Jonny Smith and Rich discuss a heartfelt listener request involving an Audi Quattro funeral procession, reflecting on the car's significance in rally history. They then dive into the Chinese zodiac's year of the fire horse, exploring its cultural meanings and quirks. The conversation shifts to British pop culture, focusing on Jarvis Cocker's affection for American cars, particularly his Chrysler Town and Country with faux wood paneling, and the peculiarities of driving American vehicles in the UK. The episode blends personal stories, cultural insights, and automotive trivia with their usual humor.
Jonny is excited by the Chinese new year. Also in this episode, an appeal for an Audi quattro, Jarvis Cocker’s American car, having a V8 at 19, the return of Vanwall, buying Austin Rover, sponsoring a roundabout, tortoise news, Hairy’s Garage, how Smith and Sniff almost killed a listener, hatred of limited run Black Editions, the cheapest of brown cars, Tamiya brings back some classics, and whatever happened to proper motorsport sponsors?
"He was a huge fan of you both, Top Gear and anything cars, but by far his favourite car was the Audi Quattro from the Group B days."
Group B was a type of car race in the 1980s where very fast and powerful cars competed, but it was stopped because it was too dangerous.
Group B was a highly competitive and famous rally racing category in the 1980s known for its extremely powerful and technologically advanced cars, including the Audi Quattro. It was discontinued due to safety concerns.
"He was a huge fan of you both, Top Gear and anything cars, but by far his favourite car was the Audi Quattro from the Group B days."
The Audi Quattro is a special car that uses all four wheels to drive, which helps it go faster and handle better, especially in races on rough roads.
The Audi Quattro is a famous all-wheel-drive sports car introduced in the early 1980s, known for its pioneering use of quattro all-wheel drive technology and its success in Group B rally racing.
"...cycling through 12 animals each year, the Chinese zodiac also rotates between the five traditional Chines..."
The Ford Zodiac is an old, big car from Britain that was made a long time ago. It was known for being comfortable and nice to ride in. Talking about it might be about old cars or fun names.
The Ford Zodiac was a large British executive car produced mainly in the 1950s and 1960s, known for its comfortable ride and classic styling. Its name referencing the zodiac may be a playful nod to cultural themes. Mentioning it could relate to vintage British motoring or historical automotive branding.
".... Didn't Jarvis Cocker used to have like a Chevy Caprice estate or something? Oh."
The Holden Caprice is a big, comfortable car from Australia that many people used for important jobs or as a fancy car. It’s related to a similar American car called the Chevrolet Caprice. People talk about it because it’s a well-known Australian car.
The Holden Caprice is a full-size luxury sedan from Australia, known for its spacious interior and V8 power, often used as executive transport or police vehicles. It shares some heritage with the Chevrolet Caprice, which adds to its cultural significance. Mentioning it may evoke nostalgia or highlight Australian automotive history.
""He had a Mitsubishi space wagon. Did he? Yes, he did. Yeah, he had a Mitsubishi space wagon because I've got a photograph of it from a magazine""
The Mitsubishi Space Wagon is a type of van that families often use because it has a lot of space inside. It can carry many people and things comfortably.
The Mitsubishi Space Wagon is a multi-purpose vehicle (MPV) or minivan produced by Mitsubishi, known for its spacious interior and versatility. It was marketed in various regions under different names and was popular for family use.
""And before that, I had the Hillman Imp that was talked about. Hold on. It looks, yeah, the Hillman Imp is, but I think it's an old Chrysler, like a K-Car.""
The Hillman Imp is a small car made in Britain a long time ago. It has its engine in the back, which was unusual for cars at that time.
The Hillman Imp is a small British car produced in the 1960s and 1970s, notable for its rear-engine layout and compact size. It was designed to compete with other small cars of the era and is remembered for its innovative engineering.
An estate is a type of car that looks like a regular car but has a bigger back part to carry more stuff. It's like a car with a big trunk you can open from the back.
An estate is a British term for a station wagon, a car body style with an extended rear cargo area and a rear door or hatch for easy access.
A station wagon is a car that has extra space in the back to carry things or more people. It has a big door at the back that opens up to this space.
A station wagon is a car with a longer roofline and a rear hatch door, designed to provide more cargo space than a sedan while maintaining passenger comfort.
""...And then there's just somebody roaring about the place in a Chevy Caprice or a Alfa Bill Torinado or something.""
The Chevrolet Caprice is a big American car that was popular for being roomy and strong. People often used it for police or taxi work.
The Chevrolet Caprice is a full-size American car that was produced from the 1960s through the 1990s. Known for its large size and powerful engines, it was often used as police cars or taxis in the US.
"That you always find out that like the number one place in Europe for Corvette sales is Germany. Yeah. And Germans just absolutely bloody love a Corvette, drive it wearing leather trousers."
The Chevrolet Corvette is a famous fast car from America. People in Germany really like it and buy a lot of them, even though it's not a European car.
The Chevrolet Corvette is an iconic American sports car known for its performance and distinctive design. It has a strong enthusiast following worldwide, including in Europe where it surprisingly has significant sales, especially in Germany.
"It is a 1986 Chrysler town and country with imitation wood paneling across the chassis and a faux crystal steering wheel."
Imitation wood paneling is fake wood on the outside of a car that makes it look nicer or older, but it's not real wood.
Imitation wood paneling refers to decorative panels made to look like wood but are actually synthetic or vinyl. This styling was popular on some cars and vans in the 1980s to give a more upscale or classic appearance.
"It is a 1986 Chrysler town and country with imitation wood paneling across the chassis and a faux crystal steering wheel."
The Chrysler Town and Country is a type of family van that was popular in the 1980s. The 1986 model had a boxy shape and sometimes had fake wood on the outside to make it look fancier.
The Chrysler Town and Country is a minivan model produced by Chrysler. The 1986 version is known for its boxy design and was one of the early minivans that combined family utility with a touch of luxury, often featuring wood paneling on the exterior.
"shop. It is a 1986 Chrysler town and country with imitation wood paneling across t..."
The Chrysler Town & Country is a big family car from America that can carry lots of people and stuff. The older ones had fake wood on the sides to make them look special. People talk about it because it reminds them of old family cars.
The Chrysler Town & Country is a classic American minivan known for its spacious interior and family-friendly features, with models from the 1980s often featuring imitation wood paneling for a distinctive look. It represents a nostalgic choice for those valuing vintage family vehicles. Mentioning a 1986 model highlights its retro appeal.
"It is a 1986 Chrysler town and country with imitation wood paneling across the chassis and a faux crystal steering wheel. Chassis."
The chassis is the strong frame under the car that holds everything together, like the engine and wheels.
The chassis is the main structural frame of a vehicle to which all other components like the body, engine, and suspension are attached. It provides strength and rigidity to the car.
"it the Buick? Which had the sky. Yeah, I'd love the last of the full size roadmasters."
The Buick Roadmaster is a big, fancy car made by Buick a long time ago. The last models were the biggest ones before they stopped making them, and people like them because they're roomy and look classic.
The Buick Roadmaster was a full-size luxury car produced by Buick, known for its large size and classic American styling. The 'last of the full size Roadmasters' refers to the final generation before it was discontinued, often appreciated for its spaciousness and traditional design.
"He said, you remember, this is 30 years ago to the week that I bought the Rover P5B and he dug out a photo of him, the day he brought it home and we rolled it onto the drive."
The Rover P5B is an old British car that was fancy and had a powerful V8 engine. People liked it because it was smooth and strong.
The Rover P5B is a classic British luxury saloon car produced by Rover, notable for its V8 engine. It was popular in the 1960s and 1970s and is known for its solid build and smooth performance.
"And so there's me looking very 17 and him looking very 19, but having a V8 when you're 19 is quite cool. And I realized then I also had a V8 when I was 19."
A V8 is a type of engine with eight cylinders shaped like a V. It makes the car powerful and sounds cool.
A V8 is an eight-cylinder engine with cylinders arranged in a V configuration. It is known for producing strong power and a distinctive sound, often used in performance and luxury cars.
"I think the one I had at 19 was the Cadillac Fleetwood, the 500 cubic inch."
The Cadillac Fleetwood is a big, fancy car made by Cadillac. It has a very large engine that gives it a lot of power.
The Cadillac Fleetwood is a full-size luxury car produced by Cadillac, known for its large size and powerful engines, including big V8s like the 500 cubic inch variant.
"It's a quick look for Chevy Caprice wagons for sale. Sadly, none. No, they're quite desirable in the States now and in the homeland because there's just not that many wagons about anymore."
The Chevrolet Caprice wagon is a big car with a large back area for carrying stuff. People liked it a lot in the past, and now some younger people find it cool again because it looks old-fashioned in a good way.
