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"Skip Jello Shots not rocks" |S:03E.64
"Skip Jello Shots not rocks" |S:03E.64
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About this episode
A mix of humor and heartfelt storytelling, this episode dives into the chaos of a camping trip gone awry. The host shares a wild tale involving a rock-throwing accident that injures a friend's sister, leading to a series of comedic and dramatic events. From the antics of a young adult camping party to reflections on empathy and friendship, the narrative balances lighthearted moments with deeper insights on human connection. Listeners are treated to a blend of nostalgia, laughter, and poignant life lessons.
Topics:
camping accidents
friendship
nostalgia
empathy
humor
storytelling
drinking culture
family dynamics
road trips
A viral video about my Cadillac turned into a sermon on planned obsolescence. Then a story from the Comal River reminded me just how dumb luck and good friends shape a life.
Filter:
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Technical
Too Afraid to Ask
Car
Mazda 3
"...r it Hell I'm half convinced I could build a 2012 Mazda 3 from scratch in my driveway with amazon and rock ..."
Car
Cadillac Srx
"... a problem, but if you know someone With the 2012 Cadillac SRX with a gork 3.6 give me a holler I'd like to buy ..."
Car
Ford Ranger
"...f steel, but I really think he had that little 94 ranger He had this little uh four ranger"
Car
Ford F150
"And I Had just very recently bought that 94 f-150 XLT Uh that I bought from a tow-to-note lot"
Car
Porsche 911
"...f standing there with his hands. They didn't call 911 I mean, it's bad dude. This girl's bleeding. It's..."
Select text to request an explanation
**Music**
Y'all, presumably, still y'all.
Welcome here in the Church of Internal Combustion. We just ask that you show up with an open heart
It's uh, it's been a troublesome week out there in the world
Tempers are high division fighting for every opportunity you can find to split us all farther
Folks saying careless and hateful things out of anger friendships being torn asunder the world
Can be heavy sometimes
That ain't what the wrecking yard is for though. This is a place for us to
Get away from the noise
Sometimes the best cure for the noise of the world
is to
Make your own noise. So that's what we do. We make laughter. We tell stories
Hell most of our fellows I've been friends with my life will tell you that the best cure for the noise of the world
Is the noise of chainsaws v8 power tools
Hell even the sound of a clutch
Giving up the ghost and scattering under pressure can even clear your mind of other concerns in the right moment
I made a little noise this week
About this dad blasted
Cadillac paperweight on
Didn't expect that video to go viral so quickly, but I guess a lot of folks relate
Honestly didn't expect an easy ride when I bought that thing I figured I had to put some money in it
And I knew about the 3.6 problems, you know
But you want a 3.6 time and chain problem, those are those are all fixable problems for a handy fellow
And then honestly it don't get driven that many miles. I figured 130,000 mile
drivetrain failure would be about when we were ready to retire it and replace it either way know how
I mean playing the opposite lessons has been a part of the automotive industry since most of us were just a spare thought
But I felt like there was a balance we expected a little of it from them
And we'd bitch over the years and they'd reign it in some
I don't I don't even mind complicated problems. I really don't
But parts availability
On a less than 15 year old car is not the kind of problem you can just fix
I got I got excited when the video went viral because people started sending me links
And uh every time I'd get to the end of that link get ready to check out
It's out of stock or it's the wrong part number
I don't I mean, I don't I don't expect I'm not great. I don't expect anyone to stock trim parts
For a car that old but a freaking module that runs the entire abs system that that should exist
Somewhere and not for some ridiculous price
I don't something that was a $400 part brand new
And you are you do even after you you buy the part you have to go pay somebody to flash the thing in
So and but even still even still you go out of those uh places that are often on for $1,500 and
$1,800 go try to check out
We get down to check out. They can't provide you that part
I
That gun Mazda sitting in my driveway is the same age is that Cadillac same age 2012 Mazda 3
2012 Cadillac SRX there ain't a part on that some fitted car. I can't find for it
Hell I'm half convinced I could build a 2012 Mazda 3 from scratch in my driveway with amazon and rock auto
Oh, I gave I gave up hope at some point. I'm I'm gonna figure this thing out, but well, I'm frustrated this piss with it
One lady messaged me to tell me that uh, I should check the internet
Because that's where her husband finds parts hard to find parts
And after that message I quit reading messages off that video
I
Just checked the internet that's where the parts are you just uh go to the internet
You didn't look over a part three months. You didn't think look on the interwebs
Go to the internet
Anyways the search continues for the mysterious ebcm
I'm about ready to just take some 50 apart try to resolve it myself
If that's even a problem, but if you know someone
With the 2012 Cadillac SRX with a gork 3.6 give me a holler
I'd like to buy the windshield
Washer reservoir and the ebcm off of it
Maybe a hubcap cover and front cv shafts. I got I got a whole list just holler at me
I'm gonna tell you a story today that you've heard bits and pieces of
It's got some funny because damn if we don't need something right now
Most stories got an asshole
And surprisingly even to me it's not me this time
I mean well mostly I certainly could have behaved better, but we'll just chalk that up to the folly of youth
I'm sure how old I was in 2002
Yeah, I might do math
Let's see
97 I was 20 and then 2007 I'd have been 30 so
Shit, I'm bad at math somewhere in my 20s early 20s. We'll call it early 20s
Oh man, I know I was probably about 26
20 this is the year before well just like two years before I started comedy. So I was 25
I was 25 years old
25 26 it doesn't matter I'm wasting too much time on that by july of 2002
I just started dating this gal named Wendy you all heard me talk about
Uh, it wasn't deeply serious yet. It was a brand new thing, but we were spending a lot of time together
