The Chrysler Voyager is a big car that can carry many people, making it great for families. It has lots of space inside and is easy to use for trips or daily errands. People often talk about it when they need a car that fits everyone comfortably.
The Ford F-250 is a big pickup truck that can carry heavy loads and tow trailers. The 1997 version is a strong and reliable truck used for work and tough jobs.
This is a big diesel engine that helps the truck have a lot of power, especially for pulling heavy things. The turbocharger makes the engine stronger by pushing more air inside.
These are parts on the front wheels that you have to lock by hand to make the truck go in four-wheel drive. You have to get out and turn them yourself.
The Toyota Corolla is a small, simple car that lots of people buy because it doesn't break down easily and uses little gas. The 1988 version is an old car that many people still trust to get them where they need to go. It's a good example of a car that just keeps working for a long time.
The Honda Civic is a small car that many people like because it doesn't use much gas and usually works well for a long time. People sometimes talk about it when comparing cars that are safe and easy to drive. It's a popular choice for lots of drivers.
The Volvo S70 GLT is a type of car made by Volvo in 1999. It's a comfortable and safe car with some extra features and a stronger engine than the basic version.
The transmission is the part of the car that helps it change speeds and move properly. If it breaks, the car might not drive right, so sometimes it needs to be fixed or rebuilt.
The Volkswagen Bus is a boxy van that many people remember from the 1960s and 70s. It was popular for carrying lots of people or camping gear and is known for its unique look. People still like it because it reminds them of fun road trips and freedom.
The Tesla Model Y is a small SUV that runs only on electricity, so it doesn't need gas. It has lots of cool features and can go far on a single charge. Many people talk about it because it's a new kind of car that helps the environment.
The Corvair is an older Chevrolet car that had its engine in the back instead of the front, which was unusual. It was famous but also had some safety problems people talked about.
The Chevrolet Impala is a big car that can fit a lot of people and is comfortable to ride in. The 1990 version is an older car that some people like because it feels like a classic American car. It's often talked about when people want a roomy, simple car.
The Jeep Grand Cherokee is a type of SUV, which means it's a bigger car that can go off-road and carry lots of people or stuff. The 1995 version is an older model that was popular for being tough and good for adventures.
The ML-Class is a fancy SUV made by Mercedes-Benz that is comfortable and powerful. It's a popular choice for people who want a nice car that can carry families and drive well. People often compare it to other luxury SUVs to decide which is best.
The Jaguar S-Type is a fancy car that looks a bit old-fashioned but is nice to drive. It was made about 20 years ago and is known for being comfortable and stylish. People sometimes talk about it when they want a luxury car that stands out.
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Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us, click and clack the
Tappet Brothers and we're broadcasting this week from the Department of Weights and Measures
here at Car Talk Plaza. Oh, I didn't know we had such a... Well, this is a follow-up to a
conversation we had a few months ago. You may remember that our pal Daniel Pinkwater called
and he was discussing, I don't know how to put this delicately, the enormity of his posterior.
That's delicate. And we decided that during that call that the official
unit of button measurement should be a pink water. Yeah. So for instance, Daniel is by definition
one pink water, obviously, and I'd say I'm like 0.6 and you're like what? 0.1. Maybe 0.2.
Maybe 0.2 pink water. Well, this sparked some discussion on the show and on the website as well
and another caller told us that when she was little, her brother used to push her
butt against the piano keys and measure her butt by how many octaves she played.
Ah, I always liked that one. Yeah. Yeah. It could be an octave and a third, an octave and a half.
But now we've received a very serious scientific memo on button measurement from someone named
Carl W. Gable. Yeah, Carl Gable. Go for it, man. He works at the Los Alamos National Laboratory,
so when it comes to weights and measures, he says, at Los Alamos National Laboratory,
we generally use metric units, but every once in a while we need to be quantitative about a
butt load of stuff, like a butt load of rocket fuel, a butt load of antimatter. Yeah, of course.
