C.R.E.A.M. #72 - Audi's Exciting News, Urinal Stories and Straight Pipes

Ben's tucking into a seven-pound Scotch egg, like he would not believe that might be the worst car I've ever seen.

Their urinal, when they turn around, will just be facing me using my urinal.

So the van turns around and goes, oh, I'll just wait.

Hello, and welcome back to the CREAM podcast, the 72nd Cars Rule Everything Around Me podcast with myself, Will Edwin, to my right, and Benjamin behind the camera or in front of the camera at the beginning of every single one of these podcasts, we ask all of us whether cars have ruled or ruined everything around us this week. Edwin, I see that you're in your thoughts.

I think it's positive. I think it's a rule for me.

It's looking up.

But yeah, no, that's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking things are looking up.

A, the E36, as you've maybe seen on a video on Friday, it was broken. He was lost, but now he's found. It's broken. It runs again.

My 172 Clio, I sent up to the same guys that you sent your Clio up to, Corn Rant Motorsport up in Liverpool. He's been busy on that car.

He's basically got rid of all of the other little annoying issues, and that car's now ready for mapping, so it can now make some power.

And then we've got two, Will and I have made two very scary, but very cool purchases.

You will see that in an upcoming series.

And then even cooler than that, we got challenged by Carvertical.

We got a Carvertical challenge coming.

They challenged us to buy a car.

You will see it in a week or two at this point, but they said, I bet you can't buy one of these cars and give us some cars without buying a dodgy one.

And it turns out they were nearly right.

It was. We were in that sort of trifecta that Golf R 140 RS3.

I'm not saying which one it is, but we're in that one and we're in the absolute depths.

But all we had by our side throughout the whole thing was Carvertical.

And shout out, they are another sponsor of this podcast.

This week, they are supporting us.

As always, if you're buying a car, especially as we found, if you're buying an M140 and RS3 or a Golf R, do a Carvertical check.

It will, it may, it very well may save your skin as it did ours.

You'll see that in an upcoming episode.

All you need, as we said before, is a car's reg or its VIN number.

You can run a Carvertical check and it will tell you if it's been crashed, stolen or clocked, it will save you.

I've just been on a car on one of the auction platforms that we use.

And actually that gives you some of the history on there, but again, I didn't want to leave any stone unturned.

So I did a Carvertical check, all came back really good.

So I actually upped my bid after that.

You did, yeah.

Carvertical came back and I thought, up the bid, that's good.

Then if you're going to buy multiple cars this year, you can actually buy multiple checks in advance and you get a discount of almost 50% in some cases.

Yeah, it's well worth doing.

Leave no stone unchecked, unturned.

So as always, use our code CREAM for 20% off your next Carvertical check.

And as Will said, you can bundle them together and get 50% off or more.

So shout out to Carvertical.

Thank you for sponsoring.

It's a rule for me, William.

I'm also going to go with the rule, because again, the sun has been out briefly.

It's back to rain today, but we've got two very cool, one is on the wave right now.

It may even arrive while we're here.

It might interrupt.

You might see itchy feet start to want to leave ASAP.

The other one is already here.

A bit scary, a bit worrying, a bit weird.

It is, do you know what?

I sent it to someone the other day, a photo, and they said, I quote, my God, that might be the worst car I've ever seen.

But we're looking to do some really cool stuff with one of them.

We're looking to do what is actually going to be the first, at least in right hand drive anyway.

So that'll be very, very cool.

But that is yet to come.

Then there's the thing that's next door currently, which has also been quite good.

It's been fun.

Really, really cool.

So we've got some really, like really cool aftermarket bits going on that in the last few days and the next few days.

And just want to quick aside, we have not forgotten about any of our other project cars.

We have been working through some of the stuff.

Oh, sorry.

That's another rule for me.

We should have put it, we'll put it in front of the next podcast.

We have made, I may have bought a big supercharger for the E55.

There's some special stuff coming for, and the Zofira is part of that plan.

Don't worry.

We have a plan.

We have a way.

Zofira is next week.

So we have some stuff next week.

So there are definitely, there are some old bits we will carry on with.

Some of them they may not, they may get sold or whatever, but the good ones that you are waiting for, it will happen.

Yeah, RS6, hang in there, buddy.

Yeah, we're going to get to you.

We really will.

Dude, he's looking at the Zofira going, is this what I'm going to end up like?

No, I've been here for years.

No, but we will get through them.

Other than that, first driving the Clio today, actually, first proper driving the Clio, I was very pleased with that.

So I put some good tyres on it.

That car sounds incredible.

It really does sound good.

It's got like a scorpion back box and other than that, I think a manifold, but it sounds like a little rally car.

If you're listening to this on Thursday, you will hear it tomorrow, right, Ben?

That's tomorrow's the 6th and 6th channel video.

So it's basically just tidying it up, mechanically getting it right.

Again, I've been said, Cormrant Motorsport, they've reached out to me and said,

do you want me to sort out some bits?

I sent it up to them and in the space of a week, they just sorted pretty much everything.

I wanted them to leave some bits, some of the, you know, servicing bits and other sort of visual bits, but I've still got to decide on seats.

Yeah, my next thing now is like, mechanically, it seems to be OK.

There's a couple of little bits, but I want seats.

I need to get the wheels refurbished.

It's just little bits like that, like the cool bits.

The issue, though, is that you're bidding on a car tonight, that you were not planning on bidding on.

We will find out this next week on the podcast.

And that throws into, well, everything into the mix of what do you sell?

What do you keep?

It throws two cars, it throws two of my cars into doubt.

Yeah.

Because this car is practical enough that it could replace the Range Rover, but not necessarily economical enough.

But it's also fun enough that it could replace the McGann.

So potentially this may end up by next week, you may go, yeah, clear to under track up.

Yeah, no, you're possibly, it's entirely possible, but I really like that car.

The way it looks, the way it sounds now as well, it's coming along very nicely.

Now, there's some long faces on the other side of the camera.

Multiple faces?

No, just the one.

Just the one long face.

Is it a long face?

Well, A, you said I'm not feeling that chatty today.

No, I'm not feeling massively chatty.

I don't know, I'm just feeling like quite guy today.

Good thing you're not on a podcast.

Yeah, that would make it difficult, wouldn't it?

I am in ruin again.

And someone commented this on the last podcast.

So who's always in ruin?

Yeah, well, guess what?

I think how I feel.

Guess what?

It's again.

Golf. Golf good.

Is it?

It's just a VW, isn't it?

It's just good.

And then there's just a few small things to quote, to quote a very famous person.

Is that true?

Yeah, is that true?

Yeah, explain that to the audience.

That's just one of Ben's quotes that we, if you say something to Ben, if you make a claim against Ben,

Ben will go, is that true?

And then he'll double down and go, do you think that's true?

And then he'll follow it up with, I don't think that's true.

And then about about 10 minutes of silence and I'll go, that's not true, surely.

So what's, why is the golf a VW?

It's just, it's good.

It just has these small little things.

I had it when I had my three little things that just go on.

So I have my oil level sensor thing, which we knew about that, which is great.

I've now learned that I am checking the oil every week.

Yeah.

And like every other week, not actually every sort of other week, every fault night.

Yes, I checked it and topped it up, whatever call.

And then like this morning, it said oil level sensor.

So either I'm leaking, you know, a catastrophic leak or it's fine.

So what I'd now do is open the bonnet and then close it again and then resets the center and then it goes away.

That's the most benefit.

Now, what's the new addition?

The new addition is the, when I first got the car, the, it has, it has keyless entry and keyless start.

Right.

Which we, which we were like, that's amazing.

It's also great to advertise that on the internet, but keyless entry was always really intermittent.

I liked it when it worked.

It was always really intermittent.

And then last week I got on the car and it went bong, I went, no, I looked at the dashboard and it said oil level fault.

Yeah.

And then I asked that, it said, you said your S 2000 needs an engine.

Keyless, keyless system not working or not functional, whatever.

And it hasn't since then.

And now I had this new thing and it's a really nice one for VW.

What would you do logically?

Right.

You just do it once, right?

So it would bong.

Yeah.

And then maybe the car goes, right.

So I have no signal from the antennas.

So I'll just turn it off.

We'll just look, we won't worry about that.

For our code, happy days.

No, no, what it does is it still tries to use a system.

So when it gets down to 10 miles an hour, when you slow down, it, it try, it goes, could be a key, could be a key to unlock the car.

So then it bing, it bings because it checks the system.

And then when you different to a bong.

Yeah.

And then when you get above 10 miles an hour, it bongs, it bongs because it checks the system again.

