The episode starts with Smith and Sniff riffing on Guns N’ Roses’ “November Rain,” especially the church scene and Slash’s “hidden eyes” vibe—then pivots into a string of car-nerd comparisons, from hidden headlamp “eyes” on a Dodge Charger to rare Suzuki and UK import finds. Midway, it turns into a comedic detour about Swannathan the swan, his door-attacking antics, and the hosts’ “Rover 75” graffiti mystery. Later, it blends in listener stories, airport-security mishaps, and live-show plans from Belfast to London.
A listener has written in about a swan. Also in this episode, why Slash is the hidden headlights car of music, why even naturalists don’t like wasps, a listener needing some back-up on a new car purchase, some strange car-specific graffiti in Birmingham, a story about the Suzuki X90, a mystery prototype in Bicester, getting stopped by airport security because of an Enya calendar, and another quality car from Car & Classic.
"because there was a reason, is he reminds me, Slash is basically the human equivalent
[231.5s] of a car with hidden headlights.
[234.9s] You know, like, I was, I was looking at my Dodge Charger the day"
“Hidden headlights” means the headlights aren’t always visible. They can pop out or appear when you turn them on, so the front of the car looks different.
“Hidden headlights” refers to headlight designs where the lights are concealed behind bodywork and only appear when activated. It’s a styling/engineering feature that can change the car’s front appearance from “clean” to “aggressive” depending on whether the lights are deployed.
"And as soon as you see the eyes of a Dodge Charger, the car looks actually much less tough."
The Dodge Charger is a famous American muscle car. The hosts are joking that when you can clearly see its headlights, it looks less scary than cars that hide their headlights until you reveal them.
The Dodge Charger is a classic American muscle car known for its aggressive, wide stance and iconic front end. In this segment, the hosts are specifically talking about how the Charger’s visible “eyes” (headlights) change its intimidating look compared to hidden-headlight designs.
"muscle car slash, I don't know, Lincoln of a certain era, Ford LTD, Ford Country Square,"
The Ford LTD is an older Ford model line from the classic American-car era. In this conversation it’s brought up as another example of a car front design that could look different depending on whether the headlights were hidden or shown.
The Ford LTD is a full-size American car line that was popular in the mid-to-late 20th century. Here it’s mentioned as part of a comparison to other “hidden headlight” cars, implying a similar era/style where the front fascia could be made to look more sinister when headlights are concealed.
"...I don't know, Lincoln of a certain era, Ford LTD, Ford Country Square, they did an amazing Ford Country Square w..."
The Ford Country Squire is an older Ford station wagon. It was made to carry people and cargo comfortably, especially for family trips. The podcast brings it up as part of a discussion about older Ford models.
The Ford Country Squire is a station wagon from Ford’s lineup, known for being a family-oriented, comfortable vehicle with a classic, old-school style. It’s significant because it represents the era when station wagons were popular for road trips and everyday use. The podcast references it in the context of older Ford models and naming/branding.
Car
1982 Suzuki SC100 GX quiz kit
"But it's very much not like a Mercedes SL because it is a 1982 Suzuki SC100 GX quiz kit.
[775.3s] Yes, please.
[776.4s] Have a look at that."
This is a 1982 Suzuki SC100, a small older Japanese car. The “GX” and “quiz kit” details are specific versions/trim or package names, and the point here is that it’s a rare, very well-kept example.
The Suzuki SC100 is a small, early-1980s kei-car–era model, and this one is specifically a 1982 SC100 GX “quiz kit.” The hosts are highlighting it as a rare, collectible variant that looks unusually clean, even though it’s not exactly like the Mercedes SL it’s being compared against.
"Although, in fact, it has been re-sprayed.
[798.4s] So it's why it looks so absolutely minty."
“Re-sprayed” means the car was repainted. People look at this because it can make the paint look like new, but it may also mean the car has had previous damage or wear.
“Re-sprayed” means the car’s exterior paint has been removed and repainted (or at least refinished) after the original paint. Enthusiasts care because a respray can explain why a car looks “minty,” but it can also affect originality and value depending on how well it was done.
"because you know, you had that little Honda S600 and 800."
The Honda S800 is another classic small Honda sports car. It’s basically the bigger/stronger version of the S600, but it still has that lightweight, fun vibe.
The Honda S800 is the slightly larger sibling of the S600, also from Honda’s early run of compact sports cars. Compared with the S600, it’s typically associated with a more powerful feel while still keeping the same “small and nimble” character.
"because you know, you had that little Honda S600 and 800."
The Honda S600 is an older Honda sports car that’s small and lightweight. People like it because it’s fun and “period-correct” for classic Japanese car fans.
The Honda S600 is a classic small Japanese sports car from Honda, best known for its compact size and early postwar-era engineering. It’s often remembered as a charming, lightweight coupe that helped establish Honda’s reputation for making fun-to-drive cars.
"It's got, so it's got these alloys on it, which I remember the same style of alloy being fitted to"
Here, “alloys” means alloy wheels. They’re the fancy metal wheels (not steel) that many cars use, and they often look more “correct” for a certain time period.
In this context, “alloys” refers to alloy wheels—wheels made from a metal alloy (commonly aluminum or similar). Alloy wheels are popular because they can be lighter than steel wheels and often have distinctive styling.
"which I remember the same style of alloy being fitted to Skoda Rapids and possibly the Saloons as well in the UK."
Skoda is the car brand the speaker compares wheel styling against, saying the same alloy-wheel style was fitted to Skoda models in the UK. This is an enthusiast “period-correct” comparison—matching parts/wheel designs across brands from the same era.
"... remember the same style of alloy being fitted to Skoda Rapids and possibly the Saloons as well in the UK. I don..."
The Skoda Rapid is a regular everyday car made by Skoda. It’s designed for practical driving rather than being a sports car. The podcast mentions it because some cars in the range can look similar, like the wheel designs.
The Skoda Rapid is a compact car from Skoda, typically positioned as a practical, everyday model in the lineup. It’s mentioned in the podcast in relation to shared design details—like wheel styles—across multiple Skoda models in the UK. That kind of discussion usually comes up when people are identifying cars by appearance.
"So again, they're absolutely period and correct."
“Period and correct” means the car looks right for its age. The wheels (and other parts) are the kind you’d expect to see on cars from that same time period.
“Period and correct” is collector/enthusiast shorthand meaning the car’s parts (like wheels) match what would have been used in that car’s era. It’s about historical authenticity—keeping the look and components consistent with the time period.
"I'm currently hovering over a Rover P6 in South Africa for you, my friend. So if you play your cards, right?"
The Rover P6 is an older British car from the 1960s. People like it because it’s a classic, and it’s the kind of car enthusiasts hunt for today.
The Rover P6 is a classic British saloon built by Rover, best known for its 1960s-era design and popularity with collectors. It’s often discussed as a “proper” old-school UK car, and it’s a common target for enthusiasts looking for period-correct driving experiences.
"As someone who already owns a classic Mini and a Porsche Boxster, I'm after something a little more practical to use through the winter."
The Porsche Boxster is a sporty Porsche roadster. It’s the kind of car people buy for fun driving, and it’s being used here to contrast with a more practical winter car.
The Porsche Boxster is Porsche’s mid-engine roadster, known for its balanced handling and driver-focused feel. Mentioning it alongside a classic Mini and a Mark 1 Ford Focus frames the listener’s garage as a mix of enthusiast cars and practical daily use.
"... collect a new car. As someone who already owns a classic Mini and a Porsche Boxster, I'm after something a litt..."
The Mini Classic is the older, original-style Mini made by Mini. It’s a small car with a unique look and a fun, nimble feel. The podcast mentions it because the host is considering it as a new car to collect.
A “Mini Classic” refers to the classic-generation Mini, the small British car known for its distinctive shape and go-kart-like driving feel. It’s a popular collector car because it has a strong enthusiast community and a huge parts/support ecosystem. In the podcast, it’s brought up as a potential next purchase for someone who already owns classic and sports cars.
"So I'm on my way to fetch a Mark 1 Ford Focus Gear 1.6 petrol. Oh, yes."
“1.6 petrol” means the car has a 1.6-liter gas engine. That’s one of the main engine specs that affects how the car drives and how much fuel it uses.
“1.6 petrol” refers to a 1.6-liter gasoline engine displacement. Engine size is a key spec because it influences how the car feels (power/torque delivery) and how it typically uses fuel.
"So I'm on my way to fetch a Mark 1 Ford Focus Gear 1.6 petrol. Oh, yes."
A Mark 1 Ford Focus is the first version of the Ford Focus model. It’s a normal, practical car people can use day to day—especially in bad weather.
The Mark 1 Ford Focus is the first-generation Ford Focus, known for being a practical, everyday hatchback/saloon platform that became a common choice in the UK. In this context, the listener is treating it as a winter-friendly “use it and don’t baby it” car, which is a big part of why it’s being recommended.
"...ot a little bit bigger and tiny bit softer in the quest to sort of feel more grown up."
