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I'm ready to save the verbs.
You sure are.
Hell yeah.
Welcome back to Shake and Bake, where we are under the influence of bad horror.
I'm pretty sure I've forgotten to save the tagline in the last, I don't know, four recordings,
but we're back.
Well, we're too high for it.
We're just little guys.
It's hard to remember everything.
We're doing great.
We're doing good.
We're doing so good.
You know, he wasn't doing great.
Who?
James Wynn.
Oh, James.
He did fine.
He tried so hard.
An attempt was made.
I would argue he did try very hard.
You know, he spent four years making this.
Oh no.
I didn't know that.
Yep.
Yep.
Oh no.
So after watching, I watched Mad Max Fury Road last night, and apparently that movie
took a really long time to make.
So I'm going to be, I'll be reviewing this movie through the lens of Mad Max Fury Road.
That might be the first time on the internet someone has said that, like, I'm reviewing
this through the lens of Mad Max Fury Road.
It's not a standard double feature.
But what movie are we reviewing today, Kelly?
Oh, we are reviewing the 2010 classic Birdemic Shock and Terror.
I forgot that was 2010.
It feels older.
It feels so much older.
Oh, I don't like that.
Like if somebody told me that that movie was made in 1993, I would believe them.
Yeah.
It looks like it was.
It does.
It does.
The CGI just, oh.
Did you have an issue with the CGI?
I did.
It was not good.
I mean, honest to God, like, there's a lot wrong with this.
I'm going to go through the cast.
So our main protagonist is Rod.
What a name.
What a fucking name.
His love interest is Natalie.
We also have, I think, was Susan Natalie's mother?
I don't know, something like that.
I think so.
We have Tony, who I think is Rod's best friend.
We don't even know who these fucking people are.
No.
Who cares?
I don't care about any of these people.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Susan is somebody else because Natalie's mom is credited as Natalie's mom.
We also have Ramsey and Becky, who are two people that they
meet along the way during the birdemic panning.
And then we have, arguably, the most important character of the movie, the nightclub singer
played by Damien Carter.
I really wasn't sure where you were going with the movie.
The nightclub singer.
I thought you were talking about the bird guy.
Oh, that is.
Which one?
There's two.
There is Dr. Jones and Treehugger.
Dr. Jones.
Dr. Jones.
Dr. Indiana Jones.
I don't know.
He didn't have the fedora.
I can't see him without the fedora.
No time for love, Dr. Jones.
No time for love.
And the last two characters are Rick and Mai.
Rick is Rod's best friend.
Mai is his girlfriend.
Yeah, definitely.
We learn about their relationship a lot.
Mai has the same shirt seven times, so she only wears one shirt.
And there's something very peculiar about this shirt as well.
Well, she might have more than one shirt that's exactly the same.
That's right.
She probably has multiple of them.
She just bought the same shirt a bunch of times.
She got a six pack of them.
She went to Walmart and got a six pack of it.
That's how I buy my shirts by the bunch.
Yeah.
There you go.
Sometimes she just has a lot of strong feelings about one particular issue.
She's got to always be advertised.
How convenient that they sell a six pack of that one issue.
So prominently throughout the movie, we are plugged to Yoko Ono's website, www.imaginepiece.com.
Mai exclusively wears shirts with this website and there's a poster and what we assume is her bedroom.
Yeah, because they bone in the room while she's wearing that.
I thought it was like a hotel room or something.
Well, it looks like a hotel room.
I think it looks like a hotel room.
That's the ultimate question.
Is it in the logic of the movie?
Is it a hotel room or is that supposed to be her room and we're supposed to believe that's her room?
But it's clearly a hotel room.
Either it's either that or in my head can and what it is.
They rent a hotel room and she brings the books.
She can't come stop the books.
I mean, honestly, nothing sets the mood.
Like a matching piece.
Piece of ass.
I think it was a piece of dude's nuts.
It doesn't make any sense.
Rick, I can't come without my poster.
You know this.
She's wearing a bikini the whole time.
I don't think she's wearing it on door.
I think she's wearing like an actual bikini.
It was definitely a bikini, which trivia for the movie.
Both actresses, the ones who played Mai and Natalie had to wear Mai wore the bikini.
Natalie wore brown panties during their sex scenes because quote James Nguyen didn't want the actors to actually have sex with each other.
That would explain why they woke up after the day after and Ron was like had like the pants fully on with the bounce.
I was like, that can't be comfortable.
Well, they might have had sex.
We don't, you know, they might have just been like too horned up on Burdemic shock and terror.
Wow.
Even if someone's ever masturbated to Burdemic, someone had to.
What's the rule?
It's like if you could think of it, somebody's masturbated to it.
Someone's made porn of it.
Oh my God.
Isn't there a rule 34 website?
Oh no.
Oh no.
Yeah, you guys work on this.
Oh shit.
It's unrelated.
It's unrelated.
I promise.
It's unrelated.
But well, we'll take a quick break before we pop into the movie to ask what are we high on?
Pancakes.
Yes.
Alexa made some lovely pancakes.
We had breakfast this morning and it's a little wake and bake session.
I am high on select bites.
Sativa and passion fruit flavor.
They are divine.
My vape is charging.
I probably took, I aggressively tried to get something out of it for several minutes.
It was pretty great.
Yeah, it's charging now.
I don't know which pot I have.
It's either wedding cake or dosido.
I really don't know.
Oh, is dosido like the like the Girl Scout cookies?
I don't know what.
Pause.
I don't do any of it for the flavor.
I don't care what it tastes like.
That's fair.
Just get me what?
Just get me fucked up.
Let's go.
Get me fucked up.
I need something to distract me from the horrors.
Yeah.
