"The beast of Conroe" |S:03E.70

Welcome to the Reckon Yard. I'm Jerry Wayne Longmare. Y'all presumably still y'all all

welcome here in the church of internal combustion. We just asked that you show up with an open heart.

Churches Sunday morning. Sunday morning. We had a little bit of a gully washer come through Houston

Texas over the last day and got particularly gnarly last night when I was driving home from the

Well, I have sung a lot of praise about that little Mazda car, but I can tell you one particular

time I'm not a fan of it is in a gully washer like that. That little booger is the hydroplaning in this

summer 50 I ever drove in my life. I don't know how many times I got it loose on Hardy

toll road last night trying to get back here, but it is pretty much it pretty much rained for 24 hours

here yesterday and everything's just saturated and so starting to drive day, but it's a cool 70

degrees outside. I got my little thermal on. It feels nice. I'm cold-datured. I don't like to be cold,

but I don't ever get to wear anything thick and this feels nice. I'm feeling comfy this morning.

Science has been, I think that weather change brought some sinus stuff in. I've been a little

doggy. Excuse me, my goodness.

It's a, it feels like a whole bunch of people I know just got COVID again,

which I thought we were done with that. I just didn't even rose out of still things, but

yeah, I know like nine people are COVID right now. Every time somebody coughs, everybody says,

you're getting COVID again. Not me. I'm vaccinated. I ain't had an area of problem with it.

Okey-dokey. Where are we at today? Oh man, I was telling y'all about this thing last week. I was

freedom. Butcher of bureaucrats has dulled on me. We have cut so many cardboard boxes open full

of hot wheels this year that we've taken the edge of a good old M-Tech knife. I know a lot of people

like to shit on M-Tech. I personally like M-Tech knives. They don't hold the edge very long. Well,

most Western steel is a little softer. That's just the way it goes. But you know what,

it's been pretty good knife. It's cut open a bunch of cardboard boxes full of much hot wheels for

little kids. And I think we're going to use our little rolling sharpener just to clean up the edge

a little bit because it's the only sharpener I've used. Smith systems. I don't know all the names

of them, but I have a bunch of different ones. I have bought sharpener kits over the years trying

to learn how to sharpen that. I just do not have that thing. Meanwhile, my papaw sit there with

a wet stone and old piece of leather strap and make a knife so sharp. I swear you could shave

a billy goat with it. But I don't have my dad sit there sharpening with a wet stone. All my uncles,

all the men in my life that I look up to for their skill sets and just general knowledge about the

world. I maybe don't necessarily agree with everything they do, but I did look up to them and

have some sort of reverence for them. All them men can sharpen a knife and that is where I fail. I

have failed for 48 years to be able to sharpen a knife until I bought this stupid little, I swear.

Tiktok does those flash sales and they do all that thing where everybody's like advertising,

you'll see like eight people trying to sell the same product. It was one of those deals and I was

like, I saw these sharpers and the little kid in me that always wants to be able to sharpen a knife

was like, oh, I got to get me one of them, but they were like 30 bucks or something then and I was

like, I ain't got to get one 30 bucks bad. I was like thinking I like getting one like maybe 10

bucks bad. And then sure enough, this thing didn't go so far down in price. I picked mine up for $4.99.

I don't know what they run now. They've probably gone back up since then. It doesn't have a brand

on it. I was trying to look for a brand. It's just some Chinese stuff, made in China.

Can't see because the barcode, it just says Roland Sharperer right there and it's literally,

this is all that's in the box. I bought the cheapest kit available. No frills, no extra.

It's got this little magnet block, 20 degree sharpen on one side,

15 degree sharpen on the other side. I've been using on our kitchen knives. We had some really

nice kitchen knives that my dad gave Rachel as a Christmas present and probably closed it.

13 years ago and we've used pissed out of them. They're just dulls that they're just

February and nothing crazy. I took this stupid little sharpener and those knives will cut. I mean

you take people, you get after that meat them knives. It's like doing surgery now out there.

I was prepping my pork ribs last night and so I'm going to smell me some pork ribs today.

I'm trying out the East Oaks, sent me their new 30 inch smoker. They sent me one last year

and I really liked it. I used piss out of it. Well, I call it the easy bait because you just

don't got to do nothing with it. I'm so sorry. Anyways, they didn't rush out to me, sent me

a new one this year. They were so excited because I guess they sold a bunch of them last year when

I mentioned them. In fact, my manager told me the other day that I got commissions in there from

last year's sales that I didn't even know about. I just did it to get the free smoker to be honest

with y'all and I liked it and so then they sent me the new one this year. It's got legs on it.

It's pretty cool. It's actually kind of perfect. I love the changes they made on this year.

They put better buttons on it. Easier to reach, easier to touch. Last year it was like a flat

shiny surface with those like kind of subsurface buttons and you kind of got a mash on them and

I just did these. This year it's got like little raised buttons on matte finish and it's way easier

to find by fingertip because I smoke late in the night a lot of times in the dark and shit so

they put a little better probe on it. They change up the way the heat and element sits in it a

anyway I'm going to smoke me some St. Louis Fair Ribs. Do me some little St. Louis style ribs

which is one of my favorites as far as pork goes. I did some beefback ribs last week

and I never done beefback ribs before. I kind of always wanted to try them but I didn't know a

lot about it. I've been trying to kind of teach myself stuff about it. I didn't know that beefback

ribs come or cut off the back of the rib eye the rib roast right. So even though beefback ribs don't

have like all the meat on the top and bottom you know on the top of them like what like a plate rib

or what they call dinosaur ribs do those are cut from a little lower on the bottom. The plate the

the back ribs all the meat that's in between them is basically just more rib eye. My heavens them

ribs turned out phenomenal and there's not a lot of math to you just you get you take them till

they're about 205, 203 degrees and the bone just slips out of them and these old ass teeth can give

you know fantastic ribs. So I'm gonna do some pork ribs today. This thing I'm gonna show you

kind of how it works just because I wanted to tell you all about. Anyway so this is your other

thing it's this little roll where it's got these rubber we take these caps off kind of like rubber

o-ring around it and I don't remember what the grits are but you got you got you got a little

rougher side that's your cutting side and then you got your polished side right and it's a it's

pretty simple concept you you take your blade my blade's got a 20 degree edge on it most of your

western pocket knives and most of your western steels go have a 20 inch I mean on the not 20

20 degree cut on it because it's a little softer steel and a 20 20 degree cut a little less

resistant to nicks and damage it's not so thin most of your Japanese steels going to like have

like 15 and some of your high-end German knives and stuff like that are going to have like a 15

degree from what I understand. Feel free to come and tell me what I'm wrong about in the context

in the comments because I'm sure I got some of that wrong I don't proclaim to be a knife expert

anyway you just it's it's a magnet you just stick it to there and then you roll this back and forth

on this side on a level surface until you get your your edge cut down where you want it

and then uh then you flip it around you take that smooth side just right back and forth right

slow it's not nothing you're getting a hurry about I've learned that uh slow and steady wins the

race with this little sharpener so it's pretty pretty pretty cool little machine uh it is Jerry

Wayneproof I had learned to I can finally sharpen some of my knives I've been kind of getting after

all my old pocket knives that were since all the men in my family that were real good at sharpening

have died except my dad and uh I have been left with a lot of dull knives because I did not pick

up that particular skill set for many of them as much as I thought I was going to at some point

we have had been a good week I did two shows out at Sam Houston race park I saw we had a few

recon yard people out there I met a met a fella named Jeff and uh his wife last night come out

with some friends they were a good bunch of people I had a great time uh truthfully the Friday night

show was my favorite show it was a smaller crowd we only had about 40 people but they were just uh

they were there for it uh Saturday night's crowd was a little there was a couple tight asses in

that crowd there was a couple that sat right I mean right on the front row right to the left of me

and I watched them uh Barry Lamondack was host he's the house emcee over there he was hosting it

