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I'm Richard Porter.

I'm Johnny Smith.

And this is on the other side of things,

the Smith and Sniff spin-off

in which we answer your questions.

Welcome to the, on the other side of things.

I had somebody come up to me at Bicester Heritage

and say, I much prefer on the other side of things

to your main podcast because you actually answer

questions about cars.

Oh.

And I just, I think it was a compliment.

I didn't know what to do.

Yes.

I just went, oh, cool.

We should crack on with some answering,

some questions so we don't annoy

the person who prefers this show.

Of course.

I was going to start with a email from a listener

who calls themselves Simon off of Burton upon Trent.

I'm going there to do a barn find in 48 hours time.

Oh, well there we go.

It's actually a garden find, but yes, nevertheless.

There we go.

You can stop by the brewery

is the only other thing I know about Burton upon Trent.

Marmite, they make marmite there, I'm sure.

Is that where they make marmite?

Yeah, because it's a.

I think they make marmite there.

Byproduct of the brewing process.

And that's right.

Is it Maston's sort of brewed?

Yes, I think so.

Well, all right, well.

So Simon from the home of Marmite brackets, possibly says,

good morning, you fine pair of disassembled

Corby trouser presses car OCD.

We all have it.

Don't deny it.

Temperatures on the climate must be even, not odd.

I've even seen a friend adjust a taxi drivers climate control

after he foolishly had it set at 23.

Manual dials must be vertical, obviously.

Headrests must be level and not at different heights.

That is tantamount treason.

I'm as guilty as anyone.

I even like the seats in line,

and as soon as a tall passenger exits,

I move it back in line.

It completes my life.

You can imagine the pain and torment I go through

when I'm behind a Discovery 5

with its moronic offset number plate.

My question is, what is your car OCD

that you simply cannot accept

and therefore will stop your impending journey?

CMT&P Simon off of Burton-upon-Trent.

Things rolling around in the car.

So if I hear something in the back,

a rattle or a thump,

and I am a bit dad-spec,

I do carry around a couple of

flat flattened cardboard boxes

and usually in the boot somewhere

to either pad out stuff

or to protect from sharp edges

hurting the carpet of the boot floor

or if I haven't ordered a rigid rubber liner

because I'm in a complete friendless wonder.

So that's probably my first annoyance.

I notice Simon's, I mean, this is quite hardcore.

Temperatures on the climate control must be even, not odd.

That's, I mean, and I am a quite OCD person,

but I just, that doesn't bother me.

What does bother me is half temperature increments,

which are lots of climate control.

See, I, yeah, he doesn't want to see

my saved alarm wake-up call times.

Oh, yes, you're like James May.

You just do random times, don't you?

If you have to get up at 7 a.m.,

you'll just do like 6.58 or 7.02 or something.

Is that right?

Completely.

So when we got up for Bista annual service

with Piston Heads thing,

I set my alarm for 6.28.

Yeah, I'm sure it was 6.28.

I, that's the thing,

because James May does that, I know,

because he's told me, and I said,

why though, why not round it?

I mean, you know, because James is a very precise man,

he goes, well, he would argue 6.28

is an equally valid time.

It's sort of, it's an interesting psychology.

But yeah, I love that.

I can do any round number on the climate control.

I just don't like halves and also,

and I'm going to guess from what he said,

Simon would be on board with this.

I don't like mismatched side-to-side temperatures

on dual zone climate.

If I'm the only one in the car,

if the car has a, you know, matched side,

what do they call it?

Sync is usually called.

I'm pressing the sync button to make sure they're in line.

I can't.

I just, I just, I regularly forget that a car does that.

Do you?

Yeah, regularly.

There were some BMWs that still had the sync facility

from memory, but it wasn't a sync button.

You had to hold down the auto button

or something like that.

Listeners will know this.

And it took me a while to figure that out

in BMW press cars,

because obviously it's a faff to go manually adjust.

And then if you change your temperature

to have to change the passenger side,

that's when you know they're really,

you probably should get over yourself.

