Ford’s “we know SUVs are bad” rationalization sparks jokes about money addiction, followed by practical calls. Ben asks about skipping “oil and lube” on a high-mileage 1987 Nissan Stanza—hosts explain most modern cars have sealed joints with no grease fittings, but timing belts can be critical. Faith reports a 1992 Camry wagon locking her in; they suggest a likely recall/TSB and relay-related fix. Other segments cover fly infestations at horse shows, Stump the Chumps (Ford screeching = serpentine belt), a brakes-material puzzler, and a math probability game. Final advice warns about burning smells from serpentine belt pulleys and debates using Coleman fuel in a pinch.
Faith from Washington wants to make a trade: car advice in exchange for embarrassing tales from our wayward producer Dougie Berman’s childhood. It’s a deal on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.
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Carvana is a company that sells cars online. Instead of going to a dealership, you pick the car on their website and they deliver it to you.
Carvana is an online used-car retailer that sells vehicles through a digital shopping process. The pitch here emphasizes buying fully online and having the car delivered to you, which changes how pricing and paperwork are handled compared with a traditional dealership.
"This message comes from NPR sponsor, Carvana, making buying a car 100% online with real, transparent pricing and customizable financing that fits your budget. Browse thousands of cars and get yours delivered."
Customizable financing refers to tailoring loan terms—like the down payment, monthly payment target, and loan length—to fit a buyer’s budget. It’s relevant because different terms can change the total amount paid over time, even if the monthly payment looks similar.
"Delivery fees and terms may apply. Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us, click-and-collect the"
Delivery fees are extra charges for bringing the car to you. They can change the final price, so it’s good to look at them up front.
Delivery fees are charges added for transporting the vehicle to the buyer. Even when a seller advertises a simple online price, delivery fees can affect the true out-the-door cost, so they’re worth checking before committing.
"Now, this is an interesting announcement from Ford Motor Company. This is brilliant. Here's what Ford Motor Company publicly announced."
Ford Motor Company is a big car manufacturer. In this segment, they’re the ones making the announcement being discussed.
Ford Motor Company is a major automaker whose public statements can influence how the market thinks about vehicle types and regulations. Here, it’s introduced as the source of an announcement about SUVs and their impacts.
"[251.6s] 1987 Nissan Stanza with 195,000 miles on it.
[255.7s] Good for you."
A Nissan Stanza is a regular passenger car from the 1980s. The point here is that even if you change the oil, other scheduled maintenance can still be overdue on a high-mileage car.
The Nissan Stanza is a mid-size sedan from Nissan’s late-1980s lineup. In this episode it’s being used as an example of a high-mileage car where maintenance history matters a lot.
"[287.4s] Okay.
[287.8s] So you've never replaced like the timing belt?
[290.2s] No."
The timing belt is like a timing “sync” belt inside the engine. If it breaks, the engine’s timing can get thrown off and it can cause major damage.
A timing belt synchronizes the crankshaft and camshaft so the engine’s valves open at the correct time. If it fails, the engine can suffer severe internal damage, which is why it’s treated as a critical scheduled maintenance item.
"And if you are, then lubing the ball joints becomes kind of. Yeah, it's like fixing the curtains on the Titanic."
Ball joints are little joints in the suspension that help the wheels move up and down and steer. Some older cars have grease points for them, but many newer cars use sealed parts so you don’t grease them.
Ball joints are suspension components that allow controlled movement between parts of the steering and suspension. They’re often lubricated with grease fittings on older designs, but many newer cars use sealed ball joints that don’t require periodic greasing.
"...many cars don't even have a provision for greasing them. There are no grease fittings on the car. You remember, I mean, you must have had a grease gun..."
Grease fittings are little metal nipples where you attach a grease gun. If your car doesn’t have them, the parts are usually sealed and maintenance doesn’t include greasing.
Grease fittings (often grease nipples) are small ports on components that allow a grease gun to inject lubricant. If a car has no grease fittings, its joints are typically sealed and not intended for periodic greasing.
A Zerk fitting is a little grease nipple on some car parts. If you see one, you can use a grease gun to add grease and help the part last longer.
A Zerk fitting (grease fitting) is a small nipple on certain suspension or steering parts that lets you add grease with a grease gun. When it’s present, the component is designed to be periodically lubricated to reduce wear and play.
"...you give it a couple of pumps and either you'll see the boot bulge up, which means you put too much grease in it."
The boot is the rubber cover that protects the joint. If it starts to bulge a lot while greasing, that can mean you’re putting in too much grease.
A “boot bulge” refers to the protective rubber boot swelling as grease is pumped into a joint. It’s a sign you may be overfilling, because the boot is meant to protect the joint and contain grease within a normal range.
"[476.5s] I drive a 92 Camry wagon.
[478.8s] I have a problem with the automatic door locks.
[482.1s] The way I usually lock the car is that I open the door"
Automatic door locks are the car’s built-in locking system. Here, the problem is that once the doors lock, the driver can’t get back out.
Automatic door locks are the factory system that locks the doors using a button, switch, or sometimes when the vehicle is in motion. In this case, the system behavior is changing so that after locking, the driver can’t reopen the door from the outside.
"[529.1s] And I had it at the dealer recently
[531.2s] and, of course, I couldn't reproduce the problem for them.
[534.2s] So they don't believe me.
[535.8s] Hey, Camry had this problem."
“Couldn’t reproduce the problem” means the dealer couldn’t trigger the issue during diagnosis. Many intermittent electrical or safety-related faults only happen under certain conditions, so the lack of a repeatable symptom can delay repairs or make the issue harder to validate.
"that there's probably a technical service bulletin
on this car.
And you'd like them to do a little research and find out."
A technical service bulletin is like a manufacturer’s “heads up” to mechanics. It tells them about a common problem and what fix usually works best.
A technical service bulletin (TSB) is an official notice from a vehicle manufacturer to dealerships. It describes known issues and the recommended repair or diagnostic steps, often for specific model years and VIN ranges.
