Marina door handle wardrobe

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Do you know, I wanted to talk about the breathing pork pie.

By that, of course, I mean DJ Khaled. He was in the news quite recently, and thanks to everybody

or not, who DM'd relentlessly on our Instagram account to say that, did you know DJ Khaled

has actually got a good car taste? He got gifted an E30M3 for his 50th birthday by Jay Z,

or Jason Z, depending on Jason Z. But hang on, doesn't that just mean that Jay Z has good car

taste? Actually, yeah. I think we sort of knew, and Khaled is still a fuckwit, who's probably going

to just crash it into a golf course lake or something. So what you're saying is,

what you're saying is, is DJ Khaled doesn't actually know how special this car is,

he just thinks it's an old red BMW. Probably, yeah. Yeah, he keeps calling it a 3M,

very noisily, in restaurants, and nobody knows what the fuck he's on about.

Like the specialist tape and paints that you get. Yes, exactly. It's not the German chemical

conglomerate or something. I think Jay Z's into cars, isn't he? I think Jay Z, yeah. There's that

famous picture that sometimes does the rounds online of him at the wheel of a Merck 190 in London.

Oh, we've talked about that in the 90s, I guess. Yeah, we've talked about that at least twice on

this podcast over the years. I presume you just borrowed that, but I just, this feels like Jay Z

has gone through a lot of trouble to find a thoughtful and actually, a gift that a lot of

people really like. Yeah. But Khaled is going to just do something officially stupid with it,

like get jammed in the backseat as it rolls away down a hill. No, he has to cut his way out with

a spoon. And he ruins his own M3 within 24 hours. So yeah, according, it was his 50th birthday in

Miami at the beginning of December. I'm reading this from Yahoo's Entertainment page. And Jay Z

brought some unexpected moment of nostalgia when he surprised him with the E30M3 in red,

a homage to his earliest years chasing success. The gift came from a longtime friend, Lenny S,

presented on behalf of both himself and Jay Z, and it immediately transported the producer back

to the days before mansions and private jets. But they could have just bought him a ratty old 318.

What, and just told him that it was an M3? What told him, yes. I do like the fact, though,

that Jay Z, who, you know, has got a few quid. Yes, I think he has. Still did that thing where he

went, do you want to go splits on a present for DJ Khaled? Because I don't want to spend a load on

him, you know. Oh, it says here, Khaled, Khaled once fitted his original M3 with an upgraded audio

system, a mod that ended in the car catching fire. Despite the setback, despite the setback,

the memory of that first major automotive purchase stayed with him, which made the surprise unveiling

even more meaningful. Well, there we go. So, but I mean, I worry that DJ Khaled fitted the audio

himself, which is why the car caught fire. Have we this other footage of DJ Khaled falling off

segues and golf carts and things like that? Yes. It's sort of starting to think that actually

he is the Frank Spencer of the music industry. He's just forever falling over or getting into

scrapes, like setting fire to his own car with a stereo. But, you know, hey, happy birthday,

DJ Khaled. He's the best music. Yes. So, so there. But anyway, well, you know, yes,

we can we can snipe at DJ Khaled all we want. But actually, he's only a little bit younger than me.

And he lives in an enormous white mansion in Miami, I think. And I don't. So who's laughing now?

And he got given an M3. I was going to, I'm Jay-Z. And that's never happened to me as yet.

I was going to say, I thought you were going to say, for your 50th, why didn't I buy you an M3?

I'm sorry that I didn't, Rich. I'm really sorry about that. For my 50th, Jay-Z just

got boots vouchers. Do you know what? I had a lot of downtime over Christmas.

Downtime Abbey. Yeah. And I hung out at my own crib if we're going to talk like Jay-Z,

my or Khaled. And so I did a lot of entertaining in my house and it was full of people and food and

jovial behavior. But I was tooling around and being clear over Christmas that

hashtag definitely gifted or lent to me, thanks Bentley. And what do you know I loved about it?

This is the thing. Flying spur plug-in hybrid, Mulliner. Absolute talkhouse of a thing.

Devastatingly quick, like really shockingly quick actually.

And it was an absolute talkhouse. But the thing that I noticed more so than the way that it was

pretty nimble, surprisingly nimble around back roads and it was bloody quick, the thing that I

really noticed about this car being a saloon is that it has such presence that is seldom seen

these days. And the way people behaved around me when I was driving it around town and on the motorway

was very, very, very unusual. When I was going around town, people let me out and I had a few

appreciating nods and it was a very different story to how people have behaved. Well, because the

thing is in our job, you know, we get to borrow a lot of cars that we couldn't possibly afford.

So you're almost cosplaying for a week or two with these sorts of things and nobody knows that

you don't own them. So yeah, the way people treated me in the Big B was very, very interesting.

And I was pleased. And I wonder whether it's because although it's clearly an expensive car

and a large car and it has presence, it doesn't wreak too much of pretension because it's not

sort of trying to lord it over people. And I definitely wasn't driving it aggressively. And

in round town, it goes into EV mode only, unless you press a sport button. So I don't know, there

was just something, there was some kind of trad class about it. I don't know about old money.

My kids would say old money. But I just really enjoyed it. And I thought to myself, damn,

why, why aren't there more of these sorts of things? You know, the real, the really classy

money on high end cars should go into these sorts of things, I believe. I really do, you know,

like, if I was driving around in a Eurus, I wouldn't be treated like that. And actually,

if I was driving around in a Bentayga or an SVR range, I wouldn't be treated like that, I don't

think. So that's what fascinated me first and foremost. But also, the fact is four wheel steer

and damn fast and it snowed around just after Christmas. And can I just say, it was flipping

amazing in the snow. It was really, really good. So anyone going, Oh, I don't worry, I'll come and

help you in the in the Land Rover if you if you get stuck. It's like I didn't get stuck. I absolutely

trounced everything in my in my three box saloon. Thank you. 771 horsepower, Richard.

That's a lot. Yes. It's a lot, isn't it? It's a lot. Yes. It weighs 16 tons, but it's still fast.

