Optimism don't show up til noon

Still remembers fire, grass remembers rain, every scar tells the story or dial the bank, if you go digging

in the sun, best mind what you find, the truth cuts off. Welcome to the Reckon Yard. I'm Jerry

Wayne Longmire. Y'all, presumably still y'all, all are welcome here in the church of internal

combustion. Just ask a course that you show up with an open heart. It is a crispy day

here in Houston, Texas. Sunday, I'm actually recording this a little late. It's one o'clock.

I'm recording this trying to get it in the can and up for you guys today. I ain't got no excuse.

Laziness, crass sedation. Had a little too much fun last night. Didn't want to get up early this

morning. Turns out I got all kind of excuses. You can take 81 of them to the bank if you want to,

and feel free to go ahead and try cash dent. Woo, son, it is about, that thermometer says

it's 60 degrees in the shop, and that thermometer is lion-ass lie, Chuck Ripper, because I guarantee

it ain't no more than about 55 in the shop this morning. It's all right. We've had our first

couple of little cold streaks here in Houston the last couple of weeks, and we actually got a

freeze coming tonight, so I gotta go do the winter property chores. I don't always know if

I'm gonna have to do them. Some years we get a pass. Some years I'll find myself doing them

in February. And so far we hadn't any freeze yet, but we got a freeze. They supposed to get down 30,

31 tonight, which is not a terrible deal. My stuff's all, I have a bunch of draft tools set up like

some of my draft tools pressure washer that's mounted on the outside of the garage, and then

I got a draft tools hose reel for my washer hose. So it makes it really easy. I just shut

the crap off, lift it up off its spindle, bring it here in the garage, and store it in the garage

until the freeze is over. And we do have old pipes that aren't buried very deep around this house. I

do leave the water dripping just a little bit, just a little bit. I ain't never had no burst

pipes here. Even during that real hard freeze four or five years ago, we didn't get no burst

pipes here, but I left everything just a little drippy drip, just enough to keep that water

moving just a little bit. So I'll do that this afternoon. I sort of like doing the seasonal

chores. Sometimes they make me feel some kind of, you know, I don't have a farm. I don't got

cows. I got to get up milk and chickens. Yeah. Whatever it is you do with chickens,

pluck and steal their eggs from. I don't have llamas to milk and shave and that kind of thing.

I ain't got to go fetch a pail of water from a creek, you know, a mile and a half down the road.

Property's not that big. It's just right at an acre for the whole place, land and everything.

Ain't a lot I got to do. I got a mow. I mean, there's just some things I should tackle, right?

But most of those things require money.

That's not something I find myself in excess of. So

if I got a mow, I got to keep the trees cut back. I got to clean up after the hurricane,

you know, that kind of stuff, but nothing I don't have like big. It's not like being

you know, like our ancestors and stuff had to constantly every day be doing something to

worry about tomorrow. You know, I don't have to do any of that. So there's something about that.

There's something about that responsibility when the cold comes around every year.

I'm sure you guys up north know way more about it than me because y'all got to,

I don't know. I don't know what the hell you got to do because I didn't live up there

long enough to do none of it. I imagine you got to do something to keep the gutters

from filling up of water and freezing. And I've read a little something about snow dams and how

that affects the roofs. And I'm sure you got to do some kind of stuff prepared for that,

plus you got to shovel snow out the driveway and such. So it feels good.

Like, oh, I got to go out and do the property chores today, get ready for the winter.

You know, it feels kind of old timey, but I always enjoy that every year, that little

just like when spring kicks in, I enjoy it. Get the mower out, fire the mower up,

check in spark plugs, check in points, check in fuel, get that mower out and

get back into the spirit of things, you know. And enjoy those sorts of routines. They remind

me of, you know, another time and certainly a younger time for me, you know, where I did have a

few more chores to do. Gosh darn it. That is hot coffee, but good coffee right there. That's that

good, good. That's that Egyptian yoga chef. Whoo. It's got it going on.

I got a, I'm going to fuss a little bit with my little, my Lincoln continental wheel hub cap that

I brought back from Papaw's regular. It's been sitting back there. And if you look at last

episode, it's really dusty. I rinsed it off and I had a huge dirt diver nest on the back

of it. I had to dig out. And so I done that. And I got some old mag aluminum polish and I thought

I might just, just toy with it a little bit, see if we can give her a little gleam from

yesteryear, that sort of thing. And while we have some chit chat about a few things here,

not a big message this week. It's kind of a, I tell you, I tell you what inspired me this

week. I've become type person. I never would have thought I'd listened to talk radio, but I've

become type prayer. I was not a podcast person, but lately I have been listening to podcast

when I drive on the road in the morning. And I find they keep me awake a little better than music

does, which is a wild concept to me, but 100% true. But I've talked to y'all about that before.

It's a difference between active listening and passive listening. And

so what I kind of do with podcast is rather than like get on one podcast and listen to all that

podcast, unless it's like a really good one that really gets my attention, then I will

I'll kind of seek out people I'm interested in their point of view on things,

you know, that sort of thing. Been listening to a lot of Mark Marin's podcast, the WTF podcast,

not so much because I'm interested in Mark Marin, though I do, I do find myself a fan of him. And I

know he's pretty polarizing. A lot of people don't like what he's got to say, but I think he's

a pretty intelligent guy. And I'm always interested to hear his take on things, even if I don't

agree with him. But that's the kind of person I am. Not everybody's willing to confront their own

beliefs with opposition on a daily basis. Well, I don't agree with him on a lot of things. There

are a few things we do. Anyways, all that's to say is I've been kind of sporadically poking

through some of his podcast, checking it out, mostly for guests that I'm really

interested in. I don't think I'll ever be a guest heavy podcast. It just feels like that's been done

to death. And you go out there and look for people that you're interested in here in their

point of view. And you're like, Oh, they're on the same eight podcast, everybody else is.

Now I will say Marin, Marin has some more interesting guests than us.

If you are a Dwight Yocum fan at all, or even just remotely a fan of the history of Hillbilly

music, and especially the California, the the cow punk scene or any of that,

go listen to that Mark Marron WTF episode with Dwight Yocum. Mark barely gets a chance to talk.

It's Dwight Yocum spinning the history of country in Hillbilly. And the man is just so

fluent. He's a beautiful speaker. And he just minds a deep well of knowledge. It was

tremendous. I listen to it as an indulgence and then, Oh my God, I just like, I already

loved you Dwight, but damn, if you're not the best dude on in the music scene to me now.

