Brown March bounces between small-engine tinkering and classic-car auction talk, with plenty of banter in between. The hosts troubleshoot a two-stroke petrol strimmer that wouldn’t restart after years, then explain why it fired instantly once set to full chogun. Later, they run a “pick a car” segment, landing on a 1986 Mercedes-Benz 300 SL and discussing R107-era details, documentation, and convertible rust-prone areas. The episode also covers real-world ownership issues on a Mk7 Golf and winter lubrication advice.
Jonny and Richard have some concerns about a popular singer. Also in this episode, accidentally starting a strimmer, sensational new information about Jason Plato’s purple leather jacket, some troublingly powerful trousers, becoming a stuntman for gangly men, a listener’s album cover mystery solved, getting Yacht Rock wrong, sad bangers (songs, not cars), a Golf filler flap problem, and another fine pick from the Car & Classics auctions.
"So I don't think that's anything I think it was. I love that egg crate grill. I'm sure that's a 68 like I said before"
An “egg crate” grill is a grille design made of small, repeating rectangular openings that resemble an egg carton. It’s a distinctive styling cue often associated with certain classic muscle-era front-end designs.
"because I nearly bought a 68 Plymouth Roadrunner, 383 4-speed actually before buying my Dodge."
“383” is the engine size—an old-school big V8. “4-speed” means it has a manual gearbox with four forward gears, so you shift gears yourself.
“383” refers to the engine’s displacement: a 383 cubic-inch V8, which was a common big-block size in late-1960s Mopar muscle cars. “4-speed” means the car uses a four-forward-gear manual transmission, typically giving the driver more control over acceleration and engine speed.
"...said before because I nearly bought a 68 Plymouth Roadrunner, 383 4-speed actually before buying my Dodge."
The Plymouth Road Runner is a muscle car, meaning it’s built for quick acceleration and a sporty feel. The podcast mentions a 1968 model because the speaker almost bought one with a powerful engine and a manual transmission. It’s brought up as part of their car-buying story.
The Plymouth Road Runner is a performance-oriented muscle car that’s especially associated with the late 1960s. It’s often discussed because it offered a strong mix of power and affordability for its time, making it a popular choice among enthusiasts. The podcast references a near-purchase of a 1968 Road Runner with a 383 and 4-speed, emphasizing how close the speaker came to owning one.
"..., right, that's it. I'm definitely destined for a charger and went on that mission. So, but it is yet that ..."
The Dodge Charger is a car made for strong acceleration and a sporty look. People talk about it a lot because it’s known for performance and a classic muscle-car style. The podcast mentions it because the speaker feels drawn to owning one.
The Dodge Charger is a classic American muscle car known for its big, powerful V8 heritage and long hood/short deck styling. It often comes up in car conversations because it represents a specific era of performance-focused design and has a strong enthusiast following. In the podcast context, it’s mentioned as a personal “mission,” highlighting its cultural and emotional pull.
"...ch, because it reminds me, what is the JDM Nissan Micra? Oh, it's that, okay, well, that's all right."
The Nissan Micra is a small car designed for everyday driving, especially in tight city spaces. The podcast mentions the “JDM” version, which just means the version made for Japan. The speaker is using it to confirm what model they’re thinking of.
The Nissan Micra is a small, city-focused car known for being practical and easy to drive. The podcast brings up the “JDM” Micra, which refers to versions sold in Japan, often with different equipment or specifications than other markets. It’s mentioned briefly as a point of recognition for the speaker.
"because I brought up the Mercedes SL and how I feel like the SL has just sort of somehow lost its magic and you don't really see them around anymore,"
“SL” is Mercedes’ roadster line—cars meant to feel sporty and upscale, often with a soft top. The host is basically saying that, in their view, the SL doesn’t feel as exciting or special as it used to. That sets up why they’re talking about a specific SL example from the past.
The Mercedes SL is the brand’s long-running “Sport Leicht” (sport/light) roadster line, built around open-top grand touring. The host’s comment that the SL “lost its magic” is about how the model’s appeal and desirability can change over time as styling, technology, and market tastes shift. It’s a useful framing device for comparing different eras of the SL nameplate.
"And this week, Johnny, I have picked for you a 1986 Mercedes-Benz 300 SL, the classic,"
The Mercedes-Benz 300 SL is a famous Mercedes roadster/GT name. When the host says “1986 Mercedes-Benz 300 SL,” they’re talking about a later SL-era version of that model line, not the earliest legendary 300 SL from the 1950s. The point is that the SL name still matters, but the host thinks it doesn’t feel as special anymore.
The Mercedes-Benz 300 SL is a classic grand tourer known for its distinctive engineering and design heritage. In 1986, the “300 SL” name refers to the R107-era SL line (the long-running SL roadster platform), which is often discussed as a contrast to the earlier, more iconic 300 SL models. This makes it a good reference point when the hosts talk about the SL line “losing its magic.”
"And this week, Johnny, I have picked for you a 1986 Mercedes-Benz 300 SL, the classic, the Dallas shape, the R107."
The Mercedes-Benz 300 SL Roadster is an older Mercedes sports car designed to be fast and comfortable for long drives. It’s considered a classic and is known for its distinctive design. The podcast mentions it because it’s a famous, collectible model.
The Mercedes-Benz 300 SL Roadster (W198) is a classic luxury sports car from the late 1950s, built for high performance and grand touring. It’s significant because it’s one of the most celebrated Mercedes sports cars, and the roadster version is especially sought after by collectors. The podcast calls it the “classic” shape, tying it to its iconic design and history.
"This era of SL was designed with the involvement
of legendary Mercedes designer Bruno Sacco
in Italy in his brown bag."
Bruno Sacco was a famous designer at Mercedes-Benz. The hosts are saying he had a hand in designing the Mercedes model era they’re talking about.
Bruno Sacco was a legendary Mercedes-Benz designer credited with shaping the look and design philosophy of multiple Mercedes models. In this segment, he’s referenced as being involved in the design of the Mercedes SL era they’re discussing.
"It's got its original PDI sheet and factory spec sheet.
It's got a new soft top."
PDI means pre-delivery inspection—basically the inspection done before the car is sold. The PDI sheet is paperwork that records what was checked when the car was new.
PDI stands for pre-delivery inspection, a checklist used when a new car is inspected before it’s handed to the customer. A “PDI sheet” is valuable documentation because it can show how the car was set up and verified at delivery.
"It's got its original PDI sheet and factory spec sheet.
It's got a new soft top."
A factory spec sheet is the original paperwork showing how the car was built—its options and configuration. It helps you confirm what the car was supposed to have from the factory.
A factory spec sheet is the original build/option documentation from the manufacturer that lists how the car was configured. It’s useful for verifying the car’s original equipment and confirming whether later changes match the factory order.
"It's got a new soft top.
It's also got the color-matched hard top."
A soft top is the fabric convertible roof used on many roadsters. Replacing it matters because it affects weather sealing, insulation, and how the car looks and feels day-to-day.
"It's got a new soft top.
It's also got the color-matched hard top."
A hard top is the solid roof piece for a convertible. It can make the car quieter and more weather-protected, and “color-matched” means it’s painted to match the body.
A hard top is a rigid roof panel used on some convertibles, often to improve insulation, reduce wind noise, and provide a more secure feel. “Color-matched” means it’s finished to match the car’s body paint for a more factory-like appearance.
"And I would say the 300 in this car, the straight six,
[2499.1s] you might argue is all you need, because it's a cruiser."
A “straight six” is an engine with six cylinders lined up in a row. It tends to run smoothly, which is why these cars feel relaxed to drive.
“Straight six” means an inline six-cylinder engine where all cylinders are arranged in one line. It’s often praised for smooth, even power delivery, which fits the cruiser personality the hosts describe.
"because it's seen as posh, but first of all,
[2543.5s] in a lot of Mercedes, it's not actually leather,
[2545.4s] is it? It's MBtec.
[2547.8s] That's right, quality faux leather."
MBtec is Mercedes-Benz’s type of faux leather. The hosts say it looks posh like leather but is actually a quality synthetic material that holds up well over time.
MBtec is Mercedes-Benz’s brand name for a high-quality faux-leather upholstery material. In this segment, the hosts argue that MBtec can wear very well and may not be “real leather,” but it still gives the premium look and durability people want.