Uh, I was still working
For test masters
Over there doing uh, NDT mostly x-ray I was over there primarily doing x-ray
And uh, my brother Joey and I were roommates
And we had this cool little apartment over in eastern common village
condominiums
There over there off jackrabbit road in 290
Joey worked at uh, Daniel valve, which was formerly m&j valve. It was
big valve company there my dad worked for
And uh that little test in place I lived I worked for was right over there off uh
Tanner that same area if you're familiar with the area tanner and britmore area
We had a slick little pad man our little our little roommate special we had it was
I don't know it was maybe
700 600 square foot, but it was uh
We had a garage a downstairs garage
and then
You went upstairs. We were on the second floor, but you went up there and
You walked into the living room and then
You could go off to the left and you go to joey's bedroom and it had its own bathroom
And then if you just kept going straight to the living room you'd go to my bedroom
Which had its own bathroom
And uh, then a little it's like a little bitty old kitchen as a little tiny old kitchen out
I pray I might have trouble fitting in that sun 50 now a little bitty kitchen
Not that we used it much except for mixing drinks. I think
I don't remember doing a mess of cooking in there
Uh, that's not true, uh
Wendy made a whole lot of fudge in there one time for uh to give out for
Christmas gifts. She made all this fudge and put it in all these packages
And she had this little wiener dog named
Bixby or Bosco or some one of those wiener dog names and uh
Bosco got into the fudge and ate two pounds of fudge
And somehow shit 10 pounds of fudge all over the apartment while we were
At some sort of social function
Then we had to rush
Bosco to the vet
I don't remember what they had to do to fix him, but he was
He was a little jacked up for a little while. It was a lot of fudge for a little bitty old dog
But it's a slick little pad slick little pad
I
Was thinking when I wrote this Joey had his jet of steel, but I really think he had that little 94 ranger
He had this little uh four ranger
Four banger five speed just perfect perfect little pickup, you know
And I
Had just very recently bought that 94 f-150 XLT
Uh that I bought from a tow-to-note lot
I've told y'all about
Oh air nose
The things was humming along things was humming along, um
Joey's job was good
he you know he
been promoted to running the calibration department
and
Mark had bumped my pay
And I was working with my buddy Dennis Dornbush
Who was kind of contankers but a good dude to work with nonetheless
And we were working out at pk industries all the time, which was a pretty solid account
I had kind of got the lay of the land out there I
You work in the same place doing NDT for any period of time you kind of figure out
You're just getting the same kind of parts to x-ray and so
You set up things to make that job easier and faster and pour too much longer. It's
It's not much work to anymore outside of just setting the shots up and doing it, you know
Dennis was kind of a riot man
He'd say he'd be a cranky old dude, but he was funny man. He was from Oregon
One time Dennis was driving us down the road in the dark room rig and I was over there in the pasture seat
Dennis loved scratchers
Love scratchers every time I mean we'd stop at a store on the way to the job site Dennis buy some scratchers
And then scratch them furiously in the dark room while I was out shooting
Which sounds like a euphemism, but let's just all hope it ain't
And uh, then on the way back
To the shop boy, he had stopped another gas station and the exchange of scratchers
He went on and get him some more scratchers Dennis loved the scratchers
And he always had his always had his glasses up on top of his head like this kind of like old car salesman
You know, then he'd pull him down and read that film and they were back up here all the time when he's talking
He's driving
He's driving down the road and
He's jacking with these scratchers, but I know he can't see him because he ain't got his glasses on
And he's trying to read this scratcher and he weaves out into the other lane of traffic
Me being the young impetuous
Sidekick I go, hey man, can you keep it one lane?
And he goes, hell no, I pay taxes on both these some bitches. I'll drive them both
And it made me laugh. I still laugh every time I think about it. Remind me of uncle Bobby
Dude was just kind of a riot. He was fun
He uh, he was uh, he was sober. He had been an alcoholic
Uh
Earlier in his life. He was he was a guy. He had been sober for a long time 12 15 years or something like that at that point
Maybe 20. I don't know
But we get back to shop use on friday saturday night and guys all want to sit in the shop and drink some beer
somebody run over local gas station get a
30 pack and
We all sit around and tell some lies drink some beer before we go off to pursue our friday night
Saturday whatever day it was
They'd always try to get to they every time but boy, then she don't want beer nothing
And he'd say same thing every time
Boy, if I break my sobriety, it's not gonna be hanging out with a bunch of losers like you
I got I got a better class of losers. I won't get drunk with if I ever decide to break it
Wendy Wendy had a big kind of a big family
Uh, I don't remember the exact breakdown of the tree, but she had a a younger sister
Kaylee or Casey or
Think it was Kaylee. I don't remember be honest with you. It's all been so long ago
And
And her mom I man, I met her dad a couple times. I can't marry. He was a big old dude, but I can't remember much about him
He was nice enough
Her mom was her mom was a lot
I think her name was candy and she was
Candice candy. She was a lot. She was a lot
But her mom was married this old dude
And he was just about the coolest
coolest old man ever met like if you just like saw this dude
Walking down the street, you would think oh, he probably grew up in Beaumont, Texas
Like he just kind of had that look about it
Hope scruffy work shirt
Work pants
But everybody had a heart condition. He had had a heart condition and uh
They had put this kind of pacemaker in him or defib or whatever it's called. I don't know, you know, I never had to mess with it
But they put some kind of device in him that uh, if his heart stopped working that device would shock the piss out of him, but
He told me he didn't feel like a shock. He said it felt like he was getting kicked by a mule right in the chest every time it happened and