"There must be some relays that have to be replaced.
I don't know what the final result was."
A relay is an electrical switch that helps your car control things like lights or fans. If it goes bad, that part of the car can stop working or act weird.
Relays are electrically operated switches used to control higher-power systems (like lights, fans, pumps, or other accessories) using a smaller control signal. When a relay fails, the affected system may stop working or behave intermittently.
"Into your license plate or VIN, get a real offer down to the penny and schedule a pickup on your time. No surprises."
A license plate is the number on your car’s front or back. Some services can use it to find your car in their records, but the VIN is the exact ID.
A license plate is the registration tag on a vehicle that can be used to identify the car in some systems. Some services use it to help locate the vehicle’s record, though VIN is typically the more precise identifier.
"[775.4s] For example, wheels used to be made out of wood
[777.9s] and they were made out of steel"
Long ago, some vehicle wheels were made of wood instead of metal. Wood wheels don’t last as well and can wear out or get damaged more easily than modern wheels.
Historically, some vehicle wheels were made from wood, which is very different from modern steel or alloy wheels. Wooden wheels were typically heavier and less durable than later materials, and they required more maintenance.
Steel wheels are stronger and more durable than wood. Today, many cars use metal wheels too—often aluminum—because it can be lighter while still being strong.
Steel wheels became common because steel is strong, relatively affordable, and easier to mass-produce than wood. Modern wheels still often use steel in some applications, but many passenger cars use aluminum alloys for weight savings.
"and now they're made out of some kind of magnesium,
[781.0s] aluminum alloy."
An aluminum alloy is aluminum plus other metals to make it stronger. Cars use it because it’s lighter than steel and resists rust better.
An aluminum alloy is aluminum mixed with other metals to improve strength and durability. In cars, aluminum alloys are common for weight savings and corrosion resistance, especially in structural and trim components.
"[785.8s] and now plastic and other things.
[788.2s] So I'm going to do this little what am I game?"
Plastic is used a lot in car interiors because it’s lighter and easier to shape. It can also be made tough enough to handle bumps and impacts.
Plastic became common in dashboards and interior trim because it’s lighter, cheaper to mold into complex shapes, and can be engineered for impact resistance. Modern plastics also help reduce squeaks/rattles compared to some older materials.
"[931.0s] I mean, I was working on clutches, but the wood.
[936.6s] And in fact, if it weren't for the wood,"
A clutch is what helps a manual-transmission car change gears smoothly. It lets the engine and the gearbox “disconnect” briefly so you can shift without damage.
Clutches are the friction device that connects and disconnects an engine from a transmission. When you press the clutch pedal, it lets you change gears without grinding them.
"It's going to get on the seats.
It's going to get on the steering wheel.
You're going to get in the car."
The steering wheel is what you use to turn the car. If something gets on it, it can feel slippery or dirty, which makes driving less comfortable and safe.
The steering wheel is the driver interface for controlling the car’s direction through the steering system. If something contaminates it (like residue from chemicals), it can create hygiene and grip issues.
"It's time to play Stump the Chumps. This is the portion of the show where we revisit a previous call to find out if our advice fell into the realm of useful, useless."
This is a part of the show where someone describes a car problem and the hosts try to figure out what’s wrong. It’s like a puzzle, but for car issues.
“Stump the Chumps” is a recurring segment where listeners bring in a car problem and the hosts try to diagnose it. It’s essentially a live troubleshooting game focused on real-world automotive symptoms.
"It squealed whenever she turned on the heat. I guess her mother-in-law likes it cold in the trunk."
They notice the noise happens when the heater is turned on. That usually means the problem is connected to the car’s heating/air system, like the fan or a control that moves air.
“Turn on the heat” ties the noise to the HVAC system operation. When a noise changes with heating, it often implicates the blower motor, HVAC blend/actuator components, or related fans rather than the engine itself.
"So what do we really tell her? Well, we had two solutions, a cheap one and an expensive one. And they both had to do with the air conditioner."
Your car’s air conditioner is what cools the inside of the car. Even when you’re trying to defrost the windshield, many cars still turn on the A/C to help dry the air.
The air conditioner (A/C) is the system that cools the cabin. In many cars, the A/C compressor can run even when you’re using the defroster, especially to remove moisture from the air.
"So they put a new radiator hose on it, also a new serpentine belt.
And when I drove out of the dealership, it still smelled."
The serpentine belt is the main belt that powers several parts of the engine. If it starts slipping or rubbing, it can get hot and smell like burning rubber.
The serpentine belt is the long belt that drives multiple accessories (like the alternator, water pump, and power steering) using pulleys. If the belt is overheating or not running correctly, it can glaze, crack, or even fail—creating a burning smell and potential loss of charging/cooling.
"If they merely take the belt off and try to turn everything that the belt turns by hand, they will find one of those things is not turning freely and that's your culprit."
A good way to find the problem is to take the belt off and spin the pulleys by hand. If one pulley feels rough or won’t spin freely, it’s likely the failed part causing the belt trouble.
A common diagnostic step is to remove the belt and manually rotate the pulleys it drives. If one pulley doesn’t spin smoothly or freely, that points to a seized/binding pulley or bearing rather than a belt installation issue.
"And what it's doing is it's overheating the belt and burning up the rubber. I'm with it."
Belts get too hot when they’re slipping or when a pulley isn’t spinning normally. Heat damages the rubber, making the belt more likely to break.
Belts overheat when they slip or when a pulley is dragging due to misalignment, incorrect tension, or a failing pulley bearing. Overheating accelerates belt cracking and glazing, which can lead to sudden failure.
"and about very often I have Coleman fuel, like a gallon of Coleman fuel. And I'm wondering if I can put that into the car rather than... What is Coleman fuel anyway?"
