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Coming to you from 35,000 feet
Coming to you from 35,000 feet
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About this episode
Jonny Smith and Richard Porter take their podcast to new heights, literally, as they record from a plane at 35,000 feet. The duo discusses everything from the quirks of airplane seating to their favorite cars, sharing humorous anecdotes about past experiences and the intricacies of aviation. They touch on the absurdities of airline food, the challenges of flying with pets, and even delve into nostalgic TV shows like 'Cheers' and 'The Fall Guy.' With a mix of banter and insightful commentary, this episode offers a unique perspective on travel and automotive culture.
Topics:
800 horsepower
bananaed
crabbing
kick down
modified
nine-speed gearbox
rear-ended
Recaro
spoiler
stage one
Cars:
BMW 3 Series
Chrysler 300
Dodge Charger
Ford Focus
Honda Civic
Jaguar XJ
MG MGC
Porsche 356
Volkswagen Rabbit
In an unusual episode, Jonny and Richard are on an aeroplane heading to an unspecified location for reasons that will become clear in a future show. Topics discussed include the Airbus Sport Quattro, pilot speak, sawing someone in half, taking doves into shops, the ride quality of planes, flying without any training if you had to, a banana-shaped Jaguar, pointless Euro business class, and living next door to Lee Majors.
For early, ad-free episodes and extra content go to patreon.com/smithandsniff
To buy merch and tickets to live podcast recordings go to smithandsniff.com
Buy Richard's new book here: https://amzn.eu/d/bmeEHSe
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Filter:
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Technical
Too Afraid to Ask
Car
Microlino
"...they said, are you going to be driving that microlino? And I, yeah. And they were, what happens if you have a frontal impact and how are you getting out?..."
The Microlino is a tiny electric car that looks a bit like an old-fashioned bubble car. It's designed for city driving and has a door that opens from the front, which is pretty cool!
The Microlino is a small electric vehicle inspired by the classic BMW Isetta. It features a unique design with a front-opening hatch, making it compact and ideal for urban environments.
Company
Recaro
"But, it's quite often these aeroplane seats are made by Recaro. Yeah. But not the bits of Recaro that used to make car seats on my bus."
Recaro is a brand that makes comfortable and supportive seats for cars and airplanes. They are known for their quality and are often used in racing and high-end vehicles.
Recaro is a well-known company that specializes in manufacturing high-quality seating solutions, primarily for cars and aircraft. They are recognized for their ergonomic designs and support, making them a popular choice in motorsports and luxury vehicles.
Term
nine-speed gearbox
"You're like a nine-speed gearbox. You know, you're such a sensitive throttle input."
A nine-speed gearbox is a car part that helps the engine run more efficiently by changing gears automatically. It has nine different settings to help the car speed up smoothly and save fuel.
A nine-speed gearbox is a type of automatic transmission that has nine distinct gear ratios. This allows for smoother acceleration and improved fuel efficiency by keeping the engine in its optimal power band.
Term
kick down
"So we're going to be... I don't think a little had a chance. That kicked down, didn't it?"
'Kick down' is what happens when you press the gas pedal harder in an automatic car, causing it to switch to a lower gear for more power and speed.
'Kick down' refers to the action of an automatic transmission downshifting to a lower gear when the driver presses the accelerator pedal more firmly. This provides increased power and acceleration when needed.
Car
Honda Civic
"...the kids were driving their Civic around the borrowed field. And I looked up and there was this gigantic hot air balloon..."
The Honda Civic is a small car that many people like because it's dependable and gets good gas mileage. It's been around for a long time and comes in different styles.
The Honda Civic is a compact car known for its reliability and fuel efficiency. It has been a popular choice among drivers since its introduction in the early 1970s, available in various body styles and trims.
Car
BMW 320S
"...in, I'm hoping Alistair will explain this. These 320s, I always think they make a lot of whiny noises. ..."
The BMW 3 Series is a small luxury car that people love because it drives really well and feels nice inside. It's often mentioned because it has a reputation for being fun to drive, even if it makes some unusual noises.
The BMW 3 Series is a compact executive car that has been a benchmark for performance and luxury in its class since its introduction. Known for its sporty handling and premium features, it often garners attention for its driving dynamics and technology.
Car
Volkswagen Rabbits
"They're starving. Rabbits as well. They take rabbits out of hand."
The Volkswagen Rabbit is a small car that is easy to drive and has a lot of space inside for its size. People talk about it because it's known for being reliable and good on gas.
The Volkswagen Rabbit, known as the Golf in many markets, is a compact hatchback that has been popular for its practicality and fun-to-drive nature. It holds significance as one of Volkswagen's best-selling models, often discussed for its versatility and efficiency.
Term
crabbing
"...the car starts crabbing. But instead of pulling over and just going, I screwed up..."
When a car is crabbing, it means the wheels are pointed in different directions, making the car drive sideways instead of straight. It usually happens when something is wrong with the car's alignment or suspension.
Crabbing refers to a situation where a vehicle's wheels are not aligned properly, causing it to move sideways instead of going straight. This can happen due to suspension issues or damage to the vehicle's frame.
Car
MGC
"He had an MGC. FXC? An MGFXC."
The MG MGC is a classic British sports car that was made in the late 1960s. It has a bigger engine than the more common MG B, making it faster and more powerful.
The MG MGC is a British sports car produced by MG from 1967 to 1969, featuring a 2.9-liter inline-six engine. It was designed as a more powerful version of the MG B, aimed at enthusiasts looking for increased performance.
Term
modified
"So as you looked, you know, it's pretty... It's slightly modified."
When a car is 'modified', it means that parts of it have been changed from how it was originally built. This can make the car look different or perform better.
In automotive terms, 'modified' refers to changes made to a vehicle's original specifications, which can include performance upgrades, aesthetic changes, or alterations to improve handling or comfort. Modifications can range from simple cosmetic changes to extensive mechanical upgrades.
Term
straight six
"That's the straight six. Oh, gee."
A straight six is a type of engine that has six cylinders lined up in a row. This setup helps the engine run smoothly and is often found in high-quality cars.
A straight six is an engine configuration where six cylinders are arranged in a straight line. This design is known for its smooth operation and balance, making it a popular choice in many performance and luxury cars.
Car
Jaguar Xj
"...he told me that years ago, he was in a... He had a Jaguar XJ."
The Jaguar XJ is a fancy car made by Jaguar, known for being stylish and comfortable. It's been around for a long time and is popular among people who like luxury vehicles.
The Jaguar XJ is a luxury sedan known for its elegant design and powerful performance. It has been a flagship model for Jaguar since its introduction in 1968, with various generations offering different features and technologies.
Term
rear-ended
"...he got rear-ended. He claimed that someone hit him from behind at 70 miles an hour."
When a car is hit from behind by another car, it's called being rear-ended. This usually happens when the car in front stops suddenly and the car behind doesn't have enough time to stop.
Being rear-ended refers to a situation in which one vehicle crashes into the back of another vehicle. This often occurs in traffic jams or sudden stops, and can lead to significant damage and injury.
Term
bananaed
"...the car just got bananaed. So he was standing still."
When someone says a car got 'bananaed', it means the car was really badly damaged, often bent out of shape like a banana. This usually happens in serious accidents.
The term 'bananaed' is slang used to describe a car that has been severely damaged, often in a way that causes it to bend or warp, resembling the shape of a banana. This can happen in collisions where the structural integrity of the vehicle is compromised.
Term
tracking
"But yeah, the tracking was definitely out. Sometimes if you hit the boot, it'll go up, which pushes the subframe down."
Tracking is how straight your car's wheels are aligned. If they're not aligned properly, your car might pull to one side when you drive.
Tracking refers to the alignment of a vehicle's wheels in relation to each other and the road. If the tracking is out, it can cause the vehicle to pull to one side, leading to uneven tire wear and handling issues.
Term
subframe
"Sometimes if you hit the boot, it'll go up, which pushes the subframe down. Yes."
