C.R.E.A.M. #69 - Cringey Car Ads, Perish and Poser Cars

I really need a good service, but I pearl like a pussycat.

I had to change out the light on Moira the microwave.

Oh, does it mean die? Yeah.

Like my bushes are perished. They're dead.

Bloody hell. I didn't hear about that.

Hello and welcome back to the 69th Cars Rule Everything Around Me podcast.

Number one, a correction. We said it was 69 last week.

Ben's a fool. Correct.

Today is everyone's favourite number, 69.

Myself Edwin, William to my left and in front of the camera.

Not behind whoever commented that.

Yeah. Hello. There you go.

Clean, Benjamin. How are we all doing?

I have a feeling today.

You got a feeling? I have a feeling.

Oh, do you think?

I think it might be because I'm going to say it.

Let's just do a quick on around the table. It's a rule for me.

It's a rule for me. I'm rolling.

Now, anyone who's listed the podcast for a while or perhaps Alex,

Miss C.U. Laser, if you know.

Miss C.U. Laser.

Did I say Miss?

You did.

I didn't say Mr.

Okay. Interesting.

Miss C.U. Laser.

C.U. Laser, if you have this on file, you seem to have all the stats of cream.

Tell us last time it was we all had a rule because I think it must have been before Christmas.

So for context, if it's your first Cars Rule Everything Around Me,

we asked at the beginning of every podcast to cause rule or ruin everything around us.

And for the first time in a long time, it is rule for all of the gang.

It's rules.

Why? Why is that?

The yellow thing you see behind you, if you're seeing, if you're not seeing,

there is a yellow Renault Clio 200 behind that today started up for the first time in my ownership,

which is very, very pleasing.

I have my Range Rover.

I didn't mention this last week, but I had a major brake fluid leak for the Range Rover.

That is now fixed.

I can't remember from it.

Glado was also basically fixed.

So I'm in, I'm in good town.

You're in good town.

I'm in also Benzin L town because you've got a yellow clear that runs and drives.

Yeah.

And is it in your name yet?

It's not actually in my name yet.

Oh, sorry.

I do need to do that.

Okay.

I do need to do that.

We'll hold off on the L for now, Ben.

You're safe from an L.

I'm not writing the apology until you enter into the V5.

V5 is not proof of any wrongdoing.

Christ Jesus.

Benjamin.

Hi.

I'm just adjusting the camera.

Sorry.

Okay.

That's not what I asked.

No, we'll just wait.

Everyone will wait at home as well.

I think.

Don't cut this.

Just leave this in.

Okay.

Benjamin.

I'm a bit.

Okay.

And that's completely understandable actually.

I'm in a big rule.

Why is that?

Because I have a Golf GTD.

No way.

I've been mashing it to work on a motorway adaptive cruise control.

Most people would say driving.

That's it.

Mashing miles on it.

It's great.

And today I put some spaces on it.

So I want to take a moment.

Yeah.

Because Ben, I was working on the 172, which I'll get onto in a moment.

You working on your 200 here?

Yeah.

You did spaces by yourself?

I did.

Now, Ben, we did brakes the other night.

Yeah.

Thank you.

By the way.

That was a tough one.

Yeah.

For Ben.

Because every time Ben comes in to every...

Oh, here we go.

Into every automotive job with a jolly sense of Geely and youthful optimism.

Of course.

Exuberance.

Yeah.

Despite what everyone thinks.

I'm actually a very positive and nice guy.

We're going to do it gang.

Let's do it.

And 30 seconds and he goes, I hate this.

I want to go home and I hate this.

I can't do anything and I'm useless and I can't do anything.

Do you know what it is?

Right?

It's two things.

Number one, this unit has every tool in the sun.

But it's just an...

Only if you know where to find them.

Yeah, I don't.

And it gets so annoyed because I'm here and Edwin goes,

Oh, how we do your brakes?

And I want to be appreciative and I want to help.

And I don't want to feel like you're doing free labor for me in your evening,

which you are.

If you want to see.

But so I want to help.

So I want to just get like...

Edwin got the caliper off.

We did one side of the front each at the same time.

He got that off in the first like eight seconds.

And I was there like trying to mess with the first bolt.

It's because you go to a mechanics place and if you try and work in someone else's workshop,

unless they are like McLaren technology centre key,

you go, where's the 10 mil?

Or you go to look for a 10 mil, you can't find it.

And they go, no, just check the left pocket of my jacket over there.

So I'll keep them in there.

Everyone has weird places that they keep things.

But I get very upset because I'm there just trying to do my bit.

I don't want it to...

I don't want you to think I'm making you work on my car for free and me just standing there.

And then it ends up being that because I'm A incompetent.

A I'm incompetent and B I can't find anything.

But I get really annoyed.

You get so dejected.

You get really sad.

But anyway, but my point is you did the spaces by yourself.

Yeah.

And you're happy with those?

You think you're waiting at home?

Probably not in the next podcast.

No, I think so.

I've got to talk French in the car to double check them.

The beginning of cream 70 is going to start with the eulogy.

And behind the camera is there's no one.

Yeah, in front of the camera, actually.

In front of the camera is a door.

Well, behind the camera, there wouldn't be a camera.

So behind the camera, there'd just be no one.

It'll be like the Christmas podcast all over again.

Yeah.

Which speaking of, I want to mention this nice, nice jumper you're wearing.

Hey, man, thanks.

I'm wearing my Ferrari jumper.

Which no one's ever seen.

Proof.

No, that podcast did exist.

Like, no, I just went out and bought this.

I'm just flexing.

I don't know Ferrari.

I just own a jumper.

So it's a rule for you.

Rule for me.

And that car is great.

It's a rule for me because my little Clio 172, you're hearing this early.

I think this video comes out a little bit early.

Spoiler, we got the 172 started.

I would say much more than that.

But it was, I wasn't expecting it to work.

It was a joyous occasion.

It was amazing.

So the best thing is Will got his 200 started.

Because it hadn't started since you've owned it.

And then like 20 minutes later, we got mine started next door.

Something feels wrong.

Yeah, we're having wins.

Too many wins.

Something's going to go wrong.

But you know in a car movie where there's drivers doing the perfect lap

and they cut to a random bolt, just shaking.

It means it's down the road.

It's Ben's wheel bolt.

I don't like this.

Someone then, what was the comment that you saw earlier

from the last podcast that was Will's?

Yeah, someone said Will manifesting Ben's crash is crazy.

He's saying it again going, I've got to hope it's Ben.

It's got me.

Will, but if anything, wheel bolts feels pretty dangerous.

Yeah.

Fine ending.

No, not the end of the world.

No, I know how Ben's mind's working.

He's thinking about going and checking the talk on them again.

I will be checking them when I'm on the way home.

Yeah, on the way home.

That's not because I've got that window.

Like too fast, too furious or he's pulling the thing out the side.

You guys get so much pleasure from just making mine.

You know how it is.

Matt, it's a good week.

It's a rule week for the gang.

It seems pretty decent.

It's pretty decent.

There is one more day left of the week, so we never know.

It's true.

Shall we move on?

Should we swiftly?

We've gone quite quickly through our rules, but it's all rules.

It's all rules.

If there's no news is good news.

Surely we'll call it that.

No ruins is good news.

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Back to the podcast.

First up on news and things and stuff

is Ben, you've put in here electric Cayman forward slash Boxster.

Maybe canceled.

It might be.

So I didn't know that was a thing.

Neither did that.

Well, I know they've been testing something.

They said, no more petrol.

Right.

Um, we're going electric on the Cayman and Boxster,

which I kind of understand for basic stuff.

Because I'm not going to say non-car people are buying them.

They're still car people.

You know what I mean?

They're not, it's mostly people buying them for their wives,

rich men buying them for their wives.

It's like dudes that go, I made a bit of money

and I want a car that looks like it's fast and cool.

I'm going to buy that.

Not someone who goes, you know,

I'm sure they're incredibly good cars.

I'm not trying to not try to shit talk them,

but they're just, they're a little bit weak looking

like the base Caymans and things.

They just don't look that cool.

I'm trying to think of other cars.

Well, I think there might be some other sports cars.

Yeah, there is.

I'm trying to think of similar sports cars that are electric.

Um, there aren't really an electric sports car.

They have the MGU type of star thing, which is horrible.

Let's have a look.

I'm going to type in electric sports cars.

They have that Polestar thing that hasn't really shit.

Like you never know.

There might be a thing where they go, you know what,

actually this is going to sell like absolute hot cakes.

But it might help do some painful stuff.

We've got, um, Google says you've got the Rimac Nivera.

Okay. Yeah, that's in budget.

That should be in the sports car.

Well, to be fair, those didn't sell very well, did they?

What's that?

That's the electric.

Now that's what they're selling.

That's just a render.

Because that's fantastic.

If that's got electric stuff in it, really,

Porsche can really go stuff themselves because that needs an engine.

So what I've basically got here is we've got a bath, a bath 500 or 600 E.

Then we've got cyber stuff and then it goes to like the Maserati electric and then take on.

So that's it.

We've got both four cars.

So yeah, there is a little Gepin's American.

Yeah.

That's what I mean.

Cause when you said that, I thought,

I don't know of anything else that's electric and sort of medium size.

But I guess no one's buying electric sports cars anyway.

But if there are none available, how can they be bought?

No, but I'm saying like, if you look at like those Maserati electrics,

those cybersuiters, I don't know.

I haven't seen many cybersuiters around.

It's a market that isn't selling well, someone.

I should enter this market.

Here's why I think it will fail and this is based on purely

vibes and thoughts.

Other people in the Porsche shareholder meeting.

Okay, go on.

But no, but do you remember a time when they put four cylinder in the Boxster?

Yes, I do.

I do.

And what did they go back to?

Six?

A six cylinder.

Because it was mass matter.

Yeah.

It has to matter.

I just don't see who's going to buy that because if you want an electric car,

you just buy a crossover.

That's the people that who buy it or I can model three.

But to spend like, I would assume it's going to be a...