The Nissan Quest is a minivan, which is a family car with more room for passengers and luggage. It’s designed to be comfortable and easy to live with. The podcast brings it up as a step toward a bigger, more comfortable vehicle.
The Nissan Quest is a minivan built for family transportation, focusing on comfort and easy daily use. It’s often discussed as a way to “feel more grown up” compared with smaller vehicles, since minivans prioritize space and ride comfort. The podcast mentions it in that context of moving to something bigger and softer.
The Rover P5 is an older, more upmarket Rover sedan. They’re using it as another example of a Rover that didn’t become valuable right away.
The Rover P5 is a luxury saloon from Rover’s lineup, produced in the late 1950s through the 1960s. In the discussion, it’s grouped with other Rover models that “took forever” to rise in value, setting up the contrast with the Rover 75’s sudden jump.
"Rover P5,
SD1,
taken forever to become worth good money."
The Rover SD1 is a Rover executive car from the 1970s and 1980s. They’re bringing it up to show that some Rover models only became valuable much later.
The Rover SD1 is a Rover executive saloon (1970s–1980s) that became a notable part of the brand’s history. The hosts mention it to emphasize that several Rover models took a long time to become “worth good money,” before the conversation pivots to the Rover 75.
"Because it's Banksy.
Banksy drives a Rover 75
and he's dropping the heaviest of hints,"
Banksy is a famous street artist known for anonymous, viral artwork. In this segment, the hosts are saying Banksy’s involvement could be what makes people suddenly want a particular car more.
Banksy is a pseudonymous street artist whose work became globally famous through viral attention and mystery. Here, the hosts connect Banksy’s influence to collector behavior by claiming Banksy “drives a Rover 75” and is dropping hints that could boost the car’s value.
"I said I'd been served by Instagram a video of someone who'd got a Suzuki X90, which they clearly loved."
The Suzuki X90 is a small Suzuki that looks a bit like a mini SUV. It’s not a super common car, and people who like it usually do so because it’s different and has personality.
The Suzuki X90 is a small, compact SUV/crossover-style vehicle from Suzuki, notable for its unusual “sporty mini-SUV” proportions and distinctive styling. It’s a niche model that tends to be loved by owners who like oddball, characterful cars.
Person
Barry Sheen
"the SJ410 and 413, Barry Sheen, four liter 300 horsepower V6 outboards"
Barry Sheen is a racing-related figure mentioned as part of Suzuki’s earlier successes. The hosts are using his name to connect Suzuki to motorsport history.
Barry Sheen is mentioned in the context of Suzuki’s historical achievements. In motorsport and performance circles, Sheen is known as a racing figure associated with Suzuki’s competitive history, and the hosts use him as part of the “past glories” recap.
"Barry Sheen, four liter 300 horsepower V6 outboards and then the X90 came up in conversation"
“V6 outboards” are boat engines that sit on the back of the boat. They have six cylinders arranged in a V shape, and here they’re being described as a high-power Suzuki engine.
“V6 outboards” refers to marine engines mounted on the back of a boat, with a V6 cylinder layout. The segment uses this to illustrate Suzuki’s broader engineering history beyond cars, emphasizing a “four liter” displacement and “300 horsepower” output.
"We've said before that they're amazing at trials.
[2156.4s] That's where they found their groove.
[2157.8s] But when they were new,"
“Trials” are off-road driving competitions where you go over obstacles carefully. It’s more about control and traction than racing fast.
In motorsport, “trials” are events where drivers navigate obstacles at low speed, prioritizing traction and control over outright speed. The hosts use it to explain why the brand/model was successful—because it “found their groove” in that kind of driving.
"...aid boss's actual wife had a then brand new early Freelander. So that dates it so perfectly"
The Land Rover Freelander is a small SUV made by Land Rover. It’s meant to handle normal roads and some rougher conditions too. The podcast references it because it was a “new” vehicle at the time of a story.
The Land Rover Freelander is a compact SUV designed for light off-road capability and everyday driving. It’s often discussed because it was one of Land Rover’s more accessible models for people who wanted the brand’s style and capability without going to a full-size SUV. The podcast mentions an early Freelander to help date a memory.
"The cars when they turned up were not only two door, rendering them fairly useless for the majority of the target market..."
“Two door” means the car has two doors for passengers—one on each side. The hosts are saying that the two-door layout didn’t fit what most of the target buyers wanted.
“Two door” describes a body style with two passenger doors total (usually one on each side). The hosts say the delivered Suzuki X90s were two-door, which they argue made them “fairly useless” for the majority of the intended market.
"The cars when they turned up were not only two door... but also they were all two wheel drive. I'm not sure if we ever got the four wheel drive one that was available in some parts of the world..."
“Two wheel drive” means the car only powers two wheels instead of all four. The hosts are saying the cars that arrived were two-wheel drive, which made them less appealing to the kind of customers they were trying to sell to.
“Two wheel drive” means the car sends power to only two wheels (typically either the front or the rear). The hosts use it to explain why the delivered Suzuki X90s didn’t match what the target buyers expected—because they weren’t the more capable four-wheel-drive option some people wanted.
"I'm not sure if we ever got the four wheel drive one that was available in some parts of the world, but the first ones were certainly two wheel drive..."
“Four wheel drive” means power can go to all four wheels, which helps the car grip better on rough or slippery roads. The hosts are saying the version they got first wasn’t the four-wheel-drive one.
“Four wheel drive” (4WD) means the car can send power to all four wheels, improving traction on loose or slippery surfaces. In this episode, the hosts mention that a four-wheel-drive X90 may have existed in some markets, but the first batch they received was two-wheel drive.
"[2276.0s] so they got this from source.
[2279.8s] so they got this from source.
[2282.9s] We've been quite Suzuki heavy, haven't we, on this episode?"
Suzuki is a car company from Japan. “Suzuki GB” just means their UK operation, and here it’s being used as where the listener worked and got information.
Suzuki is a Japanese automaker, and “Suzuki GB” refers to its UK presence/operations. In this segment it’s mentioned as the source of a listener’s information about the brand.
"[2287.1s] I'm just still fantasizing about a whiz kid, if I'm honest.
[2290.8s] I'm really, really, yeah, I would trade in my smart Brabus
[2295.7s] for one of those, I think."
smart is a small-car brand, and Brabus is a company that makes performance versions of cars. Here, the host is saying they’d swap their Brabus-tuned smart for something else.
“smart Brabus” refers to a smart car tuned by Brabus, the German performance brand known for upgrading engines, suspension, and styling. In this discussion, the host is comparing it as a current ownership choice to another car they’d prefer.
"[2314.7s] It's got, obviously, got the Beetle Boxster.
[2317.2s] Well, slightly rear-engined.
[2318.8s] Okay, I could trade it.
[2319.6s] Trade up to a 911, maybe, yeah."
The “911” is Porsche’s famous sports car. The host is saying they’d upgrade to that instead of sticking with their current car.
“911” here refers to the Porsche 911, Porsche’s iconic rear-engine sports car line. It’s being used as the “trade up” target, implying the host would move from a smart to a classic Porsche layout and driving character.
"[2318.8s] Okay, I could trade it.
[2319.6s] Trade up to a 911, maybe, yeah.
[2323.5s] But keep the Smart Roadster.
[2324.8s] Keep the Smart Roadster, yeah."
The Smart Roadster is a small two-seat convertible from smart. The host is saying they’d keep this model even if they upgraded to something bigger.
The Smart Roadster is a small, lightweight two-seat roadster from smart, notable for its compact packaging and sporty feel. Here it’s mentioned as the one smart model the host would keep while “trading up” to a Porsche 911.
"...just have to get, I don't know, something like an ID3 with it. Honda E."
The Volkswagen ID.3 is an electric hatchback, meaning it runs on electricity instead of gasoline. It’s made for normal everyday driving, like commuting and errands. The podcast mentions it as one of the electric options being considered.
The Volkswagen ID.3 is an all-electric compact hatchback from Volkswagen, built around the idea of practical EV ownership. It’s frequently discussed because it’s part of the mainstream shift toward electric cars that can be used day-to-day. In the podcast, it’s mentioned as an example of an electric car to consider.
"[2329.3s] You just have to get, I don't know, something like an ID3 with it.
[2332.5s] Honda E."
The Honda E is Honda’s small electric car. The host is listing it as another EV you could pick instead of a Tesla.
The Honda E is a small, retro-styled electric hatchback from Honda. It’s mentioned as another EV option the host would accept alongside keeping the Smart Roadster.
"Obviously, every time it snows,
you find yourself initially optimistic
because of your traction benefits,
but then also slightly nervous because of the oversteer risk."
Traction just means how much grip the tires have on the road. On snow, traction is low, so the car can start slipping more easily.
Traction is the grip between tires and the road surface. On snow, traction determines whether the car can accelerate and turn without the tires slipping, and it’s the key reason rear-engine/rear-heavy cars can feel both promising and risky.
"because of your traction benefits,
but then also slightly nervous because of the oversteer risk.
So, you know, it's a funny time of year for you."
Oversteer is when the back of the car starts to slide outward. On snow, it can happen more easily because the tires don’t grip well.
