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C.R.E.A.M. #75 - The New 3 Series, Ranking The Worst Drivers and Road Works
C.R.E.A.M. #75 - The New 3 Series, Ranking The Worst Drivers and Road Works
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About this episode
Edwin, William, and Benjamin kick off with garage updates (a rebuilt gearbox concern, a Clio that won’t start, and the McGann returning this weekend) before diving into Ben’s ongoing battle with Bristol’s ULEZ cameras—where paperwork and a DVLA mismatch lead to fines being cancelled. The crew then recount a chaotic day filming BMWs, including an M140i track experience and an ML63 fence “incident.” BMW and Audi design news sparks debate, followed by a heated, rules-based ranking of the worst drivers (from middle-lane hogs to high beams). Roadworks and subscription “conspiracy” talk close things out.
Topics:
10-2
1800 horsepower
580 horsepower
bucket seats
bump start
coilovers
design language
facelift
four litre V8
heated seats
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Technical
Too Afraid to Ask
Term
misfire
"Galardo been working on today. It had a little bit of a misfire. It was going sort of... And now it's better."
A misfire is when the engine doesn’t burn fuel correctly in one or more cylinders. That can make the car run rough or feel weak, and it can sometimes cause warning lights.
A misfire is when an engine cylinder doesn’t ignite properly during combustion. It can be caused by issues like ignition components, fuel delivery problems, vacuum leaks, or engine sensor faults, and it often triggers warning lights or rough running.
Concept
hot hatch
"[158.4s] And also, the guys from all to Alex [159.8s] are potentially doing a hot hatch thing."
A “hot hatch” is a regular hatchback, but tuned to be faster and more fun to drive. It’s usually quicker than a normal hatch and handles better too.
A “hot hatch” is a performance-focused hatchback—typically a smaller car with a more powerful engine and sport-tuned suspension. Enthusiasts like them because they balance everyday practicality with quick acceleration and handling.
Car
Honda S2000
"...l get a little payment on that. I also, with the S2000, right? So once I found out last year that it ha..."
The Honda S2000 is a small sports car designed for fun driving, especially with quick throttle response and high engine revs. The podcast talks about something they found out about an S2000, which could be important for maintenance or buying decisions.
The Honda S2000 is a lightweight, rear-wheel-drive sports car famous for its high-revving engine and driver-focused feel. The podcast references an S2000 and mentions discovering something “last year,” implying a specific issue or ownership detail came to light. That kind of mention often matters because it can affect maintenance planning for a car that’s known for spirited use.
Part
coilovers
"[449.0s] It doesn't, it doesn't work anymore. [451.4s] It won't start. [452.9s] We, so the car, despite it being rule, I put it on coilovers and I got my 16 [457.5s] inches heads and it looks fantastic."
Coilovers are a suspension upgrade that lets you change how high or low the car sits. People use them to make the car look better and sometimes handle more sharply.
Coilovers are adjustable suspension components that combine a spring and shock absorber, letting you lower the car and tune ride height (and sometimes damping). The speaker says they put the car on coilovers, which is a common modification for stance and handling feel.
Term
ratty
"[460.0s] Like it really does look fantastic. [462.7s] It's still a bit ratty. [464.3s] Like that car is never going to be an ultra clean car, but it still looks cool."
“Ratty” is slang for a car that looks rough or worn—scratches, faded paint, or generally not “clean” cosmetically. The speaker contrasts that with the car still looking cool due to its stance and vibe, even if it’s not an ultra-clean build.
Term
bumpstart
"So drove at home on a bumpstart, got it here. And yeah, just as it started now, fully dead."
A bumpstart is when you start a car by getting it moving and then letting the engine catch. People do this when the battery is dead and the car won’t start normally.
A bumpstart (also called a push start) is starting a car by rolling it and engaging the drivetrain—typically used when the battery is too weak to crank the engine. It works best on manual-transmission cars and depends on the engine and fuel/ignition systems allowing a restart.
Car
Porsche Cayenne
"Yeah. You know how we had a Cayenne with an X-Project car? I know 63 with the ML63 w..."
The Porsche Cayenne is a luxury SUV that’s designed to drive more like a sports car than a typical family vehicle. In the podcast, it’s mentioned because it was part of a project and is being discussed alongside other performance cars.
The Porsche Cayenne is a performance-oriented luxury SUV from Porsche, known for blending everyday practicality with strong driving dynamics. It comes up in the podcast because the hosts mention having a Cayenne tied to an “X-Project” and also reference a specific related Mercedes model in the same discussion. That makes it a relevant example of how these vehicles are used, modified, or compared in real-world projects.
Term
tipper
"Is it a tipper? It's a tipper. It just tips the bed out."
A tipper is a truck/van setup where the back bed can tilt up to dump whatever’s inside. It’s built to move the bed, so damage can be more than just cosmetic.
A “tipper” is a vehicle with a tipping mechanism that raises and tilts the cargo bed to unload materials. The key point is that the bed and its mounting/controls are designed for lifting, so impacts can affect alignment or sealing around the body.
Term
weather seals
"And the guy said, with camper vans, you have, they have lots of different seals like weather seals in the back. When one drives into it, you've got that already done because it, even if it hits it slightly"
Weather seals are rubber or composite gaskets that keep water, wind, and dust out of vehicle openings. On camper vans, seals around doors/windows/vents are especially important, and a low-speed collision can “mash” or dislodge them, leading to leaks.
Term
580 horsepower
"...his M140i, which was 580 horsepower with rolling anti-lag, which is one of the greatest things man has ever created."
Horsepower is a way to describe how much power the engine makes. When someone says a car has 580 horsepower, they’re saying it’s been tuned to be much stronger than stock.
Horsepower is a measure of engine power output. In tuning contexts, quoting a number like “580 horsepower” is meant to communicate how far the car has been modified beyond stock performance.
Concept
track day
"Ours for driving on roads and a little bit of track day, whereas his is a dedicated track car that can go on the road."
A track day is when people drive their cars on a race track for fun and practice. It’s not a race, but you can push the car more than you would on normal roads.
A track day is an event where drivers take their cars to a closed circuit for timed or coached driving. It’s different from racing because the focus is usually on safe practice, learning, and enjoying the car’s performance limits.
Term
1800 horsepower
"[924.3s] Ricky's also on smoke. [925.5s] LLF has offered for us to drive his car. [928.2s] That's a little bit more power. [929.2s] And that has 1800 horsepower."
“1800 horsepower” means the car makes a huge amount of power. Cars with numbers like that are usually heavily modified, and they need strong drivetrain and good traction to use it.
“1800 horsepower” is an extremely high power figure, typically associated with heavily modified cars (for example, big turbo setups, extensive engine work, and traction-focused upgrades). At that level, power delivery and drivetrain strength become as important as raw engine output.
Term
bucket seats
"but it's got bucket seats and a mad steering wheel and stuff. The other Ricky's car has three times that one."
Bucket seats are the sporty-looking seats that hold you in place better. They’re shaped to keep you from sliding around when you corner.
Bucket seats are deep, contoured seats designed to hold you in place during spirited driving. They usually provide more lateral support than standard seats, which can make the car feel more “sporty” even before you talk about performance numbers.
Term
write off
"It's a write off. Yeah. It's just a write off now. You know what?"
A “write-off” means the car is totaled. It’s usually too expensive to fix compared to what the car is worth, and that can make it harder to sell later.
A “write-off” means the insurer or authorities consider the car a total loss—repair costs are too high compared with the car’s value. Depending on the severity, it may be categorized as salvage and can affect future resale and insurance.
Concept
facelift
"So I assume like a facelift. It's like an LCI will become the petrol one."
A facelift is when a car gets updated during its model run. Usually it’s mostly styling changes (like the front end) and sometimes tech or small mechanical tweaks.
A facelift is a mid-cycle update to a car’s design and features—often including changes to the front/rear styling, lighting, bumpers, and sometimes infotainment or powertrain tuning. The hosts are speculating that the upcoming petrol version will effectively be a facelift.
Term
10-2
"The disconnect between the 10-2 or 10-2, the three and nine areas of the steering wheel that are not only connected to the centre of the steering wheel, is to represent the divide..."
“10-2” is where you place your hands on the steering wheel—one around the 10 o’clock spot and the other around 2 o’clock. It’s a common way to hold the wheel for better control.
“10-2” refers to a common hand position on the steering wheel: one hand near the 10 o’clock position and the other near 2 o’clock. It’s often discussed in driver-safety guidance because it provides good control and reduces airbag-related injury risk.
Term
leak
"[1614.4s] It's going... [1615.7s] That is a bad looking... [1617.5s] There's a leak, by the way. [1618.9s] Yes. [1619.2s] Everyone's watching this."
They’re saying the car has a fluid leak. That means something is leaking from under the hood or underneath the car, and it’s worth checking because it could be anything from a small problem to a bigger one.
They’re describing a fluid leak on the car. In car talk, “leak” usually means something is dripping or seeping from the engine bay, underbody, or cooling/brake areas, and it can indicate anything from a minor hose issue to a more serious failure.
Concept
The Bangle Butt
"Oh, that's actually true. The Bangle Butt. But again, that had sort of like retro vibes,"
“The Bangle Butt” is a nickname for a BMW design feature that makes the back end look very distinctive. People either like it a lot or think it looks a bit forced.
“The Bangle Butt” is an enthusiast nickname for a pronounced BMW rear-end styling cue from the Chris Bangle design era. It’s often discussed as a polarizing design element—some people love the distinctive look, while others think it’s trying too hard.
Concept
retro features
"[1805.3s] It's not. [1805.6s] I don't think it looks retro, [1806.5s] but it's the retro features like the grills. [1808.3s] That's what annoys me."
“Retro features” means styling details that look like they came from older cars. The speakers are debating whether adding a few of those details actually makes the car feel truly retro.
“Retro features” refers to design elements that intentionally echo older styling cues—like grille shapes or headlight/bumper details. The discussion is about whether using a few retro cues makes the whole car feel retro, or instead just mixes eras.
Concept
design language
"[1809.1s] That's what annoys me because you can't give it [1810.7s] one retro feature and say... [1812.5s] So sorry. [1812.8s] ...that it looks like design language."
“Design language” means the overall style rules a brand uses so its cars look like they belong together. They’re saying that if you add retro bits, they should fit the car’s overall look, not just be pasted on.
“Design language” is the consistent set of styling cues a brand uses across models—proportions, lighting shapes, grille/headlight themes, and surface details. The speakers are arguing that using retro elements (like grille styling) should align with the overall design language, or it can feel mismatched.
Term
kidney grills
"[1822.5s] I did what the front was, okay? [1824.2s] Sorry, did you specify that? [1825.4s] Out of interest? [1827.5s] The front, [1828.1s] with the kidney grills, [1828.9s] that's the only thing that makes it [1830.2s] like an old B&W."
Kidney grills are the recognizable front grilles on many BMWs. They’re a design feature that helps people tell what brand a car is at a glance.
“Kidney grills” refers to BMW’s distinctive grille shape—two vertical, rounded openings that resemble kidneys. They’re often used as a quick visual identifier for BMW front-end styling, especially in discussions about how a car’s design “looks like” an older BMW.
Concept
render
"[1834.0s] The back's all right, [1834.6s] which is a render of it. [1835.8s] That's fine. [1836.7s] That's actually better. [1838.9s] That's not different to what I've just seen. [1840.3s] Because that's a render of someone, [1841.6s] not the actual one."
