The Tappet Brothers dive into the hilarious world of the worst cars of the millennium, inviting listeners to vote on their top pick. From the infamous Chevy Vega to the explosive Ford Pinto, they share amusing anecdotes and critiques of each vehicle. The episode features a lively discussion about the quirks and failures of these notorious cars, alongside a call-in segment where a listener seeks advice about her Mercury Tracer's mysterious revving issue. The blend of humor and practical car advice makes for an entertaining listen.
Raconteur and friend of the show, Daniel Pinkwater has been on a lifelong quest for the perfect car. His is a quest not motivated by horsepower or design so much as the need to find a vehicle that he can get his ‘substantial’ frame in and out of without the use of lubricants. How effective is WD-40 when used as an antiperspirant? Find out on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.
"The Chevy Vega. Man, we had lots and lots of people recommending this car. And understandably, because they sold a lot of these."
The Chevy Vega is a small car that Chevrolet made in the 1970s. It was popular for a time but had some reliability issues.
The Chevy Vega was a compact car produced by Chevrolet from 1970 to 1977. It was known for its innovative design and was part of the subcompact car trend in the U.S. during the 1970s.
"The Ford Pinto. This made an explosive entry into the market."
The Ford Pinto was a small car made by Ford in the 1970s. It became famous for its design and some safety problems that were widely discussed.
The Ford Pinto was a subcompact car produced by Ford in the 1970s, known for its controversial design and safety issues, particularly related to fuel tank placement.
"The AMC Gremlin, which was as ugly as you could get. And way ahead of its time."
The AMC Gremlin was a small car made by AMC in the 1970s. It was known for its unusual and not very attractive design.
The AMC Gremlin was a compact car produced by American Motors Corporation (AMC) from 1970 to 1978, often criticized for its unconventional styling and compact size.
"The Renault Le Car. Right. That's neck and neck with the Dauphin."
The Renault Le Car was a small, affordable car made by the French company Renault. It was popular in the U.S. for being economical and easy to drive.
The Renault Le Car is a subcompact car produced by Renault in the late 1970s and early 1980s. It was known for its economical design and was popular in the United States during its time.
"The Chevy Chevette. Well, we don't need to mention that they also made the Pontiac T1000."
The Chevy Chevette was a small, inexpensive car made by Chevrolet. It was popular in the late 1970s and 1980s for being affordable and practical.
The Chevy Chevette is a subcompact car that was produced by Chevrolet from 1976 to 1987. It was known for its affordability and practicality, making it a popular choice for budget-conscious consumers.
The Pontiac T1000 was a small car made by Pontiac that was similar to the Chevy Chevette. It was designed to be affordable and practical for everyday use.
The Pontiac T1000 was a subcompact car produced by Pontiac from 1981 to 1987. It was essentially a rebadged version of the Chevy Chevette and was designed to be an economical choice for consumers.
"...the Dodge Aspen or the Plymouth Velary. They were the same car."
The Plymouth Velary is a car made by Plymouth in the late 1970s. It was similar to the Dodge Aspen and had some of the same problems, like rusting.
The Plymouth Velary was a mid-size car produced by Plymouth from 1976 to 1980, sharing its platform with the Dodge Aspen. It is often noted for similar characteristics and issues, including rust.
"...the Dodge Aspen or the Plymouth Velary. They were the same car."
The Dodge Aspen is a mid-sized car that Dodge made in the late 1970s. It was known for its unique look and some performance, but it also had issues with rust.
The Dodge Aspen was a mid-size car produced by Dodge from 1976 to 1980. It was part of the Chrysler A-body platform and is often remembered for its styling and performance, as well as rust problems.
"And one of my favorites, the Fiat X1/9. There weren't many of those sold, but a lot of people who hated them."
The Fiat X1/9 is a small sports car made by Fiat. It has a unique design and is known for being fun to drive, but not everyone liked it.
The Fiat X1/9 is a two-seat sports car produced by Fiat from 1972 to 1989. It is known for its mid-engine layout and distinctive wedge shape, making it a unique offering in the small sports car market.
"Here's one of my personal favorites, the Cadillac Cimarron. This was General Motors. One of the earliest attempts to pass off a Cavalier as a Cadillac."
The Cadillac Cimarron is a small luxury car that Cadillac made in the 1980s. It was criticized because it was very similar to a cheaper Chevrolet model.
The Cadillac Cimarron was a compact luxury car produced by Cadillac from 1981 to 1988. It was based on the Chevrolet Cavalier, which led to criticism for being a rebadged economy car.
"One of the earliest attempts to pass off a Cavalier as a Cadillac. And it worked."
The Chevrolet Cavalier is a small, affordable car that was made for many years. It was popular because it was easy to buy and use.
The Chevrolet Cavalier is a compact car that was produced by Chevrolet from 1981 to 2005. It was known for its affordability and practicality, making it a popular choice among budget-conscious consumers.
"... us a note saying, you guys mentioned that the VW bus was a death trap if you were in a head-on collis..."
The Volkswagen Bus is a large, boxy van that many people remember from the 1960s, often associated with fun road trips and the hippie culture. It has a lot of space inside, making it great for families or groups. Some people mention that it might not be the safest option in a crash, especially if you hit something head-on.
The Volkswagen Bus, also known as the Type 2 or Kombi, is a classic van that gained fame in the 1960s as a symbol of the hippie movement and road trips. Its spacious interior and distinctive boxy shape made it a favorite for families and travelers alike. However, it has a reputation for being less safe in collisions, particularly head-on, which is often highlighted in discussions about its design.
"I don't know how this made the list, but it did. The Daihatsu Charade."
