Excitement fills the air at Car Talk Plaza as the Tapet Brothers unveil 'Caroscope,' a fun compatibility quiz that matches listeners with their vehicles based on quirky questions. The episode features humorous interactions with callers, including a woman from Alaska whose boyfriend has an unusual method of starting their old Toyota pickup. The brothers also tackle various car-related dilemmas, providing light-hearted advice while exploring the humorous side of car ownership and relationships. The episode blends automotive insights with comedic banter, making it a delightful listen.
Paula from Virginia mostly wanted help with her Toyota Camry but, as a US Census agent she couldn’t resist wagging her finger to remind all of us to cooperate with the upcoming census collection. Fun ensues on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.
"You know what it tells me I should also consider a Triumph TR4."
The Triumph TR4 is a small sports car made in the 1960s. It's known for being fun to drive and has a classic look that many car enthusiasts appreciate.
The Triumph TR4 is a classic British sports car produced from 1961 to 1965. It features a 2.1-liter inline-four engine and is known for its distinctive styling and enjoyable driving experience.
The Dodge Dyke is a type of car made by Dodge. It's a smaller, practical car that many people used for daily driving.
The Dodge Dyke is a model from Dodge, known for its compact size and practicality. It was designed for everyday use and often appealed to budget-conscious consumers.
"Boy, this is interesting. An infinity I-30. Really?"
The Hyundai i30 is a small car that's great for everyday use, known for being affordable and reliable. It's popular because it offers a lot of features for its price, making it a good choice for many people. When people talk about it, they usually mention how practical and comfortable it is to drive.
The Hyundai i30 is a compact hatchback that has gained popularity for its blend of practicality, comfort, and modern technology. It is significant in the automotive market for its affordability and reliability, making it a strong contender in its class. Discussions around the i30 often focus on its value for money and features that appeal to everyday drivers.
The Infiniti I-30 is a luxury car made by the Infiniti brand, which is part of Nissan. It was known for being comfortable and stylish, similar to other luxury sedans.
The Infiniti I-30 is a luxury sedan that was produced by Infiniti from 1996 to 2001. It was based on the Nissan Maxima and offered a blend of performance and comfort, making it a popular choice in its class during its production years.
"He has to roll it down a hill and pop the clutch every time. For what reason?"
Popping the clutch means starting a car by rolling it down a hill and then quickly letting go of the clutch pedal. This helps the engine start without using the battery.
Popping the clutch is a technique used to start a car with a manual transmission by rolling it and engaging the clutch to start the engine. This method is often used when the battery is dead or the starter is malfunctioning.
The transmission helps your car change speeds and move. If it's damaged, the car might not work properly anymore.
The transmission is a system that transmits power from the engine to the wheels, allowing the car to move at different speeds. If the transmission is wrecked, it can lead to costly repairs or even make the car undriveable.
"...at people that would go to Alaska have to be free spirits to begin with."
The Dodge Spirit is a family car that was made a long time ago, known for being roomy and comfortable. It was popular because it was practical for families and had a simple design. People might talk about it because it reminds them of older cars and how they used to be made.
The Dodge Spirit is a mid-size sedan that was produced in the late 1980s and early 1990s, known for its spacious interior and straightforward design. It represents a time when American manufacturers focused on creating family-friendly vehicles with a balance of comfort and utility. The Spirit is often discussed for its nostalgic value and as a representation of the era's automotive trends.
"...It's a stuck caliper or you've got a faulty powered booster..."
The caliper is a part of the brake system that helps stop the car by squeezing the brake pads against the wheels.
A caliper is a crucial component of a disc brake system that houses the brake pads and applies pressure to them against the brake rotor to slow down or stop the vehicle.
The power brake booster helps make it easier to press the brake pedal, so you don't have to use as much strength to stop the car.
The power brake booster uses vacuum pressure to amplify the force applied to the brake pedal, making it easier to stop the vehicle with less effort from the driver.
"We concluded that Roy's brake fluid had to be boiling and his mechanic had already ruled out a warp disc. So it had to be what?"
Brake fluid is the liquid that helps your car's brakes work. It needs to stay liquid and not boil, or else the brakes might not work properly.
Brake fluid is a hydraulic fluid used in brake systems to transfer force from the brake pedal to the brake components. It must maintain a high boiling point to prevent vapor lock, which can lead to brake failure.
"the mechanic replaced both of the calipers, the rear calipers and all of the pads."
Brake pads are the pieces that press against the wheels to help stop the car. They wear out and need to be changed after a while.
Brake pads are the friction material that presses against the brake rotors to slow down or stop the vehicle. They wear down over time and need to be replaced regularly to maintain effective braking performance.
"I have a 1991 Camry DX. I bought it new. I'm getting ready to sell it to my best friend for her 19-year-old daughter."
The Toyota Camry DX is a version of the Camry, a popular car that many people trust for being dependable. The 1991 model is from a time when the Camry was becoming well-known for its comfort and reliability.
The Toyota Camry DX is a trim level of the Camry, a mid-size car known for its reliability and comfort. The 1991 model is part of the third generation of the Camry, which was produced from 1991 to 1996.
"Yes. Like gypsy tambourines. And you know when it does that?"
