“Lifted” means the truck sits higher than it did from the factory. It can help with rough roads, but it can also make the tires and steering behave differently.
“Track width” is how far apart the wheels are on the same side of the truck. Making it wider can make the truck feel more stable, but it can also cause extra wear if the setup isn’t right.
The Ford Ranger is a pickup truck. It’s smaller than the Ford F-150, but it has a similar “truck” style. The hosts bring it up to explain what it is for listeners who don’t know it.
The F-150 is a big American pickup truck. The hosts mention it to help you picture the Ranger as a smaller truck with a similar look. It’s basically the “bigger cousin” in the lineup.
“Truck culture” just means how normal trucks are in a place and what people typically use them for. The hosts are saying that in the U.S. (and parts of Australia) trucks fit more naturally into outdoor lifestyles, while “here” it’s different. That’s why the same kind of truck can feel more or less common.
Camper vans are vans converted for living and sleeping while traveling, often with a small kitchenette and bed setup. The hosts use camper vans as an alternative to hauling tents and gear into the wilderness, describing a more common “outdoorsy” approach in their region. It’s a lifestyle/usage contrast rather than a specific vehicle model.
They’re talking about people buying pickup trucks for normal family life—school runs, errands, and road trips—not just for work hauling. The reason it happened is that rules and taxes sometimes made pickups a better deal than other vehicles.
“Rebadged” means the same car or truck is sold with a different brand badge on it. The changes are often mostly cosmetic or branding, not a totally new vehicle.
These are the switches/buttons you use to turn on seat heating. The speaker is saying Mercedes changed a lot of the cabin, but the heated-seat controls still felt like the Nissan design.
Here, “premiums” means extra money people are willing to pay for something because it’s desirable. They’re saying the X-Class might be getting higher prices because people want it.
Rivian is a company that makes electric trucks and SUVs. The hosts are talking about Rivian’s vehicles and technology being used or rebranded by other brands.
Volkswagen is a big car company. Here, they’re basically saying Volkswagen might not want Rivian-related plans to spread too fast because of existing deals.
International Harvester is an older company name. They bring it up just to make sure you don’t mix it up with “Scout,” which is a different thing.
Term
IP
IP means intellectual property—things like technology, designs, or software that are legally protected. The hosts are saying Scout acquired rights to use some of that stuff.
The Mercedes-Benz X-Class is a Mercedes pickup truck. It didn’t sell for very long when it was new, but people still talk about it because you can find them used—and sometimes they’re modified in odd ways.
This means the market for used cars, not brand-new ones. The hosts are saying that after some time, more people started wanting the car, so used prices rose.
Collector cars are cars people buy because they’re special or rare, not because they’re the best daily driver. The hosts are saying collector demand can make prices jump.
Bubble cars are very small, old-style cars with rounded, “bubble” shapes. The hosts are saying that even these weird little cars can become much more expensive over time when collectors want them.
Car
Aston Martin badge
A badge is the logo/emblem on a car. Here, someone put an Aston Martin logo on a different car to make it look like an Aston Martin.
Laser cutting is a machine that uses a laser to cut materials very precisely. They’re suggesting it could be used to make custom parts for a DIY car makeover.
3D printing makes physical parts from a computer design, one thin layer at a time. They’re saying it could help you fabricate car parts cheaply for a DIY “clone” look.
Car
signet front bumper
The front bumper is the part at the very front of the car. They’re discussing buying a bumper meant for an Aston “Signet” to swap onto a different car for the appearance.
The grille is the front “face” of the car—usually the mesh area behind the bumper. It helps air reach the engine cooling system, but it also changes the car’s look a lot.
Bonnet vents are openings on the hood (bonnet) that help manage airflow and heat. On many cars, they’re also part of the visual “authentic” look, so adding them can be required for a replica or styling conversion.
A 3D scan is a way to digitally copy the exact shape of something. Here, they’re saying you could scan a grille and then have someone make matching replacements.
Composites are materials made by combining different substances (often fiberglass/carbon fiber with resin) to create a strong, lightweight part. The speaker implies making the grille from composites to keep it light and workable for custom fabrication.
Brand
Hispano-Sweezer
“Hispano-Sweezer” sounds like a made-up or misheard name they’re using for a product/car reference. The conversation doesn’t give enough detail to know what real car brand it corresponds to.
They mention “Luce” as the name of the Ferrari EV they’ve already seen the interior of. It’s basically the specific upcoming electric Ferrari they’re talking about.
A “camouflage prototype” is a test car that’s covered up so people can’t easily see what the final production design will look like. It helps the company keep the real shape and details secret while testing.
They’re pointing out that the windshield wipers on the prototype look odd. On test cars, parts like this can look different from the final production version.
“Production spec” means the real parts that will go on the finished cars customers buy. They’re saying the prototype’s wipers don’t look like the final version.
A “camo job” is the cover and disguising material put on a test car. It’s meant to keep people from seeing what the real production design will look like.
McLaren is a famous racing team and car brand. Here, they’re using it as an example of how serious racing teams also look professional—down to what people wear.
Brand
Plato
“Plato” here is a racing driver being talked about in terms of how he and his team present themselves. The point is about image—whether they look like outsiders or like a polished, corporate team.
An aerial is the antenna on the car that helps it pick up radio stations. Some older cars have a long antenna sticking up that can get snagged.
Concept
shark bite mark
“Shark bite” is a playful way to describe a noticeable dent or mark on the antenna area—like something took a bite out of it. Here, they’re saying the mark looks suspicious or staged.
The Jaguar XJ-S is a classic luxury sports coupe made by Jaguar. Some versions have a V12 engine, which is a big part of what makes them special. The podcast mentions a specific modified example, showing how people customize these cars.
This phrase means the car is going to be sold at an auction. The “hammer” is the auctioneer’s signal that the bidding is happening and the sale is being finalized.
TWR is a performance brand connected to motorsport and Jaguar tuning. Here, they’re saying the car’s steering wheel and interior details look like they were done by (or inspired by) that TWR style.
An “auto shifter” is the gear selector used with an automatic transmission. The speaker contrasts a “delicate little” automatic shifter feel/look with a more substantial leather-wrapped selector head in this car, linking it to perceived sportiness.
“US spec quad headlights” means the car has four headlights total, set up to meet US rules. The hosts are saying they prefer the original headlight shape the car was designed with.
A sealed-beam headlight is an older style where the bulb and the reflector are all one sealed unit. It’s basically a “drop-in” light that doesn’t get repaired piece-by-piece.
“Rectangulars” means the headlights are shaped like rectangles. They’re saying those rectangular headlights are usually linked with higher trim versions, even if it didn’t always make sense.
Car
XJ12
The Jaguar XJ12 is a Jaguar sedan that uses a V12 engine. The discussion here is about how Jaguar updated the car’s look and lights when they made the XJ12.
“Oblongs” means the headlights are shaped like stretched rectangles/ovals. They’re talking about how one version used a different headlight style than another.
The B-pillar is the vertical metal post between the doors. It’s part of the car’s body structure, and in this case they’re talking about how chrome on it affects the look.
Lister is a performance brand that’s closely associated with Jaguar cars. The speaker is saying they like the look of Lister’s Jaguar-style alloy wheels and wish they’d bought a set.
The Dodge Avenger is a regular passenger car (a sedan) meant for everyday driving. In the podcast, it’s mentioned because someone is thinking about changing its wheels. That’s a common kind of upgrade for improving look or tire choice.
Right-hand drive means the steering wheel is on the right side of the car. The speaker is saying that sometimes these rare cars show up in the UK in the correct steering layout.
The Plymouth Barracuda is a famous American muscle car. They’re looking at one they found online and it’s getting considered as the main car for their project.
“Fastback” is a car shape where the roof smoothly flows into the back of the car. It’s a styling term that helps describe the car’s overall profile.
Term
Leeper
“Leeper” here sounds like a made-up or specific named car decoration/feature. They’re joking about where to place it on the car—bonnet, grille, or roof—so it looks right.
Mercedes-Benz made the SL in the R107 generation, which is one of the most famous “classic” SL eras. People sometimes describe its look with nicknames like “Dallas-shape” because it became strongly associated with that style from the time.
The Mercedes-Benz SL 55 is a stronger, sportier version of the SL. In the episode, they connect it to a particular look change in the headlights and say it felt like a big hit.
They’re talking about how the way you climb into and out of a car can affect your body. A lower car may make you use your core more, while a higher SUV makes it easier and less active.
A Toyota Corolla is a very common everyday car. Here it’s mentioned because getting out of the back seat can feel awkward—like the door opening is a bit low or narrow, so you have to use your arms more to steady yourself.
Term
aperture
Here “aperture” just means the opening—like the door opening into the back seat. If it’s narrow and low, it can make climbing in or out feel harder.
