Jerry Wayne Longmire blends racing talk, comedy-club life, and personal reflection before landing on the episode’s core theme: trust. He shares upcoming World of Outlaws late-model dates in Wisconsin, praises David Gravel’s Knoxville win, and recounts a stressful private gig at Randolph Air Force Base where an older Vietnam-era crowd and a 101-year-old Medal of Honor recipient threw off his set. The rest of the episode becomes a deep dive into trust as an action, not a feeling—using scripture and philosophers—plus his own childhood and adult betrayals, concluding with the “labor” of becoming trustworthy and extending trust again.
I charged into trust thinking I had it figured out. Confucius stopped me in my tracks. From Jesus to Hemingway to Epictetus a deep dive into what trust actually is, what distrust actually costs, and why the wall you build to protect yourself might be the most expensive thing you own.
Plus a new episode of Duwali Bottoms Texas.
Hurricane Ike is hours from landfall. Tony rides out the storm in the Heights with Dusty and Tinker, a joint, a Weber grill, and the Martin. Eighteen floors above the city, Amber sends her friends home and listens to Blue October alone. Neither one knows the other is out there. The storm doesn’t care.
"I'm going to the Mississippi Thunder Speedway in Fountain City, Wisconsin. [143.8s] And I'm going to work with the World of Outlaws [148.2s] and their late model series."
Mississippi Thunder Speedway is a dirt-track venue in Fountain City, Wisconsin. The host is traveling there to work with the World of Outlaws late model series, indicating it’s part of their racing schedule.
"And I'm going to work with the World of Outlaws [148.2s] and their late model series. [150.8s] Which I'm excited about because late model racing is like more of what I grew up with in Kilgore."
“Late model” is a type of dirt-track race. It’s a specific class of cars with rules that make the racing competitive and comparable.
A late model series refers to a class of stock-car-style dirt racing where cars are built and tuned for short-track competition. The “late model” label typically indicates a modern-era body style and ruleset compared with older divisions.
"And I'm going to work with the World of Outlaws [148.2s] and their late model series. [150.8s] Which I'm excited about because late model racing is like more of what I grew up with in Kilgore."
World of Outlaws is a big dirt-racing series in the U.S. They run different types of races, and here they’re specifically mentioning the late model racing category.
The World of Outlaws is a major American dirt-track racing organization. In this context, the hosts are talking about its late model series, which is a specific branch of the organization’s racing schedule.
"Which I'm excited about because late model racing [152.7s] is like more of what I grew up with in Kilgore. [155.4s] We didn't get a lot of sprint cars in Kilgore. ... [168.8s] the big A main event was a good night of late model racing in Kilgore, Texas."
Late model racing is dirt-track racing with a particular kind of race car. It’s usually fast, close, and very dependent on good setup and driving.
Late model racing is a dirt-track discipline focused on short, intense races where setup and driving skill matter a lot. The hosts connect it to their upbringing, implying it’s the style of racing they’re most familiar with.
"We didn't get a lot of sprint cars in Kilgore. [159.3s] A few times I remember over the years. [163.6s] But most of the time the highlight of the evening,"
Sprint cars are another kind of dirt-track race car. They’re different from late models, and the host is saying they didn’t see many of them growing up.
Sprint cars are a different dirt-racing category than late models, usually known for smaller, lighter cars and high power-to-weight. The host mentions not seeing many sprint cars in Kilgore, contrasting their exposure to late models.
"But most of the time the highlight of the evening, [165.5s] the big A main event was a good night of late model racing [168.8s] in Kilgore, Texas."
An “A main” is the main final race of the night for a dirt-track class. If you qualify well, you get to race in the A main.
In dirt-track racing, an “A main” is the top-level final race (the main event) for that class. It’s typically the race everyone is aiming to qualify into through heats and other preliminary rounds.
"Also shout out to David Gravel for taking home the finale at Knoxville Speedway last night by God. I love it."
Knoxville Speedway is a famous dirt race track where sprint cars compete. If a driver wins the big end-of-season race there, it’s a big deal.
Knoxville Speedway is a well-known dirt-track venue in Knoxville, Iowa, famous for sprint car racing. Winning a “finale” there is treated as a major accomplishment in the series’ calendar.
"I don't get into all the division between the High Limit fans and the World of Outlaws people, but I'm not going to lie. Sometimes reading some stuff that these people say can serve my skin..."
The High Limit series is a sprint car racing league. The hosts are basically saying that fans of one series sometimes don’t realize the other series also has great drivers.
The High Limit series is another sprint car racing series that competes for attention and fans alongside World of Outlaws. The hosts discuss how some fans don’t understand the other series, even though both have strong drivers.
Topic
World Racing Group
"You can tell they don't understand anything about World of Outlaws, World Racing Group. And you can tell they sure as hell don't even know that much more about the High Limit series."
World Racing Group is connected to running/promoting the World of Outlaws racing scene. The host brings it up to criticize people who don’t seem to know the basics of the sport.
World Racing Group is associated with promoting and organizing World of Outlaws events. The transcript uses it as part of a broader argument about fans not understanding how the racing ecosystem works.
"a lot of argument between the two about how the racing series should run as far as sprint car racing. But boy, I sure like seeing old Gravel bring that home last night."
Sprint car racing is a type of racing usually held on short tracks, often on dirt. People often argue about the rules and how the races are organized, like how drivers qualify and how the main race is run.
The hosts are discussing sprint car racing, a form of short-track motorsport typically run on oval dirt or pavement tracks. The “how the series should run” part suggests rules and race format (like heats, features, or points structure) are being debated.
"You know, come out of semi-retirement, run a car he's not familiar with and come in first. Oh, good work, man."
“Semi-retirement” means the driver wasn’t racing full-time, but still came back to compete. The challenge is getting up to speed again with the car and the competition.
“Semi-retirement” describes a partial step away from full-time competition while still returning occasionally. In racing, coming back after time off can mean adapting to changes in cars, setups, and competition pace.
Term
truck astrology videos
"And what you really find out is this is a person that's watched, you know, maybe 30 or 40 truck astrology videos and has seen a lot of my Facebook content, but hasn't really been around for a period of time, right?"
This phrase sounds like a joke or a niche internet trend about trucks. It doesn’t refer to a specific car part or standard racing term.
“Truck astrology videos” appears to be a humorous or niche reference to content the speaker’s audience watches, not a standard automotive term. It likely indicates a community that discusses trucks in a playful, non-technical way.
"It is a 1967 Galaxy 500 two door hard top. That was out in West Texas."
This is a classic Ford from 1967 called the Galaxie 500. “Two-door hardtop” means it’s a coupe-style body that looks more open because the side glass area is uninterrupted. They’re praising the car’s original look and history.
The Ford Galaxie 500 is a classic full-size model from Ford’s late-1960s lineup. “Two-door hardtop” describes a body style with no fixed B-pillar between the front and rear side windows, giving it a cleaner open look. In this segment, they’re specifically talking about a 1967 example with West Texas patina.
"It is a 1967 Galaxy 500 two door hard top. That was out in West Texas. It’s originally a black car. The patina on a Supreme is the patina that only the winds and sands of West Texas can provide..."
“Patina” is the natural aging of a vehicle’s surfaces—like paint fading, surface rust, and weathering—often seen as evidence of history rather than damage. In classic-car culture, patina can be highly valued because it reflects where the car has lived and how it was used. The hosts argue that this West Texas patina is unique and shouldn’t be erased with repainting.
"So what this dude, this guy up in Denton, Texas, you should take these old cars and build these retro mods for this cat in Scotland..."
“Retro mods” refers to updating an older car with modern improvements while keeping its classic appearance. In this context, they’re describing building classic American cars for buyers who want American styling but with modern drivability. The key idea is blending vintage aesthetics with contemporary engineering.
"...whatever that is to these collectors over in Scotland that wanted American steel with modern drive trains. You know, something drivable..."
“Modern drive trains” means swapping in newer powertrain components—like a more current engine and transmission—into an older car. The benefit is typically better reliability, smoother operation, and easier drivability compared with many original vintage setups. Here, they’re positioning it as what Scottish collectors want: classic American steel with contemporary mechanicals.
"...Shane found it at this dude's shop and said... I want to finish this car... you got a you got a drivetrain for what we need to build for it..."
An engine swap is when you put a different engine and transmission into a car that didn’t originally have it. People do this to turn a classic into a modern, high-performance build.
A drivetrain swap is when you transplant a complete powertrain (engine, transmission, and related systems) from one car into another. This segment describes using the SVT Cobra “Terminator” setup to finish a classic car project, then tuning it so it works in the new chassis.
"...It's got air ride suspension on it. The only thing they haven't done is they haven't replaced the rear end, the differential..."
Air ride suspension uses air bags instead of traditional springs. It lets the car change its height, which is why these builds can look super low and still ride nicely.
