Beckham's Prelude

I'm Johnny Smith. I'm a reporter. And this is Smith & Sniff, a podcast on which two friends talk about cars and many other things.

Hello everyone. Welcome to Anne Room at the motorist near Leeds, which is where we are the morning after our live show.

It's a sweet, sweet location.

That's a sweet location. I'm facing the window and I'm looking out over some fields and it's really lovely.

We're in the, are we in the flangio suite?

No, we are in the Indianapolis room. I have these meeting rooms upstairs and they're all named after race tracks and then decorated accordingly.

So this one has a big, old, where's the art even be from? These sixties, sort of track diagram of Indianapolis.

And then there's just sort of posters and things. There's a picture of someone kissing the bricks. I don't know who that is. I don't recognize them, but...

Not to you from as of now?

No, not to you from as of now.

It's all just, you know, it's got the famous strip of bricks across the Starfish line.

So, yeah, we're here. We did a show last night at Leeds as the motorist, rather, and we didn't record it because we thought we would try and experimented not recording it.

And see how that was and if anything was different. And frankly, it wasn't, except maybe we saw a couple of...

No, we talked about Vapy Grand Mars. We talked about Renault traffic vans that are called extra sports.

Well, we can talk about this now because, obviously, it wasn't recorded last night, but, yeah, on the way up here, you drove up in your van and I drove up in a Vauxhall frontera that you are, which I resisted the temptation to drive up Snowden and...

Well, it's good to ask you about that.

To Leeds and...

To Vauxhall's press office, is there a small stipulation when they're renting out, sorry, handing out frontera press buzzers?

Do not try and climb any of Britain's mountains.

What are you going to do with it?

Just drive it around a bit. Are you going to take it up Snowden?

Might be.

Are you not allowed to take it into Wales? Is it like a restraining order thing?

You know, there's shopping trolleys that the wheels lock if they go outside the perimeter of the supermarket. It's like that.

The frontera shuts down if it enters Wales just to be on the safe side.

No, actually, because the one I've borrowed is the hybrid.

Yeah.

So it's a 1.2-litre petrol engine and then a very gentle, not very get-involved hybrid system.

You know, like the latest generation of Toyota hybrids, you can drive surprisingly far on electric power only.

Yeah.

And sometimes on the motorway, you're conscious that the petrol engine has shut down even at quite high speeds.

Yeah.

This isn't really like that. It'll get rolling under electric power and it will just creep in city traffic on electric power.

But the petrol engine comes back in pretty often, I think.

But...

It's the white steel wheels that have stolen it.

Well, I'll guess those in a minute because this is the thing. So it is doing almost 50 to the gallon on the way up here.

So I thought that was pretty decent. That's all right. You know, for a small petrol engine, but the hybrid system is clearly doing something.

It's automatic as well. They all are.

Yeah.

But this is the base model. And on the base model, for £400, you can have what they call a style pack.

And it's white steel wheels and a white roof. And the car I've got is green.

It looks good.

It's got a kind of... I mean, I've seen someone described it as Teamu Defender as the look.

But I actually think it's good. Now, what is really interesting to me is that when I first had it, the first day it was dropped off,

my daughter came home from school and she went,

what's that car? And I saw what I just borrowed it and she understands I borrow cars from my job.

And she went, it's really nice. Do you think so? You like it?

And she went, I love it. It's a really interesting reaction. And then I've had a couple of other people go,

that's a nice looking car. What is it?

Well, I like Foxhall's design language at the moment.

Yeah, they've got it.

I think it's stronger than it's been in a long time.

The frontara confused me because for some reason, when I'd seen it was announced, I wasn't paying full attention.

I thought it was sort of bigger and more expensive than it is.

So it's actually a snag shorter than Astro, I think, or about the same length.

Snag.

I can't remember, was it just a little bit? It's basically astro-sized.

Yeah.

Which is interesting in itself because it's based on the same set of bits as the Grand Opando that we've been talking about.

Yeah, of course it is.

It's the confusingly named Stalantis smart car platform.

Stalantis.

Astorisk, nothing to do with smart.

Yes.

It's there. It's an evolution of that sort of small, medium platform.

So that's like the Citroen C3 Aircross is on the same thing.

Yeah.

So it's the Grand Opando, even though the Grand Opando is, I checked this, smaller in every dimension.

So the frontara is sort of, I guess, you know, that's the flexibility of that platform.

By the way,

it's almost like it's been a cashkai sized.

I think the Ford Puma, though, is a rival, which to me always feels smaller.

But anyway, it is a roomy car.

And also, for the purposes of listeners who don't know why we're giggling about driving up mountains,

just remember there was that news piece.

It's got to be 20 years ago now.

Oh, easily, yeah.

Where a deranged man, can we say, decided to drive an old Vauxhall frontara.

What did they call them in America?

They sold them and thinking...

It was the Isuzu Rodeo, I think.

Was it?

Yeah.

Amigo.

Was it the Amigo?

Amigo.

He decided to drive his used, slightly modified frontara up.

We call it a mountain.

I think people in other countries who have real mountains would probably argue.

I think...

It's just a hill.

But there's a threshold, isn't there?

There's a height threshold between hill and mountain.

And Snowden meets that threshold.

So it is a mountain, albeit not as big as, say, K2.

It's not Pikes Peak.

No.

And there's no time over.

Pikes Peak has a road up it, which is cheating.

Now, the crucial thing here is that Snowden doesn't have a road up it,

but this lunatic drove his frontara up Snowden anyway.

There is a railway goes up it, isn't there?

Oh, yes.

He drove up the railway tracks a bit.

He did.

But he drove to the top.

We looked at this up.

We have talked about it.

Yeah, we talked about it on a previous podcast.

Yeah.

Was it because someone dared him in the pub?

Yeah.

And so he did it.

And then he got up there and then he just got out.

And I think he waited for the first train of the day to arrive.

And he got the train down again.

Why did that?

Just pretending it wasn't his frontara.

Got a bollocking when they found out who he was.

They had to put the frontara onto a carriage on the railway to get down.

And then...

Yeah.

He did it again.

You've just reminded me.

Back in the magazine days,

I used to read a lot of things referring to pub bragging rights.

Yeah.

Because it was more of a thing.

Is it sort of an irrelevant term now, pub bragging rights?

Because people don't go to the pub?

Less people go to the pub and less people converse face to face, perhaps.

It's all done via furs.

I suppose no.

We used to say that about Top Gear.

The phrase we used was pub currency.

Yes.

And we're doing a script.

Like, put in a couple of facts that you know that someone can watch this show.

Yeah.

And then go for lasties at the pub.

Yeah.

And say, did you know?

Did you know that Bugatti Veyron has got 11 radiators or whatever it is?

But that was obviously the Veyron was pub currency gold.

Because it had so many amazing facts about it.

But it was other stuff.

You just go, just pepper, you know, some little thing in there.

Make sure it's got pub currency.

But you're right.

Maybe that's not relevant now.

It would just be something you can share with people on the internet.

Did you know that Jerry McGovern is actually David Hasselhoff?

Fact.

The same person.

Like that face-off film with John Travolta and Nicholas Cage?

Nicholas Cage.

Yes, face-off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's, you know, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, the police sitcom.

I've never seen it.

Oh, you should watch it.

Yeah.

It's great.