Coleman fuel is the fuel people use for camping stoves and lanterns. It’s very flammable, so carrying it in a car—especially inside the cabin—can be risky if it leaks or fumes build up.
Coleman fuel is a brand-name camping fuel typically used in lanterns and stoves. It’s usually a light petroleum distillate (similar to white gas), which is highly flammable and can produce dangerous vapors if spilled or stored improperly.
"[1873.0s] No, I mean, I think it's kerosene, isn't it?
[1876.5s] No, no, it's definitely not kerosene.
[1884.2s] Kerosene will not, actually we'll burn at room temperature, but."
Kerosene is a fuel that doesn’t evaporate as easily as gasoline. Because of that, it usually needs more heat to burn.
Kerosene is a less-volatile petroleum fuel than gasoline, so it doesn’t vaporize as readily at room temperature. That’s why it generally needs more heat to ignite compared with gasoline-like fuels.
"[1878.4s] No, it's not kerosene.
[1879.4s] Because the match on it flares up like gasoline.
[1880.8s] Yes, it is much, much more volatile."
Volatile means the liquid turns into vapor easily. Fuels that are more volatile catch fire more easily.
Volatility describes how easily a liquid fuel evaporates. More volatile fuels ignite more readily because they form flammable vapor at lower temperatures.
"And I have a Coleman lantern. Ask her to look, go down to the basement and read what it says on the can."
A Coleman lantern is a portable camping light designed to run on Coleman fuel. The fuel type matters because it’s formulated to vaporize and burn properly in the lantern’s burner system.
"I think the side of the can says something like, contains petroleum distillates. Yeah. Which is what gasoline is too."
Petroleum distillates are fuels made from refined crude oil. If the label says that, it usually means it’s a fuel that behaves a lot like gasoline.
Petroleum distillates are refined fractions from crude oil used as fuels and solvents. When a can says it contains petroleum distillates, it’s basically telling you it’s a gasoline-like hydrocarbon fuel.
"And even though mothers everywhere whip their minivans around and head back to DC for another protest, whatever they hear us saying."
A minivan is a family car with sliding doors and lots of room inside. People use them for everyday driving like school drop-offs and road trips.
Minivans are family-focused vehicles designed for easy access and lots of interior space. They’re often used for school runs and errands because they’re comfortable and practical rather than performance-oriented.
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Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us, click-and-collect the
Tapper Brothers and we're broadcasting this week from the Department of Rationale Rationing
here at Car Talk Plaza.
Now, this is an interesting announcement from Ford Motor Company.
This is brilliant.
Here's what Ford Motor Company publicly announced.
And I'll paraphrase because I don't really remember the exact words, but it was pretty
much this.
They said, we know that SUVs are really bad.
We know that they pollute the atmosphere.
We know they kill people in other cars.
They kill people in the SUVs themselves.
We know all that.
It's a horrible thing.
You're not just paraphrasing, you're actually inventing here.
They might not have said any of those words.
They may not have said any of those words, but that was the gist of it in your opinion.
In my opinion, the gist was the terrible things.
They get 10 miles to the gallon.
They pollute.
They're awful.
Yeah.
Basically, that's what they said.
That's what they said.
Then get this.
Now, this is, I don't get it.
This is brilliant though.
They said, we know all this is true, but, and here's the interesting but, we are making
so much money selling these things that we just can't stop.
We can't stop.
And their argument was if we don't build them, somebody else is going to build them anyway.
They'll make all the money and we want to make all the money.
So we admit that we shouldn't be doing this, but we got to, we can't, we can't stop because
we're making so much money.
They're just making too much dough, and so maybe they're begging for some kind of governmental
intervention to stop everyone from making these.
That's what they're crying out for help.
They're crying out.
Please stop me.
It's like an addict.
Right.
It's the money.
The money addicts.
But do they have a long-term goal?
Yeah.
The long-term goal is we're going to make it better.
Well, we found that's somewhat inspiring.
And in the spirit of corporate responsibility, we at Car Talk Plaza would also like to issue
a statement.
Yeah.
You know.
And we wrote, we spent a lot of time writing this, so.
Should I read it or do it again?
Read it carefully.
No, you go right ahead.
Car Talk acknowledges that giving out stupid and misleading answers to people's car questions
is reckless, dangerous, and a waste of the public airways.
We further acknowledge that laughing at each other's jokes and gassing on about electric
brakes and other nonsense for as much as two-thirds of an hour-long show every week
is irresponsible, detrimental to the mental health of the nation, and can lead to hemorrhoidal
flare-ups and other unpleasant physical reactions by listeners.
We cannot, however, stop doing it.
This is the bot.
Bot.
Bot.
This is the rationalization.
We cannot, however, stop doing it.
We simply enjoy the free donuts we get here at the station every weekend.
Far too much.
Plus, if we didn't waste your time like this every week, we know Scott Simon would jump
in in a New York minute.
So we hope someday in the future to do better, but don't hold your breath.
Exactly.
And I think that's it.
I mean, we have as much corporate responsibility as Ford Motor Company.
We've admitted to everything.
Wow.
Just about.
And it's only, I mean, there's no real difference here.
They're doing it for billions of dollars.
We're doing it for a couple of dollars.
Exactly.
And until then, you'll only encourage us by calling 888-CAR-TALK.
So if you want us to mend our ways right now, don't call.
If you'd like an answer to a question, the number is 888-227-8255.
Hello, you're on Car Talk.
Hello, my name is Ben, and I'm from Brown Hill, Virginia.
Hi, Ben.
Ben from Brownsville.
No.
Round Hill.
Round Hill.
That's right.
What's shaking?
Okay, I got it.
1987 Nissan Stanza with 195,000 miles on it.
Good for you.
And I do some small maintenance myself, and particularly oil changes every 3,000 miles.
But when I drive by garages, I always see these signs that says oil and lube for 1995
or whatever.
I know your question.
So I'm wondering, am I missing some critical step by not lubing it?
87.
