The Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution X is a sporty car known for its speed and handling. It's designed for performance and is often used in racing and rally competitions.
The Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution is a sporty car designed for performance and racing. It's known for being fast and having great handling, especially in challenging conditions.
The Audi Quattro is a sporty car that can drive well on different types of roads because it has all-wheel drive. It's famous for being good in races and has inspired many other Audi cars.
The Nissan Leaf Hurst is a special version of the Nissan Leaf, which is an electric car. It's been changed to carry a coffin, making it different from regular cars you see on the road.
The Ford Mustang is a famous sports car from America that has been around for a long time. It's known for being fast and stylish, and many people love it because it represents fun and adventure.
The Mustang Mach-E is an electric SUV from Ford that shares the Mustang name. It's designed to be sporty and modern, appealing to fans of the Mustang brand.
The Porsche Boxster is a sporty convertible car that is fun to drive and looks great. It's designed to be both fast and comfortable, making it a favorite for people who enjoy driving.
The BMW M3 (E36) is a sportier version of the BMW 3 Series made in the 90s. It's known for being fast and fun to drive, with a strong engine and good handling.
The Chevrolet Impala is a large car made by Chevrolet, and the 1964 model is well-known for its stylish design and good performance. Many people like to collect and restore these cars.
The DVLA is a UK government agency that takes care of things like car registrations and driving licenses. If you need to register a car or get a license, they are the ones to contact.
The Porsche Macan EV is an electric version of the Macan, which is a small SUV made by Porsche. It's designed to be fast and luxurious while being environmentally friendly.
Washer jets are the little nozzles that spray water on your car's windshield to help clean it. They make sure you can see clearly when it's raining or dirty outside.
The Volkswagen Passat is a family car that offers a lot of space and comfort. It's a good option for people who need a reliable vehicle for daily driving or long trips.
The Volkswagen Golf GTI is a sportier version of the regular Golf car. It's known for being fun to drive and having a more powerful engine than the standard model.
The Renault 4 CV is a small, old car from France that was made a long time ago. It's known for being simple and practical, and many people find it charming.
The Tesla Model S is a high-end electric car that can go really fast and has a lot of cool technology. It doesn't use gas, which makes it better for the environment, and it has features that help with driving.
The Hyundai Veloster is a small car that has a cool design with one extra door on one side. It's fun to drive and is popular with younger people who like sporty cars.
The Mercedes-Benz 190E is a smaller luxury car that was made a long time ago and is known for being very well-built. People like it because it's reliable and has a classic look.
The Mercedes-Benz E-Class is a fancy car that is very comfortable and has a lot of nice features. It's popular among people who want a reliable and stylish vehicle for everyday use.
Car
Vision Iconic
The Vision Iconic is a futuristic car design from Mercedes-Benz that shows what they think cars might look like in the future. It's not a car you can buy yet, but it gives us a glimpse of new ideas.
Boot space is the area in a car where you store your luggage or other items. In electric cars, there can be extra space in the front because they don't have an engine taking up room.
The Honda Civic Del Sol is a small car that can turn into a convertible, meaning you can take the roof off. It was made in the 1990s and is known for being fun to drive.
The Range Rover is a big, fancy SUV that can drive on rough roads and still feel comfortable inside. People like it because it looks nice and can handle different types of terrain.
The Shelby Cobra is a really cool old sports car that is known for being fast and fun to drive. It's a classic that many people admire because of its design and performance.
Car
Ferrari
Ferrari is a famous brand that makes very fast and expensive sports cars. They are known for their performance and are often seen in racing.
LIVE
I'm Johnny Smith. I'm a supporter. And this is Smith and sniff, a podcast on which two
friends talk about cars and many other things.
Oh, so what's a prerequisite for a podcaster? Come on.
Saying guys is probably not so. No, I mean important. Apart from talking
about crypto. What else?
So we're talking about crypto and endorsing a dubious car finance reclaim.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, there's lots of things. Probably, though, basically, you need something with
which to record your voice.
There you go. Bullseye listeners. We have had a minor trauma this morning in that I moved
house three days ago and my life's in boxes. And I put the podcasting mic that we use for
this podcast, of course, and to a degree of success, put it somewhere safe. Where did
I put it? Who the hell knows? And I have found it because I'm recording on it, but how many
hours late? How long have you been waiting for me? Two and a half hours?
Yeah, about that. Yeah.
Oh, what an absolute... But just to add insult to injury, because it was put in the wrong
place, I had to drive back to my old house to check it wasn't still in there because
there was very few things left in there before I clean it all up and stop the rent. And I
sped off in my box door, like a business, middle-aged businessman. And as I was driving
down the road, I went, this car smells of turds. Well, I'd hurriedly opened the garage door to
get the boxer out. There you go. I'm going to admit it now. I've got my own garage again.
Hurrah. I must have trodden in some cat pat because my cats just started using the cat flat.
You know, when you have to move pets to new locations, it'd be gentle with them. I must
have stood in some cat pat, got straight in the box door, and then a few miles down the road
when the heating starts to work. And I don't know. It's just suddenly was like, I, something
doesn't smell right in here. Was it in here before, if I'd introduced it? And then alas,
when I got to the other house, I realized my poor nikes had brought a load of feline
wieterbicks in. It's just not cool. So I've got a bit of a cleaning up job. I'm sure other
people have done this. You must have done this, Rich. Come on.
I walked dog poo into the Mitsubishi Evo 10 long-term test car that I had from Evo years ago.
Oh. At a point when my relationship with that car was, I would say rather fractured and all
time low. I didn't like that car very much. I thought that compared to previous Evo's,
it lacked some charm somehow. And it wasn't actually that nice to drive unless you were
going absolutely bananas. And so for the most part, just commuting in it and stuff, the ride
was too hard. The interior was crap. The engine sounded horrible. I didn't get on with it
at all. And then as a sort of crowning glory, I trot dog mess into it. And it was just like,
I just remember going, well, this is just perfect, isn't it? I disliked this car and now it stinks
of shit. Couldn't get any more Bob on. And that's the last time I can remember such an
incident, which was a long time ago now. So I should count my blessings. But there must be
other people who have done this. You found your mic and the good news for many listeners is
we're not on an airplane this week because we had quite a lot of feedback about last week's
episode. And quite a few people enjoyed it. Something different, quite a few people didn't.