If there's an electric version, fine.

Again, yeah.

This is where we come to.

So originally they went with stopping production of the current generation of 718.

Hey, when in Boxer generation, it's going to be electric.

And everyone went, great, sounds great.

We're never going to buy that.

Then they went, okay, what we're going to do instead is we're going to keep the GT4

and the high end like track ones and the 340 ones.

We'll have them petrol, but then we're going to have the electric ones,

which I'm like, okay, makes more sense.

I can say, yeah, fine.

And now they're saying that they've now ended production on the 718,

came in and Boxster in October last year.

Apparently the cost development and the fact that I think they're starting to realise

they want to go buy this.

They're now considering internally scrapping it because they have a new CEO who's coming

and basically is like, yeah, what are we doing?

They've looked at the amount of take-hands on the market and gone.

No, no, no.

Oh, it's appreciation.

I entirely forgot that this piece of news is that it might be cancelled.

I was getting riled up about the fact that it exists and they're going,

no, no, we'll cancel it because we don't think it'll work.

Yeah, exactly.

Will, I hate you guys.

Well, I'm glad you agree.

Yeah, I think I think it's to the new CEO and stuff.

But yeah, so that might be cancelled.

So fingers crossed, gang.

Come on now.

Come on, Porsche.

And across to another continent now, China has banned bop out a bop out.

China has banned pop out door handles.

Now talk to Ben.

Ben, this is from you.

So this is going to be...

This is going to be on Ben's phone.

I've read this.

This is going to be in China.

Hold on.

I'll get back to that.

This is going to be something about China.

And I think there's door handles with rocks.

Have they banned them?

Teslas do it.

They have, I think, the ones of the X and the S, I think have it.

Well, the handles actually pop out electrically when you unlock it.

I think the Model 3 and stuff have it where it's always in.

You press it in and like a bit pops out.

Don't make sense.

Right.

So their logic is basically it's not worth the gain in range to then...

So they did it for range?

Yeah.

It's for slipperiness.

Okay.

Interesting.

But obviously, if there's a malfunction or you're stuck in a burning car or something

and it doesn't work, then it's not worth it.

At least look how I'm slipping through this fire.

My drag coefficient in that fire was great.

So yeah, that's what they're doing.

But it means now that comies like that are going to have to probably change the design

because China is such a big player now in the automotive game.

I wonder what they're going to go for.

I wonder if they'll do the recessed door handles like the...

Is it dukes that have it?

That rear door that has the door handle?

Oh, yeah.

Or like Magans.

Or like, you know the Audi we had in Paris?

What's the RX-8?

RX-8 is you have to open the front door to get through it, or I think...

That's not...

That doesn't help.

Yeah, it's actually worse.

We had one.

The Audi we had in Paris, we went to go to the Fast and Furious thing.

It had just little like alcoves.

You put your hand in...

Oh, lovely.

Good quality of the day.

Thank you.

Look at through 5.5 or a Tester Osser.

I think we all go back to Tester.

Every car will now have Tester Osser side-strakes.

What about like a 12C where you've got like grips up the door?

Sort of like smooth it to open.

TVR.

Oh, TVR, we should let's go to...

Let's go to the wing mirror.

The wing mirror will now be the door handle.

But now, hold on.

Now, when we...

This was back when we did the Hot Wheels thing for car throttle.

There was the...

Have fun.

That was a tough time.

We'll talk about that one.

It was tough.

But there was a Max Power Clio, the one wrapped in snakeskin.

And that had a Ganador mirror that you'd pull the Ganador mirror back as the door handle.

Cool.

Do that.

Yeah, I think...

Although you go through with the restriction too tight.

Clip to the wing mirror.

Door opens.

Or you're stuck in.

Oh, yeah, you can't get out.

But no, I mean...

Although I assume there's one on the inside.

We don't hope.

Which confuses me because Tesla's, I know for a fact, at least have a mechanical...

They have a mechanical thing that you pull, which is the door handle if the electronic one fails.

And I'm like, well, it doesn't matter, does it?

Well, but then...

But I wonder if it's for Pete, if it's like firefighters trying to get in.

Can I just smash the window and open it from the inside?

That's fair.

No, you don't want to break the window.

Too fast, too furious.

Start.

But keep...

Put your bowels back on.

Think of resale values.

Exactly that.

This isn't...

Resale values.

Yeah, like if you've had your window smashed in.

On your burning car.

Yeah, exactly.

Or maybe watch the windows.

No, that car's toasted.

But Jesus Christ, it's got a smashed window.

Yeah, exactly.

I don't want this anymore.

No, that's very weird.

But it means it's going to probably influence a lot of designs.

Do you know what, they banned them.

Yeah, like banned.

I'm interested that that started in China.

That feels like a UK thing to go...

We don't...

That's not safe.

I thought you were going to say it was because...

And I'm like, it'll slice someone up or something.

No, it's just because of safety concerns.

Like the...

The what do you call it?

Like the Rolls Royce logo that retracts in a crash or whatever.

What is it?

Yeah, but that's the actual reason, right?

Everyone always says it's to stop people stealing it.

But it's actually...

Is it a safety thing?

It's a safety thing.

Like it drops away when it detects crash.

Just absolutely kneecap your man as you sail over her in your wraith.

Not just grating old people.

Only old people, though.

Young people?

I'm fine.

Don't worry about me.

So quite susceptible to it.

Great.

Sorry.

Any new car sold from 1st January, 2027 must have this.

And they've given the specs.

You must have a door handle that comes out by 60, by 20, by 25.

60 centimeters.

That's way too big.

I think there's a huge door handle.

Millimetres, 60 millimetres by 20 millimetres by 25.

And where was I reading that?

And also it now inside has to have very clearly labelled handles.

You know when you get a new car and you sort of label handles?

You know when you go like to say door handle?

No, but you know like when you get a car and it goes,

no, you've got to tickle the headrest.

And then like when you're in there,

you've got to ask for a bloke called Steve and he'll let you out.

Steve, mate, can I get out?

Yeah.

No.

Now it's got to just have handle.

Okay.

Handle.

They're going full American style.

They need, they're like...

That's the door handle, guys.

Door handle.

Like on the exit sign.

It's a close, like a proper exit sign.

What is it on the hell cap where it has on the fuel cap just as fuel?

Fuel.

Yeah.

And you go...

I know something supposed to go in this.

I filled it with ribena.

I know there's something that's supposed to go in here.

Yeah.

So where do I put this?

Where do I put this?

Is it there?

Is it the fuel there?

It's liquid of some sort, but I don't know which.

Get the sun plug out.

I wanted to bring my coffee with me,

but I've just poured it in the fuel tank.

Then for no reason.

My sun plug.

Yeah, get your sun plug out.

Yeah.

Check the oil level.

Stuff.

Oil joke.

Yeah, no, nice.

That's nice.

Redacted, isn't it?

Yeah, probably.

What have we got next?

The next one, I don't quite know how to word this other than how it's written.

What's that?

It's Waymo Carcuck.

Yeah.

Then you put that in.

We were talking yesterday about Waymo...

The podcast.

Not the podcast.

Shout out the podcast.

Also, Waymo, the podcast, listening to this right now.

Yo, what?

Yeah, no, not that.

Don't worry, mate.

Not about you.

How did you know?

Waymo, the autonomous taxis in the US,

have now come to London.

I found that out.

I said to Will, they're in London.

He went, yeah, of course they are.

I knew that.

And then he used it.

No, I didn't know.

And then what he saw, I saw on that weekend.

And then what did you inform me of?

There's a driver behind the wheel.

So legislation around the UK for safety,

we can't have fully autonomous cars.

So you can't just get in a robot taxi.

You have to have a man there to take over

if something goes wrong.

To watch the robot taxi to go.

But Ben, you had an interesting...

I think I said it.

I think you did.

One of you said it.

I think you did.

How do I get this off of me?

One of us said it.

All I said.

Someone else.

All I said.

It's a bit weird to pay a man to sit in the car

when he could just drive it.

So he's basically just watching.

But they're testing, mate.

But hold on.

You technically...

If you're in the back of the taxi,

you're the one watching.

No.

No, because he's not actually...

But he's not driving it.

Yes, I guess it isn't.

So you both fall into that.

Are you both...

In fact, actually, what's an accurate description of that?

It's a normal taxi.

Not exactly.

Because he's driving the car.

You're just watching a man drive the car.

But he's not driving.

But are you both...

No, but hold on.

Hold on.

It's not your car.

So that...

Nobody is his.

So maybe he is.

There you go.

So the driver is, you're in the back

and he's just watching you

sit in the back of his car.

It's like docking.

Yeah, but no one's driving.

He's like, I want to experience

the back seats of my car,

but I have to drive.

So I need someone else...

Yes, you know what?

...to pay me to sit in the back of my car.

Do you know what I really love the idea of?

Is that the idea that you go and get one of these,

but he's sitting in the back with you.

The car goes off course,

and you look at each other and he goes,

he goes, I can't do it.

It's literally, if you're back here,

he's driving the car.

I want to know what the dynamic is in terms of like,

when you're in a cab or even an Uber or whatever,

you kind of know where you're at,

either driver, basically,

either you talk or you don't talk,

but he's not doing anything.

Can he just turn around and go...

He's just facing you at some point.

He goes, you've been busy today, mate?

And he goes, no, I've just been sitting.

It feels pretty mean,

because that person will be,

obviously, because they have to take over,

will be trained in some way to drive a taxi, right?

So in that case,

you're literally saying to him,

right, you're a tax driver, yeah?

All right, sit in the car.

Do you think that's a taxi driver?

I don't think they are taxi drivers.

Well, what are they?

I actually have a license.

They just...

No, but why would you waste a taxi driver on it?

Do you think they're just a parcel?

I think they're there to...

They know they're Waymo people, right?

They're like engineers or...

Not engineers, but you don't mean that they're like...

They're doing...

Okay, I've seen the problems here.

Do you know what I mean?

You're eating instant crowded people?

Okay, let's be calm, there's a problem here.

