Don't throw your phone in the river
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catalytic converter
A catalytic converter is a part of the car that helps clean up the exhaust gases so they are less harmful to the environment. It's important for passing emissions tests.
Car
Honda Jazz
The Honda Jazz is a small car that's great for city driving. It's known for having a lot of space inside, making it a popular choice for families.
Car
Jaguar Stype
The Jaguar S-Type is a fancy car known for being comfortable and smooth to drive. The 2003 version is one of the years it was made, and many people liked it for its nice looks and features.
Term
V6 engine
A V6 engine is a type of car engine that has six cylinders arranged in a V shape. It provides a nice mix of power and fuel efficiency, which is why it's often used in cars like the Jaguar S-Type.
Car
Jaguar Xjs
The Jaguar XJ is a large, luxurious car that has been around for many years. It's known for being very comfortable and stylish.
Term
supercar
A supercar is a very fast and expensive sports car that is designed for high performance and speed.
Car
Ferrari 458
Car
Pagani Zonda
The Pagani Zonda is a supercar known for its unique style and incredible speed, made by the Italian manufacturer Pagani.
Car
Lamborghini Aventador
The Lamborghini Aventador is a high-end supercar known for its extreme speed and striking design, made by Lamborghini.
Term
MOT
The MOT is a yearly check in the UK to make sure cars are safe to drive and meet pollution standards. If a car fails this test, it can't be driven legally until it's fixed.
Car
Chrysler 300C
The Chrysler 300C is a big, stylish car that offers a lot of comfort and power. It's known for its unique look and is often seen as a luxury vehicle.
Car
Honda Element
The Honda Element is a unique SUV made by Honda from 2003 to 2011. It has a boxy design and is known for being roomy and practical, great for families or people who like to carry a lot of stuff.
Brand
Saab
Saab is a car brand from Sweden that made unique cars, often with turbo engines. They are known for their distinctive style and engineering.
Car
Saab Aero X
The Saab Aero X is a special concept car made by Saab, known for its futuristic design and innovative features. It was introduced to show what cars might look like in the future.
Car
Mazda Premisee
The Mazda Premisee is a type of car known as a multi-purpose vehicle, or MPV. It's designed to be roomy and practical for families, with lots of space inside for passengers and cargo.
Car
Volkswagen Golf 7.5 R
The Volkswagen Golf 7.5 R is a fast version of the Golf car, designed for people who want a sporty driving experience. It has a powerful engine and can handle well on the road.
Term
DSG
DSG is a special kind of automatic transmission that shifts gears very quickly. It makes driving easier while still giving you a sporty feel.
Car
Toyota GR Yaris
The GR Yaris is a special version of the Toyota Yaris that's designed for performance. It has a powerful engine and all-wheel drive, which helps it handle well on the road.
Brand
Audi
Audi is a car brand from Germany that makes luxury cars. They are known for their stylish designs and advanced technology.
Brand
BMW
BMW is a German car brand that makes luxury cars known for being fun to drive. They focus on performance and quality.
Car
Mercedes-Benz Eclass
The Mercedes-Benz E-Class is a fancy car that many people like because it's comfortable and has a lot of cool features. It's a good car for people who want something nice to drive, especially if they have a family or need to go to work.
Car
Alfa Romeo Giulia
The Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio is a fast and sporty version of a car called the Giulia. It's known for being fun to drive and has a powerful engine that makes it exciting on the road.
Term
Ferrari engine
A Ferrari engine is a powerful engine made by the car company Ferrari. These engines are famous for being fast and well-designed, often found in their sports cars.
Car
Volkswagen Golf R
The Volkswagen Golf R is a fast and powerful version of the regular Golf, designed for performance enthusiasts.
Car
Westfield
Westfield makes small, sporty cars that are fun to drive. They are known for being light and quick, and are often built for racing or spirited driving.
Term
1700cc
1700cc means the engine can hold 1700 cubic centimeters of air and fuel. Bigger engines usually make more power, which helps the car go faster.
Car
Ford Mondeo
The Ford Mondeo Wagon is a family car that has a lot of space inside for people and their stuff. It's a good option for families because it's comfortable and not too expensive to run.
Car
Chevrolet Corvette
The Chevrolet Corvette is a fast and stylish sports car that many people love to talk about. It's known for being really powerful and fun to drive, making it a favorite among car enthusiasts.
Car
Suzuki Jimny
The Suzuki Jimny is a small SUV that can go off-road and handle tough terrains really well. It's popular with people who like to explore nature because it's easy to drive and has a fun, old-school look.
Car
Lancia Delta
The Lancia Delta is a small car that was really popular in racing a long time ago. People still like it today because of its cool looks and how well it performs, so some even change it to make it look like other famous cars.
Car
Renault 5
Car
Mercedes-Benz G-Wagon
The G-Wagon is a luxury SUV made by Mercedes-Benz. It's known for its square shape and is built to be very durable and capable off-road, often seen as a status symbol.
Car
Porsche 911 (C4) convertible
The Porsche 911 is a famous sports car, and the 'C4' means it has all-wheel drive, which helps with traction. The convertible version has a roof that can be opened, making it great for enjoying the outdoors while driving.
Brand
Maserati
Maserati is a famous car brand from Italy that makes luxury sports cars. They are known for being stylish and fast.
Car
Subaru Impreza WRX
The Subaru Impreza WRX is a sporty car that's designed for speed and handling, often used in racing. It's known for its powerful engine and ability to drive well in different weather conditions.
Car
Subaru SVX
The Subaru SVX is a special sports car from the 1990s that looks different from most cars. It's known for being fun to drive and has a cool design that some people really like, even if it wasn't super popular when it came out.
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Did I talk too much at a fan of that?
I just let it go.
I was thinking so much.
I didn't go well.
Did I talk too much?
I was thinking so much.
I didn't go well.
Take a breath.
You're not alone.
Let's talk about what's going on.
Counseling helps you sort through the noise, with qualified professionals, and online therapy
makes it convenient.
See if it's for you.
Visit betterhelp.com slash random podcast for 10% off your first month of online therapy
and let life feel better.
I'm Jonny Smith.
I'm Richard Porter.
And this is Smith and Sniff, a podcast in which two friends talk about cars and many
other things.
Happy New Year.
Yeah.
Goodness.
26 plate.
Yes.
That's right, mate.
He's on a 26.
This one.
He's fresh.
Yeah.
And they don't do that until March, do they?
If you weren't familiar with the British registration system, you'd go, none of this makes any sense.
No.
Yeah.
What's your car then?
Is it a 2026 on a 25?
What?
What?
No.
Logics.
It's like Audi boot lid badges that we've talked about before, that they've now got rid
of, obviously.
They're sorting that, aren't they?
Yes.
Because the Germanic logic even now goes, that was a silly idea.
Someone's left a sort of very late Christmas gift just down the road from me.
It's a completely abandoned.
It's a sad abandoned tree.
It's a sad abandoned Honda Jazz with two windows down and the cat converter stolen.
And it looks like the back corner has been clipped by a lorry.
Oh.
Yeah.