We've had so many messages about the noise that A320s make. I mean, I don't know where to start.
What I'm going to do is I just say the first person out of the blocks to explain what's going
on there was one of our patrons, Robin Johnson. He said, it's the power transfer unit that makes
the barking noise. It transfers hydraulic pressure from one of the systems to the other when there
is a measurable pressure difference of 500 psi between the two. When the pressure drops, the
PTU kicks in. It's located near the main landing gear, and that's why passengers can hear the noise
seemingly coming from midway down the aisle under the floor. The barking happens most frequently
at the gate and taxi, where most aircraft will run only one engine to save fuel. With one engine off,
that engine doesn't provide the power to the pump to provide hydraulic pressure in one of the
systems. The PTU balances that pressure between the two systems and goes on and off as it does so.
Boeing's have a different hydraulic setup and thus don't bark.
It is a strange sound. It's almost, I know you said it's like a dog bark and a few people have
called it a dog bark. In a way, it sounds a bit like a sped up tortoise mating sound.
Oh, somebody sent us a clip on Instagram of somebody very accurately replicating it by rubbing
wet fingers on a shower glass, shower screen. Yes, I saw that. Which is very good. It does also,
to me, sound a little bit like sawing, like someone's just got a black and decker workmate
in the belly of the plane and they're cutting into a bit of wood. But thank you to everybody,
and there were loads who offered the same explanation. We've had pilots, we've had
aviation engineers, and we've had just people who really like planes. So thank you all of you
for the explanation. Also, I feel I should address this because we've had quite a lot of
comments from people going, bloody hell, I'm glad I wasn't sat there you lot on that plane,
you just chatting shite and recording a podcast. The plane was really, really quiet. There was,
I don't think there were any people behind us for about four or five rows,
and probably the same forward of us and definitely no one across the aisle. It was,
it was wonderful. We had a cordon of safety to talk shite without, I think people maybe thought
it was like there was a bloke in the middle seat and we were sort of reaching over him to chat
nonsense. But no, we almost had the plane to ourselves, which is why we were able to record
that podcast for better or worse. But some, but thanks for all the feedback and thank you for
all the info about why airbuses make that noise. Oh, and also a lot of people corrected me and said,
there's an even smaller airbus, the Sport Quattro A390 isn't the smallest one. There's a 318,
which I'd forgotten about. Yes, which was highly unsuccessful. Yeah, a couple of people pointed
out that actually they only made, I think sort of 80 or 90 of them and most of them have been scrapped
now. Yeah, what? Because they're not, they can't justify their existence with such a small capacity
or? I think yes, just too small to be useful. Also, some people pointed out, and I did, I remember
reading about this, that British Airways fitted out one or two of them with a full Bosnus-class
cabin and they flew them from London City to New York. Oh, that's nice. Well, is it? I don't know.
I mean, can we, can we get one and shorten it a bit more for homologation purposes? I'd really like
to. How short do you want to go? I'd like it so that behind the pilot's cabin, you can do five big
steps before the wings start. Oh, yeah. So, you know, so basically five huge steps from the toilet
until the engines. I'd like that. According to someone, I'm sorry, I've not kept a record of
this, but somebody did point out that they stopped, one of the reasons they stopped doing the A318
flights to New York is because obviously they were aimed at, you know, top city people who hadn't
got time to go across London to Heathrow to get to New York, which is like a very specific level
of importance. First world. Get me to New York, Marjorie. I haven't got time to go to Heathrow.
Think of something else. But I can get you there in 30 minutes. No, not enough time. No. Well,
that's it. So apparently one of the reasons that sort of undermined BA's plan, not being on a really
tiny plane in full Bosnian class. But I think they said it was because the Elizabeth line opened
and made it really quick to go east to west across London. And that would get you to Paddington,
where you could jump on the Heathrow Express. And then you could get a big plane to New York
from Heathrow. So they don't do it anymore. But also, thank you to all of the excellent avionerds
who pointed out that the other quirk of the 318 is that it had the tallest tail of any of those
planes in the A320 family because it needed a bit of extra stability from being so short-wheelbase.
Did it really? I'll tell you one other thing. I don't like to just keep looking backwards.
But the other conversation we had was about my pod parking capsule at Terminal 5. Had a
couple of people again, because I've been so out of touch this morning searching for a microphone.
I'm a little bit sweaty and disorganised. They said you do know that those pods were made by
Westfield cars, don't you? And I didn't know this. I didn't know this until you sent me that link.
Yeah. And this is what a great bit of boring card trivia for your next book. I mean, that's
fantastic, isn't it? In the last few days, I've had loads of little nuggets of stuff for a possible
future boring card trivia. It's been quite quiet on that front for a while. And then suddenly,
people have been sending me stuff again. I think it's great that there we go. So Westfield make
that. And if you're not based in the UK and you've got no idea what we're talking about,
just look up Heathrow pod parking, POD, Terminal 5. Or follow James May on social media. He loves to
put up footage of him in a pod whenever he's there. There is a charm to it. It's like going on a
very old fun fair ride with small children. So it clatters a bit and it's slow, but it's also friendly.
Yeah. And I just, before we go any further as well, just to address another sort of bit of
correspondence has been coming in, basically in the last week, we've had all of our emails have
either been people explaining how the hydraulic system works on a small airbus, or sending us
a link to that Nissan Leaf Hurst that's for sale at the moment. Have you seen this?
Yes, I have. I have seen it. It's 11 grand. It's the fact that so many people saw it and
immediately went, Smith and Sniff need to know about this. I suppose we do. And we have seen
it. I've seen it before because it's quite weird for people who haven't seen this. It hasn't been
made into a Hurst in the sort of accepted way that they stretch an old Jagger or Merck or something.
No. They've just made it so that the coffin goes down the one side where the back seat and then
the front passenger seat would be. And then they put a glass, like glass full glass side on it.
They have. So you can see the coffin. It's quite strange. It's not, it's not like that Mustang
Mac E-hurst, which looks like they've extended the wheelbase by seven feet. It looks so unbelievable.