You may be missing a few things, right?
Would you ever take it in for any kind of repairs or oil changes all you've done for
200,000 miles?
I got it at 145,000 miles, and ever since then, all I've done is oil.
Oh.
Oh.
Okay.
So you've never replaced like the timing belt?
No.
That's going to break this afternoon.
I assume it was replaced before I got it, but I don't know that for sure.
Yeah, well see, the trouble is they tell you to replace the belt at like 60,000 miles,
and people figure if they replace it at 60,000, they don't have to replace it again at 120
or at 180.
So you may, you should have had three timing belts in this vehicle, and you may still be
on, maybe it's the second one, but that ain't good enough.
I mean, not that there's anything to do with your question.
Nothing.
Nothing.
We're trying to figure out if you're on the verge of self-destruction here.
That's right.
Yeah.
And if you are, then lubing the ball joints becomes kind of.
Yeah, it's like fixing the curtains on the Titanic.
Exactly.
Well, interestingly, we were just having a round table discussion about this very topic
the other day.
We were.
We were.
I remember it.
I mean, we had heads of state, financial leaders, and we were talking about the fact
that most cars these days do not require lubrication from a grease gun.
They have sealed joints, and they've done such a good job of sealing in the grease and
is such sealing out the contaminants that it's possible to drive the car for its entire
life without ever having to grease ball joints or tie rod ends and the like.
And many cars don't even have a provision for greasing them.
There are no grease fittings on the car.
You remember, I mean, you must have had a grease gun at one time if you do what you
do.
Sure.
So you know the fitting that the grease gun goes on to.
Absolutely.
It's called a Zerk fitting.
Yeah.
The only two things to be lubed in your car would be the outer tie rod ends.
Okay.
And the ball joints.
And it only has, I believe, lower ball joints because it has McPherson strut suspension
and doesn't have an upper ball joint.
And that's it.
So if you just crawl under there and look for the Zerk fittings, if you don't see any,
then there's nothing to grease.
Okay.
And if you do, you know what to do with the grease gun.
You clean off the fitting.
You stick the grease gun on there.
You give it a couple of pumps and either you'll see the boot bulge up, which means you put
too much grease in it.
You should have stopped two pumps ago.
Or you'll see grease and other junk push out when you get to that point.
But that's it.
But if you have no grease fittings, then you need do nothing.
Okay.
Yeah.
Except get the timing belt replaced.
You really should have someone look at the timing belt.
Okay.
Because if the belt breaks on this engine, it's the kiss of death.
It wrecks the engine.
Okay.
So I would do it.
There's not enough clearance for the valves.
Well, there will be after they get crushed.
Okay.
See you, Ben.
Okay, thank God.
Good luck.
Thanks for calling.
Alright.
One 888 Car Talk.
That's 888-227-8255, a lawyer on Car Talk.
Hi, this is Faith from Kenmore, Washington.
Faith.
Hi, Faith.
Hi.
That's a nice name.
Kenmore.
Is that where they make the washing machine and dishwashers and all that?
No, I don't think so.
So what's up, Faith?
What brings you here?
Just blind faith or what?
Ah, actually, I have a very frustrating car problem
and also an interesting personal tidbit for you.
So you tell me what you want first.
Everything.
Just go.
Just spin your guts.
You do it over all the features.
Tell us the car problem first.
OK, I'll tell you the car problem first.
I drive a 92 Camry wagon.
I have a problem with the automatic door locks.
The way I usually lock the car is that I open the door
and I have the kids open their doors
and then I push this door lock button in the car locks
and we close the door and that's that.
But in the last few months, several times,
I've had this problem where, for some reason,
after I open the door and push the door lock button,
I have to get back in the car to get something
or separate fighting kids or something.
Well, you've locked them in the car?
Yeah.
Well, no, I lock me in the car.
If the door closes behind me while I'm still in the car,
I then can't open it.
Oh, how nice.
And in order to get out, I have to climb over the shift
in the middle and get out the passenger side,
which is very clumsy and unladylike.
So I don't know what to do.
And I had it at the dealer recently
and, of course, I couldn't reproduce the problem for them.
So they don't believe me.
Hey, Camry had this problem.
That there was a recall, in fact, at the very beginning
of it before they knew how to fix it
or before they had enough.
They were giving out hammers to people.
They were telling people to go to their local homes
and buy an estuing hammer.
Because you'd have to break the glass to get out.
Yeah, I mean, it was dangerous.
People were getting locked in their cars.
You could get out the passenger door.
But before long, you may not be able to get out of any door.
Well, actually, one time it did happen on the passenger side.
The problem that they had with these
is that neither the door locks nor the power windows
would work.
So you couldn't even climb out a window.
If you think climbing over the shift there is undignified.
Think about climbing out the window.
So you could go to them and remind them
that there's probably a technical service bulletin
on this car.
And you'd like them to do a little research and find out.
There must be some relays that have to be replaced.
I don't know what the final result was.
All right.
All right, now give us the dirty personal tidbit.
Well, it just so happens that I grew up across the street
from your esteemed senior producer, Doug Berman.
And I used to babysit for him and his sisters
when they were kids.
He's saying, oh, it's fate.
The light bulb just went on.
He got it.
How old was he when you babysat?
Oh, nine, 10.
Oh, he must have been a hellion.
He was a mischief maker, but he was a good kid.
You have any real dirt on him that we can use?
Yeah.
Like, did he wet the bed when he was nine?
Yeah, well, when did he stop wetting the bed?
No, I will tell you what he did to get me in trouble once,
though.
Yeah, yeah, go ahead.
Yeah, I love it.
Well, one night.
Just between you and us, of course.
Yeah, just between you and us.
One night, he and his sister decided
that it was torture to babysit her night.
So the two of them just decided they were going to break
every rule and give me every kind of trouble they could.
Raised all sorts of hell.
And the final straw was when I was trying to get them into bed
and they decided to run out of the house half-naked
and scream all around the neighborhood.
