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Monsters
About this episode
“Monsters” blends moral debate with real-world stories and hands-on vehicle talk. The hosts open with the idea that money doesn’t automatically turn someone into a monster, then pivot to character-driven history via “Diamond Jim Brady.” Along the way, there’s practical HVAC troubleshooting on a GM Avalanche—cold at first, then vent airflow fades after 30–40 minutes—and front-end repair from leaking hydro-boost/power steering fluid. Racing and touring stories keep the episode moving between big ideas and everyday fixes.
Topics:
AC Delco
blend door actuator
bushings
bypass that amp
cheap old tractor made from car and truck parts
freon
front end
GMT-800s
harness
head unit
History’s been lied about from both directions and I’m tired of it. Edison, Ford, and Diamond Jim Brady none of them are who you think. This week on Duwali Bottoms, Tony and Dusty get out of jail, Alana shows up, Dave Tilton pays the sheriff a visit, and somebody comes flying around a curve on the two lane who has no business being there.
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Technical
Too Afraid to Ask
Part
resistor on the blower motor
"But the air conditioner blows cold on the avalanche And I thought I had a bad resistor on the blower motor It's real common with the GMT-800s So I changed the blower motor resistor out"
That resistor helps control how fast the AC fan blows air into the cabin. If it’s failing, the fan can start out working but then slow down or stop pushing air out of the vents.
A blower motor resistor controls the fan speed for the HVAC blower. If it fails, the AC may work initially but later lose airflow from the vents, which matches the host’s symptom: cold air early, then reduced vent output after 30–40 minutes.
Term
GMT-800s
"And I thought I had a bad resistor on the blower motor It's real common with the GMT-800s Real common with general motor stuff"
GMT-800 is a GM “generation” of truck/SUV designs. The speaker is saying that this air-conditioning fan resistor problem is a known/common issue on that kind of GM vehicle.
GMT-800 refers to General Motors’ truck/SUV platform generation used for vehicles like the Chevrolet Avalanche. When the host says the resistor issue is “real common with the GMT-800s,” they mean this HVAC blower-resistor failure pattern is commonly seen on that platform.
Term
blend door actuator
"So I'm thinking it's that blend door actuator in the middle The one that controls mode I think something's going screwy with it"
The blend door actuator is a small motor that moves a flap inside the heating/AC system. That flap decides how much hot vs. cold air you get and where it comes out—so if it’s broken, the vents can act weird even if the fan works.
A blend door actuator moves the blend door inside the HVAC box to control the mix of hot and cold air (and often which vents get airflow). When it fails or sticks, you can end up with airflow problems like the fan running but no air coming out the expected vents.
Term
freon
"Because it's got good freon, like I said it blows cold and something Right, but it just, something's going on"
Freon is the chemical inside the AC system that makes the air conditioning cool. If the refrigerant level is good, the AC can cool, but you can still have problems with airflow or the controls.
Freon is a common (though often outdated) name for the refrigerant used in a car’s air conditioning system. Refrigerant charge affects how well the AC cools; having “good freon” suggests the cooling circuit may be okay even if airflow/controls are not.
Term
head unit
"And I've already changed, it's got a brand new head unit in it Brand new AC Delco head, not some aftermarket bull crap"
A head unit is the main dashboard control for the car’s electronics—like the radio/screen. Here, they replaced it because they think the controls/electronics might be part of the problem.
In car audio/infotainment, a head unit is the main control module (screen/radio interface). In this segment, the speaker mentions replacing the head unit, implying the HVAC control interface or related electronics may be involved in the vent/mode behavior.
Brand
AC Delco
"And I've already changed, it's got a brand new head unit in it Brand new AC Delco head, not some aftermarket bull crap High dollar AC Delco head unit in it"
AC Delco is a well-known auto-parts brand. In this context, they’re saying they replaced the unit with a brand-name part instead of a cheaper aftermarket one.
AC Delco is a parts brand (GM’s original-equipment supplier) known for replacement components like HVAC and electrical parts. Using an AC Delco head unit suggests the speaker chose a higher-quality OEM-style replacement rather than an aftermarket unit.
Term
front end
"Got to do the front end work [486.5s] I'm going to tackle that this week, I've got all my parts and my hubs [490.0s] I'm going to go through the front end on that pickup [493.6s] And that's not necessary, but it just, what happened is"
“Front end” means the parts at the front of the truck that control steering and ride quality. Here, they’re planning to repair the suspension/steering area.
“Front end” refers to the suspension and steering components at the front of the vehicle—things like control arms, bushings, and steering linkages. When the host says they need “front end work,” they mean fixing those components rather than engine or drivetrain issues.
Term
hubs
"I'm going to tackle that this week, I've got all my parts and my hubs [490.0s] I'm going to go through the front end on that pickup [493.6s] And that's not necessary, but it just, what happened is"
“Hubs” are parts near the wheel that help the wheel spin smoothly. If they’re worn, the front end can feel loose or noisy.
In this context, “hubs” likely means wheel hubs—components that support the wheel and often include bearings. If the front end is being rebuilt, replacing hubs/bearings can restore smooth steering and reduce play.
Term
hydro boost system
"So I've got it all part right now, I'm trying to straighten that out [484.7s] Got to do the front end work [486.5s] I'm going to tackle that this week, I've got all my parts and my hubs [490.0s] I'm going to go through the front end on that pickup [493.6s] And that's not necessary, but it just, what happened is [497.9s] The hydro boost system on it and the power steering on it [501.0s] Was leaking for a long time"
A hydro-boost system helps your brakes using pressurized fluid. If it’s leaking, fluid can get onto nearby parts and cause damage over time.
A hydro-boost system uses hydraulic pressure (from the power steering pump) to assist the brake pedal. If it leaks, it can lose hydraulic fluid and also contaminate nearby rubber components, which can accelerate wear.
Term
bushings
"And it leaked all down on them bushings on the left side [506.0s] On the driver's side of the front end [507.9s] And that, you know, that brake fluid and power steering fluid [511.7s] Just eat anything up, just eat it to death [515.7s] And just ruining them bushings on the left side [518.1s] I hate that, every time you hit a bump, you know"
Bushings are rubber parts that help the suspension move smoothly and quietly. If fluids leak onto them, the rubber can get ruined, and the ride can feel rough over bumps.
Bushings are rubber (or rubber-like) mounts that isolate vibration and allow controlled movement between suspension parts. When brake fluid or power steering fluid leaks onto them, the chemicals can degrade the rubber, leading to harshness—like feeling every bump more strongly.
Term
power steering fluid
"And that, you know, that brake fluid and power steering fluid [511.7s] Just eat anything up, just eat it to death [515.7s] And just ruining them bushings on the left side"
Power steering fluid is the fluid that makes steering easier. If it leaks, it can damage rubber parts and also make the steering feel worse.
Power steering fluid is the hydraulic fluid that helps the steering system apply assist. Leaks can reduce assist and can also spread onto suspension components, where the fluid can degrade rubber bushings.
Term
bypass that amp
"I just need to order one more harness because I'm going to bypass that amp under the console [532.5s] Because I'm pretty sure that amp is shorted out [538.0s] And, yeah man"
“Bypassing the amp” means skipping the amplifier that’s not working. The goal is to get sound working without relying on the broken part.
“Bypassing an amp” means routing the audio signal around the factory amplifier so the new stereo can drive speakers without using the problematic amp. This is often done when the amp is failing or causing electrical faults.
Term
harness
"Other than that, I've got to put a stereo in it [522.8s] And I've got a stereo, ready to go [524.8s] I just need to tackle it [526.9s] I just need to order one more harness because I'm going to bypass that amp under the console [532.5s] Because I'm pretty sure that amp is shorted out"
A harness is the wiring adapter that makes it easier to connect a new stereo. It helps you plug things in the right way instead of guessing or splicing wires.
An audio wiring harness is the connector-and-wiring adapter that lets you install a new stereo cleanly without cutting up the factory wiring. Using the right harness helps the head unit plug in correctly and reduces installation headaches.
Term
shorted out
"Because I'm pretty sure that amp is shorted out [538.0s] And, yeah man [539.8s] I'm enjoying the avalanche, enjoying the piss out of it actually"
“Shorted out” means electricity is accidentally taking a shortcut in the wiring. That can make the amp fail and sometimes blow a fuse, so it needs fixing rather than just ignoring it.
