Listeners are treated to a humorous exploration of the worst cars of the millennium, featuring a thoughtful defense of the Volkswagen bus from a listener named Bob. The Tappet Brothers engage in witty banter about car quirks, including a caller's malfunctioning windshield wipers on a 1995 Volkswagen Jetta. They dive into potential causes for the issue while maintaining their signature lighthearted approach. The episode also invites listeners to participate in the ongoing nomination process for the worst cars, promising a fun contest ahead.
Rain is an aptly named woman from Florida who is currently battling at least two biblical plagues attempting to take over her Acura. Since Charlton Heston isn’t available to help, she called Clickus and Clackus the Chariotsmiths instead. Will miracles ensue? Find out on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.
"...hey, my Corvair didn't smell that bad or, hey, what do you mean unreliable?"
The Chevrolet Corvair is a small car made by Chevrolet in the 1960s. It had a special engine in the back instead of the front, which made it different from most cars at the time.
The Chevrolet Corvair was a compact car produced by Chevrolet from 1960 to 1969. It is known for its unique rear-engine layout and was one of the few American cars to feature a flat-six engine.
"...or, hey, what do you mean unreliable? My Vegas started on three consecutive mornings one summer."
The Chevrolet Vega is a small car that Chevrolet made in the 1970s. It was light and had some new ideas in its design, but it also had some problems that made it less reliable.
The Chevrolet Vega was a subcompact car produced by Chevrolet from 1970 to 1977. It was known for its lightweight design and innovative use of materials, but it also faced criticism for reliability issues.
"the Volkswagen bus got blown all over the road, didn't have any heat to speak of, and used the driver's legs as its first line of defense in an accident."
The Volkswagen Bus is a famous van that many people recognize. It was popular for families and travelers, especially in the 60s and 70s, and is known for its boxy shape and spacious interior.
The Volkswagen Bus, also known as the VW Type 2, is a classic vehicle that became iconic for its unique design and versatility. It was widely used for transportation and as a camper van, especially during the 1960s and 1970s.
"You'll know you're almost there when the clutch cable goes out."
The clutch cable is a part that helps you change gears in a car with a manual transmission. If it breaks, you won't be able to shift gears properly, which can cause problems while driving.
The clutch cable is a critical component in manual transmission vehicles, connecting the clutch pedal to the clutch mechanism. When the cable fails, it can prevent the driver from disengaging the engine from the transmission, making it impossible to shift gears.
"Bob Hammer, balding frost-bitten owner of a goat vomit green, 76 Westfalia in Wichita."
The Volkswagen Westfalia is a type of van that can be used for camping. The 1976 model is one of the versions made in the 1970s, and it's known for its unique look and ability to be converted into a small living space.
The Volkswagen Westfalia is a camper van that was popular in the 1970s, known for its distinctive design and versatility for road trips and camping. The '76 model refers to its production year, which is part of the Type 2 generation of Volkswagen vans.
"Ninety-five Volkswagen Jetta with windshield wipers that have a mind of their own, which typically is not a problem in Seattle."
The Volkswagen Jetta is a small car that many people use for everyday driving. The 1995 version is known for being dependable and comfortable to drive.
The Volkswagen Jetta is a compact car that has been popular for its practicality and efficiency since its introduction in the 1980s. The 1995 model is part of the third generation, known for its reliability and comfort.
"Brought them into the dealer in December and they changed the wiper switch. The switch? The switch."
The wiper switch is the part of the car that you use to turn the windshield wipers on and off. If it doesn't work properly, the wipers might not work when you need them.
The wiper switch is a control mechanism that allows the driver to operate the windshield wipers, adjusting their speed and activating them as needed. A malfunctioning wiper switch can lead to wipers that operate erratically or not at all.
"...the airbag light was coming on and off. Oh, I'd worry about that because the airbag light is on. The airbag is not going to work."
The airbag light is a warning light on your dashboard. If it’s on, it means there’s an issue with the airbag system, and it might not work if you get into an accident.
The airbag light indicates a problem with the airbag system in a vehicle. When this light is illuminated, it usually means that the airbag may not deploy in the event of a crash, which poses a significant safety risk.
"...it's possible that somewhere in the wiring harness..."
A wiring harness is a group of wires that connects different parts of a car. If there's a problem with it, some electrical features might not work properly.
A wiring harness is a bundle of wires that transmits electrical power and signals to various components in a vehicle. Issues with the wiring harness can lead to electrical problems, including malfunctioning systems like airbags.
"OK, I've got a 1990 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme and I have this little alarm thing that goes off whenever I do something like turn off the car and leave..."
The Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme is a car made by Oldsmobile, a brand that was popular in the past. It was known for being comfortable and having a lot of space inside.
The Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme is a mid-size car produced by Oldsmobile from the 1960s to the 1990s. It was known for its comfortable ride and was popular during its time for its spacious interior and various engine options.
"...when I have the lights on, I'm driving down the highway, my lights on and I apply the gas pedal, the alarm starts going off."
The gas pedal is the part of the car that you press with your foot to make it go faster. When you push it down, the car speeds up.
The gas pedal is the control in a vehicle that regulates the engine's power output, allowing the driver to accelerate. Pressing the gas pedal increases the engine's RPM, which in turn increases the vehicle's speed.
"...if I put my foot on the brakes, it will go off."
Brakes are what you use to stop the car. When you press the brake pedal, the car slows down or comes to a stop.
Brakes are the components of a vehicle that slow down or stop the car by applying friction to the wheels. They are essential for safe driving and control of the vehicle.
"Okay, I've got an 85 Volkswagen vanagon Um, it started running rough on a rainy day like it was on stopping go in the city"
The Volkswagen Vanagon is a type of van made by Volkswagen, popular for camping and traveling. The 1985 version is known for its roomy interior and unique shape.
The Volkswagen Vanagon is a versatile van that was produced from 1979 to 1992. It is known for its spacious interior and is often used for camping and road trips. The 1985 model is part of the second generation of the Vanagon, which features a boxy design and rear-engine layout.
"...it was uh the fuel pump. I think making the noise sure..."
The fuel pump is a part of the car that sends fuel from the gas tank to the engine. If it doesn't work, the car might not start or could stop running while driving.
A fuel pump is a critical component in a vehicle's fuel system that delivers gasoline or diesel from the tank to the engine. If a fuel pump fails, it can lead to engine stalling or failure to start, as the engine relies on a steady supply of fuel to operate.
"...you said it was a vacuum leak and you said, okay, you know, you uh, they go to the garage and they have this little propane thing..."
A vacuum leak is when air gets into the engine where it shouldn't, which can cause problems like rough idling or stalling. It's like having a hole in a balloon that lets air escape.
A vacuum leak occurs when there's an unintended gap in the intake system that allows air to enter the engine without passing through the mass airflow sensor. This can lead to poor engine performance, increased emissions, and difficulty starting the vehicle.
"...I wish I knew that before I took the camping propane bottle in the screwdriver and burned up all them wires..."
A propane torch is a tool that burns propane gas to create a flame. It's often used for heating things up or finding leaks in car engines by seeing if the flame changes when pointed at certain spots.
A propane torch is a tool that uses propane gas to produce a flame, often used for tasks like soldering, heating, or, in this case, detecting vacuum leaks by applying heat to specific areas of an engine to see if it affects engine performance.
A spark plug wire helps send electricity to the part of the engine that makes it go. If it's damaged, the engine might not run well or could have trouble starting.
A spark plug wire is a component that transmits electrical current from the ignition coil to the spark plug, which ignites the air-fuel mixture in the engine's combustion chamber. A bad spark plug wire can lead to misfires, poor engine performance, and difficulty starting the vehicle.
"I suspect you have either a cracked distributor cap or a bad spark plug wire..."
The distributor cap helps send electricity to the spark plugs. If it's cracked, it can cause the engine to run poorly, especially when it's wet outside.
The distributor cap is a component of the ignition system that houses the ignition coil and directs the electrical current to the correct spark plug. A cracked distributor cap can cause misfires and poor engine performance, particularly in damp conditions.
The Acura Integra is a small car made by Honda that many people liked for its fun driving experience. It was especially popular in the late 1980s and early 1990s.
The Acura Integra is a compact car that was produced by Honda under the Acura brand. It is known for its sporty performance and was popular among car enthusiasts, especially in the 1980s and 1990s.
"I unlocked my car door and I opened it up and my car grew a whole new upholstery job while I was going"
Upholstery is the fabric or material that covers the seats and inside parts of a car. It helps make the car look nice and comfortable to sit in.
Upholstery refers to the materials used to cover the seats and interior surfaces of a vehicle. It can include fabric, leather, or vinyl, and can significantly affect the comfort and aesthetics of the car's interior.
Select text to request an explanation
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Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack, the
Tappet Brothers.
We're broadcasting this week from the Enlightened Response Division here at Car Talk Plaza.
Now, you may be aware that we have been seeking nominations for the worst cars of the previous
millennium.
And to kick off the nomination process a few weeks ago, we offered our own list of like
15 or 20 Jaloppies, most of which my brother has owned at one time or another.
Still own most of them.
And as we've come to expect when we do things like this, we received a number of vituperative
responses from people defending one or more of these heaps on our list.
