Great Expectations

Are you really digging for peace?

Or is that just a light tale to help us sleep?

Sure that you really want real behind all the stories that go.

Still remembers fire.

Press remembers rain.

Welcome to the Reckon Yaw.

I'm Jerry Wayne Longmar. Y'all, I presumably still y'all.

All are welcome here in the Church of Internal Combustion.

We just asked that you show up with an open heart.

I hope everybody's doing fine this Sunday.

Oh, excuse me.

I am having a fine, fine, fine Sunday morning.

It's about 11 o'clock here.

Oh, man, I left my wedding ring in the bathroom anyway.

Wash my hands. I forgot to put it back on.

It's all right. I got the permanent tan line that shows you.

I had a lovely morning with my bride.

She is we kind of because I started recording the podcast on Sunday.

We've kind of like fell in this routine.

So Sundays I'm out here filming the podcast.

She we found this bread we really like from Costco.

This artisan bread.

She will make homemade, you know, make French toast and eggs.

Well, I go out here and film.

Then after I get done editing, we sit on the porch.

Have this nice little meal together.

Kids jump in. It's a good time.

Come a little bit of tradition.

I have gotten in the habit of...

Well, I'm just one of those people I drink.

I drink just about every night.

And I kind of been wanting to break away from that for a while

just because I feel like it's kind of getting in the way of my fitness goals

and shit like that.

I'm back in the gym.

We'll talk about that back in the gym.

But I don't get drunk every night.

I just have a couple, two, three whiskies every night.

But it's not good.

But I can make excuses all day long.

I like it.

I got tinnitus real bad.

And about the only time that damn tinnitus gives me any slack.

That's when I got a couple drinks from it.

But, you know, you don't want to stay on the path like that.

Obviously, you know, it's not good for you despite what Dr. Oz says.

We all know that it's not a good idea to poison yourself every day.

So I've been trying to cut back on the drinking.

I've been very successful.

In fact, we had a couple drinks last night.

And it was the first time I've had anything about a week.

So not a tea toller.

I don't want to quit drinking.

I just had to get a break for a minute.

You know what I mean?

A little tolerance break, if you will.

I need to do one of those.

I haven't done one of those in a long time.

But I don't really, I don't smoke cannabis to get high.

And I know that's a silly thing to say, but of course you get a little high.

But I don't like getting black.

I'm not one of those that I got to get stoned like a gravel road, you know, to have a good time.

I hit my one hitter throughout the day while drinking coffee and work on stuff.

And lately on Sundays, I've been getting up and as I get the studio ready,

I have a big old bag of Yeti mushrooms that a really good friend of mine, Tommy Rogers and Austin, gave me.

And he's from the Shrooms and Cannabis Society.

And he gave me his bag of mushrooms a while back.

I'll just take a little piece of the cap on Sunday morning and put you up a little piece of the cap.

It's not going to make a trip, but it just puts a little sparkle on your day.

Sunday is a good writing day for me.

Like after I get done here, I'll go sit on the porch and Rachel have a little meal.

And then I'll sit up there on the porch all afternoon and I'll write.

Work on the Wally bottoms, work on this stuff.

Now we're back working on the book again.

We'll make some changes in the book.

Well, it's been a, it's been a week, fellas, been a week, ladies, fellas, everything in between.

It's been a week.

My publisher pissed me off so bad Thursday, Friday, pissed me off so bad.

I threw a ringtail fit Friday.

I ain't thrown a ringtail fit and like really lost my sense of humor in a long time.

But I snapped shit Friday morning and it's embarrassing.

We have a treadmill in our bedroom that Rachel uses and it fell down in the midst of my being mad and throwing a fit.

And I just about put that treadmill through the wall and made a bunch of noise.

Scared my oldest kid because they were asleep and I had to go have a talk with my oldest kid.

Like, I know daddy used to flip the shit a lot, but he flips a lot less these days and really sorry and everything's okay.

I just, I failed at keeping my shit together.

And that's a sucky conversation to have with your kid.

But you got to have it and let them know that it's okay to lose your shit.

Not slam things around stuff like that, but you got to reassure them everything's okay.

And daddy just flipped his wig for a minute.

But still dealing with this guy who hasn't finished reading my book but wants to make all kind of changes to it.

I ain't having it, so and it's all coming to a head.

You'll hear more on that in the coming weeks.

I'm sure books fine, everything's fine, but there's about to be some conversations.

There's about to be some conversations because I've had it up to my neck with the soft-handed East Coaster.

They never tell me what people will understand about the way I talk.

More than a handful of the great orders of our time has that accent similar to me.

I think people will be okay.

That's what I think.

Anyway, it's been kind of a lot of production this week.

Got another video going viral and that's always the work Buddhist astrology is going viral.

I hadn't done a Buddhist astrology in a long time.

That thing popped off and went crazy.

So it's always a flurry of attention after something like that.

You kind of have to wade your way through it.

I had one of the funniest things.

It felt funny to me at the time.

So on Thursdays, I take my oldest kid in music lessons.

I take Junie down to the best lesson ever.

It's a school down in Friendswood.

My friend Brian Kerri runs.

If you're a longtime fan, you know my first special, the Wrecking Yard.

Comedy special.

If you've watched it, the intro music and the outro music, all that's Brian Kerri.

I went to Brian Kerri and I said, man, I want something that sounds like a mix

between Sturgill Simpson's best clockmaker on Mars and Brother Love's traveling salvation show.

Can you meet me in the middle?

And he come up with this gospel sounding theme song that just, oh, it just tickles my soul.

I wish I could use it for other things.

It's just such a beautiful, it's just such a cool jam session.

Him and Slade put that together and I just love it.

And Brian's incredible musician.

He used to play with all kinds of local bands here.

But most notoriously, he was with a band called Strippers Lie that played down here in Texas for a long time.

And then he was with him.

He had another project called The Crisis and they were pretty damn good too.

But Brian's one of those guys that can play just about any instrument.

He's just so multi-talented.

It's out of this world and the Duke can sing his ass off and the Duke can write.

So it's a good school for my kid.

I was excited when he started the school.

Junie was wanting to take vocal lessons and Junie's performances now versus two years ago.

They started going to school or out of this world, bro, out of this world.

Junie's gotten into the K-pop music.

Some of you might not know it's Korean pop.

And it's a big deal right now.

It's getting real popular.

You never know what the kids are going to be into.

Apparently right now they're into K-pop.

K-pop demon hunters, some movie.

And we watched it all because I try to stay abreast.

I try to stay knowledgeable about what my kids are into so I can have conversations with them.

Junie at their last performance sang a song in Korean and killed it.

Killed it.

Knocked it out of the park.

But not only that, there's a Korean family that has students at the school.

And Rachel was sitting behind the Korean family when Junie started singing.

The Korean family lost their mind.

They were so excited.

This little white kid singing the shit out of some K-pop and getting all the pronunciations correct and all that kind of stuff.

I'm always kind of amazed by that.

It's like the English singers that sing North American, I don't know what you call it.

Adele does not sound like a British person when she sings.

Adele sounds like a bluesy American lounge singer when she sings.

I was 38 years old, 39 years old before I found out Van Morrison was an old white Irish dude.

I just assumed he was a black man from Alabama because the way that man puts down lyrics.

I remember being super surprised to find out Joe Cocker was a white guy at one point.

So British people do it all the time.

Like they come to the acting or in our movies and stuff.

You never even know because they're so good at covering that accent up and jumping into another accent.

That's one of those things that just fills me with awe because I can't do that.

This is the accent I got.

You know what I mean?

I can code switch a little bit, I can clean it up a little bit, I can dirty it up a little bit.

But that's about it.

That's the two flavors I got.

I got more and less.

That's what I got.

That's my range.

So I'm always amazed when somebody can just change their entire voice.

I love impressionists.

I'm one of the few comics that love impressionists.

I'm always just enthralled with them.

That sort of thing just tickles my fancy.

Anyways, I take Junie down Thursday for vocal lessons.

We'll walk into place.

Brian's not there at the moment.

He's out running errands or whatever.

He has a kind of a second in command, a young fellow named Caden who's also a very talented musician that kind of helps him run the school.

But I didn't see Caden anywhere in the main lobby and they got some couches and stuff.

