Leave It to Dale to Pack This for His Cruise…

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Oh, yeah, this is the way it's going to be, girl.

If we're going to hang out, open a bunch of jars,

you got big, strong hands.

Are you suffering from high-crackers?

I'm working.

Working that mouth.

All right, guys, thank you for joining us.

We're here in Dirty Mo Media Studios,

Dale, Junior, and I for another episode of Bless Your Heart.

And we got some fun stuff to talk about today.

One thing I think we need to just start with,

because we missed this with our crew's conversation,

is your medical device.

Well, yep.

So Dale always travels with this little crossbody

or smaller backpack.

Not a medical device.

His iPad will fit in it, which is huge.

So it's not super small, but it's not a full-size backpack.

We're getting ready for the cruise,

and he's got this giant orange and black backpack.

And it looks to be full.

And it's like two days before we're even leaving.

So he's fully prepared, his carry-on,

more than he typically does.

This goes back to the, this goes back to,

so me and TJ are in this college football dynasty on Xbox,

and we needed to be able to log in

just to do a couple of things.

And so I bought this miniature Xbox

that would fit in my bag.

You bought it for this cruise?

Oh my God, that makes it even worse.

So anyway, he's got this backpack,

he's got the passports, he's got all the things in there.

So I'm like, okay, Dale's in charge

of all the important things.

We're going through customs

after we just get parked and everything.

We're going through the customs line.

It's like the airport.

You have to go through the scanner and all the things.

Your bag goes down the line,

and we all get our stuff back,

and his backpack gets flagged.

And I'm like, oh, great.

Well, it was the Xbox,

but the guy at the terminal was like, excuse me, sir,

do you have a medical device?

And I just looked at him like shaking my head,

like you packed this illegal box in here

that's not supposed to come up.

They're very strict about like,

any extra electronics or anything

because they don't want you to shake out the boat, right?

Somebody brought an air fryer.

Yes.

They thought that was going to get through.

Yes, so like on the way out,

TJ got some wires confiscated.

So we had to go pick up TJ's wires

when we were leaving the cruise.

And we saw the table full of sh**

that people were going to try to bring on the boat.

Somebody thought they were actually going to carry

the air fryer into their room with air fry food.

Just cooking up their own meals in their room.

All inclusive.

Food's cooked for you.

I'm just cooking myself.

And they brought an air fryer.

I just wanted to bring an Xbox, come on.

So he brought a brand new travel size Xbox

just so TJ could advance the lead.

Me and TJ had the TV off the wall in this little cat,

in this, we're in the, we're in the room.

They went back to the room to rest.

No.

And we were at Biffety Boppy Boo.

They went back to the room.

They were supposed to be going to the pirate bar.

They went back to the room.

Where's your sh**, Ram?

And we had to come back to get their dresses

for something for the tea.

I was like, damn it.

And I'm like, you are busted.

They were sitting there,

his face gets as red as it possibly could.

Cause he didn't expect me to come back

and see him playing video games.

I was like, TJ, Amy is,

Amy has a sense that we're playing an Xbox

and she's only, she's not,

hey, bring me the dress.

She's like, I'm coming back to the room.

You're busted.

To get the dress.

Cause she knew we were in there playing the Xbox

and she's like, I'm going to catch them.

And I did.

I was like, you two,

there will be consequences and repercussions.

You guys are just criminals.

Like, why can't you just give this up for a damn weekend?

We had to take for one year

and I couldn't keep up with them.

We had to take the TV off the wall.

It's embarrassing.

And it's one of those TVs.

It's not supposed to come off the wall.

They're like, they had it fastened.

In such a way you're not, it's not coming out.

Cause you're on a boat and it's not supposed to wiggle.

Enjoy the TV, how it is.

Yeah.

We got it.

They didn't fool us.

We got it.

Did you put it back though?

Oh, you saw it.

It was on the wall when you walked in there.

I mean, not like, I know it was back on the wall,

but was it tight?

No, you got, now I'm nervous.

We're going to get a bill for our damn boat TV.

No, it's fine.

Anyway, they can't quit.

We missed that.

And the medical device saying,

and TJ hissing over here,

cause TJ was the one that teed this whole thing up,

but he didn't want to bring it and get in trouble.

TJ's like, hey, man.

With his wife in the middle of the Disney terminal.

TJ's like, hey, buy an Xbox S.

It's a little one.

And I'm like, cool, I'll buy an Xbox S.

And cause I had an Xbox that I was taking around

to the, on the fifth wheel and stuff.

And it's big and it's tough to get in and out

from under the bed and all that stuff.

So I'm like, I'll just buy this S

and now I'll have this travel one

for whatever, wherever I want to go.

So I mean, I bought it for a long more

than just a cruise,

but it was fit right in my-

I know, like why do we have to take it on vacation?

That's the whole point.

Yeah.

If it right in my backpack,

I mean, it was like it was meant to be.

It's a sickness.

It's an addiction and a sickness.

It is.

If you can't even go on vacation

without taking video games,

then are you actually on vacation?

No.

Well, there were 30 other people in the league

that were like, hey, are we gonna advance?

It's late.

Why aren't we advancing today?

It's supposed to be happening today.

Why are we not there?

Because y'all are on vacation.

We told them that and they were like,

you're holding up 30 of us for your vacation.

Y'all have a problem.

They were like, yeah, this isn't very,

y'all hold up the league for anybody else's vacation.

I am certain there are not 30 other people chirping.

They were.

I might have been one.

I was in this discord for the one year I was there.

I can promise you,

like I had a user game the one year

and I was legitimately sick.

Like on the couch field position,

I'm like, I'm not gonna be able to play the game

and the guys on the discord like,

hey, Travis is sick.

Can we just like force advance?

And they were like,

they had to take a vote on what to do with my game

and like.

That's aggressive, right?

Yes.

I feel like that's like 30,

you get 30 TJ's playing football with you.

There were 30 people going,

you don't hold the week,

you don't hold the advance for us when we're on vacation.

TJ, why are we getting,

why are you getting preferable?

So TJ set the tone for how this plays out.

TJ's very strict.

TJ should have given ownership of the league

up to someone else for the week.

He would never,

he would never do that

considering he might not get it back.

It's like.

Anyhow.

The funny part of this story,

if anybody has forgotten by now,

the late, yeah, I had the Xbox in the bag

and the guys like, is this a medical device?

And I'm like, come on, man,

you're 24 years old,

you know an Xbox when you see one.

He thought it was a defibrillator or something like that.

I was like insulted,

because I'm like 51.

I think you deserved it.

It was great for a moment for me.

No, I don't need a medical device.

Considering your gray beard

and the size of your backpack,

he was like,

not a video game in here.

It's got to be a medical device.

He was wrong.

And it wasn't the kids.

What are we drinking, Ralph?

All right, the drink of the week is,

let's see here.

Is it called the orange crush?

It's in parentheses.

It's something, the orange crush.

It's an oldie but a goodie,

one of our favorites.

In the orange crush,

you have two ounces of hierarch vodka,

one ounce of triple sec,

two to three ounces of fresh squeezed orange juice,

one to two ounces of lemon lime soda,

crushed ice and an orange wedge

if you want a garnish.

A fancy screwdriver.