A “short” in automotive electronics is an unintended electrical connection that can cause excessive current. When an amp is “shorted out,” it may stop working and can also trigger protection behavior or blow fuses, so diagnosing the wiring matters.
Brand
Tesla
"It's a little black Tesla But it just made me giggle because I don't have a problem with electric cars"
Tesla is a company that makes electric cars. The host is saying they don’t dislike electric cars, but they don’t associate them with the kind of “fury” sound or vibe they like.
Tesla is an electric-vehicle brand known for making battery-electric cars and for popularizing EVs with a performance-and-tech image. In this segment, the host is reacting to a “little black Tesla,” focusing on how electric cars sound/feel to them.
Car
Plymouth Fury
"Unless it's an old Plymouth or old Yeah, unless it's an old Plymouth If it ain't an old Plymouth fury I'm not interested"
A Plymouth Fury is an older American car model. The host is basically saying they only want to hear that loud, aggressive “muscle car” energy if it’s an old Plymouth Fury.
The Plymouth Fury is a classic American full-size car from the Plymouth lineup, and it’s especially associated with the “old cop car” and big-engine muscle-era vibe. Here, the host uses it as a shorthand for the kind of loud, aggressive character they want to hear—contrasting it with modern electric-car sounds.
Car
AMC Eagle
"About to do another one about the AMC Eagle"
The AMC Eagle is a car made by AMC that was known for having all-wheel drive. That means it could send power to more than just the front wheels, helping it handle rough or slippery roads better.
The AMC Eagle is an American compact car from American Motors Corporation (AMC) known for being one of the early mainstream vehicles to offer all-wheel drive. In enthusiast conversations, it often comes up as a practical “do-it-all” machine that blended passenger-car comfort with off-road capability.
Person
Henry Ford
"It wasn't a video about Henry Ford But you have to talk about Henry Ford When you talk about The 9-In tractor because this was his idea"
Henry Ford was the person behind Ford, one of the biggest early car companies. Here, the host credits him with an idea for making a tractor that was cheaper and easier for farmers to repair.
Henry Ford is the founder of Ford Motor Company and a major figure in early automotive manufacturing. In this segment, he’s credited with pushing the idea of a low-cost tractor that could be built and maintained using parts from cars and trucks.
Concept
cheap old tractor made from car and truck parts
"Is he wanted this cheap old tractor Made from car and truck parts That every farmer could work on"
The host is describing a tractor design that uses common parts from cars and trucks. That makes it cheaper to build and easier to fix when something breaks.
This describes a “parts-bin” approach to vehicle design: building a tractor using components sourced from existing car and truck parts. The goal is to reduce cost and simplify repairs so ordinary owners can maintain the machine without specialized supply chains.
Car
Ford Ranger of tractors
"And that was Just the right size for what people Needed at that time And he went out and he built the Ford Ranger Of tractors"
The host says Ford followed up with a tractor line called the “Ranger.” It’s presented as the next step after the earlier cheap, repairable tractor concept.
The segment claims that Henry Ford “built the Ford Ranger of tractors,” framing it as a follow-on to the earlier tractor idea. If taken literally, it’s referencing a Ford tractor lineup branded as “Ranger,” but the exact model/series name isn’t clearly confirmed from the transcript.
Car
Ford Model T
"They were good accomplishments for this country Model T put America on wheels For Henry Ford"
The Ford Model T was one of the first cars made in large numbers so more regular people could afford one. Henry Ford helped improve how cars were built, which made it easier to get cars on the road. That’s why it’s remembered as an important early step in car history.
The Ford Model T is an early mass-produced automobile that helped make car ownership practical for many people in the United States. Henry Ford’s approach to production is often credited with putting “America on wheels,” which is why it comes up when discussing major industrial accomplishments. It’s a key historical car because it represents the shift toward affordable, widely available transportation.
Select text to request an explanation
Rusted old memories buried in dust
Through the wreckage of dreams
I'm trying to trust each faded sign
Whisked stories of old, of laughter
And heartache of love that grew cold
Are you really digging for peace
Or is that just a lie
Tell to help you sleep
Sure that you really want
Truth behind all the stories they told
Welcome to the Wrecking Yard
I'm Jerry Wayne Longmire
And y'all, presumably still y'all
All are welcome here in the Church of Internal Combustion
We just asked that you show up with an open heart
This is a haven for those dirty hands
Complicated hearts
Morning, everybody
It's morning, I don't even know what time it is
Whew, that has been a good day so far
Get out of here
Look, look here, bug
Get on with your life
Gonna make some better decisions
Here is not it
Is that gumming?
All right
Make sure all that
Look at there, we do got us to do all the bottoms today
Feeling a little better
Big shout out to our sponsors first off
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Also, our sponsors with the World of Outlaws
Race Car Series
That's the late model series
And the sprint car series
And I'm getting ready to go back out on the road with them
I got a race with them at the end of June
I'm going to I-94 in Minnesota
For a late model race
I'm pretty excited about that
I don't know if you've been keeping up with it
But oh, Texas boy, Tyler Turbo
Won $100,000 purse the other night
Not only that
If you're watching, boy, he got rowdy
It was fun to watch
I'm just a big fan of Mr. Tyler Turbo
And he came out there and whooped that ass the other night
It was good to see
But guys, if you haven't been to dirt track racing a while
Find out where there's a World of Outlaws events near you
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You're going to see, period
Alright, now we're done with the sponsors
Got anything else to tell you?
Woo, it's 85...
85 degrees out here
I'm getting about that time of year
I might have to bring my air conditioner back out here
Hadn't had to do that in a while
Oh, I feel just capital
Chewed up some mushrooms about an hour ago
Not a lie, I'm not trying to trip
I just put a little spark on my day
I like it
My social battery is a little drained
Because it did more social stuff this week than it normally did
Normally tried to avoid that kind of stuff
I don't know when I got like that either
I don't know if it's just because being on the road
Being around a bunch of people
Makes me feel some kind of way
But I've just...
Over the past two years
I've gotten to where, especially since I don't go do
The Whiskey Brothers podcast anymore
Which required me driving over my buddy Slade's house
And hanging out with them on Monday nights
I usually go catch a mic
But now I've just gotten into this habit
When I'm home I don't leave this house for nothing
And it's not anything against it
I'm not always people like, oh the outside world is terrible
And everybody's idiots
And I don't feel that way
I genuinely don't have a lot of those kind of feelings
But I just...
This is my sacred sanctuary
And I get here and I just get holed up
And I don't really need to go anywhere
Maybe every once in a while I gotta go to a meat store
Get me some dip
That's it
Rare occasion
Might run somewhere and get us some food or something
If we decide to get us a big burger
But other than that I just stay home
And I'm okay with that
I just putts around here and deck around the garage
Deck around the yard, cut some plants
And mow the grass
Make videos and write
I like sitting on that porch and writing
And...
But I'm like, you got...