Just wait here and talk about Post Malone and these young kids and how he tries to,

you know, learn from what they're doing and work with them. And I mean, just just really

intelligent dude. So like I said, if you're a fan of Dwight at all, go listen to that. You will,

I promise you, you will enjoy it immensely. And I listened to one he did with David Harbour

a few years ago from Stranger Things. And I did not expect to find David Harbour so fascinating

and interesting, but he was, he was quite, quite interesting. The one I did expect to

be interested in, I was not let down was the Eric Roberts, the Eric Roberts episode. Oh my God,

that dude's intense. And

he said some, he said something in there really struck with me. It left hanging in my head.

I was finishing that one on the way up to Gladewater.

I had to go up Gladewater Friday to do the next leg of the Christmas tour.

And I got feelings every time I got to go home. And that's home, you know, not Gladewater, but

East Texas. I'm overcome by a lot of emotion every time. And it's different now that you should

be used to be very negative. Now it's a sort of a, now it's a very gentle look at my, not even

gentle look. It's just a look at myself and like, yeah, we'll get in there. Anyways, I listened

to the rest of that Eric Roberts on the way up there. And he said he had a stutter and it

still comes out sometimes when he's talking, but he's worked very hard to overcome it. And you know,

he's an older man. He's been around. He's been acting since the seventies, you know, 50 years

of acting. And many times, I'm gonna say in, let's throw one more in. And

he said, you show me somebody with a stutter. And my first question is who hurt him?

He said, because stutter is almost always driven by fear or trauma response.

And I thought that was really, really interesting. I don't know how true it is,

but I thought it was very, very interesting. I suspect it's probably very true.

But also a very vulnerable thing for him to say right after he talked about

fighting his stutter. And he talked about his parents. He had a had a little bit of a rough

go of it coming up. And then for the ride home, I wanted somebody really interested,

somebody that peaks my, really peaks my curiosity. And I found that old is from 2020.

John Goodman doesn't do a lot of podcasts, a lot of interviews. And he really doesn't,

you could tell he doesn't care to talk about himself.

Very humble man. But I listened to a podcast John Goodman did with a guy named Sam Jones back in

2020. And I can't remember the name of it, but if you just search John Goodman and Sam Jones,

it'll probably pop up for you. And it was one of the most candored conversations I ever heard

out of John Goodman. And it was just fantastic. And he was very open and vulnerable about

his alcoholism and the battle and how he come back from that and even his own sort of self anxieties.

He was talking about being a chubby seventh grader who spent all his time, he would get in

trouble for cutting up in class, get sent to detention. And then he got picked on because

he was chubby and he learned how to make people laugh. And then he would sit to get

them off of him and then he would sit in the library and read plays and old books.

Damn it, John, you're still in my life.

Good Lord, don't wonder we sound the same. We might be the same.

Anyways, that was a really good one. I'll list it on the end, but there was a big

message and I've talked a little bit about being grateful.

Talk about how important it is to be grateful, you know, a couple of times with you guys.

But it really got me to think and he was talking about the one day at a time with the

alcoholics and stuff like that. And it really, it really got me to thinking

about the work that I try to do on myself because I worry sometimes I come off a little

preacher like y'all should do this, y'all should do this. And that's not what this is about.

This is about me reassuring myself that these are the things I need to be doing.

If you take something from that, I'm glad. But 90% of this is me reassuring myself that I'm on the

right path, that I have finally found my way, that I am open to my calling.

I feel like comedy is a calling. I feel like

not necessarily just stand up, but bringing people joy and making people feel better is my calling.

I feel like that. I'm not, I'm no Mr. Rogers, but

you know,

not trying to compare myself to the greats. I'm just saying I feel like that is my calling.

Anyway, so that's a, that's a little bit what inspired today's show is to kind of let you know going in.

Also, I think you got a little problem with the Mazda finally.

Mazda is doing a little thing where it's taking a long time to hit that starter button. It's

taking a little longer to start than I care for. So I need to get under the hood and

it's probably just something silly, dirty air cleaner, something like that. You know,

I suspect it's going to be something along those lines.

Oh, it'll polish might not be no good. It's pretty chunky and old.

Would polish go bad? I don't know. It's still got the grid in it. Still got the stuff in it that

I bet it doesn't. That's what I'm going to bet on. I'm going to bet that it doesn't today.

We're just going to take it gentle and see what it does for this old.

The Lincoln Continental Hub Cap.

This feels like my final FU to Cadillac. I'm over here polishing the Lincoln Hub Cap

instead of a Cadillac Hub Cap.

I like Lincoln. I just never found them as pretty as Cadillac. I think Cadillac styling was

much more in line. Lincoln's always looked a little too modern for my taste, a little too square.

But a lot of people love Lincoln. Lincoln has a deep, beautiful follow. I follow a couple pages.

One is called Lincoln Addicts and some of the Continental's they post on that page are

just absolute works of art.

So before we get too deep into it, I'll let you guys know I'm going to be,

if you're in the Oklahoma City area or if you're in Oklahoma and

anywhere near El Reno, Oklahoma, or possibly Shawnee, Oklahoma, I'm going to be there next

weekend. I believe Thursday night we're in El Reno at the Center Theater doing the Christmas

show. This Christmas show, so this is my third year doing the Christmas show with William Lee

Martin and y'all have heard me talk about Williams, one of my real good friends in comedy.

I toured with him 20 years ago. He had to fire me from the tour with good reason.

I was on drugs. I was screwing up.

