The show reveals the worst cars of the millennium as voted by listeners, with the Hugo taking the top spot. The hosts share humorous and insightful commentary on notorious vehicles like the VW bus, Renault Dauphine, and Ford Pinto. They also tackle listener calls about car troubles, including CV joint failure, aftermarket air conditioning on a Kia, and cold-weather engine issues. The episode blends automotive advice with entertaining stories and a puzzler about frozen soup, maintaining the signature witty and conversational tone.
At the end of the last millenium there were plenty of motorheads proclaiming this Ferrari or that Maserati as the ‘Best Car Ever’, but only two guys were willing to figure out which were the worst cars ever made. That’s right, our masters of mediocrity pull no punches on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.
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"Italian automaker Fiat is on the verge of striking a partnership deal with who? General Motors. And what's going to happen is the GM is going to buy, if they haven't already, 20 percent of Fiat."
Fiat is a car company from Italy that makes small and affordable cars. They sometimes work together with other car companies to make new cars.
Fiat is an Italian automaker known for producing small city cars and affordable vehicles. It has a long history in the automotive industry and has been involved in various partnerships and mergers.
"Italian automaker Fiat is on the verge of striking a partnership deal with who? General Motors. And what's going to happen is the GM is going to buy, if they haven't already, 20 percent of Fiat."
A partnership deal is when two car companies agree to work together to make new cars or share ideas and money.
A partnership deal in the automotive industry refers to an agreement between two companies to collaborate, often involving shared ownership, technology, or resources to develop new vehicles or expand market reach.
"Italian automaker Fiat is on the verge of striking a partnership deal with who? General Motors. And what's going to happen is the GM is going to buy, if they haven't already, 20 percent of Fiat."
General Motors is a big American car company that owns many car brands like Chevrolet and Cadillac. They sometimes buy parts of other car companies to work together.
General Motors (GM) is a major American automotive manufacturer that owns several brands including Chevrolet, Cadillac, Buick, and GMC. GM has a history of partnerships and acquisitions worldwide.
"And I think this is the first step. I think this is the first step in a takeover. Who's going to take over whom? It really doesn't matter."
A takeover is when one car company buys enough of another company to control it and make decisions for it.
A takeover in business refers to one company gaining control over another, usually by purchasing a majority of its shares. In the automotive world, this can lead to changes in management, product lines, and company strategy.
"Great. I have a problem with my CV joints. I have a 1990 Honda CRX."
CV joints help your car's wheels turn and move up and down without losing power. They make sure the car can steer and drive smoothly even when the wheels are moving.
CV joints, or constant velocity joints, are components in front-wheel and all-wheel drive vehicles that allow the drive shaft to transmit power smoothly while accommodating the up-and-down motion of the suspension and steering. They are critical for transferring torque to the wheels while allowing for steering and suspension movement.
"There was a cracked boot on the driver's side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I replaced that, you know, refilled it with the grease."
A cracked boot is a broken rubber cover on a car part that keeps it clean and oily. If it breaks, dirt can get in and cause problems.
A cracked boot refers to the protective rubber cover over the CV joint that keeps grease in and dirt out. When this boot cracks, it allows contaminants to enter and grease to leak, leading to joint wear and eventual failure.
""My axle going to fall off or is the wheel going to fall off? All of the above. Well, the wheel will fall off. Yeah. The wheel will not fall off. It's very likely that the axle will just shear itself off.""
The axle is a part that connects your car's wheels and helps them turn. If it breaks, your wheel might come off and your car won't drive properly.
The axle is a central shaft for a rotating wheel or gear. In cars, it transmits power from the engine to the wheels and supports the vehicle's weight. A failing axle can cause the wheel to detach or the axle to break, leading to loss of vehicle control.
"On this car, I haven't replaced the timing belt either. And that should be done between 60 and 80 somewhere."
The timing belt is like a rubber band inside the engine that keeps parts moving together at the right time. If it breaks, the engine can get badly damaged, so it needs to be changed regularly.
The timing belt is a crucial engine component that synchronizes the rotation of the crankshaft and camshaft, ensuring valves open and close at the proper times. It typically requires replacement between 60,000 and 80,000 miles to avoid catastrophic engine damage if it breaks.
"Well, I mean, someone has to, you know, push the envelope as they say.
Well, we don't know."
Pushing the envelope means trying something new or risky to see how far you can go. It's like testing the limits of what you can do.
The phrase 'pushing the envelope' means testing the limits of what is possible or safe, often by taking risks or trying new things. It originates from aviation and engineering contexts.
"Well, he may be closer to who's the guy that took the weather balloon flight.
Larry Walters.
Larry Walters."
A weather balloon flight means sending a big balloon up into the sky to learn about the weather. Here, it talks about a man who used balloons to float way up in the air while sitting in a chair.
A weather balloon flight involves sending a balloon filled with helium or hydrogen into the atmosphere to collect meteorological data. In this context, it refers to a famous stunt where Larry Walters used weather balloons to lift himself in a lawn chair to high altitude.
"Um, I just bought a brand new 2000 Kia Sepia about a month ago."
The Kia Sephia is a small, simple car made by Kia. The 2000 version is an older model that was cheap and easy to buy.
