Annotations will appear as you listen
0:00
87:45
Term
air-cooled engines
An air-cooled engine doesn’t use coolant like most modern cars. Instead, it uses airflow over fins on the engine to keep it from overheating.
Term
twin turbo
Twin-turbo means there are two turbochargers on the engine. They cram more air in, which usually makes the engine much more powerful.
Term
air-cooled flat four
A “flat 8” is an engine with eight cylinders laid out horizontally. “Air-cooled” means it uses airflow to cool the engine instead of coolant.
Car
912 Porsches
The Porsche 912 is an older sports car made by Porsche. It’s known for a unique engine sound and a fun, lightweight feel. People may mention it when talking about how it sounds or how it drives compared to other classic Porsches.
Term
water-cooled
“Water-cooled” means the engine uses coolant (liquid) to carry heat away. That heat is then managed by the radiator so the engine doesn’t overheat.
Term
flat 8
A “flat 8” is a type of engine with eight cylinders arranged in two sides that sit flat like a book. Because it sits low in the car, it can help the car feel more balanced, especially in mid-engine designs.
Term
horsepower
Horsepower is a measure of how much power the engine makes. More horsepower usually helps the car go faster, especially when you’re already moving.
Term
boxer
“Boxer” means the engine’s cylinders are arranged so the pistons move opposite ways on each side. It can help the engine sit lower in the car, which can improve balance.
Term
foot-pamper
“Foot-pamper” sounds like “foot-pounds,” which is a way to measure torque. Torque is the engine’s twisting force—higher torque usually means stronger pull when you start moving.
Term
mid-engine
“Mid-engine” means the engine sits closer to the middle of the car rather than at the front. That can help the car turn more easily and feel more balanced.
Car
Chevrolet Chevelle
A Chevelle is a classic Chevrolet muscle car. The speaker is saying that even the “special” versions aren’t selling for as much as you might expect right now.
Concept
barn find buys
A “barn find” is a car that’s been sitting for a long time, usually forgotten in storage. When people say “barn find buys,” they mean buying those cars when they show up—sometimes cheap, but often needing work.
Concept
collection
Here, “collection” means a person has a bunch of cars together, not just one. When those owners sell, it can change what cars show up and what they cost.
Term
Barrett Jackson
Barrett-Jackson is a famous car auction where collectors buy and sell classic cars. The speaker is talking about going there on a specific day to see what they can buy.
Car
Volkswagen Bus
A Volkswagen Bus is a large van made by Volkswagen. It’s known for carrying people and having a recognizable, boxy shape. People might talk about one because of how it looks, or because a damaged one can show obvious body damage.
Car
Volkswagen I
The Volkswagen ID. Buzz is an electric van based on the classic Volkswagen Bus idea. Instead of using gasoline, it runs on electricity. People may mention it because it can drive normally at highway speeds and feels practical for everyday use.
Term
lane splitting
Lane splitting is when a motorcycle goes between lanes of cars that are stuck in traffic. Some states allow it, and some don’t, which is why people argue about it.
Car
Vespa
A Vespa is a small scooter you ride like a bike, but with a motor. The speaker is saying he rides one and really likes it.
Term
power band
The powerband is the part of the engine’s RPM range where it feels most powerful. If it’s “zingy,” it means the power hits quickly in that range.
Term
worst brakes imaginable
They’re saying the brakes don’t work well or don’t feel trustworthy. Even if the bike is fast, stopping is the problem.
Car
Honda CBX
The Honda CBX is a motorcycle that’s known for having six cylinders in a straight line. That’s rare, and it makes the bike feel special even before you start modifying it.
Term
inline six
“Inline six” means the engine has six cylinders lined up in a row. With six cylinders firing in a smooth pattern, it usually feels very smooth and refined.
Term
pro touring
“Pro touring” is a build style where someone takes an older vehicle and upgrades it to drive more like a modern performance one. The goal is better handling and control, not just looks.
Term
street fighter
A “street fighter” is a modified motorcycle style that usually removes the fancy fairings and makes the bike look tougher and more aggressive. It’s more about attitude and street presence than full fairing aerodynamics.
Term
milk crate
They’re talking about using milk crates to store motorcycle parts. It’s basically an improvised way to keep a bike’s pieces organized while it’s being taken apart or rebuilt.
Term
Discount Tire
“Discount Tire” is a store that sells tires. The hosts are saying members can get a discount there when buying tires.
Brand
BF Goodrich
BF Goodrich is a tire brand. The hosts are saying you can buy BF Goodrich summer or winter tires and get a member discount.
Brand
Michelin Pilot Sports
Michelin Pilot Sport is a type of tire made by Michelin. The point of mentioning it is that the discount applies if you buy that tire line.
Term
winter tires
Winter tires are made to work better in cold weather, snow, and ice. They’re typically recommended when temperatures drop toward winter.
Term
summer tires
Summer tires are designed for warmer weather and usually don’t work as well in cold temperatures. The hosts are talking about choosing the right tire type for the season.
Brand
FCP Euro
FCP Euro is a store that sells car parts, especially for European brands. They’re saying members get a discount there, and the store carries both factory-style parts and aftermarket options.
Term
OEM and aftermarket parts
OEM parts are the same kind of parts the car maker would use. Aftermarket parts are made by other companies, and they can be cheaper or offer different options.
Brand
Hagerty Insurance
Hagerty Insurance is a company that sells car insurance, often for classic or hobby cars. The segment says members can get a discount on that insurance.
Term
hydrogen-powered
“Hydrogen powered” means the car uses hydrogen for energy instead of gasoline. Some hydrogen cars use a fuel cell to make electricity, while others burn hydrogen directly.
Term
89 percent grade
A “grade” is how steep a hill is, shown as a percent. An “89 percent grade” is insanely steep, which is why the car’s ability to climb is such a big part of the story.
Car
57 thunderbird
They’re talking about a 1957 Ford Thunderbird, a classic Ford from the 1950s. The story emphasizes that it could climb a steep hill and even idle up it.
Term
two-speed
“Two speed” means the car had only two gear ranges for moving. Fewer gears can still work well for climbing if the gearing is set up for low-speed torque.
Term
three speed
“Three speed” means the car had three gear steps. That can make it easier to climb hills because you can pick a gear that keeps the engine working effectively.
Car
Ford F150
The Ford F-150 is a popular pickup truck. Here, the guest says they started with a 1994 F-150, but it became too much to keep running after they had to replace the transmission multiple times.
Term
AOD
AOD is a name for a Ford automatic transmission. A “transmission” is what changes gears so the engine can run efficiently, especially on the highway.
Car
1999 Hyundai Accent
The Hyundai Accent is a small, budget-friendly car. Here, the guest says they switched to a 1999 Accent because their earlier truck setup wasn’t working out.
Term
checked the oil
Oil is what lubricates the engine so parts don’t grind against each other. If you don’t check it, the engine can run low on oil and wear out faster.
Term
blew the transmission
A transmission is the system that helps the car shift gears. “Blowing” it means it broke badly, usually requiring a rebuild or replacement.
Term
warranty
A warranty is like a repair guarantee from the car maker. If something breaks within the warranty terms, they pay for the fix.
Term
three-cylinder
A three-cylinder engine has three pistons that make power. It’s a smaller engine design, and how well it’s maintained can matter a lot over time.
Term
off-road
“Off road” means driving somewhere rough or unpaved, not regular highways. It puts more stress on the vehicle because the ground is uneven.
Car
Toyota Previa
The Toyota Previa is a minivan from Toyota. It’s not a typical “off-road” vehicle, but the point here is that it was cheap to buy and worked well for their trip.
Car
1988 Mercury Sable station wagon
This is a late-1980s Ford-era Mercury station wagon. It was the kind of family car people used to carry lots of stuff, and today it’s mostly something you find older and well-kept.
Car
Buick Roadmaster wagon
The Buick Roadmaster wagon is a big American station wagon from the late 80s/early 90s. People like it because it’s roomy and has a lot of old-school character.
Term
sunroofs
A sunroof is a glass or fabric panel in the roof that can open for fresh air and light. When the host says the car had “crazy sunroofs” and “a glass roof,” they’re describing a standout interior/exterior feature that’s especially noticeable on older wagons.
Car
Oldsmobile Vista Cruiser
The Oldsmobile Vista Cruiser is an older station wagon made by Oldsmobile. It’s known for having a big glass roof that lets in a lot of light. People mention it because it looks unusual compared with most other cars.
Concept
straight line
“Straight line” just means going fast without turning. It’s the opposite of how well the car handles when you’re taking corners.
Concept
bendy roads
“Bendy roads” means roads with lots of curves. On those roads, how the car turns and grips the pavement matters more than just how fast it can go in a straight line.
Car
Mustang Fox Body
The Mustang is a sports car made by Ford. The “Fox body” is a particular older Mustang generation that many people modify. When someone says its problems have been solved, they mean there are known fixes and replacement parts that make it better to own.
Term
subframe connectors
Subframe connectors are braces that connect parts of the car’s frame together. They help the car feel tighter and less “wobbly” when you drive hard.
Term
suspension
Suspension is what connects the wheels to the truck and controls how it rides over bumps and how it handles turns. The host is saying you can’t just add power—you often need suspension upgrades too.
Car
Chevrolet C10
The Chevrolet C10 is an older pickup truck. Some owners keep the truck’s body but install a newer engine to make it drive better. That’s why people might compare how it drives before and after an engine swap.
Term
LS seven
“LS” is a type of GM V8 engine that’s popular to swap into older cars and trucks. The host is basically saying they had a powerful modern V8 in a classic pickup.
Car
Ford Falcon
A Ford Falcon is a type of Ford car from the 1960s. The speaker is talking about a “64” version, and they’re describing it like a basic, hard-used project car rather than something comfortable or fancy.
Car
289
The “289” is a Ford V8 engine from the 1960s. It’s a popular engine for older cars because it’s relatively small for a V8 and there are lots of parts and upgrades available.
Term
rear end
“Rear end” is a common way to refer to the parts that send power to the back wheels. It includes the axle and gears, and “set up right” usually means it was arranged to hook up and go fast.
Term
400
“400” is the engine size—about 400 cubic inches. Bigger engines like that usually make more pulling power, which makes the car feel faster.
Car
95 Intrepid
The 1995 Intrepid is a regular sedan, not a muscle car. The point here is that it didn’t look or sound like a hot rod, but it could still be faster than the loud cars people had.
Car
72 F100
A “72 F100” is a 1972 Ford F-100 pickup, typically known as a work truck platform. The speaker says it had a big block in it, which is a common enthusiast swap to turn a truck into something that can run quicker times.
Term
big block
“Big block” means a large V8 engine. These engines usually make lots of torque, so the car or truck can accelerate hard.
Term
quarter mile
The “quarter mile” is a drag-racing run over about 400 meters. The time tells you how quickly the car accelerates from a stop to the finish line.
Term
box bodies
“Box bodies” means a muscle car shape with a more squared-off, boxy look. People mention it because that era’s cars were common in drag racing and street builds.
Term
slicks
“Slicks” are special drag-racing tires with almost no tread. They grip the road better for quick launches, but they’re not meant for normal street driving.
