#2591: Customer Fleecing Systems
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Car
1984 Oldsmobile Omega
The Oldsmobile Omega is a car from the 1980s that was popular for its roomy cabin and smooth ride. It’s a classic American sedan.
Term
emergency brake
The emergency brake is a backup way to stop your car if the regular brakes don’t work. It’s usually a lever or button you pull to keep the car from rolling.
Part
brake cables
Brake cables help you stop your car by connecting the brake pedal to the brakes. If they’re weak or loose, the brakes may not work well.
Term
automatic transmission
It’s the type of gearbox that changes gears by itself, so you don’t have to shift manually. You just press the gas and brake.
Term
parking brake
A parking brake is like a backup handbrake that stops the car from rolling when it's parked, so you don't have to rely only on the regular brakes.
Term
frozen
When mechanics say a part is "frozen," they mean it’s stuck because of rust that has hardened and glued the parts together.
Part
braided steel cables
These cables are made of many thin steel strands woven together, which makes them strong and able to bend without breaking.
Part
sheathing
Think of sheathing as the jacket around a cable that keeps it safe from heat, moisture, and wear.
Term
penetrating oil
Penetrating oil is a special grease that gets into stuck parts to make them move easier, like when you try to open a rusty door.
Concept
dealership
A dealership is a place where you can buy cars and get parts or repairs from the company that made the car.
Concept
out-of-production parts
When a part is out of production, it means the car company stopped making it, so you have to look for used or aftermarket versions.
Part
rear ends
The rear end is the part of a car at the back that helps move the wheels and includes things like gears and axles.
Car
Ford Country
The Ford Country Squire is a big, boxy car from the 1970s that could seat a whole family and carry lots of stuff. It’s famous for its shiny vinyl roof and roomy back seat, making it great for road trips or moving things around.
Car
96 Intrepid
The 1996 Ford Intrepid is a big, comfortable car that was sold in the late 1990s. It has a front engine and drives the front wheels.
Car
85 Chevy Cavalier
The Chevy Cavalier is a small, budget-friendly car that many people used in the 1980s. It’s not very fancy but it was popular because it was cheap and easy to keep running.
Part
thermostat
It’s a small device that opens and closes to keep the engine from getting too hot or too cold.
Part
heater core
Think of it as a tiny radiator inside the car that warms the air you breathe when you turn on the heater.
Part
baffle
A baffle is a small piece inside the heater core that helps spread the hot liquid evenly so you get consistent warmth.
Term
cooling system
Your car’s cooling system is like a big radiator that keeps the engine from getting too hot. It moves liquid around to carry heat away.
Part
radiator cap
The radiator cap is a screw-on cover that keeps the coolant inside and helps it stay at the right pressure. If it’s bad, the engine can overheat.
Part
intake manifold
Think of it as a pipe that sends the air and fuel mixture from the engine’s throttle to each cylinder. It helps the engine run smoothly by making sure every part gets enough mixture.
Part
T-fitting
It’s like a T-shaped pipe that lets one hose split into two, so you can connect more parts from the same source. It’s common in car maintenance when routing fluids or air.
Brand
General Motors
General Motors is a big car company in the U.S. They make cars like Chevy and Buick. The speaker says they had a small GM car that wasn’t in great shape.
Part
head gasket
The head gasket is a rubber or metal seal that sits between the top of the engine and the block. If it breaks, the engine can overheat or lose power.
Brand
Saturns
Saturn was a car brand made by GM. It had cars that were easy to buy and come with good service plans.
Term
Envirollution Engine Lifeguard System
It’s a special liquid you put in your car’s engine to try to clean out dirt and old oil buildup. Some people use it when they think their engine is dirty or not running well.
Term
transmission oil
It’s the fluid that keeps your car’s gearbox running smoothly, just like engine oil does for the engine.
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Hello and welcome to Car Talks from National Public Radio with us,
Click and Collect the Tapper Brothers, and we're broadcasting this week
from the Consumer Complaint Department here at Car Talk Plaza.
Now, there are some people you just can't please.
You can go out of your way.
You can do everything you can to improve a product.
And there are some people you're going to just tick off.
We have been getting hundreds and hundreds of phone calls from people saying,
what are the automobile manufacturers trying to do to us?