Cause now it's going, well, I'm not going to get unlocked at 10 miles an hour, am I?

And then when you slow down again.

Oh, so it must be central locking based.

Yeah.

And it said that it's out of interest.

Which technician name did you use on the auto?

I didn't.

You didn't need it blank.

Oh, wow.

So you may have been using by default, John Ham.

Mr.

John Ham, he's our technician technician on the auto probably.

And anyway, it told me that basically the passenger door handle.

So that's where the antenna is, right?

It's actually quite easy.

You just, you can unbolt the handle from like without taking the door card off flush door.

And then you just get an error and then you can't get out.

And then you pop the handle out and you just unplug it and plug on your one in.

So I can do that.

I need a new door handle, you know, imagine explaining that to someone in the 60s.

Yeah.

No.

So sometimes the electricity in your door handle fail.

It's not related to the operation of the door at all.

You can still get in and out.

The door works fine.

But no, just other systems need your door handle to be replaced.

What are you talking about?

And the car will bong at me and tell me, you know, direct me towards this fault.

And then I'll use a wireless piece of technology to plug into the car.

And then it will direct me exactly to where I need to go and say new door handle, new door handle.

So here's what I'm going to do.

Remove door handle.

Here we go.

I'm going to fix it.

You're going to unplug it?

I'm going.

No, that would work.

I'm going to I'm going to apparently you can basically plug into the car and tell the car.

No more, no more keyless entry, because it's the same module.

It does keyless start and keyless entry, but they're in separate parts of the module.

You can just tell it, don't do keyless entry, but keyless start works.

And that was better for safety.

I don't want that anyway.

Yeah, because, you know, people stealing cars and what such of course.

So I just need to find out if I figure out how to do that because I can't.

I worked right there and it was I was genuinely going to brick my ECU.

So literally what I said to Will, I said to Will, I bet you Ben's out there on that

all tail just mashing keys, but going, I'm going to I'm going to brick something.

Yeah, I got really scared.

I didn't do anything, but he's uploaded the one point to TSI.

So there's that.

So that's a bit of a ruin.

And then S2000 just still not still away.

Hey, well, Ben told us something today in redacted state.

Ben told us today he may not drive that car until June.

Roughly around then.

That's that's a long time.

There are life reasons why you want to move out.

You need to save up money to fix it currently.

But not bad.

It can still be driven, though.

Yeah.

This is the thing about it, right?

Is that it's actually fine.

Yeah, I know there's a whole joke about the oil thing or whatever.

But but as far as we're aware, it actually it runs fine.

It drives fine.

Yeah, well, it was you, though, that said, I don't like it.

I'm putting it away because you just said I need to fix it.

And then you just said, but it's fine.

Well, I wanted to put it away anyway, because I went through this thing.

I first bought it where I was like, I'm going to I'm going to drive it.

Russ doesn't really matter.

I really it's really started to get to me out.

And I'm here and I always feel left out whenever I call cars.

I don't but actually got GTD, mate.

Yes.

The coolest car in towns that start with the letter B.

That's a cool car is that's on the top.

Yeah, Bristol being one of them.

True. Yeah.

Well, I'm going to.

But at the minute, no one has a cool car.

Everyone else's cars are in here, but it's coming.

It is coming.

It's sorry.

And it's coming fast.

Like it's approaching.

Yeah.

We've had days where I've been.

It's tough.

It's been it's been scintillating.

You can see everyone looking at each other.

Yeah.

Do we do we get them out now?

My my exit.

I don't know if I've talked about this.

My eight series I was going to sell.

I took it to Chris and imagination creations to get a little.

There was a bit of bubbling and I didn't want someone to turn up and go,

you've got arched.

There's loads of rust on it.

So I said, can you sound that down, have a look underneath and paint it?

It turns out there was a lot of rust under it, like a lot of rust.

And I didn't want to just have a, I didn't want to, because I knew I'd be

selling it.

I didn't want to have a car full of filler and then someone six months down

the line go, great, I have got a ruined car.

So I said, can you fix it properly?

You fixed all the rust.

It was a lot of work and basically we painted the whole car now.

You'll see a video on it soon.

So I've decided to keep that car at first.

I was like, this is all my money.

Yeah.

I'm paying all the money.

And then yesterday I looked outside and went, oh, eight series in this weather.

Yeah.

So now I'm excited for it again.

Yeah.

So everyone's going to be bringing their cars out.

So what you need, I'd like to do a service and a chain.

Do a service anyway.

And then I don't know.

It's sort of one of those ones where it's probably fine, but also I could be

hitting 9000 RPM and suddenly it goes down.

But you have to remember not that we have a YouTube channel.

That's the one where we do car things.

All you got to do is get it from all you need to get it tucked up from

it's little sleep, wake it up and go, I'm ripping your head off.

If you do a research and find the parts we need, we'll order them and then we'll

do it together.

That could be good.

Just us.

Broke said, could be.

No one else.

Just a video.

It could be good.

Yeah.

I'm struggling to see the downsides.

I don't know what it needs.

So the thing about the reason that I'm it needs attentioner.

I've been told because they need attention.

Here's what we'll do.

This is this is becoming a TDC planning me at this point.

Give old Adam an evolution also X or ring and say, hello, mate, what do I need?

And then he'll go, you need this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this.

And you write that list down and then I just order it.

And then you give it to us and then we'll order it.

OK, done.

And then the car is sorted.

I also the other thing about the car, I've been said, and while we're at it,

no, I actually need some new wheels.

If you can also clean it for me and sort all of the rust out.

Thank you.

I'll be back in a week.

I really want to do it.

Is it needs more noise?

I think part of the reason that I'm not like fizzing about it is that it's just quiet.

I do have next door an angle grinder.

Do that information as you will.

To be done. And we've got a welder, I think.

That's true. I've welded maybe eight years ago.

So again, perfect.

Let me know more soon than I have.

That makes more sense.

Shall we get on to anecdotes and what let's do?

Let's start off some muses because there have been some.

So hold on.

That was two two rules and a ruin, but a hopeful ruin.

Yeah, a ruin, but nothing that bad, really.

Can I jump the queue on anecdote?

Because this relates to rules and ruins.

Please, I've got statistics.

Oh, you did it.

Someone did it.

Is this there was a chap who did it, but he did tell it was not accurate.

He said it was AI.

He said it was not accurate.

And then someone replied it quite a nasty comment.

Actually, you said, well, what's the point then?

And I kind of agreed.

But also this man has put in some time.

Exactly. More time than you have, pal.

And it were any of us.

This is from a DM.

We go. I don't know the same person who I'm going to read it out and we'll just see.

This is from I'm going to butch your name.

I'm very sorry.

Bavra.

Parak.

Cool. My mess up.

I do apologize.

We've got some streaks.

And then we've got you've been looking is up.

OK, here we go.

So this is from 70 episodes.

Here we go. We've got total.

Oh, so the amount of times that we all were ruined.

Yes, was to only two.

I don't believe the fine.

All rules, all rules.

Yeah, was 21.

No way.

We had some early episodes, but we were pretty happy.

Why are they?

Maybe we were just dishing them out.

Early TDC was different time.

We're like, I'm so happy to be here.

Guys, everything is so wonderful.

It's a fear is.

Edwin's longest rule streak.

Seven.

That's seven weeks.

That's only two months.

And this is a good ratio here.

Little KD.

You've got longest rune streak.

Five.

That makes sense.

You know what they were like S3 sort of era?

Yeah, there was some rule.

There was some rough one.

You're in the positive.

You're in positive.

We're going to have to.

We need to read.

We will, for Christmas episode this year.

A, it will not be filmed again.

We'll delete the footage.

B, we will do an actual analysis.

And we will sit down and we'll work this out to the T.

Might even get a leaderboard.

We've got.

Well, your rule streak is 14 and your ruin streak is three.

14.

That's a crazy one.

Sure. That's Lamborghini time.

Yeah.

That must have been summer.

Everything else was bad, but there was an Lamborghini there.

So therefore it's fine.

And my streaks are very short.

No.

Also, no way.

If you're telling me you don't have the longest rune streak, I don't believe it.

Longest rune streak apparently is three for me.

Absolutely not.

But I think I've been ruined since the beginning.

I think I've flipped it a lot.

Then my longest streak is 70 runes.

This is the day I've been given these.

It's three years.

We'll work it out maybe later in the year.

Is it three is in everything but three has been ruined?

Yeah, it feels like the opposite of that.

That does.

Yeah.

Well, you have 55 rules and 15 ruins overall.