And it's just pushed to the side of the road and it's got now police tape around it.
Oh.
Yeah.
You know, when you hear those quite emotive adverts just before Christmas of like, this
Christmas, some children won't get presents and some animals won't get fed.
Yeah.
But you can change that for as little as 50 pence a week.
And you go, oh yeah, actually we are lucky.
I'm wondering whether I'm going to go down there and rescue the jazz, which is definitely
going to end up being killed.
Yeah.
I don't know whether to rescue it or not.
It's actually very close to my office.
This jazz could be doing service for someone's gran.
Yeah.
Please give generously.
That's right.
To save a jazz.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This January, this jazz could be relentlessly delivering desserts to stoners in the area.
Yes.
Please don't let a stoner go hungry this Christmas.
No.
Wow.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, that is sad.
It's so close to where I teach my kids to drive in a field, I think it could be the
ultimate field jazz.
All I need it to do is to function.
Even if the brakes don't quite work, that's okay.
But yeah, someone's nicked the catalytic converter already.
How do you know that?
Because I could see the part of the exhaust sagging where there one was and then there's
the beginning of the rest of the exhaust.
Someone's just gone under there and sawn it.
That's a sad thing, isn't it?
Actually, because we've had a little break and I was worried we wouldn't have thought
of anything to talk about.
I was just combing through the Smith & Sniff inbox and I found a few letters, emails that
I thought we could read out.
Now, this seems pertinent in talking of sawn-off exhausts.
This was a message from a listener who asked not to be named.
Oh, okay.
Well done for reading down and checking that.
Yes, I thought I might.
I won't say the name, but there is a relevance in the exhaust being sawn off here.
This listener says, hi, gents.
I recently listened to your podcast discussing the topic of Jag Rongans and wanted to share
my experience of our local one.
While he does not fit the traditional stereotype of a Jag Rongan, he has his very own unique
MO, which I believe qualifies him for the title.
I've owned several Jags over the years, most of which have gone to good, caring homes.
That is, with the exception of one, my 2003 S-Type 3.0L V6 manual.
This car was lovely in nearly every way, super smooth, comfortable with immaculate bodywork
and full service history.
When the time came to sell, I was hopeful that it would go on to be treasured and respected
by the new owner.
Alas, this wasn't the case.
I know where this is going to end up.
I know where this is going to end up.
Within hours of the eBay ad going live, I heard raised voices to the side of the house.
I went to investigate and found the builder who was finishing up some work on my house
in a standoff with two suspicious looking chaps.
The builder had found the visitors inspecting his power tools and assumed they were there
to steal them.
The two men explained that they'd seen my eBay ad and recognised my house in the background,
so they'd popped round for a look.
There's a red flag straight.
Oh my gosh, yeah.
I know where you live.
Man 1, who we later nicknamed the Python, as will be explained, was in his 50s, but
dressed like a 90s boy band member.
He lent on a single NHS spec crutch, wore a bright white t-shirt, ripped by design, jeans
which had something like Los Saints embroidered into Conrad.
He had bleached hair, leathery tanned skin, a small hoop gold earring, and a medium chunk
gold chain.
Picture a cross between David Dickinson and Guy Fieri.
The second chap was large, dressed all in black and looked like a bouncer that you might
see as an amusement arcade or a fun fair.
The Python explained that he'd badly damaged his leg in a motorcycle accident some years
ago so he didn't really want a manual car, but could he test drive my Jag to see how
he got on?
No, reluctantly I agreed and sat in beside him.
Off we went, windows down, arm out, Radio 1 selected and turned up close to VMAX.
Now that's just rude, surely, when you're test driving someone else's car.
It's all so pointless.
You can't hear any mechanical issues that you might pick up when you're just being a
gormless prance.
Anyway, listeners, we proceeded on a 20 minute high speed test drive, making several passes
of the local high street.
Surprisingly, his driving was remarkably good, executing clean heel and toe downshifts from
the get-go.
On returning home, he announced that he needed to siphon the Python and asked, where was the
bog?
After this was dealt with, we got down to negotiating a price.
This is where the bouncer stepped in, starting with an offer that was one third of my asking
price.
OK, get stuffed.
Just get stuffed.
It gets better because the listener says we eventually agreed on the price and the car
was paid for using 50 pound notes.
A few weeks later, while on an evening stroll, I spotted my old Jag parked up in the front
garden of a shabby looking terraced house in a neighbouring estate.
It sat alongside several other S types and two 90s XJs, all of which looked in rather
poor condition.
My old S type still looked in good order and now featured a shiny new golden leaper figurine
on the bonnet.
Later that summer, when walking along the high street, I heard what sounded like a thoroughbred
supercar or possibly a racing car approaching.
To my amazement, it wasn't a Ferrari 458 or a Pagani Zonda.
It was my S type, with the back boxes now removed, the V6 sounded incredible and the
sweet sound seemingly amplified as it reverberated off the walls of the surrounding buildings.
The Jag was being driven in a similar manner to an Aventador going around Knightsbridge,
that is, lots of full throttle first gear pulls and unnecessary revving.
Seconds to the noise of the engine was the stereo, again turned up to V-Max and playing
Flowrider, the club can't handle me.
No, no way.
At the wheel, the python, living his best life.
Windows down, arm out, wearing rainbow tint oak leaves and peacocking an oversized watch.
This is so good.
I'm also getting a slight dog the bounty hunter vibe off.
I am.
He's the British dog, isn't he?
Brit dog.
The listener concludes by saying, for the next couple of years I would occasionally see
the ever more blinged up Jag moored up in the disabled bay at the local supermarket,
or I'd hear the distant bark of its straight piped V6 being carried on the wind as it was
driven in an asbo-baiting manner around town.
It always brought a smile to my face, knowing that despite the poor taste of the new owner,
the car was still being used and enjoyed.
It sold it on for a few more years before failing its MOT and is now parked up in the
python's front garden with the rest of his collection, seemingly replaced by a ropey-looking
Chrysler 300C and a chrome-riddled oversized mobility scooter.
Now, hang on, did he say this S-type was manual?
Yes.
Can you contact him?
Because we could buy it, if nothing else, just for an organ donor.
It would be a lovely organ donor.
For what?
For a rainy day, I don't know.
They are very rare S-type manuals.
We've talked about them before.
If you like, I will email back this listener and he can sort of have some kind of, there's
this kind of circularity to just turning up outside the python's house and going, can
I buy my old Jag back?
On behalf of Johnny Smith?
Well, it has to start with, I looked at the ad which doesn't exist and I noticed your
house and I know where you live.
So I just thought, do you know, I thought he was going to do some clutch kick skids in
the test drive there because manual S-type Jags unfortunately are only really revered
by people who are looking to do engine transplants or budget skids.
I think they're going to be one of the rarest Jags very, very soon, actually.
I nearly bought one.
Instead of buying my Honda Element, I nearly bought one as a budget family car a couple
of years ago.
They were a natural rival to the Honda Element back in their time.
Not at all.
V6 manual S.
Do you know what it is?
I just wanted, I just needed a four door practical car I could do the school run in that was
budget and interesting.
