"Skip Jello Shots not rocks" |S:03E.64

**Music**

Y'all, presumably, still y'all.

Welcome here in the Church of Internal Combustion. We just ask that you show up with an open heart

It's uh, it's been a troublesome week out there in the world

Tempers are high division fighting for every opportunity you can find to split us all farther

Folks saying careless and hateful things out of anger friendships being torn asunder the world

Can be heavy sometimes

That ain't what the wrecking yard is for though. This is a place for us to

Get away from the noise

Sometimes the best cure for the noise of the world

is to

Make your own noise. So that's what we do. We make laughter. We tell stories

Hell most of our fellows I've been friends with my life will tell you that the best cure for the noise of the world

Is the noise of chainsaws v8 power tools

Hell even the sound of a clutch

Giving up the ghost and scattering under pressure can even clear your mind of other concerns in the right moment

I made a little noise this week

About this dad blasted

Cadillac paperweight on

Didn't expect that video to go viral so quickly, but I guess a lot of folks relate

Honestly didn't expect an easy ride when I bought that thing I figured I had to put some money in it

And I knew about the 3.6 problems, you know

But you want a 3.6 time and chain problem, those are those are all fixable problems for a handy fellow

And then honestly it don't get driven that many miles. I figured 130,000 mile

drivetrain failure would be about when we were ready to retire it and replace it either way know how

I mean playing the opposite lessons has been a part of the automotive industry since most of us were just a spare thought

But I felt like there was a balance we expected a little of it from them

And we'd bitch over the years and they'd reign it in some

I don't I don't even mind complicated problems. I really don't

But parts availability

On a less than 15 year old car is not the kind of problem you can just fix

I got I got excited when the video went viral because people started sending me links

And uh every time I'd get to the end of that link get ready to check out

It's out of stock or it's the wrong part number

I don't I mean, I don't I don't expect I'm not great. I don't expect anyone to stock trim parts

For a car that old but a freaking module that runs the entire abs system that that should exist

Somewhere and not for some ridiculous price

I don't something that was a $400 part brand new

And you are you do even after you you buy the part you have to go pay somebody to flash the thing in

So and but even still even still you go out of those uh places that are often on for $1,500 and

$1,800 go try to check out

We get down to check out. They can't provide you that part

I

That gun Mazda sitting in my driveway is the same age is that Cadillac same age 2012 Mazda 3

2012 Cadillac SRX there ain't a part on that some fitted car. I can't find for it

Hell I'm half convinced I could build a 2012 Mazda 3 from scratch in my driveway with amazon and rock auto

Oh, I gave I gave up hope at some point. I'm I'm gonna figure this thing out, but well, I'm frustrated this piss with it

One lady messaged me to tell me that uh, I should check the internet

Because that's where her husband finds parts hard to find parts

And after that message I quit reading messages off that video

I

Just checked the internet that's where the parts are you just uh go to the internet

You didn't look over a part three months. You didn't think look on the interwebs

Go to the internet

Anyways the search continues for the mysterious ebcm

I'm about ready to just take some 50 apart try to resolve it myself

If that's even a problem, but if you know someone

With the 2012 Cadillac SRX with a gork 3.6 give me a holler

I'd like to buy the windshield

Washer reservoir and the ebcm off of it

Maybe a hubcap cover and front cv shafts. I got I got a whole list just holler at me

I'm gonna tell you a story today that you've heard bits and pieces of

It's got some funny because damn if we don't need something right now

Most stories got an asshole

And surprisingly even to me it's not me this time

I mean well mostly I certainly could have behaved better, but we'll just chalk that up to the folly of youth

I'm sure how old I was in 2002

Yeah, I might do math

Let's see

97 I was 20 and then 2007 I'd have been 30 so

Shit, I'm bad at math somewhere in my 20s early 20s. We'll call it early 20s

Oh man, I know I was probably about 26

20 this is the year before well just like two years before I started comedy. So I was 25

I was 25 years old

25 26 it doesn't matter I'm wasting too much time on that by july of 2002

I just started dating this gal named Wendy you all heard me talk about

Uh, it wasn't deeply serious yet. It was a brand new thing, but we were spending a lot of time together

Uh, I was still working

For test masters

Over there doing uh, NDT mostly x-ray I was over there primarily doing x-ray

And uh, my brother Joey and I were roommates

And we had this cool little apartment over in eastern common village

condominiums

There over there off jackrabbit road in 290

Joey worked at uh, Daniel valve, which was formerly m&j valve. It was

big valve company there my dad worked for

And uh that little test in place I lived I worked for was right over there off uh

Tanner that same area if you're familiar with the area tanner and britmore area

We had a slick little pad man our little our little roommate special we had it was

I don't know it was maybe

700 600 square foot, but it was uh

We had a garage a downstairs garage

and then

You went upstairs. We were on the second floor, but you went up there and

You walked into the living room and then

You could go off to the left and you go to joey's bedroom and it had its own bathroom

And then if you just kept going straight to the living room you'd go to my bedroom

Which had its own bathroom

And uh, then a little it's like a little bitty old kitchen as a little tiny old kitchen out

