The Pontiac Firebird is a sporty car that was popular in the 1980s. It's known for its cool looks and performance, making it a favorite among car enthusiasts and young drivers.
The Dodge Ram is a big truck that can carry heavy loads. The 'Dual' means it has two wheels on each side at the back, making it more stable when carrying heavy things.
The Chevrolet Camaro is a well-known American muscle car that has been around for many years. The 1991 version is part of a series that is famous for being fast and stylish.
When they say 'Australian,' they mean that the Pontiac G8 is based on a car made in Australia. It shows how cars can be made in different countries and still be sold under different brands.
The Vauxhall VXR8 is a powerful car that is built for speed and fun driving. It has a big engine that makes it go really fast, and people who love cars often talk about it because it's exciting to drive.
The Audi SQ8 is a fancy SUV that is fast and has a lot of luxury features. It's designed for people who want a sporty drive while still being comfortable.
Front-wheel drive means that the front wheels of the car are the ones that get the power from the engine. This setup helps the car grip the road better, especially in bad weather.
The Lotus Elan is a small, lightweight sports car that was made a long time ago and is famous for being really fun to drive. It’s known for its sharp turns and quick speed, making it a favorite among car lovers.
A hybrid car uses both a gas engine and an electric motor to run. This helps save fuel and is better for the environment than regular cars that only use gas.
The Dodge Spirit is a regular family car that was popular in the 1990s. It’s known for being a good, reliable choice for people who needed a car to get around without spending too much money.
The Suzuki Ignis is a small SUV that is easy to drive and park, making it a good choice for city living. It's known for being practical and has a distinctive look.
The Toyota Alphard is a large, comfortable van that many families in Japan use. It's known for being very spacious and has a lot of nice features inside.
JDM means Japanese Domestic Market, which includes cars made specifically for Japan. People often import these cars because they can have special features or styles not found in cars sold elsewhere.
The Porsche 997 is a version of the famous 911 sports car made between 2004 and 2012. It combines modern features with the classic look of the 911, making it popular among car enthusiasts.
The 1.9 TDI PD engine is a type of diesel engine that is known for being very reliable and fuel-efficient. It's commonly found in various Volkswagen models.
Mark V is a specific version of the Volkswagen Golf, made between 2003 and 2009. Some owners report similar problems with these cars, which can be helpful to know if you're considering buying one.
Electric windows are the kind that go up and down automatically when you press a button. They're easier to use than the old style, which required you to turn a handle to open or close the window.
Wind down windows are the old-fashioned kind that you have to turn a handle to open or close. They don't use electricity, so they're simpler but require more effort to use.
The Mercedes-Benz E-Class is a fancy car that many people like because it's comfortable and has a lot of cool features. It's been around for a long time and is known for being safe and reliable, which makes it a good choice for families or anyone who wants a nice ride.
The Smart Roadster Brabus is a small, sporty car that is modified by a company called Brabus to make it faster and look better. It's designed for fun driving in a compact package.
The Toyota MR2 is a small sports car that has its engine located in the middle, which helps with handling. The Mark III is the third version of this car, made from 1999 to 2007.
A pre-cat is a part of the car's exhaust system that helps reduce pollution. Sometimes, problems can occur if the engine takes in parts of this component, which can cause serious damage.
The Buick Rendezvous is a family-friendly SUV that was made in the early 2000s. It has a lot of space inside for passengers and their stuff, making it a good option for people who need a practical vehicle.
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I'm Richard Porter. I'm Johnny Smith.
And this is On the Other Side of Things, the Smith & Sniff spinoff in which we answer your questions.
Welcome again to some questions being answered. I'm going to kick off.
Well, trying.
With a message from a listener in America. This is someone called Bo, who signs off as Bo, age 21, Wisconsin, USA.
Oh, nice. Hi, Bo.
He says, hello, you lovely pair of high-lift ham shafts.
When I was of age to buy my first car, I was told by many people that buying a cool older car would attract girls.
Following this advice, I bought a red 1986 Pontiac Firebird as I drove through my high school years.