The subframe is a part of the car that holds up the suspension and sometimes the engine. It helps keep everything in place and can absorb bumps from the road.
The subframe is a structural component of a vehicle that supports the suspension and sometimes the engine. It helps to absorb impacts and maintain the alignment of the vehicle's components.
Term
spoiler
"So it kind of looks like it's got a huge spoiler, which is in fact the whole back end of the car. Saloon."
A spoiler is a part on the back of a car that helps it stay stable when driving fast. It can also make the car look cooler.
A spoiler is an aerodynamic device attached to the rear of a vehicle to improve stability at high speeds by reducing lift. It can also enhance the car's appearance.
Car
Ford Focus
"...when that forward focus from off of folds that I hit a deer in on the way back from work in the lanes one night."
The Ford Focus is a small car made by Ford that is known for being easy to drive and good on gas.
The Ford Focus is a compact car known for its practicality, efficiency, and sporty handling, making it a popular choice among drivers.
Term
800 horsepower
"...he's had the engine built to run 800 horsepower reliably. I think it's only stage one."
Horsepower is a measure of how powerful an engine is. An engine with 800 horsepower is very powerful and can make a car go really fast.
800 horsepower refers to the engine's power output, indicating a high-performance capability. This level of horsepower is typically associated with modified or high-performance vehicles.
Term
stage one
"...I think it's only stage one."
Stage one is a term used to describe the first set of upgrades you can do to a car's engine to make it more powerful. It's usually the simplest and least expensive way to boost performance.
Stage one typically refers to the first level of performance upgrades for an engine, often including modifications like a tune, intake, or exhaust to increase power without extensive changes.
Car
Charger
"...you've got an old car. You've moved in there to Lee Majors and you've got your charger. It's not running right."
The Dodge Charger is a type of car that is known for being fast and powerful. It's popular among car enthusiasts and has a classic design that many people love.
The Dodge Charger is a full-size sedan known for its powerful engines and sporty design. It has a rich history in American muscle car culture, often associated with performance and style.
Part
calms
"...It's not running right. It's the calms."
'Calms' is probably a mistake in the transcript. It might mean parts of the car that help it run or stop properly, like the part that mixes fuel and air or the part that helps the brakes work.
The term 'calms' seems to be a transcription error. It likely refers to 'carburetors' or 'calipers', which are essential components in an engine or braking system, respectively. Carburetors mix air and fuel for combustion, while calipers are part of the braking system that squeezes brake pads against the rotors to stop the car.
Car
Porsche Speedster
"Oh, a Speedster? 356. Yeah."
The Porsche Speedster is a special version of the 356 that is lighter and has a sportier look. It was designed for people who wanted a fun driving experience.
The Porsche Speedster is a variant of the 356 known for its minimalist design and sporty character. It features a lower windshield and a lightweight body, enhancing its performance.
Car
Porsche 356
"Oh, a Speedster? 356. Yeah."
The Porsche 356 is an old sports car that many people love for its style and performance. It was made a long time ago, but it's still considered special today.
The Porsche 356 is a classic sports car produced by Porsche from 1948 to 1965. It is known for its lightweight design and excellent handling, making it a favorite among enthusiasts.
Select text to request an explanation
I'm Jonny Smith, I'm a supporter, and this is Smith & Sniff, a podcast in which two friends
talk about cars and many other things.
Well, this is unusual.
Guys, listen, because that's all you can do, we're on a plane.
You can might be able to hear the hum of a jet engine in the background.
I know we have pilots, Ulysses, so I'll be able to tell us.
I feel like this is just like the, they call it the APU.
Yeah, I think it is.
I don't think the actual engines have started yet.
No, I'm hoping for a camped cold start, that's what I'd call it like, and the ones you watch
on YouTube, where old Soviet diesel trains start up in the snow, and it's just, it is
put a load of lighter fluid in it first to try and get it out.
Just get it to take.
Well, it's, hopefully it won't be that.
We're at some British airport, and we're on British Airways, what is this, an A320?
I actually don't know, it's just this little sleeve all the back of the seat, which I don't know.
That's just the GC3, that's not going to say.
Oh, here we go, here we go, oh, cool.
So A320?
Yes, but is it a natural 320, or is it?
Hang on, let's have a look.
A fake one.
Well, no, because you get those A321s, which look too long, they look like, that's the
long wheelbase one.
But, I was, if I drive past, what used to be known as Kemble, but it's now, for some
reason, called Cotswold Air.
It's because it sounds like they can charge more.
Come artisanally, crafty, air traffic control, Cotswold Air for, in Gloucestershire, people
know it, but they scrap a lot of planes there, but they also know, I think, to store planes
there.
Yeah.
Well, I drove past Cotswold Air, and they had Cots, I noticed a few, A319s, which is
the short wheelbase, like the Sport Clocktrow version of this plane, and they do look a
bit stubby.
Yeah.
And they also seem to sit really high on there, like, they look like a sort of, like a daddy
long legs or something, they sit too high on their undercarriage, I don't know why.
It's not a...
Do they shorten it, they're the detriment of having no emergency exits in the middle,
they just chuck them out.
They just went, look, there's no other way of doing it.
I'm sorry.
Like achieved limos.
Yeah.
No, they are, they're like, they are the, oh, I don't know why.
I don't know why.
It cries the 300C.
Yeah.
With a few girders added.
But that's...
Yeah.
That was, I was talking to someone today, they said, are you going to be driving that
microlino?
And I, yeah.
And they were, what happens if you have a frontal impact and how are you getting out?
And I said, they thought of that.
Yeah.
There's a hatch in the roof.
Yeah, roof roof.
I freaking love that car.
It's just a fun and exciting and...
It was fun, wasn't it?
Yeah.
Anyway, can I just say that the leaf, we're on a BA flight, and I'm looking at the leaf
there at the 320, and I've always, always fancied the cartoon character woman who's
writing her life jacket on.
I've always thought she's so, she's so gorgeous.
I don't know why.
Oh, really?
She's absolutely gorgeous.
Exactly eyelashes.
It's because they've painted, they've drawn really big eyelashes.
Yeah.
She's got the most amazing eyelashes.
And she gets...
Sorry, I've only just noticed.
I said, there's a bit of shit that I've only just noticed this.
We've been sitting on this for quite a while now.
We're still haven't taken off, but...
This has got Lamborghini quilted seats.
It really has, yeah.
I think this is quite new, because I've not seen this stitching those long down.
It's a parquet flooring stage.
But, it's quite often these aeroplane seats are made by recaro.
Yeah.
But not the bits of recaro that used to make car seats on my bus.
It's the bits of recaro that is quite successful, because they make aeroplane seats.
A hundred and twenty?
Yeah.
And then they just, then they have to make some wall.
So, I love the lightweight billet milled out carcasses that you see.
When you really stare at the seat carcass, it's quite a thing.
But they're very slender, but they're very comfortable.
And presumably they have to be mandatory or mandatory safety...
Very strong.
Strong.
Imagine heavy turbulence and you're 30 stone.
Yeah, of course you're...
You've brought a prawn boner on the plane with all these...
No, that's just you.
Yeah.
For a little bit of context, listener, that we...
Johnny and I both go through a time that we decided we would go and have a wagamama
in Heathrow Terminal 5.
Yeah.
And just we were finishing up.
The kinds of lager that I had ordered about 10 or 15 minutes earlier arrived.
And so I had to scull it, but Johnny suggested that I just took it and brought it on the plane.
I think I referred to it as a travel point.
A travel point, yeah.
Just take the travel point and go.
I wasn't brave enough to do that because unlike Johnny, I've never taken a takeaway carry on to a plane.
Yeah, I felt bad, but I think I was going through a patch where I knew I was going to get hungry
and I wanted real food.
I didn't want a soggy sandwich.
I wanted something real.
Well, that's why I was quite militantly insisting we went to wagamama because I was like,
I don't want to get on the plane feeling angry.
