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we are not going to do them any service by letting them think that their emotions should rule them.
If I, I mean, that is everything. I have become a more strong and
independent in a good way, like as like an individual, I should say, and a
confident person when I started realizing, oh wait,
my life should not be led by the way that I feel right now. It has nothing to do with the truth
of anything at all. It is a meter. It's good to, you know, God made us with emotions. It's not to,
you know, suppress them and just act like they don't exist. No, that's not what I'm saying.
It's this, okay, recognizing it, but that is not truth. That is not necessarily,
you know, where I'm going to stay. It shouldn't be.
Hey, it's the Scrobots and you're listening to Batteries Not Included.
Strong and resilient family culture doesn't just magically happen.
It requires hard work, intentional leadership, and constant culture building.
Episode three, September 29th, 2022. Welcome back to the show. I'm Lucas.
And I'm Rachel. And today we've gotten some feedback from listeners already.
And what, what are the folks out there in the social media land saying?
Yeah, we've gotten some great feedback. I have loved hearing from each and every one of you
on how this is just encouraging you and strengthening you, already implementing
some of the things we've talked about. It's been really awesome. You know, that's the whole point
of being here is just to encourage and spur each other on in this journey of building a family
culture. And one of the more surprising things, I don't know why I'm surprised by it, but one of
the things that some, a handful of you guys have been saying is how needed this style of
parenting and culture building in your family is because it is really, right now, the whole
gentle parenting is everywhere. It's inundated in social media on all Instagrams and blog posts.
And it's really giving this, yeah, an interesting look on how to parent your kids right now. A lot
of it, you know, having to do with probably the ways that your parents were parented and
we were parented by our parents. So we want to like do the opposite, I guess. And so,
just this gentle parenting approach and how, you know, us talking about intentionally leading
our families is really so needed and it was just interesting. Yeah, I think in the gentle
parenting movement, for sure, if you were sitting down and talking with someone who
does gentle parenting, they'd probably have some disagreements or they might say, well,
really in gentle parenting, it is about setting boundaries. It is about giving leadership and
growing in empathy. And a lot of things that we do talk about here on the show, but within the
within the ether or the zeitgeist, if you will, of culture within the atmosphere,
right now, what's really leading the culture is saying your feelings are in supreme. Whatever
you feel, that is your truth. That is your reality. Whatever your kids want to do or explore,
you need to let them do that if you're if your kid is having an identity crisis. And they say
that they're a cat instead or just do you make believe saying that I'm a cat? It is our responsibility
as parents to be like, oh, that's that's funny, Susie. That's funny, Johnny. You're actually a boy.
You're actually a girl. Your gender is not malleable. You can't become a cat. But right now
in culture, they're saying if a kid feels it or believes it or thinks it, it is true. And you
must affirm them in whatever it is that they're feeling. And this is a movement that is happening.
And it's really an attack on family. And it's it's taking away parents ability
to really understand where where is my role as a parent to say, these are the boundary lines.
This is what we believe. This is what we don't believe. This is what God teaches. This is what
God doesn't teach. It's a very fine line. You this morning, you were thinking about this. What
were some of those things that you were meditating on or kind of coming to you as you were thinking
about this gentle parenting movement? Yeah, so I think, you know, as we are trying to allow our
kids to just be who they want to be and express things how they want to express things, the danger
of that can be that one, they are too young to even even scientifically, developmentally know
what they're feeling. And then, you know, what we're going to encourage them to be led by those
feelings? No, because that's not what we're called to do as in their in their lives. The roles that
we have in their lives is to help them live self controlled lives and to learn how to control
those emotions, even though we have them, yes, identify them. Yes, say, you know, this, you know,
this is anger right now. Okay, are we going to let that lead us? Are we going to let that dictate
us? No. And so it's our jobs to help them identify that, but then lead them into all truth and
righteousness. And so I was thinking about this this morning, and I think, you know, I just got a
revelation from the Holy Spirit, I was thinking, wow, this whole movement of gentle parenting,
really, you know, if we swing to the whole other side of just allowing our kids to, I don't know,
for a lack of lack of a better term, rule the roost type of things where they don't have a lot of
structure and just kind of anything goes aka chaos. I think that what's happening and I just,
I don't know, I just saw it for the first time this morning, I was thinking, wow, this lack of
really taking initiative as parents being intentional being just on guard and alert and
so reminded and yeah, again, intentional with our kids. And when we take our hands off and we kind
of allow, well, our kids will know and we got to let them like search within and know, you know,
their own, what their own will is. It's us as parents, we're not fulfilling our role to lead
and guide and teach and exhort and discipline and yeah, show them right from wrong and lead them
pointing to Jesus. So what's happening is there's this identity crisis within our what will happen
is and is already happening is there's an identity crisis within our generation of children where
they're not confident in who they are. So then there is that confusion on gender. Well,
am I a woman or am I or am I a girl or am I a boy? Am I this or am I that? I don't know.