It happened a lot because the old dude wouldn't listen to nobody and never quit no quit working or nothing
I don't remember the circumstance, but
For whatever reason one day wendy asked me to run out there and check on him because
neighbor had told her mom or something that he was out there trying to mow the lawn
And uh, he had this riding mower and they had this decent sized piece of property kind of out in sticks and
I drove out there while I pulled in the driveway. He was sure enough. He's out there on that lawn mower at 100 degrees outside and
I waved at him. He waved me off
You know that old man don't want nobody else telling him how to do nothing
Waved at him again. He waved me off again
So I just sat there in the truck in air condition and watched him because if I got if he wouldn't go
Come over there and talk to me. I'll just wait till he get done and keep an eye on him boy all of a sudden
He stood upright on that mower and fell down on the ground with his leg straight up in there
Oh got a hair over here. Missing me got it
Legs straight up there like cartoon character
All right out of curse word
Got up I went I said hey bubba, you know, won't you let me finish the yard for you
No, I I'm gonna get this yard done today and then you just he wasn't gonna have it
I said man, that's the thing already kicked you in the chest once
Let's go sit on the porch drinks of cool water
I'll finish this part and then if you feel better you can finish the rest of it, you know
I'll get on that mower
Hey stands out there the whole time while I finish that yard and tells me every way I'm doing it wrong
Which was apparently a lot of ways I wasn't doing the laps right and I was
It's funny, but he's good. I always liked him. He's a good hand. Good old dude
She had an older brother. I don't remember how much older he was in her
But he seems a little older than us. He was already married kind of
Had a family of his own or he had some kids. I can't remember his name is either
Martin something he kind of looked like a Martin. We'll just call him Martin for the sake of the story
And uh, they had a big like tradition that they did every year
They had a
Here in Texas, there's a river called the Comal River
And it runs kind of down close to new brown foals over in hill country and it's
Been a popular spot for god knows how many years people go get in the inner tubes and ride down the river and get drunk
People go out the Comal River and go tubing
I can't I hadn't been there in so many years. I can't imagine what it looks like now
I saw a pig. I looked up pictures
And uh, it looked like I had sidewalks and shit by the river, but anyhow, it used to be used to just be a river
It used to just be a river
And now there's a bunch of houses on stuff back in wasn't a bunch of people living on it
It's just a river and there was all kind of campsites. There was
Good campsites and less good campsites and
Her family did this tradition every year where they uh, they would rent this same campsite
And it had a parking spot for their RV. They had a big old RV
And everybody would go out there and have a good time
And begin in july
They had some weird thing they they every year like when they went and used the campsite
They'd have to go ahead and reserve it for the next year because otherwise there's like a really long waiting list
So they would just go ahead and pay the money every year to go ahead and reserve it for the next year
It was a really good spot. It was right on the river
Uh, a space for, you know, five or six tents
Little cooking area
Uh, picnic table that kind of thing and easy access to the water and the river kind of run through some
It wasn't shallow. It was about uh, I'd say
Chest deep, you know
Most of it in that area, but there were parts where you could stand on where you, you know, it's a river. It's uneven
There's some big rocks out in the middle of it
Really pretty really clear river really cold usually really cold
Where the drinking comes in warm your body up enough to handle that cold
I've been going the comal river, uh at that point
Most of my life my birthday is july 8th and a lot of times we would all go out there at river
Pretty close to my birthday because it would be the week after the fourth and all the hubbub had died down and the crowds are gone
I've been I had been going there since I was like, so I think the first time I went there
I was about eight or nine years old with the bible quiz team
We went and we floated the rivers a little group activity and
Wasn't no drinking then but I know of
Somebody told me a funny joke the other day. What was it?
It was if you take a Baptist guy fishing, how do you keep him from drinking all your beer
By inviting another Baptist guy to go with y'all
That tickled me anyways
That's a stupid joke
Somebody told me that after I showed the other day
But comal's kind of uh, I mean y'all might have something like that in state
I know washington has some rivers. They do that and kentucky has some rivers. They do that and clearly tennessee, but
You know, I don't know all of them. You might have something like that
You go do near you but it's it's kind of a texas tradition or it was for a long time. It's a big deal and
Uh
It was always wild going out there in the summer because you'd run into your friends from school and all kind of shit
You know, you'd run in people from a leaf out there
I mean not if the hit dot if you saw them burst, you know, but you run into
And uh, there'd be college kids from all the big texas state, you know from tech and from
a and m and
shit ton of them from the ut and
Uh
There was always a good time, you know, we went there many times the single young men in hopes of uh
catching the eyes of
Possibly board college girl
Don't remember it ever working out to be honest with you. Sorry that story's a little bit of a letdown
many attempts
to uh to no avail
Maybe her brother martin
Will go down there and park is parked rv and they would hang out for three or four days some kind of shit like that
Usually to the fourth. I think
You know depending on the year and where the fourth fell in the weekend that sort of thing
But that was like their that was their big getaway every year's they they went and did that and it was a
big family event
Wendy would invite her friends and such
And we weren't we weren't that serious yet, but she she's like, why don't you come out and uh, why don't you and joey come out?