You would have looked like somebody from Stranger Things. I think that would have been cool.
Yes, maybe that's it. Well, that seems like that would have come back around that car. It's sort of not local pest anymore.
It's more like, hey, look, cool.
It was a bit world wrestling, mania kind of look, wasn't it, with a singlet.
Bit vipers in a singlet.
I'm just trying to do the maths on this. So Bo says he's 21 now.
So, well, let's assume it's early in the year. He hasn't had a birthday yet.
So he was born in 2004.
Yes.
I'm good to guess.
2004.
High school years.
When can you learn to drive in Wisconsin? Is it one of those states where you can have a driving license of 14 or something?
I reckon it might be 16, but we can check.
Let's say 16. So he bought a...
But you can't drink weeks longer until you're 21, Rich, just so you know.
No, but you can have a...
A Dodge Ram Dual.
A powered motor vehicle.
Yeah.
Anyway, roughly speaking, Bo had, let's say, a Pontiac Firebird from 1986 in 2020 or thereabouts.
So that's quite interesting. That is definitely a Stranger Things territory.
Yeah, it's fantastic.
He goes on to say, this car never got me any attention from the opposite sex.
Oh.
But did often start conversations with various teachers of retirement age.
The Via Boomer magnet.
Well, I think so.
Since selling that car, I have owned a 1986 Pontiac Transam, a 1991 Camaro, and a 2008 Pontiac G8.
Ooh.
That I like.
Yeah, that's the Australian one, isn't it?
Yeah, that's what we had as the VXR8.
That's right.
It's a Commodore.
Bo, you've got some sweet, sweet car taste by son.
Yeah.
In brackets, he says, writing this, I'm wondering if I'm not emotionally developed enough for a front-wheel-drive car.
None of these cars have garnered any of the attention from girls that was rumoured to me in my youth.
However, I quite often get the nod of approval from middle-aged men.
My question to you is whether or not you have ever successfully seduced anyone or heard of anyone doing so with their cool vehicle.
And he's put cool in inverted commas.
Cheers, Bo.
I'll make this really quick, Bo.
Yeah.
No.
Unfortunately, I was of the same opinion.
Besides the fact that I always liked retro cars and I wanted a classic as my first car.
I did think I had high hopes that it might be quite good for on the courting front, on the courting side of things.
And it was completely ineffective.
I think it was one of those things where some people quite liked it and they thought it was cute.
But girls didn't flock to a car.
I'm still maintained to this day.
I've said it a few times in videos and written work that I just don't think cars attract the opposite sex if that's what your aim is.
But I've only gone from personal experience.
I just can't see it.
But maybe I'm wrong.
Yes.
Now, it's important to say that there are lots of women who are interested in cars.
But I don't think they hit that particular note as in, oh, you're more attractive now, for a lot of people.
I think cars are becoming incredibly muscular as a man.
Yeah.
Becoming incredibly pumped and muscular as a man.
It's not particularly attractive to a lot of women.
Yes.
But it does impress other men who want to know what you can press.
Yes.
I know what you mean.
I think there's a lot of misguided guys out there who are convinced that if you're driving around in a, I don't know, blacked out SQ8.
With a boss number plate, obviously, that you think that women are going to swoon after you.
But unfortunately, it attracts quite the opposite, I would say.
I think people find it fairly repulsive.
To answer Bo's question in a slightly different way from Johnny, no.
I've never had that either.
The closest I've ever come, and this is quite odd, I borrowed.
Do you remember when Kia bought the rights to the front-wheel drive Lotus Elan?
Bloody hell, yes.
And Kia UK brought two Kia Elans over to Britain, a red one and a yellow one.
And the story was, yeah, we're thinking we might start selling this car over here.
So we just brought these two over because they put it into production in South Korea.
And you could buy it there, briefly.
So these cars were on their press fleet, but it was a bit vague because then they started sort of...
I think then saying, oh no, it's not going to come here.
It's not going to come here. It's just a bit of fun.