And most of them took the form of, hey, my Corvia didn't smell that bad or, hey, what
do you mean unreliable?
My Vegas started on three consecutive mornings one summer.
But we did get one particular defense, which was so thoughtful that we thought it was sharing.
And it comes from somebody named Bob Hamrick.
And he's responding to this statement made by us.
And I don't recall that I made the statement.
I believe these were your words exactly.
Were you talking to any Christian lawyers?
Romanticized as it was, the Volkswagen bus got blown all over the road, didn't have any
heat to speak of, and used the driver's legs as its first line of defense in an accident.
I believe you said that.
And here's what Bob says.
He says, your description of the VW bus was completely accurate, but alas, pathetically
unenlightened.
Further contemplation will bring you to these epiphanic, I didn't know there was such a
word, conclusions.
A, if a VW bus shifts in the wind, it is simply because you are on the wrong path, heading
in the wrong direction.
Think of it not as a potentially lethal driving hazard, but rather as a spiritual global positioning
system.
B, heat.
Who among us has actually known heat?
Is not one man's boil another man's frost?
Could it be that the sound of one hand clapping is a VW driver attempting to at once shift
and survive?
Huh?
C, factually the driver's legs are not the first line of defense.
Tom and Ray have overlooked the thick layer of bug guts.
Aero dynamically meshed into a natural and practically impenetrable polymer, covering
the bus's flat front, or kind of like Kevlar, buglar, buglar.
In addition, many buses feature a front mounted, tri-plated, independent repealing e-mobilizer,
a tire, combining the science of high cost airbags and the proven effectiveness of amusement
park bumper cars.
We were all wrong.
Finally, and most importantly, remember that every VW bus is surrounded by the plush and
cushioning aura of St. Jerry of Garcia, providing divine trucking guidance to freaks, deadheads,
17-year-old wannabes, and balding 40-something used-to-bees.
I suggest you tie-dye yourselves to the front seats of a classic split-window model and
hit the road for new Nirvana.
You'll know you're almost there when the clutch cable goes out.
Bob Hammer, balding frost-bitten owner of a goat vomit green, 76 Westphalia in Wichita.
Bob, you have set us straight.
You put us on the right path, but you get blown over into another lane, it's because
you're on the wrong path.
See, that's the trouble with left brain people.
You think you understand the problem, and you don't even get it, you just don't get
it.
As they say, enlighten up.
So don't forget, we're still accepting nominations at our website, which is the Car Talk section
of cars.com of the worst cars of the millennium, and I'm sure there will be many more added
to the list as time goes on, and then we're going to have a big contest at the end, and
we're going to award washing machines and all that stuff.
And in free trips.
In free trips.
In the car that you told me.
You're going to have to ride across the country, and this was failure.
Let's see if you all bobbed.
That won't be for a surprise.
If you want to talk to us about your current worst car, the number is 1-888-CAR-TALK, that's
888-227-8255, hello, you're on Car Talk.
Hi, this is Christy from Seattle.
Hi, Christy from Seattle.
Christy.
Funny Seattle.
About time, huh?
And with an IE or a Y?
IE.
IE.
Starts with a C-H.
K-R.
K-R!
And you're from Seattle?
Yeah.
You must have been born there.
No, born in Northern New York.
See, you can always tell, you know?
The spelling of one's name tells you where you came from.
Now, Christy, if it was spelled the way we wanted to spell it, would mean she had come
from Maryland.
Or Pennsylvania.
Possibly Pennsylvania, but certainly not Seattle.
But New York is good.
You can be born in New York.
We'll accept that.
What's up?
Ninety-five Volkswagen Jetta with windshield wipers that have a mind of their own, which
typically is not a problem in Seattle.
Because it's always raining anyway.
It's always raining anyway.
And they come on by themselves.
They come on by themselves or they don't go off.
Brought them into the dealer in December and they changed the wiper switch.
The switch?
The switch.
The thing on the column.
That's correct.
Yeah.
Why would they do that?
Why not?
I would have done that.
Sure, for $179.
That's why they did it.
Well, no, that makes perfect sense.
No, I would have changed the wiper relay.
Well, when I took it back the following day, they replaced the wiper relay.
How much was that?
$59.
And that was on the house.
That was included in the $179.
Oh, so they were embarrassed that they had done a repair that didn't fix the problem.
And they threw in the relay.
Yeah.
And it's still happening.
That's too bad because those are the only two ideas we have.
But now that we're forced, now that we're forced to, we will certainly come up with
more.
Oh, we've got to think about it?
Thought is born of failure.
Yeah.
Well, let me tell you what's been working lately.
I can turn the hazard lights on and off.
And that's worked twice.