But he's a good dude, man. We don't always agree on everything. We got different views on

how to raise kids and all the kind of things that you know, definitely different political

views for sure. And for the most part, that's how it is when you're really friends. You don't

care about all that shit. And it doesn't matter because I'm not trying to convince him to live

my way. He's not trying to convince me to live his way. We both kind of giggle at the way each other

lives sometimes. But we're very open with one another, transparent one another. We don't have

big knockdown drag outs, there ain't no need for it. But I always, it's funny. It's a lot

of stress doing this show. It's not just when it's stand up, it's just me. All I got to do is

worry about me. And so when before the show, I'm pretty cool, but I'm just focused on my stand

up. You know, I don't like, I've told you I don't like doing like meet and greets and stuff before

the show because it kind of robs my energy. And I like to save that for the stage and then

do that kind of stuff after the show. Because then I'm on the, then I've got a bunch of

energy to burn off. And it helps me protect what I'm trying to do. And how many more and does

can I get in there? But the Christmas show is a lot of work. You know, we have to write a sketch

and we have to perform a sketch and I have to sing and I have so much, I have wanted all my

life to have a big, beautiful voice and be a singer. I'm in awe of singers. When I was real

little, that's kind of what I want. I want to be a country singer, you know. I have this unique

ability to not be able to sing on time at all. I don't know if it's because my hearing problems

or whatever, but I cannot come in on the beat right to save my life. And I just struggle

with the timing. You know, not so much the voice. I got a strong voice, but I struggle with the melody

and the timing of that sort of thing. And I bet with practice I could probably be better at it, but

you know, it goes back to that. What are you going to spend your 10,000 hours on? And right

now I just don't think singing is what I'm going to spend them on. But I'm always in awe of

good singers. Our musician for the last two years has been a fellow named Darren Scully.

But I like him a great deal. He's a good old boy out of Waco, Texas. And I've got a hell of a voice

on him. Hell of a boy. He opens the show singing Christmas in Dixie. And it's just a beautiful

moment every time. But it's a lot. It's a lot of moving parts. I can't just worry about the stand-up.

I have to be worried about all the parts. It's a constantly moving show. And just to give you

an idea, so Darren comes out, he does a song. Well, Bill comes out and he opens the show,

brings everybody up speed, what they're about to see. Yada, yada, yada.

Gets a few laughs, warms the crowd up. And then Darren comes out and he blows them out of their

seats with his Christmas and Dixie performance. And then him and then Bill will come out

and he'll do a little more. Or, you know, chit-chat with the crowd. I think he does a poem there.

And then he'll bring me out. I'll do 25 minutes of stand-up. Christmas kind of theme, stand-up.

You know, I tell some stories and do some little jokes, you know, about Christmas movies and stuff

like that. But, and then it's a 25-minute set for me. And then I stay on stage and Bill comes

out and Bill has a poem that we used to do every year for the show. But he likes the way I read it,

so now I read the poem. And so I do that live reading of a Christmas poem called Another Day

in December. And then Darren comes out, him and William do another song. And then they bring me

out and we all sing away in the manger together. And then William does, Bill does another 30 minutes

of stand-up. And after that we go into the sketch. And then the sketch closes out with a song

number where I have to sing an entire verse solo. And I am just, I have a lot of anxiety about that

because I don't want to screw up the show, you know. I want to be good. I'm one of those people I like,

I like to represent well. But singing is one of my anxieties. That's one of those things where

I struggle. And so I really, I worked hard this year and we went up to Gladewater.

I used to, I used to not do shows in East Texas because I was always worried the wrong people

were going to show up. People I didn't want to see, you know. People in my past ain't got no

interest in. And I don't know why I was worried about that because the people I do want to see

don't make it half the time. So it was, we had a sold out crowd in Gladewater. I just love Jackson's

cozy theater at Gladewater is just a fun performing experience. I've had such a good time there.

Jackson, Jack Fulton Fortin, I can't remember his last name. He's just a riot. He's a riot.

And we got up there and by God we did that show and I nailed it. I just nailed it. I'm just

going to pat myself on the back. The whole show was phenomenal. Everybody nailed their parts.

The sketch couldn't have been, we're doing this Yellowstone Christmas Carol where I play

Rip Heuler and the sketch is so funny. It is just an absolute riot from start to finish.

And I nailed my verse. I sang my verse on time just right and I really knocked it out of the

park and I'm really proud of that because that is one of my, like I said, things I

regret a little bit about. A phenomenal show. I mean, just, we couldn't have asked for a

better night in Gladewater. And we got done. Bill had rented us an Airbnb just about,

there's no hotels in Gladewater, but about a mile or two down the road there's a little Airbnb

on a ranch and Bill rented us that had two bedrooms and a couch type thing.

And Jackson has just opened a new cigar bar, bourbon and cigar bar

there in Gladewater, right down the street from the theater. Jack is a bourbon aficionado.

The guy always turns me on to something good. I'm a sourmash guy and recently he turned me

under that michter sourmash and michter sourmash is one of the best sourmashes I've ever had in my

life. It's just tremendous and really not badly priced, considering how high quality it is.

So after the show, I don't like to drink before the show, but after the show I had me a

little glass of michters and hung out with some fans and some new friends and folks and

we had a had us a nice little little fellowship there and then Jack says,

all right in a minute we're going to run down the cigar bar just us just a handful of people.

And we go down there and Jack sets me up with a little Elmarty and a glass and a fine fine cigar

that I can't remember the name of and we hang out in his cigar lounge and have his cigar and

have us a couple high quality bourbons. He gave me another one from a confiscated batch and I can't

remember what it was. Some old bourbon is really good and just had us a tremendous little evening

there. You always have after shows like that, you know. So it's like one of those when those

when those moments come you got to soak it in especially when you're feeling that real

good show about you. You're only as good as your last show. That's the last show on your

back. Whoo! It's a good place to be. It's a good place to be.

We hung out the cigar bar, got a few drinks in us and then we moseyed over to the bed and

the little Airbnb and we hung out for a little while, hung out on the porch talking to Rachel.

There's a big old barn cat that was just enthralled with my presence but didn't want

me to touch it. He'd come up and try to climb on me and put his paw on me and stuff but every

time he went to pay me he'd come back and he'd try to bite me and I spent about half the night

out there on that porch trying to make friends with that cat who was not interested in I think

actually being friends. It was a good night. I got up about six in the a.m. next morning

because I wanted to get back to my little swamp and my people. That's just who I am.

Show's over. I'm ready to get home. I was originally going to do a turn and burn on that

and Bill was like, no, I'm going to get this Airbnb. We'll hang out. Jackson's going to

have some drinks with us and let's just do it. Not have to worry about it. No way. We

might have to worry about you by driving under the influence through East Texas

which is not a good idea for a number of reasons. But

wherever it wants your people to be in that situation. So I appreciate Bill doing that.

Got up next morning and started making my way. When I come back to Gladewater I had to come

through Kilgore and go by all the old familiar sights of my childhood. I was sitting at a red

light looking at this. It's closed down now but over on it's not Longview Street. I think it's

Houston Street. Yeah, it's Houston. Houston Street. Funny enough, Houston Street in Kilgore.