So these two left-hand driver lands were on their fleet.
I borrowed the yellow one.
And because they weren't sort of actively pushing it out there, they didn't really want it back in a hurry.
And I had it for two or three weeks, during which time I went to Barnsley for a wedding.
I did a lot of miles in it because I went to go and pick up a mate first and then we drove to Barnsley.
Did a lot of wedding work in it, did you?
A lot of wedding work.
And amongst other things, I remembered distinctly, I think there was the day after the wedding,
I had a bit of a hangover and I went to a thinker McDonald's, maybe a Burger King,
to go and get some greasy foods.
And the young woman behind the counter went, the car was parked outside
and you could sort of see it from inside the restaurant.
And she went, is that your car?
And I went, yeah.
And she was like, oh, and gave me a kind of saucy look.
And I was a bit like, what the fuck?
Left-hand drive bright yellow, not lotus.
Kia badge lotus.
Did not expect that.
But someone at the wedding as well went, are you the guy with that yellow car?
Because it was in a hotel and the car was parked outside
and word had gone around about the yellow car.
And again, it's done a slightly kind of play of cards, right?
Things might happen for you later kind of tone or so I thought.
And quite honestly, that never happens to me in any context.
So it was quite a surprise.
And that's the only time that I've ever had this sense of, oh my god,
that car might be some kind of sauce pot and I didn't realize it.
It wasn't a very good car was the problem.
It's the yellow.
It's, I think.
It's not the yellowness.
Maybe it was the yellowness.
Buy bright colored cars because it makes you happy
and it makes other people want to smile even if they didn't think they wanted to.
I think what I get with mine, I get more people wanting to chat to me in my old Beetle.
And that's the car that does tend to strike up more.
Because I think it's quite a disarming car.
So I've had a lot of conversations with women at fuel stations because of my Beetle,
but it also might because I fill it up from the front to it looks a bit weird
because obviously the fuel tank's under the bonnet.
Good evening, ladies.
I fill up from the front.
Because actually my defender being in that sort of retro color scheme
and just, I don't know, people just like those old defenders.
I do.
I have had men and women saying quite regularly.
In fact, I'm often in petrol stations saying nice car or I like your car,
but I don't think it's done in a way that goes,
please, would you have sexual intercourse with me later?
I think it's just, it's genuinely just like my car.
Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
I feel like Bowie's definitely pursuing the would you get jingle with someone.
All my relationships, my partners have understood my fascination for cars
and obviously it's a hobby and a business, which is a can be a double-edged sword.
And there are certain parts of going out in an old car and doing a fun little journey
and dropping the top on a nice day in something old and chug a chug a chug a.
But I don't think it, I don't think it got the relationship over the line ever.
But the thing is, Bow, you got to do these things for you.
And if you rock it with conviction, which it sounds to me like you are,
is I think it'll hold you in good stead.
It makes you an individual person and probably makes you a little bit more interesting than the others.
Yeah.
Well, anyway, that's the thing.
And if you do your own maintenance on the drive whilst wearing,
I don't know, a motley crew T-shirt, a little bit of grease up one forearm,
I'd say that's going to attract more positive attention than actually driving the car.
But then I'm a delusional male.
So what do I know?
Well, there we go.
Anyway, so I think there's a resounding no there.
I mean, if anyone knows differently than do write in, but otherwise, no.
But just as Johnny says, just enjoy the fact that you've got a Pontiac G8 in there.
Yeah, they are, aren't they?
Yeah.
Um, okay.
So, um, I've got a, I've got a little one here from Tim Crutchley.
Hello, you pair of fluton vans or fluton vans.
Oh, fluton vans, like fluton bodied vans.
Um, yeah.
My folks are, my folks are in their seven tears and they've got a Suzuki Vitara manual
and they're looking for something auto and easier to hoon about town in brackets.
They like the height of the car for access and visibility though.
They are electric curious, probably more hybrid as they have residual silly range concerns.
However, a new car that beings in them all the time and is pretty complex would not be ideal.
