C.R.E.A.M. #73 - The W12 Golf is BACK, More Toilet Tales and Identifying Ninky Nonks

Wazoo! Bang! Spid! He was using his door to shield it. He was just pissing

next to his car. If you go into a bush and you're and you're quiet about it, then...

You're quiet about it as in you don't mode? What are you saying?

Hello and welcome back to the 73rd Cars Rule Everything Around Me, the podcast where we decide

whether cars rule or ruin everything around us. William to my left, Benjamin to my front.

Hello and let's start with Will. What is it this week?

A rule. It's a rule.

Rule. Again, no reason to ruin. The clear is up and running, which I think we said last week anyway,

but that's just going to have wheels refurbished and some of your wheels as well,

maybe we'll get on to. What else? What else has happened? There's nothing else that's really

happened. Well, there was a minor ruin, but it could still be a rule?

Yes. So there was a hint at bidding on a car last week and I was hopeful and I was technically

the highest bidder, but didn't win. Just basically there was a reserve and blah,

blah, blah. And then the seller didn't accept the offer. I was very, very annoyed.

This is an Audi RS4 Avant. So I think the video is already out, but the Auto Alex guys have just

got a basically the cheapest RS4. It's a saloon for a ridiculously cheap amount of money,

but it's a bit rough. And that got me searching and then that one literally appeared the next day.

So it felt like fate. Well, I've been looking for something fun to replace the Range Rover as a

daily. I know I said I wasn't going to sell the Range Rover, but now the weather's getting nice

here. Range Rover's winter car. It's great for puddles and muds and whatever else, but now it's

getting the commuter works looking fresh and nice. I want something a little bit more fun.

So RS4 feels quite good, feels quite practical. Obviously, this is an auction car, so I haven't

been able to see it. It's way down south somewhere, but fortunately, this episode has been sponsored

again by the guys at Car Vertical. So I did a Car Vertical report on it and it came back good.

Obviously, I did some extra research as well and I've obviously spoken to the seller, but

doing the initial Car Vertical search gave me some good peace of mind at a really high Car

Vertical score as well. It did tell me that like the car has been sat for a while. So the car hasn't

done that many miles for the last four or five years, but Car Vertical flags it up and says,

yo, that could be an issue. It might not be an issue. It's worth bringing up to the seller to

see if you can get some money off or find out why it was doing that. What was the score? The score,

I think it was 83 out of 100. Now, you know, I bet you most people looking for cars are probably

seeing in the 80s. I think my clear was like a 36. We're seeing 50s is like a 50. 50 is okay.

That's like halfway. An 80. We saw an 80 the car the other day. A commuter was Ben. Both you and I

went bloody hell. That thing's in 71 or something.

So your dad's car was like a 97 or something. I was like, wow, that's a crazy one. That's amazing.

They give you a score, but more than that, they will also tell you if the car has ever been crashed,

clocked, mileage rolled back, exported over to a different country and crashed there,

it does the lot. And it can even pull up things like spec of the car on some of the Mercs and

Audis and German stuff. They can pull up specs, which is very cool as well as all of the mileage

histories. So if you're going to do a report, make sure that you use our discount code that is

CREAM20. It gets you 20% off your next report. So if you're buying a car, leave no stone unturned

and do a car vertical report. Plus, if you know you're going to be buying multiple cars this year,

you can actually batch buy reports. And then you can get a discount of up to 50% off. Honestly,

we lose it every single day basically because we're searching for quite a few cars. But thank

you very much to CarVertical. Shout out CarVertical. Anyway, this is RS4. Now, I thought all hope was

lost. I had a bid in. It was thousands more than I started off at.

Now, I want to quick aside, because I know, unfortunately, I know Will very well. And I

said, I think I said to both Ben and then I said to my girlfriend when I got home,

Will's found a car. The reserve price was seven. And so Will, I immediately was like,

right, it's an RS4 with wing max. It's got, it looks really like the surroundings of the guys

look lovely. This is the sign of a nice one. And Will was like, I get that for like seven easy.

And in my head, I was like, that car's going for like nine and a half grand.

So Will went, I'll go in at like seven, seven, seven or whatever the first bid was.

And I literally, my head thought, by lunchtime, it'll go up another couple of hundred quid.

By the evening, it'll go up again. And then by the time we come in the morning,

it will have gone up a grand or so. And I came in the morning and Will went,

I've been more on the RS4.

Because the way the auction works, it tells you how many bids there are,

but it doesn't tell you where it's at. The auction doesn't happen until it'll last like 24

hours or however long it is. And then it ends at a specific time of the day and I'll say,

right, and then the bid happens basically, sort of without you seeing it. So you could say,

oh, my bid's 25 million pounds. But if someone's bid 25 million pounds and one, you lose.

They will win. It does go up by literally singular pounds.

And you cannot see anyone else's bid. It's like a sealed bid auction where

you just find out at the end if you're the winner or not. But the thing they do tell you

is how many other bids there are. I think it ended on 26 bids, which is high.

I think that when I bought the CL, it was like 10 bids, which I think followed me.

And this was 26. So I upped it a few times. I think I ended up at 9669.

You always go for a little weird number, just in case someone goes at 9650 or something.

And it sold without actually accepting that offer for 10-1. So I missed out by just over

300 quid, 300-400 quid, which I was very upset about. So I sold for the rest of the evening.

And then I thought... And then the next evening, next morning, it appeared again,

but I could buy it now way higher. So I made another offer just over 10,

still nothing, wouldn't accept. And then Sunday morning, I was like,

there has to be a more RS4s out there available. I go on AutoTrader,

and what photos do I see but the exact same car? So I've spoken to the owner,

I'm going to see it on Saturday. It will cost me more than what it was,

but it's still very cheap for an event with the wingbacks, which is the key for me.

I could not have one without those seats. And the problem is, those seats are three grand.

For RS4 specific ones, 3,000 pounds for good condition wingback seats, which is tough.

It's crazy. But so there is still hope on the table.

There is still hope. So that would mean there would be a rejig. There would be L322 would go.

So, hey, anyone wants a nice L322? Please let me know. I'm having a service on Monday.

L322 will be replaced by RS4. I described it earlier as a torque fill. It would fill in the

little daily bits that the RS4 couldn't do, be little runabout, which means it wouldn't

necessarily be a tracked car, but it could do track days.

It can go on it. And then the Glado is ultra special. Look at this weather.

We're going out. We're driving, driving. And then the McGann.

We do not talk about the McGann. In much the same way as we do not talk about the 850i,

we do not talk about the McGann. There has been an update on the McGann,

which they may have. I may even have it back by this point, but possibly not.

Well, next podcast, we'll see when Will goes. We do not talk about the McGann.

Benjamin?

I'll go Ruin. Nothing's changed. It's still bad.

It's not bad. You've had a week, so you've sorted all the issues on your car, right?

Oh, nothing. No, I've sorted nothing. No, we're doing a second channel video on that car,

so all of it will be fixed. We're not.

Well, I found out today that apparently the plan was we were going to do it all together.

I found out today that... When was that the plan? I don't think that was ever a plan.

Was that God's plan? What was that about?

I don't think I'm a presenter. Oh, that's interesting.

I can't just do a video for myself.

So, we just fix your car for you now? That's...

No, I was going to do it with you. That's the whole point. That's what we're doing.

Oh, interesting.

I thought it was a plan.

No, Ben.

I was informed today, apparently, we're doing a full switch for the day.

So, these guys are going to film the entire video.

I don't know.

So, you think it's going to take all day?

Probably.

I hope not.

Sorry, absolutely it's going to take all day.

So, what is the video for people that don't know?

Just doing things to my golf, sort of fixing the little issues, and then a couple of

smaller little mods, little lowering springs, perhaps, who knows.

So, like for a normal person, that's like a couple of hours.

Yeah, that's me. Exactly.

I've never done lowering springs.

So, I've got to do that on my own.

I'm not looking forward to it now, if I'm honest with you.

I see. This is why I threw this little TNT into Ben's mind.

Is I knew that he'd be all like,

Oh, yeah, they're going to fix my car for me.

You've had enough.

I didn't expect you to fix it for me. Thank you very much.

I just expected you to do most of the work.

No, we would do it together.

Dampers would arrive, and then you just chuck them at us, and we'd go,

you get a message like you're going to a service, and go, your car's ready to climb.

Hang on a second.

And then we said, do you want to just walk around videos?

It goes, yeah, that's what you're going to want to change there, mate.

Tires are down at three mil.

Ben was expecting that thing.

You know, there's the viral video of the guy doing the pat down,

but he's not touching them at all.

It's where Ben walks up to the car, pretends he's working out, he goes,

Oh, God, this is so hard. I'm not going to do this.

And then we come in and fix it.

I'm afraid that's not going to happen anymore.

Okay, so it will be start to finish.

If you want out from us, there will have to be payment.

And not saying money.

Sorry, I didn't play the game, which is Project Gotham Racing 3.

Sorry, audio listeners do not care.

Now, yeah, that's tough one for me.

I can't lie. I don't know.

Well, hey, it's meant to be a second channel video,

so it's not going to take us that long.

So it will take us long now.

Here's the thing, Ben.

It's going to, we're going to be there to help you emotionally, spiritually.

Emotionally, you're going to make fun of me the whole time.

No, no, that's what I mean.

We're now, because we can't help you, we're going to be on your side, mate.

I would like it if, yeah, I hate having to worry about filming it as well.

Now, maybe it's that there's one that is the devil on your shoulder

and the other one is an angle on your shoulder that is like,

Will might be mean to you. I might be helping you.

And we might switch. It might be good cop, bad cop.

We might go bad cop, bad cop, you know, we might just leave.

Yeah, we might not be.

There are three things to do.

Okay.

It's full set of lowering springs and dampers.

Which I think should be okay.

Even though I will be using that footage.

I think there's a oil level sensor, which I know.

I'm pretty clear up on that.

Okay.

It's just a service.

I will service it sometimes.

Are they a door handle?

And then I don't have a door handle.

So not that.

But you're not going to order one?

