Concept
World of Outlaws Sprint Car Series and Late Model Series
World of Outlaws is a big dirt-racing series in the U.S. They run different kinds of races—like sprint cars and late models—so the cars and racing feel different.
Concept
900 horsepower and the smell of methanol
Dirt-track race cars can be extremely powerful—here, the host cites “900 horsepower”—and many use methanol fuel. Methanol has a distinctive odor, and the combination of high power and race-fuel characteristics is part of what makes the racing experience so intense for fans and drivers.
Topic
Devil's Bowel Speedway in Mesquite, Texas
Devil’s Bowel Speedway is a dirt track in Mesquite, Texas, mentioned as an example of a venue that has deteriorated over time. The host uses it to discuss track upkeep and how facility conditions can affect the overall experience.
Term
four-wheel drive truck
Four-wheel drive means the truck can push with all four wheels, which helps when the road is muddy or bumpy. That’s why it’s useful for getting to dirt tracks when the access road isn’t paved.
Concept
neighbors complaining about the noise and trying to get it shut down
This describes a common conflict between motorsports venues and nearby residents as areas develop. Noise complaints can lead to legal pressure, permitting changes, or operational limits that threaten a track’s long-term viability.
Concept
jackass developers buys that land, builds a neighborhood, and then all those people start suing the dirt track
They’re saying developers build homes near a dirt track, and then the new residents complain and sue. It’s basically a clash between a growing neighborhood and an existing noisy venue.
Term
high banked
A high-banked track has steeply angled turns, which helps cars carry more speed through corners. It also increases the importance of precision driving because small mistakes can lead to big consequences.
Concept
gravel and Shuhar got together
They’re describing two cars crashing and sending debris onto the track. On a short oval, that kind of mess can make the surface slippery and cause more wrecks.
Concept
Ford 410
“Ford 410” refers to a Ford-based 410 cubic-inch engine commonly used in sprint car racing. Engine choice affects power delivery and how teams source parts, so switching brands can change both performance and reliability.
Concept
Chevrolet designed engines
They’re talking about switching the race engine brand/platform—from Ford to Chevrolet. That can matter because it changes what parts you can get and how the engine behaves.
Term
parts
Racers need replacement parts to keep the car running. If the right parts are hard to find, the team can’t fix problems quickly and may switch to something easier to support.
Concept
Delta of Northern Arkansas into Missouri
They’re talking about crossing from one region of the country into another. That can change what the roads and scenery feel like, and sometimes what the air smells like too.
Concept
state line
When you cross into a new state, things can be different—like local rules and what you see along the road. Here, they’re using it to explain when the scenery changes.
Concept
chicken manure
They’re talking about farmers using chicken manure on their fields. That can make the air smell really strong, and you can notice it while driving.
Term
car air fresheners
They’re saying the smell outside is so strong it can beat the scent from typical car air fresheners. If the source is really bad, you usually need fresh air or odor removal, not just a stronger perfume.
Concept
11 hour drive
A long drive like an “11 hour drive” raises practical considerations for drivers: fatigue management, planning stops, and maintaining cabin comfort. While the speaker focuses on scenery, the duration implies the need for hydration and regular breaks.
Topic
race track
They’re talking about going to a track for driving or racing. It’s different from normal street driving because the whole event is set up for faster, more controlled driving.
Topic
neighborhood car show
They stumbled into a local car show in their neighborhood. People bring cars to show them off, and sometimes these events raise money for charities.
Concept
car shows
A car show is where people bring their cars to display them and hang out with other car lovers. You can usually talk to the owners and learn what makes each car special.
Topic
racing
They’re talking about going to a track to watch races. It sounds like they were there late and had to deal with the usual track food and crowd.
Topic
Peevely
They mention “Peevely,” which sounds like the location where they were during the event. It helps set the scene for where the racing fans were.
Topic
world outlaws
“World of Outlaws” is a big dirt-racing series in the U.S. The host is basically saying he was at a dirt-track event and met fans there.
Topic
St. Louis area
The host mentions being in the St. Louis area and getting booked back there, which frames the travel context of the episode. While not automotive-specific, it’s part of the road-trip vibe that includes eating in a truck.
Concept
pickup
A pickup is a truck with an open box in the back for carrying things. The host is basically saying they were so excited about the food they ate it right there in their truck instead of going somewhere else.
Car
Ford Granada
The Ford Granada is an older Ford car model from the past. People bring it up for historical or nostalgic reasons, or when the name “Granada” is being referenced in the conversation. It’s not typically a modern, current-model car discussion.
Concept
oil slick film
An oil slick is basically oil spread out in a thin layer. It can make the ground extra slippery, so tires don’t grip as well.
Term
eight cylinders
An engine can have different numbers of cylinders. “Eight cylinders” usually means a V8, and if it sometimes runs on fewer, it can feel rough or lose power.
Term
primer gray
Primer gray means the truck isn’t fully painted anymore—it’s been sanded or stripped back to the base layer. That usually happens when the vehicle has taken a beating and hasn’t been refinished.
Company
Montgomery Ward
Montgomery Ward was a big American store that sold products by mail. In this story, it’s used to describe an old garage kit that came from that kind of catalog business.
Term
dual flood lights
Flood lights are bright outdoor lights meant to light up a big area. Here, two of them are mounted up high and become part of the “alien” visual they’re joking about.
Car
Jeep Wrangler
The Jeep Wrangler is a type of SUV made for driving off-road. It’s built to handle rough trails, and many owners customize them. The podcast mentions it because it’s a well-known Wrangler connection for the person being discussed.
Car
Ford Focus
The Ford Focus is a regular, everyday Ford car. Here it’s just being used like a pickup truck for moving band equipment to the gig.
Term
passenger mirror
The passenger mirror is the mirror on the side of the car where the passenger sits. If it’s missing, it’s harder to see cars alongside you, especially when changing lanes.
Term
Bondo
Bondo is a putty people use to fill dents and reshape damaged surfaces before painting. They’re using the same idea here for a repair, even though it’s on a guitar.
Term
heat split
A heat split means something cracked or separated because it got too hot. They’re describing damage on the back of a guitar body.
Term
bass
“Bass” means the low-sounding guitar a musician plays. It helps keep the beat steady so the rest of the band sounds together.
Term
amps
“Amps” are the speakers/amplifiers that make the music loud in a venue. “Heavy amps” just means the sound is turned up a lot.
Company
Water Burger
Water Burger is a popular fast-food restaurant in Texas. The hosts mention it as where they stopped to grab food late at night.
Company
Texas Tech
Texas Tech University is a major public university in Lubbock, Texas. The transcript references it in connection with the Burkhart Center for Autism, indicating the episode’s personal/community context rather than any automotive subject.
Company
Burkhart Center for Autism
The Burkhart Center for Autism is a place where therapy happens. In the episode, the speaker is waiting in the car while their child finishes that therapy.
Concept
chain of generational trauma
This phrase means that painful experiences in one generation can affect the next generation. In a story, it helps explain why people act the way they do, based on what happened in their family before them.
LIVE
Are you really digging for peace?
Or is that just a lie, tell to help us sleep?
Sure that you really want real behind all the stories that go.
Still remembers fire, grass remembers rain.
Every scar tells the story, hard dial to pray.
If you go digging some, best mind what you find.
Welcome to the Reckon Yard. I'm Jerry Wayne Longmire, and y'all, presumably still y'all,
all are welcome here in the Church of Internal Combustion.
We just ask that you arrive with an open heart.
Oh, this is a, that's what I like to say.
It's a safe haven for those of us with dirty hands and complicated hearts.
We are on week three of my five part series.
I'm calling the five labors of growth.
Here's my art. Perfect.
Sorry, it's Sunday. It's about 12.22 on Sunday.
I'm running a little late recording this, but it's just been kind of hectic.
And we're going to get into all that and talk all about.
Let me get my timer started here.
Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.
Boy, what a week it has been. What a week it has been.
We got so much to talk about, so much to talk about.
And then we're going to dive off into talking about humility because, oh boy,
yours truly had an experience writing this episode.
Sometimes you dive off down a path, just head sure and completely certain that you know what it is you're talking about
and know what it is you want to speak on.
And every once while you get that ego check, let you know that you don't know what the hell you're talking about.
I knew more wrong stuff about humility.
Yeah, we'll get into it.
I'm wearing my fine hat, my borsalino.
Some of you know this hat belonged to my great grandfather, John Thomas Longmire,
who was murdered over gambling debts.
And it was made to look like suicide by the folks that did it, what done it.
Years ago, I was up in Jackson, Tennessee doing a show.
My cousin, Otis Wayne, we call him Otie Wayne.
He's much older than me.
Otie Wayne's a machinist and lived in Memphis most of his life doing CNC stuff,
but he's from like the old school machinist days, and then he moved into CNC as the technology.