The Maruti Suzuki Gypsy is a small, tough SUV that's been around for a long time, especially in India. It's known for being great for off-road adventures, which means it can handle rough terrain easily. People like to talk about it because it's simple, reliable, and perfect for outdoor activities.
The Maruti Suzuki Gypsy is a compact SUV that has been a staple in the Indian automotive market since the 1980s, known for its ruggedness and off-road capabilities. It has a strong following among adventure enthusiasts and is often used for both urban commuting and off-road excursions. The Gypsy is significant for its simplicity and reliability, making it a popular choice for various applications, including military use.
"No, it's pinging. The noise you're hearing is pinging, which is a condition often caused by using the wrong, octane fuel or having timing that's setting correctly..."
Pinging is a noise that can happen when the fuel in the engine ignites too early. It can be caused by using the wrong type of fuel or if the engine settings aren't right.
Pinging, also known as engine knock, is a condition where fuel in the engine's cylinders ignites prematurely. This can lead to engine damage if not addressed, and it's often caused by using fuel with an incorrect octane rating or improper engine timing.
"or having a device called the EGR valve not function correctly. Right. And I suspect you have a lazy EGR valve..."
The EGR valve is a part of the car that helps reduce pollution by sending some exhaust gases back into the engine. If it doesn't work well, it can cause problems with how the car runs.
The EGR (Exhaust Gas Recirculation) valve is a component that helps reduce emissions by recirculating a portion of the engine's exhaust back into the intake. If the EGR valve is not functioning correctly, it can lead to performance issues and increased emissions.
"...and tell them to check the timing and check the operation of the EGR valve."
Timing is about when the spark plug fires in your car's engine. If it's off, the engine won't run well and can make strange noises like pinging.
Timing in an engine refers to the precise moment when the spark plug ignites the air-fuel mixture in the combustion chamber. Proper timing is crucial for optimal engine performance and efficiency.
"The mechanic said that the differential cap was missing. And so he took and showed me and said that I'd been driving around with that and lost all my fluid."
The differential helps your car's wheels turn at different speeds, which is important when you go around corners. If a part of it is missing, like the cap, it can lose oil and might get damaged.
A differential is a mechanical component that allows wheels to rotate at different speeds, especially important when turning. If the differential cap is missing, it can lead to fluid loss and potential damage to the differential itself.
"And then I took it into the local Volvo dealer and they said I needed a new rear end."
Volvo is a car company from Sweden that makes vehicles known for being very safe and reliable.
Volvo is a Swedish automotive manufacturer known for producing safe and reliable vehicles. The brand has a strong reputation for its focus on safety features and innovative technology.
Gear oil is a special kind of oil used to keep the gears in a car running smoothly. It helps prevent wear and tear by reducing friction between the moving parts.
Gear oil is a type of lubricant specifically designed for use in gearboxes and differentials. It helps reduce friction and wear, ensuring smooth operation and longevity of the components.
The Nissan Pathfinder is a type of vehicle called an SUV, which stands for Sport Utility Vehicle. It's designed to carry passengers and cargo, and it can handle rough terrain.
The Nissan Pathfinder is a mid-size SUV known for its spacious interior and off-road capabilities. It's popular among families and outdoor enthusiasts for its versatility.
"...it's towards the end of the torque bends in each of the gears. It's just hanging up a little bit too long..."
The torque band is the part of the engine's power range where it works best. It helps the car accelerate smoothly and shift gears effectively.
The torque band refers to the range of engine speeds (RPM) where the engine produces its maximum torque. This is crucial for performance, as it affects how the vehicle accelerates and shifts through gears.
"...I feel like I got to come off the gas and give it a chance to switch into the next gear."
Shifting is when the car changes from one gear to another, like from first gear to second gear. It's important for how the car speeds up or slows down.
Shifting refers to the process of changing gears in a vehicle's transmission, which can be automatic or manual. Proper shifting is essential for optimal performance and fuel efficiency.
"I wish it were that simple, but it seems I had an oil change so I did about 3,000 miles. And after that, it just seemed to creep up."
An oil change is when you replace the old oil in your car's engine with new oil. This is important to keep the engine running well and to prevent damage.
An oil change is a routine maintenance procedure where old engine oil is replaced with new oil. This helps to ensure the engine runs smoothly and efficiently by reducing friction and preventing wear.
"that little orange engine light came on. And the spin-on had dropped to zero and hasn't been working since."
The engine light is a warning light on your dashboard that tells you there might be a problem with your car's engine. It's important to check it out to avoid bigger issues.
The engine light, often referred to as the check engine light, indicates that there is a problem with the vehicle's engine or emissions system. It can signal a range of issues, from minor to serious.
"There is no speedometer cable per se, like in the old days."
The speedometer cable was a part that connected the speedometer to the car's transmission to show how fast you were going. Nowadays, most cars use electronic sensors instead of these cables.
A speedometer cable is a mechanical component that connects the speedometer to the vehicle's transmission. It transmits the rotational speed of the transmission to the speedometer, allowing it to display the vehicle's speed. This technology has largely been replaced by electronic sensors in modern vehicles.
"I don't know if it's as a speedo cable or not. But most cars nowadays, most newer cars do not have a speedo cable per se."
A speedo cable is an old-fashioned part that connects the speedometer to the car's transmission. It helps show how fast the car is going, but most new cars don't use this anymore.