I'm not saying you got to
But I need to
I need to make sure that I'm getting out of the house more
That I'm getting out here in the sunshine
And that I'm going places
And, you know, I spend all this time
Money getting us avalanche ready
And I don't even hardly drive it when I'm home
And now I'm not using it to tour
Because I'm traveling by plane and rental car
So I got out and drove my truck some this week
Talk about that
Well, man, I'm having a problem
And I know a lot of you guys are very knowledgeable
And I'm not very knowledgeable about air conditioning stuff
But the air conditioner blows cold on the avalanche
And I thought I had a bad resistor on the blower motor
It's real common with the GMT-800s
Real common with general motor stuff
So I changed the blower motor resistor out
And the air conditioner worked great for about two weeks
And then it's just gotten where it does this thing
Like if you're on the road more than about 30 or 40 minutes
All of a sudden you can't feel it blowing out of the vents anymore
But that blower motor is still over there giving it hell
I got the whole dash apart right now
And that blower motor over there just whoo, giving it hell
But nothing's coming out of the vents
And I try changing the selector and I don't hear you thinking
So I'm thinking it's that blend door actuator in the middle
The one that controls mode
I think something's going screwy with it
But they say you'll hear it like the cam in it
Slipping because it's got like a plastic cam mechanism
On the actual servo that goes bad
But I don't hear anything clicking or anything down there
And like I said it only does that if you're on the road about 30, 45 minutes
But I'm about to take the whole family to Colorado
And I'm trying to get all the little ends and outs straightened out on it
Before we get on that 2,000 mile road trip
So, any advice you guys have, I would be glad to hear it
Please don't hesitate to jump in the comments and tell me
Anything you think might be causing this problem
Because it's got good freon, like I said it blows cold and something
Right, but it just, something's going on
And I've already changed, it's got a brand new head unit in it
Brand new AC Delco head, not some aftermarket bull crap
High dollar AC Delco head unit in it
And it worked great for like a month after I put that in
And it started to grow
And David told me he was having this problem, he never figured out what it was
So I've got it all part right now, I'm trying to straighten that out
Got to do the front end work
I'm going to tackle that this week, I've got all my parts and my hubs
I'm going to go through the front end on that pickup
And that's not necessary, but it just, what happened is
The hydro boost system on it and the power steering on it
Was leaking for a long time
And it leaked all down on them bushings on the left side
On the driver's side of the front end
And that, you know, that brake fluid and power steering fluid
Just eat anything up, just eat it to death
And just ruining them bushings on the left side
I hate that, every time you hit a bump, you know
So I'm going to go through that
Other than that, I've got to put a stereo in it
And I've got a stereo, ready to go
I just need to tackle it
I've got to order one more harness because I'm going to bypass that amp under the console
Because I'm pretty sure that amp is shorted out
And, yeah man
I'm enjoying the avalanche, enjoying the piss out of it actually
I drove it, I went Friday
Now Thursday
Thursday
I went and y'all know my buddy David
One of my best friends
I went and hung out with my buddy David
I've been meaning to call him for two weeks since I've been back in Minnesota
And that's how long it takes me to call somebody
So I finally called David up
We went and had lunch, we had a good time
We went over to a burger joint in Shepherd
Overpriced, mediocre burger
But it was National Burger Day
So they gave me a discount so I didn't feel so cheated
Had a great lunch, sat there with my buddy
We just bullshitted for like two and a half hours
Met a fan at the burger joint
Got a name David Milton come up
And spoke to me, he said hi to me
And you know that never gets old
I always loved that
And it was funny because David
David hasn't experienced it a lot with me
He was like man is that happening a lot these days
I was like well it's more and more
You know, not so much in the heights
In Houston, that's not where it happens
Like I said but
You catch me at a pilot truck stop by God
And I run that something 50
Get my mountain due for free
So it was interesting for that to happen in the heights
Good time man
Went ran some errands, little piddly stuff
And just did a little putzing around
A little screwing around
Just bumping around town in my pickup truck
You know, and that was a nice
Like man I didn't realize I needed this
I need to do this every once in a while
Inspires me, makes me right
It's that good
What do they call it, exterior stimulus
External stimulus, there we go
Exterior, I'm thinking cars
Yeah, good external stimulus
You need that every once in a while
I saw a Tesla with a license plate
That I kept reading as into fury
But I think it stood for night fury
Which was, you know
From how to train a dragon
It's a little black Tesla
But it just made me giggle because
I don't have a problem with electric cars
I think electric cars are cool
To an extent I just don't
Associate them with fury anything
In fact, if it's a car
Period
I don't really want to hear fury
Unless it's an old Plymouth or old
Yeah, unless it's an old Plymouth
If it ain't an old Plymouth fury
I'm not interested
I like them, I like them old cop cars
My buddy Fred Fritz
He's got one, it's pretty slick
So that tickled me
And then Friday night
We kicked off the Diamond Jim tour
We're going to talk about Diamond Jim Brady today
Title of this episode
It's called Monsters
It has to do with a video I just put out
And some of the feedback I got
But we're going to
We kicked off the Diamond Jim tour
In Conroe, Texas
At the Riot Comedy Club
Friday night and I was a little
Concerned because ticket sales did not
Look that great
Oh, thank you so much baby
Sorry, a printer was screwing up earlier
And I didn't come out
And that beautiful woman
I'm married to fix the printer
Because she is a wizard with it
And I hate printers, you want to see me getting a fight
With something
You let me screw with a printer
For about two minutes
I have waged some wars with printers
That's much more, let me see
Oh yeah, we can read shit out of that
I'm excited about this episode
Sorry, I'm a little scattered this morning
Been a good day already
Friday night was amazing, I was a little worried
Because ticket sales didn't look great leading up to that show
And then we ended up with a packed house
The opener is a kid
I know from the open mic scene
And I've seen him working
And I know he's been putting time in
But I hadn't seen him perform in a while
Louis de Jesus
I think is his name
Bro, he got up there for ten minutes
And beat the piss out of that crowd
I was like hell yeah
And then my buddy Nathaniel Amador
Some of y'all have seen me live, seen him
He works with me every once in a while
He got up there
And whooped the shit out of him for twenty minutes
And boy I was getting
To the point I was getting a little hot back there
In the back of the room
Like got him out of young blood, leave me some
You know
Damn, Nathaniel that gave me twenty minutes
You going to do every one of your age jokes in twenty minutes
I mean he was beating the piss out of their people
I was like you son of fifty
Pump the brakes
It's Conroe on a Friday night Nathaniel
What are you doing to me
But it's also really cool
To watch your friends get harder and harder to follow
To watch people that you already know are talented
That you have faith in
Get better and better
And he whooped their ass and I was proud of him
About it
And I got up there and whooped the shit out of him
55 minutes
It was a fantastic show
And I did something cool
You know the thing I've been struggling
With
This special
I had this special written and I was liking what it was doing
First of all
It was crazy kicking off the tour for this special
In the town
Where all the shit because in the special
Some of you have seen me live know but those of you that have it
The special
I talk a little bit
About stuff I'm doing to improve my health
And things like that
But in the special I talk a lot about my trip to Africa
But I tell the whole story
Of how I fell off the roof
And broke my brain
And come back from that
And all that sort of thing
And kind of how I got through the pandemic
By beginning truck astrology
And then
The special takes you a lot of emotional places
And
I just didn't have a good closer
I didn't have a good place to go
And I'm so mad it took me so long
To figure out that
The only place I could close that special
Is the story
About Harry and the McDonald's
About me hallucinating
This
Being that helped me through something
When I was trying to when the doctor
Put me on some bad medication that
Triggered me
I was having suicidal thoughts
And that's not me
Okay
You ever hear about that happening
Me you make sure y'all investigate
The piss out of it
Y'all and Rachel
Get every detective and sheriff around
Because I'm terrified of death
I don't want to leave this son of a bitch until
My knees sound like an old screen door
Okay
Y'all leave me plugged in
Leave me plugged in, someone might freeze my head
Whatever you got to do
Somebody might find a cure for what's happening
My God
You got to sew my body back together
Whatever you got to do
It's not me
Some of you guys have listened to
Podcasts a long time have heard that story
About Harry and
It dawned on me
That that's the way to close the special
It's a good emotional moment
I can talk about something serious
And then it has a big old laugh at the end
Right and I'm telling you
When I told them people
Like I'm glad Lord was looking out for me
But I wish you wouldn't make me look like an asshole
In the McDonald's
And I was like
It was one of those moments
Like the very first time I ever really did it
Like really sold it
And did the story
And I'm so excited to be headed to Colorado
To work this story some more
And get the beats even tighter
