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When Business Gets Personal: Leading Through Menopause and Marriage in the Shop [E258]
When Business Gets Personal: Leading Through Menopause and Marriage in the Shop [E258]
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About this episode
Shop owners don’t always talk about menopause—until it starts shaping communication, patience, and decision-making at work and at home. The conversation connects perimenopause and hormone changes to real-life symptoms, healthcare advocacy, and how couples can adjust their leadership style together. Guests share how bloodwork, an IUD, and hormone therapy clarified what stage they were in, while hosts offer relationship communication tactics like timing sensitive talks and creating an open environment. The takeaway: stop guessing, start understanding, and lead with awareness.
Topics:
menopause communication
perimenopause symptoms
hormone testing
hormone replacement therapy
patient advocacy
relationship patience
healthcare decision-making
leadership under stress
timing sensitive conversations
shop marketing stability
Cars:
Alfa Romeo Milano
Objective: Elevate the conversation beyond the topic.
Questions (open discussion):
- “What does this season teach us about leadership?”
- “How does going through something like this change how you lead your team?”
- “What would you say to shop owners who are currently struggling in silence?”
Core Message:
- Leadership isn’t tested when things are easy
- Emotional intelligence is a performance multiplier
- Strong businesses are built by leaders who can adapt under pressure
- Have a real conversation with your spouse—ask, don’t assume
- Identify 1–2 pressure points in your communication
- Clarify roles inside the shop to reduce friction
- Track KPIs weekly to remove emotional decision-making
- Build margin into your schedule—everything doesn’t need to be urgent
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AutoFixAutoShopCoaching
YouTube: https://bit.ly/3ClX0ae
Email Chris: [email protected]
The Automotive Repair Podcast Network: https://automotiverepairpodcastnetwork.com/
Remarkable Results Radio Podcast with Carm Capriotto: Advancing the Aftermarket by Facilitating Wisdom Through Story Telling and Open Discussion
Diagnosing the Aftermarket A to Z with Matt Fanslow: From Diagnostics to Metallica and Mental Health, Matt Fanslow is Lifting the Hood on Life.
The Auto Repair Marketing Podcast with Kim and Brian Walker: Marketing Experts Brian & Kim Walker Work with Shop Owners to Take it to the Next Level.
The Weekly Blitz with Chris Cotton: Weekly Inspiration with Business Coach Chris Cotton from AutoFix - Auto Shop Coaching.
Business by the Numbers with Hunt Demarest: Understand the Numbers of Your Business with CPA Hunt Demarest.
Speak Up! Effective Communication with Craig O'Neill: Develop Interpersonal and Professional Communication Skills when Speaking to Audiences of Any Size.
Filter:
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Technical
Too Afraid to Ask
Car
Alfa Romeo Milano
"...erly and I haven't watched it, but I think Alyssa Milano or somebody has like a something on Apple or some..."
The Alfa Romeo Milano is a car model name from Alfa Romeo, an Italian car company. It’s called “Milano,” which is Italian for “Milan.” People might mention it because it’s a specific Alfa Romeo model name, but the exact car details can vary depending on which version is being talked about.
The Alfa Romeo Milano is a model name associated with Alfa Romeo, an Italian automaker known for sporty styling and driving-focused character. It may come up in conversation because “Milano” is a recognizable name tied to the brand’s lineup and marketing, even when the exact model details depend on the specific year or context being discussed. In a podcast, it’s the kind of name that can be mentioned when talking about cars, model history, or what’s available on certain platforms or listings.
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This is the Automotive Repair Podcast Network.
It's your weekly Blitz with Chris keeping you in the game.
So let's talk about something most shop owners avoid until it starts
affecting everything. You're in the middle of a normal week,
cars are stacking up, advisors are stressed, text behind,
and suddenly your communication at home is off.
Tension is higher, patience is lower,
small things turn into big things and you don't know why.
So what do most guys do? They assume it's attitude.
They assume it's stress. something they did or didn't do.
But what if the problem isn't what you think it is?
What if there's a biological, emotional and mental shift happening that you
don't even understand, but you're still leading through it anyway?
Today's episode is one that's long overdue.
I think we're talking about menopause, perimenopause,
and what it looks like when you're running a business with your spouse
while navigating one of the biggest transitions of her life and your life.
This isn't a medical conversation. I don't think it might be.
I think this is a leadership conversation.
This episode is about understanding what women actually experience during
menopause and perimenopause, how it impacts communication, decision making
and energy and how shop owners, especially those working with their spouses,
can lead through it with awareness instead of frustration.
So first of all, why this topic?
This topic I think is important because as I get of an age,
I'm surrounded by other people that are of my age,
and it seems like a lot of our coaching clients are going through this right now.
And so hopefully we can shed light on it, see what's going on and go from there.
But first, before I keep just blabbering, I want to introduce my guest,
my lovely wife, Kimberly. Hi, Kimberly.
Hi, everybody.
And Kim Walker from Shop Marketing Pros will do Kimberly and Kim because
that's what they go by and that'll help me keep it from getting confused.