The 0-60 time is 12.7 seconds. It's quick. It's quick. I haven't driven those new

new ish hybrids flying spur, but I did. The last time I drove flying spur was the last of the W12

ones. You remember, they did a sort of special edition. Yeah, I'm sure they called it something

different, but it was basically a special edition to celebrate the end of W12 engine production.

And was it called basically a special edition? I would have liked it if it was called that.

The flying spur splash and it comes with a standard tilt slide sunroof. The experience I had was

similar in that you feel like people don't seem to regard you as in other drivers,

particularly don't seem to regard you as a knob. No. When you're driving it. No. And I think I've had

that similar ilk of car. I think the last time I had that kind of treatment, I was in an Aston

Martin Rapide. So again, it's like, yes, it's clearly an expensive prestige car, but I don't know.

Yeah, there's something about it. We're in Britain. I'm only talking about Britain,

because the British people react very differently to Americans and Europeans. But

yeah, people really liked the Aston Rapide. And you did kind of get an appreciating nod of like,

clearly, I know you've got some money, but I'm okay with that. And that's what I got with this

plug-in flying spur Bentley, with its lovely illuminating little flying B on the front. It's

great. Because I had it, and this really surprised me. Many years ago, I borrowed an Aston V12

Vantage, the original one, one of my favorite Aston's, probably actually my favorite Aston

of all time. And the one that I borrowed was bright orange. And I thought...

That's the one I borrowed.

Yeah, it was fabulous. And it was.

But I thought when I picked it up, I was like, oh, people are gonna think I'm a dick in this car,

but no. And I wonder if driving it in this country, because it's British, that people sort of,

and recognizably so, everybody knows that Aston is a British company, but not strictly sort of

British-owned, same with Bentley. So it was a sort of slight

knot of patriotism in everybody's core that makes them look more favorably on it. And if it had

been a bright orange 911 or a bright orange Ferrari or Lamborghini, then perhaps that wouldn't

have been there. Well, I didn't want to go big on the patriotism. So I just wore my Union Jack

Blazer, but I didn't wear the Union Jack trousers, or the trousers made of beer towels that were

only British beer brands, like John Smith's and Theakston's. So I played it down.

Boddington's.

Yeah, I played it right down.

Very classy of you. So the Union Flagbola hat, not...

No, not while I was in the car.

And but you know, I have to say, yeah, it was a very, very pleasant experience, but crucially,

much more of a driver's car than I would have expected. And I have driven previous iterations

of it, but it was just a reminder of like, wow, this is a huge car that is strangely nimble,

easy to park because of the four-wheel steering and stuff. And I can drive, I don't know, 40

something miles electric only if I wanted. And yeah, with 730-something pounds feet of torque,

and that was the real thing that you do notice. By Jove, Richard, you notice it.

By Jove is the term you definitely use when you're driving that car, when you're hustling it.

Yeah, that feels like a quite a bently sort of word.

Well, that's what the big B on the front stands for, actually. By Jove, you have to

say with a big capital B. It's by Jove. It is by Jove. Yeah, it is by Jove.

I saw pictures of that car you bought there, and I did think it's interesting that people

still seem to like it from what you're saying, because I thought that the spec, as in the trim

spec, was a bit, it wasn't ostentatious because it was dark blue, wasn't it? But then it had,

it was two-tone. It was two-tone, which is not everyone's taste. And the revised grill is not

actually to my taste particularly, but everything else. You know, the dual-like headlights are

really special. It's still got that silhouette with a haunch at the back, which Bentley have

kept for a good while now. Is that new grill got sort of like a Pringle jumper pattern on it?

Yeah, it does. Yes, it does. It looks like, who was that, who was that chat show guy that used

to wear bad jumpers? Was it Parkinson's? Did he wear bad jumpers or was he a suit guy?

Dez O'Connor, maybe? Oh, yeah, it was. It was Dez O'Connor. It was Dez O'Connor. His sort of

jumper, but made into a metallicky plastic grill. Yeah, the grill doesn't quite work for me, but

as a whole, the car most definitely does. And it has quite, my mum got in it because I had my folks

for the week over Christmas. And my mum said, I love the buttons and the flatness of the centre

console. I don't know why she said that, because it has that flat deck, quite wide centre console,

with the traditional gear shifter, big thing with the B in the top. And it has a lot of buttons,

almost in like a Lexus-y way of where the Japanese do love a button for everything. This has all of

that. And the size of the screen was quite small. Almost early mid-2000s, but the tech wasn't

early mid-2000s. The tech was up to date, but it was good because again, it was quite discreet,

quite classy. It wasn't just massive screens all around in the way that Merck are doing things

right now. I really, really, really enjoyed myself. And it was great. I suppose the only downside was

the fact that I very nearly got smashed into at high speed on New Year's Day by someone who,

I'm going to say, was probably drink driving in a Range Rover, can we run a blind corner

on some back roads? Yeah, I've never seen somebody not just leave the road because they

swerved to avoid me, but then they went into the other ditch on the other side of the road and then

back to the left hand side ditch. And then it was a tank slapper of, I actually had stopped by this

point and was looking in my mirrors because my heart was in my mouth because I thought they

were definitely going to have collided with me. Then I was picking up my daughter who'd just done

some, I think it might have been her first New Year's Eve drinking. So I had to do quite a lot

of stops on the way home from this house party to rub the back of my 16-year-old daughter who

was chundering a little bit, thankfully not in the bin. Oh no. Yeah, it was. It was the right of

passage New Year's Eve house party. Okay, you can have a few drinks, but just be careful.

Here's some copperberg. And yeah, definitely a little bit of bird-showering on the way home.

But yeah, on the way to get her from the house party, yeah, this Range Rover came around the

corner so damn fast. You don't really think this is going to be a crush. I just want to see how

severe it will be. And this driver who didn't stop, they kept their toe in,

they used all of both verges. There were big trenches in the wedge.

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Geez, over Christmas, lots of conversations with my brother, some meaningful, some very much not.