And so then their identity is getting attacked and I just saw this being so connected of like
for our lack of stepping up and saying, okay, let's run after the truth of God and God's word.
Who does he say you are? What are you calling us to lift up your perspective to heaven?
And we can do that with our kids from a young age. We were doing it with our boys and they are so
confident and strong and who they are because of this because they will rise to the occasion.
So it is our job to do that or else Satan is going to get a foothold in our families,
in our children and in our family. And that's where the confusion of who am I?
What am I? What am I doing on this earth? Who, you know, what am I called to? Well,
I don't know. So, you know, we're they're going to easily go to the extreme of saying, well, I must
be a man if I'm a woman or I must be a woman. Especially when culture is pushing that, when
they're seeing that in the media. There was a study that came out that said by the age of 14,
14 year olds have consumed 6.2 years of media. Wow. Like eight hours a day,
every day, six years of watching media. It's media that is shaping people's worldview.
That it's exactly what it is. And the story that you're telling is making me think of
this. You'll probably remember it was this leadership exercise from probably like 12 years ago.
In the leadership exercise, the person who's supposed to be running the leadership class
came in and instead of sitting in the going to the front and greeting the class and
starting the lesson, they just sat down on the front row silently.
And here it's like five minutes passes. Everyone's kind of like,
okay, this is a test. We're supposed to do something. So they like try to like some people
like try to greet him like, hey, come up, come up here and come lead. And he just ignores him.
He pulls out his phone, does some text messaging and emails. Someone's like, oh,
someone, we're probably need to lead the class. Okay. So someone like gets up and
tries to lead the class and he pulls out his newspaper and starts to read the paper and
for 30 minutes, my gosh, this goes on and on and on. And some people end up, it's like just
total most uncomfortable chaos. And at the end of it, he finally gets up and he says,
that is what happens when leaders don't lead. When leaders don't lead,
those who that are supposed to be led in that instance in that moment, they start freaking out.
They're like, okay, maybe mom and dad are upset about something. Maybe I need to greet them somehow.
Okay, I'll try to adapt what I'm doing. I'll try to, you know, pull the leader out of them or,
okay, maybe I'm supposed to, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna take leadership because maybe that's
what they want me to do. When there is an absence of leadership, those who are not
going to lead, try to fill that void. And that's what happens in our family when we
don't lead when we're not taking the appropriate steps to lead our family into
truth. Exactly. And when we as individuals are not fulfilling the roles that we are supposed
to fulfill, our God given roles as mom and dad, because he has, he's given us these specific roles
as parents to lead our children. They do not know how to lead a family. They don't know how to lead
a family yet. And it is through our leadership in their lives, it's in our casting vision,
it's our intentionality, our commitment to them to exhort, uplift, discipline, and correct rebuke.
