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Rotten Fruit
About this episode
Jerry Wayne Longmire reflects on the start of 2026, sharing personal stories about yard work, cooking, and life lessons. He discusses the challenges of maintaining his property, the therapeutic aspects of yard work, and the importance of letting go of past grievances. The episode features a poignant quote about revenge, emphasizing that time and life will handle justice without personal involvement. Longmire also introduces a new storytelling segment set in a fictional Texas community, promising more tales in future episodes.
Cars:
Chevrolet Avalanche
Chevrolet Corvette
Jeep Cherokee
Land Rover Defender
Pontiac Chieftain
Tesla Semi
This week on TRYP, JW talks about the revenge mindset, and how living on borrowed anger can drain you dry. Plus, the debut episode of a new fictional series “Duwali Bottoms, Texas.”
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Technical
Too Afraid to Ask
Part
4L60 transmission
"I can't remember all those acronyms. This little 5.3 Chevrolet Avalanche like 06. Right before AFM. Doesn't have AFM, DOD, that bullshit on it."
The 4L60 is a type of automatic transmission that helps cars change gears smoothly. It's used in many trucks and is known to be strong.
The 4L60 is a four-speed automatic transmission produced by General Motors, commonly used in various GM vehicles. It is known for its durability and is often found in trucks and SUVs.
Term
AFM
"Right before AFM. Doesn't have AFM, DOD, that bullshit on it."
AFM stands for Active Fuel Management, which helps a car save gas by turning off some of its engine cylinders when they're not needed.
Active Fuel Management (AFM) is a technology used by General Motors that allows an engine to deactivate some cylinders under light-load conditions to improve fuel efficiency.
Term
DOD
"Doesn't have AFM, DOD, that bullshit on it."
DOD stands for Displacement on Demand, which is a system that helps a car save fuel by turning off some of its engine cylinders when they aren't needed.
Displacement on Demand (DOD) is a system similar to AFM that allows an engine to deactivate some cylinders to enhance fuel efficiency. It is often used in conjunction with V8 engines.
Car
Chevrolet Avalanche
"This little 5.3 Chevrolet Avalanche like 06. Right before AFM."
The Chevrolet Avalanche is a type of truck that can change its shape to carry different things. The 2006 version has a strong engine and is known for being very useful.
The Chevrolet Avalanche is a full-size pickup truck known for its unique convertible design, allowing for a flexible cargo area. The 2006 model features a 5.3-liter V8 engine and is popular for its versatility.
Car
Tesla Semi
"...e in Houston too. Benden with Benden. He works on semi trucks, semi tractors and trailers and he straig..."
The Tesla Semi is a big electric truck that helps transport goods. It's designed to be more environmentally friendly and cheaper to run than traditional diesel trucks.
The Tesla Semi is an all-electric truck designed for freight transport, aiming to revolutionize the trucking industry with its sustainability and efficiency. It features advanced technology, including autopilot capabilities and significant cost savings on fuel and maintenance.
Car
Jeep Cherokee
"But all in that area, there was a famous Cherokee chieftain, Diwali bowls. And he had signed a dea..."
Car
Pontiac Chieftain
"...ut all in that area, there was a famous Cherokee chieftain, Diwali bowls. And he had signed a deal with Sam..."
The Pontiac Chieftain is an older car that was popular in the mid-20th century. It's known for its classic look and was a favorite among families back then.
The Pontiac Chieftain was a full-size car produced by Pontiac from the 1940s to the early 1950s, known for its stylish design and powerful performance. It represents a significant era in American automotive history, showcasing the post-war boom and the rise of consumer culture.
Car
Chevrolet V8
"... Virgil was already climbing into his pickup. The Chevrolet V8 whined a little bit before catching and firing u..."
The Chevrolet Corvette is a fast and stylish sports car that many people love. It's known for being powerful and is often seen as a symbol of American car culture.
The Chevrolet Corvette is a high-performance sports car that has been in production since 1953, known for its sleek design and powerful engines. It is often regarded as America's sports car and has a strong following due to its racing heritage and innovation.
Car
Land Rover Defender
"...s town. Bits of sedentary rock bouncing from tire defender in its own particular rhythm. Virgil's registrat..."
The Land Rover Defender is a tough car made for driving on rough roads and in the wilderness. It's famous for being able to handle tough conditions and is loved by people who enjoy outdoor adventures.
The Land Rover Defender is a rugged off-road vehicle known for its durability and capability in challenging terrains. It has a rich history dating back to the 1940s and is often celebrated for its iconic design and versatility, making it a popular choice for adventure enthusiasts.
Select text to request an explanation
Still remembers fire, grass remembers rain, every scar tells the story, hard-dialed rain.
If you go digging, son, best mind what you find.
Welcome to the Wrecking Yard. I'm Jerry Wayne Longmire. Y'all, presumably still y'all.
All the welcome here in the Church of Internal Combustion. We just asked that you show up with
an open heart. Happy New Year, gang. We made it. 2026. We are in it already. I don't know what that
means. Does it mean anything? Does it gotta mean anything? Oh, I think it probably does.
Always. I started every year with, like, waiting for this. Oh, it's the year.
Then the year comes through. You're like, okay. That was it. All right, cool.
I don't know. Feels like something big should happen, but it never does. Let me start with
timer here. I got an interview a little later. Make sure I'm done in time for that.
Make sure we're on Do Not Disturb, Do Not Disturbify.
Welcome, gang. I hope everybody's, I hope everybody made it into 2026 and you're gonna
slid in here just right. Everybody's doing well out there.
We're gonna do some new stuff today. I'm excited about it. I hope some of you are.
I know there's always people who don't like change and that's okay.
But there's gonna be some change. So I decided, I, you know what? I'll just wait
until we get to that and then I'll intro it, but we're gonna do a little story time later on here.
Oh, my Lord. I decided, so we got about an acre here, give or take.
Probably, if I had to, from front to back, if I had to guess, probably got about 13 oaks.
One huge, huge, right on the driveway. Big OO right in between me and the neighbors
on the property line. Fences all around it, all that kind of shit. You know,
it's got some other fencing embedded in it that's been there like had to have been there 60, 70 years.
Right. And then probably about 18 pecans still in the property. You know, we've cut some stuff down
and most of what we cut down is trash trees, box elder, bullshit like that, red bud.
I like keeping pecan trees. I'm paying them pecan trees until fall till winter.
And we had kind of a delayed fall. We didn't really get a fall here, which we often don't
down here in the swamp, but it was kind of a delayed fall. So we never really got a cold snap
that was cold enough to drop the leaves on the pecans until I actually,
about two weeks for Christmas. Right. We got a cold snap, but I was traveling with the Christmas
show. I couldn't do shit about it. Come on, when that old driveway is covered in loaves.