The S-Class is Mercedes-Benz’s top luxury car line. It’s the kind of car people buy when they want a comfortable, high-end sedan rather than something sporty.
The Lexus RX is a luxury SUV. It’s the kind of car people pick when they want something comfortable and practical, but still want it to feel a bit fun to drive.
This is Volkswagen’s electric wagon. It’s built more like a family “estate” car so you usually get extra room for bags and passengers compared with smaller cars.
The Volkswagen ID.7 is an electric car. The “Tourer” version is the wagon/estate-style body, which usually means more space than a standard sedan. The podcast mentions it because someone drove one recently.
A “launch” is when a new car model is officially introduced. It often includes special events where people get to drive the car soon after it’s released.
“Aero” means the car’s shape is designed to cut through the air more easily. If the car sits low and is streamlined, it wastes less energy, so it can drive farther.
The Volkswagen Arteon is a VW model that looks a bit more stylish than a regular sedan. The hosts are saying they don’t see many of them, and they like how it looks—especially in the wagon-like version.
Audi is a well-known car brand that makes more upscale vehicles. The speaker is basically saying the Arteon looks different from the more common Audi cars you usually see.
Mercedes-Benz makes the CLS, which is known for its sleek, coupe-like shape. The “shooting break” version is the wagon-style take on that look, and they’re saying the Arteon reminds them of it.
EV means an electric car that runs on electricity stored in a battery. The speaker is saying they’re leaning toward electric cars instead of other types.
The Volkswagen ID Buzz is VW’s electric van. It’s the kind of vehicle people either love or don’t want at all, and that’s what they’re joking about here.
The Mercedes-Benz V-Class is a nicer, more comfortable van. The hosts are comparing it to their imagined “Bosnus” because both would focus on comfortable, premium seating in the back.
“Motorway” is the UK term for a high-speed highway. The hosts mention it because aerodynamic drag and steady high speeds tend to reduce EV efficiency compared with slower driving.
A “front-end bluff” is a car’s front being kind of boxy or not very streamlined. That makes it push through the air harder, so it uses more energy on the highway.
“ID tech” means the car’s software and digital features—things like screens, menus, and how the car communicates with you. They’re saying it used to feel a bit annoying, but it got improved.
Term
shortcuts
“Shortcuts” are quick buttons or menu options that let you jump to something fast. They’re saying there are so many that it can feel a little too much.
Massaging seats are car seats with built-in motors that vibrate or massage your back. They’re meant to help you feel more comfortable, especially on longer trips.
Adaptive dampers are shocks that can change how firm or soft they feel while you drive. That helps the car ride smoothly over bumps but still stay controlled.
Leasing means you pay to use the car for a few years and then give it back. They’re saying that if you’re leasing, it’s smart not to add expensive extra features.
They’re talking about a Nissan Skyline GT-R from the R32 generation. It’s a well-known turbocharged performance car, and the R32 is especially famous among car fans.
They mention a Lamborghini Aventador S, which is a supercar with a powerful V12 engine. It’s the kind of car most people only see at car shows or in videos.
They’re talking about a McLaren 720S, which is a high-end supercar. It’s designed to feel quick and responsive, and it’s made with lightweight materials.
Brakes are what help a car slow down and stop. If someone says their brakes are bad, it means they don’t stop quickly or smoothly, so they have to be extra careful around other cars.
If an engine is “running rich,” it’s basically burning too much fuel for the amount of air. That can make the exhaust smell strongly of fuel and may cause the engine to run oddly.
“Dynoed” means the car was tested on a special machine that measures how the engine performs. People use it to see if the engine is tuned correctly, including things like fueling.
They’re talking about a Camaro with an “IROC” style/performance vibe. It’s basically a special Camaro version people associate with racing-era styling.
The Ferrari F40 is a legendary Ferrari supercar from the 1980s. People love it because it’s a very “serious” driving car and it’s become a collectible classic.
They mention an Austin 7, which is an older, smaller car from the early days of motoring. In the conversation it’s used to highlight how basic that era’s cars were compared to newer technology.
They keep saying they enjoyed driving the Charger again. The Dodge Charger is a well-known car model, and they’re describing how it feels familiar and fun every time they get behind the wheel.
The Jensen Interceptor is an older sports-style car made for long-distance driving. It’s known for its bold, recognizable look. The podcast mentions it because of a specific stripe/theme on the car.
“Turbo” refers to a device that helps the engine make more power. It uses the car’s exhaust to push extra air into the engine.
Concept
cold caning a car
They’re comparing the smoothie-maker mistake to a car mistake: revving or driving hard right after a cold start. The idea is that cold parts wear faster until everything warms up.
Concept
full throttle at idle
They’re describing the idea of flooring the gas while the car is just sitting still. That can be harder on the engine than gentle driving because the engine is working hard without moving.
Bearings are the small metal parts that help things spin smoothly. If they get damaged, the machine can start making noise or feel rough, and it may fail sooner.
A V12 is an engine with 12 cylinders. More cylinders usually means a smoother, more powerful feel, and it often sounds really special when the car starts up.
A “Pavlovian response” means your brain reacts automatically because you’ve learned to expect something. Here, it’s like people can’t help themselves from going toward the noise because they’ve learned that loud, exciting cars mean something cool is happening.
Butyric acid is a chemical that can smell or taste really strong and unpleasant. The speaker is saying it’s part of what makes some chocolate taste like what people describe as “sick.”
A “barn find” is a car that’s been stored away for a long time and hasn’t been driven much. It can be interesting because it might be rare or original, but it may also need repairs because it sat for years.
It means the car is hitting its built-in top limit for revs (RPM). The computer stops the engine from spinning faster, even if you press harder.
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I'm Jonny Smith.
I'm Richard Porter.
And this is Smith & Sniff, a podcast in which two friends talk about cars and many other things.
What in the name of lychee-scented mermaid's tears is going on
with modified Ford Rangers at the moment?
Yes.
My reference for lychee-scented mermaid's tears is the vape,
which comes out of them when they seem to cog it past me,
or tailgate with quite an aggressive bonnet height because they've been lifted.
And the track width has been widened.
But at their best, they look like somebody who has spent a lot of time in the gym,
possibly also on the roids.
Yeah.
I think at their worst, they just look like they've got an infection.
Just, you know, someone gets like a swollen eye or something like that.
You just go, oh, shit, bits of your truck have swollen up, mate.
You want to get that looked at?
Get some antibiotics.
It'll be fine.
There's a lot of cars at the moment, which I think they're charging premium money
and they've got a lot of shitty plastic thrown onto them, which is obvious.
It doesn't even look expensive, but yeah, the cost price is more expensive.
And I think these mad rangers, Ford rangers,
and to anyone that doesn't know about the Ford Ranger,
it's basically a small, now it looks so much like the F-150,
but they're just shrunk down a little, isn't it?
Yeah.
It's like a two thirds F-150 or a three quarters F-150?
I don't know.
But also for context for people overseas,
that truck culture is not the same here as it is in the US.
No.
I just think, or in Australia for that matter,
I just don't think we don't have the same culture of outdoorsy-ness.
No.
Because our weather's not as good.
Yeah, we do camper vans if we're going to do outdoorsy-ness.
We do camper vans.
Yeah, you don't haul a load of tents into the wilderness
to go camping and hiking as Americans do.
No.
You go down to Cornwall in a camper van and you drink a cup of tea inside in a drizzle storm.
That's right.
And then go for a walk.
Yes.
Oh, while wearing anorak.
And that's fine.
That's us.
That's culturally that's where we are.
But then the truck kind of...
And a dry robe.
Yes, of course in a dry robe.
But then the tax rules made having a truck advantageous if you could put it through
and small business and so lots of people got them.
Even though, you know, they're actually like, I don't know,
they run a gym or something.
They really need to haul a lot of stuff in the back.
Yeah.
But they could use it as a family car because it's a double cap.
They tweaked the rules again, didn't they?
But for a while it was like just, it was open season of getting pickup trucks as family
cars because you could claim the vet back.
And I've heard from a few people that Mercedes X-classes,
which are obviously rebadged Nissan Navaras,
not Navaras, that's a Rimac Navaras,
and which actually wasn't a very good truck.
No.
Especially not worthy of a premium badge like Mercedes.
I thought they'd phone that one in a bit.
But they're getting nicked left, right and centre in the UK because...
Are they?
Yeah.
Yeah, a lot of people...
Well, I don't know whether they're all disappearing into containers and ending up abroad
or whether they're staying here
because I'm not in the industry of stealing vehicles to order.
But...
Is it possible there are some countries that didn't get the X-class officially
but where there are people who think the idea of a Mercedes pickup truck
is kind of a bit of a snazzy concept and those who they really want ones.
