The Chrysler Pacifica is a type of minivan that is great for families because it has a lot of space and comfortable seating. It's designed to be practical and easy to use for everyday activities.
The Ram 1500 is a big truck that people use for work and everyday driving. It's known for being tough and having a nice inside, making it a good choice for many drivers.
The Subaru Brat is a small pickup truck that has a fun and unusual look. It was made a while ago and is loved by some people for its unique style and usefulness.
The Mercury Grand Marquis is a large car made by the Mercury brand. It's known for being comfortable and roomy, often used as a family car or for long trips.
NASCAR is a type of car racing that takes place on oval tracks. It's very popular in the U.S. and involves cars that look like regular cars but are specially built for racing.
The Porsche 911 is a famous sports car that looks really cool and is known for being fast and fun to drive. It's been around for a long time and many people love it for its unique shape and powerful engine.
The Ford F-150 Raptor is a tough pickup truck that can handle rough terrains and off-road driving. It's built for people who like to go on adventures and need a strong vehicle that can take a beating.
Multimatic shocks are special parts of a car's suspension that help it handle better on the road. They can be adjusted to make the ride smoother or sportier depending on what you want.
The Jeep Wrangler is a tough little SUV that can go off-road and handle rough trails. People love it because you can take the top off and enjoy the outdoors while driving.
The Lamborghini Huracan is a fast sports car made by Lamborghini. It's known for its powerful engine and stylish look, making it a favorite among car enthusiasts.
The Volkswagen Pointer is a small car that was mainly sold in South America. It's known for being practical and not too expensive, making it a good choice for many drivers.
A quail rig is a special kind of vehicle made for hunting quail. It has comfortable seats and space for dogs and hunting gear, making it easier to hunt in the fields.
The Lamborghini LM002 is a fancy SUV made by Lamborghini. It's known for being powerful and luxurious, combining off-road ability with a stylish design.
The Ford F-350 is a big truck made for heavy work, like towing trailers or carrying heavy loads. It's popular with people who need a strong vehicle for tough jobs.
The Ford Bronco is a strong SUV that can go off-road and is designed for adventure. It has a cool old-school look and is popular among people who like to explore nature.
The Ford Mustang is a famous sports car that looks really cool and goes really fast. It's been around for a long time and many people love it for its power and style.
The Ford Mustang GTD is a super-fast version of the Mustang, which is a famous American sports car. It's built for people who love speed and performance.
Tire width is how wide the tire is from side to side. A 325 tire is very wide, which helps with grip but can make it harder to steer, especially in a big car.
Bring a Trailer is a website where people can buy and sell classic cars. It's popular because it features interesting cars and has a community of car lovers.
The Range Rover is a fancy SUV that can drive on tough roads and still feel comfortable inside. It's popular with people who want a nice car that can also handle outdoor adventures.
Car
Cadillac Blackwing
The Cadillac Blackwing is a sporty version of Cadillac's luxury cars that offers a lot of power and advanced features. It's made for people who love fast and high-quality vehicles.
Expired tags are stickers on your car that show it's registered to drive. If they're expired, it means you haven't renewed your registration, and you could get in trouble if you're caught driving it.
The Puma is a car made in Brazil that looks a bit like a Porsche 911 but is actually built on the frame of a Volkswagen Beetle. It's known for its lightweight fiberglass body.
The Ford Puma is a small SUV that looks nice and is good for everyday driving. It's popular with people who want a stylish car that can also carry their stuff.
The Volkswagen Beetle is a famous car that has a round shape and is known for being very reliable. It's been around for many years and is loved by many people.
The Mazda MX-5 Miata RF is a fun sports car with a roof that can open and close. It's loved for being light and easy to drive, which makes it great for enjoying the road.
The Chevrolet HHR is a small car that looks a bit like older cars from the past. It's known for having a lot of space inside, which is great for carrying things.
The PT Cruiser is a small car that has a funny, old-fashioned look. It was popular for a while because it was practical and could fit a lot of things inside.
The Chevrolet Cobalt SS is a sportier version of the regular Cobalt car. It has a powerful engine that makes it fun to drive, but many people felt the rest of the car wasn't built very well.
The Golf GTI is a small car that's really fun to drive and has a sporty feel. It's practical for everyday use but also great for people who like a little excitement on the road.
Car
Smart Car
The Smart Car is a tiny car made for city driving. It's so small that you can park it almost anywhere, but it might not be the best for long trips or carrying lots of stuff.
The Ford Probe GT is a sporty car from the 1990s that was fun to drive. It was built by Ford and shared some parts with another car called the Mazda MX-6.
The Pontiac Solstice is a small, two-seat convertible car that looks really sporty. It was made for a few years and is now popular with collectors because of its unique design.
The Fiat 124 GT Abarth is a sporty version of a small car that is made for fun driving. People like it because it looks good and performs well on the road.
The BMW M2 is a sporty car that is really fast and fun to drive. It's made for people who love performance and want a car that feels exciting on the road.
LIVE
What's up, everybody? Welcome to the Smogentire Podcast. Today's episode is brought to you as always by Off the Record. You gotta have off the record. It's like saying you gotta have a lawyer, but it's saying that you're gonna have a lawyer for everywhere in the country. That's what's important, right? You have the right to defend yourself if you're accused of a moving violation, a big one or a small one. And in that case, you're not gonna do as good of a job.
As a qualified attorney, but where do you get one? That's where Off the Record comes in. Almost everywhere in the entire United States. If you get pulled over, you can go to Off the Record.com slash TST. And rather than pleading guilty to that moving violation, you can send it to Off the Record. They'll set you up with an attorney who will fight that ticket, get those points off your record, maybe beat the thing entirely. And that way you won't have increased insurance premiums,
you won't have potentially an issue with your employment if you drive for a living and on and on. Don't plead guilty, get off the record. Go to Off the Record.com slash TST to get 10% off all legal services booked through Off the Record. Right? Great. Now on today's episode, Zach and I are in Dallas, Texas live in front of an audience of about 222 people.
25 people at the shop club. This show is super, super fun. I teach Dallas about sidewalks. Zach and I compete to have a better $1 million Dallas car collection. And boy, do we have some fun cars to roast? This is a great show that these live shows were awesome. And I hope you enjoy it as much on that end as we enjoyed doing them in Dallas, Texas. It's the smoking tire podcast.
Has anyone considered teaching the pavers to operate power plants here? That seems like one of those things that, because they seem pretty good at their jobs actually, is very smooth tarmac. We rolled a Chrysler Pacifica. Any Pacifica fans? Wow, you are so enthusiastic. You, this guy loves his van. Something special happened to him in that van.
Oh, you rented it. That's the best kind of Chrysler Pacifica. I revealed this last night. And for people at home listening to the show, sorry for the repetitive story. But our Chrysler Pacifica was delivered to us at George Bush Airport with 11 miles on it. First rental. Pop in the cherry, baby. There was yellow chalk marks on the tires. Oh, it's such a beautiful thing. I mean, especially in a place where you're so likely to have,
you know, black mold in your air filter and whatever. But man, who's ever gotten, who's ever popped a cherry on a rental car here? Anybody you have, sir, first hand up. What, what, tell me what kind of car was it?