I'd love to have a go at it. I see one of those around Bath all the time. Do you? Yeah. It's,
one of the field directors here must have got it. But yeah. It looks like lazy. It's like a real world
example of a quick Photoshop job. That's what's amazing. Yes. So I keep rubbing my eyes and
blinking going, hang on, that can't look like that really. And then you go, it does look like that.
That's what it looks like. There must be clone marks on the bodywork. So we're where they're
That's right. Well, there we go. Anyway, so thank you to everyone who shared the leaf
purse link. It is, it is deeply weird. Yeah, it is. The, the, before I just, I don't want to talk
much more about my disorganization and that I've just moved to house. But what I will say,
out of bad always comes good. And this morning whilst driving around in my cat shit spelling
Boxster, I, what I did see is someone in the village or the nearby village where I live
has got on their front garden a very interesting algal car, which I must go back to.
There's, there's a, there's a slightly algal yellow. This makes it extremely 90s.
Peugeot 406 coupe. Oh, yeah. In that yellow, that yellow that always looks good on 90s cars,
doesn't it? Carrados, BMW M3, E36 is, it's that kind of yellow. It's not mega custody,
is it? It's sort of a little bit lighter than that. It's quite a light, almost sort of pastly yellow.
Yeah. This one's, this one's slightly UV damage because it's obviously been
sat in the same position for a while. I'm very much like to dealgify it though. It looks great.
The other thing I want to do is I want to shake my fist and wave it at the DVLA.
You know, personal registrations, private regs. Yeah. Well, I've lost one that I've had for years
and years on retention. I've never, I never got a chance to put it on the car that it's supposed
to go on because that car's still not finished. Can you say which one?
It's my Chevrolet Impala, my 64 Supersport, which I bought, I bought this number plate for it 17
years ago, I think, or 16 years ago. And I've managed to renew its retention thing once.
Amongst all of the bobbins going on with me trying to move house and all the stresses of that and
trying to still continue working on for the YouTube person, I must have just let the letter slip.
And when I came round to my pile of admin to do it, it had expired 10 days ago.
And I tried to get hold of the DVLA and they were just like, no, it's just gone.
So you buy you buy something, but you don't own it. I think I think that's bollocks.
This was, remember, we talked a while ago about people essentially storing wealth
in a high value private plate on a relatively low value car. Yeah.
And ducking inheritance tax. Yeah. And part of that loophole. Remember,
we someone explained it to us in terms we could understand that part of that loophole was the
argument that you never actually own the number plate because the DVLA could revoke it at any time
and have revoked it. And in your case, they, they have taken it back. And did I tell you about
just if we're bitching about the DVLA? I'm so cross. I'm so cross about it because I want it back.
I paid good money for it. And I'd like to put it on that car at some point. I've even had the
number plates made for it about 10 years ago. I want it gone. Well, I don't know. It's flying
around on a Swansea computer. I don't know where it's gone. But I want it back. And if anyone can
help me get it back, I'm not, you know, I'm not being held ransom by the DVLA. I've paid for it
once. Don't piss around, please. Come on, guys. Listen, guys. So my fairly recent DVLA woe was
that when I bought my Metro Turbo, it has been with the same owner for so long that it had an
old style V5. I love those. Yeah, they're quite nice on you. But anyway, so I filled in the bits
I needed to fill in and sent it off to get a new one issued in my name. And as far as I can work
out, the DVLA just lost it. And I think it's probably because those went, Oh, we don't recognize
what this is. We haven't seen one of these for ages. Let's just throw it in the bin or drop it
down the back of a filing cabinet or something. So when I contacted them and finally managed to
get an answer, they just went, we have no record of that. No. So so I had to do all those forms
where you then, you know, get a new V5 issued in your name. And yeah, you know, thankfully,
I had all the details of the form owner and stuff. And so presumably that's somewhere on a system.
So it all checked out. But the bit that irritated me was it said, please complete this form and
send it back to us together with a check or post-lawler for £25. Oh my gosh, a check.
I go around the house. I can't think where I saw my checkbook. And I find I said to my wife,
so where where all the checkbooks? She went, what? We just cut them up and threw them away when we
moved house, remember? Because no one writes checks anymore. I was like, well, you know, that was
three and a half years ago. And we definitely haven't used checkbooks since then. So it's fine.
I'll go to the post office and get a postal order. Oh my gosh. So I put the form in an envelope.
It's all addressed and everything is stamped and ready to go. I just need that post-law to tuck
it in there. Went to the post office. Hello, I'd like a post-law for £25 made out of the DVLA,
please. No, yes, certainly. You can only pay for postal orders with cash. Oh, what? I feel like
I'm in 1954. What the Merry Frig is going on here. So I drove all the way home again. I got £25.
We thankfully had some cash in the house. I've got £25 in cash. Great. I'll go back.
Hello, my postal order was £25 made out of the DVLA. Here's £25 in cash. The guy who goes really
nice. And you know, it's not his fault. This is just their way that this works. He knows it's
idiotic, but he can't control it. Yeah, he did. You could tell he was a bit embarrassed by the whole
thing. But you know, I mentioned before, which he had, there's a fee for the postal order,
which I think was something like £2.50 thereabouts. Yeah, yeah. Well, that has to be paid in cash as
well. Oh no. I had to drive back home again and raid my children's piggy banks to get £2.50 in cash.
Drive back. Third time lucky. He's going to have my first postal order and he did it and I put it
in the envelope and I now finally have the V5 FNC for that car, which I own. But it wasn't without
a bit of a fight. And then I was really bored the other week and just a little tune popped into
my head and I've written a whole song about working at the DVLA, which I don't really know what to do
with it. Rich, I worry about you. I haven't recorded the vocals. So it's like, it's not a finished song.
But I was like, I might do the vocals and then I give it to Gareth Jones for on speed or something
because, you know, he plays songs out on that week. We don't really do that. So it's not,
it's not for us. But yeah, no, I just, I wrote a little song about moving to Swansea and getting
a job at the DVLA and basically being a lazy twat. It's one day I'll finish it.