Barry's funny Barry's funny I've worked with Barry enough that I've seen Barry work all kind

of crowds Barry's funny and these people just stonewalled Barry just stared at Barry like he

didn't matter the whole time he was on stage and then uh Lotto Marie another good friend of mine

a fantastic comedian here out of Houston Texas she's a powerhouse and she got up there and worked

that crowd whoop shit out of that crowd and then people staying away just kind of stonewalled her

and it took me I think I was 20 minutes into my show before I got a laugh out of that dude sitting

there I was like man why in the hell I think they must have something else going on that night

but I often joke that uh Saturday night crowds are not my crowd because people wait Saturday night

to go out ain't the kind of people that I always was growing up uh I'm more people come out on

Thursday night Thursday night crowd that's my crowd people come out on Thursday night make some bad

decisions and have to deal with it work the next day that's my kind of people you know

we uh hope that's not too loud anybody's here

give you guys a quick olfilia update uh we have a real live rare in the go

house cat that cat uh has absolutely been an inspiration to me um she went to the surgeon

Friday and the surgeon said that her right leg is working so good he don't even want to do surgery

on it that she's probably always going to have a limp her legs going to be a little jacked up

always but he said she's got feeling in it she's using it she's extending the claws on it

and she's putting weight on it and he doesn't want to do any surgery on that because he thinks

that she's going to be just fine he said maybe later on we might have to do some surgery to

release some pressure in the bone to allow the bones to develop a little better but

right now he doesn't want to do anything her left arm her left front leg is healing up just fine

she's putting weight on that he said she's cleared to play and go and do all the things the kitten

does her little wounds have felt her little she had this gash on her neck that it was like a pocket

of degloved skin that was the thing that was like full of the maggots and everything it was one of

the ones and that thing has healed up it looks like a little paper cut and the hairs even growing

back on the skin which is just amazing to me uh her little right front arm which was also all

degloved and the skin was all torn loose on was full of maggots and they had got up the maggots

that also started getting up in between her toes all that has scabbed up and healed over

and she's actually growing hair on that freaking arm again it's the we thought she's gonna have a

little naked arm if if we really thought she's going to have amputated and she is uh full of

bus tickets and ready to go that little kitten has won everybody in my home's hearts and

we all take turns with her and she is just a fantastic new member of my family

I'm just tickled to death about her recovery so little Ophelia is doing fantastic

and I mean well what the hell the hell else you want you know

whoo that cold water is good

hmm I'm a little very eyed I had a few drinks last night and uh stayed out on the porch about

two o'clock in the a.m hanging out and it's Rachel and uh not really doing anything important

just sort of when I do shows local and I get to come home and hang out with her it's so much

better than on the road when I usually just go back to an empty hotel room and try to go to sleep

so it's it's always nice I come home hang out mama after the show

okay reminds us the old days when I was running around doing shows all over Houston and

southeast Texas and driving home as soon as I could after the show

I hang out with my lady we had us a little bit of a

little chill time last night it was a good time

I got back in the gym this week I hadn't been in the gym in about two maybe three weeks

I hurt my hip my hips been all tore up and I just couldn't hardly even go

been having trouble just honestly just walking around and so I got back in the gym this week

my chiropractor's been working on my hip hip feels better and better and better

and I know a lot of people don't believe in chiropractic and that's okay I don't need you to

believe in it for it to work for me I like chiropractor because it's cheaper and I can get in

and out of there quicker than the doctor and it gives me some instant relief every time

I wouldn't go in there if I had a broken leg or a heart condition but when it's muscle and bone

stuff that just feels like things are out of place yes I run over there to the chiropractor

let her fix me up because I think the visit's like 20 bucks in and out the door

I'm walking better for a couple days anyways so I like doing that stuff also oh man I found

apart from a Cadillac gotta I had been hitting up all these people I've following parts cars on

Facebook marketplace and every time I hit up these people these parts cars like hey man I need the

electronic brake control module so thing that clips on the back to the ABS module I need that

module and no it's gone ABS module is gone off this car it's the first thing everybody buys

they buy the head off that 3.6 and they buy that module and the ABS module and the body control

module because apparently that one's real hard to find and that you know that's one controls your

air conditioner and all kind of crazy that body control module it's about the dumbest thing anybody

there put on car controls everything anyways your BCM goes out boy you start screwing up all you're

gonna run into a mess of problems like you ain't never heard of in your automotive life I swear to

heavens it's the wildest thing that somebody dreamed up put on a daggers car but uh anyways this

dude I hit him up about a month ago he never responded you know like a lot of Facebook marketplace

ads he'd never responded and then he did finally this week and he said sorry I've been out of town

but he said I have three of these SRX's and all it was he's a body shop he has a little body shop

over here off Little York right here like the whole time this part was a mile from my house

I've been searching junkyards in California and calling guys in Idaho with junkyards

and the whole time the part I needed was a mile that went three miles from my house right

right over in Little York road this guy's body shop he finally hits me up he says hey man I

don't know what these cars have if you just want to bring your tools come over here he said I'll

give you that whole module everything you want for $75 so when I crossed my fingers loaded my

tools up went over there the other morning and lo and behold one of them SRX is a 2015 which will

fit my car it's the same generation SRX same setup same everything one of those cars had dad gum

EBCM on it and ABS I went here I took the body control module I took the EBCM I took the

the ABS module anything I thought on that car I might need in the coming future I jacked off

that car and I think I walked out there spending about $150 and couldn't be more pleased and got

to got to brush up on some of my work Spanish so it was a good morning I got my part I haven't put

it on and flashed it yet but I've been reading some and there's a lot of evidence out there to say

that I may not even need to flash it it may just may just be a bolt I may be able to just click this

module on and fix these ABS lights so later on today that's what I'm going to do I'm going to change

that EBCM out and see if we don't got a fixed Cadillac and then if that's still don't work

I'm going to take it over my good friend David Doyle who y'all know and love and me and David's

we're gonna flash that thing to the bin number and see if that don't solve the problem

either way I'm just tickled pink finally have my freaking part you know anybody's done that kind

of search for that long for a part you know what it's like man it's just uh

feels like a never-ending story trying to find something when nobody has one

I used to know this guy that restored crazy old cars like his Fano Suizes and

Jay Leno type stuff and this dude literally had a machine shop attached to his house because he

would have to make parts for these cars and I was getting the point where I was wondering if I was

gonna have to open up a module shop here in the wrecking yard and learn how to build modules to

fix this stupid car so glad that it's not the case because it feels a little out of my wheelhouse

man I told you I hadn't such a good time last weeky and telling y'all my fishing stories and