I cannot find birdemic on rule 34.
I think fucking God.
Hold on.
That gives me hope.
James Nguyen.
Oh no.
Just because it's not on the website doesn't mean somebody hasn't done it.
Hold on.
I'm on incognito.
It's fine.
It's fine.
Birdemic porn.
That's what I was worried about.
Birdemic porn.
Okay.
I hate where this is.
Rule 34.
I hate where this is going.
We're going to get on a government list first.
Oh no.
Oh no.
Anthro, avian, beak, bird, bodily fluids.
Oh.
Why did you do this?
That's a lot of words that I don't love being.
That's a lot of charts.
Language there.
That's a lot.
That's a lot.
Jesus fucking Christ.
You're welcome.
Yeah.
Thanks.
You did it.
You sure did.
Our lives are enriched.
Enriched.
Enriched isn't a word.
Close enough.
This movie could, this movie enriched a lot of things.
Okay.
I'm taking off incognito.
Don't worry.
You did it.
We did the thing.
I satiated my curiosity.
Somebody had to.
For porn.
I mean, it's early in the morning.
It's early in the day, but it was bound to happen sooner or later.
We'll hop into the movie because.
We'll fly into the movie.
Because birds.
Oh my God.
The way the bird sounded was absolutely unnatural.
It was horribly frustrating and aggravating.
It also bothered my cat.
And for that reason, I am very upset about it.
It's slightly bothered my handsome little man.
But we start with the granddaddy of the opposite of parking scenes.
So much driving.
Oh my God.
There was so much driving.
I was like, is this the movie?
The movie is just driving.
You're not far off.
That's fairly close.
Hi.
All right.
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Mike, how long would you say the driving scene went on for?
Eight minutes.
Yeah.
Yeah, that checks out.
It felt like at least.
And it's all it is.
If you're watching it, it's.
There's a camera on the dashboard pointed at the window and it's just.
Drive.
Drive.
And if anyone's seen me in us, the hands of fate, it's very much like that.
It's just like nothing but driving and no context to it.
It didn't feel realistic to me because as someone who's lived on like a roller coaster type road,
it's very windy.
He would be going like 60 miles.
He also drives like a mother.
He drives like a fucking grandma.
Yeah, he drives like me.
We never find out like who is driving the car.
The birds.
Maybe the birds are driving the car.
A second bird has driven the car.
No.
So during the driving scene, we're getting all the credits, which we, we, I think we
learn.
I can pull up the trivia, but because of the there was like because of the limited budget,
the director had to like make up a bunch of names of crew members.
It was the actors doing all the work.
That's that's fucking illegal.
I was going to say, I think there's some laws against that.
Fucking bullshit, man.
It's like at least, you know, at least Tommy Wiseau at least had the balls to put himself
in like every credit.
Like, yeah, I was the director.
He was director, producer, writer, star.
Yeah.
Tommy Wiseau, on the very off chance that you are listening to this, I give you credit.
You did your best.
That's a sentence that I would never say.
I just pulled it up on Wikipedia and I, it was reminded that it was only a 93 minute
movie.
That felt very.
It felt so long.
I also had to pee like four times because I was so fucking bored.
That movie, it felt like at least three hours.
I've seen Birdemic two times.
Oh, you willingly saw this again.
I saw this, I saw this once with the riff tracks and even then with the riff tracks, it was
a hard sit.
And because they usually can make most things like tolerable.
This was a tough shit.
And then watching it again with you guys.
And I was just like, I, oh, they're still going.
Oh, it's still happening.
Still no burbs.
Okay.
Also the budget for this was $10,000, a fly $10,000.
It definitely shows every dollar on screen.
We can make a, I think we can make a better movie with $10,000.
Oh yeah.
Fuck yeah.
Hell yeah.
I'm not even questioned that.
What a, what movie actually you proposed a new, oh, it was, was it Winnie the Pooh?
Yeah.
We should clarify.
Oh yeah.
Should we, should we explain to the audience that we were going to try a movie?
Oh yeah.
This was, this episode was originally supposed to be Pooh hunting, blood hunting.
Yeah.
And then we found out some unsavory things that happened in a Winnie the fucking Pooh
horror movie.
We were like, oh, we'll look up like does the dog die?
Like we want to be prepared if this is going to get kind of weird and uncomfortable and
it does apparently for no reason.
And I'm convinced just plot synopsis alone that I can make a better Winnie the Pooh horror
movie.
Being, I can do a decent Pooh voice.
I could, you know, whatever.
Oh, piglet.
We need to make sure that Christopher Robin doesn't leave.
Sheen.
I also, as a general reminder, before we watch movies, we do our best to remember to look
up a does the dog die.com because it goes through all the, like all potentially triggering
situations that you might encounter in a movie.
We hardly recommend it in the horror genre because as we know, violence against women
and sexual violence is pretty prevalent for no good reason.
It really is.
I'm just trying to have a good time.
Jesus Christ.
The whole point of this show is for us to watch movies that are stupid and laugh at them
and like just be like, oh, it's happened to be horror.
And we're like, oh, look how stupid this is.
And then every like third movie we look up, it's just like, and by the way, be aware of
this.
Oh, fuck's sake.
Like, oh, no, that takes me out.
That's a little too real.
Yeah.
It's like, great.
So we screen our movies before we watch them.
I think that's because, you know, we would like to have fun when we're watching and making
fun of our trash.
Yeah.
So this was a, this was a, this was a late in the game changer of movie.
And this was a, this was, didn't have that moment in there.
Yeah.
Side note, we've been watching all the saw movies with my friends and surprisingly,
he doesn't really hate women as much as you would think these are movies would.
That is surprising.
You go back and watch them.
It's like, okay, this is like just everyone's kind of terrible.
