Albatross Exit

Kaila don't lie, they scream but they know us

Don't forget, the bones don't let go

Chattel stretch long, the secrets get stong

And the creek keeps the whispers you thought were your own

Are you really digging for peace?

Or is that just a lie? Tell to help us sleep

Sure that you really are

Welcome to the Wrecking Yard, I'm Jerry Wayne Longmire

And y'all are presumably still y'all

All are welcome here in the Church of Internal Combustion

We just ask that you show up with an open heart

Hope you guys been having a good week

It's Sunday morning for me, I don't know if you can see the thermometer

It's pretty cold out here in the shop this morning

But I'm out here, cause I love y'all

I've been awake for a few hours, I don't know why I still look so sleepy

Been up doing stuff, I had to get up early every morning now

Cause of that cat, cause she starts making some ruckus

When she's hungry in the morning

And that's about the only time Ophelia's happy to see me

She's a mama's girl, she likes curled up mama and stuff

But daddy, daddy's good for food in the morning

We go get the food together

And then she bitches at me if the food's not right

And then we get the food right

I've been in there fussing with her

Ooh, get the feel of this thing

Yeah, I've called it the Church of Internal Combustion since we started

And that was something I said in the first episode

And it just kind of stuck

Sorry, cool, must have been trying to go in my nose or something

Anyways, I called it that since the beginning

And though we don't spend a lot of time talking about cars

It still feels that way to me, but I was thinking about

Me and Rachel were talking last night and she said, you know, it kind of feels like that is your church

On Sundays, that you go to

Especially now that I've been recorded on Sunday mornings, but I feel more alert

On Sunday more, I feel more present or here

I try to record these things in the evening or at the end of the day

You know, once you've been out in your skin and walked around in the day and

Had the various stresses of the day on your back and

Different pressures pushing you different ways

It's hard to get back to being yourself

I guess I hope that makes sense. It is for me sometimes

After I've been out done battle with the world

It's a little hard for me to unplug and y'all get probably the closest version of me to that

That's the same as I am at home

It's close. It's close. You know, Rachel is the only person who really gets

The real me

It's been that way for a long time. She's she's my

She's my one safety in the world my my sanctuary where I could just really cut loose within her Jerry Wayne

I sing silly songs and do funny dances and

I'm a little bit of a character

When I'm around this Rachel

But I do feel that way not necessarily the church part not in some kind of religious manner, but

This is my fellowship

on Sundays the time I the time you guys share with me and the time I share with y'all

Uh, I feel like I let you guys into

You know kind of the backstage of it all

This is the only place I sit in the garage where I don't feel like I'm on the set

This is one of those uh, one of those places where the camera doesn't seem to matter as much to me

And I appreciate that I appreciate having this fellowship every Sunday

Kind of resets me a little bit before the week starts

Monday's big content day. Monday's always working on content

marketing shit like that. Tuesday is usually a little bit the same

Wednesday I have a little more free flow. That's that's usually the time I spend writing to Wally Bottoms working on the book that kind of stuff

Spend a lot of Wednesday writing sitting on the porch writing

Thursdays I take my kid to music lessons

and that's it's like an hour away so

eats up

About three hours with that trip and just spending time with my oldest kid

I don't like to run content on Fridays. Friday's a shit social media day

Just get less engagement less everybody's worried about the weekend everybody's

finishing up the last bullshit day of the week, you know

Granted, I know some people work straight through the weekend. God knows I've been there where Friday didn't mean shit to me

But on a whole when it comes to social media, you can tell Friday's a distracted day

It's not a good day to try to push content or get engagement that stuff. I usually just do some posts here or there

And

Saturday's kind of my day I spent most yesterday writing

Fussed with the Mazda a little bit this week

Well, I went ahead. I changed the plugs and the coil packs

I don't know Mazda Roddy

And it is running better

Put, you know, new air filter just basic maintenance stuff, but

You know, I checked that fuel pressure and the fuel pressure looked good, but

What it seems like is the thing is losing fuel pressure overnight

Because you let it sit overnight you go start it the next morning boy

It's a hard start unless you give it a little gas and then it'll cough itself to life real quick

So I suspect I've got a fuel pump

Fuel filter issues. I guess I might take it back seat out of that car

Get that fuel pump out there. I guess maybe replace it or check it out

But for whatever reason it's losing pressure overnight you can tell

So

Maybe testing the fuel pressure

Here the day while the car's running

It's not the best time to do it. Maybe I need to

Let it sit overnight test the fuel pressure in the morning

Or we could just take it apart since I feel like I'm pretty positive what the problem is

There's not much else to cause a fuel restriction in that fuel line, you know

Oh, I was going to get back in the gym this week. I didn't I uh, I don't like doing anything when it's cold

my bones hurt

everybody

I was showed us posted a picture last night. You can see how much weight I lost in last year and

You get a lot of people like oh, oh boy, your joints are thinking you know, I was like, you know, honestly, my joints still hurt like hell, you know

All those platitudes people go, oh, you're gonna feel so much better. Yeah, I mean I do feel better fitting in my clothes better

I feel better

There's less of me in the Mazda and less of me to climb out of the Mazda for sure, but

I just think I met that age where things just start hurting

Like it feels like most of my 40s have been that way. I just suspect

that's where we're at

in the run of things

I I have never ever

I've torn up my right knee

Never ever damaged my left knee ever even in the roof fall didn't mess up my left knee

Never hurt my left knee

ever

Woke up yesterday morning

Swollen feels like it's out of like it's like the sockets not pushed together

It was hurting me all day yesterday walking around in the driveway and stuff messing with the car

Uh

I could feel it this morning. I got up my rent convenience store. Give me some dip and

I was climbing now that Mazda like oh, why was that damn knee hurting out of nowhere?