There was a 7-Eleven that was there when I was a kid and that was one of the places my dad

would stop every once while getting cold Dr. Pepper. I was just having these memories about

sitting in the car waiting for my dad, sitting in the truck waiting for my dad to come out with

his drink and he used to give me a little something. I don't know if those memories

mean anything. I think they're just flashes, little vignettes of your life. I was thinking

there's a little circle right there in Kilgore and I was thinking about my dad had this old,

for a while he drove this old 65 Chevrolet Stepside long bed. I think it was a C20.

Had a little six cylinder in it.

No, it didn't. That one had a 283 in it.

I've told y'all a story. It caught on fire in that circle one morning. My dad jumped out,

took his WKM nice windbreaker and put the fire out and after that his windbreaker always had a

burn on the inside of it. It put me in mind a lot of that stuff. As I was going through the circle,

I noticed that TJ's Circle Cafe was open and there was a bunch of work trucks already there

on Saturday mornings, 6.30 in the AM, 6.45 in the AM.

I felt compelled to stop and spend some time in a place I hadn't been in a minute.

Just listen to the locals talk. It's one of those old diners where the tables are clear-coated

and underneath it are local ads from local businesses. It's always a sign the food's

going to be good when you get a place like char burgers like that. There's a couple old joints

that's still like that. Got me some black coffee, eggs, some bacon, some fuel for the roads,

little hash brands.

And I sat there and I just really, I like eating by myself. I've told y'all that. I like a little

solitude when I sit down in a place and enjoy the atmosphere because then I can just listen.

Then I'm not worried about keeping up any end of a conversation. I can just let myself get lost

in what's happening around me. And they have all the characters, you know, the old men that

meet down there every week to talk about the same things.

There's always the loud guy. The guy that mistakes being loud for a person.

Well, you know, that guy's always there. There's an old man that's going to not cut

e-bay slack at the table. And by God, he's going to say whatever it is he needs to say.

They started out on politics and that was interesting.

If you listen to real old men talk about politics when they get together with their

friends, it's pretty funny. It's pretty funny because you can tell most of them don't like none

of them. And that's kind of where I find myself on the spectrum.

But my favorite sentence I heard was this little old fella behind me in a baseball cap.

I'd seen him walk in. And he came in and he sat down there amongst his friends and family.

The first thing I was about when he sat down, you hear about them bulldogs? That's a

Kilgore, Texas football team. Kilgore High School football team is bulldogs. Y'all hear about

them bulldogs? Before anybody could even answer him, he said 49 to 0. And he said that 49 to 0

was so much pride, it made me think maybe he'd been out there running the ball. 49 to 0, whooped

them bad, whooped them bad. And it just filled my spirit, you know, to listen to those conversations

and sit in that moment. You know, you might call it Americana or whatever, but for me it's just

the memories of the old being that I grew up around, you know. And it just tickled me. I

imagined, I could imagine either one of my pap hauls sitting in on that conversation and

having a word. And then they got to disparaging,

they got into the business of disparaging the

new Dodge truck. And of course, that lit up all my cylinders.

Well, I think I got more plastic on. I mean, this is all the same shit we all say all the

time. It just tickled the hell out of me.

Good coffee. Good food. Oh, it's some of the best bacon. I don't hardly eat bacon anymore. So,

when I do eat it, I try to make sure it's good quality. You know what I mean?

This was good ass diner bacon, you know, thick, chewy and shiny. I like some shiny bacon.

Got that good grease.

And I got back on the road, head back to Houston.

And on the way back, I just, I really spent some time thinking about my behavior.

And I was thinking about gratitude. Again, I was driving through the fog, you know. Coming

out of Kilgore Saturday morning, yesterday morning. It was so foggy. I couldn't hardly see anything

until I got past Lufkin. I guess I'm just doomed to spend this whole tour driving in the fog.

And I was listening to John Goodman talk about

his struggles and how to lead in. When he was talking about the alcoholism,

he was talking about all the clichés involved with AA. And he said, you know, they're

clichés because they're true. That's how clichés work. There's a reason

clichés are clichés, because for the most part, they're true.

And he was talking about being sober one day at a time, about how it's always

one day at a time for him. They said, when he wants a drink, he puts it off for an hour.

And after an hour, if he still wants to drink, then he'll call somebody,

talk to some of his sponsor or something like that, you know.

So he always just puts it off till tomorrow. If I wait till tomorrow to drink,

then I'll see what today has to offer. And that's kind of,

you know, I talk about being grateful and kind and

I don't want that to feel empty to anybody. You know, there's a lot of facets.

I had a situation with a troll last week, an internet troll who got under my skin,

was saying some ugly things. It doesn't matter what he said, but he was saying some ugly things.

And I basically very quickly and shortly told him to go eff himself.

And of course he come back, oh, Mr. Kindness, it's so kind. You know, that's a bunch of crap and

trying to, oh, you're a hypocrite. You're not really kind at all. And I was like, I think

I think a lot of people confuse kindness for niceness. I'd say I was nice. I ain't a nice guy. I mean,

I can be a nice guy. I need you to be nice is different than kind. Nice is something nice is

politeness. I'm a polite enough fella until you push me past the point where I feel like you're

no longer worthy of my politeness. But people must, they look at kindness like a weakness.

It's not, it takes a lot more strength to be kind. A weak man can't be kind. I mean, he can, but

it's a default. If you're weak, you don't have the strength to be anything other than kind or nice

or you might get your ass whooped. That's not, that's not the same thing I'm talking about,

you know. I'm talking about kindness from a point of strength where you make an effort to be kind.

But it takes strength to do that. It takes, it takes some resolve to do that. But it's definitely not,

it's not coming from a position of turn the other cheek all the time. And you know, that's

great. I know they teach that in Bible school and that's, that's all fine and dandy, but

even Jesus had enough of them one time and turned the whole temple upside down. You know what I mean?

Like it's not, like don't, don't come at me as an adversary. I will treat you like an adversary.

And it don't have nothing to do with kindness. That's, hell, that's me being kind to myself and

protecting myself. Nice, nice, niceties and kindness are very different things. And

a strong kind man will still tell you to go after yourself if you get on the wrong side of it.