The Kia Sephia is a compact car produced by the South Korean manufacturer Kia. The 2000 model year represents an early generation of this model, known for being an affordable entry-level vehicle.
"And I also wanted air conditioning in my car. The guy at the dealership said, no problem. We can order an air conditioner and we can put it."
Air conditioning is what makes the inside of a car cool and comfortable when it's hot outside. Some cars don't come with it already, so it has to be added later.
Air conditioning (AC) is a system in a vehicle that cools and dehumidifies the air inside the cabin for passenger comfort. Some base models of cars may not include factory-installed AC, requiring dealer installation or aftermarket solutions.
"Except they put it in the window, right? Right. That's exactly what happened. A wall mouth."
Instead of having air conditioning built into the car, some cars get a box that fits in the window to cool the air. It's not as good as regular air conditioning.
A window-mounted air conditioner is a type of cooling unit installed in a vehicle's window opening rather than integrated into the car's HVAC system. This is an uncommon and less effective solution typically used when factory AC is not available.
Emerson is a company that makes things like air conditioners. Here, it means the brand of the AC they put in the car window.
Emerson is a company known for manufacturing various appliances and HVAC equipment, including air conditioning units. In this context, it refers to the brand of the window-mounted AC installed in the car.
"All they've got to do is just hang the compressor on the block, and they've got to put the condenser and the evaporator in it."
The compressor is like a pump that helps the car's air conditioner blow cold air so you stay cool inside the car.
The compressor is a key component of a car's air conditioning system that pressurizes and circulates the refrigerant to enable cooling inside the vehicle cabin.
"All they've got to do is just hang the compressor on the block, and they've got to put the condenser and the evaporator in it."
The evaporator is like a cold sponge inside the car that helps make the air cool and comfortable.
The evaporator is the part of the air conditioning system inside the car that absorbs heat from the cabin air, cooling it before it is blown back into the interior.
"All they've got to do is just hang the compressor on the block, and they've got to put the condenser and the evaporator in it."
The condenser helps the air conditioner get rid of heat from inside the car so the air feels cooler.
The condenser is part of the car's air conditioning system that cools down and condenses the refrigerant from a gas to a liquid, allowing the system to release heat outside the vehicle.
""It starts to feel like it's going to hesitate. It starts hesitating.""
Hesitation means the car feels like it's slowing down or pausing when you try to speed up. It's like the car is having trouble going faster smoothly.
Hesitation in a car refers to a delay or stumble in engine response when accelerating, often caused by fuel delivery or ignition issues. It can make the car feel like it's struggling to gain speed smoothly.
""Does it, does it idle? Does it idle smoothly? That was my question too. Does it? No. Okay.""
Idle is when your car's engine is running but the car isn't moving. A smooth idle means the engine is running nicely without shaking or noise.
Idle refers to the engine running at a low speed when the vehicle is stationary and the throttle is not engaged. A smooth idle means the engine runs steadily without vibrations or fluctuations.
"The automatic choke stopped working. Exactly. This is a simple solution. Well, it may not be simple to fix, but the choke is no longer opening as it should. It's supposed to be a thermostatically controlled device that opens the choke and that stopped working"
The automatic choke helps your car start better when it's cold by controlling how much air mixes with the fuel. When the engine warms up, it opens to let in more air so the car runs smoothly.
An automatic choke is a thermostatically controlled device on older carbureted engines that regulates the air-fuel mixture during cold starts by restricting airflow to enrich the mixture. It opens as the engine warms up to allow normal air flow.
"It's supposed to be a thermostatically controlled device that opens the choke and that stopped working and it's following the spark plugs. And that's causing the tuk-tuk-tuk-tuk-tuk-tuk. So you need to take it someplace where they can find out and fix, find out what's wrong with the choke and then fix that. And at the same time, maybe they can put some new spark plugs in it."
Spark plugs are small parts that help your car's engine start and run by creating tiny sparks to burn the fuel. They wear out over time and need to be changed to keep the car running well.
Spark plugs are components in gasoline engines that ignite the air-fuel mixture in the combustion chamber by producing a spark. They are essential for engine performance and need regular replacement.
"Number 10, and there was a lot of controversy about this, but it got a lot of votes, was the VW bus. I mean, lots of people, Jimmy Buffett included, said we were crazy to think that the VW, but we didn't vote."
The Volkswagen Bus is an old van that many people liked for its look but it didn’t have things like good heating or strong safety, so it could be uncomfortable and unsafe.
The Volkswagen Bus is a classic van produced by Volkswagen, known for its distinctive boxy shape and association with the counterculture movement. It was often criticized for lacking modern safety features and comfort, such as heating and structural protection in accidents.
""The theme song, the vinyl Landau roof, the inability to pass another car on the highway.""
A vinyl Landau roof is a fake roof made of vinyl that some cars had to make them look fancier or older style.
A vinyl Landau roof is a decorative covering on the car's roof made of vinyl material, often used in the 1970s and 1980s to give a car a more luxurious or classic appearance.
"Oh, remember the great Pinto bumper sticker hit me and we blow up together."
A 'Pinto bumper sticker' is a funny or sarcastic sticker people put on their cars to joke about how the Ford Pinto could catch fire easily.
