Ohm Ohm

Are you really digging for peace?

Or is that just a lie?

Tell to help us please.

Sure that you really want real behind all the stories that go.

Still remembers fire.

Grass remembers rain.

Every scar tells the story.

Or die all the pain.

If you go digging some.

Best mind what you find.

The truth cuts sharper than the time.

Welcome to the Wrecking Yard.

I'm Jerry Wayne Longmire.

Y'all.

Presumably still y'all are welcome here.

In the church of internal combustion.

We just asked that you show up with an open heart.

Hope you guys are doing alright this fine Sunday.

It is 70 something degrees in here.

Let me start my timer.

And 11 o'clock.

In the A.M.

First things first.

You'll notice that I was not carrying any stack of papers with me when I come in here.

I'm terribly sorry but there will not be a DuWall these bottoms today.

And it's just, I just, I feel bad.

The kids, there's been some sinus thing running through the house.

And it got the kids all last week and sure enough got a hold of me by Friday.

And I've just been, I've got my voices all month.

Like I did some things to get my voice to do this.

And I don't think y'all might have much left after this.

So we're going to have to wait the next week to get back in the DuWall bottoms.

Oh my goodness.

Of course I'd like to thank our sponsors.

Oh I got their hat on.

Outlaws and gents.

Men's grooming products.

Some of the best grooming products I've ever used in my life.

They use all natural oils.

Not only that, they're buying the highest ingredient level as far as like their carrier oils and stuff.

You go on their website, it'll tell you a little more about it than I can remember right here, right off the bat.

Really fantastic product.

I have been getting so many compliments about my beard and my hair and the, especially in the past month or so.

And that is, I've been using these products for about eight months, nine months, and I'm just really happy with them.

And you want to look as pretty as me?

Go to outlawsandgents.com.

You know what I say?

If I take less care of myself, then you do everything else.

As I choke.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

Oh.

My bad.

Acty sunga, those are kind of cool ain't they?

I saw Brad Pitt wearing them at the end of, I just watched a movie of Brad Pitt.

I can't remember.

F1.

I just watched the F1 movie.

I'm not even a big F1 fan, but I actually enjoyed the piss out of that movie.

It was fantastic.

Anyways, Brad Pitt had a pair of these on at the end when he goes to go baha-raising.

And I just sort of offhandedly made them work like, oh, those are cool.

I like those.

And that's the kind of thing my wife does.

She hears me say something I like and something I think is cool.

And she sneaks away and gets it for me.

Not the real one.

The real ones are very expensive, but Rachel's very good at finding knockoff sunglasses.

Sunglasses specifically.

Rachel, I've got a pair of knockoff Oliver Peoples that look just like Raymond Redington sunglasses.

Like you'd never know.

They aren't Raymond Redington's.

I got some knockoff Cromance Ray Bands that, I mean, I don't know how you can tell them apart.

I got some knockoff Persals.

I got those knockoff Gregory Pecks.

Like she's good at finding knockoff sunglasses for me.

And so that's what she went and found those for me, which I thought was incredibly sweet,

but it's just the type of shit she kind of does for me.

Oh, so scot-ery.

Let's also look after World of Outlaws race car series.

Thank those guys for sponsoring the wrecking yard podcast.

I will be going back out with them here pretty soon.

I'm going to meet them in Fergus Falls, Minnesota for a late model event here at I think June 24th.

Right when I get back in Colorado.

Of course, you guys know my tour is growing by the day.

We've now added some dates in New York and Maine.

And it's just getting bigger and bigger.

I'm happy about that.

But it's growing by the day.

We're not going to be here a long time today.

Love you guys. Sorry I'm a little down.

I just, I feel bad. I hope I look better than I feel because I feel bad.

I know I feel bad because I keep wanting to cuss.

I'm eating some bitch of music right now.

Yeah, I feel a little rough.

But I was sitting and I was looking for ideas to talk about this week.

And I started thinking about just the particular events of this week for me.