But yeah, it depends on the car,

but you know some cars sort of,

they don't look right if the vents aren't all lined up

in the sort of, well, I suppose it's the vertical plane,

isn't it?

As in it's the up and down.

I want the slats to all line up.

Yeah, I can see that.

I can see that.

I'm more troubled about the fact that so many vents slats

these days get damaged because of clip on

shit mobile phone holders.

I'm guilty of that.

They pinch those little veins

or air leons or whatever you wanna call them.

And thus when they're broken,

you probably, I've never looked,

but I bet you have to take half the flipping dash out

to replace them.

Oh yeah.

Yeah, yeah, no.

And that would just upset me.

I know, but at the same time,

it is quite useful to be able to clip your phone somewhere.

Actually, if someone, yeah,

if someone could recommend a really good mobile phone holder

that doesn't take up the entire windscreen

and doesn't ruin any vents of an older car.

Please get in touch, I actually appreciate that.

One more for Simon.

I don't particularly like leaving a car with any lock on.

I like the wheel to the straight.

Oh no, you don't do you?

No, it annoys me because it feels sloppy.

Obviously, if I lived in San Francisco

where everybody puts full lock on into the curve

in case the parking brake fails on the very hilly place,

I understand that.

And actually if it's full lock, it's almost like,

oh, that's all right.

It's just a tiny bit of lock.

When the wheel is just a little bit turned,

that bugs me.

I think we've established that we are a cluster

of night sleeve valves here.

I've got a letter from Alan

and I'm pretty sure that Alan doesn't mind me calling him Alan.

Hi, Johnny and Richard.

Thanks for podcasts.

I've noticed lately firms offering to get owners

of certain diesel cars compensation.

And as a result of the emission scandal.

Hang on, when's this email from?

This email was from, oh, okay, yes,

it was November 2022.

So I thought that was ages ago, the diesel thing.

They've all moved on to PCP stuff now.

Yeah, there's a lot of compensation chasing.

But maybe this question is still valid of Alan's actually

because he said, surely the drivers of these cars

paid less tax, so why then are they entitled

to compensation?

How have they been disadvantaged exactly?

I would have thought everyone breathing

the additional pollution are the actual victims.

Very valid comment there.

Just a thought.

Not sure if you can turn this into podcast material.

Also, if I've got the wrong end of the stick,

feel free to put me straight.

Cheers, Alan.

Alan, I think this is an interesting one

because there's a lot of chasing for compensation

and obviously it was originally VW, then Mercedes

and now the floodgates are wide open, aren't they?

And it's been through court last week or the week before.

Yeah, so I suppose the whole point

is that you could claim that the car companies misled you.

So the basis of your claim is that I wouldn't

have bought this car if I had known what its real world

actual emissions were.

It's a sort of, I mean, people weren't buying diesel cars

for their emissions, but good or bad,

whether they were buying them for the economy.

But obviously, in terms of the road tax and things

in this country, there was a period

when the government seemed to want us to buy diesels.

So.

Yes, it was incentivized and diesel was.

And that's when diesel went from being a cheaper fuel

to a more expensive fuel.

Surprise, surprise.

Is it also that people are seeking compensation

because I know there were claims in the case of Volkswagen Group

cars that when the mandated fix was applied to the cars

to bring the emissions into line with what they were supposed

to be, performance and economy suffered.

So I guess you could take action against them

because then your car has been made worse

as a result of their original fibs.

Yeah.

Right, right, right.

That makes more sense for sure.

I mean, what do you think?

Be honest, what do you think about the whole diesel scam thing?

I mean, companies have been fibbing slightly

and being clever to work around rules

for years and years and years.

Yeah.

Years.

Would you not buy a Volkswagen?

Like a lot of Americans right now,

would you not buy a new Volkswagen on the strength

of the fact that VW were fibby with their emissions?

Well, I think there's a whole,

actually, in terms of the Volkswagen Group,

I find this fascinating from a sort of car industry

point of view because I think what the roots of it

are, first of all, in a management culture

that I think probably emanated directly from Ferdinand Pieck,

which was basically, get this done or I will sack you.

