#2624: How to Know if You Have a Cracked Head
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Car
Peugeot 504
The Peugeot 504 is an older Peugeot model. The hosts mention it because it’s been sitting in a shop, and getting the brand back in the U.S. could make it easier to find support and parts.
Concept
US market
The “US market” just means selling cars in the United States. Coming back usually involves making sure the cars can be sold legally and supported with parts and dealers here.
Concept
dealerships
Dealerships are the stores where you buy cars and usually get them serviced. Owning or buying dealerships can give a company a ready-made way to sell and maintain cars.
Car
Subaru Uncharted
“Subaru Uncharted” doesn’t clearly match a specific Subaru model name. In this context, it sounds like the podcast is describing an “uncharted wilderness” situation. So it’s likely being used as a phrase, not a particular car you can look up by that exact name.
Concept
buy three new tires
They were thinking of replacing only three tires. That can be tricky because the new tires may grip differently than the older one.
Term
same tread
“Same tread” means the tire grooves are worn to about the same level. That helps the tires behave more the same on the road.
Term
handling in the rain
Rain performance depends heavily on tire tread design and tread depth, which help channel water and reduce hydroplaning risk. Mismatched tires can create uneven wet grip, making the car feel unpredictable.
Concept
traction
Traction is the grip force between the tire and the road. If left and right tires have different tread or width, traction can become uneven, which can cause the car to feel unstable or not track straight.
Term
different manufacturers tires
You can sometimes mix tire brands if they’re the same size and worn similarly. But different brands can still grip a little differently, especially in rain or snow.
Term
tread is not worn out
Tread is the rubber pattern on the tire. If it’s still deep enough, the tire can grip the road better, especially when it’s wet.
Term
rain and snow
Tires don’t behave the same in every weather. Rain and snow are where tire differences can show up most in grip and stopping.
Term
spare
A spare is the backup tire you keep in case of a flat. If you end up using it, it may not match the other tires, which can change how the car drives.
Term
tire rotation
Tire rotation means moving your tires to different wheel spots. This helps them wear more evenly, so you don’t have to replace them as soon.
Car
1980 Buick Le Sabre
This is the specific car the caller has: a 1980 Buick Le Sabre. It matters because different cars have different common problems, and the show is talking about how to spot a cracked head.
Term
burns oil
If a car “burns oil,” it means the engine is using oil internally, not just spilling it outside. That can lead to the oil level dropping and sometimes smoke coming out the back. It’s different from a leak, where oil drips onto the ground or onto engine parts.
Concept
denial phase
“Denial phase” is a joke about how people sometimes ignore bad signs at first. Here, it means not wanting to believe the car is burning oil, even when the symptoms suggest it. The fix usually starts with admitting there’s a real issue and checking properly.
Term
drain plug
The drain plug is a small bolt at the bottom of the engine that lets you drain the old oil out. Removing it would empty the oil, which is why the story treats it like someone could “steal” oil.
Part
valve covers
Valve covers are the covers on top of the engine that keep oil in and protect the valve mechanism. Taking them off lets you see the parts that open and close the valves.
Part
rocker arms
Rocker arms are levers inside the engine that help move the valves up and down. They’re part of the system that controls airflow into and out of the engine.
Concept
brittle and they disintegrate
Over years, rubber seals can dry out and fall apart. When that seal fails, oil can start getting into the cylinders where it shouldn’t.
Part
valve guide seals
Valve guide seals are tiny seals in the engine that keep oil from getting into the cylinders where it shouldn’t. If they fail, the engine may burn oil and smoke, which can point you toward a specific repair.
Term
battery was dead
The battery is like a rechargeable power tank. If you leave the lights on, it can run out of power, and the engine won’t start.
Term
12 volts
Most vehicles run on a 12-volt electrical system. When mechanics apply 12 volts during testing, they’re basically simulating what the battery does in the real vehicle.
Part
starter motor
The starter motor is the part that uses electricity to crank the engine. If it’s not the starter, then the problem is usually the battery or the connections that deliver power to the starter.
Term
five speed
“Five speed” means the truck has five gears. It can affect how the truck behaves when the mechanic tests it.
Term
short bed
A “short bed” refers to a shorter cargo bed length on a pickup truck. It’s relevant to buyers because it changes usability, parking/storage convenience, and sometimes the truck’s overall proportions.
Term
compression test
A compression test checks whether each cylinder is sealing properly. If one cylinder has much lower pressure, it can point to internal engine problems.
Term
oil leaks
Oil leaks are when engine oil escapes from somewhere it shouldn’t. Mechanics look for them because they can show that a gasket or seal has failed. If there’s no oil leaking, that’s one less clue that something is seriously wrong.
