Nico Rosberg's laundry bill

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I want to talk about Gregorian piss chanting. The other week I was in Belgium, as you know,

because I recorded this very podcast from off of Brussels. There was a restaurant toilet

that I visited, and I went in and it had Gregorian chanting in there. I thought this

is interesting. I've never had that on the overhead speakers, the surround sound system.

It was quite relaxing to butt up against the urinal with Gregorian chanting. But anyway,

I looked to my right and at the end of the corridor like lav, there was a painting,

which I did do a very small video, short video for our Instagram followers. I had to do it

quickly before someone walked in. There was a painting of a monk who was out in the garden

must have been gardening whilst drinking his Trappist's speck beer. And then went, oh,

I think I need the toilet. And instead of going indoors to finding the monk toilets

in the monastery, he thought, I'll just have a hedgepiss, which is fine.

Maybe that's one of the joys of being a monk. So this painting depicts him having a hedgeway,

looking back to the audience with a kind of a bit of a rye smile. And then on the ground is his

rake and maybe his trowel and also a glass or a flag and a beer. And I couldn't stop giggling

about it because of this in combination with Gregorian chanting. Whose idea was this? This was,

by the way, a very expensive restaurant, which I just couldn't, I just like, who made this decision

for the decor? Right, we're going to have a slashing monk it painted on at the end of the

gavel end. We're going to have the Sodor speakers just belting out Gregorian chanting

whilst men do their business. But I have to say, it worked for me. It's a yes from me.

Were you waiting for a 90s drum machine to come in? Assuming it was an enigma record?

It was very enigma. And I think for our age group, that was where my head went, first of all,

because that is a classic. That's one of those tracks where I loved it from the minute it came

out, I recorded it off the radio illegally onto a tape, then bought it on a CD, which I've still

got. And I still like it when it comes on now. And I was listening to it when I was washing up

the other day in the kitchen off of Alexa. And my daughter went, how do you know this track?

And I went, I said, I know this track because I was indignant about this.

I kind of didn't. And I thought, no, why don't you neck in, Johnny? The fact that she digs it,

and she's probably discovered it by, I don't know, something like TikTok or Stranger Things or

whatever the frig it might be. It's a good thing. That is a good thing. And I would have discovered

music in the same way, but with different technology back in the day, Rich, back in the day.

Do you know what I mean? Were you ever familiar with the Belgo restaurant chain? I think they were

only in London because they sort of had two or three branches. And it was a Belgian restaurant.

Was it mussels and stuff? Yes. Yes. They went big on mussels, big on quite punchy beer.

And also sort of, what was the other stuff they did? Stuff with chips, I suppose,

steak free, they were quite big on. I feel like there was a period in the 2000s when I went there

a lot. It was the kind of place where people would have a birthday dinner because they had big,

long tables. Boot cuts and Belgos. Yeah. It was definitely, it was the boot cut era.

But I'm trying to remember if they played that kind of music in the bogs. I'm not sure they did.

Trappist, monk. But those eyes. I have this vague memory that the waitstaff wore sort of

monk-like outfits. I might be imagining it. There is definitely a monkey sort of theme to it,

as in monk-ish, not the animals. And it was, yeah, it was, it was a real thing. And I think

they've all gone now. But there was also one called Strada. Strada, wood-fired oven. It was

like a pizza place. I think I actually never went there. But I remember it looking achingly

fashionable. And all I ever thought about was the Fiat Strada because I'm a sad prick.

I was going to say they had branches in Europe, but they were called Ritmo.

Yeah, Ritmo, wood-fired oven. I, I, yeah, you know, that's one of those cars which is finally

getting cool again. And I, I've always had a thing for them. But a bit like the, this run show

project of mine where just finding a base car that hasn't dissolved is probably the hardest bit

of all. I would love her, I'd love a sporty little Ritmo.

Well, a 130 then, we're talking. It might be a 130 TC, yeah. And, and you know,

the other week when I admitted to buying Marina door handles for my house.

Yes. I'm wondering whether I go down the Strada route as well with this circular

big flushed, again, they're flush. So they're good for internal wardrobes and stuff like that.

So you don't catch your, you don't catch your, your clothes on it. Maybe I go Strada handles

within. It's sad with the Strada, isn't it? They sort of lost their bottle

later in that car's life and put rectangular handles on it. It's the same,

in the great pantheon of Fiat losing their bottle the way they face lifted the multiplier

and made it much less interesting. Yeah, that was sad. They made the Strada much less interesting,

but maybe sort of more palatable for more people. I don't know. I feel like a Strada is going to

appear, especially those lovely cut out bumpers with the circular eyes. I always thought the

Strada, and I remember this as a kid, I always thought the Fiat Strada looked like a panda.

So I was confused why they didn't call that the panda. It has a panda face. It has a panda face.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Doesn't it? I'm not just being delusional. It's true. No, no, I agree with you.

Yeah, that's definitely. Well, that's, that's, how was the Brussels Motor Show, apart from the

question? As you asked, Brussels Motor Show was really exciting. It was so nice to be back at a

Motor Show with that was not too big, not too small, a good array of machinery. I felt like I

went away satisfied. And I realized that doing Motor Show walk rounds and making notes and doing

videos quite off the bat, you know, shooting from the hip is one of the things that I enjoyed the

most. I used to really enjoy doing it a lot on fifth gear. And so putting a, in fact, a video

has just gone out on the late break show of the, a roundup of the, what was at the Brussels Motor

Show. So don't ask me that question at the end of the podcast, Rich, because I've already told you.

Sorry. Yeah. I think there's a video that's already gone out on the Kia EV2 walk round,

and also the Dacia Hipster, which I know has been out for a, a concept for a couple of months,

but what I haven't had a chance to look and sit in it and really digest the packaging.

And if you're interested, before we press play on this podcast, you and I were just catching up

about how dismal our mornings have been and how, how ill your feeling and how frustrated my school

run was and fun stuff like that. But instead of sharing it with the audience, we decided to not

do that. But yeah, I really, really like cars with interesting engineering, because sometimes

the engineering is more sexy than the overall car. But the Dacia Hipster is a fascinating package.