I forgot one of my favorite fishing stories ever and it just still makes me laugh I've

heard this story I experienced this story as a five-year-old but I have heard this story told

so many times by my father uh still tickles me to this day but for a very short period of time

when I was about five years old we lived in an apartment complex over in Longview, Texas

and I don't remember what the deal was why we were living there but it was just it was right

till my parents got their little trailer house out in Lever's Chapel and we was living this little

apartment complex I remember this apartment complex for a couple reasons but uh specifically

it had a little lake attached to it and my dad

one morning inside take me out there we was gonna go fishing at the lake

and he had me a little snoopy fishing rod right a little bobber hook bait on it

and I had cast it out there in that little lake and he had his his diablo ultralight he was bass

fishing them plastic worms right now there's a bunch of ducks this way it's kind of like a duck

duck lake duck pond in an apartment complex y'all probably seen one before

the dad said he was walking up down the bank fishing

and uh said I was being pretty quiet remember I told you he always said he could just leave me

somewhere I'd be just fine he had to worry about me getting in no trouble or anything

he said I was pretty quiet down there he was just up down that lake fishing he said after

about 30 45 minutes he lost it lost his lure whatever it was he was fishing with I think it was a

plastic worm so he came back down there where I was at with the tackle box and he said there was

a whole pile of ducks around me and all amongst them ducks were little chewed up bits of plastic

worms he had had one of them packages of the plastic worms and a little see-through package

and I had decided to feed them to the ducks and he'd come down there and I'd done fed all his plastic

dang of ducks and there was just bits of blue and black plastic worm all over the ground with

them ducks and just gobbled them plastic worms up maybe they were scented I don't know uh I always

have questions about this story like how far away from me were you I mean if you were far enough away

from a five-year-old that you couldn't hear ducks going crazy that's that doesn't seem like is that

too far away to hear a splash right so no I don't know uh parenting was different in the 80s man

that's all I can tell you this is a different time that's what everybody says and something

seems horrifying about the past it was a different time it's a different time David Bowie slept with

underage girls it was a different time the 70s was wild everybody always has a justification

like that for it was a different time guilty of using it myself for sure

oh that is already looking better a little little mirror or finish there

and that that down blade that was good we got we got a few hot wheels there

open at the end of the show today I'm going to tell y'all a story about a mythical beast

the beast of Lake Conrail some of you day-warners been around a while you all know back about

2011 for a period of time I was a the maintenance man for a condo property on Lake Conrail called

April Point South and this was uh let's say it's about 2011 Junie was born I think we was

pregnant with Noah he was on the way or I was about to find out we was pregnant with Noah this

about the time I think it's about time I found out I was going to have two kids

which came as quite a surprise and shock to me you can imagine I used to tell a joke about it

on stage let's say

uh

you know that first kid was pretty magical Junie came along was

slept through the night straight from the hospital that baby was easy I always I always

called the first baby the trick baby because the first baby is usually easy the second one's where

things get difficult and sure enough after work one day we were living we lived in this little

place called uh LaSalle Oaks I think it might be called Westlake now or something like that right

off 105 had a little lake had had its own little lake that I used to go fishing in I had a canoe

I used to take my canoe out there and go fishing in the morning to that lake before I went to work

I take that canoe man I had to remember to tell you all my canoe story about Lake Conrail one day

I have a great canoe story about Lake Conrail about the day I thought I was going to just go out

canoe all over that lake anyways but yeah they had a little lake in this property and I used to go

down there and uh fishing my little canoe we had a we had a it was a cool little place man we had

some good times when we lived there I remember why I was telling y'all about where I was living

anyways it was about six minutes from work I literally would get out on 105 go straight down

105 boom I was at the property I was at work it was uh probably closest I've ever lived to a job

and I was trying to find my way I'd only had this maintenance contract a short period of time

the man that had it before me was a guy that everybody called big country

Roy Wilkins me and Roy Wilkinson was good friends still good friends this day I

not great for it I hadn't talked to him in a while but every once in a while I'll

rent you out to old Roy see how he's doing a big country he's kind of retired up cold spring now

the Roy and Kathy which is real good people I had worked for them when they had that maintenance

contract and they had come to a point where uh they needed me to

sorry I saw something crazy going on across the street

man I need to go over and talk to him my neighbor across the street man he's been ill they had

they come pick him up by ambulance and I talked to his daughter a little bit he's the old cholo

he's like 88 80 year old cholo dude cool as shit this little old dude drives old beat this

shit Cadillac it's he's got this uh it looks like it's about a 88 broham and uh it's got a

different color paint from everything he's bounced it off of and he's looking good though

he's walking good I might go there and visit him a little later this afternoon once I get out

they're doing stuff where was I

Roy and Kathy Roy and Kathy is good people I'd work for them while they had that maintenance

contract and then Roy had some point his other business was taken off so much

he didn't want to keep the contract anymore and he got him to turn it over to me and I had started

the DBA and taking over that maintenance contract for him but it was kind of in the beginning the

contract was real vaguely worded and so forth that the maintenance department was responsible

for everything on that property we were kind of over the landscape and we was over and they

didn't they had just fired their landscaper so I was interviewing landscapers and trying to get

somebody out there and we ended up hiring somebody from the old landscaping crew a guy named Jesus

that ended up taking over the landscaping contract for us thankfully me and Jesus was

pretty good buddies I used to tell stories about him Jesus so Jesus ran the landscaping company

a fellow named Angel did all the sprinkler work

ran our sprinkler system you know did all the repairs on our sprinkler system

and then Jesus had a helper that helped him run his thing named Moses

all right so I used to regularly eat lunch with Jesus, Angel and Moses I always tell people I

feel pretty safe at lunch feel pretty good I got I got Angel, Moses, Jesus on my side you know what

I mean probably a safe lunch there's a good bunch of dudes like them

but yeah that contract I was pretty much responsible for everything at that party

I did not finish telling y'all so I came so junior been born sorry I'm a little scattered this morning

junior been born we're living there we had that little we lived that property had that little

lake and had a little park and Rachel calls me after work one day sometime 2011 I suspect

whatever nine months before July is when he was born and calls me after work she says I got a

surprise for you and I was like hell yeah what would I do yeah I'm pretty good old boy I deserve

a surprise every now and then I was excited she's like me me and junie at the park when you get off

work so I run down there park she's got this little bag on the picnic table and it looks

and I had been wanting this new video game called Call of Duty and it looked about size bag might

have a big game in it I said oh boy I got me that call dude boy what did I do deserve this

and had some tissue paper in it and I I rich off in the bag and I pulled out a stick she peed on

and when I realized what that stick meant I said oh shit and that is not the way you respond to

find out you're gonna be a father again at least not the second child maybe the third child's okay

second child's not but it was because I just instantly freaked out and was like oh my god

I barely got this one paid for now I gotta get you know it was just dad mode freaking out

so this is all about that time period so 2011 learning how to be a father

and for the first time I'm kind of running a business where it's all on me everything's on me

I'm rebuilding boardwalk pieces out there for this property I'm fixing people's drywall there's

a lot of air conditioning leaks out there so I had to go out there and fix AC pans and fix

drywall there's a lot of roof leaks so I'm constantly I gotta go out there and fix

do repairs on the roof two and three story condos this is where I fell off a roof I used to go in

these three story condos all the time do repairs flashing repairs all kind of stuff I'm doing a

little bit of all of it out there building little staircases for some of the bulkheads

walking the property every morning I'm getting in pretty good shape because I'm walking the

property every morning and this property it's kind of like on a peninsula that sticks out in the

Lake Conroe and it's part of a bigger there's a bigger property called April Sound and it's

bunch of real nice houses and there's big country club and a golf driving range that goes out in the

water and country club swimming pool all that kind of stuff and the country clubs at the end of a long

there's a big long road goes through April Sound almost to the lake and it's like goes down a hill

and then at the end of that hill is that country club right there on the water

and if you take a left you curve around another road take you off an April Point South that's

where those condos were and that's the part I manage those condos in between those condos

and that golf club there's this little drainage creek right it comes off the lake and it's just

a little shallow creek and it just kind of runs up into the woods a little bit and dies off turns

into drainage that's all what separates them no fence anything like that

condos was about 30 years old they've been built as cheap vacation condos and they weren't really

designed for people living in them full time and one of the things that kind of happened at that

condo property was folks in Montgomery County in the local area had figured out that it was cheaper

to go out there and buy one of them condos and stick their elderly in it than it was go put them

in nursing home right now of course they'd have medical care out there anything like that and in

the beginning this is what I noticed is the maintenance fan out there they would they would

buy the condo they would get it fixed up they usually pay me do some work on it fix it up

they'd move their elderly person into it and for the first let's say four weeks for the first

four weeks they'd be out there visiting them all the time making sure they had whatever they need

yada yada yada and then those visits would taper off and then after a while every once

while you see a grand kid come out there son or daughter come out there when there was a problem

but then they pretty much just left their elderly people out there so there's a whole

lot of elderly people living in these condo properties and there was condos right on the water

and on this peninsula there's a big long boardwalk I think it's about a mile long it's good 5000 foot