I never hurt that knee. I hadn't done nothing. I haven't fallen down. I haven't

done anything crazy strenuous. Hell, I haven't been to the gym in weeks

That's problems. Probably I need to go back to the gym

I've been I've been uh

This is I have hard to get motivated when it's cold

But I'm I'm gonna get my ass in there tomorrow

I got a plan

Oh

It's been nice just being here

Uh

Just being present with my family Rachel's

Birthday is coming up Wednesday. So I still do not have a gift for

So I got these some shopping today. I gotta figure out what I'm gonna get that sweet lady that chose to

Attach herself to my life

Because my god, what a choice bless

Yeah, I gotta I gotta come up with some good idea for her

She's uh her birthday is coming up and

Her birthday has been hard for a number of years. Uh, you know, we lost her dad pretty close to her birthday

Her dad went in the hospital on her birthday. We lost my mom

Um

My mom's death date comes right after Rachel's birthday

She almost died on her birthday, you know, and it's

It's one of those things I try to fight off every year and some years is better some years

It's worse this year. It hurts man this year, uh

It's some years right after christmas. I get in this mindset. I start thinking about my mom and it just gets

deeper and deeper and then

Once her her death date and her birthday are pretty close together once that passes that i'm okay, but

This year it's it's punching me in the face a little bit

As the kids are getting older

They got less and less family and it just

She's she's the one that I really wish was here for all this because

She'd be over the moon about my success and everything that's happening for me, but she would be all up in them kids business

All up in them kids business

Especially with junie singing and do it all the stuff junie's doing junie won't junie is creating a uh

An alter ego and going to release music on spotify and

and

We're helping make that happen and some fans stretched out sent a microphone did some really cool stuff for junie. So

I'm building a little sound booth

Just wish my mom was here for all that

It's just the the empty wishes of

Of the mama's boy

Is all this

But I can I can feel it in my bones. I've been

There's a song by uh, I like Noah cahan a lot. I don't know if that's how you say his name, but

I like his music a lot. Uh

I like his vibe. I like his feel

I like that banjo

He has a song that was real popular called uh

season of the stick I think

And uh

Songs clearly about an ex-girlfriend or stuff, but while listening music just certain parts of lyrics

Catch anyway, there's some lyrics in there that it just makes me think about my mom

Uh pretty hardcore. There's a

Something where he says if he can

Try to make some good out of all the bad then he can

Get away from the darkness he inherited from dad and that that line really sticks

Sticks in my craw

But I gotta I gotta shake it off because I gotta give Rachel a good birthday. We're gonna take her out eat some Mexican food

Take her chewy's and

Do some nice stuff for her

She is already making our year fantastic with all the work she does behind the scenes that you don't know about

I have to be careful when I'm home like this, uh

I suspect we all do I suspect that every one of us has to be careful

With uh, it's easy to hermit for me. It's easy for me to get just off in my own head and

And things fall by the wayside and I fall out of touch with friends and

So like my real friends know that sometimes I just disappear for a while and then

Then I'm back

But

But usually if I got a little sadness or anything going on in my head

I'm trying to work through then I kind of I lay low

But you got to be careful with that man. It gets easier and easier to do that lay low fall out of touch

uh, it's really easy to get into a

I caught a vacuum of resentment

you know

where

You start telling yourself well man, so-so hadn't called me in a while

Must be mad at me. That's something

I ain't heard from so-and-so in a while. Must be mad at me

I ain't heard from my brother in a while. Must be I'm feeling real disconnected from my brother lately

And uh, that's not his fault. It's it's something I need to work out

But we have our families get together and we do stuff but that doesn't give me and him really time

to bond like we used to

and

You know, he's got

My sweet little niece and my kids and

We're all together and his parents are there and I always take the opportunity to spend time talking to his parents because they're so close to me growing up

But uh, I gotta I gotta I gotta go do something with my brother. I really

I think uh

Since some of the financial stress of January clears up, I you know, I usually do good this time of year

It's a little tight this year, but that's all right. It's gonna get better. Yeah

The thing is we spent a lot of last year working on things that are going to pay off this year

And they didn't pay off last year and it's it's pretty evident doing the taxes and stuff

That didn't pay off last year, but they're going to this year

The things are all set to come to fruition their sponsorship. There's all kind of stuff going on behind the scenes that

I can't quite divulge yet, but

they're just

This thing got hung up by this and this got hung up by this but we're waiting for it. It's all about to click

You know or it won't and I was gonna be trying to figure it out, but I think it's all about to click

I think I can get a

a little money freed up. I'm uh, I'm uh

I

Try to go fishing on my brother this year

I really want to do something my oldest kid wants me to take him fishing juny wants me to take him fishing and

We just didn't get a chance to last year and we went, you know a few times when juny was younger, but

Been asking again recently I need I need to find a place to just go

Throw a line in the water with the kid

something easy

You know not out there trophy fishing

Uh, but some place where I just have a moment with my kid and hang out and teach them a little bit about the

fine art of wasting time with a fishing rod in your hand

Because they they haven't experienced it

As mature as they are now and I think it'll be a different situation

So I need to make something like that happen

Anyways, I'm trying to break out of the disconnection trying to get my head back in the game

Uh, and you call my buddy David. I ain't talked to my buddy David all through holidays. I need to

I need to spend some time with Joey

I need to spend some time with my buddy Slade. I did I did hit up Slade to see if he wanted to go do some shows with me

But he's booked and he's not we're not gonna be able to make that happen

so, uh

Need to keep my ass over to his house and go visit with him

Feel pretty good about the way the year is shaping up so far feel good

You know talk to you guys the duwale bottom stuff is important to me and I'm enjoying doing that but

You know, I read all these articles about

Social media and how it works. You know, I try to stay abreast stay on top of that stuff

you know

What's algorithm doing next what is the algorithm going to favor and

You know, you you can stay abreast of that stuff

You can also read enough of it drive yourself crazy and some people do that

I don't get into that. You'll you'll see these articles. It's like, oh, you need to post it this day at this time and

I have content creators

When they meet me or when we you know first talk that's one of the first things are what days do you post?