I said, boy, pecans done that much damage this year. The oak is going to be something,
bitch, right? Like it's going to be one of them years. Like, this oak is about to get me good,
but there's some fifties leaves are still green till a few days after Christmas,
it got cold and it snapped that oak and it dropped everything. I said, boy, I better get
out there, take care of this shit. And you know, here's the tricky thing about losing weight and
feeling better and working out and stuff like that is you forget that you're still getting older
because you feel so much better than you have in a long time that you're just like,
I can do it all. Yeah. I'm Jiminy Cricket. Who's got a back problem? Not this guy. Right.
You start feeling better and you're in less pain and your body's getting stronger. And then
all of a sudden you're just like, well, the last 15, 20 years doesn't matter. Right. And I'm here to
tell you that there's no amount of Jim that makes that true. Not that I think, not that I
am aware of. There's holy shit. I said, boy, I'll get out there and knock them leaves out in the
morning. Right. This is a couple days. Day before New Year's. New Year's Eve. The boy just got there,
knock him leaves out. Won't be no, won't be no thing for a fella like me.
A fella's feeling good as I am. So, you know, I told you I'm off right now. I'm off and I'm
settling in or selling there. So I've been traveling a lot.
And me and Rachel know this life, but after I've been traveling a lot and then come home and be
home and have to settle in, we have to kind of settle into our rhythm and get back into that.
And it usually takes me about two weeks to unpack my bag and get used to, okay, I'm living at home
again, you know, and I'm not living in a motel. I've lived most of my life in a bag. I'm real good
at it. That fight or fly, I just stay in that mode, you know, not good for your body, not good for
your mental health, but I've been doing it a long time. I'm good at. So we're kind of
settling our rhythm. I'm finding, you know, getting back to some stuff I need to do, you know,
cleaning up around the house here. You know, take care of me and stuff like that.
That's a boy going to knock and leave that will be no thing. I'm starting me a little
pulled beef in the smoker and I'll smoke me a little chuck roast. I just recently learned
how to do that pulled beef and I really like it. I'm very, and I've dialed it in where it works
pretty good for me every time. And that's all barbecue and smoking, you know, all that shit
really is. It's a bunch of variables. And then you figure out how to control those variables
the best way you can. And you get a method that works for you. And then you just do that every
time and it tastes great. That's why when all those guys come in and try to tell you their method,
you're like, that's that's not my method though. That's not going to work for me.
You have to get to experiment enough with it to find out what works for you.
Barbecue's a dance. Smoking's a dance. You know, it's a, you gotta, it's,
you know, cooking is science if you think about it. You know, you have to think about it. It just
is cooking science. It's a bunch of variables trying to achieve an outcome. The science, right?
I suggest probably the most difficult science is baking. My wife's a very good baker,
but she's very scientific about it. She also has the old school wing it method
that she was taught, but she's also very scientific about it. She's kind of the best of both worlds
in that aspect. Anyways, I start that chukro stuff. It's going to be a good day.
Now I, I don't go crazy with my lawn equipment. You know, uh, guys, uh, this push for everything
gasoline and big heavy duty lawn equipment. It just, it misses me. Just my approach to
lawn equipment is this. I buy something cheap. I use the absolute dog piss out of it and I don't
generally take care of it very well. And then I warranty it out and I do the same thing to the
next one. And if it's, if it's past warranty, I just buy another cheap piece of shit and use the
piss out. All right. And people go, Oh, your tools are important. I hate yard work. I don't,
I don't care to do it. I don't care about doing it. I enjoy having a little piece of property here
to do things on. I shouldn't say I hate it. I don't hate it. I enjoy it. Uh, it's just,
it's hard to find the time to do it. Oftentimes when I get on the mower and stuff, that's like
a little bit of therapy for me, but yeah, just, we've talked about this before. Sometimes focusing
your mind on some, uh, bullshit task will let you unravel some other shit up here in the old
snake nest, you know?
But that's, I don't spend a bunch of money on lawn equipment. My lawn tractor, I basically got
for free, fixed it up, got it running. I did buy, I spent about $280, $300 on this multi
attachment, gas-powered weed eater that has a pole saw and a hedge trimmer. And
I don't even remember what all the shit it does. About the only part I use is weed eater.
I use weed, I use the hedge trimmer a little bit,
but the pole saw sucks on it. Pole saw,
it's just underpowered. It's only a 26 cc engine or something like that, 28 cc engine,
and the pole saw is just underpowered as shit.
And I've used this, it was a badger. I've used the shit out of it,
uh, still runs good. A little too, I run clean fuel in that two stroke though,
I run pre-mixed fuel. Everybody's like, don't do that, run your engine. No, it doesn't.
Let's get that little engine running like a top.
Simple. You know, that's what I like, my lawn stuff. I still like a lot of hand tools. I, I,
I accomplish so much more with a broom than I do with any other tool. You know what I mean?
I got, now I got a good shot broom because that, I like, I like my shot broom to be a decent
stiff brush broom. I remember the first time I was sweeping, that was my dad's thing, you know,
sweep all the grass up in the driveway after you mow the yard and edge and all that bullshit.
And I was out there half ass pushing this broom around one time. I was probably about 11 or 12,
maybe 13. My friends are riding their bikes up and down the street. Like that's the biggest
torture. You're doing yard work for your dad and your friends are riding their bikes up and down
the street hooting and hollering, having a great time. It looks like they're having the most fun
time that's ever been had. The most fun time. And you're over there with a broom and a driveway
full of wet St. Augustine grass clippings and a dad who's already in a bad mood in the garage
about a car he's working on. And I was soaking a little bit. I was out there
half ass pushing that broom around the driveway.
Oh man, I must have caught his attention. Damn boy, you don't even know how to sweep.
Well, I'm your kid. If that's something you want me to know how to do, it's probably something
you should have taught me by now. Damn boy, you don't even know how to sweep. Come out there
and he grabbed the broom out of my hands. He goes, I might teach you how to do this just
like somebody had to teach me. Well, that's how parenting works, old man. But yeah.
But then he proceeds to teach me how to push the broom while my friends are riding up down the
street. And I'm going to hear him. I just assumed they were laughing at me because I'm getting
taught how to sweep while they're having a good time.
But I digress. As a result of that, I'm a very good broober, very good sweeper,
very tremendous sweeper, the best sweeper. Yeah, very good. I get more done with the broom than
most other yard tools. The broom and a little yard break. So that's where that's where I shine.
But I bought, I don't know, three or four years ago, just a little blower to have around the house,
blow stuff off, blow the driveway off, that kind of shit. And it's just a little,
it's a little black and decker electric blower, just cheap. I think I might spend $50 on it.
I had this big old bag with it, this other attachment, and I never screwed with that other
attachment or figured out. I knew it was supposedly some kind of vacuum or some shit like that,
and it sucked stuff up into that bag. And I thought, that's stupid. Who needs a vacuum that big?
Right. I'm never going to use that. So I hung that crap up in the rafters when we moved in here.
And those attachments I never thought about on getting in life.