Three meters long fits four adults in. And I mean real adults, like your, your size adult.

And you're the, we're the same size. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Okay. Our size, us size adults,

like you and I could fit in the back and then you and I could also fit in the front.

Okay. Yeah. And it has a boot too. And it's three meters long, almost exactly three meters long.

And it looks like a little, well, it's kind of like, I think, Dacia going K car almost.

It's like Dacia's answer to the K style in a good way. So I'm really hoping that will come to

market. But it's fascinating. Yeah. And slight fear like brought back the, like the took took

up a thing. Do you know what I mean? It's called a, it's called a piss or something.

I got a minute. I can't, I'm so sorry. I didn't sleep very well. I can't remember the name of it.

Hang on. It's the fear. It's an APA. It's like the, you know, the, the, the rural Italian trike.

Is it, it's the Tris, isn't it? Oh Tris, that's it. Tris or is it, but is it Tris or Tris? I mean,

it's T-R-I-S. Now Tris, this to me just sounds like an abbreviation for a man in strident trousers

called Tristrum. Oh, it is. Tris. Tristrum. Oh, speak to Tris. Speak to Tris. He'll help you.

That's right. Because I wasn't that far away when I said piss. It was really good. Honestly,

I think fit, done a great job. And I had a chance to look around closely at the topolino. So the

AMI, the reclad AMI. Yes. And again, Fiat have done an ace job. And I looked at the,

it's been out for a while now, but like a complete goon, I haven't driven one, the Fiat Panda,

the Grande Panda. And they've announced a base model Panda, which is, I think, going to be one

of the UK's cheapest cars. And it's going to be, as standard, per, let me say, I think it's 1.2

petrol with a six speed Manuel box. So it's just, I think it's going to be fun. And the

interior design of the Grande Panda, I don't know, just, I feel like Fiat are on it. They're on it.

And it looks like they might actually have some worthy cars to sell that aren't the 500. So that's

good. Yes. They need this, don't they? They do need this. It feels like they've been treading water

to some extent for quite a while. Yes. But yeah, we were talking about the Grande Panda last week,

and it's sort of, in fact, I sort of made a mental note that I should ask to borrow one, but

well, damn it, I should answer it. Well, because it's, it's interesting, I think. I think it's,

it's a very cool car. And looking at this Fiat Tris, Tris, it's making me, it's making me think,

perhaps they're missing a trick here. Maybe, you know, like the Dancing Diggers, the Red Arrows,

they should do the Fiat Tris artists. And it should be, should be a chevron, a chevron of,

of stunty driven trises that come into, come into an exhibition hall. And they all do quite

dangerous interweaving manoeuvres, sometimes on two wheels, because they're a three wheeler.

It does feel like they could look quite topply quite easily, but maybe not. And there could

even be, on the flatbed at the back, because they kind of come as a chassis cab if you want them to,

on the flatbed at the back, you know, those back in the old days with biplanes, you'd

sometimes have a person strapped onto the plane. Yes. Wing walking or whatever they called it.

I think the Tris artists might have that as well. There'd be people on the back strapped on, and they

might have flares in each hand. I mean, emergency flares. I don't mean wide trousers. And I just

think that it could be fun. And Fiat is a colorful car company. It enjoys celebrating its colors,

metaphorically and literally. So I think I'd be really good.

That's the new year. And I'm sure we've all got things we want to do in 2026. Of course. Learn a

language. Okay. Finish a project car. Definitely. Kidnap an ocelot. Why would you want to do that?

But what if your goals for the new year are to cut down on sugar and stay hydrated? Yes,

that's more normal. Well, that's where Holy comes in. They make a whole range of drinks that are

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Great. Do they sell ocelots? No.

Now, this, this is a total tangent, but it's just reminded me of something. So

a few weeks ago, no, not that, but when we did our Derby live show, I think, I retold the story

of my friend Zoe and how her dad sold a car to pay to put her through private school.

Yes, the 250 Ferrari. And it was a 250 GTO. In fact, the 250 GTO that's often appears in magazines

and on television because it's Nick Mason's car and bloody hell. Well,

Zoe messaged me the other day. I think I probably got some of my facts slightly wrong when I

retold the story. I've now got the full because Zoe messaged me. I know how much you always

enjoy this story. Look what my dad's just found. The reason I bring this up is because her dad

is a pilot and he flies wing walking planes. Oh, does he? Yeah. And when Zoe was young, her,

I think her sister as well used to be the people strapped to the wings. No way. It's a brave thing

to do that. And the people on there always have a smile on their face. I know. Do you imagine

they must be getting, they must be, it's like, it's like having a turbo put in front of your mouth

because if you smile too much, that's a ram air going right in there with flies and stuff as well.

Imagine a bird strike. I remember her saying the one thing you do is that you never put your arms

out and back any because they will just then you will never get them back again. You'll just be there.

Don't. Don't. Anyway, it's like putting your arm out of a window on the motorway

when you're doing 70 yards and you forget. It's surprising. You forget. It is powerful. Well,

so Zoe said this picture and she said, my dad's just found this. It's the receipt for when he bought

the Ferrari. It's dated. I can't quite read this. It's handwritten receipt. I think it's the 26th

of June, 1975. Oh my gosh, 70s. And this is to acknowledge the receipt of £11,000 to complete

payment of GTO Ferrari. Brackets total £16,500. So we must remind people that that was still

a reasonable amount of money. Yeah. So this is 1975. Now, my parents bought a, I think I said this

cul-de-sac in 1977 for, I think, £25,000 or maybe £27,000. And I remember my parents saying that

at the time, you know, they were kind of stretching themselves a bit and it was, you know, that was

a lot of money. I know that houses have gone up in value disproportionate to everything else now,

but that was still a lot. So then Zoe confirmed that six years later in 1981,

her dad sold the GTO for £33,000. So he made money on it unless he had to do an engine

rebuild or something. That's what I said to her. I was like, well, at least he made money on it,

you know, but just he could have no idea of what was to come. I hope he's not bitter still.