And when we're just trying to make a living like honest people,
well, we're just trying to make a living.
And what they're talking about is the fact that the automobile manufacturers
have almost all agreed to produce cars in the future that have a release inside the trunk.
And the people who've been calling us are all connected, you know,
with a certain kind of, I don't know what they all sound like.
The Gibroni crime family.
How's the guy supposed to make a living?
You know what I mean?
I mean, I throw a guy in the trunk.
He's going to just hop right out again.
What am I supposed to do?
Now we have to tie him up.
It's going to slow us down.
And I suppose that's true.
I mean, here's a guy trying to make a living and all of a sudden.
And you couldn't say honest living.
I started to.
So, I mean, it just goes to show you can't please everybody.
You just can't.
And, you know, and I can understand that dismay, but they're going to have to tough it out.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't know why they're bothering to put the release in there anyway.
I mean, what for?
In case you lock your keys in.
Inside the car?
Inside the trunk.
Then you're going to get in the trunk to open the trunk.
Yeah.
But if you get into, find the keys and the trunk closes on you.
Then you can get out again.
Yeah.
If you can find the little thing.
But is it is it worth that to put people out of work?
No, of course not.
I think not.
If you'd like to put us out of work, you can call 1-888-CAR-TALK.
That's 888-227-8255.
Hello, you're in car talk.
You know, I thought about 15 years ago that we would have answered all the questions
that could ever possibly have been asked and we'd have to stop doing the show.
15. I thought like 19.
Well, it's interesting because the questions just keep on coming
and we keep giving different answers.
I mean, the question, we probably have answered all of the questions,
but never the same way twice.
Oh, never correctly, once.
Hello, you're in car talk.
Hey, this is Lisa from Bloomington, Indiana.
Hi, Lisa.
That's just plain O-L-I-S-A, isn't it?
Absolutely.
God love you.
God love you.
None of that boofy spelling for us.
No.
Good.
What's going on, Lisa?
Oh, you guys, my knight in shining armor, I swear.
Okay, I have a problem.
I drive a 1984 Oldsmobile Omega and maybe that's the problem in and of itself, right?
Yeah.
So anyway, the emergency break about a month ago,
I go to push it down and it flops to the floor, okay?
It won't go click, click, click, click, click.
When I put my foot on it, it just flops to the floor.
Yeah.
So I take it into my local garage and they call back and they tell me that it's frozen.
The emergency break cable is frozen, whatever that.
Yeah, there are several cables on this car.
Okay, all right.
So they tell me they're going to have to replace these cables.
Okay.
I say no problem, they're telling me about $150 and I'm like, cool.
Sounds right.
Yeah.
So far, everything sounds absolutely right.
Okay.
Well, yes, now the drama begins.
Aha.
Aha.
So anyway, they call me back when the parts have come in and they say,
Lisa, we're mystified.
The cables that we ordered that are specified for your car, they don't fit.
So we could try to get the parts from the dealer, but that's going to cost you a bunch.
So what our guy did and he's really good with breaks, he heated the break cables
and he tightened them and it's going to cost you $10.
Can I ask him if it's safe?
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, it's safe.
So anyway, I go downstairs and one of the girls downstairs at my job,
her husband's a mechanic and he is an old mobile mechanic in a town north of here.
So he's on vacation, of course.
So she calls his buddy Ed and he says, oh no, oh no, don't do that.
That's a death trap.
So at this point, you know, I'm driving around and I'm just done the $10 gig and everything,
but I mean, I need to know, you know, am I going to die a fiery death in my Omega?
Well, you probably are, but not for this reason.
I mean, if you don't ever use the emergency break, it can't ever cause you harm.
Cool.
Is this an automatic transmission?
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Excellent.
Yeah.
Because all it does is holds the car once you've stopped and have what?
Parked.
Right.
It's called the parking brake.
And it's there in the event that the thing should not be fully engaged in park, that is the shifter,
or it should pop out for any reason.
This is kind of a backup.
When the transmission is in park, the car can't roll at all unless it malfunctions.
So this is a backup system.
If you had a stick shift, it would be a little bit more responsible for holding the car on a hill.
So you're not going to die a fiery death.
First of all, what they did, I think, was they heated up the cables and the cables were rusted.