Yeah, it's a fancy screwdriver.

It's a little, it's a little fizzy.

That's what it should be called,

fancy screwdriver.

Fancy, fancy screwdriver.

Well, there you go.

It's delicious.

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Travis, what are you drinking?

The same thing.

Ooh, fancy.

I told Morgan, it's like,

if you have extra, like don't waste it.

You don't have any ice?

Yeah, no ice in it,

but it's good enough for me.

Yeah.

So, I get up,

yesterday, I get up a couple of days ago,

couple of days ago,

Amy's always cooking breakfast

for the girls in the morning.

So, basically,

most time it's pancakes, eggs,

bacon, that kind of stuff.

Get up the other morning

and I come downstairs

and on the counter is cinnamon toast.

It was like a Saturday.

It was not like a school morning.

So, Amy doesn't know this,

maybe I said something about it.

But,

in the 80s when I lived with dad

on the lake house

with Theresa Nim,

Theresa didn't let us have

a lot of sugar.

We had Popeye cereal that was in a bag.

It's just puffed wheat,

no sugar or nothing.

It was just puffed wheat in a bag.

And I would pour equal and stuff like that.

Those little sugar packs and stuff all over.

It was better than plain puffed wheat.

But...

I would have put brown cereal all together

if that was what I had.

There was no junk food, period, in the house.

No snacks, crackers, no nothing.

At least that's my memory of it.

I'm sure it wasn't as rigid as it is in my memory.

I'm sure it wasn't.

But,

we would get resourceful.

And...

What do you mean?

I would make my...

Stealing sugar packets at the dinner?

No, I wouldn't.

So we did have cinnamon, right?

We did have ingredients for other things.

And I would make myself cinnamon toast

almost multiple times a week,

like in the middle of the day.

When she wasn't at home?

No, she might be there.

I don't remember.

It wasn't that rigid.

But I made myself cinnamon toast all the time.

Kelly showed me how to do it.

And so at 12, 13, 14 years old,

I put a little butter, a little...

I didn't use as much cinnamon as you,

because a little bit goes a long way.

It does.

But I walked in there and looked at that,

and I was like, oh my God,

I have eaten that so many times in my life.

And that was just funny.

Well, the girls had never eaten it before.

And since it was Saturday,

and I didn't really wanna bake something

and take that amount of time,

I decided to make cinnamon toast.

And it was...

Sent me back.

I ate that a lot growing up, too.

I ate a piece of it.

It was good.

That sent me back in my memory bank

into my feelings.

Yeah.

It's your feeling.

My God.

It's a good nostalgic food.

And it's quite easy.

We had a lot of junk growing up.

We always had all the good sugar cereals,

gushers, and all that junk in the cabinet.

We ate terribly.

We used to.

So again, we didn't have...

We had to get creative and resourceful

with our snacking.

And Theresa used to have

all of these weight-watcher meals.

And there was pizza that was kinda on a roll.

And God, I can't remember the name of it.

But it was kind of...

I'm gonna receipt those, too.

It was like a half of a hoagie bun.

Yeah, it was like half of a hoagie bun pizza.

Yeah.

It gave you like legal bite vibes.

Linkwazine?

Maybe?

I don't think so.

I don't know.

I would recognize the name if I saw it,

but this is from the freaking late 80s.

Early...

This is a long...

Weight-watchers, maybe?

Yeah, maybe.

It was shaped like a boat.

Yeah.

Dude, I would...

And I ate these.

I mean, that was...

They were great.

They tasted good.

Yeah.

I know she would buy all that food

for herself for the most part.

But yeah, it was weight-watcher.

That's it right there, the Weight-watchers.

French bread pizza.

I ate...

I bet you I ate thousands of those things.

In between all the pot pies?

Yeah.

Oh, man.

We had chicken pot pie,

and that was...

It was just the standard.

The Swanson's one.

Swanson's one.

Yeah, we ate the same thing.

They were all eating these frozen foods

in the 80s, like all of us.

I'm sorry for anybody out there

that disagrees with this,

but the chicken pot pie was my worst enemy.

It was his arch-nemesis,

because he got fed that so often,

and it had peas in it, which he despised.

So like now the whole dinner is ruined,

because it had four peas in it.

I have a hard time knowing

whether I told this story during our...

We did like 20 hours of interviews

for the Earnhardt doc,

so I may be told that story there.

Maybe I don't want to retell it

if I've told it here, but...

One time,

Theresa made me a chicken pot pie for dinner,

and I was...

I mean, it just was...

I was grossed out by it.

It had no flavor, no salt.

It just was not fun to eat,

and I didn't want to eat it.

And I was so mad,

and this was dumb,

but I chewed that thing up

and spit it back into the plate,

and then made throw-up noises.

You did not.

So...

And trying to...

Was she sitting in the room?

No, she was not in the room.

Golly.

I thought that I...

This is how stupid I was.

I thought that I could convince her

that I had ate it and then puked it back up onto the plate.

That's disgusting.

And she was gonna come in there and go...

And save you.

I'm so sorry that I fed you that.

Oh my God, you threw up.

I feel terrible.

Bless your heart.

Yes.

And she was like...

You fool.

I can tell.

It's not splattered anywhere.

It's not that chewed up.

You already did the hard part.

You did the chew...

You tasted it anyways.

Just swallow the food.

I was desperate.

Desperate to end the run of...

Chicken pot pies.

I was desperate to end this run.

All I needed was that buffalo sauce finger

to squirt some buffalo in it and change this whole life.

That's another story.

Yeah, that's disgusting, by the way.

But I was gonna say,

talking about getting resourceful.

So Kelly turned me on to this and this was a lot of fun.

And it's one of those things that I've tried

to recreate and it's not good.

It's terrible.

We would cut lemons in half.

Yeah.

And she'd get half and I'd get half

and we'd go sit in the living room on the couch

with a salt shaker.

Woof.

And we would dump salt on top of the lemon.

And then eat it.

And then suck on it.

Yeah, suck on it and eat it.

And squeeze it and drink the juice.

Kelly.

I mean, I've tried to...

I remember doing that and being like,

this is awesome.

Do you eat grapefruit with sugar or salt on it?

That's another thing.

Sugar.

I would add sugar to it.

That's another...

Grapefruit.

Tresa turned us on to cutting grapefruits in half.

Getting past the bitterness of the grapefruit

was hard at first, but after a while,

we put sugar on it.

Yeah.

We put sugar on top of the grapefruit

and scoop out the individual little parts.

The sections.

And the other thing that Tresa cooked us

that I'll never forget, this was awesome.

She had these little egg holders

and she...

Hard boiled them.

But they were still soft, yokey in the middle.

And she chipped the top off and cut it off

and slice it off and cut us...

That's very fancy.

Made some toast and cut it in little strips.

You dip it?

Dip it in there.

And that only happened once.

I was like, this is amazing.

They must have gone on a trip somewhere

and she saw that.

She's like, I'm gonna do that when I go home.

Oh man, it was the best breakfast.

I remember having dad and Tresa's house on the lake.

But it only happened...

That only neat little thing happened once.

I was like, never, no more.

It was probably complicated.

Back then, soft boiling eggs, chipped in the top.

Yep, we're going to have chicken pot pie tonight.

I don't like runny eggs either.