A “render” is a computer-generated image or visualization of a car design, often used by designers or media before the real vehicle is finalized. In this segment, the speakers distinguish between a render and the actual car, implying the visuals may not match the final product.
Car
Audi A6
"[1862.4s] I'd say that is an A8. [1865.8s] A6. [1866.2s] Don't tell me that's an A6. [1868.3s] Dead."
The Audi A6 is another luxury Audi sedan, just not as large or “top-tier” as the A8. They’re basically saying the photo could be an A6 instead of an A8.
The Audi A6 is a mid-to-upper-size luxury sedan positioned below the A8. The hosts mention it as an alternative to the A8, which highlights how similar Audi’s sedan styling can be across model lines.
Car
Audi Q7
"But they have a Q7. [1898.8s] That's the size of an X5 [1900.2s] in their terms."
The Audi Q7 is a bigger SUV from Audi that can fit more people. The speakers are using it as a yardstick for how large the Q9 might be.
The Audi Q7 is a mid-to-large three-row SUV in Audi’s lineup. In the segment, it’s used as a reference point for sizing—how big the rumored Q9 would be relative to existing Audi SUVs.
Car
Audi A1
"Businessmen don't rock around in A1s. No. The bigger the business, the longer the car."
The Audi A1 is a small Audi hatchback. Here it’s being used as a contrast—like saying a smaller car doesn’t look like the kind of vehicle you’d expect a business owner to drive.
The Audi A1 is a small premium hatchback. In the conversation, it’s used as a shorthand for a “smaller” or less executive-looking car compared with larger Audi models.
Car
Audi S8
"[2070.1s] some very cool A8 based things. [2073.2s] You've got S8s. [2074.0s] You've got like, [2074.5s] they made a V10."
The Audi S8 is the performance-focused version of the A8, typically tuned for higher output and sportier driving dynamics. Mentioning “S8s” highlights that even within the A8 family, Audi offered higher-performance variants.
Term
V10
"A V10. A V10. No V10 in there. No V10."
A V10 is an engine with 10 cylinders arranged in two rows. It usually shows up in higher-performance cars and tends to be expensive to run and maintain.
A V10 is an engine with 10 cylinders arranged in a “V” layout (two banks of five). It’s typically associated with high-performance cars because it can rev freely and make strong power, but it also adds cost and fuel use.
Term
V8
"We're getting rid of the four cylinder going back to a V8. Now that's business."
A V8 is an engine with eight cylinders in a V shape. It’s often associated with stronger acceleration and a more powerful feel, even if it can use more fuel.
A V8 is an engine with eight cylinders arranged in a V layout (two banks of four). Compared with smaller engines, V8s typically deliver stronger low-end torque and a more “muscular” driving feel, but they can be less fuel-efficient.
Term
four litre V8
"And the in that last one, you could have the four litre V8 still. So that's that's in and they were S8s."
This means the car has a V8 engine that’s about 4.0 liters in total size. V8s usually feel strong and smooth compared to smaller engines.
A “four litre V8” describes an engine with eight cylinders arranged in a V configuration, with a total displacement of about 4.0 liters. Displacement is one way manufacturers describe engine size, and V8s are often associated with strong power and smoothness in luxury/performance cars.
Term
heated seats
"[4367.4s] I mean, well, let's say you can subscribe to have a little bit more power. [4371.0s] Or heated seats or what. [4372.8s] But what would you actually do?"
Heated seats are seats that warm up using electricity. Some cars let you turn them on from the screen or even pay for extra features later.
Heated seats are an in-car comfort feature that uses electric heating elements in the seat cushions and backs. Many modern cars let you activate them via the infotainment system, and some brands offer them as a subscription or remote activation add-on.
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Why don't taxi drivers buy buses?
They can get way more people in there.
When have you ever been in a situation
where you know that Will the Beast will not get out of your way?
You don't know Will's commute.
Now, you know how bees, is it bees or wasps?
They normally work quite well
because someone's using a little bit of logic
rather than someone programming a programing.
Programming...
Hello and welcome back to the 75th Carl's Rule Everything Around Me podcast,
the cream podcast with myself, Edwin,
William to my left, and Benjamin on the sofa.
Hello, I've got my own sofa.
Yeah, we are in a different location.
We are next door to the usual podcast location.
Don't worry, it hasn't blown up yet.
At the beginning of every Carl's Rule Everything Around Me podcast,
we ask, do they rule or do they ruin, William?
I'm gonna say rule.
I've got reasons for that.
One reason not to rule.
The K.O. had a...
The gearbox was rebuilt.
This is also nothing related to Cormorant,
who did lots of our Renault stuff.
The gearbox was rebuilt by someone else.
Something might have been missed
and it needs to be rebuilt possibly again.
That's a little bit annoying.
But nonetheless, that car is still pretty...
That's fair.
That car is still pretty good.
I'm very, very pleased with it.
Although I might say that...
What?
We'll find out why soon.
If everything has to go, it really has to go.
Other than that,
Galardo been working on today.
It had a little bit of a misfire.
It was going sort of...
It's a good, actually, impression.
And now it's better.
It seems to be fine.
I'm just hoping it doesn't set fire next door
because I've been doing fuel-related things.
And then the other one.
Now, this is big.
Now, you both know about this.
I've told you.
The McGann returns this weekend.
Look, so I say...
I will say...
I will believe it when I see it.
As will I.
But, you know...
Because I actually listened to a podcast about four weeks ago
and you went,
Mate, next week I'm going to the McGann bag.
This is the most positive news I've had yet.
Yeah.
I haven't had this much.
You know, like, this is it.
It's solid.
Yeah, this is like...
This has to happen.
Yeah.
So this weekend, it's on.
And also, the guys from all to Alex
are potentially doing a hot hatch thing.
Rory, many moons ago, claimed his mini
would be faster than my McGann.
Yes.
And I'd like to put that to the test.
So...
So we'll see.
So we'll go sailing through a barrier
because it's a great pedal.
Yeah.
It'll be tough.
Yeah.
But that's all.
That's it.
I think that's all other than that.
Anything else in my brain?
No.
No, that's it.
Perfect.
We'll have to do a quick check.
You spoke to the big man upstairs.
Benjamin.
Rule.
Why is that then?
No rule.
This is crazy.
It occurs.
I haven't told you this yet.
I beat the allegations.
Is that right?
For a second time, Ben versus Bristol City Council.
Bristol City Council have lost two rounds now.
That's looking tough for them.
You're not.
They might need to write an official L.
They should write me an official L.
Which I will.
Which I guess they have in saying
that you cannot have to pay it.
So in context, last week, I talked about
how I've, for a second time,
been caught by their ULESS cameras.
Despite the fact that I haven't done anything wrong.
Did you get a total?
Do you know a total amount of letters?
Have you stopped sending them?
I peaked at seven or six.
And last time I peaked at five.
So, but no, that I...
What happened?
I beat them.
So after the podcast,
I think the day after that we filmed the last podcast,
I got a message saying,
no, basically, I spoke to the DVLA again.
Like an email.
Bristol City Council went,
are you up still?
They basically said,
we base everything off the DVLA.
So you have to go for that whole long process
I spoke about last time
but sending different letters
and getting different certificates.
Get a cock.
Everything, get my cock out.
Yeah, that's true.
My certificate of conformity.
And yeah, so...
So you did that?
Well, so I ordered my cock from Germany.
It actually has now arrived.
Right, first, if you will.
Yep, that's the one, yeah.
And I had all the paperwork.
And then I just...
And then they kept telling me,
I had so many different email threads.
I was in and they kept saying,
you have to go through the DVLA.
You have to go through the DVLA.
I got a random email from the ULESS zone people
who went, yeah, no, it's cool.
Yeah, no, you're fine.
Yeah, no.
So anyway, yeah.
It took one person with a brain to look it and go,
no, that's fine.
And the funniest part was,
is that I've had two emails since then
from the same people going, no, DVLA.
So I don't know what's going on,
but they have now changed it on the system.
I then use that to go back to them and say,
look at this, it's ULESS.
And they went, cool, cancel your fines.
So we beat them again.
Wow.
Can't wait for next week.
Yeah, where fines are back.
For the car that Ben doesn't own yet.
Someone's going to have put a car in Ben's name
and he's going to start getting fines.
You walked through Bristol City Centre, didn't you?
He has nine pounds.
Now tell me, did you go through there with breakpads?
Because I think I might need to get a little bit of that.
I'll get a little payment on that.
I also, with the S2000, right?
So once I found out last year that it had,
that it wasn't ULESS,
I started paying the money as I went in.
And what you can do when you prove them wrong
is you can claim the money back.
Ooh.
And I didn't do it out of kindness.
Because I thought, you know what?
Kind of.
You know what?
Bristol needs that money.
Well, I thought Ben's a Robin Hood.
I thought, I felt a bit petty doing it.
I thought, no, it's fine.
Not the hero they need.
We'll call it there.
We had a good fight and we'll call it there.
Right? Completely fair.
I've landed a few blows.
You've landed a few blows.
With this one.
With this one.
So again, I had two that I could still pay for.
You pay for them up to a week after you travel into the zone
for the golf.
So I paid for two of them.
And then I got them like four hours later,
I got this email.
I spent it in number 18 pounds.
So I claimed those back and I went back to December
and I claimed back my S2000.
They hate you.
They have it in there.
You know what?
They're just waiting for you to slip up.
Well, and today I had the money transferred back.
So thank you, Bristol.
Wow, crazy.
Any car related ruins?
I know this is car related.
Ruins?
Because when I arrived the other day,
I was sat in my car in the auto.
Yeah, an auto plugged into your car.
Yeah, well, it is a VW after all.
So, you know, it's one of those cars that is great,
except for there's just small things that aren't good.
I have just my bending lights just stop working.
When you say bending lights, what does that mean?
That's a great question.
It has those lights when, where you turn,
they twist, they twist.
They go with you.
They turn with you.
Yeah.
And I just got in the car the other night and it went,
yeah, they're not working.
But did they, did they, did it just say that it didn't work?
Or were they actually working anymore?
The lights work.
I was always trying to work out if it was anymore.
If it was one of those kind of oil type issues where they go,
mate, you've got no oil in it.
No, it's not working.
I looked at the code though.
So that's why I ran the code and it said,
No oil.
Yeah.
No, it said, it said that it could be a bulb that's about to go.
Okay.
But the car goes, I'm going to die.
And you haven't yet done your other bulb, right?
And it is that other bulb.
So there we go.
Then get it swapped.
We have a video to do on that car.
So perhaps I'll do it.
But we haven't.
We haven't yet.
Well, you've got to film it.
I'll go out.
Oh yeah.
That's fine.
As long as we're on the same page.
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah.
So anyway, yeah.
Big rule for me.
Lovely.
We're back.
Do you know what?
It's all three.
It's a rule.
It's a trio rule week.
For me, I think we talked about it,
but the video would be out or no, be out tomorrow now.
The Clio.
Am I right?
No, it came out a week ago.
That came out a week ago, actually.
My Clio drove it down from Liverpool.
It worked.
It doesn't, it doesn't work anymore.
It won't start.
We, so the car, despite it being rule, I put it on coilovers and I got my 16
inches heads and it looks fantastic.
Like it really does look fantastic.
It's still a bit ratty.
Like that car is never going to be an ultra clean car, but it still looks cool.
It has, it has these angry little vibes.
But so we finished up doing the coilovers.
I said to Ben, you know, we'll finish off the video with a little drive.