No.

Oh, I can't find any.

And I don't want to buy a brand new car.

You can't find door handles.

As in like a second hand, what I have to find.

But is there like an aftermarket version?

I don't think so.

Okay.

We'll get to that.

For listeners that didn't maybe didn't get last week.

Why do you very quickly need a whole new door handle?

Because I actually haven't.

Have I spoken about this?

We did.

Yeah, we did.

I've had a great length.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

I have keyless entry.

My keyless entry has stopped working.

It turns out it's the antenna in my passenger door handle.

Yeah, it's good fun.

So Ben gets Ben.

You know what?

We drove with them the other day.

He gets really angry with it.

No, no, sorry.

No, no, no, no, shut your mouth for a second.

Hang on.

Almost like when Ben's working on a car.

We were driving and Ben went under 10 miles and I was like,

yeah, great.

Isn't it great?

So Patrick was with us.

Patrick from social media.

And I do genuinely think he didn't know what the bong was.

Obviously we knew what the bong was because you told us.

And he was sat in the back and he went, Ben,

Ben, why does your car keep bogging?

I could see this seething rage.

What I've now learned about it is that so it bongs.

If you then stop famously, you stop, turn the car off and back on

without the key exiting the car or nothing.

Door's opening, nothing.

It goes, we're in the car, bonging will stop.

The second you open a window, the sunroof, a door.

Even just for a second, it comes back and you've got to restart the car again.

But also that whole journey, I hated it.

I don't drive to lunch.

That's not my thing.

Famously.

But this is why we said, Ben, it's your turn to drive.

We always drive to lunch.

No, I don't drive to lunch.

And Will had stuff in his Range Rover.

So they said, let's all pile in the golf.

I was like, okay, fine.

We did that.

But I just, I'll bonus you, I hate driving you guys.

How old would you say Will is in your passenger seat?

Will is not even born in my passenger seat.

He is the most infant child you've ever met in your life.

He just presses buttons.

And the irony is, if I did that in his car,

he would throw me out of the sunroof.

But somehow when he's in my car, he can press every single button.

And I like to know what they do.

Just throw it into neutral.

Yeah, I was going to say, we're like, we're likes to know

what 40 mile an hour in neutral does.

I just, I was actually really getting quite annoyed.

I'm not driving you again.

But you actually like verbally abused me, like badly.

I actually did.

Yeah, like venomously went at me and you caught me words

that you wouldn't normally.

I've decided I'm not doing it again.

Okay.

No more driving.

So no more lunch.

So I can go to lunch in my car and you can go in a different car.

Okay, we'll see you there then.

Fine, completely fine.

You're not perfect.

This is Ben's plan all along.

I hate, I, and also you guys are such opinionated drivers.

I feel like if I do anything wrong when I get bullied,

I just hate driving you.

He says this.

Yeah, he says this.

All we're doing is pressing buttons and having a little jovial little journey with you.

I'm sat there.

It's, it's japering.

I like my car set up how it is.

And then you're there pushing all the aircon buttons on the radio and it's

bonging at me because the key is not in it.

Right James, I put it in sport mode.

He's like, don't put it in sport mode.

I didn't know you said in eco always.

No, I use it in normal mode.

Anyway, so I'm in room because nothing's changed

and I still have a bonging car and hopefully.

Golf never changes.

Actually, no, by this time next week, it won't be fixed.

So here we go.

We don't know that.

Are we preempting?

We don't know it.

Are we preempting a ruin next week?

Is that what we're saying?

I've got to drive it.

I've got to do a 10 hour round trip with the weekend in it.

Ben's extrapolating his ruins.

I'll tell you, it's 2000.

Anyway, what was yours?

I am going to say it's a rule.

The on this weekend, last weekend, I on Saturday, I drove.

Well, so you will see, I'll do a little anecdote on the side first.

The ML 63 is behind us.

If you're an audio listener, it may seem...

Well, you don't know that there's an ML 63 behind us as such.

If you're a video viewer, you will see me reaching over here and grabbing.

Imagine if you've seen Die Another Day when Halle Berry has the tummy full of

diamonds and he kind of picks them up.

Jowl's face.

I'm just going to...

That's glass shards.

Jamie, one of the guys that works here, was very kindly going up to pick up Will's

Mystery Car for a project.

And we got cool and he said, oh my God.

And we're like, what, Jamie?

And he went, no, the back windows just smashed in on the ML completely spontaneously.

The back window on the ML 63 shattered, like completely shattered.

I'll put a photo.

We're not talking big bumps.

We're nothing...

Didn't even drive over anything.

It just went, he was motorway.

Jamie described it as he thought he was shot at.

Yeah.

So here is a photo of Will's wide phone with a photo of just what...

That's what he looked in his review, Meredith C.

So currently the ML 63 has no rear window and we've got

auto glass coming around tomorrow to do it.

But the reason that that's important is because I was going to take this car to go

and get some new wheels for my Clio.

Found some 16-inch Rose Eds.

Renault Nerds will know that that's special.

And then this happened on Friday and I realised, oh, I have to take my E36 tomorrow.

My E36 has had, I would say, verging on slicks at the front because I did the alignment myself.

So I quickly fixed it, got it already, and in cleaning the wheels to put the tires on,

sorry, in doing the tires, I had to clean the front wheels.

I was like, oh, it looks quite good actually.

I mean, clean it up, clean it up, got the wheels, very happy.

And then someone messaged me and said, there's a meet on Sunday.

Do you have anything you can bring?

And up until that point, E36 was daily, but it looked clean.

So I was like, oh, I'm going to do that.

Went to the first car meet of the year, Southside Hustle in London.

It was really good.

A lot of special stuff.

A lot of, while it was good, there was a lot of, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Drove down in the Defender, yeah, yeah, absolutely lovely day, isn't it?

So it's a little bit poncy, but at the same time it was a very nice meeting.

There was a lot of nice people.

So I'm in nice meets.

I like those meets.

Yeah, it's just a morning meet, proper.

There was also, I will get onto it with the ones of the week.

There was something, there were two splendiferous cars there.

So I'm saying it's rule for me and the eight series, hopefully,

maybe might be back next week for the next podcast.

I'm so excited for that now.

I'm so excited.

I can't wait for that car.

It has vibes to me of them again.

Well, I just don't ever expect to see it again.

Do you know what the, but the reason is I said to Chris the painter,

I'll be honest, mate, you're kind of acting as free storage for me over the winter.

Take as long as you want.

That's fair.

And to be fair, and you know what he said?

I'm sorry.

So we have seen it.

Shout out, Chris.

I've seen it.

It looks fantastic.

It really does look good.

I'm like, yeah.

McGann?

Yeah.

McGann is.

Do you have him again?

It's a wazzy. It's a woozy.

Did you get one?

No, no, one day.

Have you seen the video on the channel?

The AI, probably AI power bar.

Oh, yeah. That was good.

Yeah.

And I also, I've decided to re-die the interior on the eight series.

I found a really nice one in Cognac.

That's good.

That is going to, I was about to swear.

Yeah, you know, that's going to, so I need to find someone to help me re-die.

We do have Chris Licks.

Chris Licks.

He's going to help us with-

He was for the other project, for the mystery project,

which is going to be large.

This is going to be very-

Very large. I need to do some measuring this evening for that project, actually.

So lots of cool stuff coming.

The eight series is going to be Cosmos Black over Cognac interior,

with even Cognac Dash and Alcantara Roof.

And it's going to be, I'm excited.

So that's, I'm rural for that reason.

What anecdotes and things have we got?

Well, we've got, we've got anecdotes.

We've got a few, we've got a few that we didn't get to last week.

Benjamin, so in theory, you've had a few days on this.

Here we go.

BMW leaked its upcoming models.

I heard about, I saw something about a four-wheel drive M2.

Perfect. Well, you've ruined it.

What the heck?

Oh, is that it?

Yeah. Well, there's a few that no one cares.

It's like IX3s and stuff.

No, no, I do.

No, hang on.

I do.

It's like IX3s, that sort of thing.

No one cares what that is.

No, but I do.

You care that they leaked the IX3.

I want to know what they've leaked.

I don't know anything about anything at all.

I leaked-

So basically, they're US website.

You know, you go on there and it goes,

choose a car to buy everyone.

And then you get, and it has like all the different options.

It has a car.

It has options.

So it came up saying, we've got 2027 M2X drive.

It's not confirmed.

It might, I don't know if this is even real.

It looked real.

Apparently, it's kind of,

it's this thing that's sort of been known about.

So four-wheel drive.

Also, wow, doing some big speeds.

Like smaller chassis M car with a big engine build.

Catch me at TX2K.

IX4.

So that is a four-wheel drive.

So that's a SUV coupé thing.

Swoopé.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Kind of like that.

You know what, Ben's just come up with a new car.

The swoop in America.

It's just a swoop.

A swoop, yeah.

I got the new swoop.

Jump in the swoop.

We've got a 740 IX drive.

What?

I don't know.

740 IX.

Oh, he said IX.

Was that some sort of 4x4 7 series?

So that's a-

Oh, sorry.

No, actually, that could-

So, yeah, that's a B58.

Sorry.

That's a B58.

Drive, B58.

Bro, that took bro out for a second.

BMW.

I want to say something right now.

If the CEO of BMW is listening to this,

which they definitely are.

He obviously would be.

You can't call everything IX,

right, as an electric,

and then call it a 740 IX drive.

Because now I'm thinking it's electric,

but it's not.

It's a 740 IX drive.

IX, though, is a very old BMW term for 4x4 drive.

That is the original term for IX.

It's kind of like an electric 4x4.

Exactly.

But if that's before the number.

It is, but I always read it then as 740 IX.

So you can have an IX4 IX.

So what it is to clarify, we've got M2X drive.

Right.

We've got IX4 40x drive.

Oh, God.

Which is the IX4.

I assume it's the electric version of the X4, whatever.

And then we have a 740 IX drive.

So, sure.

B58.

Just chopping people in the 7 series.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That'd be cool.

And then we've got a IX3 50x drive.