You and I eat so differently, it's bizarre.

Like we are completely opposite.

I don't like runny scrambled eggs.

Like I ain't eating an egg yolk.

But I like egg yolk.

Soft like that.

The dip...

Because it's not even hot.

That's why I don't like it.

Because the texture is like a little thick

and it's not even hot.

Do you do over medium eggs?

I don't know what that is.

Well done.

A little runny.

I want my eggs to be rubber.

Same thing with steaks, like cook it well done, please.

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What other cereals do the girls eat?

They have bluey cereal,

Dale brings own bluey cereal.

So here's the thing.

I don't really buy them cereal that often.

We have a couple boxes.

Usually it's just like a basic Cheerio,

but like the organic ones that don't have all the junk in it.

So I'm somewhat like Teresa in that regard

because I just don't want them eating junk like that

every day because that's what they want.

So Dale goes to the grocery store

and if he goes, there's always like some random junk

that he brings home.

At one, on one trip, it was bluey cereal.

And of course I see that blue and I'm like, oh crap.

Why did you buy that?

He goes, no, no, no, no, it doesn't have dye in it.

Look, it's got, what was it?

I don't know.

What's the word?

It starts with an S.

Sugar?

Spirulina.

I don't know.

He tried to tell me what spirulina was.

I don't know what that is.

Well, it's got blue spirulina in it.

I'm like, okay, that's safe.

So there was, yeah.

I don't know what that is.

It could be if it died to you.

I don't know exactly what it is either,

but I know it's safe and healthy.

Like people put blue spirulina in like a smoothie.

So it's good for you.

Yeah, the blue spirulina doesn't have any of the,

at least it says on the box it doesn't have any of the dye.

And it's just like a puff fall.

Every time he goes to the grocery store,

he brings home junk food.

That's a fact.

Like you can't send the man to the grocery store

because even if you send him just to do the pickup,

he goes in and shops afterwards.

He did that this last week.

The thing is though, they know the placement.

They put the stuff right,

like it's impossible to walk past and not grab something.

Amy.

I don't even see it anymore.

Amy doesn't like to go into the store.

She wants to order it, pick it up at the curb.

It's the best thing that happened in 2020.

And I like to go in the store.

So I, she's like, Hey man, I got an order.

Can you go pick it up?

I'm like, great.

I go up there.

I park, I do the stuff on the phone,

the texting back and forth with the store.

They bring it out.

And this is kid, little 18 year old kid.

He's like, who's this order for?

I said, Amy, he was all right.

He said, put it in the truck.

I'm like, yep, put it in the truck.

Let's open the door, I help him.

You know, we're putting this.

I shut the door.

I back out of the pickup parking spot

into a regular spot and then get out and I go inside

and I get me a cart and I'm walking around.

And cause I looked at Amy's order and I'm like, yep,

not, didn't get any, you know,

I didn't get any grapes.

Yep.

And it's because there's a reason

he doesn't like anybody else picking his grapes out.

That's fair.

That is a hard one to bear.

Which is like, you know, a man stirring his drink

or making him a cocktail.

It kind of falls in line with that.

That's not the same.

No, the grapes have to be a certain firmness.

Crunchiness.

Yeah.

So like I have a very big disclaimer

in my order thing.

I don't need it.

Crunchy grapes, they have to make sure they're crunchy.

I'd rather just not, I'd rather not leave a little note

on my order, crunchy grapes only.

I'd rather just go in there and look for myself

instead of like the people in the store

are probably going, you believe this chick,

crunchy grapes only, who do these people think they are?

No, I have like a pretty typical shopper.

It's not the people in the store.

They're people that don't work in the store

that help shop.

Cause I'd be worried there's gonna look

at like the top ones.

Now you gotta get like, look at the bottom

and see if they've been sitting

in their soggy or what.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You gotta really inspect the grapes.

Well look, I go in there and I'm walking around

and I've got my grapes and I'm getting some soft drinks

and this and that and other

and I've got my cart half full

and halfway through the store, who do I run into?

18 year old dude who brought my groceries out

and he's like, what are you doing in here?

He's like, it was almost like.

He was having deja vu and he didn't really know

what to do with it.

No, no, no, he was looking at me like,

I'm not sure you're allowed to do this.

I'm not sure you're allowed to do that.

I'm not sure you're allowed to pick up and shop.

Why are you doing it that way?

He was just so confused.

You should have just looked straight at him

and said my wife doesn't get what I like.

So I'm like, yeah, one day you're gonna learn, pal.

Or act like you've never seen him before.

You should have been like, oh, hey, nice to see you.

Hell no, I'm like, yes, sir, I'm here.

I mean, yeah, I'm messing with your mind.

Well, you could have just called him

some random name like we did the formula one guy.

He's like, hey, David, what's going on?

Yeah.

That's so funny.

We should just do that.

You should do that in Key West.

They'd sit in the window some bar and just sure,

hey, pal, hey, David, Mike.

Oh my God, Mike.

We get so bored in Key West

and I'm getting ready to take a guy's trip.

A buddy of mine is retiring a friend of ours

and so we're gonna go down there and have a little fun

with the old group, the original boys group.

Sonny and Sean, David and Brad and all of them.

And so, but we, I mean, for 10 years ago,

we would, we'd go down there for three, four days

and raise hell.

And about day and a half, two days in,

we're, we're sitting at this taco stand

and you basically face the street.

And across the street is one of the most popular bars,

Cap and Tonys.

There's people walking in and out of there all the time.

And we would holler at somebody across the street

and call them whatever name we thought they looked like.

Yeah, they'd read them and then give them a name.

And we would holler their, oh, Bill, hey, Bill.

And they would turn and look like, and we'd be like,

oh, damn, you know, you look just like my old buddy,

Bill, I thought that was, Bill, you know,

we thought that, and you're laughing at us all the time.

They would do it constantly.

Like it wasn't like they just did it once to one person.

We did it for hours.

We would sit there for hours to do it.

I would get so annoyed because I don't, like,

he's always like, let's just go down to Key West

and just chill and hang out and be invisible.

Like you don't even know how to do that.

Even when you do have the opportunity,

you got to do things like that

to bring attention to yourself.

There's a bar.

That's fun though.

There's a bar and right next to the bar

in the sort of a town square-ish area,

there's this old boat.

And it's just a short 20 foot, 25 foot fishing vessel

that's just been laying there for 80 years.

I mean, it's old.

And people, and we sit on the rail at this bar

right next to the sidewalk drinking beer

and people walk by and every now and then

we'll see like a couple or something

and we'll stop them and tell them

a completely made up story about the boat.

My God.

And it's so much fun.

Especially because you know that they're gonna tell

that story to somebody.

They're gonna share, yeah.

Oh my God.

We just think about, you know,

we're sitting there while we're drinking,

thinking about how we're crafting our story, right?

How this wild story, it's gotta be believable

but it's gotta be, and then we lay it on somebody

and see how it lands.

It's a lot of fun.

Yeah.

Do you do things like that when you travel?

I don't feel like that's something that you would do.

I like messing with people.

I would have, I'd sign up for making up fake stories

and doing that.

I like messing with people.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's his favorite part of the plan.

It's fun, no one's getting hurt.

No, no one's getting hurt.