Come be a part of this man. Y'all got anything going on this weekend and uh
You know mark was cool enough let me off work for the weekend and
And joey was able to get off work which man hell would make a make a trip of it will pile up in that f150 run out there
Go have us a good old time
We might have went in joey's ranger. I think we might have went in the ranger just to get better gas mileage. Wendy was
Taking her pickup out there because she was carrying her and her sister and
Uh
She had also invited her friends. Uh, she had a friend some friends that were a couple
Uh christian and allison and she had invited them to come out
So I think she had all their tints and stuff. We're gonna meet her out there
You know back in those days me and joey took a
Road trip is an opportunity for a few road sodas on the way. I mean you want to pre-prime a little bit
You don't get the campsite sober
We had us a few road sodas on the way out there and uh
Feeling pretty good got out there got met up with everybody and uh
Had a few more drinks and then uh
Then had to set up the tents and uh
Boy, that's another little piece of advice right there never start drinking before the tent is set up
There's no way that goes well just just don't do it for you pop anything for you eat anything for you
For you put any alcohol down you throw make sure that damn tent set up and then you got to place the land
there's uh camp and drinking is different than
And you know regular drinking regular drinking there's rules and
You know
the quorum and such
Camping drinking all bets are off. There's no such thing as five o'clock. You wake up more you
Get into it start having yourself a good time
It's one of those situations where uh, at least the way we treated it back in them days was you can't drink all day
If you don't get started early
We'll also meet uh her little uh, she had a younger brother who was like 19. I think 18 or 19
Uh, his name was cody and that kid was cool as shit. He was obsessed with family guy
and did a lot of family guy voices and uh,
But just a good he was just a likable kid kind of country boy
Just good dude, you know just instantly liked him the first time I met him
Which was right there on that campsite
And I already knew her sister Kaylee or
Man, I can't remember what they what's called Kaylee. I already knew Kaylee
And uh, she had brought a friend with her and they were getting their tent set up and uh
And I already knew Christian and Allison I had hung out with them a couple times
But Christian was so Allison was from Houston. I think
Allison's who turned me on to blue october man
Allison was a big blue october fan and uh
She was always uh trying to get us to listen to him and uh, I ended up actually they're one of my favorite bands of all time
But
Her dude Christian he was like a real serious guy man kind of uh, he was not like a big build dude
He was kind of wiry
He was a car guy
Did uh, I think he was like big into body work and stuff
But he had come from los angeles. He was uh, I think he was uh party spanish
And he had come from los angeles and he worked
In the car scene all out there and he was kind of making his way in the houston car scene building stuff and
This is a cool dude, but he was just real serious. He was a little older than us and he was just real serious and
You could tell he may have had a little rougher life than some of us
He didn't goof off a lot like you know, I don't remember really seeing this dude laugh a lot, you know ever like
Just kind of like ha ha but then he would get back serious, you know
Also who arrived on this trip was wendy's uh ex-boyfriend
Who is still I guess because they all grew up together like a family friend
I guess
But he has brought a date with him
To his ex-girlfriend's family camping trip
Which seems like a normal thing to do. I guess if you're a psychopath, I don't know. It seems weird to me
I mean, I could see going to hang out with somebody's family. I don't think I would take a date
But maybe it's I was taught different decorum growing up, you know
He's uh
He's a jason
maybe
One of those asshole J names jason jerry or jeremy
Hell I mean
If they make it to adulthood they usually turn out fine, but between the ages of 18 and 28 avoid jason's jeremy's and jerry's
Okay, just just let them get through that little phase then once they get through that phase they're usually all right
But they don't make it through that phase, you know
That's a rough phase for
jason jerry musing jerry's
I guess friday we get out there the fourth is coming on
Tuesday or wednesday of next week. They're planning on staying
Me and joey's gonna go home monday because we both got to work
We have us a merry time at night out there by the river we we bust into the drinks
We start drinking and partying and
They're letting their little brother drink. So I suppose that that's okay with them, you know
But I was having some drinks when I was 1922 and they're keeping an eye on the kid
Good older siblings looking out for him
But we're all having a good time we have a good time that night we all hang out we
We do some shots and drinks and all that good stuff and uh
Good camping drinking
Party well into the night before splitting off to our tents
And uh, well her brother and his wife were staying in the rv
And they bust off to the rv
Well, you talk about hungover that next morning. Whoo, son
And she's up at eight o'clock man, she's ready to go tubing man
Everybody's wanting to go out and do something but she's kind of like
The mother he into the bunch. So she's trying to straighten her sister out and her younger brother out
Her and her older brother are bickering and I'm just kind of hanging out with joey. We already done got into cold beer
I was beer drinker back in them days
We done got off at cold beer. We was trying to fix
You know hair of the dog hair of the dog at bitters
And her sister kailey and her her friend they're already off over there in the water and they're
Kailey's kind of short. So she's off in the water. They're like
Chest deep in the water
And there's something going on over there. They're cutting up and laughing and uh the ex-dude jason
Me christian ous and joey are all sitting around picnic table. I mean joey nursing beers already
Cody's excited to have him a beer he's feeling grown up
We need her older brother bickering about this and that over at the rv and who's in charge that kind of shit
They did a lot of that
There's something going on over there. So the ex-jason
I don't know where his gal pal is at at the moment. She might still be in the tent
Uh, we didn't really see much of her that whole weekend
Just every once while we'd see her come out of the tent and you know, she'd come out
They went and tube with us one day anyways
I don't know where she was
It don't matter
All it matters. He's over there. He's cutting up with uh, kailey and her friend
And he's standing on the shore and I can't see what he's doing but I hear a big splash every once while
And then they'll be yelling at him and yada yada yada, you know, the way people behave
Well, what he's doing we look over there see what he's doing
