CartNarcs STORMS Spike's Car Radio!

Welcome to Spike's car radio. Here we are. We're together once again.

Suckerman's cracking his little soda water. Johnny is here after eating too much steak.

I think it was the right amount of steak. Here's a picture. You judge.

And we've got a great show. We've got lots of cars to show. We've got the brand new Subaru

Uncharted. We've got some, all you told me was you brought a Mercedes Benz that's worth

$231,000. Even. Even. Yeah. And no, no, no. Very exciting. Agent Sebastian from Carton

Ark's is going to be here. I think much more exciting. Now we've had many, many stars on our

show. Yes, ladies. Matt Damon, Christian Bale. Yeah. Jason Bateman. This guy. Nobody's. Nobody

as big as this guy. Michael Hu. Exactly. Yes. Agent Sebastian from Carton Ark's is going to be on.

And we're going to talk about Carton Ark's. And then I'm, I think I am going to get to go be

a Carton Ark. I hope you get punched in the face. Agent Sebastian is fleet. You, I don't think so.

But let's go right to a car. People are complaining all the time. You guys never talk about cars.

Well, look at this. Guess what? This is the brand new Subaru Uncharted. And guess what?

Your friend Spike Fursten is the very first to drive this car on roads that Subaru didn't pick.

That's what they told me to say. This is Subaru's new electric. And really, I am Johnny,

the first one to kind of have it out. This is the first one to have it. They had a big event

yesterday where they released it and they wanted me to try it. And here it is. The new Subaru

Uncharted. Here it is. All new. I'm going to go right off my notes which they just sent. That's

how fresh this thing is. And Johnny, you can chime in at any time you like. And what's interesting

about this document here, I can't talk about driving impressions yet because they're embargoed.

Spike has a thumb. I'm not talking. I can't say anything. Can I do impressions of your

impressions? Drives. Yes. Okay. It drives great. I really love this car. You just throw your tennis

bag into this car and you can go right to the tennis club. It is perfect for driving. That's

imagine Tesla Model Y and a Subaru Crosstrek had a baby.

Ew. I mean, ew. I swear to you, when you drive this and you look inside of this car,

you're going to see exactly what I'm saying. So what I like about the Subaru Crosstrek,

back in the day, like a Volkswagen Beetle wasn't an inexpensive thing, but they didn't cheap out.

It was still like a nice product. That's how I feel about like the Crosstrek. It's like,

I'm not spending a lot of money, but they're not mad at me that I didn't spend more money.

And so if you, yeah, if you can get that in this and also isn't it like 375 or 380 horsepower?

338 horsepower. Yeah. Okay. This version right here is Habanero Orange Metallic. Very nice. Two

tone. This is the GT trim. This is the one I would definitely get. Did I say 273 miles to the

charge on this guy? That's good. I haven't been able to test whether they are the authentic

type of electric miles that we like or the inauthentic Tesla version. Jump inside, Jack.

Let's take a look there. That is not a frunk. That has all got equipment in there,

so you can't use that for storage here. But look at this nice interior. Look at the goofy

steering wheel, which is fun. In the middle console there, you have two charging pads,

just like the Tesla Model Y. And guess what? They work, but your phone doesn't bounce around.

It holds onto your phone and they charge. It's got all of this intuitive electronic

hazard that works. Everything's just right. It's all great. Carplay immediately connects,

works great. It's got Subaru's, what do they call it? X power mode? Off-road?

Off-road modes, yeah. And it's funny when Dom dropped it off yesterday. Dom is the Subaru Rep.

He said, here's how you would use this off-road, this off-road electric. And it feels that way.

It really is an amazing little car for, let's see how much they're charging for this version.

This version is $46,000, so this is the most premium version with the heated seats and the

rear for a second. Let me show you $46,000 in today's dollars.

In today's dollars. Watch this. Now here, with most premium brands, you can do this. I've got

the key in my hand, right? Most premium brands do that, but most of the premium brands don't do

the second part from the key fob. There you go, there's Rufus. I wonder if I get the AMG,

the $231,000. We can do a test. I have no idea. Do you think, go ahead. No, don't do it.

Aim at the AMG, Jack. The green thing. Okay. Now it went up, press it again.

Yeah. Oh, see, it doesn't go down. It's a blue chew car. So that was the first thing I noticed on

the car while Dom was babbling about the car. And I said, I'm already sold because of what just

happened with that lid. And it's, I know it's a tiny thing, but to your point, Zuckerman,

the tennis bag, the groceries, the crap. When I get stuff in and I don't want to have to push

the button. You ever done this? That's how lazy I am. But you ever got stuff out of the back of your

car and two hours later you go out and the back is up? I haven't not done that. No, I've done that.

What is Rufus nervous about under there? He's smelling something. You, she is probably,

you seems you ran over a skunk. Did you? I haven't, I can't tell you my driving impressions of this

car. But what I was going to say though, about having dinner with Dom last night, just say that

they're rating it zero to 60 and 4.4 seconds, but actually it's quicker. So probably like a four

second to 60 car. That's the only apprehension is it's fast. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, I, uh, I mixed

a teenager mode. I mixed it up with a model three on the 405. Some guy didn't know what it was. And

he was like, I'm going to show you and pet. And I just blasted him in a model three. That sounds

like, you know, it sounds like a driving impression. You know, it's, oh, that's true. Oh,

embargo. Oh boy. You're, I'm about to be blackballed by super. Yes. For telling everybody how great

they're, I, I, I really do think this is going to be a big thing for them, a really big thing for

them. Really big. I hope it doesn't get uberized and ruined in that way because it, it already

feels very special, very affordable, really friendly. I mean, it's the friendliest brand I drive.

There's no other manufacturer or car that I drive where people are just nice to you

more than Subaru. They just love, everybody loves Subaru guy. Right. And now you've got this. Yeah.

What's not to like? I wish I could tell you how it drives. I think you did. But, uh, Johnny,

when you get it, I'm sure you'll do more in depth. I'll go on the road. Yeah. Definitely going off

road. So EVs are tremendous off road because it's all about like immediate low end torque.

So yeah, we'll have some fun with it for sure. Yeah. You can throw on roof rails and do the

whole deal with it. I mean, I'm, you think this would be a good off-roader? Could you climb down

rocks with it? It's got grip control, downhill assist control, snow dirt, deep snow modes.

Yeah. I don't, I will probably be very good in snow. I don't know rocks. I don't know about the

ground clearance. Doesn't look like it's true. You know, rocks are a combination of torque and

ground clearance. Right. But it'll be very good. Like on a trail, you know, so yeah, I can't wait.

He actually offered me one next week, but I'm going to Miami. So not happening. Rock. Nice.

Like the ones in your head. Not bigger than the ones in my head. You know, Subaru really does,

in this very ugly era of car design, Subaru does the most possible. They take an, you know,

an ugly-ish kind of vehicle. They do the back end, right? They make it interesting.

They have their own design language, right? The glass, the upper, the upper part of the car,

the glass, the orange. Oh, show the back seat, Jackie, just so we can have a look.

