A humorous exploration of love and automotive issues unfolds as the Tapper Brothers share a listener's heartfelt story about a romantic moment interrupted by car troubles. The episode features lively discussions on various car problems, including a gas smell in a Lincoln Town Car and water accumulation in a turn signal lens. With witty banter and practical advice, the brothers tackle listener questions while weaving in personal anecdotes, making for an entertaining and relatable episode filled with laughter and car wisdom.
Bruce’s son is a lawyer in Orlando, Florida who, like most of the other lawyers in the area, drives a Lincoln Town Car. Except this one is not really helping his image. Instead of looking stylish and high class, paint is falling off in sheets leaving Bruce wondering whether repainting it would even work. Grab a brush or a can of spray paint and check out this episode of the Best of Car Talk.
"...then redirected my gaze at her car to say what any true romantic would say given the same circumstances. You're leaking oil."
Leaking oil means that oil is coming out of the engine, which can cause big problems if not fixed. It usually happens because parts of the engine are worn out.
Leaking oil refers to a situation where engine oil escapes from the engine, which can lead to serious engine problems if not addressed. It's often a sign of worn seals or gaskets.
The Lincoln Town Car is a big, luxurious car made by Lincoln. The 1986 version is known for being very spacious and comfortable, making it feel like a 'land yacht' because of its size.
The Lincoln Town Car is a full-size luxury sedan produced by Lincoln, a division of Ford. The 1986 model is known for its spacious interior and comfortable ride, often referred to as a 'land yacht' due to its large size.
A 'land yacht' is a nickname for big, comfortable cars that feel like you're cruising on water in a yacht. It's often used for older luxury cars that are very spacious.
The term 'land yacht' refers to large, luxurious cars that provide a smooth and comfortable ride, similar to how a yacht offers a comfortable experience on water. It's often used to describe classic American sedans from the 1970s and 1980s.
"There used to be a very small gas smell, unburned, definitely raw gas. Uh-huh."
If you smell gas in a car, it might mean there's a leak or something wrong with the fuel system. It's important to fix it quickly because it can be dangerous.
A 'gas smell' in a vehicle can indicate a fuel leak or other issues with the fuel system. It's important to address this promptly, as it can lead to safety hazards or engine performance problems.
"I've replaced the tank. I've replaced the lines."
The fuel tank is where the gas or diesel is stored in a car. If there's a problem with it, the car might not work properly or could leak fuel.
The fuel tank is a container in a vehicle that holds gasoline or diesel fuel. It's crucial for the operation of the vehicle, and any issues with it can lead to fuel leaks or performance problems.
"I've replaced the tank. I've replaced the lines."
Fuel lines are the pipes that carry gas from the tank to the engine. If they're damaged or leaking, it can cause problems with how the car runs.
Fuel lines are tubes that transport fuel from the tank to the engine. They are essential for the vehicle's operation, and any leaks or damage can affect performance and safety.
The charcoal canister helps keep gas fumes from leaking out of the car. It stores these fumes until they can be burned off in the engine, which is better for the environment.
A charcoal canister is a component of a vehicle's evaporative emissions control system. It captures fuel vapors from the fuel tank and prevents them from escaping into the atmosphere, helping to reduce pollution.
Fuel injection is how fuel is sent into the engine to help it run. It's better than older systems because it helps the engine use fuel more efficiently.
Fuel injection is a system that delivers fuel into the combustion chamber of an engine, replacing older carburetor systems. It allows for more precise control of the fuel-air mixture, improving efficiency and performance.
"The sniffer is the exhaust gas analyzer and exhaust gas analyzers pick up unburned hydrocarbons."
An exhaust gas analyzer checks the gases that come out of a car's exhaust. It helps figure out if the engine is working properly by seeing if there are any harmful gases that shouldn't be there.
An exhaust gas analyzer is a device used to measure the composition of exhaust gases from an engine. It helps diagnose issues by detecting unburned hydrocarbons and other emissions, indicating how well the engine is running.
"And there's no better example in the universe of unburned hydrocarbons than gas that's leaking on your foot. Right?"
Unburned hydrocarbons are gases that come from fuel that hasn't burned completely in the engine. They can be harmful to the environment and indicate that something might be wrong with the car's engine.
Unburned hydrocarbons are organic compounds that are not fully combusted during the fuel burning process in an engine. They can contribute to air pollution and are often a sign of engine inefficiency or fuel system problems.
"...we run the car and we go around with the sniffer. Okay. And what it is, it's just a probe that's at the end of the hose for the emissions tester."
An emissions tester is a tool that checks how much pollution a car is putting out. It's important for making sure cars are not harming the environment too much.
An emissions tester is a device used to measure the amount of pollutants emitted from a vehicle's exhaust system. It helps ensure that vehicles meet environmental regulations and standards.
"...if one of the fuel lines is that goes into the throttle body is leaking."
The throttle body helps control how much air goes into the engine, which affects how powerful the car is. If it's not working right, it can cause problems with how the car runs.
The throttle body is a component of the engine's air intake system that controls the amount of air entering the engine. It plays a crucial role in regulating engine power and efficiency by adjusting airflow based on the driver's input.
"No kidding. Because we're on some satellite network in Europe. Yeah, I think you're on the As..."