There's a ready demand for them.
Because you say they phoned it in.
I know that car reasonably well.
I did quite a lot of miles in the X-class when they came out.
Did you?
It was pretty hateful to drive.
Yeah.
But what really surprised me was how much Mercedes had changed over the Nissan version in the interior.
And then it was like they'd fallen at the last hurdle
because they seemed to have changed all the buttons and switches
and the dash and the instruments and everything like that.
It was a pretty thorough job to try and murkify it.
But then for some reason the heated seat buttons were still sort of glumping great Nissan ones
and you went, oh, well those don't match anything else in here now.
Why did you leave those?
And I couldn't figure it out.
They just ran out of money and went, eh, I'll be all right.
Do you know, I think right now, because Mercedes doesn't do a pickup right now
and yet if the premiums and the desirability of these old X-classes is that high,
I could see murk badge marketing, oh, they could go pick up again
but really think a little harder, murk.
You know, be a bit better.
I would, it has it a guess with the fact that so many people in the UK want to buy a car that doesn't fit on the road.
A Rivian that was rebadged and re-sculpted as a Mercedes truck would actually be really cool.
I assume that Volkswagen would want that to shut that down right away
because they've got a deal with Rivian, haven't they, sir?
Have they still?
Well, yeah, because isn't some of this scout stuff is going to be using Rivian technology?
Ah, the scout!
Not to be confused with international harvester.
Yeah, well, yes, it's sort of they bought all their kind of IP, didn't they, from a car boot sale or yard sale or something.
The thing about the Mercedes X-class is that it was incredibly short-lived,
so I presume at the time it absolutely tanked.
That's why I'm kind of curious that now there's this demand for them,
because when they were available brand new, they just didn't seem to be.
I think you do see them around and they are often horribly modified.
They are horribly modified.
Maybe it is.
You do have quite a sort of anus-y way, but...
Maybe it's a bit like the Aston Signet, where when it launched it was sort of laughed at and ignored and maybe it was overpriced as well.
And now, two, three, four years down the line,
suddenly the second hand market cottons on and goes,
well, hang on a minute, that's a bit cool.
There is something about the massive popularity, well, not popularity,
but the fact that Aston Signets are somehow sought after,
that I sort of find delightful, even though it's idiotic really,
it's just a sort of slightly more leathery IQ, isn't it?
And they, I'm just looking, there are two Signets I can find for sale here and...
Oh my, holy God!
There are a lot of money now.
If anything, they're going up.
They are going up. They've been going up for two years.
Have a guess, there are two Signets here, have a guess at what the price is of them?
50.
Very good.
It's actually basically 45 or 53 thousand pounds.
I know, Richard, I know.
You would have to have your head examined to pay 50.
I know it's a bit of fun, but it is just a Toyota IQ.
Yeah, but I think for Aston people, it's going to be like the PLP 50 in the collection,
where it's like...
Oh, do you think? Okay, yeah.
Yeah, so if you're collecting cars, bubble cars have risen in price exponentially,
and it isn't because people want to drive them, I'm pretty sure.
As a previous bubble car owner, I can attest.
Driving one in the late 90s was terrifying.
Driving one today, when there's even bigger, faster, more distracted drivers about,
I would not want to risk that in anything other than a village.
But I think the collectability.
I think it's all about the collectability.
And every time someone mentions an Aston signet,
I always think of a dodgy little ring on the pinky finger.
Yes.
Which perhaps has a family crest on it,
or maybe a slightly murky past of where the money was obtained from.
Like a Krugerund.
I always think having a bubble car or something like that,
it's like having a weird pet.
It's like having a Komodo dragon as a pet.
You go, this is not actually fun.
Or practical.
But it's a talking point.
Yeah.
You can tell people.
It becomes in a way, it becomes a bit of your personality.
Oh look, bubble car guy is here.
He's got a Komodo dragon at home, you know.
And that's what it is.
You don't really need or can use it.
But just for context, the cheapest IQ here is £999.
And it looks pretty tidy.
Gosh, a thousand quid for an IQ.
But then you could split the difference,
because when I was in Rome a few months ago,
I saw an IQ and someone had just slapped an Aston Martin badge on it.
Brent, obviously it doesn't look like an IQ,
or like a signet because it hasn't got the grill,
but it was a noble effort all the same just to sort of go.
Come on now.
Two can play that game.
You think about it.
Now with laser cutting and 3D printing and all the other things,
you could create an Aston signet clone with not a lot of money.
I bet you could.
You could do it as a first car.
You could buy a low, small engine IQ as your first car
and turn it into a signet and people would think you're a baller,
and you've done it all for a couple of thousand quid.
I was curious about something, so I've just looked on eBay
and I wondered if you could buy a signet front bumper.
And you can, there's one here.
Aston signet front end.
It says pearlescent Aston white,
but in the picture it is patently not that anyway.
New grill, razor fit, pre-owned.
Have a guess how much they're asking for it.
Oh, I bet it's a lot.
Five?
It is.
£7,586.70, your best offer.
Well, your best is not my best.
So you could buy an IQ for a grand
and then spend seven times that on putting the grill on.
That's only the grill as well.
Well, if you want to be authentic,
you've got to do the bonnet vents
and then the back's slightly different, isn't it?
But if you just borrow one and 3D scan it
and I've got friends in the industry who would just go,
yeah, I'll make you those grills.
Yeah, I'll do that for you.
Make them out of composites and Bob's your jingle.
Jangle's your dad.
You know?
Buy a whole fleet of cheap IQs
and then just add the prestige manufacturer
stylings that you fancy.
You could have a Ferrari IQ, Lamborghini IQ.
Oh, yeah.
Look at that.
I've got a Hispano-Sweezer IQ.
I'm going to call it the, I don't know,
what, Signals of Baby Swan, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah.
So what would a baby Ferrari be?
Foul.
Ferrari Foul.
Foul.
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
Ferrari Foul.
That's actually quite good.
Yeah.
Well, if you're listening Ferrari, you're not.
No.
Well, you can have that one for free.
You can have that one for free
on the proviso that I get the first one
and I'll spec you in a lunatic way.
The Foul.
Thank you.
The Foul.
I've become slightly obsessed with
that Ferrari electric car that's coming.
You know, we've seen the interior of the Luce.
Yeah.
We've talked about it a lot actually, haven't we?
Which is a good thing.
Yeah.
The camouflage prototypes have a very boxy,
a lot of camouflage on them.
And the wipers look really bonky.
Like I cannot figure out that.
Those can't be production spec wipers.
They actually look too big for the windscreen.
I was on a train the other day and I was just staring
at photos of the prototypes on test trying to work out.
It's like, what is under there?
It can't look anything like that.
I mean, I think it's being announced next month,
but I can't wait to see it just because I think
that it's actually going to be tiny.
I think that most of what we're seeing in those prototypes
on test is just camouflage.
It's underneath that, there's like a little sort
of matchbox car.
Well, hang on.
You think the Ferrari, by the way, is it definitely
Luce, not Luce?
Because I always think of Lucey, the new Ferrari Lucey.
They want to stay clear of Lucey because remember
when Renault called their little electric car the Zoe,
they got sued by people in France called Zoe Renault
who were alleging that they were stealing their name.
And was that a successful sue?
No, I don't think it was.
No.
Because I think the judge, it was like one of those
class action type things or whatever the French equivalent is
and I think it was basically a sort of slightly greedy lawyer
thought he could have a go at Renault
and then Renault just went, no, thanks.
I think that Lucey, Luce, whatever, is going to be,
I'm looking forward to seeing it because I think
that it's probably the greatest, alongside the new Jag,
I think it's the greatest camo job of our times.
When most prototypes now just have a sort of lazy zebra wrap
on them with maybe a little bit of polystyrene underneath
just to hide some features, the way that they've really
gone to town on that Ferrari is fascinating to me
and I'm sure part of that is not an accident
because it makes it more intriguing.
So I hope that the finished car is really good.
I do.
Who knows?
I really do.
I'm looking forward to it.
And then they can crack on with doing the fold instead
or as long-sighted.
I'm holding out for the fold.
And what, hang on, what's the name of a baby bull?
A calf, I suppose.
Is it?
A Lamborghini calf.
Lamborghini calf?
Wait, wait, wait, that's in English.
Yes.
What would it be in Italian?
Baby bull, young male bovine.
Baby calf.
Oh, it's good.
What?
So calf in Italian is Vitello.
That sounds all right.
The Lamborghini Vitello, you'd buy that.
The Lambo Vitello.
Are you driving?
That bloody sounds right.
I thought you were going to say it's the Lamborghini Met
calf and I was going to say, damn it.
No, I'm not having that.
I'm not having it.
No.
I'm not having it.
No, Harry, no.
This also sounds good in Italian.