It's got the funny handle. Look at how, you know, little thing there. That's dumb. You want, your

mother will never find it. How do I get in the car? And then in the center console,

Jack, and that little cubby in the front seat, they do this thing. I don't know if you'll be

able to do it, but it's one of those where you can open it from the left or the right. Press

that button and open it. And now go on the other side. Close it. Now go the other side. Look at

this. Whoa. You can break it from either side. Mercedes did that in about 2013. Yeah. Yeah.

Trickling down. Finally. That is some David Blaine crap right there. You just tear the topple.

Yeah. And when I say David Blaine, I mean pre-Epstein file, David. Not post-Epstein

file. I'm sorry. Sorry for mentioning that. But go to, you know, the transmission there where you

engage. This is a little goofy, Johnny. You have to push that outer ring down. Go ahead and do it.

You might not be able to do it while the car is up, but you push it down and turn it left,

turn it right. Yeah. Typical dumb thing that takes up too much space. Could have put a cup holder

there. They could have, you know, stick down the steering wheel. But you know, they always want to,

you know, how they always want to tell you, let me show you how everything works. I go,

don't I want to be the new buyer who gets this thing? This is one of those one minute cars.

Right. It's all intuitive. You look where you look is where the button is. Everything works,

right? It's very easy. I didn't get lost once when I wanted to adjust the sound and the equalizer.

It was just, it's right there for you. The climate's right there for you. The sync button is right

there for you. It's easy. It works. It's affordable. You can't beat it. Yeah. And fully loaded, fully

loaded everything for 46. I mean, remember the average price for a new car now is about 50.

Yeah. Yeah. You're getting something with, you know, it can go 60 miles an hour and like between

four and four and a half seconds for less than the price of an average. 46,000 is 20,000 in 2020.

Yes. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's inexpensive. Thank you for that. Yes. Yeah. That's important.

That's my deal. You know, your dick lasers came in, by the way. I see them. I am very happy. Please

don't touch my dick lasers. And yeah. I'm the one who got them for you. Yeah. But I'm the one who

reached out to the dick laser people and said, yeah, but now they're mine. They're my dicks and

stop. You're going to need some instruction. I gave one to Johnny. Okay. I trust me. I know how to

use a dick laser. I do. I do. These are, they're a little complicated. They're two sided laser

lights and it took us a little while to figure out. We actually had to go to the, unlike the

Subaru Uncharted, the dick laser, we had to do the manuals. That's your review. Less complicated

than a dick laser. It's it. The Subaru Uncharted. Something tells me that one side's a flashlight

and the other side is a multi-dick laser. Wrong. Really? One side is a laser and a flashlight

and then a general light. And then the backside is also a dick light and other things. It's,

it's a little confusing. If I could give one note to the dick laser. Yeah. Yeah. Please,

a product note. You're impressed. We don't need a normal flashlight. We don't need normal

dicks. We want one button with dicks and selection of dicks. If you think about it,

they kind of wasted one side. Could have been more dicks. All right. Now we're going to review the

dick laser. Yes. I mean, I have to take it out. There you go. Mike, don't take your dick laser

out. Put it away. All right. Dick laser comes with a little USB. Okay. Let me tell you what

did you charge your phone with that too? Yes, you can. Wow. That's handy. Now see it's dull.

The dick laser is double-sided. It's got a little pen clip. Double-sided. I wish I had a double-sided.

Like, like a barbecue fork. I hadn't planned on reviewing the dick laser. Yeah. We'll get to

the AMG in a second. I like this. It's got a little clip there. So when you put it in your

pocket at work, are you putting it in the little pen holder? Here, allow me to point something out

to you on this project. Sorry, one side. Please don't tell HR about that. I used the wrong side

of my dick laser. Do you see dick laser? That's the problem. You just can see. So there's a dick

laser button here that gets your dick. Oh, yeah. Right there. Jack, can we get Jack? That's the

issue I kind of have right there. And now you can select. Roni's disease.

Look at how much they like this. And then you can, you make it fly like a SpaceX,

you know, right down there. Oh, cams on it too. We have multiple covers of the dick laser. Yeah.

So anyway, but see the problem I have, Zuckerman, is then you've got this side with a second button.

Okay. Okay. But that could have been more dicks. So what's happening here, the dick laser people

are going, Hey, sometimes you just need a laser. You don't want to shoot a dick on something.

Sometimes you need a flashlight. Sometimes we just want to, you know, light some stuff up.

And also our clients occasionally need a dick. Yeah. They're not confident

in their product to think. Well, they're trying to be kind, but we just want it for one thing.

More dicks. So you have the original dick laser, Zuckerman. Johnny has dick laser 2.0. I think

there needs to be a 3.0 with our notes. Okay. Can we have one side is the male side and one

side is the female side. That's your two sided light. There is. But that's too much. Yeah.

But no, I like that. I think they are doing too much. I mean, if we've learned anything

of Spike's car radio dick laser guys, you got to dial it back, dial it back, simplify

more. You don't need all your capabilities. We don't just a fraction of them.

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staple that punctures tires. I really want to see how because she's so nice and thoughtfully

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We have another car. That's right. You never talk about cars on Spikes Car Radio. Guess what?

We got another one. Ah, so here it is. This is a 200. This is all I know about this car.

$230,000 AMG. Johnny said he would tell us all about it. $231,000. Oh, sorry. My apologies.

This is the 2026. Mercedes AMG GT63 SE Performance. That's a lot.

Yeah, sedan because there is a two-door version. What do they call this?

Calour. Green Hell. Is that really what it's called? Yeah. Green Hell. Really? Yeah,

Guru Hold. Because Jackie Stewart said the Nurburgring is Green Hell. So this is Green Hell.

Is it like, is it a matte finish? Yes. Yes. That's what it is. Yeah. This thing,

boy, do I like this thing. All right. So by the way, everything in this

variety of two-door I've driven, I love. Yeah. I called Mercedes and said,

you guys are crushing it right now. But this one, so it's related to an E63,

which has been out of production since 2023. But it's got a much better, sharper front end,

much racier. The rear end is also different and it has rear steering and now it has hydraulic

dampers. So it has, I think it's called like active body control or something like that.

And like you look at like an M5, I like the M5. It makes 717 horsepower. It's a V8 with a plug-in

hybrid, 738 pound feet of torque. The Porsche Panamero Turbo S E hybrid, V8 hybrid, 771 horsepower,

750 torque. AMG, 831 horsepower, 1,032 pound feet of torque. It's in a class by itself.

It is just the most, it's just an angry fist of a car. And I just love driving it. It's just

what I want. It's a variable all-wheel drive. However, you can put it just in rear drive,

1,032 pound feet of torque, just to the rear, which is like, the only other car that does that

is like the Corvette ZR1. It's just madness. How does that compare to the original Bugatti,

the Veyron? Well, the Veyron did a 1,000 pound feet of torque split between four wheels. So this

can do it split between two wheels. So a Veyron never had to handle more than 250 pound feet of

torque per wheel. This can do over 500 per wheel in the back, all electric, 40 miles, 50.

One, one mile of range. Come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's honest. Well, the EPA rates it at one

mile of range. I bet you could go about eight miles, but it's, it's, it's a performance hybrid.