A speedo cable is a mechanical cable used in older vehicles to connect the speedometer to the transmission. As the vehicle moves, the cable spins and drives the speedometer needle, indicating the vehicle's speed.
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Hello and welcome to Piratalk from National Public Radio with us clicking
on the Tapet Brothers and we're broadcasting this week from the La Toyota Jackson
Center here at Car Talk Plaza.
This is one of the most exciting days at Car Talk Plaza.
Oh, it is because we flag flying the bands playing the outcome of 10 years of effort.
It's flying and coming to fruition.
I don't think I'd divulce it.
I don't think I'd divulce it when the district can tell me it is.
Here's the deal.
We are introducing today on the Car Talk section of cars.com, caroscope.
It's like a horoscope.
And here's what it is.
You go to caroscope and you tell it what car you drive.
And then you answer just a couple of innocuous little questions.
It might even be called.
And it will tell you two things.
A, are you compatible with the car that you're driving?
That's pretty heavy duty information.
And whether you are or not, it will recommend other cars that you might be compatible with.
Now I did this as a test just to see if it works.
First I did it of course for myself.
And I'm going to give you the results of my caroscope.
And then yesterday I called my brother.
And I asked him these 9 or 10 innocuous little questions.
And I have right here the result of your caroscope as well.
I can't wait.
I'll just read the questions.
No, because the questions are like what size underwear do you wear?
It's separate, you know.
Well, here it is.
I'll just give you, I'll tell you the intro here.
And then I'll give you a couple of excerpts from both of our caroscopes.
Here is your official caroscope, the patented car talk assessment of the compatibility between you and you are in my case Dodge Dyke.
It says right there.
As you well know, the degree of compatibility between you and your car is crucial to your happiness and well-being.
Driving the right vehicle, that is having the right car, Ma.
We'll give you an incredible lightness of being, a constant sensation of euphoria and possibly a rocky mountain high.
On the other hand,
the wrong relationship can be devastating.
Of course.
A continuous frown, a deep and inexplicable depression, a sense of foreboding, and short, hemorrhoidal flare ups.
It says what it says, in short a life of quiet desperation, not to mention an incredible headache, lower back pain, and continuous hemorrhoidal flare ups.
So here it is, your personal caroscope.
Here it is, this is mine.
This is you.
Me and the Dodge, I did it for the Dodge.
I did it for the MG also.
It says, boy, oh boy, you picked a vehicle which is just about perfect for you.
I always knew that.
Well, of course.
Congratulations.
For example, when compared to other people who want a Dodge Dyke, you are just about the same in terms of your gender, your age, and your income.
Despite the fact that your personality profile pretty much matches that of other Dodge Dyke owners,
a caroscope would like to suggest some alternative vehicles should you be thinking of making a change.
And you will never guess what the first selection is out of the thousands of possible vehicles.
This is new and used.
New and used.
You know what it tells me I should also consider a Triumph TR4.
How do it know?
Wow.
How do it know?
Now, I did it for you.
I checked a little mucking around.
No, I didn't muck around at all.
I didn't muck around at all.
Of course.
It says the same thing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And I should mention that the way that hot thing is scaled, it's possible for you to get a score anywhere from zero to like 20.
And anything below six means that you are matched with your car.
Uh-huh.
I was a three with my Dodge Dyke.
Yeah.
You with your Dodge Colt Vista were also a three.
Really?
Boy, oh boy, you picked a vehicle which is just about perfect for you.
Well, I knew that.
I knew that.
I mean, that's why I chose it.
You're just about the same and the other Dodge Colt Vista owners in terms of your gender, your age and how much you care about your car.
Then it recommends.
Oh shit, it says it recommends.
Let's look at your compatibility with other cars and it recommends the top choice.
Boy, this is interesting.
An infinity I-30.
Really?
Yeah.
You're almost perfectly compatible with the I-30 in terms of all the demographic things, gender, age, educational level.
How much you care about your car, your income, your tolerance for taking risks, the extent to which you're a cheap skate, status consciousness and your grasp of reality.
I-30, huh?
Boy, that would have been about 90th on my list if I had to pick.
Coruscope has probably discovered some deep repressed characteristics in your personality.
Really?
That even you.
Well, it's interesting.
I become aware recently that I did not choose the Dodge Colt Vista.
It chose you.
It chose me.
It happens.
Yeah.
Did I choose the Dodge?
I was happily ignorant of the styling and the unique features of the Dodge Colt Vista until one of them came into my shop.
See that?
And I realized-
This is me.
I had to have-
You said this is me.
Then I realized they stopped making them ten years ago.
But I had to have one nevertheless.
Well, you had to sabotage your customers.
I'll never mind.
I'll be well.
You won't go there.
No, no.
But it's draining the oil out.
So if you said qualify, qualify.
If you would like to get your own personal car scope, go to the Kotalk section of cars.com.
Answer a couple of little questions and it will come back and tell you about your compatibility with your car.
And boy, this is an exciting moment.
Well, this is a red letter day for me.
I am thrilled to know that-
Whoa.
So when's my I30 coming?
Oh, I think you order it on the cars.com.
I think it automatically flips you over to that page.
And you buy it.
It's a scam.
I knew it.
It's a scam.