The Daihatsu Charade is a small car made by a Japanese company called Daihatsu. It was made for many years and is known for being easy to drive and good on gas.
The Daihatsu Charade is a subcompact car produced by the Japanese automaker Daihatsu from 1977 to 2000. It was known for its compact size and fuel efficiency, making it a popular choice in various markets.
"...And the Ford Excursion. Yeah. And that's on the list for obvious reasons."
The Ford Excursion is a very big SUV made by Ford. It was built to carry many people and tow heavy things, but some people think it's too big or impractical.
The Ford Excursion is a large SUV produced by Ford from 2000 to 2005. It was known for its massive size and capability, often used for towing and transporting large groups.
"Well, I'm calling you about my 1991 Mercury Tracer, which I love. It's got 160,000 miles on it and still going strong."
The Mercury Tracer is a small car made by the Mercury brand, which is part of Ford. It was designed to be affordable and is often seen as a good option for people looking for a reliable vehicle.
The Mercury Tracer is a compact car that was produced by the Mercury division of Ford from 1987 to 1999. It was known for its affordability and practicality, making it a popular choice among budget-conscious buyers.
"It almost gets dropped out of overdrive. And if I pull over to the side or pull off the highway or something, put it in park and then drive again, it's fine."
Overdrive is a special gear that helps your car use less fuel when driving fast. It makes the engine work less hard, which can save gas.
Overdrive is a gear in an automatic transmission that allows the engine to operate at lower RPMs while maintaining speed, improving fuel efficiency. It is typically engaged at higher speeds to reduce engine wear and save fuel.
"Now, the check engine light will come on for a little bit, but it doesn't stay on. It'll pop on and then it'll go off."
The check engine light is a warning light on your dashboard that tells you something might be wrong with your car's engine. It can mean anything from a simple fix to something more serious.
The check engine light is a warning indicator on a vehicle's dashboard that signals potential issues with the engine or emissions system. It can illuminate for various reasons, ranging from minor issues to serious engine problems.
"Is this an automatic transmission? It is, yep. I'm going to suggest that it in fact has downshifted."
An automatic transmission is a system in a car that changes gears for you, so you don't have to do it yourself. This makes driving easier, especially in stop-and-go traffic.
An automatic transmission is a type of vehicle transmission that automatically changes the gear ratio as the vehicle moves, allowing the driver to focus on driving without needing to manually shift gears. This system uses a complex set of gears and hydraulic systems to manage power delivery from the engine to the wheels.
"...they've never been able to get a trouble code out of it? No."
A trouble code is a number that your car's computer creates when it finds a problem. Mechanics can read these codes to figure out what's wrong with the car.
A trouble code is a diagnostic code generated by a vehicle's onboard computer when it detects a malfunction in the engine or other systems. Mechanics use these codes to identify and troubleshoot issues.
"...I suspect that it is downshifting. Huh. Well, the way you can corroborate this is in fact to downshift it."
Downshifting is when you change your car's gears to a lower number. This can help the car go slower or give it more power when needed, especially in situations like going downhill.
Downshifting refers to the process of shifting a vehicle's transmission to a lower gear, which can increase engine power and help slow the car down. It's often used in manual transmissions and can affect how the vehicle responds during driving.
"...if the thing is in third when you're driving along it, well, that must have a three speed transmission. Hmm."
A three-speed transmission lets you choose between three different speeds while driving. It helps the car go faster or slower depending on the gear you select.
A three-speed transmission is a type of gearbox that allows the driver to select three different gear ratios for the vehicle's operation. This affects the vehicle's acceleration and fuel efficiency depending on the selected gear.
"I was driving my Ford Aerostar van down the road in Allenton, Texas, last June, first hint, when all of a sudden, hint, first hint, June, I heard a muffled bang that was immediately followed by the motor dying out."
The Ford Aerostar is a type of minivan that Ford made in the late 1980s and 1990s. It was designed to be roomy and practical for families.
The Ford Aerostar is a minivan that was produced by Ford from 1986 to 1997. It was known for its spacious interior and versatility, making it a popular choice for families during its production years.
"...filling the engine compartment with what? Refrigerant. Refrigeranty. Refrigerant."
Refrigerant is a chemical used in air conditioners to help cool the air. It moves through the system, changing states from gas to liquid to keep things cool inside the car.
Refrigerant is a substance used in air conditioning systems to absorb and release heat, allowing the system to cool the air. It circulates through the system, changing from gas to liquid and back again to facilitate this process.
"...it blows, it blows all the oxygen out of the engine compartment. Because it comes out such a huge volume at such high pressure, it displaces all the oxygen."
R-134A is a specific kind of refrigerant used in car air conditioning systems. It's safer for the environment than older types of refrigerants.
R-134A is a type of refrigerant commonly used in automotive air conditioning systems. It replaced R-12 due to environmental regulations, as R-12 was found to deplete the ozone layer.
"A VW bug? In creating the new Beetle, the demented designers made a very large and ver..."
The Volkswagen Beetle, also known as the 'Bug', is a small car with a very distinctive round shape that many people love. It became really popular in the 1960s and is known for being fun to drive and easy to recognize. People often talk about it because of its unique style and history.
The Volkswagen Beetle, often affectionately called the 'Bug', is an iconic compact car that was first produced in the 1930s. Its unique rounded shape and rear-engine design made it a symbol of the 1960s counterculture and a beloved choice for many drivers around the world. The Beetle's design and cultural significance make it a frequent topic of discussion in automotive circles.
"...Christo had an 86 VW Golf that wouldn't start. And a mechanic that kept putting in new fuel pumps..."