I thought you might like to know that there is actually an exact unit of volume called
the butt. Really? B-O-T-T. I kid you not. See Webster's Dictionary. I don't use Webster's
Dictionary anymore. No, why? Webster's Dictionary is... It call me something crazy. Okay. It's
absolutely crazy. I'll get to that later. Here it is. But a measure of liquid capacity equal to 126
gallons or, if you prefer, two hogs heads. Yes. In another dictionary, an English butt is two hogs
heads of 54 imperial gallons each or 129.7 U.S. gallons. And also, he gives me some conversions.
I mean, you never know what units you'll be in. We know what happened to the Mars Voyager thing,
and a partridge and a pear tree. Look at this. Oh, and a micro butt. Of course,
you need to know that. A micro butt is 0.0968 teaspoons. I can see this is going to take over
the rest of the books the world over. Yeah, well, it means it takes 100 micro butts to make
a teaspoon. Make a teaspoon. Wow. Hey, Carl, it's good to know that stuff like this is going on
in the government facilities that we pay for. Well, Ashley, it's good to know that
this is the level to which they're doing, you know, which they're doing stuff and not
anything any more serious than this. That's, yeah. I mean, they could be killing people.
Exactly. What they've already done. So they demonstrated they were able to do that.
Now they're just having fun. Soaking up the residual radioactivity in Los Alamos.
But I didn't want to alarm anyone. Anyway, if you'd like to talk to us about your car,
your butt, your next door neighbor's butt, or a micro butt that you know, the number is 1-888-CAR-TALK.
That's 888-227-8255. Hello, you're on CAR-TALK. Hi, this is Brian from Belcher Town, MA.
Hi, Brian. How's it going, guys? Well, I think I have actually been to Belcher Town.
My recollection is that it's out on Route 2 someplace. Yes, it's right next to the big butt
store. It's like out west, right? It's at Route 202 and Route 9, actually,
is the corner of those two routes is where I live. Ah, I remember it well. Oh, yeah.
There's a lot of good stuff going on. Other things going on in Belcher Town, really?
There's a lot of hiking and recreational activities. Oh, really exciting. Yeah.
A lot of trees grow there, I guess. A ton of trees grow there. Yeah, that's great.
Do you guys have brawn with trees? No, I don't. I am a tree lover from way back.
Oh, that's good. A lover and a hugger. Okay. My brother, on the other hand, has chosen
concrete. Yeah, he likes concrete and pavement. Yeah, but see, you can't climb the pavement.
You don't have to. No. What if you're lying in the gutter?
What's up, Brian? Well, the crux of my problem deals with my 1997 F-250 pickup truck,
and I've got the 7.3-liter turbo diesel in there.
That's a big truck. You ain't kidding. Yeah. Well, here's the trouble. I'm a grad student at UMass,
and I was late for a class a couple of weeks ago, and this was when we had all the snow on
the ground. They do a fair job of plowing out the parking lots, but I was trying to back my
truck, which is a decent sized truck, trying to back it into a space, and there was a car behind
me, and there was also this big mound of snow. I couldn't get the truck backed over this mound
of snow without taking a running start and risking running into the car behind me,
which would have obviously done a lot of damage to the car. I have realized now that there's no
way I'm backing into this parking spot without putting it for a drive. Now, it has manual locking
hubs, which means I have to get out of the truck. You've got to get out of the truck.
Lock the front hubs. At this point, I am absolutely livid, and I slam down the parking
brake with my foot and reach for the handle, and literally, with butt power, rip the handle right
off the door. Now, I'm inside the truck with no door handle. I have to roll down the window and
open the door from the outside. So, the question is, is it worth trying to disassemble the door
and all this stuff, and to get a new handle and fix that myself, or should I just keep open the door
by the outside? What are you studying? I'm an urban forestry PhD student. Urban forestry guy.
I'm a tree guy. This is why I was asking for a tree. Well, hire somebody.
I mean, you can't deal with metallic objects, can you? I mean, do you even own a screwdriver?
I actually have a nice set of tools because I have to fix like my chainsaw and stuff.
I was just going to say, do you have a chainsaw? Of course you have a chainsaw.
I've got a rope. Well, I tell you, I mean, this is not rocket science. Sure, you could do it.