I ended up, the Element is a far superior car, but I'll come on to the Element in a bit
because I need to sell the Element sadly, but I know, I know, I know.
But you know, Pokemon, you can't keep them all as they don't say.
No.
I forgot to say at the live show that we did in Bristle, which I thoroughly enjoyed.
I hope that the people who turned up enjoyed it because otherwise just simply I enjoyed
it and that's not really the way a show should be.
It's a bit selfish to say.
I enjoyed it.
I think we had to get going until I finished enjoying myself.
It was a lovely way to end the year.
It really was.
A guy came up to me afterwards wanted me to draw something, I think appalling in a book
and he said, Hey, I, I actually know no name full suspension mountain bike guy.
And I went, What?
I said, Do you live on a narrow boat?
He said, Yeah, I live on a marina in a narrow boat.
He said, But there's a new breed coming through Johnny.
And I went, What, what do you mean?
He goes that the days of no name full suspension mountain bikes are dying.
He said it's all about the de-restricted blacked out scooter, e-scooter.
He said, because you can illegally buy them to do 50 miles an hour on like six inch wheels.
And he said that like no, the no name full suspension mountain bike guy is loving them.
Can charge it up overnight using someone else's electricity and can just fly through on pathways
and through neighborhoods who said, actually, it could be the end of the era.
2026 might be the last year that you'll see a lot of no name full suspension mountain bike guys.
Who knows?
Who knows?
Would it be permissible or indeed encouraged to charge up your e-scooter from a hacked lamp post?
I think it would be the expected motive of the no name full suspension mountain bike guy.
I said to them, I said, but surely there's still quite a few out there.
He goes, Oh, yeah, there's still a lot out there.
There's a lot of kind of disregarded towpath bikes, you know, that get kind of used for a few days
and then laid up against a wall and you can't quite tell if someone's just put it against the wall
or they put it against them all two weeks ago or what.
So it gets left and then someone else would nick it.
Yeah, I saw exactly one of those the last time I was running down by the river and here in Bath Bath
and it was a bit like, oh, someone just abandoned that or it could just be nearby smoking a joint in a hedge.
It's hard to know really, but I went.
I suspect that if you are a really trad no name full suspension mountain bike guy,
the e-scooter is OK, but almost like it's like you've got your perfect two vehicle fleet
because the mountain bike still has its place.
Yeah, if you're the kind of person who occasionally needs to make a fast getaway,
you don't want to have to be worrying about your charge level,
or you charge running out if the getaway needs to go on for a bit longer.
No, exactly.
And you just can't beat the sheer energy of pedal power,
fuelled by some Fingers Crispy Pank, got a load of cider and just being naturally thin.
You're reliant, you see, on the big corpse who provide the electricity unless you've got your own solo,
which some narrowboat people do, but you don't want to rely on the corpse
because they're the beginning of the end.
So the fact that the loyalist of the pedal power will go,
it's a lot cheaper to go and buy a no name energy drink,
skull that like Popeye who used to just swallow a can of spinach
and then suddenly turn into the strongest person ever.
Do you remember how quickly he used to squeeze the can until there was nothing left of the can
and just gulp it down?
I reckon that he does the equivalent of that, that Popeye energy drink guy,
and then just suddenly that's it.
Popeye energy drink guy.
There was a little, when Popeye did that, wasn't there?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think he knocked the power into his legs, he did a left leg kick, a right leg kick,
a left arm bicep kind of curl and then a right hand and then puffed his huge chest up
and you knew the spinach had taken hold and it was all going to happen.
He was going to do some big wind milling punches and all sorts,
or throwing ships or whatever he did, I can't really remember.
Throwing ships?
Oh no, he's lobbed a trawler at me.
He was unbelievably strong.
So I think that you do that with the equivalent of the 38 pence energy drink can,
which just says energy drink on it, which I've seen, they do exist.
In fact, I bought you one for a present once and dared you to drink it.
You might still have it.
You probably still do have it, you never did drink it.
Probably should throw it away, it's got quite a short half life
and it's just going, the can's going to swell up in a really disturbing way.
Well, it'll corrode through the base of its own can, won't it?
Oh yeah, yeah.
Did I talk too much?
I can't, I just let it go.
I was thinking so much.
Take a breath, you're not alone.
Counseling helps you sort through the noise with qualified professionals.
Get matched with a therapist online based on your unique needs
and get help with everyday struggles like anxiety or managing tough emotions.
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and let life feel better.
Like the blood from aliens.
So I was just looking up stuff to do with 2026
and I realized that this year will mark 10 years since the death of David Bowie
and also the deaths of Prince, Leonard Cohen and George Michael.
They all left us in 2016.
Did they?
Which means 2016 was a bastard of a year for songwriters.
We'd lost four incredible songwriting talents.
However, I realized there is some good news because in their stead
we have a new powerhouse in songwriting
and it's the ladies who pushed the drinks trolley up and down trains
on the GWR line from London to Bristol.
Right?
Because I've been on that train a couple of times recently
and on both occasions the lady pushing the trolley with the snacks and things on it
they sort of made up their own jingles and they were quite catchy.
I wrote them down but I realized I can't write music so I didn't write the melody down
but there was one of them.
She went, hot drinks, cold drinks, coffee, tea, snacks.
Hot drinks, cold drinks, coffee, tea, snacks.
I was like, wow, that's great.
I was trying to think of a whole production around it
and then the next time I was on that train there was a different lady
and she was going, any hot drinks or snacks?
Any hot drinks or snacks?
I was like, as you combine the two and that would be, you've got your verse and chorus I think.
It's good.
But hot drinks, cold drinks, coffee, tea, snacks.
Hot drinks, cold drinks, coffee, tea, snacks.
Really good.
That is brilliant.
Every time I get on that train I hope she's on again or one of them.
Maybe they have a little base at Paddington or Temple Meads.
Just have a little session.
One of them's got a little keyboard and stuff or someone's got an acoustic guitar
and they're going, OK, what are you thinking today, Liz?
What about biscuits, tea and coffee and snacks?
Let's do it again.
That's harmonised.
You have to set a challenge for them just to keep their job spicy.
So they come up with a melody and they throw it at one another like a rap throw-down.
Oh, I see, yeah.
So they turn up in the morning to start the shift and they go,
oh, I've thought of a great one for you, Mildred.
It's this one.
Now, you have to put the words to that.
You know, like Elton John and Bernie talking.
Yeah.
I always thought that was really...
Well, it does explain sacrifice, doesn't it?
It's like you start with the words and build the melody around them.
That's always going to lead to some awkwardness occasionally.
Yeah, he's talking about saccharine.
One of them's talking about emotional things
and the one's talking about sugar replacement.
And it all got...
I wonder, then perhaps the next thing for the trolley people
on Great Western Railways is to challenge each other.
I think, you know, you give each other words to work into stuff.
Oh, yeah.
You know, famously like footballers have done it in interviews.
They dare each other to get Abba Song titles in.
Yes.
So you could sort of go,
coffee, tea, biscuits, crisps and tracks.
What?