That would be... I don't think so. Because we could all say that, couldn't we have hung on to that car

and be worth more now? And it's like, well, yeah, but you know, life gets in the way. He did that

because he wanted, he wanted Zoe to go to a posh school. So he made some compromises in his life.

I'm just going to do this. Hang on, £16,500 in 1975 on the Bank of England inflation calculator.

Okay, so this says that £16,500 in 1975 would equate to £129,292 now for a 250 GTO.

Kind of by a defender-octer for that. But then the car, the GTO was, what, 13 years old at that point?

Yeah, so not a classic. No, it's not a classic. It's not quite a classic. It's just an old car.

Yeah. And there wasn't the thirst for classics, which I think we also pointed out.

Yes. The world of classic cars wasn't as a thing. There was a veteran car thing already.

And that's not so interesting for most, because it's not as relatable. But yeah, it's, it's...

He doesn't just think about it every day, whilst I don't know, crying into his tumbler of rum.

But, you know... It's fine. I think if he ever feels a bit sad, he just goes out in his biplane

and does some loop-the-loops. That's what I would do. Shows him up a bit.

There's other things to get upset or scared about. And I'm massively scared about Nico

Rosberg's laundry bills at the moment. Can't lie. Over Christmas. See, I follow him on social

media. And I've met him before. He's a very, very cool guy. But he has the whitest, most crisp,

immaculate clothing taste. He isn't... He has yachty clothes. He is. He's a white trouser guy.

And sometimes triple white guy. Yeah. And over Christmas period, I noticed a few pictures

on his social media where there was so much immaculate light clothing. I just panicked on

his behalf. And I thought, does he spend a lot of his time doing laundry? Because you've got to

get it right with Chris White's rich. You can't mess around. This is the problem, isn't it? They

can go very dull very quickly. And then they look sad. They don't have the effect that you want them

to do. They don't have the statement look. Exactly. Do they? Because I've noticed that he might sometimes

team, this is the Daily Mail online, his bright white clothes with then a sort of pastely light

blue. Yes. So it was about, say, a pastel. Or a dusky pink. Maybe a salmon. Yeah, a dusky pink,

a salmony pink, perhaps. Yes. But a dusty. All right. Dusty pink is would be a go to. Yeah. Or

maybe something sort of versed towards the peach. But it does. He then put those on a

color's wash. He must. Everything else goes in a white's wash because you cannot risk

dulling your whites if you're Nico Rosberg. I want Nico, because I'm sure he listens to this.

I'd like Nico to email us and say what kind of laundry products he uses and what maybe what

his techniques are, because they're impressive. And I worry whether he's still got it. I don't know.

But he had one of those little Renault's. What were they called again? The Quadrocycle Renault's?

I've just told you. Oh, a Twizy. Twizy. He had a Twizy in Monaco and said it was his favorite car.

I worry that someone, I don't know, might throw a Twix over his fence,

unsheathed, and it lands or at Christmas. He switches off over Christmas just like we all do.

And he accidentally, I don't know, drops a Lindor Santa

into the seat bucket of his Twizy and then drives into the center of town to get some bits and bobs.

And then realizes he's made a terrible mistake. But what abouts? Is his Twizy one with the

sort of plexiglass windows, or does he just leave it open to the elements?

I think he's open. He's open, guy. Because there could be, a pigeon could just poo on his seat.

Completely. There could be, there could be all manner of stuff. Like, you're right. And yeah,

just someone could just lob a Malteser onto the driver's seat, a little bit of one Malteser,

a little bit of sunshine. And that is, is going to cause, I mean, it's going to look like he's just

done a sporty fart to ask for a Twizy as he gets out to go and buy some croissants or something.

This is your thing. Nico, if you're listening, could you do us a little, a little list of

banned substances in your house? Yes, please. I mean, I'm going to say we could put it together

ourselves. Can we beetroot, marmite? Yeah. Oh, marmite. Yeah. I was thinking even dry roasted

peanuts in case the powder just gets rubbed between a finger on near the, near the crotch on the bottom.

And then absentmindedly wipes his fingers on his trousers after eating some dry roasted peanuts.

Oh, you're having a pint with Micka Hackenon. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You're in so much trouble.

Obviously, no red wine. That's not that's out. Yeah, no red wine. He loved it. But even at

Christmas, a fortified wine is out, out of the question. Well, they go for dinner with some

friends and it's his wife's birthday. And one of their friends goes, Oh, I don't know what

Nico Rosberg's wife's called. But anyway, let's say Lady Rosberg. Lady Rosberg. And so

the friend goes, Oh, we got you a little present, just a little something. And it's a beautiful bottle

of Chateau Nerf de Pap. And then on the way home, Nico's like, Well, that's going in the bin.

It looks lovely. And look, it says, it's a 2005. It's going in the bin. You know we can't have that

in the house. Yeah. Because I reckon he's a, he's a cow list when it comes to home furnishings.

All his furniture is going to be white as well, isn't it? It will be. So I'm thinking,

does he have like a wine smock or a soup smock? Yes, he fancies some tomato soup. But obviously,

I mean, that is, that's, that's more risky than, than anything he did in his F1 career.

Way more risky. Has he got inspired by barbershops? He's got a huge black smock,

which he just pokes his head through, doesn't even take any of his white gear off,

and then sits down and it cloaks the table and everything. Or he sits down in the patio,

doesn't even eat in the house. He's out of the house, out fresco. What if, because the smock

might not be long enough. What if Nico Rosberg pairs the smock with some of those fishermen

trousers that you can stand in rivers in? Oh, waders. Waders. They've got the braces and then

you put the smock on over the top. So he's got, he's got red wine waders or soup waders?

