Exploring the nuances of modern car manuals and the challenges faced by journalists, this episode dives into a listener's question about the importance of reading manuals before using new cars. Hosts Richard and Johnny share personal anecdotes, including a humorous story about a Jaguar XKR and discuss the complexities of touchscreen controls in modern vehicles. They also touch on the evolution of car audience management on shows like Top Gear, and provide buying advice for family vans, highlighting options like the VW Caravelle and Ford Transit.
Jonny and Richard answer listener questions about reading the manual, the Top Gear lady wrangler, van advice, and the coolest car for transporting a Christmas tree.
"This has suddenly put me in mind of the first really nice car I ever drove, as in press car, was a Jaguar XKR of the original XK shape, the X100 and it was a beautiful bright red cabrio."
The Jaguar XKR is a fancy sports car from the UK that was made in the 2000s. It has a big engine and looks very stylish, like a modern version of the classic Jaguar sports cars.
The Jaguar XKR is a high‑performance version of the classic XK sports car, produced from 2005 to 2010. It features a powerful V8 engine and a sleek, coupe‑style body that was popular among enthusiasts for its blend of performance and luxury.
"The manual now in a lot of cars is built into the system. I was going to say the Tesla because of course you stop to charge and there's a few teslorisms that I wasn't familiar with."
Tesla makes cars that run on electricity instead of gasoline and have lots of computer features built in.
Tesla is an American automotive company known for its all-electric vehicles and advanced software integration.
"I have used the on, you know, the baked in infotainment manual a few times lately and it is handy but it tends to become reactive as in you, when you're struggling to work something out, you go in there and search it."
It’s a guide that lives inside the car’s computer, so you can look up how to use things like the radio or GPS without a paper book.
An infotainment manual is a digital guide embedded in the vehicle’s entertainment and information system, providing instructions on using features like navigation, media, and car settings.
"I was listening to the SSGs from top to center on their cream podcast the day and they mentioned something about how I think certain Mercedes have a function where if you hold down the air recirculation button, it not only recirculates the aircon it also if any windows are down."
When you press and hold the button that tells the car to keep air inside, it will also close any windows that are open so you’re protected from outside smells or wind.
In some Mercedes models, holding down the air recirculation button not only keeps cabin air from outside but also lowers any open windows, creating a sealed environment.
"[807.0s] mentions there being a lady Wrangler who brings superb examples of the mark to the front of the audience."
The Ford Wrangler is a popular off‑road vehicle that looks like a classic pickup truck but has four wheels and a roof. It’s famous for being tough on rough terrain and is often seen in adventure shows.
The Ford Wrangler is a rugged, body‑on‑chassis SUV known for its off‑road capability and iconic boxy design. It has been produced in various generations since the 1980s, with the current models featuring modern safety and technology upgrades.
"[863.0s] Oh, so many. It was weird. It was like that was always the thing, Subaru fleeces outnumbered anything else."
Subaru makes cars that can drive well in bad weather because they use a special system that sends power to all four wheels. They’re also known for having engines that sit low in the car, which helps with balance.
Subaru is a Japanese automaker known for its all‑wheel drive platforms, boxer engines, and strong focus on safety. The brand has a loyal following among drivers who value reliability and off‑road capability.
"We currently have a 2016 Volvo XC90 Johnny Don't Shame Us as our family card, due to the requirement of seven seats and a good tow bar capacity for our caravan"
The XC90 is a big family car from Volvo that can seat seven people and pull a small trailer. It’s known for being safe and comfortable.
The Volvo XC90 is a midsize luxury crossover SUV that seats up to seven passengers and offers strong safety features, spacious interior, and good towing capacity for caravans.
"[1255.0s] So, I'd say the transit has always driven very, very well."
The Transit is a big van from Ford that people use to carry stuff or passengers. It’s reliable and comes in different sizes.
The Ford Transit is a popular commercial van used for cargo, passenger transport, and various specialty conversions. It’s known for its spacious interior, reliable diesel engines, and versatile body styles.
Car
Citroën Relay
"But I went for a Citroën relay, which is the same as the voxel and the Persia boxer and loads of others."
The Citroën Relay is a type of van that people use for moving stuff or running small businesses. It’s big and roomy, like a truck but smaller.
The Citroën Relay is a mid-size van produced by the French manufacturer Citroën, known for its spacious interior and commercial use.
A style pack is a bundle of extra looks you can add to a car or van, like new colors or fancy interior touches.
A style pack is a set of exterior and interior cosmetic upgrades that can be added to a vehicle, often including new paint colors, trim pieces, and interior materials.