The 'Pinto bumper sticker' refers to a popular phrase or joke related to the Ford Pinto's reputation for catching fire in crashes. It symbolizes the car's cultural notoriety.
"If you look under the hood, there's a decal, and it may tell you that this vehicle was designed to pass the California emissions test."
A sticker under the car's hood tells you what pollution rules the car was made to follow.
An emissions decal is a label found under the hood of a vehicle that indicates the emissions standards the vehicle was designed to meet, such as California or EPA standards.
"The suburban, on the other hand, may say this is designed to pass the EPA test for the rest of the states."
Most states use a set of rules from the EPA to check how much pollution a car makes. These rules are not as strict as California's.
The EPA test refers to emissions and fuel economy testing standards set by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency for vehicles sold in most states outside California. These standards are generally less strict than California's.
"He feels guilty about driving these ridiculously monstrous gas-guzzling vehicles,"
Gas-guzzling cars use a lot of gas, which means they cost more to drive and can pollute more.
Gas-guzzling vehicles are cars or trucks that consume a large amount of fuel, often due to their size, engine type, or inefficiency, resulting in higher fuel costs and environmental impact.
"So you can try to squeeze an extra half a mile per gallon or a fewer parts of hydrocarbons, unburned hydrocarbons out of the picture?"
Unburned hydrocarbons are bits of fuel that don't burn completely in a car's engine and come out as pollution. It's better for the air if cars burn fuel fully.
Unburned hydrocarbons are fuel molecules that do not combust fully in the engine and are released into the atmosphere as pollutants. Reducing these emissions is important for environmental and health reasons.
Select text to request an explanation
Hello and welcome to Choir Talk from National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack, the
Tapper Brothers, and we're broadcasting this week from Kaysar's Palace.
That's the way they taught us to say it in Latin.
That is the way you say it.
Kaysar, that's the only way to say it.
Yeah, I like Caesar's Palace better.
Anyway, isn't that the place where they give out all the big awards?
Yes, it is.
That's the place.
Well, today on this very show, we will be announcing the car our listeners have
voted the single worst car of the millennium.
Yeah.
In fact, we'll give you the single worst car, top 10.
Our listeners have spoken and we'll reveal the winner.
And of course, all the runners up in this very show, I mean, there's been voting
going on as a frenzy.
This is exciting.
I hope we have the appropriate drum roll sound effects prepared here in the
control room.
Dennis will have, don't worry, but first, this is a complete coincidence.
We have a news flash that may very well lead to the worst car of the next millennium.
Read the news.
Here's the news.
Rome, AP.
Thought it was AD.
Italian automaker Fiat is on the verge of striking a partnership deal with who?
General Motors.
And what's going to happen is the GM is going to buy, if they haven't already, 20 percent
of Fiat.
Now, there is a marriage made in hell.
I mean, what could it lead to?
Well, I mean, well, I don't know what it could lead to, but it could lead to some
interesting new cars, don't you think?
Yeah, the Pontiac Asherda or the Buick Borka Miseria.
I like the Cadillac Calamari.
If you know what this means and you can see forward into the implications of all of this,
email us from the cartalksectionofcars.com and let us know.
I mean, I think this is a fascinating development.
If you have any ideas on what this merger could mean to the world, please help us out.
It's going to be big.
It's going to be big.
And I think this is the first step.
I think this is the first step in a takeover.
Who's going to take over whom?
It really doesn't matter.
If you'd like to talk to us about anything at all, but especially your car,
the number is 1-888-CAR-TALK.
That's 888-227-8255, a lawyer on car talk.
This is Doug from Lawrenceville, Georgia.
How are you doing, Doug?
Good, and yourselves?
Not bad.
Great. I have a problem with my CV joints.
I have a 1990 Honda CRX.
It's got 117,000 miles on it.
And between about 105,000 and 110,000, I started hearing a small noise.
It was almost like a bike cart, you know, or a cart in your bike.
Like a baseball cart stuck in your spokes.
Exactly.
Perfect.
It only happened when I turned left.
Oh, man.
On a stop position.
You know, I'm thinking about selling the car, but I couldn't tell the guy,
you know, let's only drive right.
Yeah.
You can tell them to meet you someplace where they're only right turns.
Absolutely.
So why don't you just fix it?
Well, I looked under the car and I noticed the crack.
There was a cracked boot on the driver's side.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I replaced that, you know, refilled it with the grease.
Oh, God.
But yeah, I mean, I don't know if the dirt got in there and it was just that bad.
Well, it wasn't so much that the dirt got in.
It's that the metal got out.
Oh, is that what it is?
Yeah, the metal that comprises the joint got worn away.
That's why it started making the noise.
And all the grease in the world ain't going to fix that.
Yeah.
And it's sort of like dropping the chainsaw on your leg and putting Vaseline on it.
That'll close it right up.
You know, now I'm here at 117,000 miles.
And it's not just when I turn left from a stop position.
It's when I turn left, right.
When I'm going fast, going slow, it doesn't matter.
And pretty soon you won't be going fast or slow.
You won't be going anywhere.
That's what I'm trying to figure out.
Because it's going to break.
That's what I'm wondering.
Oh, yeah.