You know, there's that. I heard the other day people referring to that very well known video game
Call of Duty. Yeah. And people refer to it as cod. Did you know this? I'm sure many of you did.
And there was a big discussion about it. I can't remember why I've played it maybe once at a nephew's
house. But I start, I woke up the other morning, chuckling to myself, I suspect no one else is
going to find this funny. But I thought, wouldn't it be great if someone could hack that game and
make a different version for us car permits called Call of Dutton, where you have to do,
it's a POV game. And you have to fight your way through a town to usually knock on the door of
quite a strange old man with a cluttered, cluttered front door and driveway. And you've
got to steal his Dutton. And you've gotten to get away in it. That's assuming it starts and runs,
of course. Yeah, well, with four flat tires. I think game reviewers would speak very warmly of
the quality of the rendering when it comes to all the wires hanging down below the dashboard.
Some of which you've sort of got to fiddle with a bit before the car will start. Yeah. Before the
basically garden shed key that you put into a very exposed ignition barrel
will turn correctly. The seat is a bit damp when you sit in it and water oozes out from it. And
the guy said, the guy's already said, oh, did you want a cup of tea? And you said, no, thanks,
please brought one out to you. And it's got lumps of milk in it. And you go, oh, no, could someone
get me out of it? Yeah, we're being nasty about Dutton people. I'm sure the Dutton crew are
fantastic. We've been asked many times as Smith and sniff if we can buy a Dutton as a company car.
I think I've held fast on that one and gone now. Yes. No, not for me. Well, you know,
we've got a Saab on our plate, haven't we? And then we've passed on that free X type that was
mentioned the other week. I think somebody a listener is going to take that car. It's going
to save it. Yeah, I saw that, which is great. So that's good. Yeah. And we've not for us. We've
also been offered a free Alpha 159 of huge mileage. Yeah, that's when I came in last week.
And I didn't tell you and I didn't tell anybody because I was I was trying to move house and I
thought, no, no, no, no, I'm not having I think it's just enormous. They tried to give me a free
Alpha and I said, no, no. Okay, well, maybe we should talk about this afterwards because there's
also the other free car that you were going to give me an update when they'd given you an update
about the Branflake situation underneath it. Oh, gosh. I mean, it's lovely. It's it really is
lovely. Yeah, that other one is giving me a real pang. But Branflake. Oh, that one. Yes,
I've just suddenly remembered which one you were talking about. Yeah, my light bulbs just gone off.
Talking sort of about cast, did I ever discuss in any detail about I had a week with the new
Renault four? You know, I said the other week that I borrowed a current Porsche McCann EV and I was
taken aback by the fact it had six mighty washer jets. Yes. That actually surprised me. Well,
the bloody four has got six washer jets as well. Has it really? They're not quite as as intense and
sort of firehosey as the ones on that Porsche, but it has got six washer jets. No, but it's a
quarter of the price near as damn it, isn't it? So I know that's the thing. It's sort of like,
there must be a there is a cost, albeit fairly small, but there's a cost to putting per washer
jets. Surely it feels like that's a lot of washer jets for a fairly affordable car. Why are we still
redesigning washer jets? I don't understand. There are certain parts of car construction and
engineering, which have someone's just done it well. And we go, yeah, that's university the best
one. Remember the fan, the fan jets from a Volkswagen Passat, I think I first saw them on.
Yeah. And the Golf Four. They were misty, weren't they? Yeah. So like, that's the best one. I'd
say it's the most efficient. So can everyone just adopt that as industry standard and just go,
that's it. Can everyone stop redesigning jets and save your money, please?
But I wonder if they're very expensive because that was sort of peak Volkswagen under Ferdinand
Pieck, wasn't it? Where he just wanted excellence in everything and, you know, sometimes perhaps
cost was secondary. Yeah, that's true. And I wonder if you're an accountant at Ford or
somewhere, you just go, sorry, they're twice the price of the ones we use. And the customer benefit
isn't twice as much, so no piss off. Because I don't think Volkswagen fit them anymore, not to
golf and stuff, do they? No, but then they said they've been on a cost cutting mission, haven't
they? Which is, but it's a shame when you, these are the sorts of things that I try and say to
people who just want to keep buying new cars or leasing them or whatever you do with them.
And saying, you do know that just getting a new one doesn't make it better. It doesn't mean that
the cars fundamentally better. It doesn't even mean that it's less, more fault free. It's just,
there are certain points, and I know other podcasters and automotive journals have been
trying to discuss when was Pete Carr. And the mark for golf is probably around that period,
actually, isn't it? Where you've got really amazing attention to detail and engineering and
quality QQC, but yet not too tech loaded that the car can have an absolute meltdown and be written
off because of its electronics. I was talking to someone about this yesterday, because they're
saying, well, I'm talking about golf GTIs. And I said, you know, the, the three and the four
golf GTIs were generally thought to be not great. And then they pulled it back with the five. But
I was saying, I bet if you drove a mark for golf GTI now, you'd think that's quite a nice car.
This not super sporty, but it's nice in other ways. And you know, that, that, that interior for its
time was really good. Because I remember driving my brother's Golf 4 TDI 130. It was an obsolete
model at that point, but only just, I think. And I hadn't driven a Golf 4 for ages. And I remember
just thinking, oh, yeah, this is all right, isn't it? This is actually, I just, it is a pleasant,
pleasant car and a nice interior compared to what else was around at the time.
Um, it just wasn't, it just didn't feel GTI. No, it was a bit stodgy, wasn't it? And like,
because I remember the first time I drove one, it was alongside a Persho 306 GTI 6. And, you know,
the golf just felt incredibly boring. But fun enough, I was on a shoot for old, old top gear
with TVs, Jeremy Clarkson. And I remember chatting to him about it. And he went, I'm older than you.
And I just take the golf because the Persho is a bit frantic. And at the time I remember thinking,
God, it's so boring. I can't believe Jeremy said that. But now, with age comes wisdom. I'm a bit
like, oh, I kind of see what he meant. I mean, I'd still take the Persho because they're freaking
great. Yeah, me too. Yes, I get it. The golf was a deeply sort of nice car. That 4, speaking of the
Renault 4 is a nice car. And I like the fact that I could actually get my children in the back,
which the 5 I thought was a bit of a struggle. But then, you know, the trade-off is I don't
think the 4 has the superstar looks of the 5. It's nice looking.