Listen, the dumbest things entertain guys

when they're drinking and hanging out.

And we go to bars, and you're sitting there.

And at some point in the, if you're,

you know, some of these bars are kinda small

and you get in there and then another group,

just like yours, you know, comes in.

And before long, you know, your buddy's talking

to one of them and, oh, where y'all from?

We're here, and so we always,

we like, we would sometimes like come up with fake jobs

that we all had, like Brad, you know, my friend Brad,

he's a movie producer, or my friend Brad.

Did anyone actually believe that?

My friend Brad works construction, building high-rises.

You know, we would just come up with silly things.

And I don't know why, that was just entertaining for us

to mess with people, to tell people.

Did that actually work for you,

considering like you have your face on?

We weren't trying to make it do anything.

People recognized you every time we said anything.

No, I didn't tell people that I was somebody else.

It wasn't just, it was just your friend.

No, it was just my friends.

I don't know why we had fun doing that.

Just cause you got away with it.

Yeah, there was no end game or agenda.

It was just kind of fun messing with people.

Yeah, we were just entertaining.

Yeah, girls don't do stuff like that.

Like we talk to people.

And I'm not saying girls don't lie about what they do

or who they are or where they're from.

But for the most part, we're just like

not messing with other people to get our jollies,

you know, what'd you say?

You stick to your group and talk.

I can't hear you.

You stick to your group and talk to people?

Yeah.

Or you don't talk to others, just...

No, not really.

So I'm going on a girls' trip that weekend

to try and get out of the house.

And Dale's like, wait a second,

you're gonna go on a girls' trip

when I'm on a guys' trip?

Where are you gonna go?

I'm like, probably just to the beach house.

He goes, okay, cause that's a rule.

Like you can't go do something more fun

than I'm doing if I'm on a guys' trip.

Does that feel fair?

No.

No, they're like, no, no, no.

I can't be wanting to be where you are.

You should have chose a better location.

I know.

Like that's on you, Dale.

If you think that like Amy's picked a better spot,

that that's on you too.

No, no, no, no, this only works

if you follow the perfect timeline.

What?

I was only trying to tell Amy

that while I'm on my trip,

I'm gonna be missing you,

gonna be wishing I was with you.

And she knows that.

I'm gonna call her after the first day,

hungover going, God, where are you at?

I wish I was where you are.

And so-

That does happen every time you go somewhere.

And so I plan this trip with my buddies

and she's, and so I'm like, yeah, man, it's awesome.

Can't wait.

It's so much fun.

And then she says, hey,

I'm thinking about taking my friend

to the beach house that weekend.

You all right with that?

And I'm like, wait a minute now,

you can't be going somewhere where I want to be.

You can't.

Now you got me like not as excited about my trip

and wishing that I was-

That's a FOMO issue.

I mean, that's like a personal problem.

It's half true.

Like I of course want to be where you are,

but I'm just trying to compliment her.

In his mind, I was gonna be at home

up to my elbows and taking care of kids

and cooking and cleaning the house and all of my duties.

And that was fine as long as he got to go have fun

and I was doing all the chores.

But now that I get to go have fun too,

he's like, well, damn.

No, I'm not excited about my trip.

I'm not as excited about heckling everybody

and hanging out with my friends

because you're gonna be having fun.

We'll be fine.

Now I'm glad you're going to go do something.

Yeah, we'll be fine.

I just didn't know if that was like

a relationship rule that anybody else had.

If I go on a guy's trip and I have a plan,

you can't go have more fun or even equal fun.

I'm just messing.

No, you're not.

That's exactly how you really feel.

It is not.

They wanted to come out of your mouth.

I was trying to make it sound like darn, honey.

I'm gonna miss you.

Because you know, after the first day drinking in Key West,

I'm gonna call you the next morning

and go, man, I wish I was laying in the bed.

I know, but why does it matter where I'm at?

Why does it matter where I'm at?

Because our bed is comfortable.

You're missing the bed.

And when I'm hungover, cuddling up with you

is the best medicine.

I don't know how you feel about when you're hungover.

No, it's not.

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So I took Dale to get a head massage.

And it's not what you're thinking.

There's a place in town that does a head massage

on your actual head.

Travis looks straight at me like,

oh, I knew exactly where,

like he talked about how excited he was for this.

So it was okay.

It wasn't, I don't know.

Mad respect for the head massagers out there.

We had a good time.

But it wasn't what I thought.

I feel like it's more of a thing you just go by,

do by yourself, not like a couple's.

It's not like a date.

Because you don't go in together

like a couple's massage.

So me and Amy had this little thing

that you buy at like a knick-knack store.

And it's this little thing you put on your head

and it's got all these little wires.

Little metal prongs.

Metal prongs and it just scratches your head.

And you just kind of move it around.

It feels like 40 fingernails.

Just, you know, it feels to have your head scratched.

It's like the greatest feeling ever.

And you just want to start kicking your leg like a dog.

And so I thought that that was kind of what was gonna happen

at the head massage.

But they literally just wash your head for 45 minutes.

Yeah. So like a head spa.

Like a long wash.

Yeah. They analyze your scalp.

They, you know, wash your hair.

What's going wrong with that?

I need all types of hair treatments

and scalp treatments.

I need a thorough cleansing.

But what do you, like, it seems useless.

Sorry?

I didn't hear you.

It seems useless.

For me, it's more like a one and done kind of thing.

He said it feels useless.

Said he seems useless.

Well, I don't know.

I guess if you're a girl and you use a bunch of dry shampoo

and different products on your hair,

like your scalp might get to where it needs

a good proper cleansing, but.

Yeah, for a girl, but for a guy, I don't think it.

Not really, no.

What are we getting done?

Like, I wanted it to be like, hey, you know,

like when I lay down on Amy's lap on the couch

in the living room and she's watching TV

and every now and then she's, you know,

when she's not watching her phone or TV,

she starts scratching my head with a hand

and I'm like, man, this is good.

That's what I thought it was kind of gonna be like,

but they just washed my hair for 45 minutes.

They washed it.

Yeah, they washed it and you can hear all the soap.

They've got so much soap in your hair.

You could like, it almost sounded

like you're stirring up a bowl of mayonnaise.

You know what I mean?

Like that weird sound that you're so big.

So they obviously put gloves on.

Yeah.

So they're washing your hair with gloves on

and that...

That's weird.

Was weird.

Did they have gloves on?

Yes.

I didn't notice that part.

Well, I thought about it.

I'm like, man, I wonder if they wear gloves.

Yeah, it feels like she's got gloves on.

So you're not relaxed at all.

You're just analyzing her fingertips.

She's got gloves on.

And so...

Goodness.

Yeah.

It was imagine like trying to wash a dog

with gloves on, right?

Or anything, like washing your own hair with gloves on.

Yeah.

It'd just be tough.

I'm comfortable.

Right?

Yeah.

And I don't know about...

It's an ick for me a little bit.

It feels like an ick, yeah.

No, but why are they wearing gloves?

Well, dude, I mean, they wash a lot of people's hair.

I don't know.

Hair dressers don't wash...

Like if they would wash people's hair

before cutting it, they aren't wearing gloves.

They're not wearing gloves.

Yeah.

That's a good point.

And it's full of soap and water.

Your hands are...