So we sat down.

I went to go make these.

I forgot to take my coffee with me.

So when I take Junie on Thursdays while Junie's doing lessons, I sit there and write and work on a podcast and stuff.

Unless Brian's there, I'll sit there and chit chat with Brian.

I mean, him about to go see Stephen Wilson this week.

Is that tonight?

No.

Tuesday night.

Tuesday night, we're going to go see Stephen Wilson.

Me and Brian.

Anyways, we walk in.

Nobody's there.

Junie's teacher, Miss Iris, not there yet.

Another incredibly talented musician.

And these two guys walk in.

I know they're salesmen by the way they're dressed.

They're wearing, you know, suit pants and button up white shirts and they got the hair all done and slicked.

And they just, one of them's got like kind of this modern, uh, mullet sort of thing going on, big curls and, uh, they're just slick.

You know, they're salesmen right off the bat.

You know, they're there to try to sell the business.

And they walk in and the guy with the multi hair, he looks right at me.

He goes, man, I know you from somewhere.

All right.

I don't want to talk to this guy.

He's a salesman.

He's looking for an end.

Right.

I know how salesmen were.

He's looking for an end right when he gets her.

Man, I swear I've seen your face somewhere.

I know you from somewhere.

I said, I don't know, man.

I do some stuff on the internet.

That's about it.

I went back to making my coffee and I think that's cool.

I've quelled it.

Now I can just sit down there and peace and write.

Junie can do his music lessons.

And my kid, bless that kid, goes, he's crazy famous.

Well, I'm for my coffee.

And part of me is like, oh, I love you child for saying such a wonderful thing about your

father.

Sometimes I'm not sure you're even aware that I have a career or that I do anything outside

of the house.

And that really warmed the cockles of my heart wherever they may be.

The cockles were warm.

But then also like you just threw me under the bus kid.

I turned around and the guy was like, I knew I knew you from somewhere.

You're a comic.

And I was like, yeah.

Yeah, I do.

I've been doing stand up about 20 years and then it just starts.

And it doesn't look, man, when it's like wrecking our people or people that actually know me

from Truckerstrawl of your water and they know and they come up like Jerry Wayne or whatever,

you know, I'm excited that always tickles me to death.

But somebody do that, uh, man, get wrecked.

You know what I mean?

Like you figure it out.

I ain't gonna figure it out for you.

I ain't gonna sit here and tell you my resume.

That's for damn sure.

You put it together.

You won't.

And I was like, what's your name?

And I was still making my coffee and I just said Jerry Longmire.

I didn't say Jerry Wayne.

I just said Jerry Longmire, you know, put my business voice on.

Man, I told you on code switch just a little bit.

Jerry Longmire.

The other dude Googles it and then they both start, he's like, I knew I'd see you.

And then he starts trying to tell me about AT&T.

I go, bro, this ain't my business.

He goes, oh, I thought you maybe you own the place.

I go, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm here with my kid doing music lessons.

He goes, where's the owner at?

I said, man, he ain't here right now.

He's kind of in and out.

You had to catch him when he was here, that kind of thing.

I ain't trying to tell him none of Brian's business.

And Iris, my kid's teacher walks through the door.

I'm like, yay.

They can talk to Iris.

Iris works here at the school.

They go, oh, are you the owner?

Like, dude, I just told you the owner's name was Brian.

Does Iris look like a Brian to you?

Iris does not look like a Brian.

Iris is a petite with real, always kind of wild colored hair.

Latina singer, vocalist.

Has her own band, does music videos, stuff.

Does not look like a Brian.

No part of her looks like a Brian.

She goes, no, I'm Iris.

I'm one of the teachers.

Brian's not here right now.

He's kind of in and out.

And then her and Junie just walk off and leave me there

with these two salesmen.

And I'm like, I don't want to keep talking to them right.

You know what I mean?

So I had to make small talk with these Jack wagons

until they go on to find their next target.

And they leave.

And I'm sitting there.

I'm like, oh, finally I can sit down and get some work done

and some writing.

And lo and behold, here comes Kate.

So the other office door over there has been open the whole time.

I didn't know anybody was in there.

Kate comes out of that office, comes up and do something

with the computer.

Like, where the hell have you been, bro?

I've been dealing with these.

I know Kate sat back there listening to me talk to themselves,

but it was like, oh, I don't have to deal with it.

Just left me hanging.

But it was cute when my kid went to bat for me.

That didn't make me laugh.

Valentine's Day yesterday.

I hope all of you that had something to do on Valentine's Day

had a good time.

And, you know, maybe some of you that didn't have something to do

will have something to do next time.

Or, you know, or not.

It's not necessary, but I celebrate it.

I'm a big old lover, boy.

That's what I like to do.

I wrote my wife a poem and formed that

and felt pretty good about that.

We had just a wonderful time here today.

We had a few drinks and sat on the porch

and watched cheesy romantic movies

and watched the storm come in.

Rachel made a strawberry cake

and we had strawberry cake.

It was decadent and fantastic.

And we've had a lot of Valentine's together.

I was thinking most notably

of our very first Valentine's Day

way back in 2006.

So, you know, I've told you a lot of that story,

but when I came back from Tennessee,

it was right there in the beginning of February

when I come back from Tennessee.

I might have been in the January 2007.

That's when I was in Tennessee

and I was talking about Rachel all week

and even I was dating this other girl.

And then by the end of the week,

my cousin Lylee was like, who the hell is Breck?

I've heard you talk about this girl named Rachel.

That's when I want to know if you're going to marry.

Nah, nah, we're just friends.

But then I came home from Tennessee and sensed.

I knew we weren't just friends.

I knew that I was never just going to be just her friend.

I was in love with her.

And I drove to her house that night.

We got back to Tennessee

and that was like our first big kiss.

But then I had to go break up with my girlfriend.

I had to go take care of that.

And then even after I did that,

we still weren't really together, me and Rachel.

Somebody, she was dating a dude

and she had to give him his walking papers

and send him on down the road.

And there was just a little short period of time there

where there was just a lot of energy back and forth between us,

but nothing was happening because, you know,

we were trying to take care of other messes and such.

I broke up with Breck the day before Super Bowl.

Now, I'm not a sports guy.

I buy any stretch of the imagination.

I don't have much interest in sports or anything,

but I've been to a bunch of Super Bowl parties

because it's usually a pretty good party, right?

Go to bar parties and stuff like that.

It's always a good time.

And our favorite little bar, the wet spot on West Gray

was throwing a big Super Bowl party, big Super Bowl bash.

And Rachel lived in a little loft in Midtown right there

down the street from, I'm so sorry,

my sinuses are killing me this morning.

So they were having big Super Bowl get-together

right there at the wet spot.

And that's the place, I think I told y'all this story.

I don't remember if I told y'all a story or not,

but Breck had this friend named Todd.

Todd and me and Rachel, we were all friends,

but Todd had a little crush on Rachel.

And Breck just kept thinking,

I think Breck thought that the way she could fix me and Breck

was to hook Rachel up with Todd,

and she kept trying to push them two together.

And Todd kept taking the bait,

even though Todd didn't have a sporting chance

to begin with between me and the other dude.

So we're all hanging out at the Super Bowl party.

Todd doesn't know that me and Breck had broke up.

He doesn't know that I'm there for Rachel.

And he kept trying to get Rachel

during the whole first half of the Super Bowl.

At some point, he put his hand on Rachel's ass.

And I just reached over and grabbed hold of his dick.

I did his pants.

And he's about to jump off that stool.

I thought we was all touching each other.

I didn't know you was touching her without permission.

I thought I could touch you without permission.

He got all weird about it, but he got the message across.

He stopped touching Rachel.

And one of her friends was getting ready to leave

to go back out of town.

Her friend had been visiting.

And that's the other reason we hadn't really been together

is because she had a friend staying at her house.

Her friend was getting ready to go to the airport and fly back home.

Or drive back home. I don't remember.

It doesn't matter.

Oh boy.

I don't know if you remember Super Bowl 2006.

This is the thing.

I don't know why everybody's arguing

about Bad Bunny and Kid Rock.

And I'm not...

I don't really give a shit either way.