Like it's not great.
But like, it's, it's, it's a, the bar is so low that they've at least, you know, hit
the floor.
Bar is so low.
It's in hell.
And I at least need you to be like saw level.
Like, but that's, that's, we're getting some interesting sentences today.
Yeah.
So blood and honey apparently hates women.
I don't, I'm just, this is, this is just from the synopsis we looked up.
I'm going to watch it and find out for sure because I just have a morbid curiosity about
this.
Yeah.
I, I, I read the Wikipedia synopsis after, after I looked through the does the dog die
website and the majority of the victims that are killed are, are women, which is,
Yeah.
You know, how many women are in the winning the poo story?
Only Kinga.
Yeah.
Only a very positive character.
You know, you know, just, just a single mom living her life.
You know, she's doing her best.
She's doing her best.
Kinga was always actually my favorite character too.
I don't know.
We all know mine.
Yes.
If we ever decided to branch into a super after school special shake and pick episode,
maybe we'll get into some of the, definitely how we pick our movies.
But yeah, we need the poop, blood and honey just seeing that there was somehow sexual
violence shoehorned into this movie.
We were like, no, though.
I don't really want to watch rape scenes with my friends.
Now sex scenes with my friends.
Speaking of, speaking of a movie that had sex scenes that we had to all sit through.
Um, they were not as graphic as I would have anticipated.
No.
And, um, that really kind of pulled me out of it.
Well, because remember, I like watching sex scenes with my friends.
Sure.
And remember, I mean, they couldn't, like, they were forbidden to actually have sex
with each other.
So, you know, they had to, they had to be fairly chaste sex scenes.
How did that conversation go, you think?
I have a question.
What the fuck do you even describe the beginning of this as?
It's just a guy trying to get a date.
Yeah.
No, he's, yeah, you know, he runs into, no, he ran into a girl that he went to school
with.
He had classes with her and incredibly awkwardly.
Yeah.
And he was like, oh, she's looking kind of hot.
Like, want to ask her out on a date.
It was a really awkward conversation.
Like they started talking and they're like, okay, see you later.
Bye.
And she starts walking and they chase after her again.
And then it's like, oh, no, yeah, I think he just exchanged numbers.
They changed numbers.
And then he called her with good news and was like, can I take you out to dinner?
Because he had a very successful sale.
He sold a million dollars worth of, what was it, solar panels?
Solar panels.
Solar panels.
A notoriously lucrative business.
But the thing about that, what we described was probably 20 minutes of movie.
Yes.
It took so fucking long to get to that point.
Yeah.
And she was all excited because she was, so she's a model and she just found out she
was, is Victoria's secret next cover model.
Yeah.
While she's getting photos taken next to like a fucking like Jersey Mike's like, it's
like, yeah.
And they were like kind of, they were like weirdly culturally appropriative.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She had one of the, with like a Kimono at some point.
And I was like, oh, what, what, what, where's this going?
The name of the studio, the name of the photo place was my studio, but it had a tilde for
some reason.
Oh, yeah.
Even though none of these letters have a tilde.
And because I want to be accurate, Victoria's secret doesn't have a cover girl.
They probably, they have spokes models and they have angels.
So she got an imaginary job and I won't stand for that.
No, it's part of the, the AU, the James Nguyen, it's part of the AU.
There are more than one Burdemic movie, but I believe from what I've read that he's
in on the joke in the later movies, which I mean, that defeats the point.
Yeah.
But they're all within the James Nguyen cinematic universe, right?
I don't know.
Probably.
Sure.
Why not?
Oh, I'd love to think it's also in the same universe as Thanksgiving, just because
of the very bizarre sequel that they have.
Oh my God.
It's Thanksgiving three.
They're looking for Thanksgiving too.
Yeah.
Directed by James Nguyen.
Directed by James Nguyen.
Oh, and this was actually when you, Mike, you told us that this was the movie that made
you start counting parking scenes.
Yes.
Oh yeah.
That's a, that's a choice.
Yeah.
Between this and a bunch of like different mystery science theater episodes, I've noticed
that the worst the movie is, the more random pointless driving and pointless parking is
in movies.
Yeah.
Okay.
We're going to get out of the car and shoot them all in all in a wide shot.
They never do any like close ups or whatever.
It's always just a wide shot of getting out of the car, shutting the car off, you know,
slowly walking out of the car to go into the building to get the thing.
Like it's always that boring framing.
Very important question for you.
When it comes to a car chase movie on a set of blinds, I'm looking at this through the
lens of Mad Max Fury Road.
I mean, as we should, as we, as we should for all movies, really.
As we should.
Well, something is happening and is the, is the car chase necessary for the advancement
of the plot?
I mean, the entire movie, the plot is the car chase.
So I mean, there you go.
Are you bored during that scene?
I mean, it was such a bro movie and I was just like, explosions.
This guy's dead and there's too many things happening on the screen and I'm overstimulated.
Sounds like there's more.
It sounds like it's more exciting than I got out of the car and went to the store.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I'll give it like, you know, when I think of like a big crazy car chase, I think of
like the Blues Brothers were like, they fucking crashed through the goddamn mall and they're
like commenting on like, oh, look, they got a Toys R Us here or whatever.
While they're smashing through shit.
Like, you know, if there's something happening, it's a movie.
Like, I'm not against the concept of cars themselves, but like.
James DeWynn is though.
Clearly, yes.
But like, if it's the movie is just parking and I'm like, well, what is the scene telling
us movie that they arrived at a location?
Why are we spending 10 minutes on this?
A lot of like electric vehicle stuff with shoehorned in here and I'm sorry, but if we were going
to be environmentally friendly and a little bit more based public transportation.