Concept
insurance rental car
After an accident, your insurance may help you get a temporary replacement car. That way you can still get around while your own car is out of service.
Car
Toyota Land Cruiser
The Toyota Land Cruiser is a big Toyota SUV that’s built to handle rough roads and last a long time. Here it’s mentioned to describe the kind of car someone might be driving.
Car
Jeep Grand Cherokee
The Jeep Grand Cherokee is an SUV. It’s the kind of car that’s easier to climb into because the seat sits higher, so it can feel less awkward for someone getting in.
Concept
weekly rental
A weekly rental means you rent a car for about a week. The point here is to try the car out and see if you like it before you decide.
Term
doors locked
Locking the doors means keeping the car secure so strangers can’t get in. They’re joking that if the doors weren’t locked, people might have tried to get in.
Brand
cars.com
Cars.com is a website where people shop for cars online. The show mentions it because it hosts the Car Talk content.
LIVE
Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us, Click & Clack, the Tapper
Brothers and we're broadcasting this week from the more good news division here at Car
Talk Plaza.
Just when you thought there couldn't be any more really good news.
And this is one of those announcements that can brighten up even a cold spring day in
New England.
I mean this lifted my heart, I don't know about Tommy, but this is a little thing from
the Wall Street Journal.
Here it is, are you ready for the news?
Pujo is contemplating a return to the US car market.
Yippee!
I mean, I didn't realize it, it's been almost a decade.
This article says they left the US car market in 1991 as sales slumped and general weakness
for four cars a year and under intense competition from bicycle makers.
Well the truth is they had really left long before 1991.
Well in their hearts they had left.
Right, they had left about 1980, but there were still a few dealerships that were hanging
on in 1991.
Isn't it going to be great to have them back?
I think so.
I mean, we haven't even had fiat to dump on.
Well there's a 504 that I've had in my shop for two years, I can't find a radio host
for it, so when they come back, that guy will be driving again.
This is going to be a great day, although don't get your hopes up because the article
goes on to say that this is not going to happen tomorrow.
They're just contemplating it, that's what the headline said, contemplating a return
to the US market.
They're waiting for one of the other big players like Keo or Dewo to drop out, right?
Yeah, they'll jump right into the frame.
So they can buy up all the dealerships real cheap.
Anyway, if you want to talk to us about your car or anything, anything.
The number is 888 Car Talk, that's 88-82-27-82-55.
55, yeah, I knew the 55.
Hello, you're on Car Talk.
Hi, this is Susan from Maine.
Susan from Maine.
It is.
Northern, central, southern or what?
Kind of southern.
You don't really want to divulge.
You don't want friends and family to know.
Near Portland.
Okay, and that's southern, huh?
Well, I guess.
Oh, Maine is expansive.
Oh, Maine.
It's very large.
You have a look at the map of Maine.
You get like halfway up, there are no roads no more.
Yeah, the road map stops.
Did you ever notice that?
Just beyond Portland, as a matter of fact.
Yeah, maybe a little beyond that, but that's it, just no more roads, it's like uncharted
wilderness.
Yeah.
That's true.
Yeah.
Thank God.
So, what's up, Susan?
You got a car?
I have a car.
I have a 97 Subaru wagon and I'm not sure if the car is the problem or if the men in
my family are the problem.
Oh, really?
Okay, go ahead.
Yeah, okay.
About seven months ago, I went and got my car inspected and three of the tires didn't
pass and they said, three tires are bad, one is good, so I said, great, I'll buy three
new tires.
And the fellow at the shop said, well, people usually buy four, so I said, okay, why should
I buy four?
And he said, well, so they'll match.
And I said, well, why do I care?
And he said, well, so they'll all have the same tread and he still didn't have a good
reason.
So, I bought three tires and my father and my brothers ever since have said three, nobody
buys three, but even they can't tell me and can't explain why you buy tires in two or
four.
So, I'm curious if I really needed to buy all four tires and in the future, what happens
if I buy four new tires and then three months later, one goes flat?
Do I buy one new tire or do I buy two new tires or four new tires?
This is a question that has dogged us.
Oh, man.
It's plagued.
Philosophers for centuries.
Sophocles.
Sophocles discussed this very issue as I remember.
On Subaru wagons, too?
On, well, well, yeah, sort of Subaru hadn't been, wasn't around then.
Right.
But they were chariots.
But Fiat's were.
Anyway, you wouldn't go to a shoe store and buy two different shoes.
True.
Because for obvious reasons, appearance-wise, it wouldn't work.
But you're not concerned with appearances on your car.
What you are concerned with, however, is the handling, braking, and driving characteristics
of the vehicle.