He said to me, he said to me, do you remember? Because I said to him, I said,

do you remember when car badges like meant something? Because car badges don't mean much

anymore. And I know we've talked about this on the podcast and between us, just on what's happened

things. And I said, yeah, do you remember like TC? And I said, it meant twink carb, didn't it?

And he went, yeah, but it could also mean total cock, depending on who's driving the car. I thought,

I thought, yeah, TC, it could be either of those two things. And let's bring back more of those

badges. I like those. There's not enough of TC on a car I was associated with the Morris Marina.

Yeah, but a high spec one. Yes. But then generally, I would associate TC with Topcat,

the popular smart ass Cartoon character. Of course, Hannah Barbera cartoon.

Yeah, his mates always called him TC, didn't they say?

But maybe Topcat was a double carb guy. Maybe he strictly, he would only drive a car with

several throats. Otherwise, he's out. He's like, no, not interested. And he was forever having

issues with his, as Americans would say, what European import car or whatever it would be,

because the carb letters were not quite working correctly. I feel like I don't remember much

about Topcat except that, you know, he was a bit of a wisecracking. He lived in a bin,

didn't he? Would he just nick cars rather than actually... Oh, because he was a bit of a kind

of Oliver Twist kind of Fagans, naughty children, bit of a street rat, wasn't he, for one of a

better term? But with... Well, that's it. I can't remember how much of a criminal Topcat actually

was. I assume not much because it was a kids show, but... I think he was a smiling crim. He's one of

those ones where he's a lovable rogue. Yeah, he's never going to hide it. He's a crim. He's never

going to hide it, but he does it with swagger. No guns. Weirdly, a Topcat wasn't called Topcat here,

was it? It was called Bosscat, except everybody knew it was called Topcat because the character was

called Topcat and the theme tune said Topcat. But I think there was something... Is that true?

It was called Bosscat? Yeah, Bosscat because at the time that the BBC bought it, it's a show over

here. There was a cat food called Topcat and so, you know, it being the BBC, they were like,

oh, God, we can't be seen to be apparently promoting a commercial product. So they just

renamed the show Bosscat. So in the listings, it said Bosscat, but then everything else about the

show just sort of had a crudely added title card that said Bosscat on it in tip X. And that was it.

I can't believe that. Bosscat? No, it doesn't say that. I'd never... I had never clocked

because I remember the Topcat theme tune, leader of the gang. Well, I sort of vaguely remember

as a kid, it's been a bit confusing. You're going, why does it say Bosscat? Well, it's clearly not

that. So that it never mentions that he's called Bosscat during the show because he's called Topcat

because then he'd be BC, wouldn't he? Which isn't as good. No, but Bosscat, he could be a not so

secret Mustang loyalist. So he only goes for the best iteration of the Mustangs. And actually,

the Boss 302, the latest, the last iteration of that car, which how long ago was that now, pre

19... 2019? Was it something like that? That the Boss 302 came out? Because I know our friend Pat

Devereux, he bought one, I think, and said it was one of the coolest things he'd ever driven.

And I've never driven it. One of those very late Boss 302 Stangs. And I would love to have

a go at one of those because it sounded like it was like a very high point in the Mustang bloodline.

The Mustang bloodline. And I... I don't think Pat still hasn't got that car,

has he? I don't know, he seems to have chopped cars. I don't know. That's the only man I know who

bought a Boxster because he was bored in a Porsche dealership waiting for one of his mates to do a

test drive. Really? He's such a baller. I was in the US and he said, should we go out? Yeah,

he went, I'll come and pick you up. I was just staying in a hotel. He pulled up in a brand

new Boxster. I was like, what's going on here? He went, well, the other day, because it's that

American thing, because he lives in the US. He dealerships, even Porsche ones,

you know, they have a certain amount of inventory. And of course, towards the end of the month,

they need to get it shifted. Yeah. So yeah, he took it because one of his mates wanted to buy,

I think, a 911, but didn't really know much about cars. He's just a rich guy. And he said,

oh, you know about cars, come with me. I'm a rich guy. I don't know anything about cars. You

come with me. But I am rich. I don't know anything. I come with you because I'm rich.

Yeah. He didn't want to cram into the back of the demo car. So he just went, I'll wait here. So

he's sitting there on the sofas in the Porsche showroom in Los Angeles and having a coffee.

And another salesman came over and was like, can I help you, sir? He's like, no, I'm just waiting

for a friend. Could I interest you in, if you consider the Porsche in your life, kind of

given the whole spiel and perhaps like, no, no, no. No, I've driven them all. This guy gave

him the thought, what could I say to get you into a car today? And perhaps like, well, you could

give me a substantial discount. And the guy was like, well, we might be able to do that. And so,

yeah, they had some boxes needed shifting. So it was slightly sort of LA spec because it was white,

I think, with a PDK. But yeah, he chopped in his FJ Cruiser for it. Oh, did he? Just on the spur of

the moment. Well, it's an American car sales thing where they go, what would it take for me to get

you to drive away in that car right now? Oh, my gosh. And that's the speed of the transaction.

It's not like, and then you can come back and get it next week. It's like, if we shake on this,

you're going home in that box to make. Well, it's not entirely relevant,

slightly segue of conversation. But so I didn't, I'm not as much of a baller as Pat Devereux.

But over Christmas, I didn't do any drink buying. I did some sugar-induced retail,

I think. I couldn't sleep much because there was so much sweet and rich food being consumed

because Christmas, I would climb into bed, even in the early hours. And my eyes would be wider

than a sort of cartoon beaver. I would just be sitting there going, yeah, I'm absolutely fine.

The worst thing was is I knew that I was going to be tired in the morning, but it didn't make

any difference. So I had this moment. I don't know if I told you this or not. I can't remember.

But I, I've convinced myself that the wardrobes in my bedroom that are like a bit broken, they're

built in, but they're a bit broken. I'm going to have them redored and kind of reengineered

with some fresh carpentry. And I've become fixated with Marina door handles. I want to use them

inside the house because they're quite flush. So you don't catch, you don't catch

like your groin on the door handle as you're walking through a room or anything.

