Brand
Scorpions
Scorpions is a band. The song they’re talking about is one of their famous tracks from the 1980s.
Company
Waymo
Waymo is a self-driving car company. They work on technology that helps cars drive themselves.
Car
Fiat Ritmo
Fiat Ritmo 130 is a small Italian car from the late 70s/early 80s. It’s a more sporty version of the Ritmo, and it’s the kind of oddball classic people like to hunt for.
Car
BMW Z1
The BMW Z1 is a quirky BMW roadster from around the late 80s/early 90s. It’s famous for its unusual doors and overall “oddball” style, so collectors like it.
Car
Fiat Panda
The Fiat Panda is a tiny Italian car that’s known for being practical and easy to live with. Here, they’re talking about a Panda in a van/commercial setup from the 1980s.
Car
Fiat Barchetta
The Fiat Barchetta is a sporty little Fiat roadster. They mention it because the same company that built this special vehicle also worked on the Barchetta.
Part
tow bar
A tow bar is the hitch on the back of the car. It lets the vehicle pull a trailer or tow equipment.
Car
Suzuki Jimny
The Suzuki Jimny is a small SUV that’s made to handle rough roads better than a typical car. It has a boxy shape and is often used for both everyday driving and light off-road trips. The podcast references it because the car looked like a Jimny in a specific color.
Brand
Renault
Renault is the company that makes the Twingo. The point here is that Renault itself is offering a deal in France, not just a third-party reseller.
Company
Top Gear
Top Gear is a well-known car TV and website. They’re mentioning that someone drove the car for TopGear.com, which is used as a reference for how good it is.
Concept
under 20 grand
They’re talking about keeping the price below about £20,000. That matters because it makes the car feel affordable compared with other electric options.
Concept
under embargo
They’re saying the car review isn’t allowed to be posted yet. It’s being held back until a planned release date.
Term
free color
They’re saying one paint color comes included in the price. Other colors cost extra, so it’s a small but real way the final bill can change.
Concept
massive fight over every single little detail
They mean the team really argued about whether small features were worth keeping. The goal is to cut cost without making the car feel cheap.
Term
hazard warning button
The hazard button is the one you press to make the car’s emergency lights blink. They’re saying even that kind of small detail was part of the cost/feature decision-making.
Concept
Le Mans 24 hour
The Le Mans 24 Hours is one of the world’s most famous endurance races, held at Circuit de la Sarthe in France. The episode uses it as a personal reference point for the speaker’s first experience and for Audi’s event-linked branding.
Company
Audi
Audi is a car brand from Germany. The speaker is joking about contacting the company because they think Audi might have extra items stored somewhere.
Concept
scrap it
“Scrap it” means getting rid of the car for recycling. The speaker is saying the owner can’t do that because the car means a lot to him.
Term
two seater soft top
That phrase means it’s a convertible with room for two people, and the roof is fabric. It usually feels different from a hardtop because it’s lighter and can be a bit noisier.
Concept
word of mouth
It means people talk about the car to other people instead of the company paying for ads. If enough drivers and reviewers share good (or bad) experiences, that spreads the reputation.
Concept
product placement
Product placement is when a company pays (or arranges) for its product to show up in a movie. If the movie comes out after the company is already gone, the promotion doesn’t help much.
Brand
Chevrolet
Chevrolet is a car brand from the U.S. The hosts are talking about who helped found it and whether one of the founders was Swiss or French.
Brand
Corvette
The Corvette is a sports car made by Chevrolet. They’re joking about how the name sounds and how it might be pronounced in French.
Term
supercharged V8
A supercharged V8 is a V8 engine that has a device (the supercharger) that forces extra air in. That usually makes it feel much stronger and more exciting to drive.
Car
CTS-V
Cadillac’s CTS-V is the sporty, high-performance version of the CTS. It’s the kind of car people buy when they want a normal-looking Cadillac, but with real performance—here they’re talking about the supercharged V8.
Car
Jaguar XJ
The Jaguar XJ is Jaguar’s long-running luxury sedan line, known for comfort-focused driving and refinement. Here it’s referenced as a friend’s daily car, setting context for the speaker’s comparison and interest in ride/stance behavior.
Concept
body roll
Body roll is when a car leans to one side in a turn. Some people like it because it feels smooth, while others dislike it because it can feel like the car is getting out of control.
Concept
anti roll bars
Anti-roll bars are parts that help stop the car from leaning too much in corners. Making them thicker usually reduces lean, but it can also make the ride feel a bit stiffer.
Term
supple suspension
Supple suspension means the car soaks up bumps more easily instead of feeling stiff. The hosts are arguing that this helps on rough roads.
LIVE
I'm Johnny Smith. I'm a reporter. And this is Smith and Sniff, a podcast in which two
friends talk about cars and many other things.
There's a piece of music that I'm being forced to listen to at least every other day at the
moment by the machine in the corner of my kitchen with the lady's name.
Yes.
And I don't understand why it keeps making me listen to it because I've never once asked for it.
In fact, I was going to put this out there on the podcast to you and everybody.
I'd never even heard this song before. It's from off of the 80s, but I've never heard it.
And I've heard it in the last week, I don't know, nine times because every time I put
a piece of music on, then she goes into a shuffle mode and says or presumes,
Oh, Johnny might like this. And it's like, Johnny's never heard of this.
And it's actually really bad. But it won't stop playing it. I don't know how to make it piss
right off. Do you know what it's called? Yes, I found out what it is because I thought it's
extremely 80s in a way where that that makes it quite fun that it's very 80s. It's called
send me an angel and it's by the band Scorpions. Oh, but I didn't know it was by Scorpions.
I knew it was called send me an angel because they say it loads. And there's also some like
sort of fake thunderclap synth thunderclap sounds after they've said that since by for
sure the scorpions and yes, I'd never heard it. Never heard of it in my life.
They have another song. Yeah, I mean, I guess some of our European listeners who
Yes, are probably more interested in the scorpions. They, they will have heard more hits.
The scorpions have had hits. Yeah, yeah. That's unfair. Lead singer guy. What's he called?
Uli? He's called Uli, isn't he? The lead singer, I think. Is he? Yeah, Uli. Yeah.
Is this why the your box in the corner is playing you more scorpions is because
you seem to know a surprising amount about the scorpions. That's not true.
That's not true. You know the name of the lead singer. I didn't. I mean, you could have a gun
to my head and I'd have just been I don't know. Dieter. Do you remember a couple of years ago,
my brother genuinely found a live scorpion in his laundry basket? What? Do you remember me
telling you this? No, it was probably two years ago. I honestly, I kid you not, he was doing
the laundry at home. He reached into the laundry basket and got out some sheets and
clothes from from his family and an alive scorpion was in there. What? And he's never had any kind
of pet like of that type. We're talking about the stinging desert creature, not the band.