I knew it.
Look, if you want to talk to us about your car or the car you think you should be driving,
the number is 1-888 car talk that's 888-227-8255.
Hello, you're on car talk.
Hello.
Whoa.
Whoa.
You almost woke us up.
Who is this?
This is Jackie from Alaska.
Jackie.
Oh, no, one to you.
I'm yelling.
Just so far away.
Oh, I know it.
I'm from the bottom end of the top end.
I'm kind of from the middle and the bush.
The middle end.
Where?
Glenn Allen.
Don't know where it is.
Glenn Allen.
I drink there wine all the time.
So does everyone else.
So what's up, Jackie?
Well, I have a problem that your answer will save my relationship and my health.
Cool.
We have a 1987 Toyota pickup.
Yeah.
And my boyfriend has this habit that he won't start the car.
He has to roll it down a hill and pop the clutch every time.
For what reason?
I don't know.
I know why.
I know why too.
I have a plastic bills or skyrocketing.
I've cleaned it with him for my health purposes.
And that doesn't seem to help.
So if there's maybe something mechanical I can.
Do you live on a hill?
Yes, we do.
And our work's on a hill and everything's on a hill.
Everything's on a hill.
So he always makes it parks it so it's pointing down the hill.
Yeah.
And he pops the clutch to start it.
That's great.
He backs into the parking spot so he can roll down the hill.
Well, he is saving the starter.
That's why he's doing it.
And on the other hand, I mean that there may be a day you call upon the starter.
And because of such lengthy periods of inactivity it may forget its role.
It may not be able to start the truck.
See?
There's not any real damage that's being held on my clutch.
No, he's not doing any damage because I mean you're going to have to engage the clutch anyway when you drive.
And he's in fact doing just exactly what he would do after he started the truck.
So he's not damaging anything.
In fact, he is saving the valuable pieces of the starter.
Because he is the biggest cheap skate in the entire world.
No, he's doing it because it's cool.
No, you know what?
He gets this glazed look that comes over his eyes, you know.
And he just kind of looks at me sideways.
And I think part of it's because he knows it bugs me so much.
Oh.
What if you were to start doing it?
Yeah.
You could do it.
I don't know.
Do you drive?
You want to learn?
Right now I have a broken hand so I have a hard drive driving.
Okay, so now you give me an answer and then I could cut off like the first part of your answer.
Well, it's terrible to do this.
He's burning up the clutch.
He's wrecking the transmission.
He's going to ruin the engine.
Is that what you want to hear?
I knew it.
It's a safety issue.
And it's a safety issue as well.
Yeah.
And he deserves a dope slap.
Yeah.
And I'm just the person to give it.
So you can just drive this one with a hand that's broken so that it's got the cast on it.
That's right.
You'll knock him all the way to...
What name is that?
Anchorage.
No.
No.
I thought it was Gunal.
Gunal.
Tell me one thing, Jackie.
Yes.
We've had a number of calls from Alaska.
And it's always a call about my boyfriend, my girlfriend, my boyfriend, my girlfriend.
Is anybody married in Alaska?
I think there's a couple of people that are married.
We never hear from them.
We always hear from people who are talking about boyfriends and girlfriends.
But you've got to figure that people that would go to Alaska have to be free spirits to begin
with.
That's right.
You wouldn't go to Alaska.
Living on the edge.
Yeah.
And so free spirits have trouble with personal relationships.
Exactly.
I don't have a problem with commitment.
Now see, that's a whole other subject.
I can't even get into that subject.
So if you asked you to marry him, you would consider it.
I would.
Yes.
I would.
You'd lunge at it.
I might.
Yeah.
See?
Huh.
But you know what?
My life is good.
I'm not going to.
I'm happy.
I'm happy.
Well, we don't want to bring up any source subjects.
And I'm sorry I brought it up, but I'm not really.
I know.
You guys.
And I'm always seeking the truth.
I'm a secret of truth.
You know?
That's my job in life.
That's what it is.
That's what it is.
That's what it is.
That's what it is.
And a good Scott.
Yeah.
Well, Jackie, we hate to disappoint you, but he really isn't doing anything too detrimental
or even at all detrimental to the truck.
No.
So, but if you want to take that previous statements, those previous statements that we made
and excerpt those and just play them the tape, you can probably get them to stop doing
it.
All right, guys, we'll take.
See you later.
Good luck, Jackie.
Bye-bye.
Okay, Tommy.
Do you remember last week's puzzler?
Do I remember last week's puzzler?
Okay, let's try it easy one.
Do you remember how to find both cheeks in the shower?
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
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Hi, we're back.
You'll listen to Car Talk with us.
Click and collect the tapet brothers and we're here to talk about Car's car repair and not the answer to last week's puzzler.
Oh, what are we talking about instead?
Well, I mean, this was such an interesting puzzle that people have been pleading with us to give them more time.
They have?
Well, really?
No, but I thought there would sound better than we need another week to figure out the answer ourselves.
Plus, if we drag it out another week, we save ourselves $14.95.
That's right.
No one wins a copy of our new puzzle book, a haircut and horse town.
They have to go buy it in a bookstore instead and it's a good idea, Frank.
This was a very good idea.
Hey, do you know what it's time for?
Time to rip out the air conditioner in the customer waiting room and set up an overpriced fruit smoothie stand instead.