"It's MBtec.
[2547.8s] That's right, quality faux leather.
[2551.3s] Yeah, well, that's it.
[2552.4s] It's quality, it wears very well,"
Faux leather is fake leather made from synthetic materials. It’s meant to look like real leather, and in this case the hosts say it wears well.
Faux leather (also called synthetic leather) is a man-made upholstery material designed to mimic real leather. The hosts use it to explain why some “leather-looking” Mercedes interiors may actually be MBtec and still wear well.
"...come out of it unscathed. That's where I found my Avenger touring car, so damn you, car and classic."
The Dodge Avenger is a car model made by Dodge. In the podcast, it’s mentioned because the speaker found one that matched what they wanted for touring. It’s part of their personal car history.
The Dodge Avenger is a nameplate used by Dodge for a mid-size car, and in the podcast it’s referenced in a personal story about finding an “Avenger touring car.” It’s being discussed as a meaningful part of the speaker’s journey with cars, rather than as a deep technical topic. That context suggests it’s tied to a specific vehicle they owned or pursued.
"...to remember whether you should put a capital L in DeLorean. Oh, because it's capital D, lowercase e."
The DeLorean DMC-12 is a sports car with a very unusual look, including stainless-steel panels and doors that open upward. It’s well known and easy to recognize. The podcast is mentioning the name and spelling because it’s part of the car’s identity.
The DeLorean DMC-12 is a distinctive sports car famous for its stainless-steel body panels and gullwing doors. It’s frequently discussed because it’s instantly recognizable and has a strong place in pop culture, which keeps it relevant even decades after production. The podcast’s focus on capitalization underscores how iconic the name is.
"She's got a Mark 7 Golf, which when she was... She had to have some surgery recently, and she couldn't drive for a few weeks, and she asked me if I would take the car out for a run..."
“Mark 7 Golf” is a Volkswagen Golf from the Mk7 generation. It’s the kind of everyday car people buy for commuting—practical, comfortable, and not trying to be flashy.
A “Mark 7 Golf” refers to the Volkswagen Golf Mk7 generation, a mainstream compact car known for being practical and easy to live with. In this segment it’s described as a mid-spec diesel with DSG, which points to a common commuter setup: efficient diesel torque plus an automatic gearbox.
"Mark 7 Golf, just bog-standard mid-spec diesel DSG, just go, well, this is all you need, isn't it?"
DSG is Volkswagen’s type of automatic gearbox. It’s designed to change gears quickly and smoothly, and when combined with a diesel engine it can feel especially easy to drive day to day.
“DSG” is Volkswagen’s dual-clutch automatic transmission, designed to shift quickly by using two clutches for odd/even gears. Paired with a diesel engine, it’s often chosen for smooth commuting and strong low-end torque, which can make the car feel effortless in everyday driving.
"actually, can you help me with a problem? Can't get the fuel flap open on my Golf?"
The “fuel flap” is the hinged door that covers the vehicle’s fuel filler opening. If it won’t open, it’s usually a latch/actuator or release-mechanism issue rather than anything to do with the engine itself.
"And there's a little sort of actuator thing that rotates to lock the flap shut, and it just sticks or breaks, and that's it, and you can't..."
An actuator is a small moving part that does the “push/pull” action for a mechanism. If it jams or fails, the flap won’t open properly.
An actuator is a mechanical/electromechanical device that moves to perform a function—here, rotating to lock the flap shut. When the actuator sticks or breaks, the flap can fail to open even if you apply force.
"And I spent ages squirting WD-40 and stuff into it in the hope we could free it off, and people online said, you just sort of keep pushing it and pushing it, and eventually it might release."
WD-40 is a spray people use to loosen stuck parts. Here, they tried it to get the mechanism working again, but it still wouldn’t open.
WD-40 is a penetrating lubricant/water-displacing spray people often use to free stuck mechanisms. In this case, the host tried it to unstick the actuator/flap mechanism but it didn’t solve the underlying sticking/breaking issue.
"And locking and unlocking the car as well to the point where I was like, I'm just going to flatten the battery. I've done it so many times. Couldn't get the bastard thing open..."
They’re worried that repeatedly trying to unlock things will drain the car’s battery. If it gets too low, the car may not work until the battery is recharged.
“Flatten the battery” means draining the car’s battery by repeatedly cycling the locks/ignition-related electronics without success. If the battery voltage drops too far, the car may stop responding normally until it’s recharged.
"There's an era of Volkswagen where the, like, the fuel filler flap facia just comes off, because Polo's like that shape of Polo..."
That’s the decorative trim around the little door you open to put fuel in. If it falls off, it’s annoying because it can rattle, look bad, or get lost.
The fuel filler flap facia is the trim panel/cover surrounding the fuel door (the flap you open to refuel). If it “comes off,” it’s usually a fitment or attachment problem that can leave the fuel door area exposed or cause the trim to be lost.
"There's an era of Volkswagen where the, like, the fuel filler flap facia just comes off, because Polo's like that shape of Polo from, like, sort of previous generation to the one we have now."
The Volkswagen Polo is a small Volkswagen car. Here they’re talking about a common annoyance where the outside trim around the fuel filler flap can pop off and get lost.
The Volkswagen Polo is a compact car line where the fuel filler flap area is discussed as a recurring fitment issue. In this segment, the host says an older Polo shape (from a previous generation) tends to have the fuel filler flap facia/outer cover come loose and fall off.
"It needed the car was coming up for service in MOT anyway, and she's just like, I just won't drive it very much..."
In the UK, an MOT is a regular safety check your car has to pass to be allowed on the road. The host is saying the car was due for that check soon, so the repair could be bundled in.
MOT is the UK’s annual (or periodic) vehicle inspection that checks roadworthiness and safety items. In the segment, the host mentions the car was coming up for MOT anyway, which is why the owner delayed driving and planned to have the fuel filler issue fixed at the same time.
"And I don't like anything that's a solenoid release, which is so crucial, because you're relying on one component that will either make or break the interaction."
A solenoid release is an electrically controlled latch. When you press the button, it uses electricity to trigger the latch—so if that part fails, the door won’t open reliably.
A solenoid release uses an electrically controlled coil to pull a latch mechanism. In car applications like a boot/trunk release, it means the latch actuation depends on that one electronic/mechanical component working correctly.
"Obviously, the door handles are pure mechanical. Boot release is a solenoid, and they always fail."
Here they’re saying the trunk/boot lid opens using an electric latch (a solenoid). If that electric latch breaks, you can’t open the boot normally.
The boot/trunk release being a solenoid means the latch is triggered by an electric actuator rather than a purely mechanical linkage. The hosts are pointing out that this design can be prone to failure compared with mechanical releases.
"the first Renault Scenic that had an electronic handbrake, so sort of two generations ago, maybe. Yeah. They used to fail and jam on."
Instead of a cable you pull with your hand, an electronic handbrake uses a motor to clamp and release the brakes. If it malfunctions, it can get stuck and won’t let the car move normally.
An electronic handbrake uses a motor and electronic control instead of a traditional cable to apply and release the rear brakes. Because it’s software- and actuator-driven, it can fail in ways that a cable handbrake wouldn’t—like jamming or refusing to release.
"a mate of mine in the car trade told me about, the first Renault Scenic that had an electronic handbrake, so sort of two generations ago, maybe."
The Renault Scenic is a family-friendly van-like car. Here it’s being used as an example of an early model that had an electronic parking brake that sometimes got stuck.
The Renault Scenic is a compact MPV (multi-purpose vehicle) known for practical family use. In this story, a specific early Scenic generation is mentioned for having an electronic handbrake system that could fail and require a manual override.
"was scrabbling around in the boot to find the manual override for electronic handbrake that releases it. Sort of like, buried under the spare wheel well or something."
A manual override is a backup way to control something when the usual electronic system doesn’t work. In this case, it’s how you can release an electronic handbrake if it’s stuck.
A manual override is a backup mechanism that lets you release or operate a system even if the normal electronic control fails. For an electronic handbrake, it’s typically a physical release procedure so the car can be moved safely.
"Look, if you haven't seen the barn find that went live last week, it's actually, I think, one of our most highest viewed barn finds in recent history."