How often do you post a day and I'm like man some days I don't post at all

and

Then some days I just post

Engagement stuff, you know photos and stuff like that where I can talk to people

But I don't put a lot of strategy in that I don't I don't get tied in those or you got to post every Tuesday at 9 o'clock in

A.m. That's how you go viral. You know the virality for me seems to work

A little more random

And has more to do with the quality of the finished product

But all the predictions

By the people that I do pay attention to who usually seem to know what they're talking about

All the predictions for 2026 are saying the same thing

The days of the macro influencers, you know, these people with million two million followers

10 million followers

Their value is going down because people

marketers and ad people are finally figuring out that

Followers don't equal engagement

There's people out there with

You know two million followers

That none of their followers are seeing either post

you know

As the algorithm continues to get

Uh more intelligent and adapt to what we're doing the algorithm

Starts figuring out what clickbait is better and better and it starts kicking that stuff to the side and so a lot of these

These influencers with millions of followers that were just relying on clickbait for engagement and stuff like that

It's falling off for them and they can't figure out what to do about it

And it's all these articles will say, you know, if follower accounts are not going to matter as much in 26

You know, I got a decent follower account across all the platforms. That's everything's about engagement. Well, that's where I excel

My engagement's really high on all my platforms

a little less on youtube than others, but

All my all my platforms my engagement is pretty high. My growth rate is pretty good

The visibility on the stuff I post and share is really really good

I set up a separate playlist

Uh for duwale bottoms where i'm just releasing those as a serial

Just for people that just want to watch that and the first one did

Uh first one did nearly a thousand views already

A lot of content. A lot of comments a lot of engagement on it

And that's the the other thing they're all predicting

Is that people have algorithm algorithm fatigue

Uh in short form fatigue people are tired of doom scrolling people are tired of the short videos the mindless crap

And folks are looking for longer form

Content sub stack is at an all-time high right now

People are looking for longer form content something to sink their teeth into

So I think I've accidentally positioned myself in the right place once again. I I continue to fail upwards

Oh, that's some good coffee right there. Yeah, so I continue to fail upwards with this experiment

I'm excited about that. I'm excited to get a lot of new eyes on different lanes. I'm pursuing in different

projects

I was thinking

About all this stuff because I reached out and talked to a friend of mine

I have not talked to

In a while

And it's somebody I know many many years

And we've probably been disconnected probably five or six years

when uh

I ain't gonna get off too much in old boy's business, but

I read something shocking and

On facebook and was like, I need to reach out and see how old boy's doing. He lives out in palestine now

But ridgely from east texas good old boy

Why did I write

Walt

Who the hell is what? Oh

Walt is Larry. Well, I already told you his name. Okay. I was gonna change Larry's name. It doesn't matter

All right, Larry. Nobody knows you

Don't Larry long time

And he's okay, I was glad to see he's okay. He had some little health stuff going on

I reached out because that uh, I've had some weird

Man, there's a club owner here in town who I always got along with really well

Me and the dude got along he came out of the open mic scene ended up starting his own club

But he comes from the business world and he does well

And he's got one club here in houston

And I used to work there quite a bit

And then that just dried up as I got more successful. He stopped booking me

And rachel wretch out to him and just crickets

And

I don't know

Several months ago. He hit me up

Asked me for a guest spot on one of my shows in san antonio

And uh, but he had just been kind of blowing this off. So I left him on red. I wasn't really interested in jacking with him

But he was like, oh, I'm opening this club in san antonio like that was supposed to I just kept thinking me

You don't book me for the club. That's eight minutes from my house

Why why would I give a shit that you're opening a club in san antonio, you know

And

Then I saw on faith this is a different day

Brian that's all on facebook. He had a stroke a medical emergency

And he was recovering from it and then I got a weird message from him late last night

Asked me he's opened up a club in conroe, texas. He's asked me to play his club

In conroe, texas and I'm just I'm just bad like bro. You don't you got a club eight minutes from my house

You don't book me out

But you want to book me at this club an hour away and this other club

Three, I don't know. It's weird. I'm gonna answer him today, but that one baffled me

Anyways, my buddy larry. I read shout to he's okay. He's okay, but

There he has a

I

Learned something interesting about larry and it really triggered something. I've been thinking about

Uh

I saw a content creator that I like post a video

That was talking about how changing your mind was a sign of weakness

And I just thought what a ridiculous concept

You know gray, you don't want to be a flip-flopper back and forth, you know about stuff, but

It's okay to change your mind once you get new information or once you discover

Or you just decide you don't like something no more. You're allowed to do that without

But I don't I just have a hard time. I understand how there's a sign of weakness

Now I was talking to larry and I found out that larry has a great story about that

So we're in our larry's dad died

When he was 19 19 20 years old, I think

And his dad wasn't a good dude

All right, it was not a good dude. He ran around on his mom

He was a

bit of an alcoholic

You know never really he would keep a job for a little while and then he get pissed off and blow up at somebody at work

And he get fired

Just it just larry just never could see him get it larry's dad never could seem to get it right, right?

And he wasn't really a good dad to him either. I mean just

I mean smacked him around a lot didn't really offer him a lot of encouragement or

any sort of

Motivation larry did fine for himself on his own on his own

But not because of that dude

And

You know larry did fine on his own because larry's a good dude

completely unlike this other dude, but

his dad died

he had

His dad had this old and I remember this truck when we were kids

It was a 1970

Short wheelbase four-wheel drive

Ford f100 had a small block in it

Pretty good. It was red

Had the nice chrome trim the chrome bed rails all that good stuff. I'm good looking a little pickup, you know had

Well, if you had the factory air conditioner in it, which you know always makes truck a little more valuable

Now when his dad died that truck had been sitting out behind his dad's place

For probably six seven years in the weeds and stuff. I don't remember what was wrong with it

I mean, I think a major engine failure or transmission something like that, you know

But truck had just been sitting out there for a long time his dad died alcoholic pretty broke

Didn't have much to show for his years of labor and such

And larry went and got that got that truck a few months after his dad died

Spent no small amount of money dragging that truck

Over to his mom's place

His mom and his dad had been split up for many years

and she didn't mind she let him bring it over and

He did a little bit of work on the truck but realized it was going to take a bunch of money and set the truck out behind the garage and

Then the truck sat for

Number years, I could I never could figure out why I wanted the truck to be honest with you. I mean I get the nostalgia thing and

You know cars kind of people talk about cars, but they don't understand for some of his cars

Hold so much more. I mean, I spent a lot of his podcasts and been about

So maybe I just don't see maybe maybe that truck to him

It's just a memory of right when his dad when his dad wouldn't be in the deck. I don't know

You know, he doesn't talk

Guys aren't always good about talking about that stuff

That's the only thing I can see

Right is that that truck means something to him. I don't understand

Larry got married

uh

thinking his mid-20s. She's a good gal. They got two daughters

and

They moved out to Palestine and

Larry drug that old the old truck out there with him and I went and saw him a couple times when we were in our 20s and