He still does that.
Yeah.
His wife keeps talking about it.
Yeah, give us some real dirt, Faith.
I mean, he's still doing that.
Oh, God.
Faith, we may have to get back to you somehow
and discuss this at greater length.
But make sure you leave Catherine your phone number
so we can call you because I'm sure we'll need to talk to you
off the air.
All right, well, make sure Doug is still talking to me first.
I don't think he is.
See you, Faith.
Take care.
Get your door locks fixed.
Bye.
We're going to keep a face number.
That'll be fun to talk to her, won't it?
We're going to get some new names for Dougie.
Yes, we are.
I'm sure she can have some for us.
Hey, do you remember last week's puzzler?
Frankly, no.
Well, it's a who am I puzzler?
You're my dumb brother.
I know that.
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This is Ira Glass.
On This American Life,
we tell stories about when things change.
Like for this guy, David,
his entire life took a sharp, unexpected
and very unpleasant turn.
And it did take me a while to realize
it's basically because the monkey pressed the button.
That's right, because the monkey pressed the button.
Sprising stories every week,
wherever you get your podcasts.
Hi, we're back.
You're listening to Car Talk with us.
Click and Clack the Tappet Brothers.
And we hear to talk about cars, car repair
and the answer to last week's puzzler.
And this is from my putrid collection.
Not the string collection.
No, no, no.
The putrid. OK.
You know, cars have evolved a lot over the last hundred years
and parts have been made from a variety of materials.
For example, wheels used to be made out of wood
and they were made out of steel
and now they're made out of some kind of magnesium,
aluminum alloy.
Dashboards used to be made out of wood
and then they were made out of steel
and now plastic and other things.
So I'm going to do this little what am I game?
I'm going to tell you what I used to be made of
and you tell me what I am now.
Yeah. Remember this?
I do remember that.
I thought this was a fascinating.
Well, I mean, even if the if the if the answer is bogus
and I couldn't figure out the answer, I will admit that.
All right, well.
But even if the answer is bogus,
I the technique that you used is.
You like that novel.
I love it. I love it.
Go ahead. OK.
In the early days of cars, I didn't even exist.
When they saw a need for me, I was first made out of wood.
Later on, when they discovered that that didn't work too well,
I was made out of leather.
Sometime later, I was made out of cotton.
Now, I have to make I have to confess.
For the purposes of obfuscation and and.
Oh, yeah.
I took a little poetic license
and left out a few years of advances in automotive technology.
Oh, you know, between the between cotton and the next next step.
Well, and I left out about seventy five years.
Well, that could be all right.
But I did. I didn't.
If you if you listen carefully, I said it's not a lie today.
Today, yeah, I am made out of a mixture of things, some of some of which are.
And I didn't mention all of them, obviously.
Steel wool, iron and bronze, steel wool, iron and bronze.
Yeah. Of course, I did leave out the bonding agent,
the thing that holds those three components together,
which is some kind of resin.
And what all these things were, believe it or not, were breaks.
The first cars did not have breaks.
When they saw a need to stop the car, they actually used blocks.
Was that like the first day?
It was the first afternoon afternoon.
Yeah. And it wasn't right after the word oops.
Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh, something otherwise known as oops.
Yeah. And then.
And then the first attempt at stopping the car used wooden blocks.
So when they when that failed because the wood, what wooden blocks,
wooden blocks, how'd they do that?
When they grabbed the wheel with wooden blocks
and then they refined that to leather and then to cotton.
That was pretty cute, huh? Cotton. Yeah.
Man, that's a mystery to know.
I would never have gotten this.
I mean, I was working on clutches, but the wood.
And in fact, if it weren't for the wood,
well, that's what made it such a great puzzle.
Stunk. Oh, geez.
All right. Who's our winner?
You think that one's stunk when you hear this week?
The winner is Dave Knight and a boy, Dave.
It's always good to know there's one wacko who thinks like this
from Norman, Oklahoma, and for having his answer
selected at random among all the correct answers,
Dave will get a twenty five dollar gift certificate
to the Car Talk Shameless Commerce Division on our website.
With this twenty five dollars, he can get his father
a copy of our latest CD, why you should never listen to your father
when it comes to cars.
That's assuming he and his father are already not speaking.
We'll have a new. Yeah. Putrid.
Oh, yeah.
Mathematical puzzler coming up in the third half of today's show.
So stay tuned for that in the meat.
Actually, this is this is aimed at the school kids,
some of whom have already ended school for the year
and the rest of you are about to.
Yeah. So so that your brains don't go lame.
I thought we'd give you something to keep your intellectually stimulated.
And of course, adults can enter because they forgot all their math.
Exactly. Anyway, in the meantime, you can ask us questions about your car
at one eight eight eight car talk.
That's eight eight eight two two seven eight two five five.
Hello, you're on car talk.
Hi, guys, this is Bob in Fort Worth, Texas.
Hey, Bob, what worth?
What's happened? A fine place.
It is a fine place. Yeah.
What's up? I have a question, a problem that I guarantee
in all your years in radio you've never heard before.
You know, we get some of our most unanswerable questions from Texans.
I wonder why. I don't know why.
Does it involve cattle trailers?
But you're close. Really?
All right, let me. Go for it. Let me tell you the problem.
Yeah. My car is frequently in an environment where there are
equestrian events, primarily horse shows.
Yeah, these horse shows, the horses actually attract monstrous flies,
some of which are reminiscent of B-29.
Yes, they get in the car and I can't get them out.
I travel with a fly swatter. I travel with a can of raid.
I've even lit up a few Arturo Fuentes and that doesn't seem to help.
Yeah. But someone suggested that I set off a bug bomb at night
in the car, like you would in the house, you know, and vacate the place.
And then in the morning, everything will be fine.
But I'm concerned about your health.
Well, no, no, no, I mean, put it in the car.