It's that whole thing I was talking about.
It's the technology progress that you keep your education up.
Otie did that.
Otie Wayne's a fantastic machinist.
And Otie Wayne said, I got this hat I'd like you to have, and he brung it to me,
and he told me it belonged to John Thomas, and he'd been holding on to it for a long time.
He had a haberdashery, and Memphis cleaned it up for him.
But the thing that makes me laugh the most about this hat was,
so my great grandfather was a sharecropper farmer.
He didn't have a lot of money, and he was wearing a Borsalino hat,
which at that time period was still a pretty high dollar hat,
and it wasn't something you were going to find in Humboldt, Tennessee at the general store,
which means at some point in the 40s, in the late 40s,
John Thomas got in his automobile and drove in to Jackson, Tennessee.
He'll buy himself a fine hat, and that just tickles me to no end to think about that.
And it's also kind of wild that he ended up on his great grandson
some 70-something years later in Houston, Texas.
Who also is not a man of means.
It's interesting. Sorry, I got my British slit down on me.
I got some jogging pants on because our weather is unseasonably cool this morning.
Damn it, we're in summer, and that's a 63.
That's a lie. It is below 60. I guarantee you that right now.
Yeah, it is a little chilly for me, for my taste, to be honest with you.
This is not the pack that me and Houston made.
It's not supposed to be cool right now. We're supposed to be in summer.
Houston summer starts in March, and it goes to like the first week in November,
and that's the deal. That's the deal everybody agreed on when we lived down here in hell.
This is the deal, and Mother Nature is not holding up her end of the deal.
It's also, it's like, sometimes it feels like the climate just keeps changing year after year,
but that would be ludicrous.
Anyways, man, just a quick shout out to my new sponsor, Outlaws and Gents Men's Grooming Products.
See, my beard looking fantabulous this morning. It's only counting those products.
I've been using them for about eight or nine months. It is my favorite beard oil I've ever used in my life.
It's just perfect. I travel with it, take it with me everywhere.
It is my stuff. My beard has looked better in the last eight months than it has in the entirety of its existence,
except for one time when I was like in my 20s, and it was really red and long, but that was youth.
Now, 48, and there's quite a bit of a snow cap on this thing these days.
And that whitest grayish hair, it's a little more brittle. It requires a little more upkeep and keep it looking healthy and happy.
But you should check them at OutlawsandGents.com, and that's A-N-D, OutlawsandGents.com.
And if you go to their website, I will put, there's a code. I don't have the code. I'll have to tell you all the code next week.
I have a code for a discount on that.
But if you're interested in it, just reach out to me. You can email us at JWLcomedy.com, at gmail.com.
And if you look for that code and I'll send you that code and it gets you 20% discount on the products.
So they got hair creams and pomades, and I used a hair cream. I'm not a big pomade guy.
I don't really care for the slick look, but I just kind of look like that guy that used to manage the Undertaker.
What was his name? If I slick my hair back, Paul Bearer. Remember Paul Bearer, wrestling manager?
If I slick my hair back with pomade, I just look like Paul Bearer with a beard.
It's not good.
Nobody won't see that.
Also, another big sponsor this season is World of Outlaws Sprint Car Series and Late Model Series.
I'm getting ready to head to Wisconsin here and I think about 10 days to go be there for a late model event at the Mississippi Thunder Speedway.
But I just came back last weekend from Cleveland, Missouri, where I went to the I-55 Federated Auto Parts Raceway.
And I've got a bunch of footage and videos and stuff I'm trying to make about all that, but it was absolutely enchanting experience.
I had just the time of my life. Even though I was working the whole time, there's something about 900 horsepower and the smell of methanol that just tickles all my little dopamine receptors and lights them up.
Just lights them up. I had the best time out there. That's one of the best tracks I've ever been to.
Dirt tracks in Texas, by and large, a little outdated and not well kept up. A lot of them.
I'm not saying all of them, but a lot of them. If you've been out to Devil's Bowel Speedway in Mesquite, Texas, you know, in the last 10 years, that place was falling apart.
And trying to get down that road to get to it, you needed a four-wheel drive truck trying to do it in the Mazda about to destroy the Mazda.
Peevely is this beautiful track and it's kind of genius. It's been there since the 70s and it sits right there by the freeway.
And all the land around it is like businesses, like scrapyard businesses and stuff like that.
So it's not something where they're ever going to have a problem with neighbors complaining about the noise and trying to get it shut down, you know, at least not in the foreseeable future.
So many of these dirt tracks, they go and build them out in the middle of nowhere with all this empty land around them.
And then what happens is one of these jackass developers buys that land, builds a neighborhood, and then all those people start suing the dirt track because it's too loud.
Even though you bought a house right beside a dirt track.
It's just, it's progress, but it's stupid progress. I don't like it.
Peevely is gorgeous. Missouri. I was not prepared for the beauty that was Missouri. I was not prepared.
There's a fantastic racing weekend. Buddy Kofoid, that young man has jammed a horseshoe up his ass or something.
I don't know what he's doing right, but that young man can drive and he knows that track.
And that is one of the craziest tracks to watch a race on because it's short. It's only a third mile, but extremely high banked.
So you have to be, everybody has to be really precise. We saw some nasty wrecks.
Gravel and Shuhar got together and bounced gravel all over that track. I was a little concerned about him.
So I saw his car get hit in the top of the car and that's a, that's a scary hit for a sprint car.
He come out okay. I ended up getting, spending a little time talking to him, everything.
He was a little bumped up and bruised up, but came back the next night and made a hell of a show and it came in second place to Kofoid.
And him and Kofoid battled each other those last, last three or four laps.
It was just a complete showdown duel to get to that finish line.
And it was just fantastic. Absolute gladiators out there on that track.
It was good to see old Donnie shots come in third, dude.
There's something about Donnie this year that it's just, it's just fun to watch.
You know, the guy's been racing 30 years. He's a, I believe a 10 time world champion.
And he switched back to Chevrolet designed engines, got away from the Ford engines.
They were having trouble getting parts and stuff for the Ford 410 that the Shavers build and he went back to these.
He seems happier. Everything seems better about what's going on with him.
So I'm really curious to see what kind of show and we see out of Donnie all season because boy, he was out there to, he was out there to get him.
He did some climbing and some moving on that track.
Fantastic race weekend.
Like I said, I was not prepared for how stunningly beautiful Missouri is.
And it was, it's very much, what's that island that's got a, is it, is it Haiti and Topanga? Topanga?
That share the same island.
If you look at it from like a overhead view for like a picture from space, like one half the island is just ruined and devastated.
And the right where the line, the property line is the other half the island is just very lush and beautiful.
That's what it's like driving from the Delta of Northern Arkansas into Missouri.
It's like right after you cross the state line, it just gets before that it's just flat farmland.
Not a thing to look at in the world and everything smells like chicken shit.
I didn't know there was a chicken shit season, but I'm taking that into account for my travels next year.
Because apparently that is the time of year they go and collect chicken manure and spray it across their fields to help our food grow with the chicken shit.
And it is a, it is a distinct permeating odor that, that can fight the best of car air fresheners.
Yeah, but many get in Missouri.
Like I was driving in, you know, it was like a 11 hour drive for me and I come in there pretty close to sundown and I was driving through.
I don't remember the name of the town, but you could look to the left and there was like, it's like the foothills of the Ozarks.
And I watched the sun sit down past those mountains and it was, it was just outstandingly beautiful.
Just really took my breath away.
Excuse me.
I took my vitamins early and it made me a little burby.
Yeah, absolutely in love with Missouri.
Also, Missouri was a legal state and I've been to a few legal places where they got dispensaries as a cannabis user myself.
And that was the best dispensary experience I ever had.
Walking, everything's just so, so nice.
I got the little kiosk, you go in there and you read about all the stuff.
You don't got somebody looking over your shoulder where you're trying to figure out what you want.
You take your time, peruse and browse through and figure out what it is you won't get it.
Then they send you a little text and it's ready for you at the front.
You go up there and you can pay a card or cash, you know, there's no rules about how to pay for it.
It was just a fantastic experience.
And I got a, I thought it was a 10 pack of gummies.
And I got back to the hotel and there was just one big gummy.
There was 100 milligram gummy.
But also I'm not trying to go to space.
So I cut it up in four pieces because I like about a 25 milligram dose.
That's where I like to sit.
And that was, uh, took that.
I was talking to Rachel and kind of organizing my stuff in the hotel room and getting situated
because I knew I was going to have to go out and race track in the morning.
And I wanted to make sure I could sleep and I haven't really been drinking.
I cut the drinking out.
I mean, I had one or two last night.
Oh my God, is that my new piece?
Amazon's here, they're delivering something for me.
I'm really excited about it.
Ordered a new piece for my camera to help me film stuff.
I'm pretty excited about it.