They won't bully you. I wouldn't bully this guy. I gave up on this guy because he wasn't very

intelligent and I could tell you he wasn't very intelligent. And I don't want to be an intellectual

bully for sure. But you can only have so much conversation with somebody who's not smart enough

to read and do the work, you know. And if you explain something to somebody and they just

refuse to see it and want to stay in a position of willful ignorance, don't waste your time on

don't waste your time. That's not about being kind. That's about protecting you, you know.

And I want to make sure I clear that up, you know. But also I don't,

I don't want to give anybody the impression from my words and the things I have to say

that I wake up every morning like Mr. Rogers in this kind state ready to just give love to the

world. That is not true. I have to work at this shit. I have to work at it. It's a job every day

to get in this place and speak from this place. It's a job every day to practice kindness. It's

a job every day to practice gratitude. It's not, I didn't just, I don't wake up grateful,

shit. I wake up angry most mornings. I wake up, most mornings I wake up. I'm already a little agitated

world. My back hurts, my hip hurts. I don't feel like I have all the things I wish I had. I don't

feel like I'm in the position I wish I was in. I don't feel like my work's being valued enough

for you. You know, it's the same stuff we all wake up probably thinking about.

You know, people always ask me all the time like, oh man, you're such a such a big car fanatic.

You're just, what's your project car? What's your, I don't got project cars. I've had project

cars over the years. I've had a couple cars I've built here and there, but I don't have

that stuff anymore because I made the choice to do comedy and to do comedy for a living.

It's not very profitable, right? It's not, this isn't a profitable. Me and my wife made some decisions

and you have to almost to do comedy. You have to sacrifice a lot.

I don't have money for project cars. Every dime I got goes to my family.

I don't have money to spend on stuff. Do I, would I like to have shit? Yeah, man.

I think I wouldn't like to build my Cadillac dream truck out of OCI. Boy, in a heartbeat,

if I had the money to do that sort of thing, I would love to do it. But I don't focus my

efforts there. I focus my efforts on building a bag for my children.

I'm making sure my kids are going to be, I mean, the bottom line is, is my youngest son

is disabled, you know? And that kid is most likely going to live with me and depend on me the rest

of his life. And that's okay. It's the way I want it, you know, because it's not necessarily the

way I want it, but it's, I know it's necessary because what he's going through and how he views

the world and how he interprets in information, you know, I know he's going to need me a lot

longer than your, your, your average child is going to need their parent. I have to make sure

that he's taken care of when I leave this plant. I have to make sure there's enough money to get

him the care he needs when I leave this planet. I have to make sure enough money

my other kid to help this kid. And that's an unfair burden put on my oldest kid.

But sometimes unfair burdens are put on siblings. We all know that.

Sometimes we have to look out for our siblings.

I will most likely also end up taking care of my sister.

My sister has a lot of disabilities and is actually own disability can't really,

you know, hold a job or anything like that. And the situation my sister lives in now is

not good. It's not good for her. She lives with my mom or lives with not my mom,

lives with my dad and his wife.

And they're old and they don't understand her.

And she needs to be with people that understand her.

And that's, so I'm working for a bag. I'm working for a bag to, you know,

get enough money to get her taken care of. Make sure my kids are taken care of.

Make sure my wife who has taken this journey with me, make sure she is taken care of.

You know?

And if I ever pull off enough to do all that, then by God, yeah, I might have me a little

project car, but, you know, I got the Volkswagen, but that's going to be a long project.

If I finish that car before I die, I'll be doing something, you know?

So I wake up with all that stuff on my mind.

And I have to, I have to tell myself, I have to look at myself in the mirror

some mornings and say, Hey bud, take a beat. Let's find something to be,

because I got a lot of things to be grateful for. I'm great. I get to chase my dream.

No, it's not super profitable. That's a decision I made, but I get to chase my dream.

I get to talk to y'all every weekend. I get to make my money telling stories and

bringing joy to people. I get to make my money making people feel better

about the way life has gone for us all, about this journey we're all on together

on this giant spaceship call Earth. That's my calling. I get to do, I get to get up every

morning and pursue that. And so I think about that, you know, when I wake up those mornings

and I'm irritated because I feel like I haven't got far enough or haven't done this enough.

I really, I spun out a little bit Thursday or Friday morning.

We're done with the book where the ARC is done on the book like I made,

so we did like a book club thing. We finished the book and then we had some

authors read the book and we took some feedback from them. And then I tried to reread the book

as somebody who'd never seen it before, which is hard to do. This is my life, these are my stories.

And then I made some, I felt like there was not enough stuff about my mom in the,

in the first book. I felt like there was not enough stuff about

setting the scene for certain things. And so I went back and made some edits. And then

then there was a story, sometimes when I talk to you all week after week and I go back into the

past, I remember some stories I forgot. And so there was some stuff like that I wanted to add

in there. And I did it, you know, and then me and Adam, you know, he'd come back and

check punctuation, that kind of stuff. And then we made the decision that we was done.

We talked about all these changes and both felt good about them and we both said,

hey, I think this thing is ready to go. And he sent it off to the guy that owns the publishing

company, who is going to read it, you know, and then now we got to start working on the cover.

And it doesn't really matter, but we had some ideas for the cover. And I'm finding all these things out

that because of publishing and stuff, Amazon has to approve the cover. They get fine oil

approval on the cover because Amazon's one of the biggest booksellers in the country.

And they have that power. And that kind of pissed me off because it's my book.

You know what I was like? You know, I turned into that John C. Riley character.

Are you stifling me? Don't stifle me, you know.

On top of that, Rachel is a very talented graphic design artist. And I find myself very

protective of her work and the things she does. And she had done,

so there's something stuck to that hubcap. I was trying to get it off.

She had done some good work on this cover idea. And I was feeling very protective of it.

And the person who had not read the book yet

joined the conversation with a lot of opinions.

And it really got under my skin and spun me out a little bit. And that's why

one of the reasons, you know, that it's so important to follow the chain of management

of Rachel managing me is because I don't need to see all that stuff. I don't. That stuff gets

under my skin, gets me all worked up. And it's not, the business side of it is not my side of it.

Never has been. I'm not good at it. It's not my thing. It's not the part of it I want to focus

my efforts on. I like focusing my efforts on the creative side of it. And so I shouldn't

have ever been in the conversation again with them. That was my fault. I shouldn't have read it.