I started tackling it. Usually we've had to do so much work on this property, like cutting the
jungle back and getting it back to normal over the last three or four years. It's been a long
stage process. There's still projects happening and all that kind of stuff. So a lot of times I
hire my little buddy, chicken, come over and help me. Chicken's a good hand. I pay him a hundred bucks
and he'll work a day for me and he'll help me get a bunch of stuff done. So a lot of times
if I'm working on the cars, whatever, I'd have him do the leaves, that kind of shit.
Clean the gutters out.
Chicken's like a little spider. He'd climb right up that roof and stay on that roof all day.
Don't bother him. I don't get on roofs no more.
But boy, I thought, I said, man, I'll just knock him leaves out.
Lord have mercy. I had no idea I was getting myself. I got out there that started a little
blower. I might tell you what I do. I'll start at the end of the driveway out there at the road
and I'll blow this little detris up.
Then I'll move the cars back on the other side of the pile and then I'll blow it in it.
So like we're right in front of the garage, there's a big old two car spot on the pavement
behind the house. I'll blow it up in there, scoop it all up, bag his shit, be done with it.
I was not prepared for the pile I had by the time I got even halfway down the driveway.
The blower was having that little black and black blower was working its balls off trying to move
this ridiculous pile of leaves and it was and you can't really sweep through that part because
there's too big. So one side of the driveway is like a bed. It's got a bunch of shrubs and shit in
it. And then the other side of the driveway is like maybe a two foot wide piece of strip of land
against chain link fence, but there's little trees and bullshit and monkey grass all in there.
So you can't sweep it. You know, you got to blow it. It's, you know, yard rake it,
but you're going to be tangled up and crap the whole time.
So I'm blowing this crap up. I'm getting this pile. I realized, man, I might have to stop
and flatten the pile out. Cars ain't even going to be able to get over this pile of leaves,
you know what I mean? I'm just going to push it all back down the driveway.
So I started scooping it up, bagging it,
and my back starts hollering at me about bending over and shoveling and all this kind of shit.
I said, boy, this is going to take forever. I come walking back off in this garage and I seen that
that vacuum attachment. I said, boy, I ain't never tried that out. I'll give it a shot because I
hooked it all up and kind of figured out how it all went together. I think it's kind of badass,
but you just, it gets clogged up. You have to stick your hand in there and knock the clog loose
because you've got a bunch of little sticks and shit like that. But the fan blade that creates
the blower, the little turbine blade in there is made out of something that's pretty tough shit.
So when it works as a vacuum, it just sucks stuff up through there and then it chops all that shit
up, chops it up with the leaves and the little twigs and into this very fine
mix of compost, basically.
I fill that little bag up one good time and here in Houston, this is such a racket. If you want
them to pick your leaves up, you have to put them in these special bags that you had to buy at the
grocery store in their Houston leaf bags and it's 10 of them for $12. You tell me who's making
money on that shit, right? 10 of these bullshit bags for $12. That's the only way you can get
to city Houston, pick up your leaves. It's the worst racket I've ever seen in my life. It's such a scam.
I got my $12 bags out there. I fill one of them bags up of that shit. It's almost too heavy for
that bag, but it's all chopped up all fine like that. You fill that bag up. It's pretty heavy bags.
I took that sun 50 out to the front, put it in the, we have a big ditch on the front of the property
and then in between the road and the ditch is a little strip of land. That's where you put stuff
for the city to pick up. So mine's all eroded, right? It's all washed out. The city come in
there to do some work on the road and wash the ditch out and they've never come back and fixed it
despite my repeated emphatic phone calls, letters and such.
So that shit's all washed out there. So it's just a small spot we have to put stuff. So I got to pile
these bags up. So get that first bag out there. I was like, boy, that's pretty damn heavy. Yes.
And I look back at it. It just barely made a dent in that pile, barely made a dent in that pile. So
I need two more bags, bag it all up, get the cars moved, pull that crap all up in the driveway
where I can use my broom and my rake and really get after it and get it piled up and start sucking
it up and get it all back. It's all 10 bags full, just chock full, right? Piled out there at the road.
I started this project at like 10 o'clock in the morning. It's like five o'clock now. I thought
I was going to knock this out like two hours ago, do a bunch. I was going to film some stuff,
do all kind of other shit, get ready for New Year's Eve. We're going to have this little shindig,
my sister's here in town visiting. We're going to have a little shindig here at the house and
the time I got done with that shit, I was so worried. I didn't want to do nothing. I worked
that hard on nothing a long time. I'm ready to go back on the road. That's what I'm saying.
Now, it was, it kicked my ass, man. I spent New Year's Day limping. My hip was going,
man, you jackass, what are you thinking? We ready for this yet? My hip holler to me all day, New Year's
Day. I brought it in the New Year's. I tied one on pretty good New Year's Eve. Boy,
I got in my whiskey a little bit. Listen to the music and raising hell on the porch watching.
You go in our backyard because we're so close to, when we're in Houston proper,
you can go in our backyard and there's a rolling alloy building behind my house about,
I'd say like 400 yards or something like that. But you can look to the right of that rolling
alloy building. You can see the downtown skyline. Well, that's where there's a big park,
Eleanor Tinsley Park down there on Buffalo Bay. That's where they do the fireworks,
big Houston fireworks show. So you stay in our backyard and watch the fireworks show.
It's kind of fantastic. And of course, all our neighbors run here blowing fireworks off. It was
wild. I have a theory. You can always tell how good the economy is by how long the fireworks
go on Christmas, New Year's and July 4th. And you can tell the economy is a little jacked this
year because the fireworks all ended pretty early around my place. Houston might be struggling this
year because usually my neighbors got a little money in their pocket. They go crazy on them fireworks,
but it's not. And we get a lot of gunfire. We live in a pretty large Latino neighborhood.
And I don't know what tradition it is, but something about Christmas Eve makes them want to
shoot guns. And I don't know what the deal is, but they get out there and Christmas Eve and
pop guns off the fireworks and of course do the same thing on New Year's.
And I got out there, I got, I got tied up pretty good. Listen to music, watch fireworks,
hang out with mama. Happy to be home, that sort of thing.
But then leaves kicked my ass. I got 10 full bags out there. I probably need about two more
bags to get all the rest of it in the yard. But I think what I'm going to do is put my
multi bags on my mower and run that shit over and suck that up and bag it and just dump it
somewhere along the back fence. I got a couple of places where I can dump things around here.
So I got a sycamore tree. It's like growing up out of an old sycamore stump that was cut off by
Moran. And it left a big old gap and hole in the ground and the new sycamore tree grew out of it.
And so I've been filling that out. I've been taking my compost and filling that up.
And it turns dirt quick, you know, around here. It's swampy. So everything degrade decomposes pretty
quickly. I got a couple of stumps. I'm trying to keep covered because I've salted them.
And I'm hoping those stumps will soften up enough that I can pull them out. James is going to let
me borrow his tractor and try to pull them stumps out behind the shop. Because we're getting ready
to bring the Volkswagen here. Mom's car here. So I got to clear that area out and he pulled
them stumps up. So I got a spot back there to stick that car for a minute.