So I'm going to, yes, I spoke to my brother's mate who's a really good carpenter and he went,

oh yeah, that'd be great. Just get a couple and I'll let them in and we'll choose a position.

So whatever time in the morning, having had, I don't know, 16 kilos of quality streets,

I bought, I found two new old stock Marina door handles. Other cars are available.

No, I did. And I bought them. I've got, they still come in the Leyland boxes. I bought them.

Someone won't be able to get into their lotuses spring because of you.

I knew you'd say this. I knew you'd say this. I don't need brand new ones. And if so,

anyone's got any like good condition used ones, I'm willing to part tax, but yeah.

I've never looked into this or checked part numbers and things, but I was told by someone

who's generally quite well informed that actually there are different versions of those handles.

And the ones used on four door Range Rovers and I think they're claimed on is sprees and things

as well. They're actually slightly better quality as in there a bit stronger because they are,

they could be prone to snapping off over under heavy use, those handles supposedly.

I don't think you getting into your wardrobe every day is going to actually over stress them

because I'd imagine it's partly because of the design. They encourage you to pull the door open,

just still hanging onto the handle, don't they? So, well, look, maybe it's that.

Well, guys, look, listen, here it is. Here's the saga. I'm using the wardrobe of my bedroom as the

prototype, if you will. And if it goes well, and if I like the look,

I think I'm going to convert every internal door in my house to be flush Marina door handle. So,

I could be in the market for potentially a dozen door handles. I don't need it. They don't need

to be perfect, but they do need to look okay. And I'm quite happy to use one to find earlier on.

I snagged a headphone cable on a, on a, oh, you did?

Trad door handle and it pulled my phone out of my pocket and dashed it to the ground. So,

you could be onto something here because that wouldn't happen if you had.

I've torn a pocket flush Marina trousers with a door handle. I was rushing through with a hot

coffee in my head and I pretty much tore the pocket off a pair of trousers. And it was actually

uncomfortable as well. So, maybe this is the future. These door handles, which were fine

on many British cars from the seventies, were they, were they on any non-British cars, Rich?

They must have been. Oh, that's a good question. Let me think. I don't know that they were off

the top of my head, but that doesn't mean they weren't. I mean, I sometimes people mistakenly

think they were on some Lamborghinis, but that was a fiat, a very similar fiat design.

They're a great door handle and they've been, I know they're on the cover of one of your books,

which are one of your boring car triviers. Was it the original one?

The original. Right, right, right. So, an iconic handle, which is why I want to be used.

Definitely iconic. Cool people say it's upcycling.

Well, exactly. But also, if you think about it, that is the only door handle

that we could confidently, in fact, without fear of being

contradicted. This is the only door handle that has definitely been used by James Bond

and Her Majesty the Queen. Oh, yeah. And probably lots of other people as well,

but yeah, because obviously, you know, the Queen would have got into many four-door

original Range Rovers or discoveries or things like that. Yeah. And obviously,

James Bond had a, well, had more than one Esprit in different films, didn't he? So,

yeah, there's that. I mean, maybe even Princess Anne would have used one on some kind of car.

We just simply don't know what car that would have been though.

Do you remember when there was a, during the peak max power era of the 90s,

possibly the early 2000s when other door handles, Audi 80 door handles were very popular to be put

on other cars? Oh, yes. Yes. Because they were super flush, weren't they? Very smart.

They were. So maybe we could, like that steel wheel everything movement,

why don't we marina door handle everything? I'd love that. And I love that.

This brings to my two things. First of all, I know this is really an Ottersock question,

but I'll do anyways. This is a call Matt who was pointing out that he recently bought a one-off

anniversary edition of an old computer magazine called Amiga Format.

I remember that. I interviewed with the original staff.

I used to buy Amiga Format because I had an Amiga. So yeah, I do remember that.

There you go. Yeah. Yeah. He says that not only this anniversary magazine had

interviews with the original staffs and behind the scenes stuff and some rehashes of the features

and reviews that they used to do. And so he says, well, max power will be 33 this year.

Does Johnny think there's any chance of an anniversary edition?

That's a very good question. I know that there is a Max inspired magazine that's been rekindled

called Max's, which I'm not I'm not part of, but it features some of the some of the previous

staff writers and people. So but I don't know about, I mean, a reprint of the original would

be fantastic or is or a kind of homage to the original. And we know that the original cover car

exists because it was at one of our live gigs, wasn't it? Oh, yes. It was right behind the audience.

Because years ago, I had this idea of doing sort of a book, really, an oral history of Max Power,

because everyone I know who worked on that magazine, you, Vicki Butler Henderson, Nick Trott,

Stu Gallagher, the editor of Evo, there's lots of people in our world who not in many cases

started out at Max Power. And without exception, you all have amazing stories.

But also they're often quite different stories, all the stories sort of complement each other

and overlap. And I thought, God, if I had the time and inclination, I would love to just sit down

with all of these people that I I know, and just say, tell me everything, tell me your whole

recollection of working at Max Power, because it's absolutely bananas, some of the things that

you've variously told me, I thought you were making incredible. But even to the point where I was so

into this idea, that I casually mentioned it to my old publisher who used to do I used to do

top gear books with. And she was like, Yeah, I think that sounds really interesting. Could you

work up some some sort of sample bits of copy for me? And, you know, let's chat. And then

it's just really time consuming to do and I never did. But maybe one damn it, Richard, let's do it.

Should we commit to this? Because I know the history of Max Power. Yeah, I know people. Yeah,

I mean, it's, it feels like there is a great swell of nostalgia for that sort of thing. And

well, shit, we've put it out there now. So we may have to hide it. If you're interested,

tell us. And then maybe that'll tip it over the line. The other thing, mentioning steel wheel

everything, I put some pictures, you know, I've mentioned before I got this thatcher spring at

the end of last year. And I prized the wheel covers off. Because I don't like them. And I like

steel wheels. And then when you were over at mine, we did our pub walk podcast. You be briefly suggested

that I put some moon disks on it. Yeah, quite, quite hard to find 15 inch ones. They are out there,

I think, but quite hard to find a way to get them from the States. I mocked up what the car would

look like on moon disks. And I sort of like, I don't know, I can't decide if I like it or not.