I pray I might have trouble fitting in that sun 50 now a little bitty kitchen

Not that we used it much except for mixing drinks. I think

I don't remember doing a mess of cooking in there

Uh, that's not true, uh

Wendy made a whole lot of fudge in there one time for uh to give out for

Christmas gifts. She made all this fudge and put it in all these packages

And she had this little wiener dog named

Bixby or Bosco or some one of those wiener dog names and uh

Bosco got into the fudge and ate two pounds of fudge

And somehow shit 10 pounds of fudge all over the apartment while we were

At some sort of social function

Then we had to rush

Bosco to the vet

I don't remember what they had to do to fix him, but he was

He was a little jacked up for a little while. It was a lot of fudge for a little bitty old dog

But it's a slick little pad slick little pad

I

Was thinking when I wrote this Joey had his jet of steel, but I really think he had that little 94 ranger

He had this little uh four ranger

Four banger five speed just perfect perfect little pickup, you know

And I

Had just very recently bought that 94 f-150 XLT

Uh that I bought from a tow-to-note lot

I've told y'all about

Oh air nose

The things was humming along things was humming along, um

Joey's job was good

he you know he

been promoted to running the calibration department

and

Mark had bumped my pay

And I was working with my buddy Dennis Dornbush

Who was kind of contankers but a good dude to work with nonetheless

And we were working out at pk industries all the time, which was a pretty solid account

I had kind of got the lay of the land out there I

You work in the same place doing NDT for any period of time you kind of figure out

You're just getting the same kind of parts to x-ray and so

You set up things to make that job easier and faster and pour too much longer. It's

It's not much work to anymore outside of just setting the shots up and doing it, you know

Dennis was kind of a riot man

He'd say he'd be a cranky old dude, but he was funny man. He was from Oregon

One time Dennis was driving us down the road in the dark room rig and I was over there in the pasture seat

Dennis loved scratchers

Love scratchers every time I mean we'd stop at a store on the way to the job site Dennis buy some scratchers

And then scratch them furiously in the dark room while I was out shooting

Which sounds like a euphemism, but let's just all hope it ain't

And uh, then on the way back

To the shop boy, he had stopped another gas station and the exchange of scratchers

He went on and get him some more scratchers Dennis loved the scratchers

And he always had his always had his glasses up on top of his head like this kind of like old car salesman

You know, then he'd pull him down and read that film and they were back up here all the time when he's talking

He's driving

He's driving down the road and

He's jacking with these scratchers, but I know he can't see him because he ain't got his glasses on

And he's trying to read this scratcher and he weaves out into the other lane of traffic

Me being the young impetuous

Sidekick I go, hey man, can you keep it one lane?

And he goes, hell no, I pay taxes on both these some bitches. I'll drive them both

And it made me laugh. I still laugh every time I think about it. Remind me of uncle Bobby

Dude was just kind of a riot. He was fun

He uh, he was uh, he was sober. He had been an alcoholic

Uh

Earlier in his life. He was he was a guy. He had been sober for a long time 12 15 years or something like that at that point

Maybe 20. I don't know

But we get back to shop use on friday saturday night and guys all want to sit in the shop and drink some beer

somebody run over local gas station get a

30 pack and

We all sit around and tell some lies drink some beer before we go off to pursue our friday night

Saturday whatever day it was

They'd always try to get to they every time but boy, then she don't want beer nothing

And he'd say same thing every time

Boy, if I break my sobriety, it's not gonna be hanging out with a bunch of losers like you

I got I got a better class of losers. I won't get drunk with if I ever decide to break it

Wendy Wendy had a big kind of a big family

Uh, I don't remember the exact breakdown of the tree, but she had a a younger sister

Kaylee or Casey or

Think it was Kaylee. I don't remember be honest with you. It's all been so long ago

And

And her mom I man, I met her dad a couple times. I can't marry. He was a big old dude, but I can't remember much about him

He was nice enough

Her mom was her mom was a lot

I think her name was candy and she was

Candice candy. She was a lot. She was a lot

But her mom was married this old dude

And he was just about the coolest

coolest old man ever met like if you just like saw this dude

Walking down the street, you would think oh, he probably grew up in Beaumont, Texas

Like he just kind of had that look about it

Hope scruffy work shirt

Work pants

But everybody had a heart condition. He had had a heart condition and uh

They had put this kind of pacemaker in him or defib or whatever it's called. I don't know, you know, I never had to mess with it

But they put some kind of device in him that uh, if his heart stopped working that device would shock the piss out of him, but

He told me he didn't feel like a shock. He said it felt like he was getting kicked by a mule right in the chest every time it happened and

It happened a lot because the old dude wouldn't listen to nobody and never quit no quit working or nothing

I don't remember the circumstance, but

For whatever reason one day wendy asked me to run out there and check on him because

neighbor had told her mom or something that he was out there trying to mow the lawn

And uh, he had this riding mower and they had this decent sized piece of property kind of out in sticks and

I drove out there while I pulled in the driveway. He was sure enough. He's out there on that lawn mower at 100 degrees outside and

I waved at him. He waved me off

You know that old man don't want nobody else telling him how to do nothing

Waved at him again. He waved me off again

So I just sat there in the truck in air condition and watched him because if I got if he wouldn't go

Come over there and talk to me. I'll just wait till he get done and keep an eye on him boy all of a sudden

He stood upright on that mower and fell down on the ground with his leg straight up in there

Oh got a hair over here. Missing me got it

Legs straight up there like cartoon character

All right out of curse word

Got up I went I said hey bubba, you know, won't you let me finish the yard for you