Yeah.
There's a disturbing lack of public transportation.
Bicycles.
There is a bicycle, but like thus far we would have learned about the solar panels.
Solar panels.
The solar panel business.
The electric car that we see prominently in Rod's driveway.
His best friend on the other hand, like just bought a big gas guzzler and is like, I will
never have an electric vehicle.
He's very hairy.
I'm going to remind us all that that dude was very as fuck.
Well, he's got to have the gas guzzler because that's how you get the ladies.
First you'll get the gas guzzler, then you get the power, then you get the women.
So like you guys are saying, Rod calls Natalie with the good news of a sale and finds out that
Natalie just got the cover model position of Victoria's Secret.
That doesn't exist.
That doesn't exist.
And so he introduces himself first as Rod, the guy from the restaurant.
Not the guy we talked to this morning.
Not the guy you went to school with.
Is it the same day?
I think so.
I think it's later in the day because Rod was having breakfast where we saw that he was
the original three drink garlic.
Oh yeah, that's right.
Orange juice, water and the coffee.
Yeah.
So my question is, what are this man's working hours?
Who has time to like go to breakfast?
Oh, I just realized.
I was still daylight when he was done with his shift.
Literally.
He was like, I made that sale.
Fuck yeah.
And then, oh wait, it's a James Wynn movie.
I made that sale.
Yeah.
Oh, it was a single woohoo.
And his friend came around like, what's with all the noise?
But I just realized they didn't exchange phone numbers.
They exchanged business cards.
Oh, that's even worse.
See, that's not very environmentally friendly either.
Yeah, it's a waste of paper.
Cell phones would have been better.
Yeah, so they exchanged business cards and that's how they got each other's numbers.
But Rod says that they should go out and celebrate her good news and by going out for a dinner date,
they don't mention which day or what time or what restaurant even,
but they both just agree that they'll meet up and somehow they both knew what they were talking about.
I think they do say a Vietnamese restaurant.
That's about it though.
Oh, okay.
They did that would make more sense.
Between the scene of him asking Natalie out and their actual date,
there's a weird basketball game between Rod and Rick,
where Rod is mentioning that he has a date and Rick says,
they're like, oh, you got a plower.
And Rod's like, oh, is that all you ever think about?
Oh yeah, he got really pressed about how often it's been talked about sex.
Because in Rick's mind, a day without sex is a day wasted man.
They talk a little bit about how hot it is, another nod to global warming.
And then we're brought to a quick scene that you actually made us pause on.
Okay.
So before we get to that, we should say that there is a bit of a background plot,
which is surprising for this movie.
Where like, you know, Rod will be getting ready for work in the morning
and then he'll be eating like a bowl of cereal or something or having a coffee.
And there'll be this awful looking framed news footage that looks like it was filmed at a community college.
And it's all framed wrong.
Oh yes, I remember now what happened.
So like there's some news footage.
So this one of these scenes has it and all the news footage is always like,
birds are dying, birds are reacting weirdly, the weather is bad, blah, blah, blah.
I then, because I was trying to be good, I shut my mouth.
I was very proud of it.
I was being good, but I had to say something during the scene.
They show footage of an F1 race.
And during the F1 race, I went guys, guys pause the movie.
And we pause the movie and they go, look at the footage.
And there's a fucking watermark for Getty Images on the God damn footage,
which means he stole that footage.
We didn't pay for it.
I remember this now.
But I just was like, oh for fuck's sake.
Still, when we froze the screen, it was perfectly, like we could perfectly see the logo.
And we're like, oh my God.
I just remember pointing, oh that's Getty Images.
Yeah.
So I guess also in the same broadcast, they said that 30,000 acres of trees have been destroyed
and 100 homes were destroyed by a fire.
And then literally after they say this horrifying piece of news, anyways,
and then they move on to like a completely unrelated story.
Like this is like a mass tragedy situation and you're just like, all right, here's the weather.
Yeah.
But anyway, come on down here.
Back to funny sunny storms.
Yeah.
So that gets to, does that get, I think that brings us to the date.
The date, yes.
The awkward fucking date.
It was a great date.
What are you talking about?
She got to talk about her, the bed, the most important man in her life, Alex.
Oh, I forgot about Alex.
Great.
Is that your boyfriend?
I would hope not if you're on a date, dumbass.
It was her dog?
Cat.
Cat.
Alex was a cat.
Yeah.
Oh God, I love when people give their pets people names.
That's my favorite.
I love it so much.
Are you guys going to name the next pet Rod?
Absolutely not.
Yeah.
You don't even name a person Rod.
Like it's just a name.
It just doesn't work.
Yeah.
A person Rod.
I've met, I'll be honest.
I've never met a person in real life named Rod.
Me neither.
I don't think I have either now.
I mean, like this is obviously somebody because there's this one in this movie.
My favorite joke to make and my mom like this kills her every time.
Yeah.
I don't really know how you get like Peg from Margaret, but I do know how you get Dick from
Richard.
Yeah.
That's nicely.
Get Peg from Margaret.
If you guys have a very, anyway, I know there's like a pegging joke in there somewhere, but
I got to workshop it a little bit.
Yeah.
If you have a good suggestion for a Margaret pegging joke, please submit it.
I would love to see it.
It would make me really make my day.
Please distract me from the horrors.
Yeah.
There are so many horrors, please.
We need laughs.
That's why we're here.
They have a really awkward conversation and that I wrote why the shitty CGI parrots.
We have a few things there.
Kelly, you said we have a really awkward conversation.
That's the whole movie.
The whole movie is awkward, uncomfortable.
Yeah.
I feel like they don't know how to talk to each other.
Is that the episode title at awkward conversation?
Unless we got something better.