My axle going to fall off or is the wheel going to fall off?
All of the above.
Well, the wheel will fall off.
Yeah.
The wheel will not fall off.
It's very likely that the axle will just shear itself off.
Right.
And then the wheel won't turn.
Huh.
So you need to.
And you're on the verge of it if you've been driving all this time.
Yeah.
And it's getting worse and worse.
But you don't drive this car far from home anymore, right?
No, not at all.
Let's see how long it can last.
Keep copious notes.
I'll tell you, very often customers will come in with a similar noise.
And I will tell them, look, you've got to replace the axle because it's going to break.
And the question everyone asks, because it's fairly expensive,
is how long can it go?
How long do I have, doctor?
And I don't know.
So I'm relying on you, Doug.
You could be, Doug, the Chuck Yeager of CV Joints.
I guess I'm just trying to push my luck though.
You could go to Mach 2.
On this car, I haven't replaced the timing belt either.
Oh, I love it.
And that should be done between 60 and 80 somewhere.
Yeah.
Yeah, I love it.
No, you're pushing the limits and that's wonderful.
We need people to.
Just hope and pray.
That's what America is all about.
At some point, you're going to step on the gas and the car simply isn't going to move.
And just pray that a semi is not barreling down on you when you're taking a left turn
across a highway.
And that's the end of Doug.
I guess so.
That's the only real problem unless you, and maybe you could install some kind of an ejection seat.
Yeah, I would get my affairs in order if I were you.
Good luck, Doug.
But if you want to sell the car, I mean, you're going to spend a few hundred bucks and get it
fixed.
By now, you might need all of me.
You might need both sides.
Okay.
See you.
Great.
See you later.
Thanks for calling.
Thanks for taking your help.
Bye-bye.
It is true.
I mean, Doug could be the one.
Well, I mean, someone has to, you know, push the envelope as they say.
Well, we don't know.
To put him in a category of Chuck Yeager, it didn't occur to me.
I must admit, but you're absolutely right.
Well, he may be closer to who's the guy that took the weather balloon flight.
Larry Walters.
Larry Walters.
He may be closer to Larry than Chuck I take.
Same idea, though, you know.
For those who don't remember, Larry Walters is the fellow who bought at an army surplus store
a bunch of weather balloons and filled them up with helium and attached them to a metal aluminum
lawn chair and sat in the lawn chair armed with a BB gun.
A BB gun.
And that's about it.
And that's it.
He had everything tied to the bumper of his car.
And he cut himself loose and managed to climb to 20,000 feet up above.
And his idea was that he would, in order to descend, he would shoot out the balloons one at a time.
And after having shot out a few, he dropped a gun.
What a man.
But I can see Doug doing that.
That's one 888 car talk.
That's 888-227-8255.
Hello, your own car talk.
My name is Darian.
Say it again.
Darian.
Dar-i-n.
I-a-n.
Sort of like the city in Connecticut, which is with an E.
Okay.
Close enough.
Are you from Connecticut?
No, I'm not.
I'm currently living in Long Island.
All right, we're with you, Darian.
Okay.
Um, I just bought a brand new 2000 Kia Sepia about a month ago.
And, um, this is kind of embarrassing, but I wanted a specific color.
And I also wanted air conditioning in my car.
The guy at the dealership said, um, no problem.
We can order an air conditioner and we can put it.
We'll install it in the car that you want right here at the dealership.
Except they put it in the window, right?
Right.
Right.
That's exactly what happened.
A wall mouth.
They ordered you an Emerson.
But they put it in the back window.
So, you don't really notice it.
So, this car did not come with an air conditioner?
It didn't.
Um, it was after factory.
Um, they installed the air conditioner right there.
Oh, okay.
So, I bought the car, I get home, and all of a sudden,
all these people who knew nothing about cars the week before
suddenly telling me all these horror stories.
Oh, Dianne, you made a huge mistake.
You should never, um, let them install an air conditioner after the factory.
Um, so this is my first question.
Did I make a big mistake?
Well, let's talk about the Kia first.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, no.
You want to get into it that deeply?
Come on now.
The answer to that quote.
Well, you already told us that you bought the car based on color.
Yeah, that's bad.
And probably looks.
And price.
And price.
Yeah.
And can I ask what you paid for this car?
I paid $8,500.
That's pretty cheap.
With air.
Yeah.
Oh, what the heck do you want?
What do you want?
Doesn't matter what you did.
I mean, where are you?
Even if it last six months you're made out.
If you bought any other car, anything else, and you go,
for $8,500, you have to buy one that was 10 years old.
All right.
You got a brand new car for $8,500.
And you didn't make a mistake getting the air conditioning after the fact,
because most cars, although I can't say I'm intimately familiar with Kia Cephas,
their air conditioner ready.
That's what they told me.
And they're right.
Yeah, because most people get the air conditioning,
especially when you consider it was only an extra nine bucks.
You know, so the wiring harness is there, the duct work is there.
All they've got to do is just hang the compressor on the block,
and they've got to put the condenser and the evaporator in it.
And they sell it.
They sell to the dealers an entire kit.
Right.
So it is not rocket science and you did not make a mistake.
But the people who gave you this, who instilled in you this fear.
The fear.