The only problems I, I've been a pretty steady drinker for a long time.
And so I noticed when I cut it out, I started having trouble sleeping.
And it's a pretty common thing.
And people are like, yeah, once you get over that hump, it'll be fine.
So I was like, oh, I'm going to take this gummy.
This gummy helped me go to sleep.
That gummy welded me to the bed.
Bro, I was stuck to the bed.
At some point I was just done.
I didn't eat dinner.
I just went to sleep, slipped wonderfully on a terrible bed.
And went out the race track and had a great time.
Absolutely loved with Missouri.
I had all these plans though, because St. Louis is famous for some foods, right?
You got St. Louis ribs.
But another big food that they like in St. Louis is called toasted ravioli.
And I was like, oh, I'd kind of like to try a little toasted ravioli.
I never had no thing like that.
And another food that they're kind of famous for is called, it's a pork steak.
And the way they do it, it's like fork tender and it's supposed to be really good.
So I had this place picked up by the hotel.
I was going to go that supposedly had a pretty good pork steak.
And I was going to go this joint over in Arnold, Missouri, where I was staying
and get me a pork steak.
Well, the weekend got busy.
I didn't get around to that.
I did drive down and see the arch in St. Louis.
And on the way back, on the way out of the track the second day,
when I probably should have been and ate my pork steak,
I just happened to stumble up on this little neighborhood car show.
And it was cars for autism, raising money for autism awareness.
And I thought, well, isn't that just beautiful?
And I parked my avalanche and I got out and I just walked around the car show
and enjoyed some beautiful machines and not a soul there knew who I was
or gave a shit and it was really nice.
In fact, I'm going to try to do things like that more often,
just sneak away from myself and go enjoy something.
Not that I get recognized all over the place,
but car shows are generally a pretty good place where I'll run across some fans.
But nobody at this one knew I was cared.
I just got to cruise the cars, talk to some of the owners of the cars
and just enjoy my just be just be a man who appreciates fine automobiles for about an hour.
And it was splendid. It was splendid.
The weather couldn't have been better. It was just beautiful. It's splendid.
I remember way back in the track that night,
I was looking for some food as late at night.
I hadn't eaten nothing because, you know, food out of the track, it's good once.
But, you know, it's concession food.
It's all fried and, you know, I just can't eat a lot of that stuff anymore.
I can have a little bit and then that's good.
But if I eat that more than once, I'm going to feel terrible the rest of weekend.
I'm going to feel bad.
So I tried to avoid that stuff.
But I had, like while I was out there in Peevely
and beautiful people like, like just those people come out there to watch racing,
just real race car fans.
I got to meet some of my fans, which is really cool.
Michael Brady is a guy who has watched the podcast for a long time.
And he's an R in and he caretakes for his mom.
He's just a good dude, man.
I had a good time.
I got to spend some time talking to him and met this fellow named Kevin,
who's also a fellow author that wrote about his life as a corrections officer.
It was just a splendid experience.
Ran into a bunch of fans at the track, took pictures.
That was all a lot of fun.
But several of the Missouri people had heard my story about Arby's
and go into the St. Louis Arch for the first time when I was like eight or nine years old
on a Bible quiz trip.
If you want to see that, the videos on YouTube and the videos on Facebook
and Instagram and everything like that, it was kind of a promo for world outlaws.
But I'm standing in front of a world outlaws trailer,
but I've told this story about going to the St. Louis Arch for the first time
and about how we got a roast beef sandwich,
because Arby's was a bit of a delicacy to East Texas
because we still didn't have one in Kilgore yet,
but my mom had it one time in Dallas and she was really excited about it.
And so it was the first time I ever ate Arby's sandwich in St. Louis.
And that sort of started a lifetime love affair with me in Arby's.
I know I'm one of the few people that like Arby's.
But several of these people looked at me unpromptedly.
They looked at me dead in eye.
They said, J.W., step going to Arby's tonight.
You go look for food.
Look for a place called Lion's Choice.
Lion's Choice, like Lion King of the Jungle Choice.
Now, I don't know what that is.
Texas, we ain't got it.
It's apparently it's a St. Louis chain.
Anything called Lion's Choice in Texas is probably a feed store.
But I went, I had seen one by my hotel and they said it was best roast beef sandwich you ever had.
I went and I want to apologize to every Arby's I've ever eaten at in my life
because I have been lied to.
Arby's has been selling America the idea of a roast beef sandwich for decades.
The market is tremendous.
We have the meats.
Do you though?
Do you really?
Because what Arby's has is a pile of something warm and vaguely beef adjacent
sitting what I can only describe as its own sadness.
Lion's Choice is what Arby's told you it was going to be before you got there and reality set in.
It's a difference between a promise and a covenant.
Arby's makes promises.
Lion's Choice keeps them.
I don't know what Missouri's doing right and I say that would love because I just spent there.
I spent time there.
Y'all are good people.
But whatever Lion's Choice is putting into that roast beef, I need it federally protected and shipped to Texas immediately.
Consider this my form of endorsement.
Consider it also my formal apology to my own taste buds for the years I spent Arby's parking lots thinking that was as good as it got.
It wasn't.
I just didn't know you better.
You find yourself in the St. Louis area and you appreciate roast beef sandwich.
Stop by Lion's Choice.
My heavens.
That was I ate it in my truck.
I didn't even go up to my hotel room to eat it.
I was so enamored with it.
I just sat right there in the pickup made it.
It was oh, best roast beef sandwich I've ever had in my life.
And I'm so excited.
I just got booked back in St. Louis because I'm like, oh, daddy gets another lion's choice.
I will have to try to find my pork steak this time.
But who that lion's choice is what's up aside from all of that.
This week has been an absolute whirlwind.
In the past seven days, Rachel, who manages me and my new agent that we just signed with last week.
The man has been my agent for a week and has booked me has gotten past every gatekeeper in this nation and booked me 50 shows across the nation.
Improves, helium comedy clubs, punch lines, the comedy store in Los Angeles.
I'm booked at the freaking comedy stuff.
The first time I walked through the doors of the comedy store, it'll be because I'm booked there in the headline of Friday night.
The comedy store is Mecca for stand-ups.
Previously, I thought maybe one day I'd be playing a town close to Los Angeles and I would just drive over there to go see it as a fan and a customer.
I'm just not the type of dude they book.
Let me read some of these dates, y'all.
It's crazy.
So if you're in any of these areas, I'm coming to you.
June 18th, I'm at the improv in Denver, Colorado, headline Denver improv.
Also, June 19th and 20th, I'm headlining comedy for Fort Collins, Colorado.
Then July 8th, my birthday, my 49th birthday, I'm headlining the Brea improv in Brea, California.
July 10th, I'm going to the comedy store in West Hollywood, California.
July 21st, I'm going to be at Bricktown Comedy Club in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
July 22nd, I'm going to be at Bricktown Comedy Club in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
July 23rd, Hyenas, Fort Worth, Texas.
July 30th, the Pittsburgh improv in, I assume, actually it says Homestead, Pennsylvania.
But I think maybe that's a suburb of Pittsburgh.
But I don't know, because I ain't never been there.
It'll be my first trip to Pittsburgh.
August 2nd, I'll be at Louisville Comedy Club.
I'm coming back to Louisville, Louisville Comedy Club that I've never played before, but I've wanted to and I'm really excited to be coming there.
August 6th, I'll be at the Desert Ridge improv in Phoenix, Arizona, which is a huge, big, awesome club.
August 16th, I'm at Hyenas in Dallas, Texas.
August 19th, I will be at the Milwaukee improv.
I'm going back to Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
I'm so tickled about that.
I can't wait to get up there and do a little driving around Milwaukee and explore the town again.
August 20th, I'll be at the Chicago improv in Chicago, Illinois.
August 23rd, Summit Comedy, Fort Wayne, Indiana.
August 27th, the Comedy Cabin, Jamesville, Wisconsin.
September 16th, the Miami improv in Miami, Florida.
September 18th, Laugh Out Lounge in Winterhaven, Florida.
Then in October, I'm going, October 7th and 8th, I'm going to the Spokane Comedy Club and the Tacoma Comedy Club in Washington.
October 14th, I'm at the Mark Ridley Comedy Castle in Royal Oak, Michigan.
People have been coming to Michigan all the time.
I hope Royal Oak is close to you.
I think it's like, if I remember, I've been Royal Oak.
I think it's like on the north side of Detroit.
I think it's like a suburb of Detroit kind of.
I've been there before for work a long time ago when I lived up in that area.
Sorry, my eye is watering a little bit.
The allergy has been a little thrown off.
October 21st, Looney Bend.
Everybody keeps asking me to come to Little Rock, Arkansas.
I am coming, baby.
Looney Bend, Little Rock, Arkansas.
October 25th, Springfield Comedy Club in Springfield, Missouri.