I assume a quick electric one.

BMW, you would have chosen one.

You made it so simple.

Three, meaning the three series.

The small guy.

One eight.

The 1.8.

What are you doing, man?

But basically, all we care about on that list is the B587 series

and then also the 4WD drive M2.

Heard.

And they quickly deleted it.

But 2027, so that would imply that it's a this year release for 2027.

Yeah, right.

It'll be a mid to late this year type of thing.

The M2 is interesting, but it's like kind of...

It's interesting because you'd also think,

I hope it would obviously have a switchable mode,

obviously, like the M3 and the M4 did.

But it's like, do you need that?

It depends how much weight.

If you've gained a load of weight for it,

then that's not so great.

Ben, why was that funny?

I thought you meant if we've gained a little weight?

Oh, no, we should.

Yeah, then we can't.

I mean, if you're massive, yes, get the real dry one.

You can balance it out, really.

If you're thin, get the X drive, you know.

I guess if you're going for ultimate launch control speeds,

then maybe, but...

My question being, though, is it going to be a facelift?

That'd be interesting, but the thing is,

you know what the thing is, that car is still brand new to me.

Yeah.

Like the M2 is like, in my head, I'm like,

I haven't seen one yet.

I have.

I'm assuming it's a couple years old now.

Yeah, that must be two or three years.

So it must be due a facelift.

So yeah, what was that?

It'll be headlights and tail lights.

Would you remember when it came out,

there was always people with electrical tape

making like what it should have looked like

with the light inside the boot.

Yeah, I wonder if there's people that go,

if BMW go, all right, let's do it.

Mini 3 Series E46.

2023.

Wow.

So it's three years.

Three years?

Wait, what?

Why did 2023 sound like it was a million years ago now?

That's production as well.

So it's probably announced before that.

Yeah, mid like mid-22.

So that is probably coming up for...

Well, it was showcased in October 2022.

From one BMW news story to a far more bleak one.

Benjamin.

Manuals.

Tell us about the manual.

Manuals, this was old.

BMW is going to phase out the manual and it's a sad one.

So we've got M Boss.

Sorry, who's listening to music?

It's you, Ben.

You have the news article playing, don't you?

Yeah, I know that makes sense.

Ads do go.

Hey, Ben, you heard it here third.

BMW M Boss.

Frank Van Mule warns the manual transition is nearing its end due to torque limitations.

So because now they're models...

Hey, what?

I guess because they want them to be as easy to use as possible.

So they're going to want organic, nice clutch.

In our head, we're like, yeah, I get manuals that handle 700, 800 horsepower,

but that's like a twin paddle clutch.

So maybe, I guess, but there's got to be like Ferrari's and things have had

manuals with loads of power through them.

I think what they're saying is that it's not that they can't,

because I'm sure they can.

It's that it doesn't make any sense because they have to over-engineer it, I guess.

But they do that anyway.

But then to then no one to buy them.

Well, true.

The 58 engine and the S58 engine.

Yeah.

The thing is, I think I've always said this before, it's easy for us to go,

but clearly they have data.

There's data that is saying like seven people bought this last year.

But they kind of thought that about manuals before.

They go, right, no one's buying manuals.

And I guess there probably was data suggested that they're not.

And then kind of begrudgingly loads of these manufacturers brought manuals back.

And now people do buy manuals.

So now they're not killing it because people aren't buying it.

They're killing it because they can't support it because of the power it's making.

That's almost sadder in a way.

It's like, oh, no, actually, no, you want them, but we can't.

They're saying that they have to like detune the car.

So the M2, they had to do that with.

They had to detune the manual version because otherwise...

That's fine.

Yeah.

But I think for them, if they've got to develop more stuff,

it costs more money and then they're no one's buying it.

But then I have almost just 40% uptake on those.

So that's on manuals.

Yeah.

On the cars it's offered on.

That's crazy.

Because you compare that to like, you know, earlier like E92s or that kind of era.

There was just that period where no one chose it, which is why they're so rare now.

But if people are still buying it, god damn.

I can also imagine that from a production standpoint,

it's a lot easier if they all have the same transmission.

They're all identical.

You just buy a billion ZF8s.

Whereas if they're like, right, this one on production needs to be a manual.

This has got to be an auto.

It gets a little bit annoying.

It's almost like they're seeing it wrong by...

They don't get it by saying, I'll be up.

But you don't want the manual because you want more power, but do they?

Yeah.

Would people be that bothered if you just came out with just the 500 horsepower,

but you could get a manual?

And then there was also a some sort of ZF option or whatever.

But it's because they're going for this, you know,

but we need to make 700 horsepower from the M2.

We got to.

We have to.

What Mercedes has made 800.

So we need to make 900.

Tomorrow we'll make 1000.

Maybe it's a sales thing where they know if they don't keep up with the numbers,

people don't buy them.

But I don't know.

Maybe I don't think that's necessarily true now.

So no, they're going to retain the manual in the M2, the M4 until 2029.

But then the 2027 electric M3, M3, M3, M3, M3 and the future hybrids are going to get rid of them.

So basically 2029 should cut off.

Wow.

Unless they do a U-turn.

So you've got a while yet.

Yeah.

Well, no, we don't.

That's three years.

So what we got?

What we got next?

Are we off BMW news now?

We're on to we're going across the part of Germany to Volkswagen.

Now, some of you, car nerds and perhaps even top gear nerds among you,

will remember the review of a W12-engined Golf.

It was, do you know about that at all?

Do you remember this?

Yeah, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very rarely.

Very mildly.

Is that the word?

Yes, or yes.

Medium hot.

You kind of, you sort of.

Lemon herb.

Yeah, a little bit.

Okay.

But basically that, I mean, not only is it one of the coolest, it's a concept car.

They weren't ever going to put it in production.

It was a look at us.

It was kind of a parts bin thing they took.

I think it was like the rear axles out of a Gallardo or the gearbox out of a Gallardo,

which I think is the rear axle, the W12 twin turbo out of the Bentley,

and a bunch of other bits, basically the brakes were like R8, blah, blah, blah.

But that was a really, that used to be white and they've recently brought it back.

Now it is red, but I saw some revving videos of it.

It's just revving it in a studio.

My God.

Does it sound good?

It sounds great.

I mean, it's not, you know, it's, it's still turbocharged.

It's a little bit muffled, but it's, it's a concept car.

So they don't care about any of that stuff.

It's just shooting flames in the video.

Oh, that's cool.

It's really cool.

Because it was, um, because it was 50 year like anniversary thing,

but they, when that, I can't remember if I'm, I'm right,

but I think they built it for, because Worthy C was that huge big, um,

event that they used to do in, I think it's Austria, um, to,

but it was originally a Volkswagen meet.

And so Volkswagen kind of clocked on to it after a while and went,

right, everyone's modifying these golfs.

We should kind of embrace this and sponsor this event.

I've, I've, from memory, this was built for that.

And then they went, oh, also this is just kind of cool.

We should chat about this.

And hence you saw it on top key.

So I'm assuming it's now been rebuilt for 50.

Yeah.

It would have been what, what was the, what was it?

Edition 30.

Yeah.

I was going to say 30.

So it'll be around 30.

Wow.

God in hell that's 20 more years.

But basically they kind of rebuilt it.

But the video I saw of it revving, I was like, wow, that's cool.

I mean, I remember when Clarkson drove it, he was like,

none of this really works.

It's concept car, but it's a concept car with an engine,

which is really, really cool.

But there's so much custom work, like the bodywork is like,

that's Cleo V6, but times a hundred.

And then like the rear wheels, they're just like,

was it the Monza wheels?

They're like, how wide the rear is off?

Yeah, just huge ones.

So that's a, that's a custom wheel.

And I think the seats in it are, they are wing backs,

but retrimmed wing backs in like black and white.

Yeah.

So, but that, that is a really cool concept.

And I quite like the Volkswagen.

I said, you know what?

Little anniversary.

Yeah.

It's got a, got a golf out.

Have a quick one.

So just got some data on it.

So it was, it was, it was, it had a Tiptronic gearbox,

like our discussion last week about Tiptronic.

But yeah, 650 PS at the time.

It was an estimated top speed of 201 miles an hour.

And not put 0 to 63.7 seconds.

And forward drive and blah, blah, blah.

So it says the GTI international gathering is celebrating

the 20th anniversary with 20,000 fans set to attend

in a diverse range of GTI models.

This, uh, joining the golf W12 and display examples

of historic Volkswagen's.

Yeah.

It was, that was this, that was a press release in 2007,

June 07 was when that came out.

That's a long time.

That's, we're coming up on almost 20 years ago.

That's sad.

That's a tough, that's upsetting.

But yeah, it's just, I think it looks better in red.

Which one?

Yeah.

You know what?

The white, I think it's because the white was almost

like a pearly, had like a weird little kind of metallic in it,

which doesn't suit a golf.

Whereas the red is, I'm not a red man, but that's cool.

It's not, it's a kind of, red for a golf kind of works

with this stripe and whatever else.

But yeah, one of the best concept cars

because you've actually seen it working.

And if anyone hasn't seen the video at Reving,

go and find it somewhere out there on Instagram.

Flames are always cool.

I would have liked if Volkswagen embraced some Mark V golf

culture and put some like cheap Chinese,

a cheap Chinese head unit in it.

Yeah.

Like as if it has lived for 20 years.

Yeah.

Like it's got, it doesn't have Monza's anymore.

It's got, it's got the.

Rebs because CHRs.

Yeah, CHR reps.

It's got the whole shebang for a Mark V golf.

An upgraded brake kit, but from something else.

It's got, it's got R32 exhausts in the middle

that have been crudely cut into a bumper.

It's just PD inside on the back window.

Anyway, so next up we have, that's cool for Volkswagen.

Next up we have Castle Coombe.

Now we spoke, I think a few weeks ago,

about track corner names and that there's

some ridiculous ones out there.

You know, there's this bomb hole that we've got

Screve Corner and Cheese End.

And there's some of those.

Cheese End sounds like somewhere, somewhere I live.