You know, it is our job. That's why God gave us, put us into families. So we have this structure,
so then they can replicate that with their family and lead their family because that's what, you
know, it's supposed to be, you get these complexes because then kids feel like they have to, as
exactly like you said, step up if their parents are just kind of like, well, I'll just let you
decide, you know, it starts small. Like, well, do you want the blue shirt or the red shirt? And
again, there's nothing wrong with that. That's good power of choice. I'll often do that with our
three year old. We always do that. Yeah, it's great because you can give them control. Like,
you're winning in the end. He is getting dressed, but he gets to pick which shirt
or do you want to brush your teeth now or after you get out of the back? Like, I'm a huge fan of
that. I think that's great. But when we expect our kids like having a three hour meltdown on the
floor screaming and you're just sitting there because you're like, you're feeling powerless,
I can guarantee you, I feel literal like tingles all over my body thinking about that situation,
sitting by my child as they're screaming, they do not know how to regulate their emotions. They
have no idea how to calm down, self soothe and no one's taking leadership. You're not, you're
sitting there feeling, well, if I do something, then I'm going to step out of the zone of gentle
parenting and they should be able to pull from themselves right now and know what to do. And
I'm sorry, I have never seen where that has worked. I've never seen it. You're not shutting
them down and calling them names and telling them to shut up and, you know, get with it. I mean,
that's not, you shouldn't be. But in that moment, how are you leading your kid into self control
and in the fruit of the Holy Spirit by saying, man, this is hard, but we are not led by our
emotions and calling our children forth up to the occasion so that they can rise to that occasion.
And it goes back to, like you said, if we are not because of the agenda in the media, in the media
right now, in schools right now, all around us, if we do not step out, just as though in the family
realm, if we don't step up, our kids do, the media will take that place and someone will be a voice
louder than us and our kids will say, oh, well, that must be how it's supposed to be. And I guess
my question is to us and to my fellow parent, parent friends right now is what voice do we want
our kids to listen to? And where do we want them? Yeah, whose voice do we want them to
listen to? I guess is the question. Yeah. As you were saying, sharing that with, you know,
big emotions, again, in this movement and in culture across the board, people are saying
what you feel is truth, what you feel is reality, do what makes you feel good,
do what makes you feel happy. And when our kids experience big emotions all the time,
we lead them by saying it is okay to have big emotions. It is okay to feel those big emotions.
What is not okay, however, is when those big emotions begin to control you, when those big
emotions take over you and you lose self control, because our emotions ought to be submitted to our
mind within our control. And when our emotions aren't, that says we are actually in a place of
not having self control. And we've been given, as you said, a spirit of self control, and we need to
teach our kids to utilize that spirit of self control. Yeah, it's a muscle that has to get
strengthened. It's a muscle that has to be taught how to move and how to be exercised in that moment
so that when those feelings do come up, because we have them as adults. But obviously, as we
develop, we learn how to cope with that, whether it's healthy or unhealthy, we do. But our kids who,
I mean, and you can probably tell me this more, I feel like boys especially, I mean, their
frontal cortex of their brain that helps them regulate emotions and to decide what,
I don't know, right from wrong and impulses is not even fully developed until their 20s,
right? 20s, 24, 25. Oh, your brain doesn't fully finish developing until like 25. I don't know
exactly when our frontal cortex is finished developing. That part of your brain that helps
you be like, okay, is this a really good decision or not? It's not fully even developed, like to
think through that. And so that's a huge part of why we're in our children's lives is to help
them make those decisions and to help them choose, hey, this is like going back to episode one,
this is what's going to help you to help set you up for the long run. If we can choose,
if we can start now as a three-year-old saying, hey, is that the right response or is that the
wrong response? Okay, it's the wrong response. And my three-year-old will tell me if he is grumpy to
his brother and yells at him or is mean or something. It's like, was that the right choice or the
wrong choice? Well, that was the wrong choice. Okay, why? I was mean. Yeah, that was mean. And
God calls us to love one another, to be tenderhearted, forgiving one another. And I'm teaching him in
that age as a three-year-old with the vision of him as a 30-year-old so that he knows, hey,
well, that was not right. I was acting out of my flesh, not out of self-controlled, disciplined,
and in submission to the Holy Spirit who is our light and our salvation. And that's the way that
our kids need to know that or else. How else are they going to know?