And I thought maybe if I talk about it, I'm not 100% sure what it all means yet.

But I thought maybe we could talk about it together.

Maybe after I talk to you guys, I'll have a better semblance of how I'm feeling about it all or whatever.

I wrote another episode.

It's all about the new Ralphie Mae documentary.

My feelings about Lana and this tour around the country.

But I don't think I'm ready to talk to you all about that yet.

Because I was writing it and I was too raw and it was making me too angry.

I feel like I need to sit with that a little bit before I just go spraying any kind of feelings I have all over that.

I have a lot of anger at that situation.

I didn't go see the documentary.

I'm not going to participate in that.

I was asked, but I'm not going to participate.

Let's just talk about this week.

Earlier, I had two days in a row and I've been turning them over in my head ever since.

The older I get, the more I try to really analyze my behavior.

I've learned so much about myself by breaking down my behavior and seeing where it came from and seeing who taught me what.

There are some things I don't know who taught me or some things might just be genetic.

Such things as DNA and genetic hardwired code and programming.

Some things might just be that.

I've been trying to figure out what these things mean or if they mean anything.

Meaning might not even be the right thing to look for on this, but I'm just trying to figure some things out.

Told you I've been sick.

Nothing dramatic.

It's been coming on for a couple of days.

I've been feeling bad probably since Thursday.

And Wednesday, Thursday.

I don't need to qualify.

Whether I was a fan of Cow Bush or not, nobody needs to.

Everybody keeps doing that and drives me crazy.

I don't need to qualify if I was a fan of Cow Bush.

The one thing that is undeniable is Cow Bush will go down as one of the great drivers in NASCAR.

I love him.

I hate him.

He's an incredible talent in a race car.

NASCAR lost something when he passed away this week.

They lost some more of what was keeping them close to real.

And I was deeply disheartened to hear the news about Cow.

It's crazy to see somebody die in pneumonia in 2026.

I almost died in pneumonia in 1996, but even then they were able to.

It's crazy in this age of technology and medical diagnosis and medical knowledge that something like that can still take somebody from us.

And my heart goes out to his wife and his 11-year-old and his daughter.

That's just what a horrid thing to happen.

41 years old.

It just don't seem right to me.

Anyway, moving along.

I told you I've been sick.

It's not pneumonia.

Both my kids have had it.

Like I said, lost my voice.

It came on like one of those low-grade things where you feel like somebody let about 30% of the air out of you and left you to figure it out.

Yesterday I had an errand to run.

Simple thing.

I had to run to town and take care of something.

Drive-thru type deal.

Don't want to spread this crap to anybody, you know?

Shouldn't have taken 20 minutes.

But it was raining, it rained, it pissed down rain here all day yesterday.

All day.

There was never a time I walked outside where rain was just not falling out of the sky in buckets.

This whole property does pretty well in drainage, but there's a couple places here on the property that hold water.

There's one place I think I have an idea for how to fix it, but that's neither here nor there.

This is not a plight rain. This is Louisiana, adjacent east Texas. This is personal kind of rain.

The kind where the sky has made a decision about your day and didn't consult you.

We have a gate at the end of our driveway. We live in the hood. I keep that gate locked.

I forgot what the exact numbers are, but I was reading something about Houston auto theft.

Having your car behind the gate cuts the percentage of it being stolen by like 60%.

It's another thing they got screwed with. It's not a big deal. It's a chain link fence.

It's not going to keep somebody jumping over it.

Y'all know we've had dogs jump over it and all kinds of problems.

But I keep that gate locked most of the time, unless we're going places.

We've got stuff to do.

I'd go out there and open the gate and then right about where that gate is,

when the ditches overflow out front, we get about four or five inches of water up there at that gate.

I had on my little canvas boat shoes. Of course, I had to walk out there and flood water ankle deep just to open the gate,

soap my shoes. I was like, screw it. I'm just running town for a little bit.

It's not a big deal. I'm not going to change shoes.

My driveway floods in a couple of places too, right off the back door.