How it handles in the rain, for example, how it stops in the rain, how it corners.
And very often, if you have two very different tires on the car, you can have peculiar characteristics
exhibited.
But we sort of have forgotten how difficult it is to get something to go smoothly at high
rates of speed.
I mean, you remember when you were a little kid and you had like a little red wagon that
your big brother used to pull you around on?
The one who's teasing me now?
The one who's teasing you now?
Yeah.
And if he really.
My big brother used to push me into the oncoming traffic in my little red wagon.
See if you can make it across all the way across MassAvrymy.
When you got across Route 2.
I was proud.
That was amazing.
That's my brother.
But remember when your brother who now teases you really started running fast, that thing
would bounce all over the place because it isn't really easy to get something to turn
at a high rate of speed and remain smooth.
And don't forget what's going on is what helps all this to happen.
What controls it all is where the tire meets the road, as they say.
And if you have one tire which has a slightly different tread pattern and certainly a different
size, I mean, for example, if you bought one tire that was a 175 and another one that was
a 215, then there would be a significant difference in the width of the tires, which means that
the traction you'd be getting on the left side of the car would be quite different
from the traction you're getting on the right side of the car.
The car will compensate for it, but not well.
And so the best thing to do is to buy four tires all the time.
However, if you can only afford three and that's off in the cab, sure Susan, if you
had extra cash, you would have bought the fourth tire or maybe not.
No, she wouldn't because she's from Maine.
And the people who are from Maine are those down to earth, give me a reason to do it.
And the guy couldn't give her a good reason.
And she did absolutely the right thing by saying, the guy is trying to cheat.
The truth is, if the tires are the same size and the tread is not worn out, there's no real
great danger in having different manufacturers tires on your car, assuming they're the same
kind of tire.
I mean, admittedly, they will have slightly different characteristics in so far as their
ability to handle rain and snow and whatever.
You can diminish that considerably by putting the odd pair in the back.
Okay.
Okay.
Let's see.
Here's what troubles me, Susan.
This is a 97 vehicle.
So these tires that were being replaced were the original tires that came with the car,
I presume.
And so if three of them needed to be replaced, how far behind could the fourth one have been?
I'll tell you why.
The fourth one had been the spare.
The fourth one had been replaced already because it had a hole or something in it.
So the fourth one was newer than the other three.
By a lot?
Maybe a year.
So my assumption that it was one of the original tires was wrong and it wasn't badly worn,
then you did the right thing in buying only three.
And the truth is, how does it handle all right?
It handles fine.
Where's the odd ball tire?
It's in the rear on the right side.
That's a good place for it.
Okay.
And then when I get the tires rotated, they'll just swap it to the other side.
And the truth is with ABS and all that, it's not going to make a heck of a difference.
I'm sure you have ABS with this car.
It's not going to make a heck of a lot of difference.
The car will figure out what to do.
Yes.
And you could probably leave that tire home if you wanted to.
You don't even need four.
No, threes might be good enough.
You did the right thing.
So tell all the guys in the family to flake off.
All right.
Thank you so much.
See you, Susan.
Thanks for your call.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
1-888-CAR-TALK, that's 888-227-8255.
Hello, you're on CAR-TALK.
This is Mike J. from Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
Hello, Mike.
How are you?
Hi.
I am doing fine.
How about you guys?
Not bad.
We're doing great.
Good.
So what's going on?
I have a 1980 Buick Le Sabre, a 350 engine.
Yeah.
I bought it three years ago.
Not quite.
Wow.
Pretty good.
God knows what that means.
The car came from, supposedly from Texas, got no rest on it.
This is the purpose I bought it and think, but drinks are oil more than I.
What is this wonderful accent that you have?
I'm going to guess.
Where are you from?
Milwaukee.
Milwaukee.
You were born in Milwaukee, huh?
Oh, no, no.
I'm not born in Milwaukee.
No, I'm going to guess.
This is European.
Yes.
Eastern European.
In case if you are Italian, I'm your neighbor.
Albania.
No.
Yugoslavia.
Yes.
No kidding.
Wow.
Yeah.
Great.
My brother thought you were Cuban.
He had written down Cuban cigars.
He wanted to see if you had a connection.
Well, we can do later.
We can discuss it.
Because they have to go through somewhere.
Yugoslavia is as good as any place.
Sure, we don't care.
So this thing burns oil, huh?
Yeah.
I burned one quart on about 250 miles.
Oh, really?
That's bad.
Yeah, bad.
But first of all, do we know that it's burning and not leaking?
No.
No, I'm very, very cautious about leakage anywhere.
It doesn't leak nowhere.
It doesn't.
Okay.