Coffee, tea, biscuits, crisps, do you want anything?
Sorry, I thought you said something else.
Nope, didn't know.
Didn't do that, but I don't know.
Anyway.
Help drinks cold drinks, coffee, tea, snacks.
Sausage, sandwich, artisan cattle chips.
I don't think they do those.
They always seem to do a sort of annoyingly small range of things on those
since they... I miss the days of the buffet car.
Oh, tell me.
They still exist, don't they?
Buffet cars.
I don't know.
No, where there is.
Or maybe on some trains, but definitely not on GWR.
Apart from that, it was an excuse for a bit of a stroll,
but then sort of you could, depending on the layout,
because they used to have the...
I mean, they're not sort of buffet cars.
It's kind of like a cafe car.
I suppose it's a waste of space when you get more seats in there,
but equally, there's something nice about it.
They used to have them on the EuroStar.
Because I remember once getting absolutely banjoed on gin and tonic,
standing in the cafe car on the way back from Le Mans
on the EuroStar with a bunch of people,
and it made the journey go with a swing.
Hot drinks, coffee drinks, drinks.
No, just gin, please.
Just gin.
Thank you.
Hot gin.
Hot gin.
Oh, Snoop Dogg will be proud.
That's not really a thin...
Muld gin.
Well, no, because hot gin,
but you have to mix it with hot juice.
And that's ribena usually, isn't it?
Oh, yeah.
Because we've got a cold, so...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm not sure about that.
Poor old Snoop.
Just send him some tonic water.
It blows mind.
Yeah.
Did I tell you about the other week when
I almost missed my turning off the motorway
because I was chasing an interesting Saab?
Yes.
Which I thought was an AeroX,
but it wasn't, so it was a...
Well, that's...
I was going to say on our list of...
our to-do list for 2026 is our Saab,
which we are going to get going
and hoping to do some interesting things with.
And then ideally, it'll be at our live shows as well.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Along with...
I've got...
I've got a funny shatter there
because I was driving this morning
and I had a couple of Saab-related ideas for us,
so I'll share those with you in privacy.
Or is it privacy?
What do you say?
I say privacy.
I don't know now.
No.
Is it the Mazda privacy?
Do you remember that model?
The Mazda privacy...
What was that called?
The Premisee.
Premisee.
Premisee.
I think it...
I don't know now.
I think it was the Mazda...
We had this before.
Primisee.
Premisee.
Supremisee, actually.
Why is it called the Premisee?
Supremisee is...
What's that controversial word?
Yeah, they go,
Oh, what do you drive?
I drive a white Premisee.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, be careful.
Be careful.
Sorry.
You're just affectionately abbreviating the word Supremisee.
That makes it even worse.
Yeah.
One of the things that always concerns me about this,
this podcast,
is that people actually listen to what we're saying.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This has come to pass with a listener
called Andrew,
who, um, he says that, um,
please be aware of the infectious influence
you guys have over us,
weak-willed car perverts.
Oh, no.
I had to sell my perfectly good
17-plate Lapis Blue Golf 7.5R
estate,
entirely because of your disdain
of DSG tromboning vehicles.
Oh, no.
Emitting clouds of caramel slash
cherry vape
and the twat-striving one.
I do not vape,
but I could not bear the stigma of being associated
with such pure alflutery.
I'm over 50.
There was only one option,
the very practical and quick golf had to go.
Um, okay.
Well, I mean, that's...
I feel, you know, that's...
Minor guilt?
Yeah, because if you're not vaping
and you're not driving like a tit,
then I think you're sort of...
That's still a fine car, that, isn't it, though?
It is a hell of a well-rounded machine.
I'm all right in thinking that the estate
was only available as a DSG,
whereas the other one was available
with a manual as well.
Is it one of those weird...
Maybe.
Or is that Mark 7,
and maybe they...
The 7 and a half, it all went DS,
dog shit gearbox.
I can't remember.
I think it might have done, yeah.
Weirdly, I got...
Is there any DSG now, aren't there?
Anyway, so...
That's not where this ends,
because Andrew says
he started his research to
find a replacement for the golf.
He tried the GR Yaris, but too small for him.
So then he started looking at
Audi's, BMW's and Merck's.
But he said
Audi's are eye-rotting expensive,
arguably quite ugly compared to the
Audi's of 10 to 15 years ago.
BMW's are fugly,
Merck's are just old-man cars,
in his view.
Oh, come on.
That's such an old person's
opinion on Merck's.
Although the thing is,
is Merck's are not as good
as what they were 10 years ago, so...
I think that's it, isn't it?
They've become quite fiddly,
both to look at and sometimes
to operate into interior tech.
Old people couldn't operate
on current Mercedes.
No, God, no.
They'd still be on the drive.
A large print edition of an E-Class
to be able to operate it if you're old.
But no.
Well, you'll like what's coming next,
Johnny, I think particularly because
Andrew says
you guys have often praised
the Alpha Giulia Quadrifoglio
on the podcast.
Oh, goodness.
Future Classic, et cetera, et cetera.
So, with your help and the assistance
of some of your YouTube co-conspirators,
now, he's named the other people
he wants to blame, so I feel like the blame is shared here.
Harry Metcalf, Plato and Tiff, Chris,
Harris, Lord Clarkson, and a few more.
Well,
he booked a test drive
and he says, I knew immediately I had to have one.
Yes.
But not the car that he test-drive
because the service history was dodgy.
So, he started searching
and after a couple of weeks
found the car of his dreams,
did the deal and arranged a date
to collect my red
bracket.
Sorry, Johnny,
Alfa Romeo, Giulia Quadrifoglio,
full leather, five-hole wheels.
Oh, I know the ones, yeah,
the sort of cloverleaf type things.
Yeah.
What a car.
Wow, what a choice.
He says,
I must admit there was a bit of deception needed
to get the Alpha approved by my wife.
She's never liked the Golf,
so I suggested that I sell it
and buy a practical four-door family saloon
and get a tow bar fitted to her Kia
and then buy a small car trailer.
She thought about it for a moment
and replied,
what a good idea, fully on board.
Great.
After collecting the car,
I took her out for a drive.
Very quickly,
she realized all was not what it seems.
After a bit of frantic googling,
she said,
does your car have a Ferrari engine?
Yes, I replied.
I got the stare
and then a slight smile.
Oh, yes.
The smile was all I needed to know.
I'd got away with it.
I've had the car for three months
and I'm still reaching new levels
of driving pleasure every time I take it out.
Thank you both for your excellent
and honest car-related consumer advice
and for the joy you bring us like-minded,
slightly weird car enthusiasts.
I am so pleased to hear that.
Oh, thank you, Andrew,
for actually listening to us.
I was going to say,
I hope that works out for you.
Andrew, I'm really pleased
because I'm sort of living through you
in that I do believe the things
that I say about cars.
I don't just spout bobbins.
But at the same time,
typically for a journalist,
I do have quite strong opinions
in certain areas.
And I do think that that car
is so much cooler
than any BMW product on sale right now.
And probably a Mercedes product,
which is some going,
but it's such a cool car
in terms of looks.