No, I I'm gonna get this yard done today and then you just he wasn't gonna have it

I said man, that's the thing already kicked you in the chest once

Let's go sit on the porch drinks of cool water

I'll finish this part and then if you feel better you can finish the rest of it, you know

I'll get on that mower

Hey stands out there the whole time while I finish that yard and tells me every way I'm doing it wrong

Which was apparently a lot of ways I wasn't doing the laps right and I was

It's funny, but he's good. I always liked him. He's a good hand. Good old dude

She had an older brother. I don't remember how much older he was in her

But he seems a little older than us. He was already married kind of

Had a family of his own or he had some kids. I can't remember his name is either

Martin something he kind of looked like a Martin. We'll just call him Martin for the sake of the story

And uh, they had a big like tradition that they did every year

They had a

Here in Texas, there's a river called the Comal River

And it runs kind of down close to new brown foals over in hill country and it's

Been a popular spot for god knows how many years people go get in the inner tubes and ride down the river and get drunk

People go out the Comal River and go tubing

I can't I hadn't been there in so many years. I can't imagine what it looks like now

I saw a pig. I looked up pictures

And uh, it looked like I had sidewalks and shit by the river, but anyhow, it used to be used to just be a river

It used to just be a river

And now there's a bunch of houses on stuff back in wasn't a bunch of people living on it

It's just a river and there was all kind of campsites. There was

Good campsites and less good campsites and

Her family did this tradition every year where they uh, they would rent this same campsite

And it had a parking spot for their RV. They had a big old RV

And everybody would go out there and have a good time

And begin in july

They had some weird thing they they every year like when they went and used the campsite

They'd have to go ahead and reserve it for the next year because otherwise there's like a really long waiting list

So they would just go ahead and pay the money every year to go ahead and reserve it for the next year

It was a really good spot. It was right on the river

Uh, a space for, you know, five or six tents

Little cooking area

Uh, picnic table that kind of thing and easy access to the water and the river kind of run through some

It wasn't shallow. It was about uh, I'd say

Chest deep, you know

Most of it in that area, but there were parts where you could stand on where you, you know, it's a river. It's uneven

There's some big rocks out in the middle of it

Really pretty really clear river really cold usually really cold

Where the drinking comes in warm your body up enough to handle that cold

I've been going the comal river, uh at that point

Most of my life my birthday is july 8th and a lot of times we would all go out there at river

Pretty close to my birthday because it would be the week after the fourth and all the hubbub had died down and the crowds are gone

I've been I had been going there since I was like, so I think the first time I went there

I was about eight or nine years old with the bible quiz team

We went and we floated the rivers a little group activity and

Wasn't no drinking then but I know of

Somebody told me a funny joke the other day. What was it?

It was if you take a Baptist guy fishing, how do you keep him from drinking all your beer

By inviting another Baptist guy to go with y'all

That tickled me anyways

That's a stupid joke

Somebody told me that after I showed the other day

But comal's kind of uh, I mean y'all might have something like that in state

I know washington has some rivers. They do that and kentucky has some rivers. They do that and clearly tennessee, but

You know, I don't know all of them. You might have something like that

You go do near you but it's it's kind of a texas tradition or it was for a long time. It's a big deal and

Uh

It was always wild going out there in the summer because you'd run into your friends from school and all kind of shit

You know, you'd run in people from a leaf out there

I mean not if the hit dot if you saw them burst, you know, but you run into

And uh, there'd be college kids from all the big texas state, you know from tech and from

a and m and

shit ton of them from the ut and

Uh

There was always a good time, you know, we went there many times the single young men in hopes of uh

catching the eyes of

Possibly board college girl

Don't remember it ever working out to be honest with you. Sorry that story's a little bit of a letdown

many attempts

to uh to no avail

Maybe her brother martin

Will go down there and park is parked rv and they would hang out for three or four days some kind of shit like that

Usually to the fourth. I think

You know depending on the year and where the fourth fell in the weekend that sort of thing

But that was like their that was their big getaway every year's they they went and did that and it was a

big family event

Wendy would invite her friends and such

And we weren't we weren't that serious yet, but she she's like, why don't you come out and uh, why don't you and joey come out?

Come be a part of this man. Y'all got anything going on this weekend and uh

You know mark was cool enough let me off work for the weekend and

And joey was able to get off work which man hell would make a make a trip of it will pile up in that f150 run out there

Go have us a good old time

We might have went in joey's ranger. I think we might have went in the ranger just to get better gas mileage. Wendy was

Taking her pickup out there because she was carrying her and her sister and

Uh

She had also invited her friends. Uh, she had a friend some friends that were a couple

Uh christian and allison and she had invited them to come out

So I think she had all their tints and stuff. We're gonna meet her out there

You know back in those days me and joey took a

Road trip is an opportunity for a few road sodas on the way. I mean you want to pre-prime a little bit

You don't get the campsite sober

We had us a few road sodas on the way out there and uh

Feeling pretty good got out there got met up with everybody and uh

Had a few more drinks and then uh

Then had to set up the tents and uh

Boy, that's another little piece of advice right there never start drinking before the tent is set up

There's no way that goes well just just don't do it for you pop anything for you eat anything for you

For you put any alcohol down you throw make sure that damn tent set up and then you got to place the land

there's uh camp and drinking is different than

And you know regular drinking regular drinking there's rules and

You know

the quorum and such

Camping drinking all bets are off. There's no such thing as five o'clock. You wake up more you