Oversteer is when the rear of the car loses grip and the car rotates more than the driver expects. On slippery surfaces like snow, reduced traction can make oversteer more likely—especially in rear-engine or rear-heavy setups.
"What else could you have?
Get your Fiat 126 back.
Oh, get the Polsky Fiat back."
The Fiat 126 is a small classic city car. The hosts mention it because it’s part of the same general idea—cars with weight toward the back can behave differently on slippery roads.
The Fiat 126 is a small Italian city car that’s often associated with a compact, rear-engine layout in many markets. In this segment, it’s name-dropped as another option that fits the “rear-engine” theme relevant to traction and oversteer on snow.
"..., an old Renault on the Renaults. That's right, a Renault 8. Was it the Renault?"
The R8 is a sports car made by Audi. It’s designed to be fast and exciting to drive. The podcast brings it up as a well-known performance car in the discussion.
The R8 is a high-performance sports car model from Audi, known for its dramatic design and strong performance. It’s often referenced in car conversations because it’s a recognizable supercar-style vehicle that’s still usable as a real car. In the podcast, it’s mentioned alongside other classic or notable cars as part of the host’s comparisons.
"And actually, again, if you wanted a sort of modern car,
[2395.4s] you could get a third-generation Twingo as a run-around.
[2399.0s] Yes, I kind of like them."
A Twingo is a small Renault city car. The speaker is saying that the third version of it can be a practical, easy-to-live-with daily driver.
The Twingo is Renault’s compact city car, and the speaker specifies the third generation as a “run-around” option. The point here is that, even if you want something more modern-feeling than a 60s car, a Twingo can still fit the same practical role.
"and instantly fell back in love and then went down
[2422.8s] an absolute rabbit hole of videos online of one on a rolling road
[2429.4s] and one doing like a elk swerve avoidance test"
A rolling road is like a treadmill for a car—its wheels sit on rollers while the car is tested. It lets people measure how the car performs in a controlled way.
A rolling road is a test setup where the car is driven on rollers while measurements are taken. It’s commonly used to evaluate things like acceleration, stability, and how the car behaves under controlled load without needing a full road course.
"[2429.4s] and one doing like a elk swerve avoidance test
[2433.4s] to prove that it wasn't dangerous.
[2435.8s] Oh, Chevy Corvette."
The elk test is a standardized way to see how well a car can swerve to avoid something suddenly. It checks whether the car stays stable and controllable during that quick maneuver.
The “elk test” (often called an elk swerve avoidance test) is a standardized maneuver used to check a vehicle’s stability and steering response when avoiding an obstacle. It’s designed to mimic a sudden swerving situation and reveal handling problems that straight-line driving can hide.
"to prove that it wasn't dangerous.
[2435.8s] Oh, Chevy Corvette.
[2437.0s] I just thought of another one."
The Chevy Corvette is a famous American sports car. In this discussion it’s mentioned alongside handling-test videos, like how it behaves when you have to swerve quickly.
The Chevrolet Corvette is an American sports car known for its performance-focused design and long-running history. Here it comes up in the context of videos and handling tests, suggesting the speaker is comparing how different cars behave during evasive maneuvers.
"[2443.7s] Yeah, they did a pickup and a van.
[2446.0s] Is that where Vauxhall got the idea for the chevan from,
[2449.5s] in terms of a slightly punny name?"
Vauxhall is a car brand from the UK. The speaker is bringing it up because Vauxhall had a van model with a similar-sounding, punny name.
Vauxhall is a British car brand (now part of Stellantis) known for models like the Chevanne/“Chevan” family of panel vans. In this segment it’s used as a reference point for how a “Corvette van/pickup” idea might have influenced naming or product concepts.
"It's called a Corvair Greenbrier.
...
So, yeah, the Corvair Greenbrier.
...
Okay.
So it's a compact camper at a time, I guess,
when they were trying to compete with the likes of the Volkswagen Microbus."
The Corvair Greenbrier is a small camper van made by Chevrolet. It was designed for road trips, kind of like the Volkswagen Microbus, but in a more unusual Corvair-based package.
The Chevrolet Corvair Greenbrier is a compact camper/van built on the Corvair platform. It’s best known as a quirky, early attempt to compete with the Volkswagen Microbus for people who wanted a small, family-friendly “road trip” vehicle.
"Okay.
So it's a compact camper at a time, I guess,
when they were trying to compete with the likes of the Volkswagen Microbus.
...
Yeah."
The Volkswagen Microbus is a famous small van that became a symbol of road trips and camping. The hosts bring it up because the Corvair Greenbrier was trying to compete with that same idea.
The Volkswagen Microbus (often called the Type 2) is the iconic small van that helped define the classic “camping van” vibe. Mentioning it here highlights the Greenbrier’s role as a rival product aimed at the same lifestyle market.
Select text to request an explanation
I'm Jonny Smith, I'm his reporter, and this is Smith & Sniff, a podcast on which two friends
talk about cars and many other things.
I was watching a Guns N' Roses video the other day, first time in ages.
Guns Off of the Roses.
And god, they were good.
It was non-stop smoking though.
But this particular music video was November Rain.
You'll know the track, Rich.
I know you won't.
Yes, yes, familiar.
The full length version.
And do you remember the bit where there's a church scene?
Axles getting married.
And then Slash comes out of the church with chaps.
He's actually wearing chaps to church, which really creeps me up.
Because when you dissect all this stuff from music videos, you go,
what?
He went to his mate's wedding wearing leather chaps.
And he was, and there's smoking in the church, which is highly disrespectful.
I mean, in fairness, if you're going to smoke anywhere, a church is probably not
bad because all the incense and candles will, you know, it's a smoky environment anyway.
Well, it's a very high ceiling, so it won't smell smoky.
And a high ceiling, yes.
Because the ceiling's 80 feet high.
Well, there you go.
So actually, a church is an excellent place to smoke if you're Slash.
But the reason why I'm telling you this, because obviously it has to be car centric,
because we're extremely car centric on this podcast.
Always.
The reason why I'm telling you this is because I realized that at no point in that music video,
did I ever see Slash's eyes?
He's like one of the Muppets where you can't see their eyes.
Yes.
Try to think of which Muppet eyes you can't see.
There's a few of them.
There's a few eyeless Muppets.
Yeah.
But Slash isn't a Muppet.
Well, not in the cockney sense of the word, but in the sense that he could be a Jim Henson
puppet, I think he is quite Muppety.
Lots of hair.
So much hair.
Which is kind of amusing.
A hat, a funny hat that's always stuck to the hair.
Then it looks like it has chocolate.
It looks like it's got chocolate coins stuck to it, I always thought.
Because because because because the munchies halfway through
blanking the axe, you can just pick off a coin.
He just peels a chocolate coin off his hands.
Maybe the whole hat's made of chocolate.
No, it would melt, wouldn't it?
And it would all go into his hair.
And that's a nightmare because he's got thick, tangly hair.
So it's a fondant.
It's a fondant hat.
Oh, OK.
Yeah.
But structurally, how's it keeping its shape?
Is it goes away for, is there a way for core?
Biscuit could be a biscuit core.
The thing is though, Slash loves nothing more than standing on a cliff.
I know.
Absolutely spanking the plank as in his guitar.
And if he's got a patisserie hat on, he's at risk of bird attack,
sure, that's no good.
Oh, yeah.
I'm not sure.
He would get destroyed by Cormorants.
That was the working title for their last album for a while.
But, no, I, well, maybe he's got a chocolate hat.
He has got some kind of, the hat is made of foodstuffs for emergencies.
But the reason why I wanted to bring this up in conversation,
because there was a reason, is he reminds me, Slash is basically the human equivalent
of a car with hidden headlights.
You know, like, I was, I was looking at my Dodge Charger the day
when it's hidden, it's headlamp doors, and it's got a lot of presence, but without eyes.
And as soon as you see the eyes of a Dodge Charger, the car looks actually much less tough.
Yes.
And almost a bit gawky.
I'm wondering whether when one day somebody sees Slash's eyes,
they'll be like, oh, you look a bit like a happy frog.
But until that moment, he looks like he's got a real hidden headlight sinister
muscle car slash, I don't know, Lincoln of a certain era, Ford LTD, Ford Country Square,
they did an amazing Ford Country Square with hidden headlights.
Absolutely amazing.
What if he's got really big sweet eyes like a baby or a puppy or something?
And it totally undermines his black leather chaps, rock pig act.
As you go, oh, but he's so sweet.
It's like looking at a baby seal.
Oh, yeah, he could have the eyes of a seal.
I could see that big, big baby seal eyes.
And this has always been his, his sort of weakness.
So he just chooses to not reveal his eyes at all.
But I've been in the presence of Slash because we had him as a guest.
Yes, we had him as a guest on Top Gear.
Did you have Slash on as a guest on TG?
I don't remember that.
Yeah, it was a good one.
I mean, I don't remember much about the interview,
but he played out the show standing on top of the indestructible high looks on its angled
plinth in the studio.