Not a good idea, but no.
It's time to play, jump to stunts!
I meant to say stop to jump.
No, I like jump to stunts.
There's gonna be a new feature.
But it is time, once again, to throw caution to the wins and evaluate some of our past advice.
And to do that, we'll need a previous advice.
So, who's this week's contestant?
Well, I'm the little piece of scrap paper I have here.
It says it's Roy from Mandaville, Louisiana.
Roy called us and says here about a month ago because the brakes on his 77 Mercedes were feeling soft after long drives.
And that's all I'd say.
Oh, you know, and you were quite certain of your answer if I remember correctly.
I was.
Is there a replacement?
Yeah.
It's a stuck caliper or you've got a faulty powered booster.
Okay.
Because the brakes are on.
It's one of those two things and I'm gonna go out on a limb again despite the lug nut theory and say if it's not one of those two things, I'll eat my hat.
Oh, well, I'd like to see you die.
Too good luck there.
Thanks for pulling in.
Are you hungry, Frank?
Not really.
I mean, I just had a whole blueberry pie.
How can I eat a hat?
No.
Well, here's a story.
We concluded that Roy's brake fluid had to be boiling and his mechanic had already ruled out a warp disc.
So it had to be what?
A stuck caliper or a bad booster?
It had to be if it's not.
I'm gonna eat my hat and I got a hat right here.
Roy, are you there?
Yes, I'm here.
I'm so busy laughing.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, oh, oh.
Look, before we deep, before we debrief you, we have to confirm that you have not been paid off by our staff.
The staff of National Public Radio or any of my brother's ex wives in order to make sure that he has to actually chew on that disgusting baseball hat that he wears.
All right.
Have you, Roy?
No, I've not received anything.
So what happened, man?
The calipers were stuck.
You were right.
And I got good brakes now.
Excellent.
The mechanic replaced both of the calipers, the rear calipers and all of the pads.
So this got you like $8,000, right?
I know.
It wasn't that much.
77% I think it's down to $5,500 on a special.
No, it's a lot less than that, not very happy.
Now, I just want to point out that this idea of the stuck caliper or a bad booster was actually my idea.
And I was standing and you were just backing me up.
I was backing you up.
And you were so confident that you said you'd eat your hat.
Hey, Roy, if I had been able to get to you sooner, I would have paid you anything.
Wait a minute.
But wait a minute.
Since I was backing you up, if it had happened by some quirk that the answer was wrong,
I would have helped me eat that hat.
Of course, of course.
I was backing you up.
He wouldn't have.
No, I would.
I'm glad to hear that your car was running well.
For once, we were right about something.
Oh, you were very right.
Thanks for playing Stump the Chumps, Roy.
And I do appreciate it.
All right, good.
See you, Roy.
Bye-bye.
By the way, if you want us to bring a particular caller back to play, Trump the Stumps,
you can email us at the cartalksessionofcars.com.
This particular suggestion came from the staff because they were eager to see my brother eat wool.
But we'll take your suggestions, too.
In the meantime, you can call us at 1-triple-8 cartalk.
That's 888-227-8255.
Hello, you're on cartalk.
Hi, I'm Paula from Alexandria, Virginia.
Paula, how are you?
Hey, I'm doing just great.
How are you?
That's very good.
I'm doing great, too.
Good.
I have a 1991 Camry DX.
I bought it new.
I'm getting ready to sell it to my best friend for her 19-year-old daughter.
X best friend, probably, now that you're going to sell it.
No, no, no.
Let's not be negative here.
Well, you know, the car doesn't have a huge amount of pickup, which is probably good for this kid
because she flunked her first driver's license test because she went too fast.
Yeah, so she's like 17?
She's 19.
19.
She's 19 now.
And she needs a car, so I want to buy a new car and I want to sell this car to my friend.
But I have this strange noise and I haven't driven really driven the car in the last year
because I've been away and commuting and not commuting and taking public transportation.
So it's been sitting somewhere for that year?
Well, it's been sitting in my driveway and it basically goes on errands.
Yeah, good.
And then you know about five miles in my house.
So I just started commuting back to the Census Bureau after five years of not working there.
You need to answer the Census, guys.
Anyway, it's starting.
But we particularly are everybody.
Everybody.
And what happens if we don't?
You'll go to Census Jail.
All right, now we'll do it.
Some people just don't want to tell the government anything.
Well, you know, we're not going to tell anybody.
Do they factor that in when they do this census stuff?
I mean, they have to figure there are a bunch of wackos.
I figured that Montana has got to have at least four times as many people as the census has determined.
Right.
I mean, I know they called me up once and they said, are you still dead?
And I said, yes.
Are you silly?
Yes.
Well, we try to do the best job we can, but you know, we're counting on you guys.
Well, see, we don't trust you.
Why?
I don't know.
I'm not telling anybody anything.
Oh, bull.
We never see anything.
Bull feathers.
Oh, we see.
We don't trust the government.
They say, come to us and they say, hey, answer these seven pages of questions.
And we say, what for?
And they say so that somehow in one of those answers, we can screw you.
And we don't know how they're going to do it, but we know that they're going to do it.
So you and the rest of the guys that you work with can go to hell as far as I'm concerned.