Air ride suspension uses air springs (instead of steel coils) to adjust ride height and improve ride quality. It’s popular on restomods because you can “bag” the car for stance and comfort, and it pairs well with big power swaps.
"...The only thing they haven't done is they haven't replaced the rear end, the differential..."
The differential is the part that sends power to the two rear wheels and lets them turn at different speeds. If you’re making a lot more power, you may need to upgrade it so it doesn’t break.
The differential (often called the rear end in casual speech) is the gear unit that splits engine torque to the left and right rear wheels. The segment suggests the project hasn’t upgraded it yet, which matters because high power can overwhelm stock differential components.
"...some dude totaled a beautiful 2004 Cobra SVT, which had that 4.6 Terminator drivetrain in it..."
This is a special high-performance version of the Mustang made by Ford’s SVT team. The important part here is that its engine and drivetrain are strong enough to be swapped into another project car.
The Ford SVT Cobra is a performance Mustang built by SVT (Special Vehicle Team). In this story, the 2004 Cobra SVT is notable because it’s described as having the “4.6 Terminator drivetrain,” which becomes the donor powertrain for the other car.
"...totaled a beautiful 2004 Cobra SVT, which had that 4.6 Terminator drivetrain in it..."
They’re talking about a 4.6-liter V8 from a performance Ford Cobra. It’s popular for swaps because people have already figured out how to make it make power reliably.
The “4.6” refers to the 4.6-liter V8 displacement, and “Terminator” identifies the supercharged SVT Cobra version. This is a popular swap engine because it has strong factory performance and a large aftermarket support ecosystem.
"...which is just a fantastic designed engine that's out a ton of power, a little supercharged..."
A supercharger is a device that pushes more air into the engine so it can make more power. More boost usually means more power, but it can also require tuning so the car drives smoothly.
A supercharger forces extra air into the engine, allowing more fuel and oxygen to be burned for higher power. In this segment, the hosts connect the supercharger to the “ton of power” and the need to detune it for drivability in the swapped car.
"...it’s mean, but he had to detune it to make it drivable... detune it, make this galaxy drivable."
Detuning is basically dialing back the tune so the car doesn’t feel too wild or unpredictable. Even if the engine can make huge power, you may need to turn it down a bit so it’s enjoyable to drive.
Detuning means reducing the engine’s aggressive power strategy (like boost targets, timing, or fueling) so it behaves predictably under normal driving. In swaps, a donor engine may be built for peak power, so detuning helps manage traction, heat, and drivability in the new chassis.
"...It's got an aftermarket supercharger on it and some other goodies. And they had to put a bigger pulley on it..."
This means the supercharger isn’t the original factory one. Upgrading it usually makes more power, but it also means you have to tune the car and sometimes change other parts to keep it reliable and drivable.
An aftermarket supercharger means the blower setup was upgraded or replaced beyond the original configuration. That typically changes boost levels and supporting requirements (fueling, cooling, and tuning), which is why the episode discusses pulley changes and detuning.
"...they had to put a bigger pulley on it, detune it, make this galaxy drivable."
With a supercharger, pulleys affect how fast the blower spins. A bigger pulley typically reduces boost, which can make the car easier to drive.
On many supercharged setups, a smaller supercharger pulley spins the blower faster (more boost), while a bigger pulley slows it down. The segment implies they used a bigger pulley as part of the detuning strategy to reduce boost and make the swap manageable.
"Lines, the vertical stacked headlight. It's everything I love in a vehicle."
They’re describing headlights that are arranged vertically, one on top of the other. It’s mostly a visual design detail, but it can also help you recognize what car you’re looking at.
“Stacked” or vertically arranged headlights describe a lighting layout where lamps are positioned one above the other rather than side-by-side. This is a recognizable styling cue on certain classic cars and can help listeners identify the model/trim from a distance.
"I'm a Fairlane Falcon Galaxy Fanatic anyways. And I've driven these cars a lot, is all I'm trying to say."
They’re talking about a few classic Ford models—Fairlane, Falcon, and Galaxie—that were popular in the same general time period. The point is that the host knows these cars well and recognizes their feel and look.
The speaker groups together several classic Ford models—Fairlane, Falcon, and Galaxie—suggesting they’re talking about a specific era of Ford “big car” styling and driving feel. These nameplates are from different Ford lines, but they’re often discussed together when people are into similar 1960s/early-1970s Ford body styles.
"I almost bought one of these cars. I'm a Fairlane Falcon Galaxy Fanatic anyways. And I've driven t..."
The Ford Fairlane is an older Ford car that people collect and talk about. The podcast mentions it because the speaker was close to buying one and has a strong interest in that style of Ford. It’s essentially a classic car choice tied to personal preference.
The Ford Fairlane is a classic American car line that’s often discussed by enthusiasts, especially those who like the broader family of mid-century Ford models. In the podcast, it’s brought up because the speaker almost bought one and connects it to their interest in related Ford models. That kind of mention usually signals a personal or historical appeal rather than a modern shopping comparison.
"Test the brake out. It's got wheelwood brakes on. It's got plenty of stopping power for that big sled."
They’re talking about upgraded brakes from an aftermarket brand. Better brakes can mean the car stops more confidently and holds up better when you drive hard.
Wheelwood (often spelled Wilwood) is an aftermarket brake brand known for performance calipers and rotors. When the speaker says the car has “Wheelwood brakes,” they’re highlighting upgraded stopping hardware—typically better fade resistance and stronger pedal feel than stock.
"It's got wheelwood brakes on. It's got plenty of stopping power for that big sled. And then we take off through these little winding roads and hills..."
They mean the car is heavy and feels like a big, slow-moving object. The point is that it still stops and drives well even though it’s not light.
“Big sled” is a colloquial way to describe a heavy car or truck that feels bulky and momentum-heavy. In context, the speaker is emphasizing that despite the vehicle’s mass, the upgraded brakes and power make it feel manageable.
"Go cruise with a buddy in a cool car. We pulled over to back to where his garage is and then we did a photo shoot with the car."
They’re talking about just driving around for fun with a friend, not racing or filming everything. It’s about enjoying the car and the conversation.
“Cruising” is a car-enthusiast activity where you drive casually for enjoyment rather than performance metrics. The point here is the social and sensory experience—no phones, no cameras—emphasizing how the car becomes part of the moment.
Term
photo shoot
"We pulled over to back to where his garage is and then we did a photo shoot with the car."
They pulled over and did a photo session with the car—basically taking pictures to show it off.
A “photo shoot” is when the car is staged and photographed, usually to highlight design details, stance, and condition. For car enthusiasts, these sessions often become part of listings, social posts, or editorial features.
"...of me, of 16 year old me, the kid in his scuffed Wranglers and Justin Ropers are all scuffed all over the to..."
The Jeep Wrangler is a type of SUV made for off-road driving. It’s built to handle rough terrain, and many owners customize them. The podcast is referring to a Wrangler that looks used and scuffed, like a car someone drove a lot.
The Jeep Wrangler is a rugged, off-road-focused SUV known for its simple, durable design and strong aftermarket support. It often comes up in stories because it’s a common choice for people who want a vehicle that can handle rough roads and still be used daily. In the podcast context, it’s mentioned as a youthful, well-worn “scuffed” car that fits the speaker’s personal history.
"“No can do Cordell. I forget you weren't here for Rita. Never make it out of the city in time. Don't want to be in that pickup when this monster shows up. It's a hunkered down moment.” [3429.6s] “Dusty laughed at the last reference but it was lost on Tony who wasn't a lifelong Houstonian.”"
A pickup is a truck. In a big storm, driving or being in one can be dangerous if roads flood, because water can get into the engine area or leave you stuck.
A pickup (truck) is a common vehicle type people use for commuting and hauling, but it can be risky during severe storms and flooding. Higher ground clearance doesn’t eliminate flood risk, and water can still reach critical components or trap the vehicle.
"“Glad you asked. I've been waiting for you to get up.” [3483.5s] “Let's grab the hurricane shutters out of the garage and hang them. Get ready to cuss me because they're a real pain in the ass.”"
Hurricane shutters are covers you put over windows before a big storm. They help keep wind and debris from smashing the glass and breaking things inside.
Hurricane shutters are protective panels (often metal or impact-resistant) installed over windows to help them survive high winds and flying debris. They’re commonly used in storm-prone areas to reduce the chance of broken glass and interior damage.
Term
flat screen television
"“A few miles away on the 18th floor in a mostly concrete surface loft apartment in Midtown, Amber pasting her kitchen with her phone during her year while the weather channel droned acoustical fear like a drug in the background from her flat screen television.” [3531.3s] “Mom, I'm fine. No, I'm fine. I'm not coming to Oklahoma.”"
A flat screen TV is just a modern TV with a thin screen. During storms, people mention it because power and safety can become an issue.
A flat screen TV is a modern display type (typically LCD/LED or OLED) that’s mounted or placed on a stand rather than using a bulky tube. In storm situations, it’s often mentioned because electronics and furniture can be affected by power loss or flooding.