The scorpions were playing live in his laundry. No, that's right. It's a shame that the basis
from the scorpions was homeless at the time of his living in his laundry basket. No, I've been
there's a whistling coming from the laundry asking what's in the Oh, no, it's the scorpions.
No, genuinely. What the fart is going on there then? How could a scorpion get into right just
to be clear? This is in this country. This is in the UK. It's not this is in the UK. And it was
right. I've got a WhatsApp of the other picture of it and all sorts because I thought he was
joking. And he said, no, I kid you not, I nearly grabbed it with my hand. It was quite slow because
it was cold. Yeah, he thinks because at the time he was decking out his the interior of his garage,
insulating it and putting a floor down, put some duramut floor down actually. And he thinks the
insulation panels that he bought came from another country and the scorpion had got into the
insulation panels. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So it came over it must have been very cold and tired because
I don't know how long it had been wrapped in plastic in a bloody sad really. But so this song
send me an angel which I would like every single listeners this podcast to listen to after this
podcast just so that I can purge we've all got to purge ourselves of this. But please also do it on
a streaming platform and then hopefully the people who correlate the charts will be confused as to
why this is this inexplicable scorpion number 32 in the streaming charts this week. But this is a
little task for you and maybe the listeners for next week. I'd like you to listen to it, you and
the others and then name the car, the scenario and the whole backdrop that could go against this song.
Okay. All right. Obviously using your imagination. There's no facts to this. There's no real answer.
Smith and sniff giving you homework every week. Yeah, a little bit of car homework.
No other podcast does that as far as I'm aware. So that's good. I had a scorpion experience but
in Italy where they do have scorpions. Oh, cool. Okay, I'm talking about the stingy things not
the band. And we'd rented a house in northeastern Italy. And I was in the shower one evening
after a lovely day by the pool. And I opened the shower cubicle door to grab my towel from
the back of the door. And there on the back of the bathroom door, there was a scorpion.
Fantastic. Which one was it? Drummer? Yeah, I think it was last, the keyboard player,
if they have one. You don't, you could say it's a keyboard player. Well, there isn't that song
anyway. Yeah, goodness. Busy, busy being the keyboard player in the scorpions.
I'm actually going to tell you the names of the band. No, don't. I'm not interested.
Because if you grew up in a country where you don't have scorpions, they're quite alarming.
We're led to believe they're extremely deadly. And so I sort of slid out of the shower,
grabbed my towel, and then very slowly opened the door and crept out and went to find my wife
because she grew up in Arizona, Scorpion Central. Of course. And I said, there's a scorpion on the
back of the bathroom door. What do I do? And she went, I don't know. I said, well, we've got to
get rid of it. But like, what are you supposed to do? I'll ring my dad. So she rang her dad in
Arizona. Because I was thinking, there's presumably there's some protocol, you can't,
they're not like spiders or something, you can't just smash it or you know, you certainly
can't try and catch it. But what do you do? And he just went, what, I'm just hit it with a shoe.
So that's what I did. So you killed it. Yeah. Because what else? Like, I don't,
I'm against killing spiders as a general rule, unless it's massive venomous one or something.
But yeah, Scorpion, it's, it's a bit of a, it's him or me situation, isn't it?
Yeah, I get stung on the ass when I get out of the shower. No, not rage, Scorpion.
You feel very vulnerable seeing a scorpion whilst naked.
Yes. Very. The, the, not having any clothes on bit definitely added to the whole sort of like,
of the experience that you just go, what do I do? I was going to like squirt some
shampoos as if it starts coming for me, which I don't think they do. Do they sort of defensive
stingers rather than attacky stingers? I don't know much about scorpions, but all I know is that
I think you've got to provoke them. I mean, take anything, those sorts of creatures,
spiders don't want to bite you unless you're properly like flicking them, grabbing them,
trying to pull their legs off. They're quite docile most of the time. Just minding their own
business. Yeah, just trying to get rid of flies who are bastards. But anyway, a world without
spiders would be a very fly-y world. Yeah. Pawell, Rudolph, Klaus, Mattias, Mickey.
Yeah. Pawell. Pawell, P-A-W-E-L. He looks like a sort of West German version of slash from Guns
and Roses, I would say. Of course he does. Yeah. Pawell. Of course he does. Machi, Machiwoda.
Pawell, Machiwoda. He's on base in the scorpions. Good. Good. Anyway. Okay. I think that's quite
enough scorpions of all sorts. Enough scorpions, enough scorpions. Unless, I don't know, you've
been driving a new abarth of some sort and we could talk about that. Of course it's the
abarth logo, isn't it? Yeah. I always forget about that. I don't associate Italy with scorpions.
Well, let me tell you, they're a scorpion. You have to hit them with a shoe if you don't want
them to sting you on the ball bag. Okay. Right, let's move on. First of all,
well, I've got a little bit of housekeeping, which is just to say, last I checked, there were some
tickets still available for our gig in Belfast on the 15th of May, but not many. No, there aren't many.
And that was, oh, a few days ago, there were about, it was over three quarters sold. So
if you want to come and see us in Belfast on the 15th of May at the Mac,
then get in there fast. Go to smithasniff.com. Follow the button for live shows. The second
thing I wanted to do is just say hi to Charlie from Waymo. Sweet, sweet guy. We've been on
their show a couple of times, haven't we? We have to photo and also after Piston Head's
annual service. Charlie's not been very well. And he's actually been hospitalised by
something a bit nasty that the doctors quite get to the bottom of. So,
yeah, he's a bit under the weather. So I just want to say hi, Charlie. And I hope you're on the mend.
Charlie, hi. And sorry to hear that you're in hospital. I know time passes very slowly in
hospital. So yeah, well, do you know what? Well, I've got a jigsaw to send you with questionable
cars on. The third bit of housekeeping is, of course, our news segment in which we
every week choose a car from car and classic and gift it to the other one in a pretend way.
Last week, I gifted you a Fiat Ritmo 130. Our bath, in fact. What are the chances of that?
It really was. So with the scorpion or? Yeah, had the scorpions and scorpions on it?
So this week, it's your turn to give me and the theme for this one was 80s cars. So
you're supposed to be gifting me at 80s car from car and classic.
I am. So I've popped on to car and classic because it really is one of those places where you can
take not just a deep dive, but bring your scuba equipment, my friends.
Well, you could do like those pearl divers where you can hold your breath for like 20 minutes.
I could do that pop to the bottom of the car auction ocean.
So what I did is, yeah, I went on to the auctions bit and within the auctions bit,
you can be very precise about what you're searching for. So I started off by going,
I want to search strictly between 1979 and 1991. Don't ask me why I did that rather than 80 to 90,
but just thought it'd be more interesting. There's a couple of lovely things. In fact,
there's one that ends today, which is not relevant. And I don't know if you'd allow me to have it
because it's 1990. So you might not accept this as a gift because it's strictly not.