Oh, okay.
Well, we're just fresh out of time, Christy.
Thanks for calling.
You turn on the hazard lights and the windshield wipers go off.
Just the button.
Turn it on and then turn them off.
Do the hazard lights work?
Yes.
Well, I don't know.
Who cares?
Oh, man.
Oh, geez.
Any ideas?
How the heck did you ever figure out the turning on the hazards?
Desperation, it's called.
Yeah.
You tried everything.
You know, normally I'd have to pull over and pull the fuse, so I was desperate, yeah.
But when they are on like this, when in the unwanted stage, are they running at low speed
or are they running at intermittent speed?
What are they doing?
They're running at the regular speed and they can go to the high speed as well.
By themselves?
No.
No.
The only trouble is you can't turn them off.
But the switch, once they're on, if you turn the switch to, what if you turn it to intermittent?
No, the speed does not decrease and when you go to the off position, it does not shut
off.
Okay.
When you go to the high position.
High on normal speeds work.
Correct.
I mean, it sounds...
Well, here's some possibilities.
I know what's wrong.
Yeah, but you don't know how to find it.
Well, I...
No, I don't.
But I'm going to tell you what's wrong and then it'll be the job of these guys to find
it.
Okay.
I'm going to suggest that if you were to turn everything else off, perhaps, that the wipers
would also stop.
For example, if you had the heater and the radio on, it's very likely, or the lights,
it's very likely that if you turn those things off, it would kill the wipers as well because
what's happening is one of those devices, i.e., the radio or the heater blow or whatever,
has a faulty ground circuit and it is using the wiper motor as the ground and it's feeding
electricity back into the wiper motor and, in fact, making the wiper motor work.
So you have a bad ground on some other device in the car.
Hmm.
Maybe the hazard lights.
I don't think so.
Well, but it's possible.
Right.
Well, the other thing was the airbag light was coming on and off.
Oh, man.
And they checked that and told me not to worry about it.
Oh, I'd worry about that because the airbag light is on.
The airbag is not going to work.
Man, you got troubles.
I don't know this.
I mean, you either have a bad ground or it's possible that somewhere in the wiring harness,
there's a bare wire that somehow is touching something else that shouldn't touch.
So do I keep the pressure on them?
Yeah.
Well, tell them that you spoke to some experts.
Don't tell them who.
Don't tell them who they are.
But they think it's a bad ground somewhere else that's feeding back current into the
wiper motor.
And I'm convinced that that's when when when you're on stump, the chumps, you'll verify
that that's the right answer.
So be be be prepared for a call from us, Christine.
And this is not easy.
This is not going to be easy to find what a pain in the neck.
On the other hand, you could just live with it.
No, I know, but I think it may be tied into the airbag thing.
So I'd have it looked at when they find when they solve one problem, they'll have solved
the other one, too.
All right.
OK.
Thank you.
Good luck.
Yeah.
Oh, man, what a way to start the day.
I mean, this is the kind of thing that if it's Monday morning and someone drives into
the shop with this problem, you say, I'm going home, all my guys go to the bathroom at once.
And there's only one bathroom.
There's only one toilet in there and five of them in there.
Come out.
Anybody.
Oh, man.
All right, Tommy, do you remember last week's puzzler?
No, I don't.
Would you give me a hand?
Well, I'll give you a great hand.
It was about time passing slowly, very, very slowly.
Sort of like my first marriage.
Well, no, that's not it.
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Hi, we're back.
You're listening to Car Talk with us, Click and Clack, the Tapper Brothers.
He had to talk about cars, car repair, and the answer to last week's puzzler.
Right, you ready?
I'm ready.
I still don't remember it.
We have a friend who shall remain nameless, who works at a government facility and does
very important work.
It's almost a given government facility.
It's going to be important work, right?
Anyway, one day he's at his desk working away, reading some very technical manual.
When he's awakened, I mean startled by the sound of his stomach growling.
He turns in his seat and looks at the electric clock on the wall behind him.
This is one of those clocks that you see in office buildings everywhere.
You know, it plugs into the wall.
You got it?
Yeah.
Those big analog round things.
Yeah.
He looks at the clock and as he turns back to his work, he says, gee, it's obviously
too early to eat lunch.
I must have forgotten to eat breakfast.
He returns to work.
A short time later, he's again startled by the growling of his stomach.
He turns to look at the clock again.
This time he notices that it's later than it was the first time that he looked.
Da.
But it's still too early for lunch.
The second hand is sweeping.
The hour hand is moved and the minute hand is in a different position than it was before.
And in fact, the hands of the clock are exactly 180 degrees apart like they would be if it
were six o'clock.