Term
nine second car
“Nine second cars” refers to cars that can run the quarter-mile (about 1,320 feet) in under 10 seconds—specifically in the 9-second range. It’s a common drag-racing benchmark for how fast a car is in a straight line.
Term
13s
“13s” is a quick-time number—usually how long it takes to run a drag-race quarter-mile. The speaker is saying some normal cars can do that kind of time now.
Car
Rimac Nevera
The Rimac Nevera is an electric supercar made by Rimac. It’s famous for being insanely quick, and the speaker is saying it can do that kind of fast driving in a normal, everyday way.
Car
Tesla
Tesla is a company that makes electric cars. The speaker is saying he drove a Tesla and it felt similarly easy and fast, like the other electric car he mentioned.
Term
two-stroke
A two-stroke engine makes power every two piston movements, so it can feel more sudden and lively. It’s a different engine design than the more common four-stroke.
Term
on charge
“On charge” here refers to how far the vehicle can go using the energy stored in its battery at that moment. For EVs, range can vary a lot with speed, weather, and riding style, so “how far on charge” is a practical planning metric rather than a fixed number.
Car
live wire
The Harley-Davidson LiveWire is an electric motorcycle. The big takeaway is that its range can be much shorter than people expect, so you have to plan your ride and charging.
Term
wheel spin
Wheel spin is when the tires spin but the car doesn’t really move forward. On snow, the spinning tires can dig into the ground and get you stuck.
Term
range
In EV talk, range is how far the vehicle can drive on a full battery charge under specific conditions. Off-roading can reduce range because of extra power demand, traction losses, and repeated acceleration.
Topic
Baja 1000
The Baja 1000 is a legendary off-road race in Mexico. It’s known for being extremely tough—fast desert driving over rough ground for a long distance.
Topic
King of the Hammers
King of the Hammers is a brutal off-road race. People drive through very rough desert terrain—rocks, sand, and steep obstacles—so it’s famous for being especially intense.
Term
electric entries
“Electric entries” are race vehicles that run on electricity instead of gas. They use electric motors and batteries to power the car.
Topic
dirt track racing
Dirt track racing is racing on a dirt oval track. The surface changes as cars drive on it, so drivers have to adapt to changing grip.
Person
Cletus McFarland
Cletus McFarland is a racing personality who puts on car events and helps organize the kind of races people watch online. In this part of the show, he’s connected to a Crown Vic race.
Topic
pay-per-view
Pay-per-view means you pay to watch one specific event. Instead of a monthly subscription, you buy access to that particular race.
Topic
Arca races
ARCA is a type of stock-car racing series in the U.S. Zach is saying he first noticed Cletus McFarland when he saw him racing in that series.
Car
explorers
“Explorers” means the Ford Explorer SUV. The speaker is pointing out that it’s set up with all-wheel drive, which changes how it behaves on rough roads and curbs.
Term
all wheel drive
All-wheel drive means the car can send power to all four wheels. That usually helps with grip on bad pavement or when you’re driving over uneven stuff.
Term
pit maneuver
The “pit maneuver” is a police technique to stop a fleeing car. The officer bumps the target’s side in a controlled way so the car loses control and slows down.
Car
Crown Vic
“Crown Vic” is a nickname for a Ford police sedan. It’s famous because it was used by police a lot, and people associate it with a specific maneuver police use to stop cars.
Car
Dodge Charger
A Dodge Charger is a car that’s built to look bold and drive with power. People often talk about it when comparing classic-looking performance sedans. It’s usually remembered for its strong engine options and distinctive styling.
Car
77 Datsun 280Z
The Datsun 280Z is a classic Japanese sports car. The speaker is talking about their own 1977 280Z and how it was set up.
Term
Rebella building
This phrase sounds like it might be a misspelling of a car part or brand. I can’t tell exactly what it refers to from the transcript as-is.
Place
Galveston
Galveston is a city in Texas on the Gulf Coast. It’s just the location where the story takes place.
Place
Bolliver
“Bolliver” is the name the speaker gives for the area near Galveston. It’s part of the story’s location details.
Term
5-0 GT
“5-0” usually means the car has a 5.0-liter V8 engine. “GT” means it’s a higher-performance Mustang trim, not the base model.
Term
notchback
“Notchback” describes the car’s shape—its roof and trunk look like two distinct sections. It’s a specific body style, not just a generic description.
Term
four speed auto
That means the car’s automatic transmission has four forward gears. It can change how often it shifts and how high the engine revs are at highway speed.
Car
Z Car
The “Z” is a sports car model line made by Nissan. People talk about it because it’s meant to be fun to drive and has a dedicated fan base. If someone criticizes it, they’re usually pointing out something they didn’t like about how that specific one performed or felt.
Car
Volkswagen Rabbit
A Volkswagen Rabbit is a small car model from Volkswagen. Here, it’s mentioned as the kind of car a high-school friend bought and then modified for a more serious driving setup.
Part
10-point cage
A 10-point cage is a safety frame inside the car made of metal tubes. It helps protect you in a crash and also makes the car feel more solid when driving aggressively.
Car
Hyundai Santa Cruz
The Hyundai Santa Cruz is a small crossover that looks partly like a pickup truck. It’s made to be practical for daily driving and also handle some light utility needs. People may mention it when they’re talking about how it drives on a trip or in hilly areas.
LIVE
What's up everybody? Welcome to the Smoking Tire podcast. Matt Farah here and today's episode is brought to you by Off the Record.
We love Off the Record here at the Smoking Tire. They are looking out for me as I drive all over the country and they are looking out for you in your everyday life.
It could be road trips, it could be commuting, you name it. If you get pulled over and you get a moving violation, get Off the Record.
All right everybody, today's episode is very special. We've got a very funny comic.
This dude knows his cars, grew up around body shops and wrecking yards. In fact, his first special, the wrecking yard, is up on YouTube.
He's got a great YouTube channel where he makes fun of all kinds of car culture stuff and this is a real dude and I had a great time hanging out with him in studio.
It's Jerry Wayne Longmire on the Smoking Tire podcast. Let's go!
We're doing it live. I'll do your intro later.
Works for me brother.
Once I know what the hell we talked about, I'll recap it in the intro.
Welcome to the program Jerry. I'm excited to meet you because Zach sent me your Instagram, whatever it was a month ago and he was like, this guy's really funny.
We should get him like, yes. And then I watched your special wrecking yard that inspired the podcast of the same name.
Funny fucking shit.
Thank you brother.
I appreciate it man. I'm actually really proud of that. We filmed that for about five grand and some rented cameras and a lot of favors right at the end of the pandemic.
Yeah. Listen, I've been there. That's how to do it.
It's a good name.
Wrecking yard? It's a great double entendre. Naming shit is important. You can come up with a good name.
My manager has told me, because my first book is dropping in fall and it's kind of a memoir, more of a big risk novel, but it's called the wrecking yard.
My manager has told me if I name anything else the wrecking yard, they're quitting.
You get one per genre. And then once you've done a lap around, you know, it's time.
They gave it to me. They offered me it. So I ended up with a three book contract and we got ready to start working on the third book.
He was like, what are you going to name that? I was like, no.
Wrecking yard two? Sounds good.
Wrecking yard two.
How many times could meatloaf?
Out of hell.
Out of hell. Back into hell.
Back out of hell.
Domino, domino, domino. Just go rolling.
But you know your car shit too. You can tell. There's little nuggets that get dropped.
I spent some time. I grew up in a wrecking yard. My grandfather owned a wrecking yard and I grew up.
All my first cars came out of that wrecking yard. My dad was a draftsman, but he spent all his weight.
Back then before the internet and all that stuff, there was one dude everywhere that knew how to work on some kind of thing.
My dad was the VW guy. He was the air-cooled and VW guy in East Texas.
So people brought their cars. I sound like I'm telling old wives.
They brought their cars from near overdue counties.
Probably not a lot of Volkswagen people in Texas.
An old man could build those air-cooled engines and he was hell on them.
Always outside of our house, on the side of our house, there would be a Baja bug and a sandrail and a trike and a couple just regular old Beatles.
I can't believe I didn't bring the fucking Manx to work today. God damn it!
I'm going to regret this. Next time you come on the show, now that I know this, did you see, by the way, if you follow a lot of car shit at Goodwood Festival Speed today,
Aluisa Roof, our good friend, you know Roof Porsches, they're really fast.
They dropped a twin-turbo air-cooled flat 8 that makes like a thousand horsepower.
What does it sound like?
It sounds real crazy. It sounds like two Hot Rod 912 Porsches running at the same time.
Oh, look at that monster. God!
Isn't that cool?
Days of lifting it out by yourself are over. Good Lord, look at the hardware.
Is that actually water-cooled? That's not air-cooled, right?
Yeah, that's water-cooled. Maybe I got that wrong. I was browsing through Instagram. Maybe it's water-cooled.
I haven't read about it yet, but I would wager if it...
Well, you know with these guys, who knows?
Who knows? I don't know. The thousand horsepower flat 8. That I do know.
Are you excited for a new flat 8 engine? Yes or no?
Car and driver, what are you doing?
It doesn't say in this...
Eighth-cylinder boxer twin-turbo 4.8 thousand horsepower, no other specifics.
737 foot-pamper.
I thought I heard air-cooled somewhere.
How does it not twist that thing in half?
That's insane.
Well, it's in a car that's like a mid-engine sort of supercar.
Yeah, I mean, that's going to be pretty cool, huh?
So your dad was the Volkswagen guy. Who was the wrecking yard guy? Him also?
That was my papal mother. My mom's father.
He owned this wrecking yard and he was just...
If he'd been rich, he'd been called eccentric.
He's just a hoarder.
He's a collector.
He's a collector.
It's a fine line. We're in a weird time right now, right?
The cars I grew up in love with, the ones that were just out of reach.
I just turned 49 yesterday.
Congratulations on your birthday.
Thank you, brother. I appreciate it.
The cars that I grew up that were out of reach for me as a teenager,
or even as a young man, money-wise,
because the boomers were hoarding them like crazy,
are now going for peanuts.
You can buy a shoebox forward for 20 grand.
They're only done. Ready to go.
No special Chevelles and stuff are back to earth.
You watch them. They go out through these barn find buys and these collections.
They're buying these collections up all across.
These boomers are hitting 78 and going,
I don't need all these cars.
The kids don't want to pay the taxes or can't afford them.
And nobody wants those Corvettes, all those special Corvettes.
We want a 78 Indie-Pace car. Let's fucking go.
Matching glove box made once, yeah.
Dude.
You're saying those things go for nothing right now.
I was just talking to two friends who I was like,
we need to go to the Tuesday of Barrett Jackson next year
with 25K cash.
And just see what you walk away with.
And just who gets the best things.
Yeah, we're all going to get something good.
And there's so much shit that's like,
a different set of wheels away from being real nice.
Shit, this got like late 90s wheels on it.
I've seen so many near good cars,
nary a paint job.
I don't know what your thought process here was.
One expensive finishing thing away from being awesome
that someone just doesn't want to do.
With so many of these guys,
you remember in these 80s and 90s cars,
they built these incredible show cars, right?