For old truck me sitting out there in his yard and I what you gonna do there old truck, man

I'm fix it up. You know, it's the same old star. I'm fix it up one as my daddy's truck. I was like, I know who's truckie

I remember the truck, but

No, you've been dragging around for a while. You ain't done much with it

I'm gonna fix that truck up

You

Truck sits

I saw him at some point. We didn't we didn't see each other a lot, but we would talk on the phone from time to time and I've seen him in his

I've seen him in uh

I guess I was probably

A couple years after me and Rachel got married. I was going up somewhere up there to do a show texture can or some shit

I stopped in and see

Larry and sure enough had old old trucks sitting back there

Just looking worse and worse just falling apart. I think about how many

I wonder how many

beautiful old cars

Have just sat and rotted

Because of some sense of pressure and nostalgia

That somebody didn't want to get rid of it. I asked you boys when do that truckie and he

Man, I don't know. I just

On these days, you know, I get a little time little money. I'm gonna fix it up, you know, and do that. Well

Since life improved they moved to a bit a bigger house and

nice piece of property. Of course, he

Jugg it old truck out there

Sit by his garage

Doesn't

See be interested in spending any money on the truck just

Just drug it out there and

They got to where I was kind of give him business about every time I thought why don't you sell me a truck Larry?

I don't I ain't sell a truck. It's my dad's truck. I'm like, well

But you're not doing nothing like

You know, you're not you're not moving forward with that

You

That's a

That's a situation you can find yourself in it's it's one I found myself in before

And I and I probably should have been a little more sympathetic to it, but he's my buddy

So I screwed with him about it. Just call every time I get him on phone

We gonna sell me that truck Larry

I ain't selling that truck. That's a good old truck and it's a value. He had people barking him up for years

Offering him good when those trucks first hit antique status their value went through the roof

And it's calmed down a little bit now, but boy, there was a couple years there with them them

Dent sides. I mean bumpsides were

Crazy crazy values on them, especially a short wheelbase short bed

Four-wheel drive. That's not my preference. I'd rather have a long bed two-wheel drive

But a short bed four-wheel drive with factory air

Or any small block truck

that's a

That was a demand vehicle and and for a while man, I remember he you know

People was trying to buy the other friends riders was trying to buy it off of people offering good money for that old pickup

All right. No, no fix it up

Yeah, we're in our 40s now. We're we're we're rolling down the hill to 50. I'll turn 49 this year

50s right around the corner. It's knocking on the door

Damn

Might be running out of time fix that truck up, you know, I mean parts ain't getting no cheap

And last time I talked to her probably four or five years ago, he told me his wife was

She's tired of looking at the truck. She's kind of giving him the business about hey

It's time to do something with it either fix it or let's get rid of it and get you something else you want to work on or

What it is you don't seem interested in messing with it and you know, there's probably a lot of conflict and emotions there

cars cars are more than just steel

cars are more than just steel they're

They're the imprint of all these memories that have been laid

And uh, they they become a part of you

All right, so I understand I understand the attachment

I made a joke in a recent truck astrology about how sometimes people think this is what'll fix something for me

And I think there was a little bit of that going on like well these days

I'll fix this truck up and everything will be right everything that was wrong about my dad everything is wrong about me and my dad

So we're gonna make it all right

You know sometimes people look at them projects as a time machine that maybe they can go back and fix

Some what went wrong

I don't know but just recently, you know, I saw some stuff about his medical stuff. So I wretched out and

Spoke to him last week and we had a we had a good conversation

Sure enough about halfway through the conversation. I said, well, you got

Sounds like he had to have some surgery but he's gonna be fine. He had had uh towards neck up had to have a little bit of surgery

Sure enough some point in conversation though, I I had to start screwing with him. I was like, well, you know

Like I got any money to buy anything right now

I start screwing

Hey, bud. Yeah, you can sell me a truck

Make me deal in that truck

And he just laughed for a while. He said I sold it and I went what?

I mean just caught me off guard. I said, what are you talking about? You sold it. He said I sold it

I said you sold your dad's truck. He said, yeah, ma'am

I said, who the hell to

He said you wouldn't believe me if I told you I said man good delivery. He's a nice kid

Lives down the block from

17 year old kid

I said, where'd that kid get the money for that truck? He said I sold it to him for $1,500

I about fell out of my chair

So what the hell you talking about man? He sold that kid that truck $1,500

He said I did him his daddy come down and asked me about it. So they're looking for a project for him and

He said it was just the right time he said, you know

Oh

Yeah, he said I

Said that kid come down and asked me about it and

I told him I told him I wasn't interested in selling it. He said then I he said I talked to my wife about it and she said well

She goes I could uh, I could uh, she goes, you know, I know his mom

I could have told him you weren't interested in selling it

He said, you know, I'm thinking I'm having second thoughts about his wife got real excited. She said take her right get rid of it. They said yeah

He said I think I'm just gonna sell up that kid

He said I he said I know the kid didn't have him and his dad didn't have much money to work with

They're going to put a bunch of money in it. He said I don't need money. I got money. I'm fine

You know truck was never about money for me

This is I sold it that kid

I was like damn how long goes that he's about a year ago. He said that kid drives it

He's I see it going up down the street every day. I go, how's that make you feel? He goes

Jerry to be honest it just it brings me a great deal of joy

Makes me smile every time I hear it plapping by when he's changed the exhaust or done something to it and he's

Put go to hell stickers all over and everything. He said but the kid just couldn't be happier driving that pickup

He's so proud of it and he said it still needs a bunch of work

but they got it running driving good enough that he can get around in it and

He said boy, the kid just always got a smile on his face when he comes rolling down the road in that pickup

He said makes me smile too. I said man, I just

went away. He said well, he's let me tell you

He said I he said I spent a lot of time sitting with and uh

He said you know when I first brought that truck home. I had all these ideas about what I was going to do to it and

He said longer it sat there

He said instead of like looking at it like oh one of these days I'm gonna fix it up. He said it felt like uh

It felt like it was something hanging on him like a weight on him

He said and it went from feeling like a weight on me to feeling like a reminder that I had failed

That doing this thing I wanted to do

He said and then you know every time I pull up in driveway. He's seen it. He said it kind of bummed me out