And we got him standing up on the top of it and playing us out with a theme tune on his acts.
It was an incredible moment.
I'm so embarrassed that I don't remember that.
I bet it's on YouTube somewhere.
But yeah, it was a great, great moment.
I was certainly, you know, a bit different because we didn't normally do things like that.
So, but having, I didn't speak to Slash.
I don't think I spoke to Slash, but I was sort of in proximity to him.
And I doubt it.
He's got sort of quite sausagey fingers.
Has he?
Yeah, not the full King Charles, but he's definitely, he's,
he doesn't sort of have, you know, thin, elegant peonist fingers.
He has big axe smashing walls, sausages, fingers.
And no eyes.
But maybe that's it.
He's like a muppet, you know, muppets with, with, that have fingers.
Their hands are sort of quite big and sausagey because actually, you know,
it's a glove on a person's hand, spoiler alert.
So maybe that's the same thing with Slash.
His hands are in fact somebody else's hands inside a sort of fleshy glove that can play guitar.
You're referring to Slash, one of the greatest
guitarists of all time, as a fleshy glove.
Is that what you just said?
No, I'm saying he, he might be wearing fleshy gloves.
I don't know, but.
It's going to say you can't call Slash a fleshy glove.
Seriously.
No, no, I'm not, I'm not this thing.
So now hold on a sec.
Last week, we were talking about whether or not the 80s pop star Tiffany used to live in Stoke on Trent.
Yes.
And I was mistaken.
It's actually somewhere else in Staffordshire that she used to live.
But Slash is from Stoke on Trent.
He is from Stoke on Trent.
This is right.
He was born there, wasn't he?
So he is slightly English.
Yeah.
I think he's, is he half English?
I think he's half English.
I read the other day, for some reason, I can't remember where or why.
But I didn't know.
His mum was a like a costume, like costume wardrobe dresser for David Bowie.
I'm here on Wikipedia and Slash, not his real name.
It's Saul, isn't it Saul?
Saul Hudson.
Yeah, Saul Hudson was actually born in Hampstead in North London.
But he was raised in a small suburb of Stoke on Trent until the age of six,
when he moved to Los Angeles, the Stoke on Trent of California.
And his mother, Ola J. Hudson, was a fashion designer and costumier.
His father, Anthony Hudson, was an English artist.
Well, there we go.
So he is, he's half English.
Not, so born in Hampstead, which is probably where Bowie was,
where his mum was probably dressing Bowie, or I don't know, finding linen for Bowie to wear
in his glamour, full glamour.
Shiffon.
She would have been looking around for the most flammable of items for Bowie to wear.
It says they moved to LA when Slash was six, and he was born in 1965.
So they would have moved to LA in 1971.
So I wonder if she clothed Bowie in his LA period when he was
incredibly coked off his head and keeping all of his urine in bottles and things,
living off yoghurt.
Yeah, well, I mean, that would have been a nightmare because she'd have basically had
to buy like child-sized clothing because he was so skinny.
But also he wants a lot of flammable stuff, even though he smoked almost constantly.
He did.
At that point.
This says that Slash's mum designed costumes for the pointer sisters Diana Ross, Janet Jackson,
David Bowie, John Lennon, and Ringo Starr.
Wow, did she design for Ringo Starr?
That's brilliant.
That's great.
Diana Ross, amazing.
Again, quite floaty Shiffon, I'd say.
I, yeah, I told you that fact.
Did I tell you about that fact about Diana Ross?
This is not car related because I think we've talked about Diana Ross's car taste before.
I think she was into Mercedes SLs.
Yeah.
Slals.
I imagine then that Slash's mum, her main job as a costumia for Diana Ross would be making sure
that all of the Shiffon bits were really well stitched to the rest of the outfits,
so they didn't get pulled free when the SL was doing 55 down an ocean side freeway.
Yes.
We are dangerously close to Wasp season.
Yes.
And I've seen a couple of them and they've annoyed the hell out of me already.
So it's only going to get worse, isn't it?
Yeah, I've seen a few.
Don't tell David Attenborough, but I think they're pricks.
No, that's, I think you're allowed to say that even with naturalists because
I once wrote a thing for a natural history company,
sort of like a mission statement.
They just wanted a kind of thing that sort of encapsulated their ethos and their passion
for the natural world, but they said, we don't want it to be so serious.
Everything's so very serious in this world.
We want to show that we've got a sense of humor as well.
So I concluded it by saying when it comes down to it, we just love all animals except Wasps.
And they went, yeah, that's fine.
Yeah, no, they did.
They came back to me and they went, we just have a bit of a debate about this in-house.
We were just like, is it too much?
But we agree.
It's fine.
It's actually good.
We agree.
So it went out in there, whatever it was, promo materials and stuff and the rest of the pack
that I helped them to write.
Yeah, but they agreed and they were some very brainy people.
That's great.
So yeah, even naturalists think Wasps are pricks.
Well, and they know better than we do, ultimately, don't they?
Yeah, but then I think our Hornets not even bigger pricks.
They're like Wasps max, aren't they?
Hornets are like drunk footy hooligans.
So I think when I say drunk, they're a little bit more clumsy, but there's more clout to them.
Well, because they're aggy, aren't they?
They're looking for a fight.
Yeah, that's right.
So I would say, yeah, they are their drunk hooligans.
Now, not to lurch too hard to the left, but of course, since we mentioned Mercedes SLs
Diana Ross, the other week, I pretended to buy you a Mercedes SL from our sponsor,
Car and Classic.
Yeah.
And
Absolute Car and Catnip.
They should rebrand.
I've asked them to rebrand.
It should be Cars and Catnip.
Yeah, fair enough.
It's my turn again to pretend to buy you something this week.
You've got the SL.
Yeah, that's yours.
Thanks.
So I've taken a little swerve this week to something that I think you'll like.
Okay.
But it's very much not like a Mercedes SL because it is a 1982 Suzuki SC100 GX quiz kit.
Yes, please.
Have a look at that.
Gosh, that looks absolutely exquisite.
An example of the mark and also a black eye.
Not many of them are in black.
Oh, I don't think that.
No, it's rare, but that is factory.
Although, in fact, it has been re-sprayed.
So it's why it looks so absolutely minty.
It looks wet.
It's a proper re-spray.
It's as shiny as Slash's chaps when he's standing on the end of that cliff.
He's got it.
He left the church to just wank the axe on the cliff.
And that's what his chaps look like.
Wow, that's incredible.
It's amazing, isn't it?
It's only got 26,000 miles on it as well.
So it's, you know, it's low mileage.
It's really interesting numbers.
This is a proper find another.
Yeah, I mean, I should say it's up for 13 grand.
But it really is.
Well, where are you going to find another one,
particularly in this condition with this mileage?
Yeah, yeah.
A UK car.
Genuinely.
Yes, it's a UK car.
It's not been imported from Japan.
I think this is a UK-sourced car at 970cc four-cylinder engine at the back.
Yeah, I've always wanted one of these.
There's so many pictures.
I'm just looking at this.
A picture of each individual in a wing with the wheel removed.
That's nice detail.
Nice detail.
It is the proverbial you could eat your dinner off them.
Yes.
I mean, gosh, that's lovely.
That would be a logistical challenge,
but if you really wanted to, you could.
They are clean AF.
So, yeah, I just saw this and I thought,
I sort of instinctively knew it was up your street,
because you know, you had that little Honda S600 and 800.
I had a 600 year coupe, which I do miss,
even though I couldn't quite fit in it.
But I think I'd fit in this and this is obviously a younger car.
These were launched the year I was born.
So maybe it was meant to be.
Oh, well, there you go.
It's got, so it's got these alloys on it,
which I remember the same style of alloy being fitted to
Skoda Rapids and possibly the Saloons as well in the UK.
I don't know who makes them,
but the ad says that the wheels on this Suzuki
are a deal of accessories.
So again, they're absolutely period and correct.
But I think, I wonder if they are British made alloys that were
fitted by the importers of Suzuki's and Skoda's.
I don't know who makes them, but they look familiar.
They also look very good.
Yeah, I think that's just perfect.
It says this was the first proper car imported into the UK by Suzuki.
So the first official Suzuki sold here.
I didn't know that.
Well, I guess because they were just doing motorbikes up until that point.
Yeah. And then when did the SJ come in?
I don't know, 80?
Might have been the same.
Two or three, maybe?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow, that's really nice.
And four, yeah, four cylinder, nearly 50 horsepower.
Goodness, that's more than I was expecting.
I can sort of hear that car just by looking at it.
It's going to be revvy, isn't it?
And sort of buzzy in that brilliant small Japanese engine sort of way.
There's been a barn find one of these that I have been on the jet trail of for four years.
And it's the chap that contacted me who lives next door to the widow who owns it.
And he's warmed her up to a point where she opened the garage and let him take a photo and
send it to me.
And then she goes cold on the idea.
And then she has to chat to her again for about half a year.
And then she comes around to it and trusts his judgment.
And then I get excited because he says, oh, I think we're getting close.
And then it goes cold again.