I don't know why everybody's arguing about Kid Rock and Bad Bunny.

Because whatever you believe in,

whatever deity you believe in or don't believe in,

we were all given a sign of what the best Super Bowl show

in all time ever was.

And that's when Prince came out in 2006

and just destroyed a cover

of the best of you by the Foo Fighters

with Dave Grohl beating the shit out of the drums behind him.

Like if you didn't see that,

I won't hear what you think about Super Bowl show

because that was the best music bar...

It's Prince for Pete's sake.

Prince out there well and tearing that guitar pieces

and his mama's new rag and just killing it.

And then he plays Purple Rain

and this is where the sign comes.

It starts raining during Purple Rain.

There's literally Purple Rain falling out of the sky

while the man's playing one of the greatest rock ballads

of all time.

That's the best Super Bowl performance there been.

There's nobody that likes Bad Bunny

or Kid Rock as much as we all love Prince.

Alright, so just shut up.

You don't care about either one of those performance.

Just shut up.

It was... Prince comes out.

He starts that show, right?

And we and Rachel get closer in the bar

and kind of get snuggled up on each other.

He's just...

I wish he had recorded that song

because he...

Every once in a while somebody would cover a song

and just make it theirs.

He made that song his the way he covered it.

And I wish... I wish like hell he had recorded it.

I'd listen that damn thing on repeat.

He went into Purple Rain

and neither one of us were invested.

I can't even tell you who the hell was playing in that Super Bowl.

Neither one of us was invested in the game.

And when time he got done in Purple Rain,

we had paid our tabs

and run to Rachel's apartment.

And then we had our own Super Bowl

that went on for a few days.

And it was great, you know, in the beginning,

you know...

I hope you've had a beginning like that

or a time like that.

I don't think everybody has it in the beginning.

Some people it sparks later,

but you know that part where when the fire ignites

and you can't keep your hands off of each other

and you just wrapped up in each other,

you forget to eat a little bit, you know,

because you just wrapped up in each other for a few weeks.

It was that that started Super Bowl night.

Boom. Super Bowl is a different thing for us.

It's a different celebration for us.

And we...

Well, that happened.

And I pretty much just stayed at her apartment

for the next week

and then come Valentine's Day.

And she had to go to work.

And I had run spirit.

I was bartending at night and doing stand-up comedy

and had a little bit of money in my pocket

to make a good Valentine's Day for her.

It was our first Valentine's Day together.

And it felt so rom-com-y

because she had told me,

I'd never done no shit like this for a girl.

I never... I mean, it's sad to say at that point in my life,

I'd never gone all out for a girl like this

like really tried to blow her mind

and Rachel told me she really wanted to learn how to play piano.

So I went down to a pawn shop that I knew of

that had a lot of decent music equipment

and got this real nice Yamaha keyboard

that they had there in the pawn shop.

And I got a stand for it.

And then while she was at work,

I went and set that keyboard up in her apartment

with the stand and the rose petals

and nice cards, balloons, chocolate,

because I knew she liked chocolate.

It's chocolate, right?

I did it all up and then I went to work.

And then she called me at work, balling, right?

Because nobody had done going all out for her like that before.

And it was beautiful, man.

And that started... that's the beginning of it all.

That's the beginning of it all.

Here we are, 17, 18 years old.

I'm not good at math. 17, 18 years later,

still having our Valentine's Day together.

Still wrapped up in each other.

It's different. You know, as you get older, it's different.

It's not all passion and all the time,

but cool thing about us is she's my best friend.

She's the person I want to hang out with all the time anyway.

So we have this amazing friendship

where we laugh and play and goof off together.

We both like gaming.

We have a lot of similar interests.

We both love music.

We both, most importantly, love spending time together.

And it's kind of amazing.

Just think back about, like,

wish me rom-com in my way through a pawn shop

trying to find her this keyboard

and make all this happen for her.

And I've flubbed up a couple of Valentine's Day.

I've flubbed up birthdays.

Let me tell you something.

Rachel's birthday is particularly hard

because we have Christmas, right?

Which all the pressure on Christmas,

get the right Christmas gift, all that.

Do all that.

And then Rachel's birthday is January 21st, right?

Well, when you're a contractor,

that is the worst time of year.

So most time of her birthday, I was just broke.

We were just about to eat the putty out of the window

trying to get by to get into the working season.

And then right after her birthday comes Valentine's Day.

So it's been a few flubbed years.

It's been a few flubbed years.

Money's a little tight right now

and we decided not to go crazy this Valentine's Day,

just do some stuff for the kids

and just have a nice evening together.

And it's all right.

If you've been together a while,

those things are easy enough to do.

We didn't need to go spend a bunch of money on bullshit.

Money we ain't got right now.

We're okay, but we're having to be frugal.

It's that time of the year

where I'm usually actually usually this time of year

I'm doing pretty well,

but this particular year we're a little frugal.

I was grinding pretty hard on the book

and I didn't, I usually go out

and try to get me some corporate events during December,

do some Christmas parties and shit,

but I was doing the Christmas tour

and then the Christmas tour wasn't very profitable

this year for me.

I didn't make the money I've made in the years past

on the Christmas tour

and there was no bonus or anything like that.

So I didn't, we didn't do well sales numbers

so I didn't get a bonus or anything.

So come back with Christmas tour

having spent three weeks without making the money

I was accustomed to making on it

and then of course also not doing any corporate events

and stuff like that.

I got a bunch of those coming.

April's a crazy month for me.

I'm doing something for the Order of the Dalians

which is like a,

it's like a pilots club within the Air Force

and fraternity type things.

So I'm doing a big deal for all these Air Force pilots

and retired Air Force pilots

and then I'm doing something called Metal Fest

which is a festival, I guess, of metal workers

and their wares.

And these are people that, yeah,

I thought it was going to be music too.

It wasn't music, it's a,

it's all these blacksmiths

and people that do metal art and all that stuff.

It's a big festival.

It's happening in the Hill Country in Texas.

I think in Bryan

and I'm going to go headline that

and be their comedian for that

and that one pays.

So I got some things coming to fix

the abysmal failure that December was

as far as work.

So excited about that.

And I've been back in the gym

and it feels so good.

I don't know why it's so hard

to make yourself get back in there

because you know,

literally the first day I went back in

it felt great.

But even in the time I've been kind of wanting

to get my head on straight

and get back in the gym,

I've been thinking and reading a lot of literature

about muscle improvement at my age

because I don't really want to take testosterone

and bull crap like that.

Last time I started taking tests,

my hair started falling out.

I don't know.

I would rather be fat than bald

at this point in my life.

My thoughts may change later on.

But one of the things I was struggling with

when I was really hard going to the gym

was I didn't feel like I was increasing.

I'm not so much concerned

with increasing muscle mass,

but I wanted to increase my strength.

I didn't feel like my strength was increasing.

So I've been reading all this stuff by this,

some of your old heads will know the name,

Mike Mincer,

who had all these theories about the negative

when it comes to lifting.

The negative,

I don't know what you call it.

I'm not as well-bursting as some of these people.

But you know,

like if you're doing a bicep curl,

you pull the weight up to you, right?

That's the positive side of the exercise.

And then when you release it and come back down,

that's the negative side of the exercise.

And Mincer's theory and a lot of people,

there's a lot of science to back it up,

and I can't explain it all

because I'm not quite as knowledgeable as these guys.

But I read enough to understand

that there's a lot of science to back up the idea

that the negative part of the exercise

actually does more to generate strength

and muscle in the lower,

ooh, I can feel that.

That feels nice.

And so it's kind of like a thing where you do,

like if you're doing,

you do a two-second positive

and then you do a four-second very controlled negative.

And I went down to lighter weights.

I'm just doing 15-pound dumbbells.

And let me tell you,

at the end of a 10 rep of 15-pound dumbbells,

at the end of a set,

doing them that way,

with that slow release down,

my arms are shaking.

It's one of the most intense workouts

I've ever had in my life,

as far as like,

it's so crazy because you're going slow,

but my heart rate comes up

and I get into the zone,

and by that 10th rep,

my arms are shaking.

And I've done it,

so I've been back to the gym for about two weeks,

and I do like a pull and a push day,

and then I'm doing a leg day

and then a day where I just focus on my back doing lats.