I apologize to Italian listeners for mangling the pronunciation,
but it seems like another word for calf in Italian is polpaccio.
Polpaccio.
That sounds a bit more foody, though.
That sounds like something you'd order in a restaurant.
It sounds like a carpaccio.
But Vitello is great.
Carpaccio of car.
Yes, it's the carpaccio.
Very thin.
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Hey, sorry to change the subject, but I wrote this in my notes
because it's quite important, Nate Urgent.
We need to talk about Jason and specifically Jason Plato and his leather jacket.
What is going on?
I didn't see Jason's leather jacket.
He wasn't wearing it in your late break show film that you made with him,
which was excellent, by the way, and I very much enjoyed that.
And then I subsequently watched the ITV documentary about his race team,
which was made by a friend of mine, Hello Craig,
and was also really good.
And actually your film and Craig's doc kind of complimented each other
because I think you saw more of Jason as your mate and as the guy that he is.
And then the ITV documentary, you saw a bit more of the team
and also you've got some celebrity talking heads and stuff like that.
So together, they gave you this great picture of what's going on there.
But in the ITV doc and in subsequent pictures that I've seen,
because I was quite impressed that they're doing this seriously
and that includes getting team merch.
Everybody was wearing the team merch.
I think Ron Dennis was the one at McLaren who sort of first set this precedent
that if you're going to be a serious operation in top level motorsport,
it extends to you all wear the corporate clothes and stuff like that.
And it was really interesting that Plato has decided that's the right way to go
because he thought he could do the kind of hey, we're the outsiders,
we're punky, we're different.
Everyone just wear your home clothes.
Wear what you want.
Wear fancy dress. I don't give a shit.
Wear swimming trunks.
Yeah, yeah, a muffedy day.
But no, they've gone corporate.
That's great.
Clearly it creates a professional look.
But then he's got a purple leather jacket with the team logo on it
and it is the most extraordinary thing I've ever seen.
He looks like a northern lady on a night out in the 90s.
I knew.
Because it almost looks a little bit too small for him and it is purple
and it's a bit like, where are you going?
Are you going to town?
Are you going to town?
Where are you going?
Are you going to Sharky's?
Are you?
Absolutely leathered, mate.
They're fucking leathered tonight at Sharky's.
It's bog off in Rock Club.
It's bog off in Rock Club.
That's where I'm going.
It is in Rock Club.
It's a lady from Wiggins.
She's got very short, spiky hair.
Strakes up the side.
Tester off the strakes.
Yes.
And a brassy leather jacket and quite a short leather skirt.
She's always outside because she's having a quick long fag
before going in to get bog off.
Yes.
I'm having a long fag.
I'm having a long one.
I hate to report that Jason has stolen that lady's jacket
and is now, he's put his logo on it
and he seems to be wearing it to races.
So I wanted to ask you first of all,
did you see the jacket when you were at the factory
or is this a new addition?
I didn't see the lady.
I didn't see the lady jacket.
I'm just thinking now of like, you know,
like the crime fighting duo.
You've got Tiff Nadella, the carpaccio of leather,
Jacque, which is, you know,
if you got into an outside of pub scuffle with that,
it would get torn so easily.
It'd be a shame.
Because, like you say, you could shine a torch through it.
It looks like a ball bag.
And then...
Which is what me and my mates used to do years ago,
the only days of phones.
And then you've got Plato,
who's also, you know, it's like Starsky and Hutch,
both got questionable leather jackets on
and always arguing about who drives
when they run to the car.
Oh, God.
He's on the way tripping one another up.
If they're both approaching from the offside,
they both slide across the bonnet
and end up having a scuffle about who gets in first
and Tiff's jacket gets damaged again.
Tiff's jacket gets hitched on the aerial
as he goes across the bonnet.
Oh, no.
It's like a sort of...
There's an old-school shark bite mark out the back of it,
which looks fake,
where he's left a bit of it on the aerial.
And it looks like a gang sign, you know,
like when you've got, I don't know,
if you're in some sort of gang,
you've got, I don't know,
a pink handkerchief hanging out your right pocket.
Yeah.
They're driving around with a little bit of leather
on the end of the old-school aerial antenna.
And Tiff's absolutely furious about it.
It does, then, beg the question.
So, Tiff's got the Carpaccio.
Yeah.
Jason's got his 90s Sandra jacket.
Lady Leather.
Would you call it, fetch me the Lady Leather?
They are.
It's the new series coming soon to the ITV,
the Leatherman, and they go around solving crimes.
But what are they driving?
Did you just say the Leatherman?
The Leatherman?
That's what people just decided.
Unless you've got a better suggestion.
We're workshopping this.
I've got nothing better.
Nothing better.
That's perfect for me.
Oh, gosh.
Some jacket's required.
I don't know.
Well, tell you what.
What are they driving?
Okay, let's look.
Should we look for inspiration
at a certain website?
How about that?
Oh, why, Johnny, which website would that be?
Well, personally, Richard, and this is just me,
I would go to carinclassic,
and I would specifically go to the carinclassic.com auction section,
which is not spelled as you would imagine.
It's actually spelled A-U-C-T-I-O-N.
So auction.
So carinclassic.com forward slash auctions.
Well, there's always a ton of delights in there.
But I think, I think there is a car on here,
which our friends who aren't Dempsey and make peace,
they are the Leatherman.
I think I know what car they would be solving crimes in,
very conspicuously.
Yeah.
Would you like me to share it with you?
Yes.
Yes, I would.
Because I think,
I can't stop laughing about the bad leather.
I think that you're going to get extremely excited about this.
Yes, here we go.
There and there.
It was Porter's birthday the other day.
And I forgot to wish you a happy birthday, you slag.
Have a look at what I've just found out.
I know, sorry.
Thank you for your birthday wishes,
and thank you also for the fact that you were part of a fiendish surprise
the day after my birthday.
It was fiendish.
My wife recognized that it involved me walking into a restaurant
expecting it was just my wife and I going to have a romantic lunch for two.
And in fact, there were like a dozen of my friends there,
which was delightful, but absolutely blind siding.
And you know that one of the guys there was videoing me as I walked in.
Yeah.
And when he sent the video to my wife,
she opened it on her phone with no sound.
And all you saw was my face and then me very clearly mouthing the words,
fucking hell, which seemed in retrospect a little ungrateful.
But anyway, it was fabulous.
We won't get bugged out of that because you've just shown me a 1986 Jaguar XJS V12
with the Tom Walkenshaw Racing Kit on it.
And it's white.
I was going to say, it's finished in white.
Holy heck.
So this thing, genuine TWR-fettled XJS.
Now, we've talked about XJSs for a while and I like them when no one else like them.
And now lots of people like them, so I can't decide whether to like them anymore.
But they're still quite cheap.
And this one here is actually, it goes under the hammer on the 1st of May.
So when you listen to this, the hammer will have already released and they'll be bidding.
But you can put a pre-bid on.
And there is one pre-bid right now for this car,
61,000 mile right-end drive Auto V12 in Yorkshire.
And what I like about this, have you seen the TWR leather steering wheel
and coordinating door cards and centre console?
I've never seen that before, but quite often when these Jags got modified,
there was a temptation that some people would put in a pretty terrible steering wheel
because the factory wheel was a bit unsporty,
but then they put in some God awful sort of off the shelf four spoke or three spoke and didn't write.
This, let's assume this is TWR.
It looks great and it's got a different shifter.
Normally I love that very delicate little auto shifter in the next GS of that era.
But for sportiness purposes, this has got quite a substantial leather-wrapped shaft or head on it maybe.
Steady.
It's superb.
Yeah, it really works.
I'm down with this.
My one quibble, and I'm sure it's easily fixed, is that it's got the US spec quad headlights.
Yeah.
Do you not down with the quads?
You prefer the old school ovals?
I just think if you're going to XJS, go the full XJS.
Go those unusually shaped.
They're not sort of quite oval are they, but the nearest down here.
Those are the lamps for me because that's what the car was designed with.
It was just that American regs at the time wouldn't allow those.
They had to have the fixed, you know, the sealed beam.
Yeah.
Generic lamps.
And apart from that, this is sensational.
I also like the fact that in the blurb, it says it was first sold by Julians of Reading.
Julians.
Which, yeah, sounds like a club outside of which you might have found a lady with Jason's jacket on in the 90s.
It is.
Our Julians.
I was at our Julians Thursday night.
It's a lady's getting for free, isn't it?
So I got in there.
It's just, there's a really low mileage on this, though.
It's really surprised.
It's a bit cool, this.
It's very obvious time.
You see, the TWR kit was extremely boxy in 80s.
The same as the one on the XJ40, XJ Jag and talking of headlights.
My XJ40s were the single oblong light.
Did you prefer it when they were the quads or not?