What he's doing is he's picking up rocks these big old flat rocks off the riverbank
And he's plopping them out there in the water close to them throw them out in their water close to them and splashing them with these rocks
Which when you mix alcohol and that
Doesn't sound like a good idea. It doesn't sound like a good idea
And they're
Cut up they're all laughing. They're having a good time like nobody's being attacked
But he takes this big old flat rock and he heeds it out there in the river and I remember
Seeing that rock skip off the surface of that river and hit
Kailey right in the face. I mean just
And she goes back it made the worst sound
I mean just
It
Was like a crunch in a in a all at the same time you like be ever hit
You ever hit a watermelon with a baseball bat? I have it's a lot of fun
but it makes kind of a gross noise and it was
I mean it was like gallagher level noise
It was we heard it above the music the drinking people hollering up and down the river
I mean there's people tubing by and stuff. She goes back immediately blood is flowing out of her face into the river
We're freaking out christian me and joey
An old boy run off
Get her out of the water
Get her up on the ground of course wendy and jeremy or everybody's hollering yelling
Some of them are yelling at the dude like what what shit were you doing everything and this
I'll never forget this dude. He was just kind of standing there with his hands. They didn't call 911
I mean, it's bad dude. This girl's bleeding. It's bad. We're all worried about they didn't call 911
There's a sheriff on a damn four-wheeler hauling ass down there
And they're prepared for these kind of accidents out there at least they used to be back today
I don't want to speak on how it is now
You go out there and get some dumb shit and be mad at me
But they used to be prepared that boy ain't long but here come an ambulance, you know, here comes the ambulance running down the road and they're trying to
Hold her face and everything. It's their stuff broke, you know
And her face is swelling up and they're trying to keep her conscious
And I just we're looking over this dude's just standing there with his hands
in there
You
You know like I
He kept saying I didn't know it was gonna bounce. I didn't know it was gonna skip like that like I
Him being surprised about that rock
I mean, I know it was a big rock but him being surprised about that rock skipping
Was like the thing I could never forget like that was the dumbest thing on the planet me like the only two things you ever hear people
Skip is rope and rocks
Like of course a big old flat rock skipped off the surface. Why are you throwing giant rocks by people's heads?
They get her stable get her name it's christian goes nuts on that dude on jayson and none of us was gonna stop him, you know
Wendy jumped over there got a bit of we're just gonna let christian do it, you know christian went nuts on that dude
And wendy's holler. It's an accident. It's an accident. We all kind of get them apart. We went
Help get christian away from god christian just want to tear that dude pieces and I don't blame you know
I was still just kind of in shock at what the hell had just transpired
We need her brother getting her truck and tell us to stay there. She goes she goes just stay here, okay
Just kind of watch out for cody
Stay here y'all hang out enjoy yourselves the best you can
We'll update you as soon as we know anything and they followed the ambulance into town
A little cody boy he's already over there drinking. Hey, he heard stay here and enjoy yourself
And though he was concerned about his sister, uh, he was also concerned about his vacation
His first kind of grown-up vacation
Oh boy leaves oh jay say leaves
We assume go to the hospital
You know pay some attention try to see if he can be of service
Every damage. I know it was an accident. I know it was an accident
I know the dude didn't maliciously do this to this girl. It was an accident
It was a dumb stupid accident turned from alcohol and
poor choices
It was just an accident
It's a dumb accident, but an accident nonetheless the guy wasn't
out to hurt these girls
So he leaves
Which it's fine with us helps the vibe a little
And we go we we just we don't do any tubing that day, but we hang out in the river and wait for updates and every once
Well, but that's back. You had to get out the river and go check your phone every once
Well, you know, we didn't have all these waterproof phones and what have you
I have my cigarettes and a ziplock bag. I remember
We just stand out there that that cold river we drink some cold beer and we do some shots tequila
Talk to all the people coming by on the tubes and stuff and occasionally throw somebody a beer that kind of stuff and
Have a good time. Keep the music going
Cook us some burgers and shit like that, you know
Throw some meat on the grill. Kristen made some badass chicken
At some point maybe later on that evening
And we we're getting updates, you know every once in a while, but it's pretty serious
You know, they know that she's gonna need reconstructive surgery
Like there's bones broken or her cheekbones broke and all kind of like big rock did a lot of damage
And uh moving at a pretty good speed when it clocked her
We getting close to dark and that dude Jason comes back to the campsite
Apparently they told them they didn't want him at the hospital or something along those lines or you know, maybe you should leave for
My dad gets here that type of situation
But stay there instead of
Staying there like a man taking ownership
He I guess he took that as come back to the campsite and enjoy camping
I don't know. That was weird. I we figured he was coming back to pack up his shit and leave, you know
Like a normal person would after you've maimed someone's family member however accidental it was
I mean
Kaley's jacked up. She's her face is jacked up like she's got serious injuries
Like they called red duke in on the case is how jacked up. She is
You probably if you're from somewhere else, you're not gonna know this maybe but
Dr. Red Duke was a little bit of a texas hero. Dr. Red Duke was
uh head surgeon down at the medical center for a long time and I I think he may have been her
Uh
Whatever whoever over all the health in texas is I don't remember other
If you saw him on tv all the time, he's wildly famous
He was a fourth year surgery resident at parkland hospital the day president john f. Kennedy and texas governor collin connelly
Were shot and rushed to that hospital and up on their arrival
Duke said, uh, it didn't take him long to appreciate the gravity of the situation and when I asked what he could do for jfk
He said I cannot do much for this man. He's already dead
Uh, but he's credited with saving the life of governor connelly that day. He's a texas hero
He's inducted in the cowboy hall of fame
Personally saved one of my other friend's life
much later on in life
After she was in a really bad car accident
He was just we everybody loved red duke. Dr. Red Duke was was a hero, especially here in houston
But they're calling red duke in on the case
But what do we we want to do you want to pack everything up and what can we do?