Because the way it hits, it hits
And it's
I was explaining this to my buddy Trey
Yesterday
Good buddy Trey Touch
You know sometimes you start writing a special
And you're like it's going to be this
And you're writing and you're putting this thing together
And then as you perform it
And get it on the road it transforms
And then all of a sudden it's this
And that's why it didn't dawn on me to use that
To end it because
It wasn't that when I started writing it
But now that it's that, Harry fits at the end
And what a great story
I feel so finished in this special
That I've already started working on the next special
And it's going to be called extra dads
And
The next comedy special extra dads
Is going to be nothing but stories
About Mr. Bob
And Jack Harland
And all these men that helped raise me
Uncle Bobby, Papaw
All the men that
Stepped in and gave me the things I was missing
As I was going through life
You know, not the basics and stuff my dad gave me
But all
All those stories, if you're lucky
You get a handful of those guys, I've had a bunch of them
You know, men I've worked for
And also helpful
Most of them were hilarious
Joey's dad
Big Mike Vargas
Just
I have a plethora
It's going to be a cool special
I start kind of shaping the transitions
And how it's going to work
And how I'm going to get into these stories and stuff
And I'm really excited about that
So I'm excited to get this one filmed
You know, but this tour
I'm going to work the beats out and get it tight
Filming
Then we're going to go into extra dads
So it was a hell of a way to kick off the tour
Also
Telling those stories in Conroe where they happened
Was crazy
It was crazy work because the minute I brought it to that hospital
That whole room erupted
You know, like I've been telling that story all around the country
And they love it and they get it
Because they all got a hospital like that
But telling the story where that hospital actually is
And people worked there
Was hilarious
So Friday night
Resounding success
We made money, got to work with some great comics
It's a cool room in Conroe
If you're in the Conroe area, you should be going
And supporting that little room
Because they are doing some good things there
And then Saturday
This is how I booked up my social counter
I said, man, I'm going to go
To my good friend Slade Ham's
50th birthday party
And
Man, I haven't got to see Slade
As much as I want to
You know, we lived six miles apart
And I haven't seen him in over a year
And that's just
It's too long and it's 100% my fault
Because I hermit
I get here and hermit and I don't go nowhere
And I don't do nothing
I was like, man, I got to get out of this habit
Because I need to go nurture some of my friendships
Your friendships require nurturing
And you can't just sit there and go
I got these friends and then just
Just wait for you to need them
That's not a good way
To nurture friendships
You got to go out there and look for your friends
And especially the older you get, the more complicated
Your life gets
Slade's birthday party is fun
He has
An eclectic group of friends
So it's an interesting bunch of everybody there
Is doing something
There were artists and authors
And stand-up comedians
And people have not seen
In a long time
My good buddy Adam Taylor
Who's a director, Outlaw Dave
Who was my first radio job ever
I worked for Outlaw Dave 20 years ago
And we've been friends
All this time
He was one of my early supporters
In my comedy career
Early friend and mentor to me
In the business
So I got to see Outlaw Dave
Trey Tudson, my little buddy
Being Trey Tudson was on
The Whiskey Brothers podcast
I personally think Trey Tudson is one of the funniest
Human beings on the planet
And I just love the guy
He's like family to me
And so it was good to see him
My buddy Paul Odo
Who's an amazing artist
That's out in Austin now
But he was also a stand-up comic
He won the Boston Comedy Festival
Which you know you think about comedy
That's a bad dude right there
It was amazing
It was a
It's a good party
It was down in Chima
So it was like an hour drive
Come back, I was a little whipped
So I slept in this morning
It's like noon
So I got to get this thing recorded
Get it out
But I'm glad I pushed myself past my boundaries
To get out and do some stuff this week
I'm getting ready to go on tour
I'm going to be going
I'm 68 cities till the end of the year
So you do the math on that
That's a lot of moving and grooving baby
But I'm feeling better about it
Every time I talk to you guys
Honestly about something
I feel better about it
That's just a true thing that is
And I felt better
I'm feeling better, I might kick that
Sign of shit
And I got my voice back
Feeling good about that
I've written so many poems
And like that thing
So I sent the manuscript over to the publisher
And he wants to publish
So my book is dropping in fall
The wrecking yard is dropping in fall
He wants to drop the poetry book in spring
And I just found out I'm going to AWP
Which is like the writer Superbowl
And I'm going to be on a panel
About rural and southern voices
And storytelling and literature
Your boy
Your boy
Your boy is going to talk to the snooties
And tell them how a good old boy writes
Ha ha ha
Ain't that a life of trip sometimes
Boy you just wake up one day
And find yourself in the wildest lane
I love it
I love it, I love it
You always read that thing
Sorry I keep thinking my gate's open
I keep looking and it ain't
It's one of them optical eye illusions
My buddy Mark would call it
It's one of those things
I used to always get inspired
By the fact that
The Kentucky Fried Chicken guy
Colonel Sanders, he didn't make all his money
Not even money, but he didn't have his success
Till he was in his 60s
Dave Thomas, the Wendy's guy
Also didn't have his success till later on in life
When people finally figured out he was good
At what he was doing, and I ain't making burgers
Or chicken, but I'm making people feel good
And I'm glad I'm having some success
In a lane I can be proud of
I get letters every week
People tell me I help them
I get emails every week
People tell me I help them
That's the legacy I want to make
A lot of people laugh
But by God
If I leave a legacy
Of making people feel better
About this journey we're on
Then that's something I can be proud of
That's something I can go on to the next life
For whatever's happening and be okay with
I promise you that
That's one of those things
If you can find a way
The poetry book
My mama loved
The poetry would have made my mama proud
My mama loved the fact that I can make people laugh
She thought I was funny
She loved it when I was being too much
She loved the fact that I can make people laugh
She loved the fact that
I've done comedy in a way I
You know
She would have been mad at me
About the memoir, the wrecking yard
In this podcast because it shared too many
Secrets
But the minute that publisher
Started trying to screw up my book
She would have been the first one on a plane
To Baltimore to burn his damn house down
You know what I mean
Like she would have had my back on that
But the poetry
Would have made her proud
She would have had this book of poetry
On her coffee table
And everybody she knows coffee table
She would have bought a case of them
Had me sign them and she would be giving them out
When she went to the swinging door
Barbecue and putting them at the doctor
My baby wrote that, putting them at the doctor's office
So it makes me really happy
And there's a few poems about her in it
And
Man, I might read you all one of my new poems
At the end of the episode if you're into it
Don't you can tell me you're not
So I'm probably going to do it anyway
I decided I wrote this new poem called
Crowns I really love
It was my favorite one and then I wrote this poem
About
Rachel called Daisy
That it's my new favorite
I think it's the closure of the book
So I have just been
On a creative
Go time
I also keep making my lots of legends
About to do another one about the
AMC Eagle
But last week or week 4
I decided to do one about the Ford 9-In tractor
And
When I did
The one about the Ford 9-In tractor
It wasn't a video about Henry Ford
But you have to talk about Henry Ford
When you talk about
The 9-In tractor because this was his idea
Is he wanted this cheap old tractor
Made from car and truck parts
That every farmer could work on
And that was
Just the right size for what people
Needed at that time
And he went out and he built the Ford Ranger
Of tractors
And boy the comments come
Flooding especially on YouTube
He was a monster
He was anti-Semite
He hated the Jewish people
Yes
Yes he was a monstrous human being
But
That's not the whole truth
And I'm tired of living
And I'm probably going to say some things
You're going to piss some people off today
And I'm going to be honest with you
I don't get political but I am going to say
Some stuff about partisan people
Because there's shit that I'm just
I'm just sick to death of
I'm sick to death
Of the right side of the eye
Always trying to conceal the darkness
And the truth about history
And I'm sick to death of the left side of the eye
Trying to cancel out
Any contribution anybody they didn't like
Or was a bad person made
And the real truth of the matter is
Is you got to look at the whole man
And we should examine every bit of that
We should examine every bit
There are monsters
That contributed to our society
And we should talk about it
We should not sweep it under the rug
But we also shouldn't cancel out
Their contribution to society
That doesn't necessarily excuse their actions
Both sides of the political aisle
Are in the erasure business
This side wants to pretend
They were just men of their time
Nothing to see here
And this side over here wants to pull down statues
And burn the contributions along
With the name
And neither one of them sides is telling the truth
Because the truth is harder
And far more interesting
Than either of them want to deal with
Some of the people
Who built the world we live in
The roads
The highways
The machines
The music, the art
Were brilliant
Monsters
In the same lifetime
Two things can be true
You don't have to choose
You just have to look at the whole picture
It's not forgiveness
It's just honesty
Look at Thomas Edison
What's the myth?