Maybe they're just wearing gloves

to protect their own hands from cracking open

from the powder and wet.

Yeah, they're doing this all day long.

So I imagine putting the gloves on

is probably a good thing for them.

And they do use a lot of oils and all kinds of things.

So there's a ton of chemicals and stuff

and they probably just don't want that.

I don't know what that would do to your hands

to do that all day, every day.

It was relaxing.

It was.

And if I had gone by myself,

I probably would have enjoyed it,

but I'm laying there going,

okay, I wonder if Dale's enjoying this

because he's in a different room.

That was weird.

So listen, if your wife or girlfriend says

out of the blue, do you want a massage?

And you say yes.

You automatically assume that you're going together

for a couple's massage.

And so I never, I don't ask the question.

I don't even ask questions.

We get there and the ladies are like,

okay, Amy, ready to take you back.

Dale, you're going over here.

And I was like, bye.

Amy's like, yes.

I was like, no.

I don't want to do this.

Now I don't want to do this.

And yeah, so I'm like, okay, all right.

Bye myself.

Well, so we gotta have some fun new experiences.

But they do have a couple's area,

but they didn't put us in there.

They do?

That's what you told me.

They said they had a place where both of us could go.

I didn't know that.

Oh, I thought you said that.

I thought that they would have,

but no, I guess they don't.

I would absolutely go back and do it again.

Maybe there's different types of treatments and stuff.

You can ask.

There are, there's a whole list.

That's the other thing,

it's like hard to pick something to do.

It was clean, nice, the service, the ladies,

everybody in there, incredibly nice, incredible.

I want to make sure, you know,

they don't think we're talking.

So, because it was really good, but.

Just wasn't what we expected.

This was different than I thought it was going to be.

Yeah.

That's it.

So, when they do the little water rainbow thing

that goes over your head, that tickles a lot.

Didn't tickle me much.

So, I get real ticklish behind my ears, like on my neck,

and it trickles down your neck.

It's very tickly.

What's this table manners?

Table manners, just table manners refers to you.

Table manners on the note.

I'm sure this is about me.

We went to dinner last night

to celebrate Kennedy's graduation

from cosmetology school.

And we have this banquet room

and all the families around,

everybody orders their food,

and plates are coming out.

And we cut the girls' food up first

and let them start eating.

And as soon as Dale's food gets there,

he too decides, I'm just gonna start eating.

Nope.

Okay.

So, yes, well, you were playing with your food.

Cutting it up.

I'm like, everybody else is just sitting there waiting,

except for Wyatt, who's also a kid.

Well, Debbie's eating taking bites.

Did you see that?

Not good table manners.

You're supposed to wait for everyone to get their food.

In an environment like that,

where it's like a formal dinner,

you're supposed to wait.

It's supposed to be.

Sitting there cutting up your food is...

Cutting up your food's fine.

You're already starting.

You're already messing with your plate.

Like, you're not supposed to mess with it.

And then why did they bring it out?

Well, because they have to,

there's 21 people, so they're bringing plates out.

I mean, it's not like he had to wait very long.

No.

I don't see any problem

with trying to cut up your chicken

on top of your salad

while other people's food's still coming.

I don't know.

I was, I can understand like waiting to take the bite

before, you know, wait to start eating

while other people's food's still coming out.

I get that.

But I wasn't gonna eat it.

We had goat cheese.

I was cutting that up.

And then I was kind of cut up the chicken

and get it ready to go.

I think that he just refuses to have good manners,

especially when it's around his family.

It's like a rebellion thing.

You think I intentionally have bad manners

around my family?

Kelly's up talking, you know,

she's talking about her daughter doing the whole thing

and he can't stand it.

Like he's not paying attention.

He's looking at his phone.

He's looking elsewhere.

And it, look, it appears like he's talking to me

because I'm like, they'll pay attention, turn around.

And she can see that.

And I'm like, can you please just behave yourself?

Put your phone down.

What are you doing?

What are you doing on your phone?

Are you trading stocks over there?

Like, what are you doing?

He's trading stocks.

I'm like, no, I'm checking.

I'm making a bet.

I had a hell of a parlay hit last night.

There's an exception.

You can be on your phone for bets.

You got a tent or check your bets.

I hit a big parlay last night.

Yes, sir.

Yeah, he was trying to get me to hit the button.

I was like, I'm not gonna be responsible for this.

I told Amy, I was like, hey, do you wanna,

I've teed it up.

I'm like, you wanna hit the button,

send this one in?

She goes, no, I ain't getting involved in that.

I feel that rush.

It hit.

It landed.

If we were at dinner with my family, he'd have sat there.

Because he was with his family,

he's like, I have no manners.

Like, it's whole mentality of his role as a person

is different.

You ain't wrong.

Why can't you just be good?

Because with my family, I can get away with stuff.

But why do you want to?

Why do you not just wanna be good

in front of your own kids for the sake of all of the,

you know, you're one of the eldest people

in the day in the room.

Correct in your description of how I act

in my presence in my own family

versus in presence here.

I feel like you do it for attention.

In front of yours, I'm polite.

I try to make sure I'm not, you know,

not rocking the boat or creating any waves.

And I just try to stay out of the way

and just be kind and helpful.

It's just your mentality.

On the way there, also in the truck,

the entire way there, he's razing the girls.

They were talking about where we were going for dinner.

Oh my God, that was so fun.

And he kept calling it all these random

other ridiculous names.

They were really making both of the girls frustrated.

No.

To one point, I'm like, I could buy it into this.

He's messing with you.

And then they started playing along.

But at first they were getting, especially Nicole,

she's like, no dad.

That's not what it's called.

Can we tell what was happening?

So the name of the restaurant is Epic.

It is, it's one, if not the best place

to eat in Moorsville, downtown Moorsville.

Epic, chop house, steak house.

It's really, really good.

And they're great people and they do a good job.

We're thrilled because man, the town,

before Epic came in, the town needed

a bit of kicking the butt.

And that was one of the few things that came along

that really began this revival for the downtown.

And so now there's all kinds of great businesses

down there to enjoy.

And that was one of the first ones.

So we go to Epic quite often.

And the girls like it.

They know what Epic is.

They're excited when we're going to go to Epic.

They want to talk about it.

And so I was doing a little word play instead.

And they were like, we're going to Epic.

And I'm like, are you sure that's the name of the place?

And they're like, yeah, Epic.

And I'm like, are you sure it's not, man, yeah,

I'll have another.

Or are you sure it's not?

Yeah, that was pretty good.

Are you sure the name of it's not as good as Amy's?

And they're like, no, it's called Epic.

And I'm like, I don't know.

I think it's called pretty decent.

But and they were just pretty funny.

Yeah, it was funny.

It is funny, but he does, he gets in these like kid-like

playful, I got to just pick on everybody

moods when he is going to be around his family.

And I was, I told him before we got in the park

and I get it out in the car now.

Don't you go in here with this attitude

and make your sister mad, picking on her

just to get a rise out of her.

Like get it out before we get out.

You know what I mean?

I like to mess with people.

Yeah, well, sometimes.

I want to laugh.

It's funny.

Sometimes people are like, enough.

I want to laugh.

I'm having a good run here over the past couple of weeks.

What are you talking about?