I know, but I don't think you want to get into a car that's just been
sprayed with deadly poison.
Well, I'm concerned.
You might as well throw Agent Orange in there.
I mean, come on.
I'm concerned more about the bug juice getting in the electronics
of the car and messing up the car.
The electronics. What about your lungs, man?
Oh, you're re-spoken those Arturo Fuentes, so you don't care about your lungs.
I don't care about my lungs.
I don't. I don't think you should worry about your lungs either.
But in a few years, you'll be able to buy a lung.
What's the answer to my problem?
Well, wow, man, this is this is this is bad.
I mean, I'm not going to give any advice here because this is deadly.
Yeah, I think they propagate in the cars what the problem is.
Wow.
So these flies really multiply.
So it may be that if they're in the laying eggs,
you're done for.
Well, God said, go forth and multiply.
He didn't just mean it for us.
You want flies, too?
No, it was go forth. Never mind.
Someone divide, go forth and multiply.
Strike.
Well, I mean, my problem is anything you put in there,
you're going to have to air the thing out.
Exactly.
And as you're airing it out, these giant flies are going to come back.
No, because they only come back in when you're at the equestrian events.
That's right.
Well, that's where he's going to be.
Well, no, no, no, I can air it out away from the equestrian event.
Oh, you can.
I would suggest you set off one of these bombs.
And then and then after it kills everything,
and it will kill everything that's in there.
Right.
Then you air it out.
I mean, OK, it won't mess up the electronics of the car.
Like no digital speedometer.
No, I don't think so. I shouldn't.
Well, I mean, I don't know what's in that bomb rated in like megatons.
Well, it's liquid, you know, I mean, it's as a vapor.
What troubles me is, yes, this stuff is going to get on everything.
It's going to get on the seats.
It's going to get on the steering wheel.
It's going to get on the dashboard.
You're going to get in the car.
It's going to stick to your butt and you're going to put your hands on the steering wheel.
You're going to stick your hand up your nose.
Well, don't forget this stuff is recommended for residences.
Right.
You could put this thing in your living room.
Right.
And it doesn't bother people.
And its government, it barely kills the flies.
What are you worried about, Bob?
I would throw one of them in there and hope for the best.
And then wash your steering wheel off with soap and water and drive the car.
Hey, you guys are wonderful.
I don't like the poison.
I do. I do. Go for it.
Hey, thanks a lot.
But don't do it too often.
Once or twice.
Once a year.
There you go.
See you later.
Thanks for calling, Bob. Bye bye.
Bye bye.
Hey, do you know what time it is?
Time to switch to our open-toed summer mechanic sandals.
No.
It's time to play Stump the Chumps.
This is the portion of the show where we revisit a previous call to find out if our
advice fell into the realm of useful, useless.
Or you's got to be kidding me.
So who's our contestant this week?
Well, my little notes here say that it's Jennifer from DeKalb, Illinois.
I don't remember Jennifer, but I will.
Well, Jennifer, it says here, had a Ford temple that her in-laws had dumped on.
You know, you should never buy a car from your relatives.
Well, every time she drove it, it made a nasty screeching sound.
Well, she's going to tighten the gag with her mother-in-law in the trunk.
I mean, that'll do it.
No, that wasn't it.
It squealed whenever she turned on the heat.
I guess her mother-in-law likes it cold in the trunk.
I start to accelerate the same horrible screeching noise.
Interesting.
Huh? Great.
I'm freaking out.
I'm thinking, oh, no, I've had a cat.
I've got something horrible to happen.
Yeah, you have FSS, Ford screeching syndrome.
Another stellar diagnosis.
So what do we really tell her?
Well, we had two solutions, a cheap one and an expensive one.
And they both had to do with the air conditioner.
The air conditioner?
Yeah.
What she didn't know was that when you had run the defroster with the heat on,
it was automatically running the AC as it does in many cars.
Oh, so we told her it was either a loose belt or a bad air conditioning compressor.
Yeah, we told her to pray for the belt because it was cheaper.
Jennifer, are you there?
I am.
Hi, Jennifer.
All right, Jennifer, before we find out whether your prayers were answered,
we need to be sure that the answer you're about to give today has not been
influenced by our staff, the staff of National Public Radio or the deluxe toaster oven
that we sent you last week with that large bouquet of flowers.
Is that all true, Jennifer?
Oh, absolutely.
And breakfast is wonderful.
Great.
All right, what was it?
It was the belt.
And I have never heard the noise or anything since.
So it was the belt that ran the alternator.
It was the belt.
Now I'll be sending your toaster back for repair.
Oh, no, you can keep the toaster.
If it breaks your straw away, we got it for nothing at the bank.
And we used it for two years before we sent it to you.
That explains if you say.
Well, luckily, we saved the box.
All we save the boxes in case you need to give an emergency gift.
OK.
Jennifer, thanks for playing Stop the Chumps.
Thank you, guys.
Have a great day.
Bye bye.
It's time once again to slow the show down for a minute and pull it over to the side of the road.
But stay tuned because the radio equivalent of the tow truck is going to be here in about a minute.
We'll be right back.
We're back.
You're listening to Car Talk with us, Click and Clack the Tapper Brothers,
and we're here to discuss cars, car repair, and of the new puzzler.
Now, I did say earlier that this was for the children.
But of course, adults are welcome to work on this tour.
And it is it is mathematical and we'll even let Berman work.
Do I need a pencil to write this down?
I mean, are they going to be like numbers in it or is it just theoretical?
Yeah, I get a pencil.
OK, get the pencil.
I got it.
OK, this is a probability problem.
Probability.
There's a baseball team which consists of 20 kids.
And they all at the end of the season, they all go to the coach's house to have a barbecue.
Yeah.
And he says, look, kids, you can't wear your hats at the barbecue.
So all the kids take their hats and they throw them in a big pile.
I love it.
So there are 20 hats in a pile.
Twenty hats.
I can see it coming.