It makes you feel special.
It's got something about it.
It's got some really good driving dynamics.
And yes, you can just use it
as a family car if you wish.
So well, bloody done.
Don't get me wrong,
the Golf R, as we've said,
is a very, very fast capable thing.
But it's just, unfortunately...
No, I know this.
It's sort of slightly overdone.
Sometimes it's in car circles
talking about soul
and personality and character.
Massively.
The Golf.
The Alpha does have more personality
than the Golf.
Even though the Golf is very good.
Yeah, and the Golf
will be quicker point to point,
but it's not about how quick you do things.
It's not always about that,
not in the real world on real roads.
Absolutely not.
Funny enough, Andrew is the second person
in the past two or three weeks
that I've heard about getting a Julia
because a mate of mine
suddenly unexpectedly
chopped in a brand new car
that he bought last year
and he said,
I've turned into two cars.
Guess what they are?
I guess the first one,
which is my daily driver.
And knowing he's a weakness for an Alpha,
I was a bit like,
is it not Julia Quadrifoglio?
And he's like,
yeah, it is actually so.
Really?
Again, I got quite jealous of this.
I'm getting massive FOMO here
because I just want a green one.
Yeah.
It has to be green for me.
Don't get me wrong.
I know red works with it.
Of course it does.
It's an Alpha,
but I just,
they're so,
they're so attractive.
They're so attractive.
You know what I mean?
I'm gritting my teeth
because you know,
sometimes I do this.
I'm sure I can't be the only human that does it.
When I stroke my cat,
when my cat is really affectionate
and I go in really hard
and I sometimes sing to it
as I might have admitted before,
I grit my teeth sometimes.
You know, it's that,
I love you so much.
I'm going,
I almost want to bite you
and chew you.
This is, I think,
a documented psychological phenomenon
of finding something sort of so cute
or sweet
that you almost want to hurt it.
Yes.
I've read about this.
Yes.
You almost want to,
exactly.
It's totally that.
I wonder if it's,
it's a cousin of that thing
where you're sort of
walking across a bridge
across a big river
and in your head you're going,
don't throw your phone in the river.
Don't throw your phone in the river.
Don't throw your phone in the river.
And it's like,
Yeah, it's like,
but you could.
But you could.
But just remember not to do it,
but God, you could do it.
Couldn't you?
Wouldn't that be really annoying
if you just threw your phone,
threw your keys in the river as well.
Throw them all in the river.
Go on, just do it.
But don't do it,
because that would be silly.
Yeah.
Don't do that,
because it'll,
it'll just cause you.
I do that when I'm on the sea
in a boat.
Oh, God, yes.
Always.
On a river in a boat.
I just look down.
I'm not,
not just the sea,
the river at the bottom of my gun.
And I just go,
God,
I could really like
causing convenience for myself
if I was to just throw
my coat,
which has
Yeah.
My wallet,
my cards,
my house keys,
my car key.
I wonder if anyone has acted
on that kind of impulse,
or if it is really one of those
things that you,
you know,
you're sort of,
the mind is able to check itself
before it all gets a bit out of hand.
I don't know if you,
if you have ever inexplicably
thrown phone keys
or an item of clothing
off a boat
or a bridge.
Item of clothing.
Hello at smithisf.com.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'd love to.
I really would.
Now Andrew
didn't just tell us about
his excellent alpha purchase.
while he was messaging,
he also contributed
to our trove
of dogging stories.
Oh,
right.
So I'll read out
since I've got his email.
Are we now referring to it
as a trove?
I just want to use the word trove.
It's a great one.
It doesn't get an airing
very much.
And I like it.
Yeah.
So Andrew says,
my friend Stephen
got more than he bargained for
when he stopped for his lunch
in a lay-by.
He's a social worker
and visits clients
at their home.
So he drives a fair bit
and often stops in lay-bys
to eat his lunchtime sandwiches.
On this dry
and sunny summer's day,
Stephen pulled into a lay-by
right next to the road.
No tree
or hedge cover at all.
He parked up,
opened his lunchbox
and noticed
a black Mercedes
pull-up just in front of him.
The driver emerged
from the car
wearing high heels,
black stockings
and suspender belt
with red pants.
What?
He walked around
and opened
the merc's boot,
then bent forwards into the boot,
exposing his junk to Stephen.
What?
Stephen dropped his sandwich,
started his car
and left as quickly as he could.
That's, I mean,
that's forward.
That's very, very forward.
Very brazen,
but it goes on because
Stephen was still hungry.
He didn't know the area well,
but assumed there must be
another lay-by
a few miles up the road.
Sure enough,
a few miles up the road,
he noticed a lay-by
and pulled in,
taking no notice
of the high hedge
which shielded the view
from the road.
He had no idea
that this was
a renowned
dogging hotspot.
Oh.
As soon as Stephen
opened his lunchbox,
the black merc
pulled in front of him again.
The driver jumped out
of his car
and straight into
another car
parked in front.
What?
Stephen then noticed
many used
contraceptive devices
that had been
discarded in the hedge.
Suddenly,
he was no longer hungry
and quickly drove away.
Oh, no, no, no.
I mean, first thing,
look,
if you want to have
like public place sex,
that's one thing.
But take your litter
home with you
because dropping litter
is just the lowest
of the low
and fly-tipping sex
material,
no.
Just simply
no, please.
Okay?
Can we just
stop doing it?
Thank you.
That was my sensible
start of 2026
message to the people.
Well,
we're here now,
so I was going to say,
I have another dogging message
that I've been meaning to read out
because it comes from Matt Pryor,
the co-host
of the Auto Car,
My Weaking Cars podcast.
I think probably
my personal favorite
of all the car podcasts
out there.
That many people will know,
he does with
Steve Cropley,
also from Auto Car.
And
Very good.
Matt has written to us
and said,
I'm not sure
whether you're
still interested in
dogging stories.
Yes.
Unless Cropley mentions
the subject in his column,
which seems unlikely,
I don't think I'll have cause
to bring up this
a dogging adjacent tale
on the Auto Car podcast.
It's quite long.
In 1998,
I didn't need a sensible car,
so I took out a graduate loan
and bought a cheap Westfield,
1700cc,
Crossflow,
four-speed box,
live axle.
Excellent details.
One weekend,
I was driving it
from my house share
in Hertfordshire
to my folks' place
in Hampshire.
While on the M25,
it started raining,
so I decided to stop
when I got to the A3
to put up the hood.
Fortunately there was
and still is a car park
just off the M25,
off the A3 slip road.
I pulled into this
leafy, secluded car park
and set about putting up the hood.
Also there was a recent
white Ford Mondeo wagon,
and even in the gloom,
I could see two
young-to-middle-aged blokes
inside it.
They looked at me.
I looked at them.
I don't know
if we acknowledged each other
or not.
I was used to people
giving waves
or thumbs up to a Westfield,
so it wouldn't have been unusual.
Then they moved the car
across the car park,
but still parked it facing me.
This was, I thought,
a bit weird.
The fact that it was
27 years ago,
but I still remember
what happened next,
shows vividly how alarming
I found it at the time.