The Chevrolet Caprice wagon is a full-size station wagon produced by Chevrolet, popular in the United States especially in earlier decades. It is known for its spacious interior and classic American wagon styling, which has recently gained renewed interest among enthusiasts.
"which I totally get because I do quite like the boxy Volvos still. I know."
Volvo is a car company from Sweden that makes cars known for being very safe and strong. Their older cars have a boxy shape that some people really like.
Volvo is a Swedish automotive manufacturer known for its boxy, safe, and durable cars, especially popular in the 1980s and 1990s for their distinctive design and reliability.
"Do you know Vanwall is back? I seemingly miss this, this memo. You know, the old, the old name Vanwall from motor racing era."
Vanwall was a famous British racing team a long time ago. Now, the name is coming back again for new racing or car projects.
Vanwall was a British motor racing team famous in the 1950s for pioneering innovations in Formula 1 racing. The name is being revived in a modern context, marking a return of the historic brand.
F1 is a type of car racing where the fastest cars in the world race on special tracks. It's like the top league of car races.
F1, or Formula 1, is the highest class of international single-seater auto racing sanctioned by the FIA. It features the fastest and most technologically advanced race cars competing in a global championship.
""Is this the thing where they've sort of cut up a Ioniq? Yeah. An Ioniq five. Yes.""
The Hyundai Ioniq 5 is a type of car that runs only on electricity, so it doesn't use gas. It's a small SUV that looks modern and uses new technology to help it drive.
The Hyundai Ioniq 5 is an all-electric compact crossover SUV known for its modern design and advanced electric vehicle technology. It is part of Hyundai's Ioniq sub-brand focused on electric vehicles.
"Bundled it with all of the technical drawings for the Metro 6R4. Really?"
The Metro 6R4 is a special rally car from the 1980s made by Austin Rover. It was built for racing on rough roads and is very rare and important in car history.
The Metro 6R4 is a Group B rally car developed by Austin Rover in the 1980s, known for its mid-engine layout and powerful V6 engine. It is famous for its rarity and significance in rally history.
"These are genuine on paper technical drawings of all manner of things relating to the 6R4. Yeah. And that cars the legend. So, that has... And the fact that they're resurrecting one, I guess the legend continues, doesn't it?"
The Ford RS200 6R4 is a famous rally car from the 1980s made by Ford. It has a special engine in the middle of the car and was very fast and unique for rally racing.
The Ford RS200 6R4 is a legendary Group B rally car produced by Ford in the 1980s. It is known for its unique mid-engine layout and powerful V6 engine, making it a standout in rally history.
"And what I see in these pictures is a blue BMW 3 Series, it's an E92."
The BMW 3 Series E92 is a two-door car made by BMW between 2006 and 2013. It's popular because it drives well and is fun to handle, especially for people who like sporty cars.
The BMW 3 Series E92 is the coupe version of the fifth-generation 3 Series produced by BMW from 2006 to 2013. It is known for its sporty handling and performance, often praised for its balance and driving dynamics.
"...? They are rubbish. They're the poor man's Skoda Felicia fun. Yeah."
The Skoda Felicia is a small, simple car that many people bought because it was cheap and easy to use. It helped make the Skoda brand better known for good, affordable cars. Saying it’s a 'poor man’s' car means it’s a budget choice.
The Skoda Felicia is a small family car produced in the late 1990s and early 2000s, known for its practicality and affordability. It helped improve Skoda's reputation for reliability and value after the brand's earlier struggles. Mentioning it as a 'poor man's' option highlights its budget-friendly appeal.
"The biggest misconception being the cash for clunkers government initiative, which frequently gets blamed for removing all the cheap used cars from the market. The fact is cash for clunkers lasted all of two months way back in 2009."
Cash for Clunkers was a program where the government gave money to people who traded in old cars for new ones. Some people think it made used cars more expensive, but it only lasted a short time and didn't remove as many cars as people think.
Cash for Clunkers was a U.S. government program in 2009 designed to encourage people to trade in older, less fuel-efficient vehicles for new, more efficient ones. It aimed to stimulate the economy and improve environmental conditions but is often mistakenly blamed for reducing the supply of cheap used cars.
"This increased demand for used cars has caused prices to rise. Add to this the fact that real wages in the US haven't risen in decades means everyone is skint and can no longer afford to buy new."
The used car market is where people buy and sell cars that have been owned before. Prices can change based on how many people want to buy or sell and how much new cars cost.
The used car market refers to the buying and selling of previously owned vehicles. It is influenced by factors such as new car prices, demand, and economic conditions.
"Were it not for the ban on imports less than 25 years old, I would be importing my next car from the UK."
The US has a rule that stops people from bringing in cars from other countries if they are newer than 25 years old, unless they meet certain safety and pollution rules. This means you can't easily get some cool cars from abroad.
In the United States, there is a federal law that prohibits the import of vehicles less than 25 years old that do not meet specific safety and emissions standards. This restricts the ability to bring in newer foreign cars that might not comply with US regulations.
"...ealed that they're going to put the Quadrifoglio, Giulia and Stelvio back on sale? Yes, and I'll be hones..."
The Alfa Romeo Giulia is a fancy, sporty car from Italy that looks great and drives really well. The special version, called Quadrifoglio, is even faster and more powerful. People talk about it because Alfa Romeo is bringing it back to sell again.
The Alfa Romeo Giulia is a compact executive sedan celebrated for its sharp handling, Italian design, and powerful engine options, especially the high-performance Quadrifoglio variant. Its return to the market marks Alfa Romeo's renewed commitment to sporty luxury sedans. Discussing its reintroduction highlights excitement around the brand's revival and performance heritage.
"...they're going to put the Quadrifoglio, Giulia and Stelvio back on sale? Yes, and I'll be honest, I didn't ..."
The Alfa Romeo Stelvio is a stylish and sporty SUV from Italy. It’s like a bigger car that can carry more people but still drives fast and looks good. People mention it because Alfa Romeo is selling it again.
The Alfa Romeo Stelvio is a luxury compact SUV that combines Italian styling with sporty driving dynamics, especially in its high-performance Quadrifoglio variant. Its reintroduction signals Alfa Romeo’s expansion into the popular SUV market while maintaining brand performance DNA. Discussing it reflects interest in sporty SUVs with character.
"Alfa Romeo revealed that they're going to put the Quadrifoglio, Giulia and Stelvio back on sale?"
The Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio is a fast and sporty car made by Alfa Romeo. It's a special version of the Giulia that is designed to be very fun to drive.
The Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio is a high-performance variant of the Giulia sedan, featuring a powerful engine and sporty enhancements. It is known for its sharp handling and Italian design.
"...e early 80s, I think. Fiat did a special edition 126 called the 126 Brown. Yes, they did."
The Fiat 126 is a very small car from Italy that lots of people used in cities because it was cheap and easy to park. Sometimes special versions were made that people like to collect. Talking about it is like remembering old, small cars.
The Fiat 126 is a tiny city car produced from the early 1970s through the 1980s, famous for its compact size and simplicity, often used in Europe as an affordable urban vehicle. Special editions like the 126 Brown add collectible interest. Its mention reflects nostalgia for classic small cars.
"And so I could see a certain genre of car working with Brown. So, OK, imagine if you had an Audi all-road. I talk about them a lot, the first-gen ones."
The Audi Allroad is a fancy wagon car that can drive on rough roads better than normal cars. It’s good if you want a nice car that can also go places other cars can’t. People like to talk about the first models because they were very good at this.
The Audi Allroad is a rugged version of Audi’s station wagons, featuring increased ground clearance and off-road capabilities while maintaining luxury and performance. First-generation models are especially appreciated for their blend of practicality and adventurous spirit. Discussing them often relates to versatile vehicles that suit varied driving conditions.
""If I could find a 997 in Macadamia that was base model, Carrera, not a turbo or anything like that,""
The Porsche 911 (997) is a popular sports car made between 2004 and 2012. It comes in different versions, like the basic Carrera and more powerful turbo models.
The Porsche 911 (997) is the internal designation for the 911 model produced from 2004 to 2012. It is known for its distinctive design and rear-engine layout, with various trims including the base Carrera and turbocharged versions.
"...s the current cheapest car here. It is a Peugeot 308 CC, so it is a wretched and horrible car and it s..."
The Peugeot 308 is a small car that’s easy to drive and has a version you can open the roof on. Some people don’t like certain models because they feel cheap or don’t work well. Saying it’s bad means someone had a bad experience with it.