That's probably going to be the one.
Oh, wait.
An inconvenient truth in an awkward conversation.
Amen.
Let's go.
Oh, fuck it.
Yeah.
They go on their date.
Is that the one where they date for like six hours and then the sun goes down and.
Yeah.
The sun does go down.
Yeah.
He wants to get invited inside and she's like, no.
And I wrote, yeah, set those boundaries, girl.
Yes.
I love it.
And you know what?
Oh, this is when we see the poster of Yoko Ono's website, imaginepeace.com.
Because so it turns out that Natalie and Rod,
who apparently haven't seen each other in years,
Rod's best friend, Rick, is dating Natalie's best friend, Mai.
Oh, wouldn't that wouldn't, you know that, you know,
and they decide to set up a double date and oh, that's so funny.
I know Rick.
Like.
How would you not know any of these people?
That's what I'm saying.
It doesn't make any fucking sense.
You know, sometimes people have weird work schedules sometimes, you know,
but like, I think it's, I think it's more like, you know,
if I heard Mai, you know, like when we were dating,
it's like my husband had been referring to his friend, Jeff.
Like, oh yeah.
So my friend Jeff this, my friend Jeff that.
And then we, you know, I would talk about my best friend,
let's say like, like Kayla.
Oh yeah, Kayla this, Kayla that.
And you're telling me that if Kayla never met a, like Jeff.
Yeah.
At some point those paths would cross.
I think, well, you know what, maybe it's also because Rod isn't,
isn't a common name that I'm finding this more unbelievable.
I'm so sorry.
That's why she came over to you.
Oh no.
You got the weed.
Yeah, it was glowing green.
I was like, all right, I'm ready to fuck.
It was glowing green.
Like weed.
Yeah.
It was growing.
It was glowing green like weed.
Magic weed.
I think that's what in cake.
Yes.
They, they set up a double date, which not only calls Mai,
Mai is literally straddling Rick and she answers the phone.
I mean, it's probably, she's like, oh, this will probably be more
interesting than whatever's happening here.
Yeah.
He wasn't in her yet.
I mean,
it's still like, you're not going to be on top of your partner
getting ready.
And I'm being like, oh, hold up.
My girl's calling me.
I'm not going to be cock blocked by the goddamn phone.
No, it's a more likely to be cock blocked by one of my pets being annoying.
I'm not bitter about it at all.
Full.
They, they set up this double date just while they're having sex or whatever.
Well, not fully having sex.
It's James win.
They can't fully have their, their bits out.
Nope.
No bits out.
This is not an instance of crime, penetration, crime, penetration, crime, penetration.
You just thundergun this.
Oh my God.
Oh Jesus.
So we don't get treated to the double date right away.
First, we have to have a whole bunch of negotiation meetings and every meeting
definitely took place in the same room because they always had like the smallest bowl of
Jolly Ranchers.
Hey, set design.
And the worst projector.
Yeah.
The projector.
That really fucking made me angry as an AV tech.
They cast Ron who was like about as interesting and watching paint dry as his company's like
head salesman and like spokesperson.
I'm going to read off figures.
In fact, actually having worked with, with people that do sales, he's pretty much dead
on for that.
Like they're, they're boring fucking people.
Now while this was happening, I guess that's when Natalie goes to talk to her mom.
Oh yes.
Yes.
She, yeah, she goes to talk to her mom has some outdated beliefs about.
Find you a man.
Find you a man to take care of you.
Honestly.
Based.
I, did I tell you guys there was one time I went to, I was at a nail salon getting,
I had done dip powder.
I had to get it soaked off.
Yeah.
They were watching the Miss Universe pageant.
I think that's the one where like it's all like all countries.
They were, it was actually a really interesting like segment they were on.
Like everyone was like dressed in like the, like their cultures, like different outfit.
Yeah.
It was, it was really cool.
There was a woman next to me just making the most awful misogynistic comments the entire
time.
She was saying, I don't know why people care if these women are, are smarter.
Nobody cares what they have to say.
They're just pretty and people want to look at them.
Jesus Christ.
I'm like just sitting there like, I'm trying to, I'm lady, I'm just trying to mind my business.
I don't, I do not talk to me.
She also said, like one, one of the cultures, like it was a very empowering gown.
Like it had like a bunch of like, like handprints on it from like different women.
And I did on this one.
It was, it was about like women being able to be independent and like be, like have their
own agency.
And she said, oh, just marry a man and let him take care of you.
Great.
Yeah.
I hated that whole experience.
That's fantastic.
That's the beginning of a trad wife right there.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Natalie visits her mom who wants her to be a real estate agent behind you.
Like for that is such a weird career to push on someone in 2010.
Yeah.
I do like that.
Like during the date, Natalie is saying how like, oh, my mom doesn't like that I'm a model
wants me to be a real estate agent, but then like her mom's chill about it.
She's just like, you know, if the modeling thing doesn't work out, you know, you could
always do the real estate thing, but like she's not super pushy about it.
And no, it's just like, why are we fixating on a real estate agent?
I agree.
I wholeheartedly agree.
Real estate in 2010.
What was wrong with real estate in 2010, Michael?
Oh, you know.
Same thing that's wrong with it.
No.
Oh man.
So their date in 2010 is going to see an inconvenient truth which came out in 2006.
Vibes.
He might have just saw it in 2009 and was like, hey, this is the fucking hotness.
This is the hotness.
He was the slowpoke meme of, have you guys seen this?
Yeah, we have.
Oh my gosh.
They're talking about an inconvenient truth and Rick says that he'll surely get a more
environmentally friendly car now.
After just buying a car with his bonus.
Yes.
Yeah.
He's got a second car.
He got to have the gas guzzler and the environmentally friendly one.