As he turns back to his desk, again thinking about how interminably long this morning seems,
his stomach growls for the third time and he says, the clock is broken.
How did he know the clock was broken?
Mm.
Well, I purposely made the narrative rather lengthy so as to obfuscate.
Yeah.
Of course.
We knew that.
And confuse.
Yeah.
And did I do that?
You succeeded.
I don't know the answer.
Well you do know the answer.
I do.
You know, let's say he looked at the clock and he saw that the hands were 180 degrees
apart but the clock read 1125.
Yeah.
But that's impossible.
It's impossible for it to be 1125?
It's impossible for it to be 1125 and the hands be 180 degrees apart.
Oh, of course.
Because when it's 1125, in fact, the hour hand should be beyond 11.
It should be 512ths of the way to 12.
When it's 1130, shouldn't it be halfway between 11 and 12?
Yeah, but.
Right.
But if it's exactly on 11 and the minute hand is exactly on the 5.
But you didn't say that.
I didn't.
I just said that the hands were 180 degrees apart and that's what he noticed.
And they could be 180 degrees apart.
Not at 1125.
Who said anything about 1125?
Well, that's what he noticed.
How about 1127?
Wasn't 1127.
But the hands would have been 180 degrees apart.
But that's how he knew the clock was broken.
Oh, jeez.
He knew the clock was broken because it read a time that was impossible.
Oh, man, this is really sucky.
No, it isn't.
It's wonderful.
Oh, man, you are going to get so much hate mail.
I'll be on your side.
I'm your brother.
Oh, I doubt it.
And I'll defend you to the death.
I doubt it.
But I have to say that this stinks to high heaven.
To high heaven, I tell you.
This stinks a lot.
They're like rats leaving a sinking ship, Berman is run out.
You, I mean, sure, what?
Sure, I could have merely said the clock reads nine fifteen and the two hands are opposite
each other.
One hundred and eighty degrees.
Is that a possibility?
And you would have said, no, that's impossible.
No, it's not.
So I had to make it.
I had to clever it up.
So to speak.
Wow.
Come on.
Fine.
All right.
Fine.
I'll give it to you.
It's wonderful to have such a ringing endorsement.
No, no, I understand the difficulty of coming up with a puzzler that doesn't stink out loud.
And you week after week after week.
And I don't expect you to come up with fifty two of them a year.
Well, I didn't, obviously.
No, in fact, it's still January.
And I've already failed this for this year.
This is all right.
So you're going to come to this one stinker.
We're going to cut this.
Let's get we got to stick.
We should keep a little stinker tally.
OK, but you've got fifty thousand more chances here in the millennium to come up with better
ones, and I hope you're up to it.
I don't know.
But nonetheless, we have a winner anyway.
I mean, somebody won.
Well, Pirate Victory.
She's you might as well, whatever she gets, she might as well just throw it out.
How do you know it's a she?
I know it's a she.
It's Mari Belsky from Medford, Oregon.
And for having her bogus answer selected at random from among all the bogus answers
that we receive, Mari will get a twenty five dollar gift certificate to the car talk.
Shameless commerce division.
Congratulations, such as it is, Mari.
Are you done now?
We'll have a new, hopefully not completely stink old puzzler
coming up in the third half of today's show.
So stay tuned for that.
Not completely.
In the meantime, you can call us and ask questions, but your car is one eight eight
eight car talk, eight eight eight two.
Well, you're going to be ready to accept.
I'm a very sensitive guy.
I hope you know that eight eight eight two two seven eight two five five.
Hello, you're on car talk.
Hi there.
Hi, who's this?
Hi, guys.
This is Allison from Ohio.
Hey, Allison, was that a stink old answer or what?
It was pretty bad.
Next caller.
So what's up, Allison?
OK, I've got a 1990 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme and I have this little alarm
thing that goes off whenever I do something like turn off the car and leave
the lights on.
Yeah, yeah, just this little electronic beeping thing.
Yeah, however, what happened to happening recently is whenever I have the lights on,
I'm driving down the highway, my lights on and I apply the gas pedal, the alarm
starts going off.
Yeah.
But when I take my foot off the gas, it will go off or if I put my foot on the
brakes, it will go off.
Oh, so if you put, if you step on the gas, the little buzzer thing comes on and stays
on.
Yeah, until I take my foot off the gas.
Is it a buzzer?
Is it a ding ding ding ding?
So as long as you're, if you coast, it goes off.
Yes, but if you're accelerating it goes ding-a-ling-a-ling and if you break it goes off too. Yes
What color is the car?