With the roof now up,
I headed back towards the A3.
The Mondeo pulled out
directly behind me
as I left.
Then it followed me closely,
tracking my every move.
Every lane change,
every speed change
in full view of my mirrors.
It just sat there,
quite close,
very obviously following me.
Oh, gosh.
I couldn't work out
what was going on.
I was in my early 20s,
had a pretty quiet upbringing,
with no mobile phones,
and only recently the internet.
So I was naive,
stupid, and guessing.
Were they plain-closed coppers?
Possible, but I thought unlikely.
Did they think I'd caught them
in the middle of something
highly illegal,
a drugs or gun sale or something?
Were they dangerous and out to off me
so I didn't grasp them up?
Much more lightly, I assumed.
It didn't once occur to me
that they might have thought
I had given them a sly come on,
and was leading them
in some elaborate foreplay,
ending up in a deserted
Forestry Commission car park,
where we'd slip into something
more comfortable,
like each other.
The non-chase continued down
the A3 for perhaps half an hour,
with me stewing worriedly
until hind head,
brackets pre-bypass.
Good detail.
Where I hoped to shake them off
by darting into the petrol station.
Brackets jet, I think.
Excellent detail.
At the last second,
having given no indication.
Alas, not last second enough.
They pulled in too.
It was reasonably busy,
and they pulled up to a pump opposite me,
but then the passenger got out
and walked over to me.
Do you mind if we pull up behind you?
The fuel flap is on this side of the car,
he said.
Sure, I replied.
Too scared to just ask if they were following me.
I was still wondering if I was just paranoid,
but mostly it was just weird.
I suppose I could have parked up
and had a cup of tea or something
and hoped they fucked off,
but as I say,
I was unreasonably worried
and just wanted to put as much distance
as possible between us.
That they were waiting for me to finish fueling
meant they could have followed me easily
if I paid first,
then moved the car afterwards.
So after I'd filled my car,
I lent in and rolled it forward
to give them room to get to the pump.
If they didn't pull forward,
I definitely know I was being followed,
and if they did start fueling,
I might get a chance to pay
and get back in the car before they'd finished
and fuck right off.
This worked.
They pulled forward and began fueling
while I paid,
and although the passenger came in to pay
while the driver was still filling,
there were a couple of people
between us in the queue.
So as calmly as I could,
I paid,
walked back to my car,
quickly climbed in
and rapidly sped off
before they could do the same.
I hoped they wouldn't see
which way I'd gone
at the Heinthead Crossroads.
Then I put my foot down
as hard as I dared
in a car whose roof
was held on with prestuds and hope,
and just kept going at high speed.
It did the trick
and I didn't see them again.
When I got home,
I told my parents and my mates this story.
People who shared my confusion and concern
and maybe were living sheltered lives
because nobody wondered
if they'd just fancied a notch.
Anyway,
if among your listeners
are either of those Mondeo lads,
I'm sorry you had a frustrating start
to your Friday evening.
But also, what the fuck?
You could have just asked.
Oh my gosh.
Oh my gosh.
Well, the best, Matt.
Thanks, Matt.
Well, there we go.
Thank you, Matt.
That's weird, I think.
That's very, quite scary.
Yeah, I'm going to say that's quite weird.
I'm going to say that's weird.
I was going to...
I've been trying to look at statistics
of last year's car sales.
Okay.
And I wanted to...
I was trying to find out
what was the worst selling model
or slowest selling model.
And I can't find any accurate statistics
for the models.
But in terms of manufacturers,
some of them are consistently low.
I mean, you've got to give
the credit where due to DS.
They sold 1120 cars in 2024.
How many have they sold in 2025?
Well, at the time.
Go on.
A thousand and three.
So consistently about a thousand cars a year.
So think of that investment
in an entirely new company.
But in the UK,
we're talking about in the UK here, right?
Chevrolet in 2024 sold a car.
What?
They sold one car in the UK,
according to the SWMT.
I want to know what car it was.
I'm guessing it's a Corvette?
Or is it a Camel?
Yes, or is Corvette sort of listed
as a separate brand now?
Yeah, that's it.
Let me just check.
I can't see it.
Yeah, you're right.
What else would it be?
What else would it be?
Because I don't think
this is a special order.
Hang on.
Surely, I suppose it has to be
because would only a car
that's officially sold here,
which the Corvette is,
get registered by the SWMT
because everything else
if it's an import.
That's right.
Duck it.
Yeah, it wouldn't be legal
tender on these stats.
I guess that must be a Corvette.
But who was the person
in 2024 in the United Kingdom
that bought the Corvette?
I would love to know
who that was.
I think they have a press
demonstrator, so maybe it was
just that.
It's impossible that they've
actually sold zero cars
to pundits.
I think I saw one for sale
somewhere, or possibly on
Pistonhead.
It's not that long ago,
like maybe a couple of weeks
ago.
I really need to drive a C8.
I'm very curious about it.
It's meant to be really good.
Yeah.
What, the C7 was really good?
And it's totally good at least.
Geoffrey Bovington,
who is a proper tillerman.
Yes.
Has always said it's dead good
and he knows what he's talking
about.
So, I mean, it's just a shame
it just looks so...
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't like its mid-engine-ness.
It just doesn't feel right to me.
And we have talked about this,
but you know what?
Other people disagree.
Because in 2025,
when these stats were taken,
they'd sold 84 Chevrolets
in the UK.
Oh!
Oh, well, there you go.
Now, it's funny, because I am
actually...
I'm in the Pistonhead's
classifieds, and in fact,
there's quite a few C8s here.
Yeah.
Well, so there we go.
There's 84 officially sold in
the UK.
And you know what?
Hand-clapped to Chevrolet
for bothering to sell
right-hand drive C8s.
I'm really...
Yeah.
I'm really pleased
that you do.
There's one here in a very sort
of deep red,
a sort of burgundy,
as Americans might say,
with gold wheels and a black roof.
And it actually looks about as good
as I've ever seen one of these
cars look.
Oh, that's cool.
Hmm.
I mean, it's still not...
Because I thought the C7
was a nice-looking car,
as these things go.
Me too.
I've always liked the C8.
It just looks like
a sort of poor rendering
from a cheap computer game.
I think that's its problem.
It might be a better car
in every metric,
but it's like,
does it have that distinctive look,
which Corvette's always do,
because they've got the
acreage of bonnet
and the four oval
or circular tail lights.
And I just...
It's very, very iconic.
I always let down by the interior
up until I think the C7.
But...
Yes.
I've got a thing.
I know I've done a couple of
Barn Finds C...
I've done a C4 Corvette
Barn Finds ZR1 or ZR1.
I can't stop thinking about C4s.
I was just about to say.
I just can't stop thinking about them.
I think I would...
There is a part of me
that would just like to go all in
on my face out of A-team fantasies
and get a C4.
Drive it around for a week,
realise it's dog shit,
sell it,
but then at least I've taken care of that.
I feel like...
I don't know,
maybe what if it's not dog shit, though?