A “barn find” is a car that’s been sitting unused in storage for a long time and gets discovered later. Sometimes it’s in great shape, and sometimes it needs a lot of repairs.
A “barn find” is an automotive term for a vehicle that’s been stored away for a long time—often in a barn or similar building—and is only recently discovered or brought back to attention. Because the car hasn’t been driven or restored for years, barn finds can range from surprisingly preserved to needing major work.
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I'm Jonny Smith.
I'm your reporter.
And this is Smith & Sniff, a podcast on which two friends talk about cars and many other things.
I accidentally started by strimmer late last night.
It was a true accidental start.
Was it in your sitting room at the time?
It wasn't in the house, but it was in the garage, albeit with the door open.
Well, it was dark, so no one in their right mind was ever going to do any streaming, unless they had night vision goggles, which is just very odd.
And I know that my next-door neighbor's got young children, so I fear that I've become a bit of a bastard.
Petrol strimmer.
Very two-stroke.
Yeah, very two-stroke.
So, look, let me rewind slightly and explain how I accidentally did this.
I haven't started that strimmer in four years.
I put some fresh fuel in it last week, and I tried to fire it up and it utterly refused.
Not a massive surprise.
These things don't like starting after a long sleep, especially with modern fuel, etc, etc.
So I was like, OK, well, I haven't got the time or the inclination at the moment.
I'll put that back into the garage and come back to it another day.
Well, I was out there last night.
It was really, really relaxing, still night.
And I went in the garage to get something else, and I saw the strimmer on the floor and went, now then.
I wonder if that little slut's going to start up now.
And I just pulled the cord thinking it won't, but at least I've tried again, and I will then take the plug out and I will then strip the carburetor.
I just wanted to try.
And it instantly fired up.
And because it was on full chogun, the start mode holds the throttle really high, so it starts on a high throttle.
They're like people who start their engines with their foot on the accelerator without realizing it.
They've got like a clubfoot or something.
It's like that.
I'd say it's a classic older gent move where you fire up the micro,
but you've forgotten that you've absolutely pinned it like you're on the closing stages of the Calda Terini.
And it does sort of an excitable start.
It actually headbursts the limiter.
So the strimmer, it starts up in an excitable way.
Yeah, in the garage, but with the garage door open in a very quiet area.
I'm in a very quiet area. Let that be known.
So I'm seeing this is going to go one of two ways.
Your brain is going to go, shit, going to wake the neighbors and their children and won't be popular in my neighborhood.
But on the other hand, don't want to just shut it off straight away because that's bad for the engine.
So better let it run for a minute.
Yeah, this is the thing.
And maybe I am a prick for doing this.
But what I did was I tried to back it right off on the revs really early on, like forcing it to just idle for the first time in four years.
Just normally just shush, hush, hush up now, hush up.
You can breathe, but don't breathe hard.
And it was stuttering and jumping around on the floor.
And then it jumped into a pile of saucepens and drums.
It's a strimmer with handlebars.
You know, minor contractor spec.
I've told you about it many podcasts ago.
I'm quite proud of it.
But yeah, it did manage to falter, but I started to sort of flutter the throttle a little bit.
Not like a big rev, but just a little oh, oh.
And that made me think, I now sound like I'm intentionally goning people.
But yeah, I fired up my chainsaw.
What of it?
So the thing that I feel bad about most is that my neighbour found my lost tortoise only the other week.
And I've got to, I want to buy her and her kids a gift to say, thank you for finding my lost tortoise.
But I feel like if I go round there now, they'll think that the gift is for, hey,
you were the twat that fired up that really loud clattery engine at 10 o'clock at night on a Sunday.
It's like, yeah, yeah, that was me.
I'm really sorry.
Is it possible also that your garage actually acted like a sort of amplifier?
Yes, completely.
Concentrating the noise and then firing it out into the night?
It really did, Rich, because it's the back of the garage concrete and it would have just acted as a sort of blunderbuss of sound.
And I feel really bad.
So that's how my week has started.
How about you?
Yeah.
How about you?
My week has started well.
Oh.
Because out of the blue, I mean, actually in fairness this, no, this, anyway, it doesn't matter.
It's just, there's a clunky segue for me to say I have some sensational information about Jason Plato's 90s lady jacket that we talked about last time.
Have you?
From an anonymous tipster.
Oh gosh.
Who claims, now this is unsubstantiated, but let's work with it.
Talk to me.
The claim is that the jacket is not, as we thought, especially ordered Plato racing jacket that's purple to fit in with the rest of the branding on the team.
Right.
The claim is that everything about the branding with that racing team starts with the jacket.
The jacket existed before the team and its owner loved it so much that he decided that would be the color of the team.
The jacket was only recently embroidered to make it look like official racing team gear, but the purple of the jacket is unsubstantiated.
Jason, if you're listening, feel free to write in and call us a pair of bells because we're getting this all wrong or I'm getting it wrong from my tip off.
But the purple is such a weird and unusual purple that it's been a nightmare trying to get everything else to match.
Is it like a pearl? Has it got a pearl?
I don't. I just don't know. I think it's like it doesn't exist on the Pantone chart. It's something unique.
But yeah, the claim is he's had the jacket for years.
Oh, he's had it for years.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yes, this is what I've been told on the QT.
He's had the jacket for years and when he started the team, he went, I want the color to be the color of that jacket that I've got that I really like.
And in fact, I will reverse engineer it so the jacket looks like official team branded wear.
When it's not, it's been embroidered especially.
But yeah, they've struggled to find other things.
Supposedly the race suit people just went, we can't do that.
You can't have race suits in that purple. We can't match it.
And Plato's gone, make it happen or else?
They've had to spend more money than you'd have to on some of the other items of branded clothing for the team members.
Because it's really difficult to match the purple.
So their purple jumpers are cashmere because that was the only way they could get a matching purple.
So hang on, has he accidentally bought really expensive merch that will not make any money?
It sounds like it may be that if the team is struggling for money, it's not because of engineering reasons on the car or anything like that.
It's because everything has to match.
A jacket Jason presumably bought off a lady from the 90s standing outside a nightclub.
I've just thought this is really uncanny.
When we used to film Fifth Gear together, I remember distinctively him turning up with a new pair of jeans one day.
I was very proud to talk about them.
And they had, well, let's say De Monte stars on them.
Around the pockets and around the front pockets and also the butt cheek pockets.
And Vicki Butler Henderson and I, and possibly Tiff, questioned whether they were lady trousers.
And he said, no, I bought them from a designer shop and they were really expensive.
And he protested them and said, I absolutely love these.
And he said, his wife at the time, his ex-wife, she said that she hated them.
But Plato was like, I love them and I'm buying them.
And he wore them loads.
And the more I think about it, the combination of those potentially lady jeans and that purple jacket,
that is your archetypal turn of the millennium night outwear for the lady that you mentioned last time.
It really is.
I'm pretty certain that if a chap tries to put on lady jeans,
he realizes that they're lady jeans by dint of his gentlemen parts getting crushed.
Like in a juice.
I mean, I, someone I know.
Someone you know.
Was once at a party and went, this didn't, it wasn't me.
Yeah.
It was a feeble excuse.
But someone I know was at a party and they sort of popped into a room to have a little bit of fun time with their girlfriend.
Right.
After which, they hastily got dressed because like people were banging on the door or something.
And inadvertently put on each other's jeans and they were weirdly sort of about the same leg length.
But he very quickly realized that he'd put on his girlfriend's jeans because as he sort of re-entered the party,
he got nothing to see here realized that his chaps were being forced back into the prenatal body cavity position
because of the inadequate room in a lady crotch.
So I don't, I think I'm going to buy Jason's claim that they were just expensive chap jeans
because I think he would be unable to walk properly if they were true lady trousers.
So they were just what horrendous designer items is what we'll go with on that.
Sorry, Jason.
Is Jason, would he be one of those blokes?
There's a guy I used to work with who had interesting tasting clothes but also expensive tasting clothes.
And when he would walk in wearing something absolutely horrific and you'd go,
what the bloody hell is that?
And his immediate and first line of defence was always to go,
it's Armani or it's Dior.
So it's fine.
Yeah, that's it.
It's just like the defence was it's a fashion, it's an expensive fashion label.
So you can't criticize it.