And then she says, oh, she's just not sure.
I am still waiting to do it.
And I can't wait.
I can't wait.
But maybe I don't need to wait because this one I'm kind of classic is absolutely exquisite.
Wow, what's what's she hanging on to it for?
I think it's because it was her late husbands and it's not done many miles.
And it's one of those ones where it's been it was always tucked away in the garage.
She lives up north and it's escaped all of the horrible winter salt and stuff.
So I think it could be a worshipped example, but it hasn't been on the road in a long time.
I don't think it's black.
But this is amazing.
So hang on.
This is a this is an auction or a classified?
This is a classified.
Oh, so yeah, it's on car and classic right now,
unless it's sold between us recording and it going out.
But yeah, I think it is.
This is this is proper kind of rarity.
And for the right person, this would be a delightful purchase.
This is great rules this game.
I'm not actually buying it for you.
But yeah, it's mega, isn't it?
Yeah, good.
You know, who used to love these was the revered car journalist LJK set, right?
Oh, really?
Yeah, he was a big fan of these.
I think he infamously once drove one into the lobby of a London hotel
because he was late for something and he couldn't find a parking space.
So he just drove into the hotel.
Did you really?
I think I've read him saying this in a magazine in the 80s.
But he was just doing it for the gram, wasn't he?
Bucket.
Yeah, that's he was so far sighted, he thought of social media before it was.
Yeah, that's incredible.
No, that's that's a little cracker, isn't it?
So let it be known listeners and viewers.
And thanks if you are viewing current classic do auctions
and you spell out how you want as well as classifieds.
We will not be responsible for temptation or purchases.
But there's I think at any given time I was told there's 46,000 vehicles
being hosted on the current classic website, which blew my tiny mind.
But it also made me scrabble to look at even more and download the app.
So yeah, there's danger ahead.
Because of course, they sell cars all over the world.
Yeah, you can refine your search if you just want UK cars or if that matter,
you just want cars in Spain or Italy or something.
But yeah, they are global.
I'm currently hovering over a Rover P6 in South Africa for you,
my friend. So if you play your cards, right?
Oh, never know.
Oh, we were talking about P6s the other day, weren't we?
Yeah.
Hey, look, I've got a few listener messages that I wanted to read out.
Some of which I've been sitting on for ages.
There's a really quick one here from a listener called Charlie,
who is writing to writing to ask a favor.
OK, this this only came in last week or week before.
He says, I'm currently on route to collect a new car.
As someone who already owns a classic Mini and a Porsche Boxster,
I'm after something a little more practical to use through the winter.
So I'm on my way to fetch a Mark 1 Ford Focus Gear 1.6 petrol.
Oh, yes.
After you guys were talking about them on the podcast.
Yes.
But as someone who lives at home with my parents,
could you do me a favor and please explain to my dad, a fellow listener,
why this is a brilliant idea.
And at £400, I simply had no option but to snap it up.
There's a slight possibility if this doesn't go down well,
I may be living in my valour upholstered gear.
Any words of wisdom you can provide to be a help?
Oh, this is an easy question to answer.
I mean, as someone that drove used to drive classic cars every single day.
I understand why people would do it in the UK.
But I think it does more harm than good, ultimately.
And you end up chasing problems.
If you were to drive that Mini every day through the Mini,
I think two winters in a Mini would absolutely hammer it
the way they put salt down here now.
And so then you're having to do so much repair work to keep on top of it.
And I think it takes the shine off the ownership personally.
That's not the same as everybody else.
And the price of that car that he's just paid
does not get you much welding or classic car parts.
So no, but it is a classic.
And the reason why he's picked a great car
and his dad needs to bear this in mind
is because this was you and I both love these
is because they were really, really well developed cars,
really well made, extremely drivable, comfortable, engaging.
Yes.
But parts for early focuses, Fokai,
are very, very cheap.
And there's a shed load of second hand ones.
So you can genuinely run that car with a shoelace
and a button in your pocket.
And that's what's great about them.
Yeah.
I love them.
I think also, I mean, we're sort of,
they are kind of into modern classic territory
pretty much now, aren't they?
But in the best possible way.
So that is new enough to, as you say,
sort of still have parts availability
to still feel quite modern and to have modern safety features
and all the rest of it.
So I'll have ABS and airbags and bloody blood.
But that will also not quite feel like any brand new car
that you can buy today.
There'll be, there's a sort of crispness to those
that I think cars have lost as, you know,
focuses have lost certainly
as they've got a little bit bigger
and tiny bit softer in the quest
to sort of feel more grown up.
That feels more like a hot hatchback
in terms of the way that it responds.
And that 1.6 engine is really nice as well,
from memory.
It's very sweet.
It's perky.
It's got a perkiness to it.
Lovely gear change.
And this is what I did when I was,
at the start of my career in journalism and stuff
and I'd got my foot in the door,
is I was just driving around in my beetle
and I wasn't earning much money, admittedly.
So I decided to borrow a bit of money
and buy a second car.
And that second car got younger and younger.
It was still old, but it was a much more developed car
and slightly more sacrificial, I suppose.
And that helped me to keep the other car,
the beetle, in better condition.
And it made me appreciate the beetle a bit more
because I wasn't sort of hammering it on a daily basis.
So I think that's a great idea.
The box-to-you course, you can use those every day.
I use mine every day for at least for one year, I think.
But again, a cabrio in winter is not ideal, I would say.
Yes. Some of those focused gears, certainly the Saloon one,
had this fake wood on the dashboard,
which was absolutely disgusting.
And thankfully, this car doesn't have it.
So he's up on the deal there
and it's got some very nice alloys on it.
And it's dark blue, it's a 51 plate.
It looks really up together in the picks.
Now, if it's as good as it looks in real life,
400 quid is a bargain, but also,
if Charlie's looking for justifications to his parents,
I think you could drive that around for ages,
for the next year.
And you're not really going to lose a lot of money on it.
It's just the cost of your insurance and petrol.
But in terms of being able to punt it on,
there's always somebody in our kind of world
who wants a nice focus.
I'm going to put my hand in the air now
and I'm willing to give you 475 sheets for that.
Oh.
Okay.
Jeez.
Well, there you go, Charlie.
You make an easy 75 quid.
I'll even take you out for a curry if you deliver it.
Okay?
This has taken a turn, but there we go.
Charlie, I hope, presumably you've got home by now
because you said this message on the 16th of May.
But hopefully you're home now.
Hopefully all is well and your parents
can see the logic of you having this car.
But if not, hopefully the fact that Johnny
is going to buy it off you and give you a curry
is going to sweep the deal somehow.
There's another message here that I want to read out.
It came in the other day after our last podcast
when we were talking about swans.
Okay.
Yeah.
What?
My brothers love for them.
Yes.
Yes.
We've had a few people going,
sorry, what?
People who are familiar with the sort of,
well, of course, he's been on this podcast,
doesn't he, Greg?
But people do mention him quite a bit.
So people are well aware of your brother
and what he's like.
And the swan thing has thrown a few people off a bit.
But anyway, Alex Twinspark is what this listener calls themselves.
He says, hello, you pair of individual throttle bodies.
Following on from this week's swan chat,
I can confirm that swans aren't particularly powerful,
but they are still quite annoying.
By the way, Alex's email is entitled,
My parents swan is a dick, which is why it immediately got my attention.
He says, during lockdown,
my mum started feeding all the local birds,
being that my parents' house backs onto a canal.
This meant a large mix of ducks,
more hens and, among other things, swans.
Long after lockdown,
many of these birds still come back every day,
including Swannathan, my parents' half adopted swan.
Swannathan has come by the house every day since,
and he is a total dick.
He will come charging up the very long garden,
wings wide and hissing,
run straight at you,
and start pecking you until you feed him.
What an absolute demanding bastard.
I know.
What?
You know, this used to be funny
till my dad was working from home in the kitchen
with the door open,
and while on an important Zoom call,
Swannathan decided to enter the kitchen
through the open door
and start having at my dad on camera
until he left the meeting to feed him.
No! No way!
I'm sorry, I'm going to have to jump off this call
as I'm being attacked by a swan.
It is a very good excuse, but...
It is sort of like the craze protection money
racket.
Well, it is, isn't it?
I'm going to come in your house every day,
and if you don't feed me, I'm going to harm you.
It gets worse in terms of swan menace,
because Alex goes on to say
that they decided they could prevent this happening again
by simply just closing the door at all times,
and that'll stop him.
He says this did stop him entering the house,
but clever old Swannathan realized now
that we were all inside the house
and that doors were just how we entered and exited.
As such, he would come up to the house
and start attacking the glass of the door
to get our attention.
No!
We'd then go to open the door to feed him,
and he would continue to attack you
until he had his food.
Oh my God!
My youngest brother once fell asleep
on one of the patio chairs
and got awoken by Swannathan pecking his legs.
For fuck's sake!
His swans are menace!
This is your idea of a complete nightmare,
isn't it?
Oh man.
You'd be so stressed out.
We've known Swannathan for years,
and he's brought several rounds of his offspring here,
and he's actually quite comfortable with us.