That is a 78% rule.

It doesn't matter.

I have 37 rules and 25 runes.

No.

Does that add up?

I don't know that adds up to 70.

That's 62.

Yeah, okay.

Although, sorry, there will be...

There's old channel.

There's 2DC podcast.

And there will also be ones where you...

Which means that mine doesn't add up anymore.

No, yours does.

It means there's 70 odd in there.

Yeah, you've got 70.

Yeah, but there haven't been 70 podcasts on this channel.

This is getting confusing.

The numbers are different.

So look, next one, Ben, is...

It could have been from Spotify.

Who knows?

Big Chopper.

Edwin, you have 44 rules and 26 runes.

So maybe I missed eight podcasts.

Perhaps.

Well, all the guest ones, of course.

But we will...

You know what?

At Christmas time, we will do this properly.

That's our stats.

Sorry if we lost you with all those numbers.

We'll go back into anecdotes now.

What are we saying?

Anecdotes.

I'll start off with a quite positive one, actually.

Here we go.

Al D.

I've got a new CTO.

He's like the head of R&D and what's...

Can you say his name?

His name is Dr.

Reuven Mer.

Like...

More.

Spell that.

M-O-H-R.

Okay.

Nice.

I'd say that's Mer.

Sure.

Like the Christmas time.

I want to go with more.

Reuven Mer.

His nickname is Dr.

Lovely.

And I found out, and this is actually sent in by a common...

What do you call it?

A person?

No, no, no.

It's a horrible person.

A common person.

Someone who gives things to us.

What do they give?

They give us things.

A contributor.

A contributor to the Crane Podcast.

That's great.

Hexgraphica on Instagram.

He sends me many things.

I sometimes don't reply, but I hope you understand.

He sent me this and said, there's a new man and he's very, very into cars, which is always

nice to see on a big, big brand like Audi.

Absolutely.

And I spoke to Edwin about this beforehand, but JP, they built this...

JP Ford.

They're like us, but good in Germany.

Yeah.

They built good cars.

JP builds incredibly good cars.

But there was a wide body S2.

So S2 is the coupé or sort of hatchback coupé.

Thoughts on that one?

That absolutely is scrumptious.

So they have the ultimate version of the five-cylinder turbo.

So right at the end, the most developed version, they had the five-pot...

So essentially the Audi Quattro engine, but I want to say they were five-valve or they

were like, that's what you build if you want to do big power.

So he ordered that car.

That's his car.

So the CTO of Audi asked for that to be built.

At least it's an Audi as well.

So he was at Lamborghini.

He's just come from Lamborghini.

I think roughly the same role at Lamborghini and now into Audi.

So it could be good.

Well, and should we say...

Should we...

What's the year?

Lamborghini's recently though, haven't been busty on the same way.

You know, they haven't.

Then I said, I take that point, but it's still quite exciting.

They're still doing engine...

He's into something else.

And should we move from that into the other Audi news?

The RS5.

Which is the RS5, which I know we've talked about this already, but it's not an RS5, man.

This makes me angry.

It's really...

It's the M4 all over again.

Now, one thing I will say about the M4 is that I'm completely over it.

I'm not over it now.

I'm seeing M4.

I'm cool with it.

I'm like, that's an M4, isn't it?

Because the M3 still exists.

True.

Whereas that is...

You've taken RS4.

Literally, one of the ones that everyone knows, like RS6, RS4.

The OG.

People know that one.

They know it and you go, no, not anymore.

RS5.

No, we've always had that.

Also RS5.

A car that does exist as a coupé.

So what are you doing?

That was the point.

The RS4 was the saloon or the estate.

Normally, I think it was just the Avant at one point.

And then the RS5 was the one you bought.

That was the more sportier coupé or like grand coupé type thing.

And now they've just gone...

No, none of that anymore.

That's it now.

But...

Mash up.

Come on.

No, it does absolutely for...

I don't know.

Audio listeners, have you seen the...

Tips are bad.

You don't like...

I think the tips would be perfect if they were further apart.

They look like beastings.

They do.

I like them.

I think that's a pretty good design.

They're just, again, if they were further out, like on the RS6...

Yeah.

Also, they're going to be like tip covers or whatever, if you want to call them.

Tip sheaths.

So that is now...

So because it is...

It's...

If you're not that Audi inclined, it is the new Audi wagon RS.

But it's an RS5, but it's based on the RS4, which before was a V6 as well, right?

V supercharged?

V supercharged, my favourite engine.

Yeah.

V supercharged.

Yeah.

Very supercharged.

So this new one is a 2.9 litre, which I saw a lot of people talking about this.

2.9.

You're feeling VR6-y.

When you get into 2.9-ish, you're now going like old-school Volkswagen type.

What was the original?

2.7?

2.7, yeah, twin turbo V6.

So this one is a 2.9 twin turbo V6, but it has a high-voltage electric motor and a hybridised

8-speed tiptronic gearbox.

It's weird to me that they're still using the word tiptronic.

Yeah.

Like for car people, tiptronic is the sign of...

Slush.

If you have a tiptronic 996, tough, if you have a tiptronic Audi or a Porsche, it's not...

It's good.

What's it called?

PDK?

Estronic.

That's the SG-1, right?

Yeah.

But it's weird to me that they're still...

You still hear people saying, hey, there's a tiptronic.

Give it a new name.

Yeah, get rid of that name because it is bad connotations.

Now, it's a nice lightweight car, right?

Yeah.

Or is it 2.2, 2.3 times?

I can speak on this because it's one of my points on here.

I have got 10 cars.

This is heavier, then.

Oh.

Ben's come.

The thing about this, right, is that I know everyone's going to comment going...

That's fantastic.

That's the saloon.

I've just put a photo of the saloon.

I didn't know that was a saloon.

Yeah, I've just put the photo of the saloon up there.

I've just seen that as well.

The rear end on that, do you know what that has?

Speaking of what's in the background for audio listeners, the E36, the one that I got running,

do you see what I mean about having a stubby rear end on the saloon gives it that angry,

squatty look?

That looks great.

Those arches are fantastic.

Yeah.

Whoever designed those arches, really a big round of applause.

That little splitter at the back.

Although I'm seeing forged carbon from a manufacturer, which I'm not liking.

Now, this car, I know everyone with the M5 was like, oh, all the reviewers were like,

actually, when you feel a turn in, it's already light because it's powerful.

Probably.

But this is just heavy stuff.

Probably not.

So we're going to talk about it.

This weighs...

This RS5, this weighs 2,370 kilograms in pounds.

It's almost 2.4 tons.

What did you say, 2,000 kilograms?

2,370.

In kg, in pounds for our American listeners, is 5,224 pounds.

That's a big loader.

So that's coming up on a...

Probably coming up on a ton more than the original RS4.

That's what I was just...

I'm just going to check the original...

There must be 1,500, maybe 1,600.

It's a lot more than the last one.

I can't...

The original RS4 weighed 1,620.

So just about a ton...

800 kilos more.

Jesus.

He's a chunky chappy, that guy.

So what was it?

What's the heavier then?

10 kilograms heavier than a Rolls-Royce Ghost.

Jesus.

A Tuareg.

The one that...

Taylor has the V10 one, but not the V10 one, the 4.2.

Okay.

But still a big engine in it.

28 kilograms heavier.

Jesus.

The...

I guess, is it last generation?

2019 era X7.

An X7?

Wow.

It's 50 kilograms heavier than that.

Jesus.

A W12 Bentley Bentayga.

Christ.

By surely not.

By 5 kilograms.

Okay.

Would you like to guess the previous...

Maybe it's on your list, but I've just jumped ahead.

The most recent RS6.

The weight on that?

2.4.

I don't know.

I would think it's less.

That's 2.1 tons.

So how is that?

Is it...

That must be the electric.

The current generation.

Sorry, that's just breadboard.

The current generation V12 S-Class is almost 100 kilograms lighter than this.

What?

That is...

That is ridiculous.

So the thing I always think about with these is, okay, on the M5, it makes a little bit

more sense.

Or 7-series, a bigger car hides weight better.

But this is supposed to be the small one.

This is supposed to be the M3 competitor.

You can't hide the weight in...

Look, I'm no engineer.

Maybe it's the Germans have found a way.

But it's just...

I do like how it looks.

Everyone says the new M5 drives well, right?

It's not meant...

A lot of people...

But I don't know.

But then it's always...

It drives well considering the weight.

That's exactly what I was here.

It's never...

I've heard a few people drive it and go, no, it's just very heavy.

So it'd be interesting to see.

It's another one, like what we said with Ferrari.