A Ram 1500 four miles. How did that even make it to the fact from the factory to the rent on and off the trains and shit is going to be at least that? Wow, four miles. And, and did you celebrate your brand new car by doing something to it? You probably shouldn't nodding. What did you do? Allegedly, of course.
You crashed it. What? Oh, shit. You know what? My karma for getting rental cars is equal to my karma at calling on people. I found the guy who crashed a brand new rental truck. You're fucking welcome.
And there is for you to go back to the desk and go, I crashed the Ram into something. Sure, if they had that new, they didn't notice that's a delight. If they had them new AI scanners, you'd be phoned. So there's a guy I know, his name is Brat Sarah.
You might have heard of him. I don't know. Rented a Mercury grand marquee. You guys know about the grand marquee, right? It's the Crown Vicks classy cousin. And it's the price, the PI cousin of the Crown Vick. And this person, what was his name, Brat, may have gotten very drunk and dance to tango on the roof of the Mercury.
And was very, very concerned, this friend, when returning the car, that this was going to be a very expensive problem. Until the check-in person arrived, and she was five foot one.
Crisis averted, boarding Miami to Jetsu LAX. See ya.
Dance like no one is watching because they're not tall enough to actually see where you're dancing. Right. Zach, is your panic attack? It is.
We are operational. Boy, is that a shitty thing to have to do in front of an audience? Wow. Okay. So, we have some like, we have like bits, we have like things, but yeah, let's just do some. Let's just do that.
Yeah. I've used up all of my filler because you took way too long doing this, and you couldn't participate in anything.
I know. You did a very good job though, you didn't. If anybody can talk it a wall for 12 minutes straight, you're welcome people.
Shall we talk about the NASCAR? Dude, so, did you guys see that, so NASCAR, do we have any NASCAR fans here? Okay, a few. I was surprised. We went to Houston, you know, fans of a car podcast in Texas.
I was like, any fans in NASCAR crickets. They don't, they don't apparently like NASCAR in Houston, but they're doing more street circuits now. Like, I'm actually pro this. Like, I'm not that big of a fan in NASCAR, but like, that makes it interesting, right?
You guys are into it. And did you see that they're doing one at Coronado Air Base, which is like, like, where top gun happens in.
Fight your town, USA. This is crazy. It's awesome. It's super awesome because they can, they can design the course how they want. They can use some of the streets, but then the rest of it is just like tarmac so they can design it however they want. Yeah, but I mean, is there any more.
Oh, I don't know, like, American combination, the NASCAR is going past. That's extremely more class past like the Osprey. All we need is a, but it's, I'm here for it. I'm not, that is not a disc. This is so red.
It's funny. What if this was a rumor and they're really just doing days of thunder two and it's Joseph Kaczynski is all. Did you guys see F1?
You guys like show of hands. Who liked F1? Who thought it was pretty good? Did anyone not like F1 show of hands? Okay, so overwhelmingly, I would say the shop club rotten tomato score 85 to 90% pretty good among this audience.
Did you guys find, did you, I thought though that F1 was literally the plot points of days of thunder and the plot points of top gun maverick ping ponged back and forth to each other.
Did anybody else notice that? If you go watch it again, you will not be able to unsee this shit. It's literally like this minute. Okay, pull this scene from days of thunder. Okay, guys.
Now the scene where goose and fucking put that here. Okay, now the scene where cold trickle walks up the pit lane put that fucking and it's just back and forth beat for beat them two movies.
And still the least realistic part is where Brad Pitt's like, no, I don't want this Rolex Daytona. I've got, I've got to watch and living in my van is just fine.
It's not about the money. It's not about the money. No, it's about disrupting the system and moving on.
So, where anyone, who else has an idea for a crazy weird place to have a NASCAR race that would be like really aggressively interesting? I thought of a few.
Anyone else ever want to throw out a really good idea? Where JFK got a SAT? Right start, start finish at the book depository.
The window is where you wave the fucking, right? And the grassy knoll, that's the VIP. Yeah, that's the VIP for sure, right?
I want to wait for the coverage by Zapruder. Except the TV coverage is in like, and nobody knows who won.
They'll be debating who won for like 40 years, but release the fucking data. We need to know who won.
Yeah, the starting gun is actually two. When do you actually start? Which one's the real one? That would be pretty sick. I was thinking how about actually back on the beach at Daytona?
Like, they fucking did it in the 40s, but with these cars. Maybe with some dirt tires. That'll be fun, right? No, okay, that one's not so popular.
Okay, what about universal studios back lot? Like, where the tram goes now? For why, through that bitch, jaw is popping out of the water? No. That would be amazing.
Right? You have to spectacle. You have to build an under-trace so you can skip across the lake like a fucking.
Did I pop out there? Am I good? Okay, cool. What about inside the George Bush airport rental car facility?
Up and down the ramps, like a vertical race, anybody think that like using those like spiral ramp joints? I think it would look like Tokyo Drift, right?
Like, that would be pretty cool. I think you should use inside the George Bush library because he's not reading. I think you just do it in there.
That's over here. And he's probably got a painting studio. He's like, this is full of books. I don't know what happens over there. I don't know what happens.
The book's called The History of 9-11. No, he's like, I don't know what happened there.
There's a choose your own adventure book and you just keep looking for the page with the actual WMDs on it, but it's not in there. It's missing.
My final one was Boston Common. I thought a NASCAR race on cobblestones would really level the playing field. Don't you think? Yeah.
Yeah, lose surface. You guys ever try to drive on cobblestones? Is that not the fucking worst, man?
There ain't no car that's good at cobblestones. You could be in a raptor and you're like, what the fuck is going on? I spent $75,000 on fucks by past shops.
That's the secret to doing RFK's voices. You drive a sports car. In Boston, you're like, I came here to go get a steak, but how I'm lost trying to get my kid to school.
We're trying to find Harvard and decide between that and Yale. If my uncle hadn't been shot, I'd be carving up whales on the beach, but now I got to learn about the healthcare system.
We have an RFK doing gentlemen start your engines from the book depository.
Gentlemen, start your engines and please drink this magical xermade of bleach.
And duck. All right, so that bit went okay. It didn't go. It said right on the steam of the end. We're trying people. This is a radio show you listen to in your fucking car.
Quietly. You know how hard it is to do talk radio in front of 250 people and make it fun. I had to bring a fucking side show act.
You're not a side show act Christian. If it gets real quiet, we're just going to do the van Halen dancing, whatever the fuck that was. That was really interesting. Right? Okay, how about this?
I thought it would be fun to come to your city and make fun of you to your faces. I feel like I feel like Texas people are secretly massacistic and want us to do that.
They really liked it in Houston. A few people left early to see the restroom and I think I know what happened in there. But we were doing van Halen. It could have been David Lee Roth. You do not know.
But in order to make fun of you to your faces properly, we're going to bring back our friend Christian James hand to join us. Let's give him a round of applause one more time. Where's your chair?
Let's take that one. So, oh, also, are there no one here's like really bald like me. Is there any really really bald people? Okay, when you guys, do you shave your heads like I do? Okay, so for people who have hair, I'm just gonna educate you on a thing that happens that you probably don't know about.
