JCW ARCHIVE: The Dookie Whodunnit?

The John Clay Wolf Show has appeared on Terrestrial Radio for a really, really, really long time.

So we dug into our pockets, and on the other side of our...

We found something funny.

And yes, it's contagious.

Gather round as the wolf pack goes on this throwback adventure.

What it do er buddy is ya boi DJ Pre-K with the John Clay Wolf Show.

Y'all know what's going on man, I'm hanging out in the archives, and I could smell this one from a mile.

Now when some mystery s*** straight up drops deuce in the urinal at work, it's like a bomb going off man.

People screaming and running around. It's traumatizing. I seat it. I was there man.

I had to get to the bottom of this, so me and the production team got on the case and tried to put a face to the disgrace left in that urinal.

I've uncovered a few theories, but the truth might surprise you. Check it out.

We had the situation last week where somebody took a dump in the urinal,

and let's play the clip and then we'll readdress it when we get back because we did some investigators

around the office. We went code red to try to figure out who it was.

Mike Turley, I understand you have some insight into what happened here.

So you're trying to get the scoop on the poop. What happened was somebody decided they couldn't make it to the toilet,

and they took a big ol in the urinal, a men's urinal that's wide open, no door, and then it dribbled on the floor.

For somebody to clean. It's the most disrespectful thing I've ever seen.

I just want somebody just to come up and just tell me. If it's an accident, I get accidents happen,

but if you just said something, I wouldn't disclose it and share with everybody else.

I mean, because that's a personal issue, but leaving it for somebody else to clean,

then it's a problem. And what do you think the punishment should be for this dastardly culprit?

They're fired. Now, ultimately, it would have to go up to John too, but I don't want them here.

That's a pig. We don't need pigs. Harsh words from a harsh man.

Hey, Mike, if we ever have this happen again and we do it again, if you'll leave the

dribble floor thing out, I'd appreciate it. Yeah, I was very descriptive. Sorry. Thank you.

So this whole took a dump in the urinal thing. I mean, it's gross. I know it, but I mean, you wouldn't

just you wouldn't believe it. Turley, I think, really got excited on this because the email

chain that they had me on it was all that you would have thought there was an active shooter

in the building. Hey, that's what it felt like to me. I mean, you really this really got you.

You really wanted to like put everybody on lockdown, call the police and check everybody's

britches. Yes. I mean, Jesus Christ. Everyone line up. Okay, so y'all roll me through what you've

done here. So we hired a and I guess we could say hired. He already works for us an investigative

reporter. I wanted somebody to go around the office and get the scoop on the poop. All right.

And so we I couldn't think of anybody better to use than our own DJ pre-k. P I pre-k. P I

pre-k now, right? Magnum pre-k. P I M P pre-k. And you know, I'm just trying to get down to

the dirty bottom of this story because the dookie bandits out here running wild right now. He's free.

Okay. So as y'all heard, I talked to the man who has had the drop on the story from the

beginning, Mike Terri, that after that, I talked to, you know, a bunch of people, man. I talked to

a newer employee who had, you know, some pretty obvious bowel problems. So let's let's hear from him.

This is DJ pre-k investigative journalist with the John Clay Wolf Show. I'm sitting here with

the newest give me the then employee. I understand you heard about what's going on, right?

Uh, yeah, a little bit. It wasn't me. I had a little bit of, I'd be asked, but that's it.

I just can't control my flashlights. Leave me alone.

Did you do this? No, I had already pooped 27 times that day and I was downstairs anyway.

Well, how do we know this wasn't your 28th time? Because I'm not a liar. I'm just a taste loss of

dumps. Do you have any insight into who might have done this?

I don't know, but don't give him too much crap.

For some reason, I believe him. Is that the clever one?

I don't know, but you're not taking this serious pre-k. Come on. I'm taking this very serious.

Now the new employee, S word Larry is a good guy, despite his condition. So I kept looking and

just trying to find more info and see what people think. And a lot of people had a lot to say on

this as we're gonna hear. How do you feel about the situation? Poop is raining from the ceilings.

I'm horrible and disgusting that we have to deal with this kind of behavior and it's unacceptable.

It makes me feel really dirty and sad. It's your situation. I'm pretty gay.

We can't use the F word on the radio. Sorry. I mean, that's pretty, pretty.

We're gonna try this again with somebody else. From what I understand, somebody decided to make

the wrong kind of deposit in the urinal. And how does that make you feel happy to be a female?

Been management. Maybe it's a joke. Kind of a sick joke.

That's right, Kanye. After I talk to a lot of people, man, it turns out some people in office

were like really affected by this. But let's hear some more.

When you have nausea, heartbreak, indigestion. I know what happened because I was coming in the

restroom when somebody was coming out and he had a very pale face. And it was right after we got

through eating lunch. I was like, dude, what's wrong with you? And he's like, man, my stomach just

hurts so bad. And that's when I saw it. I came across it. You'd have a strange feeling when I

saw what I saw. The size of this particular piece of matter. I could only imagine the

path that it had to stretch to get out. It was enormous. And it was in the wrong part of the

bathroom. That's where pee goes, not poop. We're going to find who did this. Please. Never get

tragic. Monday morning. You know, finally, after collecting as much info as I could,

it turns out the culprit was right under our noses this whole time. What?

Pardon me if I don't stick around to watch the thrilling conclusion of...

Somebody that I've known that works here since sixth grade. I mean, I hate to say his name.

I'll say it. Are you talking about General Manager Michael Turley?

Yeah, I mean, it's funny you said that because that's what I keep hearing.

Not true. What? Maybe that's why he got so upset about it.

I know for a matter of fact, it was Mike Turley. I thought it was horse poop.

I was going to say something to John, but I don't want to lose my job, man. You know,

knowing him since sixth grade, he always had a problem like if he had too much spicy food.

And then I went to his office. He was out of the office, but I found all these bottles of

hot sauce on his desk. So kind of points in that direction.

I'd get up to hug you, but sitting down is the only thing keeping the poop in.

There we have it. That's great. You've been the dookie banded this whole time.

You are the PIMP. The PIMP. I think I want my money back because that was the worst investigation

ever. Wait, I'm getting paid for this? I was gonna. Yeah. Not anymore. No.

Investigation continues. God. Jesus. Well done there. Production was awesome.

800-800-7234 Monday morning. I will begin in the call. They'll show me the meters,

the ratings, and how I've ran everybody off. Hello, John. It's Pop Quarters,

program director of... You know, you did a segment featuring a lot of scatological humor

during your fourth segment the other morning. We don't really like that out here.

All right, y'all know what to do. Hit us up on JohnClayWolf.com. You can check out old episodes

on there. Stay up to date with what we got going on. Get cool gear. We got hats, shirts, all that.

Hit us up on Facebook. Search JohnClayWolfShow. We're on Instagram, John's on Twitter. You can

holler at all of us, okay? You know how to spell it, okay? We appreciate y'all listening. Keep on

rocking with us.

JCW ARCHIVE: The Dookie Whodunnit?

hot sauce

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