And I learned these new exercises called face pulls,

where you pull this thing up here.

I was having problems in my shoulders.

Both my shoulders just bummed up,

you know, just old construction type shit.

So, you get,

you do these things where you're like,

pulling this towards your face and up like this,

and it made my shoulders feel better

than they felt in 15 years.

But then doing them that way,

with that slow release,

whew buddy.

Anyways, so I've felt a lot of results very quickly.

And even, like I said,

went down to lighter weights

to kind of ease my way back into it,

but I think I'm going to be stuck

in these lighter weights until I'll learn

this new type of working out

that gets me to the next level.

And that's okay, you know.

It's always to help you.

You didn't get to this level of weakness

or this level of out of shapeness overnight.

You don't fix it overnight either, you know.

And luckily I love the work I've done

in the last year or two, still there.

I was still feeling good.

I hadn't really put on any weight.

It wasn't like I was eating and going crazy.

I just was kind of in a, you know,

it was Christmas, eating crappy food

and lots of chocolate

and that kind of stuff.

Busy touring schedule.

Anyway, I can make excuses all day,

but I'm back, feels great.

And I like this new method.

I like Mentzer's theories and

Mentzer, maybe Mentzer.

I'm probably saying his name wrong.

I don't know.

Other things happen as a result

of drinking less as I'm dreaming more.

Which is not always welcome.

It's not always welcome.

I don't particularly care for dreaming.

I'd rather just sleep and wake up

and go on about my day.

I listened to this whole thing by Alan Watts

where he talked about sleeping being one of the most,

like we basically die every night.

That you go to sleep, you know?

Because your conscience

and even your subconscious,

the one that...

As you're going through life,

there's all this chatter in your head all the time, right?

There's this commentary.

There's this one voice that's always narrating

sort of everything that's happening in front of you

and all the visual cues you're picking up

and all the things you're thinking about.

And there's this other voice that's just kind of judging it

as right or wrong

or good or bad

or kind or not.

You know what I mean?

There's this constant commentary up there.

But all that goes away when you go to sleep.

All that shuts off.

When you go to sleep, you disconnect.

You're not in the driver's seat anymore.

You're not running shit.

You disconnect. You go away.

It's like dying.

And then when you wake up in the morning,

it's like a rebirth.

Like you're coming back in.

It takes you a minute to boot up.

It does me. How about you?

It takes you a minute to boot up.

And...

That's just a wildly interesting theory to me.

But on the subject of dreaming,

because I haven't been drinking as much,

I've been having these very vivid dreams

about all manner of shit.

A lot of them are nothing.

It's just me in a different place and time

being somewhere.

Crazy shit like that.

You know, not crazy. Just normal shit like that.

But I had a dream about my Papal Longmire.

And I know I've talked about him a little bit,

but I haven't really spoke about him in depth.

I'm fond of him

in a way I can't quite explain.

He wasn't a very nice man.

My dad's father was

and I've told you all this,

he had a cruel streak.

He was...

I mean, I'll just give you the back story, right?

I had this dream

that me and Papal Longmire

were sitting in his kitchen

where he drank his coffee

and he was just

kind of dismissing me

and talking to me the way

I heard him talk to some other cousins

a couple times.

We weren't especially close.

I'm...

on that side,

I think I'm like the 7th,

6th or 7th grandkid.

I'm in the later bunch on that side.

The oldest grandkid

is

my Aunt Linda's son,

my cousin little Paul.

He's not little Paul anymore.

My cousin Paul.

Paul, I think, is the oldest.

Him and Dwayne were pretty close in age.

I think they're like a month apart, maybe

days apart, I don't remember,

but they're really close in age.

But he's the oldest

and

I think

my Papal, I think there was three of us

grandsons that he just

thought the son rose and set on.

I think one of them was Paul Jr.

Him and Dwayne didn't particularly get along

so he didn't, I don't think he always cared too much

for Dwayne, especially as he got older.

And he loved

my cousin Shane, Dwayne's little brother.

But I've told y'all about Shane.

What's not to love, right?

Shane's the best one out of all of us,

probably. Right?

Shane's just...

Shane's just a good dude.

Has just always been a good dude.

Can't help but be a good dude as a good dude.

I'm sure there's people out there

that would say different or whatever,

but on the whole, Shane

is good at, me and Shane

don't agree on everything.

But I know he's just

I know he's just as good a man

as I've ever known.

So it makes, it's no shock to me

that he's one of Papal's favorites.

And the other one's my younger cousin,

Justin, Justin Carl, and he's

my Uncle Terry son.

And Justin, it makes perfect sense

because Justin is

he's just,

for ever being a good a man,

his my Uncle Terry was

my cousin Justin, I think, hits

the mark pretty damn high.

He's just a, he's just a good

man, takes care of his family.

But him and my Papal Longmire

fish together a lot and spent a lot of time

fishing together and they were just

thick as thieves. My Papal Longmire

thought the sun rose and sat

on Paul Junior,

Shane, and Justin.

He's very close to all three of them.

At least that's the way it seemed to me growing up

was good.

Me and him weren't particularly all that close though

we did have some good moments together

throughout our lives but

my dad and his father didn't get along

so we didn't, I didn't spend

a tuna time alone

with Papal Longmire.

Plenty.

I mean we went fishing and stuff like that

and

but not like I spent time with my Papal Clark.

Me and my Papal Clark were

I was a shadow

you know. Me and that guy

you know, that's just the way family works

sometimes. Me and my mom's

not a real father but

you know, the man she was raised to believe

was her father. Me and him were very close.

But John Longmire

had a terrible

terrible origin story.

John Longmire was born to Thomas

Longmire

and a lady named Claude

Claude, Claude

Claude Winbury.

John Longmire

John Thomas, Claude Winbury

married, she was kind of young

as they did in

rural Tennessee back in them days

and John Thomas

was a farmer

but he wasn't what you call a wealthy farmer

he was just about a

he had been a sharecropper

and I think he had just kind of got

where he had his own little piece of land.

John Thomas had

a gambling problem

and John Thomas

liked to go bet

and lose money

and he was constantly in and out of trouble

over his gamble

and my papaw, his young boy

was named after him right, he was his first son

he had a twin brother

that they named Carl

Papaw and his brother Carl

well you know

they just grew up rough and tumble

like Tennessee boys do on a farm

they hunt.