And that rather unsympathetic management style

is on record that that's what he used to do.

I mean, Bob Lutz famously asked Pieck

how he got the shut lines

and the panel pressings on the Golf 4.

So, crisp, apparently Pieck said to Lutz,

it's simple, I told the people responsible

to sort it out and if they didn't, they'd be fired.

That's how he managed the company.

So, there's that.

There is also the fact that Volkswagen Group

historically gets its money's worth

out of its basic engine designs.

You know, their petrol four cylinders,

to some extent, have their roots in the 70s,

you know, in the original water-cooled

percent Golf, Sirocco, reinvention of the lineup.

So, they do not sign off brand new engines, likely.

And I think that probably has something to do with it.

So, you've got these aging designs.

You've got draconian management

and they've said to a bunch of engineers,

this car has to meet these particular benchmarks

for economy performance.

And it must be in line with emissions laws.

Something's got to give.

Management will find out about the performance

and the economy and bollock them if it doesn't hit the targets,

which of course, marketing have helped to lay out

because they've gone, well, you know that the equivalent

Mercedes or BMW or whatever can do this.

So, our Audi must do the same or better, in fact.

So, they're under the cosh,

but they're not allowed to develop a new engine

which would give them more leeway.

They've got to make this old thing.

And there's a budget, of course there is.

It's a mass market car company.

So, they can't just, you know, spend willy-nilly

if they could, they do the new engine.

I'm sure, but, so there's all these things

that feed into it and you can see why it happens.

It doesn't excuse it, but you can understand why it happened

because they were under the cosh, something's got to give.

So, they started getting a bit devious.

And I think it's fascinating that that's where it led.

You know, this is sort of, and you're right,

companies have been doing sleight of hand like this

for years, obviously the Ford Pinto

is one of the very famous examples

where they just went, it would cost too much

for us to do this properly.

Let's just hope for the best.

And it came back to bite them.

The other interesting thing

from a sort of industry point of view

is how Volkswagen then had to wring their hands

and ask for forgiveness by going in hard on EVs.

They seem to have rushed it a little bit.

And we ended up with the ID series of cars

which had some very well-known cock ass design them,

notably the infotainment system.

And they're then having to spend the money

to try and sort those out.

So, from a sort of industry point of view,

it's a really interesting domino effect.

And I find it fascinating how those dominoes

got set up in the first place.

But the truth of the matter is, yeah, they lied

and they got busted for it.

And so, you know, they've had to,

but I do sort of think it's a governmental thing as well.

We were forced down this road

or we were told the diesels were good for a while.

And then, and it's like,

everybody sort of knew that the diesel combustion process

chucks out all of these strutty things, soot, and knocks.

And that's like, that wasn't a mystery.

You didn't just discover it.

It's sort of not dissimilar to the fact

that we've known that smoking cigarettes

is very bad for you for a long time,

but obviously it's in tobacco companies' interests to go.

Well, you know, in certain circumstances,

doctors say it may be not as bad as you think

and it's all bullshit.

And so, but it's, so you have to sort of say

that government thought over going,

hey, you know, really, diesels are great

because it's like, diesels are great for,

it depends where the governmental focus is.

And when it came to,

the fact is that it is more efficient to use less fuel

and in that respect, a given diesel engine

uses less fuel per mile

than a equivalent petrol in a lot of circumstances.

Yeah.

But then we've realized that actually

local pollutants are bloody awful

and if you're asthmatic particularly,

they're pretty terrible in terms of like,

particulates and things like that.

So the governments of the world

that try to incentivize diesel with,

if by various means,

they've got to take some of the blame for this

that's ended up with this thing.

Well, of course now diesel is like,

extremely unfashionable, isn't it?

Oh, massively.

In a weird way as well,

from a sort of pure efficiency point of view,

if you're doing a lot of miles,

particularly motorway work.

They're still king.

Then a diesel would be good,

but it's quite hard to get them these days.