Well, I mean, if we got a ZR1,
the six-speed, 200-mile-hour car,
I think you wouldn't be disappointed,
but I think a well-sorted one
is a fine, fine thing.
It's just bizarre.
Well, in Germany, they dig them.
Whenever I go to Germany,
I see a Corvette.
It's very odd.
But there's that sort of
Hasselhoff factor there, isn't there?
Germans like cheesy American things.
That's true.
I forgot about the Hasselhoff factor.
Hey, so continuing stats,
I won't go on and on about it.
I'm just picking the low-hanging fruit.
In Ios, in 2024,
they sold 333 grenades.
Right.
How many have they sold in 2025?
They...
I'm going to say 352.
Oh, 253.
Nearly.
No.
Yeah, 253.
Wow, that's not good.
I mean, not a lot of cars.
I was told on the QT
by an Ineos dealer last year
or maybe even the year before
that if you wanted a grenadine
right now,
there were bloody fields full of them.
Oh, really?
Yeah, that was probably...
God, that was actually probably about 18 months ago, maybe.
Sure.
And then I think they had that problem,
that the Recaro went bust.
Recaro made the seats for the grenade.
Oh.
So they had to pause production,
but that was actually no great hardship
since it gave them a chance
to try and clear out the fields a little bit.
Oh, gosh.
I don't know.
I wonder how that car's doing elsewhere, though,
because I was surprised last Easter
when I was in California
to see there was a really quite big
and swishy Ineos dealership
in Pasadena, in California.
Oh, really?
Which is quite a well-to-do neighbourhood.
I'm wondering if well-to-do Americans
in places like Pasadena
have shown much interest in that car.
I don't know.
So look at the stats.
I do wonder whether or not...
The Jimny body modification
tuner people in Japan,
where they've turned Jimny's into, like,
Lancia Delta and Renault 5 turbo
lookalikes and strange stuff.
And miniature G-Wagons, of course.
I do wonder whether, like,
you could take an Ineos
and clad it in a slightly more interesting way.
Because I do like it.
I enjoy driving that car.
But the design's just a bit...
There's a bit of it that really annoys me,
and it's cribbed directly
off the old Defender, like mine.
And it annoys me on the Defender.
The top of the windscreen
is higher than the top line
of the side window glass.
Yes.
And there's probably some cock-eyed
1950s reason why the Defender
ended up like that.
But there is no excuse for a brand-new car
from scratch to be like that,
because it's not because it's boxy.
No.
Because the Mercedes G-Wagon does not have that.
Or everything lines up on a G-Wagon.
So you can achieve that look
without having to do that.
They've just cribbed the Defender too much there.
Yeah.
And they could have thought harder about it.
And it bugs the shite out of me.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, I'm slightly distracted,
because I've just found a bright red Corvette C4 LT1
manual for sale in the UK.
It's £14,000.
It looks frigging fantastic.
It's red.
I know you're not such a fan of red cars,
but this, a red C4 convertible
on those are some really good wheels.
That is a hands-on machine.
The wheels are amazing.
The wheels are up there with Lotus Eclat rims for me.
They're just some of the, you know,
like Rolling Stone Top 100 best bands ever.
That are my, for me, rim,
like all-time, all-time tasteful rimmage.
Lotus Eclats there, C4,
VET.
There were those sort of like turbo vane-style ones
that Renault did.
Oh, there's some really good ones
which just stand to the test of time.
Volvo 850 T5R.
Wow, what a rim.
Have a look at that picture of the red VET.
That looks really good actually.
So good.
It looks really good.
It's a well-proportioned car.
It's a nice-looking car.
There's no caveat there.
No asterisks.
No.
It's just a nice-looking car.
Damn right.
Particularly if you're of a certain age
and you grew up seeing these on telly.
Yeah.
It is good.
It's, the only thing I can't work out
is that one of the pictures of the interior,
inexplicably there seems to be some foliage in it
and I can't work out what they're trying to show.
It just looks like, is it a reflection?
Maybe it's a reflection on glass,
but it just looks like there's a plant growing out of the interior
which is no good.
That's not cool, is it?
Anyway.
Enough.
Do you know how many Maserati's they sold?
Oh jeez.
How did they sell more this year?
Or Maserati's?
Did they sell more this year in the UK than last year?
When I say this year.
Oh it's playing your cars right now.
Yeah.
When I say this year, I mean 2025.
Okay.
So did Maserati sell more cars in the UK in 2025
than in 2024?
Yes.
I'm going to say no.
You're absolutely right.
They sold 441 in 2024
and in 2025 according to SWMT, 320.
Oh.
That is such a low amount of cars
for an entire brand network.
Wow.
Isn't it?
Bunkers.
That is, yeah.
It is bunkers.
It's pretty bad.
Yeah, it does require.
Oh, talking of and the letter from the DSG Golf R guy.
Oh yes.
I actually got quite brutally cut up
and then I had soot kind of fired at me
from a, it was a Golf R Mark 7
that was heavily modified the other day.
I was in my little insight.
Heading towards Bristol, actually.
And the whole back of this Golf
was covered in, I guess, soot and overfuelling matter.
Oh yeah, I don't know.
But the 4D plate actually said DSG on it.
Oh.
It actually had DSG, something, something, something on it.
Do you think that was deliberate?
I think it was definitely deliberate.
And then as soon as the lights went to amber,
it went pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa.
And it just sounded awful.
It just sounded like a really, you know,
it just sounded like a guff down an alpine horn.
It was just awful.
Just sorry, not cool.
And he put different pipes on the back end,
but it just sounded shite.
Sorry about that.
Not sorry though.
Subaru 2,248 cars in 2024,
1,994 cars in the UK.
So Americans and Canadians and Australians
that listen to this and go,
ah, you know,
Subarus are a big deal with you guys in the UK.
Subarus, unfortunately,
they just don't get much of a look in.
That's 2,000 old money people in the UK
that are propping that current business model up.
Yeah.
Aren't they?
Yeah.
Because I just looked this up.
I don't think it seems to have any data for December,
but in November 2025,
Subaru sold just over 52,000 cars in the US.
That's just in November alone.
Oh my gosh.
Oh my gosh.
And they did what in this country?
They did 1,994 cars in a year.
That's in the US,
Subaru would sell that many cars in a day.
Yeah, probably less than a day.
As a percentage market share,
according to this WMT,
Subaru has a 0.11% market share.
Oh.
Yeah.
It's sad, isn't it, really?
Subaru, on those companies,
I want them to exist.
I want them to be happy and healthy
and doing well.
Not everything they do is a home run,
but they've made many things that we love.
And every so often, they still do.
That outback that you came to mine
and then left here for a bit.
Really enjoyed that.
It was a really pleasant car.
It was.
Yeah.
So I want Subaru to be okay,
but I suppose as long as Americans and Canadians
and other people are buying their cars,
then the onus isn't on us to pull our weight.
No.
But I still like to see them do well,
because I think they're nice.
Can we have a bit of hooliganism, though,
back from Scooby?
I'd love a bit of very Japanese hooliganism.
I think that's what it needs to inject itself.
And actually, I'm doing that thing,
because my Matarancho project is Subaru-based.