They weren't frozen with ice.
Okay.
I mean, it is almost summer.
Frozen is the term that mechanics use to mean rust.
And those cables are braided steel cables that run through a sheathing.
And the sheathing is often metal.
And what happens is the metal rusts and as it does, it begins to build up and it will
grab the cable and prevent it from moving because the inside diameter of the sheathing
gets smaller as rust builds up.
So what they did probably is they took the cables out, they heated them up,
they soaked them in penetrating oil, and they freed them up and got them to move.
They may be perfectly okay.
So I wouldn't be too worried about it.
Yeah, and also getting them from the dealership.
I mean, we're not talking about a thousand dollars here.
I mean, if this really bothers you and you park on steep hills all the time,
I would just go to the dealer and get the cable.
Well, the left rear evidently is no longer being manufactured.
And that's probably the one that doesn't work anymore.
What you can do alternatively is to travel around with a chalk block.
You know what that is?
It's a hunk of wood that you use to chalk the wheel.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Okay, okay.
The only things you have to remember to remove it before you take off.
Well, you can attach it.
I got it.
You attach it with a rope and you keep it in the trunk.
No, you keep it in the front seat right next to you.
Reel it in so you get in the car.
No, if you ever forget it and you drive away, you're always going to be driving up.
Not necessarily.
Yeah, that's not going to work.
You need to tie it to a rope and tie it around the steering wheel.
Well, so you can't forget it if you're driving down because you have to go over a big bump.
Right.
But if you're going the other way and it's behind the car, you'll just drag it.
Yeah, I'd get a chalk block.
You figure out how you don't lose it.
Oh, well, no, those are really common in Southern Indiana.
You'd be amazed.
Oh, they are.
Oh, yeah, there you go.
Oh, you'd be amazed.
So Lisa wouldn't.
Good luck to you because you have a really easy thing to worry about here.
And I would stop worrying about it.
If you do find yourself still thinking about it, go and do something.
But if you forget about it, that's okay.
Yeah, and you're more likely to die of fiery death by having a fuel leak on this,
which these cars tend to have.
But I didn't, I didn't, I didn't mean to say that.
You didn't mean to.
No, he didn't mean to.
We'll instruct the jury to disregard that last statement.
See you, Lisa.
Thanks, guys.
Good luck.
Thanks.
Bye-bye.
What?
That was the least of our problems, huh?
Omega.
Oh, my God.
1-888-CAR-TALK.
That's 888-227-8255.
Hello, you're on Car Talk.
Hi, this is Matt Bear.
Hi, Matt.
Where are you calling from?
I'm calling from Dearborn, Michigan.
Just outside of Detroit.
Yes, indeed.
Which, what's shaking, man?
What do they make in Dearborn?
Well, they make fords.
This is Ford country.
Oh, yeah.
They make rear ends in Dearborn, don't they?
They make everything in Dearborn.
Everything.
The whole business, huh?
Oh, yeah.
This is where the power plant blew up a couple months ago.
Oh, yeah.
They make shebangs, the whole shebang.
From soup to nuts.
So what's up, Matthew?
Well, I'm here in Ford country, but I happen to drive a 96 Intrepid.
And I had an incident the other day driving on the road,
air condition blowing away because it's hot out here,
and had what my wife called a death fog come out of the air vents.
Death fog, yeah.
That's cool.
She wanted me to pull over.
She was afraid that it was something poisonous.
And I assured her in all confidence that it wasn't anything poisonous.
You had a ready explanation, did you not?
Oh, yeah.
I have no clue what it was,
but you did say, don't worry, hun.
And you gave her an explanation of some kind.
Oh, it's just water vapor.
It's nothing to worry about.
This stuff happens all the time in cars like this.
It's just hot heat.
It's the heat.
I have no clue what it was.
But did she buy you a little story?
Well, she's known me long enough to keep questioning me.
So you thought it was a fog created by excessive water vapor
that was somehow being condensed and getting blown out the vents.
Is that what you so told her?
That's good.
I would say it was probably because of the humidity.
That's exactly.
Man, you're 100% right.
That's exactly what happened.
See?
See, hun?
And it was due to the excessive humidity.
Because, I mean, think about it.
It's clouds.
Clouds were forming right there in your car.
There you go.