I'll tell you that that wraps around that little peninsula and then stops when it gets to another

property called April Point North which was kind of like the ghetto of April Sound that was like the

really old lake houses condos that were just in rough shape a lot of duplexes and a lot of

weird stuff going on April Point North I'm not even sure they had an HOA in April Point North

to be honest with you but I worked directly for the property management company at the time

and the fella that owned that property management company was a guy named Steve Durham

and we got along all right and uh Susan Roddy worked under him and she was like the account

manager for my account me and Susan got along fantastic we're still friends of this day uh

Susan's you may have heard me talk about Susan's son Susan's son Dylan Roddy was in a horrible car

accident when he was a teenager uh ended up a little girl got killed in it the girl driving got killed

Dylan ended up all kind of damaged ended up some brain damage had short term memory loss he was

kind of like working with uh that fish and finding Nemo he would forget stuff really quickly Dory

couldn't remember the name he was kind of like working with Dory I would send him to the truck

to get something and he would literally text me from the truck ask me what it was and this is

time period he's working oh Dylan's working with me Dylan was one of my first employees Dylan was

my very first employee and he was a good kid and I liked that kid and sadly he died of an overdose

sometime during COVID he got often dope real bad and he didn't survive it

but I always liked that kid and I hate what happened to him he was a good kid

and enjoyed the time he worked for me even when he frustrated me because he's kind of funny

see how we're doing here let's see how we're doing

what you want baby that's what I was looking for get the old freedom knife back in shape

see how easy that was

sitting here chit chat we all sharpened the hell out of the freedom knife I'm telling you this

little rolling sharper is a godsend for me and I don't have a link for you because I didn't keep

track of it I just bought it to play with for myself and I'm not really in the affiliate business

but if you just search rolling sharpener in the tiktok shop and I'm sure anywhere else you can

buy cheap Chinese goods you can find one so

so this is about time old Dylan's working for me he's a he's a decent little hand he got

much of a skill set but he's good at following directions sometimes

and I would get all kind of weird calls out there I would get my phone that people could get a hold

of me come day and night and because I was only five or six minutes from the property I was kind of

on call and I'd get weird stuff y'all know later on there's a huge fire out there and I was called

in to deal with all that so at the time I pretty much reported to Steve Durham and Susan Roddy

and they had a little offices AMC was the name of the company they worked for

and I knew most of the board members most of them lived in the condos like actually on the

lake front and I knew most of them dealt with them I got along with the board members

there's a guy named Tackleberry, Mr. Tackleberry, Mr. Tackleberry was president of the board

just right up until he died but he was the partner in Dooley Tackleberry Safety which big safety

companies all over the United States and Mr. Tackleberry was always giving me stuff he was

bringing me stuff from the safety company gloves the poncho I had the best ponchos I had the best

ponchos like all weather for pressure washing he brought me some good ass ponchos big old

fireman's gaff hook just anything from the safety company safety glasses I had all that

Mr. Tackleberry took care of me on that he was he did try to fire me before Christmas

previous to this but it wasn't personal it was business as they say but I won't get into that

too much anyway so I'm running I'm basically running all the maintenance for this property

I got a little office up at the top of the property that's got all my tools and supplies in it's like

a little part office part warehouse you know and uh got a little area up there where I can work on

things I don't even think I have my golf cart yet I think just before they got me the golf cart

what I would do is every morning I'd get there first thing in the morning and I would go walk

that property I would walk all the way down that boardwalk there was always bored the boardwalk

was falling apart and there was places where it was getting bad and I would have to go mark

those places and then put in a supply order for lumber and have to get that approved and go buy

the lumber from 84 lumber and go out there patch this boardwalk up a little bit at a time until

they finally had me rebuild most of the whole thing so I'd walk at boardwalk every morning

look for loose boards that kind of stuff and then I would walk the rest of the property so it was a

good 30 40 minutes of walking every morning just checking out the property talking to people

folks would come up and tell me about stuff they noticed around the property this and that

look for water leak we had a lot of water leaks with the sprinkler system so

I would go out there and you know find a water leak and flag it and call Angel to come over and

fix the water leak and then I would go about my duties for the day I usually had a couple drywall

jobs lined up fixing drywall for people fixing doors for people that kind of stuff in the early days

casually something would crazy would happen there'd be some big damage I'd have to go out and fix

it was uh it was kind of a chill position but everything was on me I got all the phone calls

I got all the yelling I got all the phone calls and I spent a whole lot of time with the elderly

people that their people had forgotten because most of these people just wanted somebody to talk to

they'd come out in their porch the old ladies come out in their porch and talk to me when they see

me walking around uh if the men saw me working on stuff they boy they'd get that walker and they'd

come out there and tell me how they might would have done it back in their day you know give me

that old boy boy I don't look you know I ain't trying to tell you how to do your business but

that ain't how I would have gone about that you know that kind of stuff and I kind of loved them

old men you know y'all know I like old old dudes you know I have my wife says I adopt them you know

so it didn't bother me you know they'd come out there tell me how they would have done it differently

that always tickled the shit out of me actually I like that kind of I can't wait till I'm the old

dude that can just walk around bothering people and like boy I ain't trying to tell you how to do

your business but that ain't how I'd go about that I look forward to that day I hope I make it there

if I'm blessed I will one morning out there I'm walking that property and I get a call

from IMC and old Steve Durham says yeah I know this sounds crazy as shit but uh

there's a lady that lived down on the end of the on the on the lake named Ms.

Benton and he said Ms. Benton and Ms. Benton was crazy as shit all right this woman doesn't

told me some outlandish tales right like I knew she was a little I wouldn't say delirious but she

was she was struggling to maintain her grasp on reality Ms. Benton was in her 80s and had lived

a very rich and fancy life and she still drove a big old fancy Cadillac she was just some kind of

something and she was all 80 something years old always dialed to the nines when she come outside

the makeup but the makeup was always a little crooked you know she was struggling to hold on

pleasure well Ms. Benton called me this morning says she's seen an alligator

right out there at the boardwalk big old alligator in the water I said alligator you know I've been

working on Lake Conor a long time I ain't seen no I heard stories it's a way up on the north end

of the lake there's like a I think they call it stubblefield there's a real stumpy area you know

kind of a natural area and I heard stories about people seeing an alligator too up there once

long we got a shit ton of alligators in Texas right it's not unheard of so I was like man I

don't know about no alligator but we're talking about down here by the country club and on the

boardwalk there's a lot of activity a lot of jet skiing a lot of fishing there's people in the

water swimming all the time it's not a type of place alligators like to hang out the animals

like that generally tend to avoid our loud asses right especially reptiles so it's not

the kind of place you think you're gonna see an alligator you know it's like if somebody was like

oh is that here at Lake Tyler State Park an alligator come up and sat at our picnic table

ask for a hot dog you know like it just didn't make sense to me he said there's she swears she

seen an alligator out there I said boy I said Steve you know that woman's about half blind

I said we did have otters I was there you sure she ain't seen an otter or a beaver we had beavers

