JCW ARCHIVE: Stimey Diet
Annotations will appear as you listen
0:00
8:50
Concept
Stymie's downfall
They’re just telling a story and saying things didn’t work out for him. It’s not about cars or car parts here.
Concept
green bean casserole
They keep talking about a specific dish—green bean casserole—as the reason the character gets noticed. It’s just a food thing, not related to cars.
LIVE
The John Clay Wolf Show has appeared on Terrestrial Radio for a really, really, really long time.
So we dug into our pockets, and on the other side of our d**k, we found something funny.
And yes, it's contagious.
Gather round as the wolf pack goes on this throwback adventure.
What's the damn deal is your boy DJ Pre-K with the John Clay Wolf Show up in the archives
cussing up a storm.
This week John's saying everything you shouldn't say on air, just to find out JD's diet secrets.
Just goes to show how we take this wild mess and turn it into a hilarious show for you
every Saturday morning.
Turley might have run out of time to lay on the d**k button, but we never run out of
laughs.
Check it out.
And with that, good morning.
It must be the John Clay Wolf Show.
Can't have Saturday without it.
We are here.
We are alive, and it's awfully good to see you.
JD Ryan, my friends on my left, Bobby Brian.
You're looking good.
Are you working out?
Working out.
And I'm on it.
Wait, wait, wait.
Are you on a new diet?
Can we all guess JD's new diet?
You'll never guess this one in a million years.
It started directly.
Don't even give me any crap.
Well, the d**k off died.
No.
What?
If you can really say that.
The first words out of his mouth.
First?
What?
I mean, first words.
We're dumped.
Can't turkey die?
It's called JD's d**k your d**k and diet extraordinaire.
It just burns his calories.
You can't do that?
No.
Dear God.
Now we have to wait, because it's already lost 15 seconds of delay.
Nobody's seeing anything.
We don't have to wait.
Nothing's going to happen.
You can't say that.
You're turning your mic off.
Just turn it off.
No, it really wasn't.
You can't say his name.
JD's private pleasure diet.
Okay.
You want to go there?
Close.
I mean, I'm out of delay anyway.
So he pleasures himself privately while he dreams about dieting.
I dream about food.
Hey, that might work.
I just sit there and play with him.
There you go.
How many calories are you going to burn like that?
I don't think you're going to do so.
Now you're getting gross.
I think probably.
See, no, Bobo, Bobo, Bobo, Bobo, Bobo, Bobo.
Now listen, you said.
Yeah, I know what I said, but I didn't start.
You're going to stop the show now and go to a best of series.
We have a meeting about what you can say on the radio.
Man, golly.
I even gave you a heads up.
Bobo said, now you're getting nasty.
There's a difference.
Listen, put them on hold, DJ.
Anyway, what diet do you want?
Screwed Hades diet.
Thank you.
The private pleasure diet.
That's it.
Good morning, JD.
Good morning, Bobo.
So Bobo does have a very good point about your diets.
Of course.
I mean, it's constant.
Constant diet talk, constant food prep.
Yep.
And then this week.
I think I need an intervention.
And then this week.
I do.
You lay out the intervention of diet.
I think I need one.
Yeah.
I believe I do.
If I had friends, they'd do that for me.
Are you feeling fat?
Oh, dear Jesus Christ, you got a mirror?
You feel fat?
You got a.
Yes.
You mean feeling fat?
I can hang out further than your blankie do.
I have a mirror in my house, and I have a scale.
That's so worrisome because it doesn't, these, these.
They are disorders, JD.
They don't hit you all of a sudden.
Like Karen Carpenter's brother, Stimey Carpenter,
said, I believe it was Richard.
That it didn't start all of a sudden.
Yeah.
You know, okay.
So you're telling me that I'm not 50 pounds overweight?
You said 50.
Oh, easy.
That's a big number, fat boy.
It'd be on tour, and she wouldn't like finish her hoagie.
What's wrong, Karen?
and she goes like, Stymie, I'm just not that hungry.
Okay, apparently I'm the only one that has a mirror.
Stymie, what was his gig in the carpenter?
Stymie Carpenter?
Yeah.
He carried the symbol.
No, he didn't.
I didn't really.
Was he a thin man?
And prepared the foods.
He sounds a bit Jewish.
Yeah, maybe little.
Little Carpenter's Jewish?
No, he was a good guy, Stymie.
Well, Jesus was Jewish, right?
He was a carpenter.
Oh, oh, that was nice.
He was a celebrity chef for rock and roll stars.
He was actually on the plane with Leonard Skinner.
None of this happened.
None of it, not even a part of it.
Stymie Carpenter was on the plane with Leonard Skinner
when it went down?
Yeah.
Yeah, the last, the last meal.
The last supper?
That they enjoyed mid-flight.
Was the famous Stymie Carpenter caught on blue.