They were winning awards and had the crazy graphics
and the paint jobs.
And now they're finding them in junkyards
and finding them on the side of the road in Iowa.
There's a couple of them on the street.
The mini trucks are starting to re-pair
these old show trucks people built.
You find a survivor, mini truck.
Don't you tell Vinnie Russo about that.
You tell Vinnie Russo.
You go, hey, there's a fucking dancing hard body for sale.
It's got to speak, man.
Dude is going to drop everything.
I had a buddy recently call me about a...
I'm a Volkswagen.
I love the buses.
And I had a dude call me about a bus recently,
like a 67 bus that was burnt.
And he's like, hey, I know you know Gabriel Glacier
will reach out.
I was like, just hold on.
Let me come look at it first.
He can have my sloppy seconds for words.
He has all the rest of them.
He's got enough of them.
You heard about that one that got half burnt
in the Palisades Fires?
No.
It was parked like on the street, you know,
and the house burned like all the other houses on the block.
And the side of the bus that was facing the house
was like melted and the other side was like almost mint.
They restored, Volkswagen restored it,
but it almost would have been cool,
kind of like cosmetically left alone.
Just finish it out like it is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, it's sad, but it's really, really neat.
Do you find a picture of it?
Yeah, yeah.
The half T2?
No, we don't want to, I don't want to.
No, no.
Oh, there it is.
Yeah, that's it restored.
Yeah, it's a lovely little bus.
Oh, it's a bait bus.
Yeah.
I mean, you're in the home of Volkswagen buses
right out here.
This is where you see two or three of them
things a day out here.
It's got to be, I tell you,
you know, I always hear people complain about laws.
This is my first time.
I've been to Los Angeles one other time,
but I spent the entire time in a rent house
with Ralphie May High.
Here's your tail shaking or socialism card.
And I'd never, I'd never made it
to see anything else in LA.
It was sunny and the weed was good.
I was just in the suburbs and we were stoned
and I did an audition and then I flew back
to Houston, you know.
R.I.P. Ralphie May High.
Yeah.
It was a wonderful, wonderful human being.
Loved him a great deal.
And so I've been here, you know,
for about a day and driving around
and everything and everybody complain about trains.
I was like, hey, you know,
it's not that different than Houston.
No, no, it's not.
It's about the same gridlock.
You know, if you try, like, I did a show
at Brea last night at the Brea Improv.
That's a haul.
And my naive, I looked at it on the map.
I go, my wife goes, well, how long
do you think it's going to take to get over?
I said, what?
It's about 25 miles.
I mean, 30, 40 minutes, where are you taking?
Multiply by four.
I put it in the ways that it come up
in an hour and a half.
But I was like, all right, so this is
like trying to go to Katie.
Yeah.
This is like trying to go to Katie
from downtown at rush hour.
Yeah, it is.
This is bad planning on my part.
The scale is different.
But you know, people are going,
why don't they have me do a show at Brea
and a show at the comedy store?
It seems like all that's right by each other.
And everybody's like, no, people that live
over here don't go over there for any reason.
It's a different audience.
It's a different audience.
Totally.
Yeah.
It was weird.
Brea kind of had a small town
feel to it a little bit.
It kind of reminded me of like a little old.
LA is a bunch of towns.
It's like, it's not really.
Houston's the same way.
Houston's just a conglomerated mess.
It's a bunch of suburbs that just touch each other
without a bunch of green shit in the middle.
That's it.
You know.
But it has to be.
So Cal has such an amazing car history,
car culture.
Of course, I'm a big, you know,
Edis Kanderian fan.
Dude, do you know where you are?
No.
I don't.
Folks, support is coming in today from Casper.
You know, when you've had that long day
and just can't wait to get into bed,
you got a presentation, the internet cuts out,
you go on a date and it's awful.
No matter what happens,
you can always go home to your Casper
with snow technology to keep you cool.
No matter what.
For me, the day is always ending well with Casper.
Casper, I'm sure you heard of them.
They make reliable, high quality mattresses
designed to deliver consistent, comfortable sleep
night after night.
That's why at a 99 mattresses,
Consumer Reports named Casper's the one mattress,
their top rated all foam mattress of 2026.
That's a big deal.
Maybe you've been thinking about getting a new bed,
but now is the time because Casper's got that stay cool sale.
It is smoke and hawn outside,
but you can head over to Casper.com
and save up to 20% on the mattresses that you deserve.
Casper's mattresses are built to be durable and long lasting
so you're not replacing your mattress every few years.
Their products are designed to withstand the test of time,
maintaining support and comfort over the long haul,
and Casper's got that 100 night risk free trial
so you can give Casper mattresses a try risk free,
but with 110,000 plus five star reviews,
I'm sure you're going to love it like I do.
Remember, the day always ends well with Casper
and right now you can save up to 20% on mattresses
and up to 25% on everything else when you go to Casper.com.
That's C-A-S-P-E-R.com
and save up to 20% on the mattress you deserve.
One more time, Casper.com for 20% off on mattresses
and up to 25% on everything else.
Thank you to Casper for sponsoring today's episode.
Support also coming in today from DeleteMe.
Love DeleteMe.
They're looking out for me 24-7, 365.
In the age of AI, we are especially vulnerable to scammers
using our personal data that's floating around on the Internet.
They're using it against you.
You ever Googled yourself and found your home address,
your phone number, the name of the family member?
It can be unsettling, but the good news is DeleteMe can help.
DeleteMe was named the top pick for data removal services by Wirecutter.
DeleteMe's never been more affordable.
Our listeners can get 20% off at JoinDeleteMe.com
slash Tire with Code Tire.
Get an individual plan for a little over $8 a month,
then discounts get even better with a two-year plan
or when you enroll with your partner or family.
DeleteMe does all the hard work to wipe your personal information
from data broker websites.
Here's how it works.
I've used it and you can too.
It is so easy.
You just sign up for DeleteMe.
They're going to ask you a series of questions about yourself,
your location, your phone numbers, your addresses,
the names and addresses and numbers of your family,
places you used to live or work, things like that.
It seems counterintuitive to give this information to the site
that's trying to get this information off the net,
but you've got to tell them what to look for.
That's just sort of how it goes.
They then go looking and you don't hear from them for a little bit
and they come back with an overwhelming of instances
of your information being out there on these data broker websites.
You instruct them to then delete the data and they keep going.
Every month sending you a new report,
the idea being the number of instances gets smaller and smaller and smaller.
And because you still live on the internet, it never gets to zero,
but I have noticed a drastic reduction in fake text messages,
calls and email spam.
And you can take control of your data and keep your private life private
by signing up for DeleteMe now at a special discount for our listeners.
You can get 20% off your DeleteMe plan
when you go to joindeleteme.com slash tire and use promo code TIRE at checkout.
The only way to get 20% off is to go to www.joinedeleteme.com slash tire
and enter code TIRE at checkout.
That's www.joinedeleteme.com slash tire code TIRE.
You and I, after the show, can walk to the original ISCII building.
It's 200 yards from here.
Really?
We can walk there from here.
Do you know where you are?
This right here outside the street used to be called Jefferson Speedway.
It's Jefferson Boulevard.
Yeah.
ISCII is right here.
The other end, the west end, right in Venice by Jefferson and Lincoln,
was the original Shelby factory.
Right in between was the original Edelbrock.
And these guys would just, and it's now a luxury development,
they would just test ripping right down here, this street.
Right here.
That's insane.
That's here.
Y'all have such a cool history.
It's gotta be hard though to be a car aficionado here
because even though the weather's great and the cars are in good shape,
I have not got that Volkswagen I rented over 30 miles an hour.
It's a two car system.
I'm just putting two cars more time sitting at a red light with it off,
waiting for it to start up.
You have to go out and find the roads at the right time
or drive around at 2 a.m.
The night drive through downtown is magical,
or you go to the canyons or you go up to Malibu,
but you have to almost make it a mini driving vacation.
Yeah, it is honestly so beautiful driving around though.
It's like, how do you guys get any work done?
Because Houston, there's nothing to look at.
It's just flat.
And if you drive far enough, you get to the ocean,
and if you go that way, it's, you know, so that's it.
There's not much to see though.
In between there are a lot of pine trees.
Like, I couldn't get anything done here.
I was sitting right like looking up in the mountains and stuff like,
I just want to go be up in there.
You should.
Our mountain roads are amazing.
So that's why it's like a two-car system here.
You've got your traffic car, and then your fun car,
or your motorcycle or whatnot.
The other move here is motorcycle,
because lane splitting is legal, so you can beat traffic.
Yeah, we got that too.
People get so angry about that.
That's a funny thing.
About lane splitting?
Yeah, they get so worried.
I don't get mad about it,
but me it's always, I was a motorcycle rider for many years,
and every time I see somebody doing it, I'm like,
God, it's not me, bro.
When they're doing it fast,
then I'm like, you're going to fucking die.
You're going to catch a door, man.
I just use it.
Somebody, some jackass, somebody's,
I don't trust people enough to do that.
Somebody's going to sit half a lane on here or something.
I diffuse it.
I don't know if you saw my Vespa outside.
That's what I'm riding.
It's lovely.
I'll die on the Vespa Hill.
That Honda Turbo down there is insane.
Yeah, that's a good time.
That's really cool.
It's got a hilarious 80s zingy powerband,
and the worst brakes imaginable.
That's a terrible fucking brakes.
A vintage motorcycling?
I don't think it's for me.
I can't handle the brakes.
I had a Honda hurricane, and the brakes were advice.
It was just like, you know what I mean?
We should stop, man.
Oh, man, I don't know if the brakes were advice.
Can you look on Bat?
It was last week, dude.
This guy, I don't know if it's sold.
Honda, there's a CBX.
You know about the CBX, I assume, right?
With the inline six.
There was a CBX on Bat that has like a jigsaw front fork
and some other kind of crazy, like a Ducati rear swing arm
or something.
It's like a pro touring CBX that looked so cool.
Did it sell?
OK, it must have sold.
Go back, go down a little bit.
It's that, where was it?
Oh, that's it.
1147 CC, second row.
That thing.
Oh, that looks a lot cooler than I might have did from the description.
That's like a proper hot rod.
That's a race car right there.
That's cool.
Yeah, cool street fighter thing.
Yeah, that's going to sound like a fucking F1 car.
Exactly, that's a street fighter.
That is bad to the bone.
I got a little short tail on it and stuff.
This is awesome.
So many pipes.
What did it sell for?
Dude, in no sale, it's $17,000.
That's pretty cool.
Fast Windy.
Definitely.
Sure.
What kind of bike did you use?
Harley Man?
Is that a safe assumption?
No, no, no.
I was all Japanese bikes.
So you had the Honda Hurricane?
I had a Honda Hurricane.
I had a lot of older ones.
Yamaha Midnight Special, you know, 750 triple.
I had a couple British bikes.
I had a couple older BSAs.
I had a Norton that was in pieces that never made it past pieces.
You bought it in pieces?
Yeah, yeah, I bought it in milk crates.
And I was so excited about it.
And I was like, well, I'm living in Houston.
I'd be able to get parts for this thing.