Yeah, the residuals have had,

certain diesel residuals have had a bit of a pep.

Because of exactly that,

I think some people, like my brother,

TDI is still king for the journeys he does.

And he's like, well,

because you know, he drives to Germany.

Yeah.

And he likes to just get up to 70, 80 miles an hour

and just really have a thrifty, comfortable car.

And that's when his Mark IV Golf trusty steed

is his favorite weapon of choice.

And so I totally, I do totally get that.

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I think also I probably want to sign off on this subject

by going, I'm less offended by the cheatiness.

I think I'm more offended

by people just not buying cars fit for purpose.

People just need to buy cars that are fitter for purpose.

If you're that bothered about emissions

or you're that bothered about being missold something,

why are you driving around in a massive, block-shaped,

heavy, fat thing that doesn't fit into your town

or city or village?

Think about what you're doing.

Well, that's it.

I don't think people really carry the way they do.

They just saw the possible chance of free money.

Yeah.

It's the same with these PCP claims,

which I know has now gone through the courts

and it's looking like there's a lot of people

won't get as much if any money.

But the real victim in the fact

that these compensations for PCPs

aren't going to be as expansive as they thought.

The real victim, of course,

is scrupulous influencers who've been tarting around

these claim companies for the past few months.

I guess they'll probably stop doing that now.

Yeah.

I haven't done that.

So I can sleep really, really nicely tonight.

Anyway, that was a bit sensible, wasn't it?

Should I move on to this?

It was, yeah.

A question which merely may be left from,

I won't say it's a real name,

but a listener who signs himself off

as the Reverend Bluejeans,

presumably he's a Neil Diamond fan, not sure.

Massive, massive.

Is it?

Well, he actually says,

greetings schnitzelgrubens.

I don't know what that means.

I assume it's an insult.

I think it's odd.

Isn't it howling mad Murdoch

in the A-team used to refer to people as sometimes?

I think it might have been.

Did he?

Yeah, yeah.

Because he was mad, right?

An email with an A-team reference

and a Neil Diamond reference.

That's a winning combination.

Anyway, this listener says,

is it odd for a chap to have car parts in the house,

particularly when no attempt has been made to hide them?

For example, I have a set of BMW

BBS 17-inch split rims,

Style 5, yo,

from an E39 in my sliding door wardrobe,

which I never used after an expensive refurb.

I presume he's the wheels he never used,

the wardrobe he's using to store them.

Any lady lucky enough to make it upstairs?

He's lucky, yes.

Has seen my valuable parts on display

and certainly viewing these stunning rims

enhances my coital pleasure.

So, nice bits brazenly displayed,

old ABS units hidden under the sink cupboard,

or is this a complete no-no?

Your guidance would be much appreciated.

Right, well, I've been one of these guys

and I guess sometimes I am one of these guys again.

I'm not afraid of bringing bits into the house

and I, in my 20s, certainly I kept bits in the house.

I had my set of low rider,

100 spoke knockoff wire wheels in the house

for the first 10 years of buying them.

So, just because I didn't want them to be exposed

to any more British moisture whatsoever.

So I think it's kind of, you can,

you can make this stuff tasteful.

I think what you don't want to do

is you don't want your front room or bedroom

to look like a strange auto jumble.

Yes.

You have to tread carefully with this stuff.

I think that's wise, wise advice, isn't it?

I just look at this in groups.

This is some blazing saddles, is the reference.

Oh, is it?

Even better.

Oh, is it?

Brilliant.

Yeah, I don't have a lot of parts.

There's actually a box in the downstairs of our house

at the moment, which has got some spare drive shafts

from my Metro Turbo in it.

But I know what's in there.

As soon as I open it and my wife sees it's car parts,

she'll go, could you stick that in the shed?

But at the moment, I haven't opened the box

and so the box just sits there and she says,

what's in there?

I've got some bits for a car, don't worry about it.

Bits for a car.

But once she sees how grubby and car party they are,

she'll be like, oh no, just because we might have guests

over and they'll see it.