Texas has some beavers now she swears it was alligators so she was terrified she's afraid to

even go out on her patio now I got to tell you at the time where the water level was

the alligator would have had to somehow scale

three foot a bulkhead straight up to get up to where her porch was and get up to where the

boardwalk was or the alligator would have had to maybe get a swim and start and leap four feet

up in the air to get up on this boardwalk she sweared the alligator was trying to get on the

boardwalk she's afraid to even take her little dog outside she's afraid to go outside her dog

peed on the floor she wants somebody to come over and climp that dog pee and fix her carpet and she

want to know what we was going to do about the alligator I said Steve I don't think there's no

damn alligator he said I don't either but I need you to go miss Benton Place and speak with her

and uh you know spray some resolve take your big old heavy duty shot back over there suck up that

dog pee just do her a night sometimes we just did things like that you know just do her a

nicety okay she thinks she saw something she's scared about it I go over there take my shot back

well it was Benton just right alone about this alligator she's terrified her dog was barking

this alligator was going to just climb right up there and get her I said pull on this Benton I

would be hard for me to imagine my cleaner little dog pee up and stuff help there out

miss Benton lived two condos over for mr bob I was already doing this after I had my white forward

trip my big old f250 this is after I was already doing work with me and mr bob with kind of buddies

and sure enough if mr bob saw me outside he had a job for me mr bob sees me over here talking

miss Benton he comes over there and listens to the whole story about the alligator and mr

bob just grinning and being just as he was just charming he was being just as gracious miss Benton

as he could be and just yeah well I wouldn't let that little dog out neither if I thought there

alligator out here and that kind of thing bobs Jim Jerry you done miss Benton I'd love for

you stop by a condo when I'm talking to you about a problem I'm having over here nothing my condo

would drain I said all right mr bob I'd do it so I call Steve back say hey man I took care of

miss Benton I don't see nothing about no alligator I'm gonna go on with my day he's like yeah yeah

that'll probably be the end of it you know walk over mr bob's place and

mr bob says nothing in my condo will drain well I know a little bit about plumbing

and we had some drainage problems out there as well as I said everything stopped up in the

whole condo he said yeah he said none of the toilets will flush upstairs toilets won't flush

the the the sinks won't flush

outie outie out I said boy

sounds like a vent problem right that's usually what it is usually a vent problem at least condos

I don't know what jackass builder built them but they were the plumbing systems on them where it

left something to be desired and the only way you could reach get to any of these vent pipes

there wasn't a clean out in the play there's one clean out before the main on the main sewage

leaving the condo and the only other clean out in the vents was you when you had to try to get

clear out a vent you had to go up in the attic or cut into a wall get to a vent

and try to blow it bent out with like air compressor or something so sure enough I'm just sure every

drain in the house is not working that's a vent problem there's a vent clogged up somewhere

and it's probably the main vent and the main vent comes off the main bathroom downstairs and

the kitchen downstairs they're usually backed up together the way these condos were built

so that that it's one main vent pipe and it goes up there's a couple others upstairs and then they

exit through the roof right you got your little pipe sticking up out of the roof and the squirrels

would get in those pipes and they would chew the lead up around them I don't know why squirrels like

to eat lead and they would chew the lead up and then the squirrels would stuff shit off in these

pipes and they would get clogged up so I go and Mr. Bob's would go behind his kitchen I've about

figured out where all these vent pipes are cut a little hole in the drywall get some access to

the vent pipe cut the vent pipe put a clean out fitting on it and I'm gonna put an inspection

panel back and that's what I did with all of them so I could always get back in there and

blow that vent out should I take my air compressor in there I had made myself a little fitting that

fit right on that cleanup pipe and I could just stick my air compressor my little right up there

and then it'll blow stuff out of those vent pipes I had my I had me some as you do when you have a

job where you're doing a lot of the same things all the time you start making yourself tools to

make the job easier at least most people do and so I had made myself some contraptions for doing

things on these condos so I put that little clean out in glued it in all that good stuff

had old Dylan I said Dylan get up there now Bob's condo only had two floors so it was one of the

lower roof and so we've got 20 foot ladder I said Dylan you get up there and I'm gonna start putting

some pressure on this vent pipe start blowing some air through this vent pipe and you tell me if

anything comes out of there all right all right if anything comes out on roof we'll clean it out

usually blow it'd just be a bunch of leads and bullshit and fur and whatever the hell squirrels

and stuff down there wasn't too tight a seal it just blow out confetti on the roof we'd sweep

the roof off right going with our day so Dylan had to look cap off the vent and I started hitting

this pressure about about 80 psi on this pipe and it's just making all the water in the house

bubble it ain't it ain't doing nothing that's a dag gum well it's a little tighter one I ever had

before so it's bubbling real bad in the sink so I go get a plunger and we put a plunger over that

sinkhole over that garbage supposed to hold and start giving a little more pressure when that's

bubbling it's bubbling in the downstairs toilet it's not bubbling in the upstairs toilet but

bubbling that toilet so I go get another plunger down off in that toilet I put a little more pressure

I get about 120 130 psi and when I do there's this pop

what it was was big old mama mockingbird had got down in that vent pipe and got

stuck in that vent pipe and died in that vent pipe and her decomposing body had swole up

and clogged the vent pipe and when I put that air pressure on her it shot that decomposing

mockingbird straight up in there mockingbird pretty good size bird in Texas all right it's

pretty good size bird shot that mockingbird straight up in the air off that roof and right

next door to mr bomb was a was a lady I can't remember her name I'm gonna call her mrs bowmont

because she always talked about growing up in Beaumont she was in her 80s too and all she ever

talked about was Beaumont Texas how much she loved growing up Beaumont Texas how she was there for

the oil boom and all that good stuff so I just called her mrs Beaumont right next door mrs was

mrs Beaumont mrs Beaumont likes to sit down on her patio in the morning and she had I think about

15 cats inside her house and mrs Beaumont was an animal lover she was always out there worried

about how people were treating their animals and she was always fussing with everybody about

that sort of thing and that wouldn't you know it that big old decomposing mockingbird shot straight

up in the air off that second floor and landed on her patio where she was sitting out there drinking

her decaf and about gave mrs Beaumont a stroke one at the terror of seeing the dead bird land on

her patio and then it kind of splattered because it was decomposing and the bird wasn't in great

shape by that point and then me and Dylan I had to get Dylan off roof and while Bob everything

in Bob's house drained after great relief if we deal had run over there and convince mrs Beaumont

that nobody was playing a prank on her we didn't nobody was trying to be funny we didn't throw a

dead bird at her that we were trying to clear a vent out and it blew it out of the vent and and mrs

Beaumont basically demanded that we put that bird in a box and bury it over there by the creek by

the drainage creek which we just did because sometimes you just did things out there to make

old people happy because it just wasn't worth not doing it you know yeah mrs Beaumont was upset

about that dead bird landed on her patio

as we're cleaning up her patio cleaning up the guts and whatnot from the bird

I mentioned mrs Beaumont she's an animal person mrs Beaumont you know about all the animals out

here at the lake uh mrs Bent says she's seen an alligator down here this morning can you believe

and mrs Beaumont uh weirdly enough kind of quiet an alligator

I said you ever seen an alligator out here she said well you know I just can't even call

you can't recall if you've seen an alligator here I feel like that's something we at all remember

I thought that was kind of weird anyways get done my work day go home that evening

mrs Bob put a little extra money in my pocket because I blew that dead bird got all his drains

working out again and I had hung out after work with mrs Bob chit chat with him a little bit as

I did a lot in those days and get home about eight nine o'clock that evening I get a phone call from

Steve Durrell hey answering service just called me somebody else done seen an alligator down there