Well, I figure out what the next step is. What I'm going to do for a chassis. What I'm going to do
with that car. I need to get it here in my position. That's probably going to be a
long and lengthy task. It might be might be the last car I screwed with. We'll see.
I say I worked on the Cadillac yesterday. Today marks six years of owning that Cadillac. And
I feel like I should celebrate by burning it with the leaves.
Not going to. Still need the car.
But the Mazda's. But I got new parts coming for the Mazda. So I'm about to tear in the Mazda
figure out what's going on there. And buying a little pick up from my buddy David. So I'm sure
I'll be jacking with that some too. We thought it might be good content. We're going to do it.
So that truck he's got, it's got 180,000 miles on it. It's got a
what's that 4L65E, 4L60. I can't remember which one it has. I can't remember all those
acronyms. I know what transmission is. I just can't remember all those acronyms. This little 5.3
Chevrolet Avalanche like 06. Right before AFM. Doesn't have AFM, DOD, that bullshit on it.
I gotta take that. With that 4L60 having 180,000 miles on it, you know,
puts it in a precarious position. But it's like my buddy David, y'all know David, transmission
builder. He always says, if you rebuild them before they break, they last longer. You know,
you rebuild them for cases get warped and valve bodies get trashed, they last a little longer.
So we went ahead, we're going to file the parts and we're going to rebuild that 4L60 together.
I'm going to video the whole thing. Basically my first time rebuilding the transmission,
or 4L60 transmission and I'm building the unit that's going to go in my truck. I think it makes
some good content. I think David, making fun of me, screwing it up half the time will be pretty
hilarious. We'll see. Anyways, that was a long convoluted story to tell y'all that I cleaned up
all the leaves around my property and it whipped my old ass. I was all excited about spending this
January doing domestic shit. Now I'm like, ah, I forgot domestic shit hurts. At the end of it,
though, there was a good pooled beef chuck roast that just turned out phenomenal. So I was real
in a few years. New years used to bring some kind of dread with it. I talked to y'all a little bit
about that, about how I don't really, I don't really do resolutions. I do, now I just try to
take stock of the year and last year was a good year. Did a lot. I figured out I wrote 760,000
words last year and I'm going to up that this year. My wife made a post. It was a line from
Hamilton talking about how he's writing like he's running out of time. But I think writers
and creatives can understand what I'm talking about when I say sometimes you hit these waves
and you just got to ride that wave because you know that wave's going to end. And right now,
it's going to end at some point. I'm going to hit a dead end and I'm going to have to
fumble around until I find the next wave. That's just how they work. But these days,
I try to get everything I can do out of that wave as I'm doing it. And so I started this
year feeling good. I had some sketch ideas and things I wanted to write. I had this new story
series I wanted to do with you guys and I wanted to share it with y'all first before anybody else
gets to see it. Because it's a whole thing. But I was thinking about how this year, I walked into
the new year not mad at anybody and it's been a long time since that happened. I carry petty
grievances around. I'm real bad about it. I always have been. I'm trying to get better as I get older.
You know, I always tell y'all, I'm not preaching at y'all. I'm trying to tell myself this shit.
I'm trying to teach myself to be this person. That's what all this is about.
I started thinking, I read something funny. There's a guy I follow on social media on Facebook
named Thomas Benden. He's here in Houston too. Benden with Benden. He works on semi trucks,
semi tractors and trailers and he straightens them and everything. We call him the semi truck
chiropractor. He uses these Benden machines and it's just fascinating. I'm always fascinated
by somebody that's at the top of their craft. Somebody that just knows what the hell they're
doing and they're real good at it. And so I follow his page a lot and he's been a content
creator here for a couple of years, done pretty well for himself and some of the stuff's pretty
funny. I get a kick out of it. But he posted and I don't know if he wrote it or he read it or he
heard it somewhere. But the other day he posted something. It's like right around New Year's he
had this post and it said, never seek revenge. Rotten fruit will fall on its own. And boy it
just resonated with me and it bounced around in my head and I kept thinking about all the
little petty things I'd held on to in my life that I decided I was going to get somebody back for
and you know y'all've heard about some of them like things like that. And I just thought it was
really brilliant because the times that I did participate in trying to get back over on somebody
it just escalates things. And once there's an escalation then there's a return escalation and
I don't know y'all know about the hill the the Hatfields and McCoys. There's just constant
escalations until it reaches the climax. And the climax is usually bloody. Some
hands have hurt. Things get out of hand.
And you wonder how much that you want to contribute to that. Like the older I get the less I want
that climate. I saw this dude the other day on TikTok and he said I don't want to eff around
and find out. Find out what? That I'm old? Let's let some things remain a mystery.
He said I'm at the age where I don't wish a MF or would. And I am at that age. I don't want to
fight no more. I don't want to fight. I don't want to hurt. I don't want to do none. I don't want the
negative emotions that carry with it. It don't mean I still ain't got a little hillbilly in me
that likes the boy. You know what I mean? That get get riled up.
But boy, I sure am not interested in that anymore. I uh
if I got another fight, my whole body probably end up looking like Jake Paul's jaw.
God, how satisfying was that? I don't care if it's scripted. I don't care if it's real.
You can come and comments, tell me it wasn't real and all this. I don't care.
I enjoyed watching that kid get his jaw broke and I shouldn't have, but I did. I enjoyed.
I've watched that clip. I don't know how many times I've watched that clip and just giggled
gleefully. And then I go watch uh the Tate Jackass get beat down and that one makes me smile too.
It's nice to see a little just a little come up. It's
I kept thinking about that quote, never seek revenge rotten fruit will fall on its own.
And it's just so damn it, you know, cliches are cliches for a reason because they generally
it's because they're true or they've repeated so many times that they they've become true.
And I wish that was that's one of those lessons I wish I had figured out earlier on. I used to get
real real wrapped up and getting back at people. You know, I there was a kid that bullied me
unmercifully as a as a young person back home in Kilgore and Sexton Road.
And there was a boy who was a couple of years older than me that bullied me unmercifully. I
told y'all a story about him one time and how I wrote this fictional story about him.
And I always had this dream like one of these when I was going back for the
summers and I was getting a little bigger and I was like boy one of these summers I'm
gonna catch him and I'm gonna put it on him. I'm gonna put it on him, you know.
And I never did and his life went on to be hell.
Literal hell. I think I think things are a little better for him these days but
for a period of life his life was just literal hell without me doing nothing.
I should have learned it then. Should have should have figured that out then but I did not.
You can you can waste a lot of energy being mad and trying to you know about what you're going
to do to get somebody back and when you when I think about all that wasted energy in my life
there's a period of time I've told y'all a little bit about it though but when the when the
laptop closed when Jeff McFerrin closed the closed the laptop and sold off the rights to it and
everything me and Rach had money tied up in that we we lost money on and I hated Jeff. I hated Jeff.