Guess what?
You could nod at that time frame, you know.
And everything was, if you did find something,
it was going to take you six weeks to get it.
And by then I'd lose, I'd go on to some other project
and be jacking with something else.
Norton's coming back, actually.
Yeah, there's a new Norton.
I always thought the Commando was one of the coolest motorcycles.
I'm a little big for it.
So it looks like a monkey doing something inappropriate to a football.
Dude, that's like that I ride these little British bikes.
I look very, very, very guerrilla like on this thing.
I don't feel that way when I'm on it.
But I know that I'll see a picture and I'm like, oh, you can't even see the motorbike.
It has the new monster and the new Ducati monster.
And it's a, dude, it's a fabulous motorcycle.
And it is an unbelievable value.
It's not that expensive by motorcycle standards and it's great.
Everything about it's great.
The dream job.
You just get to drive all the cool stuff, you know what I mean?
It's amazing. It is absolutely amazing.
We should try to work.
Nobody told me about that in Job Fair.
I would have tried out for that, you know what I mean?
They're like, you want to be a machinist?
YouTube didn't exist until I was 28.
At the time of Job Fair,
I would have, the odds of me becoming Spider-Man were about the same as the odds of me getting this job.
You know what I mean?
It took things being invented.
Same with mine, to be honest.
Well, you were, I mean, dude, you said you're a fucking nuclear safety technician at one point.
Is that that right?
My first career was non-destructive testing.
And so I did gamma radiography, ultrasonics, liquid penetrant.
I was level two.
And I traveled around the country doing that metallurgical inspections and welding inspection.
And I grew up in that.
My dad was like quality control guy.
And I kind of grew up in that side of the manufacturer in East Texas in the oil field.
That's a crazy pivot.
Yeah, you know, it actually was like, it got me out of where I was.
And I got to go, you know, I got to go to Saudi.
I got to go all over the place, places that people my age weren't going unless they joined the military.
And I did it, but I never liked it.
But I was good at it, you know.
And so I went to work for a company called Baker Testing up in Boston.
They came in head hunting me and hired me on.
And then at some point it turned into me teaching radiation safety.
And I was going around teaching radiation safety for a little while.
And then that was right before stand-up.
Honestly, in fact, I had been wanting to try stand-up for a while.
I did it the first time and then I joined a contest in Houston.
And I got second place in this comedy contest in Houston.
And I was like, well, I guess I'm probably going to be famous now.
I don't reckon I need this.
This was 2004, 2005.
And so Sarah Ptolemosh actually won that contest.
And she's traveling and touring right now.
And the other guy, and it was a turned out to be a writer for Parks and Rec.
The guy got third place.
And I was the only one who did nothing.
But I was just sure I was going to be famous.
And I will never forget.
So that night of the contest, me and my brother were roommates at the time.
We go out and we just get just cratered, right?
It ends up with Jimmy Buffett and rum in the humidifier drunk.
Just a mess.
And I was supposed to leave.
What happens if you put rum in the humidifier?
Fire.
Nothing good.
And we were supposed to, I was supposed to leave at eight o'clock in the morning
for a four year turnaround in San Benitez, California.
I was basically going to move to right outside of San Francisco, I believe is kind of where the area is.
And run this turnaround, a big Exxon turnaround.
And it was going to further my career.
And that's, you know, I was going to be the scheduler and running that little job site.
And I didn't make it to my flight.
And apparently also at 2 a.m. had called my boss James Mikeska and left him a lengthy voicemail
about why I wouldn't be returning to work or going to San Francisco.
And so I'll never forget.
It's like 10 a.m. I'm so hungry, my head's splitting inside.
I get this phone call and answer my phone is James.
There you go, Jerry?
That's Mr. Mikeska?
I said, hey, Mr. James, how you doing?
He said, well, I got an odd voicemail from you last night.
And I just was calling to clarify that you're not on that plane to San Francisco.
I said, no, sir.
He said, well, good luck to you, son.
Hope I see you on HBO and hunger.
And encouraging release.
Remarkably pleasant conversation.
No, it was a great day.
So your lengthy voicemail may have been pleasant, but thorough.
Yeah, yeah, go fuck yourself.
No, no, it was not.
It was just like, James, things are changing in my life.
And I just got second.
You know what I thought it was going to be?
You can take this job.
No, I apparently told him at some point I was pretty sure HBO was going to be calling me any day.
You're like, I got second.
So I'm just waiting for a million dollars to follow this guy.
I can't be flying to San Francisco.
I might miss an important phone call.
President of show business.
President of show business might be ringing me up any minute.
The early victories.
I don't know who told us this, maybe Frar or maybe someone else, but they're like,
if the victory is in show business,
don't take them as everything and don't take the losses as everything either.
And just kind of keep going forward.
But early on, the smallest wins.
You're like, this is it.
We did it.
Us too.
I've had that three or four times.
Of course.
But how much easier does it make it when things do start happening?
That you enter it with a healthy level of skepticism.
Yes.
And you're not all worked up about it.
You know what I mean?
Guys, one more quick break for Avance.
You know about Avance.
We've been talking about them before.
They help enthusiasts save money
and enjoy their car passion even more.
Because members get sweet discounts
on the stuff you're going to buy anyway.
Plus a beautiful
quarterly print magazine
and access to members events
all over the country.
I have known Adam and Avance for many years.
I've been featured in their magazine.
I've attended their parties
and I've used their discounts.
And we love Avance because
they're helping you save money on the things you're going to buy anyway.
Right?
Like tires. If you have cars,
you will need tires.
Avance members get 10% off a discount tire.
Plus an additional 10%
off Michelin and BF Goodrich.
So if you spent 1500 bucks
on a set of Michelin Pilot Sports
you're saving 300
just for being an Avance member.
Right? Maybe you want fresh summer tires.
Maybe you need a set of winter tires
as we get into the fall season.
Members get 10% off
at discount tire.
And you can get those BFG or Michelin summers
or winters and save
your whole membership
and more just with that one purchase.
Plus, members get 10% off
at FCP Euro
which have both OEM and aftermarket parts
for European cars.
5% off Hagerty Insurance
which could add up to a very big number
depending on how many cars you got
and more.
Avance memberships are only $99 a year
and they send you a $70 gift card
to Griot's Garage
when you sign up.
The membership literally pays for itself.
So go to
avance.com
slash TST
and then use code TST
for a further 10% off
your membership. Again, one more time
avance
avantes.com
slash TST
and code TST for 10% off
and thank you to Avance
for sponsoring today's episode.
Like, I honestly
got because I'm kind of on the outside
of the cool kids as far as stand up
goes and everything.
I've struggled with gatekeepers
and stuff for 20 years now
you know and the blue collar thing
was great. When the blue collar comedy tour
that was great and that took off, that was a big deal
but by and large
clubs didn't want comics that sounded
like me, especially in California.
You know, they were in college
and so I always
assumed that
I've literally said this a number of times
that
I always assumed
that I'd read about the comedy store
read about Sam Kenison was a huge
fan and it's
crazy, me and my brother were like talking about this stuff
we were teenagers and how cool it would be
to go to the comedy store but I got
to a point where I just assumed
that if I ever saw the comedy
store because I was doing a show
somewhere out in
middle of nowhere close to LA
and I drove in for the day
and just went and saw the comedy store
as a fan. So to be playing there
Friday night is insane to me.
That's cool. It's so cool.
It's like this is not one of those places
you thought you were going to get let in.
I'm like a hundred percent.
That's me writing stuff for
Road and Track magazine. It's crazy, right?
That's the thing. I got there through
an ass backwards way
that I didn't think was possible but now
you open the page and it's like
New Lamborghini review written by Matt Farrell.
Like what? How did that happen? That's wild.
That's crazy. Did you pursue
writing as a career as a young person?
No. I was backwards.
It was very good at talking. Try doing
that onto the page and actually that.
Once I learned there weren't actually rules
or they didn't matter.
They don't matter if you can sufficiently
write like you talk. Then
the rules of grammar go completely
fucking out the window. That's been one
of the coolest things about
working on my book and stuff.
My editor is him. He's one
of these guys that I talk about on stage.
He's one of these guys that I was a little nervous.
I was insecure about
my lack of education because you name a college
I didn't go to it.
That's true for me except for one.
I was like I always tell people I went
to Texas A&M one time but it was to hang
drywall in the men's lavatory.
I was there for three weeks
but what did you learn in that bathroom?
I learned frat boys are useless.
My god y'all.
Y'all grown ass people can't clean up
after yourself. Truth.
It was
working with that guy on that stuff
but he's one of these guys had all the
acronyms, the MFA's and all that stuff
and I'm like oh this guy's going to think
I'm an idiot but I gotta prove this guy
I'm not. I sat down
and talked with him the first time and he was
like no he was the most
important thing about the printed
word is people being able to
read it and hear your voice.
Totally. And hear what you're saying
and you can convey your
point and get across and all that
and risk that crap doesn't matter you know.
That's why like from a career
perspective I think it's better
to become known
for how you talk
and then go to writing then there's a lot
of folks who try to be writers and then become
on camera or whatever and then like
don't quite work. Well and there's also
how old are you? 44.
Ok so there's also you know
there's also this
look when I was in
my 20s I wanted to write but what the
hell was I going to talk about? I had
Dunny thing. I didn't know anything.
It's so funny everyone in my 50s
starts with a story from my 20s now.
Don't be funny.
Everything I write now is an allegory
to some shit but makes money.
You know what I mean?
But you had to go do the stuff to have
something to talk about. I'm already 50 now
and kids I've got some stories now
I've been around the world a couple of times
I can tell you some things but
I was in my 20 I had
pretty flowery words but
they didn't have nothing underneath them.
They didn't bleed there wasn't nothing underneath them.
When you go to Saudi
how do they treat people with a deep southern accent
in Saudi compared to
Oh they love us. You're
superstar but contractor
They put those two things together.
They treat it very very well
at least you know pre
maybe the way things are now
same way honestly
I went to Africa two years ago
and everybody I talked
to I would just have a flock of people
want to come up and hear me say things.
You know what I mean? It's like being a novelty act
at the zoo.
That's how it was when I was
so when I was young like
18 19 years old I moved to Milwaukee
Wisconsin for an NDT job
and
all of a sudden I was showered with women
and it was the wildest thing
I didn't know what was happening.
You're extra charming because of the accent.
I literally would just go to a bar and be like
can't get a bloodline so girl would be like
oh my god can you say my name.
In LA the cheat code
is the English accent.
If you have an English accent in LA
you are perceived as being
several levels smarter than you actually
likely are.
I know some real dummies with an
English accent
and that is not how they are perceived
in the world.
That's fair I do too
but you know what a dumb and British
sounds better I'll be honest.
They have really good words.
They have really good words versus dumb and British.
They have good words for better.
They really do.
Even like a guy you know a guy richy movie
about like terrible trashy people
that has great dialogue.
Yeah yeah it's fantastic
and that's you know another
Appalachian dialect
and the accent at least
of my people where my people come from
it all comes from Scotland
and a lot of the way they speak and everything over there.
I'll watch you know
for like TikTok videos and stuff of Scottish
car guys.