We'll go out for a drive and listen to the noise of it.
So we'll just, we'll just drive it.
And because my start of my motor died, Will and I had gone last weekend into
London.
There was a car meet on a Saturday.
Will had the glado ready.
I had the Clio.
I was like, you know what?
Let's do it first.
First little proper meet of it, meet of the year.
Went there.
Now my Clio, as you might have seen in the end of the last videos, you turn the
key to start it and it goes click.
So you turn the key again, it's click.
And you do it four or five times.
Then after a minute ago, okay, so I will start for you.
And he'd finally go driving into London and we're sitting in traffic.
But it was getting hot.
The car wasn't too hot, but it was a hot day.
And I was like, so I'm probably not doing the best things for the starter motor.
Enjoyed our time at the meet, went to leave, got in the car and it went click.
And then it went click another 20 times.
And at this point, Will had maneuvered out of his car parking space and came
alongside me and rather went it out.
I said, just go.
I'll catch up with you at some point.
Without me.
I did.
I didn't catch up because I had to get two very kind men to bumpstart me, which
at a car meet, I'll be honest, a little bit embarrassing.
You know, you turn it up in a car.
You really shut off people.
170 exclusive.
I go, you know, how strong are you?
Do you think you can give me a push?
Although people see that and go, that seems to make sense.
It does make sense.
That does make sense.
So we're not altogether surprised by it.
No.
So drove at home on a bumpstart, got it here.
And yeah, just as it started now, fully dead.
So for the end of the video, we had to bumpstart the car, except there was one
small issue is that the car has a fuel cut off switch.
When it feels vibration or a crash, it will cut fuel.
I think maybe using the impact gun on the coilovers.
I think that maybe rattled it.
So we spent how long, Ben?
Well, it's probably half an hour.
Half an hour.
Probably 10 jump, jump, bumpstarts.
10 attempts to bumpstart different amounts of people.
And it just wouldn't go.
And I was getting really frustrated.
We popped the bonnet.
I just kind of looked at this red button and just clicked it and it clicked.
I went, guys, let's just try it once again.
Let's just see what happens.
It started straight up.
Everyone was panting.
Yeah.
Leaning over, beholding their knees going, Jesus Christ.
And also from jump bumpstarts.
Yeah.
It's been the warmest day of the year so fast.
It was like 18 degrees.
Yeah, it was quite cool.
Everyone's just doing sprint laps around the car.
Pushing a little bit.
Pushing clear.
Also, we have a guy who was washing some cars.
He looked quite confused while we were just pushing a car back and forth
for half an hour.
But anyway, got it started, drove it.
It's really good.
It looks fantastic.
It really does.
I'm excited.
We'll admit that.
That car needs to come to food and fuel.
We'll be there at food and fuel, by the way.
We bring lots of cars.
We brought a secret car last year.
We'll be bringing another secret one this year.
We will.
That'd be cool.
Are we?
Yeah.
You know how we had a Cayenne with an X-Project car?
I know 63 with the ML63 with it on the back of it.
Which everyone knows.
And if you're watching this video, you'll see a Cadillac behind us.
And over to my right, I can see an engine on a stand.
Do that information as you will.
So, you know, we didn't win.
No, we didn't win.
Because a group of French enthusiasts won.
Yeah.
Brackets.
Sure.
Yeah.
The comments made best.
So shout out, see what food and fuel rules all around.
Shall we get into it?
Starting off, first thing of things on the list, things to talk about Ben.
Hi, you've got a thing to talk about.
I have a carvertical related thing to talk about.
Shout out, Covertical, sponsoring this episode.
Now, I received a call from my dad on the weekend.
No way.
And that's it, guys.
Shout out to Ben's dad.
Shout out to my dad.
I know he's listening.
He is in contact with you.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
So my dad, in his retirement, has purchased a camper van.
Yo.
As you do in your retirement.
That makes sense.
Sure.
What type?
I have.
It's a Ford underneath.
But you're about to say I have no idea and then you remembered.
I know it's a Ford.
Has it got a bullshit name?
Is it a transit?
It's like a Ford.
No, because it's a camper max.
Yeah.
I think it is a transit underneath.
Is it a tipper?
It's a tipper.
It just tips the bed out.
It's got a Wallace and Gromit style.
Yeah.
No, so he's bought this.
Listen to his pants in the morning.
And he's been going off into Europe with it and having a great time.
Fantastic.
And last time he was away, he got back to it one evening after going out for some food
and someone had driven into it.
Okay.
Quite gently.
But he took it to get to get looked at.
And the guy said, with camper vans, you have, they have lots of different seals like weather
seals in the back.
When one drives into it, you've got that already done because it, even if it hits it slightly
it can mash the seals.
Dislodge it.
Yeah.
And then.
Perhaps like the boot of a Golf Mk7.
Bit like that.
Except for that comes like that from factory.
So he was like, that's a bit weird because why, why would it have like that much damage?
He was like, has it been previously crashed before I bought it?
And really?
Yeah.
So he said to me, run a car vehicle check.
I ran a car vehicle check and it has one of the highest scores I've ever seen.
Really?
96 on the car.
Never seen that.
Yeah.
Completely clean, which means that no, someone did not crash it beforehand, but it does mean
someone has now driven into it relatively hard.
Only he didn't know about.
So, but without car vehicle, we wouldn't be sure.
We would have thought possibly it had been crashed.
Shout out.
Thank you very much for sponsoring us.
If you guys are buying a car anytime in the coming months, you can get 20% off if you
use our code CREAM and if you're bundling a load of them together, you buy multiple
car vehicle checks, you get 50% off.
So shout out.
Leave no stone unturned, just like we do.
Or you'll end up with an actual criminal M140.
Yeah.
Don't do that.
At least ours is actually fine.
Oh, actually, that's, that leads us into the next bit.
The M140i, which will be on raffle by this point.
Yes, it will be.
So, yes.
So you can win tickets.
You can win tickets.
You can win tickets to enter.
More importantly for that, we wanted to try our car, which is now done and finished against
one that was a bit more lairy.
So Ben from Hack Engineering, which is where my M3 is getting his head done, came over
with his car.
Sorry.
Cylinder head.
You know, make that clear.
And he came over with his M140i, which was 580 horsepower with rolling anti-lag, which
is one of the greatest things man has ever created.
Genuinely.
It was, it was absolutely fantastic that car.
We thought our car was good and it is still good.
Yeah.
And you can win it.
But the Hack car is a step above.
And it's like 120 horsepower.
Yeah.
It was noticeable.
Ours for driving on roads and a little bit of track day, whereas his is a dedicated track
car that can go on the road.
And Ben wasn't there for that day.
No.
Ben wasn't there for that.
Also because Edwin told me to, he said, what's the best day?
Let's come down.
I said, Tuesday works fantastic for the schedule.
And then realized that I'm not there.
Was it a clash of the bends?
You thought I can't.
I would love to have been there.
There can only be one Ben engineering in the house.
It's true.
And I got here this morning and Edwin was like, oh, so good yesterday.
Oh, you really missed out.
Oh, here's a video of us going really quickly.
No.
We're 60.
Well, I'd call 60 quite quick.
Yeah.
Agreed.
Yeah.
Like relative to like a snail.
Yeah.
It's quite fast.
Yeah, exactly.
We're in the full M140i community now.
Yeah.
We're involved.
We're about it.
This is it.
I think the M140i call that on job.
We're on job.
That's what they call it.
We out.
We out chair.
Yeah.
Something like that.
Ricky's also on smoke.
LLF has offered for us to drive his car.
That's a little bit more power.
And that has 1800 horsepower.
That's that's when I got out of the out of the hack car.
I thought, okay, right.
That was noticeably faster than ours is real still real will drive,
but it was an auto car,
but it's got bucket seats and a mad steering wheel and stuff.
The other Ricky's car has three times that one.
Three times.
Three times the horse.
If you say three times and you're already starting with basic 600.
What the hell is going on?
Like, remember the TVR was 240 and it went to 415 and that was warp speed.
Yeah.
Actual warp speed.
So we may still drive that at some point.
And after a bit of a psych up for it.
Yeah.
We may not be here after that.
So we'll see how that goes.
Shout out.
We've got there's actually quite a bit of BMW news this week.
Shall we get on some BMW news?
Can I get on something that's related to that day?
Oh, okay.
First year someone crashed the ML on the ML.
It's a write off.
Yeah.
It's just a write off now.
You know what?
It was a genuinely one of the most surreal experiences.
So Ben from Hack Engineering arrives.
Ben isn't in.
So Jay, the other videographer, he's there to help film us film that day.
We, we decide, right?
We're going to drive the M 140.
I will driving.
I'm in the passenger seat.
Jay says, I'll hook up the camera.
It's how we film our videos.
You hook, you slap a camera on the back of the ML 63 and with your phone, you can see
it.
It tracks you on the back of it.
I prefer something.
What a normal videographer would do is like someone who, you know, isn't Jay.
Wow.
Come on out swinging it.
No, as in, as in, you know, but most people would wait until they, they, they move off
in the car park to set the camera.
No, yeah.
They wouldn't kind of do it under motion.
And granted, I will admit these two, you know, they like to speed us along.
So it can be a little bit stressful, a bit pressured.
Sorry.
Just, just sorry.
So Jay's caught a stray.
We've caught a stray.
I'm not even here.
I will admit.
Mr. Perfect, you know, doing nothing at home.
New Yorker.
I don't think the 13 hours, but that's fine.
The, what was I going to say?
No, on this occasion, you won, but sometimes you can be a little bit like, let's go, which
is fair.
So you just have to throw a bet in there.
Just a little fun fact for everyone.
Sometimes you guys are assholes.
What I'm saying is that because of that, you feel pressured to like jump in the car
and get going.
So Jay wasn't on his phone on the road at all, but he was in the car park just moving
off at a couple of hours an hour, just setting, finishing like the things on, on his phone
case, the camera.
So from what we saw, we were, we were in the, we were like, we're excited.
We're literally like excited children going, Oh, what does this button do?
What does this button do?
And there's a little corner leaving our unit that comes up to a gate.
And we, while talking, we just had a crunch.
I looked ahead and saw an ML 63 through a fence, not like alongside a fence or like
scrapped up.
No, it went through it.
It was just the front left was inside the fence.
The worst part of this all was that I said to Ben at Hack and Engineering, Oh, do you
want to jump in with Jane?
You can like see us doing this.
So we just stole his car and signed him up to be in a crash.
And so Jay got out and I think my words were, why have you done that then?
Yeah, it's quite funny.
I've never seen someone, I thought everyone would be annoyed when I look back at the
footage, but it's just so much confusion on your faces.
It's almost like you thought he'd done it as a joke.
I did.
I thought it was on purpose.
I thought maybe he'd had a stroke or something or like, and then he got out and he was perfectly
able bodied at the time.
I thought, okay, he's just crashed into the fence at one or two miles an hour.
Just rolled into a fence.
He got out.
He said, nice.
Sorry.
I was busy setting up the camera.
So, so what happened was Ben from Hack and Engineering took over the film.
So mega shout out to Ben.
Yeah.
No, yeah.
He took over.
Well, did you go home?
No, he was in the passenger seat doing the camera operation, which made sense.
Which I think you have to focus a hundred percent of, you know, brainpower on to keep
it out of the fence.
Keep it in a straight line.
But what that does mean is a Ben is overjoyed because his slight against Jay in crashing
into him.
It's kind of been absolved a little bit and B, B, there's a new running joke.