So I got there, opened the gate, jumped into Abilance.

Backed out of the driveway. My driveway is very uneven.

There's big tree roots that have busted the concrete up.

The only way to fix that is to pour new driveway and cut all those tree roots out and kill these old growth trees.

Or raise the driveway and report, wait for it to break again.

If you can imagine, I hadn't voted to do any of that shit.

Bumpy driveway, but still better than what I grew up with dirt driveways and gravel driveways.

There's still concrete there. You can still keep your car clean.

I started backing out of the driveway. I got on the street and immediately realized once I got on the street something was wrong with Abilance.

Because I rebuilt that rear end myself and had to use some old parts to do it.

I got this constant fear in the back of my head that differential is going to take a dive on me.

Those little General Motors 10 inch differential, they don't have a lot of life-span in them.

I'll eventually build a better one for it once I got a little more cheddar in my pocket.

I'm back out. I get out of the street. Something's wrong with the truck.

Immediately I got a flat tire somewhere and it's on the back right rear.

So I didn't see it when I walked out there and got the truck. I was pulled in.

So I backed the truck back up in the driveway, get out there with my umbrella, look around.

And sure enough there's big old tack in that tire I must have picked up at the gym or something the day before.

Wednesday was when I went to the gym on Friday. I've lost track of my days.

I must have picked it up at the gym. That's the only place I've been all week is gym and back a couple times, three or four times.

Man, I fix that when it's not pouring down rain, but I go ahead and air the tire up and go run my errands.

Get out my umbrella, come over here, fire up the compressor, get my air chuck, put my air chuck on the compressor.

I bought this about my second or third. It's an air chuck that you get from Home Depot.

It's got a little tire gauge on it, little thing. You clip it on the tire, it's got a handle, you hold it.

I always like those styles. And this is the second one I bought that is broke on me. I ain't going to get another one.

I went out to use an air chuck and that damn air chuck broke. I wasn't putting air in the tire.

So I come in here and I dug around the garage some old my shit. I managed to Jerry rig up another like old school style gas station air chuck.

Get some Teflon on it, put it together, got to start airing the tire up.

Well, where I'm holding the umbrella, the water's still running down the crack of my ass.

So at some point, I'm just, this is the stupid part of this whole thing.

My wife's car is sitting right there. I could have just went in there, dried off, took keys of her car, went run my errand.

But I didn't. I keep screwing this truck. I find I just take my shirt off. I'm sick. I'm out there in the cold rain.

Soaked through, soaked through like a bone by the time I get that tire aired up. It's a truck tire, so it takes a while.

I could have just walked in the house, grabbed them keys of her car, went run my errands, but did not do that.

So now, sick, soaked, shirtless in the driveway.

And the thing I can't stop thinking about is I didn't even hesitate. There was no, there was no internal debate.

There was no moment where I weighed my options. I just did the harder thing automatically, like the easier thing wasn't even visible to me.

The day before that, the I was trying to film an episode of Lot Legend. I just put a new Lot Legends episode out about the 490 tractor.

And everything, I tried to film this thing three things. Every time something went wrong, my camera was getting a glare on it.

So the first footage didn't look good. And then one of my lights was acting up.

And so it was making the visual reader and the camera act up on the second one.

And then third one, I forgot to turn my mic on.

Just three times, three separate problems, three separate attempts, everything go wrong going on.

And I got this tripod that I bought a year or so ago on Amazon. It was the inexpensive. It was like $38, $40 tripod.

On the fourth attempt, I come out here and find that my cheap ass tripod, one of the legs collapsed on it.

And now my camera, my lens and everything's on the floor.

I don't know how it didn't break my camera. It went to the concrete floor hard.

It did break my other lens, but luckily I had two lenses for this camera that I bought. So I'm using the other one right now.

But it did break my other lens, which, you know, it's $800 lens because I bought it used.

Lenses are expensive, especially if you get some with some decent glass.

I can tell you I used $800 lens, 50 to 150 millimeter lenses, not good glass if you got it for 800 bucks.