And I can get about every third word
I'm like I'm hanging in there
you know what I mean.
Scotland is great.
I'm sure you've been.
I haven't been to any cool places
so I traveled with the oil field
and then the other bulk of my traveling
has been entertaining the military
and they don't go fun places.
I've been all over the Middle East
I've been to Korea
but no we're fun.
Scotland you know they've got
the comedy festival in Edinburgh
is worth your time.
We were planning a trip this year
we were supposed to be going to
I was supposed to be going to Ireland
and doing some shows in Ireland
and then finishing that up with a few shows
they couldn't get me in French Fest
but I was going to do like a
weekend show
right at the end of French Fest
and one of the shows got pushed
due to anti-American sentiment
oh shit
what was the date of that show
let's see if we can tie it to what they were talking about
well it was about four months ago
ohhhh
right and all of a sudden they lost
interest in doing the show
and they were like we have enough democracy here
I was like tell them to get past my accent
listen to material I'm okay I'm one of the good ones
oh my god
you know Jeff Tate he goes through that too
you met Jeff?
I haven't met him but he's got an accent similar to yours
and he is left of me
and he really
confuses the fuck out of people
we were like trying to put all this together
and then
I got these 62 cities dropped on me
and I was like
well
maybe there will be less anti-American sentiment
next year we can take another swing at it
in 2027
boo
don't rain on our comics
it's not the comics
it was the Ireland
it was the Ireland shows that took a turn
the Scotland show was still on
he was excited he was really disappointed
I really like the Irish
Prime Minister he brings his big ass dog
everywhere he goes
he's a fucking G this guy
he's got a huge dog that just goes
everywhere this dude
I don't know but it's an enormous
like mountain
big ass
the dogs are as tall as a car
yeah it's like
never ending story dog
I had to do
during the pandemic
I was getting booked to do all these weird zoom shows
and as a comic we were all just
scrabbling to stay alive
and I sold my business
right before the pandemic so I could go do comedy
full time again
literally sold our house, our cars
our trucks, the trailers, the shop
I had a foundation repair business
construction business sold all that
moved back to the city
November of 2019
and had to do comedy
full time
things went rough honey
I'm gonna perform in front of live audiences
every day I'm gonna work this material
brutal dude
so I started doing these zoom calls
zoom shows in this group
it was this really trippy situation
man I have to tell you all the first
you got a minute so I can tell you the story
this is the craziest thing I've ever been through in my life
so right before
the pandemic
I'm out there beating the streets in Houston
trying to get my way back in the scene
starting over from scratch
I'd been out of comedy for a few years
and you know the scene turns over like that
so nobody knew who I was
I'm doing the open mics I'm starting to do some paid shows
and contest stuff
I see this ad on Facebook
it says clean comedy contest
downtown Houston
and the first place is 500 bucks
and I was like well I could use me $500 right now
and so I went down there cocky enough
I was gonna go ahead and win it
and I get in there and it's called the Heinz
Spirituality Center
and I'm like what is this
there's yoga mats everywhere
and fountains and
I'm not sure if things
feel a little off but I'm pretty
I'm pretty open minded guys
I'm like let's just see where this goes
the director comes out and meets me
and I was like yeah I'm here to do the clean comedy contest
and she goes well nobody else showed up
so you win
and I was like okay so she gives me the $500
for first place
then she gives me the $250
Visa gift card for second place
and then the third place
is like a steak dinner real nice steak house
and I was like score right
first second and third baby let's go
and she's like the winner of the contest
we're doing a special event for our members
we have about 400 members
and we're doing a special event for them tonight
we want you to come open for this
who's the guy at L.A.
I can't remember his name Justin Navva I think
or something he's a cruise ship comic at the time
we're gonna have you open for him
I said cool cool man
so I go home
give my wife the money
look what I've done
walked out and come back with $750
I tell you these comedy things are going to pay off
we're going to be fine
I killed them
it was funny as I posted on Facebook
that I won first second and third place
and then all the five other clean comics
that usually are like why don't you know about this
like yeah you did
so I go back there that night
and I go in there and there's all these people
and they're sitting in the folding chairs
and they start having this conversation
about spirituality
and we're upstairs
and they're giving us these crazy
energy drinks from overseas
that I don't know what's in them
and I can't read them
and this lady looks out everybody
she goes okay so
before we enjoy the comedy
stylings of Jerry Wayne Longmire
and our good friend Justin from L.A.
we're going to have a laugh
meditation and I'm like
I'm choking on my whatever
the hell energy drink
like did I just join a cult
what is happening
she goes out there and she does this
she goes okay right now close your eyes
breathe in deeply
I want you to take all the problems
all those conversations you've been having in your head today
and I want you to just visualize those
walking to the door
all those unfinished conversations
and I'm like what is happening
I'm biting a hole in my lip
I'm like what is happening
she goes okay now
give me a light chuckle
and like robots these people
and I'm like
what is happening
alright now let's work it up to a medium
a medium throaty laugh
and she goes all the way to Gaffa
and these people own command
every time she tells them to do something
I'm like
I'm coming down the elevator to go on stage
she's getting ready to announce for you
that I'm like what have I done to myself
what have I gotten involved in
and she throws me up on stage
and just destroy the place
because that's the best opener I've ever had
in my life
wow
he had to be taught the appropriate amount of laughter
for each moment
we finish that show up
and then the pandemic starts
and like six months later I hear from the
high and spirituality center
they say we want to do a zoom show
for
all our members again
and they were going to give me like 1200 bucks
and I was going to stand on my patio
on my apartment
and do this zoom comedy show
and I had only done a few of these things
and they're like just do something relevant to the pandemic
and every comic was doing
pandemic jokes at the time
and I didn't want to do that
so being my wife had just been binge watching
Netflix like everybody else
and drinking so I just did
45 minutes of Grey's Anatomy Jokes
fortunately they were programmed to laugh
I could see them all the screen
right and I watched them
but these people were just sitting in their houses
and stuff and there's this lady
with one big old
it's not Irish, this one wasn't Irish Wolf
and what is those really
whip it
those like sleek looking
with the crazy long legs
and the whip it is watching me
and every time the whip it loses interest
I don't even care about the people
I'm concerned about why I've lost the dog
right and I keep getting
the dog back and it keeps giving me hope
because in the pandemic we're all feeling weird
we're going through something and I was
you know all this anxiety
my material is not working on dogs
and it
right on my closure I do this big
closure and they're all laughing
and before I do the final punch
on the closure the whip it gets up
and walks out of the screen and I'm like
I lost the dog
what the hell
I come into the house and I'm just crushed
I'm always like what if I lost the whip it
I bombed in front of the dog
crowd loved it dog hated it
they get in true weirdo
fashion those people
she's like we're also going to give you Jerry's Venmo
if you'd like to tip him for the show
and meanwhile if we have a couple drinks
go to bed wake up next morning
and there's like five grand in my Venmo account
because these people are just sending me money all night
these shows are amazing I was like
dude that's awesome
that's awesome well they don't need
their possessions because they're moving on soon
that's what you I mean you got paid for the
awkwardness of that
that was an awkwardness bonus
of this 100% of this
feels weird as hell and I'd
rather not do it but
and also those people saw a show nobody
else will ever see I promise you
that
I promise you nobody
there's like three of those jokes that
made it into the current special
they're just little short ones
all the ones that the dog liked
facts actually
facts
all three of them won the whip it
if you want you can try some
material on my cats later
we'll see
cadence and away your voice from what sounds
and that whip it sure like the way I said
some neural hematoma
like the women overseas you know
I remember back in
the day
you do it you have a take on it
in the wrecking yard
from when I was a little kid Jeff Fox
worthy and one of his huge
specials was talking about his accent
and he's like
it's all the accent it's always
a problem he's like even if you're
you need to have brain surgery
you go to the best surgeon in Georgia
and they go now what we gonna do is
and you just go get me out
that whole
the nuclear inspector bit and the voice
of reassurance bit was like the
second joke I ever wrote when I
started stand up and then I didn't
do it for like years
I wrote the joke and I was like that's too wordy
nobody's gonna sit and listen to all that
and it was like years later I was hanging out
with another comic and I just
kind of was telling about this bit I'd written
one time he goes why aren't you doing it on stage
I was like I don't know Ben didn't it
stories are in now bro
you know when I started it was all about last per minute
you know and everybody was trying to
everybody was trying to dial that in to get
that kind of flow and that was how you got
TV spots and back then the business model
was get on Carson or whatever
you wanted to get the B rooms solid
you wanted to be working the B rooms to make
enough money to get you from place to place
and then you were trying to get guest spots
at the A rooms feature gigs at the A
rooms and then you were auditioning for
TV spots and radio spots because
if you could get one of those get enough credits
off something like that that could get you
headline in the A room and that was the
before social media that was the
that was the business model and so we were
all chasing that every one of this
somebody so some older comic comes
in the green room you need seven laughs per
minute to get on TV
we're all we're sitting there tearing our
sets down trying to figure out how to get that
seven laughs per minute and it's I don't
chase that anymore and the funny part
about not chasing it anymore is I got it
now without chasing it
you know what I mean now
I just tell the stories but I've
learned over the years of writing
you know 20 years of writing short punch
lines teaches you how to write
a seven minute story
just back
because you're constantly looking for that short
do you find I find some of the best
not just comics but radio
personalities were like these sort of blue
collar type guy like
my friend Carl who was a chef who was
one of the funniest people and actually like
he turned out to be kind of a lunatic but Anthony
Cumia of opium Anthony back in the day
oh yeah yeah he was an H
fat guy that fucking opie found
and he had just was unbelievable it's doing
voice impressions there's so many of those people
but I grew up on
those job sites and there's always
the fucking one guys like
they're entertaining everybody
you know what I the one sketch I keep
writing and I've written several versions of it
I haven't done it but I want to do it as a series
but every job site ever worked
on there was some guy that talked like me
that knew everything you know what I mean
there was some guy you go reach for a file
he'd be like you know the Phoenicians in
the files
he never seemed to do anything but he always
knew the answer to everything
it was like those reddeck
sabants you know what I mean
Appalachian autism kind of thing
he built you a working engine
with a chicken heart you know
I love those dudes
we had those growing up all those
and then the great one
with the cars was always
if you spent any time in rural America
you know somebody whose uncle
or granddaddy bought a car from
Ford one time and he got 40 miles a gallon
and then they took it back to Ford and they fixed
the magic carburetor on it and it never did
it again he bought a
Chrysler that ran on water and he drove it for
two weeks and couldn't put gas in it
how many times have you heard that
crazy story
it was a hydrogen powered stew to baker
the one that I
is in my family lore
is my grandfather
who was living in New Jersey
with my dad's family from New Jersey
there's a huge hill and they lived at the bottom
of this big fucking hills
like two miles of you know
89 percent grade
when grandpa got
the 57 thunderbird
he had the he got the thunderbird
it could go up
it was I don't know two fucking two speed
all over three speed on over some shit
it could go up that hill
on East Clinton in idle
that was it it could idle
and the and the whole time going
who idle the whole way
up this fucking hill imagine the traffic jam
you would cause idling
a T-bird up this
strange tell it to
who even did this
in order to brag about it
before they measured zero to sixty
not a Cuban Cadillac
the whole time it was crazy
no Russian diesel engine
oh my god it's not the
the craziest family lore involves my great grandfather
murdering a guy but
we don't know about that
so my grandpa
on the wrecking yard
his name was Bobby Clark he was a rounder
right and
there's
this little bar so he's you know he's Texas
very small
lightly populated there's a little bar
in Kilgore, Texas called Miss Cady's
and Miss Cady was just
your typical just
rural bar fly
old gal that owned her little place
and she had it for a long time and
she had a big old plate glass window
in the front of that bar and the story was
that my grandpa got bent out of shape
some fellow over a pooled game
and picked him up and throwed him out that plate glass window
in the 80s
he dies in
96 and 99
I'm hanging around Kilgore with my Uncle Bobby
and he's like hey they're playing
a three card poker over at Miss Cady's
where I go over there and get in the game so
we go over there and we sit down and everybody back home calls
me Pooh Bear that was my nickname
that he'd give me and
sit down and she said
Miss Cady looks over at me and she says
who's this Pooh Bear? He's like that's my nephew
and she goes
let's share a case kid and
he said yeah, yeah, yeah
she looked at me and she goes
how's your granddaddy doing?