If you're like, no, you can because you're wearing a pair of jeans that have been sprayed with giraffe print or something.
You go, no, no, those are bloody horrible.
And he'd go, Vivian Westwood doesn't matter.
They're still horrible.
I think that to his credit, I think what Jason was doing is he was mixing it up a bit and being bold.
And we've all done it.
We've all got stuck in a clothing rut and we've thought, I'm comfortable here.
This is my safe space, but actually I could and maybe should be pushing the boundaries a little bit
and trying a colour that I don't normally try or trying a cut that's more in keeping with today and just seeing how it goes.
And I really admire people like that who are always pushing themselves to the edge of the diving board.
And I've tried to do it with mixed success, should we say.
Yeah.
Not today though, not with my koi bathrobe on my friend and my free hotel slippers.
This reminds me of when I bought some velvet trousers.
Oh, you bought some velvet trousers.
I bought some velvet trousers when I worked at Next.
And the next sale is a big thing.
But as staff, you got first dibs on sale stuff.
So sort of the eve of the sale, you could buy things at the sale price.
Magical.
After the shop shut.
Magical.
And there were these velvet trousers and they weren't quite the right size.
I mean, they weren't lady trousers.
They were definitely from the men's department, but they were black velvet.
And I was like, I would never normally wear something like that.
So damn it, I'm going to buy them.
Also, they were like four quid or something ridiculous.
And I wore them twice on nights out.
And both times attracted the attention of ladies in a way that was most unusual for me.
And I got a bit scared of the trousers and their power and sort of stopped wearing them again.
Hang on.
So they started.
It's like they made me someone I wasn't really, I wasn't that person.
They looked quite weird.
They were bringing moths to the flame.
Dude.
I don't understand why.
I don't understand why.
One of the nights was there was this lady and she was, she seemed to be very keen,
but then I, for no apparent reason, I lied and said I was a stuntman because,
I know it's more interesting than saying that I worked in a shop.
But did you genuinely, you told this woman you were a stuntman.
Yeah.
But then I'm thinking she'd go piss off.
No, you're not.
Why would a stuntman be in this, you know, student bar in Manchester?
But instead she went, really?
And then I was like, I found myself caught in the lie and had to carry on lying.
And then I was like, I just panicked and ran off in the end.
Oh my gosh.
I'm just trying to think of you being a stuntman.
And basically you being cult severs or cult sleevers as you would probably be.
I mean, you know, this was obviously, I was a much younger, thinner man then,
but I don't think I'm just too gangly to be a stuntman.
I don't think it's, I suppose, but the thing is,
the stunt people have to double up for actors, don't they?
Of course.
It's like, I don't know, Steven Merchant was required to do some stuff.
Exactly.
He would call you.
Okay.
Well, hang on.
He's really tall, isn't he?
He's like 67 or something.
Yeah, but from a distance.
From a distance.
From a distance.
He'd shoot it in a certain way.
They'd be like, hey, Rich, are you free in a couple of weeks?
I've got to fall out of the window of a flat and land on some pallets.
Is that going to be all right?
Okay.
Yeah, I'll do that.
Because I said, yeah, if you're falling through the air,
it's quite hard to get a read on how tall you are.
It's just as long as you've got the sort of requisite amount of gangliness,
which is very important for the falling,
because obviously your arms are going to be flailing and things.
Massive.
So, yeah.
Okay.
So I could be Steven Merchant's stuntman.
So not just cast stunts, general stunts?
I suppose, yeah, cast, I mean, I'd love to do cast stunts.
Well, I don't know, would I though?
Because, you know, you've done a cast stunt
and it really buggered up your back.
I did do a cast stunt,
but I didn't do it with any formal training or much research.
So don't use my example.
I suppose there's a lot more health and safety involved
in doing a stunt for a film or a show.
So, okay.
I mean, our friend, the ex-dig, Ben Collins,
a sweet, sweet guy that he is.
I mean, of course, he's done quite a lot of car stuntage,
which has come with its own sets of dangers.
He did all that Bond stuff, didn't he?
And because I know some people who did all the stunt driving work
for the Rush movie, The James Hunt, Nicky Louder,
film a few years ago.
Did you just say stunt work?
Stunt work, yes.
Oh, I like that, yeah.
Just what are you doing this week?
I've got to do a bit of liked stunt work because...
Stunt work?
Yeah.
I don't know, David Tennant, I feel like he's quite tall and a bit gangly.
Or I could do stunt work for him if required.
He would probably do stuff which would genuinely hurt.
Like, I don't know, he would fall down a huge staircase in a stately home.
And I'm always worried about how you'll pull that off without hurting yourself.
How do you do that?
I just think I'm too old now.
I mean, I regularly seem to do some damage to my knees or ankles
just by going for a run.
So I don't feel like falling down a stately home staircase is really...
It's going to play to my strengths.
I don't know.
Yeah, I think I'm going to pass on this.
So if...
Sorry, David, if you were going, oh, no.
I've got a scene where I've got to fall down some stairs.
I'm going to have to do myself now.
And then I'm sorry, I just...
I don't think I've got it in me.
Too old, too frail.
My unpopular opinion about David Tennant is that I can't bear his voice.
What?
I can't bear it.
I cannot bear his voice.
But he has a lovely Scottish lilt.
No, I don't like his Scottish lilt.
I don't like it.
I think it's annoying.
He does those chase bank adverts and they wind me up something chronic.
I can't bear it.
I work back with Chase on the basis that he's on that adverts saying chase.
I think...
I don't know what it is.
Everyone's got it that a person shouldn't annoy them, but they do really...
In fact, I'll be one of those people to somebody.
I will really annoy people.
I know I will.
Sorry.
I'm trying to think who's...
Yeah, I'm sure I've got some, but not David Tennant.
I think he has quite a pleasant voice.
Anyway, just check the subject before I forget.
On Ottersot, the week before last,
we raised the question on behalf of a listener about an album cover
that had a Plymouth Belvedere on it.
No, it's Satellite.
I think it's a Satellite.
It's a Plymouth Satellite and he couldn't find or place the album from a few years ago,
but he was convinced that it exists.
We've had so many messages about this, most of them saying the same thing,
which is, was it Exit Planet Dust by Chemical Brothers?
And then Andrew, the listener who asked the question himself,
has been in touch and said, yes, it was, problem solved.
We can all sleep at night again.
It was Exit Planet Dust by Chemical Brothers.
It has got a car, that car on the front,
just driving along and there's a couple walking along the verge of the road.
Andrew was among many people who pointed out that the weirdly,
the Plymouth in the photo is right-hand drive
and is driving on the left as if it's in this country,
which I don't think is any mystery.
I think they just flipped a photo.
They must have flipped the photo.
I don't think they did a factory right-hand drive of that.
I mean, because for a second I thought if the car was left-hand drive,
but it was driving on the left,
it would have been maybe shot in the UK to look like America for whatever reason.
If you look at it, it looks like the license plate on the front of the car
has sort of been monkey-ed with to fade it out.
And I think it's just because it would have been the wrong way around.
I think they just flipped the photo for graphic design reasons
because it just looked more pleasing that way around
with the text and the logo and everything where they wanted to put it.
So I don't think that's anything I think it was.
I love that egg crate grill.
I'm sure that's a 68 like I said before
because I nearly bought a 68 Plymouth Roadrunner,
383 4-speed actually before buying my Dodge.
It was the car that I very nearly could have had.
And the only reason why I didn't is because somebody bought it before me
and I didn't know the car was advertised
because it was by a guy quite local to me who I was chatting to.
And he said, no, it wasn't advertised
but a friend of mine just came along for a cup of tea
and I told him I was thinking of getting rid of it.
And he went, well, I'll have it.
So I was really, you know, when you feel like you've had,
you've had your glory snatched away.
Yes.
I was really quite upset about it
and that's when I went, right, that's it.
I'm definitely destined for a charger and went on that mission.
So, but it is yet that I have got that CD.
I haven't listened to it for a long time.
Well, after we'd had a lot of emails.
So by the way, yeah, the problem, the mystery is solved.
So don't, you don't need to email in now.
It is exit plan it does because we've had a lot of messages about it.
But after, after we've had all those messages last weekend,
I put on this album and it stands up.
It's still really good.