Yeah. His wife, I've just looked this up. His wife's called Vivian. Okay. And he comes home

one day and Vivian says, I was going to say, how was your day at the office? Where's Nico

Rosberg going these days? Because what's he doing? He sort of does tech investment and things,

doesn't he? Anyway, he gets back from a grand prix. He's been punditing for sky. He gets back

from the grand prix. And she goes, I hope you had a nice time. It's Spag Bowl for dinner. And

immediately he's like, I'll go and get the waders and the smock. The Spag Bowl smock.

But nobody photographs that. That is out of bounds for him.

No, it's private time. But

Yeah. It's interesting. I just, as I was looking up what Rosberg's wife was called,

there just a picture came up. This apparently is, did you maybe sell this? Merry Christmas

from the Rosberg family. And it's a picture of Nico and Vivian and the two kids. And

they are all wearing white. It's completely white. It's terrifying. They look great. Don't

get me wrong. Rosberg, handsome chisel chap, immaculate skin, must do a lot of bodily detailing.

But I'm just worried about the effort when it comes to laundry. It must be so huge.

I imagine they have people. Do you think? They must do. They must do. Because they live in

Monaco, don't they? They must live in Monaco. They're poor kids though. Dad, can we have some

chocolate? Absolutely not. No. I may allow you to have a milky bar out on the balcony, but that's

I'd like a documentary starring or faced by Nico Rosberg. He's just, it's just dirty jobs.

Dirty jobs with Rosberg. This week I'm working on an oil rig. Yeah. This week I've got to

change the gearbox on a Vauxhall Zephyra. I've got all the basic tools, but I've only got,

I've just got axle stands and unfortunately it's been raining and my drive is gravelly and a bit

muddy. And also I'm still going to wear this white cable knit jumper. Let's see how this goes.

This is almost, in a way, it feels like the popular game Operation, but it's Nico Rosberg

dressed all in white and he cannot touch a dirty surface or the game is, or he loses points. So

you send him down a coal mine in the Appalachians or something wearing some white chinos and

brand new box, fresh white trainers and everything. And he's just got, he will be docked a point for

every smudge on any part of him. Or he could stay in white, but he wears one of those transparent

coats like ladies in Tokyo did that were fashionable at the time. They're the completely

see-through plastic raincoats. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he might have a boiler suit made of the same

materials. It's a totally see-through plastic boiler suit. I think those exist. With the,

with cuffs on the ankles, maybe cuffs on the wrists. So he can still wear all of the beautiful

whites. But sure enough, he's like, Oh yeah, I'm going to, I'm going to switch the gearbox out on,

on this. Easy. Let's do it. Let's jump to it. I'm also going to pop to a scrapyard to get a spare

part. P.S. has been raining for eight days solid and the scrapyard is, the scrapyard's a quagmire.

So let's see. Yeah. Well, it's also, it's in a, it's in a natural bowl in the landscape and the

track down to it is, is so muddy after the recent rainfall. You, you're going to slip over. Is he

in his twisty with no doors? Yes, that's where he's got stuck. Oh man. Well, there we go. Well,

coming soon to Netflix, staining Nico Rosberg, the, the popular new series. Yeah. I used to find

Nico Rosberg a little bit annoying when he was driving, but when he suddenly went, right, I've

won the world championship, and quite honestly, I've had enough. So I'm leaving. I really admired

that because I think it takes a lot of courage in a weird sort of way. I know some people went,

what a quitter, but it's like, no, no, not a quitter. He's become world champions. How many

people pass through Formula One and never become world champion? He did it and he just went,

okay, what am I going to do now? Just another one. What are the chances of that? So I just thought

it was, it took a, you know, a certain sort of strength of character and then it allows him

much more time to just buy entirely light colored clothing. I agree. And we don't know what kind

of mental journey he went on in order to become a world champion, but let's, let's assume it takes

a superhuman. So he's gone, yeah, I've achieved that. I don't want to do it to the point where it

grinds me up and spits me out. So I'm going to quit now. Thanks. So yeah, I've got a lot of time for

him. There's a photo of him here wearing a sort of, I don't know what color you call this beige

taupe maybe. Taupe. Light suit. He's wearing a light suit and he's got, he's got a white shirt on,

but he's, he's eating something. There's a bowl in front of him. He's a bit, hang on,

not black, great. Not this photo. Not tomatoes. Because. Wait, it's red. It's something. It looks

like it might be a pudding. What? I don't believe it. I cannot tell what this is, but it is definitely

raspberries. Well, hang on. The food is clearly untouched. He's hovering a fork over it.

He's posing for the photo. There is no fucking way he's actually going to eat that. No, he

couldn't take the risk. No, as soon as the last photo is taken, he'll frisbee the bowl across the

room. Get it away from him. Like when people flick a wasp away because it takes them by surprise.

Yes, get me a glass of water and a bowl of plain spaghetti.

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Oh, one thing I forgot to mention the other week when we were sort of enjoying our

components about our Christmas period was watched a bit of despicable me over Christmas to refresh

my mind, because it's a classic. Yes, it is. And my kids really enjoyed it. And we were all

watching it and giggling away. I noticed a car reference in it, which I hadn't noticed before.

When when grew talks about when he was a kid, trying to impress his mum, who I think he had a

bit of a difficult relationship with, he would wear like a box on his head and pretend to either

be an astronaut or and or a racing driver, I think. Yeah. And I can't remember the exact

thing. But when he's got this cardboard box helmet on, on the side of it, there is an opal

car logo on it on one side. Now, I think he was dressed as an astronaut, which is why because

it's all about stealing the moon, isn't it? The spoiler alert, that's what the film is sort of

about. The moon getting stolen and then retrieved. But yeah, there's an opal car logo. But where is

grew from? Because I grews from Eastern Europe. So yes, he's a he's an opal guy. That's a good

question. Where is his grew supposed to be? He's not Russian, is he? No. Or do they ever say he's

put maybe I don't think they explain it. He is just sort of generic Eastern Europeany type

person. But he's brought up in the USA by his mum. Okay, his mum is a little, it's a little euro

reference. It's a very euro reference. And I thought the devil's in the detail. That's so

impressive. I really like that. So grews, yeah, grews sort of homemade cardboard helmet with a

an opal logo. And we've said this before, the opal logo, whether you like opals or whether

you don't, it's one of the best car logos. Absolutely love it. Yeah, I think it's great.