The Hyundai Satellite is a small car that was made a long time ago, in the 1990s. It was built to be cheap and good on gas, so it was a good option for people who wanted a reliable car without spending too much money. It's not very popular now, but it shows how Hyundai started making cars for everyone.
The Hyundai Satellite is a lesser-known model that was produced in the 1990s, primarily aimed at the compact car market. It was designed to be affordable and efficient, making it a practical choice for budget-conscious consumers. While not as widely recognized today, it represents Hyundai's early efforts to establish a foothold in the global automotive market.
"...te network in Europe. Yeah, I think you're on the Astra satellite. Astra."
The Opel Astra is a small car made by a German company called Opel. It's known for being comfortable and good on gas, making it a popular choice for families in Europe. People talk about it because it's a reliable and affordable option for everyday driving.
The Opel Astra is a compact car produced by the German automaker Opel, known for its practicality and efficiency. It has been a staple in the European market since its introduction in the 1990s and is often praised for its comfortable ride and solid build quality. The Astra is frequently mentioned in discussions about reliable and affordable family cars.
"German? I've got my sister-in-law's 85 Volkswagen Golf. Cool."
The Volkswagen Golf GTI is a sporty version of a regular car called the Golf. It's known for being fun to drive while still being practical enough for everyday use, making it popular among car enthusiasts. People talk about it because it's a great mix of speed and comfort.
The Volkswagen Golf GTI is a high-performance version of the popular Golf hatchback, known for its sporty handling and turbocharged engine. It has a significant place in automotive history as one of the original hot hatches, blending practicality with fun driving dynamics. The GTI is often discussed for its balance of performance and everyday usability.
"I have a wonderful car, an 89 Toyota Corolla wagon"
The Toyota Corolla Wagon is a small car that is known for being dependable and good on gas. The 1989 version is part of a series that was made in the late 1980s and early 1990s, and it's popular for being easy to take care of.
The Toyota Corolla Wagon is a compact car known for its reliability and practicality. The 1989 model is part of the fifth generation of the Corolla, which was produced from 1987 to 1992 and is appreciated for its fuel efficiency and ease of maintenance.
"...it's a 96 Volkswagen Jetta GLX loaded. Gorgeous. It's the green..."
The Volkswagen Jetta GLX is a version of the Jetta that comes with more features and a sportier design. The 1996 model is part of a generation that many people liked for being fun to drive and practical for everyday use.
The Volkswagen Jetta GLX is a trim level of the Jetta, known for its sporty features and higher-end equipment. The 1996 model year is part of the A3 generation, which was popular for its balance of performance and practicality.
The BMW Z3 is a small, sporty convertible car that was made in the late 90s and early 2000s. It's known for being fun to drive and has a stylish look.
The BMW Z3 is a compact roadster produced by BMW from 1995 to 2002. It is known for its sporty handling and classic design, making it a popular choice among enthusiasts.
"Okay, buy me a 1940 Buick convertible and we'll wait till next week for the puzzler."
A 1940 Buick convertible is a classic car that has a roof that can be opened. Buick is a well-known car brand, and cars from this time are popular among collectors.
The 1940 Buick convertible is a classic car known for its elegant design and smooth ride. Buick was a prominent American automobile manufacturer, and convertibles from this era are often sought after by collectors.
"What kind of a car do you have, Lady Elaine? I have a 97 Buick Sabre."
The Buick Sabre is a type of car made by the Buick company. It was sold for many years and is known for being comfortable and roomy inside.
The Buick Sabre is a full-size car that was produced by Buick from 1961 to 2005. It is known for its comfortable ride and spacious interior, making it a popular choice among families.
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Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio.
With us, Click and Clack, the Tapper Brothers, and we're broadcasting from this week from
the Meta from GM, women are from Ford Division here at Car Talk Plaza.
This says it all, I think, I just wanted to...
And it's only 27 paragraphs, pretty good.
It's actually quite brief.
Roughly three years ago, my girlfriend climbed into her car, a 1986 VW Golf, to leave
for work.
Just before she shut the door, she said, I love you.
It was the first time she'd ever said it to me.
Being an emotional 90s kind of guy, I paused, glanced at the steely gray sky to save her
the moment, then redirected my gaze at her car to say what any true romantic would
say given the same circumstances.
You're leaking oil.
Quote.
You're so close.
I should really fix these rough spots.
Tears welled up in her eyes.
The moment was more than she could bear.
She turned the key in the ignition and sped off to her workplace.
Not much later that day, I received a phone call from the very same girlfriend.
Rather than greeting me with an enthusiastic hello my love, as I felt I had every right
to expect she was downright bitter.
According to her, my response to her confession of love was callous and insufficient.
My viewpoint was somewhat different.
In fact, I argued by promising to fix the rough spots on her car, I had gone beyond telling
her that I love her.
You transcended love.
Of course.
I was actually extending the intention to demonstrate it in a most tangible way.
Yeah.
She didn't buy it.
No, I didn't think so.
Three years later, she still tells the same story to everyone willing to listen.
The message finally got through to Nelly, my girlfriend, that the promise of rust repair
equals love.
On September 11, 1999, we missed it.
We are to be married.
She still drives the 86 Golf.
And by God, I really should fix the rough spots.
Now, see, people say that men aren't warm.
Yeah.
But no, I think he's right.
I mean, he's just gone beyond.
It went beyond.
He could have merely said, I love you too, but it's understood.
It's uncreative.
Exactly.