Thomas Edison is this lone genius inventor
The light bulb
The phonograph
Over a thousand patents
The greatest inventor in American history
That's the story we was taught in school
And it's bullshit
He was not primarily an inventor
He was a machine
For monetizing other people's inventions
What he built was an invention factory
He staffed it with
The same thing Elon Musk has done
He staffed it with brilliant engineers and scientists
Whose name nobody knows
And then he held the patents
He had the money
They did the enormous amounts of work
Many of his patents were
Just improvements or refinements on existing technology
He was an absolute genius
At industrialization
Commercialization
Self promotion
Which is a real skill
But it's not the same as this guy
Tinkering away in his lab
Making all these great inventions
Like it was presented to us
The electricity we all got in our house
Alternating current, AC current
It ain't from Edison, it's from Tesla
Tesla worked for Edison earlier in his career
AC current
Even at that time
Was clearly superior
To DC current
Which was Edison's system he was pushing
When it come to large scale power distribution
Edison knew it
He didn't care, he had invested
All his money in direct current
So, what does he do?
Does he go to Tesla and go, hey man
Can we use your invention or can we work together
And try to make this whole thing better
No, he doesn't do that
Because that's going to get in the way of his money
Because the dude doesn't really give a shit
About anything other than his money
So he launches a public campaign
To destroy Tesla
And the AC current ideas
Not a business campaign
Just an outright
Scare tactic campaign
Built on fear
They went around
I said, you can look this up
This is crazy shit, I didn't know this part
Until I was doing research for this episode
But Edison
And his associates
Began going around the country
And publicly
Publicly electrocuting animals
To prove that alternating current was dangerous
Dogs, calves, horses
Killed in demonstrations
In the early 1900's they
Now there's a lot of people claim Edison
Didn't have anything to do with this
But the marketing company that did it
Was directly tied to him
So whether he gave the order or not
Who knows, but
They electrocuted Topsy a circus elephant
At Coney Island on film
The footage still exists
It's called electrocuting elephant
You can watch it if you want to
I chose not to because I love elephants
And that would just broke my heart
Edison's team also helped develop
And lobbied for the electric chair
Using alternating current
Specifically
So that Tesla's invention would become
Associated in the public mind
With death and execution
And in all boils down to
Tesla was the better scientist
Edison couldn't stand it
Tesla held the patents on alternating current power
And the Niagara Falls generator
And he had to sign away
His Niagara Falls royalties
To bell out Westinghouse
Who backed him
When they got in financial trouble
Tesla gave up a fortune
To honor a loyalty
Because he was a little bit better man
Meanwhile Edison got rich
Got credit for all this
Shit he didn't do
And Tesla died broken alone
The New York
Hotel in like the early 40s
Feeding pigeons out the window
Yeah
The unit of magnetic flux density
Is named Tesla, he got a measurement
Edison got this myth
And this bullshit celebration
That is a vicious
Insecure
Person willing to destroy a better man
To protect his investment
The myth
Is mostly PR
He built himself
The man underneath it
Is far more complicated
And considerably less heroic
Not a good person
Not a good human
Did not live his life as a good man
By any stretch of the imagination
Now if you're electrocuting animals
To screw somebody
Like that's just
Henry Ford
You can talk all day about Henry Ford's
Accomplishments that were good
They were good accomplishments for this country
Model T put America on wheels
For Henry Ford
Cars were rich men's toys
The moving assembly line
Didn't just build cars
It changed how all
Manufacturing worked worldwide
For the better
In early 1900s
He doubled his workers wages to $5 a day
That don't sound like much to us
But it was a bunch to them
It was more than double the industry standard
That men was getting paid to work in a factory
That wage decision he made
Is one of the most significant moments
In the creation of the American middle class
And his whole stated reason was
Workers should be able to afford the cars they build
I talked about the nine end tractor in my video
One of the most important machines in American agricultural history
Whether you like it or not it is
It put on every tenth farm
Lifted the burden of farming
From flesh and blood
Because it was a tractor that farmers could afford
Real working people's lives
Got easier because of that machine
But he also bought
A small newspaper
And turned into an anti-Semitic
Propaganda machine
With something like 900,000 readers
And they distributed it through Ford dealership
Every Ford dealership in America
Used his car empire
As a delivery system for his hate
He had this long series
Called The International Jew
The World's Problem
And it was something like 90 articles
About how bad Jewish people were over 7 years
And a lot of it was just built on
A bunch of these forged papers
And bull crap that wasn't real
The forged paper republished this fact
Blamed Jewish people
For everything wrong in the world
The World War I bootleg liquor
Everything
Just
To him they were the destruction
Of the Anglo-Saxon way of life
His book was translating German
And had direct influence on the growing Nazi movement
Adolf Hitler personally idolized Ford
There's a famous interview
Before becoming chancellor
Where there's a portrait of
Henry Ford hung on the wall
Behind Hitler's desk
He told the Detroit News
I regard Henry Ford as my inspiration
Ford is the only American
Mentioned in Mein Kampf
And he's mentioned favorably
After, and this isn't like
Oh, we didn't know how bad Hitler was going to be
Then when he started killing people, we backed
It wasn't that, because in
The late 30s, well
After the persecution
Of Jewish people was well underway
Ford accepted
The grand cross of the German eagle
The highest honor Nazi Germany gave
To a foreigner. He accepted on 75th
Birthday. He was not shying away
From this stuff
He got sued for a live bell
And had to
Pump out some old bullshit apology
That he had somebody else write
For him
But in private, Henry Ford continued to
Hold and express his anti-Semitic beliefs
Right up to his death
That apology was damage control
Not a change of heart
If you know the way he treated
Edsel Ford, it's one of the most
Horrific stories in
Automotive history
He made him believe
That he was president of Ford Motors
But then, so Henry
Ford had a group
Of thugs
X soldiers and X cops
That he called the Ford
Service Department and he used them to
Bust up unions and terrorize people
Maybe I had a gang of thugs
He was used to terrorize people
Then he turned them on his own son
To bully him and intimidate
Him and spy on him
To the point the dude ended up with
Stomach ulcers and then died of stomach
Cancer
Henry the second
Hated his grandad
Because he blamed him for his father's death
And then turned into
Kind of a weird version of him
Which was kind of crazy
Not a good man
Might stretch his imagination
Not a good man, he done some wonderful things
For America, done some wonderful things
For automotive manufacturing
You can't, you can't just
Dump all the, the nine in tractors
Real, the five dollar day was
Real, the assembly line is real
But also, so is all the bad
Shit, it's all real too
Portrait over Hitler's desk, the grand
Cross
You don't get to keep the tractor and throw away
The anti-Semitism
And you don't get to just talk about the
Antisemitism and throw away the tractor
You have to take the whole man
Or your line about history
We've had Picasso sometimes
Just a, just a predator
Of the human being, the way he treated women
He was a terrible, terrible person
Brilliant artist
But that doesn't excuse the fact
That this is true too
My counter-arguing
And I don't, I'm not one of these people
Believes everybody becomes successful
As a monster, I'm not one of these dudes
It's just because somebody gets money
Turns them into a monster
I've met people with money that were good human beings
I've met successful people that were good
Human beings, I've also met
Poor people who are monsters
And I've met unsuccessful people who are monsters
And good human beings
My counter-argument to them too
Is that you, you can have
Greatness without the monster
And that's where Diamond Jim Brady
Comes into play
Y'all have heard me say
Diamond Jim, that was a joke
My papa used to say, my papa, oh look at that
Every time you had something fancy, oh look at
Old Diamond Jim, look at Old Diamond Jim
Coming through there, you get a new pair of sunglasses
Look at Old Diamond Jim with new sunglasses
By your new car
Look at Old Diamond Jim with that new car
But Diamond Jim Brady, Jim Buchanan
Was a real dude
He was born
In like the 1850s
In New York City
He was an Irish immigrant family
Which if you know
The time period and the history there
The Irish were not treated well
They were treated as
As a servant class
His father
Ran a saloon
He got his first job, I think what he was like
14 as a bellboy at a hotel
And worked his way up
To railroad supply
Cells and became
The greatest salesman
In American history
Sold railroad equipment
Across the country
And built a fortune doing it
He's the real dude
The real self-starter, the real guy
That built everything
By the time he was done
He was one of the wealthiest men in America
The reason they had it, they called him Diamond Jim
Was because he was fascinated with
Emeralds and diamonds
He had 31
So for every day of the month
He had a complete set of jewelry
To wear as his accoutrements
With his suits
Diamonds, rubies, emeralds, sapphires
Each set was matched
