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The John Clay Wolf Show has appeared on Terrestrial Radio for a really, really, really long time.
So we dug into our pockets and on the other side of our d**k, we found something funny.
And yes, it's contagious.
Gather round as the Wolf Pack goes on this throwback adventure.
What it do is ya boi, DJ Pre-K with the John Clay Wolf Show.
I'm up in the archives, baby.
And today I want to throw it back to one of the funniest cats I know, Jerry Wayne Longmire,
who's coming back round town to the Walnut Springs Roadhouse this coming Friday.
Hopefully this next time there's no small town drama.
But luckily we're rolling with dogs like J.D. Ryan to keep us safe.
Hey, joking ain't easy, but somebody got to do it.
Check this out.
We're coming off of a morning of...
We had a good time last night.
With Jerry Wayne Longmire, he came by the ranch.
We planned this to go by...
There's a little venue in this town called the Rattlesnake Ballroom.
And when I saw that, I was like, man, we can have people come in to guest hosts on the show
and like do a musical set or a comedy set the night before at the Rattlesnake.
And this was our first time to do it.
And it turned out great.
And Jerry came up, he's going to Canada for another show tonight.
He's flying out.
Canada.
Canada.
Where you going in the...
Going to Calgary, man.
All right.
Week.
Little Texas.
Little Texas.
Basically, it's just belt buckles and big trucks.
It's the same place except they got poutine.
Ha.
Which my wife hadn't said if I could have any yet.
That JD had a problem at the event last night.
Did he get in a fight?
What?
Oh yeah.
By the way, Jerry, you are wonderful.
You're...
You do a great job of long form stories and comedy.
Seriously.
You're really a job, yeah.
And so he was in a bit talking about what happened to him when he's getting pulled over,
which is a great story when you catch his comedy.
And so there's a guy just talking loud.
Oh.
It's just an interesting, by the way, interesting atmosphere.
We're eating and there's a stand up comedy going on too.
Which have you all ever seen the Blues Brothers movies?
Yeah.
You remember Bob's Country Bunker?
Yes.
That's it.
Yeah.
That's it.
That's a perfect representation.
So we're eating and there's a guy in the back.
Who are you, boy?
You think you're funny?
You realize you're in my town?
I'm the only one that's allowed to be funny in my town.
When I pulled up to the damn place, there's a Harley sitting there and he's pointed...
All the cars are slotted in at an angle and there's Harley straight on, so he's taken up two spots.
But there's a big spot next to him, so I wiggled in and got in there.
And he walks up, he's outside on the deck.
What are you doing?
I'm like, I'm parking.
You can't park there.
Dude, you're taking up two spots.
This isn't two spots.
I'm like, yeah, it's two spots.
I need to park here.
Do you know who I am?
No, I pulled the handicap card.
Man, I'm crippled, dude.
I'm a handicap.
Here's my badge.
I don't want to fight, but I've got a pass right here.
It's my crippled, my placard.
So long story short, he wasn't happy.
I thought, what do you want to do?
Well, I'm going to have to turn my back to get out of here.
I was like, do you mean to help you?
And anyway, we went in and I came out last night after the show when I...
And I'm like, man, I need some beer.
For the...
Because we're going home, we're going to sell them a deck, we have some beers,
or anything we're out.
And I get in my car and we're driving and I feel it immediately.
I'm on ass flat tires.
No.
What?
Oh, did he slide your tires?
No way.
So one tire is pancaked.
Down to the rim.
So I just pulled on to the...
I mean, it was just one block, took a left into the deal.
I left it at the Chocan Pugue 7-Eleven deal.
Wow.
And I was glad that you were behind me.
And I jumped in the ride with Jerry.
Yeah, I surprised the hell out of me because we just pulled up.
We just followed him out here in the ranch.
He parked the truck and I hadn't noticed the flat or nothing.
Me and chicken were talking.
He comes walking out with a case of beer and hops in the backseat.
I was like, where are we going, brother?
We're going to party.
I thought you weren't going to do a little off-road in the Volvo.
I was like, all right, we'll...
That happened here last night.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't know if it was slashed because I went on a drive with the girls
beforehand, maybe I got into cactus or something.
But it sure is flat.
So my car is parked down there.
I'm going to do that later after the show.