And do you see smoke coming out the back?
Well, if I start the engine earlier in the morning when the air is kind of cold, I can
see a little smoke coming.
But after when the engine gets hot, I don't see...
Yeah, no, it's...
Trust me, it's there.
We have this discussion with everyone.
It's called the denial phase.
I mean, you know it isn't leaking because you're scrupulous about checking for leaks.
And you don't want to believe it's burning it because you know what that means.
So you're hoping that there is some other explanation like maybe thievery, that someone's
coming at night and taking the drain plug out and stealing a quart of oil exactly every
250 miles.
They must look in.
They look at your odometer.
Okay.
Mike drove 250 miles.
Time to steal another quart of his oil.
Yeah.
Or it's done automatically by some aliens.
Martians, right?
Martians.
And so...
But you know and you are reluctant to accept the fact, obviously, that the oil is being
burned by the engine and it's going to require some work.
If you're lucky, it could be merely bad valve guide seals, okay?
You need to go someplace and have them remove one of the two valve covers, okay?
And when you do that, you will be looking at the rocker arms and the push rods and also
the valves and the springs around the valves.
If you look in between the coils of the springs, you should see a rubber seal that looks like
you know an umbrella with a hole through it for the valve stem.
If you see that they're all broken and pieces, because what happens after 20 years is they
get brittle and they disintegrate.
And what can happen then is that device which is supposed to shed the oil and prevent it
from being sucked in through the valve guides is not doing its job.
So you may need to have the valve guide seals replaced.
And if you see them broken, immediately fall to your knees and thank your creator, because
you will have just saved about $2,000.
Do I have to...
When I do that, do I have to park, face the car east and face the car?
Park so it's facing Mecca.
Do you have to cover all possible deities?
I thought this was to help.
Good luck, Mike.
But have them check, maybe it is the valve guide seals, if not, you need a ring job.
Okay.
But you'll have to call back next week for that bad news.
Okay, thank you very much.
Hey, thanks for calling.
See you, Mike.
Hey, don't go anywhere because we've got a lot more calls, well, a few anyway.
And the puzzler answer coming up right after this.
Hi, we're back.
You listening to Car Talk with us, click and clack the Tappet Brothers, and we're here
to talk about cars, car repair, and the answer to last week's puzzler.
What was the puzzler?
Well, this came across my desk recently, I think 1994.
And I don't know if it's true or not, but as I mentioned last week, it's never stopped
me in the past.
And this came from someone named Dale, via our website, which is the Car Talk section
of cars.com.
And I can only assume that Dale is a Bedouin.
Dale says, I used to work at a marina where we stored and launched boats with a crane.
We had a repair shop with about five mechanics, parts, you know, that stuff, a new and used
boat sales department, and as such, I'm sure they had a lot of auto mechanics hanging around
the place.
One day, a customer with an inboard powered boat used it for water skiing and left it
at the dock overnight, and he came in to use it the next morning and the battery was dead
because he'd left the lights on.
So the head mechanic pulls out the battery and takes it to the shop for a quick charge.
I mean, you don't bring the mountain to Mohammed, you know, in this case, you bring the battery
in.
Yeah.
A while later, they take the battery back to the boat, they put it in and try to start
it.
The starter spins up, you know, you can hear the motor turn, but it doesn't engage the
flywheel.
Oh.
Okay.
It started fine several times yesterday that the owner of the boat says.
So they pull the starter off thinking it's no good, and they, what, bring the starter
inside, they put it on the bench, and they test it.
And every time they hit it with the 12 volts, it works perfectly.
The little gear jumps out and it would engage the...
Spins like crazy.
Spins like crazy.
So they put it back in the boat, and again, it spins up, but doesn't engage the flywheel.
A while later, they figured out what was wrong and they fixed it, and there was nothing
wrong with the engine.
There was nothing wrong with the starter motor.
And I guess I lied a little bit when I said there was nothing wrong with the...
I think so.
You think that was a lie?
Well, you could make, you could call it a mistake.
I could, huh?
You could.
And you, and you could even explain a way.
You could, you could...
How would I do that?
You could know, you could prove that there really was nothing wrong with the battery.
The battery wasn't faulty.
How is that?
The battery wasn't faulty.
Okay, so there was nothing wrong with the engine, the starter motor was okay, and the
battery was not faulty.
No.
The battery was the problem, but there was nothing wrong with it.
And the question was, what was the problem?
I've never done this before, but I understand it's possible when hooking up the battery
charger, if you remember, they took the battery from the boat and brought it into the shop,
and they hooked up the charger to the battery, which was completely stone dead, obviously,
because he left the lights on overnight.