Get into it start having yourself a good time

It's one of those situations where uh, at least the way we treated it back in them days was you can't drink all day

If you don't get started early

We'll also meet uh her little uh, she had a younger brother who was like 19. I think 18 or 19

Uh, his name was cody and that kid was cool as shit. He was obsessed with family guy

and did a lot of family guy voices and uh,

But just a good he was just a likable kid kind of country boy

Just good dude, you know just instantly liked him the first time I met him

Which was right there on that campsite

And I already knew her sister Kaylee or

Man, I can't remember what they what's called Kaylee. I already knew Kaylee

And uh, she had brought a friend with her and they were getting their tent set up and uh

And I already knew Christian and Allison I had hung out with them a couple times

But Christian was so Allison was from Houston. I think

Allison's who turned me on to blue october man

Allison was a big blue october fan and uh

She was always uh trying to get us to listen to him and uh, I ended up actually they're one of my favorite bands of all time

But

Her dude Christian he was like a real serious guy man kind of uh, he was not like a big build dude

He was kind of wiry

He was a car guy

Did uh, I think he was like big into body work and stuff

But he had come from los angeles. He was uh, I think he was uh party spanish

And he had come from los angeles and he worked

In the car scene all out there and he was kind of making his way in the houston car scene building stuff and

This is a cool dude, but he was just real serious. He was a little older than us and he was just real serious and

You could tell he may have had a little rougher life than some of us

He didn't goof off a lot like you know, I don't remember really seeing this dude laugh a lot, you know ever like

Just kind of like ha ha but then he would get back serious, you know

Also who arrived on this trip was wendy's uh ex-boyfriend

Who is still I guess because they all grew up together like a family friend

I guess

But he has brought a date with him

To his ex-girlfriend's family camping trip

Which seems like a normal thing to do. I guess if you're a psychopath, I don't know. It seems weird to me

I mean, I could see going to hang out with somebody's family. I don't think I would take a date

But maybe it's I was taught different decorum growing up, you know

He's uh

He's a jason

maybe

One of those asshole J names jason jerry or jeremy

Hell I mean

If they make it to adulthood they usually turn out fine, but between the ages of 18 and 28 avoid jason's jeremy's and jerry's

Okay, just just let them get through that little phase then once they get through that phase they're usually all right

But they don't make it through that phase, you know

That's a rough phase for

jason jerry musing jerry's

I guess friday we get out there the fourth is coming on

Tuesday or wednesday of next week. They're planning on staying

Me and joey's gonna go home monday because we both got to work

We have us a merry time at night out there by the river we we bust into the drinks

We start drinking and partying and

They're letting their little brother drink. So I suppose that that's okay with them, you know

But I was having some drinks when I was 1922 and they're keeping an eye on the kid

Good older siblings looking out for him

But we're all having a good time we have a good time that night we all hang out we

We do some shots and drinks and all that good stuff and uh

Good camping drinking

Party well into the night before splitting off to our tents

And uh, well her brother and his wife were staying in the rv

And they bust off to the rv

Well, you talk about hungover that next morning. Whoo, son

And she's up at eight o'clock man, she's ready to go tubing man

Everybody's wanting to go out and do something but she's kind of like

The mother he into the bunch. So she's trying to straighten her sister out and her younger brother out

Her and her older brother are bickering and I'm just kind of hanging out with joey. We already done got into cold beer

I was beer drinker back in them days

We done got off at cold beer. We was trying to fix

You know hair of the dog hair of the dog at bitters

And her sister kailey and her her friend they're already off over there in the water and they're

Kailey's kind of short. So she's off in the water. They're like

Chest deep in the water

And there's something going on over there. They're cutting up and laughing and uh the ex-dude jason

Me christian ous and joey are all sitting around picnic table. I mean joey nursing beers already

Cody's excited to have him a beer he's feeling grown up

We need her older brother bickering about this and that over at the rv and who's in charge that kind of shit

They did a lot of that

There's something going on over there. So the ex-jason

I don't know where his gal pal is at at the moment. She might still be in the tent

Uh, we didn't really see much of her that whole weekend

Just every once while we'd see her come out of the tent and you know, she'd come out

They went and tube with us one day anyways

I don't know where she was

It don't matter

All it matters. He's over there. He's cutting up with uh, kailey and her friend

And he's standing on the shore and I can't see what he's doing but I hear a big splash every once while

And then they'll be yelling at him and yada yada yada, you know, the way people behave

Well, what he's doing we look over there see what he's doing

What he's doing is he's picking up rocks these big old flat rocks off the riverbank

And he's plopping them out there in the water close to them throw them out in their water close to them and splashing them with these rocks

Which when you mix alcohol and that

Doesn't sound like a good idea. It doesn't sound like a good idea

And they're

Cut up they're all laughing. They're having a good time like nobody's being attacked

But he takes this big old flat rock and he heeds it out there in the river and I remember

Seeing that rock skip off the surface of that river and hit

Kailey right in the face. I mean just

And she goes back it made the worst sound

I mean just

It

Was like a crunch in a in a all at the same time you like be ever hit

You ever hit a watermelon with a baseball bat? I have it's a lot of fun

but it makes kind of a gross noise and it was

I mean it was like gallagher level noise

It was we heard it above the music the drinking people hollering up and down the river