Gray
Is it a two-door or four door four door? I think I know the answer. Do you? I do wonderful
Really? Well, I I don't mean again. I know the answer in the abstract
Okay, that's good enough. It's a start. Yeah, it's a start if you were to open your door
Well while you were driving you'd get the same ding ding ding. I've never tried it, but try it. Okay, okay?
I mean just open the door or crack. This is the basic dummy ding ding ding anything you do right?
You leave the lights on you leave the keys in you open the door while the car is moving
What I think is happening is the little switch which keeps the thing from going ding ding ding
Is just on the hair's edge of being out of adjustment so that when you accelerate the car you are distorting the frame enough
Ah, so that the it appears to this switch let the door is open or a jar
And then when you break or slow down
Okay
Then you close the switch and the dinghy stops and it could be any it could be any of the four doors
Okay, because I've tried slamming like the door pretty hard when I'm when I'm going like pulling it in
Well, you know what to do open the window and when it's doing this
Uh-huh stick your arm hang your arm out the window and pull the door closer to you
Okay, it's more it's most likely to be the driver's door. All right
Because that's the one that's used all the time sure, but it could be any of them
Yeah, and and suck it in toward you and that'll pull it tight
And the ding ding should stop and if it does then at least you'll be able to go and tell someone exactly what to fix
Okay, all right, and it may even be the same switch that operates the the dome light. I'm not sure
All right, but it may not be it may not be turning the dome light on but it may be enough to turn this dingaling thing on
Okay, all right. Thank you. See you allison. All right. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye
1-888 car talk that's 888-227-8255. Hello, you're on car talk
Hey, this is Ron from Boniface, Florida
Hi Ron. Yeah, where's Boniface in the panhandle
Really?
Like in the middle of nowhere
Sometimes it feels that way. So what's up? Okay, I've got an 85
Volkswagen vanagon
Um, it started running rough on a rainy day like it was on stopping go in the city
Like it was gonna like it was gonna chug out
And then I got finally on the highway and it feels like I thought maybe I had something clogged in there
And it burned it out and but I was hearing a buzz of noise coming from underneath the frame
And I got out later and it was uh the fuel pump. I think making the noise sure
I thought it was I thought I was okay because it was running fine
And then of course on another rainy day it did it again only I couldn't couldn't get it restarted
So I towed it to a friend's house and ordered me uh another fuel pump eventually and put it in and finally got the thing going again
Okay, ran fine and then it started doing it again
And now uh, wait it ran fine even on rainy days
Well, no it started doing it again the next time it rained two weeks later. There you go
Because the fuel pump wasn't gonna solve that problem. Yeah. Yeah, I I I don't I don't think so but uh
And you notice we didn't let you get away with that. Well, hold it. It gets better. Okay. Good. I'm listening to your show
Yeah, and I hear somebody else that has like the same problem
And you said it was a vacuum leak and you said, okay, you know, you uh, they go to the garage and they have this little propane thing
Yeah, they squirt it around and they find it. So I think it okay. I can do that
You don't have a vacuum leak. Well, I wish I knew that before I took the camping propane bottle in the screwdriver
And burned up all them wires
With the screwdriver in the propane bottle and I'm squirting it's coming like a like a spray bottle, you know
And then all of a sudden boom
You got a little flame. No, not a little flame big flame
Well, we didn't we didn't want you to spray the stuff straight from the bottle
Uh, do you see this? I barely had time to break. Do you still do you have any eyebrows left? We'll be going back
This isn't funny. This is serious business. You have to laugh otherwise it'll so us
Don't you hear that the disclaimer at the beginning of the show that says don't try any of these things at home
When I when I was there I was just standing there and uh, I
I wasn't sure I was still all there, you know, and I was looking around and I'm a propane bottle about 20 feet away
Yeah, isn't it amazing? How did we get over there how fast fire can move? Oh man
Well, that's nothing compared to the crick in my neck. I felt the next day. Oh, yeah
No, that's true. You yeah, that that does happen too. So did you find to find the vacuum?
I suspect considering that you had a
Conflagration at the back of the vehicle there that you have a bad spark plug wire
Ah, yeah, which is what you had wrong all the time. Oh, man, and that's why it runs bad when it rains
Because you could have just changed the spark plug wires because what happened is
You could still have eyebrows
You could still have eyebrows and whatever little mustache you had before
Yeah, I suspect you have either a cracked distributor cap or a bad spark plug wire
But I would start with those and if it's giving you a problem on rainy days
That's more likely the problem than anything else, especially the it ain't the fuel pump. We know that much now. Okay. Yeah
And watch out with that propane
Well, that's a one time deal. I'm not that down. Yeah, I'm glad you survived run
Well, my brother burned off six sets of eyebrows before he figured it out
As a matter of fact, the first time it happened was on a dodge dot. I remember it to this day
Reving up the gas and revving it up over the oh, I had the valve cover off
I was adjusting the valves
And I cranked it. What a mistake that was and that ball of flame
Shot out my brother one flying across the garage
With his hair on fire with his hair on fire. We started which and we immediately started to figure out how we could divvy up his tools
Say you're on okay, thanks. Thanks for calling Ron
All right, it's time to take a short break right my brother's gonna meditate until a new puzzler just sort of comes to him
You know, or is it like keel over and bump my head on the microphone?