When you don't have hair at all, when you're pure bald, and you sweat like you're on stage maybe, or if you're working out, the head itself is an accelerator.
The sweat starts here and it gains speed all the way to here. Where if you're me, and I now have a new sort of a Rob Reiner thing happening with this beard, that's where it stays.
It's not great. Before that, it went all the way down into the shirt collar. So my shirt is thanking the beard, but everything else has gone very wrong when it comes to sweating wall bald.
Now, one more thing, we've done two things. We asked you to send us your cars, and boy did we get, you guys drive some weird shit. Some of you drive some shit that you think is weird, but is not weird compared to some of the shit that the rest of you drive.
And then we also, while Christian was introing Van Halen, and talking about David Lee Roth's dick, we took a walk around the parking lot, and found some things that interested us.
Oh, no, wait, wait, wait, we skipped bedding, and we got the list.
Oh shit, we're gonna roast your cars at the end. We're gonna come back to that, sorry. We, Zach and I are gonna have a competition.
The vodka was free tonight. No, no, all right, Christian, we'll come back. No, no, we each put together a million dollar car collection themed after your city.
That we think, based on our judgments of you in the last day or so, what we think the perfect Dallas million dollar collection look like, and obviously this is hypothetical, because we don't...
They all have a million dollars, right, to spend on cars, at least you guys don't.
I, I use that joke last night, I'm sorry. I don't have a million dollars to spend on cars. He was, Zach, do you want to go first?
Yeah, the guy that didn't laugh, I looked at, turns out he has enough property to have a 180 car show at his house.
Yeah, the guy that didn't laugh was not fucking around.
He was like, I have a million dollars in my pocket, and on my wrist, and my cock ring is also a million dollars.
Dance for me, monkeys, dance for me.
Okay, so Zach's gonna go first and give you his million dollar list, and then we'll hold judgment, and then I'll give you mine, and then we'll show of applause and see who accurately captured the car vibe of Dallas better.
Okay? Zach, you're up first.
All right.
Guys, we gotta take a quick break for today's sponsor, Rula. Listen, Rula, this one's about therapy, right?
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Starting off simple, because you need a truck here. But in Dallas, you guys think yourself as a little fancier than Houston, I think. You want something you could maybe valley at Monarch and get a really overpriced cocktail. They have like a $200 old fashion and a $1000 plate of crap. Fuck you.
And by the way, the reviews on Reddit are like, yeah, kind of mid. Kind of mid. Pay for the view. Some restaurant called Monarch here. Monarch. Overrated. Very expensive.
Cool. Won't go. You pay for the view. As if they're the only tall building in this city. You pay for the view. Do they know where? What view?
You get to look at other buildings. I mean, I'm sorry. Like no offense. But like, what is there to see here? Right. Okay. So you pay for the view. You're paying for the same buildings. Awesome.
It's the same view you get for a studio apartment in New York. It's exact same view. So I'm going Denali with the HD. I want to toast some shit around. So that's multimatic shocks. Very, very nice. But number two.
You've got Texas 2K race. Right. No argument with the 4G team. That's the worst color. I want something a little more reliable than your electrical grid. And I want it to be fast enough that like Ted Cruz get out run the paparazzi.
So I want twin turbos on that thing. He just can't seem to get away on these are big cars. These are very good cars. Does anyone have a fucking 4GT? Someone has.
And someone here's got one. Who's got one? Somebody up top rich people? No. Nobody. Week shit, bro. There was two of them in Houston. It's all I'm saying.
If someone here owns multiple singers and not a 4GT, what are you doing with your life? Other than making money. Who here owns multiple singers? Someone might. I'm just all so. We should.
Number three, you guys had some flooding recently. Not the big tragic one. I'm definitely not making fun of that. You guys had like a Dallas flood. So I want to be able to solve that problem because I don't plan ahead. I'm not going to check the weather.
I didn't really check the weather on this trip. I just show up. So I'm going pro drive and for car. What the fuck is that? That's right. Pro drive. I've never heard of this before. What is this? Look at this thing. Whoa.
Hi, baby. Hi, baby. Can we talk about Captain Stabbins hat right here? Yeah. This guy showed up for the picture. This fucking guy. So you first off, pro drive is a British company that builds race cars. They found the fucking Britishist guy ever to pilot this thing. His name is Nigel Nigel.
We got you a captain hat and he's gone. All right. Okay. And you look like a fucking idiot, Nigel. Nigel was in the Navy though. He knows just think about boats, but that car is all right.
Dude, it goes 80 miles per hour on the street and then 43 miles per hour on the water. That's insane. Okay. Next one. Like a Dallas car, you guys. Hey, I don't want to get stuck enough. Nigels are having an awfully good time.
It's great fun, but last night people in Houston had snorkels on their cars. And one guy said he literally escaped the flood using the snorkels. Yeah, straight up, I have to apologize to Houston because I spent 10 minutes making fun of a guy who had a snorkel on his truck. And then he was like later, he was like actually like our whole neighborhood was under water and like I was good. And I was like, you know what? All right, buddy, you're fine. So that's my official apology for making fun of that guy for 10 minutes for his snorkel. Yeah. Okay. That's like going, oh, you can still carry permit. Oh, cool. And it's like it saved my life once and you go. But like, but this.
This seems like a good time, but like, I think we learn over and over as a people. Did nobody wants a fucking car boat? No. Like who wants a car boat? Like, is that a thing that anybody really wants? No, I think what you want one. You seem 12. You're 12. No, but you're 15. 15. Okay, you're 15. Oh, you're the same. You're the last night. You've got the giant truck. You want a. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Long and you also want an amphicar. You can take you can take your giant trashed out super duty and tow a regular boat to the lake. Like a normal fucking text in my friend. Yeah, that makes a lot more sense. Yeah, yeah. No, nobody want nobody is wants this. And especially not rich people. Rich people want a car that does car things and a boat that does both things. Not a thing that does both badly. There are Van Halen. He'd buy one of these things. There are
sick. They were off. There are six people that have done enough drugs and have enough money. They go, fuck yeah, man. So if you've seen, there's other, the company that builds this is called Gibbs, the Aquada. They convert. There's one that's a Miata. That's the Aquada. There's maybe a Corvette. They do a C8 Corvette and Classism Alert. I was just in Lake Como. And they're doing, oh, I swear to God, they're doing Fiat 500 ones. Fiat, and they're like, but they're like little putt, putt bullshit ones. I don't go fast.
And my 75 year old mother was like, that looks fun. I was like, mom, let's go. Nah. Dude, Ludicrous has one that's like a Ferrari. Of course he does. Yeah, having a good time. Yeah. All right. Ludicrous gets a pass. Okay. Next one, simple. You don't really have twisty roads here, but you do have a lot of private track of 911 T simple, good, nothing wrong with it fast enough. And as we've learned, you can throw 20 grand at it and get like 300 extra horsepower. Yeah, we drove one is that 700 horsepower is all right.
I recommend it. All right. And the last one, you do have nice weather here. Eventually, I guess, not now. I'm sure it happens at some point. And you do have a lot of nice architecture. Some of it's kind of brutalist and weird. But it'd be nice to drive around and look up at the buildings. But as we spoke about before, convertibles, not the safest thing for Dallas. So I'm going Pope Mobile. Yeah. I want to be driven around and be able to look up at things. This Pope Mobile is kind of sick. The ones they've been using recently have been sort of lame actually.