The Volkswagen Golf is a small car that many people like because it's easy to drive and has a lot of space inside. The 1986 version is one of the earlier models and is known for being dependable.
The Volkswagen Golf is a compact car that has been popular for its practicality and performance since its introduction in the 1970s. The 1986 model is part of the second generation, known for its boxy shape and reliable engineering.
"...a mechanic that kept putting in new fuel pumps. And if I remember correctly, Christo had some elaborate ritual he used to get the heap started..."
A fuel pump helps move gasoline from the tank to the engine so the car can run. If it doesn't work, the car might not start.
A fuel pump is a critical component in a vehicle's fuel system, responsible for delivering fuel from the tank to the engine. If it fails, the engine may not start or run properly.
"...there was a little male-female electrical connector that had been corroded and which was supplying electricity..."
An electrical connector is a part that connects wires or cables to allow electricity to flow between them. If it gets rusty or corroded, it can cause problems with how the car works.
An electrical connector is a device used to join electrical circuits together. It allows for the transfer of electrical power or signals between two components, and corrosion can disrupt this connection, leading to intermittent functionality.
"...like a 1973 Dodge Charger tucked away in an Arizona barn for more than 40 years, just 55,000 miles on it, still in..."
The Dodge Charger is a famous car that was built for speed and style. The 1973 version is part of its history and is known for being a powerful and eye-catching vehicle.
The Dodge Charger is a classic American muscle car known for its powerful performance and distinctive styling. The 1973 model represents a transitional year in the Charger’s design, moving towards a more streamlined look while still retaining its muscle car roots.
"...? Got a weather related problem with my 94 Dodge Dakota SLT extended cab. Okay."
The Dodge Dakota is a pickup truck that is bigger than a small truck but smaller than a full-size one, making it a good choice for people who need to carry things but also want to drive comfortably. It was made for many years and is known for being useful for both work and everyday driving. Some people talk about it because of its performance in different weather conditions.
The Dodge Dakota is a mid-size pickup truck that was produced from 1987 to 2011, known for its balance of utility and comfort. It offered a range of engine options and configurations, making it versatile for both work and personal use. Discussions about the Dakota often revolve around its reliability and performance in various conditions.
"...it's a 1990 Plymouth Acclaim, and it just dies for apparently no reason."
The Plymouth Acclaim is a car that was made in the late 1980s and early 1990s. It's a four-door sedan that was popular for being budget-friendly and reliable.
The Plymouth Acclaim is a mid-size sedan that was produced by Plymouth from 1989 to 1995. It was known for its affordability and practicality during its production years.
"But have them check the pressure first. I think they're going to find out the pump's no good. Okay, the fuel pressure."
Fuel pressure is how hard the fuel is pushed from the tank to the engine. If the pressure is too low, the engine might not run properly or could stall.
Fuel pressure is the force at which fuel is delivered from the fuel pump to the engine. It is crucial for the proper functioning of the engine, as it ensures that the right amount of fuel is injected for combustion.
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Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio.
With us, Click and Collect the Tappet Brothers.
And we're broadcasting this week from the Millennial Mobile Mechanical Meritorious Idiocrity Division.
It's a mouthful isn't it?
Here at Car Talk Plaza, otherwise known as Worst Cars of the Millennium.
Now in the past couple of weeks, I guess we've asked you for nominations for the worst cars of the last thousand years or so.
Anyway, the judges, that being us, have deliberated over much coffee and donuts.
And we have come up with a list of finalists.
And now we want you to vote for one of these finalists as the worst car of the Millennium.
Got it? You ready?
And here they are, a list that would give them mechanic night sweats.
Okay, so we're going to give you the list.
So you get the pencil.
Right.
And you can write them down and then you can tell us which one you're going to vote for.
Okay?
Okay, I'm ready.
The Chevy Vega.
Man, we had lots and lots of people recommending this car.
And understandably, because they sold a lot of these.
Yeah.
This was touted as the car whose engine would last either 10,000 miles or 500,000 miles.
Yeah.
Most of them lasted 10.
Either too short or way too long.
For many people, it was way too long because they would just die and get rid of this car.
The Ford Pinto.
This made an explosive entry into the market.
Yes, it did.
The AMC Gremlin, which was as ugly as you could get.
And way ahead of its time.
We weren't ready for that degree of ugliness yet.
This could be my vote.
The Renault or Renault Dauphin.
I like Renault.
It was Renault in those days.
The Hugo.
The Renault Le Carr.
Right.
That's neck and neck with the Dauphin.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And we needn't say much more than that.
No.
The Chevy Chevette.
Well, we don't need to mention that they also made the Pontiac T1000.
That's the same car.
Yeah.
There are a lot of cases of this being the same car, but the one most memorable is the
Chevy Chevette.
And also, the same thing occurs with the next one.
The Dodge Aspen or the Plymouth Velary.
They were the same car.
These are the distinction of actually rusting while they were still in the showroom.
I remember it well.
Yeah.
That's but not nothing.
Don't worry about it.
And one of my favorites, the Fiat X19.
There weren't many of those sold, but a lot of people who hated them.
Here's one of my personal favorites, the Cadillac Simeron.
This was General Motors.
One of the earliest attempts to pass off a Cavalier as a Cadillac.
And it worked.
General Motors, man.
The VW bus, we've discussed that as far as having no heat, no safety, no handling, no
nothing.
It was pretty, pretty pathetic.
Someone sent us a note saying, you guys mentioned that the VW bus was a death trap if you were
in a head-on collision.