I was like
and he'd been dead for a few years and I was like
not great
and she goes
well you tell him I'm still waiting for him to come fix that plate glass window
I was like this woman's been waiting for three decades
that's when you find out it's true
yeah
we had one of our good friends was banned
from a local bar here for life
after punching a guy
that's it? and he was banned
yeah, banned from punching a guy
you got different rules here
it was a result in a fatality
that you banned in Texas
there's more bars here
and I took him back like
ten years later he went back
we tried to get him to say it's been ten years long
he didn't make it two steps
into the bar
before you heard from the way back
get the fuck out of here Tom
life means life
that's fantastic
two steps you made in the front fucking door
I love that
you whittled your way into their brain
you're living there rent free
it wasn't for me but yeah
my buddy but yeah fuck me
so when you first started touring
what was your road car?
my first time
back in the early
2000's was a
I started out with a 94
F-150 and that got untenable
real quick after the
third AOD I had to put in it
and I swapped out to a
Hyundai Accent it was a 1999
Hyundai Accent
and I will tell you I have nothing ugly
to say about the good people of Hyundai
because I beat the
I absolutely if
my grandfather knew the damage
I'd done that car he'd come out of the grave
and slap the sound out of my ear
you know what I mean it was
I don't think I ever checked the oil
not an area one time blew the transmission
up in it at
98,000 miles
and Hyundai just
rebuilt the transmission no questions
like that warranty
just went back to that little
three cylinder and
I remember one time I drove
this is early 2000's gas
prices yep I was black and
had melted crayons in the passenger seat
so it's made out
I'd gotten it from a single mom
and I drove
it from Houston
to Denver
and back one time on like
$88 yeah
that's back when that's what you had
made out I sold two
t-shirts so I could get food on the way
home for Denver
no these are
Zach drove one of these
1000 miles off road
bought it for 600 bucks
the ignition was a toggle switch
attached to the dashboard
and we did off road trip
and I bought one of these and it was fine
like a gambler style thing
before the gambler was a thing
we copied Top Gear effectively
and we flew to a city
and we had to go on Craigslist
and type in the words running car
and whatever you could get
for that and so he bought that
and I bought a
Toyota Previa
the Previa
the Previa was awesome
it made it
I think it was 1800
I was walking down sunset
and seeing
a 1988
Mercury Sable
station wagon
pristine it looked like
it rolled off the show report
I was like what a weird thing for somebody
to keep
maybe they just inherited it from their grandma
that's what it looked like
in Houston you see a lot of these
especially the young folks right now
one of the things they can swing around and buy
are these estate sales or these
late 80's early 90's Buick's
and by half of them we got a
roadmaster and stuff
our buddy fucking rocked the roadmaster wagon
for a minute
there was a guy
so the last time I went to the lemons race
there was a guy that had the one with the crazy
sunroofs and everything
it was like a glass roof
that's like a vista cruiser
it was insane
but it was also the
it was just a solid car
and I was like man that's a really clean one
would you pay for it and he said
$6,500 and I was like I can't talk to you
more because that's crazy work
I don't care how rare those cars get
like there's a difference
I always hate this oh it's rare
well it's rare because nobody wanted it to begin with
it's not good
you guys are rare but
those are sought after now
which is insane to me
they're sought after ironically
you know we've seen Radwood
the 80's 90's
Radwood has made it so you could
find
a mint conditioned fucking
Pontiac 6000
somewhere and win a trophy
with that you could show up and win a trophy
with that so there it's
it's bolstered the
that market just enough
to go this car should be worth two grand
but I could get it for seven and I might win
a trophy with it next week
and the Fox bodies have become
crazy worser
no I mean
we both love Fox bodies they're cool
I know but it's $20,000
$30,000 cool
no they're not
and I stopped myself from spending
it was reasonable
they're not even $30,000 90's
cool to me
no I agree they're not
I love them because they're muscle cars
but they're small that's
I just love the way they drove like I said
I had two or three of them and it was just so easy
to make that car handle and get not just
straight line
you could get out there on the bendy roads
and have some fun in that machine
every problem with the Fox body
has been solved by two dozen
different people at this point
yeah and maybe a hack with a welder
so medieval you could
figure out yourself you just tried to
my 86 I don't know how many times I
twisted it so bad the hatchback wouldn't
shut and we'd take it over
and twist it back
weld some more crap
need some subframe connectors
no dude after you know I
showed you the pictures of my black one
but after I you know spent a bunch
of money having maximum motorsports and all
these guys build me this car because I can't turn a wrench
for shit I I'll change the tire
I could I could probably do brakes
if I was forced to
I could do a few other basic things if I was
if I really had to but but you don't really want me
wrench in your car and I don't enjoy it
but so I have people build
my shit after I
spent those money had a great driving car
it was really nice like the next
week I went and I drove
one of our friends
home-built fucking
hacksaws and welders and whatever
other interchangeable Ford parts
you could just find a stick on there
and it drove the same
it drove
95% the same to be honest
you know it was just like
oh my god I just spent so much
money to have it drive like every other
body on the planet that's the thing it kills
me man is like I see these guys go
dope 30 40 grand these square
body pickups and they don't
do anything to the suspension
I'm like those things drove like crap to begin
with we all drove like a C 10 with an LS
seven or something like best
700 horsepower but you
can't stop it good luck bro
dude or like a fifties where the
fucking steering wheels like
you're like what the fuck
what is this yeah I
I briefly had a 64
Ford Falcon that
the the lunatic
that built the 289 for this
car I couldn't we didn't have
dino money we were just poor kids
in east Texas running stuff
but I bought that car for
$1000 and it was one
my dad forced me to sell
like I was
18 but that was like
you're gonna die that was gonna be real fast
it was just a missile it had nothing
it had the front seats and that's
it it was just a
box with just a rock
crusher and a 289
and you know the
rear end was set up right there's a big
old fat tires on it but it was literally
just an empty beer can
I was in a muscle car club
in high school I had a 65 Pontiac with like
a 400 and stuff so but
all our cars sounded fast but weren't
and someone today sent me a picture
of like a 95 Intrepid they were trying to
make fun of it and I was like dude we used to
take that car for my friend's dad and we thought
it was awesome because it was faster than our
loud muscle car so what you want
for a high school kid is like loud but
slow but you had a real car
that's not a good idea yeah the other ones
I had were I had like a 72
F100 had a big block in it but
18 second
quarter mile on a good day you know what I mean
but so much stuff that we thought was
fast like in the 90s
we were you know there was a couple
14 13 second box bodies but
those guys were running those were
those were on the guys 12s
you had you had slicks I remember the first
time that Fast and Furious movie
they were talking about nine second cars I was like
that's a 180 mile an hour car
nobody has that on the street
and now you got Toyota Camrys
that'll run 13s from the factory
I've run
I've run an 8
on the street
in a street car before
I ran the Rimac Nevera
which is the electric car
I ran an 8-8 on the road
and I did it and it
it's silent it was so
it was so fucking nonchalant
I turned around and just did it again
the other way
like you can just do that shit
I had a client let me drive his Tesla
and it was the same he had one of those little
Teslas I don't follow him very tightly
being one of those little Tesla sports cars
and he's like man you want to drive this thing
and I was like sure sure
and it was like a
a new development neighborhood so it was just
a long straight away asphalt
out in the woods like two miles worth
and I was like well I'm going to show you
I'm going to put this thing to the test
I let off I was like okay
this is stupid
I can't hear nothing yelling at me telling me
to stop like an engine
you know 7000 RPMs tells you go hey
think about your life
no it's so you're absolutely
you're totally right we're just talking about this
on the last show I was saying that
like I thought when
all when when a thousand horsepower
electric I was like I was thinking
you can't just sell this to people
people are going to crash them all the way to the rocket
but by and large that actually
hasn't happened the crashing
all the crashing because of the horsepower right
and whoever
was it just you I forget who
we were talking to if it was just you
but the discussion was effectively
people get scared
people just get scared
at the same speed
they would get scared of that in a gas car
and they bail out yeah your brain gets the same
information about data being processed
and it's like when I can't
differentiate trees
and cars then I got to let off
well so that's I mean that's part of why
it's hard to drive an electric car around
a racetrack really fast is because
without RPMs and you go well this is a
third gear corner this is a fourth gear corner
yeah well you have that engine feel
that pull to let you know when to lay
into something
that reference points
yeah it's the same thing
the thing that scares me to death
and I still really want to ride one of the
electric motorcycles
the little electric dirt bikes
and some of the stuff Pastrana was
testing like
dude just instant you're just there
you're there there's no
pull on it no wait for that two stroke to build
power there's no power
it's just powerband you just go there
super fun super fun
but it's got to be discomfort
because the lack of sound it's a little weird
but it's super fun
except that when
you're when you look like you or when you look like
me they only go about
half as far on charge
as whoever says they will
so you got a
really really plan to even
you know the the live wire which
is the Harley Davidson one
which how long you in town for
I'm leaving out Saturday
if you go to if you there's a live wire
dealer in Malibu
if you wanted something to do
go out to Malibu check out where the fire is burned
all the houses and there's a live wire so you take
one for a ride they have you
check it out for like an hour
it's really really cool and
and it feels like flying a glider
is what it feels like that's what it's
what it looks like which is an awesome
vibe it really really is a very
fun feeling but the fucking
range gates goes down
and I just I like some of those
adventure bikes I was like man if you could get out
on a trail with that if you weren't going very
far you know like a 10 mile trail or whatever
but what kind of day would that be
just to get off in your head and
get out there and just rip up a trail on one of
those these guys up in the mountains do you watch
fort nine you know that channel they do
amazing brilliant motorcycle
reviews like cinematography writing jokes
all of it but they reviewed one of the electric
trail bikes and it was like
it's fantastic because you have that twerk from
zero so climbing things or whatever
so easy but he was riding it in the
snow also and if you get a little too much
wheel spin like you kind of bury yourself
and then of course you have to plan for range
but like I mean we've we've done a lot of
like EV off-roading and having
no sound other than like tires
crunching and just whatever's happening around you
is magical yeah it seems like
you could really get off in your head
off-roading a Rivian is so
nice it's just silent
and you put the windows down
and you hear little birds chirping
and all this stuff it's fabulous
yeah I always
love the the Baja 1000
races and all that stuff but I was like
man I seeing somebody
really pull that off electric like it
on a big scale would be really cool
because it'd be kind of wild just see that