But as a box, it's fine, it's just a cardboard box.

I think, yeah, you have to keep tabs on the ratio

of things that should be in the shed

that are now in the house

and just have a little sense check

because it can quite easily,

the needle can be forced the wrong way.

And the parts that enter the house must be clean.

Let's not have stenching oily gearboxes in milk crates

because that's the beginning of the end.

Yeah.

And the chances of coital pleasure

at an all-time low, I can say.

I have heard of a few people

who have cleaned car parts in the dishwasher.

Yes.

And I always think that that is a controversial thing to do

and that an unsympathetic partner

may regard this as unhygienic or something

and be unhappy.

So that's one of those things

that's very much, wait till they're out

if you're gonna do it.

Which I'm sure it brings them up lovely

if you've got a cam cover or something.

Brings them up lovely, mate.

Brings them up lovely.

Ha, ha, ha.

I've just been slightly distracted by an email

that's not from a listener.

It's from someone pretending to be called Jason.

I don't know if they're a real person

that says hello, Smith and Sniff.

I'm Jason from Company Name.

We sincerely invite you to collaborate with us.

I love your video content.

Your work is unique in both content and style

unlike most videos that are boring.

It's like we don't make videos.

We don't make videos that they've really understood us

and followed us for a long time.

It says we are a cross-border company

specializing in corded tools.

We sincerely invite you to try our product,

the paint sprayer.

We sincerely invite you.

Yeah.

Rather than insincerely invite you.

Okay, well.

We hope to share this professional tool,

a true boost to productivity and creativity

with more people who need it through your lens.

Yeah, I think it's a no, Jason, but thanks.

Well, look, we will do Smith and Sniff video content

again at some point,

but it certainly will never be regular.

I just don't think.

And actually, us having a go with a paint sprayer might be...

Actually, that's a great idea, Rich.

Could I repaint a car within an hour?

Oh, that's quite a good idea, yeah.

Yeah.

Because I'm going to say you could,

but the windows may be part of what gets painted.

So it may not be so good.

Shall we do one more question?

Yeah, yeah, let's do one.

We've got one here, right.

This one, I'm just checking,

because I'm paranoid these days

about saying somebody's name,

who doesn't want their name to be read out.

This one's from Broomster, Mike Broom.

Sat here at an interlude in racing at Alton Park,

and I've got a thought, guys.

I know you chaps are totally against banger racing.

Actually, I'm not totally against it,

but as it can lead to some rare cars

being destroyed and lost to history,

that's the bit I'm against.

My question is, if you could do banger racing

in brackets stripped out, collisions,

general smashed up cars at the end,

with brand new cars still being made now,

what would you be happy to smash up

and what do you think would be

the ultimate indestructible car

for this type of race?

OK, so all the best, loving the show in brackets,

sorry for going all Steve Wright.

CMTMB, Brewster, Shrewsbury.

So, first of all, you know, brand new cars

that are pre-production or a prototype

and have to be destroyed by law?

Yes. And they can't sell them.

Why don't car companies just be a bit jolly about it

and invite a live stream

and then they all go to a short oval track

somewhere around the world and go, right, here we go.

Vauxhall have got a couple of offerings.

They need to get rid of these.

Citroen are coming in.

Alfa have got one or two.

Volvo, oh no, Volvo have turned up, damn it.

Mercedes, here we go.

I mean, that was how the original

Top Gear car football with Toyota I-Gos came about

because those were pre-prod cars.

Right. I figured they were.

PR guys said,

we've got a whole load of pre-prod right-hand drive I-Gos

and we're going to have to destroy them.

I think they were used for dealer training and things like that.

Could you could you make use of them?

And that's how that came about.

So it does, oh, it has happened sort of.

Yeah. Are you, I'm going to assume the answer is no.

Are you allowed to enter EVs into banger races at the moment?

Oh, gosh, I don't think so.

But I, yeah, I don't think so.

Just because I was thinking that something

could be almost anything.