I said there what hey yep fell down the boardwalk I don't remember the guy's name call said

say seen alligator about eight foot down there tried to go after his dog I said what

you know how's nobody else seeing this huge alligator also do this magic trick to get up

on the boardwalk get these dogs right I just I mean I know they're durable creatures and they can

do some stuff but I just ain't buying them up boy there ain't no damn alligator out here

man I said I'll run out so I run back out the property at night check sure nothing no damn

alligator out there this guy I talked to him he's swearing uh the big old alligator said he was

walking down the boardwalk with his dog and the alligator snapped his dog and I was like you know

the water is way down there though right he's like well I don't know what their capable of

man

I don't know about this

feel like y'all are y'all are trying to feed me a story you know what I mean

so I ain't seen no alligator

now like I said I knew there was a guy I used to go fishing with everybody around there called

catfish and catfish live out there one of them properties catfish was a general narrative well

but catfish has been a fishing guide all his life he's held a man a really huge catfish all day

along Lake Conroe Lunker stripers he was a held fisherman and me and him been fishing up on that

north end in his little boat and that's what this is what catfish would do so uh all the fishing

guys out there Lake Conroe knew him and they knew he knew where to find a good fish and some fishing

guides would follow catfish around try to find his holes and so what catfish would do is he had

this little skiff flat bottom boat and he knew that north end that stubble field area with all

the stumps real good and catfish would be out there fishing see them guys kind of following him

from spot to spot and he would take them way off in stubble field and get them off from there and

them stumps and then he had a route he had figured out how to get out of there real quick and then

he'd floor it take that little flat bottom boat and haul ass out of the stumps and leave these

idiots with their big boats stuck off in the stump so he'd go enjoy the rest of his fishing

hey he did it with me want more meat he was in the boat and those following us he was getting

aggravated with he said come on so we went off in stubble field we go way off these stumps we throw

a couple lines out like we're fishing he's like don't get too serious keep your line short and

sure enough we see them big boats weadling back there and they got to make small talk now because

we're so close together one of them these are the guys with the NASCAR suits and all the gear and

the other fancy boats and me and cat fishing cutoffs and t-shirts and they come out there and

I remember one morning they said look over one of the haulers over at catfish what y'all fishing

with the catfish reel that line in real quick he's a throw your pole down that reel buddy

he looked there he goes skill mother ever

he cracked that engine up out of that stubble field lake left him idiots sitting back there

trying to figure out how to get out of them stumps but catfish told me he's seen an alligator up

there in them stumps before so I believe catfish not typefellas just make up a story you know

so I was like man there there's probably some of them up there

well at the other end of the boardwalk by the little drainage creek I had to the that little

part of the boardwalk was falling apart and there was a bridge that went across to where the

country club pool and all that stuff was for the residents to walk over and that little bridge was

falling apart they want me to go down there and fix that bridge we'd have a bad storm it's all jacked

up so I was going to go down there and rebuild that bridge and that little end of the boardwalk

of course the bulkhead was all jacked up so I had to dig it out and fix the bulkhead and fix the

dead heads and put some new boards in the bulkhead and it was big it was going to take me about a

month to get it all done by myself you know so I had the the bulkhead all tore apart down there

and pieces and I had the the boardwalk all torn apart and had it all caution taped off and I was

rebuilding that bridge and this been going on I've been working on about a week and we've got

two or three more calls about this alligator and every time somebody called about this alligator

this alligator got bigger every time somebody called about this alligator this alligator got

bigger and scarier I'm down there working on that bridge one morning and I have to get down in the

water to do some stuff now the water is only about uh at this time it's a little bit over knee deep

so I gotta get down the water work on the bottom of this bridge I'm down there water doing my stuff

prying and bending got uh dilling over there cutting some boards for me and I'm getting ready

to attach them all with my little Ryobi impact grill right you see there's one of them little

those blue ones man they're real loud right so I'm getting ready to attach them I'm gonna drive in

some uh what you call it uh carriage bolts you can carriage bolts put this old lag lag bolts not

carriage bolt so I'm about to I've done drilled everything for a forehand and so now I'm about

to come put in these big lags to hold everything together and that whole underside of that bulk

heads open so the water's just flowing under there and I get my impact drill and I start

putting that first lag in that and this little it was probably I would say between two and a half

and three foot long honestly about like that alligator come out from under that bulkhead

at mock jesus because that drill was scaring the piss out of that thing he just swam about the water

and went straight up the edge of the bulk hole and around the boardwalk the same where everybody's

been telling me they've been seeing an alligator he swam that same pattern getting the hell away from

that drill I said boy first of all don't y'all can measure an alligator but damn if there ain't

actually a damn alligator down here you know what I mean I was just as surprised as probably any of

them was but I didn't exaggerate the size of the alligator I said this little that little tiny

alligator that's the one everybody says trying to eat their dogs y'all shitting me

well I called Steve Durham up said man there is a damn alligator out here but it's the

littlest alligator you've ever seen in your life I said I scared it with a drill it scared of my drill

I scared the piss out of that thing this morning he said where you going to do something about

the alligator we can't have alligator out there I said I'm we don't have a wildlife person or

something we can call what I you know I know a lot about building decks and repairing drywall I don't

know F all about catching alligators you know that's that was not part of the job description

well they ain't got money in the budget right now to hire a wildlife relocator or anything and unless

it you know does something does some damage the lake people aren't going to come out and deal with it

so we're going to need you to deal with the alligator and that was just kind of Steve was

this is your problem good luck with it damn damn damn so they weren't going to hire somebody

relocate they just want me to run off an alligator I don't know how the hell you run off an alligator

what do you tell it bad alligator jokes till it leaves I don't know

I go over to talk to miss bob miss bob says well jimmy jerry a lot of times when there's a

nuisance animal coming around there's a reason for it the animal's coming there for a reason he said

you know a wild animal like alligator wouldn't be coming up here around all these people unless

there was a reason for him to come up here miss bob is smart right miss bob say you know

I was on the internet and I seen these little cameras these guys set up out in the woods

to to see when the deer is eating their corn and stuff and he said I bet you get you some of

them cameras down there at the uh hell don't matter athletic supply I keep won't say amazon

that ain't it but it starts with a uh he said you know I bet you go over there and get you

some of them game cameras so I'll call Steve Durmup I said give I said look I said uh I found

out this place over here got these old game cameras run on d-cell batteries a little sd card and I

can get the I can get two cameras and the sd cards about 60 property approved purchase

he said yeah just take the I had a little credit card I could use he said run on down there

get you them game cameras sure enough boy so I run off down there

and uh academy well I knew it was gonna come to me sooner or later this is a fort and good

store called academy we have I don't know if they're everywhere but we got them in Texas

and uh fishing supplies and boating supplies and all kind of uh athletic you know boxing gloves

and all that kind of shit they got it all and so I go over to academy and I get these old game

cameras and I set one up kind of down there by where I'm working right because I done that's

where I've actually seen the thing and then I set another one up just a little further down the

boardwalk past mr bob's house because mr bob promised me he'd keep an eye on the camera make

sure nobody's still camp I leave them cameras out there overnight and next day when I come to work

I collect the cameras collect the SD cards out of them get home late that night

pull them pictures up and start trying to figure out what's happening sure enough

boy is it right before I get to work too because I use to come to work about 6 a.m. back in 6 30 a.m.

and right about 559 540 a.m. sure enough these cameras show this little three foot alligator

just swimming along the just following the boardwalk going towards that creek

low and bold when them alligators get to miss bowmont's house miss bowmont on the camera

is standing out there on the boardwalk holding a bag of something throwing stuff to the alligator

miss bowmont out here feeding out the alligator she don't recall

all she's out there I run these cameras about a week every morning miss bowmont out there 5 30

in the morning feeding this freaking alligator so I had to go over miss bowmont's house miss bowmont

we set these cameras up try to catch this alligator everybody's been calling us about and