They're all on Netflix at the moment.

But it's fantastic.

I absolutely adore that show.

And it's, but I've only ever seen sort of sporadically individual episodes.

And when it was all on Netflix, I was like, right, I'm just going to watch the whole lot from beginning,

which is what I've been doing.

And.

Oh, wow.

Binge.

Well, no, because I'll just do like an episode.

It's like, you know, on an evening when my wife will go, I'm going to go to bed now.

And I'm like, I'm going to stay up and I'll just watch a Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

And that'll be sort of my pre-bedtime little treat because she's not watching it.

And then, belatedly, the day she went up, people keep telling me Brooklyn Nine-Nine's really

good.

And I was like, I told you it's really good.

I said, how about we should watch it together?

I'm like, it's too late.

I'm seven series in now.

But that's why, why would you listen to the husband when he could listen to friends?

Anyway, the there's an episode.

It takes too long to set up.

But people who've watched that show will know that the police commander Holt is a brilliant

character because he's very formal, very precise.

And he he's married to a university lecturer, Kevin, who is also a very precise but very

cultured man as well.

And Kevin, for complicated plot reasons, gets put in a safe house with one of the other

cops who is part of the comedies.

He's basically a man child, a lovable man child.

He's the lead character, basically.

And he starts asking Kevin if he's seen Nick Cage films and he goes, certainly not.

And then he starts listing the plots to different occasions.

And he starts like a face off.

They use CIA device technology to switch their actual faces and every Nick Cage film, he does

a little plot synopsis of you go, oh, my God, all of these films are fucking ridiculous.

Like it's a brilliant gag because this guy Kevin's going, no, absolutely not.

Like he's trying to persuade him to watch one of them.

He's going, what about this one?

What about a bunch of convicts are on an airplane and he's just like, no, I am not watching

that.

You go, I'm not surprised.

They're all ridiculous.

I, I, I still, I still like the idea of conner just be more of a documentary really.

But a conditioning being a waste of time.

We should, should I bring this up or not?

I'm going to the, I told the audience last night about it.

It was about a four and a bit hour drive for me yesterday from Bath to to here and, and

me, but in separate vehicles.

In separate vehicles for the reasons even though you stayed at my house.

I stayed at your house last night.

Yeah.

So I had my front era just to wrap up on the front era.

It is genuinely, I think, a very decent car.

I was surprised at how good it is.

I like this, the base model and it just has its simplicity as part of what I like about

it.

Not sound like an old fart, but if you, if you, and we moaned enough about over complex

to complexity in modern cars.

Well, it's, it's rife.

I went into the touchscreen.

So like, right, what I'm going to do is I'm going to find out how to turn off the lane

departure because it's bound to annoy me.

And also probably the speed binger will annoy me when it gets the speed wrong and all the

rest of it as they do.

Yeah.

Couldn't find anything in touchscreen.

I was like, oh my God, this is intolerable.

It's every time I drive this car, I'm going to have to go into some even deeper menu.

But no, down by your right knee, there are two buttons and you simply hold them down

and they disable those systems.

So immediately it's got, you just go, that's how it should be done every time.

Yeah.

And all you need to touch screen for is the carplay, which it has a standard, always nice.

Yeah.

And kind of expected these days, I think.

I mean, even my little Dutch has got wireless carplay and that's very cheap car.

But apart from that, it's got three big knobs to control the climate control.

It's got, it's only got air conditioning.

It's not climate.

So it does, wherever you leave it, if it's blower setting to mid heat, that's where it

could stay for eternity.

I'm glad.

So it's really simple.

And I kind of go, what else do you need on this car?

It's got these quite pleasant cloth seats that I think are recycled fabric.

And they're just sort of like, they're sort of quietly attractive.

I love quietly attractive cloth.

It hasn't got an electric boot lid.

And I know you hate electric boot lids.

I kind of don't mind them, but it's actually in a weird way.

It sort of suits the car.

You just go, I can do this myself.

It's not difficult, is it?

No.

If it's a huge, heavy or convoluted boot, yeah.

I think the hardest thing with electric boots is when you've had a car with one and you

go back to one without one, you forget that it hasn't got one.

You just have to retrain one's brain.

I have to admit the first time I opened the boot on the frontier, I just pinged the electric

latch and then stood there waiting for the next bit to happen.

And when it didn't, I was like, of course it hasn't got an electric boot because it's

an endearingly basic car.

I was just going to check this, but my memory now as I looked this up before, that basically

this base model hybrid frontera is about 23 grand.

Which sounds a lot, but remember, it's not because of the people.

New cars are expensive in the UK at least.

They are.

That is less.

The cheapest Astra is 25 or 26.

Yeah.

The cheapest car is 16.

Yes.

At all.

Most superminis now are 19, 18, 19 just to get into a boggo polo or something.

It's probably even a bit more, you know, basic Yaris and things.

Cars are expensive.

The rules got mad, mate.

The rules got mad.

Like, I wouldn't get like food in that the other day.

I spent like 38 quid and I came in with like four things.

They've all, and they've rotted my teeth.

One of them's a bottle of scotch though.

I got booze.

I got a sandwich.

Yeah.

I don't know what.

So.

Vape.

I would say the, yeah, it's a couple cans of monster.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

So the interior plastics and things on this front are quite hard and basic, but it doesn't

offend me.

I don't know.

It sounds honest.

That's it.

It's a brief.

But it drives really nicely.

The ride's good.

Yeah.

The handling is, I'm not damning it with faint praise, so the handling is neat and perfectly

competent.

Actually, it has a bit more grip than I thought in the wet last night when I checked it and

surrounded about it.

Now I was expecting it to start, so I'm losing grip now.

It's good.

It's fine.

It's all fine.

I think for a lot of people, that would be all they would ever need from a car.

It is a, and I don't mean that as a sort of like, oh, it's just, it's fine.

It is actually sort of, it is the very definition of just a useful car.

Yeah.

Solid B grade at GCSE.

B plus.

Oh, they don't do anymore, do they?

They don't know they're doing bloody numbers, but let's just go old school with letters.

I would say it was predicted a C.

Yeah.

Because I just went, oh no, it's a Vauxhall based on some old Citroen platform.

It's going to be a bit disappointing, isn't it?

It has exceeded my expectations.

That's really good.

I'm actually really quite fond of it in a strange sort of way.

I didn't expect to be.

And I do like the look.

I think the steel wheels thing is one of those things that car people like us get a bit of

a bonk on for, and actually no one's going to order it because they do look quite basic.

Yeah, but I think in a sea of average alloys, and there is a shit load of average alloys

out there.

Yeah.

Going the other way is the way we ought to look.

So yeah, I like it, but what I was going to say is also there's an electric version,

and when I looked on one of the leasing aggregator websites to the day, you can currently get

into a base model electric frontera for £119 a month.

Gosh, that's cheap.

That's ridiculous.

That's almost as cheap as my dacha.

That's working cheap.

So yeah, I don't know what the electric one's like.

I assume it's probably perfectly fine if it's anything like the hybrid one.

And for a lot of people, that would be just a useful utility car.

Yes, I'm genuinely quite surprised by that car, but I admitted this to the audience last

night.

It was a four and a bit hour drive on motorways.

So it was quite boring, whatever car you're in.