He says, but you could never go fast enough because usually on the highway, the chances
are better that you'd be hit from the rear.
And in that same vein, the VW thing, Conan the Barbarian comes to mind.
You had to be tough to drive one of those.
Yeah.
I don't know how this made the list, but it did.
The Daihatsu charade.
Yeah.
They hardly were any of them sold.
And no parts.
This company had the unique, the dubious distinction of having no aftermarket parts available
for their car.
Yeah.
Something broke you through the car away.
It was cheap enough.
What do you want for $4,000?
Yeah.
And the Ford excursion.
Yeah.
And that's on the list for obvious reasons.
It's got to be maybe not the worst, but certainly the stupidest vehicle of the millennium.
Yeah.
Maybe we ought to have a separate category.
Maybe having thrown in with OPEC, we don't really know.
Yeah.
So we want you to help us pick the single worst car of the millennium.
I'll go over the list really quickly.
The Vega, the Pinto, the Gremlin, the Dauphin, the Hugo, the Leca, the Chevette, the Aspen
slash Velary, the Fiat X-19, the Simeron, the VW bus, the VW thing, the Daihatsu charade
or any other car the Daihatsu may have made, and the Ford excursion.
So basically we want you to help us pick the single worst car of the millennium and we'll
award consolation prizes for the runners-up too.
So cast your vote, one vote per person.
Either go to our website, the cartalksectionofcars.com, or mail your vote to Worst Cars, Car Talk
Plaza, Box 3500, Harvard Square, Cambridge, Matt 02238.
Enough of that.
If you want to talk to us about your car, the number is 888-CARTALK, that's 888-2278-255.
Hello, you're on Car Talk.
Hi, this is Michelle, calling from Ann Arbor, Michigan.
Michelle.
Hi there.
Hi, Michelle.
Michelle Mabel.
Exactly.
I've heard that a lot in my life.
From Ann Arbor.
That's right.
Are you a student art professor?
I am neither.
I work at a retail grocery store called People's Food Co-op.
Ah.
Yeah.
I do outreach and education for them.
Outreach and education for a grocery store?
Not a grocery store, it's a food co-op, you dope.
Exactly.
Yeah, so what kind of outreach education do you do?
Well, we help people learn about what it means to be a cooperative business, and we promote
a lot of environmental and nutrition information.
Really?
Yeah, a whole variety of things about natural foods.
Cool.
Yeah, that's a cool job.
I teach how to steam your carrots.
I like it.
Yeah, I like it too.
So why are you calling us, Michelle?
Well, I'm calling you about my 1991 Mercury Tracer, which I love.
It's got 160,000 miles on it and still going strong.
Yeah, but I'll be driving along on the highway, so this has to be at around speeds of around
70 or so.
For no reason.
It'll just make a revving noise.
It'll start like, you know, it'll jump up about 1,000 RPM.
And so it sounds like it's driving really hard.
It almost gets dropped out of overdrive.
And if I pull over to the side or pull off the highway or something, put it in park and
then drive again, it's fine.
It's like it's corrected itself.
Now, the check engine light will come on for a little bit, but it doesn't stay on.
It'll pop on and then it'll go off.
All right.
And if you didn't pull over, if you just let it happen, would it stop by itself?
No.
Well, I've driven maybe, I don't know, five or six or seven miles with it sounding horrible
just to get to a safe pullover.
And no one's been able to figure this out?
No.
All right.
Tell us more about the food co-op.
Is this an automatic transmission?
It is, yep.
I'm going to suggest that it in fact has downshifted.
Well, then how would, like if we've checked over the transmission and nothing is wrong
and the check engine light doesn't stay on, so it's not like they can run a diagnostic.
Well, but the check engine light does come on when it's doing this.
It'll come on for maybe 10, 15 seconds and then it'll go away.
So it doesn't stay on.
And they've never been able to get a trouble code out of it?
No.
I suspect that it is downshifting.
Huh.
Well, the way you can corroborate this is in fact to downshift it.
Huh.
And for example, if the thing is in third when you're driving along it, well, that must
have a three speed transmission.
Hmm.
When you're driving along in third gear and it seems to do this, you should actually
downshift into the next lower gear and see if nothing changes.
But I have an automatic, not a standard.
Yeah, you can downshift it.
So I can just down, just get out of overdrive.
There you go.
Yeah.
Huh.
So what would, that's sort of the trick is like what's causing it because it's happening.
Who knows?
Oh, my brother's been working on that one ever since he woke up.
What?
What's happening?
Yeah.
I mean, I agree that it probably is downshifting, but I don't have any idea why it's downshifting.
What's causing it?
Yeah.
Have you taken this to a transmission shop?
No, I haven't.
No, you shouldn't.
But it's something that you might want to take it to the dealer for, believe it or not, because
they may have seen it before or they may have a bulletin on it.
Right.
It could be something as simple as a pinched wire or vacuum hose or maybe some adjustment
that needs to be made to the transmission.
Yeah.
But try to verify if it in fact is really downshifting by doing what I said.
Right.
See you, Michelle.
Thanks a lot.
Bye-bye.
All right, Tommy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you remember last week's puzzler?
No, no, no.
Oh.
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Hi, we're back.
You're listening to Car Talk with us, click and clack the Tapper Brothers, and we're here
to talk about cars, car repair, and, of course, the answer to last week's puzzler.
I can hardly wait.
Not for the answer.
Just the question.
The question, I know.
This came from Kent Hartfield from somewhere in Texas.
I don't remember, but it could be almost anywhere.
He says, I was driving my Ford Aero Star van down the road in Allenton, Texas, last
June, first hint, when all of a sudden, hint, first hint, June, I heard a muffled bang that
was immediately followed by the motor dying out.