There's something bigger going on that you've kind of referred to that media and society,
they're really attacking the leadership of a family. And the leadership of a family is
both the parents and it then is ultimately the husband. And society is pushing for men to become
passive. They're pushing for men to step back away from leadership and just kind of having this
laissez-faire, this like, well, whatever we'll be, we'll be just, you know, I want a happy wife,
happy life. And so I'm just going to let my wife lead. But when you, again, that goes back to
abdicating proper authority and, scripturally speaking, authority is first God. God is then
under man and then man is then or woman is then submitted to her husband. And that is the right
form of relationship. And when that is done correctly, not an overbearing husband who's abusive
and controlling and manipulative, that's just flat out sin. But when a man steps up and says,
you know what, this is actually my responsibility to lead my family. I'm going to take charge,
I'm going to grow a set, I'm going to stand up and I'm going to say, no, I'm going to lead my family
forward with courage, with boldness and with confidence. And what's happening in culture,
yes, it is an attack against family. But it's also more than that, it's an attack against
the authority of God. Because what they're trying to do in a generation is say, don't trust authority,
don't trust your parents, trust your feelings, don't trust the government, don't trust the laws,
laws are bad, don't trust God. Instead, you are God, you little kid who you can't vote,
you can't drink, you can't do anything, but man, trust your feelings. If you wake up and after,
you feel a certain way, well, that is your truth, that is your reality, be the unique you.
And that's really a fruit of the attack on the authority structure within a family. And
men's willingness to step up and say, you know what, I'm going to take leadership,
I am going to say, this is the way that we're going. And it also means, as a man, having a slice of
humility and repentance and saying, I've not been leading right, here's shortfalls, hey,
my grumpiness, my grumpiness and my anger, that sin, I'm going to deal with that, I'm going to come
with tearful repentance, because when we're leading as men, it's not just an overbearing,
I'm going to now give commands, but you have to lead by example first. And I love the saying of
a good leader, a good leader is someone who is willing to jump in the trench and do the work
and bleed while your soldier sweats. And if you're not willing to bleed as a husband, while your
family sweats, something's lacking. Yeah, and that's where it always comes back to this
initiatory leadership and confidence in your role as dad, as husband, my role as wife and as mom,
and confidently stepping out in that because our kids will follow suit and they will feel
the security in that. I mean, how much do we as adults need the affirmation from God to tell us
who we are to lead us? We look to the word to guide us and direct us and teach us how to live.
We need it and we need to continually come back to, okay, God, who do you say that I am?
What are you speaking over me and how do you see me? And then I'm going to align myself with that
and that's what's going to cause me to be broken free from shame and guilt and self-hatred and
lack of confidence and step out in boldness and that revelation of how God sees us, who He's
called us to be. And it's not, God sits with us in our hardship and in our pain and in our suffering
and in our confusion in the wrestle, but it's, you know, He comforts us when we mourn and when
we're suffering and when we're having a hard time. But then He does that so He can lead us
into all truth and unrighteousness. And that is lifting our perspective to heaven and seeing
with heavenly perspective. And that is what we're modeling. I mean, He models that for us. He
doesn't sit with us and be like, okay, it's fine that you feel that way and I'll just stay there.
And He doesn't do that because He, and He does that and He calls us higher because He loves us
because He knows this is your destiny. This is who you're called to be. Let's rise up to step into
the man that you're supposed to be, the woman that you're supposed to be. So,
of course, that's what we're supposed to do for our kids and we have seen that be incredible for
our kids, you know, when they have moments of timidity or a lack of self-confidence.
And us literally seeing their original design and calling forth who they are,
it causes them to rise to that occasion every single time because then they believe it.
Because if mom and dad would say that, I mean, we are the biggest voices in their lives. And so,
we need to start speaking to them and leading them as if we are. And man,
they are going to be and become what we speak over them. And that's a whole other topic for
another time, a life and death in the power of the tongue. But it's the same thing, you know,
we can, in those moments, it's that strong, initiatory leadership that will cause our children to
rise up and not be led by their emotions, but be led by the truth of the word of God. And
yeah, we are not going to do them any service by letting them think that
their emotions should rule them. I mean, that is everything. I have become a more strong and
independent in a good way, like as like an individual, I should say, and a
confident person when I started realizing, oh wait, my life should not be led by the way that
I feel right now. It has nothing to do with the truth of anything at all. It is a meter. It's
good to, you know, God made us with emotions. It's not to, you know, suppress them and just
act like they don't exist. No, that's not what I'm saying. It's this, okay, recognizing it,
but that is not truth. That is not necessarily, you know, where I'm going to stay. It shouldn't be,
you know, it's, it's rising up and, yeah, just. Well, even as scripture says, our heart, our heart
is deceitful. My emotions often deceive me. I can get discouraged and we're commanded,
do not be discouraged. I can feel jealous or envious. And it's like, well, that, that's a
sinful behavior too. I can be sad. And so they're, and as you said, it's not to just squash and do
away with our emotions, but to realize that we have to live from that heavenly perspective first.