Simple recognizable. We have discussed before about the possibility of if we ever had a standard

voxel senator, which wasn't the Eagle Quest. Yeah, we would probably rebadge it as an opal

just because it's just makes it cooler, I think. Yes. Yes. I think so. So it just is. It absolutely

is. You quite often see a voxel insignia as of a certain age, driving around in the voxel badge

seems to have fallen off. Yes, it has. It has rised off. I think it's fallen off, isn't it?

It's quite a common thing and you can't believe everybody's because you'd put something else

in its place. But what is great is that it reveals the moulding underneath, which is

opal logo shaped to accept the opal logo. It really is. Yeah. I enjoy seeing that. I just think,

well, since your badge has fallen off, just get an opal logo off eBay and stick that one instead.

Why not? I agree. It's funny that we've never talked about this before, but yet we've both

noticed. I wonder, well, I'd invite listeners, if you have an insignia of that sort of age and

this has happened to you, is this one of those things that happens to cars? Like, obviously,

the facelifted Mark 1 Mondeo, the bumpers crack and they have to be covered in gas.

Gaffer tape bumper. The second focus is the one where the door, is it the third one, where the

door seals or is it detached? Oh, flopped down. Yes. Flopped down and poked out. We had a message

from a listener about that the other day. I mentioned that. And of course, the

cashkai number plate finishes always fall off. Yeah. There should be a compendium of all these

things. The big book of, they all do that, sir. Yeah. It's true, isn't it? Now, look, since we're

talking sort of about cars, we should probably take a little swerve into the piston heads auctions.

Oh, yes, please. As you might know, every so often, Johnny and I, each pick a car coming up in

the auctions on piston heads. And you can go to pistonheads.com forward slash Smith and Sniff,

dive into the forum and have your say on which car you prefer. So I was absolutely powerless this

week to choose anything else because unfortunately, there's a maestro turbo. Yes. The auction starts

tomorrow if you're listening to this show and it comes out Tuesday the 20th of January.

We know the maestro turbo, don't we? It's a bit of a curio. They only made 500. Well,

that was the declared amount. They actually made 505 because there were sort of five pre-prod cars,

which were used as press cars and demo cars and stuff like that. But it is a rare thing because

of those 505, plenty were crashed, nicked and then crashed, burnt out or what have you.

Or just rotted. Or just rotted. That's the thing. There's not many around. Now, this one is a bit

of a doozy because it has been restored and the shell has had all the rust addressed.

And then it's been rust proofed. The purist in me sort of is in two minds because also

as they come, they had a turbocharged O-series engine. This has got a later Rover T-series,

which is a sort of derivative of the O-series, but with a 16 valve head on it. And it's got

around 340 horsepower. Gosh. So the ad claims it will do 0-60 in around 4.2 seconds, which

is quite spicy. That is suspect. The other thing I would probably address if I bought

this car is it has some MG ZS wheels on it. They look all right, but they are. It's a weird thing

isn't it? Sometimes when older cars have slightly newer generation wheels put on them,

they actually don't suit the proportions quite right. No. The amazing thing is the original

Maestro Turbo came with these sort of lattice spoke wheels very of their time. This was a

late 80s car and they were only 15 inches, but they do sort of suit the car and the turbo

had a unique body kit with different front and rear bumpers and more importantly, side skirts.

It was the only Maestro that got side skirts because the problem with the Maestro is that

one of the things that made it look a bit gawky is it just sat a bit too high.

Yeah, it did. It did. And the side skirts really took it down. They improved the stance of it.

These wheels slightly take it up again and that doesn't work for me. So I think I'd have

to source an original set of wheels. They were on other MG Maestros so it shouldn't be impossible

to find. But otherwise, it's black. It looks really tidy. It's a real rarity. It's still got

the proper turbo writing down the doors. Very cool. Which may or may not have been cheekily

inspired by the type, by the way that Porsche would write some of their...

Carreras' is. Carreras' is. And if I was in the market to get a sister car for my

Maestro turbo, then a Maestro turbo would have to be it. And they don't come up very often. So

I would be all over this. I'm not going to be. Was black the rarest color? I think black was.

That's a good question. I don't know. I think they sold less black ones than other ones.

I did a barn find one a few years back. Not a black one, but a Maestro turbo. And I was

blown away by the interest in that car. And then obviously when I did the Metro turbo of yours,

barn find video, again, that just had really substantial interactions and views, which was

very pleasing. I like this. And I've met a couple of people with vast car collections.

And I mean exotic car collections. And both of these people had Maestro turbos. And I was really

shocked because I sort of stumbled across them and went, gosh, I wasn't expecting you to have this.

And I went, what, what gives? And they went, one of them said, I bought this quite recently.

I remember when they were new, I knew they were quick. I knew they were badly made. But I found

this one that's immaculate. He said, he said, I think this car is going to be really valuable one

day. And I just fancied it. So I bought it now. And he paid quite a lot of money for it, one of

them. But he said, I think these are going to, these are going to go up sharply. So I'm no,

I'm not, I'm no authority on the price of classics in the future. But it was just interesting

that they'd said that. And yeah, be interesting to see what this goes for. Because like I said,

they are quite rare. They're very rare, really. I mean, they're easier to find a Veyron. But

also they weren't very popular in their day. No, considering they were only ever going to be 500

of them, this was stated from the off. It took a couple of years for them to shift them all,

which is a shock. It's very promising. So yeah, anyway, but there we go. That's my choice,

predictably enough, it's an old BL thing. So Richard's in the in the corner of his ring,

we've got a Maestro Turbo in the corner of my ring, ladies, gents, car permits,

we have this a and this really interested me. It's a Subaru and Pretzer P1. A cool car in its own

right. I think we all universally agree. But this one, this one is a one owner car,

29,000 miles from the millennium era. So it's a 2000 P1 and low mileage, same owner who bought it

from you. And which I was like, Oh my gosh, never modified. It said, yeah, I don't know if you've

seen the pictures of it, but by Jove, it looks good. I'm just looking at them now. And the other

thing is about these, it's an example, as I was perusing the piston head's auction with all

so many, so many wonderful pictures, I mean, 114 of the exterior alone. I noticed this 280 horsepower.