I'm sure they were all over 45 years old.
Yeah, actually, uncles.
Yeah, you're right.
Mostly.
Yeah.
Because in the old days, you would never have done this
because cars were not air conditioning ready.
Okay.
But nowadays, everything is there.
And it works just exactly as though it was installed at the factory.
Hey, do I have time for one more question?
Sure.
My dad called me yesterday and asked if an undercoat had been on the car.
Yes, another old person's.
Old husband's tale.
It is.
Yeah.
And he scares me sometimes.
Don't listen to him.
He's nuts.
Tell him, look, the last vehicle that was undercoated was Ben Hur's chariot.
They don't do that.
That's passe.
Because he said, he told me, I'm going to come out to Long Island.
I'm going to buy five cans of undercoat.
I'm going to put it in there.
I'll paint it on myself.
We'll jack up the car, put it on cement blocks.
Tell him, come over, dad.
No, no, I wouldn't bother.
Okay.
Yeah.
There'll be many other reasons to have gotten rid of the car long before it was away.
And you do have to be kind to your dear old father.
Of course.
Because, I mean, my teenage daughter refers to me as a crazy old man.
And it hurt me when she said that.
You're just a crazy old man.
And we all went right on.
Hey, don't worry about anything.
You're in good shape.
Okay.
And enjoy your sepia.
Yeah.
And above all, wear your seat belt.
Okay.
And a football helmet if you have one.
Try to drive in the breakdown way.
See you, Darian.
Thanks for calling, bye.
Bye-bye.
Hey, hey, the puzzler answer and more calls are coming up right after this.
Hi, we're back.
You're listening to Car Talk with us.
Click and Clack the Tappet Brothers.
And we're here to talk about cars, car repair, and the answer to last week's puzzler.
A few weeks ago, Tommy calls me up one day at work and says that our sister Lucille
is sick and that she needs some care.
The chicken soup puzzle.
I remember this.
Da, he says, I'll make her some chicken soup if you deliver it to her.
So after work, I show up at his house just in time to see him pouring the soup into this plastic
container.
And he's mumbling something about not having the right cover for the thing.
Anyway, he tries the cover on and it pops off.
I try another one and it pops off and I try putting tape on it.
The tape won't stick to the plastic.
And anyway, he says, good luck.
Do your best.
So I carefully carried out to my car the Dodge Cult Vista.
Because this is the automotive part.
And I put it on the floor on the passenger side.
Anyway, I carefully pull away from the curb, worried that the slightest little stop or sharp
turn will spill this stuff all over the place.
Now, I realized that my house is on the way, so I decided to stop off at home and see the
wife and kids, you know, the hounds and have dinner.
So I stop, give my wife a hug, hug my son, pet the dogs.
We exchange pleasantries.
And you eat your chicken.
And I sit in front of-
What kind of chicken did you eat that night?
I don't remember, but it must have been chicken broccoli ziti, I think.
Anyway, I sit in front of the TV and I fall asleep watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Hours later, I wake up remembering that my sister is probably clawing at the front door
for her soup.
So at about midnight, I say, the soup.
I go back to sleep.
I wake up again around 1.30 and hardly grab a few old National Geographic magazines and
some fruit that we were going to throw away anyway.
And I jump in the car and drive to her house, which is several miles away,
never concerned that I would spill a drop of soup.
And in fact, I don't spill any of it.
I drive like a maniac.
As you usually do.
How did I manage not to spill a drop of soup?
And I failed to give a hint.
I mean, the hint should have been that I don't think anyone,
any of our listeners living in Florida would have gotten this right.
Right.
Did the National Geographics have anything to do with it?
The National Geographics on the rotten fruit had nothing to do with it.
When I went into the house, I left the soup in the car.
Of course.
And in the hours that I took to eat supper, fall asleep watching,
buffer the vampire slayer, gather up the magazines and the like,
the soup, which was in the cold vista, froze.
Of course.
Man, it was so cold that night.
It was about four degrees and the soup froze solid.
And of course, it didn't spill because it couldn't.
And who's our winner this week?
The winner is Amy Moore from Poundall, Vermont.
And for having her answer selected at random from among all the correct answers,
Amy's going to get a $25 gift certificate to Car Talk's Shameless Commerce Division,
with which she can get a Car Talk t-shirt or a special kids' Car Talk t-shirt,
which says, help, my parents make me listen to Car Talk.
We'll have a new, I don't know how to describe this puzzler.
How can you describe it?
You haven't figured out which one it is yet.
We'll have a new puzzler coming up in the third half of today's show,
so stay tuned for that.
In the meantime, you can call us,
can ask us questions about your car at 1-888-CAR TALK.
That's 888-227-8255.
Hello, you're on Car Talk.
Hey, this is Chooch.
Chooch.
Now look, don't start.
Wait a minute.
How do you spell it?
C-H-O-O-C-H.
It means mule.
Yeah, well, it does.
Well, it's okay.
It works.
I had some guy from Sicily when he heard my name.
He kissed me on both cheeks and he said,
it's better to be like a mule and nobody walk on you.
How do you actually spell Chooch?
I don't know.
C-I-U-C-C-I-O.
Yeah, you're probably right.
Is that it?