November 8th, the Raleigh Improv in North Carolina, which you assume would be in Raleigh, North Carolina, but it says it's in Cary, North Carolina.
Looney's Place, I've never been.
November 15th, I'll be at Levity Live, which is an improv also in Huntsville, Alabama.
And November 19th, I will be at the Punchline in Atlanta, Georgia.
So hopefully I'm coming somewhere close to some of y'all through all this travel that you guys can get out and we can get to meet each other at a live show.
That would be the dream for me.
Also, a ton of racing events, and I've already told you about all those, I think.
Also, May 29th, I'll be at the Riot Comedy Club in Conroe, Texas.
So we are doing some moving and grooving this year.
Also, October 9th, the Granada Theater in Dulles, Oregon, or The Dulles, Oregon.
I don't know.
There's a lot of dates that go back and forth.
Of course, in the first of November, I'll be at the World Finals at the Dirt Track at Charlotte in North Carolina.
It's going to be wild.
I'm super excited about this Diwali Bottoms episode I wrote a couple of days ago.
I think it might be some of my finest fiction writing yet.
I'm really looking forward to that.
But going to the comedy store in Los Angeles, never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I'd be there to perform.
I'm half-assed worried.
I tripped over a crock last week getting out of the shower and I'm just in some beautiful coma dream right now.
I said that.
That's an attempt at humility and I just realized while working on this episode how a lot of my attempts at humility have been false.
Of course, I imagine playing the comedy store a thousand times.
A thousand times I imagine what it would be like to headline that place.
And in my fantasy, it's sold out and I'm in the main room on a Saturday night, but I'll take the belly room on a Friday night.
You know what I mean? It's okay to manage your expectations, but of course I imagine playing that place.
I have, I have, I have imaginearily headlined the Grand Ole Opry and the French Festival in Scotland too.
You know what I mean?
Of course, when our dreams are unfettered and unchecked, if we're being honest with ourselves, you do dream about the big things.
Of course I do. Of course I do.
I always thought I was supposed to, when I, when I was reading about humility and trying to learn about humility in order to talk about it this week,
I literally took my own road to Damascus trying to better understand humility in order to talk about.
I went into it so sure I thought this was going to be the easy one.
Love, mercy, humility, trust, the kingdom within yourself.
I thought the, the really hard one was going to be love.
I thought, I think probably the, the second hardest one in my mind was going to be trust.
I wasn't prepared for how hard mercy was and I certainly thought I had humility.
I just, I had all these great examples of times of universe or someone in it has humbled me, but that's just one facet of humility and I didn't understand that.
So I want to, let's just dive in headfirst.
There's two sides of the humble coin.
The first being acquiring humility, which is what those stories are about.
And the second is being practicing it in an honest manner, the maintenance of keeping humility.
For getting stories, I want to spend a few minutes properly defining what we're actually talking about here because humility is one of those words that gets thrown around so much it's lost some of its weight.
People confuse it with weakness, with self deprecation, with that particular brand of false modesty where somebody talented keeps telling you they ain't nothing special and you're supposed to argue with them about it.
I've been getting, oh, I'm the worst.
Mine doesn't root in that same place, but I have figured out thanks to writing this episode where mine rooted.
And that, that, that ain't humility.
We'll get to it.
But let's start at the root of the word itself.
Humility comes from the Latin word humus, which means dirt.
Even being someone taking out the dirt and a humble person is one who recognizes that and actually rejoices in it.
It's not an insult.
It's an origin story.
We all come from the same dirt.
Nobody's dirt is better than anybody else's.
But where it gets interesting is the oldest Western philosophy didn't even consider humility a virtue.
Aristotle thought it was a vice.
He believed it made people small minded, made them think less of themselves than they actually deserved.
The Greeks valued a thing they call megalo.
I'm gonna try to say this megalo psychia, which kind of roughly translates like great soul mess, like knowing your own worth standing in it.
Which means that everything came after Aristotle on the subject is a departure from the oldest thinking we have.
So the idea of humility is something worth having.
Actually, one of the first places it comes from is the teachings of Jesus.
In Matthew 18, the disciples come to him and ask, who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?
Instead of answering the question, he puts a kid in front of him.
He says, unless you become like this kid, you won't even enter it.
Now, most people read that think he's talking about innocence.
He's not.
He's talking about the complete absence of status.
A child has no reputation to protect, no position to defend, no score to settle, no audience to perform for.
This is the starting point.
That's the door.
C.S. Lewis is one of my favorite artists.
The first step to acquiring humility is to realize that you're proud.
And that's a significant step too, because nothing can be done before it.
If you think you're not conceited, it means you're very conceited indeed.
You can't walk through a door you refuse to see.
I also read about this 12th century monk named Bernard of Clairvaux.
That said that when you perceive that you're being humiliated, look at it as if a sign that grace is on the way.
Just as the heart is puffed up with pride before it's destruction and is humiliated before being honored.
The humiliation is the punishment.
It's the preparation.
Abraham Lincoln wasn't a philosopher, but he was one of the more honest examples of a man who held power.
And he said, I've been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go.
My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day.
It's older language for saying that's the acquiring side.
You get humble when you run out of other options.
Most of us know exactly what the hell he's talking about.
We've been there.
I think most of us have stories about acquiring humility.
St. Augustine said it's pride that changed angels into devils, and it's humility that makes men as angels.
Pride doesn't just slow you down.
It transforms you into something else entirely, and humility reverses the process.
So this is how you acquire it.
You got to get knocked down a peg.
Usually the hard way.
Usually when life knocks you right off your horse and you're sitting in the dirt looking up at what just hit you.
The acquiring, it's only half the work.
Staying there is the other half.
Marcus Aurelius was the most powerful man in the world.
Emperor Rome.
And he kept a private journal.
He never intended anyone else to read where he wrote notes to himself or mind himself not to get too big for his britches.
He wrote, wash yourself clean with simplicity, with humility, with indifference to everything but right and wrong.
He wrote, do good things not for the sake of praise or adoration, but for their own sake.
The same way a bee makes honey or a vine will produce grapes.
It's just what you do.
Nobody applauds the vine.
Nobody applauds the bee.
Confucius said humility is the solid foundation of all virtues.
He didn't preach it or define it much.
He just built his entire philosophy around the absence of its opposite.
You don't practice humility so much according to him as you just stop being arrogant.
Some people have wonderful things.
Thomas Merton was a trappist monk who said seven words that I think really helped define the practicing side of humility.
Pride makes us artificial and humility makes us real.
That's it.
The performance of importance is exhausting.
Humility is just being what you actually are.
T.S. Eliot said the only wisdom we can hope to acquire is the wisdom of humility.
And then he said something that ought to take the pressure off all of us is humility is endless, not a destination.
It's just a direction.
You never fully arrived.
You just keep facing that way.
Great poet Maya Angela said what humility does for you is remind you that there are people who came before you.
That you have already been paid for and that what you need to do is prepare yourself so you can pay for someone else who hasn't arrived yet.
That's the legacy of practicing humility.
T.S. Lewis.
I want to be careful about T.S. Lewis because there's a famous quote floating around the internet attributed to Lewis about humility that he actually never said.
What Lewis really wrote is better in my opinion than the misquote.
He said don't imagine that if you meet a truly humble man, he will be what most people call humble nowadays.
He won't be a greasy, smarmy person always telling you he's nobody.
Probably all you'll think about him is that he seemed like a cheerful, intelligent fellow who took a real interest in what you said.
He won't be thinking about humility at all.
He won't even be thinking about himself at all.
I knew a man that operated that way.
Whether I agree with everything else he did in his life, I knew a man like that.
My Papo Clark.
He used to say something when I was young that I thought was funny at the time, but I have spent decades understanding.
He'd say boy, you ever get to feeling too important, go try to tell somebody else's dog what to do.
That's the whole practicing side of humility in one sentence from a man who never read the Aristotle or Augustine or the Bible or Marcus Aurelius, but somehow arrived at the same place.
Humility is not a performance.
It is not self-diminishment.
It is not pretending you are less than you are.
Thomas Aquinas said humility is about recognizing the full truth about yourself, which includes both your limitations and your gifts.
I'm not a big sports fan, but if someone tells LeBron James, he's one of the greatest basketball players who ever lived, and LeBron says thank you and gives credit to the people who helped him get there, that's humility.
Not denial.
Denying a real gift isn't modesty.
That is a lie dressed up as virtue, and that brings us to where I want to spend the rest of this episode, because I have been practicing that particular lie for a long time and calling it humility and calling myself humble, and it isn't.
What I learned reading all this is that every time somebody has told me that I'm good at something, every time somebody has thrown some flowers in my way for some accomplishment done, and I'm just like anybody.
No, you know, and I brush it off and do that.
That is a slap in the face of my creator whose judgment it was to give me these gifts.