She said no, we already got the camp y'all stay enjoy the campsite
Just make sure her little brother has a good time
And uh, we're also tasked with making sure christian doesn't drown this other dude
And she can't even believe he's staying either. She's like, I don't I don't know. I just don't have the editor
I was like, no, no, I get it
We'll keep our boy in check or shun him or whatever until he leaves
And we did we shunned the shit out of him. We really want shit to do with the dude
Mainly because every time christian looked at him we were worried christian was going to go attack his ass
And uh, you want to be a Sebastian? What's up, buddy? Shit. I ain't seen you in a minute
Anyways
She wants to stay and enjoy the campsite
It's just a weird position to be put in but
We're also we're not all soup, you know, I just started dating this girl
I don't I don't these people are not like my family. I don't know. I'm of course compassionate
I never want to see anybody hurt. I'm soft hearted as shit. Okay. I don't like seeing people get hurt. I don't
Uh, I don't like seeing anything like that even if even if I don't know the person or even if I don't like the person
I just don't I'm not built like that. I don't have that that thing in me
And I'm glad
It's a little somber that night
But we decided the next day that we get up. We're gonna go to we're gonna take cody tubing
I got cody all cody's been talking about going tubing
They brought their own inner tubes and the way they do these inner tubes they take these inner tubes
They put a now they put like a plastic panel on there and strap them the inner tubes back then
It's just piece of plywood. They strap this piece of plywood this inner tube. Hey, buddy. You coming to see me
Oh, you're messing with the tractor
so they had uh
They brought their own tubes. They were serious tubers
We've seen
Have a good time, of course load up our little cooler with some cold beer and a bottle of tequila
Uh
Back then they have these little
Look like a little school buses come down the road and they pick you up and they take you into the
Drop-in point up at the top of the river
And then you could tube right back down your campsite or you could go the whole length
If you wanted and they had a little bus that bring you back there sometimes or sometimes you just
Get down there too late and have to walk a mile back to your campsite or whatever it was
Hmm
Spent many times
Giving myself a swimsuit rash in my nether regions. You all right over there bup
I spent many times giving myself a rash over there my
nether regions from a wet swimsuit carrying the inner tube walking down the road
Because we missed the last bus back to the campsite or something like that
And we when we went when I was younger we never had them nice campsites on the river
Our campsite was always way off in the woods somewhere
And uh, we we couldn't afford them high dollar campsites right there on the river
People had a little bit of money in their pocket
We
Get take Cody of course christian house and come with us and
We leave old dude and his girl there. We don't tell them we're going
We go up to the drop-in point
Get in
I'm manning the cooler because
Joey needs to be free to pursue ladies right
All right, got a gal. I got cooler tied to my inner tube
The cooler's also got my little baggie in there with my cigarettes, you know, so I got a close eye on the cooler
We go tubing boy
Having this good old time boy just be bopping down that river that river's cold
I mean, I don't even know how cold that river gets but boy, it'll ice your balls, you know
Just having a good old time and something about hanging out in cold water like that
Boy, you can just keep on drinking that beer
Somebody you just you don't even care if that beer is cold no more. You just keep on drinking it
Every time you pee it warms up your inner tube a little bit. It's a good time
We ran across this crew of folks they had all their tubes linked together
And they had a bunch of jello shots in the cooler and they started throwing us jello shots
And that was a it was a little bit of a tradition. You'd see it from time to time, but
We weren't keeping a good enough eye on cody though because unbeknownst to us
Cody scores him a whole mess of jello shots from these people and they're telling him hand them out
Cody don't hand them out cody just proceeds to go through jello shots while we're going down the river
We didn't know it because he went through them so quick, but all of a sudden cody was uh
Cody was a little bit of a mess
We tried to figure out we figured he'd had about 10 or nine or 10 of them. We're like good lord
And the time we get back down to our campsite it starts pouring down rain, right?