Yep.
There's every time J turns up now, we go to George.
There is a static fence over there.
He's not moving, but do watch out.
Jay can no longer be trusted in any car at all.
The ML was fine though.
The ML was fine.
The ML took it on the chin big time.
There is a scratch.
Yeah.
And you can feel it.
It's certainly damaged, but there was actually already a piece of damage there as well.
So it's not, it's not the end as well.
Plus it was a very old rickety fence.
So Trevor's cool with it.
You could have blown on it and it would have gone down.
Trevor was cool with it.
I thought Trevor might be upset, but he just laughed.
He did, which is, you know, that comes the soul.
Trevor laughs.
Although to be fair, the most Trevor reaction is just idiot.
Yeah.
You crash into my fence.
Idiot.
So ML 63 lives to fight another day.
Jay's, what do you call it?
Band.
No.
Ego.
Jay's ego is not intact.
Considerable ego, by the way.
Jay, if you're listening.
Wow.
Another straight for Jay.
That might be the biggest straight so far.
Jay, listen to this on the wave.
What the hell?
I just want to film for you.
I was trying to do something nice.
Where are we starting on the news?
On the already minute.
Let's go with the three series, which is just new today, but not for you guys.
The BMW i3 has now been released.
The newest generation of the three series is here.
But it's electric.
And it's a fully electric.
So I did a little bit of reading.
So Ben, I can see your face contorting into scusted angles.
Why is eyes just nostrils?
Sorry, I was going to say that's what Ben looks like usually.
That's true.
I don't mind it.
I think it's fine.
I don't.
I think it looks like a five series that someone has put the tumble drive too long.
And the front end is horrible.
And the side is horrible.
Wheels are horrible.
It has.
I don't like that.
That's that's bad looking car.
That's bad car.
That is a Hyundai.
That is fair.
I don't know.
I think I think it now has he has more more airs of BMW than than usual.
He has his bonnet like bulge, like from an M4.
He has the new light design, which you've seen in like the ix3.
And then if you look on the on the on the side, that to me now is already recognisably BMW to me.
But it's better than some of the other Neuer class cars.
However, what I will say is that the previous generation three series is replacing was one of the better looking BMWs.
I think it's a very good look.
No, I would agree.
And to replace it with that is tough.
But I don't think the five series looks good.
I think that's a dreadful looking car.
And they've made that look like that basically.
And it's got the rear lights that I like the five and the seven series.
They're very cross-eyed.
I want to know who did this.
We can probably find out that information.
It's BMW.
It was it then.
They made it this year.
This is their new car.
That's what I'm talking about right now.
The new class of car.
Yeah, no, they can keep that.
So what I did a quick reading on is that it's coming out as a full.
It's only electric.
An i3, whatever it's called.
No, that's different car.
i3?
This is i3.
Isn't an i3?
i3 is that small guy.
Isn't that the hatch?
That's gone though.
That's gone though.
Didn't they?
This is our Dodge Viper.
The new super mini compact car.
Don't worry about the old ones.
That's unrelated.
We don't make that one.
What's the sports car?
No, we don't have that.
Then later on, a petrol version is going to come in.
But the wording on it made it sound like it was going to be a heavily revised one.
So I assume like a facelift.
It's like an LCI will become the petrol one.
Why is the front end like that?
Why does the front end look like it's a badly cut out piece of A4 paper?
It looks like someone got the outline wrong and someone went,
Oh, well, sorry.
There's a bit of a divot there and it's got a colossal nose on it.
Like, I don't know.
Probably saying, yeah, well, that's actually meant to look like the shark nose.
Does it?
Does it?
It doesn't though.
Does it?
Because it shark nose goes into a colossal Harvey Dent chin.
Can I get a third colossal, please?
Colossal.
Thank you.
Lovely.
So that's the i3.
I'm sure more news come.
So that would mean the new M3 would look like that.
Well, the M3 will be that, but it will also be only electric then.
Because they don't yet have...
Oh, here we go.
Ben's got news.
His bunny teeth.
Production, all of it is August 2026, including petrol.
August 26th?
Yeah, because they said that when they release the new M3,
they're going to release petrol and electric.
What's happening in August 26th?
Oh, we'll be in Monterey.
Yeah, Monterey.
Shout out for the first time.
We are, we are.
Never been there before.
So that's that.
And then there is another little bit of BMW news.
There is...
Oh, here's the interior, by the way.
Will thoughts on that?
Horrible.
Yeah, no, that.
For God's sake.
Yeah, no, that really is not good.
What is the steering wheel upside down?
The steering wheel is one of maybe the biggest blunders in BMW history for me.
It is...
You know what it is?
If you imagine the steering wheel in a dream, it's like everything's there.
Everything's where you'd kind of...
That is a steering wheel.
Yeah.
But it's not what humans use as steering wheels.
They've let designers do too much.
Designers went, look at this.
What if this is a rhombus shaped steering wheel?
What if the metaphysicality of the steering wheel transcended its use?
What if it had...
Shut up and make it round.
What if we made it sideways, but upside down?
Benthal's?
Once again, designers.
I said it.
Hey, man, those ten lines.
But there's no hidden meanings here.
It's just, it's just someone's been let loose with a pen and they went, yeah, cool, man.
Can you please form the hidden meaning that a designer would think about the steering wheel?
Okay.
So what we have here is a sort of oddly shaped square steering wheel.
Would they say that?
Sorry, they'd say...
Right.
It looks a bit mental.
I know it's not very nice.
The disconnect between the 10-2 or 10-2, the three and nine areas of the steering wheel
that are not only connected to the centre of the steering wheel, is to represent the divide
between BMW, Audi and Mercedes.
Okay, okay.
And what we've done here is we've created a very ugly interior.
Okay, yeah.
And that's to make you appreciate more the exterior so that you maybe, when you get out,
you go, well, at least it doesn't look like the interior.
And then you accidentally park next to another BMW and realise, oh God, what have I done?
Oh God, that looks so much better than this.
You know, that is a huge fumble.
Again, also the screens, also why does it have that Prius spec screen along the windscreen?
Which is a rhombus, I believe.
I think you've got the shape on that.
Or trapezoid, perhaps.
Trapezium?
All words that designers are going, oh my God.
Did he say trapezium?
Is that a pentagonal thrombus?
Oh, thrombus is what we've got.
Will any thoughts on the design notes on the steering wheel?
No, I think they'd say we've reinvented the wheel.
By turning it, by looking like we've done a very bad alignment and left it like that.
And then sort of switch the, you know, and you could have a Prius 3 and you sort of put it on its side
and you can rotate the PlayStation.
That's what they've done with that.
That's dumb.
If you're the designer of that, have a word.
With himself.
Give your head a wobble.
Oh, OK.
And your steering wheel too.
Well then, so then we've got that and then we have the leaked images of the X5.
Which is even tougher.
Which is...
Oh, for God's sake!
That is, that's a very tool version of the last thing we just saw
except for the introvert into a wall very slowly.
It looks like a pug, you know?
Right.
It does look like a pug.
That's OK.
The rear is fine.
It does.
That looks like a pug.
The front.
Yeah.
No bends got it.
I thought he's been punched on the nose.
It's going...
That is a bad looking...
There's a leak, by the way.
Yes.
Everyone's watching this.
It looks quite real to me.
I believe that.
If I was like an old man.
I saw it on Facebook.
I believe it because it's just the screen in the background that says WMW.
It says WMW.
Actually, the BMW X5.
And I don't...
Again, they put those grills in.
They get, yeah, no, but that transcends to the 1920s when we designed the grill.
Oh, yeah.
No, not that.
We don't talk about that at that time.
Actually, we didn't.
We started in the 1950s.
But you know, but like, when you think of a 46,
I mean, if someone correct me if I'm wrong, a 46 and 92,
even the sort of generation after that, they weren't like going,
right, we're going to make it look old.
No.
The old cars may look like that.
They went, no, it's going to make it a little bit better.
Change it a little bit here.
Chris Bangle got a pen out and he went, all right,
we'll chop that bit off there.
Make that...
Chop that bit off there.
Make that pass a little bit red.
I'd say, what, take the boot, stand it right out.
Right out.
That's going to look nice.
You know, parrots.
Yeah, we're going to make it look right like one of them.
They've aged quite well.
Turns out Chris Bangle is from Essex and North London.
Chris Bangle.
What car are you talking about?
On Chris Bangle.
No, that was about the E63-6 series because the sort of boot almost goes a bit...
Oh, that's actually true.
The Bangle Butt.
But again, that had sort of like retro vibes,
but it wasn't...
They're not hanging all their hopes on it.
No.
When you start to do like stuff like that,
I feel like you've run out of ideas.
It's like what Ferrari are doing when they're going,
uh...
So, Testerosa.
Yeah.
And it looks like an F40 though,
but it is called the Testerosa.
And it's got a mono brow,
which is like a Daytona.
I think you've run out of ideas at that point.
You've gone,
what were we good at?
Although,
I will do the same again.
Pull together.
Make something nice.
It's AI.
It's asking AI.
Put all the best features of my cars together
and then turning out,
not the best bits,
just getting something vaguely familiar to all of those
and going,
Yeah.
And then they give it to AI.
And it's gone.
That's amazing.
That's not a failure.
That's evolution.
That's a great question.
Thanks for asking, Ferrari.
What's that?
This episode is brought to you by Peloton.
I was drinking water for anyone asking or wondering.
I have a thought on this.
Do you still have it there?
No, I don't.
But I can get,
was that the X5?
Yeah.
The one thing I don't like about this Neuer class
that they're doing is that
I don't think it looks retro at all.
You can't just put...
It's not.
I don't think it looks retro,
but it's the retro features like the grills.
That's what annoys me.
That's what annoys me because you can't give it
one retro feature and say...
So sorry.
...that it looks like design language.
Yeah.
If you,
when Edwin brings it up in the next
three to five working days...
It's just drawing it.
Yeah.
I have to remake that Photoshop.
Somehow it looked better.
I did what the front was, okay?
Sorry, did you specify that?
Out of interest?
I didn't.
No, I didn't think so.
The front,
with the kidney grills,
that's the only thing that makes it
like an old B&W.
The only thing.
The back's better.
The back's all right,
which is a render of it.
That's fine.
That's actually better.
That's better.
That's not different to what I've just seen.
Because that's a render of someone,
not the actual one.
Also, that's a Volvo XC60.
They've put that on.
Yes, they have.
You're right.
Why aren't B&W and manufacturers
just hiring the people who make the renders?
Yeah.
Or there's really cool renders out there
and they go,
what?
Just hire them.
I agree.
Now, I have news that you,
neither of you know,
maybe you do,
but this is tough.
I'm going to put a photo on the screen.
You're going to tell me what that is.
That's an Audi A8.
I'd say that is an A8.
That is an A8.
A6.
Don't tell me that's an A6.
Or was an A8.
Dead.
Dead.
Audi A8.
Dead.
Audi A8 gone forever.
Can't say that forever,
but it is dead.
They've completely...
No, they'll bring it back.
I say nine.
They've discontinued it
in favour of the Audi Q9 SUV,
which is kind of a stupid idiot.
But China.
Well, so...
China love this car.
There you go.
Supposedly, the demand for the SUV,
this is a render,
this is not an actual one of it,
is the Q9 SUV.
So it's a,
I would assume as big as an X7.
But they have a Q7.
That's the size of an X5
in their terms.
What's a Q7?
X5, no.
No.
Q5 is then going to be like an X4
or an X3.