"The last time she had had a party, he'd snuck into her bedroom and stole a pair of her lace panties and hung them on the rear view mirror of his ostentatious yellow sports car for a month, despite her repeated threats to castrate him in that car."
A rear-view mirror is the interior mirror used to see traffic behind the vehicle. The transcript uses it as a prop location, which helps listeners visualize where the stolen items were displayed.
"Tinker had shown up as advertised and set the grill in hamburgers in a box of Nolan Ryan steaks he had bought from a tweaker in an F-150 at the liquor store."
An F-150 is a big pickup truck from Ford. People use trucks like this for errands and hauling things, which is why it shows up in the scene.
The Ford F-150 is a full-size pickup truck commonly used for hauling, towing, and everyday work. In the transcript, it’s mentioned as the vehicle the steaks were bought from, which helps listeners picture the kind of truck involved in the story.
Concept
Category 4 hurricane
"On September 8th of the year 1900 a Category 4 hurricane before they had such names or ratings made landfall in Galveston, Texas killing between 8,000 and 12,000 people before nearly obliterating the island city from the map."
A Category 4 hurricane is a very strong storm. It means the winds are extremely high, and those storms can also cause dangerous flooding from ocean water being pushed inland.
A “Category 4” hurricane refers to the Saffir–Simpson scale, which ranks storms by sustained wind speed. Higher categories generally mean more severe wind damage and storm surge risk, so it’s a shorthand for how catastrophic the event was.
Concept
storm surge
"Engineers from all over the world helped elevate the island and build a great tall seawall to prevent a tidal surge from ever doing that much damage again."
Storm surge is when the ocean water gets pushed inland by the hurricane, causing flooding. Even if the winds aren’t the only danger, the water rise can be what causes the worst damage.
Storm surge is the abnormal rise of seawater pushed inland by a hurricane’s winds and low pressure. It’s often the deadliest part of hurricanes because it can inundate coastal areas and overwhelm infrastructure like roads and buildings.
Concept
hurricane Ike
"At about 2 a.m. on September 13th of 2008 hurricane Ikes slammed into the Texas coast with a 20 foot tall subtitle surge."
Hurricane Ike was a huge storm that hit Texas in 2008. People talk about it because it caused major flooding and damage along the coast.
Hurricane Ike was a major Atlantic hurricane that struck the Texas coast in 2008. It’s frequently referenced in coastal engineering and disaster-preparedness discussions because of the scale of flooding and storm surge impacts.
Select text to request an explanation
Are you really digging for peace?
Or is that just a lie?
Tell to help us please.
Sure that you really want real behind all the stories that go.
Still remembers fire.
Grass remembers rain.
Every scar tells the story.
Hard dial to pray.
If you go digging some,
Best mind what you find.
Welcome to the Wrecking Yard.
I'm Jerry Wayne Longmire.
Y'all are presumably still y'all.
Welcome here in the Church of Internal Combustion.
We just asked that you show up with an open heart.
There's a place for all of us here.
Especially those with dirty hands and complicated hearts.
Oh my goodness.
It is Sunday.
About 80 degrees in here.
It's a little warmer today.
My sweet humidity has shown back up.
I'm excited about that.
Woohoo!
Been a good week man.
Got a lot accomplished.
Did a fun show at the Improv at the beginning of the week.
It was a Cannabis Theme Show.
It's called Highlights.
We did on 420 but I had a good time with that crowd.
And getting ready to get on an airplane here in a few days
and head to Eau Claire, Wisconsin.
Am I already going to do this to you right now?
Sorry.
No?
All right.
They were acting like they were about to show up.
Yeah!
Going to Eau Claire, Wisconsin.
I'm going to the Mississippi Thunder Speedway in Fountain City, Wisconsin.
And I'm going to work with the World of Outlaws
and their late model series.
Which I'm excited about because late model racing
is like more of what I grew up with in Kilgore.
We didn't get a lot of sprint cars in Kilgore.
A few times I remember over the years.
But most of the time the highlight of the evening,
the big A main event was a good night of late model racing
in Kilgore, Texas.
So I'm really excited about that.
And just excited to see a new facility and meet some people.
And I haven't been to Wisconsin in many, many years though.
Now I've got several shows booked there coming up.
Not for this particular trip,
but I will be coming back to Jamesville and Milwaukee.
And I'm pretty tickled about that.
I have not been back there in many, many, many years.
So I'm looking forward to that.
Of course World of Outlaws is one of our big sponsors here.
We're working well together and I'm really excited about it.
Also shout out to David Gravel for taking home the finale
at Knoxville Speedway last night by God.
I love it.
I don't get into all the division between the High Limit fans
and the World of Outlaws people, but I'm not going to lie.
Sometimes reading some stuff that these people say can serve my skin
because you can tell they don't understand racing.
You can tell they don't understand anything about World of Outlaws,
World Racing Group.
And you can tell they sure as hell don't even know that much more
about the High Limit series.
It's just something to grab on to and be divisive about
and they don't understand any of it.
There's great drivers in both series.
And yes, there's a lot of consternation,
a lot of argument between the two about how the racing series
should run as far as sprint car racing.
But boy, I sure like seeing old Gravel bring that home last night.
And I was happy for Brad Sweet when he won the night before.
You know, come out of semi-retirement, run a car he's not familiar with
and come in first.
Oh, good work, man.
I'm not doubting that, but I'm enjoying watching Gravel have his moment.
He catches a lot of hate and the dude is just a stand-up nice guy
and I really like him and I'm enjoying seeing him have his moment.
And I wish I'd been at Knoxville to see him pull that one off.
That was a heck of a race.
Friday.
So this past week has been, oh my God, I have a story to tell y'all.
Oh my God.
I'm always amazed when somebody contacts Rachel, contacts management
and goes on and on and on about how they're such a big fan of mine
and they know everything about me and then they just,
they don't know anything about the podcast.
You guys are my, you know what I mean?
Y'all are my people I share stuff with and they don't know anything from the podcast.
It always makes me laugh, but it happens all the time.
And what you really find out is this is a person that's watched, you know,
maybe 30 or 40 truck astrology videos and has seen a lot of my Facebook content,
but hasn't really been around for a period of time, right?
There's a lot of new people that showed up after the Faulkner monologues
and I appreciate them.
I'm down for new fans.
I love you guys, but it just makes me laugh every time.
You guys know that I'm entered in this partnership with Outlaws and Gents.
My buddy Shane Brown owns the company.
We've become, I like to think pretty decent friends.
I really, I really just like this dude, you know, we just work well together.
That's a lot of ums.
So I had a private gig to do in San Antonio this week out at the Randolph Air Base.
And this is another one of these things.
This guy, Dan, wretched out and he's with a fraternity that goes back to 1934
called the Order of the Delians and it's a military pilot's only fraternity.
It's been around for a long time.
And he called to book me to do a private show for these guys for their annual
Get Together in San Antonio at their headquarters at Randolph Air Base.
It's great.
I was supposed to be doing a festival this weekend that fell through.
I guess they could never get their stuff together.
And uh, but what we planned around it since I'll be in San Antonio,
Friday I go over and meet Shane and Shane will take me to one of his barber shops,
one of his diesel barber shops, and he's going to have his top barber
cut and style my hair and cut and style my beard to my specifications.
And I went in there, I told her I've got this picture of Paul Newman when he was young.
I always loved Paul Newman's hair when he was young.
Because it was just a, it was still a little long on the sides with some texture to it.
And it wasn't like a taper or a fade or anything like that.
But then he just had a little more length on top and it was a little curly.
And I ain't got curly hair.
I wish I did, but my shit's been boring and straight since I come out, you know.
Anyway, his top girl, Ash, gave me best haircut.
I, yucky, I'll spin around.
Look at that taper back there.
My God.
First girl, first barber has ever shaved me that I didn't get razor bumps.
I love a straight edge razor shave.
I love that straight edge razor.
When somebody does the prep work right, a straight edge razor shave is one of the most amazing feelings in the world.
At least to me.
And Miss Ash is top notch.
There's a reason she's his top barber.
There's a reason she's at the top of the company where she belong.
That, that lady is supremely talented.
One of the best haircuts I've received in decades.
Not only that, she's got my beard just looking beautiful.
Just, just, just Reverend Willie G texture straight and just girls got such an eye for balance.
I told her I'd let you build a house without a level.
I swear, I swear I would.
That girl can, can just see balance.
It was a phenomenal experience when I got near his barber shops really nice.
This one's over in the rim area of San Antonio.
So kind of like only Northwest side, I believe of San Antonio.
So if you're in San Antonio, you're looking for a fine, fine haircut and a good experience.
They're also really reasonably priced.
Go check out a diesel barber shop.
And if you go to that one in the rim, I tell you ask for Ash, but I bet it's a long wait to get to her because she's top notch.
But we did that because Shane Brown owns a collection.
He's a car guy and he has some cool old cars and we've been talking about doing some print ads for the OG.