The interior. There's like a Wrangler one that's really weird and lame looking. The Javagan one is, oh, that's like some rubbish shit, dude. I would house sick would it be if you were DJ Khaled. Another one. If you were DJ Khaled, would you not have one of those and just roll around Miami? Just we the best unbucket. I'll repeat. He can have the decks in the back. Someone drives for him. And he just pretty pretty slick. You can have a good time. I'm into it.
So that's that's what Zach thinks of your town. And I can see all of you are on board with his thought process. Okay. Here's a, here's where I'm at. Number Uno. The underground racing twin turbo Lamborghini Huracan. Yeah. This seems, this seems about business Dallas. We could say Dallas performance. I thought they're here too, right? Anybody? Anyone have a Dallas performance car? Them things go fast, right? Then a half mile car.
So yeah, twin turbo Lamborghinis. They seem very Dallas to me. More so than Houston, actually. They can't afford them. Shit's in Houston. No, they run twin turbo vipers down there because they cheaper. Respect to Calvo, but like, if you know, you know. All right. So we're in, we're into that right now. This a proper Texas quail rig. All right. I just lost, I think. I just lost any hunt any hunt.
There's in the room and you got anyone shoot birds. You boys shoot birds. Oh, my man with the German short haired pointer. He shoots birds. I know that. Yeah. So when, so, so if you guys have no fucking idea what you're looking at in quail hunting and bird hunting. It's a traditionally English thing. It's very like proper. They really dress like they dress like a guy, Richie movie to go do this stuff, right? You walk through the fields for miles and you have dogs and
professional guides and yada, yada, yada. And then we mercenized this shit. And we were like, what if English, but fucking yachts. And so in, in Texas, they have what's called the quail rig. And that's where you convert a regular car to a stadium, stadium, seating, fuck mobile with refrigerators. And so these are all the kennels for the dogs. You got front the bow rider.
Seats. You've got your gun sheaths. You've got the double decker shit. And you can make it look. This one's got the high drive. I'm trying to stop it from flashing through this one's got high dry. This is that one drives like a, like a movie car where the driver seats on the roof and Brad Pitt's talking like he's driving, but fucking Ben Collins is actually driving up there. And they turn this is a, this one looks like a, it's like a moke.
No, I mean, it looks, it looks like a, it looks like a moke, but I actually think that's a Wrangler, but, but you can do super duties of anything with a body on frame, but they got Rolls Royce ones.
Look at this thing. That's some homemade shit. That's a burning man car. That ain't the quail rig. Look at that. That's a burning man car. And here's the thing about you can make a quail rig. You can buy a quail rig.
And these are, and, and you still get out and walk to shoot, but these go in between the fields and they've got a full bar and all your guns and your ammo.
And if I lived in this state, my shit would be, oh, we're a dirt girl.
The LM002, you know, crazy, crazy, right? Picture, picture it. Any graphic designers in the room, somebody Photoshopped that up for me later.
The LM002, quail rig, triple stadium seating. I want a bow rider and diamond plate, please. Getting towed out of the bush by an F250.
I have, I have written on the bow ride in some of these things and listen.
Look, sometimes people just need to be oppressed in order for me to have this much money to do this stuff. And that's okay if I get to ride on the bow of a Rolls Royce quail rig.
You guys understand, right? Sometimes people need to starve and die so that I can ride on diamond plate. You know?
Okay, moving on. Keeping that in the spirit, the F350 King Ranch duly.
You dick back. Has to be the King Ranch. More importantly, has to be the pre-07 King Ranch.
My man right here, my lady clapping because she knows who knows what happened in 08 with the King Ranch.
Oh, so you guys all know cars because you're talking, you say the engine sucks. They stopped using full King Ranch leather.
The 0307 used a full King Ranch interior. And then they're like, oh shit, this is popular. We can't fucking, we're going to run out of leather.
We can't sell all these trucks. We can only do this one. We can't do a 150 and a 250 and a fucking Ranger and a Bronco King Ranch. There aren't enough cows.
The 0607 were the last years to have a full, can scroll down so we can see the full King Ranch interior.
And look, see the aging? That's the full seat. That's the whole shit. They don't do that anymore.
The aging, that's called old. That's an old seat.
That's a farted seat. The King Ranch is fart resistant. The leather is tanned specifically to resist farts. By the way, do you guys know what the best car to fart in is?
Porsche. Porsche, because to the cooled seats suck, they don't blow. So it's a fart disbursement device. You fart into the seat. It's gone forever.
That is the best car for date. That's what's ever. You need it. It is. Yes, I would like to go to Northern Thai for our first date. Aren't you concerned? I have a Panamera.
It'll be good for you too. Don't worry. I'll turn on your side also. It'll be fun.
Oh, bacon brussels sprouts. Great. Yeah. So, yeah. That's risky for both of us.
The O6 F 350 King Ranch. I think I have two more. This one's a little more obvious. The biggest Mustang in the world.
Mustang GTD. Yes. The biggest, biggest Mustang ever made. Has any of you seen a GTD in person? In person. You have, right?
It's the size of a suburban. It is the biggest car you've ever seen. You can't believe how huge this fucking thing is. It is so enormous. It's the perfect Texas car. Nobody takes up space like a Texan.
You all motherfuckers have a 45 acre ranch and put up a huge fucking fence around here like this is for nobody else. I'm taking up this fucking 45 acres. And that is what this car is for.
When you absolutely must take as much space up on the highway as possible. By the way, this car has 325 front tires. So if you're thinking you're going to be able to steer this on a Dallas freeway, best the luck to your son.
But I thought you guys would like this. It feels like Houston is a little more of an L. S. town in Dallas is a little more of a mod motor town. Am I right about that?
Is that part of the division between the division? It's fucking cam in block, bro, for life. For life. This door overhead cam shit is for fuck.
I feel like I really want the Ford and Chevy crowd to come together and have like their march on Selma, but a Mustang driver is going to hit everybody and fuck it up.
They'll have the march in a cyber truck. We'll just plow right through that motherfucker. Because no car has ever been better designed for running over humans effectively.
And your last one. This is six. The six do's. Eldo be a ritz. Not them round 50 shit. This is tough boy square body be a ritz. Right. We can't say a suicide door. Conti because reasons. But if you had to drive some dope fucking sled by a book depository, this would be the fucking shit. Right.
I love a fucking six do's be a ritz. This one sold for 90 K on bring a trailer and I can see why this is a lovely, lovely automobile. Okay, so that's my five.
Y'all members X five. Okay. Round of applause. Who thinks that clap man? Assessed Dallas better.
I like you better than Houston already. It's not bad. It's not bad. Who thinks I understand Dallas better.
I have to say I think the big man wins by a nose there. I think it wasn't. I think I won two for two motherfuckers. I know you. I know you better than you.
All right, show hands. Who thinks is there a more Dallas car than what we have brought up? Is anyone? Is anyone like you guys miss something right here? What a Tahoe? All right. Well, these are boring. We cannot sustain a live program going top five is going to be a Tahoe range rover. No, we can't. That'll be boring. But okay, any interesting cars. Yes. No.