Jeff done all that shit when I was out of the country. He knew I was out of the country and
I couldn't help Rach. I couldn't be a part of it because I was stuck overseas doing shows for troops
and stuff in Iraq and I'm come home just furious. Just hated this dude. I started working out because
this dude because I wanted to catch him in a dark alley and snatch him up and just beat the piss out
of him. I just wanted to hurt him. I was so ferociously angry at this man.
I don't know what's become of his life. I didn't bother looking up
but I spent several years early on in being Rachel's marriage just
furiously angry at this man who didn't give me another thought in the world.
Took my money and went on with his life
and what could have possibly come of it. Let's say in some fantasy scenario I just
had him be in the right place right time and catch old Jeff and I yank him off in the alley
and I walked the fire out of him. These rich dudes, lots of lawyers, my career is over.
My life's over. I'm going to prison. Would it be worth it? Time away from my kids and everything
because I got back over on this dude. We still won't have our money but I wasted years being
furious with this dude. Just years being beyond angry. Literally just wanting to hurt him.
I think it taxes your soul a little bit to feel that way about somebody. I don't know.
I'm no great philosopher but I think that your soul pays a tax for that kind of anger.
I think your body pays a tax for that kind of anger. That energy is not good for you.
I'm not one of these new age people be like, that's what causes cancer.
I think carcinogens cause cancer but I don't think that negative energy, that anger and
everything, I think it's taxing for your soul. They talk about, I was listening to sleep doctor,
this guy talk about sleep and he's talking about how people who think they're night owls,
he says just your circadian rhythm's off and it's your cortisol levels. It's your bodies in
fight or flight mode. Your body is afraid to go to sleep because it doesn't feel safe.
And then he was talking about all kinds of different sleep disruptions and
he's talking about how these cortisol levels affect you and how your body can stay. I just
told y'all, when I come back from being on the road, it takes me a week or two to unpack my
suitcase because I spent so much time living in a bag that I get into that mode that I'm just going
to live out this bag and forget all my other things. I'm just going to live out this bag.
That's probably some type of fight or flight response. It's some kind of high alert response
that my body goes into. And I think we all do that, right? We all have that for different things.
Things that stem us up a little bit and get us tweaked. I'll tell y'all a story about Paul,
the man that was my business partner up in Montgomery County and he got busted.
They raided him. He lied to me about what they raided him about. He said it was taxes and it
turned out to be this dude had all this child pornography and stuff and it turned out to be a
huge deal and it ruined the company I was buying from him. It ruined the company name and the
company started going downhill and the guy started threatening me. He started calling me. So I had a
deal with him where I was paying him every month on this company, but then the call stopped coming
in. We weren't getting business and I was having to go out and find all my own business and this
dude called me and boy, if I was out there doing this, my God, I'd already have 50 grand a bank.
I don't know how you don't have no money. I was like, I'm putting most of my money in your pocket.
That's why you got no money. Me and my family were going without. So I was trying to make good on
this deal and got the point. He called me up one day and he threatened me. He said that I was holding
out on him and I was stealing money from him and he was going, he was old Vietnam veteran,
one of those types. And I think he's full of shit, to be honest. I've never looked up his
war record, but he tried to tell me. He's one of these guys, oh, he's special forces. He was all
this bullshit. Generally, it's, here's what I've noticed. I'm not saying every one of those guys
is full of shit, but when somebody tells you all that stuff, nine out of 10 times, they turn out
at none of its real. My uncle Gary was underwater demolition team, UDT, which later on became
the Navy SEALs in Vietnam. Uncle Gary didn't talk much about his experiences. He certainly
didn't tell strangers what a bad dude he was. He was just very, that was a part of his life that
was over. I don't think guys that really lived that life really do that thing, spend a lot of time
talking about it. Now, I kind of look foolish when I say that because every Navy SEAL involved in
Osama's capture has written a book, but I think them old school guys, they really talk about,
but Paul was always telling these stories about how he would sneak up the night and cut a guy's
neck and all that stuff. But I'm not going to lie, it scared me a little bit. It seemed like an unhinged
dude. And these are stories I heard after we got deeper in our partnership, our business partnership
and he'd tell me this bullshit. And sometimes I blow it off, but when he got crazy and started
threatening me, it started making me worried. I was exposed. He knew where I lived. He knew my
family. He knew I had young children. He's an unhinged man. So he calls me up on a Saturday and
threatens me. You know, all this shit he's going to do to me. And I say, you know what? I said,
you know, you know, so we had a contract. He never would sign the contract and get the contract
off and stuff. He had all these health problems. It's a long story. I said, you never signed a
contract. And if you don't feel like I'm holding up my end of the deal, I'm doing the best I can,
but you've ruined the company name. And we're not getting the calls anymore that would have made
this company money. And I'm having to do everything on my own. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm
going to send you all your equipment back. And I'm going to send you this last little bit of your
money. And don't ever contact me again. You can go back to run your business and you can finish
screwing it up on your own. Documented everything. That wasn't good enough. He didn't get what he
wanted. What he wanted was to be in control of me and keep gas like me. That's what he wanted.
And he'd been doing a pretty good job. I had fallen for it because my eyes were on that money.
I had money to talk you into shit. That money will talk you into shit.
Well, once he didn't have control of me more, he got real threatening. And I've literally got pages
and pages and pages of threats this man put in print. And you know, I'm not a go to the police
kind of guy. It's not my type of shit. But I wanted it all just in case something ever happened.
And I started carrying, I'm not a big everyday carry guy. I don't carry guns anymore. I used to
carry one when I was younger. And then I quit for a little while. Really, while I was under
Mr. Bob's mentorship, Mr. Bob had traveled the world and had managed to get himself out of every
situation without ever needing a gun. And he had some strong opinions about that. He said more
people learn to deal with their situation. It struck a nerve with me. And I got to realize,
you know, I'm capable enough to handle most of my situations. You know, there's some things you
get in a situation where somebody's trying to shoot a bunch of people. I get the argument for
that. I'm not against guns. I own plenty. I just don't carry them every day. But during that shit,
when that old man was threatening me, tell me, I mean, one day he told me he was going to sit
outside my house with a rifle with a .6 and catch me coming out the door, let my wife find me in
the driveway. I mean, he said some shit to me. I ain't gonna lie, y'all. I started studying
on killing this man. I did. I studied on it quite a bit. I put a lot of thought into it.
Because I started to think that's the only way I was going to have any peace was get back over on
this dude. One more escalation. He was having his grand, he had these two grandsons. He was having
them call and threaten me and stuff. They were tied up all kind of nefarious shit. And
it was just getting to be constant. And also, I'm trying to start my business over from scratch.
But I'm also dealing with this guy stalking me and saying all this crazy shit to me. It's Montgomery
County. It's good old boy territory. Nobody cares about your problems. People are like, oh, y'all
I ain't gonna lie. It scared me enough that I started studying on ending that man. I started
studying on how to do it and get away with it. And I put hours and hours of thought into that
and hours and hours of stress, nervousness, anxiety, trying to figure out what to do about
this man. Instead of just going on and living my life and letting time do what it was going to do
to him. He was 79 years old at the time. That's been seven or eight years ago now.