Castle Coombe have renamed some corners.

Okay.

And one stands out.

Okay.

Oh, okay.

I was going to say you're going to make us guess, but.

No, no, I was going to give you a list,

but I think it's actually too obvious.

Okay.

It's called Gooches.

Sorry.

Now also for Americans who Castle Coombe to us is just normal.

Yeah.

Americans are probably listening to your,

your tracks called what now?

It's Castle Coombe.

It's Coombe, the Coombe, the Coombe track.

Yeah.

And one is called Gooch Corner.

Gooch Corner.

And I laughed and then I sort of had to not laugh

because it was to do with a legend.

Okay.

His name is, sorry, his name is, his name is Gooch.

No, I thought.

His name is Rodney Gooch.

I thought it was going to be Willy Gooch.

No, Willy Gooch.

That wouldn't be funny though, would it?

No, it wouldn't be funny.

It wouldn't be funny.

It would be funny.

That would be funny.

What has been struggling for his life?

What are some of his achievements

so he can bring this back down to?

Oh, Rodney Gooch is achieved.

Rodney Gooch.

Everyone talk among yourselves.

Rodney Gooch.

It's, right.

Rodney Gooch.

We're not trying to put the man down here.

I just, I just didn't research it.

Oh, Rodney Gooch is a, is a, is a riding Rodney Gooch,

riding a T50, T250CC Suzuki achieved 15th place

out of 48 starters in 1974.

Now here's something I've just,

I've just searched up his, his name.

Now he's called, so Rodney Gooch,

but he has a nickname in the middle.

Whenever he's referred to,

he's referred to as Rodney Rodder's Gooch.

That's how you know you're a successful racer.

You get it with that name.

If you get yourself a little nickname that goes in between

your first and last name, you are, you're the boy.

You're an absolute guy.

Like Dwayne The Rock Johnson.

Exactly.

They are racing drivers.

Favorite motorbike racer of all time.

So, you know, you just, you don't want to just shave the grass at Gooch.

You don't want to just trim the verge.

You don't want to shave the Gooch.

You just, you don't.

Never cut the Gooch.

Dangerous to shave the Gooch.

Don't cut Gooch.

You've got, you just want to get it nice and smooth.

You've gone too far if you've shaved the Gooch.

You need to.

Now, it's not funny.

Someone's name and he's a legend, obviously.

But it is called Gooch.

That is, you can't, if I'm going through a track and I know nothing

and I look at the track and I'm like, Gooch.

I'm not going through Gooch.

But anyone else, please, there were some more funny names.

Maybe next week we might read out some of those funny names.

If you could please, please find some more funny names.

Some of the American ones were quite ridiculous.

Also quite plausible that you could just make things up and we go,

yeah, that makes sense.

No, that's fine.

Absolutely.

Next up, Ben, this is one for you.

You've put in gee whiz slash Ninky Nock.

This is Ben's got PSA.

Important.

Creamers, listen up.

I appreciate your messages.

Try to send us Ninky Nock videos.

He hates you.

Not true.

He's blocked you.

And not true.

When you send a video of a small car, I want verification.

I want you to look at it and think, is this a Ninky Nock or is this a gee whiz?

Those who don't know, a gee whiz was a early 2000s electric.

It has to fall into that.

What is it? Quadrocycle?

It is a quadrocycle.

I guess actually, no, no, no, no, no.

A Ninky Nock.

What have we got?

But you're only looking for one kind because actually,

I disagree with you on that point because I've seen some funny ones that fall into just the right category.

Do you know what?

Here I'm going to make a claim.

I don't know where gee whiz is from, but a Ninky Nock like ours can only be French.

There are lots of other Ninky Nocks.

All the built in France.

Where's a gee whiz from?

That's what I don't know.

I'm going to look that up.

Gee whiz, that's from France.

Yeah, but the thing about it, right, is that I get a message and it says,

Ninky Nock, something like rolls over in Paris or explodes somewhere.

I'm like, cool, let's give it a watch.

I open the video.

It was something that set fire, didn't it?

And it turned out to be a gee whiz.

Yeah, that's not an Ninky Nock.

And it's disappointing because gee whiz, look at that.

That is not our Ninky Nock.

I'm just trying to see if this is, yeah, no, hold on.

It was founded in 1994.

I believe it is an Indian company, the gee whiz.

So France only Ninky Nock.

France, I think that's it.

Le Ninky Nock.

Because it's French culture.

Exactly.

You get to 14 and you get your Ninky Nock.

I'd say, yeah, Europe.

It's European in nature.

Yeah, Europe.

Shout out, shout out my Dutch creamers from the heartland

because you guys are mashing up Ninky Nocks like no one else.

You're doing God's work.

There was that great video of someone flipping one.

I don't know if we spoke about it,

but we got a load of people taking us in the downhill racing thing.

Yeah.

Which we thought was, we were almost sad.

We thought it was dedicated Ninky Nock racing.

It turns out it wasn't.

No, it's just kind of, it's just kind of,

turn up with some bullshit and you can go down a hill.

We may look into that.

We may look into becoming the champions of the Ninky Nock Grand Prix.

I just think that I get so excited when I see it

and I want everyone to just please be a bit more vigilant.

Research before, I know it's going from me.

Research before you said it.

Mirror, signal, manoeuvres.

Now send me a proper micro car and not a G-Wiz.

G-Wizzes are now, you know what I'm saying?

Cream bands, G-Wizzes.

Now I'm going to, I'm going to let you in on a little bit of information.

This might take me a second to, to research.

I've, I've, the creamers may not know,

but Will and I are now quite well versed in micro car law.

French creamers are going to go, I know about this obviously.

They made a micro car that has the front and rear end of a Peugeot 205.

So now what this, what this opens the door to

is a 205 GTI-bodied micro car.

And that is a T16 or a T16 one.

So end goal, I mean ours is the best, the Saxo based ones.

They're, they're the most sought after the HSE Luke's.

That's why ours is tucked away in a storage unit.

It's also quite literally next to the RSX.

It's actually being dry stored.

So we're keeping that nice, but we might have to foray into a 205 Michael car.

Yeah. You know, we may, we may add to the collection.

We have said that there are many cars that we have, obviously,

some of you complained about it and which we are getting through them.

But the micro car is probably the only one that can never leave in sort of TDC.

Can never leave.

I believe, I believe there are two cars that must remain on TDC.

And that is the micro car and the E55.

And they are, they are the two ends of TDC.

They are the, we like cars and we like modifying them.

And here's one with a big supercharger and also here's some bullshit.

Here is, this is just funny.

Well, we're sending a date.

There's no, hey, we don't want to get rid of it.

No, it's funny.

Also, we probably can't get rid of it.

Legally, I think it's not worth it.

Do you know what I mean?

It's not like it's worth 20 grand.

All right. It's not worth it to you.

No, but what I'm saying is that we're not going to,

you know, we're not going to make 20 grand off it or whatever.

It's, it's, would we buy a flex 600 quid?

Because it's a thousand pounds.

A thousand pounds.

A thousand pounds for a man who bought it for his wife and his wife didn't like it.

Oh, what a surprise.

I've spent some time searching and I just, I can't find it.

I'd like a dedicated creamer to please go out and find me the 205 based micro cars.

Because there was, I remember seeing one that someone had put like a foe GTI kit on.

They also made them in a van.

But more importantly, I just went onto a French site to look for them sale.

This is how my brain works.

And I found this will, which has, you know how 90s car, 80s, 90s cars,

they got graphics upside, especially French cars.

They usually have like a little, a zest or an independence or something.

Or some famous band's name.

Tell me for the audio listeners what you think about this one,

which is on the side of a micro car.

That is speed.

It's speed, not speed.

Now I've seen this elsewhere in, on French cars before.

So maybe, maybe it's a direct translation.

I might pull up.

Ben, any guesses on what I might translate to?

I would assume speed.

Is that, is that your, your, your final answer?

No, slow.

Okay.

It has an exclamation mark in it.

So slow, speed.

For, for visual listeners, any thoughts on that?

Okay, no.

Wait, translate from Italian.

Says.

Okay. From Italian.

Any thoughts?

Right.

So I translated it from French into English.

Speed translates to speed.

Speed.

It's suggested to go to Italian.

I've done it.

And it said actually in Italian, in it, uh, speed, but in English, that is speed.

So what it's essentially saying is that is not a word.

No.

So they've such, but speed.

But you know what?

That's, you know, I quite like that little graphic.

Yeah, that's nice.

That, it feels like, um, you know, when you see World War II bombers in America,

and they've got like, uh, bouncing Betty with not the side of a really cool font,

it's kind of that.

I kind of, it's kind of, um, uh, like comic book.

Yeah.

Wow.

Bang.

Speed.

Which is not how I would describe this micro car, which honestly looks like it.

It, it, it is, that is a, um,

It's actually shameful to let one get into that state.

That's an unrestored example.

That is right for a restoration.

I've got it here.

What?

Speed, a supply point identifier, a unique 10 to 13 digit number.

You know, you can't identify specific business sewage needs.

No, not that.

This must be slang.

I've also got slang for a major pothead.

That's it.

Could be that.

There we go.

Ben, you're a bit of a speed.

I don't think I am.

Is that true?

So, so that's, so that's your public service announcement is do not message Ben.

Don't make him incorrect.

Ninky not.

You know what?

As much as we can tell you guys, Ben, not the biggest fan of the Koreans.

Ben, big cater.

He's just turned off all his notifications.

The dongs also, he's blocked all people from tagging and stuff.

Well, of course, because he's blocking them.

That's it.

It's, it's classic.

It's Ben once again, back on the blocking.

Yeah, Ben, you didn't like that.

Right.

Ben, you've said there's a response from an AA man.

What does that mean?

Multiple many folks.

Thanks for getting in touch, everyone.

Other recovery services are available.

Oh, no, sorry.

We are not that they can get in touch anymore.

We are not tied to any one brand.

Not just there.

You've got your RACs, your green lights.

I don't know any more, but I'm sure there's more.