He regularly lets my mum stroke him
after he's eaten,
and my parents' vizsler now gets on with him quite well.
Fuck's sake!
The swan is friends with a dog!
That's just bizarre.
That never happens.
Swannathan, it's a great name.
It is a great name.
Apparently, Swannathan will regularly chill out
on the patio and sun himself once he's eaten,
but until then, he is an absolute dick.
Has anyone ever made a motorbike
that's shaped like a swan?
I feel like a chopper.
A swan chopper would look so ridiculous.
Wouldn't it look so ridiculous?
You'd have to be...
You could have the neck going down a bit for the forks.
So the head is down low?
I bet someone's done that.
Yeah, would you sit within the wings that are slightly open,
or would the wings be the handlebars?
There's so many options.
So much glass fibre.
So much glass fibre.
That sounds...
That's shocked me.
That's hangry.
I mean, I get hangry and my name's Jonathan,
but I would not chase and peck people until they fed me.
Come on.
I mean, I don't...
It's just demanding.
Isn't the slash entitled?
It's a rather entitled swan.
But how are you going to stop it doing this?
Because it's now worked it out.
If I do this enough, I'm going to get fed.
So why would I stop doing it?
It's intelligent.
I suppose by bird standard,
swans are probably reasonably intelligent
because their heads are relatively big, aren't they?
They're not completely thick, like a pheasant or something.
No, no, then I don't think they're thick.
I have another message which...
I mean, this is one that...
This is...
I need to know more about this.
It's from a listener called Lee who says,
I wondered if you SSGs could help to get to the bottom
of something very perplexing,
but also quite amusing.
Over the past year or so,
I've noticed someone using a graffiti tag,
as I believe the kids call it.
Now, he...
This is all around
Harbourn, Edgebaston,
and Selly Oak in Birmingham.
Okay.
He sent a picture of one of these tags.
And it's...
Rover 75.
What?
What, that's it?
That's what it says.
Now, there's no space between Rover 75
and there's an exclamation mark,
but Lee says that apparently sometimes
these have an exclamation mark, sometimes not,
but they are dotted all around those areas of Birmingham.
So someone just writes Rover 75
occasionally with an exclamation mark?
They just write Rover 75.
Is it Arty?
Is it calligraphy?
No, it's not.
It's the opposite.
It's not one of those really good bits of graffiti.
It's just...
It's like on a red brick wall
and it's sort of...
It looks like it's silver.
It's just a bad tag.
Almost like chalk, in fact.
And the lettering's not even evenly sized.
It's really...
It's a bit rubbish.
But he's wondering if it's somebody
who's a huge Rover 75 fan,
or is it somebody who has no idea
that the Rover 75 is a car
and it relates to something else completely?
If so, what?
Or is it...
Yeah, is it a euphemism amongst
young people?
Well, exactly.
What does it mean?
Does it mean something naughty?
Who knows?
But also, with the exclamation mark,
sometimes is confusing.
Rover 75 or Rover 75?
I just...
I think it's exclamation
that they've seen one
and they're pointing like you would.
An excited child.
Look, Rover 75.
Yeah, I probably would.
Yeah.
Lee says that I probably know
those areas of Birmingham
for my days at Pebble Mill.
I do.
So I'll be aware that
they're not far from Longbridge.
She's wondering if it's someone
who worked on 75s back in the day
and is trying to race their profile again.
Like it's a guerrilla advertising campaign.
Get them before they're all gone, folks.
Rover 75!
Hang on.
I don't know.
Is that like...
Is it like an auction house
or something who's trying to
make them suddenly jump in value?
They're going to leap beyond
all the other Rovers
that have taken,
admittedly, a long time to rise.
You know, Rover P6,
Rover P5,
SD1,
taken forever to become worth good money.
Then suddenly the 75
just leaps into the lead.
Because of a viral campaign?
Because it's Banksy.
Banksy drives a Rover 75
and he's dropping the heaviest of hints,
but no one's getting it.
Guys, he's so clever, isn't he?
I drive a Rover 75.
Well, I mean,
I'm not expecting anyone listening
to have any clues to this,
but if you are a person
who's writing Rover 75
and sometimes Rover 75
around parts of Birmingham,
then don't get in touch.
Explain yourself.
I would like it if suddenly
they start moving to a question mark as well.
Rover 75?
Rover 75?
Or in the terror bank,
a question mark and an exclamation mark.
Rover 75?
Now, just one last thing
which I wanted to read out.
Now, this starts with a few weeks ago.
I said I'd been served by Instagram
a video of someone
who'd got a Suzuki X90,
which they clearly loved.
Yeah.
And I did a little bit
of a head check on myself
where I sort of went,
I have sneered at those cars many times,
but this person clearly loves their X90
and who am I to judge
and I should just mind my own business
and wind my neck in.
Wind your neck in, you swan?
Yeah, swanathon.
The Instagram user whose X90 was
heard this or was sent this bit of audio
and put it over,
one of their,
help me, Johnny.
Is it reals or stories?
I can't remember.
I think it's an Instagram reel.
Yeah, if it lasts more than 24 hours,
it's a reel.
The Instagram name is panel of Anderson.
It's very good.
It's good.
And they love their X90.
So I just want to say,
look, I stand by what I said,
I shouldn't be so judgy
and I'm glad that you like your car.
But it led some sorts of
to a listener who I'm not going to name
getting in touch with a message
that is entitled X90 trivia.
Now this listener worked at Suzuki GB
and one year at the Christmas do
they were talking to one of the directors
who'd been there for a very long time
and they were recounting some of Suzuki's past glories,
the RG502 strokes, the SJ410 and 413,
Barry Sheen,
four liter 300 horsepower V6 outboards
and then the X90 came up in conversation
and this long-serving director
gave the backstory to how the X90 ended up in the UK.
Apparently, at an international conference
for Suzuki, the big wigs from Japan
told the various importer representatives
from around the world about this new model
of sporty SUV style vehicle
that was soon going to be available.
Presumably they didn't actually show them one though
because this listener says
as the evening war on the whiskey started flowing
and the Suzuki GB representatives
decided that this new product
would be a great addition to their portfolio
in the UK market
where they could sell it to the hunting slash riding club
slash shooting countryside set.
Given their success with small 4x4s
this wasn't inconceivable.
So on the spot, they committed to a massive order of these cars.
What?
I guess they basically agreed to import
a certain number of X90s, sight unseen.
I know, I associate that.
We've said before that they're amazing at trials.
That's where they found their groove.
But when they were new,
a former boss of mine
was having an affair with a woman who had one,
a brand new one.
And said boss's actual wife
had a then brand new early Freelander.
So that dates it so perfectly
when you think about those two cars.
X90, brand new, early, the cut down back Freelander.
You know the one with the removable
because it had that big removable plastic lid on it.
I can't remember.
Yes, the soft back was the one with the
canvassy bit on the back.
Right, I remember that they had that
and in the summer that bit was removed
and it looked quite cool for its time.
So yeah, that's what I associate with the X90.
And Barbie did have one, didn't she?
Did she?
Yes, quite possibly.
I think Barbie officially had one, a model one.
Well this lists the wraps up by saying that
the eagle eyed and eared among you may have already spotted
the obvious error in Suzuki GB wildly ordering
a load of X90s in the hope of appealing to countryside folk with money.
The cars when they turned up were not only two door,
rendering them fairly useless for the majority of the target market,
but also they were all two wheel drive.
I'm not sure if we ever got the four wheel drive one
that was available in some parts of the world,
but the first ones were certainly two wheel drive,
leaving the now deeply red faced Suzuki GB directors thinking,
oh shit, how are we going to sell these?
As a result, a hurriedly written process document
was issued about how ordering cars when pissed is a bad idea.
Is this true?
Well, I could only go on what sounds like a very plausible message
from a listener who says they used to work at Suzuki GB,
so they got this from source.
We've been quite Suzuki heavy, haven't we, on this episode?
We have, yeah.
I'm just still fantasizing about a whiz kid, if I'm honest.
I'm really, really, yeah, I would trade in my smart Brabus
for one of those, I think.
I think I would.
Yes.
Could you see me?
Could you see me balling around in one of those?
Oh, I could totally see you balling around in one of those.
I ended up just becoming the rear-engined guy.
We're just, I need to have a Tattra.
I'd love to find a Tattra at some point or for one of those.
It's got, obviously, got the Beetle Boxster.
Well, slightly rear-engined.
Okay, I could trade it.
Trade up to a 911, maybe, yeah.
But keep the Smart Roadster.
Keep the Smart Roadster, yeah.
The Tesla's got to go, but you can have an EV.
You just have to get, I don't know, something like an ID3 with it.
Honda E.
Honda E, rear-engined.
There we go, see?
Honda E's, yeah, got it all in the back, hasn't it?
And then, yeah, you get a Tattra.
Yeah.
Well, that's quite a fleet, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah.
Obviously, every time it snows,
you find yourself initially optimistic
because of your traction benefits,
but then also slightly nervous because of the oversteer risk.