Right.
And it had the humidity been a little higher.
Had it been a little higher,
you could have actually gotten lightning bolts, too.
That would have been the next step.
I mean, if you got a lot of humidity in the air and you
cooled the air down, which was happening through the vents,
right, then what happens to the vapor?
It turns into droplets.
It condenses.
Exactly.
Exactly.
And you got a death fog.
You were right again, Matt, and congratulations.
I don't know why she keeps questioning me.
She ought to just go along with it.
Of course.
Right.
Or at least preface everything by saying, I know you're right,
hun, but could you just explain it to me when you say, of course.
Of course.
If I have to.
Good luck, man, and watch for the dope slap.
It'll be coming.
I'll dock.
See you later.
Thank you very much.
See you.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Okay, Tommy, do you remember last week's puzzler?
Do I remember last week's puzzler?
Do I remember last week's puzzler?
No.
Well, it's about a very odd little paragraph.
And I'll have the whole paragraph in just a minute.
Oh, I remember it.
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Hi, we're back.
You're listening to Car Talk with us.
Click and Clack the Tapper Brothers.
And we're here to talk, of course, about cars, car repair, and the answer to last week's puzzler.
Yeah.
And this puzzler was sent in by Robert Skidmore.
He says, and I quote, this paragraph is odd.
What is its oddity?
You may not find it at first, but this paragraph is not normal.
What is wrong?
It's just a small thing, but an oddity that stands out.
If you find it, what is it?
You must know your days will not go on until you find out what is odd.
You will pull your hair out.
Your insomnia will push you until your poor brain finally short circuits,
trying to find an oddity in this paragraph.
Good luck.
Wow.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The answer, of course, is that the letter E, one of the most commonly used letters in the English
language.
According to Articone and Doyle, it is the most commonly used letter.
Oh, it's not anymore?
No.
Now, W is?
Yes, exactly.
W, W, W.
Does not appear once in this entire paragraph.
And just to show you how odd this is, this paragraph that I just read to you has 19 E's in it.
Really?
Did we have a winner this week?
Yeah, we do.
The winner is Jennifer Hellier from Thornton, Colorado.
Boy, you learn more town's names just by looking at the winners.
Exactly.
Every week, it's somebody from some place that I've never heard of.
Some odd ball place.
It certainly is.
The winner is Jennifer Hellier from Thornton, Colorado, and for having her correct answer
chosen from among the thousands of correct answers that we had this week, Jennifer is
going to get a copy of our new book of puzzlers, A Haircut in Horsetown.
Which, by the way, is now available in all bookstores everywhere in the entire world.
Right.
And we would appreciate it in no small way if everybody within the sound of my voice would
run out and buy just one copy.
Just one.
Just one.
Just buy one copy of a haircut.
If you all bought one.
If even half of you bought two.
Yeah.
If half of you bought two, we wouldn't have to be here next week.
Right.
You could be rid of us forever.
You could be rid of us forever.
So you go out and if the book is not there, we can give you John Duff's phone number if you need it.
But it'll be there in your local bookstore.
You buy the book and we promise we will never.
And this will be a great demonstration of the power of the masses.
Sure.
I mean, one person buying a book doesn't do much.
Ten people, not much.
A hundred, a little bit.
Yeah.
But if everybody that hears us goes out and buys one copy.
And somebody will want it.
Someone will want it.
You'll give it to somebody.
You just leave it on the table.
Someone else take it.
Don't worry.
And they'll bring it back the next day.
Yeah.
Is that all?
That's it.
And we promise never to darken your radio again.
Boy, that's a promise that you can't get it from everybody.
It's indeed.
Hey, do you know what time it is?
Time to apologize to MIT for ruining their commencement.
Time to play Thumbs to Chunk.
Every once in a while, we invite one of our past callers back onto the show in order to what?
Kill time when I think up a new puzzle.
Right.
And to see whether the advice that we gave that person was any good at all or even possibly
So who's this week's contestant, Johnny?
This week's Chump Stumper is Bob from Greensboro, North Carolina.
Now, you may remember.
And I'm reading this from a piece of paper because I don't remember.
Bob called us in December.
Wow.
Because the heat wasn't working on his 85 Chevy Cavalier.
And oh, he must have one frozen, took us by now.