But I've then I then did and put these on on social media for people to express their opinions.

I did a picture of the car with body color steel wheels. And with the wheels painted the same

color as the door mirrors and the rear badge, which is sort of this bronzy color. And they both

look quite good. But there's a chap called Tim Aldland, who you know, as well, don't you?

Tim is something of a 3D printing maestro. And he has offered to get hold of a spring,

scan one of the wheels, and then create a center cap for a steel wheel on the spring.

Oh, what a great idea. Yeah, yeah. So like a car steel with a little some sort of

Exactly. Yeah. So he could even said he can do the logo in the middle and everything. So

that's going to be quite nice. So I think I'm going to do it and I'll just pay him for his

printing costs. And then we'll see how that looks. But if it still needs a bit of color,

I might do that. But yeah, I definitely I was like, I'm going to I'm going to commit to the steel

bit. I don't want to cover them too much. I think that's why the moon disks didn't quite work for

me. I was like, I like the steelies. I like the utilitarian. They're too shiny for a spring,

aren't they? They're probably too shiny and retro. I mean, I'd love to, you know,

if I if I just had some lying around, I'd stick them on just to see what the moon disks looks

like. But I don't. So it's yeah, I just did a little mock up and it's all right. But so yeah,

watch this space. But but I am still frigging around with the wheels on my car. And at some point,

hopefully if Tim's got a sec, he's going to do some experimenting with 3d printing. That'd be

nice. Hey, do you know where I am?

I do. But the list of the probably doesn't. Hey, guys, I'm if the acoustic sound slightly

different to normal, it's because I'm not at my kitchen table or dining table. I'm actually

in a hotel room in Belgium. And I'm on the 13th floor of a hotel looking down at the road,

which is snowy. And I can hear some foreign sirens. I don't know if you can hear them on this. But

the reason why I'm here is because the Brussels Motor Show, which is a new motor show, because

Geneva Motor Show sadly died because COVID did destroy that motor show. And that was arguably

the best motor show. And back in a legitimately say back in the day, you and I and many other

colleagues, I mean, I used to go to loads of motor shows. And the two highlights were Geneva

and Detroit, neither of which really existed anymore. So I'm hoping that this one when I go

tomorrow, it'll be full of really, really interesting cars. I know some of the cars which

we're going to see and I've seen a couple of them already, which are untrusting, lots of smaller

and also electric cars. But I'm very much looking forward to it. But you know, you know what I saw

today, which is 100% a rare but nobody cares. In fact, I risked my ankles by skidding across the

snow to take a picture of it before the guy pulled away. And I think he was creeped out by me taking

your photos. I saw someone in a Honda logo today, driving around now that and now that is that is

a rare but nobody cares car. Am I right? Yes, I would be I would be absolutely right for seeing that,

wouldn't I? I believe it's one of the shortest production spans of a car.

I've been told this. Yeah, I don't know how long it lasted for in Japan or maybe other places

outside of Europe or even just the UK. It was definitely on sale here for a very short amount

of time. And I remember this because someone from Honda admitted to me that it was basically just

to kind of soften people up because they knew the jazz was coming. But Honda hadn't really done

a small car for a while because the Civic had got so much bigger. Was it a warm-up act for the jazz?

It was a warm-up act, yes. The band that nobody asked to see. Nobody asked for it. Nobody's really

heard of it. And then it went away so he'd get on with the main event. But yeah, that was it. That

was essentially just sort of just to get people interested in the idea of a small Honda. It's

a strange philosophy why not just wait for the jazz and just divert all your effort into that. But

it was definitely a holding operation. And I've seen today, I've seen a Kia EV2,

which is one of the stars of the show, which is Kia's smallest car. Apologies,

by the way. I'm going to just talk about cars for a bit really briefly. Won't be long. I think it's

okay. I promise it won't be too long. So yeah, saw that. And I think that's going to be, that's a

bold car for Kia. The smallest EV yet, and it's made in Europe, in Slovakia, where the seed was

made. Seed. Oh yes. 275-mile range car, that. And it competes with the likes of the Renault 5 and the

Fiat Grande Pandere, which I still haven't driven yet. Grande Pandere. Grande Pandere. And I really

like to drive with Grande Pandere. I'm hoping to see the Nissan Micra here, even though I know

a few journalists have driven them, but I haven't driven one yet. Looking very much forward to that.

They've got the old facelifted Hyundai Ionic 6 and 6N, the sporty 6, which should be better than

the 5N, because I guess a little bit lower centric gravity and a bit more slippery. But we got,

did you know that Mitsubishi are coming back to the UK? Yes, I heard. Yeah, I only found out a

few days ago. I've been a bit slow on this. Struggled to be that interested. Oh really? Let's see what

they've got. What, you're not down with seeing what the new Outlander Fev looks like, the car that

quietly did very well in Britain? No. Name two other Mitsubishis, like recent time Mitsubishis that

aren't L200 and Outlander. Go. Got 20 seconds. 20. 19. 18. 17. 16. What was it called? That little

15. Eclipse? No, Eclipse was the little SUV crossover. There was an Eclipse. Was it Eclipse?

There was an Eclipse Cross. The Eclipse was that American coupé, though. That's not it. So I'm

thinking of something else. They did an Eclipse Cross. What was it called? Oh, that's maybe that's

what I'm thinking of. But there was a 10. Nine. Oh, the really small one, the Colt. They still

did that, didn't they, for a while? Yeah, yeah, but they replaced it with something, I think, called

the ASX. Oh, that's what I was thinking of, though. That's the small, sort of, but tall one, isn't it?