And when they hooked it up, instead of hooking the red connector to positive and the black
connector to negative, they reversed them.
And evidently, the battery will take the charge and reverse.
And when they installed it in the boat and hooked the wires up correctly, it made the
starter turn backwards.
And when that happens, the little gear won't pop out and engage the flywheel.
Do we have a winner this week?
The winner is Richard Nielsen from St. Paul, Minnesota, and for having his correct answer
selected at random from among all the correct answers that we got, Richie Boy is going to
get a $25 gift certificate to the Car Talk store on our website.
With this $25 gift certificate, he can get what?
$25 worth of stuff.
That stuff includes like a stale old Car Talk t-shirt.
Pretty nice.
Oh, it is.
But it's about three years old, but that's okay, which leads me to our next topic, which
is the new Car Talk t-shirt.
We have a new t-shirt?
What does it look like?
No, we don't have a new t-shirt yet.
Oh, no?
Because our listeners haven't designed it yet.
You may recall the way we got the whole t-shirt in the first place is we had a contest.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What about a contest we had there a couple of years ago?
Oh, yeah, we had a contestant.
So you're going to decide.
Well, what would the author so-called of the winning t-shirt design get?
Well, his or her t-shirt will be made available by stations all over this great country of
ours during next spring's fundraiser.
I said, what will they get?
Well, they'll get a gross of Car Talk t-shirts.
Pretty good, huh?
Are they cotton?
Absolutely.
Good.
So that means they make decent rags?
Well, they do indeed.
Anyway, we will have a new poetic mathematical.
What matters?
This is inspired by William Shakespeare, aka Guglielmo Gettalancia.
Yeah.
Gettalancia.
I got a Gettalancia.
I got a Gettalancia now.
Anyway, that puzzle will be coming up in the third half of today's show, so stay tuned
for that.
In the meantime, you can call us and ask us questions about your car or Shakespeare or
whatever.
The number is 888-CAR-TALK.
That's 888-2278-255.
Hello, you're on Car Talk.
Hi.
Yeah.
You're supposed to ask me what my name is.
But you're supposed to just tell us.
Okay.
Hi.
Good start again.
Okay.
Say hi.
You say hi.
Hi.
Who's this?
Hi.
This is Paula.
Hi.
Hi, Paula.
And now we're supposed to ask you where you're from.
Okay.
Where are you from, Paula?
I'm from Cambria in California.
Cambria.
This is going to be a tough call.
Yeah.
She's got an attitude.
All right, Paula.
Okay.
We're all yours.
Permission to treat the caller as hostile.
What's up, Paula?
Well, don't you want to know where Cambria is?
No.
California's pretty big.
Yeah.
We know that.
We know where Cambria is.
Where?
Cambria sounds north.
Yeah.
It sounds like Eureka.
Yeah.
Not that far north.
Actually, we're right by Hearst Castle.
Of course.
Yeah.
So it's right by the ocean.
It's nice.
Yeah, I bet.
Sun's out.
No snow.
No sleep.
Yeah.
Go ahead.
Rub it in.
See if we get a right answer.
All right.
Now what do you want?
Okay.
What I was trying to sell my 94 Toyota pickup.
Okay.
It's a five speed.
And it's a short bed.
Gotcha.
Okay.
So I was going to sell it.
And this guy was real interested.
So he took it to a mechanic.
So he ran a compression test.
And he put the car on a machine.
And it passed everything until they took a syringe of gas.
And they put it into the radiator.
And then they draw the gas back in.
And if the gas has turned a certain color, you have a cracked head.
That's what he told me.
I'll try that with my brother.
Where can I get this gas?
I just want to know where you put the gas.
Well, the test they did, we have the same little device.
You mount it on top of the radiator.
And you actually use a little eye dropper, but much bigger.
As you squeeze this little bulb.
Like a turkey baster.
Like a turkey baster.
This thing sits on top of the radiator with the engine running and the cap off.
And it sits on the opening.
And as you press the bulb, you suck air through this cylinder with the liquid in it.
And as such, you pull vapors from inside the radiator through this liquid.
And if there are carbon, unburned hydrocarbons present in that mixture,
then it'll turn this stuff from blue to green.
However, I found out that over the years that this is an inaccurate test.
Because if you get any of the liquid from the radiator in there,
which in many cases is what?
Green.
It will change the stuff to green.
Making you think that you have a blown head gasket or cracked head when in fact you don't.
So go ahead, tell the rest of your story.
Okay, so the rest of the story.
Like Paul Harvey.
Is he still alive?
Oh yeah, he's still sort of mobile.
Oh no, he's actually pretty good.
See, someday we're going to be saying that about you guys.
Someday?
Our wives are saying it now.