You got it?
Bang!
Motor quits.
Yeah.
You with me?
I'm with you.
I don't think so.
You don't look at your face.
I always have that.
He continues, I pull off to the side of the road and pop the hood.
The Aero Star has a little hood because it's a van and the engine is buried.
We know that.
But I look under the hood and soon figure out what had happened.
Dang, I said, or maybe it was concerted.
Concerted!
This is going to cost a lot to have fixed.
I close the hood, get back in the van, start the engine, and drive off.
June.
Without incident.
Allenton, Texas.
He drove off, Terry!
It's hot.
The question is what happened to the car and the hint is, of course, it's June.
It's June and the muffled bang.
A bang.
This is more than a muffled pop.
This is a bang.
Yeah.
I mean, this close.
All into play, all kinds of different pieces of knowledge.
It's June.
It's hot.
It's Texas.
And he has the air conditioner on.
Of course.
And when he's driving along, the high pressure hose from the air conditioner compressor blows,
filling the engine compartment with what?
Refrigerant.
Refrigeranty.
Refrigerant.
R13.
A.
134A.
And it blows, it blows all the oxygen out of the engine compartment.
Because it comes out such a huge volume at such high pressure, it displaces all the oxygen
necessary for combustion.
And of course the fuel.
And the engine stalls.
It's not supportive of combustion and the engine stops running.
Wow.
As soon as he opens the hood, the stuff is a chance to dissipate.
He sees the broken hose.
This is going to cost a lot to fix.
This is going to cost us some serious money.
And of course he closes the hood and drives off.
I like it.
And he makes a hole in the ozone layer.
Yeah.
Kent himself, personally, is responsible for a little bigger hole in the ozone layer.
Another pin hole in the ozone layer that's making our temperature go up here in greater
Boston.
And I think you're doing a great job.
Who's our winner?
The winner is Donald Miller from New York, New York.
Wow.
And for having his correct answer selected at random from among all the correct answers,
our pal Donald will get a $25 gift certificate to the Car Talk Shameless Commerce Division
with which he can buy a complete wardrobe as long as he's willing to go out in nothing
but a t-shirt and a baseball hat.
We have the t-shirts an extra long.
Extra long, right.
We will have...
Congratulations, Donald.
Good work.
Arnold Miller from New York, New York.
Well, we'll have a new, barely automotive puzzler coming up in the third half of today's
show.
One that anyone could do.
Yeah.
So stay tuned for that.
In the meantime, you can call us and ask us questions about your car.
About anything.
Anything.
Anything.
1-888-CARTALK, that's 888-227-8255, hello, you're on Car Talk.
Tom and Ray.
Tom and Ray.
Yes.
Daniel Pinkwater.
Daniel.
How the heck are you?
I'm all excited.
About what?
I bring you...I bring your listeners good news.
Really?
I have concluded the quest, the automotive quest of my adult life.
Really?
You have found the perfect car?
For me and for those like me, really, the automobile with, like they say in the Mighty
Man catalog, relaxed fit.
Oh, relaxed?
Allow us to guess what this vehicle might be.
This is a car that I can enter and egress from with dignity.
Now, listeners should know that I am a wee bit overweight and I have been for years running
at various cars, using various lubricants.
When I get out in the parking lot, usually I will request help from a passing stranger.
Yeah, we heard that your wife had to buy a Jaws of Life to get you out one night.
You want to give us a number?
Feel free to use scientific notation if necessary.
I went to Kingston, New York, not far from my home, where there are lots of fat people.
I ensconced myself in the parking lot of the Super Kmart.
And you watched?
Scientific equipment.
I had my binoculars, I had my notepad, I had my donuts.
And you watched people struggle or not struggle getting in and out of their cars?
I observed some actually frightening techniques.
One of the scariest one is to grab your own head.
You put your right buttock on the seat, then you grab your own head and pull it down under
the door frame.
Well, much like the police do when you're handcuffed.
Yeah, exactly.
And then another one I saw, which leads right to the chiropractor's bench, is where they
just put their head down and run at the car.
Do they bother opening the door?
Some do, some just go right through the window.
Kingston is a tough spot.
The last time we spoke, am I correct that you were driving a Mercedes of some kind?
I had a beloved Bay M. V. 735 II.
It served me well.
But as we age, we become more challenged.
And lowering myself into the large sports car became somewhat problematical.
Really?
Just a bit.
And it was time for me to find something appropriate to my dignity and, shall we say, gravitas.
And stationary gravitas.
Is this a new car that you bought?
A brand new car.
Is it of American manufacture?
You might say that.
It is a sedan, but it's not an SUV of any kind.
It is not an SUV of any kind.
I'm going to guess it's made in Canada.
Not Canada.
Oh, Mexico.
Mexico.
Mexico?
Yes.
A VW bug.
Yes.
What?
Yes.
Yes?
Yes.
A VW bug?
In creating the new Beetle, the demented designers made a very large and very high door.
They did.
One of the things you have to consider when you yourself are upholstered to a certain degree
is headroom.
Very important for people who may not be all that tall when standing.
You mean you're taller sitting down than you are standing up?
That can be done.
That can be done.
You got to have a humongous butt for that to be true.
And, as we know, you do.
It's several pink waters, as I recall.
I feel.
Now, here's the funny thing.
I want to talk about the non-circumferably challenged or non-diametrically opposed or
diametrically disadvantaged aspects of the car.
When you drive this thing, one feels like a pretty girl.
People smile at you and let you into traffic.
Oh, there's no question about that.