Again, for context, dear listener, it is 20 past eight at night.
Sorry, if you're a pilot, you'd say...
Oh, sorry.
20, 20.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Also, you have to have a single syllable for our first name, I think, to be a pilot.
So you'd have to be John Smith.
I would, yeah.
Well, it's your pilot, Dick Porter, just speaking to you from the cockpit.
That's intimated.
It's our flight time today.
We're at 33.
I'm looking pretty smooth up there.
He goes a little bit as slow and then fast as well.
You're like a nine-speed gearbox.
You know, you're such a sensitive throttle input.
Yeah, you should certainly kick down here.
So we're going to be...
I don't think a little had a chance.
That kicked down, didn't it?
That kicked down about seven gears.
Honestly, it just breathed on the throttle and it just...
It just lifted off again.
And we're going to be cruising down to the 35,000...
Oh, we're into ninth now, again, I see.
Yeah.
But also...
Almost he's going to sleep.
I think it's partly because they realized that the T sounds quite spitty on the mic.
It's like...
30.
30.
Like sort of local radio DJ.
30.
35,000 feet.
Quite a great team looking after you today.
We've got Bob and Mildred and...
Yeah, a couple of...
Sandra, she's a Roman, but I'll talk about that further into the flight.
Yeah.
So...
Yeah.
Hotel in Munich, but we don't talk about that now.
Pretty elaborate things.
Demonstration seat belt that we have on board, but that's for another time.
So just sit back, relax, try not to think about it.
And nobody chun'd what happened to you.
Do you know what I always love?
When pilots say doors to manual.
Cabin crew, doors to manual.
And I think to myself, what about an auto?
I love the fact that they're devoted to the three-pedal.
I believe this is about opening the door on whether the escape slide pops out and all that shit, isn't it?
Again, I think listening pilots will correct us, but...
Yeah.
Doors to automatic suggests to me like a sort of supermarket door that just opens when you walk up to it.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, you don't want that.
Please keep away from doors because they're automatic.
Yeah.
One of them's a bit dicky at the moment.
Just a special reference to those of you who've brought on board a travel pint.
We all expect some turbulence, so...
Probably missus drink those out.
In the words of the rugby boys, down it, down it, down it.
You're bastard.
So we can't say where we're going.
We're not saying where we're going.
It's not very far.
It's a very small journey.
Yes.
But significant.
I mean, not just like to gow ink.
That would be nice.
The plane would just basically drive down an amour.
If you look at the left-hand window...
They just don't get permission from the farmer to go...
Beyond the Starbucks on the A3.
That's what I like about hot air balloon pilots.
Because it's so uncontrollable and fingering, it is fingering the wind.
Fingering, yeah.
I saw them on a beautiful evening the other day, the weekend.
The kids were driving their Civic around the borrowed field.
And I looked up and there was this gigantic hot air balloon.
And it was coming in.
It wasn't going to land in the field where we were, but it was going to land nearby.
And I thought, I wonder where they planned on landing today.
Or there is no plan to land.
We're moving.
We're doing it.
To, I think, aviation people caught.
Pushing back.
Pushing back.
Pushing back.
Well, the airport is pushing one-hands.
I felt a clunk, almost like the auto box, didn't have quite enough fluid in it.
And it was clearly cold.
If you have included, please place all doors into automatic and cross-check.
Automatic.
Cross-check as well.
Yes, cross-check.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, do you know, we've got the microphone for this cast on the miniature table.
Oh, we're going to have to fold it away?
They're going to make us fold it away, which means you're going to have to hold it.
I think that's OK.
But we've started to fold on the listener.
It's not even thought about.
Shall we?
Is this doors to manual?
This is...
This is tables to manual.
This is podcasts to manual.
As we're going to do that, rustling a few bits and mobs.
Got press release on my hand, which is relevant to where we're going.
Oh, the copy of my new book.
Oh, yeah.
This one's got some new clang.
Yeah.
What's it called, Richard?
It's called Petrolhead.
Yeah.
And by the time this goes out, it'll be on sales.
All of yours.
Do you know, it says Selective Evo Columns.
You missed an apostrophe, I think.
Columns.
Columns is.
Yeah.
I think it should be an S for the apostrophe after.
Yeah.
It's the first time.
It's just S-E-S, apostrophe.
I don't know another S.
And then the apostrophe.
Just throw everything in.
Stomping.
Stomping.
Stomping.
We've got the demonstration of the seatbelt right next to us.
I'm talking into the foot well now.
I don't want to look rude or like I'm chundering because I'm not.
I'm going to pay attention.
Yeah, I'm going to.
Bloody going to.
They are to use during the flight.
The belt looks so similar to my dodge.
Plane stop of the seat and from the cabin crew.
Hands off the bus please.
Not bad.
The seat belt on.
I almost forget.
It's because we're not flying yet.
I know, but.
We asked where you got the attention last week.
I was trying to set you up.
It's okay.
You may be hurt from any aircraft.
I've got my belt on now.
Please check your seatbelt.
It's faster security or whatever.
Sorry.
It's a bit naughty.
Just do it when you get on and then you don't forget.
Well, last time we had a conversation about belts on planes.
We had a few emails from pilots saying you really ought to use your belt
and tighten it a bit.
I felt like I was being run and I've since tightened my belt.
Please study the safety card in your seat area before we depart.
This contains a frozen safety information including details for your brace position.
I'm going to test you.
Where's the life jacket?
Under the seat belt.
Where?
Oh, when should you inflate the life jacket?
When you're outside.
Exactly.
Should you put your own mask on or help someone else first?
Help someone who's more juvenile than you.
No.
Put your own mask on first.
Oh, yeah.
I knew that.
Even with children.
Apparently so.
It's actually more like to concentrate.
I think so, yeah.
They thought about this stuff, right?
Decades of this.
What about...
I always feel the need to blow the whistle if we were listening to some uplifting darnness.
Yeah, don't do that.
I might have to know.
It feels like a rave horn.
It's like a sort of...
It's a rave ascenting horn.
Like a...
It's synonymous with...
With the early 90s dance scene.
Well, I think so.
Exactly.
Isn't it?
That's a microphone.
That's a bit...
Are you going to sing?
No, I'm not going to sing.
Do you want me...
I don't sing.
No, I...
Maybe in the shower, but that's private time.
Spike.
Yeah.
Thank you.
I totally threw my...
I know.
Complete through my songs.
Do I know?
I was only going to say that these planes...
And again, I'm hoping Alistair will explain this.
These 320s, I always think they make a lot of whiny noises.
And there's a thing they do.
They go...
And from under the floor, which always is a bit...
Sounds like someone's sawing the...
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's obviously just perfectly normal.
They all do it.
But why do they do it and Boeing's don't do it?
Yeah.
Is it to do with a landing gear once it's...
I think it is that.
It's all that foldy thing.
Re-setting itself for...
It's a weird...
We're mere avionics amateurs.
We don't know the answers to these things.
Landing gear always strikes me.
It's like one of those complicated things.
Because the amount of weight it's got to take.
But then it's got to fold away, yes.
Yeah.
Massive.
My brother used to refurbish landing gear.
What?
On light aircraft.
Oh.
And also diving veins on submarines.
Bloody hell.
Fact.
Fact.
Yeah.
I was told by TV's James May that it's a classic folly of people who have a fixed gear
light aircraft.
It's not...
They decide to treat themselves to one with a fold away gear.
Right.
And then...
Quite often they just forget.
And they're putting the gear...
No way.
They just completely destroy the thing.
Yeah.
At best you scratch it quite badly.
Do you know, we were filming last week at a classic car dealer.
Kevin Griffin's now taking...
Who stored their stock, their vehicles in an old hangar next to a small aerodrome.
Yeah.
So we went into the aerodrome café for lunch.
And can I just say, it was absolutely delightful.
Oh.
Everyone was really jolly.
There were lots of people just sitting, reading books of a certain age.
Looking out of the windows across to where all the...