Green, the green light is insurance.

Green flag, I think is what we were after.

Yeah.

And that's that.

Yeah.

We got, you've got green, you've got green flag.

You've got Adrian Flux.

Harvest.

KFC.

We've got Microsoft.

I don't know.

Also, support your independent recovery.

You know what?

Shout out to our man, Shabba, who is...

Shabba, what a deep cut.

Yeah, Shabba is a man that used to help us transport cars at Carthroal

and he would pick up the phone.

His name's Ryan, by the way, but he'd pick up the phone and go,

Shabba, and that's it.

And that's why he's known as Shabba.

Just a random little anecdote for you.

I love it when Shabba will come to the unit because we'd all have a great chat.

Oh, the lot.

Yeah.

Just like genuinely the most sound dude on earth.

He once came to save my eight series at roughly one in the morning

on a random stretch in Oxford and went,

You've got yourself in some trouble here, mate.

I'll get you home.

Don't worry.

Just the nicest dude in there.

So random, completely unsponsored random shout out to our mate, Ryan,

who runs a company called Oxford Vehicle Transport.

If you're in Oxford and you need vehicle transport, shout out to him.

Simple and nicest man.

Anyway, we have responses from Big Transport, I guess.

And Shabba's not involved in that.

No.

He hasn't responded as far as I'm aware.

You know what?

I might I ask him for the next podcast to give his a voice note.

He loves a voice note about what cars he picks up.

That's a great shout.

So for context, I asked the question,

what are the actually most common cars you see getting picked up?

And you used English to ask that.

And where did you translate that?

Let me try Italian.

I'm trying.

I asked, what are the most?

What are the...

Can someone just do this to me?

What are the most unreliable cars on the road?

What cars do you actually see?

Which cars break down the most?

You pick them up and respond to broken vehicles.

What are actually the most commonly found cars?

Oh my God.

Uh-oh, Ben.

What are the cars that the most pick up me?

How many cars are there?

Are there cars?

Okay.

So a lot of people did come back with what you said,

which was that it's the most commonly bought and sold cars.

Good. You made it through that one.

That's all right.

Most common cars you see on the road,

obviously, you're going to see more of them broken down.

And also, what was the value maintained?

Sure.

But we've got some highlights here.

Okay.

Now, can we...

Should we take in each a guess?

Sure.

Because I think we didn't...

I don't know if we did before.

I'm going to say...

Well, I was about to say wagon JLR,

just kind of covering about 60% of the market there.

Yeah.

No, I'm going to say JLR, but more Land Rover.

The Range Rover.

Are there going models?

Sure.

How many cars have you been given?

Like, the top 10?

No.

Okay.

I'm going to say, I'm going to say like,

a Fiesta's up there just because of the sheer number of them.

The Fiat 500, again, because of the sheer number of them.

The Land Rover.

Discovery.

I'm going to say Discovery more than I was going to think that.

I'm going to say...

I was going to think that.

I think Discovery more than evokes and Range Rovers and likes.

I was trying to think of the most.

I'm going to go with...

What Edwin said.

Okay, great.

And then for...

I'm going to put in a five series.

Oh, crazy.

I haven't heard a five series at all.

You've never heard of one.

It's a medium-sized BMW.

I say large.

Yeah.

I wouldn't say that.

Large is a seven series, but okay.

That's big, big.

That's anyway.

Great.

Give us the numbers.

So, JLR stuff.

Surprisingly, iPaces will mention a few times.

Interesting.

Electric boys.

Now, iPace is a car.

Is electric.

Correct.

But E-Pace is not.

Correct.

That naming thing can really go to hell.

Yeah.

Anyway.

So, you want the iPace to be...

The iPace...

Well, no.

I kind of make sense because it's like iPhone, right?

Yeah, but I think it's like saying...

iPhone's electric.

Pace.

Yeah.

It's true.

E-Pace.

It has E in it.

It's an E electric pace.

What about Evo though?

Case closed.

But what about like...

They should be electric too.

I think iPace is a sports car.

So, I've got pace.

I'm going to get you.

Well, that's the thing.

Well, no.

Because they started the pace thing being a four by four,

which should make...

Also, yeah, like you said, makes no sense.

What's the big F-Pace?

Exactly.

Because F-Paces are like...

Like stop, but stop doing that.

Surely, I guess the type is the...

F-Type is the sports car.

E-Type, F-Type makes sense.

But you know what?

Also, I like an F-Pace.

An F-Pace SVR.

I've seen a couple SVRs.

Very nice.

They're not quite as chopper and whopper as a...

No.

As a Range Rover Sport SVR.

Although, lots of them in that blue and that doesn't suit it.

It's too like...

Look at me.

Yeah, what I'm looking at you is your service costs.

Yeah.

It's calm down.

Step back.

And your sort of rattly chain.

Case closed.

iPace is out there.

Kiers and Nyssans, mostly cash guys.

You know what that makes sense?

Kiers surprises me.

They always have that like, mate, you've got 74-year warranty.

But you're not using it.

Maybe it's everyone does one big warranty claim on the side of the road.

That's it.

So, there's those.

There's also golf, fiestas, astras, Fiat 500s,

always have gearbox or clutch problems.

What does that involve, those?

Fiat 500s.

A Fiat 500.

I'm going to put that down to user error.

I think as well.

I think.

Yeah.

To myself.

A lot of it was obviously like badly maintained stuff like you said.

So, I mean, I guess the more cars there are, the more and cheaper they are.

Like fiestas and astras and stuff.

There's so many.

Ben, that's a great point.

The more cars there are, the more cars there are to break down.

Am I having an episode?

It might.

You might be.

73.

Subscribe.

Good stuff, Ben.

I like that.

So, basically, a lot of JLR stuff and a lot of common stuff.

But I would, I'm going to put the crown at JLR.

I think it has to be.

Because it's the most, there are a lot of them,

but there's not the same level of JLR products as there is.

Exactly.

Or Ford's.

That's my point.

You're seeing a lot of those because there's lots of them.

There's still a lot for their little, for their little area of the world.

There's still a lot of them.

But if you can say, what's the competition there?

Yeah, true.

As in like, like luxury, getting into like luxury.

BMW stuff.

Yeah, true.

Like, I mean, that would be Audi's.

X7s and whatever else.

But still not to that.

Yeah.

But you've got millions of EWs, millions of focus on the road.

I think there are millions of JLR products.

Also, I'm saying there's more VW like Golfs and fiestas on the road.

They are like Landrovers.

But even then, the Landrovers, top of the pile.

What's that plane theory?

Where it's the cars, the planes that came in that had bullet holes,

they would reinforce the bits that they weren't shot at,

not the bits they were shot at.

Because the ones that could make it home had holes in them already.

We know that one.

I don't know that one.

It's a new one.

Pause.

No story.

Next week for the Plains Rule Everything Around Me podcast.

Prem.

Well, Plains Ruling are ruining this week for you.

Here we go.

It's called the Survivorship Bias.

Survivorship bias is the logical error of concentrating on entities

that passed the selection of processes while overlooking the ones that did not.

This can lead to an incorrect conclusion.

So, if a plane flies home and it's full of bullet holes,

instead of reinforcing the points where the bullet holes were,

which clearly it didn't need because it still made it home,

you reinforce the parts that weren't hit.

My point here is surely all of the really terrible cars they've broken already.

We've had the years in the game.

The TVRs, the Maseratis, they're gone.

There aren't any left to break down.

They've had that.

They're watching new ones come along.

So, in theory, you go, ah, the JLR cars, they're bad.

But no, the ones before, the P38s that came before it,

the L322s that came before, they're already gone.

Also, what about the unrecorded breakdowns?

Ones where friends and family help or there are, you know,

people aren't recording these numbers.

How do we know about these underground dark web breakdowns?

The government is with brake pads.

We need to crack down on this.

Breakdowns need to be more...

Next time, a creamer, you're out.

Analyzed.

And you see a broken down car.

Tally.

Tally?

Okay.

Check in the comments.

Say, I've seen this week 78 broken down range of a sports.

New viewers, the podcast, look at the comments going,

no, okay, some of this was about the podcast I was watching,

but a load of people just talking about cars they've seen broken down.

I saw an astrobrote down the other day.

It's just a man having a piss.

Yeah, broken down.

Now that, we do need to...

That needs to be excluded.

Yeah, you can't have permits.

Because I did.

I see that pretty often.

Also, I see a lot of people pretty blasé about pissing on the side of the road.

Yes, that's true.

Like, I've seen you all facing the road before.

That's what I mean.

Now, that's getting into public indecency.

That's flashing.

It is.

Is it technically illegal to do that at all?

I think, yeah, I think.

I think.

But if you go into a bush and you're quiet about it, then...

You're quiet about it as in you don't mode?

What are you saying?

What's going on?

I don't know.

I saw something awful in a services once.

And it was shortly after this.

It was a urinal where it was just the opposite number.

I mean, essentially, it was...

I was just after being off at a television at some services,

which is a classic little bit of...

Have you never had that before?

What?

Off at a...

Oh, sorry.

Have you never had that before?

You know, yeah.

So, you go to a services and a well-to-do chap, not well-to-do, arrives in a van and says...

I've got some speakers if you want to buy them.

I've got some TVs in the back of the van.

Do you want to buy a bargain TV?

Ben is from Bristol.

He knows nothing of this.

What is that?

A television?

I've heard of that.

It's not even you.

I've heard you could transmit images across the wide world.

I've actually got a TV.

But anyway, so this man arrived and said,

yeah, do you want this?

I need a bag of love.

And then, sorry, I didn't buy the TV, obviously.

But then shortly after that, there was a pickup truck.

Like two spaces back.

I always park in the sort of empty part of a services,

sort of like the back rooms.

Yeah.

And so, as I said, do you then walk back out to find your car surrounded

by the vehicles, but then like another part of the car park just empties?

Oh, these empty.

Oh, yeah.

The magnets have turned on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But there was a man.

He was using his door to shield it.

He was just pissing next to his car.

And I thought, we're at services.

Like, I can understand this.