You know the good part.
I don't have a husband to give me a bad time about.
Good for you.
So anyway, what happened to him?
Now you're not invited.
This is getting nasty.
It is. It's getting ugly.
Maybe we can wrap this up in the next 30 seconds or so.
Okay, well anyway, I wanted a second opinion.
So I went to another mechanic and he said, no, I've seen this happen all the time.
And he said, a lot of times they will give you a false reading.
So what test did he do?
He did no test.
He did check the compression and looked at the head.
There's no oil leaks.
There's nothing wrong.
So now you've decided not to sell it?
Well no, the guy decided not to buy it.
I want you guys to tell him that it's okay.
We can't tell him that.
Because you need another test done.
Because all he's done is, all you've done so far is suggested that the test that was done was inconclusive or wrong.
But there's nothing that you've done to prove that you don't need a head gasket.
You may well need one.
What the heck do we know?
Why?
We're sitting here in the cold, we barely know you.
We just met you a few minutes ago and you expect us to perjure ourselves for your lousy truck?
Uh-huh.
No, I mean the trouble is that in order to prove that you don't need a head gasket, you've got to do another test.
Okay.
And the definitive test is to use an exhaust gas analyzer to sniff the vapors coming out of the radiator.
So that's different than it, because it passes the smog test.
No, that's the tailpipe test.
You're going to use that same smog tester to sniff the vapors in the radiator.
In other words, the probe that they stick in your tailpipe is now going to sit on top of the radiator with the cap off.
And with the engine hot, they will be steam coming out.
You hope not contained in that steam are unburned hydrocarbons.
Okay.
If the exhaust emissions tester starts to read 50, 60, 70, 90, 100 parts per million of hydrocarbons, then you have a blown head gasket.
Assuming that it stays near zero, you're all set.
Have someone do that test, and then you can go back to this guy and say, see, I told you.
Yeah.
But he will have bought another truck by then, so don't waste your time.
Okay.
But at least you'll know that you don't have a truck that needs a head gasket.
And you can sell it to someone else.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Even my brother would buy it.
You want to buy a truck?
No.
Not from you, he doesn't know.
Paula, it's been a pleasure.
So you brightened up our day.
Okay.
Thanks for calling.
Okay.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
She was in trouble right from the beginning.
I knew it.
Aren't you going to ask my name?
Aren't you going to ask my name?
Who runs the show?
I saw her.
Well, for the last eight minutes.
It was her.
It was Paula from Cambria, California.
Hi.
This is me.
Hi.
You just call contact.
This is Paula.
All right.
Look, in just a minute, I will make a grilled eggplant, a mirrored from my left ear.
You will.
No, but I figured after that promo, even my lousy puzzle will sound intellectual.
We'll be back in a minute.
Listeners, $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you go to neutrophol.com
and enter the promo code CARTALK.
Ha!
We're back.
You're listening to CARTALK.
Don't wake me up like that!
With us, click and clack the Tablet Brothers, and we here to discuss cars, car repair,
and the new puzzler.
The new, what did you call it before, poetic or something?
Shakespearean.
Shakespearean, yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, this is, I'm going to recite an equation.
Okay.
But you're going to write this down because you can't commit this to memory.
No.
So I'll give everyone a minute to get a pencil.
Okay.
Time's up.
And when you miss it, go immediately to the website, and it will be there.
It will be there.
Okay.
But I'm going to provide you with an equation, and from that, you're going to give me a
limerick which consists of five lines, you know?
And it doesn't have any reference to the band at the Waldorf Astoria.
So we get that straight right off.
But it is nonetheless a limerick.
It is nonetheless a limerick, and I'll even give a little hint.
Okay.
Here it is.
Get your pencil.
Oh, yeah, a second.
You're going to write, this is going to be the numerator of a fraction.
Okay.
12.
Yeah.
Plus 144.
Yeah.
Plus 20.
Mm-hmm.
Plus 3 times the square root of 4.
Yeah.
All divided by 7.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's the first part of it.
Mm-hmm.
Plus 5 times 11.
You with me?
Yeah.
Equals 9 squared plus 0.
Ho-ho-ho-ho!
Okay, I'll repeat it.
Yeah.
The numerator is 12 plus 144 plus 20 plus 3 square roots of 4 divided by another denominator
is 7.
Right.
And that whole quantity is added to 5 times 11.
And that, now that whole thing on the left equals 9 squared plus 0.
And I'm going to give the last line of the limerick.
And you got to come up with...
You come up with the other four lines.
The last line is, is 9 squared and not a bit more.
Now, if you think...
Just think of Nantucket.
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
And the band from the Waldhoff story.
Is 9 squared and not a bit more.