There was some very spindly looking helicopters.
There was some aeroplanes with tarpaulins on them.
You know, that kind of...
Can you say where this was?
I need to ask you this.
Can't bloody remember.
It was...
It was Surrey.
Oh, OK.
Yeah, it was in Surrey.
Because I used to take my kids sometimes up to...
There was a period when they were quite young and we would go and watch the planes landing
at the Luton Airport.
Because there's a little back lane you can go and watch.
But it's a bit repetitive because it's basically just easy gel right there.
If you put your hazards on, can you just go airside and just park as long as you stay to the...
No, they tend to frown on that.
OK.
I think...
Kids are allowed to...
That was the story again.
Let's go and do more of it.
It reminds me of when...
Sit doing.
That's not the gear because the gear is down.
We're driving along the runway.
It reminds me of a theatrical magician putting a woman in a box.
And then spinning around and then sort of making an expression to the crown.
While when he holds up a very sharp sword.
Not a sword.
A sword.
And then tries to saw her enough.
And to this day, I don't know how they do it.
But do not know how they don't saw the woman in half.
It's...
Well, anyway, but...
Are you a member of the magic circle?
No, but I think it's just the box is deeper than you think.
Because you're looking at it from the front of your stage.
And the woman goes into a sort of...
A slightly fetal position.
I bloody hope so.
And then there's some fake legs.
Oh, they're fake legs?
Yeah.
But they move sometimes, don't they?
Uh...
Ooh, well, maybe there's another woman in the box.
And a matronic leg.
No, bossy part.
Oh, another woman, yeah.
Oh, another one.
I hadn't even thought about two people.
I think that would...
I don't know if you know differently writing.
I probably can't, though, because the magic circle...
That's just...
Is there a magic circle for race drivers?
Equivalent on...
Well, they saw not to tell people how they do it.
Yeah, they retire and they...
They're adopted into the...
Oh, I see.
The magic circle of drivers.
I don't know, because I quite like magic.
And I sort of, in a way, don't want to know how it's done.
I know it's not actual magic, there's no such thing.
But I kind of...
I like a bit of mystery.
I found out...
Who once, sort of by accident, how a particular trick was done.
There was a bit of...
They were so sort of obvious and quite pedestrian in a way.
It was just like...
I kind of just wanted to hate people's magic.
Yeah.
So, okay, there was no pleasure in finding out.
I just wanted to try and work myself.
But you know when magicians sometimes accentuate their movement to...
Yes.
To amp up the crowd and maybe take your eyes off what's going on.
Do you think they do those flamboyant...
Almost like musicals, movements and expressions.
Do you think they do it in other parts of their lives?
Like brushing their teeth?
But they're constantly getting hassled out of shops
because they look like shop lefters because they're being too flamboyant.
Completely.
In a branch of boots.
Yeah.
It looks like they're just robbing lipstick or something.
They keep draping a cloth over the doves.
That's why they're fucking doves.
Do you think...
Is it illegal to take a dove into a shop?
They always say just no dogs except guide dogs.
There's no stipulation.
There are no doves.
Yeah.
But if a pigeon got in a shop, the staff would have to shoo it out
because it's going to poo everywhere.
Yeah.
But a stage dove.
A stage dove.
A magician's pocket is full of pigeon shit
because they've always got doves in them.
Oh my god, there's bird shit in my sleeve where I had some doves.
There must be.
You can't train a dove not to poo.
Unless they don't feed the doves.
They're starving.
Rabbits as well.
They take rabbits out of hand.
That's just you've just got rabbit shit in your head.
Yeah.
But rabbit shit is important.
They try to end the show with a big flamboyant chest.
You go to put your top hat on and just lots of raisins fall out
but they're not raised.
But you just dip plop over your head.
This is just tip plop.
We've only just worn this out but actually a trad stage magician
is covered in animal feces.
I've got to say though,
I think rabbit poo is the most acceptable of the poos.
Yes.
Don't you think?
I mean, it doesn't really smell so bad at all.
It's only plant based.
Yeah.
If you held a gun point.
If you understand it and put a bit on your cereal.
Exactly.
If you're forced to eat an animal's poo, go rabbit.
Yeah, I would.
Don't never go carnivorous.
Oh hell no.
Just go.
But also not birds because no.
I forgot to tell you.
I know I didn't mean to go on to the subject of turds
but I went for a walk with my brother the other day
and he found some white dog's mess.
What?
Yeah.
It was only two weeks ago.
I thought I took a video of it which I'll put on our Instagram.
I took a video of it because I was so...
I didn't think anyone would believe us.
Didn't think anyone believed that we found some white dog's...
Dog's hunk.
Dog's hunk.
Yeah.
It's the right sort of layout.
Layout.
Yeah.
I think it was definitely dog.
And we had a chat about it for ages afterwards.
Do you think...
I'm going to change the subject.
Please.
Do you think that these kind of aeroplanes
they actually ride a little bit like a lotus release?
Because the riders, it's firm but quite well-damaged.
Yeah.
Because actually taxiways in airports are quite...
Thuddy, aren't they?
Yeah, they are.
But these little planes, they just...
They have a pleasant ride quality.
Yeah.
But it's quite sort of lotus-elicy.
Do you think they've been signed off by Gavin?
Oh, yeah, maybe so.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He just got called in one time from slightly unusual meeting.
But then if you absolutely piled one of these into a corner,
I think they're going to understeer, aren't they?
Do you think...
Yeah.
Well, I've only got two tyres at the front compared to all of the tyres at the back.
Oh, yeah.
No, no, no, it's back.
Yeah.
I forgot about that.
Again, if any pilot's listening, have you ever accidentally understeered
a small to medium jet airliner?
Or even a bloody massive one.
A380 understeered.
But if you went into oversteer, you might get a wingtip to touch the ground,
which would be terrifying.
That's bad.
Really bad.
So it's fast taxiing, very fast.
And also, you can't palm the wheel of an aeroplane, can you?
Well, they're on a joystick.
They're all on a joystick, so you can't really palm it.
Well, I suppose you could sort of palm the joystick.
Just sounds like a terrible euphemism.
But I think it's palming the stick.
It's awful.
Do you think this is a conversation which lots of people have had in the past?
Do you think if you had to, do you think you could take off or land a plane?
No.
If you were faced with like, you're definitely going to die if you go into V.
You definitely go, so you've got to try something.
Taking off.
Yeah.
Okay, so you're going to whack the throttles open.
Yeah.
But are you?
Do you go max?
I think you probably go max, right?
Well, you probably overcook it because you're a novice and you want to definitely take off.
I'll go finish you.
And then you wait till you've got a good clip on.
Yeah.
Pull back the stick.
Remember to retract the undercarriage.
Yeah.
That's important because you're going to need it later.
Yeah.
You don't need to freeze.
But if there's like a little crosswind, I think you've got to do some like busy work on the pedals too as well.
Yeah.
I'd plunge kick in, like initiating a drift.
Yeah.
I think I'd give it a good go and there's a chance the plane could take off.
Landing, no.
Awful.
No.
Not a home.
Because you're having to look out the side windows of these huge things, fins.
Well, you can't bank it too hard in case you touch.
That's the thing that scares me.
Oh, you see the thing that scared me is just coming in too fast.
Yeah.
Hitting the ground, breaking the wheels off.
Successfully.
I think I might be too cautious.
And you get that ground effect where then the plane doesn't ever touch the ground and you're just scutting along the runway.
And then you're running out of runway.
Yeah, exactly.
And then you say, finally, maybe.
I don't know, you can break the ground effect.
You have to go round again.
Oh, really?
I don't know.
Again, someone will tell us, but if you did then you just touch the ground, but then it's like, oh, you've got to scrub off all that speed.
Because most of the scrubbing is done by the brakes, not by the reverse thrust.
And I wouldn't know how to put a reverse thrust on.
How do you do that?
I don't know.
It's problematic.