But it was what I could afford at the time. This one's got a little bit better glass in it.

I like the way the other lens shot better. It was a little more versatile for doing truck astrology and green screen stuff.

This lens is broke. Another piece of the tripod, it's a mount I have for my camera that holds my stuff a certain way.

That was broke. This one hurt a little more. This is not a soaked shirt. This is equipment. This is time.

This is the thing I need to do, the work I love. And I stood there.

I didn't throw anything. I wanted to. I wanted to pick that tripod up and wad it around something.

But I wasn't sure if I could rig it up or fix it still.

And I wanted to throw something. I wanted to just lose it. I mean, I lost my shit, but it was like internally.

I didn't kick anything. Everything I wanted to grab and throw was too expensive.

I think it was going to cause me more problems.

I just stood one spot in the garage over there from a green screen and looked up at the sky and cursed as loud as I could.

Just cussed as loud as I could. Said every cuss word I knew, I started making some up at some point.

Just cussed the sky. The address that complaint belongs to.

And then, once I got done shaking with fury and anger, I picked my stuff up and, sorry, I got a skeet in my butt or something.

I picked my stuff up and sort of tried to determine what all was broken, how bad I'd screwed up.

And I went in the house. I ordered and told Rachel about what happened. Of course, I ordered the new tripod.

This one was one over in the corner over there right now. I didn't figure I wanted to do it.

But the aluminum had collapsed on it where the lock is just a cheap tripod.

There's something. I made a joke about it online and said, you know, hold $1,000 equipment up with a Harbor Freight jack stands.

It's not a great idea. You know, some things shouldn't go cheap.

The thing holding your $1,000 worth of camera and lenses up shouldn't be cheap or at least low quality.

That's two days in a row of this kind of shit. Two days in a row of what I call the reverse Midas touch because everything I touch turned to shit.

Two different flavors of the world telling me no.

And both times I just absorbed it and kept going.

I'm not trying to murder myself as this person in this great struggle or anything like that.

I'm just having 22 jacked up days in a row.

Both times I just absorbed it.

And I've been asking myself something since then I was trying to get the body.

You know, I'm in the philosophy and I'm in the I was reading philosophical stuff about this.

I was trying to figure out and I've been asking myself this and I don't have a clean answer.

I'm not I'm not sure there is one.

But is is is where did I learn that?

Is that strength?

Is it strength to sit out there hard headed and air your tire up instead of just taking the easier option?

Using Rachel's car run by Aaron.

Is that strength?

Is it strength not to throw stuff and break stuff when you're angry?

Keep that in check because you know she's gonna cost you more.

Is that is that some deep reservoir or resilience I built over years of hard things?

Or is it something else?

Yeah, is that something that looks like strength from the outside?

But it's maybe something more complicated underneath?

Yeah, because there's no way to read a man who automatically chooses the harder thing who doesn't even see the easier option.

That just assumes without thinking about it that there's no help coming and it's on him.

Is that gift or is that a wound that healed so long ago you forgot it ever was a wound?

Y'all know I grew up in East Texas, Kilgore outside of Kilgore.

But the lower end of working class folks, people who fix things themselves because calling somebody costs money you didn't have.

People who stayed in the rain because the work needed doing and the rain didn't change that.

Is that because I watch men operate that way my whole childhood and I absorbed it the way you absorb everything at that age without knowing you're absorbing it?

But at some point absorb becomes just who you are.

And at some point after that you stand in shirtless and you drive away in the rain.

It doesn't even occur to you to go inside, doesn't even occur to you to just go use her car.

I don't know if that's a virtue.

I don't know if that's a virtue or a habit so deep it kind of looks like one.

I'm struggling with some things.

Told y'all about that. I'm struggling with some things with my father.

As my career becomes more elevated and things happen I find less and less of my peers.

I have less and less people I can talk to about what's going on.

It's kind of lonely in that regard.

And it's not anybody's fault. It's just human nature.