"[1383.0s] It's everything, all the sort of Stellantis companies have merged together..."
Stellantis is a big company that makes many different cars, like the Jeep and Dodge trucks. It was created when two other car companies joined together.
Stellantis is a global automotive group formed by the merger of Fiat Chrysler Automobiles and PSA Group, owning brands like Peugeot, Citroën, Jeep, Dodge, and Ram.
"But the Volkswagen Multivan is fantastic because, oddly, it’s not based on a van. The VW Multivan feels like a Passat with a really high-potemobile roof."
The Passat is a regular Volkswagen car that’s bigger than a compact but smaller than a full-size. It’s the base model that the Multivan is built from.
The Passat is a mid-size sedan produced by Volkswagen, known for its comfort and practicality. The Multivan shares many components with the Passat platform.
"But the Volkswagen Multivan is fantastic because, oddly, it’s not based on a van. The VW Multivan feels like a Passat with a really high-potemobile roof."
The Multivan is a big van from Volkswagen that can seat many people and has lots of room for cargo. It’s built on the same base as a regular VW Passat car.
The Volkswagen Multivan is a large, versatile van built on the platform of the VW Passat. It offers spacious interior and flexible seating, making it popular for family or commercial use.
Car
Volkswagen V-Class
"They reckon the Veto slash V-Class is the one. ... But, bizarrely, they've got a more premium badge than a Volkswagen."
The V‑Class is a big van from Volkswagen that’s more upscale than their smaller Vito. It has extra room and nicer features, so it’s a good choice for people who need space but still want a comfortable ride.
The Volkswagen V-Class is a large, multi‑purpose vehicle (MPV) that sits above the compact Vito in VW’s lineup. It offers more space, luxury features and a higher trim level, making it popular for families and commercial use.
"[1638.0s] they call them the troop carrier.
[1641.0s] They're really, I did a review on them for the late-break show."
Some older Land Cruisers were called “troop carriers” because they were used by the military to move soldiers and gear. They’re known for being very sturdy.
“Troop carrier” is a nickname for the early, rugged Land Cruiser models that were used by military and police forces. They were built to carry personnel and equipment in harsh environments.
"It's funny, I think they're eligible for the London to Brighton now, but I think they're going to shit all over the tillest deer"
The London to Brighton is a yearly race where people drive old cars from London all the way to Brighton, showing off classic vehicles.
The London to Brighton Veteran Car Run is an annual historic motor rally that covers the 54-mile route from London to Brighton, featuring vintage and classic cars.
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I'm Richard Porter. I'm Johnny Smith. And this is on the other side of things that Smith and Sniff spin off in which we answer your questions.
Do you know the thing about ottersotters is I thought that nobody listened to it. I thought everyone just listened to the hour long talking of Bullocks.
But it turns out that it's getting as popular as the main one. Rich. So, I thought I just mentioned that quick click.
I'm going to start with a question that's just come in from a list called Michael who's in Finland. He says, guys, I'm that strange type of man who buys something usually expensive, usually technical and reads the manual before I use it. This includes cars.
The night I buy a car, I'm found reading the manual, cover to cover. It's fun, interesting, and I then know how to use the thing I just paid my hard and dosh for.
Whenever I read reviews of cars or watch video reviews, I'm always struck by how the car journalists are always complaining about how difficult they find it to use modern cars.
They generally seem to be inept at finding basic functions on a touch screen, but should be quite easily understood upon reading the manual.
Is this because cars are now stupidly complicated, journalists are challenged by new fangled techno gubbins, or is it because they simply refuse to read the blooming manual?
Do you read manuals before reviewing a car or do you just wing it? If not, is it a time issue or simply the assumption that as a journalist and supreme expert in the craft, you don't need some manual telling you how to drive a car, CMT and B, Michael.
It's totally because of time. If I compare the pace of my job now to what it was in the early 2000s, let's say, it's so much faster now and you have less time with the car typically.
So you have to hit the ground running, which means in theory you should prep more, but you don't get the time or I don't find the time to prep more because I'm coming straight off other jobs.
So unfortunately, I'd love to read the manual because I am a bit of a manual reader for things and I totally see the joy and the thrill and the real enthusiasm of getting under the skin of the car quickly.
It's like bedtime reading and then the next day you go out and lock the car, get in and you'll go, yeah, I know what that means. Yes, I know how to activate that.
So it's the knowledge's power thing, isn't it? My dad is one of those people. My dad, coming up to Christmas, my dad was an absolute manual reader, so we'd unwrap a present and I would look at it and go, wow, and then start kind of playing with it or whatever I was doing.