What?
What?
What?
Did he make it through the crash?
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Stymie did?
Yeah, he's still with us today.
Wallace Edwards wanted to come back to another quick little nugget
of Stymie Carpenter, Karen Carpenter's brother that was a,
that was the chef, first celebrity chef,
and he was on the airplane of Leonard Skinner
when it went down in 1977.
What were you going to say?
Wallace, you said you got cut off early.
Many people didn't realize Karen Carpenter
had a half brother named Stymie.
No.
Who grew up with their respective father in the Malibu Hills.
In fact, he spent so much time in the sun
by the time he reached adolescence,
he played a black child on the Little Rascals.
And Stymie Carpenter became a household name
for about 17 years.
Stymie was the black kid in the Little Rascals
until Karen and her other brother, Al Falfa Carpenter.
I have to stop you.
I just have to stop you.
Went on a...
Started their own band.
I didn't know that.
Called the Skinnies.
With self-written tunes like Easy As She Goes.
Yeah.
And the bus goes over the hill.
That's not a song.
Which was a top 10 tune in Sacramento,
but it never caught on in Temecula.
And that was Stymie's downfall.
Until he learned how to make green bean casserole.
Here we go.
You just had to go to the green bean casserole.
That started his place in history
because it was no secret in San Francisco in the 1960s
that Mama Cass of the Mamas and the Papas
loved green bean casserole.
She gave Stymie his first job.
From there he moved to New Orleans.
Married a voodoo queen named Marie LeVaux.
Oh, my God.
Who taught him to cook world culture foods.
Like Asian.
And until his first hair went overdose in 1971.
Oh, my God.
He was the toast of the town.
He actually did banquets for Freddie Mercury
when Queen was a new band in 1977.
Was he part of the JFK assassination tune?
This guy sounds pretty deep.
He gets around, man.
His first nine months of working for the band,
Queen, Freddie Mercury gained 140 pounds.
Because Stymie's food was so good.
The actor we saw on stage with the band
was actually a young Billy Joel.
And that's this week in rock history.
But I don't think we're done.
I'm conspiracy theorist.
So you have Karen dies real thin.
And then Freddie Mercury dies real thin.
And they're both at the hand of her brother Stymie Carpenter,
the cook.
Luckily, Billy Joel, the piano man,
had no problem with tuna fish salad.
Why don't they talk about him in all the Leonard Skinner films
and the recast you never hear?
Is that his nickname Stymie?
Oh, he talks about the cook.
I mean, this is way before we had celebrity cooks, you know.
True.
Oh, my God.
True, true.
He did teach his nephew Bobby Flay everything he knows.
Why did Karen not like his food?
Well, she had a problem.
That's a whole nother story problem.
Yeah.
For another time?
Yeah.
I've got a minute.
It was a well-known fact in 1974.
I knew it.
And Karen Carpenter hated the smell of tuna fish.
Many believe that was the beginning
of Karen's bout with bulimia.
Started with tuna.
The great Karen Carpenter.
Tuna fish free and gone but not forgotten.
And with that, I'm Wallace Edwards.
Thank you, Wallace.
Thank you, Wallace.
With the rest of the story.
All right.
Y'all know what to do.
Hit us up on JohnClayWolf.com.
You can check out old episodes on there.
You know, stay up to date with what we got going on.
Get cool gear.
We got hats, shirts, all that.
Hit us up on Facebook.
You know, Search John Clay Wolf Show.
We're on Instagram.
John's on Twitter.
You know, you can holler at all of us, okay?
You know how to spell it, okay?
We appreciate y'all listening.
Keep on rockin' with us.
About this episode
A chaotic “JCW archive” throwback turns into a running bit about JD Ryan’s “diet extraordinaire,” which quickly devolves into crude jokes and on-air boundaries. The crew tries to stage an intervention, but the conversation spirals into absurd rock-history and celebrity-chef lore centered on “Stimey Carpenter,” a fictionalized (and wildly misremembered) tie-in to Karen Carpenter, Freddie Mercury, and even Leonard Skinner. The episode blends radio-cussing humor, mock diet talk, and conspiracy-style storytelling about food, weight, and tuna fish.
Original notes
Everybody knows JD Ryan is a hunk of handsome but John couldn’t help but get explicit one Saturday morning about trying to find JD’s recent weight loss secret. Luckily, we have Wallace Edwards to break down how all of these celebrity diets cultivated from one daring Carpenter. It’s just too bad about Karen!
Thanks for joining us for this week's #JCWPodcast #JCWArchive. Please don't forget to Like, Share, and most importantly, Subscribe--to make sure you get the latest John Clay Wolfe Show materials as soon as they're released! So keep an eye out for that tuna salad...and we'll see you Saturday
The John Clay Wolfe Show
John Clay Wolfe
0:00
8:50