But I can't talk to as many of my friends as I used to about a bad gig or a good gig.

Man this has happened a lot of my friends as things have been happening for me over the last years or so.

And some of them, not all of them's careers, we're not at the same part in our careers.

And I can't talk to them as much about that stuff anymore.

And I know what that's about. I've seen it happen with friends of mine that were becoming successful.

I've had it happen to me before in different careers as I got more successful than maybe some of my friends did.

It made it harder to have those relationships because we don't have the same things to talk about.

I would say 80-90% of my friends I've had in my life are people I work with because most of my life I've worked.

And that's where I made my friends. I didn't make my friends out at the club. I didn't make my friends in the bar scene.

By the time I got in the bar scene I already knew who my friends were.

I can still talk to my brother but my brother's got a lot going on right now too.

I don't have much of a relationship with my father.

And I've come to the understanding that once again it's nobody's fault but I'm probably not ever going to.

But I've been struggling with some stuff and it's like stuff I can't put on Rachel.

Because Rachel's part of my, you know, outside of our partnership and love and life she's part of my career.

She's working hard behind the scenes to make all this stuff happen.

And the little itty-o secrecies of it all.

But sometimes I just want to talk to another comic about, you know, it's getting harder and harder to find other voices.

I'm about to turn 49 years old in July.

And that number has been sitting on my chest a little bit.

Not heavy. I'm not having a crisis about it. I want to be clear about that.

But it has weight.

Oh, age is just a number. Shut up. Shut the fuck up.

Age has weight.

Turning 49, it means something. I'm still figuring it out.

And I got, it's a bad time to be figuring stuff out because I got this tour that's about to kick off.

And it is, you know, I've been telling you guys, it's grown and grown.

We're at 65 cities right now for the end of the year.

And I think I'm about to cap it because it's a lot.

These are real stages, real stakes. It's a lot of tickets to sell.

It's the kind of opportunity that I've been dreaming about and I've been billed toward for over 20 years now.

Over 20 years.

I mean, really look at your life and think about what you've invested two decades in or more.

So I know a lot of you guys are older and spent years on your career, spent years at your profession, spent years at your craft.

It's a weird thing to look back and go, you know, I'm getting to a point where in another five or six years I will have been doing this longer than anything else in my life.

I want this tour. I'm excited about it, but I feel like I can be honest with you guys.

And you ain't going to give me too much grief about acknowledging the reality.

These are real stages. These are not, this is not, and I'm not putting it down, but this isn't some brewery in Tulsa, you know, this break house comedy club.

These are A-list clubs, improvs, heliums, break house.

The break house belongs to a group of clubs called Bark. That's like Summit Comedy in Indiana.

It's all big names. Every one of these clubs, Baltimore, I'm doing Magoos and pourium punch lines.

We just added a punch line in Philadelphia. These are real stages. stakes.

A lot of these are rooms you only get one shot at.

It's kind of an opportunity I've been building toward for a long time.

And there's a very real possibility. I'm going to say it out loud.

There's a very real possibility that I'm going to go out there and fall flat the fuck on my face publicly. Sorry, I keep cussing.

That's not me doing my little false humility, false modesty thing.

That's just the honest math of trying to grow into a room you hadn't stood in before.

And the thing is I'm scared and I'm excited and I cannot tell those two feelings apart right now.

It's very much like trying to fix that tire in the rain. It's very much like standing here and not knowing what to do because my camera's on the floor.

I can't tell those feelings apart. They're using the same nerve endings. They feel identical, which tells me something.

Because things that don't matter don't feel like that.

You only get this particular cocktail chemicals whirling through your system when the stakes are real.

And here's what connects to the driveway just tripod to all of these.

I'm going to go on that tour the same way I aired up that tire, not because I'm afraid, not because I'm certain it's going to work, but because the easier thing somehow isn't visible to me.

I could stay here and make Truck Astrology videos the rest of my life and make a good living. Never leave this house. Never leave my family.