Do you have any suggestions?
CMTMB three kisses.
Tim, uh, cheers mate.
Okay.
Thanks mate Tim.
Um, okay.
So they're in their seven tears.
So this is sort of my parents really, my parents insist on an auto.
My mum likes to sort of more upright driving position.
They quite like something that's, well, my dad likes something that's quite thrifty to run,
but they haven't been able to afford an electric car yet.
Even though they do like 5,000 miles a year, so it's perfect for them.
Um, I, you haven't said your budget here Tim.
You haven't said your budget.
Now, do you know Honest John, the Daily Telegraph's car expert?
Yes, I do.
Actually, is he still, he sort of went off on his own, maybe he didn't see, but anyway.
Um, I remember that he always used to counsel against older people, switching from a lifetime
of manual to an auto, if at all possible to avoid.
Is this to keep your mobility up?
No, I think he just believed that in the event of you accidentally mashing the throttle,
which had flexibly you would dip the clutch and everything would be okay again.
And in an auto, that muscle memory wouldn't be there.
You may accidentally mash the accelerator and then just drive, you know, through a bus shelter
or into the sea or something.
As various CCTV footage clips over the years have told us that sometimes a more senior driver
might be prone to dimming.
Yeah, I love the term more senior.
But anyway, it's a Tim's question.
I mean, I feel that, well, it needs to be, this has RAV4 in all over it.
It needs to be more than five years old if you don't want loads of bings and bongs.
Yeah.
I'd say.
Yeah, I mean, the RAV4 is a good choice.
And the similar kindred spirit, the CRV Honda, the thing about the CRVs as well and the RAVs
is they're high up, but they don't have the kind of heavy, don't have the bulk of a real
4x4 big SUV.
They're also very reliable typically.
And you can get them in a multitude of engines, petrol, diesel, hybrid, rah, rah, rah.
So that's a good shout, actually.
I'm wondering whether or not there's some other things that we haven't.
Well, if they like Suzuki, he hasn't said whether they want a similar size car.
Why don't they stick with a Suzuki and get an Ignis?
Because they're actually, when you follow them, they're quite tall.
They quite sit up and beg for a smaller car.
Yes, yes, they are.
I mean, it's, that's the thing, actually, Tim hasn't said whether size, did he say,
he said height, but not necessarily size.
Yes.
What's that really high?
So easy to get in and out of, you know, is a good thing, but not necessarily,
it doesn't have to be huge inside.
They're not sort of typically shifting around chest of drawers everywhere.
No.
Why don't you buy your parents, Tim, a fairly new, but won't have as many beings and
bongs, I don't think.
K car, Japanese import.
Get them a...
I might be pushing it a bit.
What?
No, because they're nearly all auto.
They've all got the cobra head.
Yeah.
Gigantic cobra head shifter.
And they all are easy to park because a lot of them are quite boxy.
And so they maximise their space.
There are a lot of them have got high roof and high seating position.
So you could get...
What would you get?
A Honda N1, N-Box or whatever they call it?
Suzuki Hustler.
It turns out they do need the space.
What about an Alphard?
Because I think what we're zooming in on here is JDM imports.
They're always automatic.
They are.
Nearly.
And well cared for.
Probably old enough they won't be binging and bonging lots.
Yeah.
Actually, they might bing and bong in ways that we don't have here.
That are sort of JDM specific ways.
Oh, awful.
You can't turn off because you can't read Japanese.
But...
Keen Ignition Binging Bong is the one that just drives you wild, isn't it?
Why is there such an issue in Japan and America?
Like the most heinous crime of the last 40 years has been leaving your key in the ignition.
Oh.
Like...
It's so reflexive.
I don't know.
Why would you just go, oh no, another car stolen because I keep leaving the bloody key in the ignition.
Yeah, I don't get it.
I don't get it at all.
So odd.
Tim, can you let us know what you end up or what your parents end up buying?
Yes.
Because we just want to know.
And we'd like to know your rationale.
Your workings.
Show us your workings, as they say in GCSEs.