I mean there's people tubing by and stuff. She goes back immediately blood is flowing out of her face into the river

We're freaking out christian me and joey

An old boy run off

Get her out of the water

Get her up on the ground of course wendy and jeremy or everybody's hollering yelling

Some of them are yelling at the dude like what what shit were you doing everything and this

I'll never forget this dude. He was just kind of standing there with his hands. They didn't call 911

I mean, it's bad dude. This girl's bleeding. It's bad. We're all worried about they didn't call 911

There's a sheriff on a damn four-wheeler hauling ass down there

And they're prepared for these kind of accidents out there at least they used to be back today

I don't want to speak on how it is now

You go out there and get some dumb shit and be mad at me

But they used to be prepared that boy ain't long but here come an ambulance, you know, here comes the ambulance running down the road and they're trying to

Hold her face and everything. It's their stuff broke, you know

And her face is swelling up and they're trying to keep her conscious

And I just we're looking over this dude's just standing there with his hands

in there

You

You know like I

He kept saying I didn't know it was gonna bounce. I didn't know it was gonna skip like that like I

Him being surprised about that rock

I mean, I know it was a big rock but him being surprised about that rock skipping

Was like the thing I could never forget like that was the dumbest thing on the planet me like the only two things you ever hear people

Skip is rope and rocks

Like of course a big old flat rock skipped off the surface. Why are you throwing giant rocks by people's heads?

They get her stable get her name it's christian goes nuts on that dude on jayson and none of us was gonna stop him, you know

Wendy jumped over there got a bit of we're just gonna let christian do it, you know christian went nuts on that dude

And wendy's holler. It's an accident. It's an accident. We all kind of get them apart. We went

Help get christian away from god christian just want to tear that dude pieces and I don't blame you know

I was still just kind of in shock at what the hell had just transpired

We need her brother getting her truck and tell us to stay there. She goes she goes just stay here, okay

Just kind of watch out for cody

Stay here y'all hang out enjoy yourselves the best you can

We'll update you as soon as we know anything and they followed the ambulance into town

A little cody boy he's already over there drinking. Hey, he heard stay here and enjoy yourself

And though he was concerned about his sister, uh, he was also concerned about his vacation

His first kind of grown-up vacation

Oh boy leaves oh jay say leaves

We assume go to the hospital

You know pay some attention try to see if he can be of service

Every damage. I know it was an accident. I know it was an accident

I know the dude didn't maliciously do this to this girl. It was an accident

It was a dumb stupid accident turned from alcohol and

poor choices

It was just an accident

It's a dumb accident, but an accident nonetheless the guy wasn't

out to hurt these girls

So he leaves

Which it's fine with us helps the vibe a little

And we go we we just we don't do any tubing that day, but we hang out in the river and wait for updates and every once

Well, but that's back. You had to get out the river and go check your phone every once

Well, you know, we didn't have all these waterproof phones and what have you

I have my cigarettes and a ziplock bag. I remember

We just stand out there that that cold river we drink some cold beer and we do some shots tequila

Talk to all the people coming by on the tubes and stuff and occasionally throw somebody a beer that kind of stuff and

Have a good time. Keep the music going

Cook us some burgers and shit like that, you know

Throw some meat on the grill. Kristen made some badass chicken

At some point maybe later on that evening

And we we're getting updates, you know every once in a while, but it's pretty serious

You know, they know that she's gonna need reconstructive surgery

Like there's bones broken or her cheekbones broke and all kind of like big rock did a lot of damage

And uh moving at a pretty good speed when it clocked her

We getting close to dark and that dude Jason comes back to the campsite

Apparently they told them they didn't want him at the hospital or something along those lines or you know, maybe you should leave for

My dad gets here that type of situation

But stay there instead of

Staying there like a man taking ownership

He I guess he took that as come back to the campsite and enjoy camping

I don't know. That was weird. I we figured he was coming back to pack up his shit and leave, you know

Like a normal person would after you've maimed someone's family member however accidental it was

I mean

Kaley's jacked up. She's her face is jacked up like she's got serious injuries

Like they called red duke in on the case is how jacked up. She is

You probably if you're from somewhere else, you're not gonna know this maybe but

Dr. Red Duke was a little bit of a texas hero. Dr. Red Duke was

uh head surgeon down at the medical center for a long time and I I think he may have been her

Uh

Whatever whoever over all the health in texas is I don't remember other

If you saw him on tv all the time, he's wildly famous

He was a fourth year surgery resident at parkland hospital the day president john f. Kennedy and texas governor collin connelly

Were shot and rushed to that hospital and up on their arrival

Duke said, uh, it didn't take him long to appreciate the gravity of the situation and when I asked what he could do for jfk

He said I cannot do much for this man. He's already dead

Uh, but he's credited with saving the life of governor connelly that day. He's a texas hero

He's inducted in the cowboy hall of fame

Personally saved one of my other friend's life

much later on in life

After she was in a really bad car accident

He was just we everybody loved red duke. Dr. Red Duke was was a hero, especially here in houston

But they're calling red duke in on the case

But what do we we want to do you want to pack everything up and what can we do?