Actually, I think, Brian, that this project may be within your grasp. Okay.
Yeah. I mean, the door panel just pops off, you know. You just like pull it off, right?
Well, yeah. Gently, not like you did the handle. Well, I mean, you're going to have to unscrew
a few things. There may be some screws that hold the armrest, for example, to the door,
but the rest of it just pops off the little plastic, what would you call those things,
fasteners. And as you pop them off, you'll gain courage to pop off the rest of them
after you do a few. And next thing you know, that door panel will be sitting on your lap,
and you'll be looking at what you have to replace. And it'll be obvious. I would suggest you go to
the Ford dealer and buy the handle first. Okay. Yeah, that's what I was thinking about. Then
you'll know what you would. You may need a special tool. Is there that little C-clip thing that holds
that door panel on? I mean, the handle? Brian, whatever you can't get off, just rip it off.
Yeah, I did that with the door handle. Yeah. You already ripped off the door handle.
That's true. You have power windows? No. No, that's good. Yeah. The truck is manual everything.
You know, I don't like these people that get pickup trucks and power this and power that.
It's supposed to be a rough and tough work truck. That's right. Because all your power is in the
two butts of your engine there. That's exactly right. Good luck, Brian. Good luck to you. Bye.
Hey, don't go anywhere because we've got a lot more calls. Well, a few anyway.
And the puzzler answer coming up right after this.
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Pretty good. In fact, I thought it was good the first time. I must have lost it.
It just didn't migrate up to the top of the pile. It happens.
It happens. He says, On the hottest day of the summer, my mother was driving her decrepit 88
Corolla from New York City to Philly with her significant other. They were going to a wedding
and the bride had asked them to courier a shipment of gourmet frozen sorbet centerpieces
from a little known sorbet emporium in Queens. Most people don't know that Queens is the
headquarters of all the sorbet important. No kidding. Anyway, at the emporium,
they loaded a crate packed with sorbet centerpieces into the backseat of the car.
The merchant warned them that they had three hours before the sorbet started to melt.
Said the sorbet king. Said the sorbet king from Queens. Yeah. Philly is two hours away.
So flushed with the urgency of their charge, they set out. All went well until they ran into
bumper to bumper traffic heading over the 59th street bridge. You knew that was going to happen,
right? Of course. Significant other suddenly begins showing symptoms of cardiac distress.
Shortness of breath, dizziness, etc. And mum changed course to New York hospital.
The next thing she knew, a policeman was reviving her. She had lost consciousness and crashed into
a guardrail, but was miraculously uninjured. She recovered quickly and drove significant other
to the hospital. You with me? I'm with you. A full cardiac workup showed no medical problems,
so they set off again having lost an hour. Significant other had a few other rough moments
as they passed through the Lincoln tunnel, but he seemed to have recovered on the Jersey turnpike.
The story has a happy ending. They made it to the wedding with moments to spare
and without further incident. The sorbet was a smashing success.
Yes. The question is, what happened? I mean, you have all the facts. You don't need to,
you think you may have all the facts. You don't have all the facts. You're missing one important
piece of information. Yeah, but I do know that the hot summer day had a lot to do with it. Indeed,
it did because the Sorbet King had packed these little sorbets, these centerpieces in dry ice.
Oh, and dry ice as you may not know. I do know. I'm a chemical engineer by trade. I was speaking
to our audience, to the other person that's listening, is solidified carbon dioxide. How do
they do that? They squeeze it a lot. And as it sublimates from a solid into a gas,
it displaced in this case the oxygen that was in the car. In the car because they had the windows
up in the air conditioner on probably the hottest summer day. Indeed. And of course,
significant other began to show symptoms of cardiac arrest because it couldn't breathe.
And of course, you do have shortness of breath if you're breathing in CO2. And Mumsy crashed into
the guardrail for the same reason. Of course, as soon as the policeman came and opened the door,
oxygen rushed in and by the time they got significant other to the hospital, he was all
right too because he had what? Started breathing again. Yeah. Who's our winner, Tommy? Wow,
that's a great one. By the way, David Horowitz sent that in. Good work, David. David, I hope he's
still alive. I'm sure he is. The winner this week is Sarah E. Ice. Ice, I see. How appropriate.