Papaw Longmire used to tell me stories about

how his daddy would give

them, they had a 22 Ruger

6 shot revolver

and during depression time when things were bad

and people needed

you know they needed food and stuff

John Thomas would give Carl

and Papaw the revolver

and two bullets

and they were to come back

with two animals

for those two bullets

for the family to eat

my papaw

was a hunter and a fisherman all my life

but you know he never had in his house

never had a pair of antlers on the wall

never had a deer head on the wall

never had a fish on the wall

he hunted to eat

he fished to eat

he much rather go out in the woods

kill squirrels all day and eat squirrel stew

squirrel dumplings

and squirrel gravy for a week

then go chase down a buck

and get a trophy head or something like that

he cared about catching the biggest bass

in the lake to have something to show off to people

he cared about catching

about 35 to 50

croppy so he could eat fish

for the next month

you know

you just know people there's two different

there's people that hunt for trophies

and hunt for the fun of hunting

and there's people that hunt to eat

and then there's people that fish for the trophies

and the thrill and all that good stuff

and then there's people that fish to eat

my pap a lawn mower was but they were poor

that was done to eat

all that was done to eat

he was damn good at it

because he had learned to do it to eat

when he's about five or six his mom dies

and John Thomas goes and marries this

16 year old girl named Belma

well not too much longer

for old Belma gets knocked up

when he knocks Belma up

and her first son is born

she wants to name her son John

after John Thomas

so she convinces my papa

when he's a kid that his name is James

she tells him his name is James

his name ain't John

and he spends the rest of his life

growing up thinking his name

is James

there's not too much longer

after all that John Thomas

gets in a real big trouble game

like about to lose the farm game

gets real upside down

and I guess the people he owed money to

was wanting him to sign the farm over to sell the farm

and they was involved with the people at the bank

that had the note on the farm

there's all a bunch of crooked, corrupt

Dixie mafia type shit

and

they find John Thomas hanging

from his barn

and they wrote it off as a suicide

so years later some college kids went out there

and did

radiographic imaging on the wood

and all this stuff and found out, found all the

the footprints where he had tried

to climb back up and save himself

and where he had been trying to pull himself up

because he didn't hang himself

these people he was in debt to

and when he went out there and hung he made it look like a suicide

and ended up with his farm

and the farm got split up

now it's all subdivisions

that's the story of that

Velma is very mean

she mistreats my pebble

and his brother Carl

because he's kids from another lady

and she's a teenager herself

and she don't know how to be a mother

and this is a different time

and she's horrible to these kids

they have a horrible horrible life

my papal is about 16

17, I think it's 16 or 17

him and his brother Carl decide

to throw a 50 pound

sack of flour from the top of the barn

on to Velma and try to kill her

it's not successful

but they did break her back or something

the story

probably is all the people I can ask about this story have died

but I've heard

the stories enough to kind of know

the background on it

and then the judge

says y'all can go join

the CCC

civil construction

whatever the hell it is

it was uh

oh I should have looked that up before I started talking about it

CCA maybe

they built freeway

they did all kind of stuff

but they built the gold gate bridge

we used to have a picture of my papal beside

a

bulldozer at the golden gate bridge

where he worked on the golden gate bridge

and they had to go him and his brother Carl

had to go do this like their punchers

either this or they can go to an institution

a boys institution

and so

they go and do this

when they get of age whether they can join the military or not

the judge basically says

well you know your adults now

we can give you a sentence or you can go

join the military

they both go join the military

fast forward

they get over World War II

the day they land

it's during the

is it d-day? maybe it's d-day

I can't remember 100% sure

one of the big attacks Carl gets killed

Carl gets

killed in battle my papal gets shot

in the back with a 50 caliber bullet

destroying the parts of his spine

and he has to have his spine fused together

and lay in an army hospital for about half the war

before he goes back to

active duty as a

tank gunner

all over Germany

not a great

origin story right? comes back

in my meanwhile we're married

they moved to Texas

so things are done a little different back then

when you used to go off to war

you could get you a job

secured before you went off to war

so when you come back you had a little something to do

they used to take care of veterans that way

so papal Lomar

had made a deal with a man in Kilgore, Texas

who was going to let him drive a truck

he already was driving the truck a little bit

this man was going to let him drive a truck

when he got back out of the army

when he'd come back war if he'd come back

so he had this job secured in Kilgore

so when he'd come back from war

they had built their little

Sears and Roebuck house

there on highway 31

and he'd come back more

he went to work for an American supply company

driving the truck for that man that promised him a job

this way it was done

back in those days

a little better scenario if you ask me

but he also came back from the war

missing his brother

his brother was killed, taken from him

didn't get to see him buried, didn't get to go to a funeral

his brother was buried in Belgium

y'all have heard me tell this when I went to Belgium

to see the grave

it was a lot there to make a man cruel and mean

and he went through some nasty shit during World War II

so it was a lot there to make a man cruel and mean

I've heard my dad's stories all my life

he was hard on them kids

very abusive

my dad and his brother

especially the older ones

Larry, Gary and Stanley all got it the worst

he got my uncle Stanley

he called him dummy

till the day he died

called him dummy, the one that was autistic

they called him dummy till the day he died

he was not always a nice man

he was one of my grandfathers

he was what I had to work with

I loved him, I'm fond of

I miss him

but not in the way I miss my papa Clark

it's not the same relationship

it's not the same bond

I don't particularly

I mean I just heard all my life

what a terror he was

my dad would tell me these stories

the things he'd done to them when they were kids

and it was just off

it was just mean, mean

he'd come back from that war

a little jacked up

shell shocked, whatever you want to call it

man, hunt fish was the best of them

but my dad would tell me stories

about how they wouldn't have enough money to do something

and papa would be out there

trading guns and buying guns

because when it come to what he needed

he was going to have what he needed

everybody else in the family would be damned

that's why I work exactly the opposite of that

my father worked exactly

the opposite of that

because he didn't want to be that way

Pavel Lamar always had him a new truck

always, you know what I mean

he always had him a nice clean

new truck and it was fixed up

always had him a nice new forward in the driveway

all my life

you know

things got a little better

he'd go trade that in, get him a newer one

he'd go trade it in, get him a newer one

in fact the end of his life

when he got big settlement after my memong got killed

he burned through most of his money

doing car deals

and just taking a hit on car deals

and buying crap for himself

which I thought was funny

but

you understand why his kids

felt a little jaded about it

it's weird that I had a dream about him

I don't think about him, I think about him

you know that's his thermometer right there

always hung in his shop

and I've told you all the story about the nails