But because somewhere along the way, I got wired to just go toward the hard thing and trust that something on the other side of it is worth whatever the rain costs.

I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing. I could stay here and never grow if I wanted to and make a good living and take care of my family.

I wish I knew where that came from so I could explain it to my kids.

So I could package it and hand it to them and say, here, you're going to need this because that has come in handy a number of times in my life.

It came in handy once I outgrew.

I need my father to help me with stuff as a teenager.

Come in handy once my mother died and my one person.

I don't think it works that way. I don't think it's something I can teach them.

I think that's the part that bothers me the most about it.

I think the world teaches that.

I think life teaches that. You get enough flat tires, enough fired from your jobs, enough broken tripods, enough days where the sky makes a decision about you without your damn input and either you develop a relationship with resistance or you do not.

And the ones who do, I've watched them my whole life.

I've watched men who had that thing age into something solid and quiet and good.

And I've watched men who didn't have it or lost it somewhere along the way just go still.

Stop asking questions. Stop pushing into anything that might push back.

That's the thing that scares me more than falling flat on my face on tour.

Not failure, but going still.

I watch men I love, hardworking men, retire and lose their curiosity and sit in a chair and watch TV until they die.

I watch people I love with different political views cut people out from their life until they live in just a vacuum of people whose thoughts echo their own and lose their curiosity and go still.

It's bad right now.

People doing that. People just locking themselves to a vacuum of people that only agree with them. I don't want to be in that.

I don't have a clean answer to the question I started with today.

I told you I did.

I don't know if the thing in me won't let me take the easy road as strength or scar tissue.

I suspect it's both.

I genuinely suspect the line between those two things is warrior than any of us want to admit.

What I do know when I took my shirt off, stood in the rain and aired that tire up, something in me was satisfied.

Not happy exactly.

I hesitate to even call it proud. It wasn't proud. It was just right.

Like I was operating according to something true about myself, regardless of whatever the source of that truth is.

Maybe that's enough.

Maybe you don't need to know where the thing comes from to use it.

Maybe the origin story matters less than what you do with it.

Maybe in this seeking to learn more about myself and understand my motivations, maybe not everything needs to be explained.

Maybe it still needs to be some curiosity, you know.

One thing I can tell you for sure is I've got more questions than answers today.

But that's not a failure.

I think that's actually the point.

Yeah, let's wrap that up. Let's do some testimonials and we'll get out of here for the day.

I love you guys. Sorry I'm a little under the weather.

This coffee's helping.

Let me pull. I forgot to pull up my testimonial so I tell the boy I did not got it going on.

I did not got it going on this week, ladies and gentlemen.

Sorry for all that rambling. I'm not sure where I was going with that. I thought I had a plan, but sometimes you best kept plans.

There was a Satan there and I don't even know what the hell it was.

These are testimonials from last week.

At Sea Janssen 16, I personally think the core here will all enjoy the audio only.

My only hope recommendation is to still release it on YouTube. Just render a video with your Wrecking Yard logo as a still image through the episode.

Managing what I'm listening to and what comes next is much easier on YouTube than anywhere else.

I have a hundred percent made a decision about that. I'm looking into options of keeping it video. I hate to lose people.

But it may just be something I'm filming on my phone and you may see a lot of shitty hotel rooms.

But yeah, that's not a bad idea. I definitely do something like that so we can keep the chat up on Sundays.

Definitely want to keep that going. So yeah, yeah, we'll do something like that. See, Janssen, it's not going to leave YouTube.

At the Croncraft show, old buddy in Ireland, an audio only version is better than no version, which would be a bummer.

I'm excited about the book regardless when I get my copy. I'm sorry the ugly business reared its head for you. Wish you smooth sailing from here on out.

Yeah, I'm sorry things took that turn too. I'm trying not to build up any vitriol towards it.

The strong part of me wants to buy a plane ticket to Baltimore and go find this dude. Yeah, he's not going. I'm not going to.

I don't like it when people screw over their employees.

Especially when their employees just happen to be somebody I give a damn about.