That's me saying that I think you're wrong.
I didn't deserve this.
It's a slap in the face.
It is a false sense of vanity.
I don't believe, I don't believe I started doing that as a way of searching for vanity.
I think I started doing it because I've been knocked down a lot.
And at some point I got scared of getting knocked down anymore.
And so I do that because it keeps me from being put in a position to get knocked down.
It's still false.
I should be proud of my gifts.
I should be proud of my abilities.
And I learned all that this week writing this episode for y'all.
And I'm telling you, it floored me.
When I say road to Damascus, I mean, beam of light knocked me out of my chair on the porch while I was researching this episode.
And I'm going to feel you here.
Yeah, it really, first of all, I'll give you some examples of acquiring humility.
I've been humbled a mess of times in my life because the universe adores humbling us humans.
Every time I have been humbled like that, my arrogance was in absolute overdrive.
There was a time period in the early days of the last stop where I did a lot of stuff for the club.
And one of those things that I would do every once in a while is certain comics.
I would go pick them up early in the morning and take them to radio because the owner of the club didn't like getting up early
and he couldn't have Rachel do it every time.
So every once in a while I would get roped into it, especially with comics I got along with.
And I am a huge still fan of Brett Butler.
I just absolutely love her comedy.
I've always thought she was just brilliantly funny.
She's a Southern girl.
I relate to her.
And if anybody's had some ups and downs, it's been her.
If you know anything about Brett Butler, she's gone.
She's had drug addiction problems.
She's been to the top and to the bottom and to the top and to the bottom.
She has been on the roller coaster.
She always treated me really well.
I got to work with her.
I was just to open it.
Andy Huggins was the feature act.
I was the host, the emcee working with her that week.
And at the time you couldn't tell me nothing about anything.
I was wearing this Johnny Cash suit with the leather, ostrich skin,
the polyts coming down and everything.
Like I was something out of a dad gum Dwight Yolkham music video
and white snake skin boots you could see from six blocks in any direction.
My hair was a little bleached out and blonde and short and spiky
and had a little flavor saver.
I just, boy, I thought I was the baddest thing on two legs
that ever walked into a comedy club.
I was killing it every time I went on stage
and I was doing every bit of cocaine I could get my hands on.
Every bit.
Living like tomorrow was not even something I need to worry about
because by God tomorrow was going to show up with flowers and be ready for me.
And it's not the truth.
If you've ever been down a path of drug use or substance abuse,
you know you start mortgaging your days for tomorrows that you're not sure of.
You know.
And I got asked to go pick Brett Butler up.
And I of course had stayed up late the night before putting powder up my nose.
Having what I thought was a good time.
And I got up very early that morning with very little sleep,
bloodshot eyes, sore nose, red face.
And went over, picked up Brett Butler at her hotel.
And I helped her get out of the car.
She got in the car.
We're driving the radio and I'm, boy, I'm just rattling 90 miles a minute
about everything I'm going to have good my set was last night
and trying to talk craft with her.
And she wasn't exasperated with me, but she was just kind of quiet.
At some point we were almost the radio station.
She looked at me and I bet she doesn't remember this.
Maybe she does.
I'd be surprised.
She remembered my name.
Many people she meets, but she looked at me right before we got radio station.
She said, this thing you're doing, it's going to burn out.
And I looked there.
I was like comedy.
And she goes, no, not comedy.
She goes that crappy putting up your nose every night.
She'd been down these roads.
She knew how to read it.
She's like, that stuff will steal ever been a joy out of your life.
It will take everything away from you.
It will take everything you're working for away from you.
It'll make you think you have friends you don't have.
And boy, it pissed me off.
Oh, it pissed me off.
Here I was having the best when I was on the high and she was crapping all over it.
She wasn't.
She was just trying to warn me about a road.
She already been down and she could see it in my face.
She could see it in my bloodshot eyes.
She could see it in my swollen nose.
She could hear it in my speech because of the post nasal drip.
She knew what I was doing to myself and she just tried to like, hey,
it's not going anywhere good.
What you're doing right now is not going anywhere good.
And yes, I know you think you deserve all this stuff right now, but you don't.
You ain't there yet.
The comedy is good.
It's not great.
It's good.
I mean, she broke it down for me.
My arrogance was in full overload and she broke it down for me and humbled me.
And all it really is, this is the story of someone else who had been humbled
trying to warn me about what was headed down my path.
If I stayed on that road and I didn't listen to her.
I chugged on a head down that road.
Brett Butler don't know what the hell she's talking about.
Boy, was I wrong?
I mean, she basically wrote it out in three parts and it happened in three parts
the way she said it would.
I was, I was completely humiliated, completely broken down by that path I was on.
She was a hundred percent right.
She humbled me in that car that morning and it stuck with me a long time.
It stuck with me.
It's 20 something years.
It's 20 years now it's stuck with me.
We're probably 1918 years, but that's a long time.
There's another time in my life where I had just been in a battle with a company I worked
for and a group of people I worked for and I felt like I had won my battle.
I had walked after Victor and I had quit my job and I was so just sure.
And this is, this is the type of, man, what's that thing called?
I can't think of the word right now, but the type of pride and arrogance that just
bleeds over into everything.
And I had just gotten to this point in my career at that time.
I was doing blue collar, I was doing carpentry work, stuff like that.
That I just, I didn't worry about money because I just told right like, I can always make money.
I know how to do these things.
It's the hubris, hubris that a blue collar skill set will give you sometimes that you just,
as long as I got these hands, I can make his money.
Right?
I'm damn good at what I do.
You get to this point where you realize that you're very good at what you do and you start
wearing that like a badge.
Can't nothing take tomorrow away from me.
Can't nothing take tomorrow away from me because I got these hands.
I got this brain that knows how to do these things and I'm going to go get that bag tomorrow.
I'm going to get that bag anywhere I go.
I quit this damn job.
They don't, they need me more than I need them.
I was looking for a job when I found that one.
So long Sianora suckers and I'll just go out and start my own business and do my own thing.
Like I'd already done it once before.
It done well.
And so I just, I was full of arrogance, full of arrogance.
And I stepped on a roof the day after my birthday in July and slid down that roof and broke half of my body.
You know what you can't do when you break half your body?
You can't go out and get that bag.
Can't go strut around on property and show everybody how good you are at what you do.
All of a sudden you need help.
You need help going to the bathroom.
You need to help standing up.
You need to help learn how to walk again.
You need somebody to drive you around because you can't even drive.
Because your brain's swelling up and making you go to sleep.
You need help from your contractor friends to stay afloat.
You need help from your parents to help you afford to fix your air conditioning.
Because you can't go out and get that bag.
You talk a boy.
And it's root.
It's about how quickly that can be stripped from you.
You can walk around with all the pride.
I see young men do it.
I love them.
God bless them.
I love them because I know because it comes from a place of goodness.
But they walk around with that badge on their shoulder.
I make this money.
I go, I was looking for a job when I found this one.
I run across the street.
I'll do this.
I'll do that.
Nothing's going to affect me and my family's ability to make an income.
And then, boom, off a ladder.
Boom, you get hit by a crane.
Boom, something goes wrong on the job site.
That quickly.
Better hope you've earned some mercy at that point.
Thankfully, I have.
Another time in my comedy career, I went out and I auditioned for
last comic stand with Ralphie May and I killed it.
I was so sure of how great my performance was.
I was so sure of my accolades of who I was at a very young stage of my career.
I was so sure of how good I thought I was.
I had that badge on.
And nothing getting away of this.
They're going to come running.
They're going to come running when they hear what old J.Dub brings to the table.
Baby, I just got to get in front of them.
And I didn't make the last comic stand in that year.
In the next year, an agent reached out and got me another appointment to audition
for last comic stand.
And I thought it was going to be the same situation except for now I'm another year
seasoned.
I'm another year funnier.
I'm going there and wow, I got this story about being a nuclear inspector.
Why do they hear this story?
One of my favorite bits, one of my signature bits.
It's the bit that most often gets quoted to me.
You may have heard it.
It's a funny little pontification that ends with the words and ship or and whatnot
when I was doing a TV claim.
Me and Rachel drove out to San Antonio to go audition for last comic stand.
And I walked by all them people in line for that cattle call just hoping for a few minutes
of fame knowing I had an audition time.
I'm about to go in here and knock them down.
J.Dub is about to show them what he's got.
The J.Bird is on the way son.
My arrogance was leaking out of every poor.
I got on stage and there were three judges.
Kathleen Madigan, aunt and Alonzo Bowden.
And I start going into my nuclear inspector bit and Alonzo Bowden cut me off.
He's been talking for a minute.
I haven't heard a single punch line.
He's seven last for a minute.
Seven last per minute.
That's one of those standards.
You need to be shooting for six, seven last per minute.
You've been up here.
I'm talking a minute.