truck bouncing they have
there's a couple people tried it and
they haven't really King of the Hammers
King of the Hammers has got an electric a couple
electric entries now it's not as long as Baja
but it's still pretty hardcore
you know off road
the Hammers is insanity
I've watched it a lot
what are you doing who come up with
dude forget the race just
being there for the night time
shenanigans yeah
really really really not since that's a
really good time so it's kind of funny
to be so I do I work with the world of
Outlaws it's kind of like a brand
ad bus or forum and with
their late model series and their sprint car series
and when I was a teenager
growing up so dirt track
was king in Texas where I grew up and
everything was circle track dirt track racing
oval stuff like that and
when I was going back
then after the races it was insanity
out there at the race grounds but it's
I don't know if we've all aged
but it's just so quiet low key now
after the races at the dirt track
everybody's like I get some sleep we got a lot
to do on the car what was the insanity before
like just partying it was just
it just used to be wilder you know dirt track
used to be a little less civilized
yeah and and I'm all for some
civilization in some aspects when
like as far as standardization and rules
and things like that but basic safety
but but I miss a little bit of that wild
Bill Hickock attitude you know the Sammy
Swindell and those guys
do you think more people now wouldn't mind
getting out of the car and punching somebody
do you think more people
think it'll be a feeder into
professional oval racing versus back in
the day it was just like something to do
glory definitely on the sprint car
side you see that definitely
on the sprinkler but those you know look at
what it cost to run a sprint car now you're
almost in I am you're you're right
there you know you're just a hair
shy of spending the money those guys and
honestly late models gotten the engines
are running just as much as a sprint car
guys now I mean you know used to be
you spend 50 grand
you had a pretty decent sprint car
engine but that's $120,000
engine right now and late model guys are
spending the same it's crazy man
that's a lot of money to spend for that series
some of the late model guys like when you
look at the structure of the payouts and
stuff and allows does pretty
good and some of the other series do
pretty good but some of those guys who
are like trying to do the national circuit
I'm like you're no different in a stand-up
comic you're just gambling bro
you're just going door deal to door deal
trying to make a living
but it's losing money
you know what I mean that's so much pressure
and it's it's crazy
dirt
track is so
different from asphalt in that
yeah the asphalt
track changes during the day
right you got heat and moisture
and all that can change the asphalt track during
the day but the dirt track
is dynamic from start to finish
the track you run heat laps
on is not the same animal that
you run the feature on because that thing
is full of hard rubber and has been laid down
all night now there's a big old cushion
built up on top these guys have to
go out and reread the track and then
hopefully make the right adjustments
and reset the car up before the feature
and trying to be consistent
in a series like that I just
think requires a crew that
just
it's a big burden for me you need
people in the spectrum
you know what I mean to compete
touch the dirt and just know what's
going on
one of the last tracks I was at
I went out and did
a race track up in
Wisconsin actually called Mississippi's
Thunder
went up and did this race series up there for the
late model series and I hung out with one of the
tire guys from one of the crews and it's
a driver that's doing really well right now
his
tire guy
could go back on the trailer
and look at the wearer on the tires
and tell me what track they run them on
wow
that's really cool
that's crazy
but that's intelligence
I didn't come out of the womb possessing
that's more
for about 5 or 6 years
I was such a big
fan of the band Pearl Jam
still a big fan
but for 5 or 6 years I was
such a big fan
that when the guitar techs
would come out and give the band the guitars
for the next song
I knew what the song was going to be by what guitars
they passed them on
you had it dialed in and you knew what they were
breaking down
I could do it with probably 90% accuracy
throughout a project
crazy video of any better like when his mic chord
gets hung up somewhere up in the overhead
thing
he's like 30 feet off the ground
hanging out these rafters
and singing it up like
that was the thing he did a lot
he was pretty
out of his mind in the early 90's
great performance
I still enjoy him quite a bit
speaking of fucking
crazy possible shit show racing
Zach and I next Friday
in Connecticut are doing one of the
Cletus McFarland Crown Vic races
that's cool
that looks like so much fun
they have all the cars there
you can't touch them
can't modify them
can't even change the tire pressures
they set them all up
so you just pay an entry fee or something
they invite us, they invite you to drive
because they sell this shit on pay-per-view
that's the money
they invite guys to come drive
he's a genius
the empire he has built
he's very smart
I've never met him
but he's talked to me a couple times on Facebook
and he just seems to be a genuinely nice guy
I'll be honest
when I saw him on the ARCA races for the first time
I was like, man this is kind of cool
it's like watching your neighbor
as a dirt tracker all of a sudden
get to go running at him
he couldn't help but root for the guy
then when the older guys started talking crap about him
I was like, oh he is cementing himself
into my brain as my new favorite
just because you guys hate him
he's doing pretty well
when he did the stadium super truck stuff
a couple years ago and he got second
and he was leading the race against
legitimate pros for most of the race
until he spun it
this guy isn't just a YouTuber
who owns a track and does silly things
he can fucking drive
it turns out that owning a track is good
very true
even though that damn drag car
they were selling
people were giving it grief
I was like, you see how fast that car is
he's got kids
he got a break
he ran a six
he ran a six
it's crazy work
by the way this race
it's like me and Zach
and like half the field are
NASCAR drivers
professional racing drivers
and we are
boy are we going to get our asses
I don't
fucking best
it's Tarmac
it's Stafford Motor Speedway
in Connecticut
not dirt
they put spray in the cars
I'm so
excited for this
let's just suffice to say we got a hotel room
near the track just in case it turns into
a shit show after this
I'm glad they're using Crown Vicks for this now
because for a long time just
criminals were buying them
and I don't know how many joints I've thrown out
over imagine police officers running up
behind me on the highway
and it's just
it's not popo it's pockin
for 3, 4, 5 years
this Zach had an ex detective car
and the C's parted
people moved out of the way on the highway
it saved me a lot of time
there was a minute where I'd be running down 45
on the way back for a gig
throwing that thing out and everything
and they'd come by one wheel hanging out
it's got a smoke billowing out the window
because it smells like weed too
now it's the explorers
no one's buying the explorers
and leaving the search lights
on the side of them and looking all shady
dude I saw
a Crown Vic cop car
in LA like a week ago
I think it's still in circulation
a black and white
yeah I saw a black and white
man you should have stacked a picture there
I was like these rookies must have gotten
fucking straight hosed
I've had cops tell me they like
the Vicks better than the explorers
they're faster, they're stronger
you can go over curbs
yeah I would rather have the Vic over the explorer
because that thing
they're all wheel drive based explorers
no turbo
the Vic was the pit king
that's what they invented the pit maneuver with
was the Crown Vic
the charger looks the best
so I remember
when all the state troopers in Texas
had the Notchback 5 Os
and I can remember thinking
I was just
I had this 77 Datsun 280Z
and
it had a Rebella building
and it was a crazy story how we had gotten
the car but my dad had it for a while
I bought it from him and the rest of the car
was falling apart but the thing would run
would just straight get it
and I was hauling down the highway one night
in Galveston
outside of Galveston and
I forgot what they called that area, Bolliver
so over in Bolliver
and
I didn't see, I came over a little rise
and I was probably running about 90
when I came over this little rise
and I saw this little 5-0 GT
sitting on the side, a little 5-0 Notchback
on the side of the road, black and white
and I was like
man, time he gets that car out of the ditch
I'm gonna be gone
Real wheels on gravel, four speed auto
I dropped it into fourth
and just railed
on that Z car
and I just remember
he's done
and I saw a cloud of dust back there
where he was trying to get off the shoulder
and then he was oomy
it was so fast, how fast
you were wrong
I just heard this
and I look back and this dude's in my rear view
and I'm like alright
shut it down
When I was in high school
one of my friends had a
friend named Igor
who was the only person who had a real job in high school
so he was like a computer scientist
programming for companies at night
so he had a real job with real money
the rest of us were working at a candy store
and so Igor
saves a bunch of money and we're all
into cars, he's not and he's like what should I get
and my friends find him
a Volkswagen rabbit
that had a 10-point cage
built engine, like curkey seats
and I'm like you should get this and he's like okay
because he doesn't know any better so we basically used his money
to buy ourselves a race car
free legal and
me and my friend Eric are driving it up in the Santa Cruz mountains
because Igor just let us borrow it
and we're coming down daytime
down this big straightaway
and as we come down the hill we look to the right
and there's a sheriff and we just go
and then Eric we go around the corner
and he's not slowing down but he's checking the rear view
and I go are we running right now
and he's like I don't know
I'm like okay
and we just kept cooking at the speed we were cooking
and we went all the way to my house
parked it in the driveway and we were like
we thought we were good fellas looking for helicopters and shit
but if you don't see them
chasing you you're not running
you're not running until you see the lights
right and all I saw was a cloud of dust
he may have been going the other way
I don't know but I saw them lights
real quick they got up on me
real quick I remember
when the cops in north
of New York in the suburbs where I live
they got some F-body Camaros
in like the late 90s
and they were like
these will do 145 miles an hour
no one's getting away from me
and at the time I had a Corvette
I was like my car does like 180
I was like this won't be a problem at all
that was actually the thought process
I did not test the theory
I never had to run from the cops
when they all started going to the front wheel driving
Paula's I was like
now y'all are just relying on the computer
to catch everybody
I got you I see what's happening now
it was always when they had those
Mustang 5 O's
every once in a while you would see a Ford Taurus
like an SHO
state trooper car
and we used to always say while you were talking about those other cars
they must have had to spar for car placement
some dude just got his ass
saying to him you got to drive the Taurus
that was real post Robocop
the Taurus
oh yeah no the ones from
like 2010 you're talking about
no no no this back in the 90's
yeah yeah yeah
yeah those kind of squarish headlights
and everything
it still didn't look cool even as a cop car
it was like okay
but they used them in the 80's
they used them as future
movie cop cars just like
off the line
that car is crazy in how it sold
so I do a lot of research into
another series I've just started
it's called Lot Legends where I just go
nerd out about one particular
like I did one on the AMC Eagle
and I did
the original
every car you're driving now
comes from that stupid car
if you hate all these egg cars blame AMC
they started this
every car comes from my wife's Cadillac
SRX
nothing but an AMC Eagle with worse electronics
basically
yeah yeah yeah
so I've done a couple dudes like I did
one on the 490 in tractor
which is like one of the first tractors