There's something about, I guess, the rattlesnake that makes people want to fight.
That's not the only one they got.
Yeah, because during the show, JD bowed up to a guy.
He was lying.
Yes, you did.
OK, the guy's right behind me.
My baby bowed up.
I know, right?
The guy's right behind me talking to two other drunk chicks.
And they're just...
And Jerry's doing a great show.
And this guy's like, hey, here's the time back when I drove my car down by the long
view on his laps.
He can be, you know, you do the turnaround thing where you look at him and go,
come on, dude, and didn't phase him a bit.
So finally I turned around and went, can you just crank it down just a hair?
I'm really trying to hear the show.
Oh, go ahead.
You didn't just say it like that.
He's like, hey, dude, quiet.
There's a show going on right now.
I was like, damn, JD.
I'm trying to be that.
And how did he take it?
These slasher's tires?
Well, that's probably why my tires got slashed.
That was my fault.
That's what it is.
He was surprised.
He didn't say anything.
And then he started to kind of talk about he started talking to nachos and the girl
that was next and kind of poked him.
Why don't you eat your nachos?
I'm like, oh, Lord, here we go.
Here we go.
He told you to shut up and eat your nachos.
Shut up and eat your nachos.
So what'd you do?
I just shut up and ate my nachos.
I watched the show and he shut up.
That's what happened.
He did.
He did.
He quiet.
But I was proud of JD actually bowing up to a country boy.
I didn't even notice that.
I was I was sitting right next to you during the whole show.
You couldn't hear that guy talking.
They were loud as hell.
I said something.
I'm like, I mean, focused in like I'm analyzing you, Jerry, while you're doing
your set.
Yeah, Bob was full.
Bob, you were laser focused on.
Like, I mean, I'm watching that.
I want to learn how to do this.
Right.
I can tell.
Oh, man, finds it better to watch.
You're great.
And I was trying to hear the show and drunk.
He the bar keep couldn't keep quiet.
I'm making a date with Ali.
Should he remember him?
Oh, yeah.
He came in setting on the show several years ago, but I said we need to do the
same thing with him.
But he's African American.
Yeah, he's every man though.
Oh, he'll get up there and sit down on that stage.
You'll shut up.
Is this is is this a sunset town?
It feels I have not.
What is that?
It's been a minute since I got out of
sight of Houston proper in Texas.
I forgot.
So that town was that me.
And where you've been going after sunset.
He's got a right uniform.
That's right.
I know what a Sunday town is.
Don't let the sunsand your black ass.
They got a lot more of them in Louisiana.
They got a handful of them here.
Are you serious?
I don't think that's real anymore.
Oh, I think Louisiana real in places.
What is real?
Is it still real?
I'll come on.
It is real.
That is real.
I don't know.
It's real for people like me.
I don't feel why they're hanging out.
They flash your tires and you look like you.
OK, Sunday.
No, thank you.
Now, it'll be fine.
It'll be more than fine.
We're just cutting up.
How did you learn to go long form?
So being funny in clips and being funny in
moments in the tick talkers and this and that is one skill.
But to get up on a stage and carry consistently
with momentum for 45 or an hour and a half.
How long did it take you to develop that muscle?
You're still doing it, I'm sure.
Yeah, yeah, it's a constant learning process.
I started out as always a storyteller.
I was fascinated with storytellers, Jerry Clower
and these kind of guys.
I grew up listening to that.
And I grew up with my dad and his brothers on the back porch.
And it was just a contest who had the best story.
And it was just who could get everybody laugh and keep.
So I grew up in that environment.
So it's always been strong with me.
It's really hard when you're going in stand up, though,
because stand up, they won't laugh per minute.
They won't.
You start out doing five minute open mics, two
one minute open mics.
So it takes a while.
You have to you have to get funny enough in those situations
that they give you longer time where you can stretch it out.
But it's it's just been in like the past years,
like that last story I tell,
if I tell the full version of that story, it's like a 20 minute story.
Really?
And I wrote it for a storytelling contest.
Literally, I was doing a storytelling contest in College Station
and I was on the way there and I was like, well, here's something,
you know, and I put this together and won that contest that night.
And I was like, oh, I'll just put this.
So right now I'm writing my new special and I've got, you know,
about half of it there that the pieces are there,
but all the beats aren't hitting the way I want it to yet for me to be ready
to record it.