The Peugeot 308 is a compact hatchback known for its comfortable ride and efficient engines, with the CC version being a convertible variant. While generally practical, some versions have been criticized for build quality and reliability issues. Calling it 'wretched and horrible' likely reflects a subjective negative experience with a specific model or trim.
"...rs, like all in a line, including a Jaguar Jaguar XJ220, which was sweet. But there was a wide-body Capr..."
The Jaguar XJ220 is a very fast and special car made in the early 1990s. It was one of the fastest cars in the world at the time and looks very cool. People talk about it because it’s a rare and exciting car.
The Jaguar XJ220 is a legendary supercar from the early 1990s, once the fastest production car in the world, known for its sleek design and advanced engineering. It represents a pinnacle of British automotive performance and exclusivity. Its mention highlights a rare and highly desirable car often admired by enthusiasts.
"...J220, which was sweet. But there was a wide-body Capri race car, like a German touring car. And it remi..."
The Ford Capri is a cool, sporty car from Europe that many people liked because it looked good and was fun to drive. Some special versions were made for racing and had wider bodies to go faster. Talking about it means remembering its racing history.
The Ford Capri was a popular European coupe produced from the late 1960s to the mid-1980s, often dubbed the 'European Mustang' for its sporty styling and affordable performance. The wide-body Capri race cars, especially those used in German touring car championships, are iconic in motorsport history. Mentioning it alongside race cars underscores its motorsport legacy.
Formula One is a type of car racing where very fast and special cars race on tracks all over the world. It's the top level of racing with the best drivers and cars.
Formula One is the highest class of international single-seater auto racing sanctioned by the FIA. It features the fastest and most technologically advanced race cars competing in a global series of Grand Prix events.
"So it's always like Mercedes Petronas, AMG, whatever in whatever order it is. OMG, AMG."
Mercedes-AMG is a part of Mercedes that makes their cars faster and sportier. In racing, they have their own team called Mercedes-AMG.
Mercedes-AMG is the high-performance division of Mercedes-Benz, responsible for tuning and producing sportier, more powerful versions of Mercedes vehicles. In Formula One, Mercedes-AMG is the name associated with the Mercedes F1 team.
"...like the Mercedes 190 EVO and BMW E92, a DTM car, M3..."
The BMW E92 M3 is a sporty two-door car made by BMW between 2007 and 2013, famous for being fast and used in car races.
The BMW E92 M3 is the coupe version of the fourth generation M3, produced from 2007 to 2013, known for its high-revving V8 engine and performance capabilities, and it has a notable presence in motorsports including DTM.
DTM is a type of car race in Germany where cars that look like regular cars but are made faster race on tracks.
DTM stands for Deutsche Tourenwagen Masters, a German touring car racing series featuring modified production cars competing at high speeds on various circuits.
"The Volkswagen Schwimwagen Type 166. Oh, I didn't expect them to do that."
The Volkswagen Schwimmwagen Type 166 is a special old car made during World War II that can drive on roads and also float and move in water.
The Volkswagen Schwimmwagen Type 166 is a World War II amphibious vehicle produced by Volkswagen, capable of operating on both land and water, notable for its unique design and military use.
"...of family ties. And the car that he bought was a prelude. Did he?"
The Honda Prelude is a small, sporty car that was popular for being fun to drive and reliable. People often remember it because it was a nice car to own that wasn’t too big or expensive. Talking about it with family might mean it was an important or special car to someone.
The Honda Prelude is a sporty coupe produced from the late 1970s through the early 2000s, known for its engaging driving dynamics and innovative features like four-wheel steering in later models. It holds a special place among enthusiasts for blending practicality with a fun-to-drive character. Mentioning it in the context of family ties could highlight its role as a meaningful or nostalgic purchase.
Select text to request an explanation
I'm Jonny Smith. I'm a reporter. And this is Smith & Sniff, a podcast on which two friends talk about cars and many other things.
Right. Before we go any further with this show, I just wanted to do a slightly serious message slash appeal from our listeners.
It's from someone called Jake who says, hello, USS G's. I hope this email gets noticed in a timely manner, but I also know what you're both like.
That's what I'm doing at the top of the show so I don't forget. Jake says, not wanting to put a downer on things too much, but we lost my best friend of many years recently at the age of 31 and I was hoping you could help out with something.
He was a huge fan of you both, Top Gear and anything cars, but by far his favourite car was the Audi Quattro from the Group B days.
I was hoping you could use your podcast to see if anyone with such a rare car would be happy to come to the funeral procession. I can help with some costs if needed. The funeral will be in Medway and we are yet to get a date, but maybe mid-March.
Looking forward to hearing this in a year or two on the podcast. Jake, you're absolutely right. We are absolute fuckwits, but this did only come in the other day and I swore to myself that I would read it out before I forgot.
So if anyone's listening has an Audi Quattro, I guess it sounds like maybe rally car spec would be amazing, but I guess a road car would be equally welcome.
Definitely, yeah.
So Medway in Kent?
Yes, I'm sure it's Kent.
If anybody has an Audi Quattro of any kind and they would be willing to take part in the procession for Jake's best friend, then drop us a line. Hello at Smithsniff.com and we will pass on your messages.
Maybe Audi UK.
Who knows?
They do have a car on the heritage fleet.
Yeah, they have two. I've driven them one of them.
Okay, well, there we go.
So yeah, hopefully someone can help with that.
But like I said, just a message us on hello at Smithsniff.com and we will pass on your messages to Jake.
Yeah, I realized I think it was Chinese New Year last week.
Well, they don't condense a whole year into a week. You know what I mean, don't you?
But it's the year of the fire horse, Rich. Did you know this?
The fire horse?
Yes, apparently it's the year of the fire horse, but I don't know what that means.
Oh, I thought it was just horse. Is the fire horse as well?
Yeah, I think there's a horse with fire.
Okay.
It's like the best...
I mean, the fun-the-punty-act fire horse.
You could put the word fire in front of any animal if you really want to. Fire badger, fire weasel.
Hang on, here we go, here we go.
Fire guinea pig.
Oh, this is right. So the year of the fire horse is back for the first time in 60 years.
In addition to cycling through 12 animals each year, the Chinese zodiac also rotates
between the five traditional Chinese elements, earth, wood, fire, metal and water.
Water horse.
I don't know why that sounds weird.
So this is a rare blazing creature. Only comes about every 60 years.
So we are full on in the fire horse, which I think is big news.
So it's funny that because the animals rotate on a different sort of system to the elements,
clearly because it's 12 versus 5.
Yeah.
But every so often you're going to get a real extra animal like water rat.
Yeah, I think so.
Wood, no, wood snake. Is there a wood snake?
Well, you've got to so hang on.
Lunar New Year, also known as Chinese New Year falls between late Jan and Mid-Feb,
with its date set by China's ancient lunar solar calendar.
Since at least the last second century BC,
each new year has been named for one of the 12 animals of the Chinese zodiac,
which repeats in a 12 year cycle.
In Chinese astrology, each of the zodiac animals are believed to have distinct traits
which are supposedly reflected in people born in that corresponding year.
Yeah, so the horse is revered in Chinese culture due to its long-standing roles
in agriculture, transport and warfare.
That we know.
The galloping animal symbolizes strength, grace, endurance, loyalty, freedom
and getting freaked the fuck out by fireworks.
Yes, and biting me whilst on holiday to Greece in the 90s,
and kicking me as a child whilst on holiday to Wales.
So, yes, the horse.
We celebrate its nobility in warfare, in agriculture, in industry
and also being a total prick to people sometimes for no reason.
The other thing I'm wondering about is,
the fire horse is one step closer to a jingle horse.
Now, I know we shouldn't talk about jingle horses at any time of the year
apart from, I guess, Christmas, but maybe China, Chinese culture has the jingle horse.
And this is it.
I don't know.
We brought up jingle horse at our Bristol live show because it was Christmas
and it felt pertinent.
Yes.
But afterwards, my wife took issue with this because she was in the audience.
She's like, you two idiots.
The jingle horse isn't a reindeer, it's a horse, but with bells on it
that they used to pull carriages around Christmas time.
She was like, that song has always made perfect sense to me.
I don't know why you two don't understand it.
She was quite, not indignant.
She was just kind of a bit like, once again,
you pair of pricks have got the wrong end of it.
It's the sort of tone that she adopted for this one.
Well, it won't be the first time and it won't be also the last.
She'll be not very happy to know.
Well, look, we were talking recently about the K-pop demon hunters.
I was listening to one of their songs, their famous song last week
because it was being fired out of the radio every couple of hours.
I'm sure she's singing about butter beans.
I can't work out what else she's saying, so I'm going to say it's butter beans.
Which song is this?
I can't remember.
I don't know what it's called.
All I know is I keep thinking about K-card demon hunters.