So do you know what I mean?

He's like, if you had a taxi driver,

it might be harder to...

No, I don't know.

What do you think is a waste of a good taxi driver?

Why do you think if you've got a man in the car, let him drive?

Yeah, also surely...

But then you won't get...

If your business is autonomous cars

and then you go and put people out there driving the cars,

where do you get your data from?

Where do you get your proof of like, yes, this works?

You're just a taxi company.

You speak to the tax driver the other day.

So is that all smooth?

Like everything went fine?

Tax driver goes, yeah, normal.

They go, great, we are knocking this out of the park.

Right, you don't need to come in tomorrow.

What? Sorry?

What about my taxi?

It'll do it.

Don't worry, it'll just carry on.

Your taxi will take you home.

Do I...

Who do I make small talk with?

Is it the car?

Is it like an AI that I talk to?

I go, you've been busy, mate.

Just talking to the door card?

So, I mean, the driver just looked dead ahead.

So, mate, these need door handles.

Great.

But do I talk to him?

Because he's not driving.

Do you mean...

It's...

You have to talk to him and he'll talk to the car for you.

So you have to ask him questions.

This just feels complicated.

Let's just get a taxi.

Also, they look ugly.

What, the taxi driver?

It's not very nice.

Horrible thing to say.

But they're all Jag, I, F, E, Paces or whatever.

And they're all...

They've all got these massive warts on them.

Yeah, they're just spinny things.

They just look ugly.

Yeah, that's a bit weird.

They're just an eyesore.

It's horrible.

No, I pace.

I'm not against the idea of the autonomous side of it.

Fine, whatever.

But...

Are you not in...

What?

I don't want a computer to drive me around.

How's he going to cut anyone up?

My brother was working in San Francisco recently.

And he sent me a video.

He went in a way mode and he sent me a video of him in it.

And it looked quite cool.

And he was going through the streets of San Francisco,

and I guess it's grids, so it's a bit easier.

But he was just whipping about.

But if you've ever been in a cab,

particularly a black cab,

Ubers are a little bit more shaky.

But a black cab, if you've been on it,

it's not driving by the book.

No, exactly.

That's the best book.

They're driving on the offensive.

They're getting angry at people.

They're pushing people out of the way.

They're running down pedestrians.

They're doing whatever is possible

to get you to your destination.

But will a computer do that?

It's not going to do that, is it?

It's going to...

If something cuts him up, a black cab,

it's going to back down.

Yeah, it's going to go...

I'm going to be in the back.

I'm so sorry.

But that's a great point,

because then it's just going to let...

If I walk out in front of it, it has to stop for me,

because it has to have that algorithm

of protect human life type thing.

Do you know what, Ben?

Anyone that's listening that lives in London will tell you,

that's how you work out London.

A couple of months in London, you work out.

They'll stop.

You've got to walk.

Two, three years, London.

What?

You forget.

Yeah.

You just have to walk out.

No, black cabs famously do not stop.

No, they will run you down.

They'll end up stopping.

Yeah, on top of you.

They're like, you know, in GTA...

They'll get close, but they're not going to hit you.

In GTA, it's programmed for NPCs to...

If they're going through...

If you're going through an intersection,

it will accelerate into you to try and hit you.

That's what they do.

Exactly.

They try and get as many people as possible.

London pedestrians are some of the boldest.

It's incredible.

And boldest.

And so are the drivers.

I think everyone in London is just like that.

You just...

But the pedestrians in particular...

You are the weakest thing here.

Yeah, but they don't...

You could die easily.

I'm in a car. I'm cool.

I might scratch a bumper.

I might smash your head off my windscreen.

My Rolls-Royce badge should drop before I hit you.

But maybe not.

But they just...

They just stroll across.

Yeah.

Not a thanks, not a glance.

Sometimes they might even look at you with some venom.

And you...

Can I give some context to Americans?

Yeah.

We don't have Jay walking here.

You can just walk where you want.

You just walk where you like.

There are crossings.

But there are crossings.

You don't use them.

But you can just cross whenever you like.

The classic, I think...

I can't remember if we've talked about it before.

It's more for the visual views.

You hit the full palm out, hands.

So all five fingers kind of out.

As a fact, this is like a really sarcastic thank you.

All five fingers out.

And then you turn it into a sideways thumbs up

and you walk off.

It's the most annoying thing.

If you're a driver and you get that,

I want to mount that kerb.

Jay, I really hate.

So you know when you're driving a car?

No.

But a waymo taxi drivers don't.

A waymo taxi drivers don't.

What's that like?

I've never been able to actually do it myself.

Cool. One day.

And so you know someone's about to cross

and they start walking into the road.

So then when you pass them,

you're like, I don't know, a foot away from them.

But they get so close that you think you're going to hit them.

That winds me up.

Because you have to,

you have to moderate your speed to work out.

Yeah.

Because they're calculating it.

So that's why you just slow it down 10 miles.

But that always infuriates me.

I'm like, just wait until I've come past.

Then you can do the full cross.

I get it.

I probably do it as well.

But it's the thing.

It's the moment the,

the moment the shoes on the other foot.

I'm, I, I'll see a pedestrian walk.

I'm like, you sheep.

And then I'll be a pedestrian.

I'm like, you'll wait, idiot.

Just stop.

Get out of my way.

Right.

What we got?

I thought I was close to another silence.

That was very close.

Next from Cux to something I think worse.

Okay.

Many podcasts ago,

we spoke about an ad that we saw that.

Oh, this is rough.

I could find it was about someone who was selling a Jag,

I think it was actually two Jags,

but they were speaking about it as if they were car.

They were speaking in the first person.

And what was it?

There was, there was a brother and a sister.

And the person said,

Jenny, Jenny, the Jag, and there was another one.

And they were saying, oh my, the car's got cancer,

which was rust.

And they're saying it's not terminal.

And they're very sad.

It's got to go to a new owner.

Now this one has been sent in by a man called Andy.

Shout out Andy.

This was an advert for a 996.

So we're on like an enthusiast type car.

I think it was a Vert.

We won't, we won't let, we won't dox the man anymore.

So the, we are trying not to cringe.

I haven't seen this.

This is an auto trader advert.

Okay.

It says saved from the 27 club.

I don't know what I'm saying.

I know, I would try.

I've thought for a while.

It's a 27 club.

I think this could be wrong.

That's S club seven, but much older.

Yeah, fair.

It's the thing about celebrities that a lot of them

die at 27 or something.

And it's like I meant to be some sort of conspiracy theory.

Okay, 996.

It could be around.

So it's a little bit older than the 27.

It's a conspiracy theory that like they, they are like,

so it's sort of a soul or something.

Oh my God.

Yeah.

It says, I had a 12 month holiday waiting to be loved.

I was found and cleaned up needing some love.

Like all old ladies.

Oh, sorry.

We're doing this from the perspective of the car.

I'm reading this.

Exactly.

I'm reading this word for word.

You miss that in pop.

If can you read that?

I'll read it again.

Please never in front of me.

Please be silent.

Please never in front of me again.

Please be silent.

Please never.

Wait, but I'm saying this is from the perspective of the car.

It's literally as I read it.

And that's for your interpretation.

This is, this is, uh, this is GCSE English.

I'd like you to show your work.

They gave me a grade on that.

So this is just a verbatim as it is.

Okay.

I'll start again.

Sorry.

Do not save from the 27 club.

I had a 12 month holiday waiting to be loved.

I was found and cleaned up needing some love like all old ladies.

What?

I believe I'm a mark one, but I could be wrong.

I've had three private plates, but I didn't like any of them.

The new hood looks great in navy blue.

I really need a good service, but I pearl like a pussycat.

I have a fully stamped book up until recently.

I even have a sat nav along with a tracker

and a speed camera warning light, possibly illegal.

My tiptronic works as a dream.

My IMS bearing has been replaced with certificate,

but for an old girl, I bowl along holding pressure happily

with full oil pressure.

My tracker was fitted in 2013.

It's not a random line.

Yeah, yeah.

Now I may be old, but a little scruffy

with a stunning silver metallic hardtop leather dashboard

with my fully powered blue hood.

Check out my history.

It's a decent amount for an old girl, along with my MOT

until November the 7th, 2026.

A few things this is...

Hmm.

Wow, so bad at work.

Well, there's just bad English.

Forget everything you know.

A few things this lady should tell you.

I really don't lock right now.

I really don't lock.

Oh, hang on.

Stupid.

Are you going to make a story at least?

Put it in your chat GPT or something.

Get the grammar right.

Jesus Christ.

A few things this lady should tell you.

I really don't lock right and a good service

would make me feel less old.

Have you seen my rear wheel arches?

Now, these really do show age.

So, yeah, that's it.

Okay.

Currently looking for a new man woman.

Sorry.

New man women to take me out and enjoy me once again.

You're welcome to call...

Wait, well, that's your number.

He says you're welcome to call Blower Blart for further intonation.

Intonation.

Not as you're sure that's...

Is in...

They will read it back with the correct intonation.

I am.

It's just an audio.

You read that all wrong.

Blart, I know I'm...

It's not that great, but let me do it.

I am being driven daily.

Please feel free to ask any questions

as these will highlight answers.

I have missed for an old lady looking for a new man.

But then this last line just goes straight back to car out.

It goes 9K firm but could look at a park exchange for the right van

building up towards that asking price.

That's at the end of a dating profile.

Well, that's not as bad as then 9K firm.

Now, that's bad.

It's nothing.

It's nothing on the track of your life.

It's nothing.

But one day, I heaved reading that.

That is horrible.

Also, any question, feel free to ask.

Yeah, I got one.

What's wrong with you?

What sort of register is it that you're on?

How far do you live from school?

I think it's a while.

Legally, it's tough.

That is all right.

And also, I think it was a...

I want to say it's a 996 Tiptronic Cal.

I mean, that makes sense.

It says all you need to know.

Real, real Pidokar.

Creratu, probably.

You have to look into people like this, though.

You have to.

That's just...

But you know what it is?