I'm not going to answer your damn question.
Well, he does answer the button correctly.
What is going to have to redo all of our paid advertising to target people like you?
Well, you know what you have to do?
You have to.
Here's what you do.
You're going to get everyone to identify one wacko in his neighborhood.
And do the census for that person.
I mean, you're going to rely on the same people to answer for the wackos.
Because you know when you send it to my brother, he's going to throw it away.
Yeah.
All right.
I'm going to give you all the wrong answers.
I don't want you to know anything.
I don't trust you.
So you've got to send it to the guy across the street and say answer this for Tom.
And you're going to find out about that book and the numbers that I've been doing.
I know you're going to find that out.
Yeah.
Well, that's what the poops.
That's what the problem is.
All the guys that are into something that they shouldn't be into.
Can't answer the thing.
Hmm.
Yeah.
So you don't have any problem for me, Paula.
Are you something that thing?
It's back in the mail the same day.
Oh, you are.
Good.
And that one.
And he's a poster boy.
His name is Tom.
Yeah.
So anyway, you have this noisy camera.
Well, it's not that necessarily that noisy.
It has this very strange noise.
And I started hearing it about a month ago when I started commuting again.
When was the...
Give us the very first moment that you heard it.
Where were you going?
What were you doing?
I was on the way.
What time of day was it?
When Marilyn from Alexandria, Virginia.
Had you used the car earlier that day?
No.
No.
This was in the morning.
This was the very first trip of the day.
It was in the morning.
And I was going up to Beltway and I heard this really strange light.
It sounded a little bit like, you know, crystal glasses tinkling.
You know, like that bell-like thing.
Yes.
I know it well.
Yeah.
And then I...
So, you know, of course I rolled down my windows and totally messed up my hair and try to hear a setter.
And then it went away.
Every time I took my foot off the gas, it would go away.
Then when I would accelerate, it would come back.
That's what...
Then when I got off the belt when I started going to slower speed, it didn't happen.
Didn't do it.
Right.
Of course, we know exactly what it is.
We certainly do.
Oh, yes.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
It has alternated between a crystal tinkling to tambourines.
Yes.
Like gypsy tambourines.
And you know when it does that?
On the hotter days.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Paul, I mean, is this like crystal ball stuff or what?
Oh my god.
And it's especially bad when you're climbing hills.
You know, it sort of is.
And you know what, Paul?
What?
We're not going to tell you what it is.
Oh, you.
Oh, you.
Because you may use it.
You're going to use it against it.
Someday, you'll come back and say, ah.
And I'll say it was that Paula that day.
Remember Paula that day?
Yeah, but work for the census bureau.
They're going to send the census take a right to your house.
You know, they don't do that anymore.
We're sending everybody to that.
You know, you're going to send it to your house?
ATF.
We have a regional office in Boston.
And we know where you live.
Yeah.
And all you, they should do.
We don't send the INS.
I can deal with the ATF.
Well, it's been great talking to you, Paul.
I can get it now.
Thanks for calling Paul.
Anything you want to draw with my car is my poor best friend.
Nothing's wrong.
Nothing's wrong with your car.
How's that?
Well, not much is wrong with it.
No, it's pinging.
The noise you're hearing is pinging,
which is a condition often caused by using the wrong,
octane fuel or having timing that's setting correctly
or having a device called the EGR valve not function correctly.
Right.
And I suspect you have a lazy EGR valve,
especially when you said that the car has been sitting for a while.
Yeah.
But you should take it to the dealer or to whomever you take it to
and ask them tell them it's pinging
and tell them to check the timing
and check the operation of the EGR valve.
Okay.
I'm going out on the limit saying it is definitely the EGR valve.
How much is this going to cost the fix?
Oh, it's nothing.
I mean, you wouldn't even notice it.
Oh, really?
And chump chains, we call it.
Yeah.
Well, you know, I got to get as much as I can for this car.
I mean, it is your best friend after all.
You've got to chisel her right to the bone.
You know, I have to buy a new car after all.
See now, it's none of my business, of course,
and you probably won't divulge it.
But when you were overseas,
what were you counting over there?
Oh, I wasn't working for the Census Bureau then.
I was working for the Census Bureau then.
You were working directly for the Census Bureau,
but some portion of the government there,
whose name we want, whose letters we won't divulge.
Fine, Paula.
You go fix the EGR valve.
That's not going to make no difference
whatever to your car.
And that's all I'm selling.
That's all I'm telling you.
You're a harsh guy.
You're really a harsh guy.
Listen, when you send the Census
take it in, I'll make sure he's armed.
It's a pleasure talking to you, Paula.
It's a pleasure talking to you, Paula.
It's a pleasure talking to you, and I hope that we
hear from you sometime in April of 2000.
You will.
You will.
Oh, you will.
Thank you so much.
I love you.
See you, Paula.
Thanks guys.
Bye-bye.
Never trust a guy.
Never.
All right, look, we're going to figure a short break.
When we come back, we'll discuss the puzzle
which requires knowledge of the English language.
It rules me out.
I know it.
We'll be back in a minute.
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Hey, for your T-shirt wear is out there,
all relatives of T-shirt wearers.
We just got a veritable shipload,
that's shiploaded with a P, of new card talk T-shirts
at the Shameless Commerce Division.