My God, how appropriate. CO2. That's probably why she glides. Dry ice, Sarah E. Ice from
Stratford, Connecticut. And for having her answer selected at random from all those correct answers
that we got, Sarah is going to win a $25 gift certificate to the Car Talk Shameless Commerce
Division with which she can buy, well, I'd say about $25 worth of Shameless Commerce.
That's it. Well, that's pretty succinct. Congratulations. Anyway, we'll have a new
historic folkloric. Write this down. Historic folkloric. Automotive. Automotive.
Mathematical. Oh, man. Puzzler coming up over the next several weeks. Today, I don't know.
Coming up in the third half of today's show, so stay tuned for that. In the meantime,
you can call us and ask us any questions you'd like, especially about your car.
The number is 1-888-CARTALK. That's 888-227-8255. Hello, you're on Car Talk.
This is Amy calling from sunny Charlotte, North Carolina.
Hi, Amy. Is it sunny?
It is sunny. It's beautiful down here.
How warm is it?
It's going to be maybe 70 or 75 today. I say this only because I used to live in New York.
So you share our pain. Well, the truth is that it's been a practically invisible winter.
Well, good.
Just a little dusting of snow here and there. Just enough to make it look like a Christmas card.
Yeah, just three weeks in bed with the flu. Nothing extraordinary.
Can't pass it, kid.
I have an issue. First of all, I drive what I think is the greatest car on the road.
Do you want to guess what kind of car I drive?
It's the greatest car on the road.
Yeah, you can do it.
Charlotte, North Carolina.
You can do it.
Yeah, it's a Honda Civic.
No, it's a Volvo.
Volvo, Volvo. Okay, sure.
It's an S70 GLT. It's a 99.
Where I work, I park in a parking deck and I park on the seventh story.
To exit out of my parking deck, you come down a really tight,
I call it kind of a cylindrical exit ramp.
It looks like a soda can or something like that.
Yeah, right. It's a helix. You're driving down a screw.
Exactly, exactly.
And it's pretty tight.
Sometimes I'll put it in a lower gear than drive.
That's good.
I don't think that's good.
Yeah, you should do that.
Oh, good.
In fact, you should probably be in the lowest gear that you have,
depending on the steepness of this ramp.
I don't know the degree or the angle, but it's pretty sharp.
And I've kind of mastered it.
Well, when I go down, every so often when I get to the bottom,
I've been at this point, I've been turning my steering wheel pretty severe for a long time.
And sometimes if I kind of, you know, turn it a little more severe than normal,
I'll hear this grinding, cranking sound and it's kind of like this.
And it's really short.
And then I'll kind of straighten out my wheel a little tiny bit,
but it's such a bad noise.
It startles me because I love my car and my car is new.
Ah, okay.
And I don't want to do anything bad to my car.
Okay, here's what's happening.
What?
You're going down too far around that turn over and over again.
And now next time you've got to alternate,
you're going there five days a week.
But you can't go, you always have to go left.
I would say Monday, Wednesday and Friday, you're going to go back and down backwards.
You're putting it in reverse and that way you'll be turning the wheel the opposite way.
Yeah.
And you'll be balancing everything.
Everything will be right with the world and none of these noises will ever occur again.
Thanks for calling ABCLA.
Really, what am I going to do?
Nothing.
I mean, this would happen even if you weren't going down this little helix.
Right.
It would happen if you were trying to pull out of a parking space and you turn the wheel
all the way left or right.
Okay.
And I'm just turning it too hard, too quickly.
Not too quickly, but too far.
But you don't have the wheel cranked all the way over.
Yes, she does.
No, you don't.
Well, but she might be a wacko.
She's not a weed.
No.
She might be a C.J.
So I do try to go down it in reverse every now and then.
Oh, then you're a wacko.
I mean, it will make the noise.
I think only when you turn the wheel as far as it'll go.
Okay.
When I've done that, have I caused damage?
No.
Well, when you have done that and you've asked the pump to do more than it's designed to do,
the belt will slip against the pump pulley.