No, it doesn't have the, it doesn't stop people in their tracks. And it's not a talking point,
like the 5 seems to have the star quality, does it?
Do you find in your Renault 5 that that gear selector on the column doesn't always engage
as you would think it's going to? Yeah, I do the triple tap when I get in it.
So I get in it and you, I've probably done it. We've used the sound effect before on the podcast,
haven't we, where it sounds like solar times by Prince. So I get in it, foot on the brake,
press the on button. And as I'm pressing the on button, the right hand is doing three grabs
down to the floor of the shift to put it in D. It's not dawdling when you're going from
drive to reverse, say, manoeuvring out of a car parking space, because some EVs are and that's
infuriating, especially when there's somebody driving at you and you're trying to do a three
pointer. But yeah, it is, it's not quite as intuitive as others. I'm used to the fact it
doesn't have park now. I'm used to that. But that, yes, I realize you do get used to that.
But the, yeah, the inconsistency of that column thing that's just doesn't always 100%
do what you've asked it to do. And I reversed somewhere and then dinked it to go and drive,
and it didn't go into drive. I reversed somewhere, make it sound like you went, I went to Bournemouth.
I reversed to Daventure and back. No, I just, I just reversed our space or something. So there was,
there was, I reversed up to another car quite close, thought I'd gone into drive, and I was about
to step on it to drive away. And thank God I didn't, because in fact, it was still in reverse,
and I would have just reversed into another car. It was the fact that the, yeah, I just
noticed in time, but it was a bit. So otherwise, I think it's quite a nice car. I still has the
other thing I don't like about the five is I think the steering is a bit wispy and the four has
the same problem. It just feels very artificial and does not enough weight to it for some reason.
But otherwise, nice rides, nice interior, I like the way it looks.
I'll tell you what reminds me of how much fun the Renault five is, is when I go from my Tesla S
back into the five, the five feels like a puppy that just wants to play. And the Model S,
though comfortable and refined, just feels like a sort of older dog that just wants to do
corners and things just a little bit slower. It's got more power ultimately, but you almost
don't want to use it because you know that it weighs 17 tons and it's just not going to be that
much fun on the tires. It's like my dog now, bless her, because she's old. And sometimes, you know,
when she was younger, you'd come in through the front door and she'd bound to her feet and she'd
be there tail wagging, tongue hanging out, happy to see you. Now sometimes she just can't be asked.
She's just like, oh, it's you, just lying there on the rug. I was looking at my notes,
I keep in my phone of things that I want to discuss with you. And I've got something written
in here, which is absolutely mysterious to me. It's not since the days of fizzy yogurt.
Have I had something that's been there for a few weeks and I cannot figure it out. And I feel like
it might be something you said to me to write down and said, write this down so I don't forget it.
And I did. And it's mysterious because I forget. What it says is never ending disco two.
Does this ring any bells? No, it doesn't. Never ending disco two. So I assume discovery two.
Well, yeah, would be. But why is it never ending? Oh, God, I was really hoping that you were going
to go. I want to it's it's making me think about my recent observations
that I've had. But I haven't I haven't thought about it. Did you? It's not to do with the discovery
to did you see the Hyundai concept three quite recently called what uses all the pixel design
language. It's a really good looking car. I think I and I just can continue to just
smash them out of the park. They all look so interesting. But also I underline the
practicality when it comes to the road cars. It's a very nice looking car quite a hint of the old
Veloster about it. Yeah, Veloster. Yeah. Yeah. But with then also there was some angles. I sort
of thought that the back just very slightly reminded me I talking shy here of them have
looked the old Chevy vault. Oh, yeah. Well, you all we all know that Chevy vaults just fantastic.
And I'd have one again at the drop of a hat on that side of things.
I'm not totally sold on every single thing that Hyundai has done recently. But what I do
like is that they have a certain amount of confidence about them. It feels like their design
department is really sort of firing on all. So they are they are very bold and confident.
And you can imagine sort of knowing a little bit about how car designs have to sort of get
through layers of management in any large corporation. Yeah. That the thought that they
must have some very good design bosses there. Well, actually, I've met there's a guy called
Simon Loesby who's a British guy who is, I think, second in charge there at Hyundai Kia design,
maybe just Hyundai, lovely guy. And I presume he has to spend a lot of time standing in rooms with
the load of suits going this is what we want to do. And they're like what about no, I don't
don't care, we're going to do this because it's going to be right for what we want to do.
I reckon that it's it's good to see that confidence, but it's not cocaine confidence,
which which I think what is what BMW's got right now where they I was I was followed around by
an illuminating big grill piece of shit the other day and just made me really angry. I mean,
I don't like being followed by BMWs anyway, because they they tend to be very, very close.
They're invading your personal space just like someone coked off their face in a bar
who will stand really close to you and just talk unwanted bollocks really, really close to you.
It's exactly the same, but in automotive terms.
That's it. I do wonder how those management review sessions go in that company. I've started,
I do wonder how they go in Mercedes sometimes as well. I don't know whether there's just a sort of
a misplaced trust or, you know, if there's some kind of crazy mind tricks that the design
bosses are playing, I'm going, this is the car we want to make. And I go, but it's disgusting. No,
it's not your mistake. I'd like Mercedes to build boxy cars again. But, you know, like
slightly aero considered, but ultimately boxy cars again. I think if Merck did that thing
like the Hyundai N74 concept coupé thing, they took the language. And what was that other Hyundai,
the grand, the grandeur, the concept. Yeah, the old grandeur, didn't they? Yeah,
they did that old grandeur, but revived. Imagine if Mercedes said we're going to do a 190E again,
kind of like that. I always think Mercedes relationship with the past is interesting,
isn't it? Because it's on the one hand, you think they're quite a forward looking tech driven company,
and then, but they do lean on the past in weird and random ways, you know, sort of hark back to
an old 300S or something. But then they put that weird pontoon back wing on the E-Class a couple
of generations ago, and then realized it looked toss and took it off at the facelift, which much
have cost a frigging fortune to do new pressings. But that's sort of, they occasionally do dabble
in their own past, but they sometimes pick the wrong bit. They do pick the wrong, I think you're
right, they pick the wrong bits to head back to. And they've got such a good nostalgia. I mean,
bloody hell, they invented the car for crying out loud. But they did the, that thing last week,
they showed off the Vision Iconic, which is this sort of huge Cruella de Ville kind of coupé.