that fit a certain residential market
and they did all these crazy numbers
and the Kawasaki Mok 2
H1 Mok 3
H1 Mok 3 remember that
the 2 stroke the motorcycle
the widowmaker yeah yeah yeah these things like that
and so
I'd go down these rabbit holes
reading about you know how many times
this car produced who was buying them
and the numbers on the Ford
Taurus are absolutely
just insanity
and how many they made in the first couple years
just dominated the market for like
nearly a decade
until the Toyota Camry gained
and then the Toyota Camry took over that
sedan market yeah 93 and on
it was over 8 million
since Taurus' inception
that's all crazy
from whatever 84 or 85
from 92 to 01
it was America's best selling car
92 to 01 the Taurus
wow it took it
I guess it did take a while for the Camry
to pick up because when the
Camry got rounded and sort of
started resembling the Lexus LS
92 it took
until those cars got
till they're like third owners
to be like hang on a minute
you can't if Dave couldn't kill
this car I need to buy
one and then those people would just kept buying
the new one but yeah I went to school with a gal
that she was notoriously
her dad had a bunch of money but she was a car
killer bro he get her a new car
she just ruined it in a month or two
and he bought her a 94
Camry at some point
and I remember at one point walking by
in the school parking lot and half the bumpers
hanging it was like today's Nissan Altima
there's a passenger mirror
missing and stuff and I was like
bro she cannot kill that car
that would stay it alive
and Camry's unkillable
my very first date with a girl
I named Martha who turned into a real
problem I did her for a long time
our very first date
she drove her Camry wagon into a ditch
like straight like
four feet down had to be towed out
yeah our very first date
was not great
can't kill it
so where's your tour going
but when is this going up Tuesday
Tuesday that is going
to be the 12th so unfortunately I'm happy
for you're going to the store but I can't promote the gig
but I'm happier for you
but you're going to Oklahoma
you're going to Texas
you got a lot of Texas, Pittsburgh, Cleveland
Cincinnati, Louisville
Phoenix oh boy
Colorado then tech oh you got gigs
all over the fucking country
and people are like man they're kind of scattered
so the thing is already have a race schedule
with the world of outlaws so I'm following
the world of outlaws all the way to the
world finals and Charlotte
in November
I'm doing all kind of
meet and greets going out and doing some
color commentary and stuff at the track
making videos and social media content
for all the world of outlaws
yeah I think they're hoping I'm going to be their cletus
you know
they're trying to get people back
they're trying to get new eyes on the sports
and honestly
me I don't even understand why they're
struggling because dirt track to me is just
so exciting it's you know
I don't need 500 laps to find out who's
a good driver
30 of people beating each other
and you can figure out who can rock and roll
you know what I mean
honestly I would be more
terrified to drive a sprint car
a 410 sprint than an
me too
me too
you just got nothing
have you ever driven one before
no no no I've driven some hot stock
and hobby stock
or what they call hobby stock now
when I was younger little pure stock
and stuff like that but I've never
they've got an oval school up in things
for like an hour from here
it's big here man
California is like its own ecosystem
when it comes to dirt track because y'all have
regional state
stars out here
that never leave to go do any other
races and still make six figures
racing in California
because y'all have
you just have enough tracks
how interesting
maybe they want to send you as part
of your gig out to the school
to get some content
a lot of really good drivers come out
you know Brant Sweet was a California guy
I believe and he was a monster
you know he was 6 or 7 championships
he was a killer
we got to do some legends cars
which is really fun
and this is going to be my first time
actually wheel to wheel racing on an oval
is this fucking cletus race
we've done endurance racing
you know lemons champ
I did some WRL which is really fun
what's WRL? World Racing League
it's like in between
amateur and professional racing
like it's definitely amateur
but some professionals do it also
it's 8 hour endurance races
team sport
the endurance racing is all new for me
I just recently got into it a couple years ago
because the lemons guys
some of the guys with lemons
wretched out and were like hey once you
come to this race you can see what it's about
down in Angleton at the MSR track
down there and that's one of the best weekends
of my life it's so fun
I had more fun with it because I grew up
around racing where everybody's hiding their engines
and you're going to be coming off my pit
without talking to me and this kind of thing
and it was crazy just watch all these people
with their hoods open and everybody's just going from pit to pit
having a grand old time
I saw a dude get saran wrapped to the top
of his car with a bull horn
for speeding in the pit
they made him drive around the pit
saran wrapped him to the top of his car
he held a bull horn
and made him repeat I won't speed in the pits
while they drove and paraded him around
I love it so much
I judged it a few years ago and came up with a
penalty where you have to churn
butter where they park
your car and you get a jar
like a mayo jar that's
like half full of cream and you have to shake it
and when it's butter you can race again
it takes like half an hour it's exhausting
one of them
they were showing me some video of it
they were making them paint a picture
you had to paint a portrait
they had to paint a portrait
that's a great vibe man
everyone's in a good mood
everyone's got a science experiment
it was honestly one of the most fun racing experiences
I've ever seen in my life
and there was
there was a lot of BMW's
out there but
I saw
one dude had a little Mazda
the Mazda Repoo
the rotary truck
they had one of those set up
the rules say you have to have a steel
it just had this old camper shell
and the thing would move
oh wait was it like a speedy
cop thing like it literally had a camper shell
on it
it would get down though
but the fuel tank
has to be inside a steel casing
so they had a washing machine
bolted into the bed
so it just looked like some old hillbilly
drag it on one
the thing would move and groove
it had some go you know
we've done some of these races that are just
180 cars on the grid
and you're like
it's four wide through every corner
so much fun though
there was like professional racing
and then there's lemons racing
and then there's like 23 layers
in between
like above lemons is like AER
and champ car
and then above that is WRL
and then it's like IMSA
I just want to
I like the lemon stuff
I want to go do a lemons cannonball
like a rally with them
not the cannonball but the rally races with them
because that just sounds like a fun idea
but I'm really intrigued
I've been watching the gambler stuff
for the last few years
and I keep telling my wife like one of these years
if I got the time off during that time
I'm just gonna go out there
and buy some piece of crap and run it
as often as I can
I've got enough friends in Cali and Oregon
I can put a crew together
off-roading junk
it's so fun
I see so much cool stuff produced with buses
out there trying to plow it down
dude there's the guy who's got the
off-road viper that is the shit
it's like a 93 viper
with a bunch of subframe
welds and just
meaty it's so cool
I saw one built out of
like an 87 you were talking about earlier
what was that Pontiac 6000
station wagon
no it was the cutlass here
the front wheel drive
the short A-car
the front wheel drive A-car
I have a theory that
like every person on the planet
has a story about
one of those front wheel drive A-cars
like we all learned how to drive
or had one of those at some point
mine was my buddy Larry's
and it was a Skylark and it was a very very
sad car
it was the weasiest piece of shit
but you could just beat the hell out of them
it would just run forever
it's perma shitty
as long as you can find wishbone engine mounts
and head gaskets
for that iron duke 4 you were fine
you could keep it running forever
you put your foot down and went
and then you didn't go anywhere
god great car
what a terrible terrible thing
Jerry this was a good time
man I had a ball thank you guys
thank you for coming down
check out is this all off your instagram right
yeah you can go straight to my link tree
Jerry Wayne Lawmire on instagram
you've got the whole link in bio
for all the tour dates
you've got your youtube
where you're special and a bunch of more
recent stuff than your special is up there
I love your instagram bits
I guess you probably do them on tiktok
also but I don't have tiktok
they're on facebook, youtube, they're all
it's Jerry Wayne live
is the instagram
just no punctuation all in there
and dude a real pleasure
make sure you come back next time you're in town
I will have the Manx
absolutely
now that I know you're a Volkswagen guy
now I'm fully committed
thank you everybody for listening
we appreciate you all go see Jerry live
and fucking download all of his stuff
he's the man see you guys later
About this episode
Jerry Wayne Longmire joins The Smoking Tire, and the conversation swings from car-culture comedy—his “Wrecking Yard” special and the podcast name—to air-cooled Volkswagen memories and wild engine rumors. They debate collector-car pricing, junkyard show-car finds, and fire-damaged VW bus restorations. Later, the talk broadens into touring, transmissions, and racing economics, then into EV feel, off-roading traction, and dirt-track strategy. Between stories, the hosts run sponsor reads for Casper and DeleteMe.
10-point cage
13s
410 sprint
89 percent grade
AER
air-cooled engines
air-cooled flat four
all wheel drive
Angleton
AOD
AMC Eagle
Buick Roadmaster
Buick Skylark
Cadillac SRX
Chevrolet C10
Chevrolet Camaro
Chevrolet Chevelle
Chevrolet Corvette
Datsun 280Z
Dodge Charger
Dodge Intrepid
Ford Crown Victoria
Ford Explorer
Ford F 100
Ford F-150
Ford Falcon
Ford Mustang
Ford Taurus
Ford Thunderbird
Hyundai Accent
Hyundai Santa Cruz
Mercury Sable
Nissan Altima
Nissan Z
Oldsmobile Vista Cruiser
Pontiac 6000
Porsche 912
Rimac Nevera
Tesla Model S
Toyota Camry
Toyota Previa
Volkswagen Bus
Volkswagen ID. Buzz
Volkswagen Rabbit
Original notes
A literal cult story, racing, great bad cars, and so much more. Jerry Wayne Longmire is a Houston-based stand-up comic and Outlaws racing commentator. He is known for his viral series "Truck Astrology". His playful storytelling and relatable humor have captivated audiences worldwide across platforms like TikTok, Facebook, YouTube, and Instagram.
Recorded July 9, 2026
https://linktr.ee/JerryWayneLongmireJr
Show Notes
DeleteMe
Get 20% off your DeleteMe plan when you go to www.joindeleteme.com/ TIRE and use promo code TIRE at checkout.
Casper
Right now, save up to 20% on mattresses and up to 25% on everything else when you go to Casper.com. #sponsored
Avants
https://avants.com/tst use code TST for 10% off your membership!
Use Off The Record! and ALWAYS fight your tickets! For a 10% discount on your first case go to https://www.offtherecord.com/TST
Want your question answered? Want to watch the live stream, get ad-free podcasts, or exclusive podcasts? Join our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thesmokingtirepodcast
Instagram:
https://www.Instagram.com/thesmokingtire
https://www.Instagram.com/therealzackklapman
Enter to WIN our AMAZING 2025 Porsche 911 Turbo S!! https://www.dreamgiveaway.com/tickets/porsche?promo=SMOKINGTIRE
Promo Code Offer: Get 4X bonus tickets with any donation of $25 or more. With every donation you are helping benefit some wonderful veterans' and children's charities.
Podcast Promo Code: SMOKINGTIRE
Want your question answered? Want to watch the live stream, get ad-free podcasts, or exclusive podcasts? Join our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thesmokingtirepodcast
Use Off The Record! and ALWAYS fight your tickets! Enter code TST10 for a 10% discount on your first case on the Off The Record app, or go to http://www.offtherecord.com/TST.
Watch our car reviews: https://www.youtube.com/thesmokingtire
Tweet at us!
https://www.Twitter.com/thesmokingtire
https://www.Twitter.com/zackklapman
Instagram:
https://www.Instagram.com/thesmokingtire
https://www.Instagram.com/therealzackklapman
The Smoking Tire
Zack Klapman, Matt Farah
0:00
87:45