She said no, we already got the camp y'all stay enjoy the campsite

Just make sure her little brother has a good time

And uh, we're also tasked with making sure christian doesn't drown this other dude

And she can't even believe he's staying either. She's like, I don't I don't know. I just don't have the editor

I was like, no, no, I get it

We'll keep our boy in check or shun him or whatever until he leaves

And we did we shunned the shit out of him. We really want shit to do with the dude

Mainly because every time christian looked at him we were worried christian was going to go attack his ass

And uh, you want to be a Sebastian? What's up, buddy? Shit. I ain't seen you in a minute

Anyways

She wants to stay and enjoy the campsite

It's just a weird position to be put in but

We're also we're not all soup, you know, I just started dating this girl

I don't I don't these people are not like my family. I don't know. I'm of course compassionate

I never want to see anybody hurt. I'm soft hearted as shit. Okay. I don't like seeing people get hurt. I don't

Uh, I don't like seeing anything like that even if even if I don't know the person or even if I don't like the person

I just don't I'm not built like that. I don't have that that thing in me

And I'm glad

It's a little somber that night

But we decided the next day that we get up. We're gonna go to we're gonna take cody tubing

I got cody all cody's been talking about going tubing

They brought their own inner tubes and the way they do these inner tubes they take these inner tubes

They put a now they put like a plastic panel on there and strap them the inner tubes back then

It's just piece of plywood. They strap this piece of plywood this inner tube. Hey, buddy. You coming to see me

Oh, you're messing with the tractor

so they had uh

They brought their own tubes. They were serious tubers

We've seen

Have a good time, of course load up our little cooler with some cold beer and a bottle of tequila

Uh

Back then they have these little

Look like a little school buses come down the road and they pick you up and they take you into the

Drop-in point up at the top of the river

And then you could tube right back down your campsite or you could go the whole length

If you wanted and they had a little bus that bring you back there sometimes or sometimes you just

Get down there too late and have to walk a mile back to your campsite or whatever it was

Hmm

Spent many times

Giving myself a swimsuit rash in my nether regions. You all right over there bup

I spent many times giving myself a rash over there my

nether regions from a wet swimsuit carrying the inner tube walking down the road

Because we missed the last bus back to the campsite or something like that

And we when we went when I was younger we never had them nice campsites on the river

Our campsite was always way off in the woods somewhere

And uh, we we couldn't afford them high dollar campsites right there on the river

People had a little bit of money in their pocket

We

Get take Cody of course christian house and come with us and

We leave old dude and his girl there. We don't tell them we're going

We go up to the drop-in point

Get in

I'm manning the cooler because

Joey needs to be free to pursue ladies right

All right, got a gal. I got cooler tied to my inner tube

The cooler's also got my little baggie in there with my cigarettes, you know, so I got a close eye on the cooler

We go tubing boy

Having this good old time boy just be bopping down that river that river's cold

I mean, I don't even know how cold that river gets but boy, it'll ice your balls, you know

Just having a good old time and something about hanging out in cold water like that

Boy, you can just keep on drinking that beer

Somebody you just you don't even care if that beer is cold no more. You just keep on drinking it

Every time you pee it warms up your inner tube a little bit. It's a good time

We ran across this crew of folks they had all their tubes linked together

And they had a bunch of jello shots in the cooler and they started throwing us jello shots

And that was a it was a little bit of a tradition. You'd see it from time to time, but

We weren't keeping a good enough eye on cody though because unbeknownst to us

Cody scores him a whole mess of jello shots from these people and they're telling him hand them out

Cody don't hand them out cody just proceeds to go through jello shots while we're going down the river

We didn't know it because he went through them so quick, but all of a sudden cody was uh

Cody was a little bit of a mess

We tried to figure out we figured he'd had about 10 or nine or 10 of them. We're like good lord

And the time we get back down to our campsite it starts pouring down rain, right?

Just just one of those Texas gully washers just out of nowhere storm clouds pouring down rain

We're already soaking wet. We've been in the river. We don't give a shit. We go hang out the picnic table. Keep drinking

We're hammered past the point of delirium at that point

And we enjoy a little like work because we didn't let this kid get hammered. We didn't realize what he was doing

Christian didn't drink. Christian was sober. So christian was giving us a little grief about letting that kid let no cody get

Off in his cups like he did, but I mean we didn't know

We didn't know that's what was about to happen. You know, we're held one neither one of us parents anything like that

At some point cody passes out in the lawn chair. We just decided to leave him there because he's safe

It's one of them kind of stretch out lounge

I mean, we didn't know that's what was about to happen. You know, we're held wasn't either one of us parents anything like that

We're held under lawn chairs and he's snoring and

Happy and we can hear him snoring. We know he's all right

Still pour down rain

But he seems happy. So we just leave him be

I don't even think we ate that night because uh, you know, it's just pouring down rain. We couldn't do anything

I just one of the last things I remember about that night is uh

is joey was just

shit house

Standing on that picnic table in the rain with the shirt off

holler and I am the lizard king

You know kind of drunk you you get when you're that young if I did that now I'd be out of commission for a month

I wouldn't be able to walk for three days probably

You

Next morning

Now cody and slipped in the lawn chair all night I come out of my tent in the morning and uh

Get an update from windy but what's going on with k they're going to transfer her to the houston medical center

And they're just waiting to get off. They're gonna lifelider

Uh, so they're waiting to get all that lined up

And it's it's a lot of work, you know, we've talked it's a lot of work to line up a lifelike flight