Yeah. And I mean, it's got one hell of a profile because the front wheels are, I mean, they're
the opposite of your proposed cut down airbus A318 because it's about 10 steps from the front
axle to where the cabin starts. It's really exaggerated. That I kind of like, but then
it feels like a sort of some kind of crazy CGI rendering of someone's just done online.
It does. It is quite retro and the interior is ridiculously retro. It's got a four spoke
wheel, but where the four spokes aren't, they're just an X. It's like a big X and it's like an
old car. Oh, really? What? Like a ships wheel? Kind of. Yeah. The whole interior is sort of a
bit art deco. We are definitely very, very retro and backward looking. Because for someone,
I was kind of good, but I don't know. There's something I don't like about it. I can't put
my finger on what. I think the issue for me with that, we're in danger of getting car to car
chatty again in this podcast, but look, hey, listen, I think it's worth mentioning.
Like the Jag design that's upset everybody. Yeah. That car is an interesting car and I
like the shape, but it's not right for an electric car. Because there's no point in having a huge
bonneted electric car. It just, it's a total waste of space and purpose. If it was V8, V12,
big piston, fire-breathing thing. And the same with this Cruella De Vilti. Do you remember the
Myback Xcelero? Yes. Which is one of my favorite concept cars of all time. Just think it looks so
mad and angry. Yeah. This new Merc, that was one of my first thoughts when I saw it. I was like,
oh, they've been here before. Yes. And in terms of proportions and that sort of, we're just going
to do really over the top, dramatic coupe. It is, it's the Myback Xcelero rethought. But the
thing about the Jag, I totally agree with you. I can't remember if we talked about this in the
podcast, but if the production version of that Jaguar, which from the spy photos is clearly
going to have the same proportions, if it doesn't have a huge boot under that bonnet, ideally side
hinged bonnet as well. Oh, yes. Like a piano. Yes. Like a pre-walker. Then I'm going to be
disappointed because that's, yeah, you're right. There's a lot of bonnet there that's not serving
any purpose on an EV. No, yeah. They've found a purpose for it. Yeah. If they changed the game
by saying, we've got all of the boot space in the front, the back doesn't have any to speak of,
but the front boot space is enormous. And it hinges up like a pre-war sort of Art Deco
grandeur car. That would be really interesting. And I would forgive it for that. But that kind
of shaped car. What if it's scissored upwards like one of those car lifts? So it or the boot lid
on a Honda Civic Del Sol, it goes up entirely horizontally. And so then you put things in
that way. That would be okay. Do you know why? Because if you're trying to get stuff out of the
boot outside the hotel and it's pissing with rain, yeah, it still protects what's inside,
doesn't it? Yes, it does. See, so I'm kind of down with it. So I like that kind of shaped car
because I'm a big fan of huge boxy saloons and coupes and things. But I just when it comes to
EV propulsion, it doesn't really stack up for me. But I like the Jag more than the Merc because
although they are both these sort of slightly exaggerated coupes, at least the Jaguar is
trying to be modern. And the Mercedes is sort of looking over its shoulder. And I'm just sort of
wondering what point they're trying to make. But because it's electric. So it's like, again,
it's like, well, you've given it the proportions of a sort of car with a v 16 from the 1930s.
Yeah, that's right. Anyway, I did that podcast on my own when you were away trying to hunt down the
prototypes of the new Jag. And I still haven't seen one on the road. And we get quite regular
messages from listeners who live in the Midlands particularly. So I saw a new Jag. But I was
standing on a street in a little village, not far from Gaydon, the other week after I'd done that
evening with at the museum. The next morning, I went to meet a mate of ours for a coffee. And then
we were standing in the street and the new all electric Range Rover Vella prototype of that went
past, which has been papped a lot with a very elaborate disguise on it that puts this big fake
boxy back end on it. And it sort of seems to be quite well established, it's actually going to be
quite fastback. This one drove past no boxy thing on the back, you could see it was very fastback.
And I just stood there and gawked at him and suddenly went, oh, shit, that could have been a
scoop there if I just got my phone out and taken a picture.
You saved the moment, Rich.
Well, I did. I lived in the moment. It's like, rather than being one of those people at gigs
who films the whole thing extremely badly. Like, I was wondering if they were going to watch that
back. I experienced that quite recently. I wasn't sure whether to bring it up in this podcast.
What people filming gigs? Someone sat in front of me was filming every song for the length of the
song, I would say. So their phone must have been steaming at the end of a two hour gig.
Yeah. Well, that's it, isn't it? And your arm had hurt and you've not watched the gig because
you've been too busy being the world's worst camera person. And it's like...
But also the guy, he kept zooming in so tightly on the lead singer that because he had wobbly
hand arms and because his girlfriend or wife was absolutely pissed on Lady Petrel, they brought
him two bottles of chilled wine and she just sculled them. She was leaning on his shoulder
and singing along to the big songs and he was on full zoom and I was so cross about it. I nearly
went, you're never going to watch this back. It's unusable shit and you've just filled your phone
with two terabytes of bollocks. You need to just stop that man and just listen to the music and
watch the band play. Who were fantastic? I'm not going to tell you who they are because everyone
will laugh at me. Because I know who it is. Do you think I should admit it or not?
I mean, I would understand why you might not want to because then you're going to have to explain
yourself. Yeah, okay. Or you just say who it is and then we move on and everyone can just...
No, I'm not going to. I'm going to leave it hanging. I've just decided that.
Since we're moaning about things in the modern world, I was also... I was saying to you before
we started recording, when did all businesses get so needy? I stayed in a premiere in the other
nights when I was away on a job and I just had an email from them that said, how did we do?