He said me and my wife were arguing about and it became kind of a source of resentment

For me, you know, that's that word resentment

And he said at some point it just became a source of resentment

He said you see that truck he get bummed out and he he said he's still he's like I didn't have time and money to

He said I probably had the money but I didn't have time to work on it. But I just at some point

That truck became a symbol of something that he felt like he failed at

And and he said the other thing was he he became

Some source of resentment a further resentment for him and his father

And he he was like man, he said I don't know if I just drug it home because I wasn't done grieving him

And whatever it was he said, let me tell you the day I sold it they they drug it out of here

He said I went in the garage. I cried

But I felt better. He said I was crying because I felt better than I'd felt in a long time

That I felt like I was free

But I felt like I got out from under something that was weighing me down

I said damn you go go get you another project or something. He said no, I took up tennis

Which really

He took up tennis

Yeah, and I was like, yeah, I'm all for getting out of the way to something that's holding you down

So that you can go use your time to do something that you're more interested in tennis wouldn't be the thing for me, but

Apparently he started playing tennis. He said and he said then my me and my wife started going to play tennis and it gave us something

Do together and he said I was feeling he's always been pretty physically fit. He said but I was feeling better

And uh, he said I just didn't have that thing weighing on me that was getting in the way of everything else

I wanted to do he said I I just feel he said I'm happier

I've been happier since I got rid of that thing and it's not usually thing you hear a car a car guys

It was spent a lot of time lamenting the one that got away a long time ago. We all do it, you know

When we sold we wish we hadn't

You

But that that truck became an albatross around his neck that truck became a steady reminder

of of failure for him

And he didn't he didn't fail at restoring the truck. He failed at admitting the plan that expired

You know he had a plan at one point as a young man, but that he changed he grew older

He got different priorities got different name became father became a husband

He his priorities changed his plans changed and he never updated that plan

He kept that plan in there because it was something he wanted at one time

and then

it just never

It's just crazy to me, you know that like to me that's a that's a sign of strength and growth

that sign of

I've changed my mind a little about a lot of things in my life

Things that I believed and cared about when I was in my 20s do not fall near as high on the priority list

as things that in the last 10 years have made more sense to me and

As you get better information you learn more

I wouldn't want to try to live off the priority set that I had in my 20s it probably would have been a short life had I stuck with those

But I would say there's a lot of historical president, I mean precedent for

People who were afraid of looking weak

And reversing their course or changing their ideas

Failing

A lot of people don't know is you know that kodak basically invented the digital camera

Kodak that technology all came in the beginning kodak was the first one

that had it

But at the time film was selling really good

And cameras were selling really good

And the executives at kodak said we need to bury this thing because it'll get in the way of our profits

That's it's just a fad

People want a picture in their hand nobody's gonna want to have to carry around

computer storage to keep pictures

People aren't gonna want to have to look at their computer

Which now most of our imaging is digital right let's be honest most of the pictures your kids are on your phone

I don't know I have I haven't carried a picture of my wallet in years

Mainly because I have a different kind of wallet now, but

Kodak squashed that they squashed that technology in-house their own technology

and

There were several people

That said no, we are not do this

We are pushes forward. This is the way the world is trending. This is going to be huge technology

This technology is going to make a lot of money

Which pushes forward and and the guys at kodak just that were short short-sighted

They they knew they were wrong. They were being told by everybody around them. They were wrong, but they were like no

You know this will weaken our position if we put this out and it'll make it look like we don't believe in film anymore

And we can't have the world thinking that

We got to keep making our money off film and stuff. So

We can't have the world thinking that

We don't believe in our own product

And just out of that sheer

mindset

Of not wanting to look into size about looking they

Basically cratered the kodak company. You know, it's it's a fraction of the company. It was 40 years ago

Napoleon

Poland Bonaparte

Went to it went to invade Russia in 1800s and

All his advisors said we we don't have the supply line. We don't we don't have

Russia is untenable

It's too far distance. We don't have supply lines. The winter is crazy

We can't do that. We cannot win this we cannot win this what we we should not do everybody around the police

No, we should not do this and I'm pulling said no, no, no. I don't want anybody think I'm indecisive or I'm retreating

I want anybody thinking

We're an unstoppable force. We we got to keep that image. We can't and you know, he pressed on

And what was the result of that?

400,000 troops lost

Collapse of his european dominance the the very beginning of his debt like everything goes to hell after that

And he laid he even later admitted it was a mistake

But way after it was to his pride kept his troops marching to their death when when wisdom and everybody around him demanded retreat

He said no, I don't want to look weak

It's wild to me because all the stoics talked about this the stoics talked

about change your mind when new information becomes available and

And like all these great world leaders supposedly read the stoics, right? Like this is always a thing. They are always well-versed in the stoics and

You know, you think anybody would have been had been Napoleon with all his craziness

But apparently not because he was he was so scared of looking weak that he ruined

everything he had going for it

which better for the world in general, but

No, we had we had our own version here in lyndon b. Johnson

Everybody in lyndon b. Johnson didn't believe in going back to vietnam

He didn't he did not believe in escalating to vietnam war. He did not believe the the

That it was a winnable situation

But he was afraid if he pulled out he would be the president who lost vietnam

The republicans would brand himself his his great society agenda would be attacked

But he privately believed his advisors warned him his military leaders hedge

he

He knew that it was going to be a prolonged unwinnable situation

But he didn't want to be seen as being weak on communism

That's back. He didn't even believe in the domino theory, but that's back when they had the domino

You know once this country comes communists this country will too

But nobody understood that communists wasn't communism wasn't a unified force and that's not how it worked

So he escalated he escalated by doubt the mission

And and the result of that is you know, 58,000 american soldiers gone

Deep a national trauma that still sits with us today

His complete his presidency and i'm not vying for him or against him. I'm not trying to present you with the I don't

I find a lot of flaws with lynda b. Johnson

But as you can find with anybody if you look back in history and read enough about him

But he crushed his own presidency

But the we knew the south vietnamese government was corrupt

We we knew there was no way to win that thing

Everybody in control knew and they pushed on

There's private recordings for lynda b. Johnson said I don't think it's worth fighting for and I don't think we can get out

he knew

As it's

They chose political toughness

Over over being morally honest with themselves

And it hollowed out our country

And it killed a lot of our fellow countrymen

needlessly

It's it's one of the biggest black marks on our record

There's examples of just george uh custer at the battle a little big one

They had plenty of intelligence custer ignored plenty of intelligence that the opposing force was far larger than he expected