about collecting the nails with him

and

you know

I just have brief

big yaks of him

throughout our life, fishing with him

spend the night at his house

hanging out with him, way worked on his truck

when I was in the hospital

in 2019

my appendix ruptured

I was in the hospital for a little bit in February 2019

and

when your appendix ruptures

all that crap gets out of your system

they have to go crazy

cleaning it up

and putting you on the antibiotic

make sure you don't get a gangrene

or an infection inside your guts

so they done all that to me

and I was going through all that

and while I was in that hospital

a dude emailed me

and he was a historian from Clark County, Tennessee

and he said I'm looking for a descendant

of John Edward Longmire

and that's why I'm his grandson

he said okay

I thought you were his son

because I saw they had a son named Jerry Longmire

and

at that point it was just my dad

and two of his brothers left

I guess he couldn't be one of them real internet

so I guess he couldn't find them

he said you know

we're going through this collection

I got a bunch of pictures

that your grandfather

was sending to a friend of his

in Tennessee

and I've had these pictures for a long time

I want to send these pictures to somebody

I said well I really think you need to send those photos

to my father

but I would love a scan of them

if you email them to him

at the time me and my father weren't

you know we just

we can't seem to get it right

but that was one of the times where we really weren't getting it right

we weren't really talking

and

he sent me his emails

and I saw these photos

of my grandfather and it blew

there were photos of Popol in Germany

during the war

now he's photo

you know he used to play a steel guitar when I was young

before he crushed one of his hands

he used to play a steel guitar

he played Patsy Klein songs

not a steel guitar but it's a dobro

and he played Patsy Klein songs

and

he could play

there's always photos of Germany

with a mandolin

you know with a mandolin

smiling

waving at the camera

Mr. G. I. Joe

pictures of him on motorbikes

smiling

grinning at the camera Mr. G. I. Joe

standing on a rock in the lake

just living his best life

right over there

in the war

I

couldn't even picture him like that

it blew my mind to see him like that

I think about this all the time

if my Papaw Clark was still alive

he would be wrapped up in everything I'm doing

he would get such a kick out of me

doing stand-up comedy

he always wanted to be part of the entertainment world

he just would have been balls in

and I think me and my Papaw Clark

would get along with our love for cars

and our love for junk

and I think

I wrote a show

I wrote a pilot show that's like

in this scenario

Papaw Clark doesn't die, Granny dies

and I moved back home

after high school to help Papaw run

the junk yard, wrecking yard

and I wrote a whole show plot around it

because I think we would get along

I don't think me and my Papaw

lawnmower would be any closer now

than we were when he died

in fact I think you

I think we would be further apart

I don't think he'd

have much cared for any of my nonsense

over the years

that's okay

I don't hold it against him or anything

but

I just try to hold myself

to these standards that I thought

these men had set and I needed to do

and you get older and you learn a lot of

it's bullshit

I think people do that themselves

all the time

I've done it with

my own father

I've been guilty of it

I think people do it a lot

but I don't

I don't think for a minute me and

John Longmire would get along any better now

than we did when I just don't

I don't think he'd much care

I mean for one he'd be like 110 now

but

120

but you know what I mean I just don't

I don't think had he lived any longer

we would have been any closer or anything like that

it was a very old man when he passed

but I don't think if he was here you know I do

shop talk and all that stuff and that's kind of based off of

him but a lot of that a lot of his

character in shop talks based off who I wanted

him to be you know

and big snippets I remember of him

that shop talk

in all reality is more

about me and my father than it is about anything

else

it's about who I wished we were

Uncle Larry's pretty much just Uncle Larry

in shop talk because

Uncle Larry was delightful and I miss him

every day

anyways

it was kind of a me and her in podcast

this week I hope you guys enjoyed it

appreciate of course you always

give me Sunday and share in your Sunday

with me let's

um

who we

got an episode of the Wally bottoms

day

y'all ready for this

I don't know if I'm ready for this

regardless

let's return to the Wally

bottoms Texas

Curly Taylor's pasture

filled both sides of Sexton

road in those days

miles of green pasture

dotted by a few stands

of loblolly pines and sweet

young the

residing king of these pastures

is the

2500 pound 5 year old

Brahma Angus cross bull

by the name of Samson

the scent of the heifers

and heat across the oil road

had Samson in a state

all morning

he'd rooted around for hours

pawing at the metal fence post

and barbed wire and peating his goals

in the way any son of Adam will

when desire overruns the goal post

of good sense

I can't tell you if Samson

noticed or even cared about

the dark green metallic machine

howling down Sexton Road

I'm not sure it would matter

if he did

the wind whipping across his cheeks

and nose watering his eyes

did nothing to quiet the storm

inside young Carl's mind

how long had his two best friends

been lying to him

had Tony always had feelings for her

had he missed it somehow

had Tiff been withdrawing

because she felt something for Tony

is that what all the tied down

fun summer talk was about

the Honda screamed like a Banshee

as he stretched fourth gear out

hurtling across the cattle guard

at Caney Creek

a roost of red wing blackbirds

flushed from the creek

their desperate calls no match

for the whaling motorcycle engine

as he shifted into fifth gear

the throttle twisted against the stop

his knuckles white

his mind engaged in battle with him

he didn't know where he was going

but it was far from them

Samson, victorious

in his fussing with one fence

stepped heavily down

into the wet ditch

and up onto the slick tarmac of old cars

used to make the farm to market road

years before him or Carl Jr.

were a thought

he stood chuffing low

contemplating the next obstacle

his hoofs making light indentations

in the soft warm road surface

when the motorcycle topped the hill

Carl Jr. had but a second

to react to the mass of black fur

hooves and horns that seemingly

occupied the entire roadway

he jerked the bars to the left

while mashing the brakes

and he and his machine careened

through the wet muddy swell

red clay doing its best to grip

both rider and steel before

making contact with the barbed wire fence

the barbs tore into his flesh

as he separated from his bike

the Honda cartwheeling through the pasture

with strands of twisted wire

ripping from the fence line

before coming to rest a few feet

from the cattle pond

the wire wrapped around Carl Jr.'s body

as if to entomb him permanently

biting into his skin

tearing him open from his collar bone

to his ankles before holding him

still against the wet clover

the pain and shock

rendering him unconscious within seconds

before he could even call out

Samson

his impediments swiftly removed

by the accident

happily stepped by the ruined fence

and bloodied young men

the smoking ticking machine

in search of the smell that had drove him

half mad this day

Tony run a hand through his dirty

blonde curls as the police officer

explained the ticket to him

and how to take care of it

the officer had stopped them during their pursuit of

red when he had noticed the loud

Torino leave rubber on the highway

pulling on to 42

maybe if he hadn't been so engrossed

in an egg salad sandwich

his wife had packed him for lunch

he would have seen the Honda do the very same

just a few seconds before

the officer smiled at the pretty brunette

and her bikini before saying

boy don't I know you

aren't you Tom Levin's daughter? Tiffany, right?