It comes down, we've talked about it before,

personifying cars.

Just let them be cars.

Please let them be cars.

He's an object.

Imagine you did it about other things, like your toaster or your...

She's an old girl but these days, she still goes on.

She's looking for a new man, this one.

What are you talking about?

Yeah, I had to change out the light on Moira the microwave.

You don't hear people do it about their house.

No.

No one's also like the house.

People love their houses.

People talk about it like a dog.

This is Jeffrey, my house.

Oh, not Jeffrey.

That's not...

Jeffrey the house.

Is that like an island or is that...

That's actually speechless.

If you ever see any more of those, it's always an entertaining read,

so please send them over.

Don't dox people.

Don't abuse people.

All we want to do is laugh at them without them knowing.

As we say, a kind and considerate creamer does not go and abuse and harass people.

We do that.

We laugh about them online.

Not to them though.

No.

What we got next?

Her next up, we have...

Oh, let's talk about Perish.

Okay, before I forget.

It's the word of the day.

Perish.

Ben's of a...

What was it?

Anguish one that I came up with.

No, no, no.

No, that was the one you sent me.

No, it was...

It was malice.

Okay.

Right.

Okay.

Apologies.

This is a long time running inside you.

And also, this is nowhere near as funny as what we're going to talk about.

For the audio viewers, I have put on the screen Don Cheadle's word of the day,

which is a meme.

You will see it on Instagram.

I apologize if you're not as internet bound as we are,

but Ben and I send memes to each other back and forth.

And one of the ones that we found about very funny is I sent Ben Don Cheadle's word of the day,

malice.

And we then over the next course of a few weeks tried to integrate malice

with random members of the public.

If we're ordering food somewhere,

what's the word?

I'll go malice and he'll put malice in there.

I'll tell you.

It's quite tough to listen to.

Right.

But so I just thought this would be a nice visual aid for the word of the week,

which is perish.

For context though, we did this as a joke.

We said Don Cheadle's word of the day, anguish as a joke,

which is off the top of our heads.

And now you found that.

That was the second Google result for Don Cheadle's word of the day.

So again, sorry, please stick with us.

I know we're actual clowns sometimes.

We talked previously about words that are only used with cars,

shod, being one of them.

Parish.

Nothing perishes other than perhaps a banana.

Yeah.

Even then it's a bit weird to say this.

But it's gone off.

It's gone off.

Yeah.

You don't say how my tires have gone off.

No.

But perished is a car word.

You say this heater line has perished.

It's perished.

Or if you're an ancient Greek, you might wish someone to perish.

Exactly.

But you're not now.

Oh, does it mean die?

Yeah.

Like my bushes have perished.

They're dead.

Bloody hell.

Didn't need to hear about that.

But that's another car word.

Why do we only use that for cars?

Nothing gets it.

It's only...

That's just a...

Why is that?

We said shod in perished tires.

Shod in perished tires.

We might need to see if we can build a full sentence of a car-only word.

The bullshit sentence.

It's like it's looking up and Don Cheadle

who stares into my soul with the word anguish.

Apologies.

Really do apologize.

The more you say perished, it does become...

What is perished?

So, anybody...

Why is perished?

As we said before, any other car words, car-only words.

Let's say my wheels don't...

Michelin Don Cheadle.

Okay, let's move on swiftly before we use the entirety of the podcast.

Fallout seats.

Here we go.

This is a great conversation we had.

This is a great, great, great conversation.

And it actually slightly ruined the program for me.

Oh, yeah.

So, the Fallout is...

Hang on, if you haven't seen the finale of Fallout yet.

I'm not going to spoil anything.

There will be no spoilers.

I won't even say an episode.

Okay?

Been well benched at the finale.

You stupid fool.

What is the finale?

But we'll say what the context of it is.

Fool, fool.

Anyway.

But in some capacity, there is this seat.

So, there is...

There is...

It's like a cryo chamber where...

Dude, will you just ruin it?

No, no, no.

It's not ruining it.

Just let me explain.

Of course it is.

No, it's not.

There's a cryo chamber where they store people.

You see this from like episode one.

Yeah, true.

And basically, inside those chambers,

there is a seat where the human is stored.

But I was watching it.

And this was quite...

At this point, it was quite an emotional scene.

It was like, there's all building up to it.

And the scene opened.

I looked at it.

I was like, that's a drag racing seat.

Like unchanged.

But completely unchanged.

And it turns out that is a...

That is a Kirkie.

And Will was...

Yeah, Will was explaining this before for me to pull up the photo.

And he said, you know, like those drag racing seats.

I said, yeah, like a Kirkie.

He pulled up a photo and he went,

no, that's the seat.

That's the exact seat.

That is unchanged.

Just a Kirkie seat.

And I Googled it.

And then a little...

There wasn't many results,

but there was a Reddit thread where someone said they confirmed.

They just used a very specific Kirkie seat.

But again, there's no change to that.

No, no change at all.

They just bought the seat and bolted it to the set.

They might have just taken off because usually on the head top,

it will say Kirkie.

So they might have just taken off the sticker.

Yeah.

And that's it.

But not also not the most comfortable thing.

I'd want to be frozen for like 200 years.

You don't know about the fact you're frozen, do you?

Yeah, but you don't want to wake up.

You don't want to get up with a bad back, do you?

You might have that.

At least what would be the best seat to be frozen in?

Oh, like a BMW comfort seat.

But leather.

Leather is a little bit of a...

Oh, it is.

A heated cloth.

A cloth.

A Volvo seat.

A massage seat.

That's probably it.

No, not massage seat.

Why not?

Because they're stupid.

Move me about a bit.

They're stupid.

Keep the blood flowing.

I was tired that recently.

They're stupid.

What, massage?

What?

Massage seats and cars are stupid.

They just made me hurt.

No, it's because you're sitting in the back all the time.

So, Will, you've been driving...

My dad's L405 because my car's broken.

So, how's massage seats?

Which has massage seats?

Well, I sat in the passenger seat.

I've called Shotgun a couple of times.

Absolutely wonderful.

Heated mass.

Again, I think what Ben was expecting was an actual...

Just to come out and start chopping at the back.

And then I'd turn him over, put some hot stones on his stomach.

He wants to be on the way down the A34 in here.

Is that pressure all right?

Is that okay?

He's just got to sleep.

No, I have...

Smoke fills the air.

He's inhaling all this lavender oil.

I am 90 years old and have back problems.

That might be part of it.

But it makes me hurt.

It makes me ache.

No, I felt the other way around it.

It feels like a cold January afternoon.

It's just a stiff old bastard.

That would make sense.

That's kind of around about the same time.

Yeah, that's actually fair.

It feels like when I go out of the car,

I'm in a cold January afternoon.

Yeah, that's exactly where you are.

Yeah, that's true.

I think it's unnecessary.

I don't think it's stupid.

But that's Fallout.

And Fallout, if you haven't watched it, just go watch it.

Okay.

It's a great show.

Well, just about bending a little bit of plugging for...

No, I don't need it.

You can find it on Amazon Prime.

Hang on, you watched it.

It's fantastic.

It is great.

Yeah, I need to write a spoiler alert.

You ain't the spoiler then.

You actually sport that with the context.

Yeah, that.

Ben, you put this in there.

Probably.

Petrol Golf GTI is here to stay.

What does that mean?

Does that mean that the Petrol Golf GTI is here to stay?

That's the one.

Let's move on.

Now, wait, what do you mean?

So, because all GTIs are petrol, are they not?

Yes.

But after this generation, the Mark 8,

there was rumours that they were going to scrap it and go electric.

So, GTI nameplate would be an electric.

Because they make a GTE, right?

Which isn't...

Well, I don't think they do anymore.

But that's a hybrid.

They did.

They had the GTI, which was your classic petrol engine.

You're meeting two.

You know, it's a car.

They had a GTD, great daily, which is a diesel version of that.

A Golf.

Yeah, E-Golf is full electric.

E-Golf is just electric.

Or Golfy.

Yeah, whatever it is.

And then, I'll get that, son.

GTD, which was basically just two-litre diesel, but sportier setup.

Like really cool guys driving them.

Great dailies to commute from Bristol to Reddy.

They start up really quickly.

Sometimes, sometimes not.

Sometimes they crank for about three seconds for no reason.

Even after a new battery.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is it correct cranking amps?

No, yeah.

And they had the GTE, which I think was the hybrid one to this speed.

But I mean, just a sporty car with more weight, but fine.

So, they were saying after this generation,

we're electric.

The Golf is electric, or it's replaced with an electric version,

and there'll be a GTI variant.

But much like most car makers, they're realising that's idiotic.

And therefore, it may not be the end.

The thing is, well, I was going to say, Golf people probably would embrace it.

GTIs aren't necessarily bought by just car people.

Normal people buy GTIs.

They just like the sporty version.

It's like, oh, it's an exciting Golf.

But now, if I think about it, the people that I see driving

market GTIs are younger.

They're not in their 30s or 40s, like I usually expect them to be.

So, maybe they wouldn't buy an electric one.

Maybe they go, can't remap that.

Again, surely if there was an, here's a petrol one,

but do you want to buy an electric one?

An EGTI.

A GTIE.

Or about a GTE.

An example.

GTE would be a good thing for one, wouldn't it?

I'll be interested.

They could sell that.

I wonder if they've done that before.

Yeah, they should probably just stop selling.

Or an ETI.

You know what?

Kind of like that.

What is GTEI stand for?

Grand Touring Injection?

Injection.

No, wait.

You did a video on this many times ago.

This is really frustrating.

Oh, sorry.

It wasn't the first use of GTEI.

No, it was a Maserati.

What does it stand for?

It meant something different in the Maserati.

Whilst I've been searched, I'll just quickly explain.

Go on.

So, we've got here.

Grand Touring Injection.

Is that actually?

Yes.

That's actually quite horrible.

So, it'll be electric touring injection.

Grand Tourism.

Well, I think that's the same thing, basically.

Inesion.

So, I should be.