I'm like, you gave me a bed and a shower and I didn't get murdered. You did fine. I haven't got
time to do a freaking survey about how you did. You did fine. If you didn't do fine, maybe I'd
let you know. But you're doing a bang up job, but I cannot sit there and go, yeah, and then my
reception was clean and the lift worked brilliant. It's just like, no, it happened so much. You just
go and buy a block of cheese from a supermarket and then you get an email going, how did we do?
Wasn't poisoned, so I'm going to say, yeah, fine. I've had this a lot, but you know my nemesis is
when they follow it up with, if you could give us your feedback, just simply download the app and
you can feed it through that and you go, why? Why am I going to do that? Well, I'm downloading an app
to say that I think your service was pretty okay. Or, hey, do you want to check in for your flight?
It's really easy when you download the app. No, I don't want to download the app because I fly with
you once a year and that's just another app on my phone. No, I'm not going to do it. Stop making me.
I love how agnostic you are. I'm precious about my app, use.
Yeah, no, it's a fair point, but I feel like we've turned into an episode of
grumpy old man. Something that happened to me the other night, which I thought was delightful,
is that I got into a mini-cub, pre-booked through an app, but a mini-cub. And you know,
you get into these and the drive went Richard and I said, yeah, and he confirmed where I was
going. I said, yes, please. And then he turned to face forwards and start driving the car with the
words, shall we? Oh, great. And then we drove off and I thought, so it feels quite old-fashioned,
but rather delightful. And then did he engage launch control, straight after saver? Yes.
No, it was a prize. He drove in a very safe and stately manner, which was sort of felt
appropriate from someone who starts the journey by going, shall we care to dance? I don't mind if I
do. So I thought it was lovely. Forgive me if I've mentioned this before, but you know,
bit weary over the last week of moving house and all that stuff. Did I talk about the fact that
I find it confusing that sports cars don't have sport written on them, but non-sporty cars
increasingly have sport written on them? Yes, and fans as well sometimes. Oh, yes,
there's a lot of sport vans. The Renault traffic has a spout. It's the Renault traffic,
isn't it? And I think Vauxhall do a spout thing as well. Oh, it's the same fan, isn't it so?
But I don't know why because it renders the word spout meaningless, really. Well,
Range Rover Sport killed that, my friend, I think. Well, I mean, you know, remember the time
when the first Range Rover Spout came out, it was actually sort of surprisingly dynamic. There'd never
been a Range Rover that drove like that, and it was it was actually quite surprising. Spout.
But yeah, it's a relative thing, isn't it? Relative sport. I would quite like that one
on the side of the car. Yeah, but there's no like the Ferrari didn't announce that new
Tester Oster and then go, actually, we're going to call the Tester Oster sport because
it's it's already it's implicit that it's a sports car. So there's no need.
You are right. I quite like maybe they should just stick van on the end of it just to be
ironic. Take that Renault. Yeah, you've got sport. We got your word now. We've got the Ferrari van.
It's actually a van. Yeah, I'd kind of like that one to consider for the future. I still can't
work out. I'm just looking at my notes and I still can't work out what Neverending Disco
2 might be about. Neverending Disco 2. Yeah. I had actually since we were talking about
Hyundai very briefly there, I've forgotten something I saw a few weeks ago. I was on the M6
motorway and I saw a Hyundai XG30. Oh gosh, I love them. I nearly bought one once.
Did you? Yeah, I did. Yeah, because it was so little money and it was real deceased spec,
well-worshiped condition. And I just I think they're a big cobra head contender. Are they not?
I think they are. And they have those big flat wheel trims on them. They do. And then they put
some different wheels on it later on and ruined it as far as I was concerned. Like they should have
just embraced that sort of Aldi Cadillac they had going on. I could see you and I one day
investing pulling the trigger on one of those. Well, yeah, I mean you say you've almost bought
one. I've definitely, when they were as probably as cheap as they were ever going to get, I definitely
brised them when you could still sort of find a few for sale and and thought, hmm. Oh, I'd be.
Yeah, I'm talking full service history for less than 600 sheets. That's what I'm talking.
Britain's, is it Britain's first and possibly only car to have a mini disc player as standard?
Oh, the Korean Cadillac. That's what I used to call it. I absolutely love it.
Damn it, you've got me thinking again. Instead of unpacking my life in a house, I might look up
XG. I just go buy an XG30. Live out of boxes, but you've got an XG30. Anyway, I saw one because
you don't see them around very much, but I saw one on the M6. And when I came alongside it,
because you don't really see an interesting car and you really want to then sort of clock the
driver just to sort of 100% who's driving this? Who's got this going on? Yeah. And it was being
driven by a man who was sitting very, very far forward, like where it's like the seat
backrest was over center. Oh, no, not over center. It's flipped forward. It just went, I can never
understand why people drive like that. But particularly in a very soft relaxing car like
that, it is, it just baffled me. It's punishing. It raised so many questions that could not be
answered because we were on a motorway. But yeah, it was a nice thing to see. There's actually,
I've just looked, there's none on AutoTrader at the moment. There's none. That's none. Oh, I wonder
if, I wonder if Hyundai UK have got one that we could just borrow for a week just to quench my
thirst. I don't know. I don't know. I'd quite like to know, Hyundai UK do listen to this podcast.
We have proof. Listen, guys, look, listen. If you need, if you've got one as part of your
Heritage Collection, can you let us know? And if you want one, can I be the person that helps to
buy one? Thank you. Oh, I can't see any for sale. Anyway, well, that's, I'm sure we'll come back to
this at some point. Anyway, we should, we should wrap this up. But before we go, three things to
share with you. The first is that Johnny is developing a new TV show in which he forces
the former lead singer of Merillion to modify cars in a way that your parents would recognise
under the working title, Fish Soups. Oh, gosh. Not to your taste. Yeah, we're scraping the barrel
now. That's awful. Really awful. I retire this soon, I think. There's always the late break,
sure, of course, because that's real and exists. And what's on there at the moment?
Oh, Richard. What's on there at the moment? An intensive video in which you get cat mess out
of floor mats in a Porsche coaster. Oh, yeah. Well, actually, yeah. I know I'm not getting cat
pat out of the really nice original Boxster mats, which my friend Paul Francis sent me. Sorry.