And that's what you're hearing.
And you'll hear a little geek, geek, geek.
Yeah, that's it.
But that would only happen if you really have turned the wheel all the way to luck.
Well, I'm surprised.
I didn't think I was turning it all the way, but maybe, you know, I've just done a little too much.
Well, if you're not turning it all the way, it might mean that the belt is loose.
Okay.
I would have someone take a check at it.
Okay.
Yeah, although that's unlikely.
What kind of a belt?
A steering belt?
There's only one belt in this car.
Okay.
The one belt that runs everything.
Okay.
Got it.
Just, I would just try to refrain from turning it all the way to the lock position.
You should be able to negotiate that spiral without having to do that.
Yeah.
And try the every other day backwards thing.
I'm definitely going to try and tell my fellow parkers that you all suggest.
Someone's going to shoot you.
See you, Amy.
Thanks, and bye.
Good night.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Oh, boy.
Do we have to get them all the same week?
All right.
Now, coming up, we have what I consider to be a magnificent new puzzler.
Really?
No, I was just trying to get your hopes up.
I'm sending important documents the old fashioned way.
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We're back.
You're listening to car talk with us.
Click and clack the tappet brothers and we here to discuss cars,
car repair, and the new puzzler.
Advertised as historic folkloric automotive and something else which I don't remember.
And you never heard of false advertising son?
Picture this.
I will.
It's 1936. Europe is on the brink of yet another war.
In a secret location in Germany, German officers are gathered around the table
with the designers and the builders of its new personnel carrier.
They're going over every little detail, leaving no stone unturned.
They want everything to be flawless.
That's Jeep.
One of the officers stands up and he says,
I have a question about the fan belt.
You see this fan belt, it looks just like the belt you wear around your waist.
It's a flat piece of rubber and it's designed to run the fan.
And the generator.
And he asks, how long do you expect this belt to last?
And the engineer says 30 to 40,000 kilometers kernel.
He says, not good enough.
Of course not.
He said, we needed to last 60,000 kilometers.
The fellow says, well, he said, it's a really simple matter of taking the belt off
and turning it over because this is a flat belt.
It's not a V belt.
Turn it inside out and you put it back on.
He says, that's unacceptable.
That won't do.
He said, we can't, he said, our soldiers will be engaged in battle.
We can't ask them to be changing fan belts in the middle of the battle.
He's got a point in the middle of the battlefield.
Yeah.
So all the engineers huddled together and they come up with a clever design.
What do they come up with?
They come up with a way to extend the life of the belt.
To 60,000 to 60,000 kilometers.
Yeah, they're making it out of Kevlar.
They don't have Kevlar, hadn't been invented yet.
Nylon stockings.
There you go.
They do not change the material of the belt.
That's what I was getting at.
Okay, they do not, but they come up with a clever design.
They come up with a clever design and in two minutes they have a solution to the problem
which satisfies the general.
He wasn't a general at the beginning of the meeting.
He was only a colonel, but the meeting lasted so long that he became a general by the end.
So if you think you know the answer, write it on the back of a $20 bill
or a very ripe banana and send it to Puzzler Tower, Car Talk Plaza, Box 3500,
Havid Square, Cambridge, our fair city, Matt 02238, or of course you can email your answer
from the Car Talk section of cars.com.
If you'd like to call us, the number is 1-888-CAR-TALK, that's 888-227-8255.
Hello, you're on Car Talk.
Hi, this is Linda from Maple Plain, Minnesota.
Hi, Linda.
Linda, Maple Plain.
Yes.
Yeah, Minnesota.
Right, and anyway, I have a mystery I'd like you to solve for our family and it's involving a-
Does it involve cheese?
Well, no.
It's involving a slimmer voyager and it's involving snow.
Voyager and snow.
Yeah, and it's kind of a who done it.
Who done it?
You must have teenagers in the house.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Well, this is what happened.
We had the transmission on this voyager rebuilt in about November.
How old is the thing, by the way?
Uh, it's 94, 95.
Something like that, good enough.
Got about 100,000 miles on it.
So anyway, it was rebuilt.