Because Golden is the big one.
Golden's a really big track.
Well, maybe that's it.
It's when she goes really high pitch, you think she can't go any higher,
and then she goes one octave higher again.
That one.
Yeah, is that one called Golden?
Yes, it is.
I don't know where the butter beans come in.
She sings about butter beans a lot.
I don't know, Golden butter beans.
I've eaten a lot of butter beans this week and I love them.
But do you remember the K-card demon hunters we chatted about?
Not so long ago.
No.
Well, I thought to myself, I know we either said, is it K-Car Demon Hunters or is it K-Pop
Dodge Demon Hunters or is it a combination of the pair?
We don't know.
I'm still rooting for my spin-off idea, Brit-Pop Demon Hunters, in which Brett Anderson and
Louise from Sleeper go around solving problems of some nature rather I don't know.
It's like Jarvis Cocker with like, driving around in the equivalent Ecto One.
Um, yeah, I'm just thinking.
Hang on.
Didn't Jarvis Cocker used to have like a Chevy Caprice estate or something?
Oh.
I'm sure he did.
He had a Mitsubishi space wagon.
Did he?
Yes, he did.
Yeah, he had a Mitsubishi space wagon because I've got a photograph of it from a magazine
of him in it.
And before that, I had the Hillman Imp that was talked about.
Hold on.
It looks, yeah, the Hillman Imp is, but I think it's an old Chrysler, like a K-Car.
What?
It's got wooden sides.
Well, there's a picture here of Jarvis Cocker.
Well, he's got a LeBaron.
It's the open tailgate.
He hasn't got a LeBaron.
Would that have been a LeBaron?
It would have been a...
I see the article is annoyingly not about the car, it's about something else.
So, hang on.
Is this...
It's a...
It's an estate.
It's a station wagon.
Yes.
The front-wheel drive LeBaron-looking station wagon.
Yes, with those terrible fake wood bits at the side.
It might be real wood, but it still looks...
It's not.
It's not.
It's a four-micre.
Yeah, probably is.
So...
It's the...
That'll be the Dodge Firehorse.
Yes, maybe so.
Never did as well as...
Well, I wouldn't fire that.
I'm sure I read about this.
I have a feeling it was...
He had it when he lived in Paris.
What?
That doesn't make any sense.
Well, but you know how we've...
We've talked about this possibly only in real life about how the French have this sort
of slight...
I mean, it's like a guilty pleasure for France as a nation, fascination with Americana.
And they try to pretend that they don't, but they do.
And you'll sometimes sort of see like diners in France with check tablecloths and live
all got, you know, rock and roll, jukeboxes and stuff.
Do you like American stuff?
No.
Well, I think that there's occasionally sort of the American cars in France, as you do
in all European countries, but for some reason it seems more incongruous in France because
everybody else has a delightfully battered Renault 19 or something.
And then there's just somebody roaring about the place in a Chevy Caprice or a Alfa Bill
Torinado or something.
And you just want to go, talk me through this.
What's going on with that?
Yeah.
Whereas in Scandinavia, it's positively celebrated really, isn't it?
Yeah.
Well, it's also...
We've talked about this before, haven't we?
That you always find out that like the number one place in Europe for Corvette sales is
Germany.
Yeah.
And Germans just absolutely bloody love a Corvette, drive it wearing leather trousers.
Yeah.
That's right.
With no irony anywhere to be seen.
No.
Oh no, there's no irony.
No.
They need to be irony.
It's all just absolutely straight down the line.
It's quite refreshing.
There's a news story here that starts with pop legend Jarvis Cocker has had a costly
visit to Chesterfield after he was spotted with a wrongly fixed registration number plate
on his beloved American car.
Wrongly fixed?
I know.
This is a very strange story.
This is from 2013.
The 50 year old pulp star was one of the leading figureheads of the Britpop movement in the
mid-1990s.
Hmm.
Sorry.
I've misread that.
This is a very poor opening sentence.
The 50 year old pulp star.
There's no comma there.
There should be a comma.
Jesus Christ.
The 50 year old pulp star comma, who was one of the leading figureheads of the Britpop
movement in the mid-1990s comma, was spotted driving his Chrysler along the A619 in the
town with the illegally fixed plates.
Chesterfield magistrates court heard how Jarvis admitted using the vehicle on the A619 on
May 10th.
When the assigned registration marks were not fixed to the front and rear in the required
manner.
Well, are they faux American plates?
Because I don't know if we've got a lot of Canadians and Americans listening.
So if you've got an American car over here, strictly speaking, you can't put an American
size number plate on it, but yet the apertures for number plates, and also we have to have
a front number plate.
You can't always fit a UK size plate in the hole where American plates are.
So for example, I drive around in my Dodge with an American replica plate on it that
has a UK registration number, but it's like a California black plate.
And yes, it's strictly speaking, the size of the letters aren't quite right or the space
is not quite right, but it's still legible and pretty much British police have got better
things to do.
Unless I'm doing burnouts past a primary school in that car, I think, you know, bigger fish
to fry and all that, but maybe not.
I hold the front page, I've found an article from The Independent from 2006 interviews
Jarvis Cocker in Paris where he's living at this point.
And one of the paragraphs says, Jarvis's car looks like it came from a Sue Ryder charity
shop.
It is a 1986 Chrysler town and country with imitation wood paneling across the chassis
and a faux crystal steering wheel.
Chassis.
Faux crystal?
I know.
What does that mean?
There's no pictures annoying.
Chrysler town and country.
So yeah, but that is when they were very small, weren't they?
It's a very small Chrysler that, isn't it?
Well, that's the thing, it's Paris size, isn't it?
But it's still quite odd.
It goes on to say later, Jarvis is a calm, considerate driver.
I can imagine that.
He would have probably still been smoking then, so he'd have been smoking behind the
wheel of this Chrysler town and country.
Let's see if it makes any reference.
You have to say town and country really carefully, I always think you could slur it into something
else.
Yeah, you're one letter away.
You are.
I get in trouble though.
I have this vision that one day you and I will own one of those wagons.
I mean, I've had a, I've had a Caprice, but I'd like to have a, which is the one, was
it the Buick?
Which had the sky.
Yeah, I'd love the last of the full size roadmasters.
Yes.
I was going to say those late model Caprice wagons, I've got a real saucepot.
I have.
I have as well.
At first I wasn't sure because they were slightly curvaceous, which I didn't think worked
with its bulk.
But now I'm all over them.
I miss them dearly and I really want one.
It's so stupid, isn't it?
But you know what, this week, exactly 30 years ago, I started driving as in L plates.
But my brother shared a picture with me that I put on Insta where he said, Oh, it wasn't
just your birthday this week.
He said, you remember, this is 30 years ago to the week that I bought the Rover P5B and
he dug out a photo of him, the day he brought it home and we rolled it onto the drive.
And so there's me looking very 17 and him looking very 19, but having a V8 when you're
19 is quite cool.
And I realized then I also had a V8 when I was 19.
So we've had all of our all of our listeners in the US and Australia of a certain age are
just shrugging and going, what?
Yeah, it's not a thing.
Get over yourself.
Here, though, that is unusual, I'd say.
It's very unusual, not just because the cost of the fuel is quadruple what it is in America,
but also just there aren't that many V8 cars that you could afford to ensure as a 19 year
old.
But I couldn't remember where the mine was.
I think the one I had at 19 was the Cadillac Fleetwood, the 500 cubic inch.
I thought I'd just go full, full, full fat.
It's a quick look for Chevy Caprice wagons for sale.
Sadly, none.
No, they're quite desirable in the States now and in the homeland because there's just
not that many wagons about anymore.
God, about like younger people go crazy for them now because they're kind of knowingly
retro.
They do.
It's a bit like, I guess it's like, you know, boxy Volvos having that huge renaissance,
which I totally get because I do quite like the boxy Volvos still.
I know.
I do.
I saw one the other day and went, oh, well, it was previously, I got God, you know, it's
just in their day, they just seem so sort of like the smugly suburban, didn't they?
But now they're something quite cool about them.
Do you know Vanwall is back?
I seemingly miss this, this memo.
You know, the old, the old name Vanwall from motor racing era.
Well, Van, yeah, for people, it's the old race team rather than the bulkheads in a transit
or something.
Yes.
Yes.
That's right.
Yeah.
That's right.
An F1 team from the 50s.
Yeah.
But Vanwall is back and it seems to me and I, Vanwall is trying to face, sort of facelift
high on dies.
I don't quite understand it, but it caught my eye on Instagram.
Is this the thing where they've sort of cut up a Ioniq?
Yeah.
An Ioniq five.
Yes.