You've been caught short.

You want to move away and there's 30 miles to the next services or whatever.

You made it.

Pissed by the side of the road, by all means.

It might be a little...

I don't know if it's illegal, but feel free to piss.

It's better than pissing your pants, isn't it?

But this man was pissing.

Basically, not in his car.

But like, if you looked over, you wouldn't really see anything.

You wouldn't notice anything.

But then I just saw this puddle of fluid coming.

Like, I was like, he's just pissing next to his car in a car park.

That was you.

I think that's interesting.

That's like being at home and getting to like the doorway of your bathroom,

and then just having a room for pissing.

I've made it as far as I can.

He's talking about the limo, man.

The man who pissed it.

Oh, I think we did.

I think we did, but not in that much detail.

The one who pissed...

The man that I asked, does he have a toilet?

Buying the limo.

Made a deal on the limo.

Call everything's good.

We're sort of out.

And I had to go.

And it was like a tiny little housing estate.

Were you...

Yeah, you were there for that.

I said to the guy, do you mind...

Do you have a toilet that I could please use?

And he said, yeah, no, of course you can't, mate.

Come on, come with me.

I had to walk through his garage and then through like a...

Like a...

Like a guinelle at the back to get through to his garden.

I walked into his garden and he walked up to the door of his house

and then turned around and looked back at me and went,

he can piss against that wall there.

And I went...

And I looked at him and I went, are you sure?

Like, can I not use the toilet?

And he went, no, toilet doesn't work.

I've just...

And he said to me, I've just been pissing against that wall there.

And I looked over...

And there was residue.

Like there was really...

Yeah, like pissing.

And he went, I'll go back, I'll leave you alone to it.

And walked off and said, yeah, go on then.

And I was so uncomfortable.

And did you?

Yeah, I did, because I really needed to.

But honestly, I'm pretty...

Not much can faze me, but I was genuinely perturbed.

I was like, this feels wrong.

I don't like this.

It is, mate.

Yeah, that's fine.

But you know what?

You've got to go sometimes.

And that guy in the pickup truck said,

hey, I've made it to the services.

I'm not making it any further.

I've seen...

I guess...

And maybe he was that, like, you know,

he's just on 30 miles.

And he's like, all right, I have to piss here.

You know, when you come off and it says, like,

this services has Burger King star marks.

And then it says, WC, it says toilet.

He went, cool.

Anywhere I'll do.

I'll just take a dump here.

I've never actually pissed at the side of the road in this country.

Have you not?

The only...

My first time...

Would you ever do it?

No.

The first time was there's a fear of trip.

In front of it, I just needed a pit.

I think it might have been in Germany.

And it was there was some long...

It might be...

Either there's a veil or the porch.

No, I've got video of it.

It's Will walking through the long grass.

I pissed in the long grass.

We've got...

Do you want to talk to us about Ethan's...

We have...

Do you know what?

You start on that and I'm going to get the video of Will up.

Okay.

We've been on quite a few trips during car throttle time.

Ethan will not appreciate this.

Where Ethan has needed to go the toilet, quite lightly.

And which...

Who is Ethan?

Ethan, sorry.

Ethan is all the gear presenter, X car throttle presenter.

And we used to work with him.

And he used to need to go for a week.

And we'd be out in the wilderness.

So it's actually valid to have to go for a week.

Nothing wrong with it.

For some reason, when me and Evan were filming...

Sorry.

Whoa.

Sorry.

That was a...

That was salivating.

You slept spaghetti there.

Sorry.

A real quick one.

Did I?

Yeah.

That was just a...

Sorry, Ben.

It didn't mean to call you out like that.

I was imagining it.

Ben's really hungry.

Actually, I've lost my train of thought.

Edwin...

Me and Evan would be doing some filming.

And for some reason, Edwin took it upon himself

to whenever Ethan was going for one of these pisses,

get the Ronin, which is like a stabilizer.

I think that makes your camera completely stable.

And he would get this beautiful panning shot

the back of Ethan with just a mystery coming out of him.

And you have what?

Probably four or five of them?

I've got four or five of those.

And I used to...

There's a window inside our mind.

I used to edit them.

I...

My goal was always to get slo-mo footage

and with a really good scenic background.

And then I'd edit in inspirational speech quotes

over the top of it, or it's like,

you need to stand up, keep fighting,

don't let them get you down.

And then with just this beautiful vista in the background.

And then, yeah, Ethan, I will see if I have it.

But I do have you here, Will, which is a nice one.

Hopefully in my...

You know, you're on the way back.

So, if you... Ben, if you could narrate...

There you go.

Sorry.

Can't... Sorry.

This... It was...

Bear in mind my first time.

Pissing?

First time pissing.

Also, people listening to this podcast going,

why do I listen to this?

Here you go.

This is Will, you know, coming back through...

He looks stressed.

You do.

You look unhappy.

You look unsure of what you've done, if I'm honest.

Unsure if it's legal.

You know, different country.

Well, I go to jail for pissing in a bush.

And I actually remember what the words were.

You say, the atmosphere was absolutely electric.

I have vomited at the side of the road.

Have you?

Yeah.

Grown-up once.

Not that everyone wants to know that.

But it was quite troubling.

You know, sometimes you drive...

God has got me salivating.

Sometimes you might be driving and you start to feel a little bit ill.

But nine times out of ten, possibly even 9.9 times out of ten,

you overcome it.

You open the windows, you do something like that.

Sure, yeah.

Or you get home and it sort of passes,

so you have some water.

This didn't...

I was on my way to work in the morning, in my M5, no less.

Driving one, I was like, this will pass.

And then after a while, I was like, I am mashed.

Like I'm starting to feel a bit drowsy, a bit bad.

And I just pulled over.

I'm related to any...

I'm related to anything at all.

I was feeling fine the previous day.

I was feeling fine when I left.

No problems at all.

And randomly on my drive, it was like an hour and a half,

an hour and a 40 minute drive.

Then like 40 minutes in.

So I'm on the M40 and I'm plowing that...

Driving down the road.

70.

Plowing at 70 down the very time.

And to be fair, I was.

And the way I was feeling, I was like,

I'm just doing 60 somewhere.

And after a while, I just had to pull over.

And I got out and the most projectile thing you've ever seen.

And I got beeped at by Laurie's.

I thought, that's not fair.

Also, as if you're going to go,

sorry, actually, yeah, you know what?

I'll stop.

I'll get back.

Boys, that one's on me.

But I don't know if they might have been taking the piss,

but that's the only time I've been caught short, so to speak.

It might be like a, hope you're okay, mate.

Oh, actually, no.

I pissed in a fridge bowl.

Jesus Christ.

I did do it.

Let the audience know that we were a bit worried about being light

on topics this podcast.

No, I remember that.

And instead, we're so outpissing.

Oh, no more than that.

That's all we need.

Let's riff a little bit.

Well, go on.

Just go on.

No, I was, I'd been to the football or something.

First thing first.

What's a fridge?

Fridge, is it?

Americans?

You piss in a fridge.

Fridge, F-R-I-J-J.

It's like a milkshake chocolate milk type thing.

I happen to have a bottle of it.

This is a long time ago.

I'm talking like probably 13 years ago.

And then so specific.

I'm talking like 13 and two months ago.

The reason I'm saying that is because it was when I had my fiesta.

That's for the only reason I know.

And I was parked on a London street and I should,

I just come back from football somewhere and I should have pissed

at the stadium, but I didn't piss at the stadium.

I thought it's fine.

I got to the car and I was like,

there's no way I'm holding this piss in.

So I got in the back of the car because they were tints.

Alone.

No one with me.

And I just pissed into this fridge bowl thinking.

And after you started to fill it up and I thought,

how much is in me?

If it starts to overflow, there's nothing I can do.

A fridge is 500 millilitres.

No, but this is the thing.

Anyone that has ever done this will very quickly realise

how much you underestimate how much piss you have.

The volume.

Oh, absolutely.

How much do you reckon you're doing on an average one?

A fridge bottle?

At least 500 millilitres.

You overflowed?

I didn't overflow.

But did you get near?

I was pretty close, but I put the lid on and I was taking it home.

And then what'd you do with it?

I kept it.

I put it in the fridge obviously.

No, I turned it away.

You returned it to the first case and said,

this doesn't taste great.

This is not chocolate milk.

Look, I was almost done in my fridge.

I want my money back.

Oh, God.

We are children talking about children toys.

Apologies.

Do we have a forum?

No, no forum.

Oh, no, we have something.

We have something sorry.

Would you like to read that?

I'll read it.

It's Ben's fault.

It's titled.

It's Ben's fault.

I've seen it's Ben's fault in our chat.

It's been sent in anonymously.

By Steve.

This please keep me anonymous.

This is a forum questions.

I think title.

It's Ben's fault.

I've been looking for a new motor as I'm starting a new job.

I'll be doing 50 mile round trip motorway commute four days a week.

I was looking at diesel golfs for economy.

Then Ben goes ahead and pulls the trigger on a Mark 7 Golf GTD,

which I've always adored and I decided I had to get one.

It's a fantastic car.

I purchased a Mark 7 DSG on a 16 plate.

That's that's old school dealer talk.

It's on a 16 plate with just number 70K on the clock.

I've been commuting in it for a few days now.

I love it.

But the MPG is not what I thought it would be.

Ben, what is your MPG?

Not what people say.

What is it?

It's 40, 45 maybe.

Okay.

So 45 on a good day.

People say 60s.

And I think if you hypermild it on the motorway,

you would probably get 60.

Well, here's the conundrum.

I don't.

It's been struggling to average 42 MPG on the commute.

Even an eco mode.

I had a 16 plate sat in the past with the same gearbox and engine,

which would easily return 55.

I appreciate 42 sounds amazing when compared to some of the stuff you guys drive about in.

I assume the difference is down to the tuning mapping of the engine or ECU.

I'm not a practical man and I've never had a car tuned in inverted commas.

My question for the forum is if I ask a tuner to map the car for economy,

will I be laughed out of their unit?