I see you out here feeding it more oh yeah well baby he's gotta eat

miss bowmont been out there feeding that thing chicken gizzards every morning alligator come

around every morning looking for them chicken gizzards like she had a pet alligator I said

miss bowmont you can't feed an alligator you can't we gotta the alligator gotta go

and somebody's gonna kill it you're gonna get that thing killed I was trying to appeal to the

animal sense of her you're gonna get that thing killed come over here looking for food you can't

be doing that no more I do what I want so boy I called Steve Durham right back boy y'all need to

do something about her y'all gonna have to have talk with her whoever owns that condo whatever's

going on over there she can't be feeding this freaking alligator so we'll look into it we'll

see what we can do I said but here's where he comes he comes down here every morning so he would

come down there where she would feed him I say him I just assume maybe it's her where she would

feed him and he would gobble up that food she was told them chicken gizzards and then he would go

down there where I was working on that bulkhead and hang out under that bulkhead I guess maybe

digest his food and then you would see later on he would go out and around the driving course

of the golf club and go back out the deep of water probably headed to the north end of the

lake where he belonged I said man this is the beast of Conrail the three foot alligator

well I talked to Bob about Bob what man I don't know how to run off an alligator

but Bob said the funniest thing to me he said sometimes Jimmy Jerry

sometimes you just need to make your problem somebody else's problem he said if you figure

out a way to make your problem somebody else's problem then if you don't have the resources

to deal with that problem maybe they'll have to deal with it and he told me this story about how

they were having water supply problems in Libya when he was working over there for Exxon and how

people Exxon didn't seem to care about because it didn't really affect them too much but he said those

of them that were living there residentially were really struggling and he said they figured out a

way to divert water enough that it started causing water problems for filling the tanks over at Exxon

and all of a sudden Exxon brought in a big crew to dig some deeper water wells and do some better

stuff to get the water flowing to everybody he said so you might need to figure out how to make

this alligator somebody else's problem it's got a little more money a little more time you deal with

these people are putting it on you figure out a way to put it on somebody else well I told y'all

right across that little creek was that real fancy country club right these are all the rich folks

going that country club that country club boy be open about five o'clock in the morning people go

down there and get their breakfast you know guys get out there hit that driving range early

and they had valet service valets be out there in the morning cleaning the driveway and all that

good stuff and cleaning the pools and so I got down there one more I went in work about 5.20 in

the am I told y'all that drill had scared that little alligator so I had my roby drill had

both of them full batteries and I ease down around Bob's unit and look down there and sure enough

there's miss Beaumont out there feeding that freaking alligator I knew she wasn't gonna stop

and she finishes feeding it and she goes off in the house and I watch him down there where I'm

working on that bulkhead and that little shallow creek I ease down that bulkhead with them rawby

guns so that I'm I'm I'm in between him and the lake escape I ease past that bridge and he's just

kind of he's sitting in the shallows right there just his head visible right there at the end of

that little drainage creek and I got right over there where I saw him start to raise his head

and I hit them drill boy so I don't know if you've seen an alligator run this is the funniest

shit in the world they they stick their legs up stiff and their whole body gets stiff like a board

and they can boogie especially them little ones have boogied up boogied up out of that niche

and he started going towards that country club pool and I ain't even dawned on me that this might

be the solution to my problem but now I'm like I'm chasing with them drill and he run up and

around the country club pool and there was a little hill and then over that hill went down in that

driveway where them ballets was and I'm right up to the edge that hill and he scampered up over

that hill took off down there and then I heard a bunch of yelling in Spanish and I knew that I

achieved my mission that alligator run off down in there and I just boy I just eased on back to my

truck right like I didn't know nothing about it went on back truck put my drills up I heard all

kind of I had my truck parked over there I had to wind it down I could hear all kind of hollering

going on at that country club all kind of holler mostly in Spanish like I said

what I later found out was the alligator they had the doors open of the front of the country

club the main lobby because they were mopping the floors and they were cleaning the driveway there

and the ballet guys were out there and when the alligator run off into the ballet guys they all

got scared and started hollering the alligator got scared and run right off into the country club

and then the country club with the country club money had to call them a wildlife specialist

come down there and tote that alligator go relocate that alligator

I found all this out because Steve Durham calls me about lunchtime

so boy there I just heard the crazy story they said an alligator run right out of

point south over the hill and straight off into valets and off into the country club

and they had hired somebody well you don't have to know anything about that do you

what what time he said about 6 a.m. this morning I said boy Steve I don't usually get there about

6 30 I must have missed all the excitement I've seen a bunch of cars down there at the ballet

I said boy I don't I don't reckon I know anything about that he said Jerry

security tells me he came in at 5 20 this morning oh I must have been a little early this morning

Steve hell I forgot I had to tell him to work on that bulkhead boy that's a so alligator run into

the country club boy don't that just beat it all he said don't that just beat it all I said you know

I hadn't heard nothing about Steve but I hope it's the one that's been coming around here giving me

problems and he said yeah let's hope for that and hung up and that was the end of the beast of con

real thanks to a little guidance from mr. Bob and a right will be impact

hey miss Beaumont miss Beaumont ended up dying like a year she was very old

like a year but I thought it was so ironic she ended up dying from firing it back

and and funny enough we were spraying for firing we were going in all the we're having

fire ant problems down there we're spraying for fire ants and we asked her if we come in

her unit spray for fire ants and she was worried about a cat she didn't want to spray for fire ants

because the cat she was poison around the cats they know the the stuff we were using was supposed

to be non-toxic for pets and stuff she she wasn't going to have it and then she got bit by a fire

ant and had an allergic reaction to it and passed away so I mean she was an animal lover to the end

all of them oh lord have mercy let's wrap that up that's enough of my nonsense today hope you guys

are having a good sunday let's do some testimonials if you will testimonials if you will daddy

me and cody we've been down here yeah I'd better stop that get off into dusty roads I'll just get

stuck in testimonials if you will daddy testimonials got words you got to have words do testimonials

where are they I know I pulled these things up and saved them here testimonials are

still doing it or comments from last week's episode last week's episode I was just feeling

rough so I told y'all some fishing stories and then I gave a little closing sermon about

about the ways this little cat had inspired me no that wasn't last week hell it don't matter

we'll figure it out at Wayne Haynes oh Wayne Haynes my old buddy man he's here in the Houston

area I think you may be out by bait tent or something but just about anytime I'm local Wayne

comes out and supports comes the show and me and Wayne was in the comedy scene together uh you know

15 20 years ago he was I was kind of already in the scene he'd start coming around doing the open

mic and I always like Wayne he was a mechanic I thought he's pretty funny and you know you always

want to see another good old boy in the comedy scene and I always got along with Wayne real good

it's my old buddy Wayne Haynes JW you almost killed me this morning Monday I usually cannot be on

live for the podcast because that's family day so I do usually listen on my way into work Monday

mornings I also have a chronic health issue I deal with asthma and COPD most days it is under

control but once in a while I need to visit the yard to get it under control Sunday night was one

of those days I got home at 3 a.m. I got up and popped on the wrecking yard and started my 45 minute

drive to work the work about the gas station restroom had the story about the gas station

restroom had me laughing choking and trying to catch my breath my dumbass has my impaler in

my front pocket so I cannot stop laughing or breathing I damn near had to pull over before

I got my inhaler out I don't think I've laughed that hard since your last live show in H-town

you're not the only one that does not feel a connection when visiting the headstones of loved

ones the time I visited my grandparents graves I felt out of place kind of like I'm not really

supposed to be there very happy to see Ophelia's rapid progress and find it hard to believe your

empathy was called misguided any who keep up the good work and looking forward to the book when

it comes out we're rooting for you and of course Ophelia yeah yeah you know I don't anybody think

I was trying to come down too hard on David when I was talking about the misguided and stuff

I understood what David was talking about I 100% understood sometimes out of mercy

you you gotta you gotta do something like that I'm I'm I grew up in the state I'm well aware

I've had to provide that mercy at times it's not a fun job but sometimes you do got to do it