I shouldn't have poked my nose in it again with, but it did. And then I got myself all

worked up mad as hell. And I was ready to tell everybody to go to hell. And what really upset

me the most was that it pulled my attention away from, you know, having this moment that

I just finished my first book. That's some shit right there, you know?

Like I need to sit in that a minute. I need to, instead of being all worked up about this

other stuff. And luckily my manager is excellent. She jumped off into it and fought the battle for me

so that I could go focus on doing a Christmas show and bringing some people some joy.

And Adam also excellent. He went to bat too and

he put me in a better, better place knowing that, you know what? You got the exact team you need

behind you, bud. You got the exact people you need to protect this thing that you've created.

And I'm just so proud of it. I'm just so proud of it.

I read it again yesterday. I'm an avid reader and I spent some time reading it yesterday just to

say, man, is this am I 100% happy of their thing? Because I can still make a few changes. Sorry,

that's so clingy. So I don't, I don't wake up

in a spirit of gratitude. I just don't. And I don't expect anybody should. Maybe some people do.

Maybe some people have gotten to that, that Buddha's in standpoint where they do wake up

grateful ever morning and God bless you if you do. And I'm happy to know you because you're an anomaly,

I think. I'm not always, I'm not, I'm not near grateful enough. I should spend way more time

being grateful for Rachel. That should be the first thought in my mind every time I wake up.

That woman's been with me like,

I'm a grumpy old bastard, right? And a bit of a slob and a messy person at best

on my best day. I'm a messy person. I'm emotional and I spin out. And she's been putting up with

that for, and it's gotten better, you know, as I've done work on myself and

tried to improve who I am and how I look at the world. But a lot of that's been under her tutelage,

her helping me see and get to the root of the things that I'm angry about

and walk away from that. And I don't spend near enough time being grateful for her.

And she, she could wake up. I don't think she will, but she could wake up

any morning and just be, you know, I'm tired of this shit. And listen, this dude, Grant Rave, for

God knows how many years and every indulgent thought he has on his mind that he thinks the world needs

to hear. And God, nobody in the world could blame her. Not the person in the world. She could

wake up all morning and say, I'm tired of being broke, you know? And I can't say,

can't say anybody could blame her. And she doesn't. She gets up every morning, she's part of the team.

She helps me stay focused. She helps the rest of the team stay focused.

And that's something I should spend every day being grateful for, but I have to remind myself

I have to do the work every day. I think about so many times in my life that I was viciously

ungrateful. And I'm embarrassed

at how many of those times that I wasn't grateful for what all I had going on. I was too

worried about what I didn't have to enjoy what the hell I did have going on.

You know? I think always wanting more might be part of the human experience.

I gush, I wax poetic about that old 1972 Ford I had in high school. But let me tell you,

when I was in high school, that truck was a piece of shit. I was mad at that truck every day.

I wanted something newer, shinier. All my friends had newer vehicles. I wanted something better,

you know? I was always trying to trade that truck for something else. I thought I wanted

more than that truck. Sure, I wax poetic about it now how much I loved it, but that's

that's only through the magic of hindsight. You know, when I was driving that truck in high school,

oh, every day I was mad at it about something. There was something go wrong on it.

That's it. But I didn't know how to do the work then. Back then, I didn't know how to go.

I didn't know how to walk out the back door and look at a vehicle I own and go, boy, I'm sure

glad I got this good running vehicle. I do now. I walk out there and look at that Mazda and go,

boy, I'm glad I bought that little Mazda. It may not be exactly what I want right now. Sure,

I'd like something nicer. But you know what? It gets me to my gigs, gets me from A to B,

don't eat up too much gas. Pretty good old car. That's all stuff I've taught myself.

That's work. That's work you got to do every day. You got to find something

every day to keep that going. It's not a one and done situation.

You know, when I first started comedy, I was living that little apartment off Hillcroft and

I was a mess. You know, I'd gotten back in the name of cocaine.

And instead of being grateful that, you know, I was getting all these opportunities to showcase

because I took off really quick. I was upset. I didn't have more. You know, I was always wanting

more. Ralphie was always warning me about that. Like Ralphie used to tell me this thing

all the time. This other thing he'd say, everybody in comedy. He said, look, the old

saying is that in comedy, you get what you deserve usually about two years after you

deserve it. I didn't want to hear that. I wanted it right now. And I was in no way,

I had no way earned it. And I had no way it was just ego. It was just ego telling me every day.

And you need a little bit of ego to do this business. I think you need a little bit of

ego to do most things. Well, you got to have enough ego to think you're the best at it.

Otherwise, you got to have a little delusion.

But you can't live in that. You can't walk around. I remember just being in that apartment

high and being mad. Like you're over here doing drugs and you're being mad. Why don't you stop

doing drugs, dummy? That's when I was really struggling with that stuff because

I would get in that little apartment and get high and get paranoid.

I think people was coming to get me looking out through the blinds for the tree police.

One night, I got so paranoid. Oh, no, no. This was one night I decided I was like, oh,

this I know how I'm all quit doing so much cocaine. This time I quit doing so much drugs.

So I broke my baggie up into about eight little tiny bags, just a little bump at each bag.

And then I put them in an ice cube tray and poured water in there and froze them in the

freezer thinking, well, I have to wait for the ice to melt to get a bump.

Stupid drug logic because then later on it was just me and a screwdriver busting

ice to get to my drugs I'd ruined with water.

But viciously ungrateful, viciously ungrateful in those moments. That whole time period

could just be described as me being viciously ungrateful for the opportunity I had to pursue

this to begin with. Instead, I was wasting all the time I should have been networking

doing drugs and blowing opportunities and complaining about what I didn't already have

that I hadn't even earned yet. And I think a lot of us can be guilty of this.

You know, I saw it a lot when I was in the trades. Now I was a little more

evolved mature by them, but I'd have these guys I'd hire them and they'd

they'd be on the job two weeks and thought they knew everything.

Thought they knew that they needed a raise and they were and they would go work for

somebody else in the heartbeat. You know, and I give them my blessing. You're going boy,

I hope you make all the money in the world, but

get out there. If I don't want to be the one holding you back

because that comes with maturity. You're right. You ain't going to talk them down

off that pedestal of ungratefulness. You're not. You need to just let them go on

and figure out what the world's about. Right? That comes with a little maturity. By that point,

I had a little enough maturity to realize that I wasn't going to change these guys' minds about

who, how, where they thought their talent and skill level was. And the best thing with a guy

like that is just let him go on down the road. And sooner or later, he going to find a reason

to be grateful for what he had. Maybe after he's lost it. Unfortunately with humans, it often is.