And he was desperate because the temperature was threatened to fall below 60 any day.
Good, good, good, good.
Keep going.
Okay.
Here's what I've replaced so far.
The thermostat.
Good, lower radiator hose.
Good start.
The radiator.
Bad start.
Radiator.
He needed that anyway.
Upper and lower heater hoses.
Oh, so close.
Geez, Bob.
Yeah.
Water pump.
I had to cover off of the heater core.
I checked to make sure that the baffle was moving.
Oh, Bob.
Well, he didn't leave us much room to work with now, did he?
He replaced everything.
Well, basically, yeah.
So as a fallback position, we told Bob that during one of these numerous repairs,
he likely trapped a considerable amount of air in his cooling system.
So we instructed him to tip the car up on its front end and burp it.
Actually, we told him how to remove the heater hoses and top off the cooler and run it with the
radiator cap off and all that stuff so that any remaining air in the system would be allowed to escape.
And we'll find out right now if that helped.
Bob.
I'm here.
Hey, Bob.
What's the average temperature been in Greensboro this week?
90.
So are you warm enough?
Quite.
You arrived!
It's going to blister the paint.
See?
You didn't tell us how we had to get you heat.
We just invoked it.
We just did our sun dance here.
I knew you were going to have some bogus solution.
So tell us what happened, Bob.
We're dying to hear.
Okay.
Put it up on the ramp and ran it that way.
Yeah, yeah.
Give me help.
So while it was up, I pulled the hoses off.
Good.
Filled them with water, put them back.
Nothing.
Went a step farther.
Took the hose back off.
The one that goes to the intake manifold is higher.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Good.
I put a T-fitting in it.
Oh, yeah.
Good, good.
I ran the hose up to where I could pull it.
Pull the vacuum on it by sucking on it.
Good.
It was disgusting, but.
It was.
Didn't work.
So nothing has worked.
Nothing has worked.
Well, this is sadder for you than it is for us.
I mean, let's get off our noses.
It's not bad for me until December rolls around again.
Yeah, it might get down to 70 degrees down there.
Occasionally, yeah.
That's awful.
I wish I had some new ideas, but we covered everything
in the last call.
Well, I will tell you a little story
that I might not have told you
when we spoke to you the last time,
that we had a car.
I don't remember what it was,
but it was one of these GM little junk boxes.
And this guy also had no heat,
but he had a blown head gasket coincidentally.
And when we fixed the head gasket,
i.e. when we put a new head gasket on,
we didn't even realize it,
but we had inadvertently fixed his heat.
Did you forget to charge him for that?
When he called back to tell us it had been fixed.
You set up?
Forgot to do that.
Send us an extra.
But he said, you know,
the heat hasn't worked in this thing for two years.
And since you replaced the head gasket,
it has now worked.
Now, I had no ready explanation,
and therefore I couldn't present them with a bill.
I just wanted to tell you that in the event
that you're grasping for straws
or looking for a long project for the summer.
Yeah.
I'm willing to bet it's the head gasket.
Bob, we're going to be talking to you again soon
after you do the head gasket.
Oh, Lord.
So you're going to have to,
if you want to be on stomp the chumps again.
Stomp the chumps?
It's getting very questionable.
If you want to be on stomp the chumps again,
you're going to have to do the damn head gasket.
All right, here's the deal.
Make him an offer.
All right, we'll do it.
No, if he does the head gasket,
and it's not the head gasket,
you'll pay him for the head gasket job.
There you go.
Doug Berman will pay you.
Doug Berman will pay you.
I can do a head gasket myself in a weekend
and charge you what, 500 bucks?
Is that the going rate?
Yeah, whatever.
Yeah.
Can we agree on 200?
This is dangerous.
No, I'm all right.
We could be setting a dangerous precedent.
What do we care?
Berman's paying.
Oh, that's right.
400.
We'll go as high as four.
Four.
We're not a penny over six.
We're going over four.
Good Lord, you just made my life complicated.
I know.
Get those wrenches out, baby.
See you later.
Take care.
Thanks for playing Stump the Chumps.
Bye.
Chump the Stumps, whatever.
Chump the Stumps.
Oh, God.
We'll be right back with more calls
and the new puzzler after these messages.