I've been offered the option to go after him litigiously.

I don't think he's got any money, so it wouldn't be nothing to gain there financially, but boy, if it stopped him from screwing any other author over, part of that is appealing, but I don't know if I got the energy for that.

At our buddy David Woolsey, as busy as you are, are you going to make it back to do Walnut Springs, Texas.

Walnut Springs this year, but lo and behold, John Clay Wolf called me up. He was looking at my calendar and he said, I see that you got this date where you're doing Fort Worth on a Thursday and you're doing a show in Houston on a Saturday night.

Would you maybe want to come do a show on Walnut Springs that Friday night and get up next morning and do the radio show with John Clay, the John Clay Wolf show, which I always love being on there.

The morning do John Clay Wolf show with me and then head on to Houston, it's not that far drive, head on to Houston, do my show in Houston that night.

So that show I'm doing at Houston Saturday night is in Spring, Texas and it is at the Scholar L House, I think is the name of it. Something like that.

It's the bar that my cat surgeon owns, that Dr. H, I still got to get Dr. H on the show. Maybe I'll try to get him on here next week.

I need to get Dr. H on the show. Well, I'm still here in town, but it's the bar that Dr. H owns. That's how I met Dr. H. I didn't know he was a famous cat surgeon.

So that show I'm doing, I'm not making any money on that show and I'm not saying that to earn applause or anything, but I'm trying to explain to you how it goes.

So we're doing that show to raise money. Dr. H has a animal hospital and he does a lot of charity and spayings and neuterings and stuff like that for the county of Montgomery.

He does a lot of good stuff with his time, with his resources. And so we're doing that show to just to raise money.

So that other little cats like Ophelia can get, you know, life saving care and stuff like that. People who don't have money like we didn't pay for this sort of thing.

I'll give you a little update on Ophelia. I don't remember how much I've told y'all.

Most of you know Ophelia turned out to be a boy, grew a big old set of balls that had to be removed.

And

But Ophelia, they couldn't figure out everything that was going. So Ophelia's neck is always dirty, right? There's something leaking in his neck.

And we couldn't figure out what it was. And Dr. H is like, well that brown stuff is the iron in the saliva turns brown like that on their fur.

Their saliva has a lot of iron in it, I guess. I'm still learning so much about cats the way their kidneys work is absolutely insane.

The reason most cats piss stinks so bad is because people feed them dry food all the time and they're dehydrated.

And so we pretty much just feel Ophelia wet food and Ophelia's piss doesn't stink like cat piss, which is crazy to me.

If I'd known that years ago, I'd changed up what I was feeding a life cat I have.

But dry grain foods are actually kind of bad for them. That's why they fatten up so bad.

But we

They couldn't figure out everything that's going on. So they said, well let's get Ophelia a CT scan.

And you'd think for a little kitty cat, a CT scan would be cheaper than it'd be for a human, but it is not. That is not the way it goes.

It's actually that CT scan was $2,500 and thankfully some people donated to Ophelia's GoFundMe and we were able to pay for that because I did not have that kind of money sitting around.

This is the most expensive cat I've ever known in my life. Big shout out to William Spencer who gave us a very large donation.

And once again, Mr. Dave Hayes who helped out with Ophelia's vet carry in the very beginning of things.

And so many people, so many people donated $10, $15 just, you know, I know money's tight right now, so I'm internally gracious for people doing that for that.

Stinking cat.

So we got him the CT scan where they now found out when his throat got ripped open, there was all kind of damage that nobody could even see or be aware of.

Two of his, so cats have like 47 saliva glands and two of them are in the wrong place and they're trying to leak beneath the skin and that's why it's coming out on a fur.

Because people are like, why don't you just sew it up? Well, then it'll just keep leaking in the skin and, you know, some point that'll cause the glub and all kind of other problems.

You don't want something leaking under your skin.

So Dr. H is going to help us out. He's trying to schedule that surgery at his clinic so he can at least offer his resources and time.