Hi, Kim. Hey, y'all.
So I want to start off this conversation with like,
what's really happening that most men don't understand?
OK, Kimberly, from your perspective,
what does perimenopause actually feel like day to day?
And if you want to say something else to kind of lead us into that, you can.
But I would say it's a self-discovery every day.
You don't know if you're going to wake up in a good mood,
if you're going to wake up in a bad mood, if something else is going to show up
unexpectedly that you hadn't experienced before, it's a self-discovery every day.
You don't always wake up on the right side.
You don't always wake up on the bad side.
It's just you never know what you're going to get right now, like a box of chocolate.
So it's interesting and eye-opening, for sure, for me as well as everybody around me.
So and I would say for us, for our journey, because I'm going to say it's our journey.
Like this started what, 89 years ago?
It was 2019, 2020 for me, six years ish for me.
It started with my eyesight.
I started to have a protein buildup.
I used to be able to just use saline to clean my contacts.
All of a sudden I was having spots on my eyes and I was like, what is going on?
I didn't even have to go see a doctor.
I finally got a hold of a receptionist and she's like, you need to use peroxide to now clean.
And so that started and then it was the mood swings for me, which I didn't realize at the time.
But looking back on it, I'm like, that's what that was.
So it's just one thing after another.
And the most recent thing that I've come to realize is heart palpitations.
And I experienced that last fall.
My family has a history of heart issues.
And I thought maybe that's what it was, come to find out.
It's just heart palpitations and I needed more estrogen.
Yeah, for low estrogens, what we say.
It was low estrogen.
So basically my body wasn't even registering it and they up to my dosage and I've been fine ever since.
So it's, again, self discovery every day.
Yeah.
The other thing for you is like at that time you were training for a marathon, running marathons.
And basically you woke up one day and you're just like, eh, I don't want to do this anymore.
It's my body wouldn't let me do it.
It used to be so easy and so fluid to just go out for a run.
And I was in Albuquerque.
So here at somewhat elevation, but I was running up and down hills and I was doing fine.
And then all of a sudden I would go out for a run and I would just stop.
It just hurt everywhere.
All of my joints hurt.
It wasn't fluid anymore.
It just felt so bad.
And so I didn't realize it at the time.
I just thought, you know, maybe it's just, you know, where we're at.
It's just not working.
And maybe I didn't know what it was, honestly, but it just wasn't working anymore.
And I didn't understand why it was so fresh.
I thought it was the shoes, you know, maybe it's the shoes or my, the gels I was using
or, and obviously it was the pandemic.
Maybe that's what it was.
You know, I don't, I didn't know, but it just didn't feel right.
And it wasn't till a couple of years later that I figured out what it was.
So Kim, I want to ask you kind of the same question.
Like, what was it like for you when you started?
Because one thing I've realized, I think every woman's different, right?
Like in a million different ways, but in this way as well.
And then I have a follow up question for you.
Yeah.
When you ask her that, I thought, how am I going to, and the only thing that can come to my mind
is I feel on a regular basis, like my body and brain have been thrown into a dryer with
a box of rocks, and it's just all mixed up all over the place.
And I come out like Kimberly said,
you know, sleep is just a nightmare most of the time.
And my joints are aching.
I definitely, I'm wearing glasses.
I definitely had the vision part.
I've had a crazy number of symptoms, things that I had no idea.
But the big part for me is you said, Chris, it's different for everyone.
And it totally is.
Oprah did a whole one hour episode called the menopause meltdown or something.
I don't remember.
It's just an hour long show, but it was really, really good.
And some of the ladies that she had on in the medical profession talking about this are
now like menopause influencers in the medical field, if you would say that.
And they're putting out really great information that's causing women like us,
whether it's perimenopause or menopause, which so perimenopause is the lead up.
It's the beginning of the aggression of your body changing.
Menopause is when you've not had your cycle for 12 months in a row.
The problem for me is I have an IUD.
I'm wide open.
I don't care about like, oh, that's personal.
It is what it is.
I've had an IUD, so I haven't had that for 20 years.
So I don't have any idea if I'm still in perimenopause or menopause.
We're getting blood work all of the time, but it's just wild to realize.
Wait, that symptom was perimenopause.
Like, what do you mean?
And it changes constantly.
And so, you know, you've got three main hormones that you're checking, right?
You're checking testosterone.
Yes, in women, estrogen and progesterone.
Well, it first started out, my testosterone was almost non-existent.
It was 0.06.
And so I got on testosterone and I've done pellets shots
and I've done all kinds of things.
So I was like, OK, well, I only need testosterone.
That's not so bad.
I actually was excited about it because I like to lift weights
and I thought that was going to bring energy.
It was going to help me build muscle, not lose muscle.
Well, then come to find out after firing three different doctors
because they weren't listening to they're just quickly saying, oh,
here's what it is, or they're doing the bare minimum blood work.
And so you're not getting a full picture of what's really going on.
So I ended up finding an amazing doctor.
I had been told for like five years, you don't need progesterone
because you have the IUD that has progesterone in it.
Well, that's actually not true.