I just don't think this was one of those times well I know it was because cats were covered

tremendously and that's all I was trying to say is that some of the wisdom with wielding the power

of knowing when to apply that mercy is also knowing when not to apply it I was couldn't

try and come down on David David's longtime fan of the show and I don't think you particularly

mean anything called you know saying I'm misguided or whatever you're just saying he looks at it

differently than I do and that's that's okay there's room for all kind of different viewpoints

here and we can disagree on stuff and I'll still love each other show each other kindness

Wayne thank you for the compliment on my story sorry choked you up I hope you are feeling better

I have dealt a little bit with COPD thankfully it seemed to go away after I quit smoking cigarettes

but I know a lot of people struggle with it and that is not a fun one that's what took out Leonard

Des Mois that's how we lost Mr. Spock Mr. Spock succumbed to COPD

no way yeah Ophelia's just killing it well she just killing it and I feel that that gravestone

thing there's something a couple other people mentioned that made me feel a little less alone

about that at Camp Cat 6089 I feel that about visiting the grave I loved dad really don't mind

going to see the headstone I prefer to keep him in my heart and visit the places he lived and enjoyed

thanks for all the great memories you share makes me think of the farm thank you for writing this

camp I'm the same way about that stuff y'all make me feel better because I was kind of feeling

like I was a little bit of a weirdo about that and it's nice to know that I'm not alone in that

because I just they don't cemeteries don't freak me out I don't particularly have any kind of

feeling there but I'm also a weird guy I'm a weird sort of Christian and that I don't really believe

in heaven and hell and a lot of the stuff that a lot of Christians believe in I you know and that's

neither here nor there I'm not here to spouse my beliefs but I don't really believe in that stuff

that those are not fundamental things I believe that are true about what how I feel about it

doesn't matter I don't believe it so going to those places I don't think anything's there I know

that uh you know the physical body my mother inhabited is in that box underneath the ground

there but I don't have no connection to that my connection to my mother is the very spirit of the

very and I sort of I read this article a really interesting scientific article many years ago

where they discussed the way your heart beats and how that starts from a spark and that's an

electric spark that creates your heartbeat and nobody knows where that electric spark comes

from that initial spark and we know from science we know energy does not die it just changes forms

and when you when your physical body dies that electric spark goes away but we know

energy doesn't die so where does it go it changes form and at some point all energy becomes everything

around us because everything here is composed of energy all living matter is composed of energy

so I sort of my belief in whatever happens after we've gone is sort of rooted in this belief that

all these things that have gone before us are still a part of this earth and still around us at all

times and every time and that my mother spirit is not tied to this stone in the cemetery in

killable Texas my mother spirit is in the raindrops that hit my face is in the uh you know the

sting of the sun when it's a little too hot my mother's spirit is in the birds flying through

the backyard my mother's spirit is in the occasional dragonfly I see hovering around

she's all around me all the time she's part of everything now and that's just sort of the

way I feel about it and feel free to call me a kook or a gut job but just telling you kind of how

I look at things so I'm with you guys I don't the headstones don't do nothing for me and it's not

I'm of course respectful when I go out there and respectful to other people that do observe that

tradition it just isn't for me and I think sometimes people just need a place to focus

their sometimes people just need a quiet place to focus and speak to their people that are gone

not necessarily if they believe they're there but it's a quiet place for them to go and focus on

the loss and focus on this person that they miss so much not so much that they actually believe that

that person's spirit is hovering around you know anyways before we get too deep my bullshit let's

move along at jake of all trades master fun oh buddy jake I too I'm glad you found that kitten

and took care of it also I can't stop laughing at the image your dad riding that cooler or old

jason mating his boat in his truck my favorite image about that always is me walking out that

bar after spilling the beans and seeing jason go after both I mean boy they say he told him all around

that joint and I won't ever there'll be a few images I think I see towards the end of my life

and I think my father eye as big as dinner plates sliding down that hill and that cooler will be one

of those things all right let's wrap this thing up get you guys on to the rest of your sunday

evening don't know what I'm doing this evening let me tell you I got some content to film today but

I think it may take an easy play a little video games and I forgot we got a package to open let's

get this package open

let's see here oh freedom knife is just cutting beautifully now

what is this

no note

boy I tell you I bet you nobody is happier about amazon success than whoever makes all the cardboard

boxes in the world

or they I think they have single-handedly revived the kind of the cardboard box industry

look at that what does have a note on it I don't know who sent them one two three four five six

seven eight nine 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 24 smiles 24 more hot wheels for our driven

dreams uh dot org charity drive raising diecast cards for little kids and you got a lot to smile

about we're going to be doing our big uh day given here very shortly here coming up November

I think we're trying to do it November 11th of course I'll document that all for you thank you

so much whoever sent those I wish they would put a note on it and tell me who our wonderful

benefactors are but that's 24 more smiles to add to our already 1,602 smiles we're doling

out this year and that's going to put us at 1,626 smiles for our day given and the packages

to slow down this may be the end of it but I'm feeling pretty good about we we've done some

magic here this year God bless y'all you just you just make my own country smile and I just

I love you so much for y'all have uh really really

one thing to preach a message of kindness it's another people to uh see people respond to it

and and and bring more kindness in the world as a result of it and uh by God if y'all just

don't give me hope for the mission I appreciate it let's wrap this booger up

I was thinking about this problem I've always when I write these episodes out for y'all I sit

down and try to think is there anything I could have learned from this or what did I learn from

something I could share and there's a kind of man that don't like to wait

and she's a problem his first instinct is to uh square shoulders grab the biggest stick or tool

and reach and go fix it by sheer will and profanity that has I've been that kind of man

a good deal of my life I was raised by folks who believed motion was the same thing as progress

if something's broke you don't you don't sit around staring at it you get to work

and that's a fine rule when you're changing tires or patching fences or boardwalks but life's got a

way of throwing you problems that don't tighten down with a ratchet or an L gun sometimes the

thing you're trying to fix ain't metal or wood or leaking water sometimes it's living breathing

and looking right back at you with the mind of its own and the harder you come at it the more

it shows you what a fool you look like swinging there's a danger in being headstrong it feels

righteous feels like action but what it really is most times is just noise wearing a work shirt

we live in a world that rewards the loud and the quick people cheer for the one who charges in

not the one who takes a minute to study the current but every busted knuckle in my life's come

from thinking I could outmuscle a situation that really just needed me to listen a minute

see not every problem yields to force some require finesse some require patience

and some just need to be redirected nudged towards the folks who got the tools the time

and the kind of money that makes solutions appear like magic

that's a hard truth for a blue collar soul to swallow because we're raised to believe

if it's broke it's ours to fix but sometimes the best thing you can do is make the problem

visible to the people who built the system that caused it sometimes justice ain't about winning

the fight it's about getting it seen by the right eyes that's what I try to do in my words

I try to take a working class ache the grind the worry the pride and I translate it into a language

the folks with the microphones can't ignore I can't afford lobbyist or billboards but I can't

tell a story clear enough that a man in a suit might feel it in his chest that's my version of

redirecting the gator you don't kill it you just got it somewhere that the world has reckoned with

it and that's where the thunder lives right there in the moment you quit fighting for noise and

start fighting for meaning when you quit throwing punches and start choosing targets when you realize

wisdom ain't weaker than strength it's the grown-up version of it so yeah sometimes I still come in

hot old habits die slow but I'm learning the older I get that every swing costs something

and some fights need a scalpel not a sled chamber if you find yourself facing a problem tonight one

that don't scare don't move don't blink take a breath study the water figure out where it's flowing

maybe you ain't meant to wrestle it maybe you're just meant to steer it somewhere it can be handled

that ain't cowardice that's craft that survival was style

I'm trying to live that way now less noise more aim less rage more reckoning

and if I can pass that lesson along somebody out there hears this decides to stop swinging start

thinking then maybe I finally beat that damn alligator after all I'm JW and I love you

"The beast of Conroe" |S:03E.70

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