We're going to film a commercial and that kind of stuff.
And we wanted to do it using one of his cars specifically that I'm just in love with.
It is a 1967 Galaxy 500 two door hard top.
That was out in West Texas.
It's originally a black car.
The patina on a Supreme is the patina that only the winds and sands of West Texas can provide old Detroit steel.
It's absolutely, I wouldn't, I wouldn't ruin that car with a single drop of paint.
I would leave that car as it is for the rest of its existence.
He's got the right wheels on it.
The guy that built that car.
So what this dude, this guy up in Denton, Texas, you should take these old cars and build these retro mods for this cat in Scotland who would pay whatever the price was and have the car brought over to Scotland.
And then he would sell it for an exorbitant amount of Scottish money.
I don't know what they use pounds or I don't know what the Scots use, but an exorbitant amount of those, whatever that is to these collectors over in Scotland that wanted American steel with modern drive trains.
You know, something drivable, something a lot of drivability.
You just get in and go.
We hadn't finished this car when a bunch of stuff happened in Scotland and Scottish guy ended up locked up.
I don't know what he'd done, but he got on the wrong side of somebody and ended up getting locked up.
Therefore could not pay for this galaxy.
So the galaxy sat until my buddy Shane found it at this dude's shop and said, you know, I want to finish this car.
I want this car.
It's got air ride suspension on it.
The only thing they haven't done is they haven't replaced the rear end, the differential.
But what they did do was Shane said, you got a you got a drivetrain for what we need to build for it.
And the guy says, well, I tell you what I got is some dude totaled a beautiful 2004 Cobra SVT, which had that 4.6 Terminator drivetrain in it,
which is just a fantastic designed engine that's out a ton of power, a little supercharged, small block V8, if you will.
You know, I know they don't use those designations anymore.
They put that Terminator drivetrain in that galaxy and it's mean, but he had to detune it to make it drivable.
The original build, I think was pushing close to 700 something horsepower, not the factory build,
but the original build of this particular Terminator was pushing around 700 horsepower.
It's got an aftermarket supercharger on it and some other goodies.
And they had to put a bigger pulley on it, detune it, make this galaxy drivable.
But it's got all the power in the world.
The thing is just mean and beautiful and murderous.
I love it.
I've often thought for many, many years, anytime they want to use ominous car in a movie or a TV show,
they usually go one or two ways.
They go with the old school Cadillac, like mid-60s Cadillac, right?
Or they go with mid-60s, early-60s Lincoln.
And I think the galaxy's been slipped on because that galaxy's a mean-looking machine.
I tell you, I can stare at a picture of this car and write you a book about it, right?
About some ominous character out doing punisher-style work after dark in a car like this.
It's just absolutely outstanding.
Lines, the vertical stacked headlight.
It's everything I love in a vehicle.
The other thing is when I was growing up, I had a buddy, a had one, had a convertible version of this car.
And I spent a lot of time riding it.
I almost bought one of these cars.
I'm a Fairlane Falcon Galaxy Fanatic anyways.
And I've driven these cars a lot, is all I'm trying to say.
So we go over this garage and we pull the car out.
And we go for a ride on the north side of San Antonio up amongst the rocks and what's left of the old quarries.
It's a beautiful place to go, courage around in a cool car.
And me and Shane have a great discussion about life and family and the various things on our mind.
And about halfway through the drive, he pulls over, he goes, all right, you drive.
And I climbed behind the wheel of this lovely, lovely monster.
Gave her a little gas just to get a feel for the pedal.
Test the brake out.
It's got wheelwood brakes on.
It's got plenty of stopping power for that big sled.
And then we take off through these little winding roads and hills through the part of San Antonio.
Just the power of that car.
The way that's the dash, you know, it all just looks, this is a car I've spent time in.
It was like the same way when I got in my avalanche and remind me of my Z71.
This is a car I've spent time in, not this car.
But I know this dash.
I know this steering wheel.
I know how the seat feels.
I know how my arm feels hanging out the window.
I know this car.
And we're cruising.
We're having wonderful conversation.
He's a really interesting, unique dude.
And all that power at your fingertips and drove around for another 30 or 40 minutes just enjoying the moment.
No phones, no cameras, no scripted conversations.
Go cruise with a buddy in a cool car.
We pulled over to back to where his garage is and then we did a photo shoot with the car.
And I'm really excited about these photos because I think they're going to come out really cool.
I was feeling really cool.
I'll tell you that.
And I made the drive back home from San Antonio Friday evening.
And I can tell you without a doubt that whatever is left inside of me, of 16 year old me,
the kid in his scuffed Wranglers and Justin Ropers are all scuffed all over the top.
Victor Weldon belt buckle, T-shirt and straw hat.
That kid, not a hair on his face, not a hair on his ass yet either.
Whatever's left of that kid is still grinning.
Still grinning like a moron.
Fantabulous experience.
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I would not steer you wrong.
I waited a long time to tell anybody about a beard product and it's because I finally found some that I love.
Natural ingredients that do the work correctly, keep my face moisturized.
My beard has looked better in the last nine months of using them than it's ever looked in its existence.
Woo doggy.
All right.
Now I got to tell you all this story about the order of the Dalians and how this all went.
Because, oh my God, I was not prepared for this.
So I'm going to be straight with you guys and I usually am,
unless I'm just being a little crooked that day.
I'm a little overwhelmed.
You know, they tell you, be careful what you wish for.
And what's happening with my career is what I've wished and worked for for over 20 years now and it's happening.
And it's wonderful, but it's scary as, it's scary as everything.
I'm a man that likes to spend time with my family.
I'm a man that likes to be home.
I'm a man that takes what I do very seriously, even though it's not from the outwards in a serious job.
And I've worked for this and I do want it.
But we've locked in nearly 50 dates before the end of the year and they're still adding dates.
I'm going to be on the road a bunch the rest of this year.
I think we just bought $4,000 worth of plane tickets for shows.
I got to fly to you.
In a lot of these places, I got to fly to another place and rent a car and drive to a place and it's just, it's a lot.
And I know, I quit drinking a couple of weeks back and the reason is because I was getting overwhelmed and I know alcohol doesn't help with that.
I'm aware enough of myself to know that that's not a good combination for me when I start getting in that mode.
When depression and stuff starts trying to, whatever it is that's wrong in my brain that I suspect was also wrong in my mother's.
When that stuff starts creeping in, I'm like the dad and Ricky Bobby.
Like when things get too good, I start looking for that other shoe to fall and I start looking for a way to screw it up.
And I can't, this is a shot, I can't do that.
So I've been back in the gym, drinking plenty of water, laid off the alcohol, trying to get my mind mentally prepared for what I'm about to do for this embarkation.
But it's also, my family is what keeps me grounded. Rachel is cocaine to my soul. She's what keeps me here.
And that much time away from her is scary to me.
That's the part I'm not excited about. The stage time, the shows, terribly excited about.
But it's also, it's, you know, there's also part of my head's like, oh, hey, well, you got 47 shows, so what's, what's, let's just say 50 times.
You know, you got 50,000 tickets to sell before the end of the year. And that's an overwhelming prospector.
Everybody's going to lose faith in you. And these shows got to be top notch.
And when you get to LA, you got to be great. There's no room for mistakes at this part of the game.
This way of thinking, we just talked about this last week, we talked about humility.
This way of thinking is a type of vanity. It's a type of arrogance.
It's a type of arrogance to think that you have the control to make things perfect or imperfect.
That's, that's arrogance creeping in. And arrogance will always do its damnedest to creep in.
It will always try to reach up under that door like a cat and creep in.
And it was creeping in.
And then I go do this show at Reddolph Air Force Base.
And when I get there, they take me on base, we get me cleared into base and they take me over the headquarters.
And that's where I find out that most of these men are in their mid 70s and Vietnam era pilots.
They, in fact, many times before the show, they, they talked and openly about how the fraternity is dying.
And in fact, they said that we've opened the fraternity down to include other people in the plane, the navigator, the guy that sits in the back seat.
I don't know everybody's job on a fighter jet or whatever he said, but we've, you know, those people just crashed in Iran.
We want to include that guy that was in the back seat, even though he's not technically a pilot.
And I laughed because I was like, you were excluding everybody else on the plane.
Just the pilots got to.
What are your fraternity struggling?
You know, it was fine. It's fine.
But I'm also like, okay, the whole crowd is going to be men in their mid 70s from the Vietnam era.
That that's a shifting material.
You know, obviously they're probably not going to be into the mushroom jokes.
The other thing is generally when I go to do military shows, I wear a t-shirt and pair of black pants, right?
Nothing formal, nothing over the top, nothing too flashy, because generally military people are just in their uniforms, you know, their work uniforms.
I don't know all the different names for them, but not their dress uniforms.
When I got there, I found out this was a very formal event.
These men were all dressed formally in their green jackets with their other pageantry and medals and stuff about them.