And so now I'm on progesterone and then, bless it.
I thought, OK, I don't need estrogen.
Praise the Lord. No.
In the last three months now, my estrogen, I actually put all my blood
work for the last five years.
I'm kind of neurotic about going like every six months.
I pulled all the PDF reports and I put it in chat GPT and I was like,
put this in like a chart where I can see.
And my testosterone and my estrogen have literally been at the very bottom
and the very top, like all over the place.
And so when that stuff is happening, like Kimberly needs estrogen.
Well, I didn't need estrogen.
And then this lady over here needs progesterone, but nothing like it.
We're all definitely very different.
What we're experiencing is different.
What our blessed husbands are experiencing is very different.
And you guys talk to each other and you're like, well, she's not doing that.
Thank God. But well, she's doing this, you know, like anyway,
I don't know that I answered your question, but it's fine.
It's a talk, right?
Like whatever it is.
But, you know, and the thing too with Kimberly, like her estrogen a year ago
is not what it was six months ago or actually probably lasted like six months
because she's been having the heart palpitations and we didn't know.
But she went to the doctor and they're like, oh, yeah, your estrogen.
She did blood work as well.
And they're like, yeah, your estrogen is a zero.
And so what they did is they upgraded her patch for those of you that don't know
the you can get it several different ways, but Kimberly uses a patch.
My journal GP, nor my gynecologist, neither one did any blood work
to test my estrogen or my progesterone.
It was a trainer.
I hired, you know, when you first sign on, you have to have blood work done
then every so often they like to have blood work.
They are the ones that said, you're on estrogen because it's not even.
So even the people that I'm going to, my doctors that I trusted,
weren't even checking those numbers.
My gynecologist never took any blood ever.
It was me starting the conversation saying, hey, something's not right.
And she's like, OK, well, let's start you on some of the lowest doses.
And I was like, OK, let's start there.
Luckily, you know, over the last couple of years, I've had to advocate for myself.
You know, it's so frustrating.
I did notice there is a place in town specifically designed for women.
Like you said, doctors specifically designed for us.
Maybe that's who I need to go to instead of a gynecologist.
I don't know, but it's so frustrating when you have these people
that you trust that are supposed to know things and yet you have to advocate
for yourself and in this day and age, it's so frustrating.
But you do.
You have to go in and you have to tell them I want this test, this test
and this test because it's not part of the regular blood work.
And for Kimberly as well, she went in complaining of these heart
palpitations this last time and nobody really did anything or helped us
figure that out.
Bless you. Thank you.
But they referred me to a cardiologist.
Yeah, they referred her to a cardiologist.
So we went through that and they're like, oh, yeah, everything's fine.
But the minute they upped her dosage, it went away that day.
Like she didn't have these heart palpitations anymore.
Well, and then the cardiologist wanted to put me on a statin.
And I'm like, no, not particularly.
And luckily, you know, from other doctors I've been to.
So for people who don't know, I have one kidney and a statin is not
the greatest thing long term for me to take.
So she told me it was my choice to take it.
She's like, I'm going to, you know, it's out there.
If you want to take it, you can.
And I was like, you know what, I'm going to do some more research
and, you know, ask for questions from some of the other people.
And luckily I did.
So I'm not taking the statin.
And at this time I'm not.
But that's something that I need to keep an eye on
because I do have a family history.
So well, similarly, I was having migraines, just constant headaches,
which is a huge symptom of menopause.
And I also, in this whole discovery, was diagnosed with high blood pressure.
Like I take no medications.
Okay.
And then out of the blue, I'm having all these headaches.
So we couldn't figure out are the headaches causing the high blood pressure
or is the high blood pressure causing the headaches when in reality
it was all very hormone induced.
And so once we got things situated, I was able to ultimately come off
of the high blood pressure medicine because when I went in to the doctor,
which is a doctor that I fired, when I went in and saw that doctor,
he never even looked up at me.
He was looking down at his clipboard the entire time.
And he says, oh, looks like you got high blood pressure.
And I said, does it?
And he said, well, yeah, we're just going to give you whatever this medicine was.
And I was like, well, do you want to know anything about like
me, my exercise, my diet?
Do you want to know about my lifestyle?
Like he said, no, this is just so easy.
That's what he said.
He literally said, no, it's just so easy.
Just take this pill and I almost passed out.
I was so angry.
I texted Brian and I was like, you're not going to believe what this guy just said to me.
So thankfully I've come off of that.
And now the only medication I'm on is hormones, but there's just so many
different moving parts and pieces and you have to advocate for yourself.
You have to go in and know what you want and push for it.
So and I have to say that, you know, going back to our mothers,
they didn't have this, at least mine didn't.
And I know she didn't.
And we all lived through it.
And it was not the most pleasant experience for any of us.
And so, but she was on high blood pressure medications.
She was on all these medications.
Did she really need them?
Or, you know, could she have been on hormones?
And it helped a lot of these other things.
I don't know.
But she was on so many medications that was that the cause of her death?
I don't know.
It just frustrates me that I don't have those answers.