We have to first and foremost live from a perspective of, okay, yes, this is my reality.
This is what I feel right now, but I'm going to live from a different place. And that place is
a place of truth. And then doing that with our kids is like, yeah, okay, you are, you are very
disappointed right now. You are very sad right now. But let's lift up our eyes and let's live
out of a place of truth. Let's live supermindedly. Yep, exactly. And our kids need that from us.
They need that guidance, that counsel us to lead confidently. Because that's,
they're learning confidence. They're learning, you know, how do I, how do I live a self-controlled
life? How do I not allow my emotions to define me? How do I, you know, be confident in who I am? And
that is coming from us as their parents to lead them in that. And without us stepping into that
role, there's going to be confusion on, you know, who am I? Where is my, where is my boundary line?
Where, you know, it all comes back to that. It really does. So setting that culture in your
family is, is, I can't even express how important it is. It just, it is.
You had a, earlier when we were in the pre-show, you were reading that, you pulled out a Bible
passage. Can you read, can you read that for us? Yeah, so it's out of Titus chapter two.
But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men, fathers, are to be sober-minded,
dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Older women, mothers,
likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanders or slaves of too much wine, which
the whole culture of, I'm home with my kids today, so I better get the wine, get my wine on,
and the celebrating wine as this normal thing, because we can't handle being at home with our
kids. Oh my goodness. Wow, that's dangerous. They are to teach what is good and so train the
young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home,
kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled, and likewise,
urge the younger men, so as mothers, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. Show yourself
in all respects to be a model of good works and in your teaching show integrity, dignity,
and sound speech that cannot be condemned so that an opportunity may be put to shame,
having nothing evil to say about us. I want to pause you. I want to pause you for a quick
second and ask you a question. What do you think, when they talk about older men, are they talking
about people who are in, like, geriatrics in their 80s, 60s, and nursing home and younger men? Like,
what do you think older and younger men really is applying to hear? I think older men is talking
about us, men in their 30s, fathers. You are... Men in your 20s. Men in your 20s. If you are old
enough to get married and get your wife pregnant... If you're old enough to go to war... You are that
older men and we... You are. You are the father. You are fathering the next generation. Gosh,
there's such a mentality. And again, we probably don't have the ability to connect it all in
this episode. But back to that first premise that you said, there's this attack against family and
attack against leadership with... Combined in all of this is an attack to extend adolescence
into our 20s, into our 30s, into our 40s so that it takes longer and longer and longer for people
to stand up and take ownership and become adults, which is a topic for a totally different day.
But you can see this in 20 and 30 year olds today, where we're going around saying, man,
I just need to... I need to find someone to mentor me. I need to... I just gotta wait till I grow up.
I need to wait till I have all my stuff together before I set out and help someone else or before
I set out and really become the man or the woman or the leader that I ought to be. But really,
here it is. It's, man, it's black and white, older men are to be sober-minded, dignified,
self-control, sound and faith and love and steadfastness. That's you. You have the ability
to understand what's going on in this podcast and you have a family and kids. You are that older
man. That is what we are commanded and called to be. Yep, exactly. This is talking to our roles as
fathers and mothers, to teach what is good and to teach our kids self-control, purity.
And then it goes on to say, the last couple of verses is,
for the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce
ungodliness and worldly passions and to live, again, self-controlled upright and godly lives
in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and
Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify
himself, a people for his own possession, who are zealous for good works. And then it ends with,
declare these things, exhort and rebuke with all authority, let no one disregard you.