I know that when cars are tuned for power,

it can impact the longevity, reliability.

Is that the same tune for economy over power?

Keep up the good work.

I look forward to listening to your next installment of the pod on my commute.

Thanks.

Anonymous.

First thing I'll say, I forgot on it.

No, that's exactly right.

No, adaptive cruise control absolutely sucks MPG.

Right.

But also that's a worthwhile test the other day.

Here we go.

I want the most way at 70 miles an hour.

Bed and science.

I tested just holding it with my foot at 70 for five miles.

We'll be brainiac over here.

Here we go.

Yeah.

And I got 52 MPG.

Okay.

Chuck it on adaptive cruise.

Next thing you know.

Why is that?

Because of the speeding up.

Were the conditions the match the same?

Were there any hills?

Pretty similar.

Okay.

And were you behind any longies or big vehicles?

Because it was late in the evening, so there was no one around.

But okay.

So it was scientific.

I think it's a mixture of the fact that you have it is constantly,

it's not constantly changing speed,

but it is adapting and it's working out constantly.

And also because there's only the sensor for it is one block on the very front.

So it will break if someone comes in front of you.

But away away.

Actually it will break later than I would.

Yeah.

So if someone pulls out in front of me,

I will just very gently just slow down.

Whereas adaptive cruise kind of, it depends how far you set it.

It's a bit jerky.

It will go, it will come out in front of you and it'll go,

haven't seen it, haven't seen it.

Then they're directly in front of you and he goes,

whoa, where'd you come from, mate?

And then you've got to speed up from 60 instead of 65.

It's the brakes and goes, oh, I didn't see him.

And he disappears and he goes, off we go again.

So it is a good feature.

I'd say worth it.

Now to answer the other question, which is can you ask for it?

Most maps, especially for diesel cars, are eco-based.

It's just the bonus of having more power and more torque

and that sort of stuff.

Like your Range Rover got better mileage with your remap for that.

That was, it is sold as an eco-map.

I think now there will be experts listening who will know more.

But that an eco-tune, there isn't really, there are eco-tunes.

There isn't really such thing as an eco-tune.

It's still designed to give you more power and more torque.

But the idea is, is that it gives you more torque lower down

or something like that increases drivability

so that the engine is working more efficiently.

So it's still trying to get more power.

The eco things kind of like a bonus.

Because a lot of people would put off by the fact

that you're going to get maximum power out of this.

So like from what I've heard is that like a stage one tune,

if you like, and an eco-tune is not like a huge amount of difference.

They might try and get a little bit less power out of it,

but it's the drivability of it so that you're not,

you're using less power, more of the time,

or maybe the other way around.

I can't remember.

But so yeah, I mean, your career maps are incredibly popular,

especially on diesel.

They will work.

It's very much worthwhile you going and looking at one of those.

And to answer, does it, you said here,

I know that when cars are tuned for power,

it can impact the longevity, reliability of the car.

Is that the same if tuned for economy over power?

The, I think if, honestly, unless you're tuning like near the ragged edge,

unless you're going for like 99 map, like tuning on a car

that's got really heavy timing changes,

the difference in reliability will come from the person driving it more like a knob.

It will be that you're thrashing it around.

If you have just a normal like stage one map on it,

and you drive it the same as you usually do,

I don't see there being any difference in longevity on the car.

It's just going to work the same.

It's just that we, as clown car people,

get a stage one tune on there on your car and go,

oh, this is wicked start beating the piss out.

At the same time, your elbows just, they get welded straight.

Your elbows, elbows.

Sorry.

That's only what happens with the map on the Range Rover.

You go, cool eco map.

I'll drive economically.

No, you've got extra power now.

And now you want to use that extra power.

That is the problem with that is that you go, cool, I've got extra power.

I have more torque and I can feel that.

And now I've felt it.

I'll use it more often, which is why some people will do an eco map

and then get less impugny because you're now driving

like more of a penis than you were before.

So yeah, a lot of it's down to your right foot.

Ben, little, little map on the RGTD.

I have two things.

You have two.

Two things I want to say.

Number one, however this is, when,

if you do get an eco map on your GTD, please email back in.

I'd be interested to know.

Ben wants you to be the guinea pig.

No, if you're sending you to do it,

I would be interested to see what the result is.

Because I know like my X5, for example,

I know what people would get out of those.

I don't really know how GTD.

So I'd be interested to know.

And the other thing is, yeah, so do it do it properly,

not like some Backstreet Mapper.

But the other thing I will say is that a lot of them

are using the same thing.

Ben, yes.

Ben, when people say they're going to give you an eco map,

you aren't getting a custom tune.

I don't know.

I'm sure someone could do that,

but it will be very expensive.

There is platforms out there that have hundreds,

well, probably thousands and thousands and thousands of cars

that have a sort of cookie cutter eco or stage one map on there.

They buy the license and then they charge you the,

obviously the bit on top, obviously.

That's basically how it works.

But you just want to go to someone

the way there has been reviews of, you know,

they're not just designing themselves or selling bad maps,

but you want to get nice, just look at reviews,

make sure that someone has been doing it for a while

so they don't brick your car.

Yeah, you don't want that.

I want to know one other thing.

OK.

Why is it that, okay, so you would,

I would assume if you get a power map on your car,

that that's a bad thing because you're stressing the car

more than the manufacturer wants, right?

But if it is better economy and more power,

why from a factory is it not tuned?

Because it seems like a win-win to me.

Because the manufacturers have to be,

they have to tune one map, one engine piece of software

that applies to most or all regions

that have different fuel capabilities.

So in order to, so let's say,

okay, they're sending a GTD to the UK,

they know that our fuel is going to be cool.

However, they send it out to parts of Africa

where the fuel, the quality of the fuel is much lower.

They don't want to have every gulf they send out there

for the first after one month come back with a blown engine

because they've been running it too high,

not so much with diesels, but let's say a petrol

or turbocharged car that's a little bit more highly strong.

They don't want to deal with that comeback.

So they detune the whole car in all of the regions

to make it more safe and more less likely

for those sort of things to happen.

The less, the further away you have it from that ragged edge,

the less likely you are to have people coming back

with broken engines, broken cars, that sort of thing.

Whereas if you know, so my Clio,

which I actually forgot to mention in the beginning, my rule,

my little Clio 172 has gone off for mapping.

It's gone to a dyno and has had proper mapping

for those cams, all those sort of things.

We'll talk about that next week when I have the car back.

But that car now has, because he's now messed with the timing

and pushed it quite far, has to have 99

run fuel, because if you use worse fuel,

it can detonate under like acceleration.

And on like a turbocharged car on a higher horsepower car,

that's bad. You do not want that.

So you have to run 99 fuel now.

That's basically why you see like porches and things.

They'll say 99 run only or 98 run only because they're tuned for it.

They still are much more detuned than they usually should be.

But so that's where that little extra bonus comes from.

You run the risk of running it a bit more ragged,

but you get the extra power that they know that the car's fine to make.

And you save some money.

And sometimes it's to do with like where that car sits in a lineup.

Like, yes, they might be able to get your 170 or something.

1804.

Yeah. So like, but you could probably tune that to over 200 quite easily.

Yeah.

But it's like, well, hang on, the GTI is in that sort of region.

So it's, they have a sort of pecking order was like,

this car needs to sit here.

And also manufacturers will dim parts of the car.

So we don't think that should be pushed to that extent.

Yeah. Like drive shaft.

So they probably are fine, but a manufacturer is not going to do that.

Because if they send loads of those out and they all die, it's dumb.

It comes back to them with the car section.

Anytime you tune it, you are probably shortening the life.

It might not be by much, but you are shortening the life for certain bits.

By more than they would be standard.

Clutches, drive shaft, anything like that.

Anything that is power is going through is under more stress than it was before.

Even on just like an eco-map, depending on how you drive it.

Yeah. If you're like, especially if you're raising boost on a turbo car,

there's more stress.

Yeah.

There's more boost going through the whole thing.

I had to think about that.

The brain driver was 140,000 miles and all of a sudden the boost is being raised on it.

But again, it's more of a, I'm not driving that car like a penis.

I'm just getting more talk low down all the time.

Well, I am, but not like that.

It's not a track car or, you know, that sort of fun.

Just after you pull on the motorway after pissing, you, you know,

off that label.

Yeah, quick vomit as well.

So, shall we?

So?

I wasn't going to say.

So you're Ben's doing a GTD remap.

Stage two plus.

Stage two.

I'm interested.

DTF delete.

I'm interested.

Bully forged.

Bully forged elbow delete.

E-juzzly.

Yeah.

Forced car.

But you wouldn't do any juzzly.

Oh, no.

Never.

Because it's illegal.

The DPS, you keep those.

You can't do any juzzly because it's good to suck your own farts.

That's actually what they're doing.

Well, your brake pads, thoughts on those?

What you talking about?

Well, you're going to have to pay for those.

Yeah.

Your pay buddy.

Why?

Ben's brain is gone.

Yeah, it's mashed.

I'm saying about the fart thing was because an EGR is basically that, right?

No, it's just recycling its own dirt.

Yeah, we got it, man.

Don't worry.

It's all good.

Shall I stop talking about that?

Let's move on to something a little bit more friendly that we can end on.

Now, I've teed you up before this podcast began, Ben.

What is your want of the week?

I don't know.

He hasn't been thinking about it.

He hasn't thought what.

Haven't thought.

Also, you said, oh, I know.

And then we started the vlog.

I have got one there.

Same as last time.

What is it?

The V12 haunted or Vanquish?

No.

Do you not just have a little, like, just a thought?

I want a Cleo.

I want one of that.

Oh, yeah.

Now, Ben and I still want a Cleo.

And now we've seen your Cleo more and we did that driving thing with it and you revved it.

So Ben was, we drove to the tire shop earlier to drop Will's Cleo 200 with my wheels in the back of it.

And there may have been a slide in the 36 on the way back on some gravel that was great.

But more importantly, Ben and I were in the 36 and you were behind us.

We were zig-vagging through some country roads.

And Ben went, I like that.