And I was so bored, I just thought, I wonder how hot I can make the interior of this car.

You're such a dick.

And then how long I can tolerate that heat for.

The answer is very and surprisingly long because it's got a good heater.

I mean, I've been driving it for like a couple of hours maybe, so the engine's good and hot

and they're ready to go.

So I cranked that manual heating up and made it extremely, extremely hot in there.

And then I was like, actually, this isn't, this is okay.

I can tolerate this.

And I was wearing this Smith and sniff 2.2.

I'm just admiring your, your, your hood.

The magic is on the back of these hoodies because it's got the prelude design.

Yeah, believe.

But I've got, I've got, I've got some prelude news.

So do it now.

Yeah.

Okay.

Look, guys, listen, here's the saga.

The Beckhams have been in the news.

Yes.

I don't fully understand the beef, but I think Brooklyn is annoyed with his parents.

I just saw a headline this morning on my news app saying that because that's the thing.

I think he's, he's finally breaking free.

He says his parents too controlling, you know, everything was about a media.

The media whores, blah, blah.

The headline this morning was that Victoria Beckham owns the trademark, trademark to her

children's names.

What?

So Brooklyn Beckham is a registered trademark owned by Victoria Beckham.

That doesn't, what?

That's sort of, no, it's, it is the commodifying of your children.

Isn't it?

They are just an asset.

That doesn't make any sense at all.

I mean, and I'm not suggesting that Victoria and David Beckham don't love their children,

but they do clearly also regard them as another thing they can use in their ongoing job,

which is to be in the news.

Brand Beckham.

Well, and that, I guess if they, if they, if they, if they like that, that's fine.

But, um, yeah, I don't know much about it.

I know Brooklyn is a sort of photographer.

No, I think he's passed that because he did photography without famously piss core picture

of an elephant in it, which still makes me laugh.

That's one of those things where sometimes I will look that up on the internet just to

have a laugh about it because it's just this awful badly shot all in shadow, but not in

an arty way.

Just a bad picture of an elephant.

The kind of picture you go, oh, shit, piss, pour and rushed it because that elephant

just appeared and I wish I'd taken more time.

But yeah, it's, have you noticed that the children of very rich people, one of them will always

become a photographer for a short period of time?

Yeah.

Because, and this is deeply insulting.

We know quite a few professional photographers.

I always think it's deeply insulting to professional photographers.

That photography is one of those things that every fuckwit thinks they can do.

And yes, they can.

They can operate a camera, but can they take a good photograph?

Is it akin to, I don't know, say, presenting a car show on TV when you don't really have

much of an authority on automotive?

I'm just putting that out there, just thrusting that out there on that side of things.

Evan's above.

What do you mean?

Exactly.

Look.

Yes, it is.

I know, I would say that at least one offspring of very rich people will, you know, how's your

Arabella?

Well, she's a photographer.

Is she?

Is she though?

No.

Because, but actually then you go, oh, so is your Arabella still a photographer?

Oh, no, no, no.

No.

She gave that up.

No, she now runs a high-end holiday logistics company in Fulham with a girl called Focaccia

or something that she went to.

Focaccia.

That she went to boarding school with.

And they're both incredibly well-spoken and overconfident, but they're ultimately

extremely incompetent and their business goes down after the last of the year because

they can't even organize holidays for people without screwing up.

And then suddenly she's got like an exclusive chutney's business or something like that.

Extremely.

This is all before the age of 24, but it's because she's from such family money that

there is always a safety net and she can basically endlessly fail.

Yes, she can just do total bollocks and be bailed out.

But at some point she will have been a photographer because all rich people have at least one

son or daughter who for some time is a photographer in inverted comedy.

Yeah, yeah.

But did you know?

I'm just in a typical Smith and Stif fashion.

I know we've gone off down another.

We've gone off down another bridal way.

We need to come back onto the tarmac.

So did you know that David Beckham's first car was a prelude?

First car?

I believe in 1990.

You believe?

Yeah.

I believe like the word on the street, yeah, like is that Beckham in 92 got a prelude.

Yeah, he got a prelude.

And I think it was when Man United had a tie up with Honda.

Did they?

I believe they did.

Well, I don't know because I believe because I don't follow football.

So I'm not.

No, but I this would be like me presenting a show about football when I didn't know a

lot about football.

That would be an idiotic thing.

Yeah.

Wouldn't it?

So yeah, Man United had a tie up with Honda.

The players each got a car, I think, once they played 21 games for the lead devils.

And Beckham, very excitedly, I think he got himself a black prelude.

And since all of this Brooklyn Beckham going, I don't like my parents anymore, their bastards,

there's pictures of this old prelude appearing just because I guess everyone's just dredging

up as much information as possible.

And I'm not.

I've got nothing against Beckham's.

I've always thought David and Victoria seemed like very friendly, interesting people, but

I don't know what they do in their spare time or who cares.

Who knows?

I don't know.

He seems nice.

He seems like a good one to me.

And he's certainly a lot more interesting than he used to be.

He's learned how to speak, for example.

He has learned how to speak.

No, I think he's all right.

I don't know whether she is a bit frosty, but she could be nice when you know her.

I don't know.

Yeah.

So he had a black prelude as his first cast.

That's so weird.

I know.

I love that, though.

As a Hawkeye prelude?

It's the, I think it was the one, well, if it was new around 92.

That would be Hawkeye.

Was that Hawkeye?

Yeah.

Okay.

I think then the slightly blander one came in.

Is that the frog?

More of a frog eye.

Yeah.

Sort of big eyes, but I don't know.

There's no nickname for it.

I think that came in sort of 96, 97.

Is that fourth gen?

Yeah.

So there is this mad mashup of David Beckham.

Oh, wait.

Is it fifth gen?

Hang on.

And prelude.

Prelude, yeah.

Anyway, that's amazing.

Yeah.

I was just really interested in that.

I hope he hasn't got it, I'm sure.

Maybe that's where the beef comes from.

Brooklyn's gone, look, Dad, you know, I'm, I was Brooklyn Beckham.

I don't know.

Anyway, I don't know.

25 probably.

Yeah.

20.

I think it's time.

Yeah.

The family inheritance.

What, you want more money?

There it is.

It's a Hawkeye.

It is a Hawkeye.

He's got a Bex plate.

He had a Bex.

What does it say?

M Bex.

I don't know.

Mavid.

There's some seeds missing.

Mavid Bexum.

But that's weird.

Yeah.

It's good there, doesn't it?

Oh, yeah.

And there's aftermarket wheels on it.

I think they are.

I think he's got different loys on it.

Okay.

He is into cars, isn't he?

He is into cars.

I don't know if he's like, into cars.

Or if he's just a rich guy.

I think he's, certainly in the earlier days, he's got good car taste.

Well, because I, did he not very early on?

Because like, for some reason, that's me.

He had an M3 Cabrio.

I thought he had an E36.

It was who?

I was in a coupe out in my head.

Definitely M3 36.

Yes.

And he had a 911 993.

Yes, he did.

That's been seen.

Which again, it was new at the time.

I think when, very, very new.

Because, is there not a famous pap shop of him and Victoria in that car when they just

started dating?

Yeah.

Dark blue 993.

Yeah.

4S, I think.

It's got wide arches, but it's not a turbo, I think.

I think you might be right.

Yeah.

Concerts.