Is it?
Really good.
Yeah, it's also, I mean, if you haven't listened to it for a long time,
then you want to sort of headlong rush into the 90s.
It's that also.
What's this, 1995, 94?
Yeah, it must be around that.
Yeah.
I think it's, yeah.
Prime Bristol.
So era.
It's prime Bristol.
Yeah.
But also it's just a sort of peak example of that,
of music of that era, which would, you know, what, what, what, pretty good.
That what pretty good it was.
If you were the designer of Further Sleeve of Exit Planet Dust,
do you get in touch?
Yeah.
Explain yourself.
Why did you flip that photo around?
Yeah, you sleeve designer.
It's very hard to completely deconstruct the creative process.
Perhaps it just felt right in the moment.
But there was, just before we wrap this up there,
there was a sort of a counter offer as to what this album might have been,
or this sleeve, which a couple of people suggested,
the first being a listener called Greg,
who said maybe the album is, is called
Foxtail Testimonial by a band who turned out to be German,
but are called V8 Wankers.
What?
And the sleeve, it does have, well now this is a coupé.
It's, so what would that be?
So it's not quite the right car because it's not a four door,
but it is a Plymouth of the same era.
That'd be a Roadrunner or a...
Okay.
The Roadrunner was two door only.
Normally I would say we'll put this image on our Patreon
or on social media or something,
but I'm sort of loath to do that because standing in front of this Plymouth
is a lady and she...
She's naked.
First of all, her t-shirt has shrunk terribly in the wash
to the point where you can see the underside of her breasts.
Okay.
And secondly, she's not wearing any pants,
but she has got a Foxtail...
Like, you know people have those like foxtails on car aerials and stuff.
Yes.
You know the things, I mean all those key rings.
Yeah.
She's got one of those sort of attached between her legs.
What, like a merkin?
Basically, yes.
Foxtail merkin.
Yeah.
Although, just as a sort of little nod to, I don't know what,
she's also wearing white sports socks, but no shoes.
Really?
It's a hell of a look,
but not one that you'd want your children necessarily to see.
Anyway, it's not that.
It's the wrong car, but yes,
it's good to know that there is a band called V8 Wang.
Yeah, I think that's great, but they're German.
German.
German.
They're mind-boggles.
And this, Greg sent us, to show us the sleeve,
he sent us a link to an online record shop that is also German.
I can't tell what they're called, Remedy Records,
but their slogan is Hamburg's Hardest Since 1989,
and apparently V8 Wang has fallen to the genre of Rotzrock or Speedrock.
I'm going to listen to some V8 Wankers this week.
Are you?
Yeah.
Okay.
It's weird.
I sort of had, there's something really manky about it that I don't,
I don't know.
Soiled.
It's not,
It's soiled.
It's smelly.
Yeah, it's smelly.
It looks like everything smells.
Yeah.
Just imagine that, I haven't seen the members of V8 Wankers,
but I have this smell.
A bit of sick and CK1.
Yes, that's it.
Possibly a fragrance, a cologne of some sort,
used to mask other smells, but it's struggling to do that job because...
Like cheap cigarettes with link sprayed over the top.
Cheap cigarettes, lager, not showering for days on end.
Oh, gosh.
It always, you know, there's quite a lot of deodorants you see around,
and they'll say things like 72-hour protection.
You just go, have a shower, you manky twat.
Why do you need 72-hour deodorant?
But maybe if you're in a German speed rock band,
you just look at that and go, oh, great.
That's fine.
So after 72 hours, I can just spray it on again and it'll smell great.
Oh, my gosh.
Yeah, that makes me feel a bit icky.
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Hey, to be honest, I'm going to give you the option
of what we talk about next, just to spice things up.
On the one hand, Selica Lady News.
On the other hand, questionable Bruno Mars lyrics.
Where do you want to go?
Where do you want to go, Rich?
Well, I was thinking about Bruno Mars the other day
and what it would be like to be Bruno Mars,
because it sort of looks a bit jolly, in a way.
Yes.
Don't you think?
He goes up in the morning, he goes,
I'm going to put my little hat on,
and I'm going to do something.
Yeah, he's got an interesting face as Bruno Mars.
A bit like Smokey Robinson, off of the Miracles.
And also, not Bill Withers, who's the other one, George Benson.
They've all got interesting faces, where it looks like
they've used those trampoline tensioners,
just to add a little bit more skin tension into key areas.
That's what I think.
Bruno Mars is not that old, though, is he?
No, I don't think Bruno Mars has had a face lift,
but he's just got a sort of face-lifty face, I think.
Or he just lubes his face a lot.
Regular face lube.
I feel a bit silly, because I don't know why.
It's Bruno Mars, I just thought,
Bruno Mars, I bet Bruno Mars' real name is Bruno Mars,
because he looks like Bruno Mars.
He's definitely a Bruno, isn't he?
If I was going to create a character called Bruno Mars,
he would look like that, so it stands to reason.
But no, his real name is Peter Hernandez.
Really? So he changed both?
Both of four, right?
Well, Peter Mars just sounds like you're sort of heir
to a chocolate dynasty, doesn't he?
It's not quite groovy enough, somehow.
No offences of Peter's listening, but Peter Mars.
You say this.
Before you knew of Bruno Mars being famous,
Bruno isn't the name of a star, per se, is it?
Oh, that's a good point.
You don't go, oh, wow, Bruno's so exotic.
Although Bruno's not a common name.
It's not, and I think my first thought with Bruno
is Bruno tonally only, the guy off Strictly Come Dancing.
Yeah.
I suppose he's not a Bruno, but he is,
but he's a very sort of kind of...
He's one of those people who is associated
that he can't walk down a corridor.
He has to sort of sachet,
because he's got rhythm in his bone.
He'd do a shoulder dip, for sure.
There's no way he's not going to do a shoulder dip.
I want to talk about some of his lyrics
in his latest single, which is...
Yes.
I just might, I think it's called.
I had to look that up because I didn't know the name of the song.
Okay.
So he sings in it, you know...
It would break my heart, heart.
If I find out you can't move,
you better show me now, now.
Because when I take you to the floor,
oh, you've got to get down, you know what to do.
Play this song, Mr. DJ, oh, oh, oh.
So what he's basically saying is,
I've seen a girl and she's incredible, okay?
Mm-hmm.
And I can't stop thinking and looking at her.
But it's going to break his heart if she can't dance.
If she can't dance, it's all over.
Right.
Okay? She's out for him.
Yeah, yeah.
Which I think is quite, well, shallow,
but also quite severe, quite a severe punishment.
It's like, if you can't dance, I'm not even going to teach you.
You're out.
So I think that's a shame.
Is it the same?
Yes.
Is it the same like, could we do,
would there be an equivalent in automotive terms
where you would be like going on a date
and you met this incredible partner
who you think are amazing,
but you've just discovered,
because maybe they dropped you home, let's say,
that they can't drive for shit.
Oh.
They can't drive for shit.
They can drive, as in they've got a license.
Yes, but they're just terrible at it.
They are awful.
The clutch control doesn't exist,
or they're in an auto and they just admitted that they've,
I don't know, never passed their test in a manual.
They've curbed a wheel outside your house
when they dropped you in.
They were very jerky and erratic,
so you felt a bit travel sick on the way back.
And all of that just erodes the magic.
It's true, isn't it?
I mean, you may be sort of overlooking it,
but it would, you're right, erode the magic.
Conversely, someone who turns out to be a really excellent driver,
I always think it's just, you just kind of think more of them
in a way that he, because if it's someone who's also,
it's like their job is not related to cars,
they don't drive for a living,
they don't, it's just, they're just...
Just going to work.
Good at it.
Good at a task.
It's like you just go,
but I say people being good at stuff
is just sort of attractive, though, isn't it?
It is.
It's just, in any capacity, just competence,
it's an incredibly attractive quality.
No, I think it is, or pride.
Taking pride in your work,
I think it's really an attractive feature,
and it's important to take pride in it,
whether it's spreading marmite on a piece of toast
and then cutting the piece of toast,
I think a little bit of pride goes a long way.
Yeah.
So I'm wondering about Bruno.
I think Bruno is pissed right off.
Hey, Mr. DJ, play a song for this pretty little lady,
oh, oh, oh,
because if she dances as good as she looks right now,
I just might, I just might make her my baby.