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How we're back and listening to car talk with us,
click and clack the tappet brothers,
and we're here to discuss cars, car repair,
and the new puzzler.
This is another of the very famous matchstick puzzles.
In a long series, the matchstick puzzle series.
Very long series.
Most of the kids are out of school,
are closer being out of school,
and I thought that before their minds get too dull,
this would be a good little puzzle to just, you know,
keep them going a little longer, maybe.
Kids, so is that a hint?
Kids?
Everything's a hint.
Everything is a hint.
Everything's a hint.
From the time you say the word puzzler,
and maybe even prior to that,
every word is a hint.
All right, get a bunch of matches, matchsticks.
Matches, wooden matches, preferably.
Or toothpicks.
Or toothpicks.
You don't want kids playing with matches?
Matches?
We don't need no stickin' matches.
See, it covered a mile.
Get a bunch of toothpicks.
Toothpicks, sure.
And make the following equation with Roman numerals.
Yeah.
X, I, that's 11.
11.
All right.
And then the small matchsticks or toothpicks.
Plus one, then an equal sign, X.
So you have X, I, plus I, or 11 plus one.
11 plus one equals 10.
Equals 10, right?
That's not right.
That's not right.
And the question very simply is,
what is the fewest number of matches you can move
to get an equation that's correct?
And you can't throw away any matches.
You got to, you got to move one or two or three.
Oh, I asked what's the fewest number.
Fewest number.
What's the fewest number you can move?
Now, I want to give a hint.
Wait a minute.
I have a question.
Can you use the plus sign or the equal sign as well?
Well, you could take, for example,
you could take the vertical piece of the plus sign
and take that away.
So you would have 11 minus one equals 10.
But what would you do with the thing you took away?
Stick it in your ear?
You've got to use them all.
Oh, I would make it,
I would put it into on top of the equal sign.
Oh, that's bogus.
That's absolute.
Then it would be 11 minus one absolutely equals 10.
Now, I'll give you the hint.
So you could do that.
You can move those things around
as long as you don't lose any.
I presented this to my son the other day, my younger son.
Yeah.
And he looked at it for a minute.
And we had it set up on the kitchen table.
Yeah.
With matches or toothpicks?
Cigars.
Cubans?
Yeah.
He leaves the room and as soon as he reenters,
he has the answer.
So if you think you know the answer,
write it on the back of a $20 bill
and send it to Puzzler Tower,
Car Talk Plaza, Box 3500,
Harvard Square, Cambridge,
Our Fair City,
Matt02238, or waste some electrons by sending us...
Boy, they must...
I want to invest in electrons.
What is the least...
How did you phrase this again?
What is the least number of...
The fewest number of matches you...
The fewest number of matches and or toothpicks
that you can move and make this into a legitimate equation.
Yes.
A valid, a true equation.
An equation.
I mean, why doesn't it need an adjective?
Right.
Equation needs no modifier.
Oh, man.
That is good.
So email your answer from the Car Talk section
of cars.com.
And as always, if you have what you think
may be a usable, inspiring, folkloric, historic...
Challenging.
Challenging, non-pathetic puzzler
that we might be able to use
in the upcoming puzzler season,
feel free to send that in
also to Puzzler Tower, Car Talk Plaza,
box 3500,
Harvard Square, Cambridge.
Well, how does Dear Abby do it?
Our fair city,
02238,
and attention puzzle editor, Eugene T. Moleska.
If you'd like to talk...
I'm fine.
No, I want to know how Dear Abby and her sister,
what's her name, Ann Landers.
Yeah.
You notice they aren't doing any heavy lifting.
They haven't for a long time.
People send them letters, big, long letters.
And then Ann Landers says,
boy, I couldn't have said it better than you.
Thanks for sending it in.
And she's done for the day.
Yeah.
What's wrong with us?
Let's try that.
1-888-CAR-TALK.
That's 8-888-227-8282-255.
Hello, you're on Car Talk.
Hi, I'm Ann Will from Beaver Creek, Ohio.
Yeah, who?
Ann Will.
Ann Will.
Ann Will, you got it.
Oh, Ann W I L?
Ann W Y L.
That's just your first name.
Actually, it's my middle name, but it's the one I use.
Ann Will.
Uh-huh.