So, you know, it's a funny time of year for you.
It is.
Yeah.
What else could you have?
Get your Fiat 126 back.
Oh, get the Polsky Fiat back.
Get the rear engines go to the ones
that you just referred to, the Rapid.
The Rapid.
Yes, yes.
Or a Stel if I wanted a school run to four-door.
If you were feeling so inclined,
you could get, you know, some kind of Simca from the 60s.
60s.
Simca from the 60s.
60s, but also, you know, an old Renault on the Renaults.
That's right, a Renault 8.
Was it the Renault?
And actually, again, if you wanted a sort of modern car,
you could get a third-generation Twingo as a run-around.
Yes, I kind of like them.
Yeah, there must be other, many other rear-engined opportunities.
Yeah, I mean, there are, but I think, I mean,
I'm looking forward to seeing your Tartre, because they're fantastic.
I saw a press photo of one the other week
because I was talking to someone about one I needed to show them
and instantly fell back in love and then went down
an absolute rabbit hole of videos online of one on a rolling road
and one doing like a elk swerve avoidance test
to prove that it wasn't dangerous.
Oh, Chevy Corvette.
I just thought of another one.
Yes.
And they did a Corvette van, a Corvette, didn't they?
Did they?
Yeah, they did a pickup and a van.
Is that where Vauxhall got the idea for the chevan from,
in terms of a slightly punny name?
They should have done, shouldn't they?
I'm pretty sure the Corvette, there was one available as a camper
and it was called something like a brook wood or something wood.
I'll look it up.
I feel like it was almost a dream that we had a conversation about
sort of socially unacceptably named transformers,
but we did, didn't we?
That rings a bell, yes.
Do you remember that, did I make that bit up?
Was there a transformer called Slag?
That, hang on, yes.
This wasn't us just making kids up.
It wasn't, no.
There was an actual transformer with a socially unacceptable name.
And...
Various ones.
They've been Slag or Pedo or something
and then we might have run with that a little bit, but yeah.
Because I thought the other day, because I really like the word Slag
and you know, I refer to people as Slag as a Christy
if they're being sleuthy, but...
Yes.
Oh, here we go.
You use it in a sort of cockney sense.
Yes, Slag.
It's like, yeah, it's a term of endearment.
But I can totally see a Chinese manufacturer
just coming out with a sub brand and it just be called Slag.
And...
But it'll be really good value.
It'll be like a Dacia.
It'll try and crush Dacia.
The Slag tries to crush Dacia.
Be all over the years.
Speaking of which, I went up to Bistemotionally
the day for a meeting at Haggerty
about the Festival of the Unexceptional,
which we're appearing at in summer.
There's a link to buy tickets on our website, smithandsniff.com.
But just as I was pulling up to Bistemotion,
a camouflage-wrapped prototype car went past
and I was going to a meeting
so I couldn't sort of do a Huey and pursue it
to see what was going on.
But I had absolutely no idea what it was.
And I mean, I know that's sort of the point of it being camouflage,
but I like to think I kind of keep an eye on this stuff.
And I'm quite good at snouting out.
Now, I'm going to say confidently, it wasn't a JLR product
because I've got a pretty good idea
of what they've got on the road at the moment.
And I started looking through all the various Chinese companies
that are now selling cars here all the way out to.
I cannot idea it at all.
And I'm sort of now thinking I imagined some details on it
because it was kind of generic SUV cross-avery type thing.
But it's really bugging me.
You just want to know the answer.
You just want to know, don't you?
Yeah, I also won't.
Well, because there's that company 4.7,
which was set up by a lot of ex-JLR people
and is now under the same group as McLaren
and it seems like they're going to be sort of merging towards each other.
They were supposed to be launching a sort of upmarket luxury EV at some point.
Now, this didn't look like a luxury EV.
It looked sort of like very bog standard, medium-sized SUV.
But they are based around Bista.
I just don't think it was them.
So I'm just wondering if anyone else has seen a camouflaged car around Bista.
And if so, any idea what it is?
Because it's really bothering me.
It was right on Drive as well, I think.
So it's obviously something that's going to be sold here, I would guess.
But what?
I've just found what that Corvair van camper is called.
It's called... Oh, yeah.
It's called a Corvair Greenbrier.
I don't think you can say Greenbrien, which is...
No, it's not Greenbrien.
Because that would be even better, right?
I'll forward you a picture of it.
It's a really... I mean, it's a cool thing.
But I like the Corvairs.
I've always liked the Corvairs.
And I would happily drive around in one knowing the dangers.
So, yeah, the Corvair Greenbrier.
What an amazing thing.
Oh, yes.
And that is a really...
Bloody hell.
Yeah, isn't it cool?
That is cool.
It's really nice.
Okay.
So it's a compact camper at a time, I guess,
when they were trying to compete with the likes of the Volkswagen Microbus.
And...
Yeah.
Yeah, it's a little nice.
Well, stick a picture of this on our Patreon.
If you are watching us on video, as we now do,
then there should be a photo on screen.
But this thing is like...
It's not as...
It's because I didn't realize it is a sort of box.
It's not got a bonnet.
It's got a sort of vestigial bonnet on the front.
Hardly a bonnet, yeah.
It doesn't really look like a Corvair.
The other Corvairs.
No.
What a thing.
Yeah.
Wow.
But just sort of nicely detailed.
A little bit of chrome going on there and stuff.
So anyway, well, look it up.
Corvair.
The Corvair Greenbrier.
Greenbrier.
Yeah.
Not...
But if your name's Brian Green and you're looking for a Dayvan,
well, step this way, my friends.
I think it'd be perfect.
Well, I keep laughing.
I was telling you the day that I really enjoyed
the just finished series of SNL UK that I think
before it started, people were a bit skeptical.
And actually, I think they'd knocked it out of the park.
There were so many things on that show that were brilliant.
And there was just this stupid throwaway sketch.
It was very sort of fast show.
Well, that's a good thing.
The regular Casper playing this older woman called Helen Birch.
And the thing that made it brilliant.
She's a bit adjacent to 60s men because sort of older...
She's a perfect old representation of an older lady
who does a very gentle Sunday evening program.
But she didn't say program.
She said program.
And it was just the perfect...
I know who this character is now.
And welcome back to the program.
Now, and the whole setup is that the program is called
Falling Down a Hill with Helen Birch.
But in her opening piece to camera, she reveals...
And you know what's coming.
That's why it's so fast show, but so brilliant
and so stupid in a wonderful way.
I don't entirely agree with the changing of the program's name.
I thought there was perfectly okay.
The title we'd had for the last 14 series,
which was of course Helen Birch's Birches of St. Helens.
What a show.
For 14 series, they've talked about Birches,
but only in a very specific area of the Northwest.
It's like, it's so brilliant.
And then she just falls down a hill, spoiler alert.
It was so stupid.
But yeah, welcome to the program.
And I was like, no one says program anymore.
Jay Leno.
Jay Leno spec.
They just copied Jay Leno.
Because yeah, he did that big hill fall, didn't he?
He did, didn't he?
And then such a hero then just still made his
engagements on time, pretty much.
Great guy.
Before we forget, we should say a big thank you
to everyone who came to the show in Belfast Friday before last.
Yes, 100%.
We had a great time.
What a fabulous audience.
Great venue as well.
In a great city.
I really liked Belfast having never been before.
Agreed.
Yeah, I really enjoyed it.
Such a really good, lively, fun audience.
It was, we had a fabulous time.
And I wanted to say a particular thank you
to listener called Art.
Art is the chap who sent you the Enya calendar.
Oh, I've got it here.
When he came to the Belfast show,
he brought a second Enya calendar for me.
And the following morning when I was leaving Belfast,
I went through airport security.
My bag got flagged for extra checks in the way they do.
And you know, so then when the security person gets your bag,
you're sort of called forward to stand there at the counter
while they go through it.
This lady unzipped my bag
and the first thing she pulled out was the Enya calendar.
Did she talk about it in any way?
No, she didn't.
Which if anything made it worse
because I was on the cusp of starting to babble an explanation.
I just thought, no.
Just hold it.
I know it's, we're calling it an Enya calendar,
but it is a race team sponsor, but it's not got pictures of Enya
sort of licking swords or anything, has it?
No.
Or licking her maid back.
No, it's, it's, it is, it does look like a multiple calendar.
It's true, but I did see her sort of the security lady,
just look at it, just, just kind of clock what it was
and then put it to one side.
But then she sort of paused as if it's like,
that is what triggered the extra inspection of my bag.
Maybe the, the curly wire, you know,
thing that holds the calendar together at the top.
It's weird.
Metal, yeah.
Extra, yeah, but, and then I had this sudden panic.
I was like, like, what if art works in like the quarrying industry
and has inadvertently left a tiny amount of explosive residue
Oh no.
On the Enya calendar.
Yeah.
Or he's a keen clay pigeon shooter.
Yes.
I mean, it happened to, it happened to someone I used to work with
on the grand tour.
He was going away on a shoot where there were some pyrotechnics.
Yeah.