So that's a BMW Z1. I would accept that. But you can't have it because the auction ends today.
And so up yours. So I scrolled down and I found some other treats. And then I saw this absolute
exquisite, wickedly talented little gem. And the auction runs until the 7th of April.
And it is a Fiat Panda with a difference. This is a lovely sweet, sweet little unusual
little vehicle. It's a Fiat Panda van, commercial van. So it's got, this is an 80s Panda,
by the way, you know, the original flat windscreen job. And the commercial ones, you might remember,
they removed the tailgate and put like a little plastic or glass fiber box.
And then the side windows were hatches, I think with little lockers on.
This thing's done 9,000 kilometers from New. What? Yeah, it was built by Carrozzeria
Maggiore. Maggiore? Maggiore, that one. Yeah, people who built the Fiat Barchetta original as well.
Yeah, so it was built by them and it was used as a service vehicle by an official Fiat dealer.
But I think it was probably put onto the road and used towards the end of them using those cars,
because I don't think it was in service for very long, hence the mileage. But it's in such good
worshiped condition. Show me. Show you. Okay, I'm going to send you a link right now.
To all intents and purposes, I'm going to get this for you. Unless the bidding gets to, I don't know,
to 26,000 pounds. Million pounds. But if you look at the, honestly, it says,
click on the system and look at the back door and the commercial nature of it all. It's great.
Well, that's a practical car, that. I mean, it's got a flashing light. It's got a flashing light.
Yeah, it's got rear drawers. It's got all kinds of original accessories from inside when it was
used for assistance. It's a one liter as well. So it won't be. It's one liter. Needlessly overburdened
with power that it doesn't need. No, it's great. It's what an object do the Histoire. It's fantastic.
You can see the little though. I didn't realize the side rear windows are lift up. Yeah, lockers.
It's got a tow bar and an electrical socket in the rear compartment for connecting compressors,
lights and equipment. Yes, it has. Oh, was this the official name of it? I don't know,
because it's Pandavan. It's a proper badge in, you know, that you would come from the factory,
but then underneath it's got a sticker. And maybe Missouri put this on there, but it says
buzzness. It was meant to be slightly like a dollar sign as if they're going, no, we really mean
buzzness here. Panda buzzness. No, I'd like that a lot. It's been, it's been stored so well. It's
been worshiped. And I actually thought to myself, slightly selfishly, I thought, hang on, if I give
this to Richard, this clean example of the panda mark, this could be a really good merch vehicle
for Smith and Sniff. So it will be useful. Yeah. I mean, yes. Currently right now, there's two bids
and it's 500 euros reserve not met. But who knows what it's going to be like by the time the listeners
stumble across it on currentclassic.com. Click on the auction little drop down menu. And you can
see all the stuff that's coming under the hammer imminently. But I think I just thought, I know
that you gifted me a fiat. I'm very thankful for it. I've been enjoying it in my dreams. It's been
wonderful. I've really laced it around the back roads around here. I was listening to scorpions
actually send me an angel at one point, because I got into a bit of a tank slapper, because I was
very excited doing some air drumming. So yeah, but there's, I mean, right now, that I could have
chosen you, Salika, lift back, but I thought you're not a lady. So I like my, I like my
buzznose panda. I think it's buzz, buzz, buzzdust panda. I could see myself just, just people
going, oh, look, there goes that guy. And it's a sort of citrusy, like a very, like a very light
lime green. It looks like a Suzuki Jimny, the Jimny launch color. Oh, yes, it does. Yeah,
which I think is a is no bad thing. And I could have got you a 1980 Maserati Quattroporte, which
looks, if you've got something in your eye, it looks like a Jag XJ40 and an Audi Quattro that
have had a bit of an incident. Yes. But there's something alluring about it. I do quite like
those, but I'm happy with my feel like a game show contestant. No, I'm going to stick with
God of God, Jim. We've had a lovely day out. I'm going to go home with my panda. My panda
buzzdust. No, that's great. Fantastic. All right, well, there we go. So yes, that's some,
but it's in Italy. It's currently not met its reserve, but it has got a few days to run. And
that that is fabulous. I hope someone buys it and takes good care of it. You've got to get it.
No, I haven't because of other things that are going on that we won't talk about just yet.
Oh, you naughty swine. You know, in another world, I would definitely think about it. Yeah,
I will gift it to you. That's really sweet car that it is, isn't it? I love a quirky version
of a popular car. And also, yes, the worship nature of the condition of that is just something
it's exquisite. Absolutely. I just want to pick it up and put it in my mouth like a
mouthwatering or death. Love it. So I can't remember who said this. It was another car journalist
years ago said to me about a car. It's the kind of car where you'd want to bring it into house
at night to keep it warm. It's that sort of thing where you just go, oh, it's so sweet. Yeah,
I've had cars like that. I think bubble cars, micro cars are very much like that because they
almost feel like silly pets. Yes. I've got a thing. Yeah, I think I need another micro car in my life.
What a daft idea. I think you do. Well, I was going to ask you, you haven't driven the new
Twingo yet, have you? No, I couldn't go on the launch of it last week or the week before
because I was in Scotland doing an event, a charity event with Ben Collins off of the
stick off of the top gear off of used to work with you. Yes. So no, I haven't driven it yet,
but I've obviously had a really good nose around it several times at events. And I'm
quite excited about my daughter, Kitty May, who turned 17 this year. She's like,
Twingo is really cool. And I went, yeah, you won't be having one when you're 17 unless you
suddenly earned some serious coin during the summer holidays, which is doubtful. So there.
They haven't released UK prices yet. I didn't realize it's not coming here till the end of
this year or the start of next year. No, it's not. I mean, I'll be driving one anytime soon.
And I think you can pre-order it. They're doing that pass thing that they did with the five.
Yeah, which I like. I like that idea. Pay some quids to get on the waiting list.
But yeah, but it's not many quids, is it? So there's no prices for the UK. But if you
go on the French websites, the prices are there. I mean, there's only two models. But also,
what's interesting to me is that the base model currently in France, you can have one through
Renault. So, you know, this is not even sort of third party where sometimes things are cheaper
on leasing. Renault themselves in France will let you have one of those Twingos for 110 euros a
month. Get out of town. I mean, it's like the upfront amount is quite chunky, I would say. But
as a monthly payment, that's still pretty reasonable. That's less than I'm paying for my
dacha sprint. Gosh. And the Twingo sounds like a more sophisticated car. Well, yeah, it will be.
So yeah, I read I read people's reviews. Paul Horrell drove it for topgear.com. And Horrell
is a man who I trust when it comes to opinions on new cars. And he said it's good. He's a good lad.