So if you go to vanwallvanderveld.com, yeah, you've got different models of, there's a
hypercar they're doing, but there's also an electrical road car as they call it, which
sounds awful calling it electrical.
Yes.
Because it just sounds like you've never heard of the word electricity before.
But it sounds like the kind of dickheadery that we'd have done on Top Gear 20 years ago.
You sort of willfully mis-saying things in a slightly weird way just to catch the ear.
Yeah.
So they've, I think what they've done is taken an Ioniq five, I think it's an Ioniq
five and reclad it at the front and the rear and seemingly shaved its door handles off.
And it does look really good.
It's well shaped.
The problem is for me is that they've picked a car which looked really cool in the first
place.
So it's not like it looks any cooler.
It just looks different.
I love the Ioniq five.
It's still one of the best cars out there to me, but it's, yeah, it's got like a heck
blend across the back between the light clusters and the front, it's got the, almost the front
looks quite group B-ish with the light set back in and then the kind of extended arches
that go around the side of it on the wings.
I just can't work out who it's aimed for, what it's about really.
It says it's, well, because didn't they announce this like last year or the year before and
I just, it feels like, I don't know, I'm a sort of massive wave of disinterest and then
I just, I hadn't heard anything more about it.
You know, you're right, actually.
I think it might have been, yeah, it might have been 2024 or 2023.
Shit.
Well, then, well, in true Smith and Sniff style, I've not delivered the news.
I've delivered something extremely old and you can totally disregard what I've just said
and instead we'll talk about, I don't know, fire horses and trousers or chat MGBGT, which
I think.
But it does raise a good question.
It's like, what's going on there?
Are they, if I genuinely wanted to have a sort of rebodied Ironic Five, is that still
a thing or have they just decided not to bother?
You might be the only one out there.
If you, I guess if you were searching for exclusivity, then you might just be able to
find exactly that.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
It's intriguing, I'm curious.
But I feel like things like this, they just come back all the time, don't they?
Yeah.
You know, it's like, it's just, you'll suddenly, you'll see something that will just casually
go or BRM's back and you go, are they though?
Yeah, I think.
Someone's bought the name and it's the same.
It's easy to buy the name.
It's just, it's hard to do something with conviction with it.
I feel like you and I could buy a terrible name and then just do something awful with
it or just talk about doing something with it and never actually doing anything with
it.
Well, it's funny you mentioned that because the, in fact, we had a message about this
the other day from a listener called Mark, that the company named Austin Rover Limited
is up for sale.
Now this has come up before, I feel this is maybe even twice before, it's in an auction.
Is it?
It's coming up.
Yeah, but it's actually, they've bundled it.
In fact, I think that the moment has passed, I believe, the auction was last week, the
week before.
What'd you bundle it with?
Bundled it with all of the technical drawings for the Metro 6R4.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, maybe not all of them, but certainly a shitload of them.
Okay.
Would be the term.
Yeah.
So, yeah, you get all the technical drawings for the 6R4, but also Austin Rover Limited
company name, registration number and email address.
That's ace.
I remember this coming up last year, year before, and I looked into it and it just felt a bit
odd to me.
I didn't know you could sell a company name like that.
I think you and I need to go on the hunt, Richard.
Because if it was going to be seven quid, then I'd have bought it just for shits and
giggles.
But yeah, so this actually sold, it went on the 20th of February, sold for £5,280.
Is that all?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, that's the thing, isn't it?
For all those drawings, I wonder who bought all of this, whether it's a 6R4 enthusiast
or what, because obviously that's the draw, because that's unique.
These are genuine on paper technical drawings of all manner of things relating to the 6R4.
Yeah.
And that cars the legend.
So, that has...
Yeah.
And the fact that they're resurrecting one, I guess the legend continues, doesn't it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, that's it.
I wondered if the people who've bought this are something to do with that resurrection
or if...
Well, do you know what?
I'll let me message...
No interest in the old drawings.
Well, while we're live on air, not live, why don't I just email him?
Oh, okay.
Who's redoing the 6R4.
There you go.
Yeah.
Did he buy all the old drawings at auction on the 20th of February?
Did you buy those 6R4 drawings?
If he says, yes, I did actually, the drawings are great, well worth 5,280 pounds and you
can say, oh, well, that's great.
In that case, could we have Austin Rover limited, please, since you're probably not going to
use it?
What date was it, 22nd?
Friday the 20th, so like a week last Friday.
20th of June.
Feb.
We're in Feb.
Sorry, Feb.
Oh, if he said yes, then we could do a deal with Austin Rover.
Well, that's the thing.
We could just change the name of this podcast to Austin Rover, Austin and Rover and then
we'll change it.
No, it's all getting a bit complicated.
But this is the thing.
It's like, what are you going to do with it?
You couldn't launch.
I don't think you could, although you may technically own Austin Rover limited, that
does not give you the right to announce a new Austin car because I believe that SAIC
owns Austin or a Rover because Rover is owned by Land Rover.
And you don't own British Leyland, right?
No.
Because that's different.
I don't think so because that's probably a bit tangly as well.
I bet it's very tangly.
In terms of, you know, there are sort of companies, sub-companies that the actual trademarks
are a whole different thing.
Also, the bit in this listing that says email address, like what?
What does that mean?
It's like a domain name because you can buy those for like $20, if it's something that
nobody else wants.
Is it like, Austin, okay, if I really, really want to be Richard at AustinRoverLimited.com.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Which I don't know.
And that just, it all feels a bit like it's a sort of pointless thing, but if it was
given to us for free, I'm sure we could do something with it.
Yeah.
Just for context, AustinRover.com as a domain name pops up here for sale for $12,895.
Really?
No one's going to pay that.
No.
No.
It's just stupid.
I wonder if you did Austin-Rover, though.
Oh.
That doesn't do anything at the moment, do you?
Well, you start sifting through defunct car names for us to potentially buy, which I
welcome anybody to do because I'm potentially gay.
Yes, I've got walsley.org.
Because you and I still get asked when we're going to sponsor a roundabout.
And it does cross my mind on a weekly basis, because as you know, Richard, I do quite a
lot of road work and I'm covering a lot of miles, and I see a lot of roundabouts.
And I think there's a great potential for Smith & Snif to have an official sponsored roundabout.
I have half-heartedly looked into this, and I got as far as finding out it's not as
expensive as you might think.
Yeah, but you never told me how much it was.
I can't remember.
It was sort of, I don't know.
You have cooked, Burt.
Two hundred quid or something.
I honestly can't remember, but it was sort of, it was an amount of money where I went,
I think we could justify that just for a year.
Well, listeners, if you're listening and you think we should sponsor a roundabout or several,
and maybe we could, I don't know, combine them, we could get people to do stuff on social
media and tag us, that's what you're supposed to say.
Oh, no, I beg your pardon.
Look here, Somerset Council, fifteen hundred quid a year.
Mmm, okay.
In Somerset.
But, you know, Bosnus Expans.
Because, of course, everyone just wants us to sponsor that roundabout that you had a poo on.
Yeah, well, hang on, that roundabout's not currently sponsored.
I didn't see a sponsor sign, but I was trampling down some plants.
That's quite a big roundabout, isn't it?
Yeah.
Sponsored roundabouts tend to be sort of small, neat ones.
This is like a big, working roundabout.
This would be good, though, because we could put, yeah, we put four signs on it, you know,
one on each quarter, as it were.
That'd be great.
But is it, I mean, is there a possibility you could just go guerrilla and just put up the...
What sponsor it?
See how long they stayed for.
That's a great idea.
So it looks official when it isn't.
You've claimed Squatter's rights.
Not Squitter's rights, that's something else.
And we should try that.
I love the idea of getting some proper fence posts and signs together,
and I'll just go and knock them all in with a head torch on in the middle of the night.
It's a great idea.
Where is it in Wales, or near Wales?
Yeah, it's just on the border of Wales.
I think it's just into England.
Lots of people leave on us when that story broke, to say I know exactly where it is.
Now, hold on a sec.
What?
Trowbridge in Wiltshire, not that far from here.
First, they've got a proper roundabout sponsorship pack that you could open up from their website.
Really?
Very snazzy.
And one sign on a roundabout in the Trowbridge area costs £475 plus VAT.
OK.
Do you think we could do a deal?
I bet they'd be negotiable.
Well, because you see those roundabouts quite often, let's just say sponsored this roundabout,
and you're like, oh no, it's poor, unloved roundabouts.
But if we had a roundabout that our people appreciated or would make a pilgrimage to,
then it might work for PR rich, as all I'm saying, it might be a good thing for us.
Maybe we could see if there's one we could sponsor in another country to boost the awareness
of Smith and Sniff overseas.