GTEI, which is the Grand Touring Electric Injection,

is the Nellie edition.

Ben has no idea what we're doing.

No, no, no, no.

Sebastian Willman, the man in charge of chassis development.

That's Andy Willman's brother.

Possibly.

Yeah, yeah.

We'll have to get Andy Willman on the podcast.

Liable.

Not true.

Sorry.

Basically said, they're not going anywhere.

There will be an electric GTEI, but there will still be...

We'll still be using the EA888.

Lovely.

And it will still leak coolant, I'm sure.

Of course.

But they're going to update it to Euro 7 standards.

Okay.

And then it's going to be in the new ones.

So, that tuners can go, let's get rid of that.

So, they can go, ooh, how much dust is your brakes making?

No, off the road.

More money.

So, okay.

So, that's Golf GTEI saved another one

that was potentially slated for electricism.

But it's not.

While we're on Euro 7.

Sorry, what was that?

While we're on Euro 7.

Okay.

I was casting a spell.

While we're on Euro 7.

Can I add a DM earlier?

Okay.

This is fresh off the press.

I'm going to pull it out.

Whoa. And then, sorry.

And what about the DM?

Which hands my DMs?

Oh, great.

We'll wait for you to open up your DM.

He's scrolling through all the messages.

We have a DM from Andy Norgate.

This was only about an hour and a half ago.

This came through.

I just saw it.

Basically, he books for a company.

I won't say who.

He did say, but...

Volkswagen.

No, it's a company that tests vehicles.

And so, essentially, they have...

Because the question we asked last week was that,

how would that actually test all of the Euro 7 emissions,

you know, tire wear?

Yes, of course.

The whole point is, everything that comes off the car.

Yeah.

He basically said to me,

I'll paraphrase because I don't want to dox the company or whatever.

Essentially, there's a big old dyno,

and they test the car on there,

and it sucks up everything.

Oh.

Sucks it up.

Okay.

And then it works out what's coming off the car.

And that includes...

That makes sense.

Yeah, that makes...

Yeah.

That includes brake particles, tire particles,

normal emissions, fuel vapour.

Fuel particles?

That leaks through the tank and the cap.

Yeah, what if they fart?

They're going to bring that?

I guess it would.

We're getting a strange reading, folks.

It might break the machine.

That's how Voxx, I get them trying to work out

how to do their diesel gate on this.

Okay, hold on, hold on.

Have we cracked?

Have we tried to man-partick?

Have we tried shitting ourselves?

Fires are real.

God, this is a big, delirious podcast.

It is like 9 p.m.

But yeah, that's how they're doing it.

So we ask the question, how they're doing it,

and that's what they do.

They suck it all up, and they go,

right, this is...

I just gambled it out.

Oh, God.

Sorry.

They include stuff like vapor from the fuel tank,

the lines, that sort of thing.

Wow.

Right, so that just sounds a bit silly to me.

How would they...

Do they make it like a vacuum first?

Do they separate it out like bin men?

No, but like, how do you make sure

that it's not already in there?

I say, how do you suck it out?

No, no, no.

How do you make sure that the room is not contaminated

with something beforehand?

Well, how do you...

Well, I assume they clean it.

What do you mean?

No, they put the sucker on and go...

Clean.

Yeah, but there's got to be...

If it's in the air, there has to be contaminants in the air.

Well, maybe there's like a...

You're pumping in pure air.

Maybe it's...

So, there's like a calculation to do to adjust for that

anomaly, or perhaps the hell of a man that scrubs it.

Yeah, maybe.

I guess it's just...

He doesn't breathe in there.

They go, I don't know, run in.

I know this isn't far.

It's fine.

Yeah.

Steve, do not do that again.

He's like gravity in there.

He's like, no, he goes in there.

He's like, he's a vacuum.

He just goes...

Yeah, he's done it.

He just collapses.

There's so much pressure in there.

He just gets spaghettified as soon as it goes in there.

Well, I guess they thought of that.

Well, I came here for answers, Ben, and you said you'd have them for me.

All right.

You know what?

What was...

We don't do it handy well, Ben.

And the Andy Norgate, can you message me again and find that out, please?

I want to know.

Could reply to him.

You could, yeah.

Ben doesn't do that.

Ben's too famous for that.

Yeah.

What we got next is manager sent one through.

Back on some car tech stuff.

We spoke about the new S-Class.

Yes.

But sort of surface level.

We talked about the way it looks.

I didn't realise is this some cool things.

And now they're calling it like a super computer on wheels.

And there's probably loads of other cool stuff.

But the thing that stood out to me is that it's got heated seat belts.

That's cool.

Heated seat belts.

Not only heated seat belts.

So obviously, we've seen heated steering wheels.

We've seen heated seats.

Yeah.

And now we have heated seat belts, which is kind of wild, really.

Don't want.

I'd love to be part of the people who have to come up with the new technology for the S-Class.

Yeah.

Because they're always at the leading edge of technology.

So you just sit there and go,

What about heated sat-nav screen?

We try that.

And yeah.

Car straight.

Under floor heating.

There, yeah.

Oh, you could go barefoot in the car.

I would.

Oh, of course you would.

I go socks.

No, I go socks.

Not barefoot.

Then what is going to be your...

What's your addition to the 2028 S-Class?

What is your addition for Mercedes?

A massage thing that's actually good.

A masseuse.

It's a smaller seat that is underneath your seat that someone sits in,

and then they give you an actual massage for the seat.

So you want to sit on someone's lap?

No, because you're separated.

You're actually on each other's lap.

I guess you're getting close to that.

Okay.

But when we start blurring lines here, it's a little AI robot.

Yeah.

That worries me.

What?

Because a heated seat, if it gets to a malfunction and it sets me on fire,

I can just get out.

Whereas the seat belt, if that malfunction...

Has that ever happened?

That's what my point was going to be.

I've never, ever heard of a heated seat malfunctioning.

Of course, you're going to be able to find one on Google that some American is.

I don't think you will.

Yeah, because some...

Do they get that hot?

No, I think they have like fail safes and things.

I'm sure it's happened where they set fire to a seat,

but I also don't think it's going to be an instant blaze.

It's not going to be like pouring a can of petrol onto a fire.

It's just going to be...

That's a bit hot.

Yeah, but what if I've just doused myself in petrol?

Don't do that.

Yeah, but that's fair.

But that's not going to...

That's my choice.

That will it?

Again, you'd have to be hundreds of degrees for that to go.

You'd have to introduce a spark or something.

Yeah, I've got the sparking heated seats.

It's a friction.

It's like a cloth seat.

You brush through the seat, you make a bit of friction.

You just go up in flames.

What would yours be a heated seat?

I would like...

Because basically, this has added a heated seat belts,

a heated armrest in the door, and a heated center armrest.

I like that.

Your elbows are absolutely toasty.

But what else would be...

Well, maybe like a heated headrest, if you went as high up as that.

You could...

So, only the headrest would be heated.

That's yours.

Mine would be...

You know how there's like...

What would you call it?

Adaptive...

Well, no, no.

It would be...

You don't have a sunroof on the clowns.

Change with the sun.

Yeah.

They have like...

They become like sunglasses, right?

I would have it be that the headliner reacts to the weather outside.

It's when it rains, the headliner rains.

It makes you feel more like you're outside.

That's fair.

If it's a sunny day, just set your hair on fire.

It just like scorches you.

It just bakes you.

Yeah, like that.

So, you feel more connected.

Because, you know, cars are getting disconnected.

So, I want to feel more connected to outside.

What else is there to heat?

Knob.

Oh, a heated gear knob.

Not an S class.

But...

Oh, that's actually fair.

It's a gear knob.

Because then you could set up a...

I mean, your S2000 could do with that.

Oh, God.

But also...

On a cold morning.

That's cold for summer.

Oh, that would be kind of cool.

Heated and cooled knob.

Do you know what?

Shoes.

They plug into your shoes.

Shoes.

It cools your shoes.

Like, you know, Moped riders, when they put their hands in the car.

That, but I'm a steering wheel.

You can only guess them.

I discovered my, you know, you might not know this.

Not a lot of people do.

I'm joking.

It's very stupid.

You know you can aim the heat at your feet?

Yes.

I noticed that recently.

I've never used it before.

Genuinely, in my S2000, my feet...

Because they're so far down in, like, the car.

They work by the pedals.

It's crazy.

But in the S2000, they go, like, down a tunnel.

So your toes get really chilly.

I always put in the heat, I think, on my feet.

And my feet were sweating.

It was great.

It's great, isn't it?

No, I actually bit you.

There's going to be more people than you think in the comments going,

I've never really done it before.

Just try it.

On a cold day, try it.

It really toasts you up.

Those dogs, they get hot.

They do get hot.

And the person who tries to buy my shoes the other day, that's...

Would you like to talk about that?

Someone messaged me and asked about my shoes.

You know what?

I was not expecting Ben to want to talk about this.

No, no, I'm sure.

Did like that.

Please don't do that again.

Thanks.

Anyway, you've just ruined it.

Everyone's going to be messaging about that.

Yeah, but it's not funny if you do that now.

How much, though?

Like, how much would...

How much would tempt you?

Basically, a man messaged Ben asking to buy his shoes.

Quite innocently.

Well, that's...

He said, I like those shoes.

I want to buy them.

Okay.

But those shoes.

Yeah.

But here's the thing, Ben.

Those shoes are available in stores.

They're very common shoes.

Right.

And do you know what?

They're not even like a fancy pair of shoes.

So, there's ulterior motives.

Maybe not.

Maybe you just like the shoes and you thought,

where'd you get them from?

But to buy my specific shoes...

Also, I'm not...

Look, none of us have got shoes in great condition.

If someone ever asked to buy my shoes,

I know that they're not doing it for innocent reasons.

Because these...

Two minutes into buying my shoes,

sorry, two minutes into me buying shoes,

they're written off.

They're done.

You could wear NASA space boots in this unit

and they would fall apart.

Are these shoes are falling apart?

I think NASA space boots are quite delicate.