I'm now really becoming a bit of a retro Subaru fanboy,
because I can't wait to own a boxer engine turbo.
I just can't wait for it.
It's being rebuilt right now, that engine.
I've just been specking it.
And it's just exciting,
because I still think it's one of the coolest engines.
It's one of the coolest drivetrains
of a everyday usable car, isn't it?
I know.
Simply so usable, resilient.
Over the Christmas period,
for no explicable reason,
I suddenly found myself browsing in Pretz RB5s,
because they were the first in Pretz a Turbo I ever drove.
And in a weird way,
I don't think anything ever quite matched up to it again,
because it was so good with the ProDrive pack on it, particularly.
It was just so good.
It was one of those cars where you'd heard so much hype about them.
Oh, they're great.
And then as she drove on, I went,
oh, this didn't disappoint at all.
It was fabulous.
It's just bloody good.
And that's a hell of a first Subaru to drive.
Yeah, and I was what, 23, 24, and I was so obsessed with it.
I actually looked at it,
because it weren't sort of stupid money,
and I looked at it,
or maybe I could get a bank loan and buy one,
but then I looked at how much it would cost me to ensure it
as a young man living in quite central Birmingham.
And it was so many thousands of pounds,
it would have just been impossible to do.
So that put me off, and I was just like,
but RB5s are not idiotic money.
No, the Subaru pervs listen to this will give me the gen on it,
but they're not as collectible as the P1s,
and definitely not as the...
No.
What's the other one, the mental money one?
22B is the other sort of really silly money one,
but I just feel like actually as a usable, nice car
to give you what you want from an impressive turbo,
which is one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one,
and you know, all of that nice,
dancy, grippy sort of,
and that really mechanical gear change and everything about it.
Oh man, I have to.
You get the good stuff from an RB5,
and you can have one for 15 grand, seemingly.
Damn, maybe that's a Smith and Sniff sensible tour car
for the future.
Can you imagine?
Oh.
If we just went, yeah, the Smith and Sniff company car
is now an Impressor RB5.
We would be able to agree who'd keep it though,
because it would be like...
No.
We're more the old three-litre quad cam legacy people,
because that's like engine complexity gone mad,
and it doesn't matter how you drive it,
it's 11 to the gallon and one engine.
I mean, let's be honest,
if we were going all in on a stupid Subaru,
I think we'd have to go SVX or go home.
Yeah.
Well, I had that opportunity to buy that blimmin'.
Oh yes.
That XT.
And it was really nice.
I do think about it a lot.
Honestly, the gear, the manual gear lever,
it was just a helicopter joystick.
It was so air-wolf the whole interior of that car.
It was bloody brilliant.
And yet again, the values live in the shadows of Impressors,
because it doesn't have the...
It doesn't have that draw of rally motorsports...
...out our way.
Well, like stage rallies and all that.
You know what I mean?
Like down with the loose stuff and the mud and the trees.
You know?
Anyway, on that Westfall Subaru browsing notes,
it's probably time to pull this into the bank before we go.
Johnny Sincason, a slightly strange project,
who forced the former lead singer of Marillion
to live and work only in a small area of Islington in North London,
just around the Tube station, under the working title Angel Fish.
If that's not to your taste, then there is, of course,
the late break show.
Excellent.
So stupid.
It's so stupid.
I thought I was like,
oh, I should just definitely stop this in the new year.
And there I am.
I can't help myself.
Maybe that should be the last one.
Anyway, well, the second thing I should say
is that we have live shows coming up.
Go to smithasniff.com and follow the tab for live shows
to get more details and a link to buy tickets.
And the third thing,
I was looking up anniversaries of things that will happen in 2026.
50 years since the first commercial supersonic flight.
Really?
Which was obviously Concorde.
Strangely, it wasn't from London to New York,
which was what Concorde did most.
It was from Heathrow to Bahrain.
OK.
It's also 100 years since the first two-way transatlantic phone call.
150 years since the first telephone call, full stop.
And it's 100 years since Winnie the Pooh was first published in book form.
I don't like Winnie the Pooh.
It's not a conversation for now.
You don't like Winnie the Pooh?
No, he just came across as just being annoyingly slow.
No.
I mean, no.
He is sort of the straight man in a quite amusing universe
because, you know, you've got Tigger in E.R. and all that lot
and the owl and they're just...
Yes.
None of them have got enough about them for me.
I couldn't get through a Winnie the Pooh book.
What?
No, I never finished a Winnie the Pooh book.
Tigger?
No.
I mean, Tigger is potentially quite annoying, but...
Quite annoying?
I just...
Yeah.
Tigger's just swiggy.
Who's funny?
Is he the...
Christopher Robin, these are the wrong sort of bees.
Maybe I'll give it a shot when I...
When I turn 47.
I'd love it if you became like a massive Winnie the Pooh enthusiast
all of a sudden, I've had this guy all wrong.
Hi.
Yeah.
What do you do?
I'm watching, like, really gritty, old episodes of Cracker.
Oh, OK.
Yeah, that was a classic.
I'm reading Winnie the Pooh.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm just setting it down to another A.A. Milne classic tonight.
Read it five times already, but it's just that good.
Yeah.
All right, well, that's enough of all this,
but we'll be back again on Friday with an Autosot
and Monday with a regular show.
Until then, goodbye.
Thanks, everybody.
Bye, please.
So you've enjoyed this podcast, but you've had her thoughts.
Is there a way here today that you could show support?
Well, you could join our Patreon.
What wonders that it brings?
Early shows and extra notes on that side of things.
You could buy our merchandise.
We've mugs and hats, but still no ties.
One day we will make those pies.
But in the meantime, guys, hey, guys.
Like and subscribe.
And maybe leave a nice review.
Like and subscribe.
We know you know just what to do.
Like and subscribe.
We don't want to take the piss.
Like and subscribe.
But we were told to ask for this.
Like and subscribe.
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Like and subscribe.
Like and subscribe.
Hot drinks, cold drinks, coffee, tea, snacks.
About this episode
Jonny Smith and Richard Porter kick off the new year with a lively discussion about car culture, including the peculiarities of British vehicle registration and the fate of an abandoned Honda Jazz. They share amusing listener stories, including a wild encounter with a Jaguar buyer and a humorous take on the quirks of public transport snack vendors. The duo also dives into car sales statistics, reminiscing about iconic models like the Subaru Impreza and C4 Corvette, while pondering the future of brands like Maserati and Subaru. Expect plenty of banter and car-related musings.
Original notes
Jonny and Richard discuss things you definitely shouldn’t do. Also in this episode, a sad, abandoned Jazz, a listener’s tale of a strange Jag buyer, news from the world of No Name Full Suspension Mountain Bike Guy, the song writing skills of people who work on trains, a listener blames this podcast for a car swap, more CRAD stories, the worst selling cars of 2025, and is it wrong to want a Corvette?
For early, ad-free episodes and extra content go to patreon.com/smithandsniff
To buy merch and tickets to live podcast recordings go to smithandsniff.com
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Smith and Sniff
Jonny Smith and Richard Porter
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60:38