It's a Welsh name.
Well, really?
Yeah.
Where are you from?
I'm from Beaver Creek, Ohio.
Beaver Creek, Ohio.
Yeah.
Got it.
Great.
All right.
Now that we've squandered a whole minute of your allotted time,
hurry it up and tell us what's on your mind.
All right.
Well, my husband and I own two Saturns.
And when I took Margaret, which is our 95 Sport Coupe,
in for her oil change the last time,
the Saturn guys tried to sell me this thing called,
are you ready for this?
The Envirollution Engine Lifeguard System,
which is a power flush for the engine.
I'm not making that up.
That's what it's called.
Envirollution Engine Lifeguard System.
Okay.
And basically it is, they say.
They put a heated detergent in to clean out the sludge
and the used oils that they can't completely drain.
And they say that it'll extend engine life,
improve fuel economy, restore engine efficiency,
reduce harmful emissions, and improve engine performance.
They make it sound like the best thing since bi-
And make you a baloney sandwich for lunch tomorrow.
That's right.
And how much do they want for this E-E-L-S?
I can't remember, but it was pretty expensive.
It was like around $100 plus.
Oh, sounds like a $295 job to me.
And I didn't go for it,
because I wanted to hear what you guys thought.
Wow.
Well, I'll tell you, I'm impressed.
I haven't seen any of these machines in the flesh,
but I've seen the ads for them.
And we have two similar machines.
They're called customer fleecing systems, one of them.
And the wallet vac.
The wallet vac is the other one.
And the credit card cleaning device.
We have two machines, which are sold by Snap-on Tools.
One is the thing called a motor vac,
which cleans the fuel injection system,
which actually works pretty well.
And then we have another one that cleans the transmission,
automatic transmission.
And what it does is it actually takes all the transmission oil out,
runs it through a filter, takes all the crud,
and puts in new fluid.
And then puts the crud back in.
And then puts the crud back into the next guy's transmission.
But this thing actually does flush out the torque converter,
which you can never drain in any car.
And it does do a remarkably good job.
However, these engine things,
I mean, don't forget,
you're changing the oil every 3,000 or 4,000 miles in the filter.
Which we do faithfully.
I don't know.
I mean, I think if you had,
if you had neglected many oil changes.
Yeah.
You know, if you had forgotten to do a bunch of oil changes.
Which we have not.
Which I would say you might want to do it.
On the other hand, there's the theory that says,
let sleeping dogs lie.
Yeah, the cars both run great.
It's good enough reason for me to say, don't do anything.
Works for me.
I may tell my husband I did it.
And then like, you know,
use the money to go out to dinner or something.
And viral lution.
What was it again?
Engine lifeguard system.
Engine lifeguard system.
Lifeguard system.
Boy, it's awfully catchy.
Isn't it?
Just rolls right off the tongue.
It really does.
Not as good as the wallet back though.
Well, I'm sure I would like these guys that make this thing,
maybe to give us a demonstration.
I would love to know on what they base their claims.
You have to do some pretty serious testing.
You'd have to have a whole bunch of cars.
Half of which you do this and viral lution thing too.
Half of which you don't.
They'd have to drive the same way, the same number of miles.
A controlled experiment.
Well, how else can you make a claim like that?
You can't just say, here do this and it'll extend engine life.
It'll improve economy.
I mean, how can they say that without some kind of proof?
I would love to know what the proof is.
I'm sure they'll be calling us tomorrow.
You're like actually assuming that they would necessarily tell the truth.
Well, of course, this is General Motors.
They never lied to us.
No, I don't think General Motors has anything to do with this.
This is something, this is an independent thing.
I know, but Saturn is General Motors and they're selling it.
Well, no, they didn't succeed in selling it.
Well, they're trying to.
Working on it.
Yeah, but I'm not so sure this is something that's done
by all General Motors or Saturn dealerships.
This may be just this particular dealership.
Oh, that could well be.
That got into this mumbo-jumbo.
That I don't know.
Maybe the snap-on guy went to see them.
Yeah, well, we haven't seen him for a few weeks.
He may bring help.
He may be out in Beaver Creek, Ohio right now.
Looking for a new batch of suckers.
My advice is stay away from it.
All right.
Keep Margaret away from this thing.
All right.