My dad would grab the manual and by the time food was served, my dad could tell you everything about it. It was really good actually. Dad's a proper manual reader.
This has suddenly put me in mind of the first really nice car I ever drove, as in press car, was a Jaguar XKR of the original XK shape, the X100 and it was a beautiful bright red cabrio.
And that was probably like 23 in my first job at Pebble Mill. A lot of really flash cars had a, you weren't allowed to drive them if you were that age and somehow the Jaguar was and I took it home for the night and I was so excited by it and I'd never driven anything as fast or as seemingly sophisticated.
And I actually got the manual out of the glove box and I remember, I, you didn't masturbate. But I did, I just remember lying on my bed, just reading the manual for ages is like, there's really nothing better to do but it's probably like a Tuesday night and there wasn't. There's nothing I'll tell you.
So I just read the manual and I would say though to answer Michael's question, there's another thing that prevents you from reading the manual time, as you said, is a very important one, but also a lot of cars don't come with a manual anymore because it would have to be as thick as a couple of bibles and they just don't bother.
The manual now in a lot of cars is built into the system. I was going to say the Tesla because of course you stop to charge and there's a few teslorisms that I wasn't familiar with.
I have used the on, you know, the baked in infotainment manual a few times lately and it is handy but it tends to become reactive as in you, when you're struggling to work something out, you go in there and search it.
You wouldn't just read it because you can't really set out to do that as such and that is an ongoing thing but it's a shame because actually sometimes if you do have a paper manual, you might discover there's some functionality you didn't know is there because you would never just chance on it by accident.
I was listening to the SSGs from top to center on their cream podcast the day and they mentioned something about how I think certain Mercedes have a function where if you hold down the air recirculation button, it not only recirculates the aircon it also if any windows are down.
On the assumption that you just want to be sealed in because there's something stinky or fume or whatever nearby.
But then I think they said if you hold it down again, it will lower the windows back to where they were.
Really? Okay, that's very slick.
Yeah. No, because you'd never, unless you accidentally held down the air recirculation button, why would you?
You'd never discover that but I presume it's in the manual and somebody had that bright idea in a meeting and a team implemented it with some extra code and blessed them they're probably thinking nobody knows all our hard work on this because you'd have to read the manuals to find out.
There's probably lots of examples of things like that. I'm trying to think of stuff I've discovered by accident, but I don't know.
I know Michael's right, journalists complain a lot about basic functions on a touchscreen, but the fact is that really some of them are so cocast in design that it's more a failing off the car because you think about what a punter's going to go through.
I do, it does stick in my crew when car journalists complain about stuff. The one at the moment is people go, er, you've got to adjust the door mirrors by going into the touchscreen.
You're like, how often do you adjust the door mirrors in your car? If it's got a memory function that works well, you set it for you, if someone else uses the car as well, they have their memory setting.
You don't fiddle with the mirrors in cars. There's a one-shot deal and you should be stopped while you're doing it really, so it's like that I don't think is a valid criticism.
Whereas having to go through a multi-page thing to find a seat heater or something like that, that is frustrating. That should be really quick and easy to find, preferably permanently displayed if it's not an actual hard button.
But some stuff, I agree. Complaining about things that, if you own the car you'd know about, isn't strictly fair, I would say.
A lot of the time when journalists are criticising touchscreen stuff, it's because it's shit. I would say most of the time.
There's a little hack, which I was driving that VW percent recently. There's a little hack that still has those touch sensitive, temperature slider things for the climate control.
You can tap or you can run your finger either side. Neither is very good. They need to bend that off, the same way they've got really touch sensitive buttons on the wheel.
But there's a hack with those, which I discovered a while ago, and again, it probably is something you would only find out from reading the manual, or seeing it mentioned somewhere else, which is if you do a two-finger tap on it.
Oh, OK. No, I didn't know that.
Two-finger tap on the temperature slider, and it'll engage in heat and season that you can tap up and down the temperature.
It's weird, isn't it? Meanwhile, Paul should give you a physical button for the heated steering wheel that you can't even see.
So they're making a point of making a physical button, and it's so discreet that you can't even see it. You have to just feel for it, which I love.
Well, there we go. This is not a question. This is actually an answer to something that I brought up. Maybe last otterslot, but it's...
We've had a response from a chap called Rowan Haarne Castle. Who is the head of content for BBC Top Gear?
Yes, and Rowan listens to us.
I love the fact he listens to us, although I'm sorry for the amount of time he's wasted.