But knowing that I have to advocate for myself, saying, no, I'm not.
If I don't have to be on a medication, I'm not going to do it. That's.
Well, back to that Oprah show.
For any couples listening to this or, you know, husband's wives,
whoever's listening, I would seriously encourage you to have a date night
and watch it together.
It's all very medical.
It's all very straightforward.
There's a lot of great information in that show.
And they put this chart up and it just really is very eye opening.
But the thing is that, like, when you're going through this journey,
you start it off.
I don't know if it was in this show or if it was prepped for this.
But, like, this can ruin marriages.
This can ruin jobs.
This can ruin people's lives.
And it is just a medical thing.
Like, we can talk about kidney illnesses.
We could talk about the flu.
We could talk about COVID, but nobody wants to talk about this.
That's the biggest problem is that people are afraid to have the conversation.
But there's nothing wrong with the conversation.
My mama never said a word to me about menopause.
Never.
I don't know that I even heard the word until I was well into my adulthood.
I had no idea.
And it's like, we've got to get over the obstacle of its taboo to talk about it.
Like, just to say the word, people cringe.
I'm just baffled by that.
People can correct me.
I'm wrong to make both of you mad at me.
But thinking in the past, right?
Like, if you sit and think about, like, oh, this guy's in his brand new red
Porsche with this younger woman, whatever, these people go through midlife
crisis and now they're divorced.
I think it's all perimenopause and menopause, right?
Like, I don't think if you want to call that midlife crisis, maybe.
But it was the fact that there was no communication.
It was the fact that it is what it is.
Like, sometimes you just hate your husband just for being alive, right?
Just because of whatever's going on.
But if the husband doesn't know anything about anything and you don't
communicate it, then you don't know anything about anything.
You're just like, oh, I've been with this person 30 years and now I hate their
guts.
I don't want to be with them anymore.
Then it's easier, quick to just divorce and move on than it is to put in the
work to figure out what's going on and fix it and go on.
Like, it is, I don't know that fixable is the word, but it is survivable, right?
Like, it is manageable.
There are things to do.
So anyway, that's kind of my short-sighted male opinion of it.
These talks take a lot of time in our household because we're communicating
about it and we're communicating about it because we're like, been stumbling
through it and now here we are.
But one thing I wanted to ask you, Kimberly, is how does it impact things like
patience and communication?
No patience for anything pretty much anymore.
I mean, you really have to work at it and stop yourself and think about what
you're saying, but for the most part, you know, women just don't care.
And it's the age, it's the hormones, it's the, we don't have the patience
anymore and we just don't.
It's just not there.
So you're making me laugh because are you following the lady that's now like wildly
famous, she's the president of the We Don't Care Club?
Yes.
I totally get what you're saying.
I have to check myself constantly, catch that thought and say, bear
hold that or say it this way or don't say it that way.
I've gotten very bold every birthday passes.
I think we're joking.
We don't care, but we do care.
Like we do care about our husband.
We care about our children.
We care about our company.
We care, but some alien takes over inside.
That's like, girlfriend, just say what you got to say.
That filter is gone.
The line is just like gone.
I've definitely catch myself regularly.
But to the patient's part, I see Brian regularly also holding his tongue or I
can see him thinking before he's saying something, you know, and it sounds like
we're walking on eggshells, but it's not really like that.
We're learning, we're adjusting, we're figuring it out.
Some days you don't, some days you do, but I think you do have to check yourself
and force the patients and the compassion and the understanding to take
over understanding like my stuff's not right.
You know, and all these like estrogen powers your brain, like my mental,
the memory and the brainpower.
And I was recording a podcast the other day.
I was 10 minutes in y'all, 10 minutes into this podcast.
And I had a brain stoppage.
And I was trying to think of the, like the simplest word, like a word that you
use 800 times a day.
Like the most, and I could not, I had to stop the podcast.
I literally went to chat GPT.
It was like, I'm trying to think of this word.
And I was like explaining it and it was chocolate or whatever.
And I had to go back and restart the whole freaking podcast.
So the brain stuff, Chris is a lot.
What I would say is as just trying to explain this for men out there that are
listening, as your ladies or partners, patients goes down, yours needs to
ramp up just as fast because there's going to be times where, where you're
taking a verbal beating and you just need to suck it up and take it and move on.
And you need to realize that it's not them.
It's not really coming from a genuine spot.
It's just coming from just brainwaves that are just out there.
You know, you just kind of have to move through it and go, go on.
But you have to know what's going on.
You have to be able to recognize it and you have to be able to understand it.
I want to like sort of flip that around just a little bit because when
you were explaining that, I thought, okay, life doesn't have to be like take
your beating and move on.
Brian and I don't have those verbal confrontations like that.
But I definitely, like I said a minute ago, I see where he's being more
patient, more thoughtful about just in the moment and that sort of thing.
I think both sides, we have to all come with some level of, let's just slow
down for a minute and process what's happening here.
But if somebody's listening to this, and I know you're probably going to
get to this, Chris, and they're like, yeah, I'm headed to divorce because if
she assaults me verbally again, you know, like I'm not condoning that.