I mean, we mentioned earlier,

VW ID three, for example, with the rear motor.

Because one of the things that makes good banger cars

is that they can do frontal collisions

without being fatally harmed.

Yeah, that's why they don't run rats in bangers.

But then if something then sort of touches the front of the engine

that interferes with it, that sort of,

so it's why previors were good, isn't it?

Because the engine is actually in the middle.

Yeah. Original previors.

Yeah. But if you've got a rear-mounted motor in EV,

as long as you're steering and front suspension

doesn't get totally frigged,

that could be quite a battering round.

I like that. That's good thinking that.

I'm wondering which, because there's a lot of cars

I'm just simply not interested in.

New cars, this is, it's still in production.

So I'm thinking about what's in production

now that I'm simply not interested in,

that I'd quite happily kick round a track.

Yeah, this feels like the tone of the question is more,

what current cars do you care so little about

you wouldn't mind seeing them bashed up?

Well, Vauxhall Grand Land X is probably up there.

I'm probably going to go in there also

with a large Audi SUV of some sort,

it'll be the Q5.

Yeah, well, you might as well go with the whole car.

I'd have a Q7. Yeah, the electric ones as well.

I think they're all way,

they're consistently disappointing as an electric car.

So let's put one of those in.

I'd quite happily give that one a lot of panel damage.

BMW XM, loads of power. Oh gosh.

Be an absolute beast.

I mean, they probably would be just horribly effective

because loads of power and torque.

Do you know what, BMW could do that.

They could smash up some pre-prod ones and film it

and we'd look at the fronts afterwards

and all the fronts might look better.

I think that would be really good.

Yes, it's a fair point.

If you wanted to kill a rare beast

that simply nobody cares about,

what about a DS9 E-tense?

Oh gosh. Or a DS7 Crossback.

Do you think this is a way for them

to get DS sales up is to stage a one make banger series

for DS cars

and then they could just claim them all as sales somehow.

Probably. Sales somehow.

I'd sell them to banger people for a quid a go.

I don't know.

But yes, the DS thing is perplexing to me.

I don't understand it

and I don't know what is the point of DS.

What are they giving you that no one else can?

I just would like them to spend their money.

I'd like them to just quietly close DS

and just funnel the money back into Citroen again

and make Citroen even better

because Citroen are doing some good products.

But Citroen could be better

and Citroen's got such an amazing history

and it's a fascination.

Just think there's still a rich mine of stuff there

in terms of design inspo, stories, global product.

That's what I would do personally.

Well, there we go.

So a one make DS banger series is definitely,

but yeah, I don't know.

Is there stuff that I just didn't care about

being smashed up?

I think we've sort of, yeah.

I don't think I care about that Maserati.

The SUV Maserati, I've entirely forgotten the name of it.

Well, there's two, isn't there?

There's the, that one and the other one.

Yeah, LaVanta.

What are they called?

LaVanta.

That's the one, yes.

But then there's another one, the smaller one.

What's that called?

Gricali.

There we go.

Gricali.

We should know this stuff, shouldn't we?

Funny enough, because I saw a Gricali the other day

and I just thought, no, no.

I don't know.

No, that's the thing.

It's just no, isn't it?

It's a real no and yeah, so that's your right.

I mean, it would draw a crowd, wouldn't it?

Yeah.

Watching Maserati get banged up.

It would be quite glad, sorry, right?

Yes.

Shall we offer, let's just finish that by saying

we will offer, as Smith and Sniff,

a service to arrange a banger race event

that not necessarily people can attend,

but we will live stream it with multiple cameras,

but it has to be manufacturers donating pre-prod cars

that have to legally die anyway.

Yeah.

I think this could be wonderful.

I think so.

All right, well, there we go,

the gauntlet that's been thrown down

and on that note, we probably should bring this to a close.

If you've got a question for us,

hello at smithandsniff.com,

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We're just not sure.

Yeah, this is true.

But for now, thank you for listening.

Goodbye.

Bye.

Hey, it's Raj.

And Noah.

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