The folks there made a great series of T-shirts
out of their favorite card talk quotes.
So in addition to the classics,
you know, don't drive like my brother,
do we cheat them in how you can now get card talk T-shirts
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if money can fix it, it's not a problem.
Life is too short to drive boring cars.
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Reality often astonishes theory or happiness
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Hi, we're back.
Let's take the card talk with us.
Click and collect the Tapper Brothers,
and we here to discuss cars, car repair, and dock.
Yeah.
The puzzler.
Not the new puzzler,
because it isn't known.
This is last week's puzzler.
Remember, we gave people two weeks.
Oh, two weeks.
Someway between two weeks and two months to work on this.
Okay, so you got to repeat it.
Re-repeat it.
I'm going to re-repeat it.
Yes.
This puzzler is about intonims,
up and down, right and wrong,
car talk, and correct answer.
You know the whole deal.
Well, we'll start off by telling you that there are two words
that are their own intonims.
Their own intonims, Jerry!
That we know of.
The first one is cleave,
which means both to attach to and to separate from.
You cleave things apart with a cleaver,
or your lug nuts will cleave to your studs
making them impossible to remove.
Yeah.
I mean, how can anyone learn this language?
If the same word means opposites.
That's one.
The other word that we know about is sanction,
which means both to permit
and to penalize or to sanction.
Disallow.
Nascar sanctions, start car races,
but a driver that runs another into a wall
may be sanctioned by Nascar.
Silly!
So the puzzler is,
are there other words like this?
And if so, what are they?
So we came up with at least one.
If you think you know the answer,
there may be dozens.
And of course, the decision of the judges will be final.
And the OED.
And we'll have no complaining about it.
So when you don't win tough,
that's right.
But if you do know the answer,
write it on a piece of warm fish
and send it to
Puzzler Tower,
Cartalk Plaza,
Box 3500,
Havid Square,
Cambridge,
Our Fierciety,
M-02238.
And by the way,
that's the same address to which you can send potential puzzlers
now that the puzzler is officially on vacation.
If you have something worthwhile
that you think other listeners might enjoy.
Yeah.
So the puzzler comes back
to the stuff that I usually come up with.
Yeah.
Or of course, you can email us your answer or a puzzler
from the Cartalk section of cars.com.
If you want to talk to us,
the number is 1888 Cartalk.
That's eight,
double eight,
double two,
seven eight,
two,
double five.
Hello, you're on Cartalk.
Oh, hi.
My name is Sally.
I'm from Delray Beach.
Hi, Sally.
Sally Delray Beach.
That's in Massachusetts.
Yeah.
Central, central message.
Central, yeah.
So what's up?
I'm taking Sears to court
and I just need your opinion on my case.
Sure.
We love to do this.
I always want it to be a lawyer or a judge.
Judge won't like it.
Yeah.
I hope our discussion here will not in any way hurt you in your case.
No, no, I know.
No, and we don't care.
Because I mean,
what if you ask us our opinion?
I mean, we have to just say this.
What if you ask us our opinion?
And we tell you
that Sears is in no way responsible
as far as we can tell.
And then you go to court
and Sears introduces as evidence.
Exhibit A,
a tape of this show.
And you lose.
Sally, this is just a chance you're going to have to take.
I would just want to know that if you then lose the case.
Can we call you or did you call us?
No, no.
Then she's going to sue us.
No.
I think I have to hang up on her.
No, basically.
All right.
I really just want to know.
All right.
Good.
You sound like an honest person.
No, I am.
And I want to make sure I'm doing the right thing here.
Are you a lawyer?
No.
All right.
We'll hear you case then.
Go ahead.
I was looking to buy a car.
I found the Volvo,
and I took it into Sears and said that I'm thinking about buying it
if they would check it out for me.
And then I would come in and do any repairs
that they thought were necessary.
So they said it was a good car.
I did all the work that they suggested.
And even a little more,
which they found.
Then a week later, I took it into
good here to have the radiator flushed.
Okay.
And they had it up on the rack.
And, okay, I really don't know much about cars.
That's all right.
We don't either.
The mechanic said that the differential
cap was missing.
And so he took and showed me
and said that I'd been driving around with that
and lost all my fluid.
And he didn't know if there was permanent damage from that.
Ah.
I didn't think anything of it at the time
because this car was still running fine.
But then four weeks later,
it starts grinding.
Or there's this weird noise.
Yeah.
Howling kind of noise?
Yeah.
Exactly.
Howling is exactly it.
That's it.
And then I took it into the
the local Volvo dealer
and they said I needed a new rear end.
For $2,000.
Oh, more.
Yeah, more.
Actually, they said more.
So.
Oh, I always think you.
Geez.
But the thing is, if he was
checked it out, they had it up on the rack twice.
Well.
I mean, isn't it growth negligence?
I mean, it looked like it was freshly removed.
Yeah.
First of all, first of all,
if you asked them to check out the car.
Yeah, I did.
And one of the things they should have checked
was the condition of the differential oil.
Okay.
All right.
In my opinion.
Uh-huh.
So they certainly should have noticed
that the plug was missing.
Right.
More likely they did check it.
And they took out the plug
and forgot to put it back.
Right.
And how far have you driven it
between the time you had Sears look at it
and the time that good year
had it on the lift?