Oh, very possessive, Bruno.
A bit possessive.
I was going to say, this feels,
this all feels a little dated, doesn't it?
What the fuck, Mars?
It does, but this is his latest song.
There's something that's bothering me about this,
about Bruno Mars,
apart from his possibly misogynist 1970s lyrics,
but it's also, I was like, hang on, what's this?
If you're Italian, Bruno Mars is called Brown March.
Brown March?
Which sounds like something,
either it sounds like something you'd have to do
when you're being thrown out of a club
for shitting yourself on the dance floor,
or it sounds something a bit sort of,
I don't know, like, to do with the Nazis.
Either way, Brown March isn't a good name, is it?
I like the Brown March,
because it reminds me, what is the JDM Nissan Micra?
Oh, it's that, okay, well, that's all right.
And that's what Bruno Mars is all about.
He's flashing all of his life,
but when it comes to cars, he just wants entry level,
Brown in colour, Nissan Micra JDM is back.
That's all he wants.
He wouldn't go March Turbo, wouldn't go Super March,
not interested.
No.
Why would you?
His cloth seats, wind down windows, K10 box.
That's in Brown, please.
It's because he's so famous now.
It's the only way he can get about.
OAC.
Yeah.
Well, except if he drives past you or me,
because we'd go, bloody hell, look at that.
You don't see those in Brown very often.
Hey, look, it's Bruno Mars.
It's...
What did you song call Bruno?
Was it called Get Back in the Kitchen and Make Us a Cup of Tea?
Look, it's Brown March driving around in his car.
Brown March, it's Brown March.
Bruno Mars is 40 as well,
which I wouldn't have guessed he was that age.
I thought he was a bit younger,
because he sort of got a youthful vigor about him, but...
Oh, he's got a very youthful shtick to him, I think.
Yeah, he is.
He's a mover.
We know that.
He is a mover.
Yeah.
He's one of those people who's sort of permanently on,
sort of like, not on tiptoes,
but he's like on the balls of his...
On the, you know, just up.
He's always up a bit.
He's...
His heels don't touch the ground,
because he's always got a...
He could spin at any second.
He does...
He tiptoes in a way that they do in pantomimes.
Upstair cases and things like that, when you...
Yes.
Or when you come in late
and you don't want to rake the rest of your household up.
That's right.
So you do a theatrical tiptoe up the stairs,
even though you...
It doesn't make it any quieter at all.
Yes.
So...
I'm slightly obsessed with that.
The act of being quiet that isn't quiet at all.
It's like when you cross a road,
when someone, you know, waves you across in front of their car
when you're walking,
and you do that sort of exaggerated speed walk
to show that you're not, you know,
you're not wasting their time.
Yes, that's right.
I'm going to get out of your way as quickly as I can,
but actually, it's no faster than a brisk walk.
Yes.
It's a pantomime fast walk to go,
yeah, I'm going, I'm shifting, mate.
Don't you worry.
Yeah, that's right.
But being quiet when you're not being quiet,
particularly if you've had an adult beverage or two.
I was going to say,
it usually involves a bit of that, doesn't it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, you just go,
I'm going to be super quiet here,
just as you put your head through the glass door
and a well-stressor or something.
It's like, it's never, it's never effective.
Hey, listen, Johnny, I'll tell you what is effective.
What is effective?
It's the auction facility on Karin Classic.
No, get out.
Really?
Yes, that's right.
Our segues, we got them.
There's listeners will know every week,
we delve deep into the treasures of the auctions
on Karin Classic, the sponsor of this podcast,
because one can lose simply hours and hours in there
of delightful fun times.
But to try and put some structure on it,
what we do is each week one of us picks a car
and notionally gifts it to the other one.
So we were sort of doing this on themes,
but then last week we dispensed with the theme
and it was all fine anyway.
So there's no particular theme this week,
except that it refs back to something we were talking about last week,
because I brought up the Mercedes SL
and how I feel like the SL has just sort of somehow lost its magic
and you don't really see them around anymore,
and maybe that's a consequence.
So I was brising the auctions
and there were a lot of nice things in there,
but I thought I'll just keep it simple
because why overcomplicate things?
And this week, Johnny, I have picked for you
a 1986 Mercedes-Benz 300 SL, the classic,
the Dallas shape, the R107.
Actually, this reminded me,
because if Bruno Mars is Brown March in Italy...
Brown March?
This era of SL was designed with the involvement
of legendary Mercedes designer Bruno Sacco
in Italy in his brown bag.
But he is...
Brown Sacco.
Stop it, stop it.
Well, this is one of Brown Sacco's masterpieces,
because this is just this era of beautiful, simple,
but sort of sturdy-looking Mercedes.
Yeah, they had such presence, didn't they?
This is a later one.
It says,
an extensively documented service history with 39 services recorded,
37 of them at Mercedes main dealers.
Wow.
Immediately, I'm interested.
Yeah.
It's got every MOT going back to 1993.
It's got its original PDI sheet and factory spec sheet.
It's got a new soft top.
It's also got the color-matched hard top.
So it's a boom in the winter months.
Goodness me.
This is sort of just classical elegance.
It's silver as well, so it's sort of a strident color.
It's discreet.
And I would say the 300 in this car, the straight six,
you might argue is all you need, because it's a cruiser.
I would argue that's all you need,
because you don't want to drive them fast,
because they're not very good around corners.
They're good on motorways, really good on motorways.
But I would not want to drive one.
I wouldn't want to hustle one around the Cairngorms
on a summer's night, because I think it would lurch quite a lot.
Having owned other Mercedes-Benz of that era,
they are very comfortable and beautifully made,
but they are not cornering monsters.
I draw your attention in this car to the seats, which are not leather.
Now, I know people always seem to want leather in cars like this,
because it's seen as posh, but first of all,
in a lot of Mercedes, it's not actually leather,
is it? It's MBtec.
That's right, quality faux leather.
Yeah, well, that's it.
It's quality, it wears very well,
but if it's got those perforations down the middle,
it can, depending on the colour, look like an enormous sticking plaster.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So is this tartan, or is that Hound's tooth?
Yeah, it is that cloth.
I guess it's sort of tartan-y?
Yeah, I'm just zooming in.
It's so period for Mercs of that era.
It is.
But you're right, this is a cruiser.
It's an auto, it's got that massive four-spoke wheel.
It's just roofed down.
It's a subtle tartan.
It's a 2 plus 2, there's enough room for the dog,
or for the grandchildren, or whatever.
That's really, really lovely.
It's just classical, isn't it?
It's just absolutely, with summer on the way,
you'd be happy with that.
Also, it's just that cool.
That is a cool car.
Yeah, I don't think they've ever gone out of style.
I think if you drive one of those and you keep it in good condition,
everyone would just go,
you're happy in your own skin,
and this is the way you want to live.
And they are a delight to live with.
I'm just looking at all these extensive photographs
as part of the auction.
And someone has taken the time to take a picture of the door shut
going into the rear portion of the sill.
Yes.
And that is an area on especially convertibles,
where they do tend to go crusty.
And they've photographed close-ups of that.
That would make me buy it in itself,
because there's a real honesty to that.
Exactly.
I want to pretend, and there's no guarantee here,
that these photographs have been taken in the person's front garden,
which is extremely leafy, Richard.
It's so leafy.
So leafy.
A little bit of gravel.
Yeah.
No, it's good.
I've got a terrible want for this car now,
just because I'm going,
every time the sun comes out, you can just go,
I'll just go in.
I'll go for a little.
Yes.
But I just think you pull up anywhere and people just go,
particularly, you know, 80s retro cars,
not 80s retro, but you know what I mean,
80s cars and 90s cars now are sort of seen as so cool.
I think you'd cut a dash wherever you went.
It's Yacht Rock, isn't it?
There's a lot of Yacht Rock here.
It's Yacht Yacht Rock.
Prog Rock of a certain era.
We were debating with a friend the other day
about what constitutes Yacht Rock,
because our friend was getting it a bit wrong,
and my wife was a bit like,
no, stop getting Yacht Rock wrong.
Journey.
They're Yacht Rock.
And I was like, but are they though?
Are they?
Michael McDonald.
Oh.