And if we run across any new information,
you'll be the first to know.
We'll call you.
We have your number.
See you, annual.
Bye.
Thanks for calling.
That was interesting.
I like it.
Well, I have heard of these machines.
Sure.
I mean, it almost makes sense.
I said almost.
Everyone's looking for that slight edge.
It's the kind of thing that has appeal, you know.
You do this and you can just visualize all those little tiny crevices.
Well, these are the same people that would go for this
or the ones that put Rizzlone in.
I put Rizzlone.
You do?
Well, it's happened again.
You've squandered another perfectly good hour listening to car talk.
Our esteemed producer has dug the Subway Fugitive,
not a slave to fashion Berman.
Our social producer is Ken the Diaper Slayer Rogers.
Our assistant producer is Catherine Kiki Ray.
Our engineer is John Marston because Dennis the Menace Foley
is off menacing someone.
And our technical, spiritual, and menu advisor is the bugster,
Mr. John Bugsy Lawler.
Our public opinion pollster is Paul Murky of Murky Research
who's done some stellar research from my brother recently.
Yeah.
Assisted by his able...
The lovely.
The lovely.
The lovely statistician.
The large and over.
And our customer care representative is, as always,
Heywood Jabuzoff, our daylight savings time manager,
is a comrade at an hour.
And the director of our Latin American shameless commerce operation
is Chico Maniorta.
Chico Maniora.
Chico Maniora.
Chico Maniora.
Our swing dance consultant is Antonio Band Era.
And our director of Japanese cooling system technology
is Emperor Overhido.
Of course, our chief counsel from the law firm of Dewey Chida
and Howe is Uluwis Dewey,
known to the local constabulary as Yui Louie Dewey.
Thanks so much for listening.
We're clicking Clack the Tapper Brothers.
Don't drive like my brother.
Drive like my brother?
We'll be back next week.
Bye-bye.
And now, here is Cart Talk Plaza's beach activity coordinator,
Mr. Vinnie Gombats.
Vinnie.
Thank you very much.
Now, you're looking for something to do
while you're waiting for your friends to get back from the beach.
If you are, you can listen to a copy of this week's very program,
just called the Shameless Commerce Division at 888-Cott Junk.
And ask for show number 25.
That's not a beach activity, Vinnie.
Waiting for other people to get back from the beach?
Is it a beach activity?
Well, how do you personally define work activity?
Oh, oh, oh.
Now, if you want any other Cart Talk stuff,
these shirts, you'll see these books.
You can also call the Shameless Commerce Division
at 888-Cott Junk.
Or order online at the CartTalk section of COS.com, you know.
Thank you, Vinnie.
You have been most enlightened.
And enlightened this crowd.
Cart Talk is a production of Dewey Cheetahman Howe and WBOR in Boston.
And even though Justice Department attorneys converge on NPR
with cease and desist daughters every time they hear us say it,
this is indeed NPR National Public Radio.
This holiday season on the StoryCorps podcast,
A Christmas Memory from the Cold War.
I remember this red phone on his desk.
If it rang, there was a national emergency.
One time the red phone rang, he answered it.
And there was a small voice that asked, is this Santa Claus?
Cozy up under the tree and listen to a special holiday edition
of the StoryCorps podcast from NPR.
As you prepare for the ball drop on 2025,
listen to NPR Music's All Songs Considered podcast
as we look back at the biggest songs and albums of the year.
From the unmissable hits to the fascinating other stuff
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some of the best of the best of 2025.
Listen to the State of the World podcast from NPR.
About this episode
Listeners are treated to a humorous exploration of customer complaints regarding new car features, particularly trunk releases. The Tapper Brothers dive into quirky calls, including a woman worried about her 1984 Oldsmobile's emergency brake and a man concerned about mysterious 'death fog' from his air conditioning. They also tackle the dubious claims of an 'engine lifeguard system' and share amusing anecdotes while offering practical advice. The episode is filled with witty banter and light-hearted automotive wisdom.
Original notes
Who doesn’t like a good flush? Certainly not us. Unless it’s our $ being flushed into some unscrupulous car dealer’s pockets via some newfangled Rube Goldberg device. Ann from Colorado thinks she might be a victim and wants Click and Clack to assuage her fears on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.
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