But he thought waiting or regrouping would would lose him credit in everybody's eyes

He didn't want to lose glory or prestige

In result his entire command wiped out one of the most decisive native american victories in u.s history

Just absolute disaster

A

Challenger challenger is a great example

Challenger disaster

Engineers had been warning them about o-ring failure and cold temperatures

And management kept overruling them

Because of schedule pressure public confidence fear of appearing unable to execute

The fear delay in the launch looked weaker and competent and engineers the whole time telling them

This is a bad idea and what happened the the shuttle explodes 73 seconds

73 seconds after takeoff

We lose seven astronauts a teacher

huge national embarrassment

Institutional shame nasa has delivered that every nasa project

Since then has been tinged with the failure of the challenger and the failure of the columbia

Another one that they were warned about

They're warned about

This is when when the institutions punished out

Reality comes back to punish everyone just just that same dogged i can't change i can't i can't

It's so easy to get stuck in that i've gotten stuck in that so many times my life myself

I

Have i have broke my neck to buy cars i thought was everything i wanted out of a car

It was everything that i thought i wanted and then i would get this thing and i would have it for a little while

And start doing some work on it and then go man i'm not really in this and then i would keep that thing far longer than i should have

Until it became a source of resentment for me like i've seen that happen to me i've done that myself

i uh

i

I think i think it's i think it's our natural instinct is to go against that

I don't know i'll be curious to hear your thoughts about it. Maybe you have examples better than me

But i feel like i've done it a bunch of times in my life and i now i start reading about all these historical examples

And there's there's more of them than i i could sit here and and read historical examples for just a month

You know of times that this has happened

People getting caught in this loop of being afraid to look weak or indecisive

because they

Decided something wasn't for them after all

And

And i don't think it's true

I i went back to the stoics on it and started reading i was in there reading uh epic to

Look i can never say this guy's name

epictetus

Epictetus epictetus i don't know how the hell you say it

I can read it. I can't tell you how to say it. I remember when i first started reading those so when i was a kid

This is kind of funny

I just thought it was a more greek mythology

You know some weird book granny had

In the hallway

And i would read this stuff and it all kind of made sense to me

You know what little bit of it i could understand is 19 year old, but

i remember reading

I would always read uh epictetus as epictetus even though it's spelled that way as always

It's always in my head. I always thinking that name is epictetus good old epictetus had some shit to say about this

Anyway, i was glad to hear old larry larry doing pretty well these days

Hell thingy gonna be too big a deal. Apparently there's quite the tennis player now, you know, but good for him for finding something else

and uh

So not ended up with that Alpertrace around his neck until he was gone

Also shout out to the 17 year old that got a badass truck for 1500 bucks. I know he's gonna sell out that damn cheap

Kind of pissed me off a little bit like damn boy

That's good. They you know what they

That's who needs to have that truck

Some young man with big hopes and dreams for it

Not some old dude that's

Gonna find a way to resent it

I think about that my mom's car it's in such bad shape

you know

Well, I love to get it running and have a little project car, but how bad do I want a Volkswagen bug?

You know, how much money do I want to put in this thing?

You know

I

May get that bugger. I may do all the work to get that thing here. It's on the way here soon

I may do all the work to get that thing here and just decide to do something else with it

Well, I was kind of studying last night to be fun just to cut the front end off of it

Slice the front end off of the way it is now bumper twist it up everything

and build a desk

out of that

For the wrecking arm build my desk. I've got that old sick more tree out there. I still ain't done nothing with

And I found a company not far from here that I can

James let me borrow a truck and his tractor loaded up

And I could haul it over there to them and they'll mill the damn thing for me

Slice up board. So I thought what if I went got the old sick more tree milled

And use blumber took the rest of my cedar that I've been dragging around like an albatross around my neck for

Over a decade now that got eat up by termites and get that milled down to usable wood

And build me a desk had a sick more cedar with the front end of my mom's car on it

Attached to it

But like built into it in a way that looks three-dimensional and it keeps the look of that but also

In a way that I can take it apart and move it when the time comes

You know, not something permanent here, but something I can take apart and pack up and let movers move without being too worried about it

Well, one thing I don't want to do is drag that car here and set it behind this garage for a decade and let it become a source of resentment for me

Well, I certainly ain't got the money to do a lot with it right now

But it may be past all that there's a lot of rust on it. There's you know sat there in the woods

Uh, that's just me spitballing

Let's uh, let's wrap it up right. Let's do some testimonials

testimonials if you will

A little uh

Comments from last week and then I got a I got a new episode of the Diwali Bottoms for you guys episode three

But

Okay, that did not save my comments that's awesome. All right. Well, here's what we'll do

Here's what we'll do

Here

Mute that

Let's pull up

Your old you old youtube and we'll just do it old school

I had some picked out. I wanted to read but they just didn't save my document that I keep it's got all my notes here

I

Can't hardly read that screen from here man my I had got to get bifocals this year

There's no way around it. Uh, I've been reading about these some that ain't got a line though and they're

a little easier to look down but uh, joey's dad was telling me

Mike he was like me be careful him and his mom both were telling me be careful because you'll be walking you'll look down

Damn near fall down because you can't see nothing

I think I got to give it up and go with the bifocals this year

There we go. Here's the last week's episode. Let's get these testimonials

It

At rambling shenanigans

I feel like a good storyteller would have enough context clues for anyone to understand what a pop all is

And I have a feeling you've done just that

I was able to paint a wild

A vivid I was able to paint a vivid picture of every piece of your story in my mind outstanding chapter, sir

Keep them coming. Oh, and if you come to Atlanta this year, I look forward to bringing anyone I can to come see the show

That's in my backyard and I'd love the chance to support your art. Thank you for that, man

We are trying to get something going on in georgia and it is probably going to be in the Atlanta area

Area or at least maybe on the in the suburbs on the outskirts of Atlanta

But we are trying to do some stuff there. So I will keep you guys posted

Yeah, that's you know that pop all thing. So that's I don't know how many of y'all remember but last week I was talking about