You can see it coming.
Yeah.
So they fill their little faces with hot dogs and corn on the carbon, whatever.
And they barf.
And they barf into their hats.
And at the.
At the conclusion of the evening, they all reach in at random and grab a hat and put it on their heads.
Yeah, I see it.
What's the probability that 19 out of 20 of these kids gets his correct hat?
No hints, right?
No, I'm not going to say a word.
No, you can't say a word.
I'm not going to.
If you think you know the answer, run it on a postcard or a 26 foot hand carved Italian marble fountain.
With lions.
Tigers.
And send it to I don't think they knew about the tiger and send it to Puzzler Tower,
Car Talk Plaza, Box 3500, Harvard Square, Cambridge, our first city,
02238, or you can email your answer from the car talk section of cars.com.
If you'd like to call us and insult us or berate us or do anything at all.
I'll make some admission about what's terrible in your life or what's terrible about our show.
No, you can't do that.
The number is 1-888-CAR-TALK, that's 888-227-8255, a lawyer on car talk.
Hi, this is Dottie, calling from Phoenixville, Pennsylvania.
Hi, Dottie.
From where?
Right next to Valley Forge, about 35 miles west of Philadelphia.
My brother was at Valley Forge.
I was.
With what's his name?
Washington.
With George.
No, General Motors.
What's going on, Dottie?
Okay, I have a 1995 Taurus with just about 102,000 miles on it.
For the past several months, I've noticed a hot odor to it as though I sucked something
up in a vacuum cleaner and the belt started to heat up.
And I took it to the dealer.
He said the radiator hose was leaking a little and that's what was causing it.
So they put a new radiator hose on it, also a new serpentine belt.
And when I drove out of the dealership, it still smelled.
Does the heater work?
All right, the blower motor and the heater, if all the speeds work?
Heater and the air conditioning both work fine.
I noticed when I got out of the car, if I leaned down and smelled the hood of the car,
that's where I can smell it in the front.
Right.
The smell you smell is burning rubber.
And I think what's happening to your car right now is that the idler pulley or the
tensioner pulley on the serpentine belt is not spinning all the time.
And it's burning up the belt.
And that's what you're smelling.
It's only a matter of days before this thing seizes up and the car bursts in the flames.
No, you're quiet.
No, it won't happen.
But you the smell will get stronger.
I would suggest that you take it back to these guys who put the belt on and suggest to them
that you think that the belt is not is not turning all of the pulleys correctly.
There's an idler pulley on this thing and there's also a tensioner pulley.
And it's possible that one of them is binding up.
If they merely take the belt off and try to turn everything that the belt turns by hand,
they will find one of those things is not turning freely and that's your culprit.
And what it's doing is it's overheating the belt and burning up the rubber.
I'm with it.
I'm with my brother on this a hundred percent.
And I would go back and have them take the belt off and we'll check it out.
Before it breaks on you, it bursts in the flames and all that.
No, it won't.
See you, Dottie.
Thank you very much.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
One eight eight eight car talk.
That's eight eight eight double two seven eighty two fifty five.
Hello, you're on car talk.
This is Jeff.
I'm calling from Peru.
Which Peru?
That's New York.
Where is that?
It's all I know where it is too.
It's no, I don't.
It's just south of Montreal.
Yeah.
Because there's a whole bunch of weird places up there named like Egypt and Rome.
Yeah.
Well, they ran out of names.
They ran out of names.
And name them anything because no one comes up here anyway.
So what's up?
Well, I have a lifestyle question.
About four years ago, I quit my job and hit the road.
Yeah.
And I've been traveling for about four years.
So and you just quit your job, got in the car?
Car?
Or you start walking?
Yeah, the first part of the trip was in my own car.
Yeah, I went up to Alaska and the Yukon and the Northwest Territories.
And were you in search of some great unyielding truth or were you just curious about things?
Just curious, just wanted to get away from work in for a while.
Yeah, yeah.
So what's up?
Keep going.
Well, a lot of the time, like when I was up in Alaska, there's times when,
you know, I tend to run out of gas.
Yeah.
And so I'm wondering, you know, I have all my backpacking gear and camping equipment
and about very often I have Coleman fuel, like a gallon of Coleman fuel.
And I'm wondering if I can put that into the car rather than,
you know, walk out for 20 miles to try and find out.
How much of an emergency would it be like?
Would the wolves be ready to let you pass through their digestive systems?
No, it's never that bad.
It's just a question of do I want to walk for a couple of days to get out to somewhere
where I can buy some gas and haul it back?
Couple of days.
Yeah.
Days, huh?
Yeah.
In which case you might pass through the digestive system if they happened upon you.
Yeah.
It's, you know, sort of, it happens in a variety of places.
So I, you know, I never know.
I mean, you know, if it works, then I can, I can do it.
But, you know, I don't want to, you know, screw up my car like.
Well, you will.
You might, you might.
How old is your car?
Um, it's a 93 Honda Civic hatch.
What is Coleman fuel anyway?
Gasoline.
Yeah, we're trying to refine that though.
No, Coleman, I don't know exactly what Coleman fuel is.
Coleman fuel is some secret thing.
No, I, I, I, I think it, it, we are now entering.
But this is going to, this is going to get us a letter from Coleman.
Mr. Coleman himself.
I do know that you can burn gasoline in your Coleman lantern.
Yes.
I thought, I always thought, I should know this, but I always thought that Coleman fuel,
I mean, don't forget, it doesn't come out of the ground known as Coleman fuel.
No, sorry.
If they weren't a company putting it in little.
It comes out of Coleman mines.
Yeah, I mean, it's not one of the basic elements, you know, hydrogen, helium, Coleman.
I mean, they, they get it.
Hydrogen, helium, lithium, beryllium, carbon.
It's one of the rare earths.
No, I mean, I think it's kerosene, isn't it?
No, no, it's definitely not kerosene.
No, it's not kerosene.