And then a Q2 and one
is going to be like an X1.
Stupid.
Okay.
No, no.
It's similar numbers though, isn't it?
Yeah.
They, you know,
they add up at the end.
No, because I don't know.
But so, but the bigger issue here
is that the Audi A8,
the boy,
the biggest guy.
Yeah.
I still,
when I see an A8,
even,
even when I do see like a three-litre diesel,
I still do go,
it's kind of cool.
You know what it means?
It shows to me
that business is failing
in the world.
Is this the design I'm talking?
No, no.
Just in general,
the whole world
business is failing
because there aren't
businessmen anymore.
We don't get businessmen.
Or women.
Or women.
We don't get business folk.
Yeah.
No one's doing business.
No, exactly.
No one's doing business
and going, well,
I've done enough business
and now I've got so much money
in the business,
I'll just release an A8.
I need to get something long.
Or a seven series.
Or why,
where's that gone then?
Inherently,
business comes with the length.
And we need
your business out back,
isn't it?
No.
The bigger the business,
the longer the car.
We know,
we've all known that since the start.
It doesn't get taller,
it gets longer.
Businessmen don't rock
around in A1s.
No.
They're going A8 long boy.
I need length.
But Q7,
but then having a four by four,
that doesn't scream business to me.
That screams school run.
Or it screams to me,
I have some money,
but what do I do with it?
And that's not what I want to get.
This is all I had.
And that's what,
not what you want to hear about
business, man.
If someone wants to do
my business and said,
hey, man,
I don't know what I'm doing.
I wouldn't want him, would I?
No.
And what will
taxi drivers do?
But I think they drive taxis.
Yeah, probably.
No, but like, you know,
fancy ones.
Fancy taxis, yeah.
They're relegating themselves.
And now those people
will have to buy an S-Class.
They will have to buy a seven series.
And then Audi,
you are losing business.
You already know this,
which is why you've probably
made that decision.
And it probably makes no odds to you.
But trust me,
you're losing business here.
Something about
climbing up into a taxi
feels wrong to me.
No, I agree.
I should be getting down into it.
A four by four taxi
does not run.
Down into it.
You should though.
I would agree.
No, like, actually,
that feels wrong to get in.
If you get into the back
of a four by four taxi,
I feel like I'm going to school.
Like I'm being taken.
Like a bus.
Yes.
Yeah, sure.
Sure.
Just get a bus.
Why don't taxi drivers buy buses?
They can get
way more people in that.
Hold on.
We've just cracked.
And then they wouldn't have to pay
because they go on that way anyway.
Might as well give us a lift.
And then you just kind of get
like a business together
with the local council
to just stop at certain places
and everyone gets on at that place.
Yeah.
You drop them off at the next stop.
Turn around.
Back you come.
Turn around and go back to where you came.
Or you can get a slightly bigger one.
Do like longer distance trips.
Yeah.
This is a...
You know what?
We talk about business.
This might be a new one.
This is what I mean.
This is what the country
in the world is lacking
is why the A8 is dead.
And that's why we're going to
rock up on one of these.
Yeah.
Because of this folk.
It is sad though
because that is underappreciated
Audi as it is.
Also, there have been
some very cool A8 based things.
You've got S8s.
You've got like,
they made a V10.
Yeah.
A8.
Why is that though?
Why would you need to make that?
And now it's just gone.
It's dead.
Do a W12?
Or a V10?
There's a W12 then.
A V10.
A V10.
No V10 in there.
No V10.
A W12 is what I'm thinking of
because it was basically
it's like mini flying spur type beat.
Yeah.
I think it is the same engines
as a Continental.
So like what?
Yeah.
Audi and BMW
let your people speak.
Yes.
You know what I'm going to say to these?
We're getting rid of the four cylinder
going back to a V8.
Now that's business.
Yeah.
Someone's taking the right stuff
over at Merck.
Whereas Audi and Merck are
they're just like neaks.
So February 2026,
the month the UK order books for the
Audi A8 officially closed.
Marking the end at the factory orders
for the flagship saloon.
And the in that last one,
you could have the four litre V8 still.
So that's that's in
and they were S8s.
So right until the end,
we had S8.
It's sad.
It's a tough one to take.
What we got next?
I won't be able to buy an A8 now.
Brackets.
I was never interested
until they were 3,000 pounds.
I have put something together.
People with glue.
People make sandwiches.
We talked a little bit before
about top 10s.
Top 10, you know,
2,000 supercars, that sort of thing.
I would like to do another one.
Top 10 numbers.
Number one will shock you.
It's a little bit delirious.
It's nine o'clock at night.
I've got the top 10 worst drivers.
Oh God.
And I'd like you to rank them.
Specific people.
Yeah, no.
J number one.
There's just been Benjamin Rogers
to the post.
Right.
I'm going to have to write these down
as we go.
The rules are very simple.
They're quite complicated.
I'm going to read out an option.
And you're going to tell me
which number that goes in
without knowing what the rest of them are.
And then once in there,
that's when it's locked in.
It's locked in.
You're not very nice, are you?
Exactly right.
So where we like,
I know that's for me to choose
when we start.
Here we go.
First thing first.
Middle lane hogs.
Oh, there.
That's up there for me.
In a land.
Oh, but hang on.
Hang on.
Let me think about what could come.
Yeah, exactly.
This is your issue.
We've got...
And there is a bonus.
There's not many worse.
So just to let you know,
there's 10 plus a bonus one.
The bonus one I don't need.
You can put in anywhere in the list.
I will.
On all mentions.
Ignore them.
Let's get a second.
I'd be happy to go with a two on that one.
I would be also happy with a two.
Actually, I'd be pretty happy to put that out.
I don't want to go one yet
because it could be worse.
What's that then?
Who's worse than that?
Think about it.
No, I know who's worse than that.
Meanwhile, the actual quite large amount of police listing this.
By the way, random, random anecdote.
I got arrested.
Random anecdote.
I'm the police.
I was coming off of a motorway in the ML 63.
And there was a police car.
Look, even when you're not doing something wrong as a car person,
you go, have I got an MOT?
Is that legal?
Is that right?
Even though you know you are.
And I pulled off alongside this police car at a junction
at like a motorway slip road.
And I did that thing where you just stare ahead.
You're like, I'm not going to look.
I'm not going to look anywhere.
I don't know what in my head.
I'm like, looking around makes me suspicious.
Policeman looking at me.
He just looked to his left.
Arrest him.
He's not checking his mirrors.
Pull him over.
But so I looked over to my left.
I just thought, I'll catch a thief for this policeman.
And he was in the car and he did this at me.
He did that, which is a T side.
He did a D side and he did a C side at me.
And they gave me a thumbs up.
I was like, yo.
He's when he went T and then went pack.
After that.
And then four other police cars came around.
So you're going number two middle lane hogs.
Now I would love to go with one, but Ben isn't allowing it.
Okay.
Because it could be worth, please.
I don't know what could be worse.
Neither do I.
But fine.
And you'll regret this.
Now some of these, some of these are high level.
Some of these are low level.
It's just kind of short.
It's up for your interpretation.
Yeah.
EV drivers.
Sure.
Seven.
Okay.
Now Ben took five.
Ben took no time to think about that.
Five.
They're middle of the road.
They're kind of annoying.
But you also, there are some I reckon that just passed me by and they're perfectly fine.
I think at this point there's so many that seven is fair.
Six.
This is what I was thinking.
Six.
This is what I was thinking.
There is a special breed of penises in electric cars.
Taken penises.
Taken people.
You know.
Also Tesla Model Y, I've got a particular issue with you because you just don't know how
to drive.
Also, there's a crossover.
There is unfortunately a crossover.
In this case, the very thing you're looking at.
I'm assuming that this will be on the list, but there is a crossover because it's like
Uber drivers.
Stop spoiling it.
Yeah.
No, but that's why like, where do you put them in?
How do you categorize them?
I'll be honest.
How do I put these people in a box?
I'll be honest.
I've only got two or three that are specific types like those.
The rest are kind of actions.
So people...
And they speak louder than words.
That's it.
Number one, people.
People.
All right.
So I'd say happy with six.
Six.
Both happy with six.
Right.
You give me a little smile then.
I felt like you think that's wrong.
But just as a warning, they could easily be three.
I'm not part of this.
What does that mean?
But they could be three.
Yeah.
If you took the worst of them.
Of course, yeah.
They're the biggest offenders.
We have to punish them as a whole.
But there are some that fly out of the radar and you get away with it.
So we're going to put yourself...
We're playing averages right now.
Yeah, exactly.
There are some people that are just normal people that happen to own an electric car.
They're not electric car cocks.
Right.
Next people.
Smart motorway merchants.
And by that, I mean people that are...
You know, the moment a 50 comes up in the distance, they're at 50 a mile and a half pack down the road.
And that's tough.
The lane saying move over.
They've moved over three miles beforehand.
Now, even though they can see it says national speed limit ahead.
They know they're still doing 37 miles an hour.
Exactly.
Even though it was 60 back there.
Exactly.
But despite the fact, even though logically, I could speed it.
I'm allowed.
I'm allowed.
It's over there.
There's no speed camera here.
I could build up speed, but I won't.
A policeman might see me from a distance, have time to merge onto that way.
Speed up, catch up, pull you over and kill you.
Did you do that before that entry?
Lugger.
I'm putting them at number eight.
I'll tell you why.
Because...
Because they're just following the law.
That makes sense.
Because they allow me to get places quicker.
If they all move over and queue up...
But they don't.
Hold on.
A lot of them do.
You know, you come up to like a lane closure and just merge and turn.
So you're allowed to go up to the very end and then merge in.
In turn.
In your turn.
It's my turn, guys.
Taking turns, aren't we?
And everyone gets in this big old half a mile, mile long queue, straight away.
Is that what we're talking about?
Yeah.
So for me...
You're out my way and now I can sail past you and then cut you up last minute.
So you're...
Committing crime.
It's not a crime.
Is it?
It's not literally...
Unless it's a red X, it's not a crime.
Big red X, you're just flying back and forth.
No, there's one where it's a little arrow going...
Guys, get it.
Guys, you're going...
I'd be happy...
I think I specified merge in turn.
Eight on nine.
They're kind of harmless.
You come across them every now and then.
Let's go nine.
Okay.
Nine.
We've got to fill the back end somehow.
And also...
Right.
I know that.
Certi drivers.
Oh, certified.
You know what?
Yeah, they're quite annoying.
Because you know what they do?
Do you know what certified drivers do?
They ruin a good motorway ecosystem.
Yeah, that's fair.
You've...
You join a motorway.
It's like life.
You join a motorway.
You don't know what your place is yet in this motorway.
You have to sit on the bench a little bit and watch and just find your feet.
Like joining a new school is a great one.
Like when you're young.
What's that?
I'm loving this piece.
Yeah, no, no.
Like you join the school.
You don't straight away start...
You don't bitty big balls.
You have to just...
You have to get a layer of the land.
Even if it's for only a few seconds, you've got to work out what's happening.
That's true.
As you move, you start...
You realize who are the leaders and who are the followers?
Who are the sheep?
There's some...
Who's wearing goalers?
Who's wearing Adidas?
Exactly that.
Some people move to the left.
Some people, they're with you.
They're with you in that right lane.
And you...
Some people are with you in the right lane and you see them move back after an overtaking.
You're like, right, we're gang.
We're moving together through this motorway.
Say drivers ruin that.
Yeah.
They fly up down the left.