Hi, chaps. Today's episode offered unexpected relief as a 12-year burden of embarrassment has finally lifted from my shoulders.
Johnny mentioned his despondent festival of speed passenger ride with UR Kanky-Kankinen.
Well, I had the same ride in the same Bentley speed with the same flying fin only with even less conversation.
He barely acknowledged me when I got in. Fair enough, I thought he's Nordic. But with youthful enthusiasm behind me, I naively thought I could warm him up.
You know, a few gentle questions and all. After all, this is the man who survived Group B and set ice speed records.
Then, in the queue for the brickwork start line, somebody had fired a car straight into the hay-bells.
I took this moment, a shared incident, something to spark even a word.
Instead, he shut his eyes, crossed his arms, rested his head on the red stitched leather Bentley headrest, and just went to sleep.
Properly asleep, for 40 minutes. I even had to wake him up when the queue started moving. He was in such a state of zero fucks.
He then drove the hill-climbs start to finish without saying anything. Shook by hand, and that was it. I was left.
I was left thinking I was the worst interview in the history of mankind, but I delighted to hear Johnny got the same glacial shoulder as I've kept it quiet for over a decade now.
Keep it up, Rowan. Rowan, you've even enclosed a picture of Cankey fully asleep at the wheel, not as in at the wheel, but not driving.
There we go. Good old cat. I think there's unfinished business with Cankey. I need to go round to Cankey and tell us.
I need to have a jolly knees up with him or something.
You and Rowan can go together. Anyone else who's felt slightly cold-shouldered by you, Cankey, and go round with her.
Should we do carol singing with him?
I'd love that. I'd love that.
I wish you a rally, Chris.
Oh, yes. And a group B-new year?
Yes, yes.
A group B-new year.
Excellent. Okay.
A very quick one here from a listener called Chris Taylor who says, hello SSGs.
While watching an episode of Top Gear with my son, one of the guest celebrities, Ross Noble, I believe,
mentions there being a lady Wrangler who brings superb examples of the mark to the front of the audience.
Was this truly someone's job and did the decision to use some audience members over others as a backdrop, ever cause any friction?
This is sort of true, but it wasn't like there was an actual person called Lady Wrangler.
What happened is, as the Top Gear audience got bigger, from its early days when there was almost no one there, obviously we started to have people standing behind the stage in greater crowds.
And initially it was just, right, can you all go and stand there? And people would rush to the front because they wanted to be on telly.
But quite a lot of them were the early adopters of coming to the Top Gear studio, which was generally lads in car brands.
Yeah, there's a few 555 jackets, I'm sure.
Oh, so many. It was weird. It was like that was always the thing, Subaru fleeces outnumbered anything else.
So what would happen is then you'd get some lad in a 555 fleece chewing and seemingly not understanding anything that was being said on the stage.
And so you would hear laughter from a joke that landed, but all you would see was this big face just down by Jeremy's elbow in a blue fleece, sort of chewing and looking confused.
And it was realised that that wasn't ideal. So we started saying, right, we're going to have to manage this.
So in TV and anything that happens in a studio, there's a floor manager and they run the floor of the studio and they're talking on a headset to the director who's in the gallery.
And he's saying, could you use it stuff like, okay, can you just move on the Top Gear set?
Sometimes the table would be slightly wrong or whatever it was. The director's looking at how the shots are framed ago.
He just moved out there and he would also say, can you bring some people into the back of shot and Brian, our director, always used to go, get me some pretty girls, get me some pretty girls.
And it was, you know, it sort of feels slightly off-color now, but that was the truth of it just because we thought that perhaps the viewer would rather see someone reasonably attractive than a chewing bloke in a 555 fleece.
So it did happen and people discovered this and it was always felt like they would do it as a kind of gotcha.
We know you move pretty women to the back of shot. We'd be like, yeah, we do.
Because you'd probably rather look at an attractive woman just down by Jeremy Zalbo who's going to be in shot pretty much the whole time compared to some massive oaf in a toyota rally jacket who doesn't seem to understand any of the jokes.
So it was, yeah, it was shameless, but it was done simply because it felt like it that people would rather look at that.
You know, sometimes we've kind of reasonably turned out good-looking men in the shot as well. It wasn't just, but it was the floor managers job to do that.
So he accidentally became the lady Wrangler.
Although then later we introduced, for some reason, I don't know why this was.
And that's it because Jeremy went, it's all well and good. He said to the director, I see you having the floor manager moving all these pretty women into shot.
But sometimes they're just there with other people. They've been dragged along. They're not really enjoying it.