I really should fix those rough spots.
It's like giving your wife a shop vac for her birthday, as we have done.
It says it all.
Yeah.
Did you give her the wet drive?
She doesn't speak to me anymore.
I gave her the wet drive.
Yeah, me too.
Yeah.
I was worried about being strangled by that hose.
It looked rather substantial to me.
Yeah.
It doesn't hurt too much, though.
She waxed me with it.
If you'd like to talk to us about your car or your shop vac or your love, our number
is 1-888-CAR-TALK, that's 888-227-8255, hello, you're on Car Talk.
How you doing?
Pretty good.
Oh, great.
Who's this?
This is John.
I'm in Socrates, New York.
Upstate.
Yeah, that's good enough.
All right, fine.
Okay.
Fine.
We don't care.
I'm doing the phonetic spelling.
Yeah.
S-O-G-G-E-S-E-S-O-G-E-E-E-Z.
That's it.
That's close.
See?
Yeah, I could see.
See, it's a nice touch.
It gives it that teutonic feel, you know?
Yeah, so what's up, John?
I got an 86 Lincoln town car.
Really?
My land yacht.
Uh-huh.
Cool.
There used to be a very small gas smell, unburned, definitely raw gas.
Uh-huh.
I've replaced the tank.
I've replaced the lines.
I've replaced the ventilation, little gizmachi up there that holds the fuel.
The gizmachi, oh yeah.
The left gizmachi or the right gizmachi.
The town car has two.
No, no, it's only got one.
The charcoal canister gizmachi.
That's the one.
Yeah, yeah.
If I open the front windows, the car smells like gas, and I've even parked it out in the
driveway under white sheets and let it run to see if I can find a drip, I cannot find
any gas.
No, you won't find the drip because the gasoline evaporates so quickly and it doesn't take
much of a leak to give you a lot of smell.
Okay.
But have you replaced all this stuff just on a whim or have you had some professional
advice about it?
I've been to about half a dozen different mechanics.
I've had at least half a dozen have it up on the lift and look and the one guy says, oh
yeah, your tank is bad.
It's okay.
Well, replace the tank.
It probably was.
And it still stinks.
He says, oh yeah, there's some, another guy says there's pitted fuel lines.
Yeah.
Okay, replace the pitted fuel lines.
Very good.
Still stinks.
Yeah.
Interesting.
Well, this car is fuel injected.
Yes.
And my guess is the leak is under the hood someplace.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Did anyone put the sniffer on it?
I don't know.
The sniffer is the exhaust gas analyzer and exhaust gas analyzers pick up unburned hydrocarbons.
Okay.
And there's no better example in the universe of unburned hydrocarbons than gas that's
leaking on your foot.
Right?
What we do when we have these problems is we run the car and we go around with
the sniffer.
Okay.
And what it is, it's just a probe that's at the end of the hose for the emissions
tester.
And we begin to look for places where the reading goes cuckoo.
Okay.
And it's very possible that you have...
It mostly happens when you're on your feet.
Right.
And we'll often find with that something you could never find with just your
nose.
Okay.
So I would suggest that you go to somebody who has an emissions tester and ask him
to use it to detect the leak.
And I wouldn't be surprised if one of the fuel lines is that goes into the throttle
body is leaking.
Really?
Yeah, really.
Yeah.
But that way you'll be able to figure out exactly where it is instead of replacing
stuff at the opposite end of the car.
Right.
I mean, I just assumed it was coming from the rear end, because you could
smell it in the trunk, too.
Well, they can sniff under the car, too.
We put cars on the lift and we go around and the sniffer's got a big
long hose on it.
And it takes a while for it to register.
You can't just sniff it for four seconds and move to the next spot
because when you move to the next spot...
You might be picking up the reading from the previous spot.
Exactly.
The sniffer will tell you exactly where it is and you won't have to spend
any more money.
So I don't have to throw the car out?
No!
You kidding?
Good luck, John.
All right.
Thank you.
See you later.
Okay.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
My solution or other solution would have been to buy...
Those plugs.
No, those pine tree air fresheners.
1-888-CAR-TALK.
That's 1-888-227-8255.
Hello, you're on CAR-TALK.
Hey, guys, this is Eric, calling from London.
From London?
London, Europe.
In Europe, my foot.
London, England.
Are you really?
Yeah.
Okay.
No kidding.
Serious.
I believe it.
What are you doing in London?
I married a Brit a few years back.
Oh, you did?
Yeah.
And you have...
How do you hear us?
Over the internet?
Over the internet.
No kidding.
Because we're on some satellite network in Europe.
Yeah, I think you're on the Astra satellite.
Astra.
Right.
And you're not one of the two people that has the receiver, huh?
No, because you also have to pay for the television service as well.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
It's hardly worth it.
So I just cheat and do it from work.
Oh, yeah.
So do you drive a British car?
German.
German?
I've got my sister-in-law's 85 Volkswagen Golf.
Cool.
And the problem that I'm having is the turn signal lens is filling up with water.
Yeah, because it's cracked.
No, it's not.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I can't see a crack.
I've tested it.
I've taken it off because the first time was when the indicator started doing double speed.
Right.
I realized that one of the bulbs was out.
Good.
So I went around, checked the front one.
Sure enough, the lens was full of water.
So I took it off and bubble tested it underneath a sink full of water.
Ah, good.