But they're that's what they're gonna do with her and so we're kind of waiting to hear when all that's gonna go down

We get up we're milling around I I know we didn't eat that night because the first day we was doing

We were throwing meat on the grill. We was cooking

And and cody is woken up to the worst

Probably the worst hangover he's ever had in his life at the tender age of 19, but he boy

He's done run off in the bushes a couple of times and hooked up stuff and

Truth be known we're all pretty hungover. I mean we're all none of us are feeling sprightly

you know

We're we're just trying to get some food in this maybe another beer and see what that feels like

Christian Allison hanging around the table

I think christian was cooking and joey was standing over drinking a beer joey been talking to christian

And oh boy his tent was like off to the right of where we were cooking

Uh

It was kind of like in another little tent spot when there were some bushes in between us

But we hear a bunch of racket. We hear a bunch of racket out old jason's tent boy a bunch of hollering hollering

the old girl comes

running out of that tent hardly dressed and

The old jason comes running out of that tent just

Oh, man

You guys ever see yeah, you guys gotta see this man. You gotta go over and look

Dude like we ain't even hardly talked to this dude in two days like since he did what he did and showed back up

but he's

Boy he's all out of y'all you ain't gotta come over you gotta come do some biggest spider I've ever seen in my life

And we're all just looking at this dude and joey just real quick looks over at him and goes

Why don't you throw a rock at it?

and bro

We were done. Why don't you throw a rocket? We hit the ground. I hit the ground. I'm crying dude

I think that might be the only time I ever saw christian laugh christian was laughing so hard

He had a snot coming out of his nose else. We're dying

We are crying and joey's just slipping his beard

He just dropped the mic on this dude just out of nowhere just lay down the hammer and put it on him

And

Old boy gets miffed and him and his gal start packing up everything out of his tent and just throw it in his car

Well, we're their part. There's uh, you know, there's run down and stuff from the rain. It's all muddy

And he's he's pissed. He's clearly pissed off at us. We're be we've been unreasonable for making that joke

Right. He's just mad as hell at all of us and his girl's trying to throw stuff in the back seat of his little

car

And he's trying to put stuff in the trunk and he slips and falls down behind that car

And we just one minute. We see him furiously shoving stuff in the trunk next minute. He's on the ground in the mud

We're on the ground again. We're done. We're done, bro

Now he's over there trying to take the tit down. He's cussing and he's got mud all over him

He's trying to take this tit down. He's being a

He's being a dick to his girl like this poor girl. She didn't know what she signed up for this week, right?

But he's being a jackass or he's taking it out on her. He's being ugly and

Curt and short with her and she's kind of getting tired of his crap like

Some point she just goes off and sits in the car

And he's trying to get this tent apart and he can't get it apart this tent's just

You know, it's one of those pop tents and the poles are laid down

He's fighting with it and by just pops it all apart and wads it up in a big wad

And takes it back there and starts shoving it in that trunk again

And damn if this dude don't slip in that mud and eat shit again in that mud and we can't help it. We can't help it, man

We're we're on the ground crying as he drives away

This is like sunday morning

We're we're in tears. We're just done. We're crying

It's like monday monday because I have monday off. We'll go back tuesday

Well

We hear from wendy

And they're gonna go ahead and transport uh

Kaley man. Now. I really think it's casing. I don't remember

They're gonna transport her sister

To the medical center down in houston

Hey, buddy

Chubb too

Come hang out for a little bit

And they're gonna transport her over to the medical center in houston, right? That's what they've decided to do

They're gonna get her over there red duke can work on her all that good stuff

We decide, you know

Her her older brother's gonna take the rv back to houston and of course kody and all they were gonna go with him

They say, you know party's over

party's over

Wendy of course wants to go back to houston be with her sister so she can

Help take care of her and all that good stuff just motorbike just motorbike, buddy

And we we decide we just go home we'll recover for work day the next day, you know, we'll just go back to work and

See how all this shakes up and

I will tell you uh, kaley did end up having to have a bunch of surgeries and uh

Yeah, let me let you down here

There you go, buddy

Okay, they had a bunch of surgeries, but they they got her all fixed up and she went on with her life

I think last last I heard about her. She might have married some fellow from Mississippi or something

Went on with her life. So they Dr. Red Duke fixed her up, I guess

But she went through a bunch of crap get it done

You can hear my drink

Let's wrap it up there. We'll do some testimonials

How about that? How about it? How about that cash me outside? What's up, buddy?

I go in the house a little bit. I'll get you some grub, brother

I'll get you fixed up

Use more of that chicken broth stuff you like

Let's do some testimonials. Here we go, man. Uh, oh you're back. Uh, stay out of my drink

You got testimonial for the wrecking hour Sebastian

Oh good kitty. Good kitty. Yeah, you're a good kitty, buddy

You're a good old kitty

You stink. You smell like a moose's butthole

I'm guessing

Sorry, I got my comments here out order. Let me see if I can get this figured out. Here we go

Oh, our old buddy at Jean Bond at Jean Bond. Thanks for another great one J.W

You aren't kidding about dealing with low lives. These are

comments from last week

For you if you check out for any show do me a favor hit that like button

Subscribe to my channel. I appreciate it. I didn't do any sponsor copy this week. Uh

If you want to sponsor the show reach out to us jwlcomedy at gmail.com

We've kind of got some sponsorship. We're trying to set up but we're in the middle signing papers all that kind of stuff