Show us your workings.
Okay.
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We'll move on to a question from a listener called Joe.
Joe says, hello, you pair of detachable sleeves.
Thanks for sharing my recent video on social media in which I emptied around 500 millilitres of water out of my vault so I can go off tail light.
Oh, yeah.
Share that in me.
That water.
And I showed you privately the amount of water I dumped out of the tail light on my old Porsche 997.
Yeah.
I don't.
It was a probably a comparable amount.
It was a shocking amount that came out.
Almost as shocking as the price of a new tail light for a Porsche 997.
Joe goes on to say the car in question is a 2006 mark five with the famously bulletproof 1.9 TDI PD engine in it.
I sometimes, you know, people say, oh, this engine's bulletproof.
I was thinking, I reckon most engines are bulletproof because you'd have to have a hell of a bullet to get through an engine block.
There was an episode of Mythbusters where they shot through a car like a sniper rifle.
And then they did it.
I think they did it with old school technology.
They actually shot a car with a cannonball and it was unbelievable.
Really?
The cannon.
I'm pretty sure the cannonball went through the whole car, including the engine block, which impressed me.
I watched Pirates of the Caribbean again a few months later and it made me even more impressed with that film.
To think that when one ship goes very close up next to the other one, they just shoot at one another.
A cannonball really would go straight through a wooden ship and out the other side.
Yes.
Sorry, Joe, I'm not pulling you up on that.
It's a common expression that we all say, oh, it's bulletproof.
I always think, I'm sure it is.
Most engine blocks probably are depending on the bullets.
Anyway, Joe goes on to say, I bought the car for a grand two years ago when we needed a second car as my wife changed jobs.
I've beaten the life out of it every day since and it remains one of the best things I've ever bought,
despite a long list of known faults that I'm learning are apparently common to this generation of golf.
These include, in no particular order, lack appealing panels, door handle, solenoid actuator fail, a clattering dual mass fire wheel,
badly sagging headliner, a squealing alternator pulley bearing, rusting front tires and seals from bad drainage,
seized rear camber bolts where the bushings have welded themselves together,
and of course light clusters that fill with water as rain drains off the boot lid.
It sounds like the forums, all of these are known faults, common in the Mark V.
That sounds like you've bought the worst example of the Mark.
Well, I don't know, it also sounds a bit like they all do that, sir.
Joe says, I still love my shitboxes, it owes me nothing, and I bought it as a cheap beta car.
But I'm always amazed by how specific problems seem to replicate themselves almost exactly across similar cars.
My question to you, Flutes, is this, what cars have you owned or driven that were plagued with issues
that were justified as known faults with that Mark?
At what point do you draw the line on putting up with niggles that are actually just taking the piss or poor design?
Anyway, thanks mate, bye, Jag.
That is a very good question, and it's potentially a book, I think, because I've always thought it'd be wonderful
to interview mechanics past and present, main dealer and otherwise,
to just create a bible of these cars just all do this.
And this is either terrible design or they just wear out over time and you're just going to have to accept that.
You create a really large database.
I'm sure someone's done it, I mean, I'm saying all this, I'm sure someone's done it.
But it always interests me because that's why I often ask mechanics and MOT inspectors what kinds of cars they like
and what they don't and why.
So I'll start by saying my brother has this uncanny ability to buy almost any car where the electric windows fail
and it seems to be following him around like a bad cloud.
And even when you read up to see if they're notorious for failing regulators in their windows,
it doesn't matter, his will just do it.
So he's often driving around in cars with wooden wedges driven into the top of the door
because he's desperately trying to keep a window from not falling down.
It must be him though. Does he do something?
Is he impatient as the windows going down electrically? Does he sort of put his hand on top of the glass and force it?
No, he's not really like that.
I honestly don't know. I think it's just the world punishing him, which is why he now, he utterly hates electric windows.
He's actively trying to find cars with wind down windows because he just feels that him and electric windows are dead to one another.
So that's the thing.