Probably, yeah.

Because they don't have to go on...

They don't have to touch much.

They've got no gravity.

They're not meant for like hiking and stuff.

Yeah, okay.

But anyway, that's so...

God, we're on a tangent.

I'm sure it was innocent whoever it was, but...

I don't think so.

I don't think so, though.

I don't think so.

Well, actually, I thought...

I thought that guy was listening, going...

I don't want to buy shoes, man.

I screen shot innocent to our group chat

and I said to them,

but I said it with the angle of sort of like,

why would you want my shoes?

Like, they're kind of falling apart.

And these guys went, well...

Yikes.

I said let that extra pocket money.

You know what?

996, man.

He wants your shoes.

No, he's sniffing shoes, big.

Can you kill...

Jeez.

He's got racks of shoes that aren't his.

Ben has just asked me to please open up a photo.

And here you go.

That's smart.

This is a photo of a smart car.

Just proved my point from earlier.

Is that confirmed?

And then we've got...

Wow.

Okay, yeah.

You know what, Ben?

Fine.

I'll give it to you on this one.

Tell me what we're looking at.

For those listening,

imagine a seat that's been on fire and melted.

That's apparently from a heated seat malfunctioning.

Now...

Confirmed.

Right, well, let me...

I don't know.

I don't want to apparently...

Well, let me read it for you.

Well, I wasn't there.

Hello, I'm Diane.

Okay, I'm gonna...

I had a horrifying experience when it caught fire.

Fortunately, I wasn't in it.

I was shopping and came out to find the inside totally destroyed.

The fire started in the driver's seat heater in the backrest.

Seemingly, it did not disengage when the car was turned off.

The fire smothered itself out because the windows were closed,

but not before everything was melted and dripping from plastic inside.

The windows were blackened with soot.

The insurance gave me very little for my beautiful car,

not enough to replace it.

Now, fine, but at the same time, that's like a big-time malfunction.

You would notice it would start getting hot,

and then you'd leave your car.

Well, heated seats do that.

What?

They get hot.

Yeah, but hot.

I'll ever sit in my heated seat and go,

oh, God, this is...

This is getting hot.

Yeah, hold on.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Something's not right here.

Something's not right.

I better get out of here.

But imagine that, and then you have a seatbelt,

which is also hot.

You're getting cooked like a sausage.

You can take them off.

What if it malfunctions?

The belt buckle.

I'm not saying it's going to necessarily happen, but it could.

Okay.

Have you got a vendetta against heated armrests?

Is that bad?

It's nothing.

Yeah, that's what they say.

It says heated armrests and center armrests.

On that S-class.

That would be good.

Okay.

That would be good.

Oh, that's fine.

That's cool.

Yeah, because I'm not directly attached to it.

Yeah, that elbow is free to burn.

No, because I can move my elbow away from it,

whereas the seat.

You can't get out of a seat.

No, but once I'm in the seat, I'm out.

There's the buckle malfunctions,

and then the one thing that makes...

And I'm frazzled to death.

Sort of a home alone style.

There's a blowtorch just outside the door handle.

It shakes it too hot to touch.

Heated door...

That is a thing.

A heated exterior door handle.

The frost.

What've we got next?

Okay.

We've got...

I put in here Audi versus Lancia.

Audi?

Audi versus Lancia film, which that's one of the posters,

but how it's kind of advertised at the moment on Amazon

is it's an exact rip-off of full versus Ferrari.

Right.

The Lamont 66.

It's just a complete rip-off.

Like the font, everything.

I thought, you know what?

It is a cool story.

The sort of documentary style thing that was on the grand tour

was really, really cool,

where they go into the sort of cheating element.

What's the cliff notes for people that don't know?

Is that it's about Lancia as a bit of an underdog,

beat Audi in rallying, even though they had a real-wheel drive car.

Audi came out with four-wheel drive

and basically absolutely dominated everyone.

It wasn't really a thing at the time.

But despite that, Lancia...

Cheated?

Maybe a little cheated.

They interpreted things differently.

They were Italian, you might say.

Yeah.

And went in there with a real-wheel drive car, the O37.

And it's so annoying,

because the story is really, really cool.

There's lots of really cool elements to it.

I started watching it, and it is the most boring film on Earth.

Now, why is it boring?

Did they not have the cars for long enough?

No, not even that.

Do you know what? Some of the car bits, it's almost too car-y.

Oh, interesting.

But not in a good way, because I was sat there like,

why am I still watching this car go around a track?

Yeah.

Now, things like the noise...

Accurate.

...is really, really good.

They use like, when they show the Quattro, that it's good noises.

It's really quite pleasant.

Then they do the O37, and that's the correct noises.

But the film is just so flat and boring.

You'd have to be so invested in the story, which I was,

and I turned it off after about 40 minutes.

Really?

Like, the main characters, well, like the...

Because it's the guy from Rush.

Chesere, who's like the lancier dude.

Like, it's just so boring.

Right.

I'm no actor.

I'm not here to do film reviews, but it's so deadly dull.

Wow.

If you watch it, just everything is so...

It could be such an exciting story with lots of little elements here and there.

That's the thing I think we've talked about before,

that Ford vs Ferrari is so good at, is that car people watch it and go,

this is great.

I watched it the other week with my girlfriend and her friends,

who have less than zero interest in cars.

And they were like, this is a great film, because this is a great film.

It's a fantastic film.

But that could have been so good.

And there were characters, and I'm like, was that...

They meet Walter Roll, and I'm like, was that...

It's just so odd.

It's almost...

I know it's on a slight budget compared to...

But there's still some relatively big actors in there.

So yeah, I was just baffled, because it's such a cool story.

Also, although I did learn from it, why it's called No 37.

I always thought...

That is a naff name.

Yeah.

For an Italian car, and it was a...

Well, in the film anyway.

Roll comes and tests the car at the Bath Test Track,

despite saying he didn't really want to.

Turns up, smashes it.

It's like a top gun type reveal.

The other driver goes in and goes, yeah, he's doing the right time.

Then they hear this car noise, and they look out, and he's out there.

But then the driving scene looks so flat and dull and boring.

But he basically sets a lap record, which is an 0-37.

Oh, okay.

Which is why it's called No 37.

Has that ever been beaten?

I'm assuming, I think possibly.

So why aren't the next...

It's the 0-22.

This is the O&O.

Did you watch the whole thing?

No, I refused.

It actually was so boring, and I thought, you know what?

I would just watch the Grand Tour thing again,

which is like 20 minutes long and summarizes most of it.

But there was tiny little details.

What?

The Grand Tour thing.

The Grand Tour did it, and they talked about how they cheated,

and how they would send people out on the course

to melt some of the ice and whatever else.

Because they knew their car was quicker on tarmac,

but obviously it's not all tarmac.

And also, Walter Rolls said, I'll drive for you,

but I'm only doing five or six of them.

I'm only doing the ones I like.

I don't like the ones with jumps, and I'll do the good ones, basically.

So they had to make sure he was there,

winning on those to sort of make up for when he wasn't there,

and the ones that the Quattro was just going to win.

But they did a lot of cheating.

But it's a great story.

It's a great story, yeah, to listen to on the Grand Tour thing.

I was actually kind of...

I had this in the back of my mind as like a thing to watch.

I probably won't know.

Maybe I won't know.

I'd give it half an hour, and I'd bet you're bored.

I'd bet you're bored.

It doesn't give you enough to even knowing what's coming.

You don't...

They execute it so poorly that you go,

I don't care about what's coming,

because you're not going to do it well.

But you know, there's so many little bit...

Like the thing...

I don't even know if it's in the film,

but the thing with the roll cage,

that they were suspected that they probably weren't roll cages.

Either plastic or cardboard or very, very thin metal,

just so they could keep the weight all the way down.

But that car was basically a death trap.

Yeah, you're done.

If you press that.

Because there was a...

There's videos of it rolled,

and the roof is caved in.

And it's like of pictures even.

So yeah, really annoying.

There needs to be more good car movies,

because there's good car stories.

Very easy to mess up, though.

Oh, one day there's got to be a 40RA.

I've talked about it before.

40RA, we know the guy that it actually happened to,

and I've spoken to him.

I did a load of research for it,

just before we left, I had, in the works,

a 40 to 50 minute,

kind of Netflix style documentary

about what actually happened with that car.

But obviously, that never came to fruition.

Someone could do a nice,

nice Netflix style story on that.

It would be good.

And what was...

We could do it?

I think we could do it.

The Lamborghini movie, that...

Again, that's another...

I haven't got such a cool story.

The whole Lamborghini Ferrari thing,

and the rivalry, and how Lamborghini came to be,

that is a cool story.

And they messed it up big time.

That film is horrendous.

Why do they only choose things

where it's something versus something?

Yes.

That's all they can do.

They're like, oh, God, we'd love to do a Porsche one,

but I don't know who we do it against.

Now, you should have anyone to do it.

Yeah, Lies.

But you say F1 was good?

F1 is quite good, but it's not based on a true story.

But it does take the good...

It takes elements of the story.

I mean, if you're like a super F1 nerd,

I'm not.

Maybe you pick holes in it.

But I thought it was basically top gun, but F1.

Top F1.

There's so many bad car movies, but they're good stories.

So if you are a director, you're listening to this,

then make better things.

What have we got?

I think we've got one more thing.

Some royalty.

This is an Audi A6 all-road.

It's something that I really wanted.

It actually has the halogen headlight.

It has the white headlight.

It does it.

I didn't get the position.

This is for audio listeners.

An Audi A6 all-road.

Quite a nice color in the generation I like,

which is C7.

But it was owned by King Charles.

It is.

There are photos of what such of him driving it around.

What confused me is that when I saw that,

I thought that's generic A6 all-road.

Like when I think of an A6 all-road,

I'm thinking of that kind of gray, blue, silver,

that kind of thing.

Apparently that's a one-off color.

It's a sort of special edition color only for the royal family.

Yes.

But it just looks like a normal gray.

Also, I looked on the interior.

It's gray on the interior.