So I believe it's good. Well, I reckon it's going to be I'm waving my magic wand. I think
it's going to be 18,000 quid. They keep saying under 20 grand, don't they? It will 100% be under
20 grand, as will the, I don't know if I'm allowed to say this, but Bollocks, I'll say it, as the
Honda Super N, which will be one of its arch rivals. Oh, yes. And you've had a little poke
around the Super N. I've had a poke around that. It's under embargo. And I probably shouldn't have
said that, but I don't know. Well, I don't know. Well, I'm not, I haven't put a video yet because
it's under embargo, isn't it? So okay. But it's that again, a quirky, interesting, well put together
fun electric car. I'm down with it. I think you'll be down with it too. Both of those cars.
That green, that twingo green, the frog launch color, is just gorgeous. I quite like the orange
yellow as well, which is the judging by the French configurator, that is the free color,
everything else you have to pay extra for, but they chuck in that nice bright orange yellow,
which is great because you know, quite often white is the sort of default freebie color,
but it's nice that they're doing a sort of interesting color as the as the default on. So
it's great. I noticed also Matt Pryor, again, someone whose opinions I trust implicitly for
new cars was the one who tested it for auto car, and he said it was good too. So I think that's
two for two with people who know what they're talking about. I'm going to say the new twin
go is good. And I'm quite excited to try it. I saw something that Matt said,
somewhere, I think on the Auto Car website about how they had to really like every single
bit in that car. So there were just fewer parts in that car. It's like a sort of bizarre kind of,
I can't remember what percentage reduction of parts compared to a five. And this is partly how
they've achieved sort of the lower price. But it meant they had a massive fight over every single
little detail and whether it was necessary or whether they could, but the one he used as an
example is the, it's got a really big hazard warning button, which I saw my sometime Eva
colleague Anthony Ingram pointing out on social media last week and sort of saying, isn't it
quite nice to have a hazard warning button that's just like, there, it's dead easy to find.
In the corner of your eye, you can see it. Yeah, exactly. Because that's it. Some cars,
it's fiddly, isn't it? Is it from something from the 90s? Is it 90s parts bin button?
Well, I think on the original Twingo, it's like a really big thing on the dash top, wasn't it?
So it's like that's kind of carrying on that tradition of big, easy to find. But yeah, it's
a big button and it's backlit. So of course, this all has cost implications and apparently,
according to what Matt Pryor was saying, this is one of the big fights they had
in their drive to save costs. But marketing and styling went, no, but this is cool and just like
a nice detail and we want to do it. And it's, so they won that one. But it's, yeah, I'm really,
really looking forward to that. Ferrari could announce some kind of a billion horsepower
hypercar. And I think I would still be more interested to drive the Twingo.
I'm erring on, I'm erring on the same. I'm erring on the same, I have to say. Oh,
some bad news for me, possibly nobody else. I ordered a new dressing gown the other day,
because do you remember about a year ago, I had my Audi Le Mans 24 hour dressing gown stolen?
Did I tell you about this? Stolen? Well, I say stolen, lost. Right. I went to a,
like a, a rural retreat, shepherd's hut with hot tub kind of like, let your hair down, relax.
Yeah. Type of long weekend with my, with my other half. I took my Audi Le Mans 24 hour dressing
gown, which I got from Le Mans 24 hour from Audi, surprise, surprise. And were you meant to take
those? I don't know, but I did. And I've enjoyed it for so many years. It's, it was a really good
quality gown. And it, and it reminded me of a fantastic event. It was my first Le Mans,
so I remember it well. And I took it down there and I must have left it there. And the day after,
I realized, damn, where's the, where's the Audi dressing gown? Yeah. And I phoned them up and
they said, Oh, we'll have a look. Yeah, we'll look through the laundry. And they looked everywhere.
And they said they couldn't find it. And I emailed them a week later, man, could you have
another look? Cause you know, it's like, it's a, it's a very small shepherd's hut. It's not like
a leisure center from inner city. And they were like, no, no sign of it. So I'm like, mmm,
somebody's nicked it. They've seen that it's a 24 hour dressing gown and they're down with it.
And they've taken it home. So I'm, I was furious because I think it might be irreplaceable. Well,
a few weeks back, I ordered myself a new dressing gown, but it, but unfortunately it's shit. Oh,
yeah. I thought it was going to be a contender, but I've got duped by AI advertising. It looked
like a quality garment. And listeners, it's not, it's cat. And I'm so cross with myself.
Has it crossed your mind to contact Audi and go, look, most people must have left those dressing
gowns behind. You must have a warehouse full of them somewhere in Ingolstadt. Please. Cause I
have another. No, I haven't thought about that. I need to speak to her because I need to book a
couple of vehicles in. Damn. Yeah, I will do. Okay. Well, I'm going to write that down. Now,
write it down. Hang on. That actually reminds me to say thank you to a listener called Darren.
Darren and I spoke at our live show in Bristol at the end of last year. And he said, I met you
in 2005 at Le Mans. Oh, you, you came and hung out with us at one of the bars like the champagne bar
where there was this gang of lads from the UK had congregated. And we were all just hanging
out there. He said, I've got pictures from there. And I was like, bloody hell, I'll send them to
you. And this week he did send them to me. But there's a mistake because unfortunately, what
he's, he sent me is just some photos of a very young thin man who looks a bit like me and some
other blokes. But one of the things that really dates it as well is that there's, there's someone
we know. I can't, I don't notice any boot cuts. I bet there weren't, there aren't any trousers
visible in this. Is there some campsite mudmops? At least one photo. Someone's taking a picture
with a small silver digital camera whilst also holding like a sort of generic Nokia type phone.
Brilliant. And he suddenly went, that dates this more than anything, apart from the fact I was much
younger and thinner. It's, it's like, oh my God, no one would do that. No one's done that for at
least 10 years. It's like, because we merged those two devices into one thing. I was going to say
that was the crossover period, early 2000s. Yes. Yeah, yeah, it was. So this is, this was 2005.
Wow. Yeah, cameras were still a separate thing for most people. Gosh. Yeah, it's amazing, isn't
it? But it's not that amazing. It's just quite a little snapshot of the past. But anyway, I'll
just say thank you to Darren for sharing those pictures. So much appreciated. We've had an email
from a chap called Joseph, who said, Chaps, enjoy the podcast. And I'm currently working
diligently through the back catalog. I'm on April 2022 at the minute going backwards because why
not? Yeah, anyway, okay, I saw this and I thought I'd send you a photo as it checks a couple of
Smith and sniff boxes, namely voxel based funerial fodder and a car being used as a sign. It's parked
up on a retail park in Southport. And it also has a sticker on the back saying no corpses left in
the vehicle overnight. It is a voxel Omega hearse. And it's advertising in the big side windows,
wanted dead or alive cars, vans, four by fours, campers, motorcycles, we pay cash with a phone
number. And I really like it. But it also reminded me that yesterday I came back from a barn find
shoot with a very, very fanatical, lutein based vehicle person. So I was filming just outside
of lutein, the old home of voxel, of course. Yeah. And the barn find car was a voxel, but this
chap really liked various voxels and was a really interesting man. The funniest thing about him
was the fact that he had 22 classic lawnmowers and then admitted to me halfway through the day
that he didn't have a lawn, which which just tickled the hell out of me. I couldn't stop thinking
all day. I just I checked with him several times. So, so hang on, you don't really have a lawn to
mow. And he went no. But I just love I love old lawn mowers. I really enjoy them. I love the engines
and of the styling. And he was quite enthusiastic about it. And I can relate because I've got
a classic lawn mower. I'm not going to tell you about the barn find car because I'll save that.