That's it, huh?
No, it's not.
It's a Chooch-o, but Chooch-o, that's good enough.
Oh, okay.
Chooch.
Yeah, where are you from, Chooch?
Taos, New Mexico.
No kidding.
Oh, I love Taos, New Mexico.
Do you really?
Don't move here.
Don't move there?
No.
It's too crowded.
Nobody goes there anymore.
No, we don't want nobody.
You don't want me?
No.
No.
Well, you could move here if you'll fix my car,
because I'm like, I'm somebody.
You got some music like,
Oh, this is a melodrama?
I'm somebody's poor grandma, you know?
Oh, jeez.
So what's the car and what's the problem?
It's an 82 Honda Accord hatchback.
So when it's under 50 degrees outside,
I put the car in gear and I drive down the street
and I'm okay.
Until I get to about second gear
and then it starts going.
And then each success of gear is kind of easier
until I get to fourth.
And then the whole car starts vibrating,
which can be fun.
But I don't know if it's the carburetor or what it's like.
No, I'm not sure I understand the problem yet.
Okay.
You start up the engine.
It's under 50 degrees outside.
Right.
It starts right up.
Right.
You start to drive.
You put it in first gear.
You let out the clutch and it moves.
Yes.
Nothing unusual has happened yet.
No.
What it starts doing, as soon as you start driving it,
as soon as you get above, let's say 10 miles an hour,
it starts to feel like it's going to hesitate.
It starts hesitating.
Okay.
And so then, but it seems like each success of gear
that you put it in, the hesitation is less.
So you mean it seems to run better?
Yes.
As you shift up the gears.
Yes.
Until I get to fourth gear and then it starts trembling all over.
It's like, yeah.
Does it, does it idle?
Does it idle smoothly?
That was my question too.
Does it?
No.
Okay.
Oh, that's a good point.
Because after I drive the car a while,
if it's still below 50 degrees, then it starts idling really fast.
And if I don't keep my foot on the brake,
I'm going to like end up in the back seat
with the people in front of me.
Well, here's what's wrong with your car.
Okay.
The automatic choke stopped working.
Exactly.
This is a simple solution.
Well, it may not be simple to fix,
but the choke is no longer opening as it should.
It's supposed to be a thermostatically controlled device
that opens the choke and that stopped working
and it's following the spark plugs.
And that's causing the tuk-tuk-tuk-tuk-tuk-tuk.
So you need to take it someplace
where they can find out and fix,
find out what's wrong with the choke and then fix that.
And at the same time, maybe they can put some new spark plugs in it.
Do they need anything special to figure out what it is?
I mean, do I have to bring it to one of those places
with those big machines?
No, no, no.
You want just the opposite.
You want a place that has no computers, no machinery,
just a guy who's older than, say, 45 or 50.
Oh.
That's what you want.
Hey, maybe he'll take me with the package.
You know.
Oh, man.
Are you having fun out there in Taos?
I'm 50 years old.
I'm somebody's grandmother and I'm slicing onions in the kitchen
because I'm Italian and that's all I know how to do it.
Well, good for you.
Good luck with your automatic choke, kid.
Thank you very much.
See you, church.
Take care.
Bye-bye.
All right.
I think we've built up the suspense long enough.
It's time to announce the worst car of the millennium.
I can hardly wait.
Now, we should mention that we invited our listeners
and readers of our newspaper column, anyone else in the world,
to nominate cars.
Then we chose the finalists and asked the driving car
owning public to vote and more than 25,000 people voted.
Wait, wait, wait.
250,000, I think Tom looks told me.
Oh, OK.
I think so.
Most of them just once as far as we could determine
and here are their decisions.
And we'll start with the number 10 car and work our way up.
So this is the 10th worst car of the millennium.
OK.
Number 10, and there was a lot of controversy about this,
but it got a lot of votes, was the VW bus.
I mean, lots of people, Jimmy Buffett included,
said we were crazy to think that the VW,
but we didn't vote.
I mean, the people have spoken.
Yeah.
And just to give you some idea,
there were some comments that people sent in
when they voted, things like,
it was the flower stickers that held the thing together.
And the bus had no heat, blew over the wind,
and used the driver's legs as the first line of defense
in an accident.
All right.
Number nine is the Renault Dauphine.
I'll vote for that one wholeheartedly, man.
That had to be the biggest piece of crap ever made in America.
I can't say that I ever drove one,
but I did work on one once.
Yeah.
Here's a comment.
A side impact by a bicycle totaled my Dauphine after one year.
I believe it.
Number eight, the Cadillac Cimarron.
Ah, yes.
This is one of my favorites.
But we traded it in.
My wife was upset because we didn't keep it long enough
for her to buy a gun and shoot it.
Number seven, the Dodge Aspen or the Plymouth Volari,
the same car.
Owning a Volari was total ego death.
The theme song, the vinyl Landau roof,
the inability to pass another car on the highway.
Another Renault, double mention here.
Number six, the Renault Le Carr.
Like any French restaurant in America,
it was overpriced, noisy, moody,
and would put you in mortal danger
if you had an accident with anything larger than a croissant.
Number five, the worst car of the millennium.
Number five, the Chevrolet Chevette.
Yeah.