Cuff links, shirt studs
Belt buckle, watch chain
Rings, tie pin
When he
When he died
Even way back then
His diamond collection was valued
Over like 2 million dollars
Which would just be tens of millions today
And he wore them everywhere
Every day, restaurants, racetracks, theaters
People came out to see
Diamond Jim just to see the jewelry
He was a walking spectacle
And loved every minute of it
He was also legendary for his eating
Diamond Jim Brady 8 at a scale
That is almost incomprehensible
You go and read these reports
I don't know why nobody's made a movie about this dude
Like it's a brilliant story
He called oysters good companions
And he would eat
A couple dozen oysters
To start his meal
Several crabs, full turtle soup
Two whole ducks, six or seven lobsters
Steak, vegetables
A full platter of pastries and sweets
Wash down with gallons of orange juice
And lemon so he didn't drink at all
He didn't drink alcohol at all
He ate enough at one sitting
To feed a table of ten all the time
It's eventually what killed him
When they did the autopsy
After he died, doctors estimated
His stomach was five to six times
The normal size
I mean, ate himself into
Severe health problems but never stopped
That was just
You know
You can be great and have flaws
And men
Had a flaw with his eating
And that's one I can understand
He had this companion
And it's hard to find out
If they were ever romantic or not
But it's hard to tell but she was an actress
And a singer
And her name was Lily and Russell
And she was already very famous
She was the most famous entertainer in America at the time
She's a large woman
Healthy woman
And
I suppose they were not romantically involved
But she had
Her own complicated love life
But they were inseparable friends for decades
But then there's rumors that they were
At times romantically involved
But they would go eat together
And she could nearly
Keep pace with him at the table
I found what I was doing
Research this episode
That Diamond Jim Brady gave her
A gold-plated bicycle
With her initials
And diamonds and rubies on the handlebar
Because
Of course he did
Diamond Jim
I don't
I wanted to dig into it
I couldn't find it if anybody still has that bicycle
I would love to just go see that
Like at a museum or something
Like hear badge what that thing even looks like
I couldn't even find a picture of it
Diamond Jim Brady was famous
For a third thing though
This is where it gets interesting
At least to me
Third thing he was famous for
Was his incredible generosity
And kindness
He gave enormous amounts
Of his money away
Quietly and without any fanfare
People knew about it
Diamond Jim didn't talk about it
He had your life
He funded the James Buchanan Brady Urological Institute
At Johns Hopkins
It's still one of the
Premier Urology Centers in the world
Still has his name on it
He was known for
Giving freely to his friends
Strangers, waiters
Anyone who needed help
He gave money
Hosted lavish dinners
Picked up every check always
I can imagine what the check was for his meal
Never married
No children
When he died the rest of his money
Went to people and institutions
He gave money to several hospitals
Around New York
Orphanages
Which is kind of crazy
It's kind of crazy that he lived this life
Of like legendary excess
With the diamonds and the food
And then he was like a teetoler about alcohol
Never drank it
But would drink gallons of orange juice
And lemon soda
This is a man of enormous appetite
Enormous wealth
Enormous ambition
And no victims
No rivals destroyed
No propaganda, no hate
No cruelty
Just a big loud generous
Ridiculous, magnificent American
Who loved his life
And shared it with everyone around him
He proves the point from the other direction
You don't got to be a monster to be great
Sometimes greatness
Is just a fat man and diamonds
Who always picked up the check and funded a hospital
On the way out
You got people over here who want
When it comes to history
You got people over here who want to protect the statue
They don't want
You got people over here who want to tear it down
But neither one of them wants to have all the truth
On the plaque
Truth is a whole man
Always
Tractor in the newspaper, the light bulb in the dead elephant
Diamonds in the hospital
Me and my flaws
Yes, I help people
I'm doing some good stuff, I'm trying to be a better person
But that does not excuse
The 20 years I spent on this
Planet causing chaos and destruction
And being a dickbag
We can't keep
History don't owe us heroes
It owes us the truth
And we owe it the same thing back
Let's wrap that up right there
I'm ready to get into Wally Bottom
Y'all ready to get into Wally Bottom?
Let's get into Wally Bottom
Episode A
Let me put my old man's spectacles on
Cause they still got my eyes screwed up
See I went to the eye doctors
Told me I needed some bifocals
And then she gave me
She put one prescription in this eye
And another prescription in this eye of my contacts
And this eye is supposed to be able to see close up stuff
And this eye is supposed to be able to see far away stuff
And all it really feels like
Is most of the time both my eyes are screwed up
I'm not very happy with my eye doctor right now
We're about to have a conversation
And apparently the bifocal contacts
Take months to make
And so I gotta wait on them
So I'm like can you just put me back in my old prescription
Where I felt like I could half ass see
Cause you got me jacked up lady
Let's return
To the Wally Bottom's text
It's past midday when the jailer opens
The door to the cell
Dusty and Tony have been sitting
Quietly staring off into space
Since all the commotion was Carl Sr. earlier
That morning
The jailer is a ruddy faced
Heavy set young man with a warm smile
Older than Tony
But they were in school together
Hey guys
Y'all are being released
Hanged your memos here of Mr. Tilton
Tony's good I got a little bigger
What about my papa
The jailer grand
He ain't with them boy
Boy I didn't know Mr. Carl
Had that in him
The sheriff himself had to go out there
And calm him down before he left
Tony and Dusty stood
Stiffly and followed the jailer
Down to the evidence clerk to pick up
The personal effects and sign them out
Tony signed quickly
And shook the yellow envelope
Out on the desk
Of course that asshole didn't pick up my knife
Piece of shit
Dusty was already putting his turquoise ring
Back on sliding his wallet
In his back pocket
Sorry my man
I took shit too far
After you warned me
I go help you look for it
Tony stuffed his wallet
Keys in his pocket
It's fine Dusty
I'm just bent about it
But his tone indicated it was anything other than fine
Dusty had never seen him
Without that pocket knife on him
And he knew it meant something to his friend
He just didn't know what
He made a mental note to get out to that road
As quickly as possible and hunt for it
The jailer led them to the lobby
Where Elena stood
Quietly chatting with one of the dispatchers
Hey there Mrs. Haynes, my mama said to say hi
Elena fixated her bright green eyes
On the young jailer
Well ain't she a doll
Tell her I'll see her in church come Sunday
Honestly she cursed a little
In the back of her head
Because that boy's mama was the biggest gossip
At first Baptist
She'd probably been burning the phone lines
Up with the other women of the Bible study group
All morning talking about her grandson
She smiled her million dollar smile anyways
Though before the young red faced fella
Turned to go back to his duties
She looked at her grandson
Swollen face and closed eyes
She hadn't seen him in the better part of a year
In her own eyes well of a bit
Come here baby
Tony didn't hesitate
He crossed the distance and one step
And threw himself into her arms
They were the same ones that held him
As he cried for his mama for nights on end
The same ones that would rub his shoulders
Lightly as she looked down on his latest
Drawing beaming with pride
He didn't care that Dusty was present
Just buried his face in her shoulder
And pulled her tight while her hands
Smoothed his hair
She straightened him up and held his jaw
Lightly rubbing a well manicured hand
Over the swelling
That son of a bitch
She muttered through pursed lips
And gritted teeth
Tony was a bit shocked
He'd only heard her curse one other time
When a local stray killed her favorite laying hen
Her eyes caught Dusty
Standing awkwardly
You must be Richard
Dusty's eyes opened big
No one had called him by his given name
In some time
He started to speak but Tony cut him off
He goes by Dusty memo
Elana
To her credit and the consummate lady
Immediately smiled and said
Dusty it is
Sorry baby I was just going off the paperwork
But you'll be Dusty from now on
She could disarm anyone
And Dusty was no exception
His marble eyes got brighter
And his grim betrayed that he was already
Wanting to be adopted by her
Thank you Miss Ains
She turned and hugged him
And said you call me Miss Elana
Sugar you're one of mine while you're here
Elana
Had always secretly wanted a whole
Mess of kids and grandkids
And it just hadn't been in the cards
Her own daughter had died young
With a bad heart from the get go
And Carl and her had been too devastated
To try again
Tony was an only child
After Cherise had complications
During his birth that prevented her from having
Anymore
Let's get you boys over to the hospital
Mr. Tilton says
We got to get you checked out and documented
And then I'll take you all to my house
And get you fed
And neither one of you got enough meat
On you to stop a strong wind
She said a quick goodbye
To the dispatcher with a promise
To email her a recipe before the boys
Followed the queen of Diwali bottoms
Out to the parking lot in the hot afternoon sun
The air conditioner
In the sheriff's office
Made a low hum
He kept the thermostat a little warm
Because he preferred the heat
Having worked countless Texas summers
Outside in his youth bailing hay
With his fathers and uncles
He was a tall man
And wiry in his build
A small punch in his midsection