Now, I'm going to read...

This is because it's now straight into royalty.

Normal newspapers like picking this up online,

which means the car knowledge is always rough.

So I'm going to see if we've got any nice things to talk about here.

We've got...

I like this here.

Straightaway, first paragraph.

A rare piece of royal motoring history is up for grabs.

As an Audi estate car, formerly owned by King Charles,

is heading to auction.

Great.

Now, actually, to be fair, I'm willing on that.

If you don't know...

It's just in the state car.

It is in the state car.

Don't be like, I would say the A4 normal.

Just to say you don't know.

It says it's a 3-litre TDI.

So now there is a 3-litre TDI and there's the bi-turbo TDI,

which is a cool one.

I'm hoping that he at least got the bi-turbo.

But we're saying that it's expected to fetch between 20 and 30,000 pounds.

Which is very expensive.

Which is very expensive for one of those.

It's in special order.

Audi exclusive commissioned solely for Charles,

which looks understated at first glance.

But the finish is instantly recognizable to those familiar

with the vehicles used by the royal family.

I just love grey.

That's quite cool.

During its time in service,

discreet lights were fitted within the grille

and later removed as it was decommissioned in October 2016.

They're like police time.

And there is a photo with the lights in the front.

But why is the king whipping about with lights?

That's...

You know what?

Just on the motorway.

Get out of my...

That's Ben.

Did you know how fast you were going?

You blocked his royal highness.

That's a crazy one.

I want to survive.

What colour?

You blocked the king.

What colour with the lights?

King blocker.

Yellowy blue, yellowy green.

Green, yeah.

Green, yellowy blue.

Asker of his royal highness.

You know what?

There is actually...

But when he goes on the podcast.

Exactly.

We'll have to ask him about it.

There is something to talk about.

Because...

I forgot about this.

There was...

We talked about my want,

my infernal want for a black range of a classic.

Still, it's only black.

There was a car that came up.

It was found in a garage from a deceased estate

or something like that.

It was an LSE, which is a long wheelbase,

which I'm not the biggest fan of,

but it's kind of the most sought after.

It was the final version,

the one that you kind of wanted.

There you go.

There's a photo of it.

The car had 700 miles on it, I think.

740, 750 miles.

At the moment I saw it,

I was like, that's going to go for bread.

A good LSE anyway is 10 to 15 grand.

Well, a lower end LSE.

A really nice one is 20 to 30.

This has got 750 miles.

It's just a lot of people sent it to me.

I'm like, you should bid on this.

How much did it sell for, Ben?

It's beluga black after all,

so I should, you know, be buying the car.

It doesn't actually look that nice.

No, it is a restoration product,

but 750 miles on the clock.

How much did it sell for?

20.

Well, 9 grand.

120,000 pounds.

But it's actually not good to have that little mileage on it.

It is for a collector, but it is.

The one thing, and I don't know if this photo,

I can't, the photo was there from before,

when they'd taken it out.

There was a photo of underneath it,

and it was literally a brand new car.

That's fair.

Like it was new.

That's fair.

Like it needs recommissioning,

but it's not going to need reciprocate.

What that is, is like a museum piece.

That should go to Gaiden.

That should go and sit in the heritage collection.

But I shout out for sending that over.

I didn't end up winning it, unfortunately.

How would you go to?

110.

Nothing, I didn't try.

It's interesting that 700 miles, what happened?

Someone just did, like,

it's not even in the breaking in miles or whatever,

and someone just goes, I'll just put it away.

The thing, the other thing I always think about with that,

is that when you buy a car like that,

it doesn't have zero miles on the clock.

The factory will put miles on it, in A, in transporting it,

but B, in like checking that the engine works and that sort of stuff.

They'll put it on the dyno, they'll do all that sort of stuff.

So it will have 50, 100 miles on it.

When you get it brand, brand new.

So you've done like 600 miles.

But at the same time, 600 miles is nothing,

but it's also enough that you did things with it.

If you see what I mean.

Like you use it for a couple of weeks.

600 miles isn't going to town back once.

You got used to the car and then went,

nah.

Sort of like one day to work for Ben.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

They're going to work in that car.

It's probably a week trying to work in that car.

Enough.

I know, 100 years.

And then put it away forever.

Now, I have a thought on this.

Why would the factory, when they're doing the testing,

not reset your odometer when you get to them?

Which is why we go.

If you get zero miles, right?

No.

I think a lot of times.

So is that 50?

It will, yeah.

It will have some miles on it, which is,

which is interesting because I think,

I used to think the same.

That doesn't count though.

It should be that the moment I,

the moment I take delivery of the car brand new,

it should have zero on it.

Because the cars, the cars in the Brunei collection,

they weren't driven.

Well, some of them were, but a lot of them were never driven.

They still have 50, 100 miles on them from being transported

or tested before.

Yeah, I want zero.

But they could just do the testing.

50 miles of testing, fine.

So imagine that a zero mile car hasn't even moved away.

It's never moved.

There has been, well, I guess there would be a,

it's not a mile on a rotation of a wheel,

but it's not really moved.

Also, imagine that it goes and sits in the garage at zero.

Right.

Can I take photos of it and roll it out?

No.

It's got no miles on it.

If you roll it forward, it's going to have 0.1 on it.

You can put a pallet and roll it forward,

if you want it, or you can hover it forwards.

But that would be, I don't know why they don't do that.

Now, is anyone doing that now?

Do you think there's just a brand spanking new Range Rover?

Someone's done 800 miles on it and just whacked it in the garage?

Potentially.

There's got to be some of them somewhere on it, or a Kea Nero.

So, there was that E60, wasn't there?

We found.

Yeah, we had 2000 miles on it.

2000 miles on it, and it was just eight.

Three, that's 520i.

An SE, like nothing fancy, and someone would have gone,

right.

I just want to know why.

Shut that in the garage.

It's interesting.

You can hear the back story.

So the 1994 car was unearthed from a rural home in Essex.

It was found 700 miles on the clock,

having been taken off the road by its one and only owner

in 1996.

So, it was already...

Two years old, you went,

Ah, that's it.

I've had enough of the Range now, away it can go.

That's not a lot of miles in two years, though.

No.

I mean, most cars would be 10, 20, 30,000 miles,

by that point.

Because it's went, maybe it's, I'll take this car

to the end of the drive.

Yeah, that's what I used to get.

Yeah, that's what I used to get the bins.

There's a bin.

There's dog car.

I go and collect the dogs from wherever.

That's the type of thing Ben would do.

Yeah.

Big, big money.

I don't have a dog.

Dedicated bin car.

Exactly, it's even more crazy.

You've got a car to grab a dog with, you don't even know.

Do we have a forum to end on?

We do have a forum.

Would you like me to read it, or would you like to read it?

You can read it.

I'll read it.

Wow, deferring.

I didn't know we had a forum.

No, no.

I'll just do it.

It's fine.

Okay.

No, it's fine.

I'll do it.

I know it is.

Hello, Creamers.

This is from...

I can read your name.

From Diane.

It's from...

You know what?

I'm not even going to say it, I'm going to spell it.

K-I-A-M, Kean.

I have said it.

L-H-Y-U, Kean Lu.

Sure.

It's fine.

Hello, Creamers.

Forum question.

Are posers cars a thing?

When I see someone in a G-Class, AMG, a Eurus, a base Huracan,

sometimes a G-ATM3, I usually assume they're not car guys.

Is that a thing?

Absolutely.

Now, here's the thing.

I think there are, but it's also possible to...

I think there are two types of car guys.

There are...

Well, hey, now, let's be inclusive.

It's car guys and girls.

It's not just car guys.

Car folk.

But there are car folk like us who are afflicted, who are unfortunately afflicted.

But there are people who are into cars.

They like cars.

They don't have to know all of the specs, all this sort of stuff.

Now, do I want a conversation with those people?

No.

I don't want to hear about how cool your G-AT is, the stock,

and you've put Max and Splitters on.

Good for you, brother.

But at the same time, you can't disregard them.

They had the money or the ability to go out.

And they could have bought normal or they could have bought, I don't know,

like a Basie class, if you see what I mean.

It would have still done the job.

But they went, no, I want something cool.

I want something car-y.

I'm sure there are people that will buy it just because

people say that you should have one.

Like, you should get one of these because they're cool.

But, like...

G-AT M3, I think it's probably...

Again, I think people will think it because it's a new car.

The newer, I think, that's the closer you might get to Poser.

I guess maybe some classic stuff as well, you'll get...

You will probably get rich people who have a classic car,

not because they're that into it, but because I want to be seen in a classic car.

It's the vibe, it's the...

It's cool.

People like...

I want other people to see that I have this car or it's all...

They know it's expensive.

So, it's an in-no type thing.

But, yeah, I always...

It's hard because it's like a non-car people thing.

When they see a car person who they think of being a Poser,

they think everyone's a Poser, they think...

Any of us in a fiesta or something, they think if you've got a loud exhaust,

you're trying to be a Poser.

But, that's actually not what they're trying to...

It is silly, but they're not doing it for other people.

They're doing it because they're like,

oh, wicked, my fiesta's well loud because I'm 18.

So, and then on the flip side then,

there will be normal people that will look at you in the glado and go...

Oh, 100%.

Oh, just to...

Dick had tried to show off.

Not realizing that playing TDU every single day for your childhood will make you go,

I need that.

There will be people out there who...

They're not that into cars, they're not that passionate about it,

who just go, I have enough money, I'm going to buy Lamborghini

because that's the thing to be seen.

And I think that is obviously Poser.

So, maybe there are Poser cars,

but it's always going to be the more expensive cars, isn't it?

Yeah, because, well, if you have a ridiculous amount of money,

you've got to spend on something.

There's no point not spending it.

So, you're going to go, what's expensive?

What's things that...

I guess, when they think about it, the Poser cars,

they're going to be the ones where it's like a...

If you know, you know...

Base Huracan, like the chap has put in that foreign question is probably a good one,

because it's like, you've just gone, I want Lamborghini.

