing what it's doing, the ball joint is so worn out that it's ready to break in a second.
Oh, my.
And when that happens, man, things are going to get so exciting, but for you only for a short time.
Yeah.
Because you'll be dead.
Oh, okay.
So that's why I say I don't think you should drive it.
You should immediately.
Oh, you'll wake up on the side of the road with the dog licking your face.
Right.
Like that hasn't happened before.
Right.
You're staring up at the sky.
And you'll be on the New Jersey turnpike and wonder how you got there.
And if it's so bad that it makes the whole truck shake, it's ready to break.
Okay.
I'm probably looking at way more than the $240.
So what, though?
I mean, even if it costs you $500, you've got a practically brand new truck that's only 15 years old for $750 under $1,000.
Who else can say that?
It's not that much out of Jake's inheritance either, you know, if it does break.
Which he's going to get right away if you keep driving.
Okay.
See you later, Mark.
Thank you.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Bye-bye.
1888 car talk.
That's eight double eight double 2782 double five.
Hello, you're on car talk.
Hi, this is Melissa from Philadelphia.
Oh, not another one.
We've already had one Melissa.
Oh.
She was a previous caller and she was a real pain in the butt.
And we tried to get rid of her the last time and we couldn't.
So if you notice a little edge in our responses to you, it's only because we're still suffering
from the first Melissa encounter.
And it has nothing personally to do with you.
Okay.
Yet.
Well, here's the situation.
Yeah.
I have eight.
What do you want?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I have a 1995 Hyundai Accent.
It's an automatic.
And my mother drives a 94 Subaru, something or another.
I religiously use my overdrive button on off 40 miles an hour.
Yeah.
She, you know, upon learning that she even had this, it didn't sufficiently motivate
her to use it.
So my question is, what benefit am I giving my car that she's not?
Or conversely, what damage is she doing by not using hers at all that I'm not doing?
What makes you think that the damage benefit matrix should be in your favor?
I don't think she suggested that.
I think so.
You did suggest that.
I did suggest that.
Oh, you did.
I mean, I can, I can seriously feel when I, if I don't turn the button, when I break
my car bucks a little bit.
So it's important to me to, to use it.
And I can feel, you know, that there's pressure in when I, when I don't use it correctly,
I can feel the car changing.
Well, you're crazy.
We should explain to the other.
We should explain to our other listener.
That what Melissa is doing is disengaging and engaging the overdrive and thus either
making the car drive in with three gears only or allowing it to shift into the fourth gear.
I believe this thing is a four speed automatic transmission.
Lucky it has that.
So, so when you're driving around at a speed where it would ordinarily be, can't decide
between whether it wants to be in third or fourth gear, you force it to stay in third
gear and not go any higher.
If you don't engage the button.
Engage it, right?
Correct.
But when you do engage the overdrive button and you go at the right speed, whatever it
is for this car, maybe 30 miles an hour or 34 miles an hour, it'll shift to third and
up to fourth.
And then if you slow down a mile an hour, it'll shift back to third.
And you think that that's bad for the car.
And mom doesn't do this.
And she hasn't even noticed that her car does upshift and downshift.
Maybe because she drives a car that shifts a lot better than yours.
Okay.
But if you think that it's doing good for your car, then you should continue to do it.
I'm going to continue to do it.
I know you are because you sound like a very stubborn individual.
I'd like to tell you you're wrong there, but.
Yeah, no, I know.
I know what your mother already talked to us.
Yeah.
She just called a few minutes ago.
No.
I mean, what the overdrive, the only purpose of the overdrive is to get you into a higher
gear.
Like a fifth gear.
Exactly.
But in your case, it's only fourth.
Okay.
And why do you want to do that?
Because you use less fuel.
And that's the only thing it does.
Okay.
Because when you get into the higher speeds, it doesn't take as much energy to keep you
moving.
So it's really about fuel efficiency.
So it's only about fuel efficiency.
So your observation that it does something when you're slowing down below 20 miles an
hour is complete nonsense, Melissa.
It makes no sense.
But if it makes you feel better and justifies what you've done, then you go right ahead
and keep thinking it.
Thank you.
I needed Tom Ray validation.
Thank you so much.
I love you.
Thanks for your help.
It's a pleasure to talk to you.
Thanks a lot, Melissa.
See you, Melissa.
Bye.
Bye.
I liked Melissa and I would have coffee with her.
If she was buying.
If she was buying, all right.
More calls are coming up after the break, so stick around.
Bye.
We are the government elect, not the opposition.
We want an election.
Venezuela's Machado walking a tightrope as she fights to return home.
This week on NPR's Newsmakers, listen or watch wherever you get your podcasts.
We're back.
You're listening to Car Talk with us, Click and Clack, the Tapper Brothers, and we're
here to discuss cars, car repair, and a plea for new puzzlers.
Oh, it's that time of year.
You know, summer's over, school's back in session, and I'm waking up at night in a
cold sweat trying to think of new puzzlers for the fall puzzler season.