No, it's a massive problem if you're responsible.
But if you could be gifted a very pleasant light aircraft or a very pleasant boat.
Oh, what would you go for?
A boat, but where's the boat?
On the sea or on a canal?
You can choose it.
Or it could be a very large river.
Oh, I'll do a river.
Or lake.
River.
Yeah.
Or lake.
Oh, lake.
Yeah.
Going lake.
Massive lake.
Lake Geneva.
Yeah.
Or Lake Michigan or something like that.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's not the sea.
No, no.
The sea's an absolute prick.
I'm not going out there.
I noted these two fears that really occurred with you.
Horses at the sea.
Yeah.
That and crocodiles, they're my sort of...
Crocodiles.
They're my unholy trinity of fears.
Okay.
Yeah.
But the sea one, I mean the sea is...
Go careful.
Don't mess with the sea.
Go careful.
Go careful, my friend.
Yeah.
So actually a salt water crocodile that's gone.
But then you try and escape it and there's a horse on the beach that's looking at you
for an end.
Oh, I won't let you get out.
Exactly.
That's it.
He's just going.
Because it's in league with the crocodile.
When he tries to get out, you chase him back towards me, mate.
But I'm going to bite his leg off.
Yeah.
Do you know when...
The other day I watched someone practicing dressage with a horse.
And it looks like the tracking is completely out on the horse.
Because it's potentially diagonally walking.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, like when you see these people that leave cars at coffee and then they have a big
clunk on the curb.
And the car starts crabbing.
But instead of pulling over and just going, I screwed up.
I'm going to call the...
Yeah, then just do the drive and shave.
And the car is horribly damaged.
I was talking to a man the other day.
He was an older chap.
He had an MGC.
FXC?
An MGFXC.
Yeah.
So as you looked, you know, it's pretty...
It's slightly modified.
It looked all right.
And he'd had some things done to the engine.
And he swore by it.
It was great car.
That's the straight six.
Oh, gee.
Which, you know, people would say are a bit of a waste of time.
But no, apparently not.
According to this man.
But then he told me that years ago, he was in a...
He had a Jaguar XJ.
The Trad-looking Alibad 4D Dwarf.
4.2.
Yeah.
And he had to come to a sudden halt on the motorway.
Because there was a sudden traffic jam.
And he got rear-ended.
He claimed that someone hit him from behind at 70 miles an hour.
And I was like, oh my God, you know...
Yeah, but that's, you know, it's a great...
The car just got bananaed.
So he was standing still.
And yeah.
And he said, I walked away.
And I was like, goodness, that's it.
I mean, that's in a...
Wow.
Well, it tributes the car.
And he said, yeah.
And then I actually drove it home.
And I was like, I'm on a second.
Seriously.
I don't believe it was 70 miles an hour there.
No.
Yeah.
But he said that he drove it.
He drove it home.
That was amazing.
And he just...
And then he drove it.
He was one of these...
He was not quite a sort of 60s man.
But he was an older gent who clearly sort of had a lot of interesting cars in his time.
And he said, yeah, I just drove it home.
And then the next day.
So he had a sort of a garage that he trusted.
So the next day he drove it at his trusted garage.
And they just went...
It's destroyed.
This car is written off.
You don't have to stop driving it immediately.
What was it?
Where were the back wheels pointed?
I know.
I just couldn't...
I was going like that.
That's basic.
I know.
I know.
Well, I don't think it was 70 miles an hour.
I think you might have been exaggerating it a lot better.
17 miles an hour.
But yeah, he said it went banana.
And I was also trying to look at which way it went banana.
But yeah, the tracking was definitely out.
Sometimes if you hit the boot, it'll go up, which pushes the subframe down.
Yes.
So it kind of looks like it's got a huge spoiler, which is in fact the whole back end of the
car.
Saloon.
But that's the thing.
He said it didn't drive straight, but he was sort of hopeful.
Maybe they could just sort of tap it back into shape.
He hadn't even looked at it.
He just had a massive smash and then just put it back into D and just crawled off.
He didn't sound like 60s man, but many of the things he was saying were sort of almost
like 60s.
And you know, I was late coming back from an architectural...
No, it was an archaeological dig.
And I suffered a huge collision in my car and I woke up and I was in a ditch.
And I came to, slightly bloody, and then a lovely farmer helped me bring my motor car
out of the ditch.
And you know, the jaguar is struck straight up.
And I thought, I don't have the time to wait for AA or similar.
So I just, I tried to see if it would recede and it did.
And there was no steam.
So I just drove it home.
But you know, I was 112 miles an hour, miles away from my house.
So I drove back with no lights and...
Was it the maxi that your dad drove with no front-lock road?
And then I realised years later, I sort of mimicked him when that forward focus from
off of folds that I hit a deer in on the way back from work in the lanes one night.
I had 22 miles on the clock.
Oh my God.
Yeah, it was box fresh.
I've said this story before, but I had to drag the poor dead deer off the road in my gym kit.
And then I drove the rest of the way down unlit lanes with no lights, no front on the car.
The radiator was intact, but there was nothing else on the front.
You couldn't even tell what car I was.
Oh.
So I did a, I did a pod.
I drove a car with no front.
Did you say your dad this, he was very proud.
Yeah.
That's my boy.
Yeah.
Always get it home.
Nurse it, nurse it home.
Nurse it home.
Yeah.
We've just turned.
I feel like we've turned through 90 degrees.
Are we about certain?
This is when you do the standing start.
You bring the revs up.
Yeah.
And you bring, you take the clutch out and then you don't want to bog down.
We'll hear it in a minute.
I think it's going to do.
Are we, I can't tell because there will be a rev rise in a minute.
We're only like just, um, well, there's then wait, we're waiting for.
What can you see?
It's another.
Johnny's got the window seat.
There's another plane just going by a virgin one.
Let's just come in to land.
And it's next.
Do you think what?
It's okay.
Yeah.
I think we are.
Do you know what my part in business parking was nice, but you haven't done.
And if you're not familiar with London Heathrow terminal five is the sort of quiet one on
the side and it has the business parking.
It has auto, excuse me, automated little pods.
Oh yes.
They take you from your way.
You've parked your car into the heart of the terminal and they look like the white plastic
loads of bread that you have to climb into.
They fit maybe two people or is it four people?
I think it's four.
Four, yeah.
Four to squeeze to.
Right.
They do look like one of those sort of short, short loads of breads.
Yeah.
Like the Airbus A319 of breads.
It's weird and short.
Demi Lowe, what would you call that?
I don't know.
So I got in and I'm going to admit this now.
It's quite pleased with myself because I've managed to shrink two bags into one because
you were like, let's go hand luggage only.
I was like, oh yeah, all right.
And I was like, can I go?
Where are you going?
I don't know.
I just can't be asked.
I can't be asked to think about that deeply, what liquids I've got on board.
So I had to think about it and I amalgamated bags in the building car.
I've got a liter of gin in it.
I'll bring that one.
And I got in there a little thing and as the doors are closed and it sort of said, right,
we're about to go.
I suddenly went, my passport's in the bag that I've left in the car.
Oh, yeah.
Like a complete door.
Absolutely true.
Like a seeping dong.
Why would, what?
Because I have an idea.
So I quickly pressed the, no, open the doors again and luckily it let me open the doors
and it hadn't fully set sail.
So I ran.
I look like someone had done something naughty.
I ran back to the car, which was not far away, got my passport out, said few out loud and
maybe Johnny, what a twat.
And then ran back to the little short wheelbase loaf of bread.
And since we're sort of, because I got to the airport far too early because that's for
various boring reasons.
And it still slightly baffles me that it's basically new-ish airport terminals, which
terminal five is one.
It is basically like you're catching a flight from the Westfield shopping centre.
Yeah.
There's a shop called World of Whiskey.
Yeah.
And it's like, what are you doing?
You need to go and buy, I think there's a shop that sort of sells things that you might
have in your house.