I want a Cleo.

I want a Cleo 197.

But of that shape.

But you want that Cleo?

Not that Cleo.

I don't want that Cleo.

But I want a, I want, what is it, a 197?

197.

I want 197.

And you can get cheekbones and oes, brother.

In, in, in, in, in sprinkle blue.

Dude, you carry out the color.

We talked about this last time.

I think it shows you that conversation last time.

As you did.

So, but, but you're not, I can't remember.

Well, you're not by the time.

Yes, you can.

I would know that.

You can have Black Swap Pop.

And I was, I offered you one.

I was, but the same, same man who offered me, who I bought mine from.

I can't, I can't have one.

You can't like legally.

Two car policy.

Okay.

So Ben's one of the week is nothing.

Ben's one of the week is Selle Geffard.

Ben just wants peace.

He doesn't own problems.

Do I want my S2000?

You have it.

It's funny.

It's weird, actually.

You have that.

I do have one.

I think.

What, remember last week where I said, buy the parts,

research the parts and send them to me and I'll buy them?

Yeah, I haven't done it yet.

Yeah, I will do that.

Check in next week when I'll ask the same question to Ben

and the same answer will be given.

I need to do it.

I forgot.

So what is your one?

What is it?

It's a 197.

Okay.

It's a one.

Not I'm going to buy.

No, no, but that's what I'm like.

That's what I like.

I like.

It's a little bit different from last week.

Just a little bit.

You know, it's one of those where, you know what?

I saw it and now I want it.

Yeah.

You don't have to buy it.

Oh, that wasn't sarcastic.

But you should.

No, no, yeah.

Are you being sarcastic?

Because it was the same as last week.

I would like one.

Because I think you should buy one.

How much are they?

Well, you can get them very, very cheap.

Like a grand or two.

For now, you'll need belts for that money.

But for like three and a half grand, you could find one

that's plausibly had some work done.

That does sound quite pleasant.

That's cool, isn't it?

You could just be with the boys.

Then we've got 172,

172,

172, 200.

Also, your one sounds so good.

It does sound so good.

Why does it sound?

It sounds different to an all F4R.

Why is that?

Yeah, well, the 197s, they have some kind of difference.

I don't know if it's related to the exhaust manifold

or the head or something like that.

I don't know what it is,

but they sound a bit more zingy.

It's got some sort of fin, je ne sais quoi.

Yeah.

Whereas 182s and 172s, they don't,

they can't make that noise.

No.

I had a nice exhaust on my 182,

and that's, I liked that, but it was different to this.

It's probably a tiny bit too loud

from driving it a little bit more,

but I'm fine with it because it sounds like a mini Irelia car.

It really does.

It does sound like a mini Irelia car.

Also, it crackles.

I had that.

I got that today.

It's already got some beans up it.

It's more raspy, almost purring.

Okay.

Versus like a one-in-one.

Pen's favourite word for noise is purring.

It purrs.

It's purring.

It's just wobbling down the rails.

Just like it's on rails.

What?

What's yours?

So yours is 197.

I'm William.

Now, I've accused you of saying you haven't changed your one week.

Obviously, RS4 is in there,

which I think is a bit of a while since I've mentioned RS4.

It's RS4, a van, or saloon.

I actually prefer a saloon,

but a van is called for practicality.

What's up?

C63 estate.

Completely that.

They are my two options for the rain.

If the Range Rover was to go, when?

No, when did I ask?

It would be replaced with either a C63.

I thought about A92s for a while,

but they're not practical.

No.

And I've had one.

I've had two.

So why go back?

C90?

90 not probably practical enough.

I heard it can happen.

And they don't do, they never did in the state.

Yeah.

So makes one.

And I thought F10M5.

Again, I've been there and you don't get in the states.

They're still not practical.

I think you should get a C63.

I like the sound of that.

I like they're all very expensive.

But they're better.

Well, you can do a fat skid,

which is what will possibly put me off the RS4.

But you need to get a diff if you want to do this skid.

And that is extra beans to do.

Although you can't buy them standard with a diff.

You would a PO30, a P30 kit.

There's the additional 125s have diffs and a few others.

But yeah, but see, the thing is with the C63,

is like only one of 2012 ones.

So the facelift ones,

the front end is nicer.

And it's the interior.

The interior of an early C63.

It's tough.

Makes me want to vomit at the side of the road.

It's tough.

Is that what happened?

That's right.

You saw one.

I saw one.

I went, oh, we'll thought he was driving a ZM5.

Look down.

I went, oh my God.

That and it'll be that and a Mark 1 Focus RS at the moment.

No, you should.

They're my three.

Watch out on those C63s.

I've heard the rear window can just explode.

Yeah.

No, just completely out of nowhere.

Smash up.

You've got a wants of the week.

I have wants.

I have many wants.

Choose a one.

All right, RS 4 then.

All right, easy.

I heard it.

I, when I went to this car meet, I saw things.

Saw things.

There were cars there.

I know you would not believe.

My genuine one.

Actually, what I want the most is I want my eight series back.

I was, there was an eight series there.

It was quite nice.

I want my one.

But unfortunately, at this meet, there was a black TVR Tuscan.

I talk about a lot.

I feel like I need it.

I just need one.

I love it so much.

I've heard you speak about this possibly four times today.

I know.

I just keep, I just keep, man.

We'll buy one then.

But I need to be swordfish blue.

Swordfish.

That's not, there are no other color would be acceptable.

Purple paradise would be the only other color.

Which is also quite rare.

Which is very rare.

But a black one wouldn't float your boat.

No, absolutely.

It cannot be.

That's what this one was.

And it was cool, but it needs to be a weird color.

There is one coming up on an auction pretty soon in a bright green.

One with very interesting mileage.

Like 150,000 miles.

And it's kind of crazy.

Yeah.

TVR Tuscan.

And the other thing I saw while I was there is an Alfa Romeo Jr.

Is what I refer them.

There's loads of different names.

It's 1600s, all sorts of things.

But most people will know them as GT Jr.

60s, Alpha, two-door coupé thing.

I've considered many times selling all of my arms and legs and buying it.

This is sort of a coupé like Mark II Escort.

It's an Italian Mark II Escort.

No, you're exactly right.

I'll pull a photo.

You like the Alfa Holiqs ones.

Exactly that.

Yeah.

So now one of those, I've just always looked at that.

Just, oh man, they're just so good.

I've just very pretty.

Some people are going to go,

There's no Mark II Escort.

That's much prettier.

I want a spicy engine in one of those.

Even something modern.

I take people do like the Alfa Holiqs.

They take either a later, like an 80s Alfa engine

or a little bit later four-pot and do some beans on it to make some power.

They'll be 58.

Well, no, but this is what I mean.

I'd have a case with it.

I'd have a case swap in it.

Really?

I wouldn't care.

You think I care about originality?

That's 85.

I want a four-cylinder ITB making raucous noise.

The video of Chris Harris driving the Alfa Holiqs one,

I think I can't remember where it is.

Sublime.

That is one of my favorite videos

because he's just throwing that thing around

and it just sounds unbelievable.

Yeah.

That's, so at some point in my life, I would love to own one,

but the prices on them keep creeping and creeping up.

What is it?

I couldn't put a number on that if I even looked at it.

Like it depends wildly on which version you get.

So you get a thing called a step nose,

which is a much more sought after later version.

I'll pull a photo up of those, but it's, that is...

I like that.

So it's very similar.

So if you look at, sorry, audio listeners,

I'll try my best to explain.

The front end of that is all kind of one piece.

If you see that, you see that fender goes kind of into the front panel.

Then on this one, you can see, do you see how he's got?

A step on his nose.

Okay. That is the step nose.

The step nose.

I don't care at all.

I don't care which one.

So step noses, and if they've got some history in there,

the 1600 and they're engine dependent are worth much more.

You can spend anywhere up to like a non-alpha,

like one last time I checked something like 60, 70 grand

on a super mint, like slow one.

You could find like a left hand drive project for 10 or 15,

but it's going to be lots of work.

It's an alpha, so there's rust.

But the issue is that they used to be everywhere in South Africa for cheap.

And when we lived there, my dad, who's obsessed with alfa maos,

bought a project one before we came back to the UK.

It was a couple of grand, needed work, needed lots of stuff doing.

And he brought it back to the UK and I begged and pleaded for him.

And I said, I will, over the years, pay you back.

Please keep it and I'll pay into like a pot

that pays you back whatever number you need for it.

I'll just keep paying until I can own this car,

because that's like my end goal dream car.

And then he got an offer, someone knew that he had this car

and he got a phone call from a guy who said,

I want to send the car to Alphaholics

and I need a nice clean shelter to do it.

Would you take this ludicrous amount of money

for what this car's worth and what you bought it for?

And he said, yeah, I'll take that.

That makes, that's money.

That makes sense.

That's actually, that's the way things work.

Don't think I've ever been more sad watching that car leave.

I was like, I hate you dad.

I can't believe you've done this.

Because, but yeah, one of those would be,

would make me so, so very happy.

Yeah, and the, where do we go?

Retro power one, which is the one I saw many years ago,

is the ultimate version of a Millington Diamond Vauxhall engine.

Millington Diamond making like 280 horsepower or 260.

Recaro positions retrimmed in caramel, like it's really lovely.

If you, if you want to see a nice car,

go and look at the retro power GT Junior.

I like that.

So that's a nice little trio of that.

It's a lovely, you know, well, yeah, there's a trio.

We spoke about lots of different cars, but those main three,

quite nice range.

Then mate, next week, little clear for you.

Lovely.

No, yeah, no.

Well, I think that's perfect.

We, it's a little bit shorter this episode,

but thank you for dealing with our ramblings about piss and what such.

Sorry if you're a bit squeamish about that.

We're next time, won't have as much to talk about that.

Thank you very much for listening.

We'll be back next week as always with a new episode.

Cream, get the fridge bottles.

Goodbye and piss and a hedge.

C.R.E.A.M. #73 - The W12 Golf is BACK, More Toilet Tales and Identifying Ninky Nonks

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