There are. So the thing is I use that one for Houston. Listen, that's probably more Houston than here. If I'm honest, the math, the math I think is with me on that. And actually I do it to say Houston last night. I saw more Cadillac black wings in one place than I've ever seen ever in my life, including the press launch.
There was like 12 at our show last night. It was all fucking black wings. Yeah, what you yellow shirt. A white cow with horn. We saw. We saw a car with horns today. It was a plumber in a super duty. I swear.
You get the horns off and you just wrote a router with it and then you put it back on the hood. There was the truck with horns. But it wasn't a plumber. It was a lawyer. Remember? And it said like car accident slip and fall. And then sexual harassment in a different font color. And then yeah, which is weird. And then Trump fans 2024. And then in the front horns.
It was a. It was a something. Last one. Is there a more Texas car? White. Yeah, white shirt. Oh shit. Yeah, maybe. Listen, ultimate with expired temp tag. Look. Look, we know. We know. We know. And what he said for the people at home later was a 2012 ultimate with expired tags. And you're not wrong. The problem is that's the official car of everywhere. That's.
That is the official car of I have nothing left to live for and no credit to burn. And and you know, 144 months no money down, baby. Let's fucking go.
If you want to own the rental car experience and have that carelessness, you own an ultimate and you send it like you have four miles on a ram into a K rail.
Yeah, the difference is with the ultimate you keep going. I see fucked up altimus that are just making it down the road. Yeah, no, it's I mean if you were listen.
If any of us found ourselves in that position, can't we all just admit collectively that it's nice to know the ultimate was there for us.
But you can't quite swing in a cord. You know what I mean? You know, like the emergency room of cars. Yeah, that's what it is. Yeah, like like there is always something lower until you get to an ultimate.
And that's it. I mean below that it's basically every once in a while you see a video of somebody on a TikTok or something.
And it's like, dude, got his fourth doing it. It's him like rolling a power wheels. You know, it's a work. That's the only step left at post ultimate. Yeah, that's true.
But man, that's that's everywhere. That ain't just Texas. That's that's we saw a guy post ultimate today. He was bicycling on the highway.
That's post ultimate Sam Houston tollway on a fucking 10 speed. That shit is crazy, bro. I can't believe people are outside here during the day.
I don't think I said I like went like I literally I just went outside and considered that exercise. I was so sweaty. I was like, that must be extra.
It's the same fucking big water weights just like real weight. Okay, so we are at oh shit is 845. Yes, sir. Whoa, times flying when you're this drunk.
I'm not that drunk, you guys. I'm not that drunk. We saw shots. Someone someone we do not need shots, but apparently there's some kind of barrel pick tequila here at the shop that is fucking good.
And we are going to be at the bar later. And if you are a member of the shop or become one today, you can drink on my tab.
What? Oh boy, that's not it. It's you on wrong. That's me. Hello. Hey. All right. All right. So now we put up the email. So some of you sent us cars and volunteered to have us talk about your cars a little bit.
Other people didn't volunteer. They just parked their shit in the lot. And so. And some people sent pictures of cars they saw on the highway. That's definitely not your car.
Yeah, someone said someone someone said a picture of like a full studio shoot that like I think was out of Dupont Registry or some shit. It's definitely not your car. But we found some and we're going to talk about them. And oh boy.
We could talk about the dadson, but we're actually going to talk about this. Raise your hand if you know what this was. Oh, it's the guy who knew about Ultima's.
Yeah, your other car is an Ultima. If you have one of these, this is called a Puma. And can you scroll up in the emails act to see how the owner described a Puma. He called it the Brazilian 9-11.
Now, that's a very funny thing to say about a car that underneath is a Volkswagen Beetle.
And oh, here's a replacement. Yes. I was so.
Keep drinking this. Thank you. Okay, go back down. So this called a Puma. It's a fiberglass body on a beetle. It's actually like not terrible looking. Am I right?
It's like kind of a decent looking car from this distance. The key is to get up close and shit comes apart real fast.
Now, homey over here has had his hand up itching to say some shit about the Puma for like a minute. So what do you got?
It's no. It's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who else owns a Puma? Of course, of course, it does.
He was like, this is factoid that he couldn't wait to tell me. He was like, do you know who else owns this weird fucking car?
The guy you know who buys every weird fucking car. It's true. He does. He does have one. Myro and Verna, shout out to him.
These actually, even though they're terrible, are like kind of dope. When you've seen everything else, you would stop and check this out.
Like one of these, you know, one of the guys at the shop here, these guys are great. Ask me earlier, like, what's your favorite car here?
And I was thinking about it. I didn't give him a good answer. And I think they expected me to say something that was like cool.
And I've come up with one. Master Schmidt, right there. Find the weirdest thing in any room. That's what I like.
Because when you've seen it all. So if there was a Puma here, I'd drill on it for 20 fucking minutes.
We should have driven into the show in the show. I know it was your idea. I'm not trying to say, yeah, I would have been awesome.
You guys should have driven in. Is that thing run? Shop people? Master Schmidt run? Maybe? I don't know. Whatever.
Okay. Puma, 10 points, my friend. 10 points. Is that car in America? It is. Wow. Talk about a car that is not worth importing. And you import it anyway.
That's what, like, you know, you see, like, someone who's like really imported something that is like, you're like, that was $2,000. And you spent $10,000 getting it here.
Like, that's the kind of commitment that we want. Yeah, that's love. That's love.
This, uh, Miata RF, Zach, why did you pull this one up? Tell me about this.
Oh, we were talking to think this is a way. This is how you come out to your family in Dallas.
Yeah, man. No judgment. No judgment. And the stereotype, but these are great cars. The stereotype is stupid, but it does exist.
So you show up with this and you say, I'm selling my guns and the family goes, you want more corn? And no one talks about it.
We love you anyway. We're not going to pay your insurance anymore, though. I can't have my agent knowing my son is driving that.
All right. All right. Now, yeah, let's do this. Is the person in the room that submitted the heavy HHS?
Is that person here? It's you? That is your car. Okay. Why do you have a Chevy HHS?
You want it as like a beater? Okay. Yeah, you did. Yeah. So fuck it. Yeah.
So this is like, you know, Bob lots looked at the PT cruiser. And he did a little hold my beer. He's like, let's make it worse.
Except that he made it worse. Let's give it lip injections. Let's give that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
What do you do with lip injections? This is botched surgeries. Wow. Yeah. This is duck lips. It drives a lot better than it looks, right?
Yeah. It's a manual. The funny thing about, you know, that's a cobalt SS under there. And those cars, powertrain wise, fabulous.
Everything else couldn't have been shittier. I mean, just junk. They're good drivers cars. Aren't they like in DC race car? Good race car, bad car.
It's the C4 Corvette of front wheel drive hatchbacks. You know what I mean? Yeah. That is the GTI of C4 Corvettes is what the HHS are.
SS is, but they, you know, they made an SS panel truck. Yeah. You could get the SS panel. They're crazy rare. Doug Demiro's in the back.
And his house and his house in Nantucket with just exposed to the beach. You know, he goes out on his deck. He's $7 million Nantucket house. He's like, fucking naked. He's like, he changed cars.