But the car he he turned up in, which he has because he does do part time funereal work,
he he runs his own body shop, repair shop, paint shop. He has an eagle. What? He has an omega eagle
limousine. Okay. And he turned up in it and he he doesn't know about the podcast. So he won't
be listening to this. But Dan, Dan the man, he he's like, Oh, do you know what this is? I said,
I know exactly what this is. Is this an eagle? He went, Oh, it is. So he popped the bonnet and
looked at the plaque and sure enough, eagle vehicles. And it was immaculate. It was a six door
omega. And I told him about the senator and his eyes nearly fell out of his head. He went,
What? They did a stretch senator. But yet they did and a four door, not a six door.
And we had a real moment of nerding out for 15 minutes, looking at the seat orientation.
But it was a lot of fun. He also has an omega which he bought as a family car 22 years ago.
And it's, it's full of scrap in a hedge next to his workshop. Of course it is. Because he says,
he says it's I've used it so much and it's come to the end of its life. But he said,
I cannot bring myself to scrap it. I can't do it. It's got too many memories. So I've
gradually filled it with scrap metal. I've just left it there. What a fitting tribute to this car.
Fill it with scrap metal. It's a bit like, it's a bit like a family pet passing away,
but you can't bear to bury it or get rid of it. So you just leave it there.
Just going to stuff it with used crisp wrappers. That'll be okay.
But yeah, he's a sweet, sweet guy. And so that that was a bit of eagle kindred
spiranness. And so thanks for this. Thanks for this letter, Joseph. Yeah. And the picture.
I haven't, I haven't seen any update on if anyone has stepped into rescue eagle slash
Wilcox. So which we mentioned. Are we, are we going to do it? I don't, the price would have to be
low. And then that would mean that you and I were running basically sort of running a car company.
And I don't know if we are equipped for that. No, no, it's the answer to that.
I feel that it may be just, just a way to make things even worse. I don't know.
I'm quite happy to be a, as an ambassador. Okay.
What would your duties be? Just like going to funerals. And if it's not an eagle or Wilcox
product, just, just making loud, critical asides about it all the way through,
common mill, common shit or like, that's all you have to leave.
No, do you know, was it the, who is it? Is it the head of Fiat who just has his photo taken
next to famous people all the time? Olivia? Oh yeah, what's his face? Oliver Francois?
Yeah, I think I'd do an Oliver Francois, but instead of people saying it's Johnny Smith,
Motrin journalist or ex presenter from fifth gear or, or YouTuber, I'd say no,
you need to refer to me as Johnny Smith from Eagle cars or Wilcox funereal cars.
And that's how I want to be known as, but I do want to put my arm around Bruce Springsteen
now and again, and I have a selfie. Well, hang on. What if, what if I'll change my name to Richard
Wilcox and you can change your name to Johnny Eagle? Oh, no, I think that is a much cooler.
Johnny Eagle sounds, the Richard Wilcox just sounds like a bloke, but Johnny Eagle's a good name.
I said like a fifties rock and roll heartthrob or maybe a biker gang member.
So that's it. Part of the deal, we change our names to reflect the names of the company,
and then we just make it our business to go around being photographed with celebrities.
And when they go, Oh, so why are you here? I'm promoting our, our funeral limos and hers.
Yeah. I definitely thought I could see you in one, Lady Gaga.
Coach Bill. It feels like she might go for that.
Yeah, I was going to say Lady Gaga, but go for it. What about young blood? I could see young blood
in like a, some sort of modern, funereal kind of gothy spec hers.
Yeah. Cause he's sort of quite goth. Yeah, he's black, black, black nail polish kind of guy.
Yeah. Okay. Might have a plan here. A revival plan.
Yeah, I was going to say it's not the shitest thing we've ever said, is it?
I've just written a thing for Evo about British sports cars that didn't make it, you know,
as in they sort of British what announced and they either sold five or British what,
or they just didn't, didn't, didn't get a production British, British what Richard?
Oh, sorry. Spout. Spout. And I was writing about the FBS census. Do you remember that?
FBS. Yeah. Not an attractive car. Apparently it was quite nice to drive.
It had a two and a half liter fold V six at the front rear wheel drive, two seater soft top.
And, but it was visually very challenging. Was it? Did you say it was called a census?
Like, yeah, the FBS census. What, like counting the numbers of people in villages?
Yes, exactly. Yes. Yes. I mean, I don't know why. And FBS supposedly stood for future British
sports car, but apparently that's not really what it stood for. It was supposed to be something
rude. And they sort of retrospectively went, Oh, no, it's a British sports car. Of course it is.
So they sold. Is it fat bastard sports? I don't know. I assume the F is the F word.
Don't tell you, I mentioned this on Garret Jones on speed when I was on last week,
but I took my boy go casting for his birthday with some of his mates,
and he had a little camera on his helmet. And afterwards he was a bit worried that the camera
would have picked up all the swearing that he was doing inside his crash helmet. And he was
genuinely a bit like, I think he was a bit worried that we were going to watch it and go,
go to your room, you foul mouth. So we went, what, what did you actually say then? What was
piss? That doesn't, that doesn't deserve to be abbreviated, but well done. So anyway, the FBS
anyway, the FBS sense, the reason I bring this up is because they
initially it seems that they thought we don't need to spend money on marketing. We'll just sort of
get the car out there, get people to drive it, you know, in the press and then word of mouth,
you know, we'll do it in a very what we would now call viral way, but this was sort of 2001.
And it didn't really work. I think because the car just didn't look nice as well. So they
sold five before they went bust. So they did sell some. Yeah, they did. Well, so I mean,
I don't know if they actually sold five. I think there were five production spec cars,
and it's possible that the founders of the company had one each. So maybe they sold three. I just
don't know for sure. It's hard to get to the bottom off. But just before they went bust,
they had quite cleverly figured out that a way to get word out there about their car was to do
product placement. And so they'd lent two cars to some people making a movie in the UK. And
unfortunately, by the time the movie came out, the company had gone bust. It was all irrelevant.
Oh, no. Well, it's worse than that though, because this was not exactly sort of high art or deeply
tasteful. The film they'd managed to place their ugly car in, which I totally forgot even existed,
was a live action version of a vis cartoon strip. And it was the fat slags movie.