He used to have a cries of 300C touring, so the diesel one, the lovely Mercedes E-Class based thing.
V60's are really good. Very much enjoyed that car. Best diesel engine I've ever owned.
I've not owned that many diesels, but that one was great.
But they absolutely eat suspension joints, almost every other MOT, regardless of what mileage you'd done.
You'd go, yep, ball joints are wearing and drop links, yep.
So you'd just be like, seriously, okay, again.
So that was a thing.
And I've had two Mark-1 Crenard as many, many years ago.
They both had warp disc brakes and I put new discs on them and about two years later I had warp discs because apparently they're just made of cheese.
So not very good.
What I would say is that at least we live in a time when you can find out about these faults more easily than ever thanks to the internet and specifically the communities of enthusiasts for that particular car who exists.
Completely.
You can share with you. The only thing is when you're looking to buy a certain car and you go, oh, there's a forum or a Facebook group or whatever for this car.
And you go in there and you start seeing like repeated references to like, oh, PTL failure.
And you go, what the hell is that?
So you Google it, but unfortunately it just leads you back to the same forum and people just saying PTL failure without ever explaining what the fuck it is.
So sometimes a fault is so endemic that it becomes, it referred to by shorthand within the enthusiast world and that becomes quite opaque.
You know, you sort of the MG Rover forums for years used to just go HGF, HGF and it was head gasket failure.
Like why are you abbreviating a catastrophic problem with the car like that so casually?
But yeah, oh yeah, my MGF has just had HGF.
What, are they the same thing? What the fuck are you talking about?
So there's that.
In fact, funny if my Rover 75, one of the known problems with those is that the drains that run down the bulkhead at the rear of the engine bay,
sort of under the scuttle, they get blocked with leaves and it's just to unbend an old wire coat hanger and just jam it down there and that clears them out of treat.
But it's one of those things if you don't, they block and then they allow water to start going where it shouldn't.
And it eventually floods the ECU, which is obviously not good, which is really bad.
Yeah, that's a yeah.
Yeah, I don't know.
I think it's sort of to answer Joe's question.
On the one hand, I think that if you go in knowing about these problems and you think you could live with them,
then at least just sort of your forearms with what might go wrong and you can take preventative measures or you can just completely you factor that into your routine.
Yes, ahead. Yeah, exactly.
There's a lot of cars which flood water ingress because of leaves.
Yeah.
And of course, if you live in a country like the UK, there is a time a week of the year when they all just fall off the trees and go everywhere.
Yeah.
If you're not paying attention, it can cause quite a mess.
And it's one of those things where it's actually quite an enjoyable ritual.
I tend to do it when I'm on a long, important, but also boring phone call.
And I walk outside and pop the bonnet of my car and clear the scuttle of leaves.
Because there's another side to this as well, which happened when I bought my Porsche 997 Gen 2.
There was a known thing with those that wet leaves get in through the intake grills in the front bumper and then wrap themselves around the pipes for the air conditioning and the radiator.
And then rot.
And slowly corrode them.
That's right.
Yeah.
When I looked around the car that I ended up buying, the previous owner had fitted aftermarket but very factory looking, fine mesh grills rather than the very gappy ones that it came with, which is something that people do specifically to avoid this problem.
As soon as I saw that, I was like, OK, this car has been owned by somebody who knows what they're doing.
Someone who's read up about this has identified a problem and gone, I'm going to sort this out.
They put in the time and the care to make sure the car doesn't suffer from something that they're known to suffer from.
And I just thought, that tells you something about the previous owner.
And I think it's one of the things that attracted me to the car is a bit like, OK, this has been owned by somebody who cares.
You're absolutely right.
Forum dwellers can be really good.
Smart Roadster of mine.
Smart Roadster Brabus is probably the best example I can give of a car I own where forums are everything.
There are so many different things to look for and faults, reoccurring faults.
And it pays dividends to probably sift through all of that before you actually buy one.
Because when you go and look at one, probably within 10 minutes of staring at a car on someone's drive,
you'll know whether it's a good one or one that needs a lot of help.