Solo stuff.
Yacht Rock.
Christopher Cross.
Christopher Cross.
Yacht Rock.
Christopher Cross.
Yeah.
McDonald.
What about Donald Fagan?
There could be a bit of that going on in there.
What about Toto?
Oh.
Is Toto Yacht Rock?
Maybe.
I mean, what about Don Henley?
Boys of Summer?
Yeah.
It's quite yachty, isn't it?
Well, but yes.
I put Boys of Summer in the car the other day,
because I keep meaning to make a playlist called Sad Bangers,
because I think Boys of Summer is a terribly sad song.
It is.
It's melancholic.
Yeah, yeah.
It's very melancholic, yeah.
But the weird thing is,
my absolute gold standard of Sad Bangers
is dancing on my own by Robin,
and it's like sort of that and Boys of Summer,
so it's a hard one to mix together if you were DJing.
Not that I am, so it doesn't matter.
I think I always try and brighten it up
by referring to it as Boys of Summer,
and I say it with the West Country accent.
Anyway, if you're interested in that SL,
and you should be,
the auction starts today,
if you're listening to this podcast when it comes out
on the 11th of May,
and well, go and buy it,
and if you do, you are assured of my personal
and deep jealousy, so yeah.
There we go.
Interesting that that car becomes tax and MOT exempt
when it turns 40, which is August.
Yes.
So, I mean,
and that's another thing to consider here,
is that the running costs of these sorts of cars
on the cusp of 40,
not that you'd buy them for that,
but it's just another incentive to go,
go on then.
It definitely sort of sweetens the deal,
some of you just go,
I'm winning here somehow.
But be warned, listeners, slash viewers,
car and classic is a deeply addictive platform,
and sometimes you don't come out of it unscathed.
That's where I found my Avenger touring car,
so damn you, car and classic.
You're the reason why I own that car.
And when I say damn, I actually love it.
So there we go.
Well, so next week I'll find you something to
pretend to own.
Well, if you want to embrace a theme,
I could always insist you have to buy me a yacht rock car.
OK, I'm going to write that down.
Something that says yacht rock.
I just can't think what's more yacht rock
than a mid-80s SL,
but well, there we go.
It's a good challenge.
There's not a lot.
Something will be out there.
Save a Prayer by Juran Juran.
That's a little bit melancholic.
Yes, it is.
That's a sort of mooring up the cigarette boat in the harbour
with quite a distant look on yourself.
You're alone.
A bit of a sort of post-party hangover, perhaps.
I would say that Juran Juran's best sad banger
is still Ordinary World,
because that's melancholic and an absolute banger.
That's a great song.
That was their comeback song, wasn't it?
Wasn't it? Yeah, yeah.
I remember that well.
When they decided to delete the space between their two names.
Genuinely, is that true?
Yeah, I don't know why, anyway.
It's similar to when Keir got rid of the little
not asterisk accent on seed.
Oh, the apostrophe.
The apostrophe thing.
They got rid of the seed in the seed.
Yes.
I was very happy when they did that
because it was always a bit bollocks putting the apostrophe in there.
It was.
There's lots of that sort of where, you know,
like Minnie insists that it's all written in uppercase.
But it looks a bit shouty in normal text.
It does look shouty.
And I always struggle to remember
whether you should put a capital L in DeLorean.
Oh, because it's capital D, lowercase e.
Yeah.
You should put caps up.
Well, I think it was, see,
that was his surname, had the cap L in it.
But the company name didn't have the cap L in it,
but I might be getting that wrong.
Oh.
I always have to check.
Do you find there's certain things
you always have to check the spelling?
Like, I've been writing about cars for 20 plus years now.
God, way more than that, actually.
Technically, like 28 years this year.
Terrifying.
And I still have to double check the spelling of McPherson
for the type of strut suspension.
I can never remember if he's got an A at the beginning or not.
Like, as in the second letter.
Yeah, it is.
It's a very tricky one.
Gijaro.
Just Gijaro is like Buley.
We just go, I'm going to put down a load of vowels
and see if it looks right.
And it often doesn't.
I did a Gijaro designed car, actually.
Barn Find last week.
And it's one of those.
The more I said the word,
the more I was worried I was getting it wrong.
Is it Gijaro?
Gijaro?
Gigaro?
I don't bloody know it anymore.
I just don't know.
I just...
Gij...
Do us mates call him Gij?
Or Gij...
Gij...
Gij...
Gij...
Gij...
Gigi Roro?
Yeah, yeah, old Gigi.
He's over there.
Hang on.
His name is Giorgetto Gijaro, isn't it?
He's Giorgetto, yes.
Which is a hard one to say, but...
Yeah, it's like cigar and cigarette.
You've got Giorge and then you've got Giorgetto.
In Italian, is that...
Does that mean he's little Giorge?
I was just about to say, is he small Giorge?
Small Giorge?
Because maybe his dad was Giorge,
so he gets to be small Giorge.
Giorge Junior?
Yeah, like a micro Giorge.
Anyway.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Johnny, I don't know.
I don't know how we've got here.
I'm going to guess that there'll be a listener at least
who's had this same problem.
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My next-door neighbor came around the other week,
and she said...
Had you been starting Strimmers?
No.
No.
No, she came around.
She's got a Mark 7 Golf,
which when she was...
She had to have some surgery recently,
and she couldn't drive for a few weeks,
and she asked me if I would take the car out for a run
a couple of times just to keep the battery charged up,
which I was delighted to do.
And it reminded me, Mark 7 Golf,
just bog-standard mid-spec diesel DSG,
just go,
well, this is all you need, isn't it?
It's a really good car,
and just quite pleasant to drive
without being sort of particularly jazzy.
It does everything you need,
and it feels quite well-made, and you go,
nice, well, quite well-made,
until the other week,
she came around and she went,
actually, can you help me with a problem?
Can't get the fuel flap open on my Golf?
Yes.
She said, it's been a bit sticky for a while,
but now it absolutely just will not open.
Yep.
And it's one of those ones you're just meant to be able
to just push the outside, and it pops open.
Yep.
And I looked this up online,
and it turns out this is just a Mark 7 Golf problem.
Yep.
And there's a little sort of actuator thing
that rotates to lock the flap shut,
and it just sticks or breaks,
and that's it, and you can't...
And I spent ages squirting WD-40 and stuff into it
in the hope we could free it off,
and people online said,
you just sort of keep pushing it and pushing it,
and eventually it might release.
Yeah.
No.
And locking and unlocking the car as well to the point
where I was like, I'm just going to flatten the battery.
I've done it so many times.
Couldn't get the bastard thing open,
and people say, well, you can prise the outer cover off,
but then it's like, you're going to break the clips.
Lots of...
I see the lots on the motorway missing their outer covers.
Yes.
Yeah.
There's an era of Volkswagen where the, like,
the fuel filler flap facia just comes off,
because Polo's like that shape of Polo
from, like, sort of previous generation
to the one we have now.
Yeah.
They never have their fuel filler outer cover on, do they?
It's just a thing.
They fall off.
Yeah.
But I couldn't fix this bastard fuel filler,
and in the end,
she just had to take it to the garage.
It needed the car was coming up for service in MOT anyway,
and she's just like,
I just won't drive it very much,
because it's only got sort of like a quarter of a tank in it.
And she had to get a garage to fix it.
But I was like,
what a small but annoying problem this is.
Well, it's not a small problem, is it?
Well, it's not, is it?
It's like finding your mouse jam shut.
You just go,
oh, hang on, this is a problem.
I can't eat food now.
So difficult for you to think of it like that.
It's actually very...
It's very true.
My question in those sorts of things is,
is that VW's fault, or is it the car is now,
let's say, a decade old,
and somebody,
either the dealer or the owner,
should have just been doing some lightweight lube maintenance.
If you lube those sorts of things,
those sorts of actuators, solenoids, hinges,
stuff like that is less likely to happen,
because it always gets worse in winter, of course.
Yeah.
So you want to do a pre-winter lube.
You're saying this as you,
and I'm agreeing with you as me,
people who like cars and pay attention
and sort of like to know,
known weaknesses in cars that we own
so that hopefully we can keep on top of them.
Yeah.
But if you're someone, you know,
like my next door neighbor,
she's not into cars,
she just needs a car that works.