We had a couple of these in the last year or so that we test drove.
Did you put the biscotti in the bud vase?
Exactly.
And everyone that you went by had to wave, smile.
It was wonderful.
It could have changed.
It's getting in my nerves, but there's room for my tuckus.
Why I said VW bug?
I don't know because it doesn't make any sense whatsoever.
The only vehicle you know that's manufactured in Mexico is this.
That's right.
If I hadn't told you Mexico, you'd never have known.
We would never have guessed.
I mean, I had a hundred other guesses before I would have gotten to that car.
And I'm sure other people listening that are diametrically disadvantaged as are you
would never have thought of that car either.
You may be up for some kind of award from Volkswagen, Daniel.
A Volkswagen Schenemensch medal.
Wow.
Daniel, it's always a pleasure talking to you.
I'm still seeking knowledge.
And when anything comes up that I think is important to us.
You will let us know.
Well, it's always an enlightening hearing.
Yes, thank you.
Thank you so much.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Now he's nuts.
Have we ever met him actually?
No.
No.
We've spoken to him on the phone a lot of times, but we've never met him.
No, he expressed an interest in not meeting us actually.
It has something to do with you, I think.
I'm not sure.
Hey, do you know what time it is?
Time to dump our tech stocks and invest in heating oil?
No.
It's time to place the chumps.
This is the part of the show where we exhume a previous caller and find out whether the
advice that we gave him or her was good, bad, or just plain ugly.
So who's our contestant this week?
It's Christo from South Carolina.
I know Christo.
You do?
Yeah, didn't he wrap the Grand Canyon in a big gauze pad or something?
No, no, not that Christo.
This Christo had an 86 VW Golf that wouldn't start.
And a mechanic that kept putting in new fuel pumps.
And if I remember correctly, Christo had some elaborate ritual he used to get the heap started.
What I'm going to have to do is to get underneath the car with a hammer, hit the fuel pump, which
as you probably know is right next to the gas tank.
Two or three times, run back, jump in the driver's seat, and crank it, and it would start right
up.
That used to work.
But what happens now is that that doesn't work.
What I have to do is I have to get somebody else to sit in the driver's seat.
Oh, so while you're cranking.
And then, no, no, no, while he's cranking.
See, you're hitting.
Oh, so you got it wrong.
You should be cranking.
No, no, no.
It's his car.
No stranger was going to lie on his back to do this.
And it works perfectly.
But this is not the way I want to run my life.
What's he complaining about?
If that was all I had to do to start the MG in the morning, I'd be thrilled.
So what did we tell him anyway?
We told him that he was either getting substandard fuel pumps or he had advanced
crudification of the fuel system.
Ah, I remember that.
I think that was my term.
So let's find out.
Christo, are you there?
I am.
All right.
Look, before we find out whether the crudification was in your fuel pump or in our brains, we
need to verify that the answer you're about to give here on Stump The Chumps has not been
influenced by our staff, the staff of National Public Radio, or that poor slob was to crank
the car with you every morning.
Absolutely correct.
Oh, good.
So was it the fuel pump or the creeping crud?
It turned out that there was a little male-female electrical connector that had been corroded
and which was supplying electricity on an episodic basis to the fuel pump.
So when you were hitting the pump, you were making the connection.
I was jarring the connection back into life, but what I do need to tell you guys is that
you, the conversation with car talk, gave me hope that it was fixable and that I shouldn't
chuck the car.
Well, we're thrilled.
Oh, that's good.
But we were wrong.
Well, we were wrong, but we gave hope.
You weren't wrong.
You weren't wrong in two ways.
One, because you didn't say chuck the car.
Secondly, you weren't wrong in that it was an extension of the fuel pump.
I regard the electrical problem as falling under the umbrella of your solution.
Of crud.
Well, that's very nice of you, Christo, but you're wrong.
But thanks for playing Stump to Jump anyway.
You're a good sport.
Okay.
Thank you.
Bye-bye.
God bless.
Bye-bye.
All right.
Before we get to the new puzzler, we're going to pause and take a short break.
You know, we should think about making these breaks just a little bit longer.
I mean, a minute isn't long.
If we made the break like 59 minutes ago, think about it, we would cut way down on the 888
number charges.
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We're back.
Listening to car talk with us, click and click to tap it, brothers.
And we're here to discuss cars, car repair, and the new barely automotive puzzler.
Yeah, I can hardly wait.
Pay attention now.
Okay.
I'm going to close my eyes and meditate on this.
A woman and her husband decide to go shopping one Saturday for a used car.
This is the automotive part of the puzzler.
So they go to the neighborhood used car dealer and a young man is showing them around the
parking lot.
You know, he's showing them various cars and they don't seem to be really excited about
any one of them.
And finally, he says, oh, how could I have forgotten this when I have just the car for
you?
I know you're going to love it.
And he takes them over to this late model Japanese car and he says, you're not going
to believe this.
He said, but this car belonged to my fourth grade teacher, Miss Johnson.
And it's a wonderful car and she treated it very well, had all the service done here.
And interestingly, she never left town with the car.
She all she ever did with the car was she drove from home to school and back and on
Sundays, she went to church and never used the car on Saturday and they look over the
car and it looks it looks magnificent.
And so the woman asks the obvious question, why did Miss Johnson sell the car?
And he says, well, you know, as luck would have it, she was called out of town on very
short notice to care for a sick relative in the Midwest someplace.
So she came in here last week and sold us the car.
And of course, it's your good fortune that it's here.
But this is a wonderful car.
So they so the woman gets in behind the wheel and starts up the engine and sounds fine.