Then, two months later in January, I had picked up the van at where my son works.
I had taken the bus there, picked it up.
I drove it about three miles and heard this big clunk.
I thought I maybe had driven over something.
All of a sudden, I could hear like really loud noises and it was the transmission again.
So, we had it towed to our mechanic and he called me the next day and he said,
did you put this thing in the ditch?
And I said, no.
And he said, well, that there was all kinds of snow packed over the axles.
And what did that do?
What did I have to do with the transmission?
Well, then they took the transmission out and the case was broken.
Oh, it sounds very possible.
Oh, how old is this teenage son?
Well, actually, there are three teenagers.
Oh, you're done for, Linda.
But you know, the thing is, the 17-year-old, the one who had it at work,
I think is the only one who had driven it within the last week.
But you don't know, the entire junior class could have driven it that day.
How old are the other teenagers?
Well, one's 19 and he's not living at home.
Although this happened on a Thursday and the Friday before the 17-year-old went to visit him.
Oh, man, this is complex.
Yeah.
But this is very reminiscent of a little story that occurred in our family last,
not this past winter, the winter before.
My brother and his wife and my wife and I were out having a quiet little dinner
on an evening where it's been snowing just a few flakes.
We were having stuffed squid, as I remember, at La Summa in the north.
I remember it well.
They were delicious for a while until the archer to set in.
Joanne's cell phone rings.
And it's their son informing them that he had a little mishap with the car that,
in the snowfall, the four flakes that were there,
he drove over a curb stone.
Yeah.
And in doing so, did about $6,000 worth of damage to their car.
So a $3,000 car, that was not easy.
That was not easy.
He had to hit the curb stone twice to do that.
He had to back up and do it again.
So it's very possible and I think that the culpability here is with one of these teenagers.
Boy, I mean, I mean, it's not fair.
It's not fair.
I mean, you could have done it too, Linda.
Somebody drove over a curb stone with this or wrote it into a ditch
because you can't crack the case of the transmission.
Not easily.
Without doing that.
Right.
And have you confronted said 17-year-old son?
Oh, well, that's the other problem is that, you know, they all say no, they didn't do anything.
I think you got to put them in the hole like they do in prison.
Right.
Until one of them rats on the others.
Well, I mean, I think, wow, I mean.
I don't think they really think they did anything wrong.
So you believe them and you trust them.
Well, I could believe that they don't believe they did anything wrong
because they could easily have driven over a curb.
Driven over a curb.
Without without knowing it.
Okay.
Yeah.
I mean, it's very possible for your sons to have not done anything different or unusual.
They may always drive over the curb.
But if they drove over a curb, that wouldn't explain the snow over the axle.
Oh, sure it would.
Well, I mean, they drove through a big pile of something.
And there was a curb underneath it.
That's what it was.
They drove through a pile of snow and there was a rock or a curb or something hidden by that snow.
Yeah.
And they heard a big thud and then the thing kept moving.
So they thought nothing of it and they thought that they had lucked out.
I mean, I was driving it at the time that it actually went out.
Yes.
Well, I didn't want to mention that.
And you heard a big clunk as I recall.
Yeah, but that was just driving on the road.
Yeah.
Well, you may have done it.
You may have hit something.
No, the clunk happened because the and this probably happened in a short sequence of time
because what happened is the fluid drained out through the crack.
And when you heard the clunk, it was the innards of the transmission giving up the ghost.
Boom.
That was it.
Mostly because it had no fluid in it, which means that it had to have happened within hours,
probably, of that drive that you took, which means it was son number one, 17 year old son,
who was driving it when it happened.
Well, I will tell him what you said then.
And I think you ought to build all three of them.
All three of the kids should be sharing this until one of them rats out the other ones.
Tell him, look, it's going to cost 1500 bucks to do this.
Each of you is ponying up 500 bucks unless you rat out the guy that did it.
I think Linda has been driving the car too.
I think she's got to kick in her ship.
Maybe.
Well, I would have known.
I'm sure you would have, Linda, being the experienced responsible person than you are.
Yeah.
And you're from Minnesota, so you never lie.