Yeah, was it? Yes. I could picture the back of it, because you're always stuck behind one. It's coming

back. But then, I think it's a really... The Mirage. Oh, the Mirage, yes. That was the other one.

Do you know if you notice that Eclipse Mirage, Grandis, they all sound like

fairly shit aftershaves? Have you noticed that? Yes. Oh, Rich, you smell great. What are you wearing?

Grandis could be kitchen roll or something, couldn't it? It's just like it's sort of...

It's a name. What are you, some letters tied together that sort of make sense?

Oh, Richard, you smell so good. What are you wearing? What's on your neck?

Well, actually, my dear, it's Grandis. Oh. I've got the...

I just mince up some kitchen roll with rabbits on my neck.

I've just thrown a load of Eclipse on, and I'm going out to get swabbed by ladies.

That's what I'm doing tonight. No. Oh, no. I've been attacked by crows. There's something wrong

in the formulation of this aftershave. Well, no, I just... I don't know. It sort of feels like we've

got enough car companies. We're good. If it's an issue you chose to bail out in Europe, then

I don't think anyone was weeping. Well, I think maybe the Chinese are going to keep

drop kicking them. But of course, the L200 is going to keep going, because that's the only

thing that really sold in the UK for a while. But hey. Is that the main reason they're coming back

just to start selling the L200 again? Because that genuinely did sort of seem to do quite well.

People seem to like them. I think it probably is. But of course, you've got other Chinese

pickups and, of course, Ford. It's one of the few cars Ford's doing quite well with still,

is the Ranger, isn't it? Oh, yes. Off of the UK market and all that. So, yeah,

Astra's got a facelift, I think. Astra's a really good looking car, but nobody talks about it.

Citroen, I've got that really cool concept, I think, called the ELO, but it's nothing to do

with Jeff Lynn. It's a living thing. And I've said this before, or have I said it in private?

Because you and I can never remember whether we say it in public or in private. ELO is one of

those bands, which they just irritate me. I don't know. You have said this to me in person.

Yeah, they just irritate me. So I'm hoping the Citroen concept won't irritate me because it's

a really wacky little Lego brick-brick. Because it's got aviation headlights and a very curly

mop of roof. Well, it's got lots of interior configurability and space. Has it? Yeah,

and it is. But do you know what the ELO stands for? Not an electric light orchestra, but the

Citroen concept. It stands for, they take the E from the word rest, the L from the word play,

and the O from the word work. What? Exactly. I don't get it.

That doesn't make any sense. No, but I think this might be a really fabulously Citroen moment,

because the car looks really interesting. It's very Lego Duplo, like I say. It's electric,

but it's, I think it's practical, but funky at the same time. So there. Okay. So there.

Still, because I saw a picture of it and I actually thought it was just some

a crazed AI nonsense. No, because it looked so odd. It's ELO. And I can't think it,

it's sort of reminding me of one of those American airport buses for some reason shrunk down. I

don't know. It's got those proportions of one, but actually that's a good point. That's a very,

very good point. It's got the E from cheese, the L from Mariela Frostrap, and the O from

Mongoose. And of course that makes the perfect sense. That's something you could have picked

anything. Couldn't you? You could have picked anything. That's bullshit. I know, but I love it.

I bloody love stuff like that. I know. I kind of admire that. I know. I know.

The silliness. I think Stellantis. Well, hang on, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

hang on. Is it because these are the words in French where this would make sense,

but hang on, Travay is working French, isn't it? So that's not,

that doesn't make any sense at all. What is going on? I don't, I don't know.

Oh, well. I'm looking forward to the show and I know that Stellantis.

I've had a few people say that I don't do that enough, but if I do do it too much,

sorry to those people. But the Blussel's Mocho, yeah, I think there's going to be quite a strong

Stellantis show.

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You

was sort of speaking of, I can't remember what it was that made me, reminded me I had to mention

this, but because we didn't talk about it last time that I spent some of the Christmas break in

Rome. Oh yeah, decided to go away for a few days. And first of all, what a fantastic city. I haven't

been for years. I went once before with my wife years ago and we enjoyed it. And but it's just,

I mean, in terms of every single street is just beautiful pretty much. It makes bath bath look

like a right shit hole. It's so handsome and historical and but it's also rather good for

car spotting. I don't usually do stuff on Instagram very much, but I put a couple of posts on

Instagram cars I'd seen there just because it's like a, you know, if you want fabulous history

in car terms, just go to Rome where you'll see a KL ever micro or the most dented Mark

Juan Ford cat I've ever seen. I saw these. I was amazed that you'd actually worked out how to post

something on Instagram rich. So I know, applause for that. Not wishing you to sound like it. I mean,

you're very good at many other things than me, but I've got my head around. I can't understand

Instagram, but I know it troubles you. I can do a post and I could probably do what the other

ones called it. I can never remember is a real the ones that go away again. But I definitely

can't do all that stuff you do with links and shit and writing on the pictures. It just,

I'm putting music onto them beyond me. It would take me half a day to figure it out. And I think

generally I'll write with technology, but Instagram just befuddles me for some reason. So yeah,

it was, it was, I pushed the envelope by putting some pictures of mostly that's why I was going to

mention it. What? Grandi Pandy. I saw precisely one Grandi Pandy in Rome. I was, I was quite

surprised there weren't more, but then I realized the problem is that is not a very small car.

No, it's the clues in the Grandi. The Grandi bit gives it away. Yeah, because the, the,

what we were previously called the panda still exists, doesn't it? They're still making it for

now because it doesn't clash directly with the Grandi one because it is a super mini and quite

in the reels. And Rome is absolutely crawling with older shaped pandas. I mean, I even saw a

few original 80s pandas, but the, the more recent, the last two generations, they're just everywhere.

They are the lifeblood of Italy, you realize this. I think it's that same thing as, you know,

we've said it before, you're in Paris and you see a really scuffed up Peugeot 107. Yeah. And

it could be owned by a 20 year old student or it could in fact be owned by the director of

retail for Yves Saint Laurent. It could be. It's just sort of a, a classless functional city car.