I have to stop you right there, babe, because you can't say that. You can't say
renouncing ungodliness because that is being hateful and putting your beliefs on other people
if you disagree with something that is wicked and ungodly. Get out of here. So we're going to have
to cancel you off the show. Wow. But it's right there, training us to renounce ungodliness and
worldly passions, to live self-controlled and upright and godly lives in the present age.
Exactly. We are literally raising up children who will not shrink back in the face of
slander and lies. And when push comes to shove, we want to raise up confident, you know, not
backing down men and women who are confident in what they believe and where they stand,
who are not swayed by their emotions, who are not swayed by worldly passions.
Yes, they may come to tempt us, but we know how to commune with the Holy Spirit and to call upon
the Holy Spirit to help us execute the fruit of the Spirit. And we have to teach them this now
so that we are doing everything we can to prepare them for everything that life will throw at them,
everything, you know, that lies that the enemy will come in to try to get them off course and get
them off track. But this confidence in who they are has to be built now as young adults. And it
starts with, hey, no, you're not led by your emotions. It's okay that you have that. You're
disappointed. You're sad. This is not, you know, who you are. This is not, this is not just like
the truth that will lead you and end up anywhere good, but that's our job to teach what is good,
to teach purity, to purity of mind and thought. Yeah, it says, you know, right here,
treat Dimas from all lawlessness to purify himself of people for his own possession for zealous,
for good works. And then it says, declare these things,
exhort and rebuke with all authority, let no one disregard you. Now,
maybe there's some people who are saying, well, you know, I'm not, I'm not in that place of
authority and leadership, but you are in the place of authority and leadership in your family.
You are in that place of authority and real leadership. And so in that, even if that's the
only realm that we have authority and leadership, that is a realm that we are called to exhort
and rebuke with all authority. And we don't have to worry about our kids disregarding us.
And, you know, what's going through my mind as we come to the end of this show,
it's like a real practical question of like, okay, oh, well, okay, but yeah, but like, how,
like, okay, you say that your emotions are good, but you can't, you can't let your emotions
control you and you need to have your kids be led into truth and hold onto truth. How do, how,
how do I practically do that with my seven year old? Like, what's it like a tangible tool that I can
go and start to work to implement in my family? I think the answer is going back to episode two,
talking about the thought feeling action. You have a very practical tool, you know,
all of our lives and Lucas, sure for you, you, you know, take every thought captive into the
obedience of Christ. And we hear that, oh, don't have that thought. And so for me, for so long,
I was, I just would, oh, you can't think that Rachel, don't think that way. But it wasn't
dealing with what I was actually feeling or thinking. It was just suppressing them, telling
them to shut up, go away, you know. But yeah, as I learned this tool, you know, counseling,
it's huge, amazing, do it. It's this triangle of, okay, what thought are you having right now?
No one likes me. Okay. What does that make you feel? It makes me feel rejected. It makes me feel
alone. Okay. And then what does that make you do? Like, what's the action? Well, that
makes me kind of shrink back and, you know, cross my arms and hang my head. Okay. And you can go
through that for a little bit to let him like get to the bottom of that. And then let's say, okay,
well, what do you think God is saying about you right now?
He loves me? Yeah. I bet he, I bet that's what he's saying. Okay. What does that make you feel?
Makes me feel happy. Okay. And what does that happiness and knowing that God loves you make
you do? Makes me feel peaceful or makes me feel like I can rest and, you know,
your kids are going to have different answers. And then you're seeing noticeably, like they're
walking them, you're helping them walk through this exercise that's literally leading them
into all truth. And, and then that, okay. And then that makes you feel like you can rest and maybe
just like be yourself right now with your brothers. What does that, what is it? What does that then
make you think? I am special. Okay. What is that special? What is that knowing that you're special?
God's saying you're special. What does that make you feel? Makes me feel bold, make me feel brave.