Uh, it's one of the people involved in my book

said he kept

Uh confusing pop up pop all of my dad because he was reading it like papa

Which it's a weird thing to me because pop all is introduced in a whole chapter about my dad

In the book the very first chapter of the book is a whole chapter about my father

And papo is introduced as my grandfather like

As my maternal grandfather papo clark is introduced and we talked about papo longmire

And then there's a whole chapter about papo clark and how he's my grandfather and how we're very close and how we

So I'm I'm just a little baffled by that note to be honest with you because I feel like there's plenty of context there

Not even forced just plenty of context

And uh

at

He's stickney

Hestigny. I don't know how you say that the wallet bottoms is great

I appreciate the feel of the old radio serial story has always been a format that I have enjoyed

The story and delivery is outstanding. I'm invested and can't wait for the next chapter

Keep it up. Jerry. You're doing great. It's been a trip

Listen to the evolution of the podcast since episode one

I relish the encouragement insight that I get list to you pontificatin. I appreciate your transparency and self-awareness

I'm sure that you are not fully aware how much you're encouraging us to be better versions of ourselves every week

Keep them coming

I thank you. That's wonderful

Complement I I appreciate that

it's

I

Talked about a lot of these things because I'm trying to figure me out as I get older and I'm trying to figure out some

My motivations when I was younger and I'm trying to make me a better person

I'm trying to improve myself as I go

If that helps somebody else then then I got I don't know that you could ask for a better outcome than that

So if it's helping

God bless

You

There was one comment that

I'm gonna read two more. I know I usually only do three but this one kind of taking me

Is it newbie outdoors 987 JW understand you didn't enjoy

Doing the weatherman character

But I just figured as you tell you the time when he started drafting Tupac

Was possibly the funniest thing I'd ever heard definitely one of my hardest laughs in 2025 keep up the good work

Hey, thanks for that. I I did enjoy playing the character, but it was just

It didn't feel fully thought out and fully realized and I didn't feel like I did enough work to do it

Right and I'm gonna do something else with that character. I've kind of got this idea

Uh, I want to ask my buddy Slade to do it with me

But like a documentary interview kind of like a behind the music with window wiggins

And I and I think there's a lot of funny there. It'll be some long-form content

but uh, I've been studied on that lately and kind of writing like how that would go and

Slade's such a good interview. I think it would be really funny between me and him. So we may

You may see window wiggins again, you know, I mean you may see window

I did have fun doing it. I just didn't you know what it was

I honestly didn't put enough work into it to make it as good as it should have been and I was aware of that

After I started doing it and it felt a little hollow to me

It's probably why I got defensive when people didn't like it

At least that's what I'm trying to figure out about myself about why I react that way to certain things

That jake of all trades master of fun my only complaint is you're jumping to new characters every week

Ha ha ha

Well, kind of but it's

As we get deeper into the wallet bottoms, you guys are going to know all kind of things about this town and about a number of people

You know

Last week at the end of the episode

That's a little tony. That's a little tony playing outside of carl june

who's now a sheriff's deputy

Whereas the sheriff's deputy in 1987 when tony gets killed

By unknown yet

All these things connect

All these things are important everything. We're just building something here

And and I ain't gonna lie to you. I'm not a hundred percent sure we're building yet, but I'm having fun building it

That being said

You get drinking this coffee

Thank you guys for commenting and engaging with me. Um, I look forward to reading them every week

Of course, thank you guys for being here in the chat with me, but let's

Let's take a

Oops did not mean to do that

Let's go back to the wally bottoms texas

In the corner of the small room a martin d18 leaned against the windowsill

The morning sun illuminated the tuning knobs and the inlaid pearl cf martin and co against the swallowing blackness of the ebony overlay

Small dark half moon cigarette burns littered the landscape of the first three to five breaths

The nitrocellulose finish all but non-existent on the spruce face

Replaced by the darkened chemistry of sweaty hands and memories of nights that weren't coming back

It had once been new like all things the young oilfield workers that brought it back to camp after a trip along you

Was sure he'd be the next jimmy rogers

Played at night after night much to the chagrin of his co-workers who did not hear the resemblance to the singing breakman

And off compared his catarwalling to a singing boxcar axle

He'd left it with a pawn shop overton at the end of his hitch where it sat unplayed and passed over for newer models

Until danie where I purchased it as a birthday gift for his kid brother donnie when he turned 13

Donnie had spent his teenage nights been over learning chords

Clamping his fingers down on the fret till blood sprang forth and stained the steel strings and ebony fretboard

He was a player by the time he was done with school

What nothing doc watson done what he couldn't replicate could gave roi clark a run for his he haul money

If you hadn't developed such a mighty appetite for benes and cheap liquor

He was laid up in a dive motel and texture can on a week-long bender when danie showed up and drug his threadbare ass home

for the birth of his son tonie

Of course, he kept it together long enough to cut pulpwood with his big brother for a few months before the call the road

Whispered in his ear too many nights and he was back in the wind

Tony and his mother just a memory clawing at the back of his brain for those precious few minutes every morning

There were no chemicals coursing through his blood

Danny had retrieved the martin from a gal down in houston donnie had been shacked up with after his ill-fated choices

landed him on the long road in huntsville

Danny had given it to tonie on his 13th birthday. It's possible. He hoped it would inspire his young nephew to explore his talent

It's also highly possible. He hoped it would serve as a reminder not to pursue his father's path

A few feet away from the watchful witness of the martin tonie remained under the spell of the glorious uninterrupted sleep of a hormone riddled 17 year old

Just a few blocks away she watched through the screen door

As her son stared down the balladed cooper tires that swayed in the cool october breeze

His dad had hung it from the gnarled old sweet gum tree

There hadn't been much more than an errant weed when he was a teenager in this very house

The young man was tall and lean his red hair curling from under the edges of a dark green mesh ball cap

A striking water mox and emblazoned on the front

He'd been at it a while his efforts dampening the collar and underarms of his t-shirt

He danced to step back light on the tips of his grass-stained tennis shoes

Moss green eyes squinting slightly against the sun as they locked in on the movement of the tire

She smiled behind the screen as his right arm cocked back and rocketed the lace brown leather ball through the center of the tire

As if ejected by a cannon before careening off the trunk of the indifferent old tree