The Chevy Chevette.
That was junk.
Yeah.
That's up there.
Here's an apt comment.
An engine surrounded by four pieces of sheet rock.
Number four, the AMC Gremlin.
The Ascension Suspense Building.
Oh, man.
I mean, when you get stuff like this,
I mean, we go from the VW Buster,
Dauphine, the Cimarron, the Plymouth Volari,
the Renault Le Carr, the Chevy Chevette.
The AMC Gremlin.
You can see that it's getting better and better.
And here's a voter's comment about the Gremlin.
The car had all the quality and safety
of a cheap garden tractor.
Number three, the Ford Pinto.
This person, Rodin, had a baby poop orange pinto
the year that car thieves hit our street.
Although a dozen cars were stolen in one night,
ours was there the next morning on a strangely empty block.
Oh, remember the great Pinto bumper sticker
hit me and we blow up together.
Number two, the second worst car of the millennium,
the Chevy Vega.
As near as I could tell,
the car was built from compressed rust.
All right, and here it is, folks.
Are we ready?
According to the voters at the cars.com,
car talk section of the website,
and people who wrote to us with snail mail,
the worst car of the millennium.
Drum roll, please.
The Hugo.
I'll read a few comments from some of our voters.
I once test drove a Hugo during which the radio fell out.
The gear shift knob came off in my hand
and I saw daylight through the strip around the windshield.
At least it had heated rear window,
so your hands would stay warm while you're pushing.
Well, this is...
We should mention that the Hugo got a third
of the total vote of those 25,000, 250,000.
Well, that tends to cast a pretty good light
on the other cars.
I mean, they just barely made it.
They just barely made it, right.
The Hugo could have gotten 100% of the votes,
could have been ranked in all 10 spots.
Right.
Well, anyway, congratulations to Hugo and the runners-up.
How many of these cars did you own?
Well, you know, I don't think I ever owned any of them.
Really?
I only owned the Renault Dauphine.
More calls and a new puzzler coming right up
after these messages.
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T's and C's apply.
Ha, we're back.
You listening to car talk with us?
Click and clack the tap of brothers.
And we're here to discuss cars, car repair,
and the new puzzler.
Okay, go ahead.
Two Bedowins are crossing the desert on their camel.
It's good already.
In the early morning hours.
I love it.
When they come across a suitcase in the sand
that's partially open.
Stuff with clothes.
Talk about Umpfus game.
Not on this.
I know that this has nothing to do with the question.
It has, it has everything to do with it.
I mean, when you heard this, it was probably
two guys were walking down the street in New York City
and they see a suitcase and you chased it
to two Bedowins crossing the desert.
No, no.
See, you're reading too much into it.
I love it already.
Go ahead.
Okay, okay, I'm ready.
You all right?
Two Bedowins.
Yeah.
And they come across a suitcase in the sand,
but interestingly they see no tracks of any kind
surrounding it.
They continue on their journey heading for the Oasis.
What, they leave the suitcase there?
Well, they look at it and it was western clothing
oddly enough.
Oh, okay.
So you just opened it up, looked at it.
They looked at it and they said,
there was no interest to them.
Right, okay.
And they go on and they find another suitcase in the sand.
And the same thing, it's open and clothes are strewn about it
and they continue their journey thinking of nothing but this suitcase.
A little while later they find in the sand a...
They're in the hurry to get to the Oasis
because they got dates there.
No, in figs, figs, dates and figs at the Oasis.
I'm sorry.
Come on, I lost my train.
So they come across a second suitcase,
again the same thing, no tracks in the suitcase.
They come across a camera in the sand.
Same thing.
A video camera.
A little while later they find...
Shoes, hats, pants, shirts, they continue on their journey.
A little distance later they see a man lying face down,
obviously dead in the sand, grasping a piece of straw.
What happened?
Can you reconstruct the crime?
This man is obviously dead.
Oh, it's a crime, not an accident.
Maybe it isn't the crime.
Can you tell what happened?
What's the most likely scenario?
A straw?
He's holding a straw in his hand.
Wow.
Well, if you think you know the answer,
write it on a postcard or a thousand-watt surround sound system
with subwoofer.
Yeah, okay.
And send it to Puzzler Tower, Car Talk Plaza,
Box 3500, Harvard Square, Cambridge.
Oh, a very fast city.
02238.
Or, of course, you can email your answer
from the Car Talk section of cars.com.
If you'd like to call us, the number is 1-888-CAR-TALK.
That's 888-227-8255, a lawyer on Car Talk.
Hi, my name's Carl.
I'm in Beaufort, North Carolina.
Hi, Carl.
Beaufort.
That's definitely a Carl with a C.
B-E-A-U-F-O-R-T, huh?
Yeah, okay, fine.
And I'm a master's student,
currently getting a degree in Coastal Environmental Management.
Coastal Environmental, so you guys decide
where to put up seawalls and stuff.
Where not to put them up more.
More, more right, right.
Yeah, North Carolina is a good place to be
if you're going to work in that area.
Yeah, a lot of OJT going on there.
Okay, on the job training.
If you haven't been in the military.
So what's up, Carl?
Well, because of my environmental degree,
I've got some problems with the cars I own,
and I have questions about those.