Dear overseas listeners.
I don't know.
Is roundabout sponsorship a thing in other countries?
I feel like I've never really noticed it.
I've never noticed either.
No.
It's like that thing in America where, for some reason, benches are always sponsored by
estate agents, and I've never quite figured out quite a part of that.
If anyone can hear a cat purring, my cat has insisted on sprawling out on my lap while I
record this.
But I was actually going to, there was a bit of pet news from my end of things.
Because this week I had to wake up my tortoises from hibernation.
It's hello and welcome to, it's basically seeing the new year in as far as a tortoise
is concerned.
That's what it is.
Because they've been asleep on New Year's Day.
So they don't know it's 2026.
That's just the way they...
Actually, but really your tortoises work to the Chinese calendar.
Yeah, they're firehorses.
They're not tortoises.
I'm going to call them firehorses from now on.
Every time I look at a tortoise, I'll just shout firehorse and point like some sort of
mad and command kind of phrase.
I miss the tortoise.
They're in the conservatory at the moment.
Because it's not really warm enough to put them outside, but it did go quite mild.
So I realised I'm going to have to build them a new...
Because I moved house.
They've been asleep since I moved house.
Oh.
Huh.
So they don't entirely know that we moved house.
Amazing.
Amazing the wool you can pull over the eyes of a tortoise.
But of course...
Tell me, tortoises have a good sense of smell?
Like what are their senses like generally?
They can smell, yes.
They have a good memory apparently.
They do recognise voices.
Don't know if they entirely know their name, but I think they know the tone of the voice.
A bit like dogs and cats.
So if you say their name in a certain intonation, they will recognise that.
Yeah, they've got a great sense of direction.
And because I want to keep mine outside as much as possible in the new garden,
there's an area that I've cordoned off and I need to build them a new adventure playground.
Regular listeners to this podcast will know that a few years ago where I lived previously,
I made them an adventure playground with a tunnel system, some off-road course.
You know like manufacturers where they have like a skidpan area and an off-road course
to show the prowess of their forward four models.
And they have a fast bowl section, our Belgian parvet.
I did all of that with tortoises.
I just had a weekend where I just became, I just went a bit crazy with the creativity
and just started finding surplus rocks and stones and logs.
It was great, lasted ages.
And other creatures used to come from the fields nearby to enjoy the tortoise garden.
I don't know where this conversation is going.
There isn't really a, there's not a trade-off or anything.
There's not a finale for it.
It's just I woke my tortoises up.
They're all here, they're alive.
I know that sounds strange, but when you wake an animal up from hibernation,
there's always a sense of relief that they're okay because they've been asleep for months.
Imagine if you were asleep for months, it's a big deal to have slept through that.
Well, I'm a firm believer it's something in our house that my wife and I said to her,
it's the oversleep.
As in you can have a bit too much sleep and you feel really groggy.
Oh, yeah.
And you know, so one of us would come downstairs like a weekend when we happened to get up early
and just go, you're right, no, I think I had an oversleep.
Oh, yeah, there's a definite oversleep.
But imagine that over many months.
I think you'd feel, God, you'd need to brush your teeth for a start.
I mean, that would be, you'd feel revolting.
Well, and they don't have teeth, they've just got a beak system.
Oh, yes, of course.
What I've been doing is because you have to, the priority when you wake a tortoise up from hibernation
is to make sure it rehydrates.
That's number one.
And so you give them frequent warm baths several times a day for the first few days.
And that is just, you know, like you put them in a tub of water.
I found an old turkey basting trade that I didn't use over Christmas because I bought a backup one.
So I've just been using warm water in a basting tray.
And you sort of detail the tortoise a little bit, but you encourage them to dip their head under and gulp.
And when you see them drinking, they'll drink for like a minute solid.
Like a 1960s alpha male drinking a yard of ale.
And they just gulp for ages.
And then you clean their shell a bit and then you put them under the heat light.
And then they once are up to working temperature, which can sometimes take half a day.
They might start wanting to eat.
And now I've got to work out.
I need to start growing suitable crops for them because then it's just natural.
And then they can graze as they walk around if you grow stuff that they actually like.
So I might talk to Harry's garage if you want to do a Harry's farm on a small tortoise garden that grows its own organic crops.
There'll come a point where Harry maybe will just, you know, want to sort of retire or semi-retire, sell the farm, thin out the collection of cars.
Yeah.
Just Harry's pet shop.
Oh, yeah.
So much gentler pace.
Oh, hello.
This week I've got some gerbils in.
Harry, Harry's Harry pals.
Harry's Harry's Harry.
Harry.
Harry garage.
Something very different.
Can I completely...
I was going to change the subject just because...
Well, I dare you.
This is quite a serious message.
I assume this is legit.
There is photographic evidence to suggest it is.
It's from a listener.
He doesn't say don't identify me, so I'm going to say Alan is his name because that's what he's put.
Okay.
His email is entitled Johnny's brother nearly killed us.
Oh, gosh.
This email, this is quite a thing.
Yes.
Quite a thing.
Yeah, it really is.
Dear Smith and Sniff and the other Smith, Greg.
I want to tell you a story about how your podcast almost ended our lives.
While traveling to go and view a proton jumbuck that I had my eye on to purchase as a bit of a way...
That would have ended your life just so we know.
That's a hell of a start.
Yes.
I randomly flicked on one of your podcasts and happened to land on the one with Johnny and Greg.
Free Willy.
Oh, no.
That's what it was called, wasn't it?
Yeah, it was.
Yeah.
While enjoying an early morning road trip, minding our business, we were in high spirits when Greg started to talk about free Willy.
And here things took a bit of a downward spiral.
Now, for people who haven't heard that podcast, that was your brother talking about a guy who, I think, left his trousers accident open.
And everything became a bit loose.
He was, yeah, he was in my brother's phone directory as Free Willy, yeah.
Yeah.
So Alan continues, the way in which the story was told had us giggling like a pair of children who'd heard their first naughty word.
And at the point where Greg said about, see his knob, we could no longer control ourselves.
Bearing in mind, we're both in our mid 40s.
But we were laughing so much that my friend who was driving said, I can't see his eyes were streaming with such tears of laughter.
We tried to compose ourselves, but we just couldn't.
And each of us giggling just made the other worse.
We tried to find a place to stop, but I'm not entirely sure what happened because at that point, the car just lost control and resulted in what you see in these pictures.
And what I see in these pictures is a blue BMW 3 Series, it's an E92.
And it's wrecked.
It's had an accident.
It's nothing short of wrecked.
Everything is, the back is all mashed in.
I assume it went backwards into a barrier, but then it's obviously scraped the side as well.
It's lost the passenger side front wheel and headlights has gone.
The bumper's obviously been pulled off a bit as well.
That is a properly frigged car.
Yeah.
And Alan is suggesting that this is entirely because, I presume it's his friend's car, but his friend and him lost their minds listening to your brother talking about a man whose penis fell out of his trousers.
Just to be clear, Alan says, thankfully we were okay and no one else was involved.
I'm really glad about that.
Despite what had happened, we still couldn't help but break out in fits of laughter while looking at a very damaged car.
Really? They were still laughing after that crash?
I know. I wouldn't have found that so funny because it's properly screwed.
I don't know whether it's a good advert for our podcast.
I'm not sure either.
Hey, these guys listened to an episode where Johnny's brother talked about a recovery driver who had done ill-fitting trousers and then, guess what, we had a massive crash.
But it was that funny.
I read this email twice when it came in because I couldn't tell if it was all a joke and it was, like, details like going to view a proton jumbuck almost sounds like something you'd make up but then it also sounds like something you'd never think of making up because it's so weird.
Like, who wants a proton jumbuck?
Well, they are rubbish, aren't they? They are rubbish.
They're the poor man's Skoda Felicia fun.
Yeah.
They are quite bad.
I do know that.
Also, the mysterious detail, I'm not entirely sure what happened but at this point the car just lost control.
Yes.
I try to slightly pass the blame on to the BMW and really, I don't think it was that.
Unless the tyre burst but you think you would sort of know that, wouldn't you?
Yeah, Alan, I'm glad you're okay and your friend and thanks for telling us that Johnny's brother almost killed you.
Yeah.
I don't know whether that means Greg should come back.
He is game for coming back.
I'd like him to come back with you.
Yeah, well, we should try and work out how to do that.
Yeah.
I mean, with a disclaimer that if you're driving to go and buy a proton jumbuck you might need to pull over during some of Greg's anecdotes.
I'd quite like someone to be on a track date with earphones on and listening to that and see if it affects their track times, their lap times.
That'd be good, wouldn't it?