Are you joking? No.
What? It's like, why? Why would you think that's a good association to have your car in a film
called Fat Slags? But yeah. And so unfortunately, the film didn't come out until almost a year
after FBS had been declared bankrupt. So it was all kind of pointless anyway.
And what's the film? I bet the film, the film was a flop, was it?
Oh my God. A massive flop. And if you read the reviews for it, it's just, it sounds like it has
no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Terrible film. Fat Slags the film.
It's really weird as well. One of the women, one of the lead characters is played by Fiona
Allen from Smack the Pony in a, in a sort of a terrible fat suit. Which is a shame because she's
really good. It just all sounds wrong. Yeah, it all sounds right.
Also promoting a car in such a strange and ugly car. I just, we ought to apologize to a few listeners
about me getting Chevrolet wrong. So we've had a few letters and I've got to take accountability
for this. My hand is in the air. Say Louis or Louis Chevrolet was in fact Swiss, not France.
He did live in France extensively, but he was a Swissman. Yes. Not a Frenchman.
No one ever says Swissman, do they? But they should. No. And also. A German one.
Also, we missed out on two very obvious French named brands or models. One of them being Cadillac.
Yes. But also, the really obvious one that I'm annoyed that we didn't,
everyone's favorite kind of easy boomer joke. It's the Corvette.
Because it's, it's Vette, E-double-T-E. That's a French thing, isn't it? So is that a female
Corvette? Or a small Corvette? Oh, yes. It's like a cigarette. It's a small cigar.
In French, she would still sort of say Corvette. Cadillac. I don't know,
would that be said differently? Well, if you're French and you know, please write in.
Some people have actually, because I saw somebody, I'll never find this now, somebody did email it
and they signed off. Yeah. With the French version of cheers mate, thanks mate, bye. Oh,
really? I'd love that. Here we go. It's what he signs off as a patron living in France. I won't
say his name. But he says, guys, is it me or was the discussion on Libarans slash Chevrolet in episode
402 did not mention another French name passing as American these days. Like many place names
ending with Ack. Cadillac is the name of one slash a few towns in southwestern France. Oh.
It's also one of the few Ack names not associated with booze unlike Cognac,
Almanac and Bergerac. Of course. Almanac. CMTNB, Brackets, Sainte-Caupin, Merci-Caupin, Aurevoir.
That's fantastic. So is that SCMCA? SCMCA, which also sounds like a sort of provincial French
train service or something. That's really good. Yeah, that's great. Well, thank you for that.
We should be keeping a record of this. What it is in different languages because people do send
these in. But we had quite a lot of them. Sainte-Caupin, Merci-Caupin, Aurevoir. Aurevoir. Yeah.
Well, a horse who sent that. Lovely. Thank you for that. That's a really, really, I feel
informed. I feel very informed. Yeah. Talking of Cadillacs. Do you think you're going to own
a Cadillac in your life? I'm not ruling it out. Okay. Because what you have a secret
secret liking of that BLS because it was basically a SAR. Yeah. And I saw one not that long ago.
I think we were doing a live show in winter and I walked past one on a really cold windy night
and I couldn't be bothered to take my hands out of my pockets to photograph it. But I did tell you
about it and you were enthused. Do you remember that? It was a saloon. We saw that Cadillac at
Dunsfold when you were filming there last summer and I came down. Oh, the Fold Supervan on that
hot day. Yeah. And there was CTS? CTS, yeah. There's a CTS, I think. Yeah. And we were slightly
mesmerized by its sort of slight averageness but at the same time, it was sort of interesting
because you don't see them that much and it was right on the drive and everything. So, yeah,
I don't know. Maybe a Cadillac. Would you own a Cadillac? Definitely. Well, I have had a Cadillac,
but I would definitely own another. Okay. Yeah. I think there's been some fabulous Cadillacs, but
I think I want a 1960 or a 61. And I would like one of the supercharged V8 latter ones. Is that
a CTS? CTS-V. They did a hot station wagon with the supercharged V8. Oh, no. Yes. I borrowed one
of those in the US and it was a manual as well. Wow. And it was a heck of a car. This is the thing.
A heck of a car, but almost with the wrong badge, which is probably why it was robbed of success,
maybe. I mean, we've got a few American listeners who all know better than us. We've got a few
mates in the American motor and journalism world who probably will take us down for saying the wrong
thing. But I feel like that was a great car, possibly not really having the Cadillac name.
Do you think of a Cadillac as being a manual car? Not really. No, that's the thing. It was very...
By a Rolls-Royce manual, do you want a better manual these days? I rather rude that it was
a manual because I think it's that Tremec box that's not got a great shift quality on it,
but it can take a lot to look. And I borrowed it in Los Angeles where the traffic can be quite
terrible. And it was hard work for my list. I don't know that the car would have suffered
for being an auto, but it's kind of interesting that they sold a manual at that point. I love
one of them. It was very nice to drive. It was a lovely car, genuinely. It was a really,
really nice car. And what was interesting as well, it was real kind of like murdered out spec
as well. So it's black over black. And on more than one occasion, I pulled up somewhere, I went
to see somebody and they would see this car and go, oh, what have you got there? I go,
it's a Cadillac. And they'd go, that's a Cadillac. And I thought, what a slogan for the advertising.
Because I think you're right, people associate Caddy with sort of easy listening E-type auto
stuff. And this visibly sporty car was kind of unusual. But people weren't going, yeah, horrible.
They were like, it was kind of intriguing. Well, I guess it's sort of that plays to the tune of
Cadillac being decent at Le Mans and their car. And entering F1 as well, which is
a real move for them. So I was sort of speaking, as we were, of American things. We also talked
about Susie Quattro last week. We had one of our patrons in the comments said that a friend of
her, his did the sound on one of her tours a few years ago. And apparently she is an utter delight.
Really knows how to take the piss. Oh, brilliant. But then we've had another message from a patron
privately. I won't name him yet. But he says he used to look after Susie Quattro's CLS when he
worked at the Mercedes dealership. And he's asked if we would like to hear some stories
I will message back because the answer is yes, very much so. But like what? I'm now thinking,
what stories? Well, I don't know, but they sound good. These are not like, as in, I will,
you know, she threw a vase at me because I hadn't topped up the screen wash. It's not that. It's
absolutely not that. But he said that he had some great interactions with her. Oh, this sounds
wonderful. I'm really down with this. Yeah, well, it's good to know that she's,
she sounds really nice. I was going to say just because I'm sort of touched on it last week,
but I was trying to be good and not breaking embargo by talking about the new Jag, which I
got a brief go in a couple of weeks ago. But now that embargo is lifted and various people have
shared their thoughts, we should go read online. But but yeah, sort of a headline is it feels
really good. It feels nice. But my favorite thing about it, and I'm pretty sure this is definitely
a tuning thing, because they could stop this if they wanted to on air suspension and what have you,
that when you clog it, it rears up a bit. Oh, like the nose goes up hydrofoils a little bit,
motorboats, not like that. Don't be monkey. Hydrofoils. Yes. Yes. So yeah, the nose lifts,
even if you're doing 70. Yeah, let us go on the big four lane emission circuit at Gayden.