It's a performance hybrid. You can plug it in. I plugged it in. Did you try these electric miles?

Did you just to see? No, not to see. That would be funny. I did it for a minute. You know, it's,

it's fine. I just want to know, can I get out of my neighborhood? Yes, you can get out of your

neighborhood, but you, but here's the funny part is you can plug it in, but it only charges at

3.7 kilowatts. So it's actually faster just to put it in sport mode and let that charge the battery

than plug it in. That's exactly how I did it with the others. But it's a teeny tiny little battery.

It's almost no battery, but it charges rapidly and it discharges more rapidly. Did you say the zero

to 16? Oh, 2.4 seconds. Let's see that size. Wait, wait, quarter mile, 10.5 seconds. So like,

like a Porsche Turbo S. Yeah, yeah. 911 Turbo S is about, the old one, I haven't driven the new one,

but the old one was 10.5. What is it weight? It was 5,200 pounds, which is on par with the M5.

5,200 pounds, that kind of second. That's, yes, it's amazing. Tell me, so how, how much is the

batteries? Bunker Buster. Very little. That's right. So here's the thing. The, the, they make a non

really, I mean, imagine that black, just throw it out on Irene and destroy the entire country.

They make a non hybrid version, which is, you know, 630 horsepower, 664 pound-feet of torque.

And that weighs 4,800 pounds or more. So you're not adding a lot. You're adding like an electric

motor on the rear axle with, with, because it's German, a two speed transmission. So technically,

this is an 11 speed car and a small battery. It's like a six kilowatt hour battery or something

like that. So like the M5, you know, that can go, I don't know, 40 miles, let's say on a charge.

This, they're like, we know no one cares. We're not trying to greenwash. This is just for performance.

We're going to go from 664 to 1,032 pound-feet of torque. It's, it worked. And unlike the S63,

which is the same kind of, you know, it's the same engine and, and, and motor, you, it's not,

they're not, it's not fighting itself over the rear axle that the integration on the S63 is like,

no bueno. This is really good. This is just like a perfect application. You just want to

floor it at all times. It's awesome. When the bit better money comes in, is this a contender?

So this is green hell and there's an Ineos Grand Deer color called hell red. So I think

I could get green hell and hell red together and have a nice little two car garage. The Ineos

is zero to 60 in eight seconds. This is 2.4 seconds. That'd be a nice duo. I think those are two good

cars. That would work. You know, I had that car, the Britannia blue one for a week. It's really

good. I really like what they did with the steering. It's better. It preserves the personality of the

car, but it's better at the same time. I almost hit half a dozen things driving on. And I don't,

I can't even figure out why, like you look down for a second and the car just drifts. It's two

hands on the wheel at all times. Yeah, but why? What? It just doesn't self center. So like it's,

but even when I was trying to focus, like, okay, I'm going to look down for a second. Yeah, I'm

going to try to keep the car would still go. Like there was still something about the brain.

Yeah. Control of the car. Don't know because you steer where you look. True. Right. So

by the way, on Ineos, is that an old worm injector steering that they put in there? No,

it's reciprocating ball, reciprocating ball. But what they did was they made the first 22 degrees

in either direction sharper. So it just steers better. Yeah. And they cut a meter off of the

turning radius, which is still, it's still not a great turning radius, but cutting a meter off is

pretty good. It's a showstopper, though, everywhere I went. Yeah, especially in that color combo.

I agree. I like it. The one issue I had was a place where I work out in Santa Monica has

a parking garage where the Bronco is just right there with a cement and and the Ineos is a little

taller. Scalped it. No, I couldn't bring it in. It was just, you know, it was there was a height

restriction there, which is just a truck thing. But yeah, well, did Ineos have to pass the crash

standards? I doubt it. Most most most expensive cars are never crash tested. Like no one ever

crash test. Well, that may not be because he qualifies as what more of a wait, wait, wait,

backup. What what do you mean? I thought everything was crash tested. They have they have to crash

test. In other words, the manufacturer has to crash test the whatever the federal agency. It's

just they don't crash test most expensive cars. They don't have the but somebody has crash tested

them. It's the manufacturers. The results could be concealed if the manufacturer crash tested.

I don't know. I don't know. But it's like you'll look for it. Look for it. You just said nobody

crashed it. Sorry. So the NHTSA does look look for on the government, you know, NHTSA.gov,

look for an S class. You'll never have never crashed in this class. They just they just don't

bother. And then certain kinds of vehicles, I think would qualify as a, you know, farm equipment

or or some other kind of there's a wait. Right. It comes into play. So like they might have so

basically any of us might have to do less crash testing than a Camry. You know, it's cool. I was

going through the Ineos manual and the first couple pages have the Grenadier pub there. Yeah,

they have a little kind of old fashioned almost like Musso and Frank's right top of the menu drawing

of the Grenadier pub and their little story right there and how they get the name. What I

like about having that two car solution, as great as this Mercedes is, it's fucking ugly.

Right. It's just, I think it's an ugly in the green. It's especially I just think these cars today

because of whatever the stands are ugly. So it's nice that Ineos can build a brand new vehicle

that's visually appealing. That makes me actually want it. You think it's ugly. I only want this

because of the stats. I'm never going to look back at this car when I get out of it. I'm never

going to want to take a picture of this thing when I get out of it. Interesting. To me, this is like

peak Gordon Wagner. Like, you know, he was the head of design at Mercedes and this is just,

it's so him. Ugly is a stretch for me. It's not like gorgeous. But it's not, you know,

this is, this is me and me and Lieberman go out to the bar. We have two different standards.

I kind of agree with both of you, but I think it's a very different experience. I think you're

just going to love getting in this on a Saturday night, going out with your friends to dinner,

and you're not really going to care. I might look at it when the valet brings it up on Saturday

night and go, all right, this was fun. But Tuesday night, I'm with you, Zarkaroon. I'm not going to

give a shit about the way it looks. You know what I mean? One thing real quick about being in it,

it has a really comfortable bucket seat. We didn't, you didn't shoot the interior. We never saw

the, we could do that if you want. Take a second to shoot the interior. Open it up and go ahead.

It's funny because again, it's related to the 2017 E-Class. So it's an old school throwback

Mercedes interior. They don't look like this anymore. Now the interiors are all giant screens.

This has cup holders that barely work and, you know, it's old school. My one gripe about the

interior. Okay, Jack, the touchpad, you see the touchpad? Okay, you see how it's flanked by buttons

on either side? Yeah. Okay, there's a blank. So on the right side, the very bottom is a blank. So

the $231,000 is like, what didn't I buy? Right. Either it's just asymmetrical or like what option?

Because that's such a funny observation. I had that there's one in the Subaru Uncharted. Yeah.

And I went, oh, yeah, I want like, yeah, what did I get? Your brain says that to you really

quickly and then suddenly you feel a little bad about your car. Because this is real, sorry,

this is like $202,000 is the base price. Right. You know, it's $29,000 in options.