That's what you do when you sell that, get that cars and bid my money. I want to, I want to, I want to deck where I can like really jack off over extremely rare cars.
And nobody will see me. We got you, bro. Scans it. That's why he wants the rear-facing range rover for that exact thing. I just tried to suck on a toothpick. That doesn't end well.
This. Now, here we go. The short wheelbase Bronco hard parts with its wheel on a very small boulder. Now, who's, who's car is this? Who's going? Who's your car? All right. So, do you offroad this a lot? No. This is where it's stuck. Is this the first time?
All right. So, you, you sent this in and you're like, I'm going to send him the hard part thing. I'm up on the boulder. I got some mud on it. I'm fucking tough, right?
But guess what? The next person that emailed us.
Best in show. Best in show. Best in show.
Will the owner of the Monster Truck Smart Car please raise your hand. Shout out to us. This is it. This is what winning looks like ladies and gentlemen.
This is what parking in a compact space is all about. Most normally, it's like if that fucking kid was with his super duty and had to park in a compact space, this is what you do.
But is that is anything about this functional, sir? No. Okay. Cool. Yeah. Does it like drive? It does work. Okay. It's a real car that works. You.
Yeah. Yeah. It's a champion. Did you lift it or did you buy it like this? Why? You did it like this. Okay. Why not? No, I'm on board. I'm just like wondering if there is a theory like the roads are bad. No, you're just going for it. I like it.
Is it ride like it looks? How is the ride? Rides good? Cool. It's got Mag ride. This is going to be like an aerospace engineering. He's like I put DSS visa on it just fabricated up myself.
I have to say, you know, and it's just, I mean, I don't know if you guys know this, but a smart car is a rear engine car. So all you'd have to do is change the entire powertrain and you could do wheelies.
If you change the entire powertrain, this would absolutely do wheelies, but the stock powertrain, it will barely go 12 miles an hour. I bet this can't get up a hill. Good thing you don't have any.
Shout out to the fucking off road smart car. That's how it's done. That's a fucking 10 out of 10.
This is the same car I saw outside today, right? Who's driving this? Is this you? This is a SN95 Cobra. It's not a 4-6. It's a 5-0. It's a 94-95. It's an absolutely fucking stellar condition.
And I stopped because, you know, look, let's be honest. It's a fucking 94 Mustang, right? It's an install condition. But back in the day, there was a girl who was in nursing school and drove one of these and boy did I want a fucker.
And I absolutely never did. Never even came close. Never even came close.
Talk about jacking off to cars. Matt's just like, God damn. Kelly. It's chicken and 94. Kelly from the nursing school. But yeah, no, when I was building my Mustang in high school, this was what Kelly was rolling in as a daily.
And, you know, she was like 5'2", so her seat was like on the steering wheel. She looked like one of those old Chinese ladies driving, but fucking rip in four gears. This is what's up.
These are great. These are really under how many miles are on this thing, bro? 28,000. How many of you buy it with? 25 and how long goes that? You're an half ago. Okay, he's doing work. He's doing work. That's good. Keep that up. These are fabulous cars. They drive much better than most people think they drive. They're really, really good. And we're not going to make fun of you. I just wanted a reason to bring up Kelly, who I...
I mean, that was all this. You wanted to fuck back in the day. Kelly, sister by the way, shout out to her job of probe GT. Real Ford family, that one. The probe was good. We had lots of jokes about what to do with that probe in high school.
What ever had a probe? The probe was platform shared with the Mazda MX-6, which was a global platform. And so the probe GT got the MX-6 V6, which was actually a JDM V6. It was a two-liter V6 that in Japanese trim rev to 8500 and sounded like a rotary. And would shoot fire if you took the cats off.
Fucking underrated engine. The Audi RS6 that is parked in the back. We feel like this is a very Dallas car, right?
The roads are smooth enough for this. This is kind of a stiff car. But Christian, the drummer was like, bro. With my fucking kid in the back of that.
Bro, because it fit a fire extinguisher? Yeah. Yeah. Who's got this Audi RS6? Right there. Oh, you look like you have an RS6.
How much did you sell your tech start up for? He didn't? You married her? Yeah. That's the way to do it.
Let's generally tell you the news. Ladies and gentlemen, it's hiding her face. Nice to see you. Good Lord. You've come up.
This is a very Texas car. High speeds, long distances, freeway. I've known four people who've had one of these.
Every single one after six months said, I'm totally fucking bored with this thing. Help me sell it. How long have you had yours?
The clock is ticking, my friend. The clock is ticking now. He's had it two months back in in four months. We're going to come back to Dallas.
Commit to the woman, not the car. That's all right. Home is going to be like, I bought a new 63 estate. By the way, how happy is Audi that no pictures ever taking of Hitler in an Audi?
They're like, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, thank God. He was struggling. I'm just nuts on camera. Yeah, it was amazing.
Sima said, they say all of his thoughts and say, put this on camera. Put this on camera. Whoa. I'm often introverted. The Mercedes is the extrovert. It must be in the pictures.
No, they were no auto. You know, they helped. I know. Listen, what's not? You guys remember how much Hitler had to do with like German cars, right?
You guys remember how much Henry Ford liked Hitler, right? He really liked Hitler a lot. Like so much. He was a huge fan of Hitler.
It's just very important. He gushed so much. I don't forget that. Sometimes people who run car companies in America are huge fans of Hitler.
Turns out, no, no. And because they have a lot of jobs in America and they're making things in America, they just let you keep being a fan of Hitler.
They don't like stop you. You could just keep getting government subsidies and building cars and being all high old. Isn't that wild? I just, I don't know.
I thought because like a hundred years ago that happened that maybe I don't know someone remember that funny.
So just just just because I'm autistic and Grock said like he's a mecha Hitler. It doesn't mean I like Hitler that much. Just don't look at my search history. Okay.
Just don't just don't please go to the diner and give me all the money. They went British at the end. It's tough. That guy's from 15 places.
Now let's talk about the Pontiac Solstice. Who sent us? Who sent us their non-running project car? Yeah, where's picture two?
There's picture two. Yeah, it's on a trailer. There it is. It was like here's my solstice and I was like oh that's boring. It's like it's my non-running project car. That's what you've submitted.
You know what? That's about right. It comes free with the trailer.
And additionally you wait but you also you also said it doesn't run and probably never will again. So why did did you buy this like to put plants in? What's your deal?
It has to run to modify.
It's gonna modify to something that doesn't run. Who's ever bought something as a project car only to like not do the project car?
Anybody? Like five, six people. It's okay. You're in five, six and then a shy hand. It's okay. You're with friends. You're with friends.
Who bought a project car that they didn't finish? It's okay. Come on. Come on. You're fucking friends. It's a safe space. It's like 25 people.
It's a pretty, it's probably 10% of this is not your audience. It's okay. It's okay. You guys are fine. Yeah, yeah.
Your car is a fucking shitbox, sir. Yeah. Listen. I drove the solstice when it was brand new.
And I went, so you're telling me they had a Miata. Like they had one. And they were like, guys, we're gonna build a better Miata.
And then they built the solstice and they're like, guys, we're done. We failed. That was it? Same thing with the who's driven a Fiat 124.