the question shook her

from her own mental torture long enough to

look past Tony at the cop

yes sir

the lawman didn't wait for any further

response before handing Tony

the ticket and patting his hand on the doorframe

bear slow it down

pardon I wouldn't want old Tom

mad at me

before walking back towards his squad car

shit

Tony beat the steering wheel

with the palm of his hand

Tiffany started to speak

when they both heard the radio from the cop car

squawking excitedly

the cop quickened his step

and within a few breaths had the Plymouth Fury

floored as it swung out around Tony's

old Ford before darting

down Sexton Road lights flashing

siren cutting through the

damp hot air

Tiffany looked at Tony

in panic

red

the Torino starter was whining

but the engine wasn't engaging

shit shit shit from Tony as he

pumped the gas pedal and turned the key

start you son of a bitch start

the engine popped through the carburetor

before slowly firing on one cylinder

then two as it coughed itself back to life

he threw it into

drive and had to slam on the brakes

as another squad car followed by an ambulance

swung around them to head the same direction

as the lawman earlier

Tiffany gripped the door

handle to our fingernail split

tears welling against the back of her eyes

she just knew it was red

Tony floored the old car

following the ambulance

a service hand checking the pump jack

by the cattle pond had heard the commotion

and run to find the young man bleeding

and barely breathing

he'd immediately run to his truck radio

and called it in on the emergency channel

before grabbing a sturdy pair of

fencing pliers to cut the young man

free with

one of Curley's field hands had driven

up on the carnage and was out of his pickup

talking to the unconscious redhead

as he and the service hand began

to cut away the twisted steel wire

biting into the young man's flesh

the officers at the scene had

slapped Tony's hood and told him and Tiffany

to leave the scene as she wept

in the passenger seat

there was nothing more to do and their young friend

was being transported to Roy H

Laird Hospital in Killwall

Tony turned the car around

in silence before slowly accelerating

towards highway 42

what do we do Tiff

she was sobbing

we have to go tell his dad

Tony knew she was right

as he headed back to Diwali bottoms

but he sure wasn't looking forward

to explaining any of this to Mr. Haynes

today it started out so good

and just like everything else

that seemed good in his life it turned into pure

ship

memories, hours and hours

of hanging with red fish and playing ball

getting yelled at by coach together

flooded his brain so deeply as they

drove to the shop he might have

forgot Tiffany was in the car had it

not been for the sound of her weeping

Samson stood

belly deep in clover as the ambulance

pulled away his lust

momentarily distracted by the flurry

of activity

he chewed slowly motivation

and scent returned into the forefront

of his priorities before

ambling towards the group of heifers

crowded at the creek as if nothing had

happened

one of the officers on the scene

the same who knew Tiffany's dad

also knew Carl senior well

he'd immediately had the dispatcher

call the shop and inform them

Carl senior in Atlanta

had managed to beat the ambulance to the hospital

and now sat together silently

in the waiting room both of their heads

jerking up every time the door opened

minutes passed like hours to the couple

Alana softly sobbing

against her husband's shoulder

retrieving Kleenex one after

another from her purse as they became

drenched with her fear

when the doctor finally

spoke to the couple he was somber

but not without good news

Mr. and Mrs. Haynes

your son is conscious

though he's heavily medicated for pain

he has a number of deep

lacerations we put in quite a few

stitches but the good news

is we're not seeing any broken bones

or internal injuries at this time

his recovery is going

to take a while but right now he's stable

and we believe he's going to be alright

the couple had stood to listen to the doctor

the rush of relief at his word

sagged Alana against her husband

as she sniffled and tried to compose herself

senior to his credit had kept a stoic

outlook until the words from the man

who'd stitched his son up

allowed him the relief of just a few tears

he shook the doctor's hand earnestly

with his own callous mitt

thank you sir thank you for taking

care of my boy can we see

the doctor sucked on a tooth before replying

give us a little bit to clean

the room and get him comfortable and I'll have someone bring

y'all back

knowing in his own mind

that the array of blood soaked

cloths and bedsheets wouldn't be good

for the couple's psyche to bear witness to

the Haines neighbor Ms. Mackie

told Tony and Tiffany that they'd already

departed for the hospital before

returning to the crabgrass she was fighting

with in her front yard

I'll take you home

Tony's speech was low

and shaky Tiffany

just nodded quietly their mission

in vain a few

minutes later Tony turned in her driveway

before slowing at the porch

she sat quiet

staring ahead her tear street

face still beautiful even with the mask

of anguish

Tony got out of the car and circled

around to open the heavy door for

he reached out his hand to offer

help when the front door of her house

jerked open the frame immediately

filled with the immense

structure of her father Tom

her head jerked up in panic as her

father quickly descended the steps

Tom was a big man

6 feet 4 and easily 250

pounds of muscle despite his age

he'd been hell on the offensive line

at SMU even tried out

for the cowboys and his youth

he still moved damn fast

and had shoved Tony to the side

before his yanking his daughter

by her arm to her feet and out of the

rust and shrine car what did we talk

about what the hell Tiffany

I'm getting calls about you hot riding around

with this loser get your ass in

the damn house before I lose my son

of a bitch in mind

Tiffany was already headed up the steps

head down accustomed to

her father's torrential outburst

Tony's anger flashed

Mr. Levins you don't under

Tom's shove Tony back against

the tarino you stay the hell away from

my kid you hear me stay the hell away

from her before he turned to follow his

daughter

Tony's fury at everyone kicking him

his whole life bloomed he wretched

for Tom's shoulder hey you

don't put your hand he was immediately

cut off when the large man pivoted on

his heel and drove a meaty

right fist into his cheekbone

blood rushed to his eyes he tried

to grab Tom who's already turned back

to the house instead Tony

fell to the ground in a heap as Tiffany

screamed dad no

Tom hollered again

get your ass in the house

before turning back to the young man

trying to pick himself up off the ground

you stay away from her boy

next time

I'll kill you

his voice calm and sure

now

he followed Tiffany inside slamming

the door before he heard the four

forward roar out of his driveway

in a hospital room

in Kilgore Carl Jr briefly

opened his eyes

his father sat in a chair opposite

from him lightly snoring

his mother's glittering wet

emerald eyes looked back at him from

his side

there's my guy she softly said

he tried to talk but his voice felt strangled

and dry where

where's Tiff

Atlanta brushed his hair back on his head

with her palm

baby I haven't seen her

he tried to speak again but the words

weren't coming

her and Tony

his mom leaned in

baby don't try to speak too much right now

just rest

slowly rubbing his forehead

he couldn't keep his eyes open

despite the need to know

mama I'm sorry

before he slipped back into the healing

slumber of the medication

tune in next week for more

Diwali Bottoms Texas

episode 7

the end of books

what's gonna happen

oil time sounds like some bitch don't it

funny that

that was a fun episode

the right let's

let's do some testimonials

and we'll get out of here for the day

and let you guys get back to the rest of your Sunday

whatever day it is here

that's been my nonsense

got them all right here

just gotta pull them up

old buddy Joe pro at Joe pro

3388

Jerry Wayne I'm glad you busted them up

on the zoom audition that was always

the best part of the Carol Burnett show

watching them compete to see who could stay

in character in the longest opposite

Tim Conway

I love Tim Conway

I loved all the dwarf

the dwarf stuff he did

I know it was silly

low hanging fruit but

damn if it didn't just tickle the shit out of me

Tim Conway is one of the best

Carol Burnett show is one of the best

things that ever happened

if you don't love Carol Burnett

then I'm not sure you understand comedy

let's go

who got next

old buddy Gene Bond

all the old timers here today

thanks for another great one JW

I agree about pizza

I was talking about how taste is subjective

and according to perspective

and you know

best pizza I ever had was pizza I had when I was

16 and that's why I still go to that joint

yes you can screw it up but it's not rocket

science we each have our own preferences

but we can accept a lot of different versions

for the most part it's either good

or bad past fail whatever

sure we might be on the mood for one

version or another but that doesn't make

another version wrong you might be in

the mood for a deep dish

and all they have

is cracker crust

what in the hell is cracker crust pizza

I never heard of that

end to end it's still okay

I'm with you brother

I feel the same way about barbecue

well you lost me

sure you can screw it up

and actually it may be easier to screw it up

than it is to get it right but regardless

it's pretty much good or bad

don't get me wrong I love good barbecue

and the sauce might be the biggest key

of course the meat has to be right

the spice and the sauce make the difference

in my opinion I could pretty much say

the same for chickenweeds

I'm sure there are others as well

well

look

I ain't here to tell you how to do your

barbecue but if you ever find yourself

in Memphis, Tennessee

and you get to hankin' for barbecue

don't do that yourself because what

they're doing there ain't right

it's worth it

they taught themselves as barbecue people

I don't know what they've been doing over there

but they just

at Memphis barbecue they can miss me with that

and they can miss me with that North Carolina

whatever the shit they're

doing over there at Moresville with

that pulled pork tuna

fish bullshit

blah

all the vinegar and crap in it

the other

and that rest barbecue is either good or bad

I myself

I tell y'all this all the time

I'm not supposed to admit this

my favorite is Kansas City barbecue

I love their sauces

I say my favorite

my favorite is

brisket and beef

slow cook

over some pecan smoke

that's where I find home

pecan smoke

decent little cut of meat

buddy

you slow smoke that I don't give a shit what spices

you put on I don't give a shit what sauce

you pour on it just give me mine plain

good enough for me

I think you're right Dean

except for Memphis

Memphis is terrible don't do barbecue

in Memphis

Spencer White

everybody here is old friends

JW I had my dad's youngest brother

I idolized

he was the cool uncle

his wife and daughter dictated

his life and he was estranged from his

son we were very close

which I think pissed my dad off

it seemed as though every time we hung

out I was in trouble

he was illiterate and deaf from being

poorly educated

and a heavy equipment operator

seemed as though I was the only one to listen

to him

he drilled into me never hang with druggies

dopers bad stay away from me

that was kind of a long comment

and I had to break it up

he drilled into me never hang with druggies

dopers are bad stay away from him

by the time

I graduated from high school

dealing with being the oldest born son

of the oldest born son

everyone was my responsibility

and everybody's mistakes were mine to be

punished for

my uncle Wayne was finally caught doing

cocaine and finding this out was earth

shouting

it changed everything for my whole life

he was an addict and to find out someone

you love and trust and everything that you

were taught was lies

28 years later

and it still twisted

he's been abandoned by his wife and kids

he's been abandoned

by his wife and kids and is starting to

decline into dementia

and I'm torn do I step up and take care

of him or walk away

phew this is Spencer

that is a rough

go with things

and maybe he lied to you about some stuff

but if he was to stay away from druggies

dopers I don't know if he was

so much lying as he was

hoping you wouldn't make the same mistakes

he did and doing his best to steer you

away from him I'm not trying to

make excuses for the man we all got to deal

with the results of our choices

I will tell you I walked away

from Uncle Bobby

when he needed me towards