Just just one of those Texas gully washers just out of nowhere storm clouds pouring down rain
We're already soaking wet. We've been in the river. We don't give a shit. We go hang out the picnic table. Keep drinking
We're hammered past the point of delirium at that point
And we enjoy a little like work because we didn't let this kid get hammered. We didn't realize what he was doing
Christian didn't drink. Christian was sober. So christian was giving us a little grief about letting that kid let no cody get
Off in his cups like he did, but I mean we didn't know
We didn't know that's what was about to happen. You know, we're held one neither one of us parents anything like that
At some point cody passes out in the lawn chair. We just decided to leave him there because he's safe
It's one of them kind of stretch out lounge
I mean, we didn't know that's what was about to happen. You know, we're held wasn't either one of us parents anything like that
We're held under lawn chairs and he's snoring and
Happy and we can hear him snoring. We know he's all right
Still pour down rain
But he seems happy. So we just leave him be
I don't even think we ate that night because uh, you know, it's just pouring down rain. We couldn't do anything
I just one of the last things I remember about that night is uh
is joey was just
shit house
Standing on that picnic table in the rain with the shirt off
holler and I am the lizard king
You know kind of drunk you you get when you're that young if I did that now I'd be out of commission for a month
I wouldn't be able to walk for three days probably
You
Next morning
Now cody and slipped in the lawn chair all night I come out of my tent in the morning and uh
Get an update from windy but what's going on with k they're going to transfer her to the houston medical center
And they're just waiting to get off. They're gonna lifelider
Uh, so they're waiting to get all that lined up
And it's it's a lot of work, you know, we've talked it's a lot of work to line up a lifelike flight
But they're that's what they're gonna do with her and so we're kind of waiting to hear when all that's gonna go down
We get up we're milling around I I know we didn't eat that night because the first day we was doing
We were throwing meat on the grill. We was cooking
And and cody is woken up to the worst
Probably the worst hangover he's ever had in his life at the tender age of 19, but he boy
He's done run off in the bushes a couple of times and hooked up stuff and
Truth be known we're all pretty hungover. I mean we're all none of us are feeling sprightly
you know
We're we're just trying to get some food in this maybe another beer and see what that feels like
Christian Allison hanging around the table
I think christian was cooking and joey was standing over drinking a beer joey been talking to christian
And oh boy his tent was like off to the right of where we were cooking
Uh
It was kind of like in another little tent spot when there were some bushes in between us
But we hear a bunch of racket. We hear a bunch of racket out old jason's tent boy a bunch of hollering hollering
the old girl comes
running out of that tent hardly dressed and
The old jason comes running out of that tent just
Oh, man
You guys ever see yeah, you guys gotta see this man. You gotta go over and look
Dude like we ain't even hardly talked to this dude in two days like since he did what he did and showed back up
but he's
Boy he's all out of y'all you ain't gotta come over you gotta come do some biggest spider I've ever seen in my life
And we're all just looking at this dude and joey just real quick looks over at him and goes
Why don't you throw a rock at it?
and bro
We were done. Why don't you throw a rocket? We hit the ground. I hit the ground. I'm crying dude
I think that might be the only time I ever saw christian laugh christian was laughing so hard
He had a snot coming out of his nose else. We're dying
We are crying and joey's just slipping his beard
He just dropped the mic on this dude just out of nowhere just lay down the hammer and put it on him
And
Old boy gets miffed and him and his gal start packing up everything out of his tent and just throw it in his car
Well, we're their part. There's uh, you know, there's run down and stuff from the rain. It's all muddy
And he's he's pissed. He's clearly pissed off at us. We're be we've been unreasonable for making that joke
Right. He's just mad as hell at all of us and his girl's trying to throw stuff in the back seat of his little
car
And he's trying to put stuff in the trunk and he slips and falls down behind that car
And we just one minute. We see him furiously shoving stuff in the trunk next minute. He's on the ground in the mud
We're on the ground again. We're done. We're done, bro
Now he's over there trying to take the tit down. He's cussing and he's got mud all over him
He's trying to take this tit down. He's being a
He's being a dick to his girl like this poor girl. She didn't know what she signed up for this week, right?
But he's being a jackass or he's taking it out on her. He's being ugly and
Curt and short with her and she's kind of getting tired of his crap like
Some point she just goes off and sits in the car
And he's trying to get this tent apart and he can't get it apart this tent's just
You know, it's one of those pop tents and the poles are laid down
He's fighting with it and by just pops it all apart and wads it up in a big wad
And takes it back there and starts shoving it in that trunk again
And damn if this dude don't slip in that mud and eat shit again in that mud and we can't help it. We can't help it, man
We're we're on the ground crying as he drives away
This is like sunday morning
We're we're in tears. We're just done. We're crying
It's like monday monday because I have monday off. We'll go back tuesday
Well
We hear from wendy
And they're gonna go ahead and transport uh
Kaley man. Now. I really think it's casing. I don't remember
They're gonna transport her sister
To the medical center down in houston
Hey, buddy
Chubb too
Come hang out for a little bit
And they're gonna transport her over to the medical center in houston, right? That's what they've decided to do
They're gonna get her over there red duke can work on her all that good stuff
We decide, you know
Her her older brother's gonna take the rv back to houston and of course kody and all they were gonna go with him
They say, you know party's over
party's over
Wendy of course wants to go back to houston be with her sister so she can
Help take care of her and all that good stuff just motorbike just motorbike, buddy
And we we decide we just go home we'll recover for work day the next day, you know, we'll just go back to work and
See how all this shakes up and
I will tell you uh, kaley did end up having to have a bunch of surgeries and uh
Yeah, let me let you down here
There you go, buddy
Okay, they had a bunch of surgeries, but they they got her all fixed up and she went on with her life
I think last last I heard about her. She might have married some fellow from Mississippi or something
Went on with her life. So they Dr. Red Duke fixed her up, I guess
But she went through a bunch of crap get it done
You can hear my drink
Let's wrap it up there. We'll do some testimonials
How about that? How about it? How about that cash me outside? What's up, buddy?