Is there anything such as...
Is there anything like a...
Is there anything like a clean limerick?
No.
I don't know any.
No, this one is.
So if you think you can express this mathematical equation as a limerick.
Just give us the last line again.
Is 9 squared and not a bit more.
Now, if you think you know the answer, write it on a postcard.
Or a Mitsubishi flat plasma TV set.
And send it to...
We're going to hit on one of these, I'm telling you.
Puzzler Tower, Car Talk Plaza, Box 3500, Harvard Square, Cambridge.
Ourficity.
Matt 02238.
Or of course you can email your answer from the CarTalk section of cars.com if you'd like to call us.
And I don't know, imagine why you would.
1-888-CARTALK is the number that's 888-227-8255, a lawyer on Car Talk.
This is Dr. Paul from Dallas, Texas, calling.
Dr. Paul.
Is that first name or last name?
No, that's my first name.
He wouldn't give his last name.
No, friends, my colleagues might be listening.
And where are you from, Doc?
I'm originally from the northeast, but right now I'm living in Dallas, Texas.
And I feel like I've been living in a country western song for the past year.
Really?
About a year ago, I'm in a horrible car accident.
Well, I'm in the hospital.
They find that I have cancer.
My wife leaves me.
I've been recovering for the past year since then.
Did your dog die?
And my dog died.
And now you're on CarTalk.
It just doesn't stop.
Now I'm on CarTalk.
What I find out now, okay, I'm just out of the hospital and I'm driving the insurance rental car because I don't have my own car now.
Of course not.
It got totaled in the accident.
It got totaled in the accident.
And so I find that now I'm in a market for a car.
And my friends have been pointing out to me that, you know, this is an important decision because you've got a new lease on life.
You've got a chance for a new wife.
Yeah.
You know?
And so you've got to pick the right car.
Sure.
Okay, so I'm asking, you know, so that I attract the right woman.
And so that's why I'm asking you guys.
Everyone's definition of the right woman is different.
And you tell us what you're looking for.
In a woman.
In a woman.
And then we'll, first of all, correct that.
And then we'll go ahead and recommend the car.
Yeah.
Go ahead.
Well, you know, I'm thinking someone who's down to earth, loyal and cute.
Down to earth?
You and a Labrador Retriever.
But go on here and I'm there, you know?
Loyal and cute down to earth.
Yeah.
You know, I like to do some sports things, but you know, I also, you know, I'd like
to go skiing and camping, but I also...
You want an outdoorsy type, not necessarily, but you'd like, you know, you don't want...
Who also wouldn't mind going to the museum and the art, you know, those kind of...
Oh, come on, would you?
So you're not looking for a burned out country western teased hair?
No.
No.
So you want outdoorsy maybe, but yet intellectual?
Yeah.
You want someone who's not going to say, I don't want to go to the museum.
Right?
Someone who's willing to go with the flow.
Go with the flow.
Ah.
And you don't want this gal to fall in love with you because you're driving a $55,000
Toyota Land Cruiser necessarily.
No, no.
What did you drive that you racked up?
I had a Buick Le Sabre.
Oh, are you kidding me?
That was big.
Oh, no, that's the wrong car.
Well, but that was a married guy's car.
Oh, oh.
Your wife probably insisted on that car.
Yeah, you weren't going to pick up any babes with a Buick Le Sabre.
Well, you are, but you wouldn't call them babes.
Right, and they got blue hair.
They may have been babes at one point.
So what age group are you looking at?
Well...
18 to what?
Yeah, you know, that sounds like a good place to start.
But what's the upper limit?
I don't have an upper limit.
That tells you something.
Right.
So you're going 18 to what?
Like 40s?
40s, yeah.
40s.
And you must be 60 then.
I'm in my 40s.
I see you in a Jeep Grand Cherokee.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, that's interesting.
It says that you're self-sufficient, independent, and you're relatively well off without being
show-off-y, you know, and egocentric.
Yeah, you'd think so.
Yeah.
So I think the Jeep Grand Cherokee does it for me.
Because it'll attract, you know, a woman who's not afraid to jump up into the seat, doesn't
necessarily want her door held open for her.
You're going to get away from the princesses.
Yeah.
You don't want a princess, is that right?
Right, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Try that.
Been there, done that.
I'm getting too old for that.
Yeah.
You know what to do?
You need to rent a few vehicles and see how it works out.
I would get a weekly rental on a Jeep Grand Cherokee.
You can do that.
Yeah, and try a few dates.
And see what happens.
Yeah.
Now, if you're looking for the 18 to 22-year-old, you can't beat a Volkswagen Beetle.