All the sheep get scared.
They start cutting you up.
They're wolves.
There's brakes.
There's all that sort of stuff.
Wolves, but they work alone.
Yeah.
But are we talking about like swimming?
No, we're talking about motorway.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like...
Someone who just joined, you can see them.
You'll see it in your mirror.
You just see it.
You'll see it.
You'll see a pair of xenons.
Someone that spells wicked with a V.
That's it.
That's all you need to know.
Mad spacing in the number plate.
Tinted.
Yeah.
We got...
You can see the clean intent a mile away.
But I don't care about how you modify your car.
That's for you to ruin.
But what I'm saying is that...
Are we talking about like they can't...
They are doing dangerous things.
They're safety driving.
You can see they're going across multiple lanes, coming back in.
They're looking for that room.
Untaking.
Yeah.
Because also, not many of them are good at it.
No.
Some of them you can see.
You can progress along the motorway in a perfectly legal manner.
And you'll notice that they're still with you.
They make no progress.
Now, I was prepared to go into this at like a seven.
Because I think the certified drivers, you know, when they...
When then no one's around, you're just a chopper.
Aren't we all certified drivers?
We have our license after all.
It's true.
I'll put them at four.
Hang on.
Let me finish explaining.
Four.
When no one asks around, you're just putting yourself in danger and you look like a chopper.
That's going to put you fine.
But when there's other people around, you get very close to killing many people.
And that to me is kind of...
So, that puts them...
So, what?
So, it's an eight for you?
So, yeah.
Yeah.
These are the most likely to sort of, you know, murder great skin numbers of people.
So, for that reason, ten.
No.
So, I'm saying, I think it moves up.
So, I'm saying, what do we have available to us?
You have one, three, four, five, seven, eight and ten.
Three or four?
Four?
That's what Will said from the beginning.
And you said, no, no, be quiet.
Hang on.
So, we've got...
If we put them at three, let's say.
We've got that in the middle lane hoggers are above that, which I think some people will
take Umbridge with.
Which I'm cool with.
But you don't know that you never knew the lay of the land.
Which means someone's worse than both of them.
Yeah.
I don't know four.
I don't know four.
Four.
People slowing down at a green light just in case.
You know what?
It's kind of innocent.
You're probably quite old, nine.
This is...
I was going to say this.
There is an air of old people to this whole thing.
Yeah.
But you must discount that.
It must be a case by case basis.
We need to be empirical.
We don't know age.
So, we don't know exactly.
No ageism here.
Slowing down for a green light is fine.
I really dislike it.
It's really annoying.
Yeah.
But it's not.
It's annoying, but it's actually seldom seen.
Yeah.
As in it happens, but I don't think it's like...
So, you've got seven, eight or ten available to you in that higher tier.
I think they could just go ten.
Ten, yeah.
Harmless.
Lovely.
We've got people who slam on the brakes at traffic officers.
Oh, that's got to be a left nail.
We've got seven and eight left.
And one.
You've got one, three, five, seven, eight bingo halls for no reason.
Five.
Five, five, five.
Five, yeah.
Because that is...
Those people are also offending in other places.
Do they count?
I'm picking up what you put now.
Do they count as...
Would they go onto Waze and put the traffic officer?
Yeah, no, of course.
100% five.
100% five, yeah.
Our fog reporters on the list.
No, I'll be honest.
I considered it, but I thought we had some other ones.
Five.
People that do not dip their high beams, they just leave their high beams on.
They don't care.
Oh.
On my commute home, it's many, many back roads and it's normally dark.
And those people that don't do that, honestly, just keep it...
Just don't do that.
I was trying to pick a word that isn't a swear word and I was like,
just don't do that ever again.
He kept it PG on that one.
That was nice.
So it's...
I don't know if it's worse if you've left it on and then just before you get to me,
you go, oh, sorry.
And then you turn it off.
I'd rather you just blinded me the whole way.
Picture this, a curve in the road, a change in plans.
Well, what do you say?
With the all new Audi Q3, the answer is always yes.
Yes to adventure.
Yes to escape.
Yes to performance.
Yes to comfort.
Yes to right now.
Because saying yes without hesitation, that's real luxury.
The all new Audi Q3 made for the yes life.
I quite enjoy it.
What?
Sorry?
Because you like to flash them back.
Because also, when I first started driving, a lot of it was countryside driving because
that's where I lived.
So...
Who are?
Down in the south-west.
So what?
I got a couple of candles.
Glow worms.
Tractors at night.
So I find it very satisfying when someone's coming towards you and you get...
Just head on.
And you get to give them a little flash of like, come on, mate.
And then when they dip their beams, it's like, yeah, I told you.
Yeah, but the thing is, but that's the issue.
You're so oblivious that you just not...
How do you not realise?
It brings rage to me.
It really does.
I get really angry with it.
I would like to make an invention.
This is not related to this.
The headlights.
No.
Why hasn't anyone made a dimming windscreen?
You can't see me going.
No, but that's not how that works.
Something with high beams comes on, windscreen goes black.
That's not...
That shouldn't be how that works.
No, they should dip their beams.
You shouldn't have to compromise for them.
What if it was an auto...
No, because then everyone could drive around with the main beams.
Or we could have an absolute solar beam, solar powered moons.
But we have that now.
Because we have those lights, the auto dip.
And we have lights that block out the car coming towards you.
Yeah, but they don't.
Hey now, we're getting beside the point.
What numbers we got?
You've got one, three, seven, eight.
Seven.
Wait, was there no five?
Five is taken up by people who slam on the brakes at traffic offices.
You've just been there.
And you were the one that said five.
I call them seven.
I could put them higher.
But unfortunately, the higher number we have is too high for them.
I'm fine with seven.
I'd like to slash all their tires.
Because I feel it's also an age thing.
If you're young, when I was younger, I actually didn't care.
I'm not saying I'm super old, but I'm pretty old compared to like Ben at least.
And now I get angry at it because it's like a flash bang.
Well, so you...
Yeah, no, it really is.
Whereas when I was like 21, I could firm that light.
Oh, sorry.
I thought you meant you used to leave them on, but...
No, no.
But like, once I went out, you just deal with it.
Whereas now I'm like, now I'm just seeing stars.
Because of your age, you're like your corny as they're getting old.
So it hurts more.
Yeah.
I have to pull over.
You are old, that's true.
And they're off on the side of the motorway.
32, we'll do that to them, man.
I'm not that old.
Yet.
Yet.
Okay.
I'm planning to get to that age.
Now, I've put this as people using the D-pad.
And by that, I mean, they're on the motorway, they are go or stop.
They are accelerating all the way up.
And then they're breaking really hard.
Oh, that's a big one for me.
They cannot modulate their speed.
And it goes silent as the players enter the game.
What we've got left?
What we've got left?
You've got one, three and eight.
It's not one or three.
It's eight.
That's being eight, doesn't it?
They're infuriating.
And again, if that's you, let's get some training done.
It's not on off switch, guys.
You can just modulate speed or get cruise control.
It's pedal.
It's got like linear, it's got progression.
You don't have, there are.
Yeah.
You can do better.
But eight.
People that do 30 mile an hour everywhere, they're doing it through a 20.
They're doing it through a 40.
They're doing it through a 50.
Does that cost even a 60?
Does that class as people, would that include people who merge on the motorway of 30 as well?
No.
That's the last one, isn't it?
I don't know.
Okay.
I'm putting it, I'm putting it because that's my biggest thing.
All right.
Are we happy to put this at three?
Three?
Because it leaves almost by design this mystery final one.
No, be our number one and we'll either regret it or not.
It is not a mystery final one.
You have two left.
One of which is a, is a classed one.
So it will be people that do not speed up on motorway entrances.
That for me is one.
Cause I've actually nearly got...
What's the other one?
Wait, hang on.
I've actually nearly gotten quite a few crashes from that.
Cause you're doing 20 on the motorway.
Cause I want to try and merge.
Like because, because there's, there's...
There is...
The jaws of life out there.
There is like a lorry coming in the left hand lane and they merge at 30 and I'm behind them
like, okay, cool.
Either I'm getting hit by the lorry or I have to now have to do a maneuver where I just
rev my car to red line to get past all of you.
But the clutch is in.
Yeah.
So for me, that's number one.
That's absolutely number one.
I don't think they are.
They're annoying.
But are they worse than 30 drivers and middle lane?
I wish we'd put number one as the middle lane guys.
I agree.
It might happen.
I told you.
I think actually they cause more danger than middle lane owners though.
Yeah.
No, no, they cause more danger.
But I don't care about danger.
I care about inconvenience.
Inconvenience is middle lane.
Classic world coming.
Incin...
Don't scare me, does it?
No, because it's purely, it's something I have to work around.
I can work around this.
If you're a middle lane hogger and there's enough of you, it's like getting stuck in
a herd of, I wasn't going to say sheep.
I want to say, you know, and you see like herds of cattle.
Yeah.
Kind of the same thing.
Or like the Lion King or something.
Do you know lions?
You sort of get stuck in the middle of that and like you can't get out of it.
Wildebeest.
That's middle lane.
Wildebeest.
Precisely.
I was going to say deer.
But Wildebeest famously are quite quick.
No, but they're kind of, they're not getting out of the way.
They don't understand that I am a...
When have you ever been in that situation?
I was highly tuned hyena.
I thought you were going to say a higher being.
Of course.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Did you hear that?
Yeah.
Of course he thinks he's a hyena.
Of course.
They're kind of scavengers though.
Yeah, but they're still like a predator.
They're pretty quick.
When have you ever been in a situation where you know that Wildebeest will not get out
of your way?
What does that ever happen?
You don't know Wildebeest.
In slough.
Now, you know how bees, they, is it bees or what?
You know how bees are.
I'm a wasp among the bees, isn't I?
Yes.
One of them.
They kill things by suffocating them.
Bees.
They have stingers.
No, no.
I've never had like an arm lock from a bee.
No, no, they get around them and they vibrate and they get so hot they kill the thing inside
it.
That's what middle lane hoggers are.
They're trapping.
Enough of those.
You're trapped.
Sorry.
What?
Yeah.
I'm 90% sure that's true.
Final are bees.
Bring up bee.
All I saw is bees strangling another bee.
So kill other bees.
Yeah.
So bees are fine.
No, no, no.
That's what middle lane hoggers are.
They're just suffocating us.
They're just strangling our freedom.
That's all we all want.
It's freedom.
Bees kill a hornet with heat.
They vibrate.
It's a specialised defence mechanism, most notably utilised by the Japanese honey bee
killing truding hornets by vibrating their flight muscles.
The bees create a hot defensive ball around a predator producing temperatures that can
reach 48 degrees Celsius.
So enough to kill the wasps.
UK bees don't do that.
Have that.
Have that some National Geographic.
So they kill hornets.
Yeah.
Wow.
Crazy.
Anyway, we're getting off the topic.
So what's this fine?
I'm happy to not...
I'm happy to...
Number one.
No.
Roll.
Right.
Here we go.
That one you just said, which was about whatever it was, people who merge on, I'm happy to
leave that one off the list and take whatever this last one is as a...
I'm going to...
So, you can't...
I can't do that.
You can't remove, but you can put this last one wherever you'd like.
I can't overwrite something.
Oh, so that one has to go one then.
Where the sun don't shine if you like.
I'm going to read back your list.
Number one, people that do not speed up a motorway engine is your worst, the worst offenders.
I agree with that.
That's a bad take.
I agree with that.
That annoys me.