It's like 911 or something you've gone for.

I want a 911 of some sort.

I want a one series of some sort.

You're just doing it because of the badge,

because of how it looks.

You want to buy it new, you don't care about the cost,

you don't care about the fact it's going to depreciate,

you don't care about any of that.

Just like, I want to pay £800 million a month to be seen in this car.

In this car, yeah.

Silly.

What?

That's just silly.

What do you think Poser is?

No, I think people would do that.

It's just silly.

Do it when you make money.

But if you...

What do you spend your millions on?

Well, cars.

Yeah.

Keeping their £2,000 not working.

All of them.

But that is part of...

Some people do, they're probably opening their limit.

I want to be seen in something.

But that, I think, is silly, because I think...

I feel it inside me sometimes.

I will feel it.

I truly believe if you...

You should plot the test of this.

If you want something like that, like a nice car or whatever,

imagine yourself if you drove down the street and there was no one there.

Would you still want to be in it?

Would you still like it?

And if you don't really have the passion for it, just don't get it.

But I think if you're rich and you want a nice car,

buy an S-Class, be comfy, be happy.

But don't go and buy like an uncomfortable sports car.

You don't actually like just to be seen in there.

Because at that point, you're the one getting played.

Because you care so much about what other people think,

that you are now dictating your entire life.

Because that's not silly.

May I throw something at you?

Yeah.

Yeah, then you just ask.

Physically.

Hello, but this...

I'm talking about your golf.

Yeah.

Your GTD.

Now, that's not necessarily a poser car.

Yeah.

But would you consider a Kia?

Or a base model golf?

But I like the car because I like the fact it's nice.

But you could go and buy a Kia or a Hyundai or something that

probably does everything 90% as well.

Or maybe even better.

Or maybe even more.

Or a Seat.

But you won't.

I'm not saying that the Golf isn't...

Maybe it is a poser car.

You're going for that.

Well, it's a Volkswagen.

It's a higher spec one of that.

You're getting them all going for a plus seven.

But why is that?

It's not because you're passionate about Volkswagen.

No.

Not like how it looks.

I like how it looks.

But because I like it though.

But I don't care what other people think of it.

Most people might think...

I mean, surely your Lamborghini is the same thing.

You like because you're passionate about it.

Yeah.

I'm sure you do drive everything.

There is an element of it.

That's like...

I'm just like, it's cool.

But I'm like, for most people looking at that car,

they go, it's an old Lamborghini.

Yeah.

Which is why I put a private plate on it and then no one knows.

But that's also a thing.

What I mean is that you just do it.

Because there's nothing wrong with if you actually want that car.

If you've got money and you go, I want a quick car, that's fine.

You definitely know everything about it.

But don't do the thing where it's like,

oh, try to drive down the street and people look at you like no one cares.

Yeah.

But I think that there are some people that's just...

That is a facet of what they like.

They like that attention.

So they will go and buy it.

Yeah.

But I don't...

I think that's wrong.

I think they...

I think there will be a lot of people that will be quite upfront about that

and be like, yeah, I bought it and people look at me.

Yeah.

And that's what I trust you.

I can kind of respect that.

But do you know what I find interesting?

I actually think less and less that I'd put G-wagons in that category.

I think now, I think maybe like early 2000s to early 10s,

it was like a status symbol car.

Obviously, it's not a cheap car at all.

But now I feel like just people just buy G-wagons.

They just have...

Like the amount of diesel ones I see and the amount of ones that I see on non-private plates,

just on like a 69 plate or a 70 plate G-wagon, they're just driving it.

But also, I think it's been...

The G-wagon, I think, has been usurped by the Urus.

Oh, big time.

Again, it is...

Again, it's a good car.

But you are posing in that because you could buy something that's basically the same.

You could buy the Audi.

You could buy the Q8.

And it is roughly the same thing.

I know that there are differences.

There are Lamborghini specific differences.

But you did buy that because that's the Lamborghini SUV.

To be honest, I think that might be the answer for me.

It's the positive.

I don't think I've ever seen a Urus and not thought you're a whopper.

That's fair.

Is it all the SUVs, though?

Well, I'm thinking of Poser, that kind of thing.

I'm thinking Cullinan, normally a modified one.

I'm thinking of a Purus Hangway to an extent.

Yeah.

But you've got to have a certain level of money to have one.

I don't think that with a Bentayga.

Bentayga, I think you have money.

Bentayga feels like a Range Rover Plus.

Exactly.

Defender to me feels.

A new Defender feels to me.

Yeah, I kind of agree.

Especially if you see a modified one with a light bar flashing green behind you.

Oh, that's usually a doctor.

Never experienced that myself.

Look at this pose.

I'm not letting it in fast.

Yeah, like an Urban Kit.

I don't know.

It was at Standard.

I don't know.

Actually, it did have a kit.

I actually, no, but I just believe in the thing of like,

have a nice car, do what you want with it.

But if you think, just do the test.

People with the creamers who are thinking about buying a nice car,

do the test.

If no one saw you in it, would you still want it?

And if the answer is no, then it's probably not worth buying.

If no one saw you spin out in it, did it really happen?

There'll be plenty of people buying it because of how much it costs,

not because of what it is.

They don't care that it's a V10.

They don't care that it's this, that it's that color.

They just go, I bought that car because that's a 200 grand car.

And if you sit there, I have 205,000 pounds.

Therefore, that's fine.

But if you go, oh, I bought a G80 over like a M340i or whatever,

then, okay, I don't know why I used that.

I meant like an M3.

If you buy like an M3, a G80 M3 and you could just,

because you don't care, but you won't be seeing it.

What am I saying?

Okay, yeah, no.

That's for you.

I'll tell myself then.

Unfortunately, you've got to work that bit.

You're saying someone has bought the M3 rather than an M340i.

So what does that mean for the population?

And then you said, no, hold on.

They've bought an M3.

I got distracted in my own mind.

What was I going to say?

Hang on a second.

So they've bought the M3.

They're boring.

But they could have bought an M340i.

Not a 340i.

And there's a reason why they've bought the M3, not the M340i.

And what is that?

What's that reason, Ben?

I don't know.

It's why my brain.

I was like, what time is it?

I have one more that's on the cusp, I think, is a GT3 RS.

I agree, especially in America.

It's the Instagram.

You're proposing with it.

It's that I'm buying that because it's flash.

You're not necessarily using what it's for.

You are suffering so much.

Well, using basically a track car, a road going GT3 car,

and you're just saying, I'll just drive it around London.

I saw something online somewhere,

someone buying a GT3 RS and putting normal seats in it

so that they could drive it normally.

That's not the point.

It's literally not the point.

You know, there's 9-11s.

Also, there's GT3.

It's back.

Keep going.

It's back.

Oh, he's back.

That's what was back.

I was going to say, if you buy...

Uh-oh.

Stop it.

Let me just think.

If you buy the M3 over a 340i, whatever it is.

Right?

Stop it.

We will.

Stop it.

Because you genuinely like the way it looks

and you think and you like to be in it

and it makes you feel good.

And that's different to just posing with it.

I'm saying, if you just buy it to show off,

then just get my lower end one.

You were looking at BMWs.

How do you differentiate?

Because it...

Oh, God.

Just knocked over a Red Bull.

I absolutely just pooed myself.

I've lost it again now.

So, what you're saying is, like, you went...

Let's say you had...

Fuck.

Oh, shit.

What's going on?

You got underground spending.

You went, I'm buying the M3 because that's the most expensive one.

Not because I want to be seeing it.

It looks better.

It's like Alpina people.

They're the opposite of that.

They're going, you know, I bought this.

I could have bought the M3, but I didn't.

But...

Sorry, you go first.

If you go, I'm buying it not to be seeing it.

I don't know anything about cars,

but just because I like it because it's nice

and it sounds good and I can sort of appreciate it,

then that's doing it for yourself still,

which is fine by me.

But if you're doing it because, like the thing I just said,

if no one sees you in it and you don't like it,

then you shouldn't buy it.

Alpina people are the flip side,

where I think some of them go a little bit too far,

where it's the, I'm better than that.

I don't want the M3 because I don't want...

Yeah, it's too...

There is a lovely even ground,

which I think most car people,

like 99.9% of creamers listening to this

are going to fall into,

where it's, I've always wanted one of those,

or I really like one of those,

and I want it for me,

and I want it in the color I want,

and I want to do the modification I want,

because you just want it for you.

Like you can be influenced as well.

You can see stuff from when you're young,

and go, that's...

I've always wanted this car because of X.

I think there's a little bit of poser in everyone.

Like, yeah, because you still...

I don't think anyone could say,

who, especially if you're modifying a car,

or you're buying a car,

that if someone says that's a cool car,

or like, or a child,

child says like that's a cool car,

or they take a picture of it,

that there's something in you that goes,

that's quite nice.

Yeah, of course, but then you're like that's cool.

But that, and that's about,

because you've been seen in it,

it's affirmation that you've made the right choice.

There is an element of that, I think, in all folks.

Of course, but if you go into it thinking,

I want that to happen.

Yeah, no, then that's...

Whereas if you just drive your car,

if you like it, and someone goes,

that's a good car, you go, you know what?

Because you wrapped it gold, and you said...

Yeah, they said that.

And you bought it, and you went,

and you went, I'm going to do this to get looks.

Yeah.

Yeah, then that's for the wrong reason.

I'm buying an M3, but I could have bought an M340, but...

And then you forget...

And then someone presses the button,

the wipes your brain halfway through.

Right, well, before we actually lose our minds,

thank you very much for listening to this episode of...

Number 69 is a momentous occasion.

We lost our minds multiple times.

Don Cheadle was involved.

It was a great one.

Malice was the word of the day.

Anguish, actually.

Anguish, sorry.

Thank you very much for listening.

We will be hopefully a little more focused next week.

Join us at the 70th Cars We're Loving Your Army podcast.

Cream.

Get it?

Anguish.

C.R.E.A.M. #69 - Cringey Car Ads, Perish and Poser Cars

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