I was feeling a little out of place.
They're like, okay, Jackass, you just walked in here in a t-shirt to their big hurrah of the year.
And it's my fault for not paying.
And I had read about the Order of the Delians, you know, it's based off Icarus and the story of Icarus and Daedalus.
And I had read about how this thing came about.
And I had written a great number of jokes about that to start the set off.
And I was giving them a custom private show.
He took me around to headquarters, of course, showed me all their, it was fascinating, all their collection of photos and everything they have about the history of pilots.
I mean, when this fraternity started in the 1930s, there were still canvas and wood airplanes being flown into war.
So it's a remarkable history.
It's a remarkable thing to be a part of.
And then we go into where we're going.
Before that, he's like, I just want to give you an example of type of humor.
It's okay here.
And we walk into the bathroom in the light switches of Viagra sign.
And in the urinal is a picture of Jane Fonda, saying F Hanoi J, which I get it.
I get it.
But my God is you guys are still bad as hell.
Just hold it, but I get it.
And then they take me into a banquet hall that could hold a great number of people.
And I was under the impression there's going to be about 100 people there.
And it's more like 40 or 50.
And they're spread out at different tables in this very large banquet hall, which is not a good environment for comedy.
On the stage, there's a huge screen that's been pulled down.
They do a quick invocation about the president.
And then they do a prayer, a very solemn prayer for their departed brethren where some of these old men have watery eyes.
And then the guy just goes, Hey, I thought we'd do something fun this year.
And I saw this comedian on Facebook doing this monologue about Faulkner.
I thought he'd be a good choice for us.
And I realized this man does not know that much about me right then, right then.
This guy who's one of my biggest fans.
I realize he does not know that much about me right then.
He has mostly been dealing with Rachel as far as the booking and he's really nice guy.
I like him right off the bat.
Older man probably in his mid to late sixties.
Kind of looks like a tall George Clooney with flat top, but old George Clooney.
And he says, this Jerry Wayne Longmore and hands me the microphone and goes, you're up.
Now, right before I go up, and this is the story some of you may know, there's a great man named Captain Royce Mitchell.
Captain Royce Mitchell has just turned 101 years old.
Captain Royce Mitchell flew one of the most heroic missions during the Korean War
and was never allowed to talk about it because it was all classified and it was kept classified for like 80 something, 88 years or something like this.
And they just declassified all this like a year or two ago and decided that finally after all this time to give this man his due and present him with a medal of honor.
But he's 101 years old on a zoom call on this huge screen is his face on this zoom call.
And he tells this very forced, gumpy story about Roosevelt.
Who has a Roosevelt story?
This guy, he tells a story about Roosevelt helped him get into scotch.
But he's 101 years old.
Great, great man, 101 years old.
And if he's done, they hand me the mic and like, you're up.
We'll make the ha ha.
And as I'm walking up to the stage and kind of talking to him a little bit as I'm walking to the stage, somebody asked Captain Royce up on the big screen.
That's where I'm going to be standing.
Hey, do you want to stay for the comedy show to which he replies a very enthusiastic.
Yeah.
So now the entire time I'm performing this man is behind me like the Wizard of Oz.
Right. And he don't smile once some bitch.
I don't know for sure.
I wasn't watching him though.
Every time I turn around, he's just, this man has watched empires rise and fall.
Presidents come and go.
Countries begin and end.
Today he's watching some jackass in a t-shirt talking about getting a lizard on his dick in Africa.
Like, oh my God.
And the show's not going.
Oh, buddy, I was struggling.
I was struggling.
I did all my, but the daily joke, none of those flew.
I scrapped the rest of them.
I told every military story I had about doing military shows.
Every story I got about ever getting on an airplane.
None of it's flying.
The first joke it really, I got one little table down here.
It's laughing and they're enjoying themselves.
And I'm just at some point playing to them at 28 minutes into my set.
I just go, I'm going to tell the college station story.
Do my time, get my check.
Get out of here.
Cause I don't think these old men are into me.
Which they love the college station story cause it's about shitting your pants.
And old men shit their pants, right?
So I dismount gracefully.
I thought baby Captain Royce had gone to sleep cause he hadn't said a word.
He's just back there just like, yeah.
And then he starts talking after I get on stage.
I'm like, oh God, y'all made that man watch.
What are we doing?
And I can see a guy booked me in the back of the room taking pictures,
but I can also seem like looking at the rest of the room like,
well, I thought this was going to be better than this.
It was just, it was just one of those moments, right?
And I come off stage and I walk over and of course they give me another round of applause.
They're courteous, wonderful being right.
He says a little bit about me and why they decided to do that.
And then I go stand in the back of the room to let them finish the rest of their meeting.
And then the man that's running the meeting stands up and takes the bike.
I swear to God, I've been off stage for less than two minutes.
I'm standing in the back of the room.
He can't see me cause I'm behind him and he stands up and faces the crowd who are still looking at me.
It says, well, Dan thought we should try to make this a little more fun this year.
That's why we brought that, that entertainer y'all just seen.
And I hope that was good for some of y'all.
Apparently it wasn't for you, brother.
I'm still standing in the room. They're staring at me.
He gets done.
They finish up their meeting.
I think they do another toast to Captain Royce, who is a great and amazing man and deserves all his flowers.
Even if they did come 88 years too late by God, somebody should have gave them to him.
And then the guy comes up and he's already given my check and I'm getting ready to leave.
And I talked to a couple of people, shook hands.
A man who's overall the nuclear projects came and challenged coined me, which is always a great honor when you're dealing with the military.
It's a very solemn, important thing.
And I'm always appreciative of it.
And then the man who's booked me is like, hey, boy, Rachel, something else.
I've been dealing with her when I was booking with you.
I saw her picture on Facebook and she's single.
No, she's married to me.
And oh, his face.
Oh, well, I'm glad I didn't flirt with him.
Shut up. She'd have got a kick out of that.
What are you talking about, bro?
I get in my truck.
And I drive back to my hotel room just stunned.
Like, what the hell just happened to me?
And it was, you know what it was?
It was the universe doing what the universe does.
I needed a gut check and the universe gut checked me in such a comical way that I ended up sitting in a quiet, lonely hotel room just howling at the ceiling laughing about this.
It was exactly what I needed to snap me out of my own head and go, you ain't shit, dude.
You're just a dude.
You're just a dude.
And the moment I give a shit, I think you are.
And get out of your own head, bro, because you just got a 10 minute story out of this to add your act.
And if you if you remain present during these gigs the rest of year and keep your head on straight, you're going to end up with another hour, which is an invaluable thing for a comedian.
But get out of your own head and get out of your own way, jackass.
You ain't shit.
I needed I needed that.
I needed that.
Are you talking about humility by God?
I needed that one right in the gut.
Oh, if I call my brother, we talked for an hour about it.
We were laughing.
We're howling howling.
And then I get a text from the guy positive feedback from the group about the about the performance tonight.
Who gave you the positive feedback?
Thanks for giving us a memorable event.
When I read memorable, I was howling again.
I was back on the floor.
Oh, don't ever doubt that the universe will get you what you need.
Okay.
Don't don't don't ever doubt that it'll give you exactly what you need.
I'm excited to talk about trust this week.
Let's get off into it.
Trust.
This is another one that I thought I knew going in.
I thought I knew what I was going to talk about and reading other people's words, maybe take a hard turn.
Trust is one of those words that we think we understand until life teaches us otherwise, usually the hard way.
The Bible gives you the clearest definition of the word before the philosophers even get to it.
The original Hebrew and Greek words translated as trust literally mean a bold, confident, sure security action based on that security, not a feeling, not a hope security that you you act from.
That's like the distinction that most people miss.
They treat trust like a feeling.
The biblical understands that trust is a posture you take before the feeling shows up.
Jesus said, don't be afraid, just trust me.
And he says it Mark five to a father whose daughters just died.
After the bad news, that's the operating condition for trust in Jesus's framework.
There's no certainty.
He's telling him to keep moving after the worst thing has already happened.
The night before he dies, he tells his disciples, do not let your hearts be troubled.
You believe in God, believe also in me.
He's not asking them to feel better.
He's asked them to decide whether they're going to put their weight.
You know,
in private street five, trust in the Lord with all your heart and lead not on your own understanding.
Lean not on your own understanding.
It's the hardest asking the whole book.
It says, trust God instead of your own conclusions.
It's the hardest thing for most men.
Particularly for me, a man I've spent most of my life trusting my own conclusions.
Exclusively, that one hit different when I really sat with it as an adult
and not as a kid being forced to read.
But it gets interesting because the philosophers come out from every direction
and I keep coming back to Confucius because the man was consistently
the most plain spoken genius in the room.
What he said, I think, is the most important thing ever said about trust outside of Scripture.
It also knocked me head over heels.
He said, I used to take on trust a man's deeds after having listened to his words.
Now having listened to a man's words, I go on to observe his deeds.
That's a man who got burned and learned something from it.