And they were sort of actively encouraging you at 70 miles an hour, put your foot down,
it doesn't snap your neck. This again, is a deliberate calibration thing, because they
want it to be, you know, bit easy listen, smooth, smooth. That's it. Gentle, but but you know,
speak softly, but carry a 1000 horsepower stick. But when you put your foot down, it definitely
lets you know that it's making more progress because the nose goes up just a bit, but enough
because it's got a big flat bonnet. And I really enjoyed that. And I was having lunch last week
with a mate of mine, who has a like last shape XJ, so the in Callum shape XJ is his daily car.
He's currently having a 90s XJS restored. Oh, wow. It's going to be mega. They just
show me the pictures of it just coming out of the paint shop. It's fantastic. And I said,
Oh, I've driven that new jacket. He's like, What, what was it like? What was it like? Because
I was telling you when I went, Oh, yeah, you put your foot down and a bonnet lifts a little bit
to let you know. And he was just like, Oh my God, I want one now. So the rolls phantom of the
mid 2000s was very good at that from memory. Yes. Because of course, an enormous bonnet.
Yeah, it's the enormous bonnet just gives you more perspective on the fact that your horizon
has changed or something has sort of moved. But so that definitely helps. But I feel like
there must be ways in which they can program the air suspension to, if they presumably want to,
they could reduce that or compensate. Cars are clever enough to do that. So it is a definite
sort of thing because the new car feels quite soft, but not in a boaty way, just in a sort of,
you know, it's a comfort thing. Hopefully this year, I'll get to watch some drag racing. I didn't
watch any last year. But it's one of my favorite things to watch full body drag cars do the real
squat and rise. Yes. So the ideal is, you know, zero wheel spin. And it's just and there's so
much forceful squat, it's brilliant. It's like, have you ever gently pressed down on a ladybird
when it's trying to walk away? No, not deliberately. No. Yeah, well, it's like that really. It's a bit
or should I say a cat, if you do it with a cat where you go to stroke it a little bit heavier
than normal on the back. Yes, yeah, yeah, they do. Yes. You arch the back and they love they lower
the back end, but the front end rises as it's trying to gain traction. So it's similar to that
really. And I love that and loves it because that's that's a sign of enormous talk. Yes. I also, I
didn't say this last week, but driving those old Jags and also driving my Dacia spring has sort of
reminded me there's not necessarily anything wrong with a bit of body roll. No, if, if everything
else when you know a car a bit and when you can trust a car, it's like, you know, obviously I gather
someone at a car company told me years ago that customers sometimes in feedback don't like body
roll or think they don't like it. And so it's one of the reasons why cars sort of got a bit
stiffer and anti roll bars became thicker and all the rest of it. But actually, a bit of roll
can be quite nice. I think it's the association with being out of control. Yes. Which is not,
not the case, is it? Yeah. You only need to look at a two CV. Oh, yeah, body roll, but, but the,
the traction is not lost. The car holds on for dear, for dear life and you get flung a little
bit is that people don't like being flung, maybe. Yeah. But it's a shame really, because actually
now was the time for body roll in the UK. I'm going to put it out there guys. Yeah, no, because the
state of the road is so bad, we ought to have a little bit more supple suspension. The sort of
ultra firm ride of a lot of German cars, as was, is not really the thing to have for an everyday
family car anymore. Well, perhaps this is our new campaign, bring back body roll, bring back body roll.
We'll have some t shirts made with a two CV, where the driver is comfortably able to touch the road
whilst aggressively cornering to a side window. Oh, it's those old, like the old road and track
photograph tests in high cornering, like an oldsmobile Torinado or something, where the tire
is actually not on the rim anymore. But somehow still has pressure. Nobody knows how this is
achieved. I always think those are brilliant. 70s car chase understeer is just amazing. You
know, Vauxhall Ventura or over SD one or something on a test track, on a really tricky off camber bit
of test track, and they're fully healed over to the point where it looks like the front inside
wheel is about to lift off the ground. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And then you sort of go, hang on a minute.
I think that they have power steering or that car's going to have a lot of turns,
lock to lock and heavy steering and very flat seats that may be covered in vinyl in some cases.
It's like, that is a heroic thing to be doing. We don't realize how easy we have it these days.
Well, because cars are so damn forgiving, you can you can punish a car for years and it not really
show show its its disabilities until you take it to a specialist and they or an MOT and they go,
you do realize that this is and I think that's why driving older cars to keep you in check is a
forgive you as much. But I can I read out a letter that I think is going to be quite thought
provoking. Okay, as long as it's short, it's short and it will remain anonymous, you'll find out why.
Oh, hi. Okay. Hi, you fine flute salads. I thought you might like this recent chat about a one
sex shop establishments. Do not read my name out. But I happen to know why there are
a disproportionate number of Porsche Cayennes in the car park of the Swingers Club on the A1,
the vanilla alternative. He actually says new new paragraph, the caravan in community and the
ethically non monogamous in bracket swinging for the old school in the room community
enjoys a pretty big overlap as can be observed by the frequent upside down pineapple ornaments
on the backs of caravans. Now, I didn't know this was a thing. The upside down pineapple ornament,
I believe is a signal for the Swinger. It's the mobile Pampers grass. It is. It's exactly portable
Pampers grass equivalent. Okay, wow. As we've spoken about it before, the vanilla alternative is a
an old hotel that's a member's only swinging club on the Great North Road.
Grammatically, I find their name confusing. I think I know what they're trying to say,
but it doesn't work. The vanilla alternative. Yeah, they're saying it's an alternative to being
vanilla. Exactly. As in boring, but it sounds like what they're offering is an alternative that
is vanilla and therefore boring. Oh, and then also vanilla isn't necessarily boring. I think
vanilla ice cream can be quite nice sometimes, particularly with some strawberries. It's still
the best, actually. You just got to pick a real vanilla. It has to have real ingredients. Yeah.
Well, maybe the owners of that club are fans of real vanilla ice cream and they're just making a
stand. Anyway, we digress. Sorry, go on. Apparently, the vanilla alternative has a field out the back
and the venue regularly hosts festivals where people bring their own caravan.
Right. Okay. These caravans need to be towed and the tow vehicles are usually required to be
taken back out to the car park to make more room. Sensible. Cayennes make excellent and now quite
low cost tow vehicles with their self leveling air suspension and the full three and a half ton
capacity. They're also an inverted commas spicy. So it sort of all checks out. I don't know what,
I don't really know what what they mean by that. Do they mean sports cars are kind of like suave?