Because the match on it flares up like gasoline.
Yes, it is much, much more volatile.
Kerosene will not, actually we'll burn at room temperature, but.
Well, if you have a big match.
Barely.
Oh no, it ignites like gasoline.
I mean, you know.
This stuff burns like gasoline.
Yeah.
Well, here's what I, here's what I, you know, it's a great question, Jeff.
And if anyone should know the answer, it would be us.
And we don't.
And we're embarrassed as hell.
I mean, I should say, I'm not really that embarrassed
because I've never had occasion to use Coleman fuel for anything
because I'm not an outdoorsy person.
So I don't know what Coleman fuel even is.
Well, I do have, I heard of it.
I do have a supply of Coleman fuel in my basement.
You do?
I do.
I have a gallon of it.
Call your wife.
And I have a Coleman lantern.
Ask her to look, go down to the basement and read what it says on the can.
I think the side of the can says something like,
contains petroleum distillates.
Yeah.
Which is what gasoline is too.
Fatal of swallow.
Harmful of fatal of swallow.
Keep out of reach of children in Tom Malliozzi.
And I think it's likely to be less explosive than gasoline.
Okay.
But it's probably not going to hurt your engine if you did it,
you know, under dire circumstances.
Yeah.
Well, that's the thing.
I just didn't know that we're just going to just explode.
No, it's not going to explode.
Although, you know, I have read, and I'm sure we will get some
not insignificant number of emails about mixing fuels
and causing certain kinds of reactions to occur.
And weird stuff happening.
Like people adding gasoline to diesel fuel, you've heard that?
Yeah.
Yeah.
See, I mean, the biggest problem is not whether it will burn,
but what will it do to the injectors, the fuel lines and all that stuff?
So I would recommend you don't do it until you hear from us.
Okay.
Or you hear the explosion from the lab.
Yeah.
Or if you do it, you do it far away.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm very curious to know what this stuff is,
especially since they don't really tell you on the...
Well, they can't because if they told you, if it says contains chemical gas.
But costs five times as much.
Who would buy it?
But it does smell different.
It doesn't smell like gasoline.
I've never seen or smelled this stuff.
Tell you the truth.
But it does burn pretty intensely.
Yeah.
So I think you could use it.
And if the alternative were being eaten up by wolves, I'd put it in my tank.
See you, see you, Jeff.
Okay.
Thanks a lot.
My pot.
Boy, that was very helpful, wasn't it?
Now read that.
What's that disclaimer again?
Hey, did he call us?
Did he call us?
Car talk acknowledges that giving out stupid and misleading answers
to people's car questions is reckless.
Yeah.
Dangerous.
And a waste of the public airways.
All true.
We cannot, however.
But.
We cannot, however, stop ourselves.
But fun.
And don't forget, it was he that called us.
He called us.
We didn't go looking for Jeff.
I mean, what did he expect to get from us?
He expected us to know something.
And we could have taken the safe, we could have said, oh no, Jeff,
you never should put anything in your tank except gasoline.
That would be the safety.
Oh, how about we don't know?
No, we couldn't do that.
Why not?
It's not in our chart.
We're not allowed to say we don't know.
Oh, NPI won't allow it?
Not allowed.
Not in our contract.
You've got to give an answer.
Did Ray Suarez ever say, I don't know?
Does Juan Williams say, I don't know?
Absolutely not.
They know everything.
They know everything.
And we know what?
Squat.
Is the show almost over?
Well, you've wasted another perfectly good hour
listening to Car Talk.
Our esteemed producer has dug the subway
fugitive, not as slave to fashion Berman.
Our associate produces our Frau Catherine Pickle Fenelosa.
Oh, yeah.
And Louie Cronin the Barbarian, our engineer is George Hicks.
Our senior web lackey has dug the old gray mare
and our technical, spiritual, and menu advisor.
Just back from the late spring, South Florida,
free lunch senior pro-am is John Bugsy Lawler.
Our public opinion pollster was Paul Murky of Murky Research,
assisted by statistician Marge Novara.
Our customer care representative is Haywood Jabuzov,
our director of new product repair is Warren T. Myfoot.
Our audience estimator is Adam Ilyan
and our shop foreman is Luke Bezey.
Our staff mortician is Sven de Degall.
Sven de Degall.
Our credit card debt manager is Max Stout.
Our staff tax preparer is Lionel Little.
Our emergency room position is Henrietta Badklam.
Our divorce attorney is Carmine Not Yours.
Our Russian chauffeur is Picov and Dropoff
and our seat cushion tester, of course, is Mike Easter.
Our chief counsel from the law firm of Dewey Cheetahman,
how is you, Louis Dewey?
Known to the straight-up skateboarders
in Harvard Square as you, Louis Dewey.
Thanks so much for listening.
We're clicking, clack, the Tapper Brothers.
And remember, don't drive like my brother.
And remember, don't drive like my brother.
We'll be back next week.
Bye-bye.
And now, here is Car Talk Plaza's chief mechanic,
Mr. Vin Eagle Butts.
Thank you very much.
Now, if you want to copy this here show,
which happens to be number 23,
you can get one on the web.
Just head on over to the online store,
aka the Shameless Commerce Division
at the carttalksectionatcars.com.
And what if I wanted something else?
I mean, like the father's CD,
why you should never listen to your father
when it comes to cars.
When I go to that same website, then?
No, no, I don't think so.
You go to www.mudwrestlingdanialshorestyle.com.
Of course, you go to the same site,
the carttalksectionatcars.com,
or you order by phone.
You know, the old fashioned way,
it's just called 888 Car Junk.
Thank you, Vinnie.
That was direct and to the point.
Hey, point to this, all right?
Car Talk is a production of Dewey Cheatham and Howe
and WBUR in Boston.
And even though mothers everywhere
whip their minivans around
and head back to DC for another protest,
whatever they hear us saying.
This is NPR, National Public Radio.
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