They cancel each other out.
Yeah.
That's about it.
We do see a few things on, I think what, date number two where they go around and they
see birds, birds are doing great.
The birds are fucking horrible PNGs.
This is like the first time we see birds, but still nothing is happening with the birds.
Yes.
We're well like a half hour into this movie.
Oh God, it takes so fucking long.
We see the birds in the background, but nothing's happening with them yet.
They're, they go on their third date, which was to a craft fair, which I think you, Alex,
I think you said, we could just go to a craft fair.
I was like, wow, man, I could really fuck up a craft fair.
Yeah.
The pumpkin fair of 2008, because this came out in 2010.
Like was it like a two year turnover?
Well, I mean, yeah, if it took him four years to make this movie.
Oh boy.
Oh, that's why.
I'm sorry.
That's why you're convenient.
Because he had just seen it and it took him four years to make a movie.
That's fucking wild.
So, so yeah, the dialogue was relevant when it was made.
I didn't mean to just change it.
Oh my God.
Jesus Christ.
I can't.
Yeah.
I think, I think there was like date, it was dated on the like pumpkin festival.
Like it was like 2007 or eight or something like that.
And like just random footage of people hanging out at a craft fair, which Red Letter Media
would call that shoot in the rodeo.
So like that's, you know, when you film something that's just happening to fill
time in your movie.
And a 93 minute movie.
A 93 minute movie that we felt every second of.
There was a part, there was like a small scene during like this montage that we all
thought was funny.
A child was pulling a tractor along.
Oh yeah, for no reason.
Yeah, there's a parade float.
And in front of the parade for like 20 feet in front, there's just a kid and
like a baby tractor.
And we're like, we were making jokes.
Like obviously the kid is not pulling it for real.
We're making jokes like, oh, that kid's fucking ripped.
Just pulling that fucking float.
Yeah.
It's fine.
Just ride your tricycle.
You can do it.
Terrible clipping.
So they must have the audio.
The audio and the editing was not top tier.
This thing is so badly edited.
Where did the money go is my question.
Like I know they only had $10,000, but where did like the chunk of that money go?
Probably the night club singer.
To license the music.
Yay.
Which, when do we get to that?
Because that's the best part of it.
Oh yeah, we're almost there.
We're almost finally edging me.
Because they go to a pub.
And every place they go to is like empty by the way.
Yeah, it's all empty.
Because extras cost money.
They've clearly already like ordered, but like the waiter comes up to the table and says,
hello, here are your drinks.
It was almost like they were first being greeted like, oh no, everyone just gets the same drink when you come in and sit down.
I would say it's an Irish English pub situation.
So that tracks.
Yeah, two cultures that have no problems with each other.
Let's just blend them right on in.
But here you go, have a beer.
Have a beer.
Yeah, this is where we get to possibly our favorite, our favorite scene.
Oh, the best part of the movie.
A banger.
They decide to, so you know, there's a nightclub singer and he decides to sing a song called,
Hanging Out With My Family.
And it is, having looked the lyrics up.
It's a song about having a family reunion and it's a banger.
We might pull a clip depending on what we want to do.
But the lines, if someone could pull up the exact lyrics, but the lines strictly are basically about trying to hook up with people at a family reunion.
And the brothers can't wait to hook up.
Jill Scott's on the radio.
And I hear somebody say hello.
Hello.
So Thelma stops the dancing.
And grandma stops the prancing to make sure that the fellas don't try any glancing.
I still do not think it is an incestuous.
I think it is.
I do not think it is.
It's either better.
It's somebody like getting real horned up and they can just come in.
It's like the horniest song ever.
It's like you're going to your partner's family reunion and you're like,
I'm hoping it's like an outsider.
Like someone dominated.
That's still not great, but like.
I don't know.
My head tanning is it's fine.
Sure.
It's fine to be horny at family reunions.
Jesus Christ.
All right.
Yeah, so I got the lyrics up.
Here we go.
Yeah.
Young ladies are doing their makeup and the brothers can't wait.
And the brothers can't wait to hook up.
So grandma starts to dance in and grandma starts to prancing to make sure that the
fellas don't try any glancing.
See.
This is like letter of the law here.
Like this.
Toe in the line.
It's like a banger of a song.
Like, but they played the, they played this whole song.
The entire song.
While we see Rod and Natalie having an awkward dance.
Yeah, it's, it's very, uh, they're kind of like slow dancing,
but they're also kind of like jamming out.
Like, yeah.
And like, yeah, the lyrics are very questionable.
I, I, I'm of the kid.
I don't know the way the words are written.
It seems a little like this is a spicy family.
Like a little bit of a little bit of something that makes me think of like red dead redemption.
Like some of the, some of these family members might be doing some stuff on the side.
Oh, this, this is when, uh, Lexa, you said this line, if you would, I'd say this movie
would be a shit, but I've taken shits more impressive than this.
I think I was having a bad IBS day and so it was really on my mind.
Did this movie not loosen you up though?
It did.
It did.
It solved my problems.
It was so bad that I was just like, I need to purge myself.
I need to relate it to this movie.
I planned myself of these things.
After this is when Natalie finally decides Rod, like, uh, Rod's the one she's been waiting
for and they get a hotel room.
It's not implied they left town.
Yeah.
And Rod has his own house.
Well, you know, she ain't got to take him home.
His name's Rod.
She wants that Rod.
Sure she does.
She wants Rod's Rod.
They go to the hotel room and it's the most awkward fucking thing ever where, like, she
comes out in her big, your brown panties.
Yeah.
What do you think?
Yeah.
And it's just like, you feel icky watching it.
It's just so greasy.
You watch this with my friends.
I'd rather watch a sex scene.