You know, like, why would you suddenly go, well, I'm just about to jump on the plane,
but I think I need a vase before I do it.
I mean, it's people who have just got time to burn and they're vulnerable.
Is it?
Rich and vulnerable.
I understand perfume and sunglasses and they're duty-free often.
So it's like, well, here we go.
How am I going?
Yeah, we're going now.
This is it.
Yes, sir.
I don't shit loads of torque without much revs.
Isn't it?
Isn't it?
Yeah.
Well, we've got a lick on the back.
I think we're quite, we're quite empty.
There's not a lot of people on this plane.
So this is, we are on a...
That's why they let me bring my lead collection with me.
Do you want to check that anvil, sir?
No, I'll just bring it.
Look, we're going, we're going up already.
Fuck me, this is a quick one.
We are, we are.
I think it's got a fun fair ride with you.
Sports plane.
There, we are.
Absolutely, we just...
That was really good.
We took off and it felt like, yeah, to 20 feet and we were up.
It's when you see like a fully loaded A380.
Oh, God.
And you know that everyone on board is going to Dubai for four weeks.
Yes.
They've got three of those...
Those cases, the size of the sofa.
So many clothes and it's a big play.
They've got a Louis Vuitton Hanville.
Yeah.
It's got some...
I never travel anywhere without my G.C. Couture bowling balls.
And that fourth plane is wheezing its way down the runway.
It's like making an elephant run.
It's like, no, I know they can do it, but they shouldn't.
Like Dumbo's Dhruvi is.
It's like, come on.
There's this thing.
We, bloody hell, we could have taken off from a school playground
because that was good.
What booster is he running at?
He's had the engine built to run 800 horsepower reliably.
I think it's only stage one.
He didn't need it.
It's like, because actually, then it's not so laggy.
No.
That was a low light and flywheel and I think a bit of internals.
I can't do it now because obviously we're on an airplane,
but I realised that you can look up your flight on Flight Radar, the app,
and it will tell you the age of the plane.
No wonder if it's quite a new plane.
Oh.
It's zesty and full of life.
Do you think that's why they only needed half the runway?
It just kind of went for it.
It's just, you know, it's not been worn out.
I've just realised that I don't usually have any interest in sitting in the window seat.
I don't really see what I make this gene.
And I'm on the window seat.
I don't want to flight.
Because normally the windows are mounted too low and they make me,
they give me a bad neck.
You don't want them mounted too high or then you can't see the ground
when you're up in the air.
That's why they're low.
I don't like them though, they annoy me.
By the way, may I remind you that it does need to keep your seat belt fastened
whenever you're in your scenes.
We, um...
I don't think open at all.
Please take care.
As I said, to me, it really does need to be put out in positive shape.
You seem like we're off gaining a lot of hype.
We're just sort of flying over London, which it's dark out there.
So you can't tell how...
I don't think that's it.
But it definitely is.
I think it's relatively loud.
Because look, there's lots of bits that don't have lights.
So that's just leafiness.
Our gun was a little sheriff's glove.
Oh, I don't...
Well, no, that was all wealthy people's guns.
Yeah, it was.
I don't like the toilet shop.
The trees are so thick that you can't see them.
Oh, look at that.
Now we just banked down with...
Look at that.
That's lovely.
You have to make the most of your time in the sky.
Read the digital edition of Highlight Magazine for free.
Available via the doctor.
Oh, bank it over to the right now.
Can I do my wing wave?
Feel like we're doing a lot of swarming.
Your seat area will be ready for use once the seat belt signs are switched on.
Offering should be basic silent.
Avoid disturbing other customers.
I sort of feel like we had a sporty take-off.
And now we're just sort of weaving our way across London
at relatively low altitude.
I feel like it's TIF flying this plane.
Yeah, they pull away in the sport mode.
And once the plane's in the air, they're snicking back a deco.
Well, we've not done that thing which, again,
I'm sure pilots can explain this.
You know, sometimes you figure out a big plane is heading out west.
They climb quite quickly to a certain altitude.
And there's that moment that makes me briefly panic
where they just go, oh!
Well, they've dropped into Todd.
But you initially go, oh, have all the engines just turned off?
I'll pay you a chance, then.
That wouldn't be TIF.
TIF would then be going, well, while we're up here, let's go for a PB.
No, it's an engine car. Don't give me a bucket.
Can you imagine if the pilot actually says, oh,
we're going to see if it can make up a little bit of time.
He'd say, when are we fucking about tonight, folks?
I'm going for a PB.
I'll be honest.
The effect is cabin crew working the rear of the cabin.
I'm having a drink with her later, so I'm not maxing around here.
I do always think of Captain Nidale.
See, TIF, one syllable name.
Oh!
We'll be cruising on altitude of...
Oh!
45,000 feet.
Oh!
But when they see this, they see these incredible high-crosswind landings.
Well.
And they just stick in sideways.
Yeah. That's TIF.
That's what's different to you.
But TIF would never fly to any destinations that were deemed boring.
He'd go, no, not flying there.
No.
But we've got your rocks to count it.
We've got it.
We don't care.
No.
Oh!
Crack out.
No.
Don't like it.
No.
All right.
No, I'm just going to go to Nice.
If you can't, though, there's someone else who's already going,
I'm going as well.
I'll race them there.
I guarantee I will get there before...
But we need to smash the plate now just in front of their plate.
Barcelona.
That's all right.
I'll go there.
I don't know if TIF can fly.
I know.
I know TIF can.
I know James may can.
Trying to think if any other car TV presenters have parlance licenses.
My think TIF always steered clear.
Yeah.
You was too expensive.
It's too expensive or he just knew that he shouldn't be allowed because he did.
I mean, Plato.
He's done helicopters and planes.
Has he?
Yeah.
Yeah, he used to.
He was at the back end of his plane phase when I first started work.
He owned a plane.
I don't know.
I think he...
I think he co-owned a plane.
It was sort of a plane syndicant.
Because I...
They're like you and I with Eagle Quest.
That's how I like it.
Yes.
Which is very much a sort of a jetliner for the road.
Completely.
I have heard that how...
It doesn't matter.
However easily.
Oh, this car of mine is costing me a fortune.
There is nothing compared to a plane.
Handboats.
Boats.
I think motor have asked it.
In terms of costs.
Yeah.
Because it's...
It's like...
Hammond explained to me.
He's like, oh yeah.
He's a helicopter person.
Anyway, there we go.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
He's a helicopter.
He's a polish.
You go, oh great.
Okay.
I'll just go.
I'll go and get some tea cup.
No.
We need special helicopter polish.
You know.
It's £4,000 a litre.
Everything is expensive.
Always.
I couldn't do it.
No.
I like the idea of running a fairly janky boat.
But that's as far as it goes.
But I do.
I don't know why.
Well, I like the idea of hiding.
Because my ears are just gone bald.
Yeah, me too.
As height.
I don't think that's a pilot-y term, is it?
Well, I don't know, ladies and gentlemen.
We're at heights now.
The height.
The height.
The height.
Ladies and gentlemen, just going up there from the cockpit.
We're at the height now.
And it's pretty high up from where I'm sitting.
My advice, don't look out the windows if you don't like heights.
Because we are high up.
It'll be we're high.
No.
Definitely don't go near those automatic doors.
Because we're high.
They're doing this thing.
The spoiler alert.
We're on an inter-European flight.
Which you could have guessed.
Because we're on the A220.
They do that thing where they're closing the shit curtain.
That separates our first class.
Our business class.
Which is Buffalo's class.
Which is completely pointless.
You love flight.
On an hour and a half flight.
You get three cream crackers.
Yes.
When you get one centimetre or more leg room.
To do with as you will.
It's a centimetre of wine.
I was once put onto a bosnus class flight.
On an internal flight to the US.
On a weirdly old plane like a 727 or something.
And they were slightly delayed.
And they absolutely plied us with booze.
I was quite surprised.
Yeah.
And then the pilot came in and went.
Okay folks, we've found the problem.