But boy, I put a lot of thought into how I was going to get this man, how I was going to get
him. I'm just going to put it into it. I had
steeled myself that that was the only way to deal that solution with that situation.
And I think he so pays the tax for those kind of thoughts. I honestly do.
It got me in a real dark place. I started driving around with a little pistol in my pocket.
I started driving around with ideas.
I was looking over my shoulder for this guy all the time.
And I should have recognized that they were just the empty threats of a desperate man who was losing
control. I should have been smart enough. I should have had the wisdom. But when you're,
you know, you're a father and you got young kids.
I was also recovering from that roof fall and trying to
get my body back together. And I was scared. And I started acting in a fear based
set of protocols, if you will. And I never done anything to the man.
I just studied on it a lot. Wasted a lot of energy on it.
And you know, eventually time come around and got his ass. And we'll wrap it up right now because
we'll come back to it in the closing sermon and spend a little more time on it.
But I was just thinking, I wanted to share that with you all. I feel like old Baptist
Prey, it was on my heart to share this quote I read with y'all. It was on my heart to talk about
it this morning. It is Sunday morning here in the wrecking yard. So it's new thing I'm doing.
I'm real excited about it. I hope you guys enjoy it. It's going to be about 10 minutes every week.
So if you don't want to hear it, there's just be 10 minutes of the podcast you can turn down
and go do something else with your life. But I hope you guys enjoy this.
I was always fascinated with Faulkner's fictional county and Prairie Home Companion
in these fictional settings because it gives you some freedom to write outside of parameters
and not hurt people that maybe you know by telling stories about them or anything.
Even the stories aren't about them.
And I've been doing a bunch of research about
Levers Chapel, that little community I grew up in because the whole time I was growing up there,
I was told that Native Americans live on that land, you know, that creek. There's a creek
pronouncing, pronunciation, Twitchia, Tichia Creek, something like that. It's a Native American name.
But all in that area, there was a famous
Cherokee chieftain, Diwali bowls.
And he had signed a deal with Sam Houston after helping the Texans.
And Sam Houston said that the Cherokee could come. This is after the trail cheers
that the Cherokee could come into East Texas to set up some settlements.
So all along this creek, Caney Creek, there was Caddo Indians. It was a Caddo Indian tribe
that lived all up and down that creek. And they were friendly with this chief bowls and his people.
And they come in there and they set up a community there as well. And it was all Cherokee traders
and settlers living in this area. So I started, so what I did is I've created, and I've been
writing these for a little bit and putting some of these together. And I created my own
little fictional place and it's called Diwali Bottoms, Texas. And it's right alongside them
creeks, not too far from Sexton Road, where I grew up in Levish Chapel.
And I'm just going to start every week. I'm going to read you a little story from Diwali Bottoms,
a fancy printed out. Look at me.
A blanket of aluminum cooked moisture fought his first flutter.
The brain rebooting his body trying to catch up. Why is it so damn hot?
He peeled her arm off his chest. Her light snores continued in cadence regardless of the
interruption. The window unit was silent. His hushed curse pushed through the stillness.
He traded a pretty clean Honda 50 to his cousin Ronnie for the old unit from one of the county
trailers. Damn thing cooled the place pretty good when it wasn't popping a breaker.
He pulled a pair of faded basketball shorts on before padding quietly down the hallway,
trailing his fingers on the wood paneling in the dark. Waking up the kid would just make
everyone miserable. So quietly he slowly twisted the handle of the door and stepped down onto a
makeshift set of cinder block steps, his feet sticking to the light moisture pooling on them.
Tendrils of humidity soaked St. Augustine clung to his ankles while he made his way to the
driver's side door of his pickup. He reached through the open bent window and fumbled for a
soft pack of Winston's. He was happy to see the pale blue big gliders stuck in the plastic sleeve.
The first puff made him cough and tear just a little as he tossed the pack back through the
triangular opening. The nicotine stimulation straightened his walk as he rounded the end of
Oba home. He had signed a promissory note over an ARP when he bought the trailer. It was a 1975
model. His cousin Jason had made him a good deal moving it out to the cut form. Seven years and
cotton down at the Eastham unit had given him plenty of time to plan for his freedom, but none of
the necessary skills for execution. The place still wasn't completely level. If you dropped
anything that would roll in the kitchen, it ended up against the ever present pile of clothes on the
laundry room floor. The trailer tongue still installed and overgrown with weeds mocked his
effort silently as he stepped down in the drainage swell to get around it. The saturated red clay
felt cool on his feet as he walked towards the breaker box on the backside of the home. Shit!
The curse was non-committal, more habitual than anything. His kid brother Stevie had come by a
few days back and tried to help him install an extra circuit for the AC unit. But like most of their
projects, this had fizzled into drinking beer around the trash fire and planning completion the next
time they got a free minute. All the covers on the panel were still lying in the mud and the access
door hung open. Maybe moisture had caused it to flip the breaker being so exposed. Hell, he didn't
know how that shit worked. Stevie had been an electrician's helper at the toilet bowl plant
in Kilgore for a few months and had a tenuous grasp on the basics, but mostly he just wanted to
impress his big brother, but he had greatly overestimated his skillset. Peering forward into the
tangled nest of wires surrounding the breakers, he drew deep on the Winston, half hoping that
nicotine charge might unlock some hidden knowledge he'd forgotten he once possessed.
The uneven surface of the worn Louisville slugger whistled just barely above a whisper in the night
as it finished its arc towards the back of his head. His daddy always said he was the hard-headed
son of a bitch he'd ever met. It must have been true because the blow from the bat didn't knock
him out. Lurching forward with the still-lit Winston ejecting from his mouth, he threw his hands
right into the tangled exposed wiring. Everything got bright and hot, then dark.
The formerly occupied body slumped against the aluminum trailer before collapsing into the mud.
The assailant's footsteps could be heard retreating into the creek bottom,
legs swishing through the wet bay of grass.
Tiffany woke at the loud pop. She slid her feet into her TG&Y rubber sandals while still adjusting
eyes, searched the room for Tony. She cussed him under her breath as she made her way down the hot
hallway, pausing only to peek out the big window at his pickup in the driveway. But at least he made
it home. Her suspicions narrowed for the minute. Mommy, I'm hot. Shit. He'd woke her daughter up too.
The curly top five-year-old reached for her hand as she stumbled into the dark living room.
It's okay, baby. Tony must be out there trying to fix the power. Let's go check on him.
Silently hoping she was right and he wasn't just passed out drunk by the burn barrel.
The clock with a hand-painted deer on it by the front door read nearly 5 a.m. when she scooped
Amber up to make her way down the concrete steps to the yard. She cussed Tony in her head again as
she slipped in the wet clay around the monstrous metal tongue of the trailer. Her mind couldn't
make sense of him lying in the mud until her eyes adjusted enough to see his ruined face.
She fell backwards as she tried to escape something no amount of chemicals would ever help her.
Shrieking and shaking uncontrollably.