Since I'm in the inbox as well, there's a message came in after we were talking about secondhand cars in America and why they're not as cheap as they are here.
Yes.
And some American listeners had already been in touch a few months ago and given us some very plausible reasons for why that might be the case.
But we've had an email from a listener called Jeffrey who is in the US.
He says, hello, you pair of discount brand pound shop flutes.
Euro spec yank here, daily driving a mini.
I'd like to clear up a couple of misconceptions regarding your recent discussion on why used cars in America are so expensive.
Ah, okay.
The biggest misconception being the cash for clunkers government initiative, which frequently gets blamed for removing all the cheap used cars from the market.
The fact is cash for clunkers lasted all of two months way back in 2009.
Is that all?
It's inconceivable that a short lived program from 17 years ago is solely responsible for eliminating all the cheap used cars in America.
It's nothing but an excuse trotted out by people who for the most part by some sort of anti government grudge.
But there are a couple of contributing factors which haven't been mentioned.
For starters, the scandalously exorbitant prices of new cars have forced many former new car buyers into the used car market.
Well now, I mean, define exorbitant because new cars still seem pretty cheap in America compared to here, I would say.
But I guess they've probably gone up relatively more than they have here.
I don't know.
This increased demand for used cars has caused prices to rise.
Add to this the fact that real wages in the US haven't risen in decades means everyone is skint and can no longer afford to buy new.
We also consider that many bangers on their last legs deemed uneconomical to repair in the US,
especially in the southern border states get sent down to Mexico and Central America,
where they're patched together and kept running beyond their expected service.
This has the effect of hollowing out the very bottom of the used car market.
When I began driving 40 years ago, you could buy a serviceable car for $500.
In fact, I did, paying exactly that for a Mark 1 car.
Today, the rock bottom price for a running and driving car that you could reasonably expect to get you to work is more like $5,000.
Wow.
Were it not for the ban on imports less than 25 years old, I would be importing my next car from the UK.
Perhaps I need to consider emigrating any openings for a car mad Euro spec yank at Smith and Sniff Towers.
We could have an unofficial American correspondent, absolutely, and if you wanted anything over 25 years old shipping over,
I can put you in touch with people if you want to and share your adventures.
Well, yes.
No, be careful, though, because last year, I can't remember, there was a listener.
I'll never find this now, who was very persistently trying to get us to get him a Lancia Thamer 832 to send to the US.
That's right.
And I had to say, look, we're not a car import business.
We're a really quite shoddy podcast.
No, but we're both friends with a chap who listens to this podcast called Walter,
who's a well connected individual and an Alpha and other Italian brand enthusiast.
He also buys and sells a lot of cars and connects people, should we say, in the modern world.
I'm sure if you're still looking for a car like an 832, Walter Jaman, we can put you in touch with Walter.
Talking of which, talking of Italian cars, by the way, did you hear the news that this week,
Alfa Romeo revealed that they're going to put the Quadrifoglio, Giulia and Stelvio back on sale?
Yes, and I'll be honest, I didn't know they'd gone off sale.
I knew it was imminent, but it was one of those weird ones where it's like someone comes into your house and goes,
good news, I've fixed your broken sink.
What broken sink? Oh, I broke your sink, but I fixed it, it's okay.
I had no idea, but yes, they're back, aren't they?
They're back.
Quadrifoglios.
Yeah, which I kind of, well, you know, we're not going to talk anymore about Quadrifoglio love,
because there's a lot of it, but it's great to find.
Yeah, they've extended the life cycle of those V6 turbo flagship cars until 2027.
So if you want to order one again, or just order one, you bloody can, okay?
Order one again?
It's like...
That's true.
They were quietly taking out of production in September 2025,
but they're going to start going down the line again in Casino, Italy from April 2026, according to AutoCar.
And we always say hi to AutoCar because they have a good podcast too, with Captain Steve Cropley and Matt Pryor.
Sweet, sweet guys.
I've paid to access their digital archive.
Oh gosh, and your trousers around your ankles.
Goodness me.
Yeah, there's so many treasures in there.
I've already...
I started just picking a random issue.
And the thing is, if you go back to like the 70s and beyond is sort of prior to that, particularly,
AutoCar was very dry.
Yeah.
Like there's a period where it starts with the sort of the listings that are usually at the back.
They're just, you know, the prices and basic stats about the cars.
And that's the first thing you see with you open the magazine.
Like, oh, that's not selling things to me, but I suppose just it was a different time.
But yeah, I've just randomly looked at issues from the 70s and 80s and without fail,
I'll immediately find something quite good for a boring, cartrivia book.
There's so much in there and so much from the past that you forget about.
It's a fantastic resource.
It is.
Of promoting other people's businesses now, but there we go.
It is.
It's so good.
I feel like it's worth mentioning.
Well, you know, there's a couple of podcasts that in this sphere, as you call it,
they're doing a good thing and it's nice that we can all exist in the space.
The thing is, I don't think there's any other car podcast that would talk about,
I don't know, soiled motorway services trousers and things like that.
So I think we've got the market covered for firehorses.
I don't know.
I feel like Will and Edwin might touch on that.
But on the cream podcast, again, shout out to them because they're great.
But yes, I would say that, for example, our friends, Dan and Andrew at the intercougler,
don't really talk about soiled trousers very much.
No, I don't think they do.
Do you think they've talked about K car demon hunters?
No, again, I think that's the thing.
They stick to being properly knowledgeable about cars.
And they're all a good bunch of guys.
What I would say is I've discovered something which I think triggers me more than people saying literally.
And it's been going on for a while now, but I've bitten my lip over it.
It's manufacturers doing incredibly lame special editions called Black Edition.
Oh, yes.
And it's got to stop.
It's shit.
It's got to stop because it's not good enough.
There's not enough creativity and the cars aren't special.
They're always black.
Yes, I get that.
It's a black edition, but it has like embossed headrests, which just says black edition when
you could have otherwise already bought that car in black.
You were always allowed to buy that car in black, it seems.
But suddenly you're being told to make a B line for the fact this one's the black edition.
So it must be good.
Oh my gosh.
You know, Honda have done it.
Toyota have done it, I think.
Ford didn't appalling one of the Focus Black ages ago.
It's so crap.
It's got to end.
Can we not have more?
Is that how lean the creativity has got in the PR and design studios of car companies right now?
It's just the only thing that annoys me more than that is when someone buys an AMG black
series that's not black, I just can't bear it.
Cannot bear it.
Isn't this like in the early 80s, I think.
Fiat did a special edition 126 called the 126 Brown.
Yes, they did.
They did a Brown, which is just a terrible idea.
I believe that some 126 Brown editions weren't actually Brown.
No, like what's going on?
I know.
But black, I get it.
Because you could have a black edition car, maybe in white or blue or something like that,
because it refers to the shiny bits on the outside of the trim or blacked in and all the interiors,
black leather or whatever.
Yeah.
But the Brown edition, don't worry.
All the normally chrome bits are Brown.
It's a less appealing prospect, I think.
You say that though, but you know this, we've talked about the enthusiasm for green and tan coming back.
Well, obviously tan is Brown.
And so I could see a certain genre of car working with Brown.
So, OK, imagine if you had an Audi all-road.
I talk about them a lot, the first-gen ones.
Imagine it was forest green, but all the plastics were dark Brown, not black or gray.
That would look good, wouldn't it?
Or would it look awful?
I don't.
I mean, I'm going to reserve judgments on that because Brown is, I'm a big fan of Brown things.
But on the sort of case-by-case basis, e.g. a Brown dog, great.
Yes.
A Brown mark on a cream sofa, not good.
So I would say that Brown can look really good on a car interior, but can also look deeply awful
and quite sort of dated in a way that's not good.
OK.
Yeah, I'm trying to think.
Because I have been Brown in series on cars that look terrific.
Yeah.
Of course, we're quite a fan of Brown paint on a car.
Macadamia on a Porsche is one of your favourite things.
Yeah, absolutely.
If I could find a 997 in Macadamia that was base model, Carrera, not a turbo or anything like that,
that's one of the dreams for me.
One of the dreams.
One of the dreams.
One of them.
Put it in a dream drawer along with all the others.
Oh, I've got a Draw Full of Dreams, Rich.
I think we all need that.
Well, does that sound like a sort of 80s kind of ballad-y song?
It's a Pro Grock album, surely.
Or is it 90s?
Is it like, oh, yeah, do you remember her?
Yeah, she was called like Amy Solantro and she just had one hit, but it went to number two
and it was everywhere in summer 96.
Draw Full of Dreams.
Draw Full of Dreams.
Yeah, Draw Full of Dreams.
Just for my own amusement, I've just put in a car search where the only criteria is brown.