I'm still shocked at the number of people that buy cars totally unseen.
And although I buy cars unseen, I often get someone who's good at those cars to look at it first.
And I would definitely, or someone who's a member of the owners club or the forum and they'll give you all the lingo.
So they'll go, I'm selling it, but it's already had X done.
I've already done the thingies, which he'll give you some code word, which you understand.
And so it makes lots of sense.
There's a lot of that in the smart world.
The only thing is sometimes when you're looking at buy a car, you go to wherever the community hangs out.
And they make it sound like this is the most unreliable, untrustworthy crock of crap you've ever encountered.
It totally puts you off.
Whereas actually you're getting a sort of high concentration of the people who have problems.
The ones who don't have problems, they're not saying anything.
So it's giving you a false read.
And the one I always think of is the Mark III Toyota MR2, which I've considered buying a few times.
But you go to where the enthusiasts are, they're always like, the engine will explode
because of that known thing where it ingests its own pre-cat.
Yes.
Yes.
It's not a question of when, of if, but when.
And you go, oh, God.
And then somebody who was a very early owner of a Mark III RZU got in touch with us.
I think I mentioned this a while ago, because I'd said about this pre-cat problem.
And he'd gone, yeah, I think I'm slightly responsible for that becoming the obsession within the Mark III MR2 world.
It's not as bad as everyone makes out.
It's just like it, it's amped itself up into some kind of hysteria.
Actually, it's okay.
But if you read to this day, any sort of Mark III MR2 Facebook group or forum or what have you, it will say pre-cat.
Oh, these cars are basically just a time bomb.
Oh, God, are they?
So,
Well, I sort of, I think we've answered that question, Joe, sort of.
And I don't know, where'd you draw the line on pussy up with?
Niggles, it's funny, isn't it?
It's just a perception of how reliable a car actually is.
It's sometimes wildly out of proportion to if you actually added it up.
Got time for one more, quickie?
Yeah, quick one.
Okay, this one goes back to November 2025.
So not that long ago, basically.
No, that's not long ago.
This is from Andrew Fitzpatrick, who lives in Cyprus.
He'll explain why at the end.
Hi, you pair of insert phallic puns here.
I have to explain myself.
Oh, not really, but you know, anyway.
On the subject of the smelliest car you've ever been in, when I was an apprentice technician at a Lexus dealer,
we had a fairly new RX300, or might have been a 400H in for repair.
It had come in as the owner who'd been fishing had left their car parked on their farm with the bait slash catch still in the car.
Oh, gosh.
I can smell this email.
Rats had got in and unboxed the fish and then proceeded to piss and shit everywhere.
Needless to say, this job was allocated to the apprentice.
I drove the car from the showroom to the workshop a couple of hundred meters, like Ace Ventura,
as the smase smell was so pungent.
My question to you guys is, what's the car scene from a film you'd most like to replicate?
Cheers, Andrew.
P.S. I now live in Cyprus, where if Johnny lived without Ace, he too would rival the fish, RX.
So I reckon I could deal with Cyprus without Ace.
You'd be surprised, Andrew.
Try me.
I like.
I'd love that.
Well done, Andrew.
I did not see the question coming at all.
No, it's a good one.
So, I mean, I can smell this RX 300 and it's making me gag a little.
I'm guessing the car would have been worthless, right?
That man would have kept that car.
He'll still have it.
He'll have it in three generations.
Did he say it was new?
He didn't say it was new.
Oh, no, he did.
A fairly new RX 300.
That's a lot of car.
A lot of money's worth of car.
I mean, fish and bait sitting in the Cypriot sun.
Oh, fuck.
OK, so what scene would you like to most replicate?
The Ace Venture Pet Detective, if anyone remembers it, is where Jim Carrey drove out looking out of the side of the car
because his windscreen had been smashed with someone with a baseball bat who he was trying to steal a dog back from, I think.
Yes.
Great film.
Really good film.
Still one of my go-tos.
Yeah.
So, what would I like to replicate in a film?