I haven't heard a single punch line.
Well, there's punch lines.
Maybe you didn't laugh at them.
And I start.
Well, I'm a storyteller.
Alonzo.
So I got to get into the story.
I get kind because you don't have time for that.
You got three minutes.
You needed to be funny all three minutes.
You've already lost my interest and shut down my audition that quick.
I was absolutely humiliated.
After Kathleen Madigan and said wonderful things to me and said wonderful things to me.
This man I'd never met just shut me down.
I had walked out of that place and he wasn't wrong.
I've learned how to tell stories a lot better since it was wrong.
Seven minutes.
Seven last per minute is a pretty good standard to chase.
You're trying to be TV funny.
And I've built stories that do that since then.
Boy, humble.
Those are all stories about acquiring humility.
Quiring humility is easy.
There's always somebody lined up ready to humble us.
Keeping it far more difficult.
Well, not as cut and dry as it seems.
I told you, I didn't understand it.
I spent a lifetime practicing false humility because I was scared of getting knocked down.
And why?
Why?
I've been knocked down plenty.
Hurts a little more as you get older, but I usually get up pretty quick.
But if I practice that false humility, then I would never put myself up on that peg where somebody could knock me down.
I didn't take the chance.
I didn't put myself out there to be knocked down.
I was on the phone with my good buddy Adam.
He's also the editor on my book.
We're working on a number of projects together.
And we were talking about my book of poetry I'm working on right now.
Talking about what the book release looks like and how things are going with the first book and talking about the next book.
The priority paradox of the blue collar man that we're going to begin working on.
We're talking about the world outlaw stuff and this incredible opportunity to travel with one of my absolute favorite racing series.
Document my time with him.
I mean, Adam, we're on the phone talking and if we discussed all these things and all the stuff that was going on and he getting booked at the comedy store.
And he's like, I just love how excited you are about this.
Man, it's just, I said, the only thing I've ever been good at my life is stand up.
It's that false humility.
And he said, what?
I said, the only thing I've ever been good at my life is stand up.
When I get on stage, I know I'm good at that job.
I never feel like an imposter.
I never feel like a fraud when I'm on that stage.
I feel it's like something else takes over and that guy knows how to do the job.
And that's the only thing in my life that I've ever been sure that I'm good at.
And he started laughing at me.
And I said, what are you?
He goes, it's just wild to hear you say that because you got a book of poetry coming out.
You got another book coming out that looks like it might be a bestseller.
We're working on your second book as an author.
You're writing this.
He loves the Diwali Bottoms serial series.
And he's like, you're writing this beautiful fiction thing.
We've never written fiction in your life and you're writing this beautiful thing.
You've written this pick a rest novel, the serial series.
You're traveling with one of the biggest racing, the biggest dirt racing series in the world
because they've asked you to come along and you tell me you're only good at standing.
And I had been reading all this stuff.
I had been earlier that day working on this episode, read all this stuff.
And then I reread that C.S. Lewis quote again about the greasy, smarmy guy that says nothing.
And that's when the light hit me.
That's when the light knocked me off my false vanity horse that I was writing right into this podcast.
I was so sure humility was going to be the easiest of these to talk with you about.
So certain and I didn't know shit again.
You have to take ownership of your gifts.
You have to take ownership of the things you're good at.
It doesn't mean be arrogant.
It doesn't mean wear it like a chip on your shoulder and become braggadocious.
That's not helpful.
That's not good for you.
False confidence like that will get you nowhere.
Well, it might get you somewhere for a little while.
But once they see the truth, the truth, it'll get you kicked out of the room.
If you make it in the true humility, understanding your gifts, being proud of them.
Also acknowledging the people that help get you there.
That's humility.
Understanding that that anybody standing in front of you talking to you is just another human being who's had their own journey.
I always said everybody's got a story.
I really believe that.
I believe everybody's got an interesting story to tell.
It didn't matter who my pap all met.
My pap always stand there and talk to that man because he wanted to hear what their story and I find myself a little bit like that these days.
And I hope it continues.
I hope that I continue to nurture that because I think it's humility.
Albert Einstein spoke to everybody the exact same way.
One of the most brilliant men's ever walked this planet had learning disabilities in school and spoke to everybody he met the same way.
Whether it was the janitor, the trash man, another professor at the school, he spoke to every one of them the exact same way.
That's humility.
Easy to acquire, much harder to practice for real.
I thought I'd been practicing it for a good 20 years and it turns out I was just practicing false vanity.
And because of writing this and learning about this, I realized how wrong I was.
Let's wrap it up there for now.
We'll come back, close this thing up here in a little bit.
Man, I love you guys.
I'm so excited to talk to you all because there's something special when I sit down to write an episode and I think I know what I'm talking about and I get hit in the face like that.
I love learning and I especially love learning a big thing I'm wrong about.
I know a lot of people don't like that.
I do like that.
I like when something shakes my worldview and makes me really question things.
And this one did it.
This one did it.
I can't imagine.
I've always suspected trust was going to be hard to write about because trust is something I acquired very late in life.
I learned the value of trust very late in life.
We're going to tackle it next week.
But for now, let's return to the Wally Bottoms, Texas.
September evenings in Houston carry no promise of cooler weather.
Often the sprawling expanse of concrete and languid bayous with waters the same shade of brown as you who seems to impossibly get warmer stickier as the sun sets.
It had been 90 with 75% humidity and even after the dip beyond the horizon of our closest star a sheen of wet rainbow oil slick film blanketed the poorly paved asphalt parking lot in the loading area behind a restaurant.
Or maybe it was a bar.
Hard to tell by my account because most things in the city of Houston during the 2000s was some kind of twisted amalgamation of dive bar and eater.
This particular joint was fashioned after a boat and sold fried wholesale delivered seafood even though it was at least 50 miles inland.
And a part of town that catered to the young professional party crowd called Uptown by the locals or sometimes the Galleria.
The exhaust from the kitchen situated just by the loading area for musicians fumed the sickly sweet odor of burnt peanut oil and shrimp, which in turn seemed to crawl out of the vents and envelop every surface.
Tony's vans were worn nearly smooth on the bottom.
And he slipped on the asphalt a few times while he and Dusty labored unloading their equipment out of the bed of a somewhat maroon.
1993 Z71 that occasionally ran on eight cylinders but preferred seven if it had its druthers.
The hood and cab roof were primer gray having sacrificed their factory paint to the brutality of Houston's summer sun some years back.
It was Dusty's second most prized possession next to a beat the hell Fender Mexican jazz bass he bought before he left home at 19.
The strap was worn into the sunburst finish and there was a crack in the headstock Dusty repaired with Bondo after his stepdad threw it in the driveway the same night he left.
Dusty swore the messy scribble of black sharpie on the face was a signature from Les Claypool.
There was a story that went with the alleged signature that rang just as true as the scribble read but Dusty was consistent and stuck to the tail so fiercely that if you cared for him at all you wanted it to be true for his sake.
He told everyone his name was Dusty Beaumont but his driver's license claimed his last name was Smith or something or other is equally forgettable.
Tony had asked him about it one time when they were having beers on the porch and in true Dusty fashion the tall lean young man had risen to his full height fixated his green marble eyes on Tony.
The best part not knowing who my old man is my last name can be whatever the fuck I want it to be.
He followed the loud exclamation by up ending the condensation blanketed can of bush and chugging it in one massive swallow before crushing it with two hands and tossing it into the construction dumpster next door to the bungalow.
The band was mostly just Tony and Dusty with a blue mohawk cat that called himself Tinker but his name was George.
He wouldn't respond to George told everybody George died behind Fitzgeralds in 2001 when Tropical Storm Allison turned Houston into the backed up toilet bowl the rest of Texas treated it like most of the time.
Tinker drummed for a couple of punk bands and delivered pizzas for a late night pizza joint on Elgin and came to play covers with Tony and Dusty when he needed to catch up on rent.
They called the band alien stingray after a particularly heavy session with Dusty's bong one evening while binge watching old crocodile hunter episode.
They both decided the neighbors 1950s two car Montgomery Ward kit garage looked like a giant alien stingray with its dual flood lights mounted at the peak and a giant kitschy metal Texas star underneath the flood lights resembling its mouth.
The guys mostly played cover sets for bar chains in the Houston circuit which included Galveston and all towns in between.
This particular opportunity had dropped in their laps after the scheduled band strippers lie a hometown favorite had broken up again as a result of the charismatic front man's insatiable ego.
One time they got asked to play a set at a joint called the electric cowboy in Lufkin but were shit canned after a particularly fiery tool cover by the promoter who suddenly realized they were neither country nor western.
Despite Dusty's affinity for wranglers and wearing an old pair of Justin Ropers at all times.
If you're gonna call yourself Beaumont, you might as well own a good pair of boots. Tony often thought.