Carl tapped on his clipboard while the coroner prattled on about an album he had no interest in
listening to. He'd never wanted to be a cop. He worked as a jailer for the county while he
finished up the basic courses he could afford at Kilgore College. Carl wanted to be a draftsman,
maybe even an engineer making big bucks. He'd gotten Sharice pregnant before he was finished
with schooling and his boss at the jail got him hired on as a deputy. Sharice had a decent gig
with the county clerk as soon as the kid was a little older and things calmed down. Finishing
that mechanical engineering degree would be top priority in the Haines household.
He'd tried to talk to Tiffany. She was an incoherent mess. The only thing he was sure about
was she didn't have a clue what had happened. He had one of the other deputies give her and
the kid a ride to her mama's house. Their neighbor Billy had found her hollering behind the house
with Tony's cooked shell while the kid stumbled around balling and called the police. It wasn't
the first time Billy had called the police about Tony but was the first time he hadn't been bitching
about him. Did you hear me Carl? Shook him from his momentary escape. The coroner Virgil was red
faced and breathing hard. Somebody hit him in the back of the head with something heavy,
wiped him a good one. I can't imagine they wasn't trying to kill him. Carl leaned back against his
cruiser one finger rubbing his temples. With a mocking tone he looked down at the dude glimmering
on his boot in the morning light. Who'd want to kill Tony where? Well half the county would
probably strain the whole family up especially that shit ass brother of his. Virgil spat the words
out with the venom of a bullied classmate. I was joking Virge. Carl justed his hat straightened up.
Tony and him had been in the same grade from kindergarten to high school.
They'd both worn mocks and jerseys back when Diwali High had a decent team. Carl probably
couldn't name three people who hadn't wanted to crack Tony's skull open at some point himself included.
Yeah I'm gonna take a walk out back and see what I can see. Holler at me when the report's ready.
Carl padded Virgil on the shoulder as he headed towards the back of the trailer.
For sure just give me a few days Carl. I'm still working on the report for the Swinney Kid too.
I'll get them both over you. Virgil was already climbing into his pickup. The Chevrolet V8 whined
a little bit before catching and firing up. Carl gave a brief wave as Virgil pulled on the gravel
road headed towards town. Bits of sedentary rock bouncing from tire defender in its own particular
rhythm. Virgil's registration sticker had expired nearly a year ago in August of 86.
Carl couldn't help but smile at the juxtaposition of Virgil's detail-oriented occupation in contrast
with his being. Tune in next week for more from Diwali Bottoms, Texas.
Episode one down.
Anyways hope you guys enjoy that. We're gonna be doing more of that.
Looking forward to telling y'all more about Diwali Bottoms, Texas.
All right let's just let's do some testimonials. Right I think that's what needs to happen next.
I got that all ready to go. Testimonials if you will. Last week was the Christmas. I was talking
about the Christmas show. Oh here we go. Oh our old buddy David Beckham. I'm just getting time
to watch this week. I wanted to thank you for my lovely bride, Michelle. Oh I sent him up.
He had me do a cameo from it. Michelle's I told y'all a couple weeks ago she broke her femur
and David's one of our day-wanderers and you know femur break is a hard thing to do.
We watched it with my daughter and two granddaughters. Four women sniffling in ice water.
I've never seen a group allergy happen so fast at one time. That meant a bunch to all of us.
Thanks again. We love you. Hey I love you guys too and I really hope Michelle's feeling better
or at least there's some improvement. I just I really feel for going through that right now.
It's a terrible time of year to go through it.
Croncaf show. Oh Ireland. Hey Jerry Wayne a good method for getting rid of those pecans
would be to trim them before the first set of branches. You can inject or paint on the stump.
This stuff called glyphosate but we're gloves and goggles and try not to spilly on the ground
or anything you want growing. It's gnarly stuff. If you need a guide to Dublin let me know too.
I'll gladly take a few days off showing you around. I'm probably gonna call you on that one
for sure. Yeah so with that that little area up there that's what I'm actually tackling that
tomorrow. That's my thing. I tried to sharpen my chainsaw blade. I don't know if I made it
worse or better but I do have a backup blade in case I made it worse. But I got my little chainsaw
ready to go and I got another little smaller portable handheld one and I'm just going to get
down since everything's dead in there right well not dead but dormant for winter right now and I
could see better in there through the roses and everything. I'm just going to get in there and
I'm going to cut everything ground level that's not a rose. And then I some of y'all were telling
me about the copper nails. I spent some time reading about that and that seems like a good way to go.
I did get some other stuff torn outer or something that I'm going to dab on the stumps
of the bigger ones. But it looks like I need that's a pretty old method. It looks like I can
drive a few copper nails each one of those little stumps and they're not going to be big. They're
only going to be about three or four inches diameter of these little stumps. So I'm going to get
the ones that are small enough I can pull. And then I'm going to fish those trees out of there
through the top the cutoffs and try to untangle all those roses and give them a spot to
grow on the fence like they were supposed to do. So we'll see how it works out. It could be a
but I'm hoping to give me a little piece of spring and not fill up the area with crap
pecan and look ridiculous.
All right, what do we got next?
Oh, girl Amy, Cinnamon Girl 76. As far as I know, there's no podcast out there like this.
Regardless, the Reckon Yard podcast has always had a familiarity to it that has
been itching at me for a comparison. Oscar Wilde did say comparisons are odious for the most part
I agree. But in this episode, I finally scratched that itch of recognition and away you are the
Gen X Dan Connor. What you're presenting us in a way is in a way a 21st century touchstone
of Roseanne. You have a one of us relatability.
Your problems are our problems as we commiserate on TRYP. We find that we are not alone
and this life's common and contemporary struggles. And that special ingredient just as in Roseanne
as you tackle subjects most shy away from and you practice acceptance of folks that don't always
fit in the norm of society. You do it like a humble artisan with grace without agenda.
I'm a day oneer that is in so many respects completely different and the same as you.
I still shake my head in wonderment that I get to connect with the sage of the Texan
and his graduate of a week and glean meaning from every episode. There's always many thanks,
but that is certainly high praising.
I am a huge fan of Dan Connor and I've probably mentioned that at the time. Huge
fan of John Goodman. Just listen to a great interview with him a week or so ago.