into his life

and

then finding out he

hadn't done quite all the things

I thought he'd done

that were so bad

was a bit of a

it crushed me

to know that I might could add some more time with him

and instead

I walked away from him because

of the things I was

believing at the moment

I can't

tell you which way to go there Spencer

that's a really hard choice

you're at a really hard spot in life

I can tell you dudes

spend a lot of time thinking about it

before you make a move

to

really think

really lean into that

think about the things he taught

you and told you

you know

drugs can get ahold of anybody

they're undefeated

undefeated

they can get ahold of anybody

no matter how good

or what kind of pedestal you might have put them on

they ruin lives

especially that one in particular

I will

I will say a few prayers for you

and

just offer the guidance that

to really really spend some time

thinking about your next move

before you decide whether or not

to cut that old man off

because it clearly

I can tell from your words

that a big piece of your heart

has his name

regardless of whatever

he's done wrong or mistakes he's made

my heart's with you brother

that's a tough one

our old buddy Amy Iris

we'll send him a girl 36

here we go

JW my man I'm so happy to learn good blessings

they're coming your way

much deserved my friend

thank you for plucking out if I could only fly

I was obsessed with Merle's version

about 20 years ago

in fact I thought he wrote it

it's really great to think about this song

in terms of who I was then and who I am now

I felt a connection with it

upon first hearing it but looking back

I wasn't ready for it

but I did know there was something in it

that was beholding

that is why I love the art so much

if it's truly authentic it holds up

to the many versions of ourselves

and remains relevant

art is essential

it is the air, water, and shelter of our lives

thank you for sharing your art

and taking us on another great

Wreck and Yard podcast

for another great trip

she used the acronym I didn't get that

that's my bad Amy

I didn't get that

thank you for sharing your art

taking us on another great trip

boy I screwed that up

oh man

I'm still thinking about that song

and I felt like

was it Rachel somebody

close to me said does that song remind you

of your mom

and I was like it doesn't that's not what that song

is for me when I talk about that song

being about trying to go home

I maybe didn't

get this point across but

when I'm away from Rachel I get a little dark

I don't know

I've never been diagnosed

with ADHD

with any of this stuff I've never gone through the testing

but

I know my mom was diagnosed my mom was manic

depressive and later on they called that

bipolar and they had about five other names

for it back then but

I know whatever

whatever she had I have

I know that we're the same

that I get

it's that part of me

it wants to just pull the hotel drape shut

and

and drink whiskey straight

and

write all the crazy shit in my head out on my

laptop for days on the end

before coming out

it's part of me that wants to lock

myself away and just be

dark

it's part of me it feels dissociated a lot of

time a lot of times I feel like

an observer I joke all the time

but I'm human tape recorder right but

a lot of times I feel like an observer

like I'm just watching life go by

and I'm just here for it

and I'm just sort of mentally taking

note of all the things that are happening

but I don't always feel like I'm a part of it

it's that whatever it was that was

happening to her I know it happens to me

and it scares me

like I'm better at recognizing

it these days I feel it coming on

see like I tell you all the time

that usually things are going good

I feel it when it's coming on

I can recognize it

I can see it

I still haven't learned a lot

about how to stop it exercise helps

and dolphins and stuff like that

but

when I listen

that song it's about

those times for me

it's about trying to get home to Rachel

because she's the person

that brings me out of that

she's the person that I feel

grounded with when I'm with her

that I don't feel like

that other

whatever that other thing is

so that song for me is about

that kind of darkness

that takes over my mind sometimes

and pulls me into that place and how

that's why

when he says in line if I could fly

I'd bid this place goodbye

but I can't always

tell that place goodbye

and get away from it

especially if Rachel's not around

so when I'm out on the road and stuff

I have to really safeguard myself against it

because

you know

all these different versions of yourself

that you are in your life they're all still there

whether you want them to be or not

the versions you didn't like

the versions you do like they're all still there

the versions I don't like in myself

I know they're there they're just waiting

waiting for the day

I'm weak enough to open the gate and let them out

and it scares me

when I'm out on the road

doing stuff

it's a little

it's a fearful situation

that I guard against

let myself be an overtaken

I remember there were times my mom

wouldn't leave the house for weeks

wouldn't even get dressed

would just wear a nightgown and sit on the couch

and watch TV

with a vacant look on her face

and not express any joy or any emotion at all

that's where I learned to be funny

was trying to make her laugh

because when I make her laugh

I felt like I was doing something

you know I felt like

that was my job

if I could make her laugh then

she'd feel something again and she'd shake out of that

but I feel it

I know it's in me

I've seen it take over me

when I was young and doing stand-up

on the road by myself

and I would lock myself in a hotel room

do drugs

and drink

instead of socializing

or networking with people or working on my career

I know

so that's what that song is

that's how that song struck me

it's like when that darkness tries

to take me away from Rachel

that it's the words of that song

are about me

I gotta get back to where she is

to snap myself out of that

I gotta talk to her

I gotta hear her voice

she's my ground

anyways, thank you for the great comments

great testimonials

let's get this thing wrapped up

get the hell out of here

how about that

catch me outside

how about that

I meet

especially

in my line of work what I do

I meet a lot of men

who are trapped

by the expectations

of others

men

who have spent their entire adult lives

measuring themselves

against the men who raised them

whether those men

really stood on the pedestals

we put them on or not is irrelevant

that image

real or perceived gets hardwired into you

and me

I'm not talking out of turn

I'm speaking from the perspective

of a man who's felt weighed down

whose burdens also included

the very large shadows

of men I thought could do no wrong

time and age can be cruel in that respect

as you get older and face your own difficulties

you may find yourself questioning

some of their lessons

questioning their myth

and finding the standard they set

impossible to achieve

measuring your value against the past

will always leave you feeling empty

I spent one short

lifetime already living like

that

when I say I know I know

and if you're struggling with that

I just want to be the one to tell you

that it's okay to break away

you don't have to carry the weight

of those men the rest of your life

you're not living their life in their time

you're here now

present in the world

and machinations we have to work with

now

you have to determine

your own legacy

will you be remembered for kindness

and strength in the face of adversity

because the two go hand in hand

you can't truly be capable of one

without the other

will you be a thoughtful person

amid chaos

willing to wade into deep fast waters

into your own mind to determine

how much of yourself is truly you

and how much was shaped by others

or will your life

be a strict adherence

to a set of protocols

someone else determined for you

people who will never face the same

challenges you have

whatever you choose

I hope you make that choice based on

what you need

not what others expect

the parts

of my life

I've spent believing

in myself and what I'm doing

have been far happier

far more peaceful

than the long stretches I've spent

living to meet other people's expectations

I'm rooting for you

every week I tell you that and I mean it every

I'm rooting for you

I'm JW

and I love you

I

I got that song Titanium

stuck in my head

not because of that song

but because I saw a

darts championship somewhere over

some big darts championship that was televised

and one of the like

the champion darts guy

I don't know what you call a darts player

maybe champion darts

he came out to Titanium

and the crowd was just going nuts

and it was like a WWE event

and he was just like sneaking

had his arms out and he was just living

his best life

Titanium

and I was like oh man

I did not know darts got down like that

I might have to watch some darts

it's crazy to come out there

walk up like that and then go over there and go

I

how do you go from that to that

take a shit out of me

I wish I knew what it was I tell you how to look it up

if somewhere where darts is a bigger deal

than it is in Texas there is a big championship

I've often found myself

wondered about that though like what's it like

when you are

I don't want to call it odd

because that sounds pretentious and shitty

but

in North America

in the United States we have popular sports

we have football

football

baseball and basketball

and those big deals

those are the big

I would say that's probably the big three

and then you get into

all the various racing automotive racing

horse racing all that stuff

I'm not a sports guy

I follow racing

I pretty much just follow dirt track racing

I keep up with the sprint cars

and I keep up with the late models

I don't

have a marginal interest

in rally racing but I don't know much about it

I just think it's cool

but

I know overseas

in different countries you have different sports that are more popular

of course I know

in to the rest of the world

soccer is called football

except maybe in Mexico

but everywhere else it's football

and it's my buddy

he's making a joke it's been a sport longer and y'all have been a country

they were like yeah

soccer

but

I know football is a big deal

like I know about Manchester United

and I know about these football clubs

in Europe

and I know that's the big and the chance

and the singing and stuff

even though I'm not a sports guy

I hope to experience one of those football games one day

I would like to go

to like a

Manchester United game or so

I think that would be kind of cool

one of the old clubs where there's still a lot of tradition

I think that would be an interesting thing

to witness

as a human being

but I wonder

what it's like when you're like the king

of a sport

that's not all that popular

and then like

the Olympics right now

the curling guys

like if you're the greatest curler in Canada

what's your life like after the Olympics

are there sponsorship deals

surely there is

there's a car dealership or something I don't know

I mean you're probably not getting on the Wheaties box

maybe getting on the Wheaties

do they still make Wheaties I don't know

I don't know if the curler guys getting the same

sponsorships Michael Phelps was

but if you're the greatest curler

in all of Canada

I mean

are you still kind of treating like a rock star

when you pull up to the bar

people are like oh shit

show us how you do it

people bring out their curling stones for you to

autograph

like that's got to be interesting to witness

anyways

that's crazy shit my brain thinks about

as always I love y'all

I love y'all I love y'all I love y'all

thank you so much for spending your Sunday with me

I look forward to whatever

the rest of this season might bring us

and I look forward to

finding out what's going to happen to Wally Bottoms

I'm dying to know who the hell killed Tony

and I want to know who Tiffany

had a kid with right

she go away to college and

how long is it going to take Carl Jr

to come back because that's a bad accident

you know

we know he's okay because he becomes a cop

later on but

I bet that boy got some marks on him

I bet that boy got some

marks on him

and as what happened between him and Tony

is that enough to cause all

the break up of these three friends

it's all a misunderstanding right now

is that enough to do the damage

that has been done that leads them all

to strange

I'm dying to know I hope you are too

you guys

y'all be safety and I'll see you next weekend

maybe we'll find some more out

I am Tony

Great Expectations

Ford Torino

Ford Torino

Plymouth Fury

whining starter

carburetor

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