What am I missing? So I, one of these Instagram car guys said that the blanks actually have the

guts inside, like whatever that feature is, is underneath the blank. And so if you get the right

button, you can turn on the feature. You can turn on the feature. Yeah, probably true. Yeah,

probably true. Do you really want to take that risk? In this car? Well, I would cut a hole in

your thing. I would take the risks, it's not mine. But then I just say you gave it to me that way.

I know how you drive. You would be very happy. No, when I drive these two, I think it's

suckering. Yeah. Like you're just going to work and this gets you there fast and it's quiet.

And somehow like AMG and AMG alone, everyone else, they put turbos on a V8 and it just sounds

awful. AMG just sounds better. You know, it's just such an angry, you know, because again,

you can get this kind of torque out of the, like the, the plaid and like the, you know,

the lucid sapphire and stuff like that, but they don't have that like that like angry heart and

that this has. So it's a, it's a very enjoyable car. Okay. As fast as it is, besides when you're

changing lanes and knifeing traffic. Oh, it's great. The all wheel steering, it makes it so

maneuverable. It's so easy to park. Like, like I backed it in here. It's like easy to do that.

Yeah. So the car makes itself smaller than it is. It's the size of an E class. So it's not the size

of an S class. We're going to get, we'll get you in one and you'll drive it. Yeah. You know, it's

a 150 drive. I bet you love something like this. How much is it? 231,000. Yeah.

Tense you, since you're the Lincoln lawyer. 160,000. That's it. Right. Right. Right.

Going back and forth from where he lives to work to downtown. You're happy. You're getting work

done. You've got the color. So people see you. It's a nice safe. And they have, you know, you

can get it black on black on black. You can get that sign them up. They have yellow.

They have orange. Will you do a press card drive? If they drop it off.

Yeah. Yeah, that's what they do. They would drop it off. Yeah. You're legit now. Yeah. According to

who? Oh, you're legit. According to Dick Lasers and Cartnark Sky. Yes. I am legit. You are made.

Yes. I'm a paid man. They opened the books for me. Yes. They put me in. By the way,

there's a lot of talk about Pebble Beach that we're going up. I thought this was,

I thought we were done. It's like I said, I'm done. Jerry said I'm over and I'm like, I'm with

you. And I was like, I'm going to Johnny's like, what? And I called Johnny and I said,

you know what? I'll go if you want to go and we'll sign up for a bunch. And then I said,

Jerry's argument. I go, I just want to be sure. And Jerry's like, I'm going.

Wow. Because I'm really excited. I guess I'll go. I like, I like the accommodations

that really makes our lives. We're moving. Yeah. We are moving. I love. Going to the,

to the lodge. What that door? Yes. You got to stay till Sunday if you're going to the lodge.

We are. I don't have to do anything. But I'm not saying till Sunday.

I didn't want to engage too far. But I do want to, it's so great. You can just walk up to the,

to the goading to bands, to all of the things we like. This is what I said to them. It's the 75th

anniversary. We'll, we'll help you out any way we can. We'll go to events. We'll do the rest of it.

But there's no more. We waited an hour to get to Spanish Bay from the street to the valley

because they were charging and we're going back there five times a day. We can't do that anymore.

So if you can get us to the lodge so we can walk to, you know, we were late for our own show.

We were late for our own show because of the police and the traffic. And then they said,

whatever you guys want. Okay. I want the little hut. Remember we had those little huts, remember?

With the seagulls on them. The seagull was on the chimney. It was coming through the sound.

But we were trying to sleep as well. Down the chimney like that. We were like,

what is, this is a fucking luxury hotel. But if you're at the lodge, I mean,

Zuckerman, like you can just walk to Pebble Beach. No, no, no, on Sunday. No, no, we, we're,

we're agreeing with you. We're staying. No, but he's got to stay. You stay. Oh, I gotta stay.

You okay? Make me stay. He'll stay. He should stay. I'm gonna do whatever. By the way,

we've been invited to like 14 other events. Yeah. I'm talking to everybody.

Because the guy, yes, it's going to cost money. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

It's definitely going to a couple of things before we bring on Carton arcs guy.

LA dot released this map of the 125 places. They're putting speed cameras in LA 125.

And there's nowhere I go. This is not, this is not a map you can read. I spent so much time

trying to figure out where the hell this is. But Zuckerman, what I did figure out after 30

minutes of work is there's, I can't say where our studio is. There's one right down the block.

As you turn in over here, there's going to be one. Zuckerman, how do we fight this?

We never going fast on that street. Well, what's fast over 35? How do we fight this?

Well, this is, this is what I was going to say. Apparently now you can give feedback.

This is, this is why I'm bringing this up right now. There's 30 days for us here in LA to give

feedback to these motherfuckers. I got some feedback. We've got some feedback. So give your feedback.

Dear greedy cocksuckers. Yes. Go fuck yourself. The feedback. No. Well, maybe it's a little more

nuanced. Maybe you say, let's move all of this to recede it. Yeah. Or just don't, we pay enough.

We leave, leave us alone. But I will say notably, not included on these 125 speed cameras,

the Malibu cameras on, on PCH aren't even included in this. And they're, what?

Are they going to be there? Cause Malibu is, is that's highway one. That's the state problem.

This is the city problem. That's what I, no, I think we're going to have both. Okay. I think

we're about to become London, which is one of the most unfun driving cities in the world.

The average speed in London is four miles an hour in the city.

You can lose your license on one commute to work just like that. But remember,

we had speed cameras and then a heroic judge threw them all out and said, like, they're all

invalid. We'll see. You know, I can see a clever lawyer really getting you out of these tickets.

When was it calibrated? What's the fan? There's a lot of foundational issues to the introduction

of camera evidence. You are a clever lawyer. If you don't, it's like, it's like when you've got

your, you know, breathalyzer test. If that breathalyzer test is not, you know, if it's not

ran down that family after steak and beer, it was actually the night of this picture right here.

Right there. See his happy face. That was right. I didn't take it. You've never had a breathalyzer

once, but I blew nothing. Okay. You blew nothing. Sure. And then I did. What about when you had the

the ignition interlock? Is that when you would get your candy? People feel like we're bullying Johnny

too much. No, bully me all you want. This was family fun. Richard would come and breathe in the

tube for Johnny to start. Oh my God. His DUI. I actually have nothing to do with that. Yes,

I apologize. Wow. This is great, guys. Because I had a situation where I got fired from Edmunds

and then they hired another guy and then they fired him three weeks later for a DUI,

but it was so much confusion. I'll leave his name out of it. There was so much confusion that

everyone's like, oh, I heard you got fired for a DUI and I'm like, I've never had a fucking DUI.

And that's like, that's, that's the one death sentence in my industry is a DUI. Yeah, because

if you have that, you can't get a breastcard. I never had a DUI. And when I did blow the breathalyzer,

he did, however, have an SUI. This picture right here. Steak under the influence of too much beef.

There it is. All right, enough of that. And the last story I wanted to touch on before we go to

Carton Arts is according to Nantucket, Inquirer and Mirror, the island's cocaine markers have

routinely exceeded national and regional averages. So they're testing the water in Nantucket,

which we talk about a lot, not only because I'm from Massachusetts, but because there's a lot

of funny business going on there. The cocaine levels here are higher than any other place in

the name. What is happening in Nantucket? So wait, so they, they're testing the Coke poops?