Of being in a good mood.

Good mood, dude.

And I want to hang on to it.

Yo, let's not lose it.

Let's not lose it.

No, I don't want to lose it.

Sometimes you're more funny when you're in a bad mood.

Well, I don't like being in the bad mood.

I'm suffering, Amy.

While you're laughing and having a good time.

You are not suffering in any facet of life, right?

While you're laughing and enjoying it,

I'm suffering inside.

And now, and here over the last-

That is insane.

If you're not suffering.

Yeah, like if I'm in a bad mood.

Usually you've caused your bad mood.

I know, but I go through these like swells of,

you know, not depressed, but just down.

Nothing to look forward to.

Not excited about nothing.

Just struggling to kind of get the ball rolling

in the morning.

Yeah.

And then I come out of that

and I'll have a good run of great days.

Great, you know, choosing joy.

Everything's great.

Happy to be alive.

Well, you know, we're going to seize the day

all in a great, great frame of mind.

And it comes and it goes.

And it always has my whole life.

And so like when I'm riding the high,

I want to ride it.

I want to take advantage of it.

I'm going to ride that party wave.

I come in the kitchen in the morning

and just smile and stare at Amy.

And she's like, what?

He just does, you know,

I'm like, Amy!

He just will stand there,

not very close, but like from a far across the room.

And his presence gets my attention

and I'll turn and look at him

and he's just staring at me.

Oddly staring, not saying a word.

What's wrong with that?

It just makes you feel a little off.

I'm doing it because I know it makes her feel weird.

He's always done that.

It's just like an intense stare.

And she'll go, what is, what?

And I'll be like, honey, I'm happy to be alive.

Another great day.

This is going to be awesome.

We're going to kick some ass today.

I'm like, pick up some food,

start selling in some breakfast.

She's like, whatever.

I love it, man.

Yeah, well, I'm not bored.

I've said that before too.

You're not boring.

I am not.

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Hey y'all, Dale and I are in the Dirty Momedia Studios

for another round of Bless Your Heart

and we've had a fun show.

We're excited for your questions.

What do you have, Travis?

All right, so this first question,

Dale answered it on Tuesday

and you've mentioned it a couple of times already today.

So if you could shoot five liquids

or sauces out of your fingers, what would they be, Amy?

This is like the most random thought ever.

Dale and I have discussed his answers.

I still don't understand what he needs all them oils for.

To fill the cars.

I mean,

I said,

Well, three of my fingers,

I'd have diesel, regular.

Diesel gasoline, crude oil.

Crude oil, because those things would be valuable.

And I could also.

And water for the power washer.

Yeah, power wash.

One finger that's a power washer

and then one that's buffalo sauce.

I mean, it's,

I probably wouldn't go with anything functional like that,

especially if you're gonna have all the oils.

Why do I need them?

I would have some water,

probably like wine,

high rock,

some tequila.

This is my drink dispenser, right?

I can't imagine I would wanna shoot anything liquid

out of my hands and use it

as a tool.

You know what I mean?

Sure.

Maybe some champagne.

Some champagne, yeah.

Yeah.

All drinks.

I still think you need like one ranch, one condiment.

Ranch?

Yeah.

Home.

No, I don't eat ranch.

And he's got the buffalo sauce.

I don't eat ranch.

You don't eat ranch either?

No.

I used to put ranch on my pizza.

Yeah.

I used to like things we ate as kids.

Yeah, all drinks for me.

All right, so this one actually kind of goes off as,

Beth wants to know,

is there a weird food combination that you like?

Weird food combination that I like.

It's like growing up.

What's weird?

I would mix cottage cheese and applesauce.

And applesauce?

Yeah.

And it was delicious.

God, the texture of that is odd.

That is gross.

I mean, I've seen people eat like pineapple

and cottage cheese,

so it must be like a good sweet combo.

Cottage cheese is an anything.

It's the texture that's off-putting,

but it doesn't actually taste that bad in the melts.

You eat cottage cheese more than you think now,

because I put it in my eggs.

I started doing that too.

Yeah, it's good.

I don't know, I've always been pretty basic

with my food combos, I feel like.

But I did eat a couple of peanut butter

and mayonnaise sandwiches when I was young.

Peanut butter and mayonnaise?

Yeah.

What about with peanut butter and banana?

Oh, I feel like that's a totally amazing combo.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a normal one.

Yeah, I've eaten that.

Yeah.

What made you do peanut butter and mayonnaise?

I don't know why that happened.

That is strange.

That feels like an accident,

but it happened more than once.

Banana made me those.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I used to, yeah, pizza was very interesting.

I mean, mine was the...

Banana mayonnaise.

Banana mayonnaise, yeah.

I'll never understand that.

They made those when we were kids and it,

I didn't think it was a weird thing,

but when I told the world about it on social media,

I learned that it was quite strange.

It's definitely a North Carolina thing.

Yeah.

It wouldn't be so weird if the bread was toasted,

but it's never toasted.

Why not toast it?

It's just like so squishy.

Toasted then.

It can be toasted, there's no rules.

Yeah, there's no rules here.

Next question here comes from Carol.

Is there a milestone event for your kids

that you're already dreading?

You've...

Honestly, the thought of them moving out of the house

is something I've dreaded,

like them going away to college

and not having them in the house.

I feel like it's gonna be the other way around,

like they're not gonna wanna move out of the house.

We're gonna be like, hey.

Get out of here.

Mom and dad's ready to hit the road.

They're gonna be fine, hit the road, we'll stay here.

Yeah.

I feel like they're gonna wanna go away to college

or something and then we're gonna follow them.

We're gonna get an apartment and just...

No, don't do that.

Why?

No way.

No, you gotta let them have the space.

Do I?

So that's the thing, I'm gonna wanna be

a helicopter mom even then.

Let's say they are like six or seven hours away,

then I think you can have an apartment set

when you do go visit, like you can,

but if you're nearby, you gotta give them space.

Yeah, no, if not if I'm nearby.

So like I went from Texas to Kentucky.

Yeah, yeah.

And so nobody could visit me very easily

and I don't know.

When the kids, I envision that when the kids

get to go off to college or whatever that is,

you know, that we're gonna take off.

Where are we going?

To the moon?

Man, places.

Just places.

I mean, I'm sure we will start traveling,

but I feel like we just will be scared.

We'll wanna follow them around, make sure they're okay.

I'm not thinking that way.

You're not?

I don't know how it will feel,

but I'm not feeling like, I feel,

I'm like a all in or all off.

I can't do, I can't let my heart

can't be like here and here.

I can't be in two different places.

And so if they're like,

hey, I got accepted to this college

and I'm gonna do that, I'll be like,

all right, man, let me make sure you have all the things.

And then off you go.

Yeah, I mean, of course I'm gonna do all that.

And then I'm gonna be worried to death

when they're by themselves.

I'm just gonna let it leave it in,

leave it up to the universe.

What about driving?

Yeah, driving what?

Like them learning to drive.

That one majors is going through that right now.

I'm worried about that only

because I know how dangerous the road is

and I know how careless kids can be.

But we're gonna do all the things,

like they have that breaks program

that we learned about through nationwide insurance.

And I'm gonna send them through stuff like that.

They're gonna go, oh yes, yes, sir.