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Ha
We're back you're listening to car talk with us click and collect the tapper brothers and we here to discuss cars car repair
And uh, the new puzzler
Don't don't
Don't have an attitude anymore. Come on. Just tell it to us
All right, here it is. It actually this is stolen somewhat from a uh an email I got from a long time ago
The last one was stolen from someone too
So you're not responsible
There you go. You're just a damn thief
All right, here we go our uh
erstwhile companion and chief mechanic vinny gumbaz is being renowned for his prowess in arm wrestling
Is asked to set up a tournament at the local watering hole where he uh goes and gets stowed every night. Yeah
It's to be a single elimination tournament i.e. Once you lose you're out. No ties allowed. This is arm wrestling
You can't have a tie. Yeah in arm wrestling, right?
to his horror
247 people have signed up for this tournament and the barkeeper
Wants to know how many bouts have to be fought. I mean figuring the boat takes like five minutes
He wants to know at what time he should start the event. Yeah, so that
It'll include before closing time. Yeah, right. You got it. I got it
Okay, so vinny is oh, he's in a tizzy now because he doesn't he's thinking about I gotta set up a branching tree
Count all the branches and and since he can't count much beyond 14. He's in a tizzy
fortunately
There's a little guy sitting next to vinny at the bar and the guy says
I know the answer
Vinny says, were you some kind of genius or something?
The guy says no, but there is a simple reasoning process
Which will allow you to instantly know how many bouts have to be fought
Yeah, the question is if there are 247 people that signed up, how many bouts will they have to be?
In order to determine one winner there you go with a single round elimination and show your work
Show all the work no partial credit
Now if you think you know the answer write it on the back of a 20 dollar and and by the way
Yeah, when the boat starts both hands of the clock
Are 180 degrees apart
If you think you know the answer write it on the back of a 20 dollar bill or a piece of wet firewood
Or a broken clock and send it to puzzler tower
car talk plaza
box
3500
Harvard square cambridge our fair city matt 02238 or you can email your answers from the car talk section of cars.com
If you'd like to call us the number is 1-888 car talk. That's 888
2278255 whole eight even michael jordan didn't score a basket every time he struck
Oh shut up
Hello, you're on he missed a few free throws all right. All right
Hello, you're right baby. Hello, you're on car talk. Hi, my name is rain. I'm calling from ocean rich florida
Is that r a i n or r a n e or r a i n just like the weather for ocean what?
Ocean rich at south of west palm beach
Now, how did you get the name rain from of course from your mommy something like that?
Was she a flower child? No, my parents are too old to be hippies. They are never too old to be a hippie
We had a grandmother who was a hippie
I think they were teaching hippies. Oh, they were teaching hippies and rain just came. Yeah, I kind of like your name though
I bet you do too. Thank you. I do. Yeah. No, it's a neat. It's a neat name. It is a neat. It is it is
It's good. Yeah, I could have been worse. I could have named you blizzard
Or blizzard of 78. So what's up rain? What's the story? What's up? I have an 88 accurate integrates my first car
And um, I went away and left it for three and a half months in florida
And I got home and I unlocked my car door and I opened it up and my car grew a whole new upholstery job while I was going
Oh, oh
I mean was it just the upholstery. How about the ceiling? Oh, no, it was everything. It was like it was truly a
Car worthy of the name rain. It was purple and green and blue
God
It was really did you just like close the door and run like hell
I just I I started laughing because really that seemed more
You know, that's the only thing you could do under the circumstances regardless of the age of the car
You'd have to laugh
First then afterwards you can cry but laughter was the was the right first response. Well, I got that part
Good good. So then we kind of dusted off the seats as best we could and put a plastic bag over it
I made lots of comments about toxic mold sports. Yeah, you you actually got into this vehicle
I had to get home. What are you crazy? Where was it at the airport?
No, it was um, where I work it was in the parking lot and see I knew the car leaked
So I put a cover over it, but we had two hurricanes
So the cover blow off and then they put it back on and I guess being underneath the cover in the war
Oh, sure. Oh, yeah, it was the perfect like more. It was like a petri dish
But were you going through some kind of early midlife crisis here?