Like let's go to the doctor.
Let's get somebody, like you have to get evaluated and even approaching
that conversation with your wife, you're not going to go and say, you need
to get some blood work because I've just listened to this podcast and
something is wrong with you.
Like this person you chose to marry and love and live with, like there's
a way to have that conversation.
And truthfully, Brian has talked about this probably with you, Chris, on podcast.
I mean, men don't have menopause, but they certainly have their own blood
work that needs to be had as well.
And I think that as you were saying this stage of life as we age, I have
quite a few friends who just refuse to go to the doctor.
And I'm like, in my mind, I'm thinking, if you just took XYZ supplement,
like educate yourself and get yourself checked because it could be something
very simple.
You know, my sister, I never really hear her talking about the stuff
that I've been facing.
And it's, you know, it's not every woman has all this stuff.
It could be something very simple.
Sadly, I have to have all three hormones.
It doesn't have to be that complicated.
And the other thing for people that don't know or don't understand,
men and women all have the same chemicals.
Like we all have testosterone.
We all have estrogen.
We all have estradiol or estradiol.
I don't know how to pronounce that, but we all have these things and they're all
high, they're all low, and it affects us all because it's all going through the brain.
So, you know, need to get tested.
You need to find these things out and figure out ways to do that.
So I want to kind of push this into working together as spouses a little bit.
So I'm going to ask you, Kim, the same thing, but I was Kimberly first.
So what's different about going through this while also working together every day?
Because there will be months where Kimberly and I are together 24 hours a day,
seven days a week.
We travel together.
We eat together.
We work out together sometimes or whatever.
But then it's weird.
Like we'll be gone, we'll be apart for a day or two.
And they're like, oh, I really missed you.
But so anyway, so what is this like going through a spouse, somebody that you're
in business together with multiple businesses, everything else like that?
I would say that, again, you just need to communicate with each other and realize
what you're both going through, whether it be your hormones for me or for you,
or you understanding what I'm going through.
You just really need to, again, you married each other for a reason.
Sorry, I'm going around this really weird.
But you just have to learn the new person that you're with.
And it's the same person.
It's just a different person.
And so you both need to learn how to love each other a different way,
but the same way.
Does that make sense?
I'm with you on that.
I think it really boils down to being open about your communication.
You know, just this morning, Brian and I were driving over to a meeting
and he said, I'm just feeling really off today.
We didn't have to share that stuff.
You know, it wasn't like I'm not coming at him saying, well,
I'm having a low estrogen day today.
But I mean, the past two days, I had a horrible sleep the two nights before that.
My sleep was just horrible.
I can function on six really good hours of sleep.
Brian needs 87 for sure.
And I was just open and honest about, look, I didn't say this,
but he knew what I was saying.
Like I'm going to need a little extra compassion, patience today.
I am dragging, I'm exhausted.
I remember texting him, I was running errands in town and I texted him.
I'm like, I don't know what in the world is going on with me,
but I am so exhausted today.
Y'all, it was so bad that I thought I might actually go to one of those
drip bars and get an injection.
I think he didn't like it.
Yeah, which I may still do.
But finally, I got some sleep last night.
The night before I had to take two Tylenol PM.
So I think it's just waking up and being honest with one another
about what space you're in in that moment.
Because like today he's in a he's like, you know, when you take a new
medicine and you just feel really off, he couldn't say exactly what is wrong.
He slept fine last night.
He's eating right.
He's exercising.
He's walking, he's doing all the things, but he's just off today.
And so I know, let me just give him a little extra, whatever is needed,
a little extra patience, space.
And I think that not only is it communication, but it's education.
Brian actually cares.
So he's listening to what is going on with me.
I can only imagine as a child, I don't think my daddy would have cared.
I don't think he would have been like, oh, you need extra patience today.
Well, good for you.
You know, like, but I think it's just coming together and having an
understanding and just being open and honest.
And if, if I don't tell him I'm really exhausted, guess what?
When you're exhausted, you're also irritable.
You're also not thinking right.
You also don't feel like doing anything.
And so yeah, we're leaving town tomorrow for a long RV trip.
There's stuff I needed to be doing this week, but he wasn't harassing me about,
hey, you haven't loaded this in the RV yet.
He knew, and he's also great about, he does not.
I've heard women saying, you take a nap.
Your husband doesn't care that you take a nap.
And I'm like, no, he actually encourages me to take a nap
because he knows that if I do get the nap, what's happened on the other side
of that is beneficial.
So I echo the communication, but just being honest about where you are,
how you're feeling, what's going on.
That's exactly.
So, Kimberly, you want to talk about your napping count?
Well, it's a multi-purpose, but the main reason, so during the summer months,
you know, put the fireplace to bed for the winter.
So when I had my Kenny donation, we pulled the couch out
just so I could have a relaxation place in the afternoon.
It really helps with my back.
I turn the eating pad on, whatever, whatever.
It has become so much more.
I look forward to getting that napping couch out.
It's, we open the doors, I have a cool breeze coming in and I've got
the heating pad on my back.