Actually, you know, hypocritically, I think I prefer an XJ40 on the quads.
You.
Because my favorite XJ40, I mean, I've grown to love the rectangulars.
I would not say no to an XJ40 on rectangular lamps, but the quads, I like the way that,
although it made no sense, because the rectangulars are supposed to denote the sort of higher trim levels.
Yeah.
But then when they introduced the XJ12, they put the quads on that.
Only the Daimler V12 got the oblongs.
What is that?
I don't know.
You'd have to ask someone from Jaguar product planning, because it sort of didn't make sense.
It's in hierarchy terms, but anyway.
Yeah.
The XJ12, by that point, they'd slightly decromed those XJ40s, so you didn't get like a chromed-in B pillar and stuff.
You just got a ring of chrome, and it looked a lot neater and more modern.
And the quad lamps and the cross-spoke alloys.
That is XJ40 perfection for me.
So, and it's got a V12.
Cross-spoke alloys.
Oh, hang on.
It was...
I've just noticed this XJS used to be green, so someone with notes don't want the green.
I want it to be as white as...
Cocaine white, please.
Yes.
Well, it's period, isn't it?
That is so perfect for a 1986 car.
Also, I'm just going to say it, those TWR alloys, I think, are some of my favourite 80s alloys.
Well, I like them.
I really like them.
I like them a lot, and they're not too dissimilar to the Jag XJ220, which I was standing next to at the Bisexual Heritage Scramble event.
And I absolutely loved those wheels.
But I would trade you, if we were talking specifically Jag-related rimmage,
I would say, for me, it has to be the Lister Jag alloy wheels.
Oh, yes.
Because I think they look like they are so rock solid and confident.
And I still am so angry that I nearly bought a set for 400 quid on eBay once,
and I just didn't chase it hard enough, and they sold for 400 quid.
And it was like, oh, I didn't even have a car to put them on.
But I, you know, I've got lotus or clat wheels that are sitting in the shed for the last 17 years.
I've never owned a lotus.
So, you know, I'm a patient guy.
I'll wait my turn, and when the feeling's right.
And in fact, those are clat rims that I had bought and refurbished.
I'm thinking I could put those on the Avenger.
I've been scratching my chin, so I'm quite tempted to do that.
Disappointed to find there is only one XJ40 V12 XJ81,
if you're going to be nerdy about it, on car and classic at the moment.
And annoyingly, it's in Finland.
Oh, well, I've got people in Finland who can help you source this, for sure.
They do occasionally come up right-hand drive in the UK, I've noticed,
but they are quite rare, and I don't know.
It's the finished one left-hand drive, and presumably it is.
Yeah, it is, yeah.
I don't know. I mean, I'd love a Series 3, like the XJ12 or a Dame to Double 6,
but there's a part of me who would actually sort of slightly prefer the later XJ40 shaped one.
I think it's just an 80s thing, even though Jag didn't get their finger out
and bring that car along until the 90s, but they do sort of look quite 80s.
Anyway, that XJS is spectacular.
It is, and now, unfortunately, I'm deep in the car and classic auction tiles.
I'm scrolling down, I found a lovely Plymouth Barracuda, fast back in France of all places.
I've noticed a hitch, though, with your plan to make this the star car of the Leatherman,
which is that it's got the Jaguar Leeper on the bonnet.
Oh, sugar.
And that, to me, it just suggests, if he's going to snag the jacket,
as he does a Starsky and Hutch slide across to get to the other side.
You are right. There's a lot of acreage on the bonnet,
so in terms of an area like a tennis court's worth of bonnet to enjoy,
but I think someone's going to get garotted on the Leeper.
Should the Leeper be made of rubber so it can just wobble about a bit?
That would do it.
Or just, you know, delete the Leeper.
I'm not a big Leeper fan on anything after the 60s, if I'm honest.
60s.
We could put the Leeper somewhere else, like coming out of the front grille,
like the cat is bursting through the grille.
Interesting idea.
Yeah, I mean, or on the roof, and it's actually an aerial for their early mobile phones.
Oh, because I just worry if you put it just on the roof just above the windscreen.
Yeah.
It's going to whistle like Damon Albarn.
It'll be annoying.
Oh, but when they're, but hang on, are these guys private investigators,
or are they actual police?
Yes.
No, I think they're private investigators.
They make problems go away,
OK.
whilst also bringing new problems because it's Chiff and Jason.
Well, so if the Leeper was on the roof, hear me out.
They're flying dangerously close to the sun with this,
but the Leeper's actually got eyes, which are lights.
And when they need to get somewhere in a hurry,
the lights are just tiny little blue LEDs.
Yes.
And they sort of flicker.
So in People's Review Mirror, they go,
hang on, is that an undercover police car?
So they move over.
Yes.
I like that.
But as soon as they're spotted by anyone,
though they can just flick a switch and the LED eyes of the Leeper are gone.
Perfect.
But that's their secret weapon.
And then they can slide across the bonnet as many times as they want before Chiff,
I don't know, breaks his ankle with his,
something on the wipers.
We are also, we're asking a man in his 70s to slide across the bonnet of a car.
I don't know.
Chiff would be completely game for that.
Well, that's the thing he would be, wouldn't he?
But I just feel whether, you know,
we appear to be the creators and producers of this show somehow.
So, you know, we have a responsibility, a duty of care, if you like, to our stars.
But we'll worry about that one later.
He'd be smearing it until the early hours with either,
with something like Mr. Sheen,
so that he could make sure that the bonnet, like, nothing could sit to the bonnet.
Have you ever seen a really highly polished car where a cat tries to jump onto the bonnet?
And then just flops off because it's got no grip at all.
It used to happen to me when I used to clean my car
and the cat would sometimes jump up on it and do the sort of treadmill legs and then go off.
I once stayed in a house with a wooden staircase
and a cleaner came in and polished.
Well, I put a bit of Mr. Sheen on the wooden staircase just to take the dust off.
Oh, shit.
And I tried to come down the stairs in my socks whilst on the phone
and that ended really badly.
Did you go down on your heels like in a cartoon on the heels?
You know, like, ABS breaking.
It was a very, it was a narrow staircase and it was sort of, it wasn't spiral,
but it kind of did a curved, it curved down 90 degrees effectively.
And as I hit the curve, I just went down
and my phone flew over the banister and dropped into the downstairs
and I fell on my arse and then sort of d-d-d-d-down the few stairs as well.
It was a bit cartoony, I imagine.
Oh, my God.
It really hurt, though. That was the thing.
I still sort of vividly remember it and this was like 20-odd years ago more.
Anyway, so don't polish wooden stairs is my advice.
Well, look, head over to car and classic auction section
if you want to whet your appetite or indeed buy something, of course.
And then you can always braise the classifier to which continue to be a source of,
well, it's a never-ending story of delights, really.
Isn't it?
It is.
I, since earlier on you mentioned the Mercedes S class, or X class rather, sorry.
X.
It's reminded me of something that I keep meaning to bring up,
which is what's happened to the Mercedes SL
because I saw a current-shape SL the other day
for the first time.
I mean, God, ever.
I can't remember ever seeing one.
It's just like, you just don't see them around.
And this is what I'm wondering is what's gone wrong
because I feel like...
What, they're not desirable anymore?
No.
I think, like, obviously your classic R107 Dallas-shape SL.
Yeah.
You used to see those about, and sometimes, you know,
even you still do now,
extra points if it's driven by a wonderfully elegant lady in a headscarf.
And the follow-up, the 129, I mean, that felt like they were a real hit.
Yeah.
Massive.
Massive.
They were all over the place.
And then even the follow-up with the roundy lights that sort of conjoined lights
that became the SL 55 and stuff, they felt like they were a real hit
and they were about, and they were nice cars to drive.
Yeah.
The SL just sort of felt like it was, you know,
you didn't see them sort of on every street corner,
but you would see an SL around the place every so often
enough that you'd go, yeah, nice, nice, tasteful car.
And they were always quietly desirable.
They didn't scream.
They weren't a pick-me car, were they?
They weren't a pick-me, pick-me.
No.
I think it just coincides with the fact that people have stopped buying classy cars.
Well...
They don't have to pay or a comfortable cabrio.
They're buying, I don't know,
uruses or absolute, you know, four-door, blobby,
beetle-backed dog's mud.
I just wondered if actually it's because I always associate the SL
with a certain kind of buyer and it's not a tourist buyer.
No.
It's someone of a certain age.
It would be like a silver-haired gent who is in comfortable retirement.
Does he look like...
He looks like Leslie Nielsen, but he's fit.
He's a fit man of that age.
Exactly.
He's, you know, he's got his health.
He's got his looks.
He's got his hair.
He's got his hair.
Yeah, he has got his hair.