It is, unless the schedule has changed. I drive and go and see, because it's for sale,
the what is claimed to be the world's highest mileage Ferrari. Oh, yes. So I donned my, I'm
not going to give you, I'm not going to tell you what the car was, but let's just say I donned my
best Hawaiian shirt and went to view and drive this car. And I didn't need any special effects
in order to make the sunroof disappear. I mean, the special effects to people from the crew
standing behind the car to catch the target roof, as I always suspect it must be. As I
frisbee it behind me. Yeah. Yes. So there's that. That'd be nice. Yeah. And if you don't want to
watch that, I mean, we've just done a really nice Honda Civic bar and find that was just such a
survivor. Oh, yes. I haven't watched that yet. I'm going to be soon. Okay. The second thing I
wanted to tell you is a new live show. We are back doing some Otts. What do we call them? Otlots.
Otlots. Yeah. On that live of things, don't we? Yeah. Yeah. Should know our. You don't know the
name of your own live show, Richard. I don't. Well, it's so long since we've done one because
we had a nice summer sort of dandering about Goodwood and first of all, an exceptional and
piston heads annual service, but we are back now to doing our own live shows. And our next one is
going to be on Wednesday, the 19th of November at Great Northern Classics in Derby, which it
delights us to say is basically near Nottingham. So tickets are on sale for that now. Go to
smithandsniff.com. You can find a link there and we're hoped to see you on the 19th of November.
Also, it's worth mentioning that I've got my new book out called Petrolhead on Amazon or
smithandsniff.com merch shop. There'll be copies in there soon as well. If you'd like to buy it,
direct from us. And the third thing I wanted to share with you is actually something that's
a listener called Steve tipped me off about, which is he heard us mention Top Gun last week. Yeah.
And how I said that some of the dialogue was surprisingly clunky on rewatching it,
particularly between Tom Cruise and Kenny McGillis in the romance part. But Steve pointed out that
actually a lot of that romance stuff was shot after the film had initially been completed
because test audiences felt that there should be a bit more of a sort of emotional subplot within
the film. Really? Yeah. So I looked this up. The that famous sex scene in the shadows. Yes.
Was done like that because Kelly McGillis had changed the color of her hair for a different
role. And there's a scene in a lift where apparently she's wearing a cap. And again,
it's to hide her hair. She is wearing a cap. Yes. And there's bits of Tom Cruise's hair is
slightly different as well. They had to sort of disguise that because they they went back and
they shot new scenes to bolster the romantic subplot between Kenny McGillis's character
and Tom Cruise. I'm really glad that Tom Cruise wasn't filming a different role, which involved
him having to wet shave his eyebrows, wet shave his eyebrows. And or anything like that. Because
that would have been interesting. But you see it's funny, isn't it? So out of necessity,
that iconic sex scene that's just silhouettes is one of one of the most memorable parts of the
film for some. Yeah, yeah. With the backdrop Venetian blind or what a sense of Venetian blind.
I don't know. I thought it was just a window and it's a bit quite tonguey, I think, isn't it?
I think it's quite tonguey, Rich. But thank you. Yeah, thanks. Steve said that there wasn't even
Kelly McGillis doing that bit because she wasn't available. But other things I've looked at say
that she was, it was her, but that it was in silhouettes to hide the fact she died her hair
in a different colour. Also, some claim that that scene was also partly created because
the producers had heard the final version of Take My Breath Away and thought that it needed
an appropriate scene to go with the music. So I don't know. I didn't have time to read up the
whole back. This stuff's really interesting, Rich. That's some. It's made me feel and it's also
it's really relaxed me as I as I stop recording this podcast and try and get the plop out of my
my Boxster, which is what I'm going to have to do. I can't leave it there, can I?
The Borscha Plopster. Just awful, awful. Okay, well, anyway, that's that's probably.
But thanks, everybody. I just want to say thanks to everybody that that listens to us and on whatever
platforms they do it and contacts us and supports us via Patreon or via merch purchasing or
live show purchasing. Because yeah, we get lots of people saying that for some reason our podcast
lifts their mood or has helped them through a difficult time. And and actually one of those
people is me in a weird way. So, you know, I don't want to get too kind of emotional about it,
but it has. So thanks, Rich, and thanks listeners. Thanks, mate. Thanks, everybody.
If you've got anything you want to say to us, hello at smithasniff.com as ever. And we'll do
this all again next week. But until then, yeah, thanks for listening. Goodbye. Thanks, everybody.
Cheers, mate. Thanks, mate. Bye.
Well, you could join our Patreon, what wonders that it brings.
Early shows and extra notes on that side of things. You could buy our merchandise with mugs
and hats, but still no ties. One day we will make those pies, but in the meantime, guys, hey guys.
Like and subscribe. And maybe leave a nice review. Like and subscribe. We know you know just
what to do. Like and subscribe. We don't want to take the piss. Like and subscribe. But we were told
to ask for this. Like and subscribe.
Like and subscribe.
Like and subscribe.
Like and subscribe.
Believe you, I got her and I XT30, like, look shit, yeah, but it's usually like fascinating.
I've ever been in, yeah, because on corners, like it's attached to the road with like ropes and
magnets and shit. You wouldn't believe it.
About this episode
Johnny and Richard dive into a lighthearted discussion about their recent experiences, including moving house, car mishaps, and the quirks of the DVLA. They share amusing anecdotes about driving with unexpected odors and the challenges of obtaining vehicle registrations. The conversation also touches on aviation sounds, Hyundai's bold designs, and the peculiarities of modern car naming conventions. With plenty of banter and listener interactions, this episode blends humor with automotive insights, making it an entertaining listen for fans of the podcast.
Jonny and Richard compare notes on recent and annoying dealings with the most famous office in Swansea. Also in this episode, treading terrible things into your car, Airbus barking explained, flying to New York on a very small airliner, Call of Dutton, the new Renault 4, a mysterious phone note, the Hyundai Concept Three, Mercedes design, why the new Jag needs an unusual bonnet, filming gigs, needy businesses, a very polite cab driver, and the Hyundai XG30.