Concerts twice.

Slightly nasal approach.

Yeah.

So, I, if you'd asked me at gunpoint, what was David Beckins first car?

I'd have guessed that E36 M3, because I thought, you know, he got fortune quite early because

he was signed up.

Yeah.

As a pro footballer in his teens, wasn't he so?

It wouldn't be great if one day we got to talk cars with him for, say, a couple of minutes.

And he admitted that of all the exotica that he's owned, the prelude was the fastest by

a country mile.

Everything he's had since is just trying to live up to the magic of that car.

Yeah.

And to prove the fact that it was...

I've never seen a rev counter do what it did.

You've got to believe me.

Like, I went out.

I went...

Do you know, I was running late from, like, training and that, and then I got in it and,

like, put it through its paces, didn't even wait for it to, like, warm up and that.

And the rev counter went all the way around.

It was like a clock that was out of control, but a rev counter.

Yeah.

I...

Because years ago, he approached Jeremy Clarkson as a party at some, you know, fancy bash.

Yeah.

Um...

Because Jeremy slagged him off in print a bit.

What, so he used a bit of a thicker wall?

Probably, yeah.

And I think he'd also maybe used him as the butt of jokes on TV as well in a sort of,

you know, when the car was a bit tasteless.

He...

You want to say it's a bit of a footballer's car.

He might have used Beckham as an example.

Yeah.

And Beckham came out to this party and went, why do you always mean to me on any of that

stuff?

Because I really like your show.

That's very bold of him.

It was very bold of him.

Because Jeremy could have just cut him down.

Yeah.

No, Jeremy said it was like he had lots of respect and he obviously felt really bad and

it was really...

It was very embarrassing for someone like, oh God, because when the person you'd been mean

about is there in front of you, it's hard to go, I stand by every word.

Yeah.

So he sort of went, sorry.

And I remember because he said he thought Beckham seemed really nice, quite sweet and,

you know, quite quiet.

So he had taken a bit of courage to come up to him and confront him about it.

But he obviously felt quite strongly about it.

Yeah.

And Jeremy said, well, you know, if you want to come on the show, we'd love to have you

on the show.

And we tried for quite a long time to get him on the show, but he was still playing.

And he wasn't allowed for insurance reasons.

Did he never come on the show?

No.

Didn't he?

And he wanted to.

That's a shame.

A lot of sports people we had this problem with that their club or their management would

just go no way because if you roll that car and bust your leg, you're out.

You're out.

And that's you screwed.

You know, your career is important.

There's also an insurance claim amassing to telephone numbers, isn't it?

Well...

A footballer breaks his feet last.

And it's prime.

Yeah.

I think we would have had the insurance for that, but it's just...

No.

So the management was just thinking the best thing for this person is to keep doing their

sport, not be out for a year with an injury.

They got on a stupid TV show.

But here's what I'm thinking.

Yeah.

As an olive branch to the Beckham family, let's just try and patch this mess up.

I think David should go out and find his old prelude.

Yeah.

Bring it back to perfect condition if it so needs.

I'll help David if you need it.

And ultimately what we do is he gives it to Brooklyn as a sort of like, listen, this car

was so special and this was way before I knew about parenting and way before I was as famous

as I am now.

And this will keep me grounded.

How has he or how did he achieve that Mavid Beckham plate?

It's an M13.

It's M13.

The KS.

Yeah, it is.

It's M13.

So we can look it up.

M13, EKS, that's exactly what it is.

Big gap between the M and the 13.

Yeah, I mean that's not...

Slightly illegal gap.

Look, who cares?

Who cares?

Okay, so let's look this up.

What is that on?

The registration number you have provided is invalid.

What do you mean invalid?

Have another look.

Is it definitely made up that way or is it something else?

I'm pretty sure it's M13.

Unless it's not an M.

Oh.

No, it doesn't look like...

I think it's M13.

No, that is M13, EKS.

Maybe, listen.

Look, Smith and Sniff listeners.

Oh, hang on.

I see what.

I'll put the B in as well.

That's why it's saying invalid.

I'm being an absolute spoon.

Are you chowed?

That's more normal.

Listeners, the thing about our listeners is you guys are so clever and well informed.

Vehicle details could not be found.

Does that mean it's a famous person's plate?

I don't think they can do that, can they?

No, I don't think they can do that.

That's your James Bond.

Is that what's going to happen?

You know how in that last Bond film, this is not a spoiler?

It wasn't the last one, was it?

It was in Skyfall.

Skiffle.

I was singing that coming out of the shower the other morning.

Bond needs to go old school analogue to escape digital interference and hacking.

So he pulls the sheet off his old DB5 and him and M.

That's right.

Make good to their way to the countryside in it.

He doesn't let it warm up, which just pissed me off a bit.

But anyway, we'll gloss over that.

So he pulls the sheet off it in a secret garage, do you think?

All the heat around the Beckham's with this Brooklyn Beckham fallout thing.

David just needs to get away to the countryside.

He goes to the secret lockup, pulls back the sheet on the lude and off he goes.

It's not been running 15 years.

No, but it's there just when you need to keep a low profile.

He keeps it behind where the gardener has all the gardening gear because obviously they've got a huge grounds.

And he just finds a jump pack that they use for the tractor mower occasionally.

And it just manages to jump this lude into life.

And he just goes, right, I'm off.

And he steals fuel from the fuel that's for the mowers.

They have a bowser of fuel.

So he doesn't need to go to a fuel station because it's not caught on CCTV.

So he puts a shitload of fuel in the lude and he's off.

It makes a jump pack, puts a hoodie up.

He's on the road.

But in the movie of this, then there's a big drone shot of it driving somewhere near here.

Actually up all up on the mowers, big straight road and he's just off into the distance on his own.

And then they come to the shot of him inside and he's got a big smile on his face because he feels 21 again.

Yeah, he's rewound time.

Because he's in the prelude and it's bringing him back and he's realized that actually this is all ridiculous.

And he doesn't need all the money.

He doesn't need to trademark his children's names.

He just needs to hunt a prelude.

A little bit of VTech magic and he's as happy as he's ever been.

Like it is like a time machine.

Like it can rewind time because of the grip and it pulls the earth back a bit,

which in turn means it is making time actually change.

You get me?

I'm not just smoking weed and like coming up with this.

This is real.

This is actually going to happen.

As long as you've got the tires right, it will do this.

It will rewind the globe.

Like I'm telling you, I'm not bullshitting you.

This is real.

I think this is going to happen.

Do you think?

Yeah, the more we say it, the more we will sort them.

We were talking, they're telling me about manifesting.

We are manifesting.

Because of that person we know who had that incredible thing happen to them.

Oh yeah.

Which we did tell people last night, but this is one of the reasons we didn't record it.

Because we could say things in the room we might not want to put onto the actual podcast.

You never know.

If you come to a future Smith & Sniff live gig,

we might divulge some top gossip slash information.

On the other hand, it could all just be slurry.

It could, but I, well either way.

So I was talking to someone who used to work at Soho Farmhouse in Oxfordshire.

Yeah.

And the Beckhams live next door, as next door as you can get as a thing.

They must have mentioned is sort of across the feed.

It'll be 150 acres that way.