And I look over and I see them looking really miserable and it's slightly off-putting.
I feel like we need to figure out if they're actually there because they want to be there.
So a new system is involved where members of our team would go up to the audience holding area in the car park up the road from the studio.
And they would go around just chatting to people.
And if they seemed really excited to be there and really into the show and they seemed like they might get the gags and pay attention to the news stories and be into the celebrity guests,
then they would be given a different coloured wristband.
And we started putting one of those crowd control barriers around the very back of the stage.
And you were only allowed into that inner compound if you'd got that wristband on.
And then someone probably Willman told Jeremy about this new system that we'd come up with and he went,
so this is what we're getting to. And Jeremy went, oh, okay, if you're sure we're allowed to do that.
That sounds like a partite.
And Willman went, no, no, be fine, it'd be fine.
So we gave a try.
All these people came into the inner compound during the new segment. Jeremy looked over and there's some sort of physically attractive, well turned out people.
And also they're all laughing and enjoying themselves.
And he was like, ah, that's brilliant. That's what I wanted.
So at the end of the recording and before his mic had dipped down, we cut at the end of the news and the shambled over to give the presenters the thumbs up as he often did.
And Jeremy stood up and still mic'd up to the room when Willman, a partite works.
And no, out of context, I realised this may have sounded quite terrible.
But it was, oh my gosh, yes.
He meant his nickname for this new system of control and human standing behind the stage so that they were not just pleasant to look at but also played along with.
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The show.
So there we go.
Chris, I'd like to answer your question.
OK, so we've got a message here from Dean Hempshaw, basically in Nottingham, Dean says.
Good evening, your pair of SSGs.
I'm in need of some buying advice.
We currently have a 2016 Volvo XC90 Johnny Don't Shame Us as our family card,
due to the requirement of seven seats and a good tow bar capacity for our caravan,
which fortunately isn't suitably named for the caravan anal game.
However, we have now outgrown the Volvo with the addition of a rather gangly rescue greyhound,
so in need of van based options, budget 25 grand must be good looking, have seven seats
and still a good boot, preferably long wheel base.
And capable of towing at least 2T, I love that, 2T.
That's it.
Two of the tons.
The cheap option would be the VW Caravelle, or sorry, the sheep option would be a VW Caravelle
or Transpure water shuttle, but I'm quite fancying a forward train, it's our custom.
I'm sure both of you have probably driven both extensively, so interested in your thoughts
on which is better.
And if I've missed a suitable option within my budget, would really appreciate the off-piece
you guys give.
Keep up the good work with your talking utter bollocks.
CMTMB Dean.
Well, Dean.
So, I'd say the transit has always driven very, very well.
I think the wet belt thing terrifies a lot of people and rightly so.
I would look and see if you could find a tornado pre-wet belt
because they're really good.
And they do definitely live in the shadows of the Volkswagen Caravelle.
And the Volkswagen Caravelle is good, but I just feel like you pay way too much for what you get.
That's my personal view.
Look, I've got a van.
But mine is a van van.
But I went for a Citroën relay, which is the same as the voxel and the Persia boxer and loads of others.
And I think it's great.
I think it's really great.
Is it stylish?
Not sure it's stylish.
I've said to Faults before, VW have had the lead on this for the March on it for too long.
VW go for all the style packs and stuff.
And the only style pack you get with the transit currently is the MST.
It's sort of Malcolm Wilson Motorsport kind of body kit, which I think looks dated and a bit dare I say it vapy.
So I'd like a sort of smoothed out transit that's keeping it very simple.
Can you think of any other vans, Rich?
That's the thing.
I was just struggling to think what else you would get.
Because I suppose, if you're going to be boring sensible trousers, the thing about those VWs is that,
although they tend to cost more to buy, they do hold their value better, don't they?
They're Apple Mac versus laptop, basically.
Yeah.
And we won't get into that nest of worms at the moment, but yes.
That's exactly it, isn't it?
And people think they're overrated and people who wouldn't have anything else.
And Lardy Larn, they do tend to hold their value.
But I don't know because everything else, so who else is doing stuff?
It's everything, all the sort of Stellantis companies have merged together, but then there's still the voxel.
Renault is still standalone, aren't they?
Because Renault and Stellantis.
The thing is, I suppose, that what VW did very well, and I think Ford are close with the transit,
is make something that felt closer to a car in terms of the interior quality, the refinement,
all of that stuff.
And I have to confess, I have not driven a recent Renault or Stellantis group van to know how they're doing.
I'm sure they're very good these days, but they sort of always feel to me like they were a bit more vanny.
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