Anyone know that? It's the modern one, right? Is it not the worst car you've ever driven in your life?
It's like you take a great car like a Mazda Miata and goes, guys, everything about the Miata is like an eight across the board.
Eight, eight, eight, eight, eight. Give me a six. Let's have like 12 espresso's take all these eights, turn them into sixes, print that bitch right a bar thumb.
It's like the Excalibur thing when they bolted out on the Miata, but they did it with a Fiat. Like make it longer at a turbo, but worse handling sucks.
And by the way, it's built by Fiat. Oh, this is a good one. This one stops Zach and I.
Hi, baby. Let's talk about this international scout. No doors, but seemingly rhino liner where the door went.
Can anyone claim responsibility? You sure this is your scout?
Bold choices. Did you build this scout? Did you buy it like this? You bought it?
Oh, it's a super scout. So it came with note. That's a fucking thing.
Wait, that's such an oxymor. This is the soup. This is portion marketing. It's the super scout. It's got nothing more money.
Yeah, yeah, no seats. Yeah, we took the wheels off of it.
So are you telling me this is an original vehicle? This is what this was? Wow. I'm impressed. And I also feel very sorry for you because that must drive horribly.
What engine's in it? Yeah, it's the shitty one it came with. I drove this car in high school. Yeah.
These are 80 drive straight. Yeah, they go 80. There's not much that isn't arson. I should have put this in my Dallas list to drive straight at 80.
Yeah, yeah. I'm drove into Dallas. There wasn't much to do except drive fucking straight at 80 to be honest with you. That was it.
Okay, now this one I have a real hard time. Is this someone's actual car here? Fucking you?
The fucking bird hunter with the expensive dog. Yeah, okay. All right. No, I'm kidding.
So the Eleanor GT 500. Are you a big gone in 60 seconds fan? Is that how you ended up with this car?
It was the backdrop of. Oh, so we're supposed to have posters on our walls when you say it's a backdrop of your laptop.
I'm expecting to say you're 32 when you say you're my age. Yeah. Okay. Oh, so it's the backdrop of your laptop for 10 years. Okay.
And is it is it fast? Is it legit?
It's a 4.63. A 4.63 with a hundred shot of spray. Have you ever hit the goat baby go by?
Does it go in 60 seconds? That's awesome. Okay, let me just for the people at home.
Haggerty insurance. Who was my insurance broker also made him remove the spray in order to get insured.
And how did you prove to them that you removed the spray with one photo, right?
And it went right back on. Allegedly. Allegedly. That's the best fix it ticket I've ever heard of.
Allegedly fantastic. How did the accident happen, sir? Certainly not the spray.
The fucking home. He's going to wrap this thing around the tree. Be all woozy. I'm like, just connect the spray.
Well, dude, the cut. No, it's not declared value. His last his dying words are going to be all.
He's going to be fucking bleeding on the inside of you. It's on a greed value disconnect disconnect the spray.
It's insured for 350 you guys.
I'm going to be full.
It's going to be real hard to get that on a gravestone. Hey, I can act you guys.
The police body cam is going to be him standing there holding the tanks like a teddy bear.
I don't know how it happened. And there's going to get out of here.
I used to tough so much nitrous. Like no, so much. I used to have so much nitrous.
And from tanks, from scuba tanks, big tanks. And they used to tell us that you can't huff the car nitrous.
It's different from the Dennis nitrous. You absolutely. It's got like Lou Berkins in it. You cannot huff the car nitrous.
Does anybody believe that?
I don't. And I could prove it.
I've never actually tried to huff the car. Is the shell be here?
Does anyone here work for Chevron or Shell? Can you corroborate this and to sell us? There's no added news.
But we have to move on because the star of the show is the 1998 C5 Corvette Indy 500 paced car.
Does the owner of this car be present in this room?
It's your fucking car. Are you wearing new balances?
Yeah. What's the footwear?
It's okay. I am. I am. They're white. They are very white. And you're wearing shorts. But it's okay.
Okay. The 98 then now Corvette Indy paced car. It goes back away. It goes back to 83, 82, 83.
What's the first year of the paced car? I think it's 78.
Is the black gold is 78. Okay. Thank you. All right.
I should have known his shorts. He would have fucking had that.
Yeah. 78 is the first in my opinion.
This is the game over paced car. This is where you went. Okay. We're not going to top this ever cancel the program.
Fucking neon green wheels and seats you guys.
Green. Yeah. Quick thing. Matt's colorblind.
Sorry. So moving forward. Everyone just say yes.
They're green wheels. Yeah. They always have been green.
Yeah. Yeah. Caps are green. It's so fucking weird.
Have you guys seen my Porsche that explains it? Yeah.
Yeah. He's convinced it's right. Why, sir? Why did you buy the fucking most absurd Corvette ever made?
Oh, inherited. That makes sense. Yeah.
93,000 miles at least he drove it. At least he drove it and driven.
Most C5 Corvettes are never bought, sold or driven.
Every C5 Corvette has either 200,000 or 12,000 miles on it.
You said no one I have. So it's a family car. No more balls.
Has any of the, has any family member ever written in the car with you?
Or did you just have to drive it alone?
I knew that. I knew that. Okay.
Mal, I need to speak with you for a moment.
You are, you're with him. Okay.
How do you feel about this car really?
How do you feel about his Corvette? Do you like it?
It's cool. Great. Perfect.
I'm not fucking up. I know what you want.
And what you want is for me to fuck his life up and I'm going to do it.
Happy wife happy wife. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah.
Sorry. I say that kind of show.
If someone else wants me to fuck their life up, meet me at the bar. We can talk.
I respect you for driving your inherited Corvette around.
And I respect you for actually admitting you like it. Yeah.
I certainly wouldn't. Green wheels and all.
Oh, boy. Let's get to the. Oh, wow.
It's a finale. You could have just written this in instead of sending us a picture
because this is just jarring to look at the red car BMW M2.
Who owns the BMW M2 here over in the side? Yeah, you look like it.
Yeah. Yeah. That's right.
Are you what? How many BMW logos are on your person right now?
None. That's a rare one. That's very rare.
I have a question for you about this car.
So when I drove the 2004 Cayenne Turbo, everyone was like, it's so ugly.
And they were right. But then I took it up to like 160 on the freeway.
I was like, I don't give a fuck. This thing rips.
Is that how you feel about this?
You don't see the outside when you're driving it.
That's exactly right. You don't see the outside when you're driving it.
But how do you find the car when you walk out of your house with the blindfold on?
Like, do you ever wander into someone else's car or the wrong door?
Has anyone ever seen the movie Crazy People?
If you haven't, it's a, it's a movie about an advertising agent
who has a fucking mental break and gets locked up in a, it's asylum.
But he has the inmates in the asylum right honest car ads.
And honest, it's Dudley Moore, yeah.
And if I was writing an ad for this, it would just be the BMW M2.
You can't see it once you're in it.
And you'd sell some cars. I got to be honest.
Yeah.
Is this, I have a question.
Is this your actual car at the dealership with the fucking red bull on the top of it?
They put the bull on the top of it.
Oh my God.
You know what? It really is. It's cute.
It's cute, you know what I mean?
There's a lack of whimsy in today's world.