And it didn't seem to have any leaks at all.
So I thought, well, whatever, put it back together.
And within a week, that thing is full of water again.
Now this lens is held on by two screws.
Is that true?
The lens?
Yeah.
It's just, I just opened the hood and from the back you take the wire harness with the
bulb out.
Right.
Okay.
And that's how you change the bulb.
Yeah.
There are two approaches you can take.
Well, three maybe.
Okay.
One is you could buy a new fixture.
Right.
Which might be like 20 bucks or so.
I don't know what it is.
Yeah, they're about 25 pounds, which is about...
Oh, they're not that heavy.
They're about 25 pounds.
Yeah, forget about buying it.
That's $39.
Well, my question is, if it is cracked, then how come the water's not escaping?
Well, isn't that a good question?
Because the crack can act like a check valve.
Don't forget, the way the, if there are hairline cracks in the front, and we
see this all the time on lenses and headlights.
There's not an obvious crack, but when you're driving at 70 miles an hour and
it's raining, which it often does in England.
You are forcing that water in at high speed.
Okay.
And when you stop the car, you would have to drive in reverse at 70 miles
an hour.
To suck it out.
Right.
Right.
Just to suck it out of there.
And you just, and you just, it won't happen.
And one of the, you know, one of the, if you wanted a clue, if you
want to turn this into a research project, I've got all kinds of
great ideas for you.
Oh, excellent.
One is this.
You have to take off the lens again as you did before.
Okay.
And where do you work?
I work at a radio station as a matter of fact.
Not good enough.
Try to get a job in a high tech company where they have electron
microscopes.
Wind tunnels.
And wind tunnels.
And take it into work someday and look at it under a microscope.
Wouldn't that be interesting?
Yeah.
And you will find a hairline cracks which aren't visible to the eye.
Yeah.
So you could, you could epoxy those up.
Yeah.
But the more elegant solution is to drill a small hole on the
bottom of the fixture.
I like this.
So that when the water comes in, it can leak out.
You need a hole that's big enough so that water tension won't
keep the water from leaking out.
Yeah.
And that's really the most elegant way to deal with it.
I mean, that's, isn't that good?
And it's so simple.
You're not going to crack the plastic lens.
You're going to drill it with a drill.
I mean, you're not going to smash it with a hammer.
You're going to drill it with an electric drill or, you
know, a hand drill.
Yeah.
And you're going to drill it.
I like that better than spending the next four years getting a
degree so I can look under an electron microscope.
Exactly.
You're going to drill it in a, in a rearward facing direction
so that when the water comes in, and it's going to be
obviously at the low point or close to the low point of
the fixture, the water can go out, but it won't be a
receptor for water when you're driving.
In other words, you don't want to drill the hole in the
front of the lens.
Right.
You got it.
Right.
You got it?
Yeah.
Got you.
And one at the bottom.
Yeah.
And put a little arrow so the water will know that one way is
in, you're at in, and on the bottom one, you're right out.
It sounds good.
If you do it the other way, it'll never work.
It's just going to keep filling up with water.
That's right.
It'll be nothing left but holes.
Hey Eric, thanks a million for calling.
You may be our first and only international caller.
Hey, I'm over here.
I'm listening.
Hey, great.
Thanks.
Love the show.
Thanks for calling, man.
See you guys.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
There's a lot more stuff coming up right after the
following messages, so stick around.
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This holiday season on the StoryCorps podcast, a
Christmas memory from the Cold War.
I remember this red phone on his desk.
If it rang, there was a national emergency.
One time, the red phone rang.
He answered it, and there was a small voice that asked,
is this Santa Claus?
Cozy up under the tree and listen to a special
holiday edition of the StoryCorps podcast from NPR.
Hey, for you T-shirt wearers out there, all
relatives of T-shirt wearers.
We just caught a veritable shipload, that
shipload with a P of new cart talk T-shirts at
the Shameless Commerce Division.
The folks there made a great series of T-shirts out
of their favorite cart talk quotes.
So in addition to the classics, you know, don't
drive like my brother, do a treatment, how you
can now get cart talk T-shirts that say,
for instance, if money can fix it, it's not a
problem.
Life is too short to drive boring cars.
Do it while you're young.
You may never have a chance to do anything
this stupid again.
Reality often astonishes theory of happiness
equals reality minus expectation.
How about this one?
Lousy car advice since 1977, and many, many more.
If you'd like one or want one to ship to a friend
or relative, you don't really like, just head
over to ShamelessCommerce.com.
That's ShamelessCommerce.com.
And the last spring's final puzzler.
Final puzzler.
Now, we presented a puzzler that we said
people could work on all summer long.
So have you been working on it?
I didn't think so.
You've been waiting for our listeners to work on it
so you could steal their answers, haven't you?
Yeah, me too.
All right.
What was the puzzler anyway?
I can't remember.
It was so long ago.
Here it is.
And we're going to give people a little more
time to work on it, perhaps.
There are at least two words in the English
language that we know of that are their
own antonyms.
And the two that we know of are cleave
and sanction.
You can cleave to something or you can cleave
away from something, right?
You cleave the meat.
You separate it.
And as we mentioned, then there is cleave edge.
Yes, of course.
We're not sure which definition that is.
But we like it anyway.
We've been studying it for quite some time.
Similarly, you can sanction something,
endorse it or impose sanctions on something
which is prohibiting it or whatever.