What is that? So it's the wastewater? What's in people's proof? They test everybody's wastewater

everywhere for COVID markers. But I didn't know they were testing for drugs. Yeah. But look at this,

higher levels of cocaine. I mean, think about that. This is an island that what,

three months out of the year has people on it. The rest of it's just townies, yet still

the townies got the tourists and the billionaires hooked on Coke. And then in the

downtime, they're having to do all the other things. So curious about this job. I have to go

scoop the Stuhlwasser, get the poop water or the Stuhlwasser. Yeah, that's German Stuhlwasser.

Like it's a shit water. And I have to go. Is that real German? Yes. I think it'd be

Scheißwasser. Scheißwasser. Okay. Whatever. So, but anyway, so it's Stuhlwasser. Okay. It's time.

Honey, I got to go to the testing lab. You actually bring up a pretty good question.

I would love to know what else they test for. Like, is this a 10 page results test?

How many is it once a month? Is it every day? What kind, what other data is there? Okay.

You get like a gummy bear data. Yeah. They're eating a lot of gummy bears.

Corn, spring corn, apples. It was somewhere in England where the cocaine levels were like

absurd. But you could snort the shit. But it was like, it was like molly,

cocaine, like every fuck crazy drug. It was amazing. Yeah. Yeah. You can just

we'll just try out. We're just going to try out this poop shot. It's kind of weird though,

right? I mean, when you go to the doctor once a year to get your stool test, you get yourself,

but now why do I even need to go to the doctor? Yeah, it's not like a toilet by toilet basis.

It's like, why not? There has to be somebody working on a toilet or

sewer system that tests everything. Your friends and neighbors, that's the plot of the subplot.

Oh, that's right. That's probably what I saw. And by the way, James Marston is coming up in

that show. Friends and neighbors are going to come on the show. He's going to talk. He's going to talk

about it. He's here right now during press. He said he would come by when he has a second.

All right, we're going to bring out a much bigger than James Marston. Agent Sebastian.

But first, we have to talk. Maybe Agent Sebastian. Our friends at Blue Chew.

Blue Chew. No, no, no, not Dick lasers. Look, Blue Chew has their own version

right here. True. And they sent it to Zuckerman right here. Here it is. They have their Dick

lasers. The competition. You got a hundred of these, right? Yes, at least. They were finally

delivered. The bag is erupting. The side of it opened up and they spilled out. That's right,

fellas. Do you already know what time it is? It's time to level up. And Blue Chew just dropped

something crazy. I'm talking about next level championship belt gold plated energy Blue Chew,

which I have. How did did you give away all those lights yet? Oh, I've got probably 80%.

They are big. They are a phase two. Every guy in the world wants a Dick light.

That's true. Every guy, given the opportunity, no one says no to a Dick light.

Agent Sebastian. Agent Sebastian could go up to a hundred people and offer a hundred people.

Dick lights and I'd say 99 would take them. Well, look, we're here to talk about Blue Chew.

And we took up all their time talking about their lovely little flashlights that sign.

What are they? What's this show? A little. A ween. A ween. Okay, good. A ween. Anyway,

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Just a Dick laser. I think it's great. Yeah. The ODew. Dick. Dick. Everyone should have a Dick

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made simple. All right, Johnny, we're going to goodnight you. Thank you for joining us here on

the show. Now we're going to be bringing out Agent Sebastian from Cartnarchs. We'll be right back.

You may or may not know him. He's Agent Sebastian. Sebastian Garant Davis and his viral site on

YouTube is called Cartnarchs. And here's what he does. That's not where the cars go, it's the mulch.

Hi, I put my fucking cart in the mulch. I can't fucking walk away from me. All right, here he is,

Agent Sebastian. A pleasure to meet you, sir. Thank you for having me. We're massive fans of yours

here at Spikes Car Radio. For years. And is that just because I'm saving cars from dings and dents?

That's exactly right. That's exactly right. You know, there are some that might say you're

actually causing damage to cars, but the magnets and things that you put on them, you have one

right here. Right, right. This is, and I'll kind of cover that, not that the number's out there, but

so that's the argument I get because people, they don't argue the cart thing. They try to find

side issues to get me on. I'll say, well, I'm not damaging. Well, the back of the magnet could

cause micro-scratches. No, it can't. I've actually talked to detail guys. Micro-scratches.

And if it did, yeah, yeah, in today's clear coats, I think not. I think not. All right,

if the micro, you can't see them. Let's go back to the beginning, because I've got a million

questions. I've been watching your site forever. I'm such a fan. You go and you just describe

to everybody at home what you do. Where did this idea come from, first of all?

It's, I wish, again, I always say, I wish I had a great superhero origin story of, you know,

a dark alley and my parents getting, you know, by a cart or whatever. But it was literally just

talking to a guy in the office about pet peeves involving people not doing what they should,

you know, not picking up after yourself. That's right. Yeah, weights in the weight room, litter,

dog poo, all that stuff, holding open doors. And the carts were one where it's like, well, I can't

catch a litterer real easily. You have to be there when it happens. But with a cart, you watch

them go out the store and do they return it or don't they? It's a big metal object. So I just

walked out one day, didn't have all the get up or the name or anything and just asked people

and instantly yelling threats and excuses too. Is this your like full time job or do you have

another job? I, this did a spun out of the radio show I worked for, I Heart Media and The Woody

Show. And it was, and this is my thing. So like, I'm the guy that goes out and does it. I see.

Okay. I'm the, why is this happening? Let's find out. Right. Right. And that's, that's the thing.

I walked out, asked a guy, a couple, the, oh, I've got one guy. Yeah, I have skin cancer and he

almost like a mole he had removed on his temple. It's hot. And you hear it in all my videos.

It's just excuse after excuse. Some guys would like yell at me, they pull, you know,

stuff, you know, out of their truck and car. This is before I had the uniforms before the

magnets. Just the, because they, the millions of followers. Yeah. Well, that's not the point. But

that's this, I will get to that in a second. The cynical side of it is you're just doing

this for clicks and views. But no, the real reason I'm doing it is because I like millions of other

people hate it when people leave their cards out. Yeah. And I just wanted to find out why and it

opened, opened this Pandora's box of human psychology, sociology, group think, you know,

violence. He's really looking into this deeply. Oh, it's, it's, it's true. I wish I had the site

ahead of time to know how deep this would become. Because when you do something, when you get caught

doing something wrong, you get so fucking angry. And that's really, that's the psychology. That's

the psychology of accountability. It is the hand in the cookie jar moment. And I've looked into that,

like how when you, when we tell lies, it makes us angry as human beings, because you're trying to

rationalize lies with the truth. Well, we've talked about it on the show. I go to the Trader Joe's

and I put my groceries in the car and there's my cart. And now I look and I go, all right, I'm,

I'm here, my shopping cart is here and the place to put it is there. And I, you know,

when you look around for a second and you think, I could get away with this,

I don't know because I've got you in my head, but I don't. But then I go, all right, I'll take

that second walk and now push it back into the cart holder. And do they, do the supermarkets

ever go, hey, we'd like you to advise us on how to get more of this? Are they happy with what you do?