I think the best ones are behind us.

Unfortunately.

It's all in the past.

And you can't disagree with that.

I've got one more for you.

Oh, you're good.

It's 105 kilograms heavier than the SQ7.

Which is guess two sizes up and SUV in the same lineup.

So what does that mean the hybridized SQ7 is going away?

What's the next RS6 going to be like?

That's going to be...

We must be on the cusp of three tonne cars.

That must be why they brought this one out because they needed to soften the blow.

No, no, you guys are already used to the 2.6 tons, right?

I would have thought surely when you're in like a kind of era of trying to be a bit more

economical, trying to be a bit more...

You would try and go lighter.

Surely like whacking four or 500 kilos off the way and maybe not having the motor.

Like, does it...

I don't know.

Does it make a difference?

Crazy.

I'm not an engineer.

What have we got next?

Ben.

Sorry, sorry.

The final one we'll do.

But it's in the realm of what's over half a tonne heavier than the last generation RS4.

Crazy.

Half a tonne.

Love an RS4.

RS4 would be lovely.

That would be good, wouldn't it?

It would be lovely.

Practically.

Daily.

Nice to meet you.

New M5 is being detuned for Europe, you say, Benjamin.

Indeed.

Now, I don't know if this is true.

Great.

While that's safe.

Ben said just before this podcast, I'm going to get all my stories ready today.

Hold on.

What did we...

We came up with a tagline that may have to become a merch line earlier.

I've forgotten it.

It was, Ben.

You heard it here third.

That it is.

Cream news.

You heard it here third.

So, it doesn't say...

What I'm saying about, I don't know if it's true or not, is I don't know if this is...

I assume it's for Euro 7.

Right.

Which I mentioned a few weeks ago.

Everyone said it was really boring.

But here we are again, mentioning it for the possibly fourth time.

Also, I always just think it sounds like a football league.

Euro 7.

Yeah.

We've been promoted to Euro 7.

You know, we've come out of six.

It was a tough fight, but we've made it into this league now.

And I just...

I'm hoping that boys do well.

Disappointed to be relegated into seven, but...

So, basically, in the UK and Europe, I guess, it's for emissions.

They're...

Technically, the UK is in Europe.

That's all the comment about.

Shout out.

Yeah, fair.

Forty horsepower loss.

What?

Forty horsepower.

Just to conform to...

So, yeah.

So, basically, they're going to boost the motors in it.

Right.

To make up for the 40 horsepower loss.

The hybridized bit.

Yeah, but the actual internal combustion engine is going to be 40 horsepower less.

So, that's over Americans.

Americans, they get all...

Because they don't care about emissions.

But that means they've boosted the electric one for what they don't realize,

is that no one knows how to tune the electric one,

but they do know how to tune the ending one.

Someone's going to go...

Whip that little OPF, GPF, PPF, CPF, whatever is in there.

Whip it out, wrap a chill on it.

Little couple of downpipes, maybe some hybrids,

and it's going to be making a million horsepower.

Thousand horsepower, but make sure your brake pads aren't giving off too much dust.

If those bloody brake pads give off any dust,

I'll be finding...

If I smell any brake dust, you owe me 10 pounds.

Oh, it's a careen into the central elevation and not brake for the environment.

Make those little one-pot calipers on that three and a half tonne M5 work.

Do engine braking.

See how far it's quite interesting.

So, you know, we always had the E36 thing, where it was like...

It was like, we've got the real M3, you've got a...

Is it a 328?

Yeah, 328.

Spicy 328.

Yeah, it's not the opposite.

Now they get the big boys.

Can't say no.

That's quite sad to hear.

We're going to be importing M5 camps.

In five motors.

Or they're going to be taking our motors.

Electric guys.

Now, new, new, new, new good news about Lamborghini.

Ben, you tell me that the Lamborghini Lanza door is dead.

The Lamborghini Lanza door has been found dead.

With the fact that I didn't know it existed on the first place.

I was going to say the exact same thing.

I've never heard that name in my life.

This was a thing years ago.

Kind of when the...

Remember the original Eurus concept came out?

It does.

It looks like the S-Tocq thing.

That's what I thought.

The one that was on Top Gear years ago.

It's like a lifted one of those.

So, actually, this was going to be the first electric Lamborghini.

And Lamborghini have gone,

What are we doing here, guys?

You know when you see two guys fight?

And they highway through and go,

What are we doing here?

Guys, what are we doing?

Let's just make up.

It's like that.

They've gone,

Electric is ass.

No one's buying them.

No one wants it.

We're going to make hybrids.

What was the...

There was a quote that they made.

Fantastic timing, I guess.

I wonder if that might be on purpose.

Ferrari coming out.

Really riling everyone up saying,

Here's our electric thing.

Without actually revealing it.

And then Lamborghini come out and go,

That's what it is.

Lamborghini first EV is officially cancelled.

CEO calls them an expensive hobby.

That is a great little tagline.

I like that.

I bet that's Ferrari.

I bet they thought they were doing it anyway,

but they saw the Ferrari thing and thought,

Right, where are you going to stick it to?

They go,

You know what?

We hate electric cars.

And we're not making one.

What sort of idiot would make a super car electric car?

Not us.

And John, they did.

This is an exact quote.

They said,

We are not selling mobility.

We are selling dream cars.

You know what?

Which is exactly fair.

Yeah.

It is.

You're not your job as classist as it might be.

Your job is not there to make cars for most people to drive.

That's fine.

I will never buy a new Lamborghini in my life

because that's not for me.

But it's for a child to go,

That's cool.

And then go,

I'm into cars now.

That's what your job is there.

So as much as I don't,

I don't love the new generation Lamborghini,

like hybrid stuff.

At least they're doing it.

Yeah, exactly.

In this whole press release,

they're going to keep them going as long as possible.

Fair.

Until they pry that internal combustion engine away from their...

From my cold, dead hands.

All right, Jeremy.

Come with me.

Clarkson.

Oh, Jeremy Clarkson.

You see?

Not Vine.

We'll do one final bit of news.

And Ben,

I hope you're loaded on this.

Ready?

Alpine Alpine Alpine Alpine A110.

A leaky one.

The only one that I wasn't prepared for.

That's fantastic.

I've got it right here.

Oh, here it is.

Alpine are replacing the A110.

The...

Is he a four cylinder?

It was a...

Yeah, McGann engine, basically.

A little four cylinder,

apparently quite good.

Min-engined sort of thing.

Quite cool.

They're replacing an electric one.

Sad.

Now,

I'm going to...

Sorry,

I'm just going to completely avoid

that I don't care about the EV thing.

But I'd really like to build one on TDC at some point

with a really lightweight V6.

Like an EcoBoost.

So it's like the old Alpines from back in the day,

the GTAs and the GTA6s.

Because I know they're good.

Four cylinder is good.

But I don't know,

for me,

a four cylinder does not suit

a rear engine, mid-engine car.

It's not for that.

A V6 though,

some ITBs on some spicy headers and stuff,

that could do nicely.

Imagine a busso type thing.

Especially a turbo four cylinder.

It's a bit like...

It's a bit soulless.

It's a bit of a cop-out.

If it was a super high revving,

maybe you'd get away with it.

But it's a bit like,

we can only fit a four cylinder.

Only way we can get power out of it

is by slapping a turbo.

That's kind of the way.

I guess it's more about the chassis

and the way it weighs very little.

I remember when the Alpine,

when A110 was released,

I think that was the car.

They did a demonstration with some engineers

where they all lifted it.

They showed this is how light it is

without blah, blah, blah.

And now they're slapping electric motors in it.

A man like Gordon the Murray,

that's his personal car.

Is he actually?

That's what he apparently...

I think he still drives it every day.

That's like his daily,

because he's like, it's perfect.

A110.

I like them.

But I don't care.

But that's what I mean.

That's what...

When I see one, I don't...

I feel nothing.

Exactly.

Imagine a spicy one with a V6.

I'd like that.

Yeah.

When I see an A110,

it doesn't make me feel...

It's a bit like,

I see in a mirror,

I get this brief,

like this bit of hope that I'm like...

I saw...

A V6?

No, because that's a V6

and I'm not that excited by that.

No, but I know,

but that's because it's a very modern one.

But do you not feel when you see like an exige V6?

When I see those and they're kind of chunky

and nice and sitting down,

I did see an mirror on LMs.

I don't have a photo of it.

There's a guy in America who's got

a mirror on BBS LMs.

Oh, it looks,

I've got a photo of it right here.

You can't stop me on this sort of stuff.