Or not endorsing it, the opposite of endorsing it.
Criticizing, not criticizing.
Like sanctioning.
Sanctioning it.
You can sanction it, right.
So our question was very simply,
are there other words that are their own antonyms?
Yeah.
I have cite, C-I-T-E or citation.
Oh.
Yeah.
For doing good, such as military gallantry versus
for doing bad, such as that's Trafford citation
from a cop.
I go with that one.
Yeah.
Here's another one that I like.
Consult.
To give advice and to seek advice.
Oh, I am going to consult my attorney.
I consulted my attorney.
Right.
He told me I should go consult somebody else.
I like this one.
Clip.
To attach.
He clipped it on.
Ah, and you clip it off.
How good is he?
Got his head, got his ears clipped.
Here's another one I like.
Dust.
Oh, love it.
Dust is very, very good.
I'm going to dust.
The verb.
The verb dust.
Yes.
To dust and to dust.
Right.
I'm going to dust for fingerprints,
which is going to put dust on.
I apply dust.
And the other one is,
I'm going to dust the furniture.
I'm going to, what?
Remove dust.
Add dust.
Remove dust.
I like it.
I like it.
I like dust.
It's weak.
But it's...
No, but it's...
And messy.
Here's another one.
I like fast.
Moving rapidly versus unable to move.
I was held fast.
Oh.
To my bed.
I like it.
Yeah.
Well, see, here's my trouble with some...
Don't stop with the troubles.
Just keep reading.
If the word means exactly the opposite of itself,
it must by definition be the same part of speech.
Well, I...
It cannot be an adverb in one case
and a verb and an adjective in another.
Yeah.
Well, dust is good.
Dust works.
Dust works.
How about oversight?
I like oversight.
Well, oversight,
one meaning is watchful and responsible care.
And the other one is...
It was part of the oversight committee.
Right.
And it was an omission.
It was an oversight.
Yeah.
Right?
And they're both nouns.
In the first case,
it was an adjective.
In the second case,
it was a verb.
Right.
Well, they're close.
Here's another good one.
Oh, this is good.
We should read the mail sooner.
All right.
All right.
Now what?
Reservation.
I like reservation.
Yeah.
Okay.
We may have to name several winners for this puzzle.
I don't know who they are yet
because I'm going to have to spend more time perusing
some of these and you're going to have to read everything.
And so I will have to announce the winners next week.
And next week,
and I'm giving my brother a fair warning here,
the new puzzler season will begin.
Are you with me on this?
Huh?
Do you have any clue?
Did you want to give us about what the first puzzler
of the fall 99 season is going to be?
It's...
It's preparation is everything, isn't it?
It's going to be something puzzling.
And I'm as puzzled by this.
Oh, God.
It happens so fast and the puzzler goes on vacation.
Next thing you know, boom.
I mean, we don't get the same vacation.
People should know we don't get the same vacation
as the puzzler gets.
The puzzler gets two, three, four months.
We get a couple of days.
We don't have the time.
We don't have the time.
But I will tell you,
I'm planning to start off with some real crummy ones
and work my way up.
Work your way down.
That's what usually happens.
Anyway, if you'd like to call us number
1-888-CAR-TALK
that's 888-227-8255
Hello, you're on Car Talk.
Hi, guys.
Hi.
This is Carol from Edwardsville, Illinois.
Is there an E at the end of it?
My name?
Yeah.
No.
I didn't put one.
Well, Edwardsville has an E.
It certainly does.
Illinois.
Yeah.
Which part of Illinois is that?
It's sort of a metropolitan area of St. Louis.
St. Louis, Illinois.
I know St. Louis, St. Louis to you guys.
I'm from New Jersey,
so it's St. Louis to you guys in Illinois.
No, we say St. Louis.
I didn't know it was in Illinois, though,
but that's okay.
It's across the river.
Oh, it's right across the river.
Oh, I know that.
Yeah, East St. Louis.
No, no.
Well, yeah, I'm north of East St. Louis.
North of East St. Louis
and south of West St. Louis.
Excellent.
All right.
Well, first of all,
I want to tell you guys
that I am so devoted to you
that I broke up with a guy once over you.
Really?
I did.
We were going on a day trip,
and I said,
well, as long as we're leaving in the morning,
you have to know,
you have to listen to Click and Clack
at nine o'clock on Saturday morning in the car,
and he said,
not in my car,
those guys are rude and obnoxious.
Hold it, hold it.
If you think they're rude and obnoxious,
then you don't understand me at all,
because I love their sense of humor.
This is what I get.
You don't get me then.
And that's it.
That would that end it pretty quickly.
Yeah, and have you had any luck finding
another guy?
No, actually.
No, it's pretty tough, isn't it?
Yeah, you set those high standards.
Not everybody gets you guys.
No, the barrel of the barrel of the barrel.
Well, I have a spiritual dilemma,
and you should know that I'm a minister,
so I'm calling you a spiritual dilemma.
Oh, we are ministers also.
I know.
Yes, you know that.
And that's why I appreciate you so much.
I have a wonderful car,
an 89 Toyota Corolla wagon
that I absolutely love.
Great.
It's been a wonderful car,
184,000 miles on it.
Yeah.
My 25-year-old son is a graduate student,
and he's a musician,
and he needs a reliable car,
and he doesn't have.