And or a lady of a certain age who, again,
just is in good health and still enjoys the finer things
and golfs a lot, probably.
And we'll use the SL to go down to the golf club to meet her friends
and play the back nine and then go for a nice lunch somewhere.
And those aren't Eurus people.
They would never have a Eurus because that would just be vulgar.
It is vulgar, yeah.
Yeah.
Where have they gone?
What are they buying?
Is it because they've gone, well, you know,
I've seen pretty in pretty good health.
Thanks, cod liver oil.
But actually, I find it easier to get into, I don't know,
a Range Rover or, you know, something that sits higher.
I hope not because I think one of the sources of their health
and their fitness is the fact that they're,
they're engaging their core every time they get in and out of a car,
which is, I think, one of the other things I dislike about SUVs
is actually helping people to get worse.
Yeah.
Because they're doing, they're doing avoidance.
Yes.
If everybody, if everybody drove around in a car
the height of an Elise or a Testerosa,
people's core strength naturally would be better
because you had to, or you just don't travel by car
or you just walk or cycle.
I just, I, yes.
I mean, I know, but I think I can't, you know,
I sort of occasionally managed to plug on my own knees
because of middle-aged man who sometimes runs about.
I know.
I increasingly find that if I ever get a taxi,
there are certain cars now where I'm having to use
a bit more arm strength to get out of the back.
You know, that sort of, you see people are a bit unsteady on their feet
and they're always looking for something to hold on to with their hands.
Yeah.
But I'm a bit like that getting out of the back of a Corolla or something now.
I'm a bit like, oh, hello.
This aperture's a little narrow for my liking and a bit low.
I'd rather be stepping down from something,
but I don't know.
I realise, I know.
Do you carry a grapple hook around with you just in case?
Yes, I do actually.
Just, yeah, on a rope.
I'll just throw it to a nearby building.
Just to get yourself out, you know.
Oh, oh, oh, you bastard.
But I realise, I know an SL man
because one of my old schoolmates, dads,
I think I've mentioned it before.
Top man, really into his cars,
he was the guy who used to buy S-classes in the 80s and 90s
and he would go to Germany and collect them from the factory.
Like every three years, he'd treat them to a new S-class.
I remember you saying this guy, he sounded great.
He'd do factory collection.
So immediately he's like a total dude in my book.
Yeah.
And then when we started going to the pubs,
sometimes we would see him in a pub in town
and rather than go, aren't some of you a bit young to be in here, lads,
he'd be like, all right, boys.
And sometimes maybe even buy us a pint.
So he was a total dude.
He knew.
He was a baller.
Then when he retired, he got an SL.
Oh, I want an SL now.
I don't know how old he is now,
but I'm going to say that he must be late 70s,
possibly in his 80s now.
And he seems to be in good health.
And last I saw him, he's still got his hair as well.
So, you know, he is quintessential SL chap.
My dad's a kind of SL guy, even though he hasn't got an SL.
Well, he should get one.
My dad looks like an SL guy.
And your dad likes a Cabrio.
He had the gold.
He does like a Cabrio.
Yeah, yeah.
So should, should dad have an SL?
Okay.
But I have some sad news about my friend's dad, SL man,
because I spoke to him only a few months ago
to give him a little bit of advice
because he was looking to get a new car.
And in fact, he's a lust.
I heard he was going to get a Lexus RX.
Okay.
And it is the getting in factor as part of it
and the efficiency factor.
Yeah.
He's not ready to go full electric,
but he wants something still with a bit of poke,
but also that's economical.
And so he's not going to drop money on a, you know,
SL 500 or whatever they're called now.
Yeah.
And it's probably a combination of factors.
But what exactly have we lost?
Is there no new generation of SL people coming in to buy SL?
So the car is just, you just don't see him anymore.
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This is the problem.
I think the breed is dying.
But I think now that you've said what you've just said,
you've described to me an aspirational person
who has their shit together.
So Mercedes could use this in their advertising
of going,
listen, if you want to be an SL person,
you need to make sure that you've got your shit together.
Or if you don't,
having an SL will help you get your shit together.
And so when you drive around,
you will just look like the guy that's got,
or the lady that's got her shit together.
And so I want,
that's why I now want to be SL guy,
or SL AVE to love, slave to love.
Because it is quite Brian Ferry spec.
It's quite smooth and creamy, isn't it?
And sort of Brian Ferry's wardrobe
would probably work quite well with SL ownership.
I think so.
Yes.
I do fancy an SL now.
You bugger.
Well, it's time to go straight back on to car and classic.
I know, I was just thinking the same thing.
Idiot.
Speaking as we were there about cars that are a bit lower
and that are not SUVs.
I've mentioned on recent episodes
that I was starting the hunt for a new family car.
Yeah.
And I, well, so I had that really scenic.
I wasn't wowed by it.
It was all right, but I didn't fall in love with it.
Yeah.
So last week I was driving a Volkswagen ID7 Tourer.
Yeah.
And that is right up your strata
because it's an estate car.
It's not an SUV.
It is an estate, isn't it?
It's a proper trad estate.
That was following on the other day.
Yeah.
Well, because when we were talking,
my wife and I were talking about our next car
and she went to VW make anything.
And I went, no, no, God, those bloody ID threes and things.
No, ID fours.
Yeah.
No, they're just not quite good enough.
And then I suddenly remembered the ID seven
and I drove it when it came out.
I went on the launch in Milton Keynes
and drove the hatchback one
and remember thinking it was a really nice car.
And then I spoke to our friend Jason Barlow
because he had an ID seven hatch as a long term.
And I said, and I read his reports online
and then I spoke to him and went,
so it sounds like you really liked it.
And he was like, yeah, it was a really pleasant car.
It's like mega exciting.
It's just pleasant.
Accomplished.
So I borrowed this Torah.
It is so pleasant.
It is just pleasantness incarnate.
It's really easy listening.
Yeah.
It's really quiet, really smooth.
It's got a bit of pep actually.
It's good.
You know, he's kind of, if you want it,
but also mega range on it.
I've heard about the range.
And I think it's partly because it's low and aero.
Hmm.
It's quite efficient.
Too desirable VWs for me.
The Arteon is up there.
Yes.
I've borrowed a couple of Arteons.
I don't know if anyone listening to this
has owned or owns an Arteon,
but you don't see many on the road.
So when you do see one amongst a sea of Audi's
and other cars with more premium badge,
which isn't necessarily more premium anymore,
I actually think they stand out and they look really, really good.
Yes.
I'm so down with the Arteon shooting break or whatever it's called.
It's like the CLS shooting break.
I would consider it,
but I'm sort of sticking with EV and also,
I think maybe the Arteon's a bit bigger than we need.
I don't know.
Yeah.
You could never have too much space, Johnny.
I know.
The one that I liked, again, it's a hybrid
that I drove a few months ago.
Again, it was just a very pleasant, sort of,
quietly dull in the best kind of way car was the current Passat,
which is a state-only.
Yeah.
And it's just wonderfully business-like in the best sort of way.
It's just like, this would be in your life,
being a faithful servant for years.
Straight to Bosnus with Passat.
Yeah, straight to Bosnus, but not in a...
I don't know.
It's hard to explain.
It's partly a middle-aged thing.
I'm just going, oh, I like this car.
It's good and boring, but there's something about it.
No, it's not too boring.
But, I mean, of course, the other VW that you should get
that your wife doesn't want is her...
You know, the minivan hatred is the VW ID buzz.
And they should do a version called the Bosnus,
which should have the business...
Bosnus.
Why isn't the van called the Bosnus?
Bosnus.
And it's got the big Bosnus-class seats in the back,
like a V-class Mercedes where they try and make it all
swishin' kind of airport lounge going on at the back.
It could be the Bosnus Lounge Edition.
They've just fiddled with the buzz, haven't they?
And they've done a few little things like
put in the proper buttons on the steering wheel.
And I'm looking forward to having another go.
Because I always enjoy the buzz, always.
I just remember not enjoying the buzz as much as I wanted to,
but I drove it to Scotland when we did a live show there
like two years ago.
And I had to stop a lot.
The efficiency's not good on the motorway,
because it's got a big front-end bluff, isn't it?
So it's front-clare.
Yeah.
It's presenting a lot to the air.
Yeah.
And I just found too much of the annoying ID tech is in there.
They sort of reined it in.
The ID 7 is a lot better in terms of the screen.
In fact, eventually they've overcompensated.
You've got so many options for shortcuts.
You could shortcut anything you want.
And that's great.
But it's almost like you can sense them going,
look, we're really sorry that it was unusable before.
We'll try and help.
But I thought the ID 7 tour is currently top of my quite short list
of our next family car.
Because, and also, you know, the other week,
we were at the Bista scramble.
I was about to talk about that.
Yeah.