It was this doohickey here.
And held up this box.
That they pulled out of the dashboard of the plane.
What?
The whole thing was incredibly folksy.
A box?
Yeah, it was this box.
And it was like some kind of part of the navigation thing.
And they just went.
It's okay.
We just take this one out.
And made it into the Brunus and Luar.
Was it on old planes?
Do you remember removable audio systems in cars?
Where you had a handle.
And you pulled it out.
It looked like an Alpine stereo.
So each pilot has their own face off stereo.
Our trolley's just gone by with some biscuits for bosnus class.
But that's all they get.
We'll get one of them on the way back.
I kind of need a week.
Didn't say you're going to have to go for it.
And I'm not taking the records.
Do you want me to pause it then?
Or do you want me to just keep talking?
It's your call.
But I'm going to go for it.
FFS.
Okay.
You know that part of Wayne's world where Wayne walks off.
And Garth's on his own holding the fort.
I feel like I'm a bit like that right now.
So one thing I've noticed is that my ears.
The tracking's out on my ears.
I don't know why.
One of them's definitely got bigger and has moved out a bit.
Oh, thanks very much.
Can I take one for him?
Thank you.
Great.
Just been given some free biscuits.
I'm not going to tell Richard I'm going to eat his.
So he never knows.
That's his punishment.
Going for a mid podcast slash.
But I'm a bit worried about my ears.
One of them's definitely, I think in the last two years,
got significantly bigger.
Thank you.
I don't know what that means.
It just means when I put glasses on,
they don't quite sit right.
So I'm going to have to have a,
going to go to the opticians to get my,
some of my glasses,
tracking tweaked.
Oh, hi Richard.
Hi.
I saved you a gold.
Oh, no, because the Dice Cavendry lady gave me some up there.
The Gilden Oat Biscuits.
You've got two sets of biscuits.
Double down the biscuit.
Someone's farted back there.
That's just the terrible smell.
I've twisted that back.
It's pretty awful.
Is it red meat ghosting?
I reckon it probably is.
I'm going to, what?
Yeah.
I did that thing.
I wasn't sure.
I carried on the podcast just so you know.
I carried it on.
Like the hero that I am, Rich,
I might have broken into Sixten's person just for a little while.
Oh, fine.
Yes.
These biscuits are quite nice.
They're one of those types of biscuits.
You don't think they're going to be sweet in anything.
They're probably quite good for you.
And then you find out that they've got,
I don't know, 17 tablespoons of Demerara sugar in them.
There is a block of butter in every pack of these.
Otherwise, how could they be that delicious?
Oh, that's good.
But do you ever make a cake at home?
Well, and the recipe always goes,
yeah, just 70.500 kilos of butter.
Oh, that's right.
So nice.
And also, it's quite nice, isn't it?
Borrow your nearest tally handler
and take a huge sack of butter
and then a huge sack of cane sugar in it, wouldn't it?
Stir it.
Bring your local supermarket and mourn them.
You're making a cake tomorrow,
so then you're going to need to order more butter and sugar.
Oh, no, no.
Well, my ears have really popped out.
But those biscuits, it's a delight.
Yeah.
Fine.
Shall we do something else?
Where's the other pack?
No, it's him.
You know, I realised the other day that,
as a kid, I'd hardly watched any episodes of The Fall Guy.
It was one of those American TV shows off of the 80s
that I kind of missed out on.
Didn't see so many.
And I watched the opening credits on Instagram.
Yes.
Dangling from a thing-wire train.
Yes.
Big jump with the truck.
Not massive, but there's not a lot of suspension trouble.
It bounces on his tire pressure.
Yes. Doesn't it?
But I wonder if that was only a later series.
Well, they built a stunt truck that was on a really strong chassis.
It was mid-engines and a fly lever.
Ah, they stumbled the V8 behind the car.
So there was this special jump truck,
because they got through so...
I think they got through so many trucks.
What was it, Dodge?
A Dodge truck, weren't they?
No, I think it was a GMC.
Whoever supplied it just went,
No, you can't have any more trucks.
You're using this for your day.
Yes, exactly. You're getting through this for your day.
Okay, we'll build a stunt truck.
They could do really...
It was basically like a sort of trophy truck.
Yeah.
It'd be nice if the stuntman or stuntwoman
that day just was like,
I'm going to drive this one home. It still kind of drives.
Yeah. It was very bananas.
I'll bring it tomorrow. I'll do a massive jump.
The passenger door doesn't shut any more.
I'm pretty certain
hopefully some listeners of my age
will be able to confirm that the Friday nights
for a while on ICG,
I think,
was the fall guy.
But...
And then,
it's my memory that's probably right
that the music in the afterwards was
a sitcom called That's My Boy
with Holly Sugden,
which was not exactly a natural fit with the fall guy.
There was something else in between them.
I wanted you to say
the equaliser.
No, because the equaliser was on late.
Yeah, it was.
There was.
The fall guy was more like the 80s,
where, you know, someone could have a horrible
sort of spiral jump in a Jeep
and then just get out going,
with a sweaty face.
Yes.
You know, get a machine gun.
You just go, oh, that's what.
But I'm still going to get you.
If any of you are sure,
that's what really happened in the gunfight.
I, uh,
the cult
cult sleevers
was the man.
And, um,
what was the name of the actor, Lee?
Lee Majors.
Majors, that's it.
Yeah.
He's the kind of guy, though,
you look at his face and you go,
he must chew tobacco.
He would have chewed tobacco at some point.
And, um, and then talked
to women quite close, proximity.
Why, do you think he's a close talker?
I think he's a close, I don't know why, but I just had it.
He's got a very tobacco-y breath.
He's pretty tobacco-whisky.
It's a tobacco-whisky, yeah, he's exactly that.
Like an American boycaster at a certain age.
Yeah, so how have you got any taste buds left?
All you do is talk about, it's a back-out whisk.
I know, it's a guy with a whisky, what are you doing?
Your mouth must be absolutely destroyed.
Exactly, why are you doing it just like...
But I'll be so little smacky.
I don't know, it's ridiculous.
I think Lee Majors also
a good name, though,
but if you crossed him, that would be it.
Oh, yeah.
Because you could borrow a strimmer off of him.
It's like...
That's the last thing I was excited
about.
If you were letting off file
at a time that displeased him.
Oh.
He'd make your life very hard.
Yeah. If you borrowed the strimmer
and he gave it back with hardly any
strimmel with strimmel oil after the cassette.
No, Claggy, you're a professional now.
Oh, yeah. If you hadn't cleaned it
down afterwards.
Can't bear not cleaning down the machine
at the end.
It's got to be done.
Can't wait, because
in three days' time I move house.
Oh, yeah. And I've got a lawn again.
So that means it's time
to start
streaming and mowing. You could have become a lawn again, Christchip.
I absolutely
praise God for my lawn.
I cannot wait to do
a bit of lawn worship.
It's a bad time of year, because
the grass is long but wet.
Yeah.
And I know it. I thought about it.
That's a bit annoying.
It's a Claggy time of year. It's a Claggy time of year to still go walking
in the park, which I have to do
with the dog.
You've got to crack out the walking boots.
Yes, wet.
And then they come back and if you,
as I did the other day, accidentally
walk into the house without taking your boots off.
Destroyed.
Clubs.
It's the worst.
The kind of thing that Lee Majors would be furious if he didn't
know. Actually,
I think Lee Majors would have a very rustic
flawed house.
We just want to make grass in his house.
And Lee Majors is the kind of guy
who
he's a great neighbour because he would help you out
with stuff.
You've got an old car. You've got an old car.
You've moved in there
to Lee Majors and you've got your charger.
It's not running right.
It's the calms.
Lee
would come over
and it would have Lee jeans on.
Yes, he would.
And he'd put one leg up
on the fender
to lean into the engine bang.
Would it be double-dragging a cigar
as he does it? Yes.
The thing about Lee's,
he's quite old-school.