Often is. It's only after we lose stuff that we realize what we should have been grateful for,

what we should have been happy about in the moment. It's a common thread in writing

throughout the years going all the way back to the Stoics is that we often struggle to embrace the

things that we should until after they've gone from us. You can waste a lot of your life being

an ungrateful son of a 50. Okay. And then ask me how I know because I did it.

Because I did it. I don't, I don't come here and preach this shit at y'all because

I think, oh, I'm some evolved master guy that's figured it all out. This is me trying to remind

myself of the times I didn't have it figured out and where I'm headed next. But I, I wake up

ungrateful every morning. I wake up unkind every morning. And I have to, it's you have to do the

work every day. There's just, there's no way around that. It's like anything else in your life you

want. You have to do the work every day. And if you don't do the work every day, you're going

to have a hard time getting where you're trying to get. It's just like anything.

It's just like shining this old hubcap. Is there ever going to be on a car again? Hell no. Hell no,

it ain't. Does it matter if it's shiny? Hell no. The dust was part of the character.

Do I need to do this? Probably not. But I want it to.

Because sometimes you just got to get up and do the work

and, and, and try to find the things that make you love this journey and the things that, that keep

you pointed down the path of what you're looking for. But you got to, you got to find something

every day. You got to, you got to look for those things every day. I do put a lot of my

gratitude on Rachel. That's where I find a lot of my gratitude. My gratitude is in my, in my life

that I've built. And we don't have a lot of money. We live in a 1000 square foot house

built in the 50s. It's got one bathroom, a heater that works sometimes. The air conditioner

does its best. Windows so thin that I think I can breathe through them.

We got a couple 15 year old cars that I do my best to keep running and up to spec.

Little update on the Cadillac. I put the new EBCM on and it got rid of the anti-lock brake lights.

They're gone. It did introduce some new lights. Now there's a traction control light on

and also an engine light. I've got to go detective on and find out what the hell that's about.

But hey, you know what? New lights is progress. I told y'all Cadillac got engine lights for

other engine lights. New lights is progress. That means we change something. I suspect it's,

I didn't go get it flashed yet. So I'm gonna get it flashed. My buddy David thinks he can program

it for me and so I'm gonna take it over there. We're gonna flash it. See if that don't solve

some problems. And if it don't, we'll take that scanner and we'll figure out. But that's

that's besides the point. The real point is that, that, that listening to John Goodman talk about

that one day at a time really struck me about how to practice gratitude. And it's the same as

AA. You got to do it one day at a time. Boy, would you look at that? Let it catch that

lie. God dang, boy. I'm ready to go cruise the Miracle Mile. Somebody call up Kennedy,

time to get in the convertible. Just kidding.

Shining like a new penny. Oh yeah. That's cool. I like that.

Now we wrap this thing up here with do some testimonials. And my mouse ain't working. There it

are. There it are. Oh, I'm on the wrong screen. Let me go find my testimonials if you will. These

are some stuff from last week. These are comments folks made on last week's podcast. What we got?

Oh, our old buddy, David Beckert. I did not stay in a holiday in nor am I a doctor. However,

I know a thing or two about cheap whiskey. You need whiskey, not coffee. Love you, J.W.

By the way, J.W., when you were saying prayers, please keep my lovely bride in mind. She fell

and broke her femur. Thank you. Man alive. Well, I hope the entire congregation will be keeping

David's day Warner has been around. We'll keep her in their minds and their positive thoughts.

If you got some extra good vibes, you can send out to, I don't know if she's Mrs. Beckert, but

David's wife, a femur break is an awful thing to go through. It's one of the strongest bones

in your body capable of with handling pressures that are out of this world. So to break a

femur takes a lot of force and usually is a it's a long time to recover. And I sure my heart is with

you guys. I truly feel for you and I love y'all. And if there's anything I can do to help, don't

be afraid to reach out and but I definitely I can send some prayers your way. I can definitely

send some prayers your way. I feel for that. I've never gone through it, but I've had a

couple of friends go through it. It's a it's a tough one. And I hope she's got good doctors

and pray that they are coming up with the right solution to help her recover as quickly as possible

and get back on her feet back to her life. Mr. Beckert. I don't like Greek whiskey in the morning

though, brother. I got to do a coffee day. I got some good ass coffee. I got my it's my

kind. I ordered it off the interwebs and well Rachel orders off the interwebs.

And it is an Egyptian Yergeshev coffee and it just it tickles my neurons. I love that coffee.

Fine, fine coffee.

And yeah, y'all y'all y'all y'all keep extra prayer out there for Mr. Beckert and his lady.

Our old buddy Chuck Packwood. I hit the same reality with age. I just turned 50 this weekend

and it sounds so horrible when I hear someone say it because of my mind. I still think I'm 28.

Yeah, that's a it's a it's a bit of a aging is a bit of a mind mind death. Right. Like it

it was it'll get you.

You know, I've told you, my father, all you should tell me all the time. I don't know when I became

the old dude and it's happened. I'm watching it happen to me and I'm trying to be present and

take stock of it from a writing and other purposes. And it's

I don't know when it happened either.

You know, it seems like it seems like just yesterday I was a little jackass comic driving

across the country in a Ford contour making 150 bucks a gig and

then all of a sudden I'm just doing with kids and wife and

a list of responsibilities that's waiting on me every day.

Doesn't bother me so much. I'm kind of trying to live in the moment and really appreciate it for

what it is so that I can write about it later. And

but yeah, my mind definitely feels younger than the rest of

certainly understand that at Jacob all trades master of fun. You want to change the scenery.

I highly recommend Marriville, Tennessee, small town on mountains but close enough to Knoxville

with the comedy club to make your home base. Oh buddy, let me tell you something.

I love I absolutely adore Tennessee. I would live in Tennessee or Kentucky in a heartbeat.

But I am not moving anywhere again unless I move somewhere where or cannabis is legal.