Well, standing up all day, you know, again, middle-aged man,
oh, you know, your back starts to get a bit stiff.
And I forgot until I got back into it.
It's got massaging seats as standard.
And so I massaged the shit out of my back on the way home.
And it was delightful.
And I had quite a sweaty back because it was a hot day.
And it's got ventilated seats.
So it was kind of cool.
Actually, the problem with the ID 7 is that the ideal spec is the one
that I've just borrowed, which has got a pano roof
and the adaptive dampers, which make the ride excellent.
But they're quite expensive options.
And, you know, if I'm going to lease something,
you never want to start adding options.
So apart from that, it's a lovely thing.
I have to say, I really enjoyed the Bista Scramble event.
It was busy.
There were so many different interesting cars, weren't there?
And the only frustration for me is I didn't get to see enough cars
because it was so many of them.
And by the time we've talked to people and tried to find someone
to get coffee and that sort and gone for the toilet,
because this is interesting, then you go, oh, sure.
It's like one in the afternoon.
Where did that go?
But I drove down there in a convoy.
Yeah.
I did the proper Yin and Yang thing.
I switched my Tesla to 2013.
Or is it 2012?
2013, Tesla.
For the Dodge, I got the Dodge out of hibernation the day before.
And it was so nice to get in and out of such different cars.
And I convoyed down with a friend of mine called Sam,
who's a videographer and editor on the late break show,
who's got an absolutely gorgeous R32 GT-R Skyride.
And another chap who I did a car cable on called Guy,
who's just picked up an Aventador S and a friend of his
with the McLaren 720.
A really mad gaga four, really.
And I thought they asked that.
You introduced me to Guy and you went, Rich, this is Guy.
His name is Guy.
He's not just a Guy.
Guy.
Guy's.
This is a guy.
Yeah, I know.
I can see.
He's actually a sweet, sweet guy.
He is an SSG.
Yes, he was a lovely chap.
I had a great time walking around with him for a bit.
Because I haven't been in a convoy for ages like an informal convoy.
And it was so much fun.
I had walkie-talkies.
But also, I said to everybody right at the start
before we driven away.
I kind of went, look, my brakes are appalling.
So if anybody brakes quite quickly in front of me,
I will hit them.
So it quickly was like, right, you lead the convoy, Johnny.
And then the guy with the McLaren, I think,
halfway through, he overtook me understandably.
And when we got there, he said,
I couldn't stay behind your car.
He said the smell.
He said, it was just choking me coming through the vents.
It was so fuel-y.
And I know it was not running too rich
because I had it dynoed at the end of last year.
But it was just good fun to be actually driving the car.
And I want to say a massive thank you to...
I was so jealous of your convoy.
Were you?
Were you jealous of the convoy?
Well, yeah.
Because also, what a great combination of cars.
Like, you've got...
They're so different.
But what they all have in common is they're all really interesting
and they touch a nerve somehow and, you know,
give you a little thrill to see them.
And I rude the fact that I...
Because the week before the scramble,
you said to me, go and get your Honda beat out.
You've got to come in that or something
because the Metro is still at the den at the moment,
just being finished off.
I saw Nick, actually, at the scramble,
and he said they've worked out why it wasn't fueling properly.
It was just a little bit of a crud in the system.
So that's all sorted.
The Metro is pretty much there.
But it wasn't there in time for the scramble.
So I...
And I was just like, look, I haven't got time to go
and get the beat out of storage.
It's just all a saga.
I'm going to just go in that ID 7.
And in a way, I'm glad because it was a very relaxing way
to get home when I was tired and hot.
But queuing up to get in,
surrounded by all these amazing, interesting,
and an eclectic mix of cars.
And I just thought, what is the point
of having a fun, interesting little toy at home
if you don't bring it to something where people
bring their fun, interesting toys
to share with others who would appreciate them
and bring a little joy when the people go,
oh, I haven't seen one of those for a while.
Exactly.
So I kind of screwed that up and I've learnt my lesson.
I will try harder to sort my car logistics.
But yeah, scramble is great.
I didn't take many photos.
It's always a good sign of a good time,
but just chatting and stuff.
But also, I realized that towards...
I took four.
Yeah, I think I took about six or seven.
But towards the end of the day, I was just a bit tired.
And I've got a couple of photos of interesting cars
taken in the really bone-idle manner
from a distance because I can't be bothered
to walk over to them.
But I want to remember that I saw.
I know.
Well, because over the car park,
there was a beige maxi parked in front of,
I think, an Irock Camaro.
And I was like, there's a combo
that's never happened before.
I want a photo of that,
but it's a bit of a walk in my back hurt.
So I'll just take a photo on Zoom.
Absolutely, Brian.
Did you see that Suzuki WhizKid parked near your charger?
Yeah, I did.
Yeah, it was fantastic.
I wanted to get the photo of my charger
next to the 3-litre CSL BMW E9,
which had a family of four in it,
which is great, with a WhizKid.
Yes, that was great.
And I think it was a Vauxhall Viva or a Forenza.
Great, great for some.
But yeah, it was lovely to take my nephew
and the boy, my son, Wes.
And we had a great, great time.
Did you also see that Marquon Seated Beether
near your charger?
No.
Yeah, just over.
It's on the same patch of grass, really,
but sort of over by the trees.
There's a Marquon Ibiza.
It's like, that's a full sort of rev,
but nobody cares.
That is probably the rarest car there.
And it was tidy AF.
Well, there was also a Mazda Mx3,
I don't know if you noticed as well,
which, so again, there's not many of those around.
No.
Yeah, I think you're right.
The Ibiza's probably.
It's quite a bit there.
Because there was an F40.
Yeah, we saw the F40 come in.
But I would bet there are more F40s on the road
than there are Marquon Ibiza's.
Well, yeah, there's, I think it's Tom Hartley Jr.
or somebody like that is on social media.
People have been forwarding it to us on Instagram
because the opening gambit is Find Another.
And it's a black La Ferrari with, I don't know,
strange wiggle, wiggle stitching on the seats.
And it was basically like, this is incredibly rare.
And I think I didn't, in the end, comment back and just go,
find a Matra Rancho, right hand drive, not rotten.
I'll wait.
Yeah, good luck Hartley Jr.
I'll wait Hartley, I'll wait.
I'll wait.
So yeah, I also just on that same patch of grass
as your charger, we slightly had to giggle
towards the end of the day
because I think we were both a bit sunburn or something
but about the, like, home guard, reenactment people,
like, full-fledged army spec.
Yeah, the World War II.
They've got, like, an air raid siren on a stand
and loads of pretend or, I don't know,
they're decommissioned guns.
They had a tent and a little tiern and lots of camp.
It was a full camp.
Lots of stuff.
And there was a sign that said, join your,
or sort of Sea Off Hitler, join the LDV.
So I guess it's like local defence volunteers, maybe,
but I just thought of vans.
I was like, you've got to, what, build a van
to Sea Off the Nazis.
I didn't know that.
But then we were giggling because in the middle of their display
there was a Mercedes-A-Class with a sheet thrown over it
to try and describe.
They had a camo, they had a camo sheet on it
and loads of sandbags around it and maybe barbed wire
to make it look like they were barricading it in.
But I couldn't quite figure out why it was there.
Why couldn't they just put it somewhere else?
It was just weird, but it was almost a bit like,
how does this fit into your general cosplay thing?
Is this like a time traveller has arrived?
And oh no, are they a Nazi?
Because they're in a Mercedes.
I just couldn't work out.
The Nazis have gotten better technology than us.
Look at this futuristic stuff.
Good as me.
Shit, we only got an Austin 7.
I reckon there was a rare breed of dog in it
and the windows were down a bit
and the person had to keep going and checking on it
and giving it a bowl of water.
That was my hunch.
But I don't know.
So just really enjoy driving the charger again.
It's weird.
It's always exciting.
Every time I get in it and drive it,
it feels very familiar.
When you know a car,
every single thing it's going to do and its isms,
there's something really, really satisfying
like putting on your favourite jacket or something.
That's what the charger's to me.
So I thoroughly enjoyed the drive over
and the drive back because the weather was epic.
But two things happened.
Just before I got in the charger to leave,
a bloke came over to me and I forget your name.
I'm really sorry, sir.
He said, I'm a Patreon and I love the channel
and he said, I've got this for you.
And he just produced out of his rucksack
I'm reaching behind me because it's a
Madra Rancho Matchbox Super Kings model.
Oh.
But it's a Rancho in yellow
and it's got stripes down the side
which says Pursuit Vehicle Interceptor 5000.
There's nothing more 80s.
There is nothing more 80s than just those words.
Pursuit Vehicle Interceptor 5000.
They just added that number and went,
what's a massive number?
5000.
2000, no bigger.
No, it's too close.
Too big.