And I have it.
Actually, BMW with North Dallas is here to deliver.
They were like, put the bull on it.
And they dragged him from the rest of the fucking car.
Yeah.
Just, just, just make him look at the red shit.
It's correct.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Don't look at the loss.
Eyes up.
Yeah.
The roof, isn't that roofline beautiful?
It's beautiful.
Every floor is amazing.
It's beautiful.
Every floor is amazing.
Be pillar.
Yeah.
Wow.
Wow.
If you've seen that Hofmeister kink.
Thank you.
One more.
And then it's time to drink a lot more alcohol.
No.
Zach.
Yes.
Yes.
Okay.
I need a fucking explanation.
Yes.
Yes.
This is apparently a car that didn't quite die at the last demolition derby.
It's a fox body.
It's had several lives.
It's tall.
It's a convertible.
And who belongs to this fucking shit box?
Nice.
Way in the back.
Yeah.
Way in the back.
This is a gambler car.
It turned into a gambler car.
Was it like a lemon's race car first?
Right.
Right.
I don't know.
I don't know what's happening.
There's drama on the upper deck.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Rich people shit.
Let them go.
We're talking here.
They fucking high society up there can have it.
You know what I'm saying?
So tell me about the last three years of life of this car.
Just one year?
Oh, wow.
So it found heroin in that one year.
And it's really.
Yeah.
It's selling fenders.
It's selling its fenders for something.
Have you guys ever seen a human doing the fentanyl fold?
That's the car.
It's the car.
It's the car.
That's this.
This is the fentanyl fox.
Did you build this or did you buy it like this?
Mufflers.
What?
What?
I bought it for my buddy who got caught stealing.
Tomore takes.
What?
In New York.
I'm the greatest crime I've ever heard of.
You're free here.
That's cows.
Just go car one off.
That's amazing.
Maybe.
Is there a better getaway car for stealing fucking meat?
This is a cattle rustling car.
That's what this fucking is.
Well, it's not just regular steaks.
He specialized.
It's homo hawks.
You know what I mean?
It's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Is that the diamond?
The dollar is per pound on a rib.
I just ain't.
Right.
You get to sell the bone too, right?
Can I ask you a question?
You guys have a question?
You guys have a stolen steaks.
Okay, sorry.
Mask a question.
Where did he steal the Tomahawk steaks from?
You said a Mexican resort?
Wait, how many?
How many food do you mean?
How many?
How many food do you mean?
How many?
How many?
How many?
I imagine 100.
That's $1,500 with the thing in a Mexican resort.
Joe.
That is a stolen.
Don't you find names in Mexico?
That's amazing.
You guys know about, I'm going to give you a little lesson on crime real quick.
Just so you know, there's a rule of life and then we're going to end the show.
Because when did I get an education?
Yeah, yeah.
It came up earlier today, actually.
It's something that I repeat to myself every day.
If you live to the podcast a lot.
It's called One Crime at a time.
Okay?
You chuckle.
This is very important.
Nobody gets caught doing One Crime.
It's where you stack the crimes.
You read the charges of the fucking thing.
It's 37 counts and you're like, well, fucking all I did was do this.
And it's like, well, yeah, but you were fucking doing this.
And this and this.
Also, it's like, if I had only done the One Crime, it was okay.
So, that is probably multiple crimes.
Tom Hock steaks.
Yeah.
Crossing state lines.
Yeah.
In Mexico.
It's a Rico case.
That's definitely problems.
That's a Rico.
It's so lame as crime in the world.
If you're smoking a blunt, keep it to the limit, right?
Like, obvious shit.
Like, if you're doing the duffel shuffle, make sure your tail lights are there.
You know what I mean?
Like, One Crime at a time.
That's how it works.
That line of criminal thinking though really explains this car.
Yeah.
Really?
That's the car of a guy who gets busted stealing $1,500.
Yeah.
The problem is when the car is the crime.
You can't do any.
There's no crime.
No other crimes.
Left for you.
Don't speed.
Check your blinkers.
Put the fucking quarter panels back on it.
I mean, you know what I mean?
Profiling's a problem, but sometimes you kind of side with the cops, you know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know what?
He was right.
He was totally right the whole time.
Yeah.
He was.
He's kind of brown, but did you see the car?
Yeah.
Sure.
You've got snake eyes on the grill of your car, sir, and no fenders.
Wow.
And a chocolate on the whole stage.
Coming across the border.
Yeah.
Can you open the trunk, sir?
Yeah.
I'm going to tell you what you're going to find in there, but it's going to be weird.
If I don't explain it to you first, I think this is really strange.
I was at this resort in Mexico, and I had like 37 marks, and they pushed out the cart with
all these Tomahawks on it.
It really seemed like they were for me.
And if they're not, like, I don't know about it, but like, I'm pretty sure they were.
They said all inclusive.
Yeah.
You know.
Yeah.
And you're honored.
But if I may, I really, I don't know anything about Tomahawk steak crime, so I just have
a couple more questions.
How many steaks are in $1,500?
Because I don't have a, you know what I mean?
Like, I don't actually have an eyeball on like, how many that would be.
How many steaks?
The very fancy steaks will clear how many.
If it turns out, this story is one goddamn $1,500 Tomahawk.
Yeah.
That is so mad.
They stole it from Monarch, and they marched it up.
It was a sold bait.
That's fucking awesome.
All right.
Listen.
Ten stolen Tomahawks is a fucking good place to end.
Thank you guys so much for coming to CS tonight.
You're great.
We really appreciate you guys so much for coming out.
And supporting us tonight.
This is our, this is the second time we've ever sold tickets to our podcast.
And last night was the first.
So I don't think it was a total shit show.
You guys think I went all right?
All right.
Great.
One more time for Christian James Hand, please.
Appreciate you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I firmly, I firmly believe his show is better than our show.
I love listening to everything he does.
It's too bad you have to do it in person, but that's the way.
That's our analog life going forward.
There it is.
Zach and I are going to be over at the Mooch Merch booth for like a half hour.
But like Matt Bell said, we then have to go up to the members lounge and hang out with members.
If you buy a membership today, that includes you.
But please, please support us.
We did come a long way to get here.
We got shirts, hats, signed posters.
Everything is like way cheaper than it would be on the website if you buy it.
So we really do appreciate it.
And we really do appreciate every single one of you for making the time for us tonight.
It's a long night.
And we want to thank the shop and all the staff here for having us.
And if you're staying to party, stay to party.
And if you are going home, please drive safe.
Thank you for the time.
One crime at a time.
One crime at a time.
Peace.
About this episode
Live from Dallas, Zach and Matt engage with an enthusiastic audience, sharing hilarious anecdotes and car-related debates. They compete to create the ultimate $1 million car collection tailored to Dallas, showcasing unique vehicles and their personal favorites. The episode features lively discussions about NASCAR, rental cars, and the quirks of local automotive culture, all while roasting audience-submitted cars. The banter is filled with humor, making it an entertaining experience for listeners who enjoy automotive storytelling.
TST Live in Dallas, TX! Who can create the best 5-car garage for this city? What's the best location for a NASCAR race that ISN'T a race track? And we roast a lot of our fans' cars. What a show! Thanks to everyone who came out!
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