I know audio viewers are not going to understand this,

but tell me,

you don't think that looks cool.

That looks absolutely fantastic.

No, no, I know.

They're a bit stansy, but...

But they could work.

The thought that,

that now feels like a super car to me.

So it's BBS LM, the Spoky BBS design

sat down low on a mirror.

But you know what that is?

That's low with spaced out wheels.

So Doug says,

No, you can't see him in the photo.

So obviously he isn't there,

which makes sense.

Well, no, there's,

there's people with shoes there.

So it's not possible.

So what we got next?

Are we done?

Are we out?

There might be a news,

but we might do it like...

Save some for next week.

Three or four weeks away.

This is more later news.

That news is far too fresh.

We've got to push that couple of weeks.

We want to talk about it when it's wailed.

Edwin, you've been in motorway breakers.

What's all that?

People,

I'd like to rant for a small bit

on people who break on the motorway.

What are you breaking for?

Why are you driving?

If there is someone in front of you,

and they're doing 70 miles an hour on the motorway.

Why are you doing 80?

Breaking coming down to 65

and going,

bloody hell, there's a gap coming up.

I should close that gap.

Racing up behind them and then going,

I'm getting a bit close to this guy.

I'm going to slam the old brakes on.

It frustrates me.

It's actually one of the things

that frustrates me most in this world.

Let go of them.

Don't touch the brakes.

Unless there is a pile up in front of you,

leave them alone.

Just let go of your accelerator.

You'll be fine.

There's also people that will do that.

They'll fly up behind someone and then break,

but they will have a lane free to the right

or to the left, either or.

So there's so many faults going on.

It's like, it's a motorway.

We got a lot of lanes here.

You can go anywhere you like and then you could overtake.

Oh, I'm doing 70 and this person's doing 65.

Shall I overtake?

I don't think so.

I think actually I'll break.

Just going to keep slamming.

I think I'll break and then what I'll do is,

I will be the founder of the traffic.

I am the traffic.

I'm the beginning.

But that's what I mean.

That's the worst part because they break.

You have to break because you're now behind them.

You're now about to go into the back of them.

You slow down.

You can watch it forming behind you.

So you're saying they're going 70 and they got break.

Then you're coming up behind them.

No, I'm doing 70 and they've slowed down at 70 to now below 70.

Okay.

Don't ever try and catch me on that again.

Hey man, listen.

In this court of law, I will step up to any allegations.

Okay.

All right, that's fine.

I'll be on the phone.

I look at the cars they're in.

Most people on the road are driving a relatively modern car.

It's the same as when you see someone on the phone.

I'm like, I'm looking at you in a 2020 car.

I'm like, what?

You have Bluetooth.

You have it.

You don't need to commit crimes.

It's actually easier not to commit the crime.

And then, but when I see someone like,

you probably have a cruise control of sorts.

Adaptive cruise control.

But I think most people don't know they have it.

Or they're scared of it.

The reason that I saw this, brand new Defender.

Brand new 25 plate Defender.

No cruise manual.

It's a van.

But it was a brand new car.

You can use, you have the ability to not do this.

Because surely it's more draining for you.

If you're on the motorway, like Walter Roll's pedal cam in group B,

just on and off there.

You have to be getting tired of doing this.

Just slamming through brake pads.

Also, it's just annoying to see brake lights.

None of that, please.

None of that, guys, please.

You'll go straight to prison.

Money.

No, no.

They're on that brake.

Just on and off.

But yeah, people just keep a consistent speed.

It doesn't necessarily have to be 70.

It doesn't have to be 60.

Just keep it consistent.

Would you prefer 50 consistent?

Or 50 consistent.

If you're in the right lane, 100%.

In the right lane.

In the correct lane.

Sorry.

In the far right lane.

If you're in the overtaking lane and you're doing 50, all good.

But also, even then, I'm actually pleased with that.

Because I know I can undertake you.

If you're on the far lane doing 50 and then you go,

you know what?

Little brief time, 80.

And then as I'm undertaking, I get my phone out of my hand.

I take the phone out of you.

I send it to the police.

Why do you volunteer?

Because undertaking is frowned upon, not illegal.

Is that true?

I think that is actually true.

Because that was triggered by when Tom lengthies me.

And I told him that it was not legal.

And it turns out, it's sort of, you can do it.

There's official times when you can over undertake.

That's like you're meant to.

It's like parking.

Sundays after 6pm, you may undertake up until about 6 in the morning.

But it's one of those parts that you don't understand.

Yeah.

Only if you have a permit.

If you have a residence permit, you may undertake.

No return or leaving before or after leaving before 6pm,

but not after 6pm.

Loading undertaking only.

It is not illegal.

I know.

How do you think Will gets here?

I've just looked it up.

It is not illegal, but they would deem it as illegal.

It's dangerous driving.

That's just...

Do you know what I think that means?

I think that puts it down to like discretion.

Where if you're 30 driving and you're in and out,

then yeah, I think they're going to do you.

I think if you're...

If some clown in their Rover 75 who cannot see over the steering wheel

is doing 6 in a 70,

I think it's acceptable to move slowly into the middle lane,

pass them and then move back.

If I get pulled over for that...

Sorry, you're moving slowly into the middle lane

and you're cruising on past...

Legally, yeah.

I'm wafting past.

Absolutely.

But if I get pulled over for that

and the biddy in the fast lane doing 60 dozen,

I'm more than willing to go on a police change at that stand.

At that stand?

At that point.

Do you need a police chase?

Police...

What did I say?

Change.

Police change.

Police change, everybody.

A police chase because then the world's wrong.

Yeah.

I'll be a criminal at that point, folks.

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Now, next, I'm looking forward to this.

I am.

Because I've been hearing about it.

I think there's multiple, I'm not sure.

There's two.

But there's sort of one or two.

This is toilet story.

This is server station toilet story.

We've been calling it toilet story,

so it's the Disney classic.

There is.

I was in the N on the way to the Al Clark podcast.

I wanted to save it till we were here.

Why are all toilet,

server station toilets so odd?

Why is there always,

there's always a weird aura around them anyway.

But I pulled up to one on the M40.

Can't remember what it is.

My description should hopefully allow people to work out.

I needed a toilet.

I walked into the toilet and what there was,

I need you to imagine,

I'm going to show you a photo in a minute,

but for the audio viewers,

it's a room, right?

That's a nice place to start.

There is the space for three cubicles.

So they've put three cubicles in, except there aren't.

There are two as in the width.

The width of the room can take three cubicles.

Okay.

There's two.

And then they've realized,

well, because quite a small room,

we want urinals on the other side of the wall.

Let's call the north wall the urinal wall, right?

Pist wall.

Pist, no, no, sorry.

Toilet, toilet.

Cubicle corner.

Cubicle corner is the north side of there.

The east side is where they've put the urinals.

But there is quite a small space.

So they realized they probably only get one urinal on the east wall,

where there's the sink next to it.

So what they've done is...

The sink makes the urinals kind of crazy.

Please, it gets worse.

What they've done is instead of put the third toilet in,

they've turned what would be the toilet space into another urinal.

Now, it'll make sense once I show you.

If you're an audio listener,

come back to this once you get home

and have a look at these photos.

I like the idea that anyone on audio

is just a cat that can't be at home.

No, you're not.

You're listening to what I'm making dinner ourselves.

So I walk into this toilet and the toilet cubicles are taken.

The urinal next to the toilet blocks is also taken,

leaving only the one urinal on the east wall available to me.

Next to the sink.

So I walk up to the urinal and I begin my process.

It's at that point that the person in the urinal on the north wall

finishes his business and it is at that exact moment.

But I realise that if someone is on the east wall

and someone is on the north wall,

the person at the north wall cannot leave.

Their urinal, when they turn around,

will just be facing me using my urinal.

So the man turns around and goes,

Oh, I'll just wait.

And so I start laughing because it's very funny.

And what that man does is he turns back around and faces me.

Now, I'm going to show you the photo.

I'm going to show you the wide, right?

He just stares back down into the urinal.

He just turned back around.

Here you go.

Oh, it's that's ridiculous.

Now, do you know what?

I was confused because the way you described it,

I got a nice wide angle.

I didn't know that that was the way it was lined up.

That is awful.

So I walked in two people using these toilet doors.

There's just a man in that corner and I was like,

Right, well, there's a urinal ready to go.

So I'm using it.

Yeah. And he just turned around.

I'll just wait for you.

But he was quite visibly perturbed about me starting to laugh.

So I just turned around and went back to it.

That looks like when I designed something in like the Sims

or some city building game.

So that's how it comes out.