I mean you just left your car in the parking lot at work and took off for three and a half months
Yeah, you have a fight with your boss. Where were you? I I was working on a study abroad program
No kidding. Yeah, so you're just up and left basically. Exactly. My nephew's doing that in college
Which one is he studying?
So you've dusted off this penicillin stuff. No, oh
I get out the vacuum and now I have mold spots and I'm really worried about it growing back
Well, you can't you can't vacuum it with you. You have to throw the vacuum cleaner out
Well, I went to the you know, oh
Man, I did this to a guest. You have started a pandemic
They were not nice to me before so I had no qualms about using their super vacuum
The empty that you
So then I go in the trunk and all the ants in the area
I swear to god half the fire ants is south florida moved into my spare tire well. Oh, man
It is so so upsetting answer my worst fear realized I've and karma for life because I must have killed, you know
Seven or eight really big ant nest
So I think now that I just need a good way to get the mold stains out of my seats
And what's the best way to get rid of the ants because now I have the second ant infestation coming up
I guess the babies that I didn't kill are hatching. Well, I wouldn't I wouldn't drive the car
I know what kills mold and does it very effectively
Moss balls or something sodium hypo chloride
Otherwise known as chlorine bleach
Okay
So you buy a bottle of chlorox and you need to but it will it'll turn everything white
Well, that's better than what I have now. Yeah, it's better than what she's got now
But you've got to spray everything the carpet the headliner
Every place the mold is growing and every place that you think it could have grown you've got to spray with the bleach
Yeah, I would spray it
Roll up the windows and leave the car for about three and a half months preferably in a sunny parking lot
Well, see we have lots of those in florida one of the weird things is I had tinting on my windows
Which was half on half off
So now the sunshine's coming into the car and some people think that'll kill that in conjunction with the bleach will kill it
Okay, no question about that the ants. What about the ants now? How did you kill the ants the first time?
There's this great stuff called citrus magic and it's organic
So at least it was an organic death that they all died
A planet friendly demise
Gee, I kind of like that expression
An organic come back as an ant. I know it you are and someone's gonna step on you the first day
But no, that's all right. It's all right to kill ants
We have we have uh, no lack of ants no shortage of ants. I got over it real fast. Yeah, but those ants have
mommies
You're an evil little person rain, aren't you? Well, I'm not little
The ants
The ants are your your department. We we solved your mold problem
Which I think is the larger of the two problems
Okay, and I would use whatever you use whatever that stuff was
Give the little creatures an organic death. Okay. All right rain. Good luck. Thank you and welcome home
Well, if you survive this keep in touch
Well, it's happened again, you've squandered another perfectly good hour listening to car talk
Our esteemed producer is dug the subway fugitive
Punk and lips burman our social producers are ken the diaper slayer rogers frow kathrin fenolosa
Louie crone and the barbarian. You notice that we keep adding associate producers that means berman's doing less and less
Every week every week. I mean first it's a one hour shop. We need three associate producers. Don't forget. We do all the work
I don't get it our engineer is denis the menace foley our senior web lackeys dug the old gray mayor
And our technical spiritual and menu advisor back from the early midwinter pro-am free lunch tour is john bugsy lullar
Our public opinion pollster is paul murkey of murkey research assisted by statistician marge and ovara
Our customer care representative is haywood jabuz off our director of new product repair is warrantee my foot
Our pseudonym consultant is norm de plume. Our assistant director of strategic planning is kent c the trees
The head of our division of threat assessment is ewen whatarmy our director of luxury car horns is tony blare
And our car stereo installer is carlos antenna and our new russian chauffeur
Is beak off in drop-off
Our chief counsel from the law firm of do we cheat him and how he was doing
Known to the penguins in harvard square as you and louis do we thanks so much for listening
We're clicking clack the tappet brothers and remember whatever you do. Don't drive like my brother
Whatever you do. Don't drive like my brother. We'll be back next week. Bye. Bye
And now here is car talk plaza's chief mechanic mr. Vinnie gumbaz
Thank you very much now if you want to copy this see a show which is number 0005
Just pick up your phone and call this number one eight eight eight cod junk
And what if I wanted some other car talk things vinnie, you know like a car talk sweatshirt a t-shirt
Well, I call that same number
No, I think you'd write the queen elizabeth and ask if she include one with your next knighthood. You dope
Of course, you call the same number. You call the shambles calmest division at eight eight eight cod junk
Well, visit it online at the car talk section of cars.com. Yeah, thank you. Vinnie. That was clear and to the point
Hey point this with you
Car talk is a production of do we cheat them and how and wb or embossed and even though
constitutional lawyers argue over the definition of cruel and unusual whatever they hear us say it
This is npr national public radio
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