And before you know it, I have slept for two hours and it is glorious.
Now it's not two hours every day.
Sometimes it's 30 minutes, sometimes it's three hours.
Just depends on the day, what I've done, how I'm feeling.
But the napping couch, are you joking me right now?
I mean, is this like a brand name of something?
No.
So we call it a couch, but this is a bed mattress, this is a twin mattress
that's made up fully like it would be in a bedroom, but it's in the floor.
I'll text you a picture of it.
Are you going to put the picture in the show notes?
Maybe I should.
Like it's like, it's basically a twin size mattress in our living room
in front of the fireplace that's made up and ready to go.
I love it.
It's awesome.
And it's right there.
Every day.
I'm not.
But what happens if she doesn't get her nap?
Like I came home Tuesday, so Piper's home with us for the summer.
The one thing is, I tell Kimberly, I'm like, I wish you'd go to the
bedroom and shut the door and take your nap.
And she's like, no, this is my napping couch.
This is where it's going to happen.
And she was so impatient with everybody because when I came home, she didn't get her nap.
She was like stomping around the house.
She's like, your daughter was in the kitchen making noise.
And then she did this.
Your daughter was this.
And then she's like, I texted her saying I was coming home.
That woke her up.
And then when I came home, the door was locked weird.
I couldn't get it undone.
And so I was rattling the door.
And so that's how I got greeted at the door.
I haven't had my nap yet.
Oh man.
I don't believe all this about Kimberly though.
It's true.
It's absolutely true that that's exactly what happened.
And it just, and, you know, some days it just doesn't happen.
And I can feel it when it doesn't happen.
But, you know, I always just look at my mom like, why is my mom taking a nap?
You know, she worked Monday through Friday.
So it was on the weekends, but I'm like, why aren't we out doing stuff?
Why aren't we, I didn't understand why she wasn't going and doing.
Totally get it now.
I totally, you know what?
I'm writing in a book for Piper of things that I want her to know.
And, you know, she gave it to me to Christmas, my mom passed away.
And at the time I was like, I don't know what I'm going to use this for.
I get it.
And I've been writing in it ever since, you know, I'll go months and not have
anything to write.
And then all of a sudden it just floods out and I just write a whole bunch of stuff.
And not that she's going to go through this.
It's going to be a while before she goes through this, but I want her to say,
Hey, this is why I lay down every day.
It's just mentally, maybe not physically, but mentally by noon or one o'clock.
I'm done.
My body's just done.
And so I totally get that.
So Kimberly, what does real support look like versus what doesn't help at all?
So real support for me is when you listen to me and you don't give suggestions.
You don't give advice.
Sometimes you do, which is fine.
But also that you're willing to learn about what this is.
You're willing to research.
You're willing to read these books that I have.
You're willing to listen to podcasts from the leading experts so that you
understand me better.
That's what's helped me.
Your patience, your patience has taken over, which has helped me greatly.
You listen and you learn for me.
And that is what's helped me for you, Kim.
I think I honestly would say the same thing.
I think it's just having a level of understanding and interest in what is going on.
When you understand what's going on, you can better accept something.
If my mama never talked to me about it, chances are she certainly didn't talk to
my brothers about it.
I even asked my sister.
I was like, did mom talk to you about all this crazy stuff?
And she said, no, for my son's future wife, I want you to know if you ever listen to
this, I'm trying to teach my son all about this, but he just will not have it.
He's like, I'm not trying to talk to you about sexual anything.
Like this is not what this is.
And I think that's why it's been such a taboo topic is that people saw it as
a sexual thing when it's not, it's not at all.
But Piper's the same way, you know, like I was trying to talk to her yesterday
just to give her a little bit of insight.
And she was like in one ear and out the other.
And so I was like, OK, this is obviously enough.
So that's the journal for me.
That's what I'm going to pass on.
Well, when she's ready for it and when he, you know, because he's like, I don't
need to know about that right now.
And I'm like, well, you do because you have a mama, but we don't live together.
So it's fine.
But, you know, I think to your question about what does support look like?
And and was it what does it not look like?
Was that the opposite side of it?
I really think it comes down to really just showing like you care, like not
just pushing it aside or ignoring it.
Being ignored by it.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't think that I'm not looking for us to have a meeting about it.
I'm not looking for, you know, this big, let's go to a conference about menopause.
But just, you know, you married me.
I know you love me.
We have to work through this together.
And it's not just a me thing.
And that's I have friends who who definitely have husbands who don't want to hear
about it, don't want to talk about it, don't want to know anything about it.
Well, she's over here feeling isolated, alone, ignored, not valued,
not appreciated, not, I mean, because we are still doing good things.
And so I think that when you don't show a level of compassion or interest or
understanding, then why are we even doing this?
You know, to kind of follow the, and you've already answered this, Kim,
but I wanted to take another run at this.
How can couples create space for these conversations
without making it uncomfortable or inappropriate?
And I don't think there's anything inappropriate about it.
So I'm just going to pull that back and just say uncomfortable.