They're gonna go through the breaks program.

They're gonna get a ton of information

before they hit the road.

They'll have all the understanding,

at least they'll have been presented the materials,

to sort of understand the dangers.

So they was not worried about anything.

Plus the technology, you can like.

I'll tell you what, this is the mouse,

it's not a milestone,

but the relationships, the boys, oh.

Yeah, I'm scared for that too.

That is gonna be a massive problem.

Because there'll be no chance in hell

that I'm gonna like any of them.

No chance.

They could be the most buttoned up greatest young men

and I'm still not gonna like them.

That's okay.

And that's not all right.

I mean, it's what it is.

It's not like okay or not okay.

It's just I'm not gonna like it

and they're not gonna listen.

I'm gonna tell them, I'm gonna tell them

about how they navigate those situations

and they're gonna totally just do what they wanna do.

The boys or our children?

The kids, our kids.

Our kids, yeah.

You're gonna be like, hey man, you know, just be smart.

This is the pace and speed

and the things you need to be aware of

and they're not gonna listen to none of that.

I can't imagine you even talking to the girls

about dating.

I feel like that's gonna be something that like mom does.

I'm sure you're gonna do the majority of that

but I'm gonna have some opinions.

Of course.

My dad didn't have any opinions.

I'll be honest.

It ain't gonna be like, here's my advice.

It's gonna be like, here's the rules.

Yes, of course.

Yes, here's your curfew.

And if you screw up, yeah.

If you screw up and you're late,

I don't care if it's a minute, two minutes, 10 minutes.

Your ass better be on time

be where you're supposed to be.

Yeah.

The thing about like life 360 and all that now too,

you can track them.

You can see how fast they're going.

Yeah.

We didn't have any of that going on.

Yeah, that's the kind of stuff I'm.

Yeah.

I mean, I snuck out of the house as a kid

in high school, but I didn't do anything too wrong.

So like, at least one of them is gonna have my.

I can, yeah.

Like my dad was really, my dad, when I flipped my truck,

he was like, I flipped my car, you know, it happens.

And I'm like.

But it doesn't, like not everybody just starts flipping trucks.

My point is, is it was a lesson for me to be like, hey.

Chill out.

Yeah.

Like if, you know, when my kids do the silly things

that I did that I'm, and I'm still here to,

and you know, it didn't, you know, they do thing.

It's not the end of the world.

In room of life, you know, you don't have to really,

the punishments don't have to be severe,

but it's just gotta be, you know,

you just gotta tell them what your expectations are.

I hear you.

Well, I'm worried and he's not.

He's worried about some things.

Yeah.

Just different ones.

Next question comes from Heather.

She wants to know, Amy, what is a fashion trend

that you regret, regret following?

God, there's so many.

I love this question.

This is a great question.

Yeah, this is great.

I'm thinking about like all the times I've dyed my hair black

or...

It looked great.

That's fine.

I mean, you just...

That's a hard thing to undo when you're a blonde.

It's a heart.

Like you have to just wait for it to either fade out

or you have to bleach it out in the process

of that is not cute.

Perms, I had a perm as a young kid and it was a bob.

It was like short.

It was a lot more hair things than anything.

When no doubt was really popular,

I bleached my hair platinum.

No shit.

It was, yeah, I was like...

Did you have the purple or the pink tips?

No, my parents weren't cool enough

to let me do anything like that,

but I did get to bleach it out.

It was really platinum blonde.

And then it was so fried

that went to curl it before school one day

and it fried off onto my curling iron.

I like, I gotta say, I liked Gwen's hair

when she had the...

The pink?

She, they had a song called ex-girlfriend

and she had blonde blonde hair with pink tips,

probably about four inches.

Yeah.

And I was like, that's pretty cool, yeah.

Well, I couldn't do that kind of stuff

with cheerleading either.

There was so many like dress code rules.

You remember when I wanted to dye my hair orange?

Yeah.

You would've let me.

I would've done it.

If you would've let me, I would've done it.

Listen, he wanted to do stuff like that too.

Again, when he was racing and had rules

with all of his sponsors, he's like,

oh, I've got this idea.

I'm like, you're already kind of orange.

Like, why not go for it?

Maybe nobody will notice.

She did not say why not go for it.

She said no.

I mean, why would you want to look like carrot top

and have orange, orange, orange hair?

I think it was blue.

What?

Did I want to do blue?

You just wanted to dye your hair

a different color like one Stefani.

I just wanted to reveal how it sounds like.

Yeah.

I definitely did.

Like in my mid-30s.

I've never seen a man do that.

That would have been weird.

I regret the...

Thanks for holding me back.

The frosted tips and the gel and the hair

and the up, you have it sticking on the front.

You had that too?

Oh, yeah.

I feel like boys to men, backstreet boys,

kind of like...

I didn't mind the frosted tips.

I went to Tresa's stylist

to get my tips frosted in the 90s and in late 90s.

And it was right high-end place.

So it looked, it wasn't like that.

You know, it wasn't like one of them cheap jobs.

So the first time I got it done,

it looked like kind of like grays.

Oh, it was ashy.

Yeah.

And it was, I liked it.

I thought it was good.

And then finally we were like,

man, just do the whole thing.

You know, and then we did the whole half, whole top.

Now that was...

And you did that yourself?

No, we did.

The salon did that too?

Yeah, the salon did it.

But...

It's all hair related.

Yeah.

There's lots of bad fashion choices.

I mean, I look back at stuff recently too

and I'm like, Godly, what were you thinking?

When that guy would stick that thing through the scalp.

Oh, yep, you had it.

He poked it through the cap.

They had this little thing on, and the cap.

Yeah.

And he'd stick it, and I, the...

It was like a crochet hook.

You do not.

It was like a needle.

It's like pang, pang, pang.

I'm like, you do not have to do that.

Like you can get in there and get hairs

without having to poke me in the head physically every time.

It hurts.

Yeah.

Dale, did you ever wear like the Jinko jeans,

like the really baggy jeans?

I had the carpenter jeans.

No big baggies, just the carpenter

with the hammer.

I had those too.

Yeah.

I had baggy jeans, but not Jinko's,

not like the true ones.

Those are fun though.

Carpenter jeans were big.

Everybody had it.

We're like in different generations in fashion too.

I was around, I remember being in school

when everybody wore their pants backwards,

like Chris Cross.

Yeah.

You remember that?

I was like, I was in junior high.

Chris Cross will make you jump.

Remember that song?

Yeah, I know a song, but never,

that strength is never in terms.

Then boys wore their clothes backwards.

Yeah.

And then people started literally coming to school

with their clothes on backwards.

And not all of us did it,

but some people literally did that.

I'm like bold.

Yeah.

They didn't last very long.

And then they didn't let you do that at school

for very long.

There was a phase when we were wearing

a pants inside out.

I do not kid.

What was that?

I don't know what, I didn't do that.

Some, no, there was a music,

it was a band or song or something.

And people were coming with their jeans inside out.

I do remember that.

I don't remember the band that did it,

but I do remember that.

The band, somebody did it.

My favorite trend that I know kind of came back just lightly

was in the nineties,

like the baby doll t-shirts with like the cami dresses

and like Doc Martens.

It's kind of the same.

I had some Doc Martens.