Stop listening to what people say, watch what they do.
Words is free.
Deeds call something.
This is the one that stopped me cold because he also said
it's more shameful to distrust our friends than to be deceived by them.
You sit with that one for a minute because everything in our culture tells you the opposite.
We celebrate skepticism.
We treat distrust like self-protection. I know I have.
Protection like strength.
We've literally built entire personalities around not being fooled again.
What Confucius is trying to tell us is that posture that protective crows cost you more than the thing you're protecting against.
When I sat with that, I realized he was right because that's what distrust actually does.
It doesn't keep the bad people out. It keeps everything out.
The person who won't trust can't be led, can't be loved, can't collaborate on a level that produces anything great.
Can't receive help when it's offered.
We've talked about this. The walls don't discriminate.
They just stand there keeping everything at arm's length.
Some of us are dumb enough to call that wisdom.
Epictetus understood as born a slave means everything he had ever trusted had already been taken from.
That's why his entire philosophy is around the dichotomy of control.
What you can and what you can't.
His argument is only trust where anything in the world is your own character and your own choices, which sounds like an argument for distrust.
Unless you really pay attention to what he's saying, he's saying give up the outcome.
Trust the process and the person you're being inside it.
A man who trusts nobody essentially is saying I'm the only reliable thing in this universe.
That is not wisdom.
That's just another form of pride.
It's another form of that vanity in the wrong clothes.
Marcus Reales says he does only what is his to do and considers constantly what the world has in store for him.
That's doing your best, trusting that all is best.
We carry our fate with us and it carries us.
The most powerful man in the world once again writing to himself, not performing trust, practicing in the dark nobody can see.
Seneca when speaking on trust said only time can heal what reason cannot trust isn't declared it's accumulated.
It builds like a callus slowly through repeated contact.
You don't decide to trust somebody.
You accumulate evidence over time with that person eventually the weight of it tips you in their favor.
I like him away because he said the best way to find out if you trust somebody is trusting.
Which is the real deal.
You got to go first. That's the whole thing. That's how trust works.
It's an act. It's not a feeling.
Think your way into it.
Shakespeare said love all. Trust if you do wrong to none.
Simple.
Hierarchal.
Loves wide open. Trust is selective.
It's a common.
It's a workable framework. I get why people appreciate it. It doesn't fit me 100%.
I always remember.
What's his name in the kill of Mockingbird?
Mockingbird.
Atticus. Atticus. Atticus.
He says we're paying the highest tribute you can pay a man we trust and do right.
It's the highest compliment one person could pay another's trust.
More than love in some ways because love can be blind. Trust sees clearly and chooses anyways.
The thing about distrust that nobody talks about doesn't it doesn't just limit your relationships.
That's why I want to talk about this aspect of someone.
You cannot grow past the ceiling of your own understanding without trusting someone who sees further than you do.
Every mentor relationship in history has required the student to trust before the teacher has proven anything.
I learned to trust Mr. Bob over time at a time where I didn't trust very many people and that trust gave me one of the best mentor relationships of my life.
You got to let somebody in before you know whether letting them in was the right call. That's why it's so scary. It's terrifying.
But there's no way around that moment. You can delay it and definitely but you cannot avoid it forever without paying the price.
The price of permanent distrust is smallness. A life inside the wall contained about half the size it's supposed to be.
I know it because I've lived there a long time. I'm 100% honest with you. I still visit there more than I'd like to admit.
The most important lesson I've learned about trust, harder than learning who to trust and harder than surviving betrayal, is learning how to become trustworthy myself.
And learn how to trust others again after having my own trust broken.
I have broken people's trust. I suspect if you've been on this planet for any period of time you have too.
Maybe you're not. Maybe you're a perfect person who's never broken the trust of a loved one or a friend. But I have.
I have failed people more times than I really want to sit here and count in my life.
But you have to figure out how to get past that. That's the real labor.
Not protecting yourself from the people who might fail you, but becoming the kind of person who doesn't fail the people who trust you.
But you've got to find the courage to extend it again to someone new if someone else burned it down. That's the thesis of today.
And I'm going to tell you some stories about things that broke my trust and how I broke others.
When I was about eight or nine years old, I think I was nine years old after we moved to Houston, I wasn't doing well.
I was having problems in school. I was getting bullied.
I hated it. I just wanted to go back home. I wanted to go back to Kilwell. I wanted to be around Granny and Papa.
I wanted to be with my family and my church family that I grew up with.
That's all I wanted. I hated Houston. I was miserable. I didn't understand the kids here.
I hadn't been exposed to the brand on your clothes meaning something. I hadn't been exposed to that kind of stuff.
I had lived in this wonderful little bubble of have nots where I grew up, where everybody was a have not and there was no hierarchy.
We were all at the same shitty level, but it didn't make you feel bad about yourself. You didn't know you were poor because everybody was poor.
Sure, there was different levels of it, but for the most part, nobody had a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of.
It kept us all on some kind of level standing. I'm not saying that's the right way to go about, but I didn't understand Houston.
I wasn't having a rough time. These people at the school, of course, this is a very progressive school in Houston, a progressive school district.
They go to my parents and say, we think you need to speak to a psychiatrist. Of course, my dad ain't paying no damn psychiatrist.
Boy just needs to get right. He's from that mentality. My mom's worried about me.
She talks my dad in to have me go see this psychiatrist and I do.
I don't have any friends and I just want to go home.
And after the meeting, my parents go in there and sit with the psychiatrist and I guess she just tells them everything I said.
My dad's fuming. He's so pissed he can't talk on the way home.
And we get back to our apartment and my dad takes me in my bedroom and screams in my face.
A grown six foot to 200 something pound man leans over me and screams in my face how we're never going home.
And I need to get that stupid shit out of my head and that I just thought I was going to go in there and tell the psychiatrist I was sad because I was in Houston
and we were just going to pack up our shit and go home and that's the dumbest thing and how stupid I was for thinking that and just screamed and yelled at me for what felt like hours until sending me to bed.
It broke my trust.
I still have some distrust of psychiatry and therapist and stuff because of that moment.
I've talked to therapists in recent years and I struggle to put any trust in them because of that moment.
It's stuck with me.
It broke my trust in my father a little bit.
The reason I didn't spend a lot of time teaching you all about talking about what trust feels like when it's broken is because I know you already know it because that's what the world does.
It will do that to people.
I saw DMX say in the end of the rapper DMX say in the interview that trust people to be who they tell you they are and that's one of the smartest things I've ever heard anybody say because it's 100 if you listen.
I know if you said watch their actions and for sure watch their actions but if you listen what people say you will find out who they are and I've learned that over the years people will tell you who they are.
When men start joking around about cheating on their wives and stuff I leave the room because that's not a man I'm ever going to trust.
You've already told me that the most important person in your life can't trust you.
Why in the shit would I trust you? Nothing.
When I was my late teenage years 18-19 I was struggling for money I wasn't making enough money on my job I was trying to keep up with the kids around me.
I broke my father's trust.
I took some of my dad's tools and I panned them for money so that I had money to go keep up with this crowd I was hanging with.
I regretted a great deal.
But I can also tell you I grew up watching my father steal from my grandfather, my uncle steal from my grandfather, my grandfather steal from his company, my grandfather get over on his friends and car deals.
I'm not saying that to justify it I'm just saying I hadn't been given a great example of where the line was.
My mother found a pawn shop receipt. She went through my room and found a pawn shop receipt.
I don't know how long it took my father to forgive me for that. I'm not 100% sure he ever did.
He started locking all his shit up after that and I don't blame him. I'd broken his trust in a major way.
I had a person that loved me a great deal, a woman, and I didn't love her.
I'm not going to say her name because it's not important but I broke her trust. I let her love me when I knew I didn't love her back.
When the kinder thing would have been to walk away from her.
And it did eventually but only after a lot of damage had been done.
And then at some point in my life I noticed there was nobody else coming in.
I had limited myself to the few people my brother, few people I had built some trust with.
The brother who I've broken his trust but he forgave me and gave it back to me in something.
Break somebody's trust it takes forever to build back. Maybe you've never done it but I suspect you have.
I suspect somebody's broken your trust too. It takes a long time to get past if you do. Some people never do.
But the problem is I took that distrust people have broken my trust and just like I said I built a big ass wall with it and I started keeping everybody out.
You can't get nowhere like that.
Even being in love with Rachel in the very beginning there was a part of me that still didn't trust that this was real, that I deserved this, that didn't trust this.
It's the same thing that's going on in my career right now. That is a pattern of distrust with me. That is me not trusting this to be real and thinking that something bad's got to happen.
And I'm working on it. But that's why I'm telling you it's the fourth labor and it's an important one.
Because if you don't start getting past that distrust and start looking for people to trust and putting yourself out there you're not going to grow any farther than what you are right now.
You just can't.
And I know you got a million reasons why you can't trust nobody. I know people have broken your trust and hurt you and betrayed you. I know that.