Yeah.
And they like, they make out at the bed, fade out, and then we see more see it.
The PNG birds acting up.
This is 45 minutes into the movie, by the way, the birds finally start attacking.
Yeah.
In birdemic.
Shock and terror.
Shock and terror.
I, you know, maybe, maybe she got some shock and terror last night.
Terror is probably where you're at.
Shocker and terror.
They, uh, so they start seeing, there's pixelated fire everywhere.
There's terrible bird, bird images.
And the birds, like, start, like, trying to get into the hotel room by, like, breaking
the windows.
They barricade it with the mattress.
Yeah, they wake up post-coitus.
Post-coitus.
With them in the same clothes they were wearing before, which, again, feeds into the hole,
like, don't actually fuck.
Which, okay, sure.
So, yeah, they barricade themselves in, hang out for a period of time.
Uh, and then we can probably just steamroll through the rest of this, because this is
basically just them driving around and meeting randos along the way as they, where are they
trying to go?
That, it, unclear.
They never say.
Because if birds are fucking you up, they're everywhere in the sky.
Like, where do, where do you go?
It's, like, they never, yeah, they really don't even try to do anything except drive
around.
Like, that Natalie and Rod end up, like, when they have to venture out of their room, because
they think the birds are not outside anymore.
They meet Ramsey and Becky, who have, like, a bigger van, and guns.
Why not?
Everyone, you gotta have guns.
He was in Iraq, and he has guns, and he's got camo.
That's true.
He, yes, he is, it's, we're, we're never led to forget that this guy was in the army.
They end up also taking in two kids.
Yeah.
Who have the best line in the movie, I'll say.
Oh, yeah.
Um, but we'll get to that in a minute.
Uh, yeah, and they meet, like, randos along the way as they drive somewhere to avoid the
birds.
They find out it's, like, a global warming something or other, that bird flu mutated
the birds, and they're all, like, super killers.
It never really clarifies, like, exactly what's going on and how it's affecting them.
There's really no good answer for anything.
There's a few wacky moments along the way, like, this guy with the cowboy hat, who, like,
we all lost our fucking minds when he holds them up, and then, like, he gets, what does
he get, pecked to death or some shit by a bird?
No, a bird flies by and, like, slaps.
It's actually his throat.
And then he's, like, trying to, they're running out of gas, and he's, like, hey, uh, you know,
the guy's dead.
So instead of Rod picking up the gas can.
Oh, that's right.
He deliberately leaves it there and drives away.
Yeah.
It's just, like, a fucking moron.
It's the cowboy's gas now.
But, yeah, story-wise, there's not much more to say, except they just drive around and
pick up, it's, like, pick up randos along the way in a minivan, and that's kind of it.
That's, it's literally, it's literally the movie, except at some point they also find out
that Rick and Mai died offscreen, but we get to see their bodies.
Yeah, pecked out by birds, and she's still wearing her imagine peace shirt.
She dies in it.
She dies in that shirt.
She dies in that shirt.
She imagined peace all the way up until her death.
She sure did.
I guess the peace didn't imagine her.
Oh.
But, yeah, it was, it was wild that, like, he just left the gas there.
I remember being really angry about that.
But they, the only, I guess, notable things that happen are a bunch of people scream to
be, to be helped out of a bus that's being attacked by birds, and then when Rod and Ramsey
go to rescue them, they all refuse to leave the bus.
And then immediately get killed.
And then, and then, yeah, they all immediately die anyway.
So, like, what was the point of that?
Nothing.
The character Becky was killed off taking a chase.
Yes.
So, that's probably one of the memorable moments is we cut to, like, the van's parked by a
bush somewhere.
And, like, he says, hey, where's Becky?
I'll give you this line, Kelly.
It was, she's taking a shit now that he's watching.
There's a reason that Becky got killed off.
Her actress, like, her time was up in, like, what she, how long she had to film so they
had probably killed off her character.
In the worst way possible.
Let's go on a way I want to go.
It could have been anything else.
It could have been, like, her trying to defend one of the kids.
It could have been, like, off-screen, like.
That's an extra day of filming.
Nope.
Just have her in the bushes.
Literally, yeah.
She goes, she squats in the bushes.
She just plopped it.
The bird goes down.
I can't.
The birds sound fucking torturous.
When you, when we get to this part of the movie, it's just a cacophony of horrible bird
noises.
All the same ones.
Yeah.
And it's just like, it's like insufferable.
The other one that I remember really seriously is when they, for whatever reason, go to the
woods and they meet the weirdo guy in the woods who's like, the tree hugger guy who's like,
I live with the trees and he gives us an environmentalist speech randomly in the middle of it.
Yep.
And then they're like, do you want to come with us or can we go with you?
And he goes, no, I live by myself in my wood tree house and these birds don't hurt me.
Why?
Fuck if I know.
And then the forest catches on fire.
Oh, but the tree hugger first, oh, I hear a mountain lion, so I better get going.
But yes, the forest catches on fire.
Yeah.
And by fire, PNG fire just pops up on everything.
And the biggest part I remember is the ending where they drive around, drive around, drive
around, and they just end up at the beach.
When they go to the beach, they're like, oh, we're running out of food.
We're running out of supplies.
They go into little shits about it.
Yeah.
And they go into two different convenience stores and I'm like, why don't they just ransack
the fucking place?
There is the one guy that he tries to get gas for and he's charging $100 per gallon.
So there's a few little things like that.
But at the very end, they're like, all right, we'll fish for some food.
And we have a stove and whatever.
So he starts fishing and he asks Natalie to get some seaweed.
And they're like, OK, whatever.
And I'm like, well, got no rice.
I guess you can't make any sushi out of that.
You wouldn't grill it anyway.