But they said that, again, it was sort of, it was quite sweet,

but it was always getting a bit ridiculous that David Beckham would treat Soho Farmhouse

like an actual neighbor, but on, you know, the kind of like a suburban cul-de-sac.

And he would just turn up and go, oh, we're just doing some cooking

and we've run out of cornflour.

Can we just borrow some cornflour please?

What?

And they'd go, yeah, of course.

No, no worries, David.

Because bloody hell, it's David Beckham.

So they'd go, yeah, we'll get the chef to just do a little jar of cornflour.

But then he'd be back.

Yeah, we're just making something.

And I just realised that you need limes for it.

We haven't got any limes because I borrow some limes.

And he would just come by.

Would he come by in a John Deere gate or something across the field?

Yeah, maybe so.

Or in the prelude on Town & Country.

I don't know, but what would be his nipping next door car?

Unless he walked.

But I think it'd probably be too far.

It'd be a Saudi AG wagon, wouldn't it?

Or a range.

I'd like to think he'd, or a quad bike.

He'd just quad bike it across the fields.

But it'd be, yeah.

He knows the dangers.

If you've got any granulated sugar, well, you haven't got any in the house

and I need some for this thing, but Victoria's trying my cake.

Oh my God.

So he's just borrowing things, like in a really neighbourly way.

But it's like, you know, but your neighbour is like a sort of really exclusive private member.

But they were powerless to say no because, you know, it's David Beckham and he is a neighbour.

He would have been on a Triumph Scrambler.

Oh yes.

Because he likes his Triumphs.

Yes.

And I think a quad would be a bit too clunky and a blunt instrument for him.

That's right.

Because my brother, years ago, my brother worked for Triumph for a little bit in marketing.

And at that point, Beckham was buying Triumph bikes and they'd sort of belatedly gone,

hold on a minute.

Maybe we should just like give him a bike.

Yeah.

Because he clearly likes them.

Yeah.

But if we gave him one, perhaps, you know, he'd do even a bit more publicity for it.

Can he take a selfie?

Or maybe we don't because he was already sort of...

He was on board.

On board?

Well, that's the perfect...

It's like golden years.

Because people are paying millions for his face and brand Beckham and he was giving up for now

because he genuinely liked the bikes.

Talking of which, can I segue slightly and forgive me for talking about actual cars and

machines on this podcast?

Sometimes we get criticized for it.

Other times, people don't seemingly give a toss.

We were talking about the...

You know, we're talking about the Triumph Rocket 3 engine the other day.

Yeah.

On the other podcast.

Yeah.

The Autosauce.

Well, Hark...

Low.

What this way comes.

The manufacturer MV Augusta.

Oh, yes.

Which is seldom heard really in the UK.

They're quite niche.

They're like...

I don't know a lot about bikes.

I get the impression they're kind of like more exclusive than Ducati, but perhaps not as good.

Are some ships not registered as MV something or other?

Yeah, they are.

So MV Augusta always sounds like a big ship to me.

But it's not.

It's sort of a motorbike company.

But the reason why I'm telling you this is because late last year, probably in the midst

of Christmas related stuff, so I did take notice of it, they launched a five cylinder

motorbike engine concept.

Crikey.

Yeah.

Now straight five or like a sort of VR5 gun?

Like a VR5.

Right.

So, and I thought to myself, I know I've talked about Honda Goldwing engine cars and that

lovely sweet sweet guy in New Zealand has got one in a helmet, which is now my favourite

car crush.

Is it?

I've decided it's the thing I must see or touch or drive at some point in the near future.

By the way, we've had another message from the listener, I won't name him in case that

gets him into trouble, but the chap who works for Co-Part, he just wanted to do updates

and say that he's got his antenna out for a Goldwing.

I think he said, I'll never find the message now, but I think he said they'd had a Goldwing

or he'd spotted one on another salvage site, but he looked and sadly the handlebars weren't

wanked, so he wasn't interested.

Well, listen, as long as it starts and runs, it doesn't have to ride as such.

There could be no handlebars on it.

It could look like Prince has had a terrible purple rain out of the old gravel.

So this five-part MV Augusta engine just sounds really exciting.

I'm just going to, I will blast through what it says, what it says and all that.

So it's called the Quadrato, and it represents the next step in the...

Quadrato.

Quad is four.

Yeah, it is, isn't it?

Should be Quintrato.

Bloody should, but I'm reading it from the MV Augusta press release.

So it's them talking, Bobbins, not me.

It represents the next step in performance innovation and Italian excellence.

Italian!

Perseco!

It's known for its excellence.

And it's developed across multiple segments from super sport to naked and touring bike genres.

It's a bold step in MV Augusta's ongoing pursuit of perfection, but it's a modular

displacement engine from 850 cc's to 1150 cc's, and it's capable of delivering over

240 horsepower at over 16,000 rpm.

Geez.

And 135 Nm of torque, which is not a lot compared to a Tramp Rocket 3.

No, but as we established, that's probably too much torque on a bike.

It's going to flick itself onto its back every time.

But it weighs less than 60 kilos.

What?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it has advanced electrification featuring both an electric water pump, electric oil

pump to enhance the efficiency and responsiveness.

Are all of the capacities, so they're all five cylinder, but just in a range of capacities?

Yes, so depending on what bike it's going in, it will be 850 up to 1150.

Is that, they're changing the stroke or the sleeving?

Sleeving.

Boring, I don't know anyway.

I don't know, thanks to its unique five cylinder firing order, the engine achieves outstanding

torque delivery and rideability without the need for variable valve timing.

Oh.

Ensuring low end usability and a maximum power output.

And it's got a distinctive crank layout, a three cylinder front crankshaft and a twin

cylinder rear crank.

Oh.

In a U configuration.

Oh.

Oh my gosh.

A U configuration.

Yeah, I'm trying to draw this in my head.

Yeah, that's actually quite...

So the outcome is...

Is there a cutaway over this?

Well, I'm looking for one.

The outcome is a narrower engine than an inline four, which is obviously the common bike derivative

really.

Okay.

So it's narrower than an inline four and it's shorter than a V4, which is what the common

race bikes have.

I don't understand how it sounds like it's got a harallel crankshaft and yet it's narrower

than a normal engine.

And it's setting a benchmark for compact high performance design.

So the debut of the five cylinder is planned for a highly anticipated model that's currently

no longer in the lineup, which will be unveiled in the coming years.

Don't give me coming years.

Years plural.

Yes.

Coming years.

Oh, so this is all just like on a theoretical...

Well, it's a five...

You can't buy this now.

You can't buy it yet.

And, but I just want to say, I want to know more.

I'm not a...

I am...

I have a bike license and I've said before I don't really ride on the road, but I have

a real interest in a lot of aspects of bikes and I am so down with this.

I love bike engines that are...

This is the thing, because we love five pots, don't we?

I mean, the very least they could do is release some video on a dyno or something.

Yeah.

I mean, extraordinary noise because that sounds like it's going to sound nuts.

Calling anyone at MV.

Can I come and have a look?

Can I just put some ear defenders on and stand next to it in a...

While it's doing 16,000.

While it's doing 16,000 and I'll be just be quivering in the corner.

That would be amazing.

Well, okay.

Well, if you're listening to the good shit, MV Augusta, then get in touch with Johnny

because he wants your shiz.

Just to do another segue, but sort of back, we're talking about what Beckham drove in

the old days.