I go in the house a little bit. I'll get you some grub, brother
I'll get you fixed up
Use more of that chicken broth stuff you like
Let's do some testimonials. Here we go, man. Uh, oh you're back. Uh, stay out of my drink
You got testimonial for the wrecking hour Sebastian
Oh good kitty. Good kitty. Yeah, you're a good kitty, buddy
You're a good old kitty
You stink. You smell like a moose's butthole
I'm guessing
Sorry, I got my comments here out order. Let me see if I can get this figured out. Here we go
Oh, our old buddy at Jean Bond at Jean Bond. Thanks for another great one J.W
You aren't kidding about dealing with low lives. These are
comments from last week
For you if you check out for any show do me a favor hit that like button
Subscribe to my channel. I appreciate it. I didn't do any sponsor copy this week. Uh
If you want to sponsor the show reach out to us jwlcomedy at gmail.com
We've kind of got some sponsorship. We're trying to set up but we're in the middle signing papers all that kind of stuff
But we've got more spots
At Jean Bond. Thanks for another great one J.W
You aren't kidding about dealing with low lives when I decided to send my retire
I cut off the customers who weren't fun anymore
If I can't have fun, I might as well go get a factory job
Now life is good
My only worries is if my customers can deal with my fund schedule while working on their project. I am up
Well that cut off I'm gonna go up here. Well, I hate when it mixes them up like this. I don't know how I did that
Now life is good. My only worry is if my customers can deal with my fund schedule while working on their project
I'm up front about my plans and priorities
And if that's okay with them, then we push ahead until everyone's happy and we all make a little money
Oh, yeah, bub
Well, jean, I told you this in the comments, bub. You're doing it right
That is the way to do it when it's time to uh back off a little bit is get rid of the
People who make the job difficult
Oh
Let's go down to this next in here
At james pot 51 41 we never had a lot growing up
But damn if my dad didn't do everything he could
To give me anything and everything I needed and a lot of what I asked for in some shape form or fashion
Having no kids of my own it brought a tear to my eye to hear you say
Thank you for a gift for the kids and you're most certainly welcome, sir
Oh, you sent some hot wheels. Hell yeah, you remind me a lot of my dad
And I think that's why I watch this religiously since day one after losing him in 2021
I hate to
Hear you lost your pops man. That's it's a hard blow for a young man
Now we didn't we didn't have a lot growing up either and uh, but we always had enough
I reckon
We must have made it here
Clearly younger than me if I remind you of your father
That's the nicest way anybody's ever called me an old dude. I appreciate it, but seriously
That's cool. Uh, I got a comment from somebody last week
Uh
Young man, I didn't realize it's such a young man, but he was asking me
about
the song I've been using in the credits and
It's not I wrote all the lyrics to this song and I had this idea for it and I worked on it with a
with a i music program and I just sort of created that out of thin air because
I just wanted something to sound the way I wanted it to sound and I wanted the lyrics to go the way I wanted them to go
I was uh
wrote that
after visiting kilgore
and uh
He mentioned some interest
And having a copy of the song so he could play it. He was apparently a musician
I said sure man. Send me an email or
Give me your email address and
I'll reach out reach out to you and he sent me an email this week
And he said hi jw. My name is wade papanow
Papano, Papano, maybe p.a.p.i
n e a u wade p a p i n e a u
He said i'm the guy that wants to cover the new wrecking yard song. Thanks for offering to send me the file
I found you through truck astrology and when I heard you were starting a podcast
I went ahead and tuned in i'm a day one or as you say and I've enjoyed it so far
If you like old country and bluegrass, you should check out my channel wade papanow music
And I'll put a link to that in the live chat and I'll put a link to it in the comments
I'm 14 and I'm excited
But you got to make up your mind and I'm excited to tell you I'm singing on the grand old opry stage
In april of 2026. I don't want your ass in my face. So can you cover that up? Thank you
sorry
Playing the grand old opry brother in april. That's that's one of my dream gigs. I couldn't be more excited for you
I think that's amazing and I will uh, I'll
Try to remember to do it not not I'll get it out the morning for you when I'm at my desk working
I'll send you that copy of that music file and if anybody else wants a copy of that music file for whatever purposes
just
Leave me your email in the comments or if you don't want to do that reach out to
jwlcomedy at gmail.com
And we'll get you fixed up
Good old kitty
All right, let's wrap this thing get up out of here. I think this cat's hungry
I
Y'all there's no big lesson this week
Other than this I guess if you if you break somebody's head with a rock
even by accident
Maybe stick around the hospital and see if you can be a service
And if you're lifting charge of a 19 year old don't let them knock back a dozen yellow shots
It's been a bad week and I reckon it'll get worse before it gets better but
in this age of
Instant outrage sound bites and half truths
The only way I found to keep you peace is patience
Just sit still till all the facts are in
We're all wired to be so reactive, but acting on that impulse hardly ever brings any good to anybody
I don't I don't invest in political sides. I damn sure don't celebrate loss for anyone
What I do invest in is people
That's the best use of time I've ever found
My friends spend every walk of life and plenty believe things that I don't believe
That's fine by me. I care more about who they are and how they treat others than whatever banner they wave
I think it was uh, what's his name? Uh, plato plato
Right. He's one of them old Greek dude. Plato said who's he said something like opinion is the lowest form of knowledge and empathy
The highest now, I don't know if uh, plato was right about much
But I do know it takes a lot more work to be empathetic than it does to form an opinion
And maybe that's just my opinion. My own lowest form of knowledge if you will
What I do know
Is that we got to figure out how to love each other
Because the powers that profit from our division grow stronger every day
And we can disagree about everything I just said and I still love
There's room at my table for everybody
And I will always be rooting for y'all
I'm j.w. I love you
Excuse me, I got a head to the Cadillac dealer. They say love for your fellow man's in stock
But his dealer only comes with a $900 market
Yo cat
Oh, what does that look
Do you just need some loving little loving for old kitty
I guess we ought to go get you some food won't tell everybody goodnight
Guess not he's not being very vocal tonight
I
Would not just be nothing my head off full of stuffing heart off full of pain
So that's good scratching ain't it that's good scratching ain't it
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