And the husband sits in the passenger seat and they fiddle with the she she fiddles with
the controls on the dashboard, tries the wipers, blows the horn, looks around the car and the
husband says, jeez, hon, I think we ought to get it.
And it's such a cute color too.
And she says, as she turns off the key, she says, I don't think so.
I don't think so.
I could see it coming.
He's lying to us.
And the question is, how did she know?
And the answer is not that the salesman was moving his lips.
Wow.
I love it.
Now, if you think you know the answer, write it on the back of a $20 bill or a half eaten apple.
Or any half eaten fruit and send it to us.
Pairs don't hold up.
They don't mail well.
They don't mail well.
You know why the stamps don't stick on them?
That's right.
The apples are good.
Puzzlet Tower, Car Talk Plaza, Box 3500, Harvard Square, Cambridge.
Our facility.
Map 02238 or you can email your answer from the Car Talk section of cars.com.
If you'd like to call us, the number is 1-888-CAR-TALK that's 888-2278-255.
Hello, you're on Car Talk.
Hey guys, this is Mark calling from Lawrenceville, Georgia.
Hi Mark.
How you doing?
Lawrenceville, Georgia.
Yeah.
What's going on?
Got a weather related problem with my 94 Dodge Dakota SLT extended cab.
Okay.
First notice the problem back in the winter of 96.
When the outside temperature is 33 degrees or colder,
the cassette deck engages and I cannot use the radio until the vehicle warms up.
Even if there's no cassette in it?
No, no cassette.
No cassette.
No cassette in it.
No cassette in it.
But it thinks there's one and the radio won't play.
Exactly.
In the winter of 97, the temperature increased to 43 degrees where the cassette deck would engage.
Oh, pretty soon you won't be able to use the thing all summer.
Right.
I can see the trend here.
I'm up to 63 degrees right now.
Oh Mark, did someone pay you to call us with this problem?
No sir, no.
Oh, give us a break, will you please?
Oh man.
Well, no, see when you throw a tape in there, it obviously shuts off the radio.
So you don't have to, there's no button you have to press to turn off the radio.
So if there's a tape in there and it knows there's a tape in there,
it shuts off the radio and plays the tape.
Well, my solution would be to make sure there's a tape in there all the time.
At least you can listen to a tape.
Here's what you do.
You tape the news the night before.
So you'll think the radio's on and you'll keep hearing the news to be like Groundhog Day.
You hear the same news every day.
Jesus, another explosion downtown.
It was one yesterday.
Yeah, and pick a day when the Dow Jones Industrial Average goes up like 200 points
and you'll feel good about your investments.
At least for the first 20 degrees.
Or I could just leave the best of car talking there.
This must have, I don't know anything about tape players.
Oh, here we go.
But this is akin to electric brakes.
Exactly.
And you must have a lazy something or other in there, right?
There's going to be something hanging down that's telling the tape player,
that's telling the radio that the tape, there's a tape in there.
Well, there's obviously a switch.
I think yes, there is a switch and I think you should probe it with a pencil.
Yeah.
You should open up the little flap.
You need to find the offending piece by touching everything you possibly can
with the pencil until the radio starts working.
Okay.
And then you need to devise a wedge to put in there or something.
Well, you called us.
I mean, the easy solution is you could take the radio out and have somebody fix it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, anyone could do that.
Anyone, exactly.
Anyone could do that.
Yeah.
That's no fun at all.
You're going to have the radio out in about five minutes.
My new theory is don't let anybody do anything.
Fix everything yourself because everybody is probably more incompetent than you.
Everybody, it doesn't matter what it is.
If you had to have open heart surgery, you'd be better off doing it on yourself
than having some wacko do it.
With your ginsu knives in the kitchen table.
The odd thing is I can get the tape deck to disengage if I run the heat full blast
on the vents to where I'm assuming that the ambient temperature of the dashboard is now
64 degrees where it disengages.
I have to be honest with you.
I don't think my brother even has any idea why this is related to temperature.
Do you?
Tell him there's something that's hanging there.
No, but why is it related to temperature?
Why would a switch be related?
I don't know.
It's been a long show.
Yeah.
I mean, it doesn't make a lot of sense.
But I guarantee you that if you peer in that little window.
Well, see, I've looked in there and I can see the metal plate that would lift up the tape
and eject it out.
I can see that in the up position and it won't go down until that dashboard is hot enough.
Oh, you know what it is?
It's the switch that that pushes against you to take the radio apart.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
If there were a train to Lawrenceville, Georgia, I'd come down to help you because
this sounds like a fascinating problem.
Well, just outside of Atlanta.
So, you know, we're not too far away.
Oh, yeah, you're breaking up, Mark.
We're losing you.
But the train doesn't go through Atlanta, actually.
It goes through Savannah.
So that's quite a distance from you.
Oh, there is a train that perhaps you could meet me.
Yeah, there is a train that goes to Atlanta, but it's not the same train that you would take.
It would be a midnight train.
That would be the midnight train.
There you go.
Meet you in Jessup.
See you, Mark.
All right.
1-888-CAR-TALK.
That's 888.
We get them, don't we?
Doesn't anyone scream these calls?
Evidently not.
227-8255.
Hello, you're on Car Talk.
Hi.
My name is Barb.
Barb.
Hi, Barb.
Is it Barb Dwyer?
No.
Barb Dwyer was our head of security for a while.
Oh, no, that wouldn't be me.
Where are you from, Barb?
I'm from Richfield, Minnesota.
It's just outside Minneapolis.
Man, how cold is it?
It's not too bad.
No, it's not cold, is it?
Global warming, man.