And so, I mean, I'm sure,
she is the kind of person, if you said,
look, every winter,
just a little squeeze of something in there,
she would do it because she's also, you know,
very conscientious,
but it's in the absence of knowing that,
because how would she?
Yeah.
And the dealer, she's not taking it to a dealer.
She's also, the car is of an age,
because it is like 10, 11 years old.
She's not taking it,
she's got a trusted local guy.
Independent guy, yeah.
Independent, who apparently is brilliant,
but of course,
trusted local independent guy,
he sees so many different makes and models of car
that he can't sort of keep on top of this.
He sounds like the kind of bloke
who if he knew about this, he would do it.
But also, he's seen that car once a year.
Yeah.
So, he may not be able to keep on top of it.
Well, do we need to look in our owner's manuals again?
It might say in the owner's manual,
please, every year,
squirt a bit of white grease or whatever in there,
or on that thing.
Hmm.
I don't know.
It's just one of those things that they,
it's one of those problems that only raises head when cars
are sort of beyond the age at which,
you know, the development testing of that model
would have been able to replicate.
Well, if it makes you feel any better,
my Tesla charger flap jammed a few times
right at the start of this year,
and it's when you're stood there
trying to put fuel into it,
i.e., I'm holding the charger cable,
and I'm like, I have stopped to charge,
and I need to open that little door.
Yes.
And I don't like anything that's a solenoid release,
which is so crucial,
because you're relying on one component
that will either make or break the interaction.
So, can it just not,
can it just be open?
I'd rather it was just open,
with a simple hinge that doesn't have any security on it,
if I'm honest.
It's like a big rubber bung on it.
Small feats in the last 20 years.
Obviously, the door handles are pure mechanical.
Boot release is a solenoid,
and they always fail.
What the hell?
The one on our 500 that we bought brand new
failed in the first year,
and it was just a kind of, oh, they all do that, sir.
Just come back and we'll replace it under warranty,
and it's a bit like,
could you not ask them to maybe fit better ones?
Or just a mechanical release would be nice.
Make it to lever, like a simple,
like Japanese import style release,
cable release on the floor or something.
Just like, come on.
Well, they don't,
that's the thing, they don't have an override.
Although, also,
I just reminded me a story
that a mate of mine in the car trade told me about,
the first Renault Scenic that had an electronic handbrake,
so sort of two generations ago, maybe.
Yeah.
They used to fail and jam on.
And the, one of the mechanics at the garage that he worked at
was scrabbling around in the boot
to find the manual override for electronic handbrake
that releases it.
Sort of like, you know,
buried under the spare wheel well or something.
So he's fully in the boot of this car,
he finds the release, he yanks it,
and now he's released the handbrake
and the car just starts rolling backwards
down the slope that it's parked on with him in the boot.
Oh, no.
Which is a hard situation.
You forgot to chock it.
Yeah, he didn't chock it.
Totally understandable.
Yeah.
Thankfully, someone saw what was happening
and I think jumped into it and just mashed the foot brake
as quickly as they could because what do you do?
If a car that you're in is rolling away
but you're in the boot,
you can't get out of the boot,
you'll just immediately be run over.
So you'd have to clamber through the cabin
and try and get out of the other doors.
Yeah, an awful situation
but also a bit of foresight could have prevented it.
Have you ever put the foot brake on hard with your hand
because the scenario is dictated that that was a good idea?
No, I don't think so,
but I could imagine situations where that might happen.
Feels weird because you know,
it's a bit like when you left foot brake
or you use controls with your non-dominant limbs.
You can't quite gauge the weight required.
Yes.
The effort required.
That's why I love left foot braking and EVs
because it teaches you to be on the ball.
Yeah, I don't know why.
I was going to say it's a good skill to have.
I don't know that it is.
It's not.
I suppose if you would urgently need to do some rallying
at short notice, it might be quite handy.
No.
Do you remember last week I said I was going to read out
a thing about the Neptune portable bath for motorists?
Yeah, so I told you to save it for the live shows.
Oh yeah.
Okay, I'll do that for the live show then.
Fine.
Yeah.
Right, well anyway, we should wrap things up,
but before we do, a few bits of housekeeping for you.
The first is that, of course,
Johnny has a solo YouTube channel called The Late Brake Show.
What's going on there?
I haven't got a fucking idea, Rich.
I'm really sorry.
I'm really sorry.
Just say something random that people,
get people watching by saying something on the next page.
I visit the Diane Fosse guerrilla trust
and see the work they're doing there in the mountains.
Look, if you haven't seen the barn find that went live last week,
it's actually, I think, one of our most highest viewed barn finds
in recent history.
And so it should be.
It's an absolute museum quality Jaguar 420G slash Mark 10.
I've been saving that.
That was owned by the bishop of the Isle of Man
and has done 10,000 miles from you.
And it is unbelievable the condition of the car.
It's unbelievable.
I've been saving that so I can watch it at my leisure
and I haven't got around to it yet, but I'm looking forward to it.
Oh, that's very sweet of you, Richard.
Well, because sometimes if there's a YouTube video
I really want to watch, I save it until I can watch it on the big telly.
I don't like watching on my phone for something where I'm like,
no, I want to have a proper good look at that.
So, but some.
You know, that's very, very, that's very good of you.
And you've just reminded me that I can just say this to anyone who's listening.
My television's broken.
I'm not asking anyone to buy me a new TV.
Please don't think that.
I have started researching by different TVs.
It is an absolute minefield.
I don't.
I'm drowning in specs.
I don't know what to do, but I need a television because some of it's my job
and some of it isn't.
And I've just quickly looked up and this weekend the new video is now this is a good one.
Do you remember that time I got stranded on the Isle of Man?
Yes.
In back in February and my Honda Insight is still there.
Well, yes, my Honda Insight is at the Isle of Man Transport Museum
and we do a car cave inside the Isle of Man Transport Museum when it's closed.
And this place is so much more vast and impressive than I ever thought.
It is humongous.
So we do it.
We have a little bit of a tour around with the guys that run it and it is brilliant.
Highly recommended by me who made it and runs a business based upon it.
That's OK.
All right.
Second thing I want to say is that live shows we are at Belfast.
This week, in fact, on Friday, the 15th of May, we are at the Mac in Belfast.
The baffling spreadsheets keep coming through.
There are still tickets available, I think, but only sort of up on the balcony.
You'll still be able to see and hear us, so it's worth coming along.
If you fancy seeing us on stage live, we don't record live shows at the moment.
So it is in the room, which means we can say things we probably wouldn't be committed to digital recording.
So, you know, add certain something to the evening.
And we are in London, June, the 9th and 10th of June at the excellent London Concourse.
We'll be doing live shows there.
Tickets for all of these things can be found through links on the live show page of our website.
Like smithansniff.com, go there.
You will also find our merchandise shop where you can buy a range of lovely mugs and t-shirts and all sorts of things.
So go there, smithansniff.com, find a world of treasures.
And the third thing, since we're talking about Bruno Mars, is did you know that Bruno Mars is from Hawaii?
Oh, he's Hawaii, not America.
Well, that might be an unexpected can of worms to rip open at the end of the show.
But yes, he is from Hawaii, which I suppose Hawaiians...
I'm not even going to go there because I don't want to get cancelled by Hawaiians.
I don't want to cause any upset. I figured that Hawaiians were Hawaiian.
Yes, but for the purposes of this, he is American because Hawaii is a state of the United States.
Is it the 51st state?
No, it's the 50th, isn't it?
How many states are there again?
50.
Oh yeah, I've just added one. I'm thinking of that film.
You've added one. It's a spare one.
I'm thinking of that.
I forgot about it.
Had he filmed with Robert Carl Island?
Yes, they sometimes say that about Britain, don't they? The 51st state.
Anyway, it's...
I know, guys.
Good. Well, on that half-assed geography lesson...
Sorry about that.
Thank you very much for listening. We'll do this one again next time.
Until then, goodbye.
Cheers, mate. Thanks, mate. Bye then.
This podcast...
We'll make those pies, but in the meantime, guys, hey, guys.
Subscribe.
Like and subscribe.
Like and subscribe.
Like and subscribe.
Like and subscribe.
Like and subscribe.
Thank you.
Thank you.
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