Number two, middle lane hogs.
Too low.
Number three, the 30 mile an hour going everywhere.
That, you know, you weren't left with many choices at the end.
You've got to do what you've got to do.
Number four, 30 drivers.
I think that they've got away quite clean there.
They've got light.
They're at least above...
Not even a podium.
They're at least above 30 mile an hour people.
Yeah.
Because you can get round then.
Number five, people who slam on the brakes at traffic officers, I think deservedly high
on that.
Number six, EV drivers, just catching strays for no reason.
Number seven, people that do not dip their high beams.
Yeah.
Number eight, people that use a deep half.
Number nine, smart motorway merchants.
And number 10, people slowing down at a green light in case it changes.
I think from four down, it's a bit of a sort of a malaise.
Yeah.
Could be anyone.
Yeah.
You can just kind of mix them around.
We have mashed up our top three.
I think, yeah.
No, that's your fault.
Yeah.
Well, as yours too, I think famously we both did the game.
Yeah, we did, but you just forced me out of it.
Oh, okay.
What's this wild card?
This wild extra one.
I'd like to pitch it to Ben.
I think Ben should choose this.
Is it just Ben?
It's emergency services.
Where would you put those?
Behind me, wherever I am.
Well, yeah.
Yeah.
So if I'm like number two, I put them.
But what would you like it to be?
I mean, in that...
As drivers?
In that list of 10.
They'd be my...
Let me think.
They'd be 10, wouldn't they?
They'd be 10.
So you don't mind them at all.
You really don't mind them.
I don't put...
I have no...
In fact, I...
Do you know what that makes it much worse?
Ben feels nothing towards them, but he still does that.
No, no.
I put them in 10.
Yeah.
Exactly.
That means that's worse.
That's the...
That's what I'm saying.
They're good.
Well, that's what I mean.
It's crazy that you don't...
You don't even mind them, yet you do what you do.
But you always put them at number one is the worst.
Well, that would make sense.
I agree with what they do.
I think it's fantastic a lot of times.
You just like then getting, you know, wasting their time.
Hey, man, listen, I pay my taxes.
I like them sometimes.
I pay some of my Bristol fines.
No, I don't want to pay my Bristol fines, but, you know...
So there we have it.
A top 10 of the worst drivers.
Let us know if you agree or disagree.
I think we'd let you down on that one.
We may...
We'll visit with more things.
So chuck your top 10s in the comments.
And shout out to the bees.
Yeah.
And don't go near them because they will get hot.
In Japan, though.
They're cool.
They're pretty cool here.
Japanese honeybees.
That's pretty thick here.
What we got next?
Crazy.
Let's talk about...
Edwin, you put cars and cars and cars and cars and cars and cars and cars and caffeine.
Look, we are partly guilty of it with fuel.
But why does every car thing have to be a cars and something?
Why does it have to be something and something?
It comes from cars and coffee.
I know.
But why does it always have to be...
Why can't we think outside the box?
We've made one.
It's cars and clowns.
And it's full creamers.
And it's full creamers.
We're all clowns here.
The cars are the focus.
The clowns are just here.
Couldn't just be clowns and cars.
Like clowns first and foremost, there might be cars.
It's just a clown meat.
But there is always...
And I'm always intrigued.
There seems to be such little creativity.
Because you get cars and cream.
Why are we not doing that?
Actually, maybe we've...
We spoke too soon.
Maybe I misjudged you.
But they are.
It's some sort of...
It's cars.
And then it's like, well, why are all stars of the sea?
There's lots of things that start with the sea.
Can we get one each?
Just off the top of the dome?
Yeah.
For cars.
It's a car meat event.
Sort of in the morning.
It's a great event.
You're going to be there.
I'm going to be there.
Right.
I'm going to go ahead and say I'm going to be motor vehiculars
and refreshments.
That rolls off the tongue.
I'm going to call it cars and crumble.
Oh, okay.
I don't know.
I might go to that.
A really difficult thing to serve.
But there's only Mark when I make fives that are literally hanging.
They are there.
They are ready to go.
But it's only...
There's no coffee.
There's no crumpets.
There's no croissants.
There's no anything like that.
It's just apple crumble.
It's just crumble.
What's crumble?
I haven't been able to fit apple crumble in the name, have I?
So you can't call it...
It's crumble without the apple.
Is that apple crumble would be too specific?
Because you've got a rhubarb crumble.
Yeah, but I can't fit that in the name, can I?
I can't call it cars and rhubarb crumble.
It's just the top layer.
Rusty cars and rhubarb crumbles.
Although, to be fair, as far as crumble goes...
That is a mechanic shop somewhere.
The top layer makes it crumble.
The rest is just...
That's what I mean.
Rusty cars and crumble.
But I actually would go to that.
I'm going to go with motors and macaroons.
Oh, I like that.
It's a French theme.
French theme.
Yeah, yeah.
The motards and the macaroons.
What are yours?
Nice.
The vehicles and...
Violations.
Transportation and triceps.
It's a little gym.
It's a collaboration with Blake Sandberg.
Shout out Blake Sandberg.
Shout out Blake Sandberg.
The fitness and car meet.
So, let us know your best mmm and mmm for car related event.
Maybe we might pick one for the next creme meet.
Just a random one that came off the top of the dome.
Yeah, it's just infuriating.
Stop naming things.
Stop naming things.
Stop naming things.
Just someone call it something else.
Okay, go ahead.
What would you call it?
Car meet.
Car meet.
Car meet one.
And then the next one.
Car meet.
One point one.
Two car, two meet.
Thank you.
The car and the meet.
The car...
Oh, he knows.
Yeah.
Tokyo drift.
And then it would be car four.
No.
No, that would be cars four.
No.
What would it be?
Meet four.
No.
Cars four.
Cars four.
And then it would be meet five.
And then it would just be meet.
Car meet seven.
Sure.
Okay, that all makes sense.
I like to talk about road works.
Okay.
And this is going to be...
Someone's going to go...
Oh, this is going to be old man moaning.
Can you read out what you put in the chat?
Not on it.
No.
Well, just give me a rough...
Two four letter words.
Yeah, lovely.
Mashed together on one big, really offensive one.
What is going on?
In the house.
I've noticed this.
This is a thing.
But I want to know, right?
It's coming to the end of the financial year.
You don't know as business folk.
Of course.
I'm going home my eight.
I'll open a book.
It's coming to the end of the financial year.
And you always hear this rumor, this speak of like...
They got to use up the rest of the budget.
They got to use the budget.
Now, if that is true, this is why they're on A8.
Because who's running businesses like that?
Who's going, well, we won't spend a penny, will we?
And they get to March and go, oh.
Did you spend up that?
37 million to spend.
Pick up the roads all now, right now.
Because everywhere I go, there are road works.
But you have all this budget to spend.
If that's true, someone let us know.
Is that true?
I don't know.
Seems to be actually quite a nice little...
What's that then?
What's that word?
Use your words.
Coincidence.
Okay.
Because I came to some road works this morning.
On a road that doesn't normally have road works on it,
despite the 87 other roads that do have road works on them.
And I saw on my ways, it's had a little red line.
No fog that day.
Little red line.
Traffic officer?
Okay.
No, it wasn't there.
It was a report of place, though.
So, little red line.
I thought, okay, normally there's not red line here.
It must be traffic.
I get a little bit closer forward.
It says, there is traffic.
Then I get...
You can see the sign where it says there's a traffic light.
I get to there.
I get to the top of it.
It's taken me some time to get there.
Some delay has happened.
I can see cones.
I'm like, okay, there must be lights here.
Then I realized I was sat for some time while other cars kept coming.
Just kept coming, kept coming.
Okay.
When will our turn be?
Then when I get to the top of it,
I'm behind the lorry, it takes ages.
There is no light.
Okay.
Actually, I'll tell that back.
There is a light.
There is a light.
But there are two lights and there's a cone.
Sorry, we were...
Are you making this up?
We were not making this up.
No lights for one light to do.
There are, as you'd expect, with traffic lights, two sets.
No.
Sorry, one set of two.
There you go.
One pair of traffic lights.
One for one side, one for our side.
Where are they facing?
Are they facing me?
No.
Are they facing them?
Are they facing them?
No, they're facing the trees.
Oh, when they push into one side.
They're facing the trees.
Are they still cones?
Absolutely, yes.
So there was a piece of road that has been cordoned off by the powerful cone.
That's because there was a manhole cover that has ever so slightly dislodged.
He's fallen over.
It has slightly dislodged.
That's all I could see.
No one is on site.
Okay.
And all the traffic lights are facing the trees.
So it has left the general public to choose who goes when.
Hunger games type.
And I was like, that's not going to work, is it?
People need to be governed by light.
They have to be governed by three lights.
Otherwise, no one knows when to go.
Who made that choice?
Someone paid money to a company and said, right, you are on that job.
I've contracted you.
Go and set up the lights.
And they went, right, here's the lights.
Face trees were off.
We're talking like 830.
They took the money.
They took the money and ran.
So if someone knows something about roadworks and how did you,
how did you overcome this issue?
I'll just truth through it.
The codes.
I would love that.
Would you?
I would love that.
If I had a car I didn't care about, I'd love to obliterate the cones.
But I need, I need more from the construction companies,
from the building people.
What's your ideal roadworks?
I think they should be doing them at night.
No, okay, but fine.
But let's, let's say it's, it's your standard meet and to lie on one side,
lie on the other.
It's, we're having to move into one lane.
We got to take turns.
You know, the ones I quite like and they work quite well is when there's two men with signs.
Oh, they do the stop and go.
Yeah.
They normally work quite well because there's someone's using a little bit of logic.
It's true.
Rather than someone programming a programing, programming a machine and the machine goes,
well, I don't blame that.
Do I?
I think we'll wait three days.
Green.
No yellow.
Green.
I'll tell you what, we'll let this one go for 20 minutes.
And then I'll go green.
Four seconds.
Four seconds.
Yeah.
So you've got, you've had the chance.
If you're not loaded up on the talk convert and ready to go, you are missing this green light.
You're at Santa Palm.
You know, he's pre-stage.
Let him go.
If someone knows something about why, is it, is it the financial year thing?
Because if so, I'm losing faith in business because you can't, you can't go a whole year
and then go, oh, God, bloody hell.
I better take out their own takeaway.
Maybe the A8 died for a good reason because you don't get to March and go, oh, here's
the budget we have.
Surely you knew that.
You must have known that.
How do we evenly distribute this budget throughout the year?
Okay.
On the current issues at play.
I mean, that's what budget is, isn't it?
It's choosing how much money you spend throughout the year.
It's like us going now.
Well, better buy a Bugatti.
For the entire year on TTC, you get us working on the same car for pennies.
Then we go, yep.
Anyway, we've got a Koenigsegg.
Haven't spent a penny, have we?
Because we thought, well, why spend the budget?
Do it in March, don't we?
Oh, is it March?
Oh, we'd better take out the roads.
So yeah, if you're digging out the roads, do it at night.
Isn't it mad that day-to-day with roadworks, nothing changes?
And then when you look around, everything's the same.
Everything's the same.
Crazy.
Edwin, you've got a conspiracy for us.
I have a conspiracy.
Everyone is always going on about subscriptions.
The world's going to end because everyone's got a Hulu or bingus or some sort of weird
thing where you can watch one program every three weeks.
What's your strangest subscription?
That's a great question.
Let me think about that.
But let me carry on speaking.
I think the original subscription is the car.