The whole planet is about to melt.
It's not too bad, huh?
That's great.
Yeah, and actually, the trouble we're having with our car, we like it to be cold,
because the car seems to work better when it's really cold.
Really?
Yeah.
That's unusual.
You might have inadvertently purchased the Klondike package.
What's it doing?
Well, it's a 1990 Plymouth Acclaim, and it just dies for apparently no reason.
You're just driving along, and all of a sudden, the check engine light comes on,
and there's no power.
That could be touch and goal if you're on the highway.
Yeah, it's 75 miles an hour.
It's kind of scary.
So we took it to the garage, and they thought maybe it was a fuel line or fuel pump, and it wasn't.
And then they didn't have any more ideas for us.
Their next suggestion was, well, we could take the whole engine apart,
but we don't know what the problem might be.
And we didn't really like that idea.
I don't like that either.
And how many times has this happened?
It's been going on for two months now.
And how often?
Like, every time you go out?
The strangest thing is, it's the third trip of the day that does it.
It's like, you can go someplace and come back,
but if you try to go someplace a third time, that's when it happens.
Ah, maybe it's some kind of safety feature, trying to get you to stay home.
That's right.
They're trying to make us more efficient.
I don't know.
But yeah.
Why didn't you buy the milk on the last trip?
That's exactly right.
Now, when it does this, does it restart?
Well, yeah, if we pull over to the side and put on the blinkers
and sit there for a few minutes and then start it again, it's fine.
And it's running smooth.
For how long?
Well, sometimes it'll die again pretty soon,
but usually you can finish what you're doing and get home.
You must have 130,000 miles on this car.
More.
Well, yeah, yeah.
It's, I mean, it's an old car and it's been through the wars.
Yeah.
So what do you want?
I wanted to keep running because it's the only one we've got.
The most likely candidate on this thing is the fuel pump.
Okay.
Yeah.
Now, when they said that the fuel pump and the fuel lines were okay,
on what basis did they say that?
That the car was running the day you took it in.
Yeah.
Well, see, that's the thing.
It wouldn't do it at the garage.
Well, it may not have done it, but at the very least,
they should have hooked up the fuel pressure gauge to it,
because very often a pump that fails like this intermittently
will exhibit low fuel pressure.
Okay.
Which is the telltale sign that it's, what's the technical word?
Done for.
Yeah.
So in fact, if it is the original pump, it's a miracle that it's still working.
Yeah.
Well, they may be looking for something in the wrong place.
I mean, I think I mentioned a few weeks ago that mechanics for whatever reason nowadays,
except for the geezers, go and look at all the computer stuff,
because they assume that that's what it is.
But the same things that have gone wrong with cars since the days of Ben Hur,
still go wrong with cars.
Fuel pumps still give out intake manifold, gaskets leak,
none of which are on the computer.
Yeah.
See, we used to have a geezer to fix our car, and then he retired.
I thought that was really inconsiderate of him.
It was.
We need to bring the geezers back.
That's right.
Yeah.
Was he in like a rest home someplace?
Yeah.
You know, we could track him down.
Does he have his tools?
But I suggest it's the fuel pump.
I agree with my bro on this one.
Okay.
And we had noticed that it seems to be temperature dependent.
On really cold, dry days, it doesn't do it.
Well, the failing pump is more apt to fail when the weather gets warm.
So when the spring comes, like in July,
you'll be done for.
It'll be conking out every day, and those dopes will be able to figure it out for you.
Well, yeah, it'll finally do it.
But have them check the pressure first.
I think they're going to find out the pump's no good.
Okay, the fuel pressure.
Thank you.
See you, Barb.
Thanks a lot.
Bye-bye.
So July in Minnesota is spring.
Well, 12 through 14.
Yeah, that's the official last day of ice fishing season.
Yeah, okay.
That's the thing that's most disturbing about this global warming thing.
It's cutting way back on the ice fishing season.
Oh, man, yeah.
Just when I was about to take it up as a hobby, it's about to become extinct.
There you go.
Bummer.
Anyway, it's happened again.
You've squandered another perfectly good hour listening to car talk.
Oh, I have too.
Our esteemed producer is Doug the Subway Fugitive,
not a slave to fashion, Punk and Lips Berman.
Our associate producers are Frau Catherine Fenolosa
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Our engineer is Dennis de Menesfoli.
Our senior Web Blackie is Doug the Old Gray Mayor.
And our technical spiritual and menu advisor is John Bugsy, free lunch luller.
Our public opinion pollster is Paul Murkey of Murkey Research.
You know, he's been on the staff side.
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He's on this long.
Murkey?
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Thanks so much for listening.
We're clicking clack the Tapper Brothers.
And don't drive like my brother.
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We'll be back next week.
Bye-bye.
And now here is Car Talk Plaza's chief mechanic,
Mr. Vincent Q. Gumbaz.
Vinny?
Thank you very much.
Now if you want a copy of this here show, which is number 0007,
just like James Bond or an extra old phone in it,
just pick up your phone and call this number 1-888-CAR-JUNK.
And what if I wanted something like a copy of that new CD?
Why you should never listen to your father when it comes to cars.
Would I call that same number Vinny?
No, you'd call La Toyota Jackson on the psychic phone.
Friends network, you dope.
Hey, by the way, if she's so psychic,
why don't you call you when you want to talk to her?
Anyway, yeah, you call the same number.
You call the Shameless Commerce Division at 888-CAR-JUNK
or visit it online at the Car Talk section at cars.com.
Oh, thank you, Vinny.
That was quite eloquent.
Hey, eloquent at this, will you?
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