I will say it's a 90-10 sort of situation is when I show up, because I don't tell them, of course,

I'm going to be there at a time. But when an employee meets me 90% of the time, they're,

hey, nice to meet you. Can I get a picture? Can I get a sticker, et cetera, et cetera.

10% of the time, and it's usually after something has happened, a manager comes out and says,

hey, man, you got to get out of here, sort of thing. Yeah. No, you don't. Well,

well, what do you do because it's, is it, well, that's an interesting question. Is it a private

property or public property? Well, it's a, it's a publicly accessible private property.

It's a public forum, First Amendment rights. Well, that's not. Yeah, it is. Okay, look, I've,

I've, I've, I've, I've talked to, I've learned a lot about cart law over the years. What do you,

what do you know about? So it's, I'm being, so they have, they as a, as a private business that

is publicly open. Yeah, I could walk on there, but as soon as they asked me to leave, that's

essentially, most cops are going to put you up for trespassing if you don't make an honest effort

to leave at that point. Right, right. What I love about this guy is his surprising athleticism.

There is the, there is the, there's the flinging of the magnets. He's very good at that. It's the

catching of the magnets back when people throw them back. And you're really good at that. And then

staying out of the way of blows, you have, you have,

Do you think you could from here throw a magnet onto the Subaru Uncharted?

Yeah, that's probably going to have a, probably aluminum panels though, right? So,

oh no, no, no. Okay, all right.

Ah, it hit the side. The charging port, the charging port. That's one thing I found with

like modern cars is I really got to go for where the frame is. Here we go. Drum roll.

There it is. Okay, I know. I want to see him hit it. It could happen. Let's see if he can do it.

Ah, it's sliding off the side. He is good. Oh,

Johnny, I got a deputy in training right here. Look at that.

That was good. I appreciate that. But now people can look at me and say,

this guy doesn't look like an athlete or anything. And they're right. It's just with,

with fights, all you've got to be to stay out of a fight is outside of punching, right?

Right, you back up. Right. And, but most people, you see these like football games,

they get right up in people's chest and their hands are down. So of course they're going to get

clocked in the face. I'll stay away. And you've, you've had people pull guns on you.

Twice. I've had guns displayed in my general direction in both times in Texas.

Yeah, I watched that one. That was one of the ones I showed everybody in my family. I was

really excited about it. It was a guy who had a plumbing company, right? I try to blur his company

the best I could. And he starts off, we talked about that on the show. Remember, we went to the

reviews, we did the whole thing. He was friendly. He had his dog with him. And suddenly he throws

the, the, the magnet. I didn't even put it out. I just started showing the magnet. He takes his

gun and he goes, just like that. I too, I also read that you're, you're studying martial arts

so that you'll be able to defend yourself. Right. This goes back to the athleticism thing is

it's all well and good to stay away from somebody. And even if I'm in the top one or two

percent of runners and sprinters, which I'm not, but, you know, this is crap. I'm a guy.

Right. Right. So I, I said it to myself when I first started carton arts, I need to learn

how to deal with this. So I went over, there's actually a Krav Maga studio, two of them in LA

here. And I started training for several years just, and that provokes, you know,

Krav Maga is an Israeli self-defense thing that was designed for their army. And yes,

it's punches and kicks, but it's more, how do you get out of a life and death fight?

No matter what.

So it's not about like, oh, do I know this specific judo lock? It's, can I kick them in the balls?

Can I gouge their eyes? It is, you need to get away as fast as possible as quickly as possible.

Thank God they haven't had to use the first move they teach you. Day one of Krav Maga is

nut kicks. I am not joking. It literally is up the crotch. You know, not, not to, I'm sure

they have someone who's very good at their marketing, but nut kicks is a better name than

Krav Maga. They just said, if they had a carton arts, nut kicks, you could have your own franchise.

Honey, when you go out to work, I've prepared your gouge.

That's in the grouper throat. It's a completely different shop. Imagine you go to buy a strip

ball. It just says nut kicks and you go in there and go, we're going to teach you how this was

inspired by. I can tell you in all my years of assault and battery cases, I've never dealt with

gouge dice. Now it says here that you're wearing a bulletproof. Is that? This is not. This is just

a regular tactical. You don't, I own one. Yeah. So after that gun was pulled on me the first time

in Texas, a fan who is a cop in Louisiana, Louisiana sent me his used bulletproof vest.

So I have it. I use it sometimes. Okay. That's the only property. I think he paid for it.

Let's watch a couple of these. You can give us a little commentary. Yeah. This one you'll like

Zuckerman because this is a guy says he's a district attorney. Yes. In Atlanta. Where is this?

Atlanta, Georgia. Atlanta, Georgia. Okay. Let's watch. You can comment as we go.

You're fucking crazy. You know, there's crazy. The person leaves their cart in the middle of the

walkway and you touch the vehicle again, then you're harassing me. And in fact, I don't know,

in the vehicle when you do it, it's tantamount to assault. Oh, tantamount.

What are words you're saying, but I'm not threatening you at all. I love that you said

tantamount there. So funny. I'm one of the DAs. Well, you should know what assault is.

Pause it right there real quick, if you don't mind. So a couple of things there. Apparently,

there's a law case from way back when that like touch, like assaulting a vehicle is the same

as assaulting a person, which I'm not assaulting, but he's trying to, he's trying to scare me into

doing that. He also just said, I'm one of the DAs. Yeah. Now, I will tell you this again,

I don't dox, but people have doxed him for me. He is not one of the DAs. Oh, and that is potentially

a felony. What he just did there. Perceiving a public official, especially one. What is he?

He is in the real estate attorney business in Atlanta, to the best of my knowledge. So again,

he's throwing out, because he thinks he's going to use his lawyer chops to scare me off. But I've

talked to enough lawyers about this that I know it's not harassment. I know it's not tantamount

to assault. These guys have no idea who they're dealing with. I think it's just a lunatic in

the shopping mall. To be fair, it looks like that. And it's one of the biggest shows in the world,

and they're stepping in it and set you away. It's so funny. And he continues. If he is a

lawyer and he misrepresents himself in the state and the state bar. Not only, yeah, but the state bar,

right? Yeah, the state bar would be very angry about this. Do you want us to keep playing? Oh,

please do. There's more. Do and witness private property and you are now harassing. I'm having

a conversation. Now, if you're a DA, you know that you are at fault. The store's not at fault. If

that cart rolls away and hits that car right down there, for instance, that would be your,

that would be your responsibility, not the store's responsibility, because they even have signs and

many stores that say we are not responsible for damage caused by loose carts. Many stores have

that sign. Yeah, so the store's not responsive. Then who is? Nobody? Nobody. You're the last person

to touch that car. So now blocks people from walking there or using a wheelchair. So you want

people's wheelchairs not to be able to get around. You were negligent in how you were negligent in

how you left your car out. Oh, see now he's been beaten by the US. Yeah, he walks away.