God, there's so many.
There's a film which I used to see all of the clips on YouTube and I don't know whether they've been removed,
but I think it was a Remi Julian stunty film called Pade Problem.
OK.
And have you not heard of that?
It's not a great film, I don't think, but the car chase in it is unbelievable.
It involves various pieces of French tin, including a DS.
And I think it includes either a Simca or a Renault 12 and it involves cars driving over other cars that are driving the other way
and just the most random 70s non-health and safety.
It's just brilliant.
So a big fan of that.
That's a good one.
Well worth a watch.
I mean, I suppose in general, I'd just love to drive really, really fast through a city.
Yeah.
As in...
Rendezvous, Spag.
Rendezvous, yeah.
Many, many films have had that, Born Identity and Identity, which one's the one with the mini?
I always get mixed up.
Anyway, the point is fast driving through a city.
I'd love to, also, because I've never done this of any measurable amount, but I would quite like to jump a car.
But I know you've done that and it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Yeah, but I would recommend it, I think, in the right circumstances.
Yeah, it's the back problems.
I took my daughter bowling the other day and it really buggered my shoulder up.
I think it's just the curse of getting old.
I feel like jumping a car is asking for trouble in a muscular skeletal way.
Yeah, jumping a car at 50 years old, I think you really want to work up to that.
It's a young man's game, John, the old jumping car.
That's right.
Blake said talk like that, always called me John.
It's funny, isn't it, that you've just...
That's what I thought, yeah.
John, all right.
Unsolicited abbreviation is a whole different avenue.
But yeah, I'd love to jump a car, nothing specific.
I mean, I guess it's a symptom of growing up and watching the Jigs of Hazard that it gets into your brain.
It does.
But I suspect that it's cooler to watch a car jumping than it is to be in a car jumping.
Is it Nicholas Cage and Sean Connery in The Rock, the film The Rock?
Isn't Cage in a yellow Ferrari on the streets of Cisco?
Yes, I thought, well, in my head it's red, but that might be brain playing tricks.
There's a Hummer involved as well.
Oh yeah, there's a Hummer involved.
I remember the chase with that Ferrari being pretty cool.
I'd quite like to do a car chase in a Ferrari and not worry about panel damage.
I think that'd be quite attractive for me.
Yes, but then surely in movie terms you would then discover that the Ferrari you were driving was in fact like a kit car.
Oh yeah, beer.
With a small block V8 in the back and it wasn't particularly nice to drive.
That's true.
And it probably would have a really good hydraulic handbrake on it.
So, you know, swings and roundabouts.
Yeah.
All right, well look, we should bring this to an end.
But if you have a question for us, it's hello at sniff.com.
If it is a question, put Otis Sot at the start of your subject line.
It just makes it easy for us to find the questions.
And before we go, don't forget, we are doing a charity gig for Mission Motorsports at the Great British Car Journey on the 5th of March.
Last we looked, there were still some tickets available.
It's going to be a bit different to our normal live shows.
It'll be a quiz and a raffle and some other shenanigans and we'll be probably doing it all from the back of a very small commercial vehicle, which we may fall off.
So that's worth the entry price alone.
5th of March, Great British Car Journey in Derbyshire, all in aid of Mission Motorsports.
Very worthy cause.
Please come along and we will see you next Friday for more question answering.
Until then, goodbye.
Bye.
Thank you.
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About this episode
A listener named Bo shares his experience of buying a 1986 Pontiac Firebird in hopes of attracting girls, only to find it garnered more attention from older teachers. Johnny and Richard discuss the misconceptions about cars being a magnet for romantic interest, sharing their own humorous anecdotes about vehicles that have caught attention. They conclude that while cars may not attract the opposite sex as expected, they can still spark interesting conversations and connections. The episode blends nostalgia with insightful commentary on car culture and relationships.
Jonny and Richard answer listeners’ questions about whether old cars make you more attractive, a new car for ageing parents, cars with known faults and how long you tolerate them, and car movie scenes you’d like to recreate.