My, the plan was,
when I graduated and became minister,
I was going to get a church and get a new car.
And that sort of has happened,
except the church position I have is only half time.
Oh, you only get half a car.
Yeah, I only get half a car.
So I decided not to look for a car.
The plan was I was going to give him this one
if I found a car.
But I decided not to, you know,
actually go out and look for one.
But I found one sitting in a car lot one day
as I was driving past that just was calling to me.
You know, Carol, look it over here.
It does happen.
It's a 96 Volkswagen Jetta GLX loaded.
Gorgeous.
It's the green.
It's the color and everything that I want.
Oh, that dark green?
Yeah.
Isn't that a nice green?
Gorgeous color.
30,000 miles, I took it to a mechanic.
He said I would buy this car.
All it needs is a wheel alignment.
The guy before me apparently didn't rotate the tires.
Yeah.
The place I'm talking to said,
hey, we'll throw in the wheel,
the new tires and a wheel alignment,
you know, for the cost of the car.
What are they asking for?
They're asking for 15.7.
My guess was 14.
Yeah.
And 14 was my limit.
And so my question is, help me out here.
I'm going to cry when I give up my Toyota.
But I'd rather have my son have it
and know that he has a car that's a sure thing.
And I want something a little jazzier.
The Toyota was very practical
and got it through a lot of things.
And I'd like something a little, you know,
something for people to talk about.
You do have, I understand the nature
of your spiritual dilemma.
Thank you.
I wouldn't have called it spiritual.
I mean, on the one hand, you're a minister.
Right.
And you should, I guess, therefore have
shown the characteristics of ministering,
ministership, ministerness, whatever that is.
Whatever it is.
And jazzy ain't part of the description.
However, I'm a Unitarian minister.
Ah, then you're all set.
Makes a big difference.
Right.
Yeah, there are no rules there.
That's right.
Just go right ahead.
How about a Z3?
I mean, you don't think I'm crazy
to give away my Volkswagen, my Toyota to my son?
Well, not at 184K.
Okay.
How much does he need a car?
Oh, badly.
I mean, but is he going to do a lot of driving?
Well, he has to drive from, he's at Indiana University.
He has to drive from Bloomington to Indianapolis
once a week for a position he has.
Oh, here's what I think this is.
And you're not going to like this, Carol.
You're not going to like this at all.
What?
Carol.
What?
How come it hasn't occurred to you
that you should give the Jetta to your son?
Oh, he wants to know that question too.
Of course.
And?
Are you crazy?
No, no, no.
You are Unitarian.
It doesn't work that way.
That's great.
That's right.
Yeah.
You're absolutely right.
He doesn't deserve any brand new Jetta.
No.
Of course not.
You're totally cool with giving this
my wonderful Toyota to my son, huh?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
You're absolutely right.
He doesn't deserve any brand new Jetta.
No.
Of course not.
You deserve my son, huh?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
No.
I think you deserve the Jetta.
Yeah.
And I think you're absolutely right to say,
if you'll pardon the expression,
to hell with your son.
Uh-huh.
I mean, come on.
Oh, well, let's go.
Let him work for his own car.
Well, thanks.
Good for you.
I appreciate your advice.
Good luck.
Thank you.
See you, Carol.
Take care.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
All right.
Look, we're going to take a short break.
And when we come back,
we'll open ourselves up to ridicule,
derision, and litigation.
This holiday season,
the team at Up First is still hard at work
with all new episodes,
but the news does not take a holiday.
And we know it's harder than ever
to keep up this time of year.
Listen for three essential stories
in under 15 minutes.
Get caught up and get on with your day.
Up First, listen on the NPR app
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On Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me,
famous actors remember their days of obscurity,
like when Pedro Pascal remembered
the stress of being a waiter.
The logistical labor
of meeting everyone's needs
in the right manner,
you know, the act one, the water,
act two, the drink.
Listen to Wait, Wait on the NPR app
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As we say goodbye to 2025,
our reporters are looking back
at some of the most memorable
international stories they covered
in the last year.
From a city in Africa emerging from war
to resilient Indian turtles.
Liberated refugees to defiant
Austrian nuns.
Global favorites from the last year.
Listen to State of the World on the NPR app
or wherever you get your podcasts.
On the season finale of Books We've Loved,
we're hanging out with four friends
looking for love in all
the wrong places.
We are revisiting Terry McMillan's Weeding to Exhale
with Brittany Loose from It's Been a Minute.
Find all episodes of Books We've Loved
on NPR's Book of the Day podcast.
Feed on the NPR app
or wherever you get your podcasts.
We're hanging out with four friends
looking for love in all the wrong places.
If you'd like one or want one to ship to a friend or relative,
you don't really like, just head over to
ShamelessCommerce.com.
That's ShamelessCommerce.com.
Okay, buy me a 1940 Buick convertible
and we'll wait till next week for the puzzler.
And since you're not doing a new puzzler,
I guess that we have a deal. Is that it?
Sure, you take Tonka, don't you?
Well, if you have a puzzler you think I can use next week,
please rush it to me.
Send it overnight delivery to
Kartalk Plaza,
Box 3500,
Harvard Square,
Cambridge, our fair city,
Matt02238
and right on the envelope, of course,
puzzler submission.
Urgent. Emergency. Urgent.
Puzzler submission. Urgent.