Well, it was about a week.
So, um, I don't know how many miles
that translates to.
A lot, though, hundreds.
Oh, over a hundred.
Over a hundred.
No, that's enough to cook the differential.
But do you have a list of the things
that Sears did?
Yes.
Either when they checked it out
or when you brought it back to have things done?
Yes.
And is there anything mentioned
in any of those bills about the differential?
Um, no.
A high-poid gear oil?
Gear oil.
Um, no.
No.
No, but I see your point.
If you asked them to check out the car,
even if they didn't check the differential,
they should have.
Well, it was negligent on their part
to not have noticed.
But it's also pretty obvious.
I mean, even I would have spotted it.
Yeah.
Well, it's staring you right in the face.
You can't miss it.
So, you think that I have a case?
Of course.
Yeah, you have a case.
Yeah.
And they'll just pay up.
Well, let's hope.
Yeah.
Sure.
So, how old is the car?
Uh, it's a 1985.
Well, I mean, yeah.
They're going to contend, obviously,
that the thing is was 12 years old
or 15 years old.
And it was ready to go anyway.
But the truth is,
the differential's last forever and ever.
Unless you let them run out of oil.
Right.
Right.
Did you already do the work?
No, haven't.
Because you can put a used differential in.
Oh, yeah.
I think that's what I'm going to have to do.
Yeah.
A new one is like 3,700.
Yeah.
That would be a terrible waste of money.
Yeah.
I mean, why would you want a brand new thing
on a 15-year-old car?
Right.
Right.
I mean, I buy used gas.
Good luck, Sally.
Thank you.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Can you buy used gas?
If anyone could, you could.
1-888 car talk.
That's 1-888-227-8255.
Hello, you're on car talk.
Hi, guys.
This is Ed in Montauk Point, New York.
Hey, Ed.
Montauk.
How's the fishing?
The strike pass still there?
Everything's running.
Everything's running.
How?
Even the kitchen sink.
Everything's running, especially the fishermen that are boats.
That's good.
What's up?
It's a 5-path finder.
About 70,000 miles on it.
Had the timing belt changed about 5,000 miles ago.
Uh-huh.
And now it's starting to do this thing where it's,
it's towards the end of the torque bends in each of the gears.
It's just hanging up a little bit too long where I feel like I got to come off the gas
and give it a chance to switch into the next gear.
And for the first 60,000 miles or so, that was not a problem.
So let me get this right.
You're driving along and you can feel it shifting from first to second.
Sure.
And then from second to third, it seems like it's taking longer to get the third than it used to.
In every gear.
In every gear.
Yeah, it just hangs up at the end.
If I take it slow and it wants to shift at like 2,500 RPM,
it'll hang up there a little bit if I'm trying to give it the goose to get on the drive
on the park where something it hangs at 3,500.
It doesn't really matter where it is in the RPM stuff.
Yeah.
And this happened right after they did the timing belt.
No, no, no.
It didn't.
I wish it were that simple, but it seems I had an oil change so I did about 3,000 miles.
And after that, it just seemed to creep up.
And now it's just kind of there.
Have you checked the fluid and the transmission?
I've checked it.
That's fine.
The only other thing is that when I got it back from the whole overhaul that they did to it,
that little orange engine light came on.
And the spin-on had dropped to zero and hasn't been working since.
Now, I don't know if it's associated.
I figure maybe just the speedo cable is loose.
Oh no, you know what's wrong?
Your vehicle speed sensor may have pumped out.
Tell me, go ahead.
You have a vehicle speed sensor on this.
There is no speedometer cable per se, like in the old days.
You must be over 40.
Yeah, yeah.
I knew it.
Yeah.
I don't know if it's as a speedo cable or not.
But most cars nowadays, most newer cars do not have a speedo cable per se.
But they have a vehicle speed sensor, which in addition to telling you how fast you're going,
also tells the transmission went the shift of all things.
Look at you guys doing it again.
So it may be just a coincidence that it came on or they may have unplugged it or broken it or something.
It's time to take it back to Nesan.
I would go back and tell them what it's doing.
They're going to say you need a VSS or a VCR or something like that.
I don't know.
Anything with a VM good.
But it's good that you didn't withhold any information from us.
If you had thrown that in at the very end of the conversation, we'd have come out and laid a beaten on you.
Yeah.
Well, thanks for the help.
And by the way, if the census department comes to your house counting people's noses,
throw them the hell out.
Like to the test.
See you later.
See you later.
Bye, bye.
Well, if you weren't for the census department, we wouldn't know how many lawyers we had.
No, no.
Do they ask you if you're a lawyer?
They ask you what you do.
Well, you don't have to know how many ambulances are there.
How many trips do they make a day?
Well, that's how many lawyers there are.
Boy.
Well, it's happened again.
You've squandered another perfectly good hour.
Why would you say you've spent another scintillating hour?
You have spent another scintillating.
Wonderful hour.
Listening to card talk.
There you go.
That's good.
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As you and Louis Dewey, thanks so much for listening.
We're clicking, clack the tab at brothers.
Don't drive like my brother.
Don't drive like my brother.
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Bye-bye.
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Vinny.
Thank you very much now.
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It was a pleasure for me to be here with you.
Hey, be here with this pal.
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