But the point is to get the stove.
They start preparing for it.
And the kids are like, I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
And they've prepared.
They've prepared my plate of fish.
And the kid just goes, I want a happy meal.
Oh my.
Yeah.
He insists in Cecily.
I want a happy meal.
Yeah.
And the girl says it as well.
And I'm like, I'm like, fuck these kids.
Let them die.
And this starts a trend with me in later movies where I just want the kids to die.
Yeah.
It's just starting to get real dark, Michael.
That's my two cents number.
Unless there's anything else we're missing.
But how did it end?
How did they stop the birds from attacking?
Oh, it just kind of ended.
Other birds show up and then they're fine.
Yes.
That's literally how it ends.
Rod, Natalie and the two kids that they picked up are about to be attacked on the beach
and doves show up and then the other birds fly away.
The end.
I think the most entertaining part of that movie was the beach scene where they're eating
food on the beach and the kids want McDonald's.
And like, oh, let's eat outside where the birds can't attack us.
No, that's absolutely logical.
Door picnic.
Yeah.
Or the acid bus.
Oh my God, the acid bus.
I just love it.
Save me.
Save me.
All right, here we are.
Save you.
No, we can't leave.
It's just like one stupid scene after another.
And like, that's it.
That's the movie.
It takes forever.
Like what we described was like it took us less than an hour to describe this movie,
but like it's an hour and a half.
It feels like it's two and a half hours.
It really does.
It feels like Lord of the Rings long.
Like it's like, what the fuck is going on?
Like it's exhausting.
Yeah, the only essentially the only characters that are consistent throughout the movie are
Rod and Natalie because Rick and Ma, we don't hear from them after I'd say the first act
of the first third of the movie.
Don't call it act.
This movie doesn't have acts.
This movie doesn't have acts.
It just kind of goes.
Yeah, it's just there's like, there's basically two chunks.
There's before the birds and then after.
And that's it.
It's like this movie feels like the Michael Scott sentence of sometimes I start a sentence
and even I don't know where it's going.
I just hope it finds itself along the way.
That's what this movie felt like.
Yeah.
It was just kind of going, going, trying to see where it landed.
It seemed like he had half a story and she was like, hold on.
I got to figure out how to connect these scenes together.
I think I put more thought into writing a D&D campaign than they did in this fucking script.
Oh, absolutely.
Absolutely.
Yeah, there's, this movie is just, it's a delight to show other people.
But it's, it also is an endurance test.
It is.
As someone who was shown the movie, I hate you all.
Why do you hate me?
This was our chillarama moment.
Oh yeah.
I was paying a payback for chillarama.
Okay.
Yeah.
I respect that.
Yeah.
I'll give you that.
I'll give you that.
Yeah.
I'll give you that.
Yeah.
It was like, well, we need a pinch hitter.
We need something to fill, fill time and we, Lexa, have you seen Burdemic?
No.
And then you and I look at each other like psychos.
Well, enjoy the pain.
This is the pain you caused us.
I know we're going to have to sit through rubber again at some point.
That will be the third time I've had to watch that.
Oh my God.
I like how you could just make us watch it on our own and you could just like pitch in
like your thoughts, but instead you're like, I'll watch it for a third time.
I have to.
I haven't seen it like 10 years, but I had to watch it.
Everyone recommends we watch it.
Like it's getting, it's been recommended like five times.
Everyone's like, oh, you know that movie about a tire rubber?
Yes.
I'm familiar.
Oh my God.
But yes, this, this movie, the other, oh, the other thing that I enjoyed was how advertising
was done for this movie.
Oh, please, please do tell.
When advertising for the movie, the movie title was painted onto the side of a truck.
It was initially spelled wrong and it read bid Remic.
Incredible.
Um, painted like, like someone took a paint brush and it was like.
Maybe it was someone from the next movie.
Oh, shit.
But there was also after the Sundance Film Festival rejected the film.
James Nguyen put banners, fake blood and fake birds all over his van and then drove around
to advertise the film.
Eventually he got the attention of several films which distributed it.
I mean, they sure did.
They sure distributed this thing.
They sure did.
They sure did.
It is, it is available to watch.
It's a, it's a use of your time.
Yeah.
Oh, I was going to say, I recommend just watching it with rip tracks.
Yeah.
How many, how many stores would you give it or birds?
No, how many, how many, how many piece t-shirts would you give it?
Oh, okay.
I'm going to give it, you know what, I'm going to do one and a half piece t-shirts out of
five.
Okay.
A half.
That's it.
It's half a shirt.
Yeah, I hear half a shirt.
Crop top, you know.
You and I together, we make one whole shirt.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's the only thing redeeming about it is that goofy fucking song and that's it.
Everything else.
That was a bang.
Was it written for the movie?
I don't know.
I believe it was.
Really?
So that's where all the money went.
Okay.
That's gotta be where the money went.
That's the best part of the movie.
Yeah.
It's shocking enough to see how pathetically made it is.
Like, oh my God, like this is like kindergarten level fucking movie shit, but like, but like
once you're like an hour in, you're like, oh God, enough.
It's just like, oh, fuck enough of this.
Yes.
You're like, oh, it's so, uh, fuck.
Yeah.
So that is our take on Verdemic Shock and Terror.
If you don't believe us, watch it yourself, but don't say we didn't warn you.
Yeah, that's not our fault if you watch it.
And like every episode we end with a perfect public service announcement, wash your ass.
Wash your goddamn ass.
Thank you.
We'll see you next time.
Hey, thank you for tuning in.
We will be uploading every other Thursday, so please join us next time wherever it is
to listen to podcasts.
Follow us on social media listed in the description.
Bye.
See you next time.
Hey.
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