Tinker showed up with his drum kit crammed into a Ford Focus missing the passenger mirror they'd all affectionately dubbed the doorstop.
The fellas loaded their equipment onto the small stage making small talk and aimlessly flirting with a few of the slack jawed waitresses they knew from other bars as they tuned their instruments.
Tony had bought a used Tacomine G series from a burnout country singer in Conroe for their gigs.
The Martin was far too precious to sabotage with electric parts and the dude only wanted $150 for the tack because it had a heat split on the back of the dreadnought body that Dusty had applied his previously self-taught Bondo skills to.
It sounded fine to Miller Light and Red Bull and Vodka soaked 20-somethings prowling the city's vanilla chain bars for live entertainment and the kind of romance that existed last call on a hot Friday night.
Whatever confidence Tony lacked in the rest of his life would disappear the second he stepped on stage and felt the hot lights on his face.
It was almost like an alter ego cool and sure of himself would climb into his skin and turn his crippling self-doubt into fuel that could only be expended through fingers that moved like a rabbit on a creek bed to a voice that dripped with all the honey of a young Roy Orbison anchored to a growling low range that would make Reverend Willie G. MBS himself.
The traffic on Richmond with its credit card Harleys and the dogs that howled endlessly from the surrounding residential areas couldn't compete for decibels when Tony leaned into the mic and squeezed his diaphragm to belt out the hook to blister in the sun and tinker did his best to disassemble his drum kit from sheer force and sweat.
By their first break at midnight the room was full of half lit girls and low-rise jeans with exposed bellybutton rings and a cloud of Paris Hilton perfume had mingled with sweat and the Sean John cologne of the frat boys with their clean fades and sunglasses perched to top their freshly shorn heads even in the dark of the late hour.
Dusty leaned his base against a cheap aluminum stand before Pat and Tony's sweat soaked up her back.
I'm a grab a lone star you want anything?
By the way Cordell, you having a mirror by the bar he cut his eyes towards a dark haired girl in jeans and sandals.
She wore a printed black t-shirt that said I'm already over you in white block letters.
She was drinking a Coors Light and Tony could see the delicate muscles in her throat working as she tilted the bottle towards the ceiling her eyes fixated in their direction.
Dusty mumbled a dirty comment involving her in a blowjob tree but Tony wasn't listening really.
He replied yeah I'll take a lone star too.
Dusty was often a little cruder in his conversations about women that Tony preferred or was comfortable with.
But it was primarily overconfident harmless exaggeration from a guy who struck out far more often than he got a hit.
The lights reflected off her dark hair pulled back into a loose ponytail and she looked at it more with curiosity than interest as she turned to set her empty on the bar.
She leaned over the bar to talk to the bartender and it was impossible for Tony not to see how her jeans tightened across the curve of her posterior and all the right places as she did.
He realized he was staring and grabbed a stage towel from a stool to wipe his neck and hands before drying the neck of the Japanese guitar off.
When he looked back across the room she was gone with only the empty beer bottles evidence she had ever even existed.
Dusty returned with his beer and after noticing her absence playfully slapped Tony on the back and hollered over the den of the full bar in his ear.
Don't sweat it Cordell we're in the biggest city in Tejas my man there are other fish.
He picked his bass back up for the last set of the night.
The blind girl who's basically a vapor of Victoria's secret body spray and test tube bar shots in a halter top requested Santorio while drunkenly offering Dusty a generous view of her cleavage.
All three of the musicians groaned inwardly they knew they'd have to play it because you couldn't get booked anywhere in this town if you didn't cover sublime.
The second set was routier and sweatier as the alcohol inspired young people began slipping from the room in covert pairs usually after a heavy make out and petting session in the corner of the dance floor by the heavy amps.
Tinker delighted in shaking his beer and squirting them when they got too close to his kit.
Giggling like a school kid as the drunken couple would look around the bar for the source of the sticky precipitation.
The room was half full and the bar manager could give two shits what they played at this point because she was ankle deep and batching credit card receipts already ensuring her staff got out of the place at some decent hour.
One song left.
Tony looked over at Dusty and Tinker.
Hey can I play that blue October song I've been working on.
They both smirked in response and made flamboyant hand motions.
They didn't understand his interest in the alternative Houston group.
There wasn't hard enough for their taste.
Tinker shook his blue spiked hair.
Oh shit.
Cordell's going mopey on his Dusty.
He's mad at his dad again.
But he immediately grinned and picked up his sticks.
Dusty laughed while pulling the fender up and again laying down the haunting baseline to the song quiet mind already well aware of what Tony had been obsessing over.
Tony leaned into the mic and began the vocals to a cheer from the smallest group of people at that point.
They couldn't name the band but there's no way they'd lived in Houston long and hadn't heard the song.
Right before the hook Dusty poked Tony and cut his eyes back to the bar where much to Tony's surprise the dark hair girl had returned now sitting on a stool with a glass of water fidgeting with her sand on one foot.
Her eyes were pointed in his direction but in the glare of the lights it was hard to tell if she was looking at him.
When he leaned into the hook he swore her mouth was moving like she was singing along.
After the set as the fellas packed their equipment Tony couldn't keep his eyes off of her.
She had a small black leather purse over her shoulder and had definitely glanced his way a few times but never held eyes with him for very long.
After his third trip and back and forth to Dusty's pickup the guys of double checking for things left behind badly worn out.
He saw her stand up and turned to leave.
It was now or never something cliche like that.
He quickly walked up behind her and before he could stop himself or think of anything clever he spit out a hey.
She stopped and turned looked at him without frowning or smiling and said hey that's what you're going with.
Her voice was clear with little trace of the accents commonly found in Houston or East Texas.
Tony suddenly found himself confused about where to go next.
Sorry ma'am I just wanted to talk to you.
She laughed that was a good sign he thought.
He immediately liked her laugh it was full of honesty and rang a little.
Ma'am a real live farm boy in Houston.
I'm glad you didn't wait much longer I was about to give up on you.
You got a name?
Tony's defenses had been laid flat.
He grinned and said I'm Tony.
Her eyes appeared to look somewhere else when he said Tony and a silent cloud swept over her features before she focused back on him.
She leaned in close and handed him a napkin before touching his arm.
Tony's arm felt strange and foreign to him at her touch and he was quietly embarrassed at the goosebumps that rose immediately.
She pulled her hand away and dug into her purse for her keys before whispering calm and walking away.
Tony and clinched the napkin as he watched her walk out of the bar.
It simply said Amber and an 832 area code phone number.
Dusty babbled in the driver's seat as they made their way back to the bungalow and the heights.
Tony was quiet watching the cityscape slide by speaking only to request a taquito when they stopped at Water Burger for some late night eats.
If New York City is the city that never sleeps, Houston is the city that stays up late and takes a minute to get going tomorrow.
Tune in next week for more from Diwali Bottoms Tech.
Who had episodes doing some work? I mean putting in some work son, I'm a little happy with that one.
Not a hurricane, just happy.
I'm still working on it too.
Hit me like a boat to light this week. I'm having to reframe everything I've ever said to anybody.
Well, let's wrap this thing up and get out of here.
So I thought the Bible said I could wear it a little crooked because I am.
Let's do some testimonials and testimonials and I got those all ready to go.
Look at Mr. Got his shit together this week.
At our old buddy, Texas Sippian, J.W. Listen, you talk about your youngest with autism while I sit here in the car waiting on my fourth grader to finish therapy at the Burkhart Center for Autism at Texas Tech.
I love it when we can make those connections. Me too, buddy. I had no idea.
That's pretty cool, man. I hope your journey is full of all the surprises my journey has been because the youngest one of mine is just every day is something new.
Well, he's the most charming, funny little person I ever met in my life, though. I just adore him.
Texas Tech is cool too. That's where Rachel went. I do not support a lot of sports, but I occasionally get made to watch Texas took football because of her.
But we do support Texas Tech. She went there. She had a great experience. I didn't go to college.
If I'm going to support a college, I might as well be a good one.
I also like Texas Tech because they just don't have any big rivalries with anybody else.
They're just kind of up there in the panhandle doing their thing.
Rachel once called them the Canada of Texas Colleges and I just love that. I love that so much.
Oh, let's see. I got two long ones here.
At Young Tube, season four is off to a great start, JW. Any chance we can get a listener's guide to the Wally bottoms?
Something like a timeline graphic or a family tree of the noble houses of East Texas, kind of like HBO done for Game of Thrones.
I'll have to look into that. I don't know what that is, but I think maybe it's kind of like a show Bible or something like that.
That might not be a bad idea because I'm telling you, season three, I'm going back to post-World War One in the Wally bottoms.
We're going to go, it's a part of time that East Texas is not commonly written about, but it's the height of the timber boom before all the old growth pine is gone.
And all the young men coming home from France that had seen things and been exposed to things, they couldn't quite wrap their heads around yet.