But life is not for the timid. Growth is not for the timid. It's uncomfortable and it hurts.
And you will once again trust people who let you down. You're going to. I have in the past few years.
But you know what? That says more about them than it does me.
And I'm trying to choose to be a trusting person in the future. It's a choice. It's an action. It's not a feeling. It's not a feeling.
When you start working it like a feeling it will steal everything from you.
Let's return to the Wally Bottoms, Texas.
Friday, September 12, 2008.
Tony stared at the mismatched texture on the ceiling. Many homes that survived quickie remodels in the 80s have remnants of acoustic popcorn ceiling texture.
The ceiling of Tony's bedroom in the rented Heights bungalow also has poorly taped rectangles from previous water leak repairs.
The texture in these spots is pebbled like the stuff you spray out of a can soaked in multiple layers of rent house paint jobs.
To the point it resembled coagulated oatmeal more than the image on the outside of those canes.
A droning buzz steadily found its way out of the innards of the cheaply made window unit doing its best to relieve the sweltering heat lurking just outside the thin aluminum framed windows.
The breeze from the vent made the folded up napkin that read amber rock intermittently sharply.
The way a fruit fly that's found itself affixed to fly paper does in its initial death throws.
Tony's razor phone with its scratched and chip surface read 245 p.m.
He lay on the bed with the sheets and blankets folded back in hopes he can absorb the air conditioning in his frame to prepare him for the wet blanket of heat waiting to ambush him the minute he steps out the front door.
It's the first day off he's had since he met the dark haired girl. He can't explain why he hasn't called her.
I've been busy though with work and if I call her too soon she'll think I'm desperate.
He told Dusty after some playful ribbing from his ornery roommate and band member.
But you are desperate Cordell. Desperate for love!
Dusty had sang the second part at the top of his lungs in 80s glam rock falsetto.
He heard Dusty milling about in the living room forced himself to roll off the bed feet first before standing and stretching his arms to the ceiling.
He stared at the napkin in his phone for just a few seconds before pulling a pair of wringers on from their crumpled position on the splintered over waxed wooden floor.
He opened the door and patted out in the house and bare feet pulling a threadbare duality bottoms water box since t-shirt on as in walk.
Dusty was glued to the television set. He turned his head towards Tony. His normal mischievous look was replaced by one that was nearly wooden.
Tony had only seen him look like that once before after a phone call from his estranged stepfather who had curtly told him his mother had died of AIDS related pneumonia.
What's up man? He asked.
Storm's getting worse Cordell. Satan's gonna hit tonight.
They told the Boliver people to leave or die. Traffic's fizzled.
Dusty was still expressionless. Like he could hardly believe the message he was himself delivering.
You want to head up to my dad's? He'll let us crash. Dusty was already shaking his head as Tony finished his question.
No can do Cordell. I forget you weren't here for Rita. Never make it out of the city in time. Don't want to be in that pickup when this monster shows up. It's a hunkered down moment.
Dusty laughed at the last reference but it was lost on Tony who wasn't a lifelong Houstonian.
Was it flood here? Tony's concerned and mounted. Dusty stood and popped him on the shoulder with the flat of his hand before replying.
Don't fret. We're on high ground here. The street might flood but most of it runs down the freeway like a storm grain.
I scored us a couple cases of bottled water. Tinker's bringing his Weber grill and a bunch of meat from the pizza joint.
We'll probably lose power so we're going to cook it all. We got plenty of beer, jack and hell my weed guy just left so we're set to ride this thing out.
It's all copacetic, Bubba. Tony's mind reeled at the formative casualness Dusty was putting on.
Well can I help do anything? Dusty flashed a real grin. Glad you asked. I've been waiting for you to get up.
Let's grab the hurricane shutters out of the garage and hang them. Get ready to cuss me because they're a real pain in the ass.
Tony felt better that Dusty seemed to be relaxing a bit and walked to his room to throw on his scuffed red wings.
He looked at the napkin again as he grabbed his phone. He let himself briefly wonder about the dark-haired girl and where or who she was riding out the storm with.
Probably the guy didn't wait a week to call her dipshit. He muttered as he walked out of the room to go help Dusty.
A few miles away on the 18th floor in a mostly concrete surface loft apartment in Midtown, Amber pasting her kitchen with her phone during her year while the weather channel droned acoustical fear like a drug in the background from her flat screen television.
Mom, I'm fine. No, I'm fine. I'm not coming to Oklahoma.
Tiffany had finally found some escape from the ruins of her dating history.
Haven't married a farrier with a broad smile, strong hands and a gentle heart from Shawnee.
He'd been relentless in his gentlemanly pursuit of Amber's mother, taking them both to dinner and including Amber in every aspect of the relationship.
She liked old Ed a great deal and he loved her more than any other father real or imagined had.
Mom, I'm on the 18th floor and evacuation is crazy work right now.
I'm not worried about the storm surge and these are thick hurricane windows.
She said the last part emphatically, but she wasn't sure she believed it.
I love you too, mom. Tell Ed for me. I'll keep you posted.
She clicked the phone off and folded it with a sharp click.
She shut the TV off as she crossed the room right as a windy gust of rain slapped the window from the outer bands.
It startled her more than she cared for.
She decided to call her best friend Brittany and see where the hurricane party would be this evening.
Brittany was a trust fund kid from Old West U Money,
whose party girl blonde exterior hit a shrewd businesswoman that turned a penchant for collecting vintage purses and leather handbags
into a eBay business that now bought her a new Mercedes compressor
and a beautiful penthouse apartment at the Warwick in Montrose.
Brittany was cackling as she answered the phone.
Her voice had a little 90s vocal drag to it.
Sorry babes, David's being a shit. Stop it, David. I'm on the phone.
Amber rolled her eyes. David was Brittany's sometimes lover, sometimes worst piece of shit on the planet,
usually underemployed mural artist whose Greek family owned a very successful chain of restaurants across Texas in the lower 48.
Guess he's lover again until the next time he gets to sniffing around a bartender at one of his spots.
The dude had a pattern and Brittany did her damnedest to be willfully oblivious.
Amber knew for all her business acumen and confidence in that sector.
Brittany's personal self-esteem didn't float at the same depth when it came to David.
Sorry, I'm here. What's up, Brittany said.
Girl, what are we doing? Amber spat out before her blonde friend could become distracted again.
She didn't like how Brittany acted when he was around, but she also didn't want to be alone.
Hurricane party, biatch, Brittany said shrilly.
We're hitting the liquor store and heading to your house. David's dad is sending fajitas.
One of the restaurants was a Mexican food themed joint from very popular with the inner loop crowd.
Amber couldn't help but laugh at her friend's enthusiasm.
Well, I'm glad you told me I'm hosting a party. I guess I better get off here and clean up a bit.
Brittany laughed. We're bringing Mark to before she hung up.
Amber made a middle note to hide all of her underwear.
Mark was David's older brother, a good looking guy, but a serial womanizer who was overly confident in his ability to get Amber to climb under the sheets with him for a romp.
That would probably be fun, but as meaningless and empty as the windows to her loft on cool mornings.
The last time she had had a party, he'd snuck into her bedroom and stole a pair of her lace panties and hung them on the rear view mirror of his ostentatious yellow sports car for a month, despite her repeated threats to castrate him in that car.
September 12, 2008, 11 o'clock p.m.
Smoke curled upward from the joint in Tony's outstretched right hand.
The still hot air did nothing to manipulate the grayish vapor, and it mashed and flattened itself into the ceiling of the wooden porch, spreading around the glow of the porch light, looking for a path to the freedom of the sky.
Dusty had been right. Tony had custed more than once as they contorted themselves on ladders, hanging the heavy homemade wooden shutters.
The couple next door were in their 70s and lifelong residents of the neighborhood.
The husband, a gnarled, short Mexican man, who had made a good living roofing, even at his age, the muscles in his forearm were ridged and twisted like steel cable around his wrists and elbows.
His wife, a petite lady who grew enormous colladians that actually resembled the nickname Elephant Ears.
Tony often saw her in the heat of the day with her salt and pepper hair peeking out from underneath a straw gardening hat, spade in one hand and more often than not, a cheap plastic flower pot or two in the other.
They had hung their own shutters with remarkable speed, evidence of their life versus the nature of the Gulf Coast.
Tony had giggled at Dusty's mock embarrassment when the two walked over and offered to help the two struggling young men finish their task, but the job had gone much more smoothly once the grinning old man with hands like biscripts joined them.
Tinker had shown up as advertised and set the grill in hamburgers in a box of Nolan Ryan steaks he had bought from a tweaker in an F-150 at the liquor store.
Many of the neighbors were likewise engaged and the unhurried preparations of calm peoples used to the work of fighting mother nature had allowed Tony to compartmentalize his fear.
He'd called his grandparents early, they'd been watching the news nonstop like folks of their era are apt to do.