I knew they were quite powerful. Now, do you remember how quickly were to 60?

I don't. I would, I would say 5.1 or something four and a half seconds.

Oh, okay. And I because I knew they were they were pretty peppy. And we all know that the cars of

that era didn't weigh nearly what cars now weigh. But like, this is a fast thing. I think this is

one of those cases where this I don't know what this car is going to sell for. It's got full service

history. And I think it's going to be a collector kind of grade, as they say, which is totally

understandable. But whatever this car sells for, it's still not going to be even a 10% probably

of a 22B in, you know, in the same order. And also, it's one of these classics that is fun to drive.

So you can just use it and enjoy it when you want to. Don't you think? And I'm just

playing these pictures and I can hear I can hear that car. Do your best. So good. Do your best flat

four idle. Oh, idle, idle, please. It's like they sound like a posh man struggling to think

what to say next. Is it like Boris Johnson being quizzed? Yeah, exactly. On an important issue.

I've got to dock my hat to Peter Stevens, because I think he designed the body kit.

And yes, I think he probably did just think it's sensational to the point where I'm going to watch

this auction carefully. Whoever buys it, okay, if you don't let me drive it, I'll threaten you.

Okay, so interesting. Yeah, because I think that's don't endorse that behavior. Just so you know,

this car has an impressive north 60 time will be very peppy because that 280 PS

output was a sort of handshake agreement with Japanese car makers. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it probably has a bit more than that. Oh, yeah, when I did the recent Skyline GTR R33

barn find was talking to the Middlehurst guys, specialists, they said when they sold them new,

they dino'd them frequently. Oh, and and the the output was way more. I think they said it

averaged about 48 horsepower more from from the get go. So very conservative power. But so this

is probably, you know, north of 300 horses. Yes. And but I just can't stop looking at it. I don't

know what is when maybe it's my matrimonio body swap project that's just propagating this this

this imprets a lust. I think we've mentioned imprets is a lot the last three or four podcasts.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely 100%. It's like I was saying to you before we started recording,

if we ever did a sort of Smith and sniff live car show type thing, we'd have to have a circle of

plinths at the center of the event with our sorts of hero cars on the ones we always bang on about.

Yes. And you'd stick an impretzer on there at a Julia Quadrifoglio and Twitter IQ and how do you

I mean, if we will slash with cash, we'd assemble a Smith and sniff.

Well, not a museum, but like a sort of hero collection, it would be, it would be a hall

of fame, wouldn't it? If we were Schme, a small of schmame, a small of schmame. But if there are

certain cars, we just always seem to come back to you without even thinking about it. And the

impreters become one of them. So good. Well, if you want to have your say about which of us

has picked the better car this week, pistonheads.com forward slash Smith and sniff, or just go to

pistonheads.com and follow the link to auctions to have a look at the cars that we're talking about.

Yeah, just so you know, you spell auction A U C T I O N when you're looking it up on this.

So some people claim. Yeah, not sure. Can I just read a message I'll be meaning to read out from

one of our patrons. He sent this to us the end of last year. And I keep meaning to reference it

and then forgetting. There's a listener called Rob. And he says, I feel compelled to write because

the continued spread of prelude guy nonsense has finally gone too far. He's now causing

genuine disruption across the globe. I've actually not done much of it recently.

Well, it seems like it's too late anyway. Rob says earlier this month, my friends and I

were lucky enough to be able to make the trip to Abu Dhabi for the Formula One finale.

Like any unself respecting flutes, we had a few days of heavy drinking combined with a lot of

hot sun and general giddiness. Oh no. On the taxi ride back after the race, all quite worse for wear,

a friend of mine brought up prelude guy and then commenced reciting all of Johnny's friends

prelude based chat. 2.2. Yeah, I've never seen a rev counter do what it did, et cetera, et cetera,

et cetera, et cetera. After about 20 minutes of this, he became completely fixated on repeating

believe over and over again, very loudly. Obviously, this was very funny for a while.

But after the taxi driver asked us to be quiet a couple of times, he escalated things by shouting,

if you say believe one more time, I'm stopping the car and you're walking home.

No way. Way. We all went silent and I apologized to the driver on my friend's behalf,

then told him seriously, shut the fuck up, no mate. He put his head in his hands,

lent forward and quietly whispered, believe. Thankfully, I don't think the driver heard and

we made it back to our hotel. But somewhere in the UAE, there is a taxi driver who now hates

Honda preludes, British men and the word believe. I can't believe he threatened to throw them out

of the gap to say the same word. If you say believe one more time, I'm stopping the car.

Well, there you go. So you've broken someone's brain. Thank you, Rob, but also sorry because

that sounds like we've really been quite trying for the taxi driver at least.

Trying, yeah.

Also, sorry, I'm in the letters box because there are a few things that I've been meaning to read

out. This one is quite important in that we have mentioned, obviously, Alpha,

Julia Quadrifoglio is quite a lot when we had a listener called Andrew who wrote in to say that

he bought one because again, we'd sort of broken his brain about them.

There's a listener called Rajan who wrote in to say during a recent episode of fellow SSG,

Andrew wrote in sharing his wonderful news on the purchase of his Alfa Romeo Julia Quadrifoglio.

Brilliant.

This took me back to my 2017 Julia Quad, which I owned also in a spicy shade of red with five

whole wheels, which was sadly stolen from outside my family home at 1am on a fateful Sunday morning.