Carl jr. Looked to the back porch as a lana stepped out clapping. That's my baby right there

His cheeks reddened a little even past the blush of exertion as he walked towards her

Thanks mama. I was just working some soaring us out her eyes narrowed

Take the compliment kiddo just sharp enough to get his attention

Yes, ma'am. I'm about to go help dad down at the shop

Well, he's been down there with mr. Ware all morning fussing with one of his saws

They sat out here on the porch and listened y'all's game last night on the radio

Should have heard them two carrying on about you and tony. He was so excited

Carl jr. Chuckled. I can't imagine dad getting excited about anything

Lanna stiffened some as she folded the dish towel. She was carrying lengthwise your daddy used to haul her all the time

Carl jr. Seemed doubtful about football

Her own green eyes glittered in the sunlight

about life kiddo

Before she smirked and popped him lightly with the towel

There's eggs in the pan after you get cleaned up

The young man vanished in the home at the promise of food

She marveled at how much he could eat and still be leaned as a fence rail

Them legs must be hollow

Her hibiscus had dropped its last few blooms into the dark rich earth of the flower bed carl senior had dug her

She stooped down to collect them as her mind recalled the wild-eyed young man that would tap on her window

At night to talk her into running down in the creek banks in the moonlight far from the watch flies of her own father

That boy don't know nothing about nothing anything boring about my car

She half muttered to herself as she fussed with the yellowing leaves of the hibiscus

The sign on the front of the single bay ship lap white building on main street red hanes repair

And faded orange script the r and the flourish at the end of the repair was a little disproportioned and shaky

Carl senior had paid a local painter with a penchant for drunkenness a bottle of old crow for the work

Though he might should have withheld payment till the job was complete

Either way folks still bring their saws and equipment for carl to fuss with

He'd had an aptitude for fixing engines when he got drafted and the army had plenty of them to be fixed

They'd stuck him in the motor pool and he picked up a little extra education along the way

Once he had come home dany or mr. Ware as he still called him

Was so happy to see him at mostly one piece that he'd given carl alone to get his shop going

And kept him busy enough with his own saws and equipment to pay him back real quick

Carl jr. Could hear mr. Ware's laugh before he stepped into the bay the air lined with the sweet smell from baron grease

And the pungent bite of the gasoline his dad used to clean parks

That was a hell of a game red. You and tony are looking good for next week ready to leave them boys from lever's chapel looking plump silly

Thanks, mr. Ware. We're going to do our best but them lines are tough this year

Carl jr. Grand at the long haired old man

Everyone but his parents in this town called him red since the third grade

But he only really liked the way that tiffany said it

Carl senior straightened up on his stool and looked over his glasses at his son

Boy, do me a favor get back there bring mr. Windmire's pumps up front

He's gonna be around about two to pick him up his eyes already back on the gasket

He was scraping off of Briggs and strapping with his pocket knife

Yes, sir

Young man disappeared to the back to get the hand truck

Damn carl you can't congratulate him on winning before you put him to work

Danny chastised carl senior

Carl never looked up from his scraping before replying deliberately

What's he needed me to congratulate him for he already won

That don't change the fact the work's got to happen today

Danny spit into the coffee can under the workbench. Well, you're a tough old bird carl hains

Carl seniors lip turned up on the end into a sly grin

Not as old as you mr. Ware

Tony could have heard his uncle laugh from his house if he still hadn't been dreaming about tiffany in

What it would be like if she walked towards him after the game instead of red

Tune in next week for more from duali bottoms texas

There's episode three in the can

Where's all this going?

I was writing a plot line for it a blurb for it. It's like it's not a who done it

It's a how the hell did we get here?

And uh, I love that

No, let's get wrapped up and get out of here. I gotta get this thing edited and upload a few guys

Thank you as always for spending time in the chat with me on your sunday

I know your time is valuable the most valuable thing you can give anybody else on this planet is your time

I am thankful that I was mentored by men

Who knew you could do everything right and still lose

Not the the dripping arrogance and peacocking that gets mistaken for masculinity these days

I wish a lot of those men were still around they'd be baffled by some of the conversations that we're having now

Men and men that didn't put value on the number in your bank account

They knew even a fool could wind up winning on any given day in the financial room

They understood that sometimes good men don't get their do

and that

Wealth has never been a reliable measure of success

The the culture of masculinity now is the flex

I say I see comments where guys say stuff to each other like just admit you're poor

That's the poorest weakest mentality I've ever witnessed

It's just people living by tired cliches and platitudes like their explanations and justifications for every choice they've made

Especially when it comes to work grind now relax later, right? That's that's when you see a lot. Yeah, that's great unless you die

Hard work always pays off. Let me tell you something that is a myth

No one worked harder than my paternal grandparents

They worked themselves to the bone and for the extent of their lives. They didn't have a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out of

Hustle beats talent every time. I can't think of a single example where that's true

I really can everyone who's successful has talent in some arena some niche of what they're doing. They're talented

I saw the video the other day with the tagline consistency is character

Not if you're consistently an asshole

It's okay to change your mind

This ain't new information. Hell epictetus

epictetus

Marcus Aurelius

Seneca all warned in wooden shape or form about the fallacy of confusing consistency with wisdom

If the path ain't working for you anymore, it's okay to change it

Whether that path is a toxic

interpersonal relationship

A career that doesn't fit your needs or your interest anymore or even an albatross of a project that you've saddled yourself with

If you're struggling today with those kinds of feelings

Pull out a piece of paper

Or the the notes app on your phone and write down all the ways it serves you and all the ways it doesn't

And see which way the scales tip

I

I'm rooting for you

We do not have to live in prisons of our own making

I'm jw. I love you

Stand up stand up

Oh my goodness

What is still chilly out there? I'm gonna get out there and mow in this chilly air. That'd be fun

This chilly air makes me want chilly. I probably shouldn't have no chilly

I've been eating bean and gourd bread for a week retro made a bunch of beans and gourd bread. I've been living on that mess

Oh

The problem is early in the morning my butthole is singing the song of my people

Hope you guys are doing good. Y'all be safety. I'll see you next week

Albatross Exit

coil packs

fuel pump

fuel filter

fuel pressure

fuel restriction

small block

Ford F100

Volkswagen Beetle

About this episode

Original notes