From the comforts of a successful middle part
Of his life
He leaned back in his stuffed chair
And fiddled with the straw western had
On his desk
The masonic ring on the third finger
Of his right hand catching the fluorescent
Overhead lights and glittery
He hadn't had the job long
He'd been a business owner
Since he got back from Panama in the 80s
After a stint in the Marine Corps
He had built up a chain
Of farm supply stores
Before heading the chamber of commerce
In Henderson, the county seat
The previous sheriff
And his lieutenant had been hastily removed
From office after an incident
That led to the death of an inmate
And federal charges
The locals had thrown a special election
To get a man they trusted to clean up the department
And more importantly
Send the feds to back
Wherever they come from
He looked at his
Wedding ranger on the left hand
He'd been enjoying coffee on the porch
With his wife this morning
Optimistic about the day until he got
The call that a local beloved Vietnam vet
Was threatening
To burn his whole department down
If he didn't get the blood of a problematic deputy
He'd finally got Carl
Calm down and sensible
And the dispatcher settled
Only to find the most stubborn lawyer
In all of East Texas waiting in his office
With a file with the folder
Thick as barbed wire
He spoke
Now Dave, we're
Dropping the charges against them boys
No one's filing charges
On Carl Sr
As far as Swindon goes
I'm not accustomed to being told
What to do with my men
I plan on handling that
What else can I do for you
Dave Tilton was in his mid 60s
Now in sharper fort
His hair had whitened and his smile
Was still warm and genuine
But so was his love for the Haynes
In particular Carl Sr
He grinned back
At the sheriff completely unenvious
Of the man's position in any way
He thumped the folder lightly
With his hand before relaxing back
Into the upholstered guest chair
He couldn't help but notice the sheriff's chair
Was a little taller
Old Marines never change he thought
Now sheriff it never even crossed my mind
You might charge Carl Sr
Hell he didn't do nothing
But make a little noise
You gonna lock a decorated
Veteran away on a noise violation
No I just
I didn't even think in that direction
On my part
I apologize for any miscommunication
I did not come to your office to push
The belief that little of me
In any way could tell you what to do
No sir that ain't my way
I just come down here
To explain to you what I'm about to do
And you could handle that accordingly
My friend
That folder
Has eight civil complaints against
Officer Swindon not to mention
A domestic arrest and charges
From his own ex-wife
As we both know that
It's not a good look for Russ County
Right now with one of their
Former administrators sitting in a federal
Unit
The charges against them boys
Was manufactured and you know it
We don't even know what kind of damaged
Them unleashed animals of yours did
To that boys pickup yet
And I got them over getting x-rays
Documenting the damage your deputy's
Done to them
I trust you as does
The rest of the county
To fulfill your oath to the best of your abilities
But when I'm done
That Swindon ain't gonna be able
To get a job at the TSA
They've thumped the folder
Likely once more and stood when
The outstretched hand
The sheriff stood and shook his hand
His cool dark eyes and plastered
Dren hiding the bristle underneath
But damn if that stubborn old bastard
Wasn't right
Dave
I sure hope I don't see you anytime soon
And I mean that you stubborn old
Shit
They both laughed but as Dave walked to the door
The sheriff said
I'll call the impound lot and have them release the pickup
Get an estimate for the damage
Send to build my office
Well we'll take care of it
Thank you sheriff
Dave closed the door
And walked away
The glass pane read David Lee Garza
Russ County Sheriff
Sheriff Garza put
His straw hat on and picked up the phone
Before pressing an extension
Sheriff called Tim over at impound
Tell him release that Haynes boys dodge
And find Swindon
I want his ass in my office
Before day end
He hung up the phone
And stared out in the parking lot from his window
At the row of squad cars
Dusty felt sick looking at
The interior of Tony's pickup
Their guitars had been thrown in the bed
But at least still in their cases
The assortment of picks scattered in the bed
Gave proof that they'd been
Gone through though
The bench seat had been slid open
With a pocket knife and the glove box
Hung out of the dash
He felt responsibility because he didn't
Understand the nature of men like Swindon
Yet this was going to happen regardless
Of how he'd behaved but he didn't know
That
Cordell my man
I hope you find
A new seat for it
Tony didn't speak
Just took in the destruction
They had finished up at the hospital
And Atlanta had stuffed them to the gills
With fried catfish Carl Sr
Had caught a couple of days ago
Carl Sr was over at Dave's office
Finishing up but told Atlanta
To make sure them boys get some rest
Because they was going fishing later
It was going to be a full moon
And the catfish would be out there eating all night
Tony slid
Into the mangled driver's seat
Put on a half smile
He knew his friend was feeling some way
And he didn't want him carrying the grief
Of the assholes responsible
There's plenty of junk yards
Around here brother
Another seat ain't going to be hard to find
But I'd like to go look for my knife
But you're welcome to hang out here and rest up
Dusty cut him off
Cordell if you don't know me better than that
I'm offended
You ain't going to look for that knife without me
Besides I tossed my stash behind a tree
When old two tall Jones was trying to body slam me
Dusty grinned that shit ass grin
Only he could get away with
Tony laughed out loud
Of course you did brother
He turned the key
And the old Dodge fired up
Dusty slid in
And they eased out of his grandparents driveway
Back to the two lane where they'd been stopped
It wasn't hard to find because the deputies
Had left a mess of seat foam
And latex gloves on the side of the road
Tony pulled a little ways ahead in the ditch
And stepped out to the back of the pickup
And started scanning the grass
Dusty followed suit
Amber was flying
Down 259
The AMG growling
While the Gallagher brothers wailed about a girl
They were comparing to a wall
She had called ahead
And had the caretaker go turn the AC on
At her grandparents house
And prime the electric well
She thought a couple weeks away from the noise
That Houston might be a good thing
And it was feeling better and better
The deeper within the pine curtain she got
She turned on to the two lane
To Diwali and mashed the gas
On the AMG enjoying the way
The German machine clung
To the curvy oil road like it was made
For straightening curbs
And flattening hills
I found it Cordell
Dusty held the yellow case pocket knife
Up like he'd won a boxing match
He'd been feeling useless all day
And he needed this small win
Tony smiled
His first real smile and took it from Dusty's
Outstretched hand
He was holding it up in the sunlight
Feeling like maybe something had clicked his life
Back into place for just a minute
Dusty had went to
Rooting behind a small stand of pines
In a short minute hollered
I found the green too
Before coming around the pines
With a small taped up plastic bag
Do Wally Green
He exclaimed gleefully
Tony was laughing at him
When the AMG came around the curve
And slowed down to make the turn
He looked at the driver in shock
She stared right back at him
Equally surprised to see one another
In this foreign environment
Her look of shock quickly
Shifted gears into disdain
As Amber quickly regained her composure
And accelerated past the red-headed
On the side of the road
Before her brain could even process
What the young man with the velvet voice
Was doing in her hometown
It reminded her that the prick hadn't even called her
And her tolerance for men
With low communication skills
Wasn't high
Dusty looked at Tony
There's no way that was her
Tony turned his good eye wide and bright
That was her
Dusty laughed
I'm guessing you didn't call
She looked pissed
Tony shoved the pocket knife
In his pocket and looked down the road
I didn't call her
Dusty tucked his own treasure away
Walked towards the pickup
Well shit Romeo
It's hard to find Juliet
If you don't pick up the phone
Tony walked towards the truck
Behind him and tossed a clump of grass
At his back
No shit Dusty
No shit
Tune in next week
For more from The Wildly Bottoms Text
Well that was a fun one to write
Sometimes I see all this stuff
This is kind of how it works when I write
Is I see all this stuff in my head
Like I don't know how to explain that to people
But I've already seen what happens
I knew Sheriff
I knew Sheriff Garza before I started writing
I know this man
I don't know how I know him, but I know this man
I knew Dave Tilton before I started writing
Dave Tilton's a living, breathing person to me
I don't know who he is
It's not writing, it's just pulling this
Like I heard Murrell Haggard say it one time
He would write songs, he just pulled them
Out of somewhere
And that's the way I like all these stories
Happened already
These stories all happened
I'm just pulling them from somewhere
So we can enjoy them
It's cool
Let's rap this
Let's do some testimonials
And get the hell out of dodge, guys
What's up
Jabbered on to one o'clock in the PM
Nearly
Let me see, I got them pulled up here
Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do
Do-do-do-do-do-do-do
Well, I said I had
Oh, here we go, here we go
I put my damn spectacles back on
At Tommy Davis 537
Famous cat surgeon
Sounds like the occupation that my 9 year old
Makes up for one of her Barbie dolls
Right? This shit tripped me out
When I found out this bar owner
He's like Dr. H is the goofiest
Most likable dude in the world
I only knew him as a bar owner
And when I found out he was like the Derek Shepherd
Grey's Anatomy of cat surgery
I was like, is that a thing?