And I think probably the same is true of, of pandas in Rome, but also

it's smart town. They bloody love a four two. Oh, I was only talking to another

journal about the, the classic four two today because I saw a couple and I just said it's a

shame that they had a, they had such a long innings, but yet didn't sell as many as they

should have because people still associate small cars with being unsafe cars. And you've

got to unpick that prejudice. I bloody love the four two, but you know, it's coming back.

You know, there's a, there's a carrot dangle, believe it or not, from smart. I don't know if

we're going to see it at the Brussels Motor Show, probably not, but I hope that it comes back

very similar to, to the original four two or what it wasn't called the four two originally,

was it? Was it called the, it was just called the, the, the city coupé, I think was its

original title. City coupé. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. CC. The, the, that, that fantastic song by Bill

Wyman, possibly the worst pop song of all time. I'm going to wager. Well, no, not one my humps

by Black Eyed Peas. Oh yeah. Sorry. I do apologize. That is dog's mud. Yeah. I tell you what, what is

giving a good shot at, or giving the smart four two a run for its money in the very small

Roman car front is the Toyota IQ. So good. So ready. A lot of IQs around. Nice to see. Yeah.

And, and he suddenly realized that in a really dense city that obviously parking is tricky and

people are quite creative sometimes with their parking. I noticed, but it helps if you've got

a really short car, quite a lot of seeing smarts parked nose in or tail into the curb, which

still doesn't quite work because they're not that short. They still poke out more than the width

unless the cars either side of it are a Lincoln Navigator and, I don't know, a Suzetta Meroda

V16T. The smarts are still going to poke out, but it's good that people give it a shot. But I

thought it's really interesting that that's a Chodey car. It's quite a Chodey car. Yeah,

just like a wide and short. It is Chodey. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's fascinating

how, and actually, I saw a few Thatcher Springs because again, it's a really wee car by modern

standards. And I think that's what people in Rome clearly prize. More so than people in London,

which I would say is a busy and dense city where parking can be tricky. But for some reason,

Londoners have never really fully embraced small. It's no, I think they haven't, have they? Clearly

Romans have. I think British people don't do fit for purpose cars. Well, we're a bit tossy,

aren't we sometimes? Yeah, yeah, we're just a bit, I think this thing is a sort of pragmatism to,

to, you know, if you, if you live in Rome, I was, my wife and I were talking about this,

we're just going, I'd love to learn Italian because I just like the sound of it, but it's not,

especially useful because it's not really spoken anywhere except Italy, you know, Spanish would

be much more handy around the world. Yeah, it would. But Italian just sounds so great. But I was,

are simultaneously the most chilled out and the most extremely uptight people in the world,

but they can combine the two sometimes at the same time. It's like everything sounds like an

argument, but it's just a conversation. It's, it's, it's fantastic. And I just, I feel like there's

a sort of business like nature to, to a lot of living in a city there. So you have a business

like car. Is it short? Yes. Can I sometimes park it nose onto the curb if I can't be bothered to

find a bigger space? Sure. Yeah. Go ahead. I've realized my daughter's 17 in less than nine

months. I'd really like her to have, because she does like, I'd really like her to have an IQ,

because she loves smarts, but she wants a manual fair dues to her. So I have thought about, could I,

what other cars does she, could she appreciate, which would be interesting, but are they insurable

for a 17 odd? I'd really like to get a Honda CRZ. Oh, interesting. But I don't know, I don't know

whether a seven, could, could, if I've got any hope listeners who might know more about insurance

than me, is there any way of getting a CRZ over the line? Or an IQ that's, because they're one

liter IQ and get a three cylinder, can't you? Or a, she talks about MX fives. And I know that some

people have managed to get them for first cars, but is it one of those things where it's going to

cost telephone numbers? And am I going to be putting sills on it every winter? I just need to know

these facts. I'm going to be putting more sills on it than spark plugs in it. I don't know, because

you told me that minis are expensive to insure, which I hadn't realized. Yeah, the mini, I'd like

to fancy the mini one. Again, early 2000s, not Cooper, because Cooper makes it uninsurable,

I think, but can you do it? Because I can get one for not a lot of money. Don't tell her,

she doesn't listen to this podcast, it's fine. But I was, that's what I was thinking again,

get one of those, even if it needs a little bit of work, tinker with it, get it up to scratch,

and that could be, again, it's a great fun car, bit of bangeromics going on. And CRZ, you don't

get CRZ for two and a half, possibly less if I shop around. But yeah, can we insure them?

Can we insure them? If only we knew lots of insurance people, Rich.

Well, there we go. So, yes, I didn't really have much else to say about Rome, except there's some

fantastic cars. But also, sometimes you just see sort of, like I saw a Fiat Chroma, like an

80s Fiat Chroma just parked on the street, and a sort of assertively double parked 90s Jag XJ.

Oh, that's a very un-Rome car, isn't it? It sort of is, but it was outside the tobacconist shop,

and I'm not to think, because I saw it there the next day. I saw it, it was there again,

properly parked. So, I was a bit like, but the double parking, it was, it had the air of someone

who knows the area, and it's their street, and they know it. And if so, everyone knows them,

they'll just go, oh, okay, it's Giuseppe with the Jag, I'll go and have a word in

terms of move his car out the way. So, I was like, I wonder if he owns the tobacconist.

No, he's had a lock-in in the cigar room at the back, and he's just passed out in a haze of

satisfaction. And then he's come around in the early hours when the owner of the shop just locked

up and gone home. And he's gone, oh, it doesn't matter, it's warm and comfortable. Here, what the

hell? And I'll just, I'll just, I'll heave on another big old fat Cuban and then go back to

sleep. And then he opens up the shop in the morning and then lets me out, you shuffle back out, get

into your XJ, and then, and then smear your way home. That'd be great. And then just go to bed

for the whole of the day. So, you pulled a night shift in a tobacconist as a customer.

I mean, I just, I looked at this jacket and I was like, I bet that car smells like a tobacconist

inside. Oh, yeah. I bet it does. There'd be lots of windows.