Oh, wow. Okay. Wow. And then, so literally, I would do this for myself when we would, you and I
would be in like these arguments and we were unlearning some unhealthy cycles. I had to rewire
my brain. Right. Because no one else is going to do it for you. But I'm sorry, our kids do not
know how to do that on their own unless we teach them. And so this is a tool for you as a parent
when you need to help regulate yourself and you can't, you know, connect with your kid to discipline
them that will, you know, bring connection. You might need a timeout to be like for yourself to
be like, okay, go through these and go through these thought feeling action, thought feeling action
and then replace it with truth. And so then you can lead your kid into the truth of God's word,
pull from the word of God. Like what does God say about you? Like it's, you're training them to
replace those lies with truth, which then they're going to be able to do on their own when, you
know, we're not there all the time, but the Holy Spirit is, and you're like, okay, what is Holy
Spirit saying right now? And you're teaching them to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit and who is
our continual helper, who is our friend and our counselor. And we want them to know how to
to talk with and commune with the Holy Spirit, because we're not going to always be there in
that voice. And so we have to teach and train them in that. And that is like one of, but just a
very practical thing you can literally step in right now and lead your child in.
What I think is really interesting, what you just described there is what we, again, as you said,
learn from therapy and those, it's a tool from cognitive behavioral therapy, CBT.
And in that, the foundation of it is not the beginning, the precept of it is not what do you
feel, but it's what is your thought. And that our thought is the first point, which
if, you know, whatever that thought is, if it's true or not true, it then begins a specific cycle.
And that cycle of whatever you think and whatever you believe, that then is going to
color the way that you feel, and that is going to come out in your actions. So your beliefs
go up into your feelings, and that produces a whole bunch of actions. Oftentimes, in our
parenting or even our personal discipleship walk, we try to deal with all of the actions that are
up here and out there, rather than coming down and nailing our beliefs. So if we have a belief
that no one likes me, and then we feel rejected, and then we keep on pulling back away from friendships,
and so we spend all of our energy trying to find good friends, or we're never going to find good
friends, because the problem is not that you can't find good friends, the problem is that you believe
that no one likes you. And so when we break all of that down and say, no, we're not to be led by
our emotions, our emotions signal that there's something going on in our thought life, there's
something going on in our belief life, and we can use those emotions as signals or flags that says,
hey, something's going on here, you see a flag waving, you're like, hey, I need to pay attention
to this, something's going on here, why am I feeling this in my marriage? Why am I feeling
unloved in my marriage? Or feeling those feelings of contempt or defensiveness? What is that flag
thing? Oh, there's something deeper, there's a truth that I'm missing or a lie that I'm believing,
and then when we go and we train our kids with the truth, the eternal truth, the word of God,
that is the thing that breaks them out of cycles and makes them powerful people, and that's the
same thing that breaks us out of cycles, is when we replace lies with truth.
Yeah, exactly, and that is taking every thought captive under the obedience of Christ,
like that is when it clicked for me, it was like, oh, this is what the Bible says,
this is what it means, and this is an actual tool to do it. I mean, for two and a half decades of
my life, I just didn't know how to do it, and it's so empowering because, yeah, the word is alive
and active, it's sharper than any two double-edged sword, and it pierces our hearts, and it's what
will lead us and our kids to the ultimate truth of what God has for us and who he's calling us to
be, and it drowns out every other voice because, yeah, emotions are meters, but they're not meant to
guide us and lead us. It's deceitful, you know, if we were to identify them, so.
Yeah, that's so great. Well, where can we find, where can we, where can people find the show?
You can find us on Instagram right now, at Rachel Skrobot, or at Lucas Skrobot,
and give us some questions. Ask some questions. If you ask that enough questions,
we will definitely play them, answer them here on the show. And finally, if you want to get more out
of the show, we, the way that you get more out of the show is by sharing it with other people,
because you want to build a strong culture in your family, you want to build a strong culture
in your community. And the way that we do that is by building shared meaning, by building shared
culture. And so, share the show with someone who thinks like you, who likes you, who you're already
having these sorts of conversations with. Don't send it to your cousin or your sister that you're
always bickering about stuff and say, hey, listen to this in a passive aggressive way.
They will only hate the show more and hate you more. And it's passive aggressive. It never
works. And people don't feel loved by doing that. And you want to make people feel loved.
So that's all that we have for today's show. I'm Lucas. And I'm Rachel. And we'll see you next
time right here on batteries, not included.
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