I have a 96 suburban and a 97 Toyota 4Runner,
which are both big SUVs that are gas guzzlers.
And I'm wondering...
You own both of these vehicles?
Yes, I do.
And ideally, I would only have one large vehicle,
but the suburban I just bought from my father
when he got a new one.
So the price was right, so I did it.
And what I've been wondering about
is the California emission standards that I've heard about.
Can I get the emissions on these vehicles improved?
To reach the level of a car?
And would it be ridiculously expensive?
Well, the 4Runner probably passes the California test anyway.
If you look under the hood, there's a decal,
and it may tell you that this vehicle was designed
to pass the California emissions test.
The suburban, on the other hand,
may say this is designed to pass the EPA test
for the rest of the states.
Yeah, for Bosnia.
No, no, I mean, it's going to pass for the rest of the states.
But if it doesn't really pass,
it might not be easy to get it to pass.
But you're thinking of moving...
No, I have this guilt over having, you know...
He's an environmentalist.
He feels guilty about driving these ridiculously monstrous
gas-guzzling vehicles,
and he wants us to give him the imprimatur,
and we're not going to do it.
I mean, it's as simple as that.
No, I want to know if I can get it changed.
Go to church.
What are you calling us for?
Come on.
You have sinned, my son,
and nothing you can do
making a simple little phone call
is going to get you off the hook.
I mean, what are you, nuts?
Yeah, the only thing you can do,
the only thing you can do
is you can take the suburban to the crusher.
Yeah, no, I mean, you've done what you had to do,
and you can't get absolution from us.
No.
No, I need a big car.
I've got a boat and a daughter and a big dog,
and I'm going to be having more children,
so I sometimes need the big car.
Yeah, the boat's the problem.
Yep.
And where do you drag it to?
To the ocean.
Yeah.
Why don't you just leave it there?
Cost money.
Yep.
Cost money.
That's the whole deal.
Yeah, but if you look at the cost involved,
you've got to be,
first of all, you have to have
this ridiculously sized vehicle
to get it there.
You've got to buy a trailer.
You've got to buy the trailer.
You've got to buy the fishing gear.
Yeah, you've got to get three miles
to the gallon when you're dragging the boat.
Right.
I mean, for the few times that you drag the boat,
I mean, it'd be worth it to hire someone
to house the boat for you
near where you use it.
And get an echo.
And get an echo.
And get an echo.
See, everything in your personal lifestyle
is anathema to the profession that you've chosen.
And that's, I guess that's a big conflict in your life,
and you're probably having,
you're probably in this kind of
This is a crisis.
You're at crisis proportions.
Yeah, this has reached crisis proportions.
I mean, everything that you're doing
is against everything that you profess to love.
So you can try to squeeze an extra half a mile per gallon
or a fewer parts of hydrocarbons,
unburned hydrocarbons out of the picture?
I think you've answered the question really,
which was whether the emissions could be lowered in here.
And you don't want to talk to us anymore, right?
And I don't blame you.
All right.
Well, we've given you a hard enough time.
We'll let you go.
But I would ditch the boat, ditch the suburban,
and I would look at an echo or maybe a chiasephia.
Hey, Carl, thanks a million for calling you a good guy.
Sorry to give you a hard time,
but you deserve every bit of it.
Bye-bye.
Poor guy.
I'm driving around in this hummer,
and I'm in it.
I work for the EPA.
He calls with a genuinely altruistic motive.
I mean, he wants to,
well, it's on the surface.
He was trying to make it sound that way.
On the surface, it's seen that way.
On the surface.
We saw right through him.
He must drive this enormous vehicle,
and he's looking for help.
He's looking for us to provide him with a little information
how we can reduce the emissions so he won't feel guilty.
He needs a preacher, not us.
And boy, we jumped all over this poor guy.
Poor Carl.
We're sorry, Carl.
Well, it's happened again.
You've underutilized another perfectly good hour
listening to car talk.
Our esteemed producer has dug the subway fusion
of not a slave to fashion Berman.
Our associate producers are Frau Catherine Fenolosa
and Louis Cronin, the barbarian.
Our engineer is Dennis de Menesfoli.
Our senior web lackey is Doug the Old Gray Mayor.
And our technical, spiritual, and menu advisor is the Bugster,
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as you knew was Dewey known to all the Oscar losers
in Harvard Square as you knew Louis Dewey.
Thanks so much for listening.
We're clicking clack the Tappet Brothers
and don't drive like my brother.
And don't drive like my brother.
We'll be back next week. Bye-bye.
And now here in the studio we have car talk plazas.
Chief mechanic, Mr. Vinnie Gumbaz.
Vinnie.
Thank you very much.
Now if you want to copy this show, which is number 14,
you can get one on the web.
Just head on over to the little store on our website,
the car talk section of www.cars.com.
And what if I wanted something else, Vinnie?
I mean like a best of car talk CD.
Would I go to that same site?
No, you go to www.ru.com or complete more on our what.com.
Of course you go to the same site, the car talk section
at cars.com or you'll order the old-fashioned way
by calling 888 God Junk.
Thank you, Vincent.
That was extremely informative.
Hey, I got your informative right here.
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and WBUR in Boston.
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