Yeah, I gave you one just the other day from my pal Gale down in Savannah.
I lost it.
Did you lose it?
What was it about?
Oh, it was good, man.
Must have stunk.
That's why I lost it.
Anyway, so if you can help me, I would be very happy to consider your puzzler suggestions.
No matter how bad they are, I'm desperate.
And they don't need to be automotive.
In fact, we'll take anything.
No, in fact, if you have a puzzler about liars and truth tellers, I'd like those because
I haven't had one of those for 4500 of those every year.
So yeah, but don't send that one.
Or any letters received from the Pawnee Activision of General Motors about melting ice cream.
Oh, yeah, we don't want that one.
We don't want those either.
So other than that, we'll take anything good or bad.
We'll be the judge and send your puzzlers to Puzzler Tower, Car Talk Plaza, Box 3500,
Harvard Square, Cambridge.
Our fair city.
Matt 02238.
Or of course, you can email us your suggestions from the Car Talk section of cars.com.
Yeah.
But in the meantime, what?
In the meantime, you can call us.
What's the number?
I don't know.
You're going to do all the work?
You don't know the sticking number?
I don't know the number.
1-888-CAR-TALK.
That's 888-227-8255, a lawyer on Car Talk.
Hello, this is Jeff from Lincoln, Nebraska.
Hi, Jeff from Lincoln, Nebraska.
You know, Abraham Lincoln was born there.
Yeah, he really was.
Continental drift has actually moved.
Well, why do you think they called it Lincoln?
Yeah, it must be.
So what's up, Jeff?
Well, I don't drive, but apparently I promised my girlfriend I was going to get a driver's license this summer.
You did?
And so now you guys need to bail me out.
How old are you?
I'm 25.
25?
Yeah.
Gee, I mean, why do you not have a license?
Well, mostly I get around on the bus, and other than that, I got a girlfriend to drive me around.
Yeah.
Okay.
Any other reasons that you care to reveal to us?
I mean, do you...
Oh, why should he?
I mean, is he obliged to get a damn license?
No, he doesn't want a license.
No, but if you live in the middle of nowhere.
I mean, whatever's my question, evidently, Jeff doesn't want to leave Lincoln, Nebraska.
Oh.
But even if he did, he could take a train or a bus, and the truth of the matter is, it's possible to live without driving.
Many of us don't realize it.
Oh, no, it ain't.
Huh?
Yeah, you ain't lived until you've driven.
You ain't call it living, but it ain't living.
Until you've been in an SUV...
Yeah, I mean, you can make the decision not to drive once you have your license, and I think that's okay and admirable.
No, but it's harder.
Jeff, I have to say, I'm on your side with this, because people don't realize the joys and pleasures and excitement of public transportation.
Public transportation is very interesting, and the rest of us who sit in cars with no one to talk to except the people we talk to on our cell phones, they don't enjoy...
I mean, how many people can you see on a train ride?
I mean, how often is it that you get into your car and some burping whine-o is sitting in the seat next to you?
Just about every time.
But where else do you have the opportunity to see a burping whine-o, or to have a relationship with a burping whine-o?
What if I don't want a relationship with a burping whine-o?
Well, that's the whole thing.
People get insulated, they get in their cars, they insulate themselves from the world, and pretty soon you become very self-centered.
And what happens if you use public transportation is you realize that we're all here together, and it's much, much more interesting and nice.
I'll tell you, the times that I ride, and I do ride the public transportation quite a bit, nobody talks to anybody.
Everyone is in his own little world.
It's just as bad as being in your own car.
You don't have to talk to communicate, man.
You don't have to talk.
Burping?
Burping is good, but you can see people.
But they don't want to see you.
They don't want to interact with you.
Oh, I don't know.
I think we have to use your idea of...
My brother has a brilliant idea, because not enough people use public transportation.
His contention is that the people who run the public transportation business, subways and buses, especially the subway, which we have here in the city of Boston,
they almost make it difficult for you and unpleasant.
They took all the fun out of it.
They took all the fun out of it.
They sucked the life out of it.
Suck the life out of the train.
In Washington, D.C., you can't eat a donut.
You can't drink a cup of coffee.
You can't do anything.
You can't spit.
You can't smoke a cigar.
My brother thinks that all the public transportation systems should have theme cars.
Theme cars.
So, theme.
So that you could go in the cha-cha car.
And there would be bands in there playing.
People dancing.
Yeah, Xavier Cougar would be right in there.
Or you could have the cigar smoking car.
There's no end to the number of themes that they could come up with so that people would be fighting, paying hundreds of dollars to get on the train.
So, I think you are closer to that, Jeff, by not insulating yourself in a car.
Stay away from the car.
You're right.
Stand up for what you think and say, I will not get a driver's license because I stand against.
All right.
And if she doesn't like it, tell it, it's your way or the highway, so to speak.
Yeah, your way or the bus.
Thanks for calling, Jeff.
Bye, guys.
Bye-bye.
He is in the middle of nowhere.
Oh, yeah.
He's lost.
Yeah.
You would have two licenses.