But that's what this dude is a
He's actually a bone specialist
I guess he's more like the Cali
Of the bunch
He's an orthopedic specialist
When it comes to kittens in particular
What a crazy
What a crazy lane to find you
You see what I mean? Life's just funny
I agree buddy
Famous cat surgeon is hilarious
Be a great band name
Hello, hello everybody
We're Famous Cat Surgeon
Sounds like a punk band I think
Maybe a little ska influence
At Jacob Altrade's
Master of Fun, our old buddy
Brother that fallen on your face is fear
I was talking about being scared about the tour
I think some people misunderstood me
When I went from working to becoming a trainer
I was so overwhelmed because
I could do the job in my sleep
But now I have to show hundreds of people
How to do what I do and how it's done
To teach people's heart
Going on four years and I'm finally feeling comfortable
I've seen you live, I don't think you have
A single thing to worry about
You got this big dog
When I talked about going out there and falling on my face
I didn't mean so much the performance
That's not the part where I'll do a show for three people
And have a good time, we'll have a good time
The falling on my face is about selling the tickets
About you know
This is a for-profit business
As much as I enjoy doing it
It is a for-profit business
And if I'm going away from my family
That much then there needs to be
There needs to be a bag on the other side of that
And in order to get that bag
I got to sell about 12,000 tickets
For the end of the year and
That's the part that's daunting and got me a little scared
I'm worried about going out there
And showing up five and six people
At every show and you know
Losing money and because
Not just not making money but losing money
On the air travel and you know
All that shit's real expensive right now
Because America's great
Everything's expensive right now
And it's getting more expensive by the minute
And I don't know where it's going to stop
And I'm just trying to roll with the punches
Like most of us
At Chuck Packwood
I'm no comic
But I know in my life as I got more successful
I had less people that could
Relate to my situation
Sometimes you want to bounce things off
Someone other than your wife
To get an outside perspective
You're not alone feeling alone JW
That's why I saved
That comment
Because when I read you're not alone
Feeling alone JW
Chuck thank you for that
It eased my mind
In a lot of ways
That is a beautiful sentence
It carries a lot of weight and a lot of power
You're not alone feeling alone
I want to tell the whole world
That you're not alone feeling alone
That's a beautiful thing
Thank you for telling me that
I guess the point I was trying to make
With this episode
Is we ought not hide from our history
And I'll piss some people off
When I say this
Especially them that ain't truthful with themselves
But when it comes to partisan politics
There's always been a pull from the right side of the aisle
To conceal the monstrous side of some of these men
And a pull from the left
To conceal their contributions
No matter how great or small
Two things can be true and are true
There are monstrous human beings
Amongst us
That have contributed positively to the world
Enough to offset their behavior
That's not for me to decide
But we shouldn't conceal any of it
The contribution
Or their insidious actions
The world has been
And will remain full of Henry
Ford's and Thomas Edison's
Men that changed the shape of our lives
But weren't by any measure good people
When you look at their humanity
We should bring that into the daylight
Every chance we get
And examine it so the same mistakes aren't made again
We should try to hide none of it
But be wholly transparent about all of it
Especially when we teach our children
So that the world does change
With the shape of technology
But also the acknowledgement
That just because someone contributes
In a great and powerful way
They ain't necessarily behavior
To be modeled at all
If you get the chance
To build something great
Or a mass of wealth
Find a way to be a Diamond Jim Brady
Albeit with a better nutritional plan
I'm rooting for you
I make jokes about Diamond Jim all the time
But I'm rooting for you to find success
And be the Diamond Jim your community
Your people needs
Generous and kind
I'm trying to get there too
Find my inner Diamond Jim
Move into this part of my life
You keep trying
And I'll keep trying
And let's just see where we get
I'm JW
And I love you
I gave myself some applause
In preparation for all the people
Going to show up and be mad at me
And tell me what a son of a bitch I am
What a liberal, what a Republican
What a dickhead I am
I'm such a sick and political people
Sick to death of them
All of them
I'm sick of hearing it
Sick sick to death of them
We got other problems we got straight now
We got other shit we got to figure out
You know what I mean
Homeless and hungry people
We got right here in our own damn country
It's freaking embarrassing
It's freaking embarrassing
It's not who we are
It's not supposed to be
There's plenty of people I know
Full time jobs barely afford
To pay the bills right now
That's embarrassing
Man are not work his ass off all day
At a blue collar job
And break his body and have trouble
Making bills meet
Absolutely embarrassing
And people want to argue about stupid shit
Instead of let's talk about this
And how to fix this
You want to talk to me about some real stuff
Or whatever let's talk about that
Let's talk about that
I ain't got the answers but by God
I'll talk with you until we find some
But that's where our focus should be
With people dying left and right
They can't get health care and saving life
But that's where our focus should be
It's a damn embarrassment
It really is
It just ought not be that way
I love you guys
I appreciate y'all letting me be honest with you
If you did get mad at me
Honestly I'm sorry
It wasn't my intention
But sometimes
I gotta say things that's on my heart
And if that's too much for you
And you don't want to listen anymore
Or you don't want to support what I'm doing
Even more than I'm okay with that
I know I was honest
About the way I feel about things
And if that's too much for you
Or it just goes against
Some of your core beliefs too much
Then I understand
I ain't mad at you
Unless you say a bunch of stupid shit to me
And you say a bunch of stupid shit to me
I'm probably gonna say some stupid shit back to you
Cause boy I just you know
Just cause I'm kinda nice
Don't mean I'm gonna let you walk all over me
And call me a son of fifty
I mean call me a son of fifty
Cause I kinda am
But
Oh I promise to read y'all a poem
Against your will
Can't forget that
Which one am I gonna pick
That's the key question
I'm
I'm gonna read my new one cause it's my favorite one
A daisy
This is called daisy
But I didn't tell you that
A daisy tattooed in her twenties
Ink blue with time on her hip
Above the thigh
When my lips find it
Her body arches up into mine
Yearning for oneness
I ain't sure we don't get there
Parts of me are definitely her
This close together
She's not my children's mother
My peace
Or any other such notions
That exist outside our bed
Here it's a need
To be a part of who she is
Desire for her skin
And to see her lovely body
While her beauty keeps me undone
Voluntarism has left the room
And I can't refuse
She is the cocaine my soul has to have
I've no choice in the matter
Not that I'd want free will at this moment
What fool would
Symbiosis is just a word
Until you're in it
Then it's a life
Of intimate touch you could recognize
In the dark
Skin you know that calls
To something inside of you
No one else can see your touch
A burning that's welcomed
After a thousand fires before
A release that only feels sacred
Because you only worship at one temple
One glorious temple
That you seek in the hours of the morning
Or not
I'll lose her either way
We're at the age
Where bad news travels
And phone calls from doctors on a normal Friday
But I'll be god damned
If that ever comes without a fight
Without seeking the fire
Anyways, that's my new poem Daisy
If you didn't pick up on it
It's about Rachel
Oh, I love you guys
Thank you for sharing your Sunday with me
Thank you for wishing me well
It's good to be feeling better
Let's go start this damn tour
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