So yeah, a couple things there. He would be at fault. And now it's hard to find these, but you

can find, I'm going to cite the People's Court and Judge Judy as my, but there are cases where

they brought up loose carts and it's always the person who left it negligently. Negligently,

because you, because you're given an area to put them away in. And if you choose not to,

that is negligence. Okay, I agree. Fantastic. There's another one. Next one you sent us was

nice car. Oh, this is it. No, Orange County, San Juan Capistrano. This is not a gun being pulled

on me, but it does come up here in this one. That's an Audi R8, right? Yeah. Well, sir,

I'm out of the N word number one, but that's our boat. Yeah, he starts out if I may. We'll

be back up. The first word was don't touch, don't touch my car N word. Really? Yes. So again,

this is a Caucasian on Caucasian N word right there. I don't even know how to categorize that.

Yeah. Okay. Keep playing. Sir, why you call the police? Because you're touching my vehicle. Well,

the magnet's touching it. You can't afford my car. So back the fuck up. Oh, geez. Okay. If we

get hold right there, $200,000. So this is, this was shot. This is actually around the pandemic

time. Audi R8, a bunch of car guys looked it up. They found the, again, they did, they doxed for

me. They found the license plate, found the VIN. It was, I believe, a 2017 R8 at that time. He bought

it at an auction for like $60,000. It's not $200,000. Again, he's trying to over inflate.

Hoping I'm going to be ignorant about the process. Yes. Wow. No idea. Yeah.

And you can't return your car. I didn't tell you to get arguments, sir. That's just you calling

my car again and find out what happens. That's not nice, sir. I'm going to give you a couple of

them. A lot of threats. He's making a lot of different threats. Well, I don't think I think

what needs to come first is you take in the car back instead of slamming it into the spot.

Okay. So right there, right there, I've got a gun in my car and I'll shoot your ass. That is

felony assault. That is the people think people think about assault and battery.

The assault is the legitimate credible threat of, in this case, deadly force against me. So that's

a felony right there. This was eight weeks ago. No, no, no, no, no. This was the, it was reposted.

I post. I see. Cardoax is very long tail evergreen content. So I can repose every read.

So okay. So he's committed to crime there. Yeah. Yeah. Continues.

That's assault, sir. That's still a bit, then you should know better.

This guy is so, he's so, again, with the racial stuff, again with the racial stuff.

And three calls to the N word. You're giving white people a bad name. And so by the way,

you know this too, getting a concealed carry in Southern California is next to impossible for

a civilian. So he, there's no way he has one. He's just again, just amazing. All of the things he

thought protected himself is little, you know, it's like I say, Zachary, people are driving around

with this illusion of who they, that they are in this, this movie of their life. I'm a concealed

carry guy and a $200,000 on the district attorney. I'm a G man. And I'm going to say all of these

things out loud and watch them have no effect on this guy. Right. People don't know. I've done

this a thousand times. So I've, I've heard, I mean, I haven't heard that specific jump,

jumble of racial slurs and gun threats, but I've heard enough of it to know that my rights are.

But he's engaging with a shopping cart guy, which is the funniest thing I'm going to throw

at you. All right. Let's watch another one of these. What's is messy, Texas? Okay. This is the

one where the guy, that's Mr. Messy Texas himself right there. This is not a gun pulled here, but

a similar sort of felony being this number. Why is that, sir? Do you need, you can have that one?

The chair was touching my car. What's wrong with your car, sir? Well, sir, you left your car

down where it could touch other people's cars, sir. Are you doing a Texas accent there? That's a

that's a different, that's a different person. That's an agent. No, sir, I want you to call

people say like, oh, because I got a Cajun guy, a Texas guy, a New York guy, and then I always

wondered about that. Yeah, but because you can't see me, people kind of, it's a, you know, you like

to do a little accent just for variety, for fun to blend in, you know. Okay. Well, why do you want

me to have myself, sir? So your car is out of my way. I'm not in your way, sir. That car to

somebody's way now. That guy's 30 years old. Car back. There you go, sir, right there. So what's

the problem? I'm fixing to kill you. I'm fixing to kill you. Sir, can you just take your car back?

That guy, that guy couldn't kill a sandwich. Jesus. Oh, that's not nice. All right, right there

again. So that's another, that's more felony assault right there. Now here's the thing is he's

threatening to kill me and in Texas especially, I might think he has a good in his car. Yeah. Well,

it turned out, so I posted this video and it's very nice that that guy was wearing that shirt

right there because apparently the year or so prior, he was on a Dallas area rapid transit train,

which who knew Dallas had trains and he shot a guy. No way. He was on the local CBS, it was on the

local CBS affiliate here if you want to fast forward that a little bit. Sir, that's against the law.

I don't give a damn. Well, Dart has determined a man he thought was going to go to train last night

and this is like 2018, 2020. Initially police let him go. He's wearing the same shirt. He's wearing

the same shirt. Unbelievable. Wow. And he claimed in this video that there's some guy was like a

homeless guy was harassing people on the train and for whatever reason he had to use deadly force.

He was concealed carry and shot the guy. I think God, I believe he survived because there's video

later him being treated by a parent. Imagine if he had put his cart back, he might not have shot the

guy. His life might have changed. If he had just put the cart back, he wouldn't have been in the

news. So did he go to jail? No, he did not because this was prior to my video. So, but this, I think

my video shows your video didn't get anything. That's not, he's not getting arrested for that,

but it shows a maze, but it shows intent. It shows that he is willing to kill. He shows he's

willing to use deadly force over minor social infractions. Is the statute of limitations up?

I mean, not for shooting, not for murder. Do we bring this to the DA council?

I'm sure the DA has seen it because I know this went everywhere in Dallas.

Yeah. Wow, with that burn he gets. That's unbelievable. We got one more here, Fannie

Packard. Okay, this is a Van Nuys, California. That's not where the carts go, sir.

Well, you should because they want to sign the car return. Please return carts here.

And the carts right there. But that doesn't say please return carts there. Get your fucking shit.

As soon as you take your cart. Get the fuck out of here, mother fucker. Oh, man.

Is this during the pandemic? Is that way? Let's just take a turn back.

And real quick on this one, this is the only Carton arcs video that is in some way planned.

Okay. That man right there is Perry Caravello. He did not know that I was coming, but he is the star

of the 2003 Comedy Central cult classic, Windy City Heat, produced by Jimmy Kimmel.

Which guy? The guy who's telling me to f off and chase me around. And he is a known,

he's been a known character in the LA area for a long time. I know people who work with him.

And they said to me, Oh, Perry, he hates you. He's seen you. So they would just tell me where he

was going at times. So he didn't know I was coming. But okay, so wait, so he's a comedy actor.

Well, who happens to hate you? He's an unintentional comedy actor.

For real? Yes.

And so you hear about this and I say, Hey, let me know. This is by the way,

the fourth. Because normally what he's doing here is not a bit. No, no, no, no, no, no.

This is him. This is I again, I knew he was going to be there, but he has no idea about me being there.

So he already hates you. And now you're dumping this stuff on this girl. Okay,

let's watch some of this and enjoy it. This is Jimmy Kimmel's employee.