I think Roseanne was early on one of the best sitcoms ever written and because of what you
said because it related to people and everybody didn't have the fancy clean sterile life that
was represented on other sitcoms and that was first sitcom showed a family not only fussing
with each other playfully but fussing with each other when they were irritated with each other
and a family that didn't have it all together and was struggling to make Ian's meat live and
paycheck paycheck like I suspect most of us do. There's a few of us I'm sure they've got it all
figured out, but I struggle alongside you guys. I had a financial hit before Christmas that I was
trying to figure out how I was going to pull it off. Things are tight right now and that's okay,
there's money coming. I ain't worried about it, but I'm always worried about it, but
I appreciate that. That's why I tried to I tried to present if nothing else
humility. I was talking to another person who's been writing something that I've been going back
forth with a while back and who's talking about how important humility is in the author community
and how not enough of them practice it and you know I do these Faulkner and these
I do all this sort of stuff and people go oh you're brilliant oh you're absolutely brilliant
genius and I'm like no I'm not I'm not. What I'm good at is channeling and mimicking
these brilliant men who laid the framework that is so well laid out that even a peon like me can
understand it. That's what I'm good at. I'm good at understanding frameworks and understanding
how to sound like other people. My book does not read like Faulkner. My book does not read
like Cormac McCarthy. My book does not read like Ernest Hemingway. I will say there's been a lot of
comparisons made to Mark Twain, but I think it's just our sort of sense of presentation
is more about it. In the way I have a similar writing style to Mark Twain. Read a lot of
Mark Twain growing up though. You know what I mean? Everybody learns from somebody.
This is what John Goodman made me laugh at that interview he was talking about
somebody's like oh this thing you did this he's like oh I stole that from Al Pacino. I saw Al
Pacino do that in heat and I was like oh I gotta try that. He's like he's like he's like I steal
from everybody. Marlon Brando everybody I'm trying to learn how to do this thing. I'm trying to learn
how to be an actor. That's the way I feel about writing is if you listen to my little short story
just now you didn't pick up on the James Lee Burke and that you're just not a James Lee Burke
reader but he's probably my biggest influence and James Lee Burke is like his Dave Robichaux novels
are like if Mark Twain and Faulkner teamed up to write detective novels in South Louisiana.
His prose and poetry and the way he described the scene is so beautiful and it's stuck with
me all my life since I started reading him in the early 90s or maybe late 90s and I've been hooked
on him ever since and I'm even one of those people like I go back and read his stuff before
he's commercially successful because I just love the way the man writes even when he was learning
how to write his first novel but that's not his first one. His last standalone novel before he
started the Dave Robichaux series that made him commercially successful was called The Lost Get
Back Boogie. I love that book. Absolutely love that book. The only one I haven't read he wrote one
in 1971. It's real hard to get your hands on. I think it's called Swans in Morning.
I can't don't quote me on that. That book's real hard to get your it's a novel James Lee Burke
wrote in like 1971. It didn't do well and it's real hard to get your hands on that novel and I've
never found a copy of it but I hope one day to find a copy of it and read it. I could probably get it
I don't like reading books on my phone. I like to hold a book. I like to hold a book and read it
and that's how I judge a book. If I start reading your book and I get a point where I can't put it
down I got to hold up somewhere and finish reading it and that's a good book. That's a good book.
I really don't like Cormac McCarthy. I know everybody else does. He's too bleak for me
but my editor my buddy Adam keeps telling me you got to try to try some different stuff is read
some other stuff is. So I'm going to go back to the beginning with Cormac. I read Sutterly once
but I learned some stuff about Sutterly recently that that was his alcoholic novel while he was
going through some shit and I want to go back try to reread Sutterly and see if I don't find a
little more out of it this time. I'm at a different stage. I read a lot of Cormac stuff when I was
young and you know I'm not I'm not the same guy now. I have a different set of sensibilities
and a different set of things. I read the road. I read the road when
I think we were pregnant with Junes pregnant with my oldest kid. I think that's why I read
and that's a bad time. Read a book like that. Okay. It really left a bad taste in my mouth
but the movie was coming out and I kind of wanted to see what anyways it was a bad time. Read that
book. I got off topic again. Amy thank you for the high praise. I appreciate it. That makes me feel
good. That's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to just I like having this community you guys
that look when I put my little short videos out on the internet and they get 600 700 comments
and I engage with them and you know and that kind of stuff but
by and large that stuff doesn't mean anything to me like y'all's comments do on the record
like us talking in the chat or even when it's a quiet weeks you know some weeks
it's quiet in the chat and it's okay it's just something about having that community
being there and having this shared experience even the people that listen to it later and then
come over on YouTube to tell me something in case I get an email through my manager you know
tell me a little something that that's the stuff that means more to me than you know a thousand
comments on a short video I do short content I do that's that's the stuff that really gets
like to makes me appreciate and want to continue doing this thing
ah that's enough sapping this out me let's let's wrap this thing up and
uh get on with our sunday how about that I gotta go in there and edit this dead blaster thing
and then I think I'm gonna try to sneak out of the not sneak out of the house it's a weird way to
say it but I think I'm gonna uh cruise over to the punchline comedy club tonight my buddy
Trey is headlining I'd like to see a little bit of Trey
a closed sermon that I kept thinking about that that that
don't seek revenge rotten fruit will fall on its own
I didn't read this on a sign I didn't hear it from a preacher didn't see it stitched on a pillow
somewhere it's just something I finally figured out after burning enough years to pay tuition
justice that requires your participation ain't justice it's just another job that don't pay
and and I know that because I worked that job for a long time
I had man older than me supposed to be wiser took money from me cornered me and then spent years
keeping me nervous threats posturing that low constant alert level tells you you better you better
watch out and I'll be honest with you I didn't walk away uh clean from that experience I studied
him I ran scenarios in my head I built plans so detailed they could have passed just about any
inspection in my mind I was waiting on justice
I was gonna get him but what I was really doing was clocking every clocking in every day
yeah that's what I was really doing was clocking in every day to a job that didn't pay me a dime
revenge is uh it's real seductive like that it feels like progress feels like you're doing something
useful with your anger coming up with these plans to get somebody back and do something about it
but all it really does is turn your life into a holding pattern until until somebody else gets
what you think they deserve and and here's the truth that finally shook loose for me justice
doesn't need your labor time is undefeated entropy is relentless and people who refuse to change
eventually get crushed by the weight of who they are I didn't act didn't touch them never got them
didn't get even and the world handled it
his business collapsed his family fell apart he outlived what mattered most to him
and none of that required my fingerprints or intervention what did require my effort was
quitting the job letting go of the idea that my life had to stay paused until his finally fell apart
that's that's the real cost of revenge and revenge mindset not what it does to them
but how long it convinces you to wait on your own life because you're thinking about them
so if you're if you're walking around right now carrying a plan speech some quiet little
movie in your head you're hoping it's gonna play out where you finally win against some foe
ask yourself this honestly I mean honestly look in the mirror and ask yourself how much
of your life are you willing to trade for a job that don't pay
because I can tell you from experience the day you quit working on that and thinking about
revenge is the day your life starts paying you back
rooting for you rooting for you to escape the trivialities
that muck us up rooting for you to escape the mistakes I made or at least dig out of them a
little faster waste less energy on there's room at the table for all of us I'm rooting for you guys
I'm JW I love you happy new year
oh that is some good coffee right there
episode one the wallet bottoms I feel good about that I hope you guys enjoyed it
love my mom but it's a season of the sticks
I saw your mom she forgot that I existed half my fault I just like to play the victim I'll drink
alcohol till my friends come home for Christmas and dream each night of some version of you
that I might not have did not lose I'm split in half that'll have to do
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