Right.
And but they're from Minnesota too.
But they're teenage.
Well, I do remember our model, my model, and I don't lie.
But my model, when I was a teenager, I do remember was denied, denied, denied.
And never lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.
Right.
Good luck, Linda.
And don't tell your parents anything that they really don't need to know.
All right.
See you.
Bye.
Boy, that's a difficult one, you know.
1-888-KARATALK, that's 888-227-8255, it sure is.
Wow, that's tough.
Boy, I'm glad I don't have any teenagers anymore.
Oh, man, they are nothing but trouble.
Hello, you're on Karatalk.
Hi, this is Steven Kohling from Philadelphia.
Hi, Steven.
Hi, Steven.
V or a pH?
With a V.
What's the difference anyway?
I don't know.
Just an extra letter and using Occam's razor, we should use the least amount of letters.
Exactly.
I believe you're right.
And in which case, we don't need the two E's.
That's right.
I will revise my name now.
Right, it'll be the Bosnian version.
The Bosnian.
STVN.
STVN would do it, right, Steven?
Yes, it would.
Yeah, I like it better.
So what's up, Steve?
Listen, I'm a psychologist here in Philadelphia,
and I'm having a psychological problem about cars.
And I figured you guys are the ones I should consult rather than my colleagues.
Okay, we'll help, we hope.
Well, I'm kind of undecided about what kind of car to buy next.
Yeah.
But I thought if I gave you the list of all the cars I have owned over the years.
We should be able to develop a mosaic of your personality.
Use it like a Rorschach test, and tell me all about my personality and what I need,
and look at my hopes, dreams, aspirations, and compromises.
I love it, I love it.
Give them to us in chronological order of ownership.
Okay, these are all purchased brand new.
Brand new?
Yeah, I was going to ask that question.
Go ahead.
Wow, how many are there?
Nine.
You have owned nine brand new cars?
Yes, I have.
You've got more money than brains.
Okay, go for it.
Tell us about it.
1965 Corvair, my first car.
I like that.
1970 Saab 96 with a V4 engine.
I like that.
1973 Chevelle Laguna.
Times were bad.
Were you in graduate school at the time?
Yes.
1976, I bought a VAT.
Oh man, you have got...
Oh no, no, no, it was a Chevette.
Oh, Chevette.
Oh, still in graduate school.
1981, Chevy Impala.
What a strange combination of things.
1983, Pontiac Firebird.
Midlife crisis.
1986, Pontiac 6000 STE.
Steve and you are in such trouble.
I can't believe it.
I am.
You're going to have to come over here
and sit down with us on the couch.
I think so.
I've got two more, but I have my choices.
Narrow down to three cars that are so different.
I'm so confused.
Well, I think we need to know the two most recent cars.
The two more recent cars, 1990 Impala,
and then a 1995 Jeep Grand Cherokee.
Really?
Yes.
Geez.
Well, first of all, we have to have a little bit,
a few demographics here.
Okay.
I would say that you are married.
Correct.
And I would say that you have at least two children.
Correct.
How many?
Two.
Two.
And I would say that these children are younger,
well, preteen and teen.
No, they're older.
In the 20s.
They're in their 20s, 25 and 23 now.
Oh, really?
Yes.
Well, see the Corvair and the Saab show a willingness to do
wacko things.
Right.
And then you come to, and so does the Firebird too,
someone that doesn't surprise you that the Firebird came right after the Impala.
And he bought an Impala and a Firebird when the kids were living in the house,
sort of snubbing his nose at the suburban conventions.
Yes.
A Firebird.
Is there a divorce in here?
No, no divorce.
Not yet.
It's coming.
No, no, he's very happy with his wife.
That's true.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
So what are you, what nine cars have you narrowed it down to for your new one?
Well, three cars for the new one.
Well, I'm not sure.
Well, I bias you if I tell you what they are or should you just tell me what I should get?
Well, we can try that first.
The three very different cars.
They are.
I know they are.
I can tell.
One of the cars in contention is a Mazda Miata or a Z3 or one of the ilk.
Maybe even a Porsche because now you made a few bucks.