His mamma, Alana had pleaded with him to just get in that pickup and come to her, bring his friends to, she'd feed them all.
Carl Sr. had to take the phone from her at some point to his own detriment, really.
Boy, it sounds to me like y'all got it figured out down there, but if you don't get up here and visit your mamma soon, she's gonna drag my ass to Houston and that's gonna be your damn fault.
Tony laughed knowing how much his papal hated the traffic and hurried nature of the city.
Yes, sir, I will, he said.
You got some folding money in your pocket?
Yes, sir.
Truck gassed up?
Yes, sir.
The old man let out a sigh that seemed to be parked grumble before replying in.
Alright, baby boy, when that thing hits you stay in, don't be out there acting a fool.
I will, papal.
You know, your mamma and me, we just love you.
Take care, bye for now.
The line clicked and Tony folded his phone back into his pocket idly wondering if he should call his father, but ultimately convincing himself not to.
What the hell would he even say?
Sorry I ain't called you in six months, dad.
I'm been a hurricane.
He laughed grimly to himself.
Tanker and Dusty were arguing about Nuno Betancourt and Stevie Ray Bond, a favorite pastime of the two.
Voices from the porches of other houses could be heard up and down the street peppered with laughter.
The outer bands of the storm showed up intermittently with blasted sideways rain that left rooster tails of salty water from the gulf on the shiplap siding of the small wooden houses before falling silent for a time.
The air seemed to sit on Tony's shoulder in the still moments while the barometric pressure rose and threatened to turn the whole city into a giant convection oven.
The usual cacophony of birds and bugs and squirrels had vanished earlier in the day.
Every creature that flew or scurried with a choice in the matter had already made it.
Dusty took a deep drag from the last of the jay before mashing the roach into a cut-up folder's can on the porch.
He granded Tony before looking over to Tinker in his chair lighting a cigarette.
Tank, I've started to suspect Old Cordell might like men's more than women's.
He's riding the storm out with us when he ought to be entwined with that feisty brunette from Sam's boat.
The girl was watching him on that stage like he was revering Willie G himself.
Tony threw a bottle cap that his lanky jovial friend ducked easily.
Well, if I hadn't waited a week to collar, his voice was a little mopey and it only fueled Dusty's teasing.
Cordell, you got the number, just ring her up and put the new no owner.
Dusty had leaned in and dropped his voice before.
Saying I love you is not the words I want to hear from you.
Tony and Tinker broke in the laughter at Dusty's mocking rendition of more than words by extreme.
But by the second verse, Tony's fingers went to work on the old Martin in his lap.
Dancing across the streams is a mimic to the unique picking of one of the most technically proficient players the world has ever known.
The Martin was made for this and its time sharpened tone filled the porch in human night as Tinker joined in,
lightly drumming on the table as he puffed the cigarette and his blue mohawk bob back and forth with the movements of his head.
Dusty's mocking tone had transformed into his real voice, deep, strong, as Tony joined him for the last verse with his own raspy, honey falsetto.
When they finished, there was a cheer from the folks drinking on the porch across the street amidst inebriated calls for an encore.
Eighteen floors above the height of that porch in midtown, Amber sat in her loft in a pair of pajama pants and a halter sleep top.
Her own hurricane shindig had fizzled out early with Brittany and the brothers going to seek an open bar and strangers for comfort.
They'd begged her to join in but she'd grown weary of her friend's performative display for her sometimes boyfriend and the overly transparent advances of his brother.
She had a glass of wine and blue october were singing quiet mind on her CD players she watched the band's brain slap across the city.
She thought maybe she'd get out of Houston for a few weeks after this.
She still owned her grandparents' house in east Texas and it was close enough to drive up and visit her mom and Ed and Shawnee for the weekend.
She stretched out on the small couch and set her glass on the table before closing her eyes.
On September 8th of the year 1900 a Category 4 hurricane before they had such names or ratings made landfall in Galveston, Texas killing between 8,000 and 12,000 people before nearly obliterating the island city from the map.
Engineers from all over the world helped elevate the island and build a great tall seawall to prevent a tidal surge from ever doing that much damage again.
At about 2 a.m. on September 13th of 2008 hurricane Ikes slammed into the Texas coast with a 20 foot tall subtitle surge.
They went right over that seawall and flooded the island immediately.
Ike wiped out homes in Bolliver and tore through Houston leaving the wake of flooding with over 29 billion dollars in damage killing nearly 100 people before leaving the fourth largest city in the country unrecognizable and forever changed.
Tune in next week for more from Diwali Bottoms, Texas.
Guess we're all headed back to East Texas maybe.
Good boy, can you not tear that.
Gonna do an extra day in the gym, Sonny.
Let's do some testimonials and get out of here.
Had our old friend Daughty Wise, such beauty I didn't even know you, oh Daughty Wise, I'm not familiar with that name actually, such beauty I didn't even know you had in you.
Been following you on Facebook for a while now, needed to hear this.
I'm in recovery myself.
Your unique way of wrangling this complicated mess of this thing we call life makes me understand myself even a little more than I did yesterday.
Appreciate you, JW.
Hey Bub, we got your back, we're rooting for you.
Recovery is one of the most difficult things anybody can go through but you got this.
You got this.
What's the other option, not getting it?
You got this.
Hey there, JW, this is I Bailey 620, long time listener, first time comment.
I just want to say that listening to you tell your life story and sharing your experiences has been a genuine pleasure and feels like I'm listening to an older brother giving out advice that's worth listening to.
As a 29 year old man, the podcast has helped me learn more about myself and the world around me.
The Wally Bottoms has me glued to the end of the show every week as well.
Keep up the amazing work and much love from upstate New York.
Hey man, much love back to you and I'm glad somebody's getting something out of this.
I like to think that I'm helping people figure out their way around some obstacles in life or at least figure out they're not the only ones that have to go through them and understand this is just part of the journey.
Hey, Gene Bond, thanks for another great one, JW.
That's our old buddy.
This one was a little deep from my mood today, but it did force me to think about myself reflection.
Glad to hear you come back to Louisville in August.
Hopefully we can make it over there for that show.
We really enjoyed the last one.
That Louisville show is going to be a lot of fun.
I'm really excited about working that club.
Not only that, we're also adding a Cincinnati show to that run.
I think we may be going to Lexington, but don't quote me on that.
Alright, man, I love you guys.
Sorry, I don't have my computer with me today, so I'm having to look at notes on my phone.
Trust.
Trust was another one that I thought was going to be straightforward.
Yeah, it's pretty simple.
You give it, someone breaks it, you protect yourself.
That's the equation.
That's what I thought walking into this episode.
And then Confucius said, it's more shameful to distrust our friends and to be deceived by them.
And I had to sit down because I spent so long calculating the cost of misplaced trust that I never once thought about what that wall I was building was going to cost me.
Wall I built to protect myself from having it broken again.
That wall felt like something, felt like a hard earned street instinct, something I'd earned.
What I hadn't accounted for was everything the wall kept out.
Not just the people who might hurt me, everything.
The help I wouldn't accept, the relationships I kept at arm's length because I needed them there.
The version of myself that could have grown past my own understanding if I trusted somebody to see further than me.
The wall doesn't discriminate it.
It just stands there, keeping the world at a distance and you call that something great.
Distrust isn't protection, it's a tax and you pay it.
Hamlin Way said the best way to find out if you trust somebody is to trust them.
Which means at some point you have to go first.
Before you know, before you have any guarantee of how it's going to land, you just have to move.
It's terrifying if you learned early that the people whose job it was to protect you would use what you gave them against you.
And some of us learned that lesson at an age when we had no other options, when trust wasn't a choice.
It's just what you did because you were nine years old.
You didn't realize the world could work any other way.
I mean here's what I know now, I didn't know then.
The wall might have protected me from some pain, it also kept me from growing like I was supposed to be.
And the labor, the real labor of trust isn't learning who deserves it.
It isn't surviving the betrayal when it comes, it's becoming trustworthy yourself.
Auditon your own ledger, asking whether the people who let you in got the same thing they gave.
And then you got to find the courage to extend it again to somebody new after somebody else burn it down.
That's the fourth labor of growth, not the easiest just the necessary one because you can't build anything worth having.
Not a marriage, not a friendship, not a career, not a life on a foundation of distrust.
You can survive on it, I did for a long time, but surviving and building are two different things. Choose to build.
Choose to build.
Not saying you won't get hurt again, you probably will.
But you're never going to grow past this point if you don't take that chance.
I'm rooting for you, you tell you that every week and I mean it.
Not rooting for you to get hurt again, but I'm rooting for you to take a chance.
I'm J.W. and I love you.
Look at that bow.
It's all I want to say.
I was writing that Diwali Bottoms episode off, got to turn my light off.
I got it all done a rabbit hole of Nuno Bettencourt and I'm probably going to finish exploring it tonight.
Thank you guys always for sharing your Sunday with me.
I do love you.
And I hope I see you somewhere out there on the road.
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