I'll take a little brief tour to the What Do Celebrities Drive desk.

I mentioned this last night.

I was listening to a podcast where they had Jennifer Lawrence on, excellent actor and

sweet, sweet lady movie star.

I think she's funny, isn't she?

She was, yeah, she was quite dry on this podcast, but I think she is funny.

Yeah.

And she happened to mention what she drives.

Nice.

I was quite surprised because I just thought she's, they made this point in the podcast.

She's sort of, it was on the Smartlist podcast and I think it was Will Arnett said that she's

like an indie actor that's actually a mainstream movie star.

She's still got that vibe about her that, you know, she should be in sort of quirky,

little low budget films.

She hasn't embraced the full wanky Hollywood aside.

That's it.

It always seems like she's just sort of does it her way and brilliantly so in really big

movies.

So that's the way I would be rich.

She, she should, I don't know.

I always thought maybe she drives like an old Jeep Wagonier or something, but no, she has

a brand new Volvo XC90.

Brand new one.

Well, it sounded like it was brand new.

I don't know.

They're filled in the gap there, but I don't know why she just said brand new.

But then it's also she's, she has kids.

She has two quite small kids.

So maybe it's that.

Maybe she had to chop in the Wagonier or the, I don't know, like her old 70s Caprice Wagon

or something sort of nice and quirky and interesting and she's, she's gone because I think she's,

it sounds like she lives in New York, but I don't know if in New York City or New York

State.

Of course.

She sort of lives upstate in one of those nice woody, woody areas.

I need to go there.

I've never been to New York State.

No, I've not been to New York State.

Maybe it's something we should, we should, we should do that with Smith and Swift.

Should we buy, should we buy a ship's Caprice?

Oh, I think so.

Should we buy a house there?

No, not buy a house there.

We're not multi-millionaires.

Let's raise a bit more money to do that.

Yes, let's do that.

I'd like a Buick Roadmaster, the last of the full size.

You know, I feel really thick because it's only in like maybe the last five years ago

most.

You know the old thing about New York, New York, so good they named it twice?

Yes.

I only just realized that that comes from the fact that New York City is in New York

State.

So officially, when you write city and state, you write New York common New York.

I don't know that.

Well, I'm even thicker than you because you realized it before me.

That's the thing.

He's so good they named it twice.

I thought it just came from the song.

Yeah.

It's up to you, New York, New York.

But maybe he's just saying that it's like if it was, it's up to you Atlanta, Georgia.

It's up to you Los Angeles, California.

And he can't know.

Oh, it's up to you.

New York, New York.

And that's it.

But it's, yeah, so good they named it twice comes from the fact that New York City is

in New York State.

I never realized.

Isn't it really weird when people say they're from Los Angeles, California?

Like how many other Los Angeleses would anyone really reference?

I wonder if there are Los Angeleses in like Mexico and places, but because it just means

the angels does not a city of angels.

The angels.

Do you know what I mean?

City of angels.

It's like a lot of those Californian city names are not as exotic sounding if you speak

Spanish.

Yes.

St. Francisco, St. Diego, St. Derek, it probably translates as St. Derek.

Come to the beautiful city of St. Derek.

It's a chap from Vice Grip Garage.

That's who I was trying to think of this morning.

Derek.

Yeah.

He'd be city of Derek.

City of Derek.

Um, so, uh, I don't know what we're talking about.

Oh, yes.

My second guess what a celebrity drives.

I happened to look at Instagram this morning and I saw a, you know, I'm just Instagram,

but they're real.

Sorry.

The ones at the top and you tap in, it's a bit of video and it's going to disappear

soon.

No.

That's story.

Story.

Listen, genuinely, Rich is a clever guy, but he's clueless when it comes to Instagram.

It's so, I feel, this is one thing that makes me feel old is not quite understanding Instagram.

Anyway, so I saw a story by the New Zealand pop star Lord.

Yes.

And she's an excellent artist.

She's also, for my money, the de facto best guest ever on Hot Ones, the YouTube series,

because she was so fucking cool and she did not flinch once.

She just ate all of the hot stuff and just went, oh, that's, yeah, it's kind of, it's

got quite a kick to it, but she never, yeah, she wasn't bleeding from the eyes or because

it's funny that DJ Khaled is the de facto worst person they've ever had on Hot Ones

because he just gave up or no offense, but, uh, obviously, but I think he probably the

worst guest irrespective of hot food.

Yeah.

Well, that's it because he was a prick, but also he, he just gave up.

He obviously didn't understand the format, but then he quit after about two, like he

stole the really mild one that's just got like lemon and herb it or something.

And then did a sort of, he's like slightly passive, aggressively trying to sort of pin

it on, on the host short as if like the whole format and concept was flawed and it wasn't

his fault.

He's just, he's just, come on, Mr. Khaled, he is honestly, I'm not just saying this

because we have a bit of a thing.

I did.

He was terrible.

He's a terrible guest.

He wasn't interesting or funny.

And he quit.

Uh, Lord was magnificent on there, but Lord put a story on Instagram this morning.

Uh, and she's clearly back in New Zealand, just hanging out with her friends and I'm

a little bit of a break.

She's been doing the album promo and a tour and all that sort of stuff.

And, but it started with her driving in a car and I, it took me a minute to figure out

what it was.

And as soon as I did, I was like, that makes total sense.

Right.

What was it?

Well, think about Lord.

She's back home.

Now she is very successful.

So she is, uh, I think she normally lives in New York.

Does she?

Yeah.

I think so.

But she's back home in New Zealand.

Yep.

So she's going back to her roots and she's keeping it real.

I don't know if this is her car.

I was just like, well, parents can't actually borrow it, but it's very, what do people in

New Zealand, Australia, just go to the beach in unpretentious, but functional car.

It's a Toyota or a Subaru, isn't it?

Is it?

It was some kind of Land Cruiser.

Yeah.

Old one, but not like kind of 60s or 70s.

No, no.

Just a functional car that's probably been in the family.

It's probably got like 300,000 kilometers on it.

Yeah.

Like an 80s one or a 90s one?

I'd say 90s one.

90s.

Oh, Amazon.

Would it be?

It was really hard to tell.

Well, there was just, someone from the passenger seat had sort of shot a low down.

She might have just been balancing her phone on the center console.

It's hard to tell.

And then there was just a shot of the interior, just sort of as if you were sticking your

head in the driver's door and so you just see the gear levers and stuff, but it's definitely

a Land Cruiser.

Well, that's perfect.

Well, unpretentious functional way for Lord and her mates to go to the beach in New Zealand.

I'm down with that.

Well, I'll make Greg James will know because he knows her quite well.

Does he know her quite well?

Yeah, because he's interviewed her a few times when she was very, very young when she first

started.

Yeah.

I think they just got on well.

And she's one of those people who's quite authentic.

She's kind of, she's not that guarded, she'll just tell you how it is.

Yeah.

I think she's, you can tell whenever you see or hear her being interviewed that she's

very bright.

She's very bright.

Very considered and like, she's, you know, she doesn't put an album out, so it was really

She's got a wise head on very young shoulder.

Yeah.

So I just thought that's, I think that's one of the things that is brilliant about Lord

and I think she'll have a long and very successful career is because she's very considered and

I think driving a Land Cruiser, not trying too hard, is exactly, it's very on point

for her.