But another surgeon who's a specialist in soft tissue has to come in and they're either going to try to reposition that saliva gland that's leaking or remove them, whichever is easiest is going to affect cat's life less.

And then the bones in the right arm, of course, have fused and there's a problem with how they fused.

So they're trying to decide right now whether to re-break part of that bone or put a middle piece in the elbow and lock the elbow because it's causing him a lot of pain.

He's limping a lot and stuff like that. So maybe immobilize that elbow.

So we still have use of the arm to some extent, but we also found out that arm's about a half inch shorter than the other.

I keep calling our arm that front leg. That front leg's about a half inch shorter than the other.

So Ophelia had some trials to go through.

But yeah, I don't remember why I started talking about that.

Oh, the Walnut Springs. So it looks like I am coming. I heard Rachel talking to him. We don't have a contract yet, but they do want me back out at Rattlesnake Roadhouse.

Of course, I won't go out to be in John Clay Wolf or longtime friends and I'd like to go out there and do some radio with him and stuff.

And he's got a syndicated radio show, so it's not a bad place to tell people I'm going on tour. He's really big out in Los Angeles and I need to sell some tickets for that California part of the run that's coming up next.

And I need to sell some tickets in Denver, so I need to get hard at marketing that show as soon as I get my voice back.

Anyway, that's enough testimonials. Let's get out of here.

There was a lot of vitro and there's a lot of anger that I'm not sure where to place yet and I need to spend some time with that and figure out how I really feel.

Just because I got friends involved with it and friends that have different opinions about it.

I have a lot of feelings about being overweight, what it's like to be a big person, the way big people are treated and talked about, the way big people are treated in healthcare.

And I have a lot of things to say. I need to wait until I'm ready to say those things.

But one thing I can tell you is I'm going on this tour. I'm going to stand on those stages.

I might be great and I might eat it and I might be somewhere in between all of those on different nights and that's just the truth of it.

And definitely somewhere between here and there I'll probably have another flat tire in the rain, another broken tripod, another moment where the sky makes a decision without consulting me.

Something will come and always does. Something will require my resistance.

I'll probably curse at the sky for a little bit and then try to fix it or get home because I don't know how to do it any other way.

I wish I knew what it is that only makes me feel like I'm making headway when I'm biting off more than I can damn chew.

I've worked with men like that my whole life who didn't get energized until things were difficult.

If I could figure it out I'd bottle it and sell it because you ain't seen a heavy equipment operator till you see a good one trying not to lose a machine and a swamp or a sinkhole.

You ain't seen nobody write. I write like a madman when the stakes are high and my back's against the wall on a deadline.

I'm a way better mechanic in the pouring rain with three tools than I'll ever be in my dry garage with every tool I need near me.

I don't know if this is something taught.

I've heard that when you make yourself do something you don't want to do that it actually strengthens your neural pathways.

I'm mostly in relation to like working out and exercise but does it work across the board?

You all going to do something you need to do but don't want to do report back. Let me know if you feel smarter.

I'm rooting for you.

I am. I'm rooting for you to ask all the questions of yourself to try to figure out your own machinations to understand why you have resistance in you and what it means.

I'm rooting for you. I mean that. I'm JW and I love you.

Oh lordy um. I feel like a bag of smashed ass.

I'm going to go render this and upload it and then I'm going to sleep until it's time to get in the chat.

Once more. Rest in peace Kyle Busch and definitely if you got some extra positive energy in you or prayers whatever your type of thing is.

I might want to send it out to that fella's kids because that's lose your daddy at 11 years old just ain't right.

Even younger than that for the daughter. That's just you know his wife. That's just that's a lot of loss.

It's heartbreaking.

NASCAR certainly lost something.

Richard Childress lost something. They all they lost something there.

Oh lordy man I like his sunglasses though they make me feel better than I do feel.

They even know we ain't got money. I'm so in love with you. Everything will bring change. Love.

In the morning when our eyes bring a tear to my eyes tell me everything gonna be alright.

Ohm Ohm

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