How old are you, sir?

I just put a magnet on your car to just display what it is.

This guy's going to have a heart attack.

Why are you raising your fists like that?

I'm a nice guy who's trying to help you be a nice person. Are you a bad guy?

You're a bad person. That's what's going on here.

Oh my God. And that's that's classic too. Speaking of Cromagaw, like people are so

terrible. The telegraphing of punches, you see it in every spring fight video. It's way back here.

Did Kimmel show this on the show? I don't believe so now. Here's the thing is this guy, again,

he's got kind of a love-hate relation with Jimmy because he, again, Jimmy found him in the 90s

doing cable access TV and he's been floating around in his aura since then. So Jimmy definitely

knows of him and has helped him out throughout the years, but he is not an employee. Every show

has their own little whack pack of people. So you can't really be held responsible for their

behavior. Perfect, perfect word. Right, you know, there. Well, look, this is amazing.

This is great stuff. Great stuff. I love going through these clips. You're going to come back.

We'll do this again. Oh, unfortunately, I have hundreds. Unfortunately. I think it's really fun.

It's really fun. You know, it involves cars and comedy, which is my favorite thing to do.

And I'm excited about today. What are we going to do today? So you're going to be a deputy.

You're going to come along with me. And I, for real real quick, because you saw there's a lady

who helped me out in Atlanta there. A couple of quick rules for you just everyone will know.

We're not going to approach anybody with small children.

Not the best an excuse, but because as you see, when people fly off the handle,

I don't want the innocent bystanders. And we're not going to approach any very elderly folks.

In fact, we might help them load their car. I've done that many times helping people.

Okay. So we do good. We do good. Yeah. And we're not, and we're going to listen to and abide by

all the instructions of the employees. So if a manager does ask us to leave, say no problem,

sir, happy to get out of your way. Okay. And then as far as on your end, all you have to do is you

you can participate as much or a little as you want. You can sit back and comment. You could

maybe talk to the person if you want to. I want to engage. I'll give you some magnets you can have

if you want to. I want to toss. I also, what is the sound I make? Well, that's every agent.

It's like a snowflake. You get to make your own siren. He's got his. But it's again, it's like

anything where you can kind of make it up, whatever fits your personal.

We want, we want, we want. That's a good one. We want, we want.

Sort of European version. You could come with us.

Other things to do, but I'll give you my noise. If you come, you're going to end up getting this

far. Yes. You need to be able to make money here. But I'll let you know that they're going to focus

on me. So no matter what, so you're going to be so sure. I'm going to be, you know,

I've done a lot of men in the street. I know what this takes. Did you bring a vest for me?

I've got, I've got, well, I have a, a trainee sash. It's like, it's like,

interesting. Those soccer jurors, they put like the red shirt on somebody. It's like,

it's like that. It says carton art. It says sash. We want, we want.

I was going to put this on Patreon, but if we can get it together in time,

we'll dump some of it right after the credits in this show. So at least you can see some of it.

And the rest of you will see it on Patreon. You're on Patreon too, right?

For, yeah, I've got a YouTube membership. We have a Patreon that's kind of iffy because I work,

this, I don't have the intellectual property, but yeah, just go to YouTube. That's the best,

the best place. That's where we're watching you. YouTube. YouTube. That's the best place.

And what about the Woody shows? That's still around? That's still around. They're on like

25 different cities. You can find them on the iHeart Radio app and enjoy that show. We play

Carton Arts on there all the time. Fantastic. There you go. Well, thank you for coming on the show.

Thank you, sucker. Thanks for being supporters. We're making a sound. Yes. Thank you to Johnny

Lieberman. Yes. Best of luck with his bid better app. And we'll see you hopefully next week on

Spikes Car Radio. If I don't get shot today. We're here at the Costco. Marina Del Rey. What do I

need to know? All right. Well, first off, deputy, deputy spike. I was just going to point that's

okay. A little camaraderie there is great. First off, you're great. You're in uniform, which is

fantastic. Thank you. We are only going to be approaching people with no small children. All

right. And no old people. In fact, we might help them out if you see they need help loading

everything like that. Am I allowed to hit people with this? I prefer you didn't. We prefer to only

use self, you know, self defense, the last area. What's the Krav Maga move that I need to know?

Well, let's just kick him in the nuts. That's kick him in the nuts. All right. So if anything goes

wrong, I just kick them in the nuts. I think I'm more comfortable watching you do one,

and then I'll do one, and then we'll see how it goes. That's how it works becoming that. All right.

Yeah. All right. Good. This is exciting. What is our patrol range right now? So I would say,

see that cart return over there. So one, two, three, like these like half dozen or eight rows

right here. Okay. Up into this, this, uh, this tribe, this main grant. You're setting a good

example for everybody. Right, right, right. That's good. All right. So there's no search and seizure.

There's none of that. How are you? Hi. I shouldn't pat these people down. Um, we can't, we don't do

that. We'll try to wait until they have a card on them. Okay. All right. I always put mine back.

That's good. There you go. Would you like a sticker, young lady? Okay.

I'll get that. No, we don't want to do that. Thank you. And you have a great parking spot.

He's doing good in the world, Cartnark's guy. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Look at this. See where she's headed?

We've got before the curb. Here we go, Jay. See it's going up on the curb.

Young lady, that's not where the car goes. We know that. We know that.

You know what? I'm going to take it back for you.

Well, thank you all. There's a vicious dog in there. All right. Actually, kind of,

I didn't tell you too, because it doesn't come up that often. Yes. Uh, when you believe an animal

could get injured or yourself get injured by an animal, we don't make those encounters either way.

Obviously, we didn't notice the large pit bull in the backseat of that lady's car. That was terrifying.

That was kind of scary because that thing could have just jumped out the window and ripped us apart.

I'm Deputy Spike. Hey, just a bash. Nice to meet you. Okay. I don't even know what that means.

We helped folks get their cars put back. That's all right. That's all right. Did the dogs eat your

bumper off the car? No, that was somewhere that ran into me. Oh, all right. I got to check.

Stand around the bumper, didn't you? Spend that check on the bumper. I wouldn't want to hurt it,

but a little pepper spray would probably get it to like stop. Do you think you could react

fast enough for that dog? Well, the first move, let it bite the wand. Oh, really? So you're ready

for that. Oh, I thought these things through. You got a lot. You fought dogs? No, no, no, no.

But they're on the list of things we don't approach for that reason. I see, I see.

But when you have so many hours in parking lot, you have time to think through like what if,

what if, what if. Oh, I thought that thing was just going to hold onto my leg and then I'm dead.

I bleed out right here on Costco on a Saturday and I go, what am I doing? This is how it ends.

Look at this guy. He looks like a guy that might not be your turning cards.

I know we're not supposed to profile people, but I'm profiling.

Just right now, I'm keeping an eye on the guy in the vest editor, the black one.

Okay. He's weirdly got a t-shirt on with a sleeveless vest that's made up down,

so he doesn't even know what kind of outfit to wear on the day like today. Is he cold? Is he hot?

His core is nice and warm. That's for sure. This guy is very suspicious.

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