Now granted, the car, you buy that outright unless you finance in which you're subscribing
to a finance company.
It's like buying a television.
But you pay for fuel.
Yeah.
That's not...
It came from earlier when Jay of all people said something and I said milk is the original
subscription because when you finish your milk, you've got to go get more.
It's not infinite milk.
But you don't need it.
No, you don't.
You're locked in, but you need it.
But if you're having a coffee, if you're having a cereal, you've got to have the milk.
The implication of a subscription though is that if you went, you know what?
I'm not going to have any milk this week.
Someone would bring you milk and charge you either way.
Yeah, that's true.
No, that is true.
Now, fine.
I admit my logic there may be a little bit rocky, but insurance.
That's true because car tax.
I pay my tax and insurance monthly.
Fuel maybe a little bit there and getting a little bit ropey, but cars are the original
subscription model.
It's...
You know what?
And you have to have somewhere to keep it.
And no one talks about it.
House.
So, you know what?
Okay.
What is it?
Boomer's saying, you've got to stop eating avocado toast and signing up to grumble.
His nurse wills that.
I'm like, who bends on grumble?
What's grumble?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I meant to say crumble.
What's grumble?
Jesus and grumble.
My gummy.
So, but in actual fact, you've got to stop paying your subscription to your car.
Because also, technically, if you don't pay your tax or your insurance, the police will
come and cancel your subscription.
That's crazy.
That doesn't happen with Netflix.
If I just stop paying my Netflix, I don't have the police going, you're done, mate.
You're done.
Does it work like Netflix where if you're watching a different place, they won't let you drive
your car?
Yeah, the moment you go over to France, you need to jump in this...
Technically, because you have to have insurance for another country, don't you?
No, they make you drive a different car.
In France, you have to get in a Citroen or a Renault.
Or you tell them that you're traveling and therefore they'll let you access your car
for a week or so.
Which they do.
Which is what insurance does.
It says you can use the car within 60 days out of the country.
So, like, sawing your car is like going on iPlayer.
And then sawing it and driving your car is like going on iPlayer and saying, I've got a TV
license.
Yeah, I don't need one.
Yes, it is.
Yeah, yeah.
I have one.
Of course, I have one.
Oil changes?
Kind of watch Peaky Blind this, please.
You can't just not do oil changes.
Well, you...
I did the changes.
Didn't check the oil.
Thank you very much.
You tried that sort of method.
Would you subscribe to that?
Would you subscribe to oil changes?
What does that mean?
If it was periodic money...
No.
...coming from your account.
But tyres.
And it was tyres.
You'd subscribe to tyres?
Ties?
Yes.
Weird things to subscribe to.
But it's every month you get a full set.
Oil's kind of like...
No.
Would that not be the best thing?
No.
Because when you...
You had to think about that for a second.
No, I was thinking about oil for a second because I was thinking I could have it actually
on the S2000 where every time the oil gets low, they come and service it.
Which, no.
That would be good.
It would be about three times a week, though.
But for you guys who like to do...
On a private racetrack, we like to do skids.
You could, every time your tyres get low, new tyres.
But you pay a set fee of, say, 50 pounds a month.
Okay.
And you get a new set of tyres every time they get low.
Thoughts?
Okay, so over the year, so I've got realistic like 600 pounds worth of equity into that.
So, do I get to choose what tyres are they?
They're just sending me Kapatos.
Like for like.
Just buying a set of 35 pounds.
Like for like.
See, if you've got...
If you've got Cup 2Rs, they'll bring you Cup 2Rs.
Crazy.
But obviously, your subscription would be...
But so you're paying it over time instead of...
But what if you sell a car and they go, hey, oh well.
But it would be...
It's like meal deals.
Okay, I love that.
The whole business model is that people go into Tesco's for a meal deal.
And then when they're there, they'll get out of the stuff.
Other meal deals are available.
Sainsbury's, Aster, Morrison's, all of your supermarkets.
People go in there for a meal deal and they buy other things.
And they make more money off of that.
But that's my point.
Is that, yes, with you guys, they'd lose money.
Because now you're going through like five, maybe six, maybe seven sets of tyres a year.
I thought you were just going to say seven tyres.
Seven sets of tyres a year.
But for the average person, they're going through what one set is that?
One set of tyres a year.
Well, that's what I mean.
What are they doing?
You're getting 600 squid for a set of tyres.
People at fish market be like...
That's what I'm saying.
That's what the money is made.
I think that's stupid.
That's what the money is made, though, isn't it?
I think oil change is better.
Oil change is a great one.
I think that could work.
But how?
They just come to your house.
You know that exact thing you just described to us?
Just substitute tyres for oil change.
I don't say you make money because with tyres, not everyone would use them.
No, because then they could come to your house, couldn't they?
They could say, right, you're going to pay a monthly fee.
Let's say oil change.
I'm trying to work this out in the spot.
I don't do maths.
Oil change costs 80 pounds.
Just make up the numbers.
80 pounds.
That's not true.
I'd say that's roughly true for a small car.
Oil change.
No, just oil, though.
We're literally talking just oil.
I think it's just oil.
Just oil.
So, 80 pounds.
100 pounds.
That's a nice round number.
100 pounds is...
I'm more happy with it.
100 pounds, that's it, is what you're going to pay.
But we're going to charge you.
Let's say you're going to do what?
20,000 miles a year.
Okay.
And you're going to want an oil change.
Let's say every 10K.
So...
We're going to charge you too.
I can't do this business thing.
I can't get that A8.
A8 is awful.
A8 ain't coming to me.
That's not good.
So, it's 180 pounds a year.
To subscribe to this.
That's so specific.
But where are you...
Oh, sorry.
It's 177 pounds a month.
It's 120 pounds a year.
I haven't got to that.
But how are you making your money?
They're just going to do it quicker, aren't they?
All you've done is you just charge oil change.
You just...
No, it's fine.
No, hang on.
Because 100 pounds I've said I've quoted for the oil change
is from me going to a garage.
But I'm sending Steve out with the van.
Right.
He's got no overheads.
Well...
What a van.
Is it him?
That's not the same, is it?
I don't need to.
Don't worry about me.
I've got nerve reds.
The van itself, it pays for itself.
So, he doesn't have a van.
He doesn't have a van.
He walks.
He walks.
He carries.
He's got a bicycle.
You know, delivery riders.
And they've got the massive long bicycle.
But he's got a oil pan on the front of it loose.
But what does this help with?
I don't understand.
I don't know.
Because you've invented...
I don't know anything.
What you've invented here is a 0% APR garage trip.
Where you need an oil change anyway.
It costs £17.60 a month.
So, you just pay off your oil change over the course of a year.
Yes.
It's Clana.
It's Clana.
This is ridiculous.
And at least my one had logic, which is that you can have as many tyres as you want.
Yeah, but how's yours made?
Sorry, £600.
I can have any tyres.
Because I want them.
Because...
No, no.
Because...
There's some people with a shit on going, great.
No, no, not for that.
No, I mean more.
But what I'm saying is the average set of tyres, what's that?
£450?
Perhaps.
Okay.
So, the average person isn't going even through that, but yeah.
They pay me £600.
Okay.
And then they might not even use me.
Are you just robbing them at this point?
And then you, fine.
You would, of course, use it multiple times and I'd lose money.
But what's the benefit to a normal person?
Because they know that if they get a flat or if they get anything else, they got a tyre.
What would you subscribe to?
Do you know like when you eat the actual things?
Never.
Never.
I mean, well, let's say you can subscribe to have a little bit more power.
Or heated seats or what.
But what would you actually do?
I would subscribe to...
Can't be like a pause anytime.
Yeah, absolutely.
I would subscribe to like Fuel economy.
So I went up to Whitby a few weeks ago and that was a five hour drive each way.
And that I would have liked to, you know, if I could just pay them five pounds per month
and I get another 10 MPG, that would have been helpful.
You could do that.
It's called your right foot.
You could drive at 50 miles an hour and gain five MPG.
No, but if it was something you'd normally...
They're like, they upload a temporary super eco map to your car.
Yeah.
And then you just...
And then after that, you go, right, snap the, you know, the big one back on.
Because I'm going to...
Slap a brand's hat.
Kill map back on.
Exactly.
I think that would be good.
Kill map on the GTD.
Rolling anti-lag on the steering wheel.
Do you know what I would subscribe to?
Actually, genuinely, a man that would come to my house and fill my car up.
I thought I was going in a different direction.
You can do that.
Oh, petrol.
That's a thing.
Yeah, no, that is a thing.
A man will not bring me a fuel.
That's crazy.
Yes, they will.
He'll bring me a fuel.
Yes.
Talk to myself.
That's insane.
I don't know the cost, but I know it's a thing in London.
I remember seeing it when it was like a startup thing.
There was one where we used to live in the left side of London, which was called Hammersmith.
I once saw it.
I saw a guy in a van.
He had like a pump thing.
But I think it maybe got cancelled because it was dangerous.
Driving around with 10,000 litres of fuel.
Can you have a fuel pump on your driveway?
That's a good question.
Because if you had it installed like an electric car charger and you subscribed to fuel.
Yeah, wait.
Why can't I just have that?
Yeah.
Why can't I have a shell pump?
I love the idea.
You shout into the house at your girlfriend.
Can you authorise pump too, please?
I'm just going to go to the shop.
No, but you just walk in and you just go home.
Yeah.
And then you just plug your car in.
Pump.
Put it in the pump.
But you'd leave it overnight.
And it would trickle the fuel in.
It would trickle the fuel in.
There's no high-pressure issues here.
And then obviously it would stop once it gets to the top.
And then you'd come out and you'd have a full-up car.
Why isn't that a thing?
Now, great idea.
There are no bad ideas in business.
We've all got A8.
What if you come home and someone else is in your drive filling up?
No, they can't.
It would have security measures.
Because that would be quite funny.
If they're just doing things like,
you just give me a minute.
I've just got to fill up.
But you can do that with someone's electric car charger, surely.
I think do they have pins on them?
It's all mine.
Okay, cool.
Yeah, they sold it.
Hence the A8.
Yeah.
Hence the A8 on the drive.
Hence the two and a half thousand pound A8 I've got.
My business is failing.
Being filled up as we speak.
Ben, found anything on it?
You can have emergency fuel deliveries if you run out of fuel.
Yeah.
No one that would just go pop on down and fill you up.
It used to be a thing for sure.
Because I remember seeing one.
That's quite cool.
I think that's a thing in Dubai.
Sure, why not?
I think I've seen that before.
Could be wrong.
It feels American a bit.
Yeah, American.
So that's...
I only have a delivery to my house.
So that is the cream business talk of the week.
If any dragons, maybe Theoperfetus wants to invest.
Not anymore.
He's gone.
What?
He's not part dragon?
I thought he meant he was dead.
Oh, not now.
No, that's horrible.
We saw him so recently.
Let us know.
You know, dragons, we could be...
We just want to be an A8 like you.
Also, the podcast suddenly just stops.
It's because the business has gone under.
Because this is how everyone's thinking.
It's because we've gone to a new business.
Pivoted to a subscription.
You subscribed to an A8.
Someone's gone on the first day of morning to listen to the podcast
and see the 600 pound tires come out of their account.
Right.
I think that is a good place to leave it.
I think we've had...
We've all had a business, you know...
We've had a business view.
Thank you very much for listening to this incredibly
delirious episode of the cream podcast.
We will be back for number 76 next week.
Shout out...
A8.
You'll have the confidence of knowing it's done right.
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