No.

That alpha was my dream daily, having had it as my desktop wallpaper ever since it came out

while I was at university. Seven years later, I was able to make that dream come true.

Please heed this as a warning to all Alpha Julia and Stelvio owners.

There is a known vulnerability that thieves exploit to steal Alphas of this generation.

I won't go into the exact details because it feels sort of wrong to spread this,

but there is a thing that thieves can do.

They can pop off a bit of the exterior to access the wiring loom.

Do you remember the way they used to be able to do this?

Well, I think like MGZRs, you could pull out the side repeater and do something similar.

So essentially, once a thief's got access to the wiring loom, they can disable all

security devices and then they can get into the car, get the OBD port, clone a key.

And that's it. The car is essentially theirs.

There is, it seems, a fix for this. Not from Alpha, it seems like, but something

that owners have figured out. In fact, it seems like there might be a sort of physical fix for

it, also an electronic one. So you can tackle it. As soon as I got this message from Raja,

I passed it on to Andrew because I didn't want him to lose his Julia so soon after he's got it.

But I thought it was just worth reading out for anyone with one of those alphas who hasn't

heard about this. The heartbreaking bit of Raja's message is that his car was found,

but it's gone to, you know, it's already been written off by the insurance company. It was in

Copart. It had been an accident. They believe the car was used for drug runs. It's the only

thing left in the car were rubber bands, which I think we used to wrap up money or bundles of

drugs. But he sent us some pictures of the car in Copart and it's heartbreaking. This

fucked up Julia. And then the last picture is just it being carried nose in on a forklift.

Yeah, undignified. It's just awful. It's undignified, isn't it? And it's such a beautiful car. But

yeah, so anyway, there we go. Just a little bit, almost like a consumer information there.

And two things on the Julia, because obviously we now have to mention them almost every episode

of this podcast. Yes. One of them is since that letter, thanks for being a patron,

I did, I did start scaring the internet for salvage damage quadropholios to see

how cheaply one might be able to acquire one. And it turns out if I was a bit of a Matt Armstrong,

I could get myself a pretty good deal. I'm not going to not at the moment anyway.

Secondly, my video on the Brussels Motor Show Walkaround does actually feature the recently

unveiled one of 10 special edition Julia quad fog Luna Ross. And that car, when people go,

oh, this interesting piston cars are dead. No, they're not. No, they're not my friends.

That's the one with a mad body care on it. Yeah, that is like mad full on like, you know, like

you're inspired, like carbon sheet, you get me like you drive down the street and like people

will like fall down and like hold their hearts on their chests and all that, because they will

not believe the beauty of what they are seeing. And then they realize it's got four doors and a boot

and that that you can use it as a normal car, not a race thing. It's amazing.

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Hey, this is Elise Hu from Ted Talks Daily, and I'd love to tell you about Whole Foods Market.

You know what I love about January? It's that fresh start energy we all feel. And this year,

I'm actually going to try and keep my goals realistic, which means I need places that make

healthy choices easy and affordable. That's why I've been spending more time at my local Whole

Foods Market. The thing is Whole Foods Market makes it possible to stick with those New Year

intentions without meal prepping for hours or breaking the bank. Shop all things wellness at Whole

Foods Market. While I'm in the lessons folder, I wanted to read out this as well. When we were

doing our Bristol live show, you came up with a new version of the caravan game, but for kit cars.

Oh yeah, I did. And suggested that you could take the name of any kit car and put the word flaccid

in front. Yes, that's right. I forgot about the flaccid kit car game. Yes.

We had an email entitled flaccid scamp, which does work quite well with the game,

but there's more to it. The message says, Hi, John and Richard, just catching up in your podcasts

and while listening to your Christmas live episodes, I was both shocked and surprised that

you gave us a mention for which we thank you. Perhaps not the best contacts,

while slating 80% of kit cars, but I'm sure that the scamp must be in the 20% of decent ones.

This is from Matt and Robin at the Scamp Motor Company. Oh, Matt and Robin, hello.

Hi guys. Oh, you flaccid scamp seem to get a lot of laughs, but as you may or may not be aware,

the scamp is anything but flaccid being made from an extremely strong steel frame with aluminium

panels, not a whiff of fibreglass for us. The scamp motor company is actually one of,

if not the oldest UK kit car company, which we acquired from Andrew McLean last year after he

ran it for 38 years. We're now based in southeast Wales. We have a new scamp model out this year

called the MK 4x4J, or is it Mark 4x4J? I'm not sure, but there'll be officially launching

it at the kit car show in Malvern at the end of May. I'm on their website right now. There you

go. Well, the details are on there apparently. Yeah, I'm actually looking at it and thinking to

myself, I feel like I ought to eat some words. This doesn't look flaccid. That's a quote you can use

on the scamp motor company. This doesn't look flaccid. No, it's all quite proper, isn't it?

But also, thank you to Matt and Robin for taking it in with very good humour.

They have got a quote on their website, I noticed. It says,

it's everything a kit car should be, cheap, easy to build, unpretentious and indestructible. And

that is not my words. That is Top Gear magazine. So there you go. So the scamp, yeah, this particular

scamp, the MK 4x4J, is it uses Jimny running gear. So the previous Jimny, 1998 to 2018 Jimny,

Gen 3, running gear, which is proven off-road coedibility. Okay, and they rot like hell.

So maybe this is a... There you go. But you get a British made steel frame and

aluminium panels and do good to go. Thank you, scamp guys. I appreciate that. And

I probably was a little bit nasty about kit cars. There are some good ones, although there's

a couple of appalling ones and one of which I found on eBay recently and forwarded it to Rich

saying, you need to buy this. And that was probably, I think that was the textbook worst

of both worlds, I'm going to say. Wouldn't you say, Rich? Yes, a car with no obvious upside

whatsoever. No, with a buy it now of a thousand quid, which I think it's since been sold, which

stuns me. This is always the problem when someone sends you some awful tat that's on eBay.