Well, I think it is important to say that, though, because there are people
who feel like it's inappropriate for me to have that conversation.
And I'm like, no, it's totally appropriate, expected and the right thing to do.
Yeah, I don't know how I would change.
I'm going to stand by what I said when you say create a space, you know,
we're not putting a meeting on the calendar.
I think it's just having, are you, maybe it's this.
Are you creating space for your wife to be vulnerable with you?
You know, I'm speaking to husbands.
Are you creating that open environment where they're comfortable
saying, whatever it is, I slept like trash last night and I'm going
to need a little extra dose of patience today.
Or I'm so exhausted or my head hurts so bad when I was in those headache things
like daily for Christmas.
I asked for this, like it looks like a Martian thing.
Like it's this big mask that you wear.
It like puts pressure on your head and it warms up and that sort of thing.
And I'll just go lay down, but just I guess that's the thing is.
Does she feel comfortable saying those things to you?
Because some men and women are so close-minded to these types of conversations.
So, you know, I'll even tell you, Brian, y'all know this because we're the same.
We'll be married 27 years this July, probably five years ago.
Maybe our communication just got off.
We couldn't like put together what it was or what was causing it.
And, you know, that's what this is about.
Like you're in business just like y'all, Brian and I own a business together.
We obviously live together.
We are constantly on the road together.
And our communication had just gotten, I don't know, off.
And before the ASTA conference in September in Raleigh, we used to live in Raleigh.
So there's a marriage counselor there that we know very well, Leslie Doris.
Y'all should look her up for sure.
She actually is the founder of the Hero Husband Project.
It's phenomenal.
And we were like, let's just go have a session with her and just figure out
this communication thing that we're in, like not good communication thing that
we're in and reached out to her.
We wanted to do it while we were in town.
We didn't want to do like a Zoom counseling session.
Then we were like, well, do we want to go the day before the conference starts?
Like, what if the day doesn't go well and then we're at this conference together?
So we went to the conference and then on Monday, she booked a whole day with us.
An eight hour like intensive.
Now we're overachievers, so we only needed four hours, but we were able to go in there.
And so when you talk about creating the space, like, is there a level of comfort
in having any conversation, we were able to both just talk about how we were
communicating with each other, what our roadblocks were, what was going on.
And we both left there with this takeaway that just helped improve our communication a bit.
And, you know, so we were like over 20 years married when we went and had this brief session
just to clear the air about how we were communicating with one another.
My big takeaway, and this could totally relate to this whole menopause, married couples
working together conversation is that, OK, so shops are listening to this right.
And so they have a place of business to go to.
For us, we work from home.
But for shops that are leaving home, going to the shop and working together.
My big takeaway was not every conversation needs to happen the moment it hits your brain.
And so walking into the shop and two hours later, I want to talk about something
that's home related or menopause or I have a headache or this or that or whatever.
Is I just walk up and I'm like, hey, I got to tell you something when what she
taught me was to instead walk up and say, do you have a few minutes to talk about blank?
And it's basically asking his permission to like stop what you're doing right now
and have this conversation.
But it also gives him the space to say, can we talk about that this evening?
Can we talk about that at lunch?
Can we talk about that?
You know, and so I think that going back to the patients, going back to the
understanding, but also just knowing the right time for the conversation.
Not everything needs to happen immediately when you feel like it does.
Let me take a second because this ties directly into something most shop owners
miss when things get stressful at home or inside your leadership team.
What usually happens?
Marketing becomes reactive or it stops altogether.
Car count gets inconsistent.
Revenue starts fluctuating.
And now you've got pressure coming from both sides, home and the shop.
That's exactly why I trust the team at Shop Marketing Pros.
They understand this industry.
They understand shop owners.
And more importantly, they build marketing strategies that don't rely on you being
in a perfect headspace every single day.
They help you create consistency.
So when life gets unpredictable, your business doesn't have to.
If your marketing right now depends on how you're feeling week to week, that's an
issue. Get with the team that builds long term stability into your shop.
shopmarketingpros.com.
How weird was that?
And the funny thing is I didn't know you were talking to about like 10 seconds in
and I was like, oh my gosh, that's us.
That is you.
Yeah.
So there you go.
So a quick shout out.
So I think the importance is like we're shedding a light on it.
This is out there.
Hopefully we've created some conversations or some places to go.
Kimberly and I haven't watched it, but I think Alyssa Milano or somebody has like a
something on Apple or somebody has another like mini series of talking about this
subject as well.
So, you know, get out there.
There's a ton of information out there.
So go ahead and give me your final thoughts, whatever final thoughts are, and then
whatever kind of resources you want to share.
And then we'll kind of close out this episode.
This is a journey.
This is not a sprint.
This is a journey that could start in your 40s and go all the way to your 60s, 70s.
Who knows?
It's a journey and you and your spouse are on it.
Your kids are on it with you, whether they realize it or not.
Be patient with yourself, be patient with your spouse and research, ask the
questions and advocate for yourself.
A couple of people that I follow are Dr.
Mary Claire Haver.
She has a couple of books out.
She has a website.