He wears the Lee jeans
and he wears probably a Lee, a fancy Lee,
check them out. Absolutely.
An iconic guy.
He's a bit of a close talker.
He smells very strongly of cigar smoke
and whiskey.
And yet, your partner
clearly has a bit of a thing for her.
It's impossible not to.
And you're so different.
You end up having a bit of a thing for it.
Yes, I probably do. Because he's so
old-school alpha.
But done with
politeness and respect.
He'd just go,
I can't even get close to this guy.
Because he keeps such a sort of
well-ordered house. Yeah.
Man, but
he's not an oath. No.
He's incredibly thoughtful about his wedding
anniversary without being
prompted at all. Yeah. Damn it.
Yeah.
And he called you over
one day and said you fancy coming
to a barbecue next month.
And when you went to the barbecue, to say thank you,
he gave you a huge dagger with a compass
in the handbrake.
And
you've got no idea what you're going to do
with it. You just got this
bloody green thing.
Feel obliged to sort of use it
somehow. So you just walk
down the street using the compass.
And then you actually stab yourself on the thine.
Yeah. Yeah. That's what
life is like. I've thought about
this. I've decided I won't live next door to the debaters.
It's too stressful. Cold sleevers
and cold sleevers.
Now, I feel like I need to watch it.
But if you were going to, here's a question.
If you were going to re-watch
an entire
band catalogue of
80s, 70s,
80s, possibly 90s, because
our listeners are of different age groups.
What TV
series would it be? It doesn't have to be car
related, actually.
I'm about to delve
back into friends. This winter
I'm quite curious. Because I have a watch.
It's just because of your kids. It's just because.
Because my daughter's 16 and she's
she's watched a few here and there
but she's not entirely convinced it's aged
well. And I've caught on
I bet it has. I bet it's still really good.
But I don't know.
I think there's a few little
myths and pieces that maybe haven't.
But I'd like to watch the full guide because
I've probably only seen about three episodes
in my whole life.
So Night Rider
hasn't aged well but it's sort of funny
because it's been rubbish.
Yeah.
The last time I watched the 80s
it had to have aged well because it's slightly tongue
in cheek. Yeah.
That's well shot too.
Yeah, well they were all quite high budget
Phil, I think.
My friends did it
at the time because
usually for a studio sitcom it was Sean Phil.
So it doesn't look cramped because
video of that here looks very dated now.
Yeah. And isn't the wrong aspect of
the ratio. So who made the decision
to shoot it on film?
Because that would be a big cost consideration.
I just read the autobiography
of the guy who directed a lot of Frameless.
Really?
And he
was... Frameless.
Frameless. Frameless.
An apostrophe.
An apostrophe between the S
and the R.
Frameless.
Frameless.
They took...
I think it was the greatest of the show.
The reason is I don't remember.
Master...
California.
And they took them to Las Vegas
on a private jet that's cast.
When the show got picked up.
Fantastic.
And said, enjoy yourselves and this is the last
time you'll be able to do this without being
recognized. Really?
And in this book there's a picture of them on the
private jet because I've heard this story before
and I still remember sort of...
You know.
Yes, but it's very well. There's a picture of them
on the private jet. Looking all incredibly young
and you go, oh look, there's the people
from Fresco, they all look about
12. And then a year later
they just couldn't go anywhere.
No, it was quite a cocky thing to do.
The show could have completely taken.
They were so confident that they got the right people.
That's fantastic.
You know the magic stuff.
We wanted to do it.
So, yeah.
Why are we talking about this?
Oh yeah, because you're going to watch Friends
again. Yeah.
I think I'm going to re-watch Friends.
And then I started to think about all the other
ones you could watch.
I've obviously got a fair way through Miami Vice
several years ago.
The one I want to dig back into is Cheers.
Oh, yeah.
Because I read someone on social media that they
sat down with their partner to watch Cheers again
from the off.
Because
their partner had really seen much about it.
And
they reckoned they got
a partner, something like
98 episodes in
before there was an episode that was not
absolutely stone-cold
brilliance. Really? Yeah.
She's like, hey, man, he's incredible.
How many years did that go on for?
Quite
a few, but I can't.
Because
also, it started the
love interest, the original love interest
died out, left, and it looked like that same
little fuck for show, because the central
they managed
to go Kirstie Ali and Rebecca and they just sort
of rebooted the love interest part.
Yeah, changed the tone of them.
Yeah.
We should re-write a different version
called Cheers, mate, saying both, mate,
bye.
In fact, if we ever
started...
Cheers, mate.
If we ever,
ever were stupid or wealthy
enough to buy a bar,
we'd have to call in Cheers.
Thanks, mate.
Bye.
Couldn't we? Yeah.
I'd quite like to do it.
And one day a month
we would do
a shit rendition of
Tom Cruise's cocktail.
Obviously, I'm Tom, you're Brian Brown.
Oh, I thought you were going to...
You're a cocky Australian guy.
Speaking of looking back at things,
we, as white boys,
really, had to fight some planes, the planes
generally. Yeah. And my wife kept saying to me,
which one's Top Gun? You'd like Top Gun?
And eventually, she went, OK, yeah, go on,
let's watch Top Gun. So I don't want Top Gun.
All the bits that weren't planes,
she was just like, can we fast forward this bit?
Oh, just wanted a plane.
Yeah, not interested in this bit.
The scene of the bar,
and then you've lost that Loic Miller.
Is it? Well, I think...
It is that, isn't it? I can't remember the song now.
Yeah, that's it when I see it.
Great Bulls of Five.
He just went, ah, what's going on here?
My wife, I know this is a
pivotal scene.
Can we just get to play a bit?
You just need to take it to a play museum.
I know. Well, I just realised
that this is really to get to an air show.
He doesn't need Tom Cruise. No.
Also, the last time I saw Top Gun,
which was recently about
I was an actor 15, 20 years ago.
I remember thinking,
no, it stands up.
Yeah.
There's a bit, which we...
when we didn't have an 11-year-old going,
can we just fast forward this bit?
There's a bit where he zooms off on his motorbike.
Kelly McGillis chases him and has a Porsche...
Oh, a Speedster?
356. Yeah.
It catches up with him,
and the dialogue after that,
his absolute dog-sheet.
Well, they don't say anything. No, it's just terrible.
She just goes, he's the story like,
wow, that was dangerous.
She goes, yes, but that's something you should know.
I am attracted to you.
It's really...
Is she phoning it in?
Well, it's just, it's badly written and badly delivered.
It's a lose.
There's something you need to know.
Your entire pressure's a bit lower than the back, I can tell.
Also, you were riding without a crash helmet.
At that, statistically,
it is dangerous.
We're going to bash your head.
So, yeah, that doesn't quite stand out the way I remember.
Also, your shoes need cleaning.
They look a bit scruffy to me.
But don't worry,
you will have an enduring career in
the movies.
Off of tongue guns.
Off of the movies.
The best of the guns.
Isn't enough of our yakky.
Yeah, we've done some airborne bollocks.
We'll come back to slimy.
We're off the plane.
Okay.
And we are walking through
an unspecified airport.
Yes, yes, that's right.
But there's lots of houseplants and marble.
We're not saying where we are, which I know is irritating,
but it's just that...
There's reasons.
We're here to do something quite cool,
which we will reveal on the podcast
in two weeks' time.
Yes.
But for now, I think it's probably time to wrap it up.
I haven't thought of three things, but, you know,
bloody, bloody, bloody, bloody,
please buy my new book, it's called Petrolhead.
And bloody, bloody...
We've got merch, go buy some.
Oh, yeah.
And did you know that...
Leave us a rating if you want,
but if you want to write something silly,
as long as you put five stars on it, we don't care.
Yeah, that's all we really care about.
As long as you're not racist.
Anyway, let's get the hell out of here
and see you next time. Goodbye.
Bye, please.
We've got merch.
But we were told to ask for this.
Mumbling about testicle shaving equipment.
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