You click on the link, you have a little look at it and then if you're logged into eBay,

their algorithm registers that and it starts sending you emails. Still available if you're

still interested. It does. In the end soon, do you want this? You're like, no, I didn't. I just

looked at it because someone sent it to me and then, but I got a message saying that this car

had sold or at least it had gone. Maybe it just the auction had ended and no one had bought it.

Either way, it was a bit like, oh, you missed out and I was like, no, I don't care.

Do you know what's bad about this is I've just I've looked up my my history and I was watching this

auction at quarter to midnight on New Year's Eve. What kind of a moron would do that?

So for the benefit of the fact that for listeners who that's what the podcast is about, you listen

so you don't know what I'm talking about. You can't see pictures. This is a a Dutton Rx8

so it's a glass fiber two seat roadster kind of body. And I'm going to say it looks bad

and it's been wedged over an Rx8 drivetrain. So a non turbo wanker drivetrain known to be

quite blowy upy. And and so your bike and they've done close up photography on the fact that the

body has got lots of cracks in the glass fiber. The dash of the Rx8 has been shoe horned in.

I don't even know if it's had the body cut off the Rx8 and I don't understand it.

But no, it's because it hasn't got the Rx8 dashboard as such. It's got sort of bits of it

that have been crudely bodged in there. And it it's an absolute archetype of one of my things

that I don't like about kick cars, which is there's always wires hanging down below the dashboard.

There's a lot of wires. I just I very nearly thought about buying it

so that we could go on a road trip in it just for click bait.

But it won't I mean it won't work. It won't work. It's like it's based on a famously flaky car and

they've sort of gone how can we make this worse? I don't understand it. It's terrible.

Most of the Rx8s you see for sale have got blown engines. This is the one with an engine that

apparently isn't blown, but they've taken the perfectly good and sexy body off the Rx8.

Put a terrible body on it. It says this has been stood for two years, bought it for four and a half

grand two years ago, only drove it a few times selling as no MOT, key present, V5 needs a battery.

It should run fine. As I said, I'm selling it for spares or repairs, needs a trailer to take

it away. Or if you bring a battery, it should start on the button. Thousand quid. No. Just no,

no and thrice. Oh my gosh, it's back up for sale. It's back up for sale. The seller has

re-listed. I just I've just seen it. It's for 995 pounds on their offer. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Wait, no, it looks like it's ended again. What's going on? I don't well.

I've just looked at, do you ever look at what the seller is also selling? Just to see if they're

either a dealer or they're just, I don't know, going through a rough time. He's selling a really

interesting Seiko sports watch. And it's currently, the bid is currently at £1.17. That is a lot more

appealing and less risky than a glass fibre wanker engine kicker. Oh yeah. I've found that with eBay

sometimes you'll, you know, someone will be selling something you are kind of interested in.

Yeah. You know, a really immaculate Audi A2 or something. And then all there are other items

will be porcelain owls. Oh, all of them. And an exercise bike. Or do you ever look at people's

feedback? Like always. They have a sort of, a lot of the comments will be like, it will say,

the signed photo of Jim Davidson arrived in perfect condition. Thanks. The signed photo

of Jim Davidson was exactly as described. You're like, this guy's got some kind of sideline and

something weirdly specific. Yeah. But I was only looking at their listing because they're selling

a cheap Maserati Quattroporte. That's right. And then you dive headlong into it. And before you

know it, you are lost. You are drowning up to your chin in unneeded material, unneeded artifacts.

Okay, well, look, anyway, we should wrap this up. But run away. Let's run away by ending the show.

For now, before we go, three things to tell you, the first one is that Johnny's engaged in a very

weird project to make the former lead singer of Marillion engage in hand-to-hand combat using

sharp metal items under the working title Swordfish. If that's not to your taste,

did you even see that coming? Why did I not see that coming? I'm so stupid. I'm blind to the

fishness these days. So yes, late break show. Obviously, there's a look at the Dacia hipster

walk round the Brussels Motor Show. Brussels Motor Show. Yeah, I do a little roundup of a

whistle stop of all the things that are fresh and or interesting. Yeah. Second thing I want to say

is we will see some people this week, the motorist in leads for a live show. A little bit different

because we're not going to record it. So this won't ever be a podcast. We're going to do an

in the room thing, just a little experiment. So see some of you there. That is sold out. So I'm

afraid don't bother looking for tickets that. But we are in Glasgow next month, 11th of February.

We'll be in Glasgow at Eastwood Theatre. Last I look, there are some tickets for that still

available. Go to smithandstift.com. Follow the live show tab. Also, have a look at our shop

by some merch, including our new long sleeve track work t shirts. Yeah. And just been very popular

thing. It's a very popular. Yeah. The third thing was I mentioned, we were talking about Topcat last

week. And a few people pointed out first of all that Topcat was a parody of Sergeant Belko,

the Phil Silver series, which I did remember seeing once, but I'd forgotten that the thing

about Topcat that really struck me is that it was another one of those shows that feels like it was

quite, it was on sort of constantly when we were kids, but they actually only made one series of it.

What? I mean, it was one of those American series that has those like 30 episodes. But even so,

yeah, it was a bit of a one and done. And I hadn't realized how old Topcat was. It was made in the

early sixties in the sixties. But they rather cleverly made it in color, even though it was

initially only broadcast in black and white. Oh, all right. Well, that's enough for now. But we'll

do this all again next week until then. Goodbye. Bye everybody. Thank you, please.

That you could show support. Well, you could join our Patreon. What wonders that it brings?

Furry shows and extra notes on that side of things. You could buy our merchandise. We've

mucked at hats, but still no ties. One day we will make those pies. But in the meantime, guys,

hey guys,

I can't subscribe.

I remember I used to have a cat called Topp in the early sixties.

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Kia EV2

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Ferrari GTO

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MG Maestro Turbo

Metro Turbo

Subaru 22B

Alfa Romeo Julia

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