One for coming and one for going.
One 888 car talk that's 888-227-825.
Lincoln Nebraska.
I remember taking the train from Denver.
The train was already like two and a half days late and it got to Denver.
My sandwiches are all spoiled and all that.
We get on the train.
It was an interesting trip because the train moved exactly eight feet and a wheel fell off the baggage.
So, they shut everything down and they bring in a new baggage car.
Yeah.
And of course, what?
The baggage car, the funct one, was full of what?
Baggage.
It wasn't full of my baggage.
I have my baggage with me.
Everyone else's baggage was in there.
I don't think there's any baggage in the baggage car.
I think they're smuggling stuff, but that's another story.
So, they finally do all that and they say, don't worry, folks.
We're going to make up this thing.
How can they smuggle?
They're sneaking into Cuba on the baggage car.
I don't know where it's going, but there's something sneaky going on here.
So, they do this trip for a during which time they come to our little compartment and they announce that
we're going to make up this eight hours of lost time in the night.
The trains really go fast because there are no railroad police out at night and they can make up lost time.
Sure.
They go 150, 200 miles an hour.
Who knows?
They may even sprout wings and fly a little bit.
And I remember the train traveled all night long and through my restless sleep, I awakened a few times to look out into the dark,
wondering where I was, figuring that we must be close to Chicago by now because that's our destination.
And I finally wake up sometime mid-morning, my stomach growling, and I realize that we're in Lincoln, Nebraska.
And I look at the map.
Lincoln, Nebraska!
It was pretty sad.
Yeah.
Well, it happens.
It does.
On the other hand, you could have been in an airplane circling.
No.
I could have been in an airplane and I could have been home.
One in my own living room with my remote control.
Well, it's happened again.
We've suffered through another hour.
Listening to car talk, our esteemed producer has dug the subway fugitive, not a slave to fashion, Berman.
Our associate producers are Louis Cronin the Barbarian and David Gang Green.
Our engineer is George Hicks.
David, we got a name for you right away!
Our senior web blackie has dug the old gray mare and our technical spiritual and gastronomic advisor just back from the Labor Day.
Let them eat cake-a-thon is John Bugsy Lawler.
Our public opinion pollster is Paul Murkey of Murkey Research, assisted by statistician Margin O'Vara.
Our customer care representative is Hayward Jabuzoff.
Our director of new product repair is Warren T. Myfoot.
Our shop form is Luke Busy and our director of Firestone Tire Recalls is Ivana Michelin.
Our student consultant is Norm Diplume.
Our dermatologist for teenagers is Don Pickett.
Our emergency room physician is Henrietta Badclam.
The Car Talk musical director is Donna E. Mobilee.
Our senior citizen driving instructor is Tonya Blinkeroff.
Our divorce attorney is Carmine Nutt.
Yours, our staff mediator is Sue First.
Our Russian chauffeur is Bekoff and Dropoff.
And our seat cushion tester of course is Mike Easter.
Our chief counsel from the law firm of Dewey Cheetahman House, Uluis Dewey.
Known to the dormless student sleeping in the ivy of Harvard Square is Uwee Dewey.
Thanks so much for listening.
We're clicking, clack, the tappin' brothers.
And above all, don't drive like my brother.
And above all, secondly, don't drive like my brother.
We'll be back next week, we hope.
Bye-bye.
And now we have here in the studio Car Talk Plaza's chief mechanic, Mr. Vincent Q. Gumbaz.
Vincent?
Thank you very much.
Now, if you want a copy of this here show, which is number 37,
I'm trying to do everything low key from now on.
You can get one on the web.
Just head on over to the online store at the Car Talk section at cars.com.
And what if I wanted something else, Vinny?
Like our two zeros and 00 t-shirt on button.
Would I go to the same site?
No, you moron.
You go to www.britneyspearsastrophysicsreview.com.
Of course, you go to the same site, the Car Talk section at cars.com.
Or you'll order by phone.
You know, you can call 888 God Junk.
Thank you, Vinny.
That was absolutely fabulous.
Hey, absolute this, will ya?
Car Talk is a production of Dewey Chigamonhao and WB Oran Boston.
And even though the entire cast of Survivor begs to go back to the island whenever they hear us say it,
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About this episode
A satirical presidential “click-and-clack” press release kicks things off, followed by listener call-in banter and a phone-number plug. The episode’s core car talk centers on fuel-injection cleaning: a shop pitch, skepticism about MPG claims, and a debate over whether additives and preventive services are worthwhile now that “modern gasoline” keeps injectors clean. Later, a drivability issue on a 1985 Ford Ranger leads to diagnostic reasoning about a failing ball joint. The show also covers overdrive usage on an automatic and wraps with more humor and safety talk.
Original notes
Sherlock Holmes has Professor Moriarty. Superman has kryptonite. And Car Talk is cursed with… a little girl from Seattle who says mean stuff to us. That’s right: Melissa Peterson is back for another round in the ring with Click and Clack. The smart money is on that little twerp for this episode of the Best of Car Talk.
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