So it's going to be a sporty car.
That's one of them.
I'm going to also think that you haven't outdone the SUV thing yet,
but you do have a few more bucks and you're going for the the Lexus.
RX 300 or the ML320 Mercedes.
Or the X5 maybe or the ML320.
I'm going for that too.
And the third one, the third one.
So it's just you and your wife at home now?
Correct.
Have you gained a lot of weight in the last 20 years?
No, but I should tell you I'm 6'3 and weigh 200 pounds.
Oh, you're a big guy.
So we don't want to make you angry.
No.
But that, you know, I do have to try cars on for size.
Okay.
Yeah, I got it.
What is it?
Lincoln Navigator.
No, you think so?
That's my, that's my.
He is big.
Yeah, he is big.
See, that's it.
Let's see what your choices are.
Well, actually one of your choices was right on the BMW X5.
The other was just the sheer seductiveness of that Jaguar S.
Okay.
And what's the third?
Third is completely different, but goes back to that conventional sense.
And that's the Cadillac DTS with night vision because we get to an age
where night vision looks very attractive.
Well, you know, it's interesting that you do, you don't keep any car very long.
About five years.
Five years is the longest.
Yeah.
Yeah, every couple years for a while there.
So you could buy the Cadillac.
We haven't driven a Cadillac for a few years now, but we have driven the X5.
And the X5 is very nice, but I don't see you in the X5.
I mean, you've done that.
Been there, done that.
The S-Type is a possibility.
Did you drive that and did you like it?
I did.
It drove wonderfully.
Then that's what I would go for.
Which one?
The S-Type Jag.
What are you, 61, Stephen?
55.
It's 55.
Yeah, you're too young to buy the Cadillac.
Yeah.
That was my concern.
Do you own, I needed another 10 years for that.
Do you own any white shoes?
None.
Then you can't buy the Cadillac.
Do you have any plaid trousers?
No plaid trousers.
I would go for the S-Type Jag.
That's the car for you, man.
I can just see you sitting in it and boy, you look marvelous.
Oh, wonderful.
And is your brother in agreement?
Yeah, I'm in agreement too.
And that's a good car to keep if you have a five-year horizon.
Okay.
Enjoy it.
I'll have you call my wife and convince her.
Right.
That'll be next week.
Okay.
Good luck, Stephen.
No, we'll call her.
Bye-bye.
Well, it's happened again.
You've underutilized another perfectly good hour.
Oh, underutilized.
I like that.
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Thanks so much for listening.
We're clicking clack the Tappet Brothers.
And remember, don't drive like my brother.
And remember this one thing, don't drive like my brother.
We'll be back next week.
Bye-bye.
And now here's Car Talk Plaza's chief mechanic,
Mr. Vincent Gumbazvinny.
Thank you very much.
Now, if you want to copy this year's show, which is number 11,
just pick up your phone and call this number, 888 Card Junk.
And what if I wanted something else?
You know, like a Car Talk puzzler book or the best of CD.
Would I call that same number then?
No, I think you call Fondous Arras, you dope.
Of course you call the same number.
You call the Shameless Commerce Division at 888 Card Junk
or visit online at the Card Talk section of Cars.com, you know?
Thank you, Vinny.
That was triumphant.
Yeah, but you're triumphed right here, pal.
Car Talk is a production of Dewey Chittum and Howe and WBUR in Boston.
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About this episode
The episode features the Tappet Brothers engaging in their trademark humorous banter, starting with a quirky discussion about measuring 'butts' using unconventional units like 'pink waters' and 'butts' as volume measures. They then take calls from listeners, including a grad student with a broken truck door handle, offering practical advice on DIY repairs. The show also shares an amusing story about a sorbet delivery involving dry ice and its unexpected effects in a car. Throughout, the hosts blend automotive talk with lighthearted storytelling and listener interaction.
Linda is a lovely lady from the land of nice; Minnesota. As lovely as she is, however, Linda has to contend with her three teenagers, one of whom wrecked their minivan. Can Click and Clack convince Linda to put away those Midwest manners long enough to extract a confession from one of the little cretins? Find out on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.
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