I think you could only make that more 80s
by adding turbo at the end.
Yeah, there is no sign of a turbo.
So it's a yellow car, black and red stripes down the side
but it says Matra on the bonnet with another pair of stripes.
And that, my friend, is extremely exciting.
And the second thing which happened is
which made me a bit stressed towards the end of the day
was my daughter phoned me who'd had a lie in
because she's got her exact...
In fact, she's got her first GCSE today
saying, I've just woken up.
I don't know what to eat for breakfast.
So I had to guide a 16 and a half year old
around maybe eat some toast
because that's what you normally eat
and then, oh, maybe make yourself a smoothie.
And I told her about how to make the smoothie.
Then she shouted at me for not...
for trying to explain it there and then.
She said, can you just send it to me in a recorded verbal message?
I sent it to her in a recorded verbal message.
And when I got home,
because I didn't look at my phone while I was driving,
there was a message which just said,
Daddy, how do I turn off the blender?
Turn off.
Off.
And it was an hour and 20 minutes ago.
And I just thought, what?
It's not still going.
She assures me that my...
whatever it's called...
Nutribullet thing was okay.
But she just left it on.
I said, how long did you leave this on making the smoothie?
She went, oh, probably five minutes.
I went five minutes.
It's supposed to be pulsed for like 20 seconds at a time.
And I've only just bought this thing pretty much.
I got given it by my girlfriend and it was like,
it's precious.
So I'm wondering, is that the equivalent of like cold caning a car
or not running a car in and just starting it up
and just revving it out and really hurting it?
Yeah.
Have I just...
Just sitting there full throttle at idle?
Yeah.
If I shat the bearings on the smoothie maker,
when it's only been used about four times.
It was something I did notice at the scrambling
if I was saying to Guy,
because we along with many other people
were suddenly drawn to something starting up
and going, wow, wow, wow.
And it turned out to be an XJR 15
just flexing its V12.
But Guy and I were laughing about the fact that it's like,
it just instantly draws a crowd, moths to a flame,
just everybody going, what's that?
Wow, wow, wow.
And I was like, I'm next year.
Car zombies.
Here's what I thought.
I said, next time we go to one of these events,
I'm just going to record that kind of sound on a,
you know, put it on a big speaker
and then just hide up a tree or something.
I said, great.
Everyone gathering.
What's up there?
What's going on?
It's a Pavlovian response in all of us.
We couldn't help ourselves.
I'd quite like to video it, but on mute
and then put the instrumental of thriller
in the background
when they do the really long drawn out zombie dance.
And then you just get these guys with satchels
and like mobile phones and not all guys
with satchels admittedly, but you get an impression.
We should bring this to a close.
I did want to say just a massive thank you
to everybody at Business Grumble the other Sunday
who came over and said hi to us
and said they were listening to this podcast.
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for coming in saying hello.
Shouting sport.
Shouting sport.
Yeah.
I got spouts at shouting at me.
But let's bring this into a land before we end though.
We're three things just to share with you.
The first is, of course,
Johnny has a solo YouTube channel called the late break show.
What's on there this week?
I've got no idea actually.
Some stuff.
There's the car caves and the bar fights
and a lot of great things there.
There's some good stuff.
Let that be known.
Yeah, there's good stuff.
It's all good stuff.
The second thing is I have various books out.
The most recent one is called Petrolhead.
It's a compilation of my Evo columns
from the last 20 odd years.
And I've added a little explainer at the beginning
of each one either to put some context on it
because some of it's lost in history
or just to sort of try and talk you through
what I was thinking of when I wrote it.
So it's not just lazily copied and pasted columns.
There's extra content in there too.
And the third thing I was going to say is,
you know, a lot of British people think
American chocolate tastes like sick.
Yeah.
That's actually because it contains
a common ingredient with sick.
The way that people at Hershey's make chocolate
is they break the milk down during the manufacturing process
because it allows the chocolate to have a longer shelf life.
But it creates something called butyric acid,
which is also found in vomit.
Oh.
And it's responsible for the smell of off-butter.
And so that's why American chocolate says shit.
I am never going to eat...
Well, not that I do.
I'm never going to eat American chocolate again.
That's really awful.
Just to add, I've just checked.
I'm pretty sure it's a barn find which is going out.
And if it's the one I think it is,
it is a Jag Mark 10,
which is one of my favorite Jags.
Oh.
And the preservation and the mileage
and the story and the convoluted way
this car was dry stored will blow your minds.
It blew mine because it took almost all days
to get the frigging thing out.
But it was really, really cool.
And the other thing I was going to...
I'm going to save it till next week,
but I'm going to wet your appetite by...
I've got a little book here called
Nodding Dogs and Vinyl Rooves.
The Weird World of Quirky Car Accessories.
Did you know that there was a genuine motoring accessory
called the Neptune Portable Bath?
No.
Well, next podcast,
I'm going to read to you exactly
what the Neptune Portable Bath comprised
and why on earth anyone would take a portable bath with them.
Hey, wait.
We should be better at this.
Tees on tees.
What if you read it out at one of our forthcoming live shows?
Such as Belfast.
A week on Friday, the 15th.
15th of May, we're in Belfast.
Last I looked, there were some tickets available on the balcony.
Are there, though?
Well, I don't really know, but I think so.
A listener, in fact, funny,
a very helpful listener called Alistair said,
you know, if you go onto the Mac website,
which is the venue where we're doing the show,
there is a seating map.
So you can see what's available
in case you are genuinely confused.
And yeah, so the main auditorium is pretty much sold out now.
In fact, probably with by now,
but a few seats on the balcony.
Failing that, we're at the London Concourse in June 9th
and 10th of June.
We're doing two nights, Tuesday the 9th, Wednesday the 10th.
Go to smithansniff.com.
Our live show page will give you the links to go and get tickets.
To that, our ticket gets you into the concourse itself
for the afternoon, which is a great day.
So sweet, sweet cars.
It's a lovely day out.
Yeah.
And then we'll do our stuff on stage in the early evening.
And so, yeah, London Concourse
was selling the tickets on our behalf this year.
So you can go direct to their website if you prefer.
Anyway, hope to see you there or in Belfast.
And we're also at Festival of the Unexception.
I don't think we mentioned this in July.
So tickets for that are on sale.
And that is always an absolutely grand day out.
So maybe see you there.
All right, guys.
Well, that's that then, isn't it?
All right.
Well, that's enough plugging.
But if you are at Smith & Sniffs,
I'll also remember that we do have merchandise,
t-shirts, mugs, stickers, all that kind of stuff.
Which we didn't wear to Bista.
We didn't wear at the scramble because we are ED arts,
but other people did.
So thank you for wrapping us in our signal failure to do that.
I had two Irish guys come over and say,
we can't wait for the Belfast live show.
So thanks for coming to Belfast.
So I was like, fine.
Thank you.
OK.
All right.
Well, thank you for listening to this.
We'll see you all again on Friday
and I'll main show you again on Monday.
Until then, goodbye.
Tuesday.
Thanks, mate.
Bye, mate.
He's got it on the limiter, mate.
He's got it on there.
He's hanging on her on the fucking governor.
He's got him on there.
We believe a nice review.
I can't subscribe.
I can't subscribe.
Did she try and get the smoothie out of the thing while it was still running?
No, because it's one of those ones where you tip it upside down
and pulse it onto the base.
That sounds wrong, but you know what I mean.
Right.
And she didn't clock that you just,
it's on like a little sensitive spring
and you can either lock it on and then to stop it,
you unlock it and it pops back off the switch.
OK.
And she just kind of got confused
and she just walked off and left it.
I haven't checked it since, but I'm fucking livid.
I haven't lived it.
Teenagers.
Teenagers.
I love them, but they're also unfortunate.
They're pricks.
They're rolling life.
It's just to wreck your stuff.
Yeah.
Well, there we go.
Hey, guys.
Come on.
Come on.
Let's do this.
Show me your portfolio.
About this episode
The hosts bounce from modified pickup trucks and the Aston Martin Cygnet’s bizarre price rise to Ferrari EV camouflage, Jason Plato’s purple jacket, and a wonderfully nerdy Car and Classic rabbit hole around a TWR Jaguar XJS. They also spend time on the fading Mercedes SL buyer, the appeal of low-slung estate cars like the VW ID.7 Tourer, and a scramble full of rare spots, model-car gifts, and minor mechanical drama. The closing stretch veers into chocolate chemistry and quirky motoring accessories.
Jonny and Richard invent a new crime-fighting show for two former colleagues. Also in this episode, modified Ford Rangers and the Mercedes X-Class, the incredible camo of the Ferrari Luce, a fabulous old Jag from Car & Classic, the fall of the Mercedes SL, fun times at the recent Bicester Scramble, and teenage blender abuse.