Old Jack plus in Italy. Italy's definitely still closer to France than it is to say here,

where in terms of whether smoking is bad for you or not, or whether they've just like,

they've done that thing where they just go, look, there's good news and bad news about smoking,

guys. We've had our surgeon general look into it. The bad news is it is still definitely very

bad for you, but the good news is it makes you look very cool. So am I the last person to get

the memo about Toyota unveiling a new little FJ Land Cruiser? Have you seen this? This is quite a

Chody car. It looks tubby, but short. Yes. Just on that, that Hilux thing that's not a Hilux that

they built in Thailand. But Hilux champs? Something like that. That explains it. Right, right, right.

Yes, Hilux champ. Yeah, yeah, which is this sort of configurable, like very basic as it comes,

but then it's got lots of different ways that you can configure it and build up the back or just,

you know, use it as a pickup. And I think the new thing is based on this, which is why the

proportions are slightly odd. Like it's not quite wide enough or something. Yeah, there's something

about it where it almost looks like a kind of pastiche, a knockoff of what it actually is.

But yeah, so I think it's prime to rival the baby Defender that's set to launch in the not too

distant future. There's lots of baby things coming because it's a baby G-Vargin coming as well,

isn't there? But yeah, there's definitely a baby Defender of some sort because, well, A, I've seen

some of the camoed up test cars driving around and B, I think somebody at Land Rover got a bit

giddy with their search engine optimization and accidentally it appeared on Google very briefly.

As I think Defender Sport, I can't remember now, but yeah. Defender what, sorry? It's definitely

happening. I beg your pardon, Defender's out. Do you think that's how it will be unveiled at

whatever Motor Show it unveils it at? That's how I want them to unveil. They're going to have to

take a run up at it, aren't they? But will the new FJ Cruiser thing make it here? I don't know.

Apparently it's going to have a large engine. So it's not like it's not something really,

really tiny. It's a 2.74 cylinder, I think. Yeah, I suppose that's... It's lots of interesting cars

about at the moment, Rich. Do you know what I mean? Lots of interesting cars. Yeah, we'll talk about

some more of them unless people complain about them. Yeah, what about the NEO Firefly? You had

a back end look at the NEO Firefly. Have you? Have you? It looks like a Honda E, very much like

a Honda E. Like, it is a Honda E almost. I mean, it's a bit of a rip-off except it looks like

it's got a sort of eye infection, but... Yeah, I kind of like that. I kind of like it. Like an iPhone

with all these different lenses on the back of the phone. Yes, that's what it is. Maybe that's...

The iPhone face. That's what they've done. The iPhone face. Yeah. Good. All right, well, that's

enough. You've got to go off and have some waffles. I've got to have a really rich dinner and a

beer that turns out to be 19%. Yes, and then try and go to sleep for an early start in the morning.

I'm actually driving. I'm very interested in van tomorrow as well, which is exciting.

More on that on my channel. Not on this bloody channel. On my channel. No, not on this. I'll

be a waste of time. Yeah. All right, well, let's retire this to the bar. But before we do,

I have three things to tell you. The first one, of course, is that Johnny has a solo YouTube

channel. I do. No, it doesn't. I've done that wrong. The first thing is that...

You never muck that up. I'm really admiring. You started the New Year right. I like it.

What's it going to say? New Year, new you. Yes, my New Year's resolution. Fuck things up more.

No, Johnny's engaged in a very strange project in which he forces the former lead singer of

Merlion to fill up his car only from Anglo-Dutch-owned petrol companies under the working title

Shellfish. If that's not to your taste, then of course, as I accidentally said just before,

Johnny has a solo YouTube channel. It's the late break show. And there's lots of things on there.

Second thing to say is that we are doing live shows. The one in Leeds or the motorist near

Leeds later this month is sold out, I'm afraid. But there are still tickets, as far as I'm aware,

for the show in Glasgow, which is on the 11th of February. So go to smithasmith.com and follow

the link to live shows to buy tickets. For that one, there will be announcing some more dates

very, very soon. Also, why do you want a website? Why not buy some merch, including our new

long-sleeve trackwork t-shirts. Fantastic. We launched trackwork t-shirts. A few people said,

very good, but you have to wear long sleeves on track days. So that seems a good excuse to do

a long sleeve version. So it's a literal trackwork friendly trackwork t-shirt. Literally, yes.

We've been literal there, but also these cooler months, I do enjoy a long sleeve t-shirt.

So you are a bit of a long sleeve, aren't you, Rich? Sorry, you walked into that.

And the third thing is good to tell you is based on my recent trip to Rome. I took the kids to

the Sistine Chapel, of course. And I discovered something I didn't know before, famously the

ceiling. And then laterally, the walls of the Sistine Chapel were painted by Michelangelo.

But what I didn't know is that when he was hired to start that job, he couldn't paint.

What? He was a sculptor. And for some reason, they went, let's get Michelangelo to do this

ceiling. He'll do a nice job of Michelangelo. Had to go away and learn how to paint.

That's absurd. You have to say, he learned very well. But yeah, he wasn't a painter.

I don't know why he got the game. He learned very well. Didn't he, Blumenach? How bizarre.

All right, well, there we go. That's quite enough of this. But thank you for listening,

and we'll do it all again next week. Until then, goodbye. Bye, guys.

You goodbye, our merchandise. We've mugs and hats, but still no ties.

One day, we will make those pies. But in the meantime, guys, hey, guys.

Like and subscribe.

Why isn't there a Toyota F-ing C-cruiser?

Hey, listeners. Meet Russell. Hey. Russell just launched a fitness app,

and he needed to get the word out to busy professionals looking to stay fit.

So I turned to Acast. I used their smart recommendations feature to easily find

shows that talk about health and fitness. Booking sponsorships through their platform

was a breeze. And just like that, my app was in their ears during their morning run.

Sounds like a smart move, Russell. How's business looking now?

Sweat is pouring, and so are the installs.

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