Now, I've asked a couple waitresses, and they keep on saying the Beetle, because they
think it's a cute car.
That's good research, man.
You asked the target market what they like.
Yeah.
When I test drove that vehicle, if I didn't have the doors locked, God knows how many
young babes would have jumped in the front seat.
Yeah.
I didn't have the doors locked.
No, I knew that.
No one jumped in.
No one jumped in.
They came close until they saw who was in there, and then they ran the other way.
But you might want to try the Volkswagen too.
And never, never, never forget the power of the Mazda Miata.
Ah.
Ah, see, and the Mazda Miata has the added benefit that even if you don't scoop any babes, you're
driving around on a Mazda Miata.
Oh, I almost forgot.
More important than the vehicle is a puppy.
A puppy?
You've got to have.
Are you kidding me?
Yeah.
I mean, you can be driving around in a rambler.
And if you've got a puppy in the front seat, you're in fat city.
But now if you've got a Miata, you only got, you know, where do you put the girl?
You've got the puppy and then the...
The dog is going to have to run alongside.
Good luck.
And we'll be calling from time to time to see how you're making out, so to speak.
Thanks.
Good luck, Doc.
Good luck.
Take care, guys.
I hope you feel better.
Well, it happened again.
You've underutilized another perfectly good hour listening to Car Talk.
Our esteemed producer has dug the subway fugitive, not a slave to fashion.
Punk and lips, Berman.
Our associate producer is our Frau Catherine Fenolosa.
Thank you.
And Louis Cronin, the barbarian, our engineer is Dennis, former Car Talk menace Foley.
This is Dennis's last week with us.
Oh, man.
Bummer.
Talk about rats deserting a sinking ship.
Yeah.
Here we are.
This could be our last show.
Right.
We'd be sticking out for another couple of weeks.
How long can it last?
Come on, another couple of weeks you couldn't stay with us.
Our senior web lackey is Doug the Old Gray Mayor and our technical, spiritual, and menu
advisor is the bugster, John Bugsy, make that two triple cheeseburgers, Lawler.
Our public opinion pollster is Paul Murkey of Murkey Research, assisted, of course,
by Statistician Marge and Overa.
Our customer care representative is Haywood Jabuzov.
From the New Delhi office, our blues coordinator is Mohammedan Tolmi.
Our divorce attorney is Carmine Notyours.
Our Russian chauffeur is Peek Off and Drop Off.
And our seat cushion tester is Mike Easter.
Our chief counsel from the law firm of Dewey Chitterman Howe is Uluis Dewey, known to the
other guys sleeping in the public flower beds of Harvard Square as Uwee Dewey.
Thanks so much for listening.
We're Click and Clack, the Tapper Brothers.
And remember, don't drive like my brother.
We'll be back next week.
Bye-bye.
And now, here in the studio is Cartalk Plaza's chief mechanic, Mr. Vinnie Gumbaz.
Vinnie.
Thank you very much.
Now, if yous out there want a copy of this year's show, which is number 17, you can get
one on the web.
Just head on over to the online store at the Cartalk section at cars.com, you know.
Hey Vinnie, if I wanted something else, I mean like, you know, like the father's CD,
why you should never listen to your father when it comes to cars.
Why don't I go to that same website then?
No, I think you go to www, what do I got to do?
Spell it out for you dot com.
Of course you go to that same site, the Cartalk section at cars.com, or you order the old
fashion way by calling 888 God Junk.
Thank you Vinnie.
That was an effective and concise little presentation there.
Hey, present this radio boy.
Cartalk is a production of Dewey Cheetahman Howe and WBUR in Boston.
And even though Pedro Martinez throws one into the grandstand whenever he hears us say it,
this is NPR, National Public Radio.
Visit your nearest Warby Parker store or head to warbyparker.com.
And finally stop using your pet's name as a password.
Try it free for two weeks at onepassword.com slash NPR.
Tune in to Kelly Corrigan Wonders to be delighted and inspired.
About this episode
A cracked-head theme runs through three listener calls and a puzzler. Susan asks whether buying three new tires is ever okay; Click and Clack explain tire matching matters most for size/tread, and recommend placing the “odd” tire on the rear and rotating it later. Mike’s Buick burns oil with no leaks; they suspect failing valve guide seals and warn that a proper diagnosis may require deeper work. Paula’s used Toyota may have a cracked head; they critique an inaccurate radiator “fluid color” test and recommend an exhaust-gas analyzer sniff test. Between calls, they solve a puzzler about a reversed battery charge preventing starter engagement, then run a Shakespearean math limerick game.
Original notes
Paula’s pickup truck may have a cracked head. Can two mechanics who definitely have cracked heads help her fix the problem? Find out on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.
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