So that story is a good one for when I say, OK, I'm in a crowd here
where I'm not 100 percent sure I want to go this direction
with some of this other material.
Right.
And I can just whip that out and it's easy like here.
Excuse me while I whip this out.
Well, and the best part is the story is so graphic and people are eating.
It does just the blend of it wasn't really something you would do normally
in a comedy show. So it was great.
Yeah, it reminded me.
I used to do I did a few open mics and it's tough.
I haven't done it in a long time, but I used to stop at the improv on the way.
I would drive.
I would go.
I started driving to Louisiana when I was buying cars to come back
on the night of the open market improv Addison and not Addison
and in Arlington and get up there and do that.
I'm fortunate to have this radio stuff under my belt, so you're used to the long form.
But it is different when you get up on that stage.
Turley, you've done it.
Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's it's eye opening.
You have to control your energy.
That's the biggest thing, because if you get up there, we're talking about being
a comedian on a stage in front of a lot of people with just you and a microphone in them.
Yeah. If you have family there, that kind of helps.
Unless you're doing comedy about them, which I was doing.
But it's the energy is you realize when I got up there, I was like way too hyper
and I started talking too fast and you're like, slow down, slow down.
You blow through your.
I really had this thing on the on the inner.
I watched a video of Turley.
Me really committed at the time because he got up into this bit.
His mother-in-law and his wife were in the audience and he did a bit about
her undercarriage after the baby was born.
Oh, no, bro.
Oh, come on.
I usually just ask the family doesn't come to shows, you know, because I'm going
to talk about some of them.
Well, I didn't know my mother-in-law was going to be there.
That was my wife getting back at me because she knew what the material was going to be.
I was like, oh, man.
Yeah. So some of the the number one advice they always give young standup
coaches start slow down, you know, and then another one.
When I first started, I was I wasn't fast.
I was real slow. So they were constantly like, do you got any more?
Can you can hoof it up a little bit, brother?
Hit the hooks hard.
Yeah. Just speed it up.
So, Jerry Wayne, you are heading to Calgary, Canada to do a week standup.
When's your flight lead?
Oh, man. I think nine o'clock.
OK. Headed out.
So, Red Eye, you're pretty you're a pretty big old boy.
I don't know how big old boy you are, but I bet they're excited.
Do you have any problem with the people in the planes?
Oh, yeah. Oh, well, I just came back.
My fat is funny.
Yeah. I was I went to Africa and I've got rules now that I didn't even have before.
And one of those rules is if I walk up your airplane and you weigh me
before you tell me where to sit on the airplane, you don't got enough airplane
for me because my friends are a little bit of skinny people.
They're like little fairy people and they just put them on the plane.
No problem.
And I'm walking up plane that I could pick up, put in the back of my pickup.
You know what I mean?
I'm already nervous.
We're going to fly five hours over the Sahara and I'm like, OK,
I walk up this plane and she's like, oh, big guy, hold up just a minute.
She pulls the scale.
I can't get a scale weight as much as I did.
She pulled the scale out of the bottom of the airplane, set it down, weighed me
in the backpack and everything.
I was like, all right, and she gets me on the airplane and she tells me where to sit.
So I think I'm in the right place.
My friends are already kind of glaring at me funny because about this and I'm.
Well, we get ready to take off.
She comes back there on an airplane.
She moves me six inches to the left and.
You talk about terrified, man.
I didn't move for five hours.
I told my friends I held a fart in for the last two hours.
You know, I can just see the headlines.
Fat guy farts down plane in Africa.
You know, it's not the buddy, Ollie story.
I'm flying to Canada on Spirit Airlines.
I'm sure they'll weigh me before I get on, you know, spirit.
Yeah, it's going to take four days to get to Canada.
I could probably drive there quicker.
God, Spirit, is that like, is that the new JetBlue?
Yeah, kind of.
But it's still the old spirit.
Yeah, it's like flying in a third old country is what it is.
What is Canada?
Yeah, I'm talking about on the plane, though.
It's bad.
There's chickens in the aisle.
I mean, it's bad.
Zero. Yeah.
All right, y'all know what to do.
Hit us up on JohnClayWolf.com.
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We appreciate y'all listening.
Keep on rocking with us.
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