Because of where it is, there's no way to have a divider there.

So what he's looking at is straight.

Yeah. And he was just looking at it.

Yeah.

He was, yeah, which I can imagine when I start laughing,

even worse, right?

But the now the best part is I've taken photos here.

So what I had to do while laughing was wash my hands,

leave the toilet and then wait for all of the men

who had been in there to leave.

So I can walk back in and take a photo.

So that's some form of M40 toilet.

That could be the worst.

That's like a sword trap.

Yeah.

So if you're that man who was quite a northern man

who was just innocently pissing in a urinal,

I'm sorry.

It's quite nice to wash it there

because it's a very private little corner.

Oh, no, I'd have loved to use that one,

but I wouldn't like to get trapped in there.

But like no space to get past.

Also, you know what?

It's worse manners to try and slip past.

You might have to shuffle out the wall.

You might get caught in the crossfire.

You just arc it up so you can go under.

Oh, sorry.

I might lift you the cable.

They do that thing where they have to walk quite quickly.

They go, sorry.

Mind if I...

Or you go lower and you can step over it.

Now, toilet story two came a few days later

when we were on the way to go and look for this.

Not knowing there is funny, but there was a...

You know, sometimes you go into a service station,

you go into the main toilet area,

and it's somehow flooded.

When I say flooded, it's flooded.

It's sort of mystery liquid as well.

Yeah, it's just kind of ankle height.

So I walked into this toilet,

and there was...

I opened the door, I saw the river Nile in there

and went, not for me.

So I waited for the disabled toilet.

Now, I think that's completely fine.

That's allowed.

The disabled toilet is for all, but mainly for...

It's better than the floor.

I'm not using it when I want,

but if other means are not available.

So I went into the door and there was no...

It was occupied.

And the person finished up over the door,

and their face went white with Perra.

And they went...

Water in the other one.

And I went, yeah, no, I know.

And he went, this one's good.

I've walked off.

Oh, so maybe he...

You should have just shook your head in.

I've shared it and gone.

That's not good.

But why is it that when it comes to public toilet...

People become like they are...

They become reset to default factory settings.

It's absolutely...

So I thought perhaps an opportunity for some creamers

to share their service station toilet stories.

Keep it PG.

Thanks.

Yep.

No swearing.

And don't mention any names,

but mention locations.

So we can...

If we can make a map of...

So we know where the sort of oddist toilets are

around the country.

There's going to be some people.

There's going to be some truck drivers.

There's going to be some professional drivers who go,

I know that M4C.

That's on the eastbound side of the...

I've been stuck in that corner a million times.

I've been there, mate.

I'm there right now.

I've seen some things.

Next, there's another one from you, Edwin.

I can't say part of this.

It's straight pipe.

Straight pipe people.

Now, Ben, this might go over your head.

This may go over many people's heads,

but the nerds among us.

You go and buy a car.

Sure.

Right?

What is one of the first things you do?

You go home and you go onto YouTube and you search?

Whatever I want.

Golf GTD, straight pipe.

You go and search.

Oh, I shouldn't do that.

Well, that's because you're weird.

You go home and you start searching for exhaust videos.

Sure.

Of your car.

What is a straight pipe, Ben?

Straight pipe is you have no muffling of any sorts.

It's just you have your manifold where all your cylinders come out

into multiple pipes.

They go into one pipe and then it's one pipe out the rear of the car.

Thank you so much, Ben.

You've understood the assignment quite nicely.

You have understood quite literally the most basic form

of two words being put together.

Straight and pipe.

We've bought two cars.

One is the one that's arriving on the way.

Why do people not understand what it means?

Straight pipe exhaust for X car.

So I'm running catted down pipes into a resonator into a muffler

into this back box with a cap with a cap delete.

That's not what a straight pipe is.

They just see one straight bit of pipe and go straight pipe.

This car's got straight pipe, man.

It's got all kinds of pipes.

Ones that the muffled things join.

It annoyed because I see it.

I want to see.

I want to hear what the straight pipe is.

So I know what the loudest it could be.

I need the top level and I know what that is.

And then we can dial it back.

But then if someone's like, yeah, it makes full straight pipe,

just got two different power flow mufflers on it.

Not that, then.

It's just annoying.

It's just another rant of the week.

I think people, it's often the back box, isn't it?

Someone will cut a back box out and go, it's been straight piped.

Despite the fact that the rest of the crasty system

has still got a cat in it.

Still got a little resonator in there.

You've still got a cat in the manifold.

So you're not really straight pipe.

Also, a lot of straight pipe stuff does kind of sound like that.

Oh, they sound terrible.

Now I think we can kind of tell you here.

Someone says it's straight pipe.

You hear it and go, that is not.

When a car is straight pipe, especially a non-turbo car,

you will know about it.

Oh, it's ridiculous.

Because your Gallardo was straight piped.

That could also be the definition of straight pipe.

There were pipes off the back and then a small pipe out the back.

No restriction, no anything.

A manifold to the exit of the car.

And it was deafening.

The engine breathing good when you go straight.

You're just going, what's cool though?

It did sound cool.

What we got next?

I regret not keeping that pipe just for special occasions.

But anyway, what do we have next?

Oh, Ben, you've put in here rock on.

But I think this is me.

It is.

This is me.

I asked you to put it in here.

So when we go to lunch, when we go out, when we go and do things,

pick things up, in any car we're in really,

we will, I'm not going to say terrorize,

we will entertain members of the public by doing things.

Either saying things, saying hello, good morning, whatever.

But we'll also thank people in slightly odd ways.

It is genuinely completely harmless.

We are no victims here.

We are not trying to be mean to anyone.

We actually do it because it's quite funny, spreading joy.

If you're driving around and you give someone, like, not a beep, a toot,

you give someone a little toot and you give them a wave, they love it.

Give them that toot toot and they give them a beep.

Yeah.

Ben, are you familiar with that?

No.

Great.

No wave and you'll see their faces like, oh, they'll be confused.

But either all, there are no real victims here.

No one gets left sad.

They'll forget it in five minutes.

No one goes, oh, God, some wave.

He smiled as well.

I don't know.

It was either.

But anyway, when you're thanking someone, as you should thank someone,

you should thank them.

Instead of doing that, we've been throwing up some different signals,

different answers.

Not gang signs.

Not gang signs, not middle fingers, nothing like that.

So the other day, I started doing the rock on signup.

Which is, there's another, there's another detail here.

Okay.

And it was your seating position.

I was.

Yes.

I forgot about that.

Yeah.

I had reclined the seat all the way back as a joke.

Like a 30 driver.

Yes.

Complete the back and then giving people the rock on as I go past.

So rock on is your middle finger and your ring finger.

Is that your ring finger?

No.

That's your pinky and your index.

Index pinky and you can choose to have the thumb out if you're really rocking on

or you have the thumb in if you're just a little bit casual with it.

I just went with that one, the traditional one.

What's that?

And I gave it to a few people.

I don't know what that is.

Whatever the one you just said.

So that's your index and your ring finger.

Yeah.

The traditional rock on sign.

And I gave it to a few people, if I'm honest.

And then we got...

And what about rock on?

And we got an email from someone who said...

Right.

Would you like me to read the email?

The other thing to note is that we have always said one day we're going to get recognized

and it's going to be bad.

And here we go.

Hello all at TDC.

I happened to be driving down the rural back lanes of Reading today due to diversions on

the M4 when I came across a black Mercedes GL coming towards me.

So I gave way and saw the TDC plate.

But I can only be described as a rock on signal from Will as a thank you for giving away.

Either that or it was a middle finger.

Either way, it made me giggle and improve my day since the damn diversions were causing

me delays at work.

Keep up the smashing videos and podcasts.

Really enjoy the content.

Is that not proof?

And it's made even funnier since one of the last podcasts I had caught up on, Edwin explained

how different thank you gestures frustrate him.

Now, A, he was happy.

He liked it.

He improved his hypothesis that you make people stay better.

He's just a little glimmer of hope in an otherwise dull and bleak world.

Exactly.

Everyone's just doing this as a thank you or a little, you know, little disc.

Throw something else in there.

Throw something fun in there.

Do a silly one.

No, it's a silly one.

But so we unfortunately were recognized for the first time.

But shout out to you.

What's his full name?

Paddy's.

That is from Paddy.

So anyone else sees us out there just just rocking on.

And if you do see us and you come past, can you please give us a rock on sign?

Awesome.

You know what?

I'm a fan of the call me sign like a surfer dude.

Hang loose.

Yeah, is that what it's called?

I think so.

I like it a little bit.