And I was inspired by that. I've been rewatching Peaky Blinders, which is one of my favorite television series I've ever seen in my life.
And I was like, I want to know what happens in the Peaky Blinders time period in East Texas because it has to be fascinating.
And just from the preliminary research I've done, I can tell you it's quite fascinating. A lot of land, a lot of wealth changed hands.
The timber bust of the early 20s, the stock market didn't affect East Texas as much as it affected other places, but the timber bust did.
You know, 100 years before the oil crash wiped out East Texas, they got wiped out by another crash.
And so I'm really excited about it right around that time period and figure out who the where's were then and who the leavens were, how the leavens come about their money.
Because season three right now we're talking about inheritance, we're talking about the inheritance of sin.
I mean season two that we're in right now, this is set in 2008 and we're talking about the sins of their fathers, these children inherited.
Season one we talked about the legacy of the land and the legacy of the memories that it creates and how the cycle repeats itself.
And in season three we're going to go back and talk about the original sins.
That's why I think, figured out how old man leavens got his money is going to be real interesting because a lot of nasty stuff happened in 1921, especially in East Texas.
So I think you're on to something there.
You're also wondering if you're taking recommendations on car models to include in the storyline during the various time hops.
I'm not.
But I know the current time setting is right for a main character in the form of, oh, I got this one confused.
There's the rest of your comment guy.
For a main character in the form of a 1993 GMT 400, that's very funny because I did pick a 93 Z71 as Dusty's pickup but as far from the main character.
Just like any young man would have been cruise around H town in a back about 25 years ago.
Granted, you still use the same truck to keep story to enjoy.
Well, okay, I see what you say.
Keep up the good work, Jerry.
Peace be with you.
Thank you for the comment, brother.
Thanks for the chime in.
I hope you enjoyed Dusty's pickup.
It's going to come into play later.
We're going to have to learn more about Dusty as Hurricane Ike gets closer to Houston.
Our old friend here.
She's not old.
She's been our friend for a while.
Cinnamon girl 76.
Good friend.
She left another wonderful comment, but I wanted to focus on this one.
Sorry, I'm double dipping here.
I have so much empathy for what you had to go through to recognize the chain of generational trauma in your family.
You're such a pure and intelligent soul beyond human language.
You did the right things for your mom as she was dying, even though you feel the deep scars, guilt and pain of holding her reality within yourself.
You recognize the chain of trauma.
It's so important your growth.
It's paramount to your healing that you can recognize your own pain and where it comes from.
I'm going through the same thing with my father.
My father's been in the VA for the past three months with stage four skin cancer and advanced form of leukemia called CLL.
Despite his optimism, I know he is not going to make it.
Regardless, I encourage him every time we speak.
I listen to his whitewash versions of the past and it's very hurtful and invalidating perceptions of present reality.
My dad is an SOB of the highest level, but he has good bits in him that weren't completely killed by his life's traumas.
Those good bits of him thankfully flourished in me.
I'm the only one left standing to give him what every human should have at the end is love.
Love is all we are, really, and that is everything I am and want him to leave knowing he will have the mercy of his daughter's love.
In the end, giving him that mercy of my love eases the pain he caused me.
Where is the rest of this comment?
In the end, giving him that mercy of my love eases the pain he caused me and reassures me I am not him.
And my spirit grew right past his to make me the strong and loving person I am today.
And I hate that you're going through that.
I know you have a complicated relationship with your father.
I too have a very complicated relationship with my father.
And don't know where I'll be at the end of whoever's end that finally separates us.
I commend you for putting yourself in that position and showing him love and showing him mercy.
But I'm a little concerned when you say giving him that mercy of my love eases the pain he caused me.
I think I understand it and I may be misreading it, but it's not for him.
I hope that you're doing this for you, to ease your soul and to ease the burdens he's put on you in your life.
Because that's what's important.
Anyways, I wish you all the best. I know I'm rooting for you.
Rooting for you kid, rooting for you.
Hope I get to meet you in California when I come out to California.
That would be really cool. I know Rachel would love to meet you too.
Rachel's coming with me to California.
I'm going to make a trip of it.
Sebastian, buddy, what is it? You need some foods? Are you hungry?
Do you need some foods, buddy?
Well, hey man, hang out for a little bit. Peruse the garage.
Yeah, it's good to see you. I'm glad to hear from you.
Who's so vocal? The cat kills me.
Anyways, let's wrap this thing up. Get out of here. I gotta get this old guy some food.
I told y'all, humility was supposed to be the easy one.
I had all my stories ready, all my examples of times the universe knocked me down a peg.
I was going to come in here and talk about acquiring humility all nice and clean like a fellow who had it all figured out.
In the middle of writing this episode, I got knocked off my horse again.
Not by a roofing Conroe, not by a car ride with someone who broke open my pain.
Not by a TV show judge in front of a room full of people by a phone call
where I told my editor the only thing I'm good at is stand up.
I said it like it was humility. It wasn't. It was a lie. I'd been telling so long it felt like the truth.
A way of making myself small before somebody else could do it for me.
I've been doing that my whole life and calling it being grounded.
Chas Lewis said a truly humble man won't be thinking about humility at all.
He won't be thinking about himself at all.
And I realized I'd been thinking about myself constantly just in the wrong direction.
Instead of inflating myself, I was deflating myself.
And both those are just vanity with different clothes on.
Thomas Aquinas said humility is about recognizing the full truth about yourself.
Not just your limitations, your gifts too.
Denying a real gift isn't modesty, it's ingratitude.
And if you believe those gifts came from somewhere bigger than you, which I do,
then diminishing them is a humility towards that.
It's an argument with the creator about their own judgment.
I'm 48 years old. I just got booked at the comedy store.
And my first instinct was to tell you I never imagined it, which is a lie.
I imagined it plenty. I just didn't think I deserved it.
That's not humility. That's fear. Wearing clothes that say humility.
Real humility is what my papal practice without ever named it.
He knew exactly who he was. He didn't need you to confirm it or deny it.
He wasn't performing smallness. He wasn't performing greatness.
He was just present, just real, just a cheerful man who is genuinely more interested in you than in himself.
That's the whole thing. That's the whole labor.
Acquiring humility is something life does to you, whether you cooperate or not.
The roofs and the car rides and the rooms full of people who don't think you're as good as you thought you were,
those come for all of us.
You don't have to seek them out. They'll find you.
Practicing humility is something you choose every day without an audience.
Not because it makes you look good,
because it makes you real.
And real is the only thing worth being.
The dirt we came from doesn't care how important we are.
It'll take you back either way.
Stay humble, not small, not diminished, not scared.
Humble. There's a difference.
And it took me 48 years and charging up the road to Damascus in the middle of writing something I was certain I understood to find it.
I'm rooting for you.
I tell you that every week.
Humility, true humility is necessary for your growth.
And truthfully, you didn't need me to tell you that.
I'm J.W. and I love you.
Woo! There we go.
That gum has some good coffee.
Man, this was a crazy episode to write.
Thank you all for sticking with me.
Lots of dates.
Lots of dates.
Come out and see a show.
I'd love to meet you. I love meeting wrecking yard people.
I am going to go in the house and edit this.
My beautiful partner in all things, Rachel.
We started a little tradition on podcast days where we make French toast.
And I'm going to go enjoy that and sit in that and enjoy my time at home with my family because I'm getting a lot less of it very soon.
And I might have to figure out I got to record next week's podcast early because I'm going to be out of town all next week.
So I got to put some thought into how to schedule this thing and make things happen in an easier manner.
It's fine. We'll get there.
I really do love you guys. Thank you for sharing your Sundays with me.
And remember, if you ever get feeling too important, try to tell somebody else a dog what to do.
About this episode
Jerry Wayne Longmire opens with a whirlwind week of dirt-track racing, travel, and comedy bookings, then pivots into a deeper theme: humility. He shares how he’s been humbled repeatedly—by substance abuse warnings, career setbacks, injuries, and harsh auditions—while also admitting he practiced “false humility” by downplaying his gifts out of fear. Drawing on Aristotle, Jesus, Marcus Aurelius, Aquinas, and C.S. Lewis, he argues humility isn’t self-diminishment or performance; it’s owning gifts, acknowledging others, and staying real. Next week he’ll tackle trust.
Original notes
Humility was supposed to be the easy episode. It wasn’t. JW traces the concept from Aristotle to Augustine to a back porch in East Texas, then takes his own road to Damascus in the middle of writing it. Two sides of the humble coin, some stories about getting knocked off the horse, and a hard look at the difference between real humility and the fear that’s been wearing its clothes. Plus a new episode of Duwali Bottoms Texas Season Two: as the storm draws closer, two displaced souls find themselves in the same Houston bar on the same restless night.
The Reckon Yard Podcast
Jerry Wayne Longmire
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91:40