Oh, have you?
That's a great idea.
The cheapest brown car that you can get.
And it seems that people's idea of brown is not entirely, but actually, I think this is brown.
It's a very deep brown.
This is the current cheapest car here.
It is a Peugeot 308 CC, so it is a wretched and horrible car and it spares and repairs.
That's going to be grim, isn't it?
But it's £695.
There's actually another one for £800, which appears to work.
Yeah, this car is reliable and a good runner.
The roof works as it should.
I mean, that's the tough bit, isn't it, with those CC-type cars?
If the roof doesn't work, that's it.
You don't have a convertible.
Yeah, completely.
Or you permanently have a convertible either way.
Yeah, which nobody wants.
I was at Race Retro last week, an indoor show, thankfully at this time of year, which I really enjoyed.
I was there as a guest of a sponsor of both this channel and The Late Brake Show, Duramatt Flooring.
And when I went for a little walk around the stands, there were some great race cars there.
There was a whole selection of Martini liveried cars, like all in a line, including a Jaguar Jaguar XJ220, which was sweet.
But there was a wide-body Capri race car, like a German touring car.
And it reminded me that you can buy a brand new Zac Speed Capri, albeit one-tenth scale, in radio control.
Because Tamiya, the radio control and scale model people, they've just re-released their Zac Speed Capri one-tenth radio control model.
They have, though.
Yeah, they have.
So it's interesting that what would have been seen as a very niche car for a long time, unless it was in period, when it was new.
That has come back.
And I think that speaks volumes for the sort of race cars which people are into, again, or maybe a certain demographic.
And Tamiya also is celebrating the 50th anniversary of its very first radio control car.
So in 1976, they launched what became a mass production radio control model.
Because before that, they just made plastic model kits.
And this is the Porsche 934 race car.
And I think it was a valent boiler livery, which is really nice.
Really?
Yeah, valent boiler livery, which is like the valent logo is a rabbit, I think.
And then it was like a turquoise green car with orange and red and yellow go faster stripes, both along the top and the sides.
It looks mega.
And they're bringing it back.
It was based on a real 934 race car run by Kramer Racing.
I don't want to get, oh, everything would bury the old days because I'm a bit sick of middle-aged men on podcasts doing that.
But I do sort of miss racing car sponsorship by stoutly functional things like boilers.
Oh, completely.
Completely.
I don't know.
Shoes.
Yeah, BSF, basically cassette tapes and video tapes.
Exactly.
One of the coolest looking liveries.
I want a racing car that's sponsored by Clark's shoes and Bisto.
Grave it.
And someone who makes scissors.
That's the kind of, you know, just stuff you actually want to buy and you need.
Yeah, too much race car sponsorship now, particularly at the higher levels, is abstract shit.
You have no idea what they do, but seemingly they have billions of pounds and they probably control every aspect of our lives.
You just don't realise it.
But they're all called like sort of zycon solution systems.
Yeah.
Yeah, what the fuck do they do?
Oh, didn't you realise they're Singapore's leading provider?
It's like logistic software that only about four companies care about.
I'm not interested in that.
Yes, it is.
There's a lot of that, isn't there?
I want a dishwasher or a Bryant and May matches.
I want a really amazing livery.
Exactly.
Brighton may be perfect.
Hot points.
Russell Hobbs.
All your stout kitchen classics.
I want them on the racing car.
I don't want some company called Obnion.
And you go, what do you do?
And they go, we don't actually know.
But we advertise a lot in airports as well for some reason.
There's a lot of that in Formula One now.
Because if you think a lot of the sponsors in Formula One, you knew who they were and
what they were about because they were household globally recognised.
Yeah.
Now it's not quite like that, is it?
Everyone often, if the sponsor pays enough, they become part of the team name, don't they?
So it's always like Mercedes Petronas, AMG, whatever in whatever order it is.
OMG, AMG.
Yeah.
I would absolutely love it.
If it just went, OK, and I'm going to take his first qualifying lap is Fernando Alonso
in the Marmite Aston Martin boots the chemist.
Do you know what?
Marmite would be perfect because it's almost the same blimmin' color scheme as Smith & Sniff.
We should do a Marmite sponsored Smith & Sniff race car series.
That'd be great.
And in fairness, I think this podcast, some people really, really like it and some people
think it's absolutely disgusting shit.
So it's quite on brand for us to be sponsored by Marmite.
Come on, Marmite.
Or Timote in Marmite.
Your hand in your pocket.
We both like Marmite, don't we?
So we'll sing its praises.
My fricking loved one.
Yeah.
Absolutely sincerely.
I had some Marmite yesterday.
I had a little bit this morning.
And Marmite's also quite nice if you've got a hangover.
It's very salty.
We're now actually promoting Marmite without the pay.
It feels like we haven't understood the rules of buzzness.
But if you prefer not to sponsor us, because in fact, you're going to become the cycle
sponsor for the Ferrari Formula One team, then Marmite, you crack on.
That'd be great.
We'd also accept Branst and Pickle as a sponsor for one of the top flight racing teams.
So yeah, they've also brought back a couple of other old Tamiya models, which are quite
cool, like the Mercedes 190 EVO and BMW E92, a DTM car, M3, the Mini and non-radio control.
The Volkswagen Schwimwagen Type 166.
Oh, I didn't expect them to do that.
Yeah, but it's not radio control.
And one thing I'd really like is I'd like a Volkswagen Schwimwagen Type 166 that's an RC
and amphibious.
And I'm sure some amazingly talented nerd out there has made an amphibious radio control car.
So maybe, yeah, but I don't think I've got the talent or time to create that.
No, no.
But someone will.
I bet they have.
They do.
Someone's made a full Lego diorama of the Top Gear studio.
Did you see this the other week or a couple of weeks ago?
No.
It's the attention to detail.
This is fantastic.
Anyway.
Diorama.
We probably outstayed our welcome and we should wrap things up.
But before we go, I have three things I would like to share with you.
The first is that Johnny's engaged in a slightly unusual project to force the former lead singer
of Merillion to dress in very stylish clothes as if he lives in the Bronx in the 1970s under
the working title Fly Fish.
If that's not to your taste.
Or maybe Super Fly Fish.
I don't know.
Super Fly Fish.
I should have thought of that.
The late break show, of course, is out there with lots of excellent videos.
What's new there?
Well, autumn last year I was in Malta and I went to the Malta classic event, which is
like a four day hill climb concourse and street race.
And I've logged as much of it as I possibly could.
So we've edited that together and that is an episode which goes out.
So it sort of tries to encompass Malta's car culture, which is fantastic.
And yeah, this kind of mashup of what is like a bit of a London concourse meets a hill climb,
like a Prescott hill climb meets a scaled down version of the members meeting at Goodwood
type of thing.
But all in Malta with the sun shining.
Always helps.
Good so.
That's worth checking out the late break show.
Also lots of other things on there for your delight.
Second thing I want to say to you is that our live show this week in aid of Mission Motorsports
at the Great British Car Journey is sold out now, I'm afraid.
So we'll see some of you there and our show at Beauty next month also sold out.
Well, thank you.
Stay tuned though for news of our next live show should be happening in May and can't
say too much about where it's going to be.
But Belfast.
And the third thing that.
You sly fox.
You're an absolute fire horse of a man.
You are.
The third thing I would say is actually a great bit of trivia that came in from listener
called Ross, who was at our Glasgow show.
And he said he's been reading Future Boy, the autobiography of Michael J. Fox, in which
he talks about filming family ties during the day and then doing back to the future
at night.
And apparently Ross says he talks about the struggles of getting to the set in the morning
and having to rely on buses and reveals that Meredith Baxter would sometimes pick him up
in her yellow Mercedes sedan until he could afford a car after getting paid for the first
season of family ties.
And the car that he bought was a prelude.
Did he?
Yeah.
Michael J. Fox's.
Was that first?
First treats himself.
Would that have been a second gen?
Would have been second gen, maybe.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Oh, wait, though, would it?
Maybe it was.
Maybe just.
Because when was that?
That would have been 1984.
Maybe it was first gen.
I feel like a pop-up headlight would have been his bag.
Oh, totally.
Maybe not.
I don't know, Rich.
Well, anyway.
I don't know.
I just don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Anyway.
I don't know.
Right.
Well, there we go.
Thank you for that, Ross.
That's a great bit of info.
And that's it for this episode.
Looking forward to seeing some of you.
Our very special live event for Mission Motorsports at Great British Car Journey on Thursday.
It promises to be a great deal of fun or near offer.
And we'll be back on Friday with a Q&A show and a regular show on Monday.
Until then, goodbye.
Thank you.
Bye.
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