So yeah.

Good old Lord.

But do ask Greg if he can find out more information.

I'm going to send her a text.

It's Greg.

Listen, is that a Land Cruiser driving around?

What model is that?

Just need to know.

She strikes me also as a kind of person who'd say, Oh, I'm not really interested in cars,

but then she'd know loads about lots of different cars.

It's almost like she's just, because she's very clever.

She just absorbs info.

She's got the bandwidth for it.

Yeah.

Even if she doesn't want it.

She'll go, Oh, it's got the earlier engine because you remember that.

So it's got a slightly smaller turbo, but they're actually more reliable generally.

How do you know that?

Going into the outback with Lord.

Yes.

Well, I said, exploring the South Island of New Zealand and your guide is Lord because

you know, she knows people down there and she's, she's, okay, no, we don't, I don't

want to sort that car.

Let's take my Land Cruiser.

Yeah.

It's fine.

It's got 374,000 kilometers on it and it's running sweet as a nut.

I actually had to send to Defoy or changed recently because they do say you should do

that.

And everyone ignores that.

Everyone ignores that.

And then they have problems.

Yeah.

I'm not going to make that mistake.

Do you, you've reminded me talking of music and car references, the latest single by

Wet Leg, a band which I just love because I thought they were going to be a one hit

wanderer and they're just not, they're so quirky and every song I've heard of theirs

is fun.

Well, I did see a music journalist on social media when their last single came out rather

cruelly say, I see Wet Leg have released their song again.

No.

And I was like, Oh, that's a bit cruel.

No.

Pokemon.

Did you watch them?

They were at Glastonbury.

Was it last summer or the summer before though?

And I feel like Wet Leg are one of those bands where there's like one, there's two members

and one of them pulls, they wait a lot more than the other one.

I also think that there's two guys in Wet Leg and they look the same.

I'm wondering whether it's the same person.

But they're not proper Wet Legists, are they?

Because the proper Wet Legists are just the two women who were like old mates.

But one of them, the main one.

Proper Wet Leg.

But I don't even think, I don't know that it's a, like, you know, you could sort of look

at, say, Pet Shop Boys and perceive that it's like, well, Neil Tennant does all the hard

work and Chris Lowe's surrounded the background, but actually, you know, he writes most of

the music and then Neil does the words on top and things like that.

There is actually a division of labor there.

They wouldn't be the same without one of them there.

But Wet Leg, it feels like one of them does a lot of the work and the other one really

can't be us and doesn't even want to be in Wet Leg.

Like her stupid mate has just gone, no, come on, you've got to be in the band.

I can't do it on my own.

Because at Glastonbury thing, she just stood at the back looking really pissed off the whole

time.

Maybe they need the edgy.

They're quite edgy.

Oh, is it deliberate?

There's a nonchalance to Wet Leg in some ways.

That's what makes them.

But anyway, they're the latest single Pokemon, which I love.

Have you watched the music video?

No.

Well, in the lyrics, there's a theme of them driving.

Oh, to be yours, to be driving away, baby, you've got the keys.

Let me show you the way.

I'll be more than a friend, more than a friend to you.

Do you want to go for a drive?

I don't want to take it slow.

Do you want to go for a drive from Isle of Wight to Tokyo?

Wait a minute.

Logistically, Isle of Wight to Tokyo is a bit of a twat of a road trip.

Now, I'm already seeing two ferries just to leave the British Isles.

Oh, I mean, yeah.

And think of the documents.

Think of all of the paintwork.

But in it, I love it.

It's a cool song.

Is it?

What car features in the video?

Well, do you know, I'd consider borrowing Lord's Land Cruiser for this one.

Obviously, you'd have to get it from New Zealand, but it's easy just to start in Tokyo.

From Tokyo to the Isle of Wight.

We need to get Wight Lag on the phone.

We need to speak to them about this.

About logistics, car logistics.

So we know just a lot of young bands, you know, they're obviously embracing older cars.

And it's always fascinating to me, as we're car perverts, to see what they choose or what's

cool to them at that moment.

Well, famously, that band Divorce had a Montego in their video and promo pics, didn't they?

Yeah.

Which is not a glamorous car.

No, but it's got a retro, isn't it?

That's the thing.

Yeah.

I might be able to make a few quid, loaning out my Metro to, well, Metro update, by the

way.

Yeah.

I spoke to Nick at the Den yesterday and they've burned it.

No.

Okay.

So it was on the red carpet.

They had a, they're doing this thing up at Retro Power in the den where there's sort

of club for people who've had their cars worked on there that you're in this club.

You're in that club now.

I am.

They sent me the thing and I haven't actually replied.

You're a pain.

I know.

Well, the client was invited to, but I couldn't make it.

It's that old thing about, I wouldn't join any club that would have me as a member.

But I saw photos of their sort of inaugural events, which was at the Den.

And the Metro was pride of place on the red carpet when you walked in.

They had a list at XJS and they stuck that outside because the Metro was nice and undercover

on red carpet.

It was great.

I wish I had gone just to, it's weird how you can be proud of a car somehow.

I was very proud of my little Metro being, you know, you can be proud of lots of things.

Bell of the ball there.

But, um, yeah, just for Christmas, you saw this video as well and Nick sent me a video

that got it running properly, like, as in it's sort of, they just need to balance the

car, but it's, it's, it's running and it's, I, it was idling, a series of got a lovely

quiet idle and it was just like sitting there just humming.

Yeah.

So it's running.

Uh, it's, uh, they've had to replace the clutch with season.

The old clutch was the original clutch thing because it's got asbestos in it.

So that's had to go into a sealed bag and they've got a new non-asbestos clutch for

it.

So that'll be all nice and sweet and the exhaust is a bit flaky.

So we're going to get any exhaust for it, but OEM look, and then it's going, they're

going to get it out on the road and just take it for a little run and ready for spring

and summer.

Well, the target is, I said to them target April because that's when Pride of Longbridge

is, and I'd like to go to Pride of Longbridge if that's happening and you and I should go.

Can I, can I, can I, can I ride shotgun?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But that's the thing.

So, so, uh, yeah, no, it's, but it's, uh, they've, you know, they've done a really

thorough job because my, my brief, such as it was, was like, I'd like this car to be

as usable as possible and turnkey.

So let's try and get everything as sorted as we can now rather than do mechanical things

piecemeal.

I'll take, you know, I'll just take it all in one go and fork out for all that work.

And it has actually been, well, more than I imagined, but their thoroughness is incredible.

You know, they're not leaving anything to chance.

And so like the fuel tank, they cracked that open cause then there was so much grot in

it.

It's a good job they did.

Yeah.

So that's all sorted.

And then all various bits of the fuel system have been replaced.

The one thing we now need to get is coolant hoses because the trouble is if you get modern

coolant hoses, they don't look authentic on an 80s engine.

So we're, we're going to get either made or try and find some new old stock.

You could sleeve modern ones with old outers.

Oh, that's a good point.

Yeah.

You can slit the old ones open and, and wrap them around like a Samco.

Interesting.

You know, Sam, like when I used to work on max power and stuff, it would always be like,

yeah, mate, I've had the stage three fitted.

I've had hybrid turbos.

I've had like split fire plugs and that.