That's that's my bottom line. I don't feel like living like a criminal rest my life and I ain't

going to stop smoking weed. I like it keeps me sane and other people can have all their feelings

about it and that's fine. It ain't for everybody. I'm not one of those people thinks everybody

should do it. And some people it creates disastrous results. There's all kind of

things that can have me can trigger skits where it can do all kind of stuff. You know,

there are some dangers with any substance but I'm not going to quit. So I want to live somewhere

where I can just be free to do that and be left alone.

As much I'd love to live. I think Tennessee is one of the most beautiful places I've been

in my life, Kentucky as well. At Dalmat about it. I'm sure you've been asked this but would you

consider publishing a book of poetry because inspiration and style are things you're allowed

to borrow. You are original and your words are amazing. Thank you for that compliment.

I struggle with that. People call me a poet. People say oh that's poetry. When I write things,

I don't write them as poetry. I just write the way I know how to write and I guess the way I write

is a little bit like that because I grew up reading so much of it. I mean I used to

write a lot of what I thought was poetry when I was younger but it was mostly just

closed metaphors with weird loops and

so I don't think of what I write as poetry. So I don't know that I would ever just set out

to write a book of poetry. I am toying with the idea.

I've been writing this thing and I'll share the basis of it with y'all and it's

not a Christian thing even though it is Christian inspired but I've been spending

some time rereading the Bible for my own research

and folks in very heavily on the works of Jesus. Jesus is a fascinating character to me.

If you take out

all the dogmatic rest of the Bible and you just look at the teachings of Jesus,

they boil down to about five things. It's love, mercy, humility,

forgiveness, and then that kind of kingdom within yourself of who you

teach yourself to be and those are the basic five teachings behind what his words and what

he was doing and so I've been working on this. It's another book idea and I'm calling it The

Five Labors of Love and it's based on these things and how I've learned them throughout my life

and how I've learned to get back to those things and why I think those things matter so much and

so I am toy with that and it may be a little poetic but I promise you it'll just be accident

but it's not you know people hear Christian thing or I'm not a Christian. It's not

a Christian thing. It's just something that was inspired by the research and learning I've been

doing lately and I've been reading a lot of the Stoics too and in particular that first one

with the epica what are the hell name that I have a hard time saying and

and as I've been reading and learning lately and kind of like researching these things going back

to my head I've been writing this other piece I've been working on and I think there's something

there that is worthy of print and publish but we'll see we'll see thank you for the compliment

I appreciate it a great deal let's go let's wrap this thing up and get the hell out of here

a little bit of a short one today guys as always thank you so much for being in the chat

I always appreciate you guys coming hanging out with me on Sunday

oh that's good coffee

I guess why I'm trying to get to with all this I was talking to y'all about the day and I'm sorry

it's a little scattered but grateful isn't something you get with one good example

you don't you don't you don't like trip over a decent moment and point at it and go all right

that uh hold me to Easter you know that's not how it works you can't just find one thing to be

grateful for and then be done with it like there we go I'm grateful that's not how it works that's

not how anything works gratitude's an exercise it's an everyday exercise it's no different

than the gym and I and I say that as a man who hates the gym but respects the results

you don't go once and come back strong you go sore you go tired you go irritated that the

mirrors are honest and you go again

I damn sure don't wake up grateful I wake up most mornings already a little agitated at the world

like like everybody was having meetings about me while I was asleep and determined to keep me down

I don't wake up kind I wake up grumpy optimism shows up after noon if at all

I'm always surprised when my phone rings before noon because what kind of psychopath needs to talk to

other people that early in the day text me leave evidence give me a minute to prepare a defense

so this is something this is I'm telling you this is something I have to work at every single day

I don't tell y'all this because I'm preaching to you I'm trying to keep me on the straighter

if I don't say it out loud I forget and if I forget I turn into a man who thinks the problem is

everyone else I know I've seen me do it I have to remind myself daily to be great

not for the the big dramatic stuff but for the for the quiet parts of life that work

ones that don't ask for attention and don't get thanked nearly enough

I have to remind myself to look for ways to be kind even when my first instinct is to be sarcastic

defensive or mentally composing a speech I will never deliver but will absolutely win

and of course there's always going to be folks who mistake kindness for weakness that's because

they're weak people weak people don't understand how much strength it takes to slow down

to hold your tongue to choose gratitude when being bitter would feel way more satisfying for about 15

seconds being kind and grateful doesn't mean you have to take everybody's shit that's not kindness

that's poor boundary management I can have a full kind grateful heart and still tell something

weak-minded agitator to kiss every inch of my left foot and sleep like a baby afterwards

those things are not opposites they are survival skills gratitude does not change the facts of

your life it changes the weight of them the same problems show up they just don't sit as heavy

on your chest when you've trained yourself to notice every day what's still good so this week

just do just try that just look for a way to be kind not they not the easy kindness not the weak

kindness the strong kindness find a way to be kind that goes against your strength find a way to be

kind that requires your strength I love that the kind of kindness that that cost you a little

patience kind of requires some restraint kind of makes you better even if not another damn

soul on this rock notices that's the that's the work that that's that's the rep

rooting for you I think the people that are here the people that are listening

and the people that return or the people looking for something and I'm rooting for you to find it

there's room at this table for everybody

I'm JW and I love

oh I got to look at that hubcap again I gotta look at that that's pretty

shy look at that boy that's sexy they made my other hubcaps look dull I need to go back over them

308 race bait Ferrari

oh I gotta get out here and do some cleaning everything's so dusty I haven't been spending

much time out here lately I did come I've been trying to fix my son's slinky

I thought maybe I could cook up a way to retighten the slinky so so far it's been unsuccessful

I gotta get this lawn tractor y'all can't see it it's right behind the camera I gotta get this

John Deere put back together and ready for the season

I'll be going this week I'm gonna go see poncho claws and try to go see poncho claws tomorrow

and take them whole bunch of these hot wheels and then I'm gonna try to go to the Houston

Children's Charity I think Wednesday and try to take them some more the the rest of them

I will ever get these hot wheels and then baby's hands before Christmas

mm-hmm good coffee

Optimism don't show up til noon

Draft Tools

wheel hub cap

Mazda

air cleaner

Lincoln Continental

Chevrolet C20 Stepside 1965

six cylinder engine

Dodge truck

OCI truck

EBCM

anti-lock brake lights

Cadillac

traction control light

flashing ECU

Ford Contour

hubcaps

Ferrari 308

slinky spring

lawn tractor

John Deere

About this episode

Original notes