But we've got more spots

At Jean Bond. Thanks for another great one J.W

You aren't kidding about dealing with low lives when I decided to send my retire

I cut off the customers who weren't fun anymore

If I can't have fun, I might as well go get a factory job

Now life is good

My only worries is if my customers can deal with my fund schedule while working on their project. I am up

Well that cut off I'm gonna go up here. Well, I hate when it mixes them up like this. I don't know how I did that

Now life is good. My only worry is if my customers can deal with my fund schedule while working on their project

I'm up front about my plans and priorities

And if that's okay with them, then we push ahead until everyone's happy and we all make a little money

Oh, yeah, bub

Well, jean, I told you this in the comments, bub. You're doing it right

That is the way to do it when it's time to uh back off a little bit is get rid of the

People who make the job difficult

Oh

Let's go down to this next in here

At james pot 51 41 we never had a lot growing up

But damn if my dad didn't do everything he could

To give me anything and everything I needed and a lot of what I asked for in some shape form or fashion

Having no kids of my own it brought a tear to my eye to hear you say

Thank you for a gift for the kids and you're most certainly welcome, sir

Oh, you sent some hot wheels. Hell yeah, you remind me a lot of my dad

And I think that's why I watch this religiously since day one after losing him in 2021

I hate to

Hear you lost your pops man. That's it's a hard blow for a young man

Now we didn't we didn't have a lot growing up either and uh, but we always had enough

I reckon

We must have made it here

Clearly younger than me if I remind you of your father

That's the nicest way anybody's ever called me an old dude. I appreciate it, but seriously

That's cool. Uh, I got a comment from somebody last week

Uh

Young man, I didn't realize it's such a young man, but he was asking me

about

the song I've been using in the credits and

It's not I wrote all the lyrics to this song and I had this idea for it and I worked on it with a

with a i music program and I just sort of created that out of thin air because

I just wanted something to sound the way I wanted it to sound and I wanted the lyrics to go the way I wanted them to go

I was uh

wrote that

after visiting kilgore

and uh

He mentioned some interest

And having a copy of the song so he could play it. He was apparently a musician

I said sure man. Send me an email or

Give me your email address and

I'll reach out reach out to you and he sent me an email this week

And he said hi jw. My name is wade papanow

Papano, Papano, maybe p.a.p.i

n e a u wade p a p i n e a u

He said i'm the guy that wants to cover the new wrecking yard song. Thanks for offering to send me the file

I found you through truck astrology and when I heard you were starting a podcast

I went ahead and tuned in i'm a day one or as you say and I've enjoyed it so far

If you like old country and bluegrass, you should check out my channel wade papanow music

And I'll put a link to that in the live chat and I'll put a link to it in the comments

I'm 14 and I'm excited

But you got to make up your mind and I'm excited to tell you I'm singing on the grand old opry stage

In april of 2026. I don't want your ass in my face. So can you cover that up? Thank you

sorry

Playing the grand old opry brother in april. That's that's one of my dream gigs. I couldn't be more excited for you

I think that's amazing and I will uh, I'll

Try to remember to do it not not I'll get it out the morning for you when I'm at my desk working

I'll send you that copy of that music file and if anybody else wants a copy of that music file for whatever purposes

just

Leave me your email in the comments or if you don't want to do that reach out to

jwlcomedy at gmail.com

And we'll get you fixed up

Good old kitty

All right, let's wrap this thing get up out of here. I think this cat's hungry

I

Y'all there's no big lesson this week

Other than this I guess if you if you break somebody's head with a rock

even by accident

Maybe stick around the hospital and see if you can be a service

And if you're lifting charge of a 19 year old don't let them knock back a dozen yellow shots

It's been a bad week and I reckon it'll get worse before it gets better but

in this age of

Instant outrage sound bites and half truths

The only way I found to keep you peace is patience

Just sit still till all the facts are in

We're all wired to be so reactive, but acting on that impulse hardly ever brings any good to anybody

I don't I don't invest in political sides. I damn sure don't celebrate loss for anyone

What I do invest in is people

That's the best use of time I've ever found

My friends spend every walk of life and plenty believe things that I don't believe

That's fine by me. I care more about who they are and how they treat others than whatever banner they wave

I think it was uh, what's his name? Uh, plato plato

Right. He's one of them old Greek dude. Plato said who's he said something like opinion is the lowest form of knowledge and empathy

The highest now, I don't know if uh, plato was right about much

But I do know it takes a lot more work to be empathetic than it does to form an opinion

And maybe that's just my opinion. My own lowest form of knowledge if you will

What I do know

Is that we got to figure out how to love each other

Because the powers that profit from our division grow stronger every day

And we can disagree about everything I just said and I still love

There's room at my table for everybody

And I will always be rooting for y'all

I'm j.w. I love you

Excuse me, I got a head to the Cadillac dealer. They say love for your fellow man's in stock

But his dealer only comes with a $900 market

Yo cat

Oh, what does that look

Do you just need some loving little loving for old kitty

I guess we ought to go get you some food won't tell everybody goodnight

Guess not he's not being very vocal tonight

I

Would not just be nothing my head off full of stuffing heart off full of pain

So that's good scratching ain't it that's good scratching ain't it

"Skip Jello Shots not rocks" |S:03E.64

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