We've done, this is more of an alongside thing, but we did a sort of like a gun finger.

Oh, but you have to do it like they're shooting a Gavin base.

Yeah.

Sort of shooting a Gavin do that.

Flick it forwards, guys.

Yeah.

You get some looks on that one.

Some form of nineties gesture.

Or if you want to be quite a funny one, it's just a thumbs down.

It's quite good.

Quite mean.

Yeah, but quite funny.

It depends on the quite mean ones.

Okay.

So next up is Theoper Fetus.

And he comes.

I can't say this podcast is all over the place.

Right.

Who is Theoper Fetus?

We've been talking about this for a while.

Theoper Fetus is a gajillionaire, a millionaire, possibly a billionaire.

Dragon's Den type beat.

He was on Dragon's Den for quite some time.

Everyone, we don't mention his name.

No one knows who he is.

We keep telling this story and no one gives us the satisfaction that we're looking for.

Theoper Fetus.

Can you put the photo up?

I could put the photo up.

Because I would recognize him.

I didn't know his name.

So Theoper Fetus is the man, also people who are watching this listening to his podcast.

Where is this going to go?

There is cars in this.

Yes.

There is cars in this.

So we were on the shoot where we were searching for a non-dodgy car, four-car vertical, basically.

And we went to Beckinsfield Services to go and grab ourselves some lunch.

There he is, the very happy, smiley, millionaire man himself.

We parked up at Beckinsfield Services and we saw this Maybach.

And J.R. Videographer was talking about the fact how the Maybach rear door is different

and how it's different to a normal S-Class.

And it was like a 20, 25 or 75 play Maybach S-Class thingy.

S680.

Yes.

And we went in and we had our food and what such came back out.

And then we had to wait in the car for a while because we were going to view a car down the road 10 minutes away.

And we just saw a man approaching.

He was wearing a set of like brownie, orange, corduroy trousers.

Ben, they were right up your street.

Like I could see you wearing these and a jacket.

And I said, which another classic TDC-ism is you see someone that looks very like someone,

you say, get a load of and then the person that it looks like.

And I said, get a load of theater for theaters over here.

And there was just a pause where all three of us in the car must,

you wanted to see us all lean in and squint and go, that is theater for theaters.

But the reason we bring this to you on the podcast is because everyone will and I have told have gone, who?

Who's that?

Are we the only people that know the Vitas on this?

And of course, tying it back into the car podcast.

He did get into the back of the Maybach.

Yeah, which was lovely.

Really nice spec on it as well.

That evening, my mum was watching Dragon's Den just by Quidstons.

And I said, oh, everyone will.

So I'm still a professor today.

She went, he's not on Dragon's Den anymore.

So it shows all you know.

So just a little nice, nice little anecdote.

Also, Beckinsfield seems to be the place where you see you see random.

Like it's a hub for just seeing people.

I see Schmi there.

But over the years, I've just, I'll just be driving past Beckinsfield and Schmi will be leaving.

I'm like, what is going on?

Walking?

Yeah.

He's weighing at the bus stop.

He's like, I'm going northbound, mate.

You southbound.

Have a good one, mate.

What's good?

Ben, you're going to say something.

I was surprised at that.

What?

That Schmi's at Beckinsfield?

I don't know.

What sort of service station would you think he'd be at?

The one that we pulled the photos up on?

Those northern ones that are like super fancy.

Gloucester.

Yeah, Gloucester.

Ben, you're a Gloucester service.

But if he's not local to there, where'd he go there?

I love it.

When we go to TRS for a nice day of mapping, I always stop at Gloucester.

It's fantastic.

Ben's tucking into a seven pound Scotch egg.

Like he would not believe.

A chocolate covered marshmallow for eight pounds.

And you can't get a bottle of water at all.

You have to buy like a ginger and custard and something else.

A hermetically brewed.

Yeah.

Next up, Ben.

Staying on topic on the car podcast is tractors at night.

Okay.

I want to talk about it.

I've been thinking about this a lot recently.

And I want to preface it by saying that I don't want...

I'm not beefing the farmers here.

It's not their fault.

Okay.

We love the farmers.

But the people who design tractors, what are you doing?

What does he mean?

Why have you got this gargantuan machine and you put the headlights right in the middle?

Because when I'm driving down a lane at night and I'm like, oh, there's a car coming.

Oh, there's a car.

And the next thing you know, this behemoth of the night comes out about to crush me.

Is the giveaway not that it's like 11 foot high in the air?

But some of them aren't that high.

Some of them are like SUV level.

What's that normal car flying down the road for?

That's that man on a huge bicep.

That guy's hovering.

It doesn't happen that often.

But occasionally I'll see...

It looks like a list SUV or something.

But you think, are those two lights close together?

It's just a car.

And then next thing you know, this giant appears.

And every time, it gets me.

I was saying, now you've mentioned it, I've never seen a tractor at night.

I've seen it.

But I think, Ben, it's because you're from Bristol, you see.

We do have a lot of tractors.

That's just people commuting.

That's a businessman.

I've got to get home.

I'm getting the John.

I'm getting the Lambo.

I've never seen a Lamborghini tractor.

But yeah, no, it is true.

They are...

We have some very nice farmers who live next to us who are fans of the channel.

And you know what?

The other thing about tractors, they know their tractor.

There is a...

Yeah, yeah.

They are tiny little lanes.

Ambrose doing 60 down it.

Just added like...

Have you ever seen a tractor accident?

No.

I've never seen one.

They're not crashing into people.

It's like, you know what?

I stick them in like a Ken Block Jim Carnacart.

And they...

I bet you they pull it off no issue at all.

Turns out tractor drivers, best drivers on earth.

They're just working them through six foot, six width restrictions.

No problem.

The car's nine foot six.

But that doesn't matter.

I want to make it easy for them because you know, you're working late and I respect it.

So you think...

I'm trying to get out of your way, but I don't know what you are until you're on top of me.

And the tractors.

And the tractors are also huge.

So you think perhaps they need like a reflector.

No, they have got on the side.

Like a wide load.

On the edge of the arches or the wing mirrors, there is often a smaller light.

But often the brights of the main headlights are so bright that you don't see that initially.

No, I do often.

No, it's a tractor.

But sometimes it gets me.

Here's my idea for you.

Fight fire with fire.

You get a tractor.

Thoughts on that?

Put your lights right in the middle of your car.

So they go, what the hell is that coming down the road?

It's a motorbike.

Next to you know, it's a golf GTD.

You put your lights really high up in the air.

So they're like, fellow tractor coming.

I'll pull over.

Why me?

I'll slip on through.

They're coming in for landing.

But look, I just...

I didn't know if that was a universal experience.

Probably not.

To be fair, my experience of tractors at night quite rare.

So I think you're in a small minority.

I just can't picture it.

Do you not get tractors?

Tractors at day.

The only time I've seen a pair of tractors at night was in the field.

Not in the field where we used to live.

I think that's probably quite rare.

But I used to live next to a farmer.

Did you?

Yes.

Like right next to multiple fields.

And the only time I ever saw them at night is when they were out there in the fields

fighting for their meals.

What about horses?

They are doing 50 or?

No, no, no.

They've got no lights.

Stupid.

No, they don't have lights today.

You know what?

Horses should have lights.

That is if horses are allowed to be out on the road, they need lights.

Plan indicators.

Can't be doing this arm stuff.

But tractors are big.

And it gets me every time.

Now I'm a bit embarrassed now.

Like I've just said something stupid.

Maybe it is.

No, you started that sentence and then realized you didn't know how to end it.

Tractors.

They are big.

What are your next?

Next up is from you, Edwin.

MG model name.

What is this?

Now this is not an MG for the UK.

Some MG's in the UK.

What are their names?

Oh, I have no idea.

I'll be real honest with you.

MG3, MG4.

Oh, creative.

MG...

What's the most?

Cyber stuff.

Okay.

Now, cyber stuff is the one that kind of deviates, but they are there are three.

Numbers.

Six.

There is something.

There is an...

There is a MG in India that they sell out.

I'm going to put on the screen now and it has...

It's mainly for...

You're going to have to read it for the audio listeners.

The name of it.

And if you could read what the number plate says.

Okay.

Ready?

Hold on.

There you go.

Hector.

Sorry.

It's the all new Hector.

MG presents the all new Hector.

You've got an MG Hector.

Now, we've talked about it before.

The Vauxhall Adam, just bad car names.

MG, a brand that already needs to fight to be cool.

Like that just needs to get a foothold in and not be seen as...

Oh, come on, MG.

Hector's not...