And he accidentally had just sort of handled something
that had been handled by a pyrotechnics person.
It's just this tiny, tiny trace of explosive residue
which got onto his rucksack.
But he'd actually borrowed his rucksack
when he'd been back at his parents house.
He was like, Oh God, I need a backpack just to go on this shoot.
And I don't have the one that's the right size.
He returned the backpack home.
And then his younger brother went on a school trip
using it, passing through an airport
and got flagged for having explosive traces on his rucksack.
Oh no.
He wasn't allowed to go on the trip.
He wasn't allowed.
Oh, I think basically it was such a,
kafof was like a 15 year olds going through an airport
with a bag with traces of explosives on it.
It was, no, it was a full security incident.
His parents had to go to the airport.
Oh.
Pretty bad.
But yeah.
Wow.
And it's like, you imagine the trace,
the very, very tiny trace that must have been on there,
but it was enough to trigger.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So yeah, it happens.
Thankfully, not for me.
Everything was okay.
But for a brief moment, I was like,
I can't imagine myself suddenly in a windowless room
having to explain why I have
an Enya Motorsport calendar in my bag.
Well, I, I, the thing I had to,
that was quite awkward for me at the live show was
I decided to go bagless.
And I stuffed all my belongings into an Eddie Jordan
formula one jacket.
The what, the yellow one that I wear sometimes at our live shows.
And when I, when I went to get out of my lovely taxi cab
that had dropped me from the airport to the hotel,
which was called The Bullet named after the film,
which is Ace.
The lovely taxi driver who'd been really chatty,
Aiman, I did the sort of pleasantries and paid him
and got the receipt and then said all of the formal goodbyes.
But then for some reason couldn't find the door handle
or my arm was in the way or I had, I had two coats on.
So it was a bit bulky.
And there was this horrible silence of me already saying
all of the goodbyes, but not getting out of the car very well.
And I wondered, do I need to say another couple of goodbyes?
You know, when, you know, when you're not allowed to turn
you back on the Queen in the old days.
So you, you, you sort of bow and walk backwards.
I kind of did that out of this, a state wearing two coats.
I think he might have thought I was crazy.
But yeah, it's like my, my boy has this massive rucksack for school,
just because he has a lot of things he needs to take to school.
But sometimes if I pick him up from somewhere and he's got his backpack on,
he, he keeps trying to get into the car with it still on.
No, off first, off first and preferably put it in the back on the boot or so.
But yeah, it's just like, it's like, it's like a snail,
a massive snail trying to get into your car.
You can't get in with your rucksack on.
No, well, that's the thing.
He can't.
And particularly if it's a smaller car like that.
She does the thing.
He sort of gets jammed in the doorhole and then you go,
just take the bag off.
No, it's, I don't know why it's a blind spot that he has.
But anyway, we should wrap this up.
But speaking of live shows, can't forget to mention
that our next live shows plural are in London on the 9th and the 10th of June.
We're at the London Concourse again.
Two dates.
Two days.
Two dates.
So the ticket for our show includes an afternoon at the London Concourse,
which if you've not been before is a fantastic event.
It really is.
On the kind of incongruous cricket pitch that exists bang slap in the heart of London.
Yeah.
It's at the Honourable Artillery Company.
So it's a military base, isn't it?
But it's a very grand old one.
And it has this massive patch of grass in between all of the buildings where business goes on.
Skyscrapers and things.
Yeah.
It's very, very strange, but like beautifully contrasting.
Yeah.
It's fantastic.
So you, and then the, this huge area of grass is just covered in fantastic and interesting cars.
So you can spend an afternoon wandering around there, sit and have a drink, have something to eat.
Yeah.
There's other stuff going on as well, isn't there?
Yeah.
And then come indoors at five o'clock to hear us doing whatever we do.
So.
Yeah.
I'll talk about meeting Dave Richards, the OG Lionhead and stuff like that.
Oh, yes.
You know.
Yes.
As we've mentioned before, we're not generally releasing the recordings of live shows that we're
doing at the moment.
We're sort of pretending we're a band and bands don't put every gig they do out on CD.
So we're sort of doing that, which means we can speak more freely and tell stories.
We may not tell on the podcast, so come along for that.
Hope to see you there, 9th and 10th of June, as I said, but have an afternoon at the London Concourse
and then come and see us early evening.
It is the loveliest car show, I have to say.
It is, isn't it?
Just remember, your ticket covers you for the whole event, not just our ramblings.
No.
All right.
Well, anyway, we should wrap this up before we go.
Three things I should mention.
The first is, of course, that Johnny's solo channel is called The Late Break Show,
because we're not doing a gag on this anymore.
Are you not?
What's on there at the moment?
You just decided that's it now.
Yeah, I did.
Do you remember a couple of weeks ago?
Yeah, actually, I don't remember, but yeah.
OK.
So, yes.
What's going on?
Well, oh, I know.
I was about to say I've got no idea, but I do remember because I watched the draft of the
edit yesterday.
Yeah.
So, you know, I do the car caves where I visit people's car collections and
little private garages.
Well, this one is the recently completed, I think it's three buildings of
Bientler's heritage in crew.
So, I decided to do a Bientler car cave, basically, and got a fantastic guided tour
round with Mike Sayer, who's the head of comms there.
And you start the journey, the oldest surviving Bentley, the experimental number two,
and you go up to, we went up to the sort of kind of nearly the current day, but a selected one,
like the first or the last of the ones from the line.
Some really, really good stories of innovation and preservation, and it really was,
and the buildings are amazing as well.
But when you wait, I won't spoil it all for you, but you go into this room at the beginning,
where there's like six cars, and he's just told me that there's about 50 million quids
worth of car in this room.
So, I was expecting a full room of cars.
And then I go, hang on, there's only seven cars.
One.
Okay, these ones are quite significant.
So, yeah, so watch that.
And if you don't want to watch that, well, woe betide, as old people say.
Woe betide.
Yeah.
Second thing to say is that I have various books out.
One of them is called Petrolhead.
It's a collection of my Evo columns from the past 20-odd years, with a little explainer
at the start of each about what the merry heck I was thinking of when I wrote it.
It's available as a paperback or an e-book from Amazon.
Or you can get the paperback from our merchandise shop at smithsniff.com,
where you can also buy hoodies like the one I'm wearing here with 2.2 on it.
Caps, mugs, stickers, t-shirts, the full gamut of things.
So, I'm wearing my black Spowerts t-shirt today.
It's a nice one.
Yeah, it's one of my favorites.
Yeah, so smithsniff.com.
You will also find a page for live shows, which has got links to where you can buy tickets
for our London Concourse shows or for Festival of the Unexceptional in July.
So please come along to one of those.
We'll feel a bit silly if no one shows up.
And the third thing I was going to share with you is something I was talking about on stage
in Belfast, but I realized when we go to these live shows and I share a fact about the place
we're in, everyone goes, yeah, we know.
Yes.
I'm an idiot.
But I'm going to share this again with a variety of audience.
Hopefully people won't know that the first place that Stairway to Heaven was ever heard
outside of Led Zeppelin's Inner Circus.
Circus?
Circle.
Inner Circus.
Was in Belfast.
It's the first place they ever played Stairway to Heaven live.
Which I thought was great.
Well, apparently the audience were bored.
The band said later the audience were bored and waiting to hear something they knew.
So it didn't go down well.
Someone from our audience at Belfast told me afterwards that apparently it was worse than that.
This was at the Ulster Hall venue in the city.
And this was in 1971, I think.
So before the song had been released, it had only just been recorded.
The very, very temperate people who ran the Ulster Hall wouldn't serve booze.
So the audience was not only bored during Stairway to Heaven,
they were also drinking tea from cups and saucers.
Because that was the strongest thing you could get in there.
Which is kind of weird, an image.
That's not Led Zeppelin, is it?
No, in my head I'm just thinking that doesn't sit right at all.
But anyway, yeah, so there we go.
A little Belfast fact there for you.
And I just want to sign off by saying thanks to everybody that has messaged us.
We're regarding the conversation we had last week about mental health and suicide.
It's really quite touching the amount of people that have taken the time to write something
who have either experienced it or work in that area.
Just want to say thanks for bringing it up and not being afraid to share it.
So it means the world.
Thank you ever so much.
Yes, thank you.
But we will come back to this, I think, because there has been a remarkable response to this.
And it does bear repeating some of the stuff we were talking about next week.
So we will come back to that.
But for this episode, we're going to say goodbye now.
We're back on Friday with an Autosot and a regular show on Monday.
Until then, goodbye.
Is there a way here today that you could show support?
Well, you could join our country on what wonders that it brings.
Pershows and extra notes on that side of things.
By our merchandise, we funds and cash but still no ties.
One thing, we will make those ties but in the meantime, guys, hey, guys.
I can subscribe.
I can subscribe.
I can subscribe.
I can subscribe.
60s person would never say that.
Never.
Never.
Cheerio.
Cheerio, friend.
Cheerio a lot.
Cheerio, friend.
Cheerio, compadre.
Thank you and good day to you, etc.
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