I don't know. Just wiped clean? I don't know. I'm not sure. But anyway, it says CMTMB, a
patron who would like to remain anonymous at this time. PS keys in the bowl. This is a term that's
not really a thing because insurance would be very complicated. It's just not sexy admin.
Wow. So this this anonymous letter. Okay. This is I'm learning so much. I was going to say I've
learned loads in the last five minutes. So basically what what they're saying is this
this swinging members club has outdoor festivals where people bring caravans to do.
Yes. Non monogamous things. And the ornament that they put in the back of the caravan to show
others that they're into it is an upside down pineapple ornament. Yes. Okay. And Porsche Cayennes,
we now are in the realms of bangonomics. You and I were talking about it as we were spooling up the
microphones before we were going to record this. We're saying Cayennes are a cheap cars now. And
you know, in my view, make pretty good trans engine and transmission donors probably. But
yeah, you go out and buy a five grand Cayenne, hook it up to your caravan and go another and
then go and swap swap your wife go another sex weekend. Yeah, sex weekend just next to the A1
which anyway could be seen as a bonus because it's easy to get to and from if you live in
the east of England, particularly this is true. This is true. Yeah. Yeah. Good. Okay. Well, that's
that's going to haunt me for the rest of the week, I guess, but that's okay. Well, is that a good
one to end it on? Is it? I think it's not, but we're going to have to end anyway. Before we
bring things to a close, I have three things that I'd like to share with you. The first one is
Johnny's working on a new animated series in which the former lead singer of Marillion and a
mustachioed British rally driver go around solving crimes in a Metro six R four working title,
Fishpond. If that's not to your taste, then there is of course the late break show. What's
that? So the next late break show video that will be on right now when you listen to this
is a barn find of a sweet, sweet Audi Quattro that's that's of the lesser variety on our other
podcast, Otisot. We actually answered a question that involved a bit of chat about aerodynamic
door handles. And this has those. But what I love about this also is that we filmed it in a place
called Port Sunlight on the Wirral, which is a lovely sort of grade listed village that used to be
what was it? It was the it was the place where the the the washing powder
magnet start. It was not not purse or what they called lever the lever brothers. Yeah.
And so we were there filming and the chap that turned up who was buying the car off this old man
who was who'd had the car in storage for 20 odd years, he turned up in a beetle and we got chatting
and I said, that's weird. The last time I was in Port Sunlight, I was in my beetle in about 1999.
And my then girlfriend had persuaded me to skip work and pull a sickie.
And I never did that normally. But that day, I decided to cave in and pull a sickie and we
drove to Port Sunlight because I was curious about it. I read that it was interesting. We walked
around it for about two hours and we went home. Great. So that's that. Good. All right. Well,
I'd like you to watch that video if that's all right. If you don't want to, there's several
hundred bloody videos on there now. I think it must be. The second thing I see is a slightly
promote someone else's YouTube channel because as some of you might already be aware, excellent
auto shenanigans who makes videos often about motorways and junctions and all these sort of things
is absolute nerd gold. But weird situation. I mentioned on social media, I sort of made this
vow this year that I would try and finish some of the bits of music that I have just on my laptop.
And when I'm trying to avoid doing proper work, I'll often just stick around in Logic Pro making
music. But I said, rather than start something new, when I get the urge to do that, finish something
I've already got going. And I finished off a track that is called Next to the A1, which is about
sex shops on the A1 that we've just mentioned that listeners message. And it was a weird
coincidence because I stuck that track out there. I'm putting these songs that I finish up onto a
bandcamp page. If you go to ADO88.bandcamp.com, it's all up there. Bandcamp. And so John from
Auto Shenanigans got in touch. He went, oh, I've just heard your song about the sex shop by the A1.
I'm just finishing off a video about those sex shops. I wondered if I could use a bit of your
track on my video. And I was honored to say yes. So there is a bit of my music in John's vid. At the
end of it, he just plays out a bit of the track with the tracking shot just going up the A1 from
the front of a car. And it works really well. I was like, oh, shit, I should make a video for
this song that's just driving up the A1 past all the grot shops. But yeah, so go and watch John's
video. It's very amusing. It is actually informative as well, because I learned a couple of good
reasons why those shops are there. And if you want to listen to some idiotic synth pop about sex
shops and another one about working at the DVLA, they're on my bandcamp. Who wouldn't? There'll
be some other stuff going up there soon, I imagine. I've got a few things that are on the cusp of
being finished. So but that's that. And then the third thing I wanted to share with you is that
hippos can't swim. Do they just walk? They just walk, they're just cheating. They're doing the
same thing as I did when I got my water confidence certificate at primary school. I brushed my feet
along the bottom a few times. Did you just boing off your big toes, boing up to the top? That's
what hippos do. They can't actually swim. They just they're cheating. And but then conversely,
they can sleep underwater. They have a reflex, they have a built-in reflex and they just sort of
they'll happily sleep by holding their breath. And then there's the reflexively, even though
they're asleep, their bodies will just let them float to the surface and or pop up above the
surface, take a breath and pop back down again. Can you imagine sleeping whilst holding your breath?
It sounds like the most stressful thing. You have to rely on your programming there as a
creature that can do that. I don't think it's something you could learn to do. It's just this
nature has sorted that for the hippos. But in return, no, you can't swim. You're too heavy.
Fuck off. There we are. All right, well, lastly, what I'm going to say is that one of our listeners
has sent me an Enya calendar. I'm going to share this with you next week. Crikey. Okay. Yeah. I
can't wait. Seriously. What can I? I don't know. All right. Well, thank you ever so much for listening.
We're back on Friday answering questions back on Monday with a regular show. Until then, goodbye.
And extra notes on that side of things.
I don't know. I mean, there's really no need, is there? And you have to hit them with a shoe
if you don't want them to sting you on the ball bag. Okay.
About this episode
A chaotic mix of 80s music, scorpion stories, and car nerdery turns into a surprisingly thoughtful debate on ride comfort. The hosts rant about a kitchen music shuffle forcing “Send Me an Angel” by Scorpions, then trade real-life scorpion encounters (including a live one in laundry and one hit with a shoe in Italy). Car segments include an 80s-themed gift hunt for a rare Fiat Panda van, excitement for the new Renault Twingo (and its cost-cutting details), and a “bring back body roll” argument. They also cover dressing-gown drama, Voxhall/Eagle funeral-car lore, and listener letters.
Original notes
After driving the new Jag, Richard has an idea for a campaign. Also in this episode, scorpions and The Scorpions, the new Renault Twingo, a lost dressing gown, using a hearse as an advert, this podcast taking over Wilcox and Eagle, the FBS Census, whether or not you’d own a Cadillac, and major new info about caravanners and the A1.
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Smith and Sniff
Jonny Smith and Richard Porter
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61:51