In the grunge era,

but like the dainty girl grunge.

Grunge?

I don't know if you call it that, but.

There was grunge and I was hanging out with this crowd

and trying to impress them.

And so yeah, I had Doc Martens

and all that stuff for a while.

I just took some Doc Martin

in that island's closet yesterday.

They're too small and I got a little sad.

They're so cute.

They have flowers all over them.

So they all come back.

I had a little air walk phase where I wore air walk shoes.

They're kind of like these, to be honest with you.

They were comfortable.

Air walks were so comfortable.

I remember those.

Yep.

I had a pair.

You had them on?

No, I had a pair.

You had a pair.

I used to,

I had this football,

so not necessarily a fashion thing

that I regret,

but Teresa would make us dress a certain way

for school, college,

but now I'm sure to whatever.

And my friends,

I'm going to a public school at this time.

And my friends, man,

they just wore whatever the hell they wanted.

That's, you know,

get on a school bus and I'm like,

everybody just dressed regularly

and here I am and brand new wrangler jeans

starched and I've got this damn college shirt on.

I can't imagine you're in an outfit like that.

And I would pack a shirt in my backpack

and change clothes on the bus.

I'd get on the bus wearing whatever

or Teresa said I had to wear

whatever she laid out that morning.

And then I'd get on the bus and change my shirt.

Like just into a T-shirt?

On the way to school.

Yeah, wear whatever I wanted.

Good Lord.

You got naked on the bus?

I guess I did.

Dang, dude.

What's funny is like,

I was a second, third, fourth grade.

I mean, just a kid.

Yeah.

It's funny the brands that like when I was growing up,

if you wore that, like you were like a loser

and now like they're popular.

They're popular.

And I'm just like.

You remember, what were the brown shoes?

I didn't have those.

They look like moccasins kind of.

Oh, they had a Nate Bass.

Wallabies.

No, Bass.

Look at that.

They were brown loafers called Bass.

Like a boat shoe?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Dude, those things, everyone had a pair of those.

We went through like a preppy phase.

I remember when like,

do you remember a Jibo jeans that had like

the little label on the fly?

The, probably the second one there.

Yeah.

Or the third one.

The Spary.

Spary men's gold.

I remember I had like a pair

cause that was like everyone.

I popped my collar with my little polo shirts

and had my Jibo jeans and all the things.

I went through a hard preppy phase.

We, all of us had those for one year.

Yeah.

You know.

I also remember having a Hornet starter jacket.

Oh, I got one.

I had chagabals and basketball balls.

I don't think I ever watched a basketball game

at all as a kid,

but I had me a Hornet starter jacket

and I had Barclays,

the all black Barclay tennis shoes.

I thought I was so cool.

My sister got to Jordan

and I was like, I don't want to be like her.

So I got, got the other ones.

Yeah.

Nice.

It was cool.

No man, that's some good memories.

I wish I still had the jacket.

I really do.

You see the photos of yourself

and you're just like, oh mom,

why'd you let me wear that?

She's like, it was too hard to change your mind.

You just let you go.

Yeah.

And I know what that feels like now.

Let's just let it ride.

Do you have any other questions?

You remember cut, did you ever cut?

You probably did do this,

but cut the lines in your head.

Yeah, no, I didn't do anything like that.

Oh, the stair steps.

Yep.

You'd do like three.

I had that for a little six months or so.

It's like Charlie Sheen.

Brian Bosworth.

Yeah, never did that.

All this, you know, the 12, 14, 15 years old or so.

When it's still cute.

I had a flat top once.

What?

When I was in military school.

With your curly hair?

When I was in military school,

they had to buzz you.

And so I didn't want to have a buzz cut

like everybody else.

I mean, it was short, right?

Like a number two or a number three,

but they'd let you have a flat top.

And so I did a flat top once for a while.

God, I'd love to see a picture of that.

I can't imagine.

Your head's already so very square.

I can't imagine it was.

12, 13 years old, man.

I had a freaking perfect Leo.

Perfectly flat top.

It was badass.

That's when we need to die it

when you go to flat top, blue flat top.

Yeah.

One more question is,

what is something you swore you never do as a parent

that you've given it on?

That I never do?

That you swore you would never like.

Is there anything that you're like,

oh, they're not doing this or?

Probably like taking iPads to a restaurant.

I remember thinking like there's got to be another way.

And we don't take them all the time,

but from vacation we take them

just so we can sit there longer.

Because their attention span is so short.

So.

When Kelly had her kids,

in the cartoon realm,

my favorite is SpongeBob.

I like SpongeBob.

So, if I'm going to sit down and watch a cartoon,

because it's just, I like,

I just, there's some others,

but SpongeBob's probably my favorite.

And so, I intentionally

would anytime I bought Kelly's kids anything,

it would be SpongeBob.

Stuffed animals.

Slippers.

Whatever.

SpongeBob, everything.

I was going to imprint SpongeBob on these kids.

And it kind of worked.

Kennedy really likes SpongeBob.

Yeah.

And so, when we had kids,

I was like, all right, you know,

can't wait till we get the chance

to find out what SpongeBob is.

He's hilarious.

And Amy's like, they ain't watching SpongeBob.

I mean, he played SpongeBob.

This, he didn't just think about it.

He had SpongeBob on for ILO

when she was like three years old.

She's learning how to speak very well.

Like she's repeating everything.

And SpongeBob is on when I come downstairs,

whatever morning it was.

And SpongeBob is crude.

And it's not that like kids can't watch it,

but three year olds probably shouldn't.

Cause SpongeBob, like,

what's Krusty Krab and SpongeBob

and the, what's the little guy?

That's really like.

Squidward. Squidward.

Mad at everything.

And he said, I hate you, SpongeBob.

And I was like, nope, turn it off

because we're not talking like that.

She's going to start saying, I hate this

and I hate this and I hate you, dad.

And I hate you, mom.

You can't be watching this.

And he was so mad at me.

I'm like, are you kidding me?

You can't extract it.

You're going to make it like SpongeBob.

Once you like put it in there,

you can't extract that from her little mind.

So like, it's too early.

But then we got to a certain time

where I'm not,

I'm just, she starts putting SpongeBob on the TV.

They, they just came out with a movie.

And so we've seen SpongeBob too.

Yeah.

And I'm like, hey, wait a minute.

Nobody told me SpongeBob was now clear,

all free and clear.

Nobody says I hate you in the movie.

Oh.

They've cleaned it up a little bit.

I think enough of us moms were like,

OK, they like cleaned up SpongeBob.

The girls are older now.

They are, but I mean, you know,

I didn't get to, I didn't get the memo

that morning from this point forward.

SpongeBob is good to go.

You can start having some SpongeBob.

I was just trying to surprise you, Dale.

You said you like that.

And I'm like, man, I thought I'd get a notice.

No, there's probably going to be

lots of things that happen like that.

Like, OK, now we're going to just try this out.

It's hard to keep up.

That's going to be, I guess.

Welcome to your life.

Buckle up, Ralph.

All right, well, that's what we got this week.

Thank you guys for your questions.

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Leave It to Dale to Pack This for His Cruise…

Tata Motors Aria

NASCAR

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Doc Martens

grunge era

Jeep Wrangler

Hudson Hornet

About this episode

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