Or email me your puzzler suggestion
from the Kartalk section of Cars.com.
That's it. I mean, that's the only message I have.
If you'd like to call us to number 1-888-
Kartalk, that's 888-227-8255.
Hello, you're on Kartalk.
Hi, I'm Elaine. Elaine.
That's close enough, but...
Elaine from?
Clifton, New Jersey.
Clifton, New Jersey.
Clifton, New Jersey.
Elaine. Got it.
What kind of a car do you have, Lady Elaine?
I have a 97 Buickle Sabre.
Practically brand new.
Well, I've had this problem
from day one.
Day one.
And I've had it to a few dealers.
And they seem to think
it's the design of the car, although
my friends don't even want to come
in my car because it's so hot
they can't stand it.
And they all do that
answer from the dealers?
Yeah. But he does that with everything.
So what's the deal? What do you mean
the car is so hot?
Well, there seems to be
some kind of heat emanating
from the dashboard
and I felt a little on the
side door. There's a vent on the...
actually on the door and
there's a vent on the upper left
and this is with no fan on nothing
and one of those
hot days we had
it was like 90 out.
Well, my car was 110 inside
because they told me
get a little thermometer because
I took it back two, three times
and they didn't believe me.
They said get a little thermometer
and when I told them that
they didn't believe me again.
So I'm at my width end
and my warranty is running out
because I almost have 36,000.
Your warranty is not running out
anytime so your warranty is good forever
until they fix it now.
Well, they don't think there's a problem.
But does this car have air conditioning?
Yes. When you have the air conditioning
on, you don't have this problem.
The air works
and even though the air is very cold
that heat is still
coming in and it can't...
So it's mixing with the cold air
and the air coming out of a couple of vents
is not as cold as air coming out of the other vents?
Yeah. And I'm a cold
kind of person so it takes a lot
for me to heat. For a while
I said I had a fever.
You went to the doctor instead of the dealer.
I don't think there's anything wrong with the air conditioner
Elaine. I think what's happening is that the heat
is on all the time because there's either
something wrong with the heater control thing
on the dashboard or there's something wrong
with the doors. When you turn the heat
off and you turn the air conditioner on
there are various doors
in the heating unit
that close and shut off
that hot air so that it
can't get beyond the heater
core into the passenger compartment
and that's what's wrong with your car.
The door is not closing
and the heat is sneaking by
and getting onto the driver's side
of the car. It's just like leaving
the oven door open
and running the air conditioner
in your kitchen. Every time you walked
by the oven you'd say, Jesus, it's hot
in here and you'd be
decreasing the efficiency of the air conditioner
because you'd have heat pouring out of the oven
you have the same thing going on with your car.
Yeah, because they told me it was
they said, well this is so hot because
the car runs at 400 degrees
so I don't have to feel it in the car.
No, you don't. Tell them
morons. You're going to go back
and tell them, I know what's wrong with the car.
All I need is for you guys to fix it.
The door for the heater
is not closing tight enough
and the heat is sneaking by
and just fix it.
That's all. They don't want to do this
because it's a rotten job. It means
crawling around on your belly like a reptile.
Yeah, well, they should be used to that.
So
if they won't do it, take it somewhere else
because that's what's wrong with it.
See, that's what I was wondering. Are they
just dopey or is it so much
trouble or they, you know, they
need to be geared into the right
direction of what it is. They have no clue.
They don't believe you. They need to be helped.
And you're going to help them. Yeah.
They don't believe you because they think you're nuts
and you have to prove that you're not nuts
or at least not in this one thing.
You might be nuts in other things
you're laying. And I have a suspicion
that you probably are.
Oh, thank you.
It is a compliment.
But you can at least show them that
regarding this particular issue
you're not nuts and then they'll fix it.
Well, you know, you're going to think
again when I say this that I've
heard this and you're going to think this is weird
but I actually heard that
people have
had something in them
maybe metallic or whatever
it is, something that when they go
near or any type
of, not necessarily automotive
but any type of appliance
it doesn't work and I
seriously think that's me. I don't think
I share that with you.
Don't mention that.
I don't think.
No.
Good luck.
Good luck. See you later.
Thanks for calling. Bye bye.
1-888-CAR-TALK
That's 8882-278-2
Double 5
Hello. Hello.
Hi, I'm here. Who's this?
I'm sorry, I thought you...
This is Bruce from Orlando floor.
You fell asleep, huh Bruce?
Dozed off a little there.
What's up Bruce?
Okay. Our son is a
lawyer and he lives with us
and several years ago he bought
a lovely 90 Lincoln
town car. Wow.
And it was doing fine for, well still a great car
but after a couple of months
the paint starts sheeting off.
He's convinced if he goes
through a car wash he can take it all off.
There you go. I'm convinced
that there's nothing he can do except
take the paint down right through
the bare metal which is not
economically feasible with the 90
town car. Yeah,
yeah, but this is a
especially a problem for a lawyer.
I mean the guy is
trying to impress people. That's why
he bought a town car.
And it hardly makes much of an impression
unless he's trying to create the impression
that he's a starving lawyer
in which case nobody would hire him
because who wants a lawyer who doesn't have any clients?
That's it, right. He's doing
fine. Yeah, he's doing fine.
Too good to give up on but not good enough
to get the paint job. I think he ought to just
get spray paint and do it
but when he does that
then it flakes off around
Oh yeah, no he has to go for
contact paper.