You can't call it Hector.

Now, he may be running 3T66 Turbos.

He might.

We don't know.

You just might.

Ben wouldn't have a clue.

So many.

No idea.

But what's an absurd thing to call your car?

Also just looks like ass.

Yeah, no.

This is the MG Jeremy.

Yeah.

What are you driving around in?

I've just got a Hector.

I've pulled up in C in Steve.

Was it a Hector?

Is that the size there?

Oh, my dear.

I've got a Hector.

Oh, that's massive.

Oh, I've got the Acre.

A little bit smaller.

MG Acre.

I think you should embrace your heritage here.

I think it should be a proper British name.

Like 75.

Like Dave.

Dave.

The MG Dave.

No.

Steven.

The UK sales going up.

MG David, that's quite a good name.

MG Steven is a rap name.

What else we got?

It's MG Kelly's brother.

But it's like a back street.

He's just doing clubs on a sort of Friday night.

MG John.

MG Paul.

And you know what?

An MG Brian.

Brian feels quite American to me.

No.

No, Brian.

Little baby Brian.

That's the Corvette Brian.

No.

Joe.

I don't try to trust the message.

But you know, MG.

MG Joe.

If you want some ideas for, you know, some brand names, get at us.

I think we could make this.

We'll even like design the badge.

Yeah.

It will say like...

Hector.

That isn't also even the font on that.

Hector but like tiny little bit.

That's just italic.

What do you call it?

Aerial font.

The all new Hector.

It's the new Fast and Furious film coming out.

Shall we end on a little forum?

Oh, go on then.

From New Benjamin.

I have got a DM here.

Okay.

From Daniel De Costa.

Okay.

Daniel.

Hello, Mr. Ben Rogers.

Not having my name spelt.

I've got some question for you yourself.

Will and Edwin.

Sorry for the shade there.

A little bit catty there.

Yeah, a little bit.

I do apologize, Daniel.

If your most loved car completely died on you, is there a monetary limit where you're

like nah, it's been real and cut your losses?

Like most loved.

What's the number where love overalls logic?

Is it five grand?

Ten grand?

I could have bought another one for that territory.

Are you emotionally financially what?

Sorry.

Or are you emotionally financing it until bankruptcy?

Now, I will preface one thing.

Obviously, it depends on how expensive your car is.

Yeah.

And how much money you have.

Yes.

Of course.

But let's go on a rough ballpark here.

Let's say I'm going to give you a car each.

Right.

You're clear.

William.

Your M3.

Yeah.

No, not you're clear.

Now, your Lamborghini is expensive though.

So you're clear.

Can I have a choice?

No, I'm telling you.

Okay.

What would you want to choose?

That is liquid.

Let's go with your Range Rover.

No, because I don't really like that's not this.

That's I love that car, but it's like a daily type thing.

So it would have to be a car you're passionate about.

So it's clear.

We're about the McGann.

All right.

Would you keep putting money into the McGann?

I think you would.

It doesn't cost me a penny.

Your Cleo, your M3.

Go.

Now the my inclination is to say yes to basically all cars on that.

For me, I become attached to every car and I will just keep them going no matter what.

But the M3 is the one car that owes me so much money that it's a meaningful amount of money

that I need back at some point, if that makes sense.

I'd love to keep that car forever, but if I need to buy a house, that car will have to go.

There'll be a car that needs to go.

So I would probably repair it enough to sell it.

I would keep it sellable if that makes sense.

But like my Mx5, I'm already so deep into that car and I'll just never sell it.

If that car kept blowing engines, I'd just keep chucking engines at it.

So your answer is just as much as you want?

Yeah, as I want.

I've loved to keep pouring money into this.

This would be great.

No, you would keep doing it.

I would.

You're on that side of things.

So it's not like there's no hard and fast.

I'm not spending more than 10 grand on this car.

I would feel like my little Clio 172 exclusive, if the engine went again or something,

I would consider getting rid of it.

Really?

Yeah, because I like it.

I really like it a lot.

But it's especially on a lower-end car where it's a grand or two that you're like,

I'm now like, let's say, if I turn around and I was five grand into that 1,000-pound car

and I know it's only worth two grand, I'd be like, man, this is not great.

I thought that becomes a point in no return though.

There's something else.

Well, let's wrap up then.

Something just started outside.

Well, what's your Clio?

That's difficult because I have actually spent an absolute, absolute head load on that car,

basically, like a lot, a lot.

But it's, to me, it's like, it brings it up to roughly what it might be worth if I were

to go out and buy one that's kind of good.

Probably still under that.

So for me, it's still, I would still be looking at what the car is roughly worth.

If you have a 10 grand car and all of a sudden you need to go and put a 10 grand engine in

it, it doesn't make a lot of sense.

You're that 20 grand deep into a car that's going to, you might get eight back four or

something.

But again, if you're keeping that car forever, you might be willing to do that.

So it entirely depends on your circumstance, what you want to do with the car as well.

Again, my Gallardo, for example, if that broke, like if the engine broke, I would kind of be

forced to fix it.

Otherwise, I have to fix a car with it.

I have to sell a car with a broken engine.

So then they're in like, do I spend the money?

That's where you have to like weigh it up is you have to almost be quite brutal with it

or like clinical with it and say, am I at sell point?

Am I do I cut my losses and lose that money?

And that's the end of it.

But at least I haven't got the stress anymore.

Do I put the money in, probably lose a load of money anyway, but then keep using it for

another year, two years.

I would say, right?

I don't think there's a number.

Your numbers, what, 20 pounds, 30 pounds, anything more than that, sell it.

If the S2000 costs you an air freshener, that car's dead.

That car's gone.

The S2000 is a good example because what I was going to say on your point, if you're

saying that the value, the fix is the same value as the car, then you're almost better

keeping it because imagine your car is worth five grand, for example, and like an engine

for it is five grand.

You could either sell the car or put it in the bin or whatever with no engine and it's

broken.

You've lost that five grand that you've invested in the car.

Yeah.

So you're five grand down.

No, my math doesn't work here at all.

Well, no, it does.

It does when you consider that you're going to have to go then go and buy another car.

Whereas if you put that five grand in, then you're losing five grand, nearly 10 grand.

No, it's not good.

It's a massive, you know, again, it depends on the value of the car.

You can't value that.

It's like, if the car's worth eight, you have an engine failure.

The car's now worth four or five, but you might need to spend eight getting it right.

Yeah.

You are better off selling it as a broken car almost because you're still, but then it

depends.

You might be willing to put that extra eight grand, nine, whatever it is to fix the car.

Then you might buy another one and it might blow up as well.

Exactly.

Meanwhile, all you could sell a working, reliable daily driver for a car that you hadn't yet

bought and then be without a daily for about two months and have to drive your convertible.

Is that me?

Oh, I don't know.

Is that?

I don't know.

Will about his new purchase.

No, that's we won't know that.

I reckon if the shoe fits though, you must know what we're saying.

That was snug.

That one.

Yeah.

That felt good on you.

But yeah, I would find it impossible to give anyone an actual number of what that is.

I would say it's certainly in the thousands.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

It's a hundred percent.

It's in the thousands.

No matter what the car is.

Once you start getting that, that big old pill, that one that goes into four figures, if

you're starting to go in five figures as well, we.

I think you just gas like yourself.

That's what I do.

That weapon does.

You just tell yourself, you know, I don't know what it's for grand.

Okay.

It's for grand.

But after that, I'm done.

I'm sorted and it's done.

That's you pay for grand.

It does it again.

You tell yourself that you're never selling the car.

And then therefore you never lose the money because you're never going to sell it.

It's great.

It's a really great way of thinking.

You won't lose money if you sell.

Anyone surrounding you will not like it.

They'll recommend you don't do that.

But they are haters.

Don't listen to them.

No, be financially sensible.

This is not financial advice.

Very much not.

I think there is, you know, what's the, what's the quote?

Is it from good fellas?

That's you get three good women in your life.

I think you get three good project cars in your life.

You won't know when they'll come.

Don't spend any more than those three.

Choose your three.

Deal with the problems from those three.

If you have more than that, you're in scary territory like us.

Don't do that.

I think that's a good place to wrap it up.

We want to go and look at the car that we've bought outside.

So thank you very much for listening to this episode of the cream podcast.

We will see you next week.

As always, no guest I think next week,

but they're awesome in the pipeline.

That's quite fun.

So see you then cream.

Get the money.

But by now creams, it's got a V8.

It's quite cool.

C.R.E.A.M. #72 - Audi's Exciting News, Urinal Stories and Straight Pipes

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