She has podcasts.
I have gotten and she has supplements.
If you're interested in supplements, I highly recommend.
She's one of the leading experts right now on this stage of our life.
She has dedicated her life.
She's in it herself.
So she knows exactly what she's talking about.
The other person is Dr.
Mindy Pelts, P-E-L-Z.
She's written a couple of books.
Again, same levels.
Mary Claire, highly recommend you, your spouse, read the books.
That way you both have an understanding and then go back to the books.
Go back to the podcasts.
Their information is out there and more is coming.
It's constantly being updated, revised.
Their help is out there for us and I appreciate everything.
So it's a journey.
Awesome.
Thanks, babe.
And Kim, you, any final thoughts and or resources you want to share?
One thing I definitely wanted to share because when I'm talking about this,
with other women, very often this comes up.
So I grew up in a highly traumatic childhood and lived in fight or flight.
My entire childhood, for me, it was fight.
I lived in the fight, whatever.
And then when I got married, got out of the situation I was in, my body had been in
that aggressive cortisol, high stress for so long that it didn't know what
else to do.
So I just naturally, without knowing, I replaced it and lived, continued living
in that high state of stress from performance, ambition, sitting on this board,
doing this event, fundraising this, running this, running that, fixing this, fixing
that, like just steady, constantly going.
And then I did CrossFit for like 15 years.
Well, guess what?
That's not easing anything.
I love it.
I still love it, but I wasn't helping myself.
And it wasn't until I hit the whole hormonal whirlwind that my body said, guess
what, Queen, you're going to figure this out.
And so I think it's really having a good understanding of your body and where
you are and how that relates to the people you're around every day at work,
your spouse, your children, just really accepting it because so many people
try to fight it.
I think we also just take ourselves too dang seriously, like it's okay to
laugh about it, cut up, have a good time.
It's not the end of the world.
It is, you know, as Ecclesiastes 3 says, there's a time for this, there's a
season for this, this too will pass.
You're not going to be in this forever, but we can definitely push through
and get to the other side.
And I believe truthfully that speaking for me and Brian, our marriage is
probably better now than it ever has been smack in the middle of him dealing
with his own hormones, me dealing with mine, empty nesting, figuring it out.
And then to wrap up as far as resources, Kimberly and I have talked about this
multiple times.
So the same exact ones that she just said are the same exact ones that I
would share.
And maybe I'll annoy somebody with this.
I don't know.
I used to love Oprah.
I'm not like this big, huge Oprah follower anymore.
However, the Oprah Winfrey special, the menopause revolution, it was that
one hour show I talked about was really, really powerful.
And so I would add that into the mix.
And then, believe it or not, Andrew Huberman, if anybody doesn't know
Andrew Huberman, I don't know what planet you're living on, you need to
check him out, but he is a professor at Stanford.
He's got his own podcast.
He has done a lot of podcasts interviewing all of these amazing professionals
who share great information.
So really just go look up Andrew Huberman's podcast, just type in menopause
in there and find lots of great info.
But Chris, you know, you've been with two menopausal women today and we've
been maybe over here and here.
But like, I'm looking at my notes, you sent me those questions and I'm
looking back at my notes and I don't know, I feel like we've covered a lot
of stuff about how to work through this, how to work together, how to be
present for one another.
So I just want to say kudos to you for having the conversation because too
many people just put it on the back burner and think we're going to get
through this or we're going to get a divorce or we're going to close our
business, but you're having it.
And so I appreciate you asking.
Thanks so much.
It's just like coaching a shop.
You know, you don't know what until you know it.
And, you know, I was looking for topics and this is like in our
wheelhouse right now.
And so I just wanted to share and put it out there.
And while I was writing the podcast and sending you questions and Kimberly
questions, I'm like, you know what, Chris?
Maybe this is what you need to do now.
Maybe you need to start a coaching company for men going through their
side of menopause.
And then I'm like, like I need one more thing to do, but you know, who knows?
Like this is definitely something that we all need help.
Right.
So thank you both for taking time.
I know Kim, you're busy.
Kimberly, you're busy.
Plus it's 1135.
We'll have to get you prepped and ready for the napping couch here in a little
room, so I should ask her to watch.
So, and I'm going to talk to Brian about the napping couch.
So there you go.
I'll send you a picture and it's just, uh, you have the perfect place for it
out there in your little sunroom right there.
Open some windows, just put this out and good to go.
So awesome.
Thank you both so much.
And I love you both.
So here's the reality.
This conversation might feel uncomfortable, but ignoring it doesn't make it go away.
If you're running a business with your spouse, your ability to understand, adapt
and lead through seasons like this is going to determine more than just your
relationship.
It will determine the stability of your business.
So here's your challenge.
Stop guessing and start understanding, have the conversation, ask better
questions, lead with awareness instead of reaction.
And always remember to rise and grind everybody.
Have a great day.
You've been listening to the weekly blitz with Chris Cotton on the
automotive repair podcast network.
Download our exclusive podcast app at automotiverepairpodcastnetwork.com
because the best conversations in the industry start here.
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