And they have some really interesting designs.
Oh absolutely. Anything you could put
zebra, you can go for the animal look.
He can go stripes in two directions.
I said right to the center of these issues.
Well, I mean if he really
likes the car, Bruce,
the truth is that
he could take it down to his local
Mako or Earl Shy by one of those
He wants to do that but I'm
convinced it'll just flake off around.
No, no, no because they won't just do a
Mickey Mouse job, I don't think.
Even though you're living in Orlando.
They will do that. I mean
they will strip it all down
they'll prime it and they'll put a coat
of paint on it. That's maybe
going to coat that one.
No, no, it's not that much.
Oh, it's going to cost
I would imagine
somewhere around
1500 bucks. Why?
That's all the cars work.
It's 117,000.
Why not much? Because the stripping process
is labor intensive.
It's very labor intensive.
You've got to wait until they have specials.
They always have specials. Well they never have specials on
stripping the cars. They always have the
paint specials. I mean alternatively
I mean for a couple of hundred bucks
you could just take a shot at having it painted.
I mean what they'll do is they'll sort of
get the flakes of paint off and they'll
paint right over it for 300 bucks.
On special.
No, not really. I don't, no.
But maybe long enough to sell it.
That's what the last guy did.
Yeah, I suspect so.
Well you've got to continue the legacy.
If this doesn't work
you'll be in contact with Dewey Cheatham
Here's what he does.
He gets a couple of clients
for whom he has won cases
and kept out of jail
and says hey come down
Saturday. I'm going to
see his rollback and I'm going to buy
a sander. And you guys are
going to come and you're going to sand down my car.
Otherwise I'm
sending you back to jail. I'm going to go back
and tell him I lied and
you really shouldn't be on the streets.
So are you willing to do this Bruce?
Oh, all the better.
All these people are out of work.
Nothing to do.
If that's the labor
intensive part then you take it down
to Mako and for $399
that's regular price
$399 I think.
They'll paint the whole car.
They'll put the supreme paint job on it.
For 25 bucks as my brother says
they'll roll up the windows.
But you do feel if we don't
take it right down the metal it's just going to flake up.
Oh yeah. You're going to strip it right down the
bad metal and it is something you could do
yourselves. I mean it is labor intensive.
But don't forget every project is
an opportunity to buy a new tool.
Oh yes, as I well know.
And so he should certainly go down
to Sears to the tool department
and buy himself a sander.
Oh not just a sander. You need to buy
the entire line of sanders.
It's a big car.
It's a big car. You're going to burn out
all those motors. And you want
to work on it at the same time.
Yeah, I think so.
It'll be fun. Two on the front, two on the back
and one on the roof. That's wonderful.
You can see it now. See ya Bruce.
Thanks a lot. Good luck.
Well it's happened again.
You vaporized yet another hour
listening to car talk. Our esteemed producer
has dug the subway fugitive.
Not a slave to fashion.
He needs a new name. We got to work on that.
He needs a new wardrobe is what he needs. We knew that too.
And a haircut. Get a haircut.
Our esteemed producer is
Ken the Diaper Slayer Rogers.
Our esteemed producer is
Frau Catherine Fenelosa.
Our engineer is
Dennis the Menace
Totally.
Where did she go?
She ducked us.
Our senior Web Blackie
is Doug Make That Two Sheep Mayor
and our technical spiritual and menu advisor
is the Bugs to John Bugsy.
Did somebody save free lunch?
With your research assisted by Statistician Marge
and Overa, our customer care representative
is Haywood Jabuzoff, our sales director
in Iraq, is Aziz No Warranty.
Tom's personal matchmaker
is Robin D. Cradle.
Our sexual harassment counselor is
Pat McCann, back from a lengthy hiatus.
Watch your language here, pal.
And the head of our HMO emergency room
is Kenny Holder-Please,
our chief counselor from the law firm
of Dewey-Cheathman-Howesie-Louis-Dewey.
Known to the lost looking students
as Huey-Louis-Dewey, thanks so much
for listening. We're Click and Clack.
Don't drive like my brother.
We'll be back next week. Bye-bye.
And now, here is
Car Talk Plaza's chief mechanic,
Mr. Vinny Gumbaz. Vinny?
Thank you very much. Now, if you want a copy
of this year's show, which is number 38,
just pick up your phone
and call this year number 1-888
Car Junk.
What if I wanted a Car Talk CD
or a book, Vinny?
Would I call that same number?
No, you called the New York Met Sticker
office. Of course you called the same number.
You'll dope. You'll call
Shameless Commerce Division
at 888-CARJUNK
or visit online at the Car Talk
section at cars.com, you know?
Thank you, Vinny. That was quite evocative.
Hey, evocative, will you?
Car Talk is a production of
Car Talk in Boston.
And even though NPR changes its phone number
to unpublished, whatever they hear us say it,
this is NPR National Public Radio.
This holiday season on the StoryCorps podcast,
we're casting our eyes north.
We have checked and rechecked our tracking screens.
I hate to bring you and all your good listeners
the bad news, but it doesn't appear
just a minute. We have a sighting.
Santa is on his way.
Your tales of the fears, hopes,
and joys of Christmas past
on a special day.
I hope you enjoyed the show.
I'll see you next time.
Special holiday edition of the StoryCorps podcast
from NPR.
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