I've also got like yellow Samcos, the whole set, whole set of yellow Samcos and, and it

became a household name.

So you didn't even say hoses.

You just said Samcos.

Yeah.

It's like Hoover or something.

It is.

Samcos, mate.

Well, that was it.

Cause there's original coolant hoses on it.

And again, it's just one of those things where it's like Nick and the guys at the downhill,

they're not leaving anything to chance.

Don't touch them.

Look, you know, a few heat cycles and those will split or something.

They're several.

So we're not, we're not letting the car go with those on it because that wouldn't be

a false economy.

So that's the last sort of piece of the puzzle.

And then it's going to, it'll be out and on the road and hopefully Nick suggested I go

and have a driving out there.

And then if there's any snagging or anything to do, it can be taken care of before I bring

it home.

But it's all progressing.

I get asked about that car more than anything else, you know, no, it's funny, isn't it?

Which is really nice.

Well, that video did really well.

And the most popular project car on the Lake Brake show is the Allegro.

And it's the least exotic in terms of the actual car, but it just chimes with people.

And to that end, the Allegro project will have a serious update very soon.

And the round show is ongoing at a rate of not.

Oh, yes.

And in about seven days time, my oldest project car, the Chevrolet and Pala low rider, 64,

is going to move from one location to another.

Don't get excited.

It's going to be on a trailer, but it is going to crack on.

I've made a vow to myself to finish what you started, Johnny, you absolute striker.

So that is going to happen.

And the other thing I wanted to mention was that the other day I was typing a description

to somebody quickly, and I don't know whether you're one of these people that hates autocorrect

on your devices.

I switch it off because I don't want to be corrected.

It really annoys me.

It's like, I don't have sat-navs with the voice, audible voice.

No.

As soon as I get in a car, I have to kill the voice otherwise I will go and crack it.

So I turn autocorrect off and I was rushing this message and I sent it to someone and

it said, Ham Shaft.

But why would it autocorrect, like two separate words or one word?

One word.

Ham Shaft.

And I realised I'd instantly made a smith in sniffism.

Ham Shaft.

See, that's just immediately reminded me of, do you remember on Dragon's Den years ago,

inexplicably, Peter Jones invested in a band called Ham Fatter?

In a band?

A band.

A band came on.

It was quite a good idea.

They went, look, we need money to record our first album and whatever, promote it and things

like that.

Ham Fatter.

We're a band.

And it's like everybody else went, not a chance.

No.

Get out.

Peter Jones, for reasons I don't understand, just went, yeah, I'll buy into that.

But they were called Ham Fatter.

It's the shittiest name for a band in history.

It's an awful name for a band.

It just sounds greasy.

Ham Fatter.

Exactly.

It does, doesn't it?

Just like you'd buy their CD and it's all the booklets, all kind of, of course, fingerprint

sites.

It's horrible.

The name, the name Ham Fatter is a bit like shaking hands with someone with exceptionally

clammy hands.

Clam.

Fatter.

It's just not clam.

Fatter.

It's just that.

I anyway, look, we should start bringing this in or so anyway, well, I'm going to say just

to go back to wet leg.

If wet leg are planning to drive from the Isle of Wight to Tokyo, what are you going

to do?

Ferry to the mainland, another ferry or a tunnel to France and then you've got to cross, you're

going to go sort of head towards Turkey and head down that way and through, yeah.

You've got to pick your route carefully, but what I'm going to say is that because it's

going to involve a lot of motorway work, well, motorway work, yes, but then also just then

going to be some tough roads, I think, as you get further east.

Yeah.

Mercedes W123.

Oh, I mean, they'd look cool in a 7C123.

Well, do we need 7C123 because it's just too wet leg and then possibly the identical

man who may be one or two people.

Well, that says four.

But yeah.

Four at most and you'd be wanting some stuff in the boot.

Are they taking their instruments in case you need to put on a gig?

Yeah.

This feels like a cartoon now where they can solve crimes, but always with like playing

Well, she always wears, the lead singer girl, Ria, Rian, she always wears shorts.

So maybe she was a post woman in a previous life because she obviously doesn't feel the

cold.

Interesting.

Well, look, spoiler alert, the car in the video is a Mark I Golf convertible, like a

clipper.

Oh.

And has a Japanese woman in it, sort of, because it's called Pokemon.

So I guess it's.

Oh, right.

It's not a wet leg of recruiter.

The Japanese.

I don't think so.

Unless she is getting bigger and bigger, their ambition is to be the size of Arcade

5 by 2028 and UB 40.

Well, which UB 40?

Well, we discussed last night, it's like the form of Yugoslavia, UB 40, it's all split

into factions.

The form of UB 40.

The form of Yugoslavia.

All right.

Well, look, let's bring this to a halt.

You have a shaft.

Before we go, three things to tell you.

The first is Johnny's got a new project where he's setting up an end of the peer clinic

for people who have a sexually acquired infestation of the genital area being run exclusively

by the former lead singer of Merillion.

It's called Fish for Crabs.

And if that's not to your taste, there is, of course, the late break show.

There's stuff on there.

Lots of good advice.

I really love the way that you promote me.

The same thing I've got to tell you is that I've still got books out.

Thank you to everyone who bought my petrolhead book, either in the round to Christmas or

the people who came last night to the live show.

We sell the book at our merch stand and on that note, go to smithismith.com.

Go to our merch shop.

We've got t-shirts.

We've got hats.

We've got stickers.

We've got mugs.

And we've got my books, if you would like to buy them from there.

And the third thing I've got to tell you is that the film Ghosts, we all know, quite

an iconic film, I think with Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore, half or more, if you like.

It is, isn't it?

But that film could have been very different because the original plan for casting was

that the male and female leads would have been Paul Hogan out of Crocodile Dundee and

Madonna.

Madonna?

Madonna.

And Paul Hogan.

Isn't he twice her age?

Oh, no, Madonna's quite old.

Well, yeah, but she doesn't necessarily look it.

She certainly wouldn't have done it when that film was like 92, that film, 91.

It was right, 90.

Yeah, yeah.

Madonna's still not as old as she is now, obviously.

But yeah, Hogan and Madonna, I'd not seeing it, I think that would have made that film

a bit.

Shit.

It's hard to envisage when you know who the actors are and it's obviously a Stone Cold

classic.

They made it their own, didn't they?

Damn it.

I miss Swayze.

I know I say it every time.

Oh, the Swayze.

So, if you listen to this when it first comes out, the video on The Late Breaks show is

a barren find, Citroen BX.

Oh.

But the most, I suppose the most crucial part of this episode is who owned it.

He's no longer with us.

Very interesting backstory.

Uh-huh.

I'll leave it there because that's what we're supposed to do.

Yes.

So people go and view it and share it and stuff.

Hantalizing.

Isn't it?

Good.

All right.

Well, thank you for listening.

If you've got anything you want to share with us, hello, outsmithandsniff.com.

We'll be back on Friday with an Otter Sot and a regular show on Monday.

Until then, goodbye.

Bye, guys.

Oh, Ted's forgot to promote the Glasgow Show.

I don't think there is any.

But your mum thought there were eight tickets left and we still don't know how she knew

that.

I'm going to ask her.

I'll phone her on the way back and ask her.